WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:20.960 S Comedy Central Podcast Hello. What. Such well, well, well, 2 00:00:21.039 --> 00:00:24.879 I like it well, well, I come to tell you as always what 3 00:00:24.920 --> 00:00:28.440 is happening to me in life. I' m always autobiographical. That' 4 00:00:28.440 --> 00:00:30.359 s why, three years ago, he said he was just a dad. 5 00:00:31.120 --> 00:00:34.759 That' s why last year he said he was a dad again. And 6 00:00:34.840 --> 00:00:37.439 that' s why I' m now coming to tell you that I' 7 00:00:38.520 --> 00:00:39.560 m going to be a dad for the third time, my next monologue. 8 00:00:39.600 --> 00:00:46.640 Yes, thank you very much. Thank you, my next monologue. Surely 9 00:00:46.679 --> 00:00:49.479 seeing, the path I take will be an approach to the wonderful world of 10 00:00:49.560 --> 00:00:53.280 masectomy. Yes, it is, because I know that I say this that 11 00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:55.759 I am going to have three and those that you have no children, but 12 00:00:55.759 --> 00:00:59.960 you want to have them true you think today how beautiful three that you have 13 00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:04.400 children and you know how bad you are thinking three these real assholes and Hijulio 14 00:01:04.480 --> 00:01:08.920 Iglesias in his house will be thinking look at him three fans, three and 15 00:01:08.920 --> 00:01:11.200 three very followed. Also, between the oldest and the little one they' 16 00:01:11.239 --> 00:01:15.280 re going to take not even four very little years. Why so followed, 17 00:01:15.719 --> 00:01:18.840 ' cause I' m in a very fertile moment of my life. If 18 00:01:19.000 --> 00:01:22.920 I basically play the baby, be very careful what you' re here close 19 00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:26.319 to the stage in case you see that it' s a little bit or 20 00:01:26.760 --> 00:01:30.480 something, because that could be with you too, kid because I' m 21 00:01:30.480 --> 00:01:34.560 already at a point of rain and semino. I pollinate before starting this process 22 00:01:34.599 --> 00:01:38.480 of having children. I did fertility tests for not shooting with blanks and took 23 00:01:38.560 --> 00:01:42.680 a little boat to the fertility clinic. That' s how it shows not 24 00:01:42.719 --> 00:01:46.159 to overflow as we were. I was glad in the morning and the next 25 00:01:46.200 --> 00:01:48.599 day they called me that please take that from there that already the boats around 26 00:01:48.680 --> 00:01:57.319 had my surnames. It' s also, in fact now to see I 27 00:01:57.319 --> 00:02:00.079 ' m not going to fool you now is not that I find many times 28 00:02:00.079 --> 00:02:02.319 for it. But if the case happens and I get more turbot, it 29 00:02:02.319 --> 00:02:08.000 has to be with a condom just in case, because that comes out on 30 00:02:08.000 --> 00:02:10.800 a free path Okay, that goes to the ground, passes in huacara, 31 00:02:13.280 --> 00:02:15.199 a cockroach, fecund and then I have a city councilman. I know there 32 00:02:15.199 --> 00:02:22.960 ' s not one thing that already implies having three children and it' s 33 00:02:23.000 --> 00:02:30.000 that I' m going to spend 27 months of my life living with a 34 00:02:30.039 --> 00:02:32.280 pregnant woman and with all the respect that I know how you carry the six 35 00:02:32.319 --> 00:02:34.520 pregnancies, which is hard, uh, no, I want you to put 36 00:02:34.520 --> 00:02:36.080 on the defensive. With that good thing what happens, what complains, for 37 00:02:36.120 --> 00:02:38.680 you should see what would complain to you will become pregnant. You' re 38 00:02:38.680 --> 00:02:44.080 right. We' d complain ten times more than you. Now you have 39 00:02:44.080 --> 00:02:51.280 to admit to me