This episode is sponsored by Jackbox Games. Get five hilarious party games in the
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games dot com for more info. Well hello, then on how Hello,
and how I have missed you? And howdy y'all from tab I think she
has a special be in her bonnet, and it's called Howdy y'all, y'all,
lucky Dog, honey bee, Oh my goodness, Happy Valentine's Hey,
y'all, it's after Valentine's Day, but happy Valentine's Day anyway. Now,
if you're new to our podcast, this might seem somehow strange or that we've
made a mistake. It's not strange. Stop saying that. Stop saying that
it's strange. We're just looking like a fool. We love all the holidays,
and we more than that, we love candy. And there's nothing sweeter
than a discount on candy. So we've treated. We tend to celebrate our
holidays days or in this case, weeks after the fact, when the savings
are sweet as the candy themselves. That's right, Yes, saved it from
the dumpster again. Tab Oh my goodness, and welcome to candy Chat.
Welcome to Candy Chat. We've testy. It's nice to see again. I'm
Betty ever Saw. It's so nice to hear from you. But we can't
carry you here. I can hear you emotionally, that's I can hear you
downloading. That's that's a little strange. I can't hear you. I just
thought i'd use a metaphor. But God loves you. We loves you,
and we love kind love chocolate, chocolate, and he has him. He's
like Anna chocolate. He's a little bounty upon us. Well, I thought
i'd write that for for church this week. I don't know. I don't
know if the pianist will will play it or not. It Well, Gilbert
Funny is a very reasonable man. And if you explain to him that it
is to glorify the Lord, our God, I'm sure he'll be happy to
learn that Gilbert would do it. And you know what doesn't hurt big Beans
making your famous baked beans and bringing him over to him. Gilbert loves dam
Big Beans goes nutsie, he goes NUTSI at damn picnics we have when we
go out there and the kids all get out there and they play softball.
I haven't played softball in twenty thirty years, so I don't I don't get
out there in place. Last time I saw him, I said, Gilbert,
why aren't you eating hot dogs? And he said, that's just precious
bean space. I won't lose it. Leave me alone. Then he became
very agitated and started shoveling the beans in his mouth as though I was about
to take them away. He thought you were going to thieve them from it.
I thought he thought I was a bean thiever, and I'm no bean
fiever. And I've told everyone that came to the potty nobody, Betty,
I'm telling you that tawe, he's not a bean theater. They wouldn't do
that. That's part of our family tradition. Who thieves Nobody with thieves beans?
Who thieves beans? Sinners? But Gilbert loves them. So this week
on Candy Chat, it is a very romantic episode. We've got fifty shades
of sugar. I think I know what that's a reference to you o to
be a shade, Betty? Well, I'm sorry, but you know what,
sometimes on Good Morning America, they just talk about whatever they want,
and by the time you realize it shouldn't be in your head, it's already
in your head. Well there's nothing you can do about it. So now
I want to know why everything's gotta be gray. I retracted, retracted,
Betty, because I retracted. No, you you don't have to. I
retract my statement because you're absolutely right. I watched that Good Morning America.
Now they just they kept talking about how everything's gonna be gray, and look
out what happens if you're a girl. I don't know. It was filthy,
thealthy truth be told. They just kept showing a picture of a man
in a suit. So I don't I don't know what it's about. But
the way that they weren't discussing anything directly makes me believe that they were up
to no good. You know, when you see the devil, you're not
even gonna know you see him because he's gonna be dressed so slyly. I'm
like, damn, I will be afraid to leave the house for three days
because of what you just said. Well, I'm sorry, but it's in
the Bible. Oh my goodness, but that doesn't make it any easier to
live with Chuck keeps a shotgun in the house and I told him to get
rid of it. And oh, said Chuck. I told her, I
said, you were supposed to protect us at last episode. I was one.
He didn't want me say in his name. But you know how Chuck
he is. Well shoot, there I go again. Can't help it,
Betty, that's who it is. Well he's certainly not the statan. So
what do we got this week? This week we have a corniocopia of delicious
treasures. It seems wrong, wrong holiday, Betty, Wrong holiday. A
cornucopia can always be made available to fit all of your delicious sweetmeats into.
Although it is traditionally associated with Thanksgiving, one may use the cornucopia all year
round, especially when one is using one metaphorically as I did. Somebody went
to community to college. Well, I don't like to boast. This week
we have Gheradelli Sweethearts Premium Chocolate Assortment Premium. Everything is shaped like a heart,
and I just can't wait to devastate them with my mouth. I'll tell
you what, bet At. Even with the exuberant savings that you can have
with your out bark card at Pigla Dog's it was steel four nine and nine.
