For the thousands in attendance and the millions watching around the world. This has
the man be stildo corn is a live and kicking on over here. I'll
have but your ass a couple of times. If you know what I'm saying.
This is brother breaking all the forty yard brother come off zi Oh,
but I didn't piss off Jesus. You call that a penalty number one,
that's number one. It's the l a clippers boot. Shut up. You're
tagging it wrong people. I would get it pregnant. They just called in
and hangs up. Your motherfucker that fucking kiss me off? Are you?
Are you in a shower down? Totally in the shower. He's not a
coke can give me James, stupid idiot. You're super idiot for getting so
far up tight over you're clearly why why don't we're comming? Welcome the punch
drunk sports where winners win. Sorry the mic got hot there, but doesn't
matter because we got three studs here, three studs unbelievable joining me is always
uh. His new name is j Dog. He's the man. No,
it's fine, not okay, I mean he's giving me three I have three
nicknames. Now, okay, let me hear them. Which ones are they?
Oh? Hi, I'm tea but which one? Yeah? That was
my introduce shoe dude and the worst Jason t Live. Wow that's where.
But but I got so excited when I found out Johnny has three new nicknames.
Which one nerd ark, juicy Johnny? Well that yeah, maybe four
of them. Juicy Johnny, I don't know where? What's that about?
Uh? And then uh Jy dog now and then what's the other one?
Johnny nice? J j Nice? Gosh, boy, it's hard. Can
we get a punch drunk vote on jann Ice? Now? We're gonna remove
nerd dork because that is your nickname on care Yeah, that would obviously win.
So yeah, so take nerd dork out and let's just go j n
Ie noue Johnny potatoes because I'm throwing in Johnny potatoes. Look how he saw
having potatoes in his mouth? Potato? We got Johnny potatoes, which is
my fucking boat. If you can see this guy eating those big wedge apples
apples, Johnny apples seed that Oh that's all you take in, dude,
all right, Johnny apples. Though it sounds like he juggles balls at a
fucking behind an Arby's. Don't talk about what I do in my personal time
on the show. That's that's unprofessional. Hey, let me get a fucking
let me get a fucking uh roast beef sandwich. And is Johnny Apples working
right now? I'll take a French dip and a fondling from Johnny Apples.
He'll do anything for curly fries. Oh my god, Well, then can
we make a punch on? He will sell his They are really good.
They are really good. I've been saying. I think it depends where he
is, because you know, he could be at a nightclub and like Jay
Nice is coming, Okay, that's cool. But definitely if he's in the
back of an ARB's, he's Johnny Apples. Oh dear, all the sports
that's happened since we last recorded, we spent talking about Apples. We missed
you. Zip it, Johnny Apples. We tried so hard to do shows.
It just where I'm like, we're in two different time zone, so
it just gets so hard because you've been on the rug Sam Houses road been.
We'll get to sports, but just have a little catch up everybody,
you know, roads great you know, it's just flying paint in the ass.
And you know, I always want to get back to see my kids
on a Sunday, so I fly out as early as possible, you know,
And it's just it's hard to get up here. Your sleep out of
whack. I enjoy it, though. I'm just ready to shoot the special
March third, hoping some people show up. I know they will, but
it's like everything in my life is like last second. I just want people
to show up right right, So say it again? Where because I stepped
on you there? Where are you shooting it? It's May fourth? May
third at the Bourbon Room. Oh cool? Cool? Cool? Yeah?
How are you gonna do? Like a multi camera? What are you gonna
do? Yeah, well, a bunch of cameras. Uh, Eddie,
Bravo's opening, and you know, I got my buddy Zane doing ten up
front. I'm gonna have Eddie do fifteen, Zane do fifteen, and I'm
gonna walk up at at an out and do an hour. Anything new about
this hour that you to tease or anything like that? Are you just gonna
know? I'm just super excited about it, and uh, I mean I'm
ready to dump. It's been two years. Some of the jokes didn't make
the last special, so I've been doing them for a while and I'm just
you know, it's like I I try to do this, like I'll try
to give myself a this kind of this this hour is just like me trying
just can I take jokes that I I I stories that I basically tell I'm
broken simulation and turn them into material. And so the next thing I'm gonna
do is I want to take like my kind of crazy ass view of the
world and apply it to stuff that everybody experiences. That's my goal, Like
little stupid things that maybe in the past I'd be like, I want to
talk about that now kind of like you know what I'm going to talk about
that, you know. That's That's what I'm struggle was feeling unrelatable, right
s No, Yes, that's I I do feel like people think I'm just
trying to say crazy shit when everything I talk about literally happened, and so
I like, I like to talk about that stuff, but I want to
try to find things that everybody experiences next, and that's my goal. I
like, you know, I remember when Ari started doing storytelling, and I
was like, you know, what I want. I want to tell some
stories. So I won. I think it was like two years back to
no No No. This was like years and years and years ago. I
decided like, hey, this is this is going to be me telling stories
about my life. And I just went through it and learned how to tell
stories, which I think is like the top the top form of stand up
is storytelling. Yeah, you know, puns are great. I like,
I like the guys to do puns, observations, storytellers at all, the
best comics of storytelling, yeah, all the best guys of story can you
take some from your life and make it relatable? And I think of like
Eddie Murphy, who lot you know, in our generation, he was just
the god in our generation and to a lot of people. But even if
like that, look at his delirious special it's all great jokes and great impressions.