that you wouldn' t even put your socks on us 40 00:02:51.280 --> 00:02:51.719 for twenty- seven months together when you were pregnant. I mean, I, 41 00:02:51.800 --> 00:02:53.960 I, my wife, I don' t know what racter has without 42 00:02:54.319 --> 00:02:59.800 being pregnant, that the same is cool not to see she does it very 43 00:02:59.800 --> 00:03:01.159 well. In fact, he is already aware, even of the mood swings 44 00:03:01.199 --> 00:03:05.360 he has. The other day he left me with a question, a little 45 00:03:05.360 --> 00:03:07.199 trap. I' ve asked myself hey, but really how much I feel 46 00:03:07.199 --> 00:03:20.400 when I change my mood when I' m pregnant, not what happens, 47 00:03:21.719 --> 00:03:29.199 honey, love I love you in case I don' t get out of 48 00:03:29.319 --> 00:03:34.560 this one that sometimes everything that' s right in the world in a second 49 00:03:34.639 --> 00:03:38.439 happens to be wrong and only you, just you, have the sensitivity to 50 00:03:38.439 --> 00:03:53.199 appreciate it. Twenty- seven months together and we' ve been pregnant longer 51 00:03:53.199 --> 00:03:53.960 than we haven' t been together, we' ve gone to the show 52 00:03:53.960 --> 00:03:59.080 more times than to the movies. But don' t worry when that time 53 00:03:59.080 --> 00:04:00.960 comes. Trust us. We' re gonna be there helping out,' 54 00:04:00.960 --> 00:04:03.240 cause we' re gonna be there supporting. It is because we are looking 55 00:04:03.240 --> 00:04:08.800 after you, because we love you and if you are angry because we fear 56 00:04:09.319 --> 00:04:13.080 you, also yes, do not trust us in that aspect and we are 57 00:04:13.080 --> 00:04:14.400 always very attentive to you. Look. There' s some news that corroborates 58 00:04:14.520 --> 00:04:16.639 this that I' m telling you. A few months ago I read that 59 00:04:16.680 --> 00:04:19.879 there was a couple on vacation. They were in their car together for a 60 00:04:19.959 --> 00:04:23.519 refuelling sonera. The man got down there with the hose, the woman went 61 00:04:23.639 --> 00:04:27.000 down to the bathroom and when the man had already filled the tank, he 62 00:04:27.000 --> 00:04:31.519 got in the car and resumed the march, forgetting the woman at the gas 63 00:04:31.600 --> 00:04:38.279 station and took a hundred kilometers to realize. You don' t know me 64 00:04:38.279 --> 00:04:42.480 at all. Don' t look you' re a couple, you' 65 00:04:42.480 --> 00:04:46.079 re okay. Imagine that you' re going together on a trip alone in 66 00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:46.800 the car. I don' t know if it' s a bad mess, 67 00:04:47.199 --> 00:04:48.600 but it' s just the two of you in the car. The 68 00:04:48.680 --> 00:04:54.360 list is not very long. You go out to get gas, you go 69 00:04:54.399 --> 00:04:57.000 to the bathroom, and when you get out of the bathroom, you see 70 00:04:57.000 --> 00:05:01.759 that he' ll get away. You kill him truth or death and destruction. 71 00:05:02.399 --> 00:05:05.680 At least the other day the gas- oiler told me a mezfolla, 72 00:05:06.319 --> 00:05:11.600 because with reason too and the gas- oiler bravo, bravo, leave you 73 00:05:11.639 --> 00:05:17.959 the other time, please, truth to see that is going to give me 74 00:05:18.040 --> 00:05:23.000 the reason look. That man didn' t take a hundred kilometers to figure 75 00:05:23.000 --> 00:05:27.519 it out. Not that man at 100 meters knew what he had done the 76 00:05:29.519 --> 00:05:32.480 other ninety- nine kilometers and nine hundred meters what he was thinking. The 77 00:05:32.519 --> 00:05:41.199 man was going to take little to see who has the balls to go back 78 00:05:41.279 --> 00:05:43.639 to orologist solin was because he knows what he' s going to find. 79 00:05:43.720 --> 00:05:48.000 Right, ah she' s not gonna be there saying. Let' s 80 00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:54.959 see, please, I was talking about it with the gas station staff laughing. 