Well, i'll tell you what it is, a premium luxury treat I
thought would forever be out of reach fiscally for me. But because it was
sitting behind some old corn flakes and no one bothered to move the box and
dig in there the way I always do, it was there like a shining,
shimmering jam in a bed of gravel. I don't understand that. That's
something that irks me to no end. Why do you pick up a product
in the grocery store and walk it down three aisles over and then just put
it on the shelf. People are lazy, shiftless animals that should be beaten
until they can obey. Why do you get in the grocery store and act
like a hobo? Well, i'll tell you what now. That's why I
prefer to do my shopping at Pigley Dog, where people are far more reasonable,
as we've discussed before. Unlike that all about foods just up the road,
where people are sipping shabbli and trying to squeeze all the different produce too
hard trunk shopping. They don't even know what they're doing. It is the
devil's playground and it disgusts me. Now I expect that sort of thing there.
I expect to go there and see a pot roast sitting next to an
orange thicking on top of a box of corn flakes. That's right, because
those people have forgotten all rules of decent society and civilization. It's a heathenistic
wonderland. And there are no savings to be had. Everything's on mark up,
not mark down. Damn fie on thee. That's all about foods.
You're all out by the horror of Babylon, all about armageddon. You're right.
You put all your groceries in the in the beast with ten that's right
heads. And on the seventh day, I awoke from my slumber and I've
had a vision of darkness, and behold the seven headed beast came forth from
the all about foods, and he handed out not but coupons, but but
fun markups and parking tickets. It was a gram vision tab. I'm glad
you didn't tell me about that one, because I would have had nightmares.
I would have had nightmares for days. Well, that's why I just don't
shop there anymore. Yeah, me too, Pigley dog from me pigli dog
because I got that oint Bark card. Oint Bok card is just a pasport
to savings. Now, let's see what else you got. You know what,
you ought to go to that Walter up in that office and tell him
that's a that's a good slogan. My goodness, you're right, the good
slogan. Maybe you might, Walter, you might get you might get some
savings out of that. You might get like a fifty dollar, like a
referral fee, like door going under. That's well, I don't think.
Okay, sorry, I was already my imagination with running wild. Everybody shop
now, question tab. I don't want to steam Rube because everyone knows his
name's Walter from his name his name card, But what's his last name?
Well, I don't know. He talks, he doesn't talk. I know
he just he sits in that room and watches and spirit. Sometimes he comes
on the floor with that little pricing gun. It's just like chink chunk.
It's just calling Walter cochunk. I'll try, but I think it'll be offensive.
It probably will be offensive. So candy Chap, I got so so
Gahira della, we got some gahira Deli's we got uh, some red pink
Valentine corn. Now, this is candy corn, but it's red and pink.
Now here's the Valentine corn. Yes, but Valentine corn. It was
twelve days after the holiday. Tab Valentine corn. It was ninety seven percent
off. Do you want to know what I don't understand here? Is it
says it's red and pink? Now? Is it describing the corn or is
that the brand? I think it's both. I'm confused by it. I've
never heard of pink. Yeah, spoilers, it's gonna taste like candy corner.
I can tell you that right now. I mean they can at least
put some cherry or strawberry flavor in there. Well, who's to say that's
what candy Chat's all about. It's a wonderful exploration and sometimes we are tickled
pink by what we find. Tickled red and pink. You're clever, tab.
We also now you've got chuck And the closest thing I have to a
man in my life is that dirty, no down, double crossing sheet and
filthy alcoholic chain smoking, no alimony paying Russell Stover Russell's back and rustles don't
give him any money, and Russell takes you grocery shopping in that manure truck,
and everybody sees it. Everybody sees it. He's coming back through here.
He just wants money or bliquor, or to steal something near upon your
toaster. That's a good toaster. It's an oaster toaster. I gotta tell
you I still love him. No, you know, not too well.
You know what's what all them lifetime movies are about. Don't go back.
