Missus not. Don't expect to be brad yeast Daniel's time straight from because you'll
find me so mind side fast. All right, everybody, today's fun with
that which cannot be named because we don't want to be demonetized on YouTube.
I am your lovely host, the occasionally coughing, coming down with the plague
or getting over the plague, depending on which way I'm coming or going.
I can't tell you I have brain fog. I am asshole of this.
Uh NOA did I mention the brain fog. It's really bad. I am
the one, the only, the plague stricken r e Car and everyone's really
grateful to be over webcams right now and not near my germ spewing ass.
I am joined with three lovely members of the Calamity Janes, who are going
to introduce themselves right now so that I can drink some fucking tea. Start
with you, em Kaplin, Oh that's me. You're like you. It's
like wait the employed that as just white. Hey, everybody, I'm Emily
Kaplan. I'm like my face is here, which is freaking me out.
I usually write under em Kaplin, Josie Tucker, Mysteries and I usually play
Claudia. Yeah to me, dude, down the way, I see someone
with flame and red hair and an amazing Southern accent. Who could it be?
My accent is amazing. I'm not even drunk. Um No, I
hey, y'all, I am Misty Massey. I am the novelist and the
creator and author of the Madchestral series of magical pirate adventures, and the most
recent of which is still on Amazon. And you can get it just for
you. You can get an E one or you can get a paper one
and and you know, please go buy them because the family got to eat.
And when when when I'm not writing, when I'm actually playing, I'm
Malibou. You know her, I do I like torturing her, and you
know the French that possibly means. At the end, I am Judy Black,
author of Shadows and Sideshow Sideshows and Shadow. I can never remember the
way that it is titled, but both of those words are in it.
It's a nineteen o three traveling side show that hunts monsters. Um, and
I also write Dungeons and Dragons modules. So I am a little bit of
a You intimidate, you're a pro. I play Gigi, the Nicole mouse
of the Calamity Janes who casts spells inappropriately but with great enthusiasm. Oh yeah,
I wrote some some stuff. I know, I totally didn't say any
of it. Yea, look you can't see it because it's backwards and the
camera's not inverted. But that's the accidental sum her by our car. And
I'd just like to say that there is not a single white mermaid in that
book. Deal with it. What color mermaids are in the book. There
are silver gray Fucia, and the main one is navy blue with white spots
because she is a motherfucking Celia Camp And that's cool, okay, but none
of them are white. I'm trying to remember. I have a short story
that I wrote in Kestrel's Universe that has mermaids in it, and I think
all my mermaids were shades of green, but I can't read. It's funny.
It's almost like most creatures underwater are not a color that stands out really
brightly and gets you eaten. Thinking, which everyone, pour one out for
my platty fry in my tank. For the five or so people listening to
this who keep fish. I had a breeding explosion. So I have sucked
sicked, yes, sick, a death squad of Garams on my tank.
It should be interesting to see what I wake up too. Wait wait,
wait, you had fish that were born or whatever? Yeah, they bread.
They're like frigging House of the Dragons. We'll get to that segue.
They have inbred to the point where it's gotten insane. So you purposely sent
things in there to eat them? Yes? Y wow? If you don't,
the whole tank will crush. It's it's the fanos level solution through this
tank. Um, because I tried to get all the females out and they
pulled a Jurassic Park on me, which fish can do. Absolutely they can
do, which for those of you spoiler alert on Jurassic Park. One thing
about amphibians and reptiles is they can actually change genders if they are in a
completely single sex environment, and so if they need a male, they can
change gender. If they need a female, they can change gender, which
brings a whole new meaning to finding Nemo, because pretty much he was looking
for his mate more than his son. So now that I've ruined finding Nemo
for everybody and talked about the wholesale slaughter that the pacifist is engaging in her
fish tank to try to keep it from collapsing. What have y'all been up
to? I kind of wish that you could do that with squirrels somehow,
if there was some creature I could go down to the feed store and buy,
because I had a battle with two squirrels this morning and dang near hurt
myself running around the house to go yell at him because they were back in
the space behind my window, behind me and making noise and I was beaten
on the window and they wouldn't leave, So I went outside with a stick
and yelled at him and made him run away. But you hollered at him?
Is that what you would say? I? Well, I screeched,
but yeah, and when wave my stick. But squirrels are not scared.
Squirrels are not scared of people. And apparently you can't poison them either,
because I looked so well. They are very resilient and it also could hurt
indigenous bee. She's I would loan you the hunter killer known as Tsunami,
who further tying into the calamity James. Yes, she is the basis of
Suna Luna and as our assistant DM, who could show up at any time
should she choose to jump on my desk. Um, there is no small
animal she would not hunt. But she is in herself a very small animal.
Yeah, I need to I need to adopt a couple of feral cats
and just let them live here because I mean you when I say you can't
poison squirrel, I don't mean you're not allowed to. I mean you can't.