But he works him into these big, long stories. You know.
That's the major right of like the the what you might call a great I
mean, you know, you can argue that with the legion of Skins guys.
But Heedburg would be like one of the few exceptions in the modern among
modern comedians, you know, the Wold set up punch things. But among
the modern comedians, he's one of the rare exceptions that's not like a true
storyteller. Ah, the only guy. And I don't know if he does
a lot of story. I don't know if he tells stories from him.
I'm sure you can because he's great writer. But Mark Norman is uh a
kind of set up punch kind of guy in the in the vein of h
And you know, it's very interesting. I have a buddy of mine that
has taken kind of uh the vibe of a Mitch Hepburg and turned into the
storytelling, which is Craig Content. Uh, he's blown up, he's doing
great things. He's he just had a aby. Congratulations to Craig and uh
so I'm happy for him. But you know, it's like it's a it's
a skill, dude, it's a skill. And now every time does it
come out fully written and now always doesn't have the ending. You have this
great story that just does have this jump off point. So you got to
figure it out. But not for jokes. Let's get into sports. I've
been wanting to talk so much. I'm just it's unbelievable, but by a
bit many a bit super Bowl. Yeah sure. I mean if you guys
think, did you anybody win any money, anybody plays any crazy uh parlay
bets, or anybody win any super Bowl squares any money? I forgot to
I forgot to play bets. I didn't place any bets either. I just
didn't. And I just felt like, you know, it's like say whatever
you want, you know, and everybody's talking about conspiracy theorists and the Super
Bowl. It wasn't exactly the way all the conspiracy theorists thought it was gonna
go. So but that's you know, it's like for me, man,
it's just like they had a plan. Let's just say they had a plan
and it was executed perfectly to the two to the most watched television show since
I think it's either the most watched or the second host watch of all time
outside the moon Landing, which we all know is fake. So besides that,
what it was more than the moon landing? Oh yeah, so the
I mean, I mean, their plan work get Taylor Swift to the super
Bowl twenty three million in the US. Yeah. So my question to you,
Jason Tebow and John Apples is is is is? Is I forgot the
question. I literally forgot the question. It just left con fixed. They
got away with what they wanted to get away with. They got to us
with Super Bowl. So your question to us is, Johnny Apples, I
don't remember it Ice Spice yes or no? Absolutely? Yes, yeah,
I would hit Ice Spicy. Sure, I would hit Ice Spice for sure.
Did you notice she look confused every time they showed her on camera,
though she looked genuinely. I don't I mean, dude, when I make
joking around the downs, uh, I I literally think she's probably not downs,
but she's real close. Yeah, yeah, she's not high IQ no
and or I mean, could it be mk ultra dude? Maybe her brain
is just fried. I don't know why, but she's somehow it's figured out
a way to get to where she is doing the bare minimum, which is
just like saying about farting that bend over and show you her portals. You
know that. It's like unbelievable to me. Yeah, I mean Barley or
Py probably bettering like this. But I said to myself, and I'm not
joking, this is true, And I want you to guess how many times
away now they could be more sure? There might might have been a bet
in Vegas about I remember this question. No, every time they showed Taylor
Swift, I had to drink a beer. Now, the only caveat was
I had to be done with that beer by the time they showed her again.
How many beers do you think now? I honestly, I still think
you're drunk from the Super Bowl beers. I have to be alive. Thirteen
wow, thirteen beers I had during that Super Bowl. And you only know
what's the shocking, Like, are we more shocked at how many times the
showed tailor shirt or the fact that you figured out a way to drink more
beers? Oh? No, that's not surprise. I went to my job
right after the Super Bowl driving ambulances. I got a new gig, so
I'm fine with that. But it could have been more than that. It
could have been more than that. I mean, they didn't show her as
much as they didn't show he as much as I thought they would. Actually
me too, and that included post game. I didn't want to kill myself,
so I said I'll start at the kickoff, because if I did the
pregame, I probably too. I did the exact same thing. Yeah,
totally, But yeah, so it was thirteen that I had counted. Now
it might have been more than that. Do you guys believe that the story
is true that she had Kanye West removed? Now? I do believe that
he did buy a ticket right in front of her booth, so every time
they showed her he could photo bombit. One hundred percent believe that that's true.
But I don't think anybody has the power to get somebody kicked out.
If you could, once you paid fifty thousand dollars of that ticket, two
seats, fifty grand, she can't get it. Somebody kicked out. No,
I don't think so either. And he denied that was reported everywhere he
said, he denied it. If she didn't, still he denied it.