The heart wants what the heart wants. That's what another movie says. That's
what That's what the movie title was. Yep. So this is the Russell
Stover. I cared enough to spend the very least assortment, got six assorted
chocolates without a map, of course, which we will have already discussed how
irritating it is to have chocolates without a map. I'll tell you what I
mean. Beggars can't be choosers, Not even beggars would choose them. But
after after the holiday, when you're when you're just left with whatever the remnants
are of what people didn't want, sometimes you get Russell Stover and then his
chocolate said, don't don't look like anything but little turtles. Oh but that's
not all. Russell Stover has a very special Valentine gift for you, in
the form of a strawberry cream heart covered in milk chocolate. Oh don't say
that until you tried it. Tab right ridiculous, You're right. Tab physics
teaches us that there are a million parallel dimensions, and in each and everyone
has different outcomes for everything, And so it is mathematically possible that one you'll
open you'll your mailbox and there'll be a voodoo skull made out of an elephant
in it. Also that this Russell Stover strawberry cream heart will taste delicious.
Who teaches this? Fans X, I don't know them. Well listen,
if it's not shaped like a heart, well, well it's not even unwrapped
yet. Somebody is gonna get slapped. WHOA, but I hope it's Russell
Stover. And last, but not least, a very interesting arrangement. It's
movie tie in candy that has nothing to do with the holiday season, but
it was still half off. Oh really, it's just something Dinny goot for
you. These are Harry Potter brand birdie Bots every flavor beans. They're jelly
beans. Jellybeans, Okay, yeah, it seems interesting and it looks like
they're made by jelly bellies, so that's exciting. Oh well, that's that's
quality. There is um flavors like banana, blueberry, oh, kerry,
yeah, send them in all right, dirt but earwax? Who sausage?
What do you? Bugger? You're making this up? Better? Stop it.
I'm not, I'm not. I'm reading the back of the box and
smake vomit, vomit, rotten egg. Somebody's playing a trick on us.
Denny's playing a trick. Didn't he printed this off because he knows the computers
wrapped in plastic it can't fake that. Tap Well, no, they've got
that. They've got them rapping machines. Now, they've got them rapping machines.
Those are you can print anything on the computers now with the photo,
with the with the photoshops. I don't know, but this is this seems
like like who on Earth would eat something that I don't believe it. I
don't believe there's something in their taste like voment. Well, i'll tell you
what then, tab Usually I save it for later, but I'm gonna tell
you what, guess what Teb Tabitha is gonna be not tasting volment. Well,
it's gonna be tasting these these jelly beans and we'll see if it's the
truth or alive. There ain't no violent with or Ali. It's the only
way to find out. And they're gonna have to get into this box and
just eat them one at a time and report on the flavors you experience.
I am confident in in that it's not gonna happen. It's gonna be all
popcorn and kitten smiles and none of this dirt. And see now this is
you know what, tab You might be right because there's some flavors here don't
make no sense, Earthworm, honestly, I had do you even know what?
See now I'm swearing that's what. Damn It makes me crazy. You
need to you need to have a talk with that boy. I sure do.
All right, Well, let's just get to it. Let's just let's
just start off with the biggest mystery. The Russell Stover strawberry cream heart.
Now it says heart, so if it's not shaped like a heart, I
mean it's over before it starts. So I don't mean to rhyme because that's
leavin Okay, well, at some point in its life, this was shaped
like a heart, but now it's all crushed and sad looking. Or this
is a metaphor for life. Let's see here. Okay, cheers, tab,
cheers bad ah, here we go? Oh my, what who you
say? It was saying this would take like like something good? Because he's
wrong. Yeah, physics is wrong again. I mean, I taste a
lot of milk chocolate and that it's real sweet, but I don't know I'm
tasting strawberries. I'm not tasting strawberry. You know what? What this reminds
me of a milky way. It's been sitting in the car while you went
shopping and pickle a dog. You know what? You hit the nail on
the head. Tab, there's a line of rapper. All right, then
zoc Yep, let's just move on. Yep, all right? How about
red and pink Valentine corn? All right, let's see what gotten repackaged?
By the way, what kind of if I if Chuck brought home some corn
to celebrate his um ever green love for you? What what would your reaction
be? Because I don't feel like corn. It's romantic. I don't think
of corn in the winter. No, there corn season of season, corn
corning, pudding around the holidays, you know, putting corn pudding for Thanksgiving,
corn pudding for for Christmas. And that's it. That's that's all.