There's nothing you can buy on the market that will poison a squirrel.
They are the mammals. Yep. Constitution is not their dump stat not not
on squirrels. You can buy um fox or wolf. You're in Yes,
yes, predator, but I have I have. I'm just out because it
also chases away possums and um yeah, so I'm just out. I've used
mine all ups. I've got to go out to the like I said,
I got to go out to the fence store. I'm gonna say supply chain
issues. I need to get to myself more jumping foxes. But I do.
I love animals. I love everything about them. But I said,
one thing about keeping aquariums is that you will learn very quickly, like as
someone discovered. They're like so what did you do today? Rachel said,
Oh, I crushed the skulls of some of my pets, and everyone's like
had I had a severely sick guppy and the most humane way to euthanize is
off with the head. And with a fish that's small, it's very hard
to cut, so you bludgeon. And that's what I had to learn.
So you can imagine the joys of being a pacifist and being going, well,
this creature is suffering. You have to end it suffering, and this
is how you euthanize it. You're just like, can you can you still
legally call yourself a pacifist. I did it for the protection of life,
because they were not having a good life. They were clearly suffering. I
couldn't leave them too, they were irreparably deformed. You can't do like the
freezer trick, because we have I did. I did kill them first.
Okay, I did chill them, but um, it can after too long.
That's actually a very horrible way, a slow way to die. So
you chill them to numb and then it's just like how you take care of
a lobster, or if you were preparing a fish to eat you crush the
brain instant death. There's a show on Hulu that Todd and I are watching
called Alane and they take like ten people out into the wilderness. These are
supposed to be people that know what they're doing, although we're finding in the
early seasons maybe not so much. But um, but it's it's always funny
when they have to go catch a fish because they're like, I have a
fish in my gillnet and they pull it out and this this is wriggling fish.
And they go, oh, look at my wriggling fish. And then
they say, oh, well, I guess I have to kill it.
And there's always this pause like i''m not sure what I'm doing. I can
tell you anyone who has ever kept an aquarium can tell you exactly how to
do. And it does depend on the size of the fish how you do
it. Some people say like they'll they'll put fish in like vodka. That
is not a good way to euthanize a fish. Before they'll try to clove
oil. There's a lot of horribly bad advice, but getting them cold numbing
as best you can and doing it quickly is the way to go. And
that is your Debbie downer, I think, But no, well, the
whole thing goes down to I do eat meat occasionally, and I will only
eat meat on the grounds of I have to be able to look at a
creature that I am going to consume and I have to end its life at
a certain point or I am a hypocrite. So I have been taken hunting,
I have been taken fishing, and it gets harder and harder to do.
So eventually I'm just going to be a vegetarian and then I'll be a
better pacifist. But I feel like it's very important to me, more morality
wise, to have that connection and to know that if you're going to do
it, you will use every bit of it, because wasting an animal is
to me incredibly horrible. And I am continuing to go around the spiral of
destroying people's souls. Can we ruining finding Nemo. I have one hundred percent
effective way of ending fishes life without contact, and that in my household,
and that is to name them the second anything like, don't name the plants,
don't name the fish, because you know so. All I need to
do is bring you to my house and say, would you please name these
asshole fish that keep breeding. Yeah, it's it's I have to touch work,
send the pay a lot quicker. Yeah, but no, I would
rather have her come to my house and then I can keep her. I
have not been back to Massachusetts since I graduated from college. Like I think
it was the graduation week. I stayed a couple of days after graduation,
and then I just never have gone back. It's weird. So sorry,
my cat is like all up on the microphone. I'm sorry, Well,
are you going to introduce the most important person on this podcast right now?
Oh? Yeah, this is Harley ah put it. She's a baby,
She's gorgeous. She's a shoulder cat. Is she all black? No,
she is a torty, so she's got like a little steward. Her and
my other cat, Laala look pretty much identical. Um, so I have
two tortis. And then my roommate has a tail less gray, a lump
breed. He's very rectangular, like a mank Yeah, but yeah, he's
he like if a cinder block and a bunny had a baby and it was
a cat. That sounds like a lot of the European shorthairs right there.
They have the boxy faces. They don't quite look like cats. We laugh
at him because when he sits, it's just like the squarest butt you've ever
seen, Like I could hang pictures with that butt flat. No, I
don't know how to top Square Cat asked, but why well, you know,
um, some of our friends on the discord and on the Facebook had
questions for us. I could dig up some questions if you want to sell
away from Square Kitty, but otherwise it's going to quickly devolve into our car's
treatise on why Matt Smith is amazingly gorgeous. He shouldn't be, but he
is. Hang back, Yeah, to the Google. Yeah, okay,
look up. Now I want you to look up something very specific. Look
up Matt Smith in Mobius shirtless dance. Everyone just to just have a moment
of appreciation. And there's Rachel's type. Yes, that is exactly British,
lanky, slightly unusual looking, dark hair, light eyes. You might as
well have just described British accents. Okay, he's definitely done some work,
because that's a lot bumpier than he used to be. Hett the Heroes and
Game of Thrones. Okay, yeah, he been working on his bumps.
