Comedy Central podcast. Hahahaha? What? Tal? What? Tal? What?
Tal? What? Tal? Good night, good Slavic joy. I
' m Danny, that' s what he calls me here in Madrid,
but when I was little they called me The Prince. It' s not
because I was very handsome, because my parents were cousins and right now my
second monologue for paramon comit is my second Monolatego, the first one got in
a few months ago. It was called death and it was as a journey
for darker and depressing riconies of human existence, not as death and suicide the
forties Latino. I do believe, I think this monologue has created me as
a rare fame, you know as a macabre and dark person and really nothing
further from reality. I' m a very vitalistic guy. I gave it
to my mother. When we were little, my mother always told us every
new day of life is a reason for celebration. Then we found out he
was an alcoholic. But well, hahahahaha, j is hard to figure out
these things. Custa realizes. For example, my father is a lugopath and
I have taken him in secret and we realized because he always eats the fruit
of three in three. It' s like nothing. They' re good
people and my old people are good people. In fact, we have a
tradition of our family that there is always Christmas Eve. We always sit a
poor man at our table, then the man has a terrible time there watching
us stamp and so on. But now to that detail is detail. The
thing is, I want to change the image, I want to change the
image. So I' ve decided that this new monologue is going to be
entirely about love. Oh, how beautiful is love? Right, what is
love? They say love is never saying I' m never sorry, which
is a bitch. If it' s already colander, of course precocious,
because then what do you say. YEAAA. Well, I think if we
' re going to start doing a little experiment, okay, the girls in
the living room, let' s just imagine that tonight we have a little
bit of a skank. I, who know sometimes happens or have been told,
I like to imagine that if you know you do not break my dream
and come here they are the one with a few drinks brother then you finish
the night, because I do not know how this handsome gentleman in the second
row, for example, what you call yourself the boy of Rojo Sergio.
This wasn' t casual. Sergio. I have told you Sergio, because
I know that he is a regular spectator of true comedy and has fame throughout
the Spanish circuit of being an exceptional lover. It' s like a Greek
sex god out there in sport as in fact, as in fact many of
the girls who come here to Joyslava and Bun come out that another young man
to Vigo is Sergio. But let' s imagine girl, let' s
imagine that tonight you' re going to marry Sergio and incredibly because of these
coincidences that you' re one in a million, we' re not going
to apologize, Sergio. But tonight you don' t have the day.
Tonight, Sergio doesn' t have the day. But isn' t it
that I throw the worst at you or what I' ve thrown into your
life is that tonight, Sergio throws the worst at you? Dust that no
human being cast to another. Never in history. Tonight, that' s
how he does everything wrong, all wrong. Basically, he rides on top,
farts, calls you Mom and cries. We' ve all been there,
Sergio, we' re you, we' re with you, and
there you are, you' ve really been naked next to Sergio' s
heavy body, uh, and sweaty, spending the most alien shame of your
life, waiting at that moment so hard for us guys to tell you that,
because I don' t know what happened to me this time that never
happened to me. But Sergio doesn' t do that. He looks at
your eyes and tells you how you stay. And now the next one says
rock me to, friend and I' m out of here tonight with Sergio,
you tell him, you say without words, without square, that is,
the town was horrible. But I' ll tell you one thing.
That bastard' s got style. Yeah, folks, let' s just
say when we get married when we want to. It' s much better
for me to say. He' s here. I don' t know,
imagine Zapatero, not the last Congress, when they told him about but
this sea that said there was no crisis. Imagine answering with two balls.
Yeaa. It would be like ah good, because don' t you forgive
or let' s say yea you know when you lend or know you have
no idea, but you' re going to try luck and nourish blank.
And but that takes it. He looks at you and says it' s
done. We apologize, not what we have to say and look at you
talk about it. Look, I put a zero on the test, but
a ten on molar. Say come on, you know, when you go
listening to music, not down the street too much to you. Te.
Looks like everyone listens to the music at the same volume as you and you
' re farting a little bit. You don' t think anyone' s
mad, but an old lady is looking at you, an old woman I
haven' t heard. We apologize to that old bitch. What do we
have to say. Hey, and people will say that guy stinks of success.
Oh, imagine you' re with tomato coming home to your partner.
We get caught in bed. Here we' re going to say this isn
' t what it looks like, not what we have to say. I
confess I wouldn' t have balls, but uf ah look, look,
look at this delivery, that one or that you' ve come as a
couple, my God. So it' s ye ha ha the burden,
nothing' s gonna be cool. It' s just not how love works.