81 00:05:55.759 --> 00:06:01.240 Not really, I mean that man the first hundred meters I' ve 82 00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:04.680 missed the other ninety- nine kilometers and nine hundred meters. The doubt I 83 00:06:04.759 --> 00:06:13.199 had was going back to the gas station and I eat the fattest joke that 84 00:06:13.240 --> 00:06:19.519 I have been thrown into my bloody life or taking advantage that I carry the 85 00:06:19.600 --> 00:06:23.319 full tank, I throw to some place where they receive me more welcomingly. 86 00:06:23.360 --> 00:06:30.120 As far as I know Afghanistan, we' re not going to be there 87 00:06:30.199 --> 00:06:31.639 lieutenants of you. Yeah, I' ve been hanging on to the detail 88 00:06:31.680 --> 00:06:33.959 and I realized that, having three kids, the house was getting smaller and 89 00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:39.399 we had to move in. I realized that sometimes the language is not as 90 00:06:39.399 --> 00:06:43.680 obvious as it seems and the situation is much less look We' re out 91 00:06:43.680 --> 00:06:47.120 of my house waiting for the escans' elevator, with boxes, with bags, 92 00:06:47.279 --> 00:06:49.959 with furniture, with the movers' waiters, in their movers' uniform. 93 00:06:50.639 --> 00:06:54.800 He looks at the neighbor and tells me what to do about moving. 94 00:06:58.279 --> 00:07:04.240 It' s not a drill. We' re seeing how to proceed in 95 00:07:04.240 --> 00:07:06.800 case of a fire. It' s already seen you look, first the 96 00:07:06.800 --> 00:07:10.600 furniture, then the boxes and the children. The last thing, if they 97 00:07:10.720 --> 00:07:20.079 perish look we are fertile, we do better good. Look what nonsense happened 98 00:07:20.160 --> 00:07:24.279 to me at the movin' house. We noticed what nonsense I wanted to 99 00:07:24.279 --> 00:07:27.079 impress the movers. I mean, two guys I don' t know about 100 00:07:27.120 --> 00:07:28.319 at all, I' m never gonna see again in my life. I 101 00:07:28.319 --> 00:07:30.399 told myself I want to mark here that I still have three children, but 102 00:07:30.399 --> 00:07:32.519 I' m powerful. Uh, so I said the biggest thing in the 103 00:07:32.519 --> 00:07:38.399 house. I' ll take it out before they come and I presume I 104 00:07:38.480 --> 00:07:41.120 ' ll give you an eye and say look at the couch conches lonni everything 105 00:07:41.120 --> 00:07:43.680 without dismounting it out. I took him to the door without problems, an 106 00:07:43.720 --> 00:07:46.160 hour of no problems, but an hour of dragging. And when I got 107 00:07:46.160 --> 00:07:49.600 to the door, I got half of it out, but the other half 108 00:07:49.639 --> 00:07:55.079 didn' t And that wasn' t moving forward anymore, and at that 109 00:07:55.079 --> 00:07:58.639 point we went down the stairs a neighbor. The neighbor is the one with 110 00:07:58.720 --> 00:08:01.360 never, never changed a word with him. At most you said, hello 111 00:08:01.480 --> 00:08:03.759 hello how it is and that' s it. But still. You think 112 00:08:03.839 --> 00:08:09.920 that Gilipollas you know he says hello and you look like a buyo Well, 113 00:08:09.079 --> 00:08:13.439 it turns out that the man tells me listen you want that he has made 114 00:08:13.519 --> 00:08:18.680 a hand that I go without haste, no, because maybe it was not 115 00:08:18.680 --> 00:08:20.720 Gilipollas worth not look. We stood there between two and a half hours sweating 116 00:08:20.759 --> 00:08:24.000 more, not being able to do that. I didn' t move and 117 00:08:24.040 --> 00:08:26.480 in the end I told him I said uncle really thank you very much, 118 00:08:26.680 --> 00:08:28.279 