I don't think she kicked him out. I think that's I think, dude,
that she is dominating so much in life that she just who gives the
shit. And even though they're both kind of battling for, you know,
on Spotify globally who's the top person, which is an insane thing to be
involved with, But she doesn't care, dude, She doesn't care. She's
in this wonderful fake relationship with this wonderful fake boyfriend, and she's just enjoying
it. Why last My question to you guys is are you down with this
discussion of is Patrick Mahomes the greatest of all time? I think it's absolutely
way premature. I think, you know, I think it's time to start
the conversation. But no, if the conversation needs to start between who was
better him or Joe Montana because it's not even close. But I don't care
what anybody says. Okay, I don't care what anybody says. Three rings
aren't even close to seven rings, okay. And the dude beat the dude
in the super Bowl. It's a teen sport. We know that it's a
teen sport. But there's a reason why those guys get paid what they get
paid. And maybe maybe even though we know it wasn't that, but maybe
you can even if you want to concede at some point. It was a
weekend at Bernie's where they were pulling Tom Brady's dead corpse down the field,
which I don't think it was that was paid Manning, that was paid Manning
with you. But but people go, oh, it wasn't even him,
it was it was the Bucks and the blah blah, blah. I'm like,
okay, even if he's we've seen what other quarterbacks could do with that
team and it was it wasn't the same dude, it's the same thing.
That argument is the same thing as like remember when Jordan when they first repeated
and they're like, is Jordan better than Magic? I know not until he
gets twomar rings. He isn't, But he was in the argument because you
start going, Wow, this guy's young, this guy has a decent team
around him, this guy is well coached. He could be in a you
know, when his when all said and done, I don't I don't like
that conversation till somebody retires or unless you know career you're like, yeah,
he's the goat, but he's you know, just being a role player in
fucking Carolina. Whatever the fuck, but it's time to start having that conversation.
If this guy's thirty nine and just won his fucking third Super Bowl,
I'm like, say, no way he's getting a six or seven. But
fuck, he's twenty six, twenty seven and firing on all cylinders. He
could conceivably in the next eight years, nine years, get three or four
more rings and maybe they're not all with Kansas City. Maybe there's no way
let that go. Yeah. And the argument you could have had said that
about Manning, people said that about Jordans. You could have had before about
that too, is that Brady was enabled by Belichick, but because of what
happened to Belichick after Brady left. Yeah, you know, it's just completely
negated that argument, righteem to make Brady happy or not? Do you think
Brady likes that they're saying, hey, Man, probably for that, or
Man, we did this together, get off, get off from a coach.
No. I think he's super competitive. He wants the credit. Yeah,
for sure. I mean why Yeah, because I mean if you read
about how they fell out toward the end. Yeah, I don't think.
I don't think he's that kind of guy that would be. I don't seem
to enjoy that last super Bowl the most. Yeah, yeah exactly. Maybe
like he knew that he won't ever do this again. Maybe he knew he
was playing with house money. But he was the drunkest at that Tampa.
He threw the fucking trumphy from a boat to another boat. Yeah, I
mean he was the drunkest at that one. He knew that that was That's
it. I did it. I mean I got away with an extra one.
And I mean, like, to get seven super Bowls is so insane,
it's anything. It's kinda been What do you think chicken fingers? That's
not that crazy? What are the hardest feats? And I get seven Johnny
Apple hand jobs? Yeah? I could do seven Johnny Apple hand jobs behind
the RBS, for sure. I could do that in thirty minutes. Bro,
I'm fast, double double team man. Uh but well, okay,
so what are some of the that's that's got to be among the hardest main
like major sports, uh stats? Right now? To achieve one hundred points?
One hundred points, that's the hardest one, right, will that will
be broken? Oh? Yeah? Did you see the ringer did a big
rundown of who's most likely to do that? Who's it was? Don Chic
is the guy that's most believe that? Yeah? And he he he is
he he is the white James Harden in Houston. He's the same thing.
And we just give him way too much credit. And he's just the same
guy, you know. And the fact that yet another teammate hasn't worked out
with him, and it's just nobody wants to talk about that, and he
just must be like, all you gotta do is take care of Kyrie.
And it works out. But Kyrie's crazy because now he's like, maybe Kyrie
doesn't like the attention. He doesn't want any attention. Goes to Dallas,
he gets to play, he's he's he's robbin to Batman. Everyone leaves him
alone. He doesn't care. Yeah, you don't hear shit about Kyrie anymore.