You know what. The rest of its corn on the cob for for Fourth
of July. But no corn in the winter. No corn in the winter,
like canned corn, cream, corn, corn bread. All right,
candy Valentine candy corn red and pink condition. Nope, nope, nope,
that's less stile. Well better you goes without saying a couple of weeks after
Valentine's time, it's just sugars in triangle form. Yeah, it's just stay
candy corn and next my jaw heart because the sugar so direct. How hard
is it to put some strawberry flavoring into candy these days? Yeah? Or
even cherry. I understand cherry's got to be expensive, but put it in
there that's too powerful. I put too many of my mouth at once,
is a mistake. I've been there. Listen, come on, come on,
y'all, come on, all right, put a little flavoring in there.
Come on, come on, everybody, now, it's time for the
Russell Stover six piece. I forgot that I like you, so I stopped
at the driving store on the way to your house. Or I left this
on a co worker's desk because we have a secret Santa, but for Valentine's
Day, or it's the kind of thing that like a thirteen year old boy
would think is a fancy gift for the girl he likes in his class,
but all he can afford is things that are expensive. That's about the only
time it's really appropriate to give this as an actual Valentine to my mind.
Tab. Yeah, yeah, So here you go. Pick whichever one it's
most exciting or inviting or enticing or devising. I see, I've you got
four options that are milk chocolate and two that are dark. So it's like,
yeahs dark, I like the milk better. Um. You know,
last time I had one of these my hand, it didn't turn out so
well. No, you made me eat them all well, and I would
I mean, Tab, I'm in a tough spot. I would like to
apologize, but I'm afraid the integrity of this podcast will not allow it.
I'm gonna go for the square okay chocolate because I know last year you got,
you got coconutted hard at the end when you don't want to get coconutted.
Yeah, at the worst time. That's the worst time. So I'm
gonna go for a square milk chocolate. I wished, I wished I could
remember or which one would shape it was. Yeah, well, I think
and think you got a real good shot at a caramel. There, you
think you're good shot caramel. I'm gonna go with a dark chocolate round one.
Oh. I almost went for the milk chocolate round one, but then
I thought coconut likes being round throat coconuts around right here we go herat marshmallow,
oh rathloft over, Well, I have thou forthaking me sweet retribution,
Betty a mouthful of broken promises. Well, this will take me a minute
to get through. Kind of hoping for that strawberry nugat one. I think
I can see it. I'm gonna eat it because this marshmallows just leaving them
m hm, strawberry nugat. Oh, hey, I should Trigs album.
I was dumb of me. Remember when they had that French almond nougat and
you ate the whole thing. Thank you for reminding me better. I had
managed to forget it anymore. I don't know how, because if that was
me, I would have scarred me for life. Every time is something that
came by that I enjoyed, I'd be like, wait, oh yeah,
I tried to pray that away, and you just swooped in like the devil.
Hey, don't forget it, sorry, hey, don't forget you center.
Remember this scene that was visited upon you? Still here? Hi?
Yeah, la la back at cigarette strawberry nugat. First of all, it's
not like a quarter pound, which is what you ate which and also this
is wrapped in chocolate, which is nice. It's better than that hat,
that awful marshmallow. You know what you just handed me this box. We
forgot to mention. This box also came with a toy, once again more
appropriate for a young child exploring romance. That's right, it's got a little
bear on it, a little bear. He's wearing a long sleeved tis shirt
that's red. It's got a little white hard on the short arm, so
it could be short sleep. We'd never know the difference. Well, I
wouldn't go to mention it, not in his presence anyway, and not on
the back, it says Russell Stover. Anyway, it's a little it's a
little teddy bear. It's pretty cute. What are you gonna do with it?
Well, you know what, I don't have any room to set this
up anywhere. I've already got all the miniature coffee mugs sitting up on shelves.
I don't have any room to put a teddy bear on there. Even
though he's small, he's about the size of your hand, about the size
of your outstretched hand. So you know who I think would like this?
Who I think my dog would like thee Oh? Absolutely, I think Nugat
would would go bunkers. Nugat would love that. But mugat is so much
sweeter than actual nougat. Again, I'm hold on I inexplicably a wash in
the after flavor of the strawberry Nuggat, which makes inexplicably is an eggnog.
I got a mouthful of eggnog. Eggnog. Oh, I feel like I've
been poisoned. Ignog. How how did you get eggnog? I mean it's
either that or I'm having a stroke tabot. I don't know which it is.
My mouth works fine, and both my arms are flapping around. So
I suppose somehow the Nugat had a secret core of eggnog. I'm confused.
Where's Nugat, Nugat, Nugat, Nugat here, Nugat. No, Nugat
is the sweetest dog. She's a little Maltie dog and she is just the
sweetest. There you are, Nugat, Hey, do you want this?