He's cranked up, and he's he's got lumpy, he's got bumpiness on his
chest and his attractive bumpiness. Not those wouldn't be lady lumps. No,
no, no, no, no, these are man manly bumps. Yes,
these are my homes with the homes, my lovely manly bumps. Yeah,
everyone thirsty. Now we're ready for some questions show. Let me get
back to him. It's gonna be very, very hard to ever watch Doctor
Who's thirteenth Doctor without going take off the shirt. Is off with the shirt.
Let's go a little star trek in this Doctor Who. Esthetically, I
suppose I can appreciate it, but it doesn't do it for me. It's
okay, we could always switch it up. Put in some Henry cavill for
Is that who's the Henry cavill Stan Or was that? Yeah? Yeah,
no. The only way I like him is as the witcher. If he's
clean, does nothing. As soon as he gets dirty, I'm like,
we can talk. He grunges good, he grunges up just fine. Not
to leave you, Emily. No no no no no no no no no
no no no no no, yes yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes sorry. She was going to walk across the last job. Would you
like to add to this conversation. Hey, you know what, I do
not have a current thirst trap person that I'm into nothing. I don't think
that. Yeah, yeah, I don't have like a top ten list or
anything. I am what I am? Come on, I am. I
think what it's called a demisexual where you're attracted about I know I'm married to
one of those. You're like, you just want to drool over something like
in the shallow end of the gene pool. But do you have any one
in particular killer that's with above just an above average to add to the conversation,
Keep talking amongst yourselves. I'll think of something eventually. Okay that brings
you up, Judy, who is your thirst trap? You would like to
pulling up a picture? Write this second? This is a woman who comes
So I am, I am, I am on the same side as Emily,
and that I aesthetically will appreciate. Uh, but you know it's more
like you just stay over there and let me look kind of appreciation. This
is pure you know, Michelangelo David, which by the way is wait wait
wait wait wait wait wait wait. Are y'all saying that I have no chance
of ever meeting Henry Cavill in real life. I hope y'all not saying that.
No, mister Cavill, if you would like to guest star on The
Calamity James, I guarantee you you will be appreciated, loved, and our
house rules are in line with BIY because I know you give a far more
shit about our role playing capacity than being drooled over. But you will probably
will be drooled over, but you are always Let's see, so are you,
miss Okay? Who is your first trap? Miss black Okay? Hold
on, I'm going to send the picture in in in the Facebook group.
Oh, Matt, we must all have a moment about this dica. Please
see his home from fifty may be one. I'm like building up the moment
of anticipation. I also how I have to look up the actor's name too,
because I remember people by the characters that they've played, not the actor,
and so I'm trying to look up the actor's name as well. Just
send the damn picture already withst its descent. Oh oh, him is name
is Lee Coon. He's in um a couple of Chinese dramas that I've wow
watching, so I can see why you would be watching, and especially because
he plays in this particular one. He plays a lovely tragic uh assassin king,
which is just like Wow, Chef's kiss. He works for Mind for
our book, Emily, Yeah, right, our books, Dog, of
which you've written one hundred percent so far, and I've been like, you're
here for the lady. I'm a pinch hitter of un. I don't know
where to go without I hope help me talk about the time I went to
the Asian grocery store up in Charlotte, and um, and the guy that
was helping me was so freaking beautiful I couldn't speak or barely breathe. I
told you about that right now, but please, oh I'm sorry. Well,
I was just gonna say that that guy, that guy was Japanese.
But if this man that that Judy just showed us was Japanese, that's what
that guy looked like. Um, but no, he was, and he
was probably my son's age, So this is just completely creepy. But um
no, we uh, Todd and I were We went up to Charlotte for
a couple of things, and my son wanted to try some recipes and so
he sent me with a list to go buy the Asian grocery to pick up
for him, and it was stuff that I had no clue about. So
I had to find somebody to help me. And the young man who was
there and able to help me was this hall beautiful Japanese young man who was
so freaking stunning that I had trouble breathing, much less saying. It was
kind of like here, you know my list here because I couldn't, I
couldn't get together and and I am a grown woman, and I am I
should be wipe past that, but he was just that pretty. It was
painful. Strikes us all. So yeah, highly recommend. What is it
word? Word of honor is the name of the show, So if you
word of honor for Judy's first, we got the Witcher for misties. We've
got Game of My Oath of the Dragons for mine, Emily, I am
to contribute to this. I have googled hottest men so I could get some
ideas. That's perfect, and um, Alexander scars Guard is quite attractive.