You're right, he just doesn't care. He's like, I'm chill,
bro this how I've always wanted it. But yeah, I think it will
be donch It. I think it will be donche It. And I think
the NBA has a real problem right now, and uh, they're never gonna
admit it because right now everything's sunshine blue Skies because all these new mediums are
popping up where they're getting more and more money to do it. And I
just think he I think they got problems. I think they're gonna And that's
the only reason they re signed Adam Adam Silver because he knows how to negotiate
those contracts, which is gonna happen with Apple. With with Apple, Amazon
and Netflix they talk about But here's an interesting thing. So that we talked
about this and I want to go back to Super Bowl. But ESPN and
Fox Sports are now everyone's kind of losing their mind because they're like, oh,
where, uh, we're gonna combine to make one streaming service. I
don't know if anyone remembers, but he has being openly bought Fox Sports way
back in the day. They they've always had it, and that was why
it was really weird. Nobody ever talked about when ESPN but you know,
made a deal with the UFC. It was right around when college football was
about to start and they were supposed to have a big fight on Fox.
But they're like, we're not going to take off college football. ESPN was
like, we're not gonna put you where college football is. We're gonna put
you back on Fox. And I thought that was the biggest deal on Nobody
talked about it. Nobody talked about it, and that's why I had to
bring up again so nobody cares. Yes, the only bet I almost placed
on the Super Bowl and I was kicking myself after when the Chiefs got down
by like ten, they were at maybe four to one to win, and
I almost bet on the Chiefs money line at that point like one hundred bucks
or something, and I was pissed after that didn't. I was so and
I logged in and everything, but it was gonna take like thirty minutes for
the for the point to get into the crypto that I was gonna send to
get in there. And I was like, fuck it, am I gonna
do it? Did you guys have did you guys happen to see that the
They are positive that they the color of the gatorade was leaked and they bore
the Super Bowl. A ton of money came in all out of New York
on the color purple, so much so that it skewed the odds and they
stopped taking bets. So like, it's the easiest thing to leak. One
guy just yeah, oh the guy. A guy put twenty grand down and
that there was a streaker and he was the streaker. Are you serious?
That's so funny. Oh, they won't pay that. But that's stupid because
you you got to get this. You could get away with that. No,
it's dumb as saying that you were the guy, right right, that's
totally stupid. What you gotta do is you got to get Johnny Apples to
get his fun bag out, let him run across the street and a diaper,
then you make that money. They're like, I don't, I don't
know, Johnny Apples, I don't do I have a diaper? Why do
I have a diaper? Bro? Look, Johnny Apples costume is a thought.
I thought. I thought my hole was just so like exhausted that it
needs the extra sport of diaper offers. Is that not what you meant?
No? No, Johnny Apple's costume is obviously a bag of apples and a
diaper. The tampon that's in your ass is because your butthole keeps getting blown
out by hot dudes at least. Uh wow, So oh man, that's
good. So they froze betting in New York, Huh, that's only on
that bet well, Vegas. I believe it was Vegas, but all of
the bunny, that's how they found it, because all of a sudden,
eighty thousand dollars comes in all from New York City on purple and they're like,
row, I would love to get a tip like that someday, Yo,
why did you? Then you gotta explain how you got the tip,
Johnny. You'd be like, I'm Johnny Apple. No, ya, you
don't say shit about how you You just make the money. You just place
the bat place it a few different places. Johnny Apples does with Johnny Apple
wants, and we know that about him. That's that's very right. I
here's a little bit of a sidetrack. We're talking about gambling buddy of mine.
I won't say what casino he works for, but he is the head
of surveillance, so he's the guy who's catching people cheating and stuff like this.
And he said, the new thing that people are doing, and they
can't do anything about it right now, is in crabs. There's a new
way people are rolling. And you hold the six and the one on the
side with your finger and your hant and thumb, and they're pushing it instead
of shaking it, so it's just rolling. The one in the six will
roll hit the wall and eliminate those numbers, and then they're skewing their bets
that way. And then he said, he said, the people that are
good at it, all they do is sit and practice on a table,
pushing that and keeping the one and six on the sides. And he said
they're cleaning up and right now the casinos don't know what to fucking do.
You gotta be legal, right, it's legal. There's nothing it's legal.
But they're talking about and what's the game craps? Which car counting is legal?
They just they they don't want it. He's like, the people that
know how to do this, they come in with like two or three of
them and they fucking clean up. I was like, that's kind of cool.
Yeah, but they're just gonna get rid of the game, or they're
just gonna figure out if you said it, they're gonna make can't said it
certain ways, you can't pick it. They're gonna do any anything that the
house never loses. They'll lose for a second. Yeah, that's the thing
right now. They're semi losing for a second on that. And it's a
rare few people that are doing It's not like there's a lot of people doing
it. But he said to people that they've been not catching, but they
watch all the fucking footage that the ones that are winning like that all rule
the exact same way and push that and it eliminates the six and the one
that's fascinating. Isn't that crazy? He told me that the other day.
I was like, dang, that's cool. I'm gonna tell you on my
podcast. He goes, what, No, you're not, and I goes
kidding, But he doesn't listen. That's the thing he'll never know, right
Mark Dad words, Do you guys see Kanye West super Bowl commercial? Oh?
What do you think? I love that? Let me just show it.
Let me show quick. It's crazy, It's hilarious. Like good for
him. I like him. He's crazy as hell, but I like him.