but leave, because this we' re not going to get him out of 119 00:08:28.279 --> 00:08:33.120 here in life. And he tells me ah was to pull him out hahaha, 120 00:08:33.799 --> 00:08:39.440 yes it was Filipollas, yes it was true. We have now moved 121 00:08:39.519 --> 00:08:41.080 a village that in the village is all quieter, because the city according to 122 00:08:41.159 --> 00:08:45.639 the neighbor that touches you so to have a fuss and I had a neighbor 123 00:08:45.639 --> 00:08:48.279 goodbye. We had talked about a church every time there was mass, it 124 00:08:48.279 --> 00:08:52.120 would ring the bells. I was woken up to the kids that I was 125 00:08:52.120 --> 00:08:54.080 ringing the bells so loud every time there' s mass. I think it 126 00:08:54.120 --> 00:08:58.519 ' s very little confidence in your product. If it' s really good, 127 00:09:00.879 --> 00:09:03.480 he' ll come look down the neighborhood has no bells and by the 128 00:09:03.480 --> 00:09:05.440 way, two minutes in April, they' ll pick him up home in 129 00:09:05.480 --> 00:09:07.440 case something' s happened it' s already in the village. It' 130 00:09:07.480 --> 00:09:11.159 s all another rhythm, all other rhythm, all you live in the city. 131 00:09:11.200 --> 00:09:13.279 It' s horn today and it says go jam. I' m 132 00:09:13.320 --> 00:09:15.559 in town. I hear Horns. I mean fucking melonero. It is. 133 00:09:16.679 --> 00:09:18.759 It' s a very small town. Say it. It is a small 134 00:09:18.799 --> 00:09:24.320 town of Asturias, very small. We are two hundred inhabitants and seeing the 135 00:09:24.399 --> 00:09:28.919 middle age next year, surely we will be half. There' s a 136 00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:35.399 lot of people out there walking around on the extension. Actually. In fact, 137 00:09:37.240 --> 00:09:41.639 the other day there was a neighborhood meeting to see if they would put 138 00:09:41.639 --> 00:09:43.320 a repeat phone and improve communication between the people I say man, for not 139 00:09:43.399 --> 00:09:48.679 losing contact, I would put a daughter. Yeah. I believe I, 140 00:09:48.759 --> 00:09:50.720 I believe I tell you what I think happens. I believe that, since 141 00:09:50.759 --> 00:09:54.159 the road that reaches the village is narrow, death has not been able to 142 00:09:54.200 --> 00:09:58.679 arrive in a long time and the work has been accumulating and the day that 143 00:09:58.799 --> 00:10:03.840 it finally arrives, because it will not give enough of to let buses and 144 00:10:03.919 --> 00:10:05.440 will leave there as an organized journey. The water damages above by saying to 145 00:10:05.440 --> 00:10:09.480 see, please, that those born in the 19th century follow me. Let 146 00:10:09.480 --> 00:10:20.320 ' s go, let' s not small town, but it' s 147 00:10:20.320 --> 00:10:22.960 fine. We have everything, we have bar, we have shop, we 148 00:10:24.039 --> 00:10:26.720 have watertight, we have meetings. It' s all in the bar. 149 00:10:26.759 --> 00:10:30.080 But we' ve got it all, the whole bar has it. What 150 00:10:30.120 --> 00:10:33.440 you have no name because I have realized that in the towns, the business, 151 00:10:33.960 --> 00:10:35.519 you don' t have to name it, because it will come to 152 00:10:35.519 --> 00:10:37.159 you already. I mean, you set up a tea bar. Besides, 153 00:10:37.200 --> 00:10:41.120 Manolo was going to be where Manolo boes is a kiosk or Tellamas. Luisa 154 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:43.000 was going to be where Luisa put a fucking tea. Besides, Germán' 155 00:10:43.000 --> 00:10:50.679 s gonna be where the whores are. That' s another thing also involved 156 00:10:50.720 --> 00:10:52.080 us getting into the third child, and that' s because we' ve 157 00:10:52.120 --> 00:10:56.000 decided to get married at last. I was already playing not the goodbye, 158 00:10:56.360 --> 00:10:56.960 single or I didn' t refuse the expected ones. Single no longer has 159 00:10:56.960 --> 00:11:00.320 the incentive, not anymore. No. Now he' s a Christ. 