But also when I was teaching Jim classes, there was a guy um who
worked there who who had the same effect on me as the the guy just
had on misty where I would get totally tongue tied and I'd be like wow,
I mean, yeah, he was pretty amazing. Really, what do
I do it? Right? But yeah, and he was like roughly probably
like half my age, which is so embarrassing. And then but then then
I found out he was a total dumb butt and like politically super polar opposite
of me, and I was like, yeah, shine is gone. It's
like what a shame. Yeah. I didn't ever find out the politics of
my guy. But he was very pleasant and obviously smart enough to know that
this old woman was was thirsting on him and being okay with it. You
know, I'm pretty sure or when you get to a certain tier you're used
to it. Yeah he did. He did not even hotness? Is it
like this? This? What is it? Sco Scofield's yeah, yeah,
you get Thermany Scoville of humanness. Yeah, you you're just like I know,
I've been bits a boundful everyone. Yep. Ye, you must experience
that, Emily, you mean like librarian. No, it's it's like um.
People on Twitter they see like a really small, a really small um
thumbnail photo of you and they're like yes, but I mean like yeah,
and then they meet the rest of you and are like hot, Damn,
she's even better. God, let me send pictures of my job. I
have that. That's nothing my Instagram account, nothing but hey, beautiful image
attached? Yea like no, like, Nope, I am not feeling for
that one. I would rather I don't know why. I'm certainly lapsing into
the horrible friends again. It's contagious. Yeah, I'm contagiously. I am
in my relationship. I have to say. The bravery of creating a character
with an accent, Oh my gosh, what are you talking about? I
both of you forever, I shall be known as the dwarf belongs for you.
After a while. It's not hard. You get your your mouth just
goes there when you're being that person. Because I remember when I used to
work at Fair, um years ago, I was working in a leather shoe
shop at Fair, and so we had to put on an accent. And
of course my accent was somewhat english Ish, kind of you know, with
for for a given value of English and and but but I would start and
by by the time Fair opened in the morning, I had it. I
had it locked on, just like I had my bodice tightened. I had
my shoes on, I had my accent on, and but by the time
we got to the end of the day, I had forgotten that that wasn't
how I spoke. And so my we'd be closing up the booth and Vicky
would say Vicky was my manager, and she'd say, how many of this
journal are still on the shelf? And I'd say, um, I think
there are twelve purples and three greens. And she'd say, Misty, the
dog is in the pickup truck. And I would have to repeat the dog
is in the pup and it would bounce me back out of the silly accent
that I was doing. Of course, you all know that this voice that
you hear is completely fake. Yeah, because you're from like Tennessee, right,
I am, But I elocution lessons and I was on the radio and
I did lots of acting and it was beaten out of me. But if
I say the phrase that Misty just did, my real accent will come back.
Truck. Let's try how how this whole session goes. If the questions
get good enough, I will revert to my native born makes you revert drunkenness
and embarrassment, drunkenness, embarrassment talking to my relatives and discussing canines specifically.
Notice I said the word canine. There. There are certain words that always
laps your accent. Yeah. Yeah, but I've been married to a brit
for so long I found that I do have some words that actually make me
start sounding like him. Biscuiskit, kelly flat mom, I would say,
if you watched the Great British bake Off show. I watched The Great British
The Great British bake Off religious. Yeah, although this week I was I
was an angry bread slut while watching it. I was so mad at those
pieces. I had legit, legit baking rage. It was like, that
is not pizza. No, no, no, and you may was there.
I'm like no, and you know that that crust, the crust underneath
the toppings was doing because it wouldn't have the bake there and it wasn't in
a pizza oven. I mean, do you know how you get good pizza
at home when you don't have a pizza oven? You actually preheat a skillet
and you cook it like you would a non bread. You start it in
the skillet and you put your toppings on when it's in the skillet and you
cook it from the bottom up really quick, so I get some of the
blackened spots and then you shove it under the broiler and you effectively sandwich cook
it like that, and that will get you the closest to a pizza.
It has to be a thin crust because you can't do a deep dish or
anything like that. If you want a deep dish, oil the fuck out
of it. Put it in a cast iron. Yeah, every southern chef's
favorite. And you bake the shit out of it and you put the cheese
to the edge. You get the crispy edges, and you say, yeah,
I am not from Detroit, but I can appreciate their pizza. But
yeah, sorry, great British bake off. I love you, But that
pizza that was wrong. It was wrong. Pizza takes like three days.
There was no pree from ends. I didn't see any becas. I did
not see any cold fermentation. I call bullshit, and Paul Hollywood knows better.
Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. What were we talking about? Hellifa?
Because now I want pizza again. Yeah, I made pizza. We
um. I get all my bread from a store here called bread Smith,
which bakes their bread fresh every single day, so there's no preservatives in it
and therefore I can eat it and not get sick. Um. And they
make up their own pizza dough every day too, and so usually when there's
when it's pizza time, I will go and get their dough because I just
don't have I got nobody got time to sizaugh. No, no, I
know you do. I know you do. And you do an amazing job
and a vocation that's different. Yeah different. Yeah yeah, so so,
Judy, I think the rest of us are a collection of food intolerances.