You want this little bear? Look at that little bear? He says,
Hello, do you want my awful chocolate? You can have it. It
shows that you don't care because I'm a little nit I'm a little bear that's
on chocolate. Do you want him? She's such a sweet dog. Oh
my, oh my goodness, Oh my, okay, se bird, pretty
bird. That was terrifying. I mean, well, you know what they
say, Yeah, they sense the evil. Oh my goodness, Nugat's never
done that before. It was clearly trying to protect you. I don't know
what Nugat was on, but goodness gracious that got rid of that beer.
No what else we got? Moving on? We've got Giadelli Chocolates. I
think it's pronounced Garadelli. The h is Silent Sweethearts Premium chocolate assortment, and
it looks like there's four varieties. There's chocolate on chocolate, and there's white
on chocolate. There's just white, and then there's a cup with a looks
like an eminem in the middle. Oh, so you just pick whatever you
like their tab when I gotta go for the eminem, I mean too,
That's what I'm interested in. It's interesting. It's like a little dollarp of
It's like a little cup, a cup of chocolate. Let's try it.
Okay, it's pretty smooth, yep, very sweet. I don't tastes like
cake batter. I think it tastes like toffee. No, I'm getting a
lot of cake better. M that's that's strong. What else? But I'm
willing to try another one. Okay, I'm gonna try chocolate on chocolate.
All right, I'll try this lattice work milk chocolate with the white. It's
called white on chocolate. Okay, go a little crunch in there. Oh
really, mine has no crunch. Sorry I was away from the microphone.
Don't think you could capture the mouth sounds as well. M. This sort
of has a nutty finish, but not like peanut butter. This has another
finish. It's kind of like almond. Hmmm, it's not bad, not
at all. I think that's just quite lovely, almost delicious. One way
to go, mister gehere DELI all right, all right, we'll be we'll
be all right with that one. H goodness. And it's delicious, so
well made chocolate, and it just melts in your mouth. It's so smooth
and creamy. No matter which variety you got, m I still couldn't tell
you for a dollar what the difference was. But they were different, so
you know, take that to the bank. Yeah, and i' I didn't
try the white the white one. You didn't either. I don't like white.
Chocolate makes me angry. It gets a little gets a little preachy sometimes
I feel just it just it just I said, why are we even messing
with this? Why not blue chocolate, green chocolate? It's just ridiculous.
Chocolate, chocolate chocolate. There we go, there's nut chocolate and dark chocolate.
Stop the bus, get off. That's it. You've arrived. And
now Tabitha, it's time to tamp tabitha very potter birdie box. Every flavor
beans now, which may or may not be a box of lies. I
maintain that it's lies. Well, the outside of its lies. All right,
Well, I think that you should eat no less than fifteen jelly beans
out of this box and report on each individual flavor. Fifteen or there is
there even that many in there? Well it's not at all. Buy another
box and eats more. All right. First, one color is it?
And it's It looks a little purplish with some black speckles. It bruise flavor.
All right, Well, let's see what it says. It might be
bruise flavored. I can't tell on here. Maybe dirt. Let your mouth
decide, might be earthworm. All right, they do better. This taste
like dirt. Oh my godness, it is. It's true. It's true.
How could it not? How how do you get dirt as a flavor?
Dirt? It's that's Harry Potter. It's full of spells and wizardry and
witchcraft and of a devil worship in demon possession they did. That was probably
a hard working, earnest jellybean that you got possessed by a dirt dirt devil.
Oh my god. Yeah, you're gonna eat that one that's in your
hand right now, no matter what it says in the back of that box.
All right, one down, one down, Here we go. This
one looks like, well, now I'm scared. Better should should be scared?
I think you should just pop it in your mouth and do the homework
later. Well, I'm I was just gonna tell what it what? It
might be my sausage. Oh all right, Oh damn, you love sausage.
The key is to relax and tell yourself you're at a delicious breakfast buffet
and an Indian casino. They're ten flavors that are that are okay, I
think on the back here, and ten flavors that aren't. Oh my goodness,
what's up next time? Two dosage down? I mean it's gonna take
forever at this rate, so I can handle lemon. It'd be a nice
palate cleanser if it is it's lemon. Oh, what a delight? What's
next? Oh no, just eat that. I'll tell you what's what later.
This one looks like raw an egg. Yeah, damn, you're in
a world of hurt's keep tracking how many I'm doing. I know this will
be your fourth third damp. Calm down, you're freaking out. Nugget,
nugget, It's okay, it's not okay. How do they do this.