Not that it' s how it works. For example, my girlfriend
when I met her attracted me a lot. You know right away because it
looks like a teenager. You know what teenagers are like, not always like
a snot of disdain that is this no- go- go- go-
go- go- go- go- go- go- go- go
- go- go- go- go- go- go- go-
go- go- go- go- go- go- go- go
- go- go- go- go- go- go- go-
go- go- go- go- go- go- go- go
- go- go- go- go- go- go- go-
go- go- go- go- go- go- go- go
- go- go- go- go- go- go- go-
go- go- go- go- go- go- go- go
- go- go- go- go- go- go- go-
go- go- go- go- go- go- go- go
- go- go- go- go- go- go. I asked
her about life. Hey, he told me no, I didn' t
talk I could and it didn' t make it easy for me. It
didn' t make it easy for me. In fact, Dani told me
she wouldn' t go out with you or die. But I have a
lot of perseverance and you take out a shovel kisses and you know how I
conquered it friend, you know how I conquered it with love letters. If
you want to conquer a woman, nothing better than to write a love letter
carefully, this can be counterproductive. If you have many spelling faults, because
for a true girl to receive a love letter with faults is like a detail
that is tender but at the same time gruesome. It' s not like
I' m singing your birthday. He' s happy, a bunch of
gangy kids, like it' s okay, but you can shut up freaks
pussy and before there was love trises. You know this. Before in every
culture I had a God of love. God is that a man like Eros
or Eastar Aphrodite is easily recognized, right, because everyone has the name of
Puti Club. Now we don' t have love hyons anymore. We haven
' t had since love. We have love movies that are also magical.
Not because the tumor movies are these that if you watch it one day on
TV every week it disgusts you, but if you catch it on a Sunday
of hangovers you cry like a bitch, you know it' s like I
don' t know perty Woman. We' ve all seen plati Woman.
True, this entrepreneur does not tell you a prostitute and in the end he
ends up asking for marriage, which is not clear if he does, because
it is very romantic or a cheap one. You know it' s like
uf because we almost made it official. Then it' s Titanic, not
Titanic. A lot of people find it sad titanic because in the end you
know that the boy dies and is left alone. But if you imagine it
' s the story of a boat that falls in love with an Iceberg,
ends well, they don' t end up together, I just love happy
endings. I adore happy endings. That' s why I give it to
American movies or Chinese hairdressers. Depends, depends on the day. Then there
is another kind of love, which is love for animals. Not recently I
wanted to have a pet. She was a protector here who' s been
proming a protector once. Yeah, it' s something that' s really
nice to do around here, no, but it' s also hard,
right, because of course you have to see all those abandoned faces together,
not those eyes that beg for love. It' s like going into vitic
com you know, it' s like or why here you saw a hug,
a buzz. I don' t know goodbye I' m more of
a dog or a cat. How are more dogs or cats, but here,
on this side and cats. You always had a cat, but I
recognize you' re a shit mascot. I mean, especially when you'
re in love, not because you know, when you' re in love,
it' s meet someone you know and you walk out of the shower
naked and dancing sexy you' re like and suddenly you realize that you'
re not alone at home. If you have a dog, it doesn'
t matter, because the pro is like he doesn' t understand anything,
but he participates. You know how he hears. I don' t know
what' s going on, but it doesn' t look cool. But
if you have a cat, it' s a roll cut, because you
stand there and move two looking at you. It' s like how strong
he looks at you, you don' t think that if cats talked,
they' d all have a voice like a bad faggot and fuck you up.
If I never fuck up your car, dude. That' s why
you' ve noticed that dictators, all dictators have dogs. None of them
have cats. In fact, there is a custom in the United States that
the President of the United States, with your love, wanders to the White
House. This tradition that carries a dog. These people could never bring abduction.
You know why it is? Because it has to be very frustrating to
know that you' re the most powerful person in the world and you don
' t have the balls to force your vote to do anything. If he
doesn' t want to, you know, I can be the worst dictator.
Hilder gets him with a cat would have missed it. It would be
like already for the pacucha key not pachucha forgives. It' s very strong.
But we' re talking about love, friends, we' re talking
about love. They say beauty is inside. That' s why people kill
for extreme planning. No. You don' t have to make appearances,
Friends, you don' t have to trust the apparent ones, especially at
night. If it hasn' t happened that you sleep with a princess and
wake up like an infant, you don' t have to trust that price
either girls, because, for example, you look at me that you see
a white boy, but all my lovers say that in bed I am transformed
by a black, specifically that step furkel Ja. We already filmed a little
with sex. Not that the whole world has the fantasy of lying down every
night as an unknown person, but that can only be done by rock stars
with the sick. Such a good hemer. If there is any gassed person
who has the family and has found it wrong, please not just to the
chest, tomorrow will have been alive and then there are people with fetishes.