160 00:11:00.399 --> 00:11:01.919 Now it' s no use even meeting her in your town, in your 161 00:11:01.919 --> 00:11:03.879 village. Let' s go get a pulp. The further away, the 162 00:11:03.919 --> 00:11:07.200 better. I organized one of a colleague last year and told me my friend 163 00:11:07.200 --> 00:11:09.519 Juan and I called Uncle for the farewell of this one we' re going 164 00:11:09.519 --> 00:11:13.679 to do in London. There' s London. Uncle London is great, 165 00:11:15.120 --> 00:11:18.080 because there we can drink and drive that colemia coto put him across the street. 166 00:11:22.360 --> 00:11:28.919 Well, it' s not complicated. It' s gotten really complicated. 167 00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:31.519 The solotero farewell is no longer good with come, because we go around 168 00:11:31.519 --> 00:11:35.840 for dinner and then for drinks and then something that rhymes with utas. I 169 00:11:35.919 --> 00:11:37.200 don' t know. Not now, now we have to do a multi 170 00:11:37.600 --> 00:11:43.440 - adventure weekend. It is two years ago, in Winter we had the 171 00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:46.360 ordered one and those who organized had the idea of looking, because the ordered 172 00:11:46.399 --> 00:11:48.519 ones we have taken you a rural house. There in the mountains, in 173 00:11:48.600 --> 00:11:54.759 Pyrenees we go in December and because maybe a little bit of freshness is not 174 00:11:56.639 --> 00:11:58.799 prollamos two bottles of vodka for each one. I say good you have thought 175 00:12:00.320 --> 00:12:05.360 about it and the next day we will get up soon at eight and we 176 00:12:05.440 --> 00:12:16.799 will go down the mountain to hike what good idea eh thirty year olds without 177 00:12:16.919 --> 00:12:22.639 sleeping drunk out loosely on the phenomenal mountain peronal i e is the Osopardo who 178 00:12:22.679 --> 00:12:28.799 has become scavengers. It' s a look. This I swear to you, 179 00:12:28.240 --> 00:12:31.360 it' s true that I organized. Every five minutes he took me 180 00:12:31.360 --> 00:12:33.840 a colleague to put on an activity. Everyone had ideas. He was taking 181 00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:35.000 one with me. Hey, man, we gotta go to some cards or 182 00:12:35.120 --> 00:12:37.840 pointed carls. That' s enough. Today we have to make a claw 183 00:12:37.879 --> 00:12:43.759 of perimol Painmol pointed. Hey, he hires a stripper stripper. I mean, 184 00:12:43.000 --> 00:12:45.960 we' re going to have something in Spanish. Hey, if we 185 00:12:46.039 --> 00:12:48.639 ' re just gonna drink? And there' s already Drinking And there' 186 00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:52.000 s Miran Castellano, no more fun, I don' t know, but 187 00:12:52.000 --> 00:12:56.159 already when I had the list of the four things pointed out, or it 188 00:12:56.159 --> 00:12:58.080 won' t give us time. Do everything, because I want to, 189 00:12:58.080 --> 00:13:03.759 do it, we' re going to do it, but at the same 190 00:13:03.799 --> 00:13:07.000 time it doesn' t have to be cool. Imagine he was half- 191 00:13:07.279 --> 00:13:09.559 speed single. The city was riding in a car, a cubata in one 192 00:13:09.559 --> 00:13:13.200 hand, a gun in the other. A new aunt hugged behind you for 193 00:13:13.240 --> 00:13:24.200 a cop and says put I don' t know where to start eh hahaha 194 00:13:24.279 --> 00:13:31.639 and Juanillo behind screaming. In London we had been delivered to the wedding, 195 00:13:31.840 --> 00:13:33.840 Yes, the wedding, the wedding, yes, that we wanted to