Don't reteal your woes. A miserable habit, it grows as it is fed,
a nuisance to friends and neighbors, it brings to you more of the
same kind. You will get what you look for. Looking for trouble brings
it. Don't imagine that you are being put upon. Don't reteal your woes.
Don't reteal your woes. Do you think that it does you any good
to go around with a long face, telling your tale of woe to everyone
whom you can induce to listen to you? Do you think that it does
you any good? Do you think it helps you to overcome your troubles or
makes your burden any lighter? No, I don't believe that you think any
such things. All your experience teaches you that people don't like to listen to
long drawn out tails of your troubles. They have enough of their own.
Even those who are always ready to lend a helping hand and to give what
aid they can to one who needs it. Resent being made targets for a
continuous fusillade of troubles, woes, griefs, et cetera. And you know
very well that a constant repetition of your own woes will only make them seem
greater and more real to you. And then the chronic retailer of woe grows
to be like the journalist, develops a keen scent for matter to be dished
out to others. She needs it in her business. When one gets into
this habit of caring about tales to her friends, she runs out of ready
material and eagerly looks round for more with which to supply the demand. She
becomes quite an adapt at discovering insults, sneers, double meaning remarks, et
cetera on the part of her friends and relatives, where nothing of the kind
was intended, And she rules these things over and over in her mind like
sweet morsels, before she serves them up with appropriate trimmings to her listeners.
You will notice that I say her in speaking of the victim of dis demoralizing
habit, and some of my readers of that sex will undoubtedly take me to
task for blaming it on the woman in instead of the men. Well,
you all know my ideas about the equality of the sexes, about their being
different, but one being as good as the other, with the odds a
little in favor of the woman. But I feel justified in saying that this
habit is one that seems to have a special liking for women, and it
generally picks out a woman for its victim in preference to a man. When
a man acquires this habit, he becomes such a nuisance to his friends and
associates that sooner or later he will notice that they avoid him, and the
chances are that some blunt fellow will tell him that he has no time for
listening to tales of this kind, and that if he, the complainer,
would display the same energy in attending to his business that he does to peddling
around tales about how badly he has been used, he would not need any
sympathy. But woman, God bless her, does not like to hurt the
feelings of others in this way. She suffers the infliction in silence, and
then tells her friends how she has been bored. She will listen to her
whoe retaling friend and seem to sympathize with her and say, oh, isn't
it dreadful? How could she speak so harshly of you, you poor dear,
How you must have suffered? How could he have treated you so unjustly?
And other things of that kind. But when the visitor goes, she
yawns and says, dear me, if missus Groan would only try to say
something more cheerful. She gives me the horrors with her tales about her husband,
her relatives, her friends, and everybody else. But missus Groan never
seems to see the point, and she adds to her list of people who
have put upon her as she goes along, her tired out friends being added
to the number as their patience wears out. And then the effect upon the
woman herself. You know the effect of holding certain lines of thoughts, of
autosuggestion, of the attractive power of thought. And you can readily see how
this woman makes things worse for herself all the time. She goes around with
her mind fixed upon the idea that everybody's hand is against her, and she
carries about with her an aura that attracts to her all the unpleasant things in
the neighborhood. She goes around looking for trouble, and of course she gets
it. Did you ever notice a man or a woman looking for trouble?
And how soon they found it? The man looking for a fight, it
generally accommodated the woman looking for slights always gets them, whether the giver intends
them or not. This sort of mental attitude fairly draws out the worse in
those with whom we come in contact, and the predominant thought drows to itself
all the corresponding thought within its radius. One who dwells upon the fancied fact
that everybody is going around trying to injure him, treat him unkindly, sneer
at him, slight him, and generally use him up is pretty sure to
find that he has attracted to him enough people who will humor his fancy and
give him what he expects in thought force. You will remember, I tell
the story of the two dogs. The one dog, dignified and self respecting,
whom no boy ever thinks of bothering. The other dog, who expects
to be kicked by every passing boy, and who draws himself up and places
his tail between his legs and actually suggests the cake to the passing boy.