If I don' t confetify you and I have a colleague who' s
your biggest fetish is screwing a virgin always there. I want to throw away
a virgin? I want to throw away a virgin? I want to throw
away a virgin? And I don' t understand it, because I tried
it once and I didn' t like it as a mom and then I
almost got killed by the brothers in the fraternity. You don' t have
to forgive. You don' t have to forgive me. I' m
a boy, very romantic. I' m very romantic. I like to
think that all the girls I' ve been with have taken a little bit
of me is what has the oriasis. Don' t pull this system.
I like it because it always stays like floating in the environment. Not everyone
is living their experience and it is nice that it is so. Now I
' m cold, you' ve fucked her lately. Not because she wants
us to have children and I don' t want to, and it'
s a very tough situation in a couple. Not because she, to feel
realized as a woman, needs a baby, but I don' t want
anything. So how do you figure it out? Not good, the fairest
thing if I' ve always given a monkey to the middle way truth and
the same to you this remote tells me Danni what you' re going a
monkey is not a child that I tell you good wait for millions of years,
that if we want it all now it' s very easy. And
he didn' t take it well, that is, he takes it well,
that is, he' s angry and he' s gone home and
he' s left me with the monkey. But I' m good at
it. I' m doing well because when you' re in a very
long relationship, you don' t realize that living with a monkey looks pretty
much like living with your girlfriend. Not because we' re going to talk
to you, and after a minute in your head, you can only hear
uuaaaaaaaaaaaa. But, Brother, you have an advantage. The monkey has an
advantage, and at the same time makes pirouettes, you hahahahaja. So,
girls, girls, girls, girls, girls who are looking at me now
I have an eyebrow up and cross a tip. I have a roll and
a roll if you complained that we didn' t see you. Listen,
when you talk to him, put something else on your side, but he
' s gonna give you a couple of flips. Hey, it' s
not the same thing. It' s not the same thing your nine is
talking to you. I don' t know about the last mari of the
fifteen m There' s the go of the door that' s boring,
but imagine he does it hanging from the lamp face down. It' s
how I' m interested. Well, I know you' ve learned a
little bit in this part. We all know that man comes from the monkey.
In the case of the Jonkies, continuously that like this of the Johnkys,
I have always had a doubt not, because to see we all know
that a Yonking cannot have a coherent conversation, but either the first division forces
or forces. So I say to see they haven' t been fooling themselves
and it turns out that what fucks your brain is not really drugs and it
' s chandal. My girl says I changed her life. It' s
nice for a girl to tell you that, not the roles she always says
crying and breaking things. It' s not hard being it' s not
hard on me boyfriend, because you don' t just have to be a
lover and friend, right, sometimes you also have to be a psychologist.
The other day I didn' t get very sad home. Tenny told me.
I think I hate my father, or I' m a more person.
Of course not, honey. Everyone hates your father. He' s
a drunk. Sometimes I do not think about finding out children. I like
ninchos, I like kids you know no, not as much as Michael Jackson,
but you have a son. Okay. I don' t want to
make a joke about this. In fact, I' m going to explain.
I' m a big fan of Michael Jackson. No, and I
had a really bad time when people joke that with this subject because we didn
' t remember how things went. Not really to see. For starters,
Michel Jackson wasn' t convicted of this case He was innocent. Second,
he wasn' t accused of raping children either. They were good, some
touching, talking bad, some straws that won' t leave either. And
finally, the child who accused him was a child of a very poor family
who had to canher and Mekal Jackson paid for the treatment, I knew the
life of that child and man called my hypochondriac, but I sincerely believe that
if I had cancer and any of you saved my life, I have no
problem. Don' t take a straw. It' s just that I
make you the straw of your life. Come on, look, I put
you on incense, a record worse than Ana Rosa' s show, the
total straw. And this has not made me think that there are many problems
in the world, in many problems. Not because right now people are dying
of diseases that have been eradicated. It' s the middle age and that
' s happening not only makes the world, it' s happening much closer
in Murcia, b in lugo. And on the other hand, luckily,
by desiring you, we also have many perverts with money. I don'
t know if you see where I' m going, but it wouldn'
t be cool if the government didn' t take out a law that basically
says if you knew someone' s life you could throw it away once it
would be so bad. It' s immoral. Yeah, it' s
responsive, yeah, we' d save lives. So, you want to
want me to take this idea to the children' s days and call me
upset. Maybe there are more things you shouldn' t joke about. Never.