do. 196 00:13:33.919 --> 00:13:35.600 I was already looking forward to it. Also, I was careful when 197 00:13:35.639 --> 00:13:39.840 I gave the news that I married people to give contact is true, because 198 00:13:39.840 --> 00:13:43.240 when you marry a friend it is a joy. When you get married five 199 00:13:43.240 --> 00:13:46.639 the same year, she' s a fat fuck. I lived that three 200 00:13:46.679 --> 00:13:48.240 years ago. Every time I met a friend, he gave me the same 201 00:13:48.279 --> 00:13:50.840 news. I was David. Hey, man, I' m getting married 202 00:13:50.840 --> 00:13:54.440 this year. I say ah for Guay Tira that we have a vogue and 203 00:13:54.519 --> 00:13:58.159 good- bye and whores come Guay Then after three days I tell myself the 204 00:13:58.159 --> 00:14:03.000 same thing Andrés. Hey, man, I' m getting married this year. 205 00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:09.600 I was already passing the wedding in euros, not the single orders. 206 00:14:09.600 --> 00:14:11.960 All right, the wedding' s a lot better. I really had a 207 00:14:13.000 --> 00:14:16.679 lot better time, all right. The photos equal a long peline. The 208 00:14:16.759 --> 00:14:20.679 moment is to get out of the ceremony, get out of court, get 209 00:14:20.679 --> 00:14:22.440 out of the church. And the pictures there the door gets long, because 210 00:14:22.519 --> 00:14:26.840 before that it marked the end the Camera of Reel. Thirty- six photos 211 00:14:26.879 --> 00:14:28.960 and eating sometimes come two more. Throw thirty- eight just in case and 212 00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:33.720 eat now not go to a memory card. It fits him in fifteen thousand 213 00:14:33.840 --> 00:14:39.120 photos and see if there are eggs to fill it. And since we' 214 00:14:39.360 --> 00:14:43.039 re deep imbeciles, we have to take all the pictures of the groups, 215 00:14:43.320 --> 00:14:45.399 of everyone you can think of all the beginnings. The logic. The groom 216 00:14:45.399 --> 00:14:50.600 ' s family, well, the bride' s family is worth the groom 217 00:14:50.159 --> 00:14:56.879 ' s friends, well the bride' s friends don' t have anything 218 00:14:56.879 --> 00:14:58.200 for it will be later, then, the raving begins. One saying come 219 00:14:58.200 --> 00:15:01.000 on now put on whatever they know to talk. Two languages or more you 220 00:15:01.000 --> 00:15:05.320 finish. Juanillo, asking me and I have done for an Italian put on, 221 00:15:05.639 --> 00:15:09.039 also ponto, of course, that photo was very funny, because they 222 00:15:09.080 --> 00:15:20.639 all say potato except Juanillo who comes out saying potato tatas. But the most 223 00:15:20.879 --> 00:15:22.799 beautiful of the children are the children themselves. Besides, I' m sure 224 00:15:22.799 --> 00:15:26.399 it' s going to change a lot now with the third, and with 225 00:15:26.399 --> 00:15:28.320 the second it' s all different. With the second son changes everything from 226 00:15:28.360 --> 00:15:30.639 the first. It' s not that the second one you love less. 227 00:15:30.679 --> 00:15:35.279 Uh, we' re not the royal family, but you' re no 228 00:15:35.320 --> 00:15:39.519 longer a first- timer and that' s a grade Look at us the 229 00:15:39.519 --> 00:15:41.639 first time we separated from the oldest age to leave it with the grandparents you 230 00:15:41.639 --> 00:15:43.600 already see that' s relatively safe. But I was already nervous. I 231 00:15:43.639 --> 00:15:46.519 mean there, please, putting a little crimite on your ass when I put 232 00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:48.519 a diaper on the inside on the outside doesn' t work. I know 233 00:15:48.559 --> 00:15:52.240 from experience and he got rid of temperadito that if it' s too hot, 234 00:15:52.320 --> 00:15:56.240 he spits it in