Now you're fifth, you're almost a third of the way home. If you
get earth worm, you're gonna pop. I just know it. This one's
dark. I can't tell what color it is. It just looks like,
am I'm in this dark color? Let your tongue decide. It could be
watermelon? Please, probably not it's watermelon. Oh my goodness, thank you
Jesus. That's a a welcome respite. Well that's five down, ten to
go. All right, what's up next? Well, this one's kind of
a neon green with dark green speckles. Oh no, no, I think
that one's bug flavor. I think it's booger. I don't even know what
that would taste like. As again, I think they make that up,
so it's probably like limestore bay. I can't believe. I can't believe they've
somebody's done this. Yeah, someone had to do the research, and they
said, well, I've eaten a lot of buggers. See. I think
they have to invent that flavor boger. All right, but it's your face
is telling me that you're not enjoying the ride. I'm not enjoying it,
but nine ago it could be worse. It's weird. It's kind of it's
got a bit of a falty taste. Okay, just you're gonna make me
through a little bit of a dirt taste. Let's shake it up a little
bit. Okay. How many is that? That's six? All right?
This one's red? Okay, that's probably an oar ry when when it's cinnamon.
Oh okay, I'm a favorite, but could be worse. It's way
better than punching the lips. There's another m It looks like written did a
lookout? Did a lookout? Better? Jerry? That's terrific, danger ear
ear past halfway done? You've now had eight and jelly beatings set ago.
That's a lot. Okay. That one looks like it's drier, lint flavored.
This one is a Perrywinkle maybe really light blue. You just say light
blue. It makes it seem less lame. I've never met anyone who said
Perrywinkle that I could stare in, that could look in the eye. This
one might be soap, Betty, I hope you didn't swear today. Tab
it's soap, soap, soap, so it's it's sick after day's gotta have
something to say about these x to go. Oh, you can't put soap
powder in a candy man. It looks like they found a way. Nugat
stopped judging me. Six to go, all right, this one. This
one's a dark green. Oh, that's probably sour apple. Yeah, or
it's Chlorox's green apple. That's pretty sweet. Then that's all right. Five
to go, tablet's go, clip betty. It's another white one. Uh
oh, I think it's earwax. That again a made up flavor. No
one knows what that tastes like. It's impossible to know unless you can tell
us. Hmm, this is strange. It's what earwax tastes like. I
guess this isn't bad. Did they make someone eat earwax to make this?
Did they make someone eat a bugger? I mean, that's ridiculous, or
go chop chop. I don't know. I can't really describe the flavor,
but it's well, I mean, you're probably tongued deaf by now you're right.
Well, you're right, but that one wasn't as bad as you'd think
it would be. Come on, come on, here comes another one,
white one. I just hope it's not white and speckled. Oh no,
what is that one. Three to go. I gotta taint. Damn.
I've just I must be the worst person other because I've been spending the whole
time hoping should get another rotten egg. And this is just It's just like
winning a scratch carter or getting a lucky dog a honeybee. Oh. I
had to swallow it, Betty, I just had. I couldn't, couldn't
keep chewing. Three to go. Oh, shake it up again, boy,
I hope rotten eggs bad. I hope I don't get vomit. Forgive
me, but for the in the interest of an entertaining podcast, if I
had a button to push that would turn all those into vomit flavored, I'd
do it. No. No, oh, did I just win in the
jackpot? This is a peach color with dark red spots, which looks like
vomit. It's time to find out I was hoping to. I'll do I'll
do your favorite tab. You're gonna eat it. No, but if this
turns out to be vomit, then we'll just consider your sentence served and you
don't need to eat anymore. Here we go. I don't I don't want
to. Oh, well, I guess Candid chat's not important. I guess
it doesn't matter. I guess we'll just have let us chat next week.
We're eating spinach leaves underneath the porch with the spiders. All right, chew
it up, Tab, Tab, you look man, have the rebel?
Do you spend that? Please? Don't yact? Tab done, Tab,
You're done, You're done. I'm sorry, but I've got to find something
in here to get that horrible taste. Well, I think the only color
you can trust is red. Right, I got a blueberry here? Oh
my gosh, No, that's elbow grease. No mix some blueberry and vomit
just makes it taste like that hot step of the blueberry vomit, And it
tastes like I had a good night at the olive gardener. Oh, Tab,
everyone knows there's no such thing as a good night at the Nugat.