Well he's and it's my commercial. And since he spent all the money
on the commercial spot we actually he didn't spent anybody on the actual commercial.
But the idea is, I want you to go to easy dot com.
Why he need ze hy dot com And I'm alla write it at the bottom
of the screen and I got some shoes and that's it. He spent seven
million dollars getting out on the air. And they say he made over one
hundred million dollars. Oh, I thought I saw nineteen is what he put
on Instagram. They made no, I thought he said I Some said he
made over one hundred mili and he was still good. Dude tripled his money.
He tripled his money and Jesus spent seven mil. He doubled his money
plus almost almost triple. Yeah, nineteen million. Yeah. Yeah, good
for you, dude, Good for you. What about Jesus spending fourteen million
dollars on two commercials. This guy's rolling in the dough. Yeah, somebody
I can't know who killed on the commercials. The gays crushed the gas crush,
Yeah, they crush. Well, there are a lot of gay commercials.
Gay people in commercials in no sense, I look for my people.
I can't believe they did it. They did it Jesus like that, though
they should have had him like you want to get don't put you up to
Johnny. Johnny and I have discussed it. Johnny's cool with it. No,
I just I mean, I don't I wasn't surprised by that because I
grew up with that image and like I remember in Uh, the preacher's wife
with the youth group would have these like really serious like foot washing kind of
like what would you call it, like a rich school almost where it was
you know, it's meant to like I don't know, I didn't think it
was weird at the time, but but and then seeing that ad I didn't
think it was weird because I kind of grew up in that tradition, but
I think it. Yeah, you know, there was something that the vibe
of it, the way it was being done was a little off to me,
but the I act itself didn't freak me out. It makes sense to
me that that makes sense to you, because that lady was washing your feet.
Now you're behind at Arby's washing people's fucking nut sacks. That's right,
yea, yeah dude, I mean what about John Jesus? Yeah, well,
do you guys see the halftime show forever? I say it every gosh
dang year, and I will for the rest of it. Now use the
Lord's name in vain me do nothing will ever, nothing will ever be better
than Prince. So, you know, I thought it was okay. The
roller skating thing was cool. It sounded like the greatest hits, uh you
know thing. I was the one in LA when they had Snoop and they
had all the fucking West Coast rappers. That well, I thought was better.
Yeah, this was just okay. It seemed like a Vegas safe kind
of you know. I'd say, c plus what you guys think, not
for me, not for me, Not for me. I I I think
that I think the halftime show should always be rock and roll. I will
say though, that my my girl sent me a video walking past the garage
up here on Motor Uh and all you could hear was chicks just screaming all
the songs like singing there. It was so loud. Okay, yeah,
I said, Tina, I want to see that because I used to do
stand up at that joint all the time. Where hold on, let me
see garage over by Johnny's house. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah on
three one, four seven West Motor Avenue. Yeah. And now you understand
what the halftime show is about. It's it's for women. They have to
they have to dress this show in everything female so that they stay and enjoy
because the game doesn't interest them as much. They get excited when when everybody
else gets excited. But I mean, yes, for the people they don't
care about the game, the halftime showing, the commercial. Yeah, it
doesn't have to be women. It could be you know, the lives that
don't care. Your if your husband doesn't care, if you happen to be
married to a lesbian somehow. But yeah, it's for the people that don't
care about the game because they're going to be forced to watch it anyway,
So we're gonna give you a little something too. I think it should have
been The Killers. The Killers are from Vegas, Y Live fan, but
I get that he has a show there and probably was way cheaper for them
to just move all of his dancers and all of his fucking props from his
residencies to the fifty yard line. Then the have to do. You know
how much that that that that halftime show cost him to perform? Well,
I know they only get paid to skal right, the performers get paid nothing.
Yeah, I bet it costs because well it costs him six one hundred
and thirty nine dollars. It cost him that much. What do you mean?
Yeah, that's what they said. The cost of the show to perform
there costs him six hundred and thirty nine dollars. Where did they come up
with that number? That's a fucking uber from Vegas during the Super Bowl.
Don't get Usher lost six hundred dollars. He had to pay six thirty nine.
Look it up and they say he made one hundred mili in streamings.
But I mean, if it cost him, that's probably what he had to
pay for his whole crew to park. That's probably it, all right,
I got, I got all y'all's parking, and I see y'all at the
fifty yard line. Don't forget your fucking roller skates. Mark, don't forget
your fucking roller skates. I don't see that number. I just search six
thirty nine. I don't see. How about you just look up how much
it costs Usher? What you're saying costs him and I don't quite understand what
that means. Here's the article, Johnny. Look up. It says he
got paid six hundred and seventy one dollars. Oh I thought, oh,
union shit, that's what I was saying. They get paid scale. All
the performers in Super Bowl get paid scale. Okay, that's right, Johnny.
Look up fat guy sixty nine. See what pops up? That guy
sixty Oh that's in my favorites already. Dude. Oh yeah, that's right
there, that guy six It hit two windows ago, Johnny? Oh uh,
what else was the guy of fucking Oh yeah? So super Bowl ads?