his face and has aim the bastard with the little 235 00:15:56.240 --> 00:16:03.679 one was already less painful. It was like Tamagola, eat up and shit 236 00:16:03.679 --> 00:16:07.360 down. I mean, look at the third one. We won' t 237 00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:11.879 cry anymore When we gave him up for adoption, he' s gonna leave 238 00:16:11.879 --> 00:16:12.879 him on the ground. There in a blanket, ring the bell and run 239 00:16:12.879 --> 00:16:17.480 away then some tear. It doesn' t make you sad and I mean, 240 00:16:17.600 --> 00:16:18.919 man, yeah, the blanket was for the car. But, well, 241 00:16:21.639 --> 00:16:29.000 it' s not. It' s not a wonder of the children 242 00:16:29.039 --> 00:16:30.960 I recommend it. It' s wonderful. Recently we have lived a moment 243 00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:38.840 with them, with the greatest moment between tender violent, funny uncomfortable, as 244 00:16:38.840 --> 00:16:42.720 when you see on TV an interview with Rajoy you know that it was like 245 00:16:42.799 --> 00:16:47.960 it was the moment of his first clear taco you kiss him there with his 246 00:16:47.960 --> 00:16:51.279 three and a half years old, with that innocence, with that way so 247 00:16:51.360 --> 00:16:55.200 funny that he has to talk like that at that age that suddenly raises his 248 00:16:55.279 --> 00:16:57.639 head and says daughter of the great whore. I was angry at what I 249 00:16:57.679 --> 00:17:03.240 had said, but proud of how well I had pronounced it. My wife 250 00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:07.079 ' s already taken him to hell. I was already in trouble blaming myself, 251 00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:08.480 because I don' t know where he learned that, uh, because 252 00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:11.119 I don' t say those things. Let' s see who' s 253 00:17:11.119 --> 00:17:14.319 learned it. I mean, uh, don' t look at me. 254 00:17:14.359 --> 00:17:15.960 Uh, I couldn' t learn that, because I didn' t say 255 00:17:17.000 --> 00:17:21.640 that. She hasn' t learned it from your mother, that big bitch 256 00:17:21.720 --> 00:17:26.440 ' s daughter. And it' s not beautiful. The kids are beautiful. 257 00:17:27.240 --> 00:17:30.279 Done, now I know things, but when it' s first- 258 00:17:30.279 --> 00:17:33.000 time, there are certain things that enjoy too much. For example, the 259 00:17:33.039 --> 00:17:37.440 first bath we gave the major at home alone. And we, without the 260 00:17:37.480 --> 00:17:41.000 help of mother- in- laws or grandmothers, had put a portable morning 261 00:17:41.039 --> 00:17:45.119 girl there in our bedroom. I took out Mario, with a week of 262 00:17:45.200 --> 00:17:48.279 life, put him with the towel in the middle of our bed, turned 263 00:17:48.359 --> 00:17:52.960 to take the diaper and my wife, with a lot of disappointment, told 264 00:17:52.200 --> 00:17:59.200 me what you do to get a diaper, but why we' re screaming. 265 00:18:00.799 --> 00:18:10.599 But how do you leave him there alone that he can drop jum to 266 00:18:10.599 --> 00:18:15.319 see. He' s got seven days. The bed is two meters long 267 00:18:15.359 --> 00:18:21.960 per meter fifty wide. I left the kid in the fucking geometric center. 