It's okay, nugets freaked down. Nugat thinks you're dying. Tab Nugat's got
a paw on my knee in solidarity. Wow? Why why would they sell
these? Is this novelty to punish people you don't like who are illiterate?
How do you know you don't like them? If you ain't, madam.
Oh, I mean, because now I feel like I can't trust jelly bellies
anymore. What is there like a like a the basement, a dark research
lab. That's all uh security access. You cannot know because we're developing weapon
eyes jellybeans, there's gotta be I've eaten three different flavors since I had that,
and it's still mixing with each and every one of them. The taste
of bile is permanently binding to the tongue. You want to try one?
Oh, I don't think I do, but you ought to, all right.
It's a show of solidarity. I can't have everybody mocking me saying that
I wouldn't. I wouldn't tempt myself if I tempted Tabitha, even though that's
kind of the way it works. Now, you can't look at them,
you can't. I didn't know you sticky fingers say, this is a little
bit, a little bit rigged because you picked all the all the pretty ones
out already. I got this one. What's the color? Uh? It
looks white, could be speckled, could be rotten egg, could be earwax.
Well, if it's the rax, you could have gotten something worse.
Okay, here we go. Not right, Egg, you'd to react in
by now, I'll tell you what, Tab, You're right. I mean,
this is what Earwax says like. It's sort of a treat. It's
kind of like a vanilla cinnamon cinnamony is in there. Yeah, it's something
like. It's something you you walk through one of them shops by the roadside
where they have all the rocking chairs out front that they're selling because they handmade
them, and then you go inside and there's just a bunch of there's like
puppets and stockings, and it's a seasonal store, but it's open all year
round. That's what it tastes like now. And in all fairness, Tab,
I'm just gonna keep eating these until I hit a bad one because it's
not fair because earwax apparently is like a miss very. That's very sweet of
you. Pretty sure I got dirt right now? Pretty sure I got dirt.
Dirt's bad, it's not the worst. It tastes exactly like a mouthful
of dirty. Yeah, like potting soil. M that is I really accurate.
A lot of them are really accurate. A lot of them ere relaccurate.
There, but a loud of them. All right, I mean,
should I just keep going? You can? You can do whatever moves you
whatever. The one more in the blind. I'm telling you, I'm pretty
sure I just got rotten egg. I don't think you did. I picked
out two, and there ain't that minute beans in the box. You probably
got another ear wax. Now this one is clearly white with yellow speckles it.
Oh well, you know, and a jelly bean doesn't have a smell.
Nope, it's scentless until you get it in your mouth. Here we
go, moment moment of truth. The last one I'm doing. Yeah,
well, you shame. It's rot rot eggs the worst with vomit, Vomit's
pretty bad, right, eggs pretty bad. I'm not breathing out, but
does I'm just chewing it. God, this is the worst. Oh,
I'm having a flashback tasted from the it's just just living in my mouth.
It's just like squatters. It's like it's little taste hoboes that are there.
Just they're pooping all over the place. Oh God, why can't there be
a centralized place for their feces? Lord clans my mouth? But I didn't
prepare any water force. I should have thought a head. I'm glad I
quit when I did, because I'm pretty sure there's still a vomit left in
there. Yeah, I bet there is. Oh boy, well, that
was an odyssey. It was an unnecessary and unholy adventure. Why don't we
rank them then, and then we can go wash your mouths. Oh my
god, there's like two more vomits in there than I can see. Oh
yeah, I was really playing with fire there because I'm telling you right now,
if you if I chewed on that vomit one, I would, without
question pop a little pop, which would cause me to pop, and then
that caused Nougat to pop. Everybody's just pop, poppity pop pop. Okay,
let's rank them. Let's see. At the very bottom is these murder
beans. This is the worst tongue land mines. Why do you do this?
Oh I'm still getting it. I'm still getting it. You need you
need a cleanser? Open up with them, gaheradillas? Maybe, yeah,
I'm gonna do that. Okay. Yeah, So these are like torture beans
for bad children. You sold your cow for them. I'll bet you this
is the only candy available in North Korea. Thank you, right, Betty
think you're right. Okay, you're right, Missa Hiradelli's helping. Oh goodness,
what's next? Candy corn? I'm sorry, Valentine corn. Yeah,
it's disappointing both and it's freshness. Its flavor is predictable and nauseating, and
it is just I mean, come on, people, put effort. Put
some effort into it, some flavoring. There. They're already shaped like corn.