What did you guys think about? Now? I did not eat,
and I work for the NFL for sixteen years. I didn't know or I
had completely forgotten that for this one game they had changed the overtime rules.
And right when San Francisco gotten field goal range, I go, holy shit,
it's a wrap. And then they kick a field goal and then they
still got the ball. I go, oh, that's right, they both
get the ball in overtime. Oh yeah, see, I had forgotten that
they changed the I remember that changed. But they also changed the rules for
the playoffs, which well even if yeah, the playoffs were different, and
the Super Bowl is even different because if you scored a touchdown, the game
wasn't over. Yeah yeah, And it seems like you were in the same
boat though, Jason as a lot of the forty nine ers players, including
up bring up the guys at the coin toss who chose to take the ball,
like Matt Hasselback. Remember Matt hassele Back in the playoffs, we want
the ball, We're going to score yees has the equivalent of that. That's
one of my favorite moments in sports history. I love that. That was
That was a true class and yes, dude, I loved I was.
I was rooting for them so hard after he did that, I was like,
oh, please let them win. And they did. Not he threw
an interception. Well, the Kansas City Chiefs said, and I think it
was their coach said Andy Reid said that, thank the reps, and he
said they did a fantastic job of explaining the new overtime rules to the captains
before the coin tops. Now the Niners claim, hey, we didn't even
know these We didn't know most of us didn't know this. So was it
the captains that did not go back and convey that information to the rest of
the team, or are they just making up excuses for their coach? They're
making up excuses. Now, listen, the reason people are saying they fucked
up is because you gave Patrick Mahomes the ball. Lest Yeah, that's why
they with those new rules. You should go, hey, we're kicking even
though they feel like their defense is on the heels. The only college and
I was saying this, the only exception to that is this. Now,
Let's say the Chiefs march down the fucking field. Your defense is on its
heels for an eight minute drive, they're exhausted. You just lost your safety,
and then they get the ball. You don't want to give your defense.
Put your defense back on the field after they you need to give them
a breather. That's the only other time if both teams are fresh with those
rules, I'm kicking that ball and I'm gonna let them score. And I
know, Okay, we need a touchdown here, or I'm gonna let them
kick field and go we need a touchdown or a field goal here, or
if we take the ball fucking from him, Nick, you know, we
just got to score. I just don't know a situation. Even in that
situation, you'd have to weigh that against like is wouldn't it just be better
to have the information of like, what did what? What is the what
are the Chiefs gonna do? First? You know what? I mean,
Yeah, that's the right. But yeah, I mean that's a possible exception.
They fucked up. They fucked up for sure. Well. Falcons fans
loved that that Shanahan lost another overtime Super Bowl. I mean, do they
really do? They love that? We love it? Yeah? Fuck him?
Well, they scapegoat Steve. They scapegoted Steve Wilcs they fired him.
He kept Mahomes tied up in knots for the entire game. Pretty much.
It's the exact same thing the Chargers did when they blew like what twenty four
to twenty seven to three lead in the playoffs against Jacksonville and they came back
one. They fired the offensive coordinator because Stanley was the defensive coordinator was running
the defense. You should have fired your defense for not being able to stop
them from giving up the giant lead. You're totally right, man, It's
just unbelievable to me. It's just unbelievable. And even the betting favorite for
next year right now, those Samto's forty nine ers are the betting favorite.
Really a lot of tea who's staying and who's gone. They don't have a
lot of free agents. Wilson, dude, he should have been given the
Panthers job. I feel bad for that guy. He was he won with
that shitty Panthers roster two years ago and he didn't get the job, and
then he now he's out after one year. I could get why he if
that guy and he who was amazing after the Panthers thing about not playing the
race card. But if anybody wants to play the race card like it's Eric
b Enemy possibly although less so now. And Steve Wilkes, who just can't
seem to keep a job. In the NFL despite having great results. Now
did something happen with the Enemy because he's out of work? Well, I
mean like without him they won the Super Bowl. Yeah, that and he
didn't have a great year with Sam Howell. You know, you know after
he lost his job the Enemy, he went in the week before the Super
Bowl and worked with the Chiefs for free on their on their offense and met
with them. Didn't really he could have went and met with him for a
whole day. Look at Wow, worked with him the whole day, just
like, hey man, for you guys, here some fucking plays So sweet
of him. Wow, that's really nice. We wanted the Raiders to get
him so badly, these these guys. I mean, like he'd be perfect,
he'd he's got the attitude for the Raiders everything, our coach, our
OC would be ship talking motherfuckers. I would love it. And now they
get the OC from the Bears. And now there's some dumb ass talk about
them trying to get Justin was it Foster? Is that his name? The
quarterback fields? Justin Fields? Why in the world would you get that team
back together? So the Bears taking quarterback in the draft, is that the
idea and then they trade fields. Is that they were like, if the
Bears try to get rid of fields. No, but that's what I'm saying.