Do you have any yeah? Uh yeah. So I am vegetarian and I
don't eat seafood or any meat. I do eat egg to talk about killing
it both, Okay, Okay, it's okay. I'm gonna be like you
one day. I know I'm gonna be. We'll see. Like my parents
joke that I was born vegetarian because I pretty much have hated me since I
was born, like I would get cheeseburgers with no burger like since I was
eighty bitty um, which grow up like the deep in the Deep South was
always a real challenge. But uh, yeah. And then I also have
an allergy to red forty food die I have. Yeah, it's super annoying
because it's in a quizzler breakout five Yep, it's in so much. And
then so it's super fun going to the doctor and being like what color is
the pit and the doctor going oh shit, So yeah, that's why I
can't think allergy medicine. I'm allergic allergy medically. Oh it's so fun.
Yeah. So but that's it. That's that's that's it, that's it.
That's enough. It's it. I think we were trying to get to questions,
but we've got vegetarian. Uh, we've got a lot too. Who
can't have dairy? No dairy for me? No dairy? What have you
got? Misty soyy makes it tears up my insides something fierce. You would
die in my house very quickly because yeah, well it's in everything, if
you in everything. So but I grew up allergic to Chriscoe, and before
we started destroying orangutang habitats and using cheaper palm oil, it meant I could
not eat a single processed baked good because cotton seed oil, which is Crisco,
basically was in everything. Wow, is that why you yea, now
they put now, they put soybean oil in everything. So is that why
you started aching to make your own stuff? Yes? Yeah, I had
to bake from a very young age because it was the only way I could
enjoy anything. Because I can't have any artificial sweeteners. I can't have most
artificial colors, which I just am now to the I don't do anything with
artificial colors. And no cotton seed oil, no shortening. Oh, and
I can't digest high fructose corns. Are up. I actually have been tested
differently. I get diabetic like symptoms if I eat inverted sugars and high fructose
corns. So my friend has an allergy to all corn products. That treats
her much the same, and she has to you thinks soison everything, Yeah,
conan everything too. It's crazy. Yeah, that's pretty much like I've
been with her. I've been with her when we go to lunch somewhere and
she'll she'll ask the white staff if cornstarches in this or that or the other,
and they're like they're, you know, like deer in the headlights going
no idea. It's hilarious. Blue cheese will kill me. As Panara tried.
They tried really hard, but they did not succeed. This is the
other cat. Wow, Halola, you look just like Harley she does on
camera. They are the same picture. I'm sorry to tell you. Yeah,
no, you cannot jump up on that. It will fall over on
I'm shocked. Tsunami like tsunami. When I left, was really cuddled in
her little blankie and she was just so happy. She was just comfy.
It's it's like below fifty here and hoodie weather. What is chilly? Yeah,
I say, what helped me? To me? You could laugh at
us. It's forty six here right now and it's dropping, so we're at
sixty nine. Were at Dear godd A Parka to Judy, she's got free
I do like my roommate from the living rooms yelled nice when I said,
but yeah, yeah. We were in the forties last week briefly in the
morning, like I blinked in it with God. But it happened. It
does happen from time to time. It's coming to the time of year where
we'll start going, Oh, it's in the forties. It's so warm that
that's what's about to happen. And I live in an area where you can't
feel your face when you go outside. Why because it kills the babes.
Yeah, and allergens outside of nice. Yeah, we actually have questions from
from people about animals, So you want to hear that. Yeah, let's
start. Oh good, let's go right into it. Okay, let's see.
So hanus Liz, I'm not gonna bother with the discord versus Facebook,
y'all are Yeah, we love all of you. So we love our Discord
people because they're patrons, because they do give us money. Don't forget if
you want to, you can give us money too and continue to support great
content like us discussing thirst trapes. But so Hainous Lizard wants to know if
you could have a tiny version of any animal as a pet, what would
it be and why? I want a tiny blue whale in my aquarium.
Cute? That would be so cute? Can you imagine that sounds would make?
Yeah, okay, it has to be a blue whale, so that
it's tiny but not too tiny, So you have the blue whale and it
could just drift around the aquarium and maybe eat some of these goddamn platty fry
that are overwhelming me, although technically I would need a marine set up.
But I don't think actually mammals can live in either salt or fresh I know
dolphins can. Now I've got to look up at blue whales. Can they
live in fresh water? Please prepare your aquario. Well, I am gonna
pick something that flies, because I would invariably accidentally step on it if it
didn't so um, And I don't want like a raptor not like a like
a spiky thing that can hurt you. But I'm going to go with a
bat because they're cute, like a little fruit bat cube like maybe that's I
want a tiny little elephant. I want one that would get about the size
of um, I don't know. I'll go with the size of about a
golden retriever, you know, and that can run around after me and and
flap its ears at me and pick up stuff that I drop on the floor
and hand it to me with its chunk, because of course I would train
it to do that, because I drop every damn thing I pick up.