Of course, he gets kicked. It's wrong for the boy to do it,
I know, But the dog's attitude is too much for the nature of
the average boy. And grown ups are built upon the same plan. These
people who are going around in the mental attitude which invites unkind treatment generally manage
to find some one who will have his natural meanness drawn out to such a
convenient lightning rod. And in fact such people often generate harsh feelings in persons
who scarcely ever manifest them. Like attracts like in the world of thought,
and one draws upon him the things he fears in many cases. But one
of the most regrettable things about this woe retailing woman is the effect the habit
has upon her own mind and character. When we understand how one is constantly
building up character, adding a little every day, and that our thoughts of
the day are the material which are going into our character structure, it will
be seen that it is a matter of the greatest importance what kind of thoughts
we think. Thoughts are not wasted. They not only go out in all
directions, influencing others, attracting persons and things to ourselves, but they have
a creative effect upon our own mind and character. Thought along a certain line
will develop certain brain cells to a great extent, and the cells manifesting the
contrary line of thought are allowed to dwindle away and shrivel up. Now,
when we have our minds fixed upon the thought that we are long suffering mortals,
and that everyone else is trying to do mean things to us, that
we are not appreciated, and that those who should care most for us are
only biding their time until they can hurt us. We are building up our
minds along that line, and we find ourselves in the habit of looking for
the worst in everybody, and we often manage to bring it to the surface,
even if we have to dig hard for it. Some of this class
of people seem to take a particular delight in bringing upon their head the harsh
words and slights of others. Now I really mean this. I have seen
people go around with that I'm a warm of the dust, please tread on
me air, and the same expression as that in the eyes of the dog
which expected to be kicked. And when somebody would be nagged into saying or
doing something that they would not otherwise have thought of, the wool seeker's eyes
would assume an expression of I told you so, and it's only poor me,
and it's all I can expect. Everybody wishes to crush me, and
a few other assorted thoughts of that kind. And then she will go to
her room and moan and weep and dwell upon her miseries until they seem to
be as large as a mountain. And then the first chance she gets,
she'll run around the corner to a friend and will reteal all the new stock
of wooes which she has accumulated with fancy trimmings. You may feel sure,
and the friend will try hard to avoid showing that she's bored at the tale
she has so often heard, but will say nice little things until the mourner
is sure that the whole world sympathizes with her, and she feels a glow
of righteous indignation, self pity, and martyrdom. Oh the pity of it
all. These people go through the world making things harder for themselves, their
friends, their relatives, and everyone else with whom they come in contact.
They are constantly seeking to keep their stock fresh and attractive, and display more
energy in their retailing than the average man or woman does in business. This
thing of looking for trouble is a very unfortunate thing in families. As a
rule, I think that woman gets the worse of it in family troubles.
The economic position places her at a disadvantage and she often suffers all sorts of
horrible things rather than have her troubles made public. But I must say that
some women bring upon themselves all that they get. I have known them to
get in a frame of mind in which they could see nothing but unkindness,
where the utmost kindness was meant. Man is not an angel, far from
it. But the attitude of some women is enough to bring out all the
qualities other than angelic. They assume that they are put upon and live up
to that idea. Every word that the man says is twisted and disorted into
something entirely different from what he intended. The mental attitude produces moral astigmatism,
and things are seen at the wrong angle. All the little things that happened
are promptly retailed to some mischief making neighbor, who is in the game for
the excitement it affords her, and who laughs at the wife behind her back
and talks about her in turn to some third person. And the wife fairly
draws upon herself all sorts of things that never would have happened otherwise. She
knows that her neighbor is waiting for today's budget of news, and she almost
unconsciously shapes things so that the facts justifying the news are forthcoming. Did you
ever notice that woman who keeps her troubles to herself does not have nearly as
much pickering and strife in her household as the one who has acquired the retailing
habit. Don't retail your woes. Keep them to yourself and they will die.
But spread them and they will grow like weeds. You are making things
worse for yourself, are drawing things to you, and are spoiling your mind,
disposition, and care character by this miserable business of retelling woes