No, for example, sexual abuse, right, sexual abuse is never
fun. Never unless you get raped, it' s a little road boy.
But that' s very difficult. Let' s think about this.
Someone in this room I islanda, can assure eye ensure that if you were
shot by little boy from the driveway at no time would you miss the laugh.
Well, I don' t say at the time of the rape,
that it' s obviously very hard and very dramatic, but then I would
commit myself to rebuilding the facts. I have a suspect then. He'
s a white male of about sixty, bald in a shirt of many colors
and how it was that he attacked me walking so calmly. So today who
does copode now and can' t tell us anything else. I don'
t just remember his twin blades and the attack took place in an open field.
Right, yeah, how do you know? He is the sinner of
the prairie. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, nothing, but we are, we are talking about
love and we have strayed in addition to one aspect perhaps not at the end.
Yes, it' s true that my girl ended up leaving me,
saying she needed to be with a man who would surprise you every day.
I guess he' s happy because he left like a schizophrenic, but not
according to Rico, he wasn' t fat nicol baton that while we were
together, he gave me everything a woman can give a man. But not
that venereal thing. And that' s because we complicated a lot. Love
isn' t that hard. Love isn' t that complicated. I,
to be really happy, the only thing I would need is you know what
the love of a normal girl is, and nothing more, just the love
of a normal girl, good for two dwarfs. But it is and now
I am learning what the taste of lovelessness is, not the taste of lovelessness.
And it' s funny because many great poets have asked what the taste
of love is, many great poets. No Williams is invisible spirit, but
no one has ever wondered what he knows. The lovebreaker was thinking about it.
He can' t know, obviously, anything rich. It has to
know sadness, loneliness, depression and what we eat when we' re sad,
overwhelmed, depressed, when we give a shit, then I realized that
lovelessness, at least my lovelessness, has to know Chinese pizza. You know
what the fuck I' m talking about. It is not these pizzas that
they sell in Chinese shops cost between two euros, two and a half euros.
There' s like eight lins varieties. I didn' t know anything
that already when you' re taking your whole bread from failure. The whole
bread of failure, the one that doesn' t know consists of Chinese pizza,
bag of potatoes and liter of beer that the dependent sells to you as
if you really want to do this to the lucky cat they look at you
it' s like I can' t see this and I understand that it
' s a necessary product, protente, but it should be more sincere with
the shit that they' re selling to us than that thing of putting names
close, those pizzas. You know primame pizza. Here I am treading spring,
not pizza spring. It should be called raw winter pizza. The four
seasons, four disappointments, the margarita, the tear and the coal, the
ortega, the lara or the yea more with people. And one last thing
because since I' ve been out on Palmon Comedy, sometimes people recognize me
on the street. It' s not funny, because you know when people
go near everybody they have the same thing. Another world asks him the same
thing. It' s how Dani recommends golden rain. Boy, I know
and I always ask all the same questions. Of course, you should all
put the juvedoruda with your partner at least once and you have not like it
no matter what, because second of your partner leaves you for another person and
you cross them down the street. You' ll be grateful to have that
mental image. You know Tessatros a lot more sincere sopssa. It' ll
be like yea and since you' ve been a wonderful audience tonight and I
' m going to do one thing I don' t usually do, which
is, I' d like you to read a poem written about love and
see I' m not a poet, I already say it in advance.
Maybe a little low. After so much, Joker won' t end up
with a little poetry, but I hope this time you' ll let me
say so you ask me what love is. While you eat a Rockefort cheese,
which guy has to arrive, you know what we are poetry critics in
Yoislav Now you don' t better ask me what love is. It is
beauty and imperfection are two mouths that bind with leporine lips. Love is a
seven- messine chimpanzee baby. It' s a shared mental retardation. It
' s a lurrid song versioned by pitingo. It' s beautiful for the
one who lives it and the one who sees it. Disgusting like a turtle
' s orgasge or the singing of a gango boy. It' s a
traumatic experience I' ll do when I' m reminded of. Love is
to be raped by a small man on the road. It' s eating
Chinese floor chewing melancholy while your cat watches you thinking how he knew. But
even if you' re fucked. If he knocks on your door again,
don' t say outside, don' t go away or run away.
Let' s all say stronger to the rest now. Thank you very much,
Jos. If a cop laughs