So I would go something that's already tiny and get a Finnic fox because they're
just sup they are really cute. So it did big old earballs. Yeah,
I would note that I would get a saltwater aquarium for my tiny blue
whale because it would help with its buoyancy and dealing with cuts, because no
species of whale can survive long periods of time and freshwater. That's a thing
I know now. Learning is magic. I think there are okay, there
are pink belooga whales that live in a freshwater or maybe it's a saltwater now
those are those are um dolphins down in South Americas. Yeah, it's the
same reason flamingos are pink. Aren't they from thecarenoids that they eat in crustaceans.
Yes, yeah, flamingos are white normally, it's their diet that makes
them pink. I think the pink dolphins they eat a lot of like freshwater
crayfish and shrimp. Right, I'll buy it. But it's mostly the buoyancy
for the the whales. I don't know if that would matter if you miniaturized
it, but theoretically they would still be structurally the same, so they would
probably need the buoyancy of salt, but they wouldn't have as much gravity to
deal with. Yeah, but it also might be with the way their liver
and their kidneys are designed because they constantly drink saltwater. So like if if
you put a freshwater fish in the saltwater, which I do not recommend,
okay, um, usually you they can't the osmosis in their system, their
their whole blood chemistry. It doesn't work. They're not designed to live in
it, which means if you're actually treating diseases in freshwater fish, you dip
them briefly in saltwater, and for saltwater fish, you dip them briefly in
freshwater because these simpler parasitic organisms will explode due to the change of osmosis,
and you can often kill them before it kills the larger organism, and then
you put them back in the brain just exploded. Yeahsis, Come on,
you learn doing science on us? Yeah? I didn't come here to learn
things. Well, I'm sorry, you're gonna learn something, okay, I'm
just scrolling. Well here, throw a picture of Matt Smith at me and
shut me up. That was that was the tiny version. Zach of all
Trades comes at us and says, if you could have a giant version of
any animal as a pet, what would it be? And same answer answer,
I would ride it everywhere. I want a dire red panda that I
could ride into battle and then have it go dangle you bet as when I
was when I used to ride horse. When I used to ride horses,
Um, it was called with the way that you that you um stayed in
the saddle was called having your seat. And I was just thinking you would
need to have a serious seat because and that doesn't that means holding on with
your knees really powerful thighs and stuff like that, because hey, when that
thing went up and all that fur is all slithery and you'd slide right down,
feel like just like the grip of my thoughts. Badass. Several inappropriate
sound bites that could be taken out of context so far. You're a very
nice fan. You're at a like just occasionally the shallow and of the gene
pool. I'm sorry, Henry Cavill. Right now, you're just a thirst
trap. But if you would like to come on and prove your intellect to
me, I'm good with that. We would love to show me what I'm
with you, please, like, oh my god, I want to build
a PC, or just watch you build one shirtless. Let's be real,
yep, Yep, it's the static and the clothes. It's purely to avoid
static. I mean, yeah, that's a kind of chest haired to you
that could be really staticky. M h, not sure you think. I
do like the fact though, that he was actually being comic book canonically appropriate
and did not shave his chest to be Superman to match the Death of Superman
comic cover. That is the kind of dedication that this sasquatch lover appreciates.
Why look, you can be a comic book nerd and be thirsty. It
is not mutually exclusive. Yeah, Judy got a fox. What was your
big animal, Lemoly Henry Cavill. No, we're gonna ride a Henry Cavill
of the battle. And now we have the quote of the episode. I'm
going to say a Golden Retriever because I think they're magnificent at any size.
All the dire Retriever don't. Who needs a warg when you have a come
on? Just imagine how much less scary rings of power would be if the
you know they're digging away from and the curtain of vines passes open and instead
of that scary ass wark, It's like everyone would just let it come and
attack because it's so cute, like this is actually a tactic that evil overlords
should consider, and it's weirdos like me because I am afraid of dogs.
That's okay, that's okay. I'm nervous around individual dogs. But it depends
on the dog. But I'm a cat lady too. But but I'm married
a dog boy, so I had to married a dog boy. Did I
notice I have said the word you did? H? No? I like
dogs. They just stay over there and we're good sounds like, I don't
get it. Dogs are very they have no concept of personal space. We
joke about cats, but dogs had nost See that's my problem. Um,
I'm like, of course it is. But what that's that's the question.
No, Um, I was thinking. I was trying to think how big
panda's get because pandas at big. They do get big. But a really
big one I could lay on. You know, you can, laul.
Have you seen a giant panda in person? Not lately? No? No?
Never? I meant they are bear sized. I know, Okay,
I want a giant baby panda. And in other words, I want a
grown panda to come and be tame and let me lay on him. When
I'm sitting in my in my living room watching Henry Cavill movies. You want
a snorelax, basically, that's what Yeah, yes, yes, that is
what I want. I want a snorelax. I highly recommend one. I
have one, and I lounge on the snore lax and I watch Henrycavil films.