With the Bears take a quarterback in the draft, Jason, you would
know, Yeah, Caleb Williams. Is all the talk here that they want
Caleb. That's all you really. He doesn't want to go there, So
we'll see what happens. I'll give you a fucking twenty eight million reasons you
want to go there. Yeah, but he'll get that wherever he goes.
He whin the last time we saw a quarterback try to depart ball, was
it Eli? Yeah, that's it right, yea, but Eli before that
famously Yeah right yeah, I mean Washington wants. I mean, if I
was Chicago and I can go down to the second pick, I can get
either May or get the Daniels. Well, I think is I don't know,
man, Caleb Williams. I like him, dude. I'm telling you
this. I've been trying to tell everybody this. Dude, Caleb Williams season
what in the shitter? After he did that stupid as commercial where he walked
under like the he walked under the ladder, he was like this, he
he was holding it. Never thought about that cover of this. He's on
the cover of that. They were making fun of it. And then his
seasoned just ship the bed right after literally jinx himself. That's what I'm saying,
bro Inside, I remember watching Going Dog. You're dancing, You're dancing
with darkness there, dude, like you. I'll say this to Sammy when
Johnny, I bet you didn't know that when when Caleb women won the Heisman
and then like and then he kind of petered off. I mean he stats
petered up. You know. His two receivers were when he won the Heisman.
Yeah, Drake London for the Falcons and I'm on Saint Brown from Detroit.
Johnny a muted Yeah, yeah, I forgot Drake London. But I
remember just because they always mentioned it when I when we played Ammon Ross Brown
number one receivers in the NFL, both of them thousand yard receivers, both
of them up for Rookies of the Year, and those were his receivers.
Then he lost his receivers and he got Jerry Rice's kid, who was like
nineteen twenty. Yeah, and oh whatever that number one was, but that
was election. Those were Caleb Williams receivers when he won the Heights, then
they went pro, and then he does a commercial where he walks under a
ladder and it's been a house of cards. Can we just talk about again
how stupid the Carolina Panthers were for just not waiting a year. Three quarterbacks
that are all like sure things at the top of this draft and six foot
yeah, you know, could have just waited, could have just waited,
kept all those picks kept, could have kept our receiver. Dude, I
heard that your quarterback in this this summer, and I would be worried if
I was you, because he's taking like two months to do a movie and
he's doing like a big biopic about Gary Coleman. He's playing Gary Coleman in
a fucking movie. I've parady, I've already actually uh has looked pretty good,
but we'll see. I felt a terrible team guy. I eight the
guy. I still think he could do it if you got nothing we need.
We need a line though we don't have a line. We had the
worst. You know. He was the second most sacked quarterback in history last
year behind David Carr. Damn and David Carr got sacked like sixty five it
was like ten times less than car. Yeah, he got sacked like I
don't know, some crazy number, but sixty something. It was almost it
was crazy. Yeah, and at some point you become shell shocked. Yeah,
no, totally, you're right. Yeah, it's uh okay, sixty
two sacks for Bryce Young and I think David Carr was like seventy something.
Only let me see what at that time, thank you for saying thank you
for your quarterback spend more time on his back last year than Taylor Swift did
ever since the Super Bowl win? Yeah, did you see that thing I
posted when sounds like Taylor Swift after Trevor Travis Kelsey wins and it's like some
chick doing the uh the white girl. Uh yeah, yeah, it's like
that. It's like it's the it's like, yeah, the cat the cat
back. Well, where's the worst way to do doggy style? It's hilarious.
It's hilarious. Yeah. So we'll see, dude, we'll see.
It's gonna be interesting. Man, are all happy with our coaches? We
all three have new coaches. I love my coach. I I just don't
understand why you would hire that. Oh see, I just I just don't
get it, dude. I just having a horrible offense and being terrible with
a good quarterback. Who your offensive coordinator? I know that was such a
weird choice. Man, that was such a with you. I'm like,
what what are you doing? Interview Cargo Bears offensive coordinator? What what about
that offense made you go? This is what we want. It's like your
wife died. Your wife died, and then you start dating and you're like,
oh, this girl is a notorious, untrustworthy horror. I think I'm
gonna move on with this fucking untrustworthy bitch. Yeah. And when Eric Eric's
went out there, we needed a wide open offense. That's what we needed.
That's what we need. I don't know if aid oldcons a Aiden O'Connell
is the guy. I don't know. He wasn't Adam Rumors going to the
Jets. What do you think about that? Is that any relevance to that?
I mean, what do we get in return? Probably? Well,
you're free up a shipload of money. And I mean, it wasn't it
was like a second round. It wasn't. It wasn't fucking I don't know,
let me see. Uh, I'm just checking it out. Yeah,
I'm just seeing if they had this story about it, has a proposal,
because I know the Raiders are trying to downplay it by saying that they're not
interested in trading. But there's a newer story talking about it. Uh.