268 00:18:22.640 --> 00:18:26.319 The least it has to the edge of the bed is seventy- five centimetres 269 00:18:26.359 --> 00:18:29.440 of journey, that is, how it will get there, if today it 270 00:18:29.480 --> 00:18:34.359 is difficult to launder without shitting and wings that you have had a boy, 271 00:18:34.519 --> 00:18:41.480 not a girl. It' s hard to find the middle ground in baby 272 00:18:41.559 --> 00:18:45.799 care. It' s very very difficult, very difficult. Not to this 273 00:18:45.839 --> 00:18:48.759 of the first- timer, of the alarmism for everything, or this of 274 00:18:48.759 --> 00:18:52.400 the grandmothers of the village, which is that it has three months, for 275 00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:55.799 it makes its own food. It' s not like I take the kids 276 00:18:55.839 --> 00:18:57.559 out there for a walk, and if they' re very warm, then 277 00:18:57.640 --> 00:19:00.200 they' re very warm, and then they get bad for anything. They 278 00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:03.720 see me giving him a little potty and the same thing you give him those 279 00:19:03.720 --> 00:19:06.480 things and then, of course, they' re allergic to everything Look at 280 00:19:06.480 --> 00:19:10.440 mine. Look at mine. They were born and every month we were seeing 281 00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:12.200 milk from the goat directly as it came out, without sterilizing or anything. 282 00:19:12.519 --> 00:19:17.200 And so I raised nine children. Uh, well, three of them died 283 00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:23.240 on me. Complicated, very complicated. I found it. Hey, I 284 00:19:23.319 --> 00:19:27.880 found the middle ground in baby care. I' m an ash It' 285 00:19:27.880 --> 00:19:30.440 s not for throwing flowers on me, but I' m a stepfather. 286 00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:33.880 In fact, I' ve got the baby' s care so internalized that 287 00:19:33.880 --> 00:19:36.720 I get out of it even when it doesn' t touch. For example, 288 00:19:36.759 --> 00:19:38.640 I am, imagine, you and I are very colleagues. We meet 289 00:19:38.640 --> 00:19:41.680 one day on the street and we give it to ourselves by giving an arm 290 00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:47.359 and colpamaitas like this on the back. I don' t let you go 291 00:19:47.400 --> 00:19:48.680 till you break out, I' ve been going for a while, and 292 00:19:48.680 --> 00:19:49.000 you' re thinking. What are you doing, this asshole? But then 293 00:19:49.279 --> 00:20:02.079 you throw him out and thank him. I' d like that. I 294 00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:03.359 ' d like my kids to do things that I like to do. I 295 00:20:03.440 --> 00:20:07.880 like to do sports, for example. I' d adjust if they did 296 00:20:07.880 --> 00:20:10.400 sports, too. But first they will have to learn languages because today you 297 00:20:10.480 --> 00:20:11.799 either do a sport with exotic man, or it' s less sport. 298 00:20:11.960 --> 00:20:15.440 Right, you do self- defense, you do shit, you do face, 299 00:20:15.720 --> 00:20:18.400 you jamana and it was cool true. It' s but even for 300 00:20:18.440 --> 00:20:22.799 the simplest of ranning you don' t. I don' t do reanning 301 00:20:22.839 --> 00:20:26.400 yus something to run. You do fitness, no. I don' t 302 00:20:26.400 --> 00:20:29.839 do fitness, I do weights, you do zumba, no, I don 303 00:20:29.839 --> 00:20:38.240 ' t zumbo. I' m looking at the basin. Hey what I 304 00:20:38.279 --> 00:20:40.799 ' m sure won' t change with the third one. It' s 305 00:20:40.839 --> 00:20:42.400 gonna be what we want them to be, not that you' re having 306 00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:44.599 more kids and you' re loving them less. No, because with the 307 00:20:44.640 --> 00:20:48.200 children, one very beautiful thing is that with the children love does not divide, 308 00:20:48.559 --> 00:20:52.759 it multiplies. That' s why I hope the third one comes with 309 00:20:52.839 --> 00:20:56.599 a bread under his arm or with seven or eight, because if with three 310 00:20:56.640 --> 00:21:00.000 the love multiplyes the bills and I don' t tell you boats anymore. 311 00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:12.559 Thank you very much.