You put two of them together, they're shaped like a heart. That's
so hard. Look, I just did half your work for you, genius,
genius. Next one is the Ruffle Stover. I don't give a crap.
It's right. We'll just put whatever good we've got to clean out of
a machine into some chocolate, make it into an approximate heart shape, and
say good luck, suckers, Good luck suckers. Nugat doesn't like it even
and Nugats still tore up over that little bear nuggets on fire. After that,
the Russell Stover. If you're not thirteen, do not purchase this item
with Teddy Bear. I mean, the truth be told. With the exception
of the marshmallow one, I mean the candies were fine. I mean,
there was that weird moment of eggnog. I don't want to understand that because
we didn't get that last year. But no, that's true. So I
mean, I guess it does what it's supposed to in the cheapest possible manner.
Just saying a gentleman. Boys around the world, and I think we
have a pretty strong listenership in the ten to fourteen year old demographic. I
would say, um, little boys, don't get this. For a girl,
just make a homemade card. It's free and it says you care more.
Um, that's a And also, don't break up with a girl in
Valentine's Day. They'll scar them for laugh. Well, that's just an awful
thing to do. You should you shouldn't be dating to the first place.
That either you either break it off early or you'll wait until July. Those
are the choices. Moving on the top of the list. The big winner
by default really International Chocolate Tears of Gahira, Delhi. They're sweetheart. It's
premium chocolate assortment not only delights the palate with a smooth and velvety chocolate flavor,
but it also help you scrape the horrible, horrible taste of an imminent
gas methane explosion from your mouth. That was terrible. Those kind of put
me in a bad mood. Yeah, that'll ruin me. I mean,
it makes me not trust Candy, and I don't ever want to not trust
Candy. Losing your trust in Candy is like losing your faith in God,
I know. And the only thing that redeems those of jellybeans is that that
they clearly did a lot of work. It was very deliberate. Now,
if that box said Russell Stover, I'd swear it was just a mistake and
someone threw up in the jellybean machine, or it's just another bag of rustle
stove that strite. I mean, that's your own fault at that point.
But those flavors of those jelly beans were so eerily accurate as to imply that
people with doctorates and chemical engineering were hard at work around the clock force feeding
these things to probably prisoners, or maybe they just maybe they just sent that
to North Korea and said, hey, just tell your people they have to
eat this for a while. Kim Kim Jong Ill, I don't know,
I don't I don't even want to think about what the terrorists are going to
do when they get a hold of it. I know, well, I
mean, he's they're getting him from North Korea and it's probably there. The
box says to make great glorious nation, eat beans, to persevere through mouth
suffering. That's what I think. Glorify your leader through vomit and rotten eggs.
But they're not vomiting rotten eggs. This is what America tastes like.
It's a tongue illusion. I feel like my tongue went to a David Copperfield
show, but it got got tricked into it turned into a bank. Ain't
natural gas or elephant? Yeah? Hell, what do he make disappear?
Wasn't at a bank? I don't know. Anyone who dabbles in the occult
is no friend of mine. So when I see him on Good Morning America,
I know just to turn the TV off for at least two hours to
make sure he's good and gone. He's exactly what you're talking about. He's
the handsome man, but you also know that he communes with evil spirits and
the devil. You can tell because he doesn't button up his shirt. I
unbuttoned from like three buttons from the top and deck letage means do not touch
what French is that what you do with that macaroni? Don't you blue macaroni
for that? Yeah, that's also called dec lettage. Okay, yeah,
they're's a different means. Yeah, yeah, and then it's okay, Then
it's okay. Then well, I'll tell you what. I'm exhausted and betrayed
by Candy this week. I'm I'm for everybody. This was not a fun
Valentine. That's why we must continue to explore. So don't worry, because
Easter is hop hop hopping around the corner where everything is brightly colored and nothing's
waiting to shive you in a back alley like a hobo with a broken beer
bottle, like those jellybeans did right in the mouth. That's right, that
shift in the mouth, like a dirty hobo selling torture beans. I'm Harry
Potter, and I'm gonna shive you in the mouth. Hobo Potters what they
ought to call him. That's right. I'm riding the rails of punishment,
Bobo Potter. I'm a wizard of the rails. So for this very sad
but in the lightning episode of Candy Chat, i am been Betty ever saw
and I've been Tabitha hutcheson. We'll see y'all soon for Easter. Bye Bye,
good Bye Nugat says bye bye Nugat.