Actually, no, let's be real. I watch House with the Dragons
while laying on a snorelac. I watch a lot of things. So Smith,
I really do like your I feel so dirty. I'm sure you're a
lovely man, but I'm all about your hitty right now? Would you men
have titty? It's like man, absolutely, yeah, absolutely, they got.
We were talking about the lovely manly lumps earlier. You can't look like
I would like to discuss some ancient valerious I'd like dracorist my way, if
you know what I mean. I'm not bio, but I will make it
hot there. That. That is my horrifically lame Game of Thrones pickup lines,
the works being, Hi, I'm your twin. I'm kindly I have
not seen any twin sest for all the incest in in House of the Dragons,
those Targarians. Boy, weddings and family functions are like corkscrews. It's
just a Celtic not up in there. It is. The family tree is
a single branch. You know, it was you know, it really happened
in in real history because look at was it the not the hand? Was
it the Hanovers. We're just all the Habsburgs. That's who it was.
The Habsburgs were all manner of fucked up. I run in their family because
we're being educational as well as thirsty on this that. But also the jaw
shape that was so that got so pronounced, and the family and yeah,
and that really long nose and and they had they had joint issues and all
kinds of you know, it wasn't the they enter bred and got crazy.
They just enter bred and got um dangerously um unfunctional and it was. It
was so sad. But but that's totally in history. So you know,
yeah, go go George Martin whatever. Yeah, And isn't that the the
blue few Gates of Kentucky. I do not know about this. Educate me.
So they're a family that um have blue skin? Whoa, oh oh
I have heard of that? Yeah, what are the blue blue people of
Kentucky. It's a it's basically a genetic trait about um yeah, with a
blood disorder that makes their skin looks Google. Um yeah, so we're just
googling all kinds of So it's spelled Fu Gates Mary. Just one time for
all our super fans. Fuck Mark and Danica lovely wife. She is lovely.
Have some blue people look at it? Yeah, yeah, thank that's
that's interesting. And we're all now reading. Everybody you tuned in to watch
us read Wikipedia. I know, you know what, we should just do
an episode that's all of us explaining weird shit. We know. I think
that's what this is. This is what this has become, with the weird
being me going pandas or bare size. The boys and I did that once.
We did a show where everybody had to choose two or three articles on
Wikipedia that they just thought were the coolest and it was a blast. So
we could do that too. We should do that. We did Wikipedia Roulette
Shuffle and I got that's right. That's why I, of all things in
the universe, I got the giant fucking squid. I will never live that
down. Uh yeah, there's like a there's a PowerPoint game where people make
powerpoints about like they're one topic that they could just go on about, and
then everybody takes turns presenting it. See something, Yeah, I mean,
it's like all sorts of stuff. One of the discords I'm in does it
once a month and people sign up and are like, I'm gonna tell you
all about blah blah blah blah blah, and it's it's surprisingly entertaining. That's
fun. That is fun, you know, also be fun. Do we
have any other questions animals death to answer for our lovely yeah fan base?
They are actually multiple animal based questions. They know that kids are answering shit.
Okay, um, Actually, since we're coming up on our time,
this is a good question to be to be our last question. So and
it is animal base. So, Kyle the goof says, is it just
the one goat we're not allowed to talk about? Or is it all goats?
It's the goat? The okay dealer. I figured as much because I'm
I'm all the time finding goat pictures. Only find the goat and you break
the sacred code? What you mean anywhere among goatly kind? We shot it
is among us, Although I did hear a cool goat story. It's not
our goat, but it is a pretty how do you know? How do
you know? Because I contacted their agent. Okay, oh, as long
as we're there. There was a goat I think her name was like Bridgitte,
who was sent to an abattoir because she no longer made milk, and
a punk rock band rescued her and kept her as their pet goat for ten
years and just let her go anywhere through show. And if one thing I
learned about goats from my friend is goats have no control of their spectrum.
So imagine a randomly shitting and pissing goat going everywhere around a concert but listening
to punk for ten more years of her life and being like defied Death listened
to punk truly, that's pretty a punk rock goat. That that's just now,
that's punk and I and I was one for five minutes back in the
eighties, in the late seventies, early eighties. So and no where of
us speak goat, but I'm pretty sure that our goat listens to metal,
not punk, more jazz, because all evil things listen. That is the
law, as the point has been proved. No we don't. What do
you guys feel about the goat? Not the goat we can't talk about,
but goats in general. Do you have any goat stories that you can tell
without getting yourself shamed against? Recently learned that mountain goats aren't goats. Aren't
they big? Yeah? Well, somebody said they're in the bovine family.
I was like, what as everyone pulls up the Wikipedia, I know that's
cool? Are they are? These the ones that can stand on allege that's
like thirty three tenths of an inch wide, And they are not actually goats.
They are their own genus, which I'm going to have to pronounce,
aren't I They are oriomo cool? It is North American mountain goats are not
actually true goats, much like for a long time, panda bears are not
actually bears, but they are bear sized, but they're very closely related to
bears, so they kind of got a reverse Pluto. They got reassigned back
to bears after not being bears for a while, because most pandas are more
closely related to raccoons, got reverse Pluto. I'm not saying that the world
being like it is is because we literally took the planet that was named after
the god of the underworld and demoted him. But I'm not thinking it health
a planet in my book, m I agree, Pluto is a planet.
Pluto has planet moon character. Pluto is a planet. Okay, it's there.
But if if a new planet actually appears, that we're gonna have to
call it tuxedo. Man, it just appears randomly when everything's been done.
Oh no, there's all sorts of made up ship in sailor Moon that is.
Yeah, they get really wild when you get on into like sailor stars
and whatnot. Okay, So my my origin story is a nerd is through
anime. So don't unlock that door because it may not close again. My
very first job ever was selling hintai at anime cons when I was biff,
Wow, what is your favorite hntai? Judy. See, that's the thing
is I don't watch and didn't watch. I just checked IDs and sold them.
She's not old enough to look at it, Yeah, I just I
had to stand him. Yeah, I had to stand in a chair because
I was too short to see over the stack of hintai. So I had
to stand in a chair and lord over the hintai and check I ds.
So you've never seen Utsuki Doji no let Us mark and I've seen the cover
for it. It sounded like it sounded like you said something about a Dodgy
Uterus. No, I'm sure Dodgy Uterus is another title universe. But yeah,
that's that's my origin story as a nerd. So there go we should
do. I think we should have another Calamity Jane's side quest where we should
tell the nerdly origin stories of each of the Calamity Janes. Would you guys,
that's brilliant. Yes, we have more questions which we will just keep
bringing out. We just did all the animal ones this time, because yeah,
I have so many. I have so many convention stories, but like
it's gonna be a horror podcast if I tell all I can been shit stories.
What it is the spookiest time of the year, So let's just hold
that in our back pocket. I think we will come back, but before
we go, we just want to say, if you do, you should
definitely do the big old like subscribe. Every bit of support you give to
us is one less nerdly woman on the street drooling over pictures of Henry Cavill
and Matt Smith and the gorgeous guys from Chinese dramas, and Alexander scars Guard
because let's be real, it's Alexander fucking scars Guard and we've all seen true
blood. Well, I mean, sorry, wise, I can't tell you
much of it, but I can tell you that Alexander scar Guard was in
it, and in very little clothing, I say, and so was his
chest. That is one beautiful family, I must say. They're just a
beautiful They raise a sweetish Margusburg, the strong Jeans strong because why on earth
wouldn't we end with thirst when we began with thirst? So once again,
I am Ari Carr, the Admiral of the asshole Armada. Who you got
it lately? This tea? Yes, I drank a shit tone of tea
so I could present this I've already said. Please like and subscribe. If
you want to support us on our Patreon um, you can find us under
Authors and Dragons. We as the Calamity Janes, are part of it.
And if there's anything else you want to see, make sure to comment below
and we will try to answer it and we should come back with the origin
story of all the girls. Yes, so, so anything else you want
to pimp at the last minute and Capital have a new book coming out supposedly.
Um yeah, Melissa just finished editing it if my gmail would start working
eventually and should be coming out pretty soon. It's the first book in the
new Virtual Vigilante series from Falstaff Books Mysteries. M nice. How about you,
Judy, What what you got to pimp? Um? So I have
a I am participating and writing stuff for a Kickstarter another one that is a
really really really cool oracle deck, which is kind of like a Tarot deck
but different. Um that's all based on elements. So the most recent one
that's coming out is Shadows and they're super super cool and it launches on October
thirteenth, So get your spooky on a misty pimp pimp yourselves. Well,
like I mentioned, I got them pirate books so Madchestral Pirate Fantasy Adventures available
on Amazon and down the road. I am going to have a series from
False Staff featuring Doc Holiday. Yes, that Doc Holiday. That's coming next
year sometime. And there's going to be an anthology of stories that are based
on po titles also coming from False Staff next year, so be on the
lookout. Idiot, would you get to take on po I have no idea
to do that three fourth of the of the panel. You need to get
like a one page for beauty. I know, man, maybe we'll come
up with a We'll need a foreword. We'll make her write a foreword or
something. You need a short pole, make me put my MFA that I
dropped out of to work. We will talk so as we quote the Raven
never more, I once more would like to pimp The Accidental Summoner by Ari
Carr. Still no white mermaids, but all the fun of a millennial demon
getting summoned by a burrito. Everyone. That's it. We're a calamity Jane.
So bye, bye, bye bye. Stuck on, Don the don the Uns