I don't know. Ian rapport has its tweet, says the insiders on NFL
Game. They say that the Raiders want to be aggressive, but trading up
for a QB will be a real challenge. Aaron Rodgers has been recruiting Davante
Adams, but the Raiders don't plan on trading the players the Bucks plans.
Uh, and then that's something Mayfield. So they really want J T.
Daniels his ass name Jayden Daniels. Is that whatever about? That's who they
want everybody. Yeah, I don't know if they got enough to move up
to that, you know, because we we we would we want to move
up for him and more higher than so. I don't think. I don't
think he gets to you. And I think he might go off it too.
Now he might go off it too. It might be it might be
Williams Daniels may like three quarterbacks would be may if he goes to New England.
Just a white, nice white quarterback. They would love him, they
would love him. He's perfect, nice white. I'll take McCarthy, I'll
take I don't really like bow Nicks. I just hate his haircut. But
I will take a homeboy from Washington. But I don't not in the first
one. I'll take them early second round, though. Get a quarterback like
that? Yeah, you know, I'm I'm not. I'm not convinced.
JJ McCarthy isn't a winning quarterback in the NFL. Is yet a number nine
pick? Is he a number fifteen pick? Now? But we're going to
see a lot about these quarterbacks at this combine. There's no other position that
is equally important than quarterback at the combine because they get to see you make
every throw and they get to really test what's going on in between your ears?
Have that? Do we know who's that? We don't know who's going
yet, right, it's too early for that. What do you mean who's
going? Well? I mean I could see like William's not even throwing at
the combine, or they just put out a list of everybody that's going to
be participating at the combine. But they probably though, right, but we
don't know who well that people that have confirmed they will be at the combine.
But yeah, a lot of times those guys like measure my hands and
yeah, why would wait, why would Williams? He knows he's probably locked
in. He doesn't want to go one. Why would he? Why would
he throw? Right? Then they go to their own pro day at their
own school. But they just you know, they measure your hands. They
see how tal Yard let Johnny Apples knock your bag around a little bit.
So stupid you didn't say what you thought about your coach, Jason, love
it, love it. And all Falcons fans are very happy with with with
our new coach. He you know, he was our interim coach and then,
uh, he left and then went to the Rams and he would you
know, did we see all the Super Bowls and all the bullshit they done
with the Rams? And then and then we hire fucking Art Smith, who's
a fat fuck with a stupid mustache, and then they fire him and then
they bring back this guy. So I'm fine. I think a black coach
in Atlanta, Uh, they have the highest number of black season ticket holders
in the entire NFL. It's obviously a very African American city. Having a
black coach there is uh and the first black coach in Atlanta, and he's
a young guy. He's not an old guys defensive guy. So I'm all
for it. Way better than getting this old man in a fucking Santa Claus
costume with his ripped up sweatshirt coming in. He's a retread from the n
NFC South. That doesn't bug you, No, doesn't bug me. What's
did he win coach of the Year? What's that? Did he win the
year? Uh? Probably that second year. They went three and thirteen his
first year, ten and six his second year, and then four and twelve
his third year. No, he was fine. I'm very happy with it.
I think it's gonna be good. I like our offensive coordinator. We
got the offensive coordinator from the Rams and their passing coordinator, so I'd like
to see our passing game look a little bit more like the Rams. I
mean, look, the Rams made three fucking Kukainakua and the fucking what's that
Nico? Nico cowns he's in Texas. But they have another receiver. Yeah,
I know who you're talking about. No, what is his name?
But you know they got three great receivers and both all those guys are like,
who the fuck is this guy? By week three and he felt they
were names. But every time a guy got hurt, like Cup went down,
that was that other. Yeah, it was It's crazy. Yeah,
yeah, you're gonna get rid of Cup. I mean they Yeah, football
is a game of economics, and you know, so I'm excited the draft,
I'm excited for free agency and I and our guy, like, dude,
I don't I mean, you know, I don't know shit about him.
He made Baker Mayfield look like I honestly think that's why Tepper hired the
guys, because he saw firsthand how bad Baker Mayfield is and then saw this
guy make ba Baker Mayfield look like at least a competent starting NFL quarterback.
I mean, ship, let him give him a chance. I'm just glad
we're doing it. We're trying out a young guy and not a guy who
just got fired. Like, why would you ever hire a guy that just
got fired for being bad at his job by the people who know him the
most, the people that worked at him with him every day. Frank Reich,
I'm talking about, Oh, I got you, you know, why
would why would you ever? Well, because there's a belief that Frank Craig
had some, had some. He he was doing pretty well in some ways,
you know, and just the owner sucks and he's an idiot, and
he fucked some ship up, and you know that that it wasn't his fault.
And then of course he got there and they drafted the guy he didn't
want, you know, he didn't want. I mean, the cults are
better without him. I wonder if his middle name's Lloyd. Funny Frank,
that's actually pretty funny, Jason. Let's get it in some NBA and some
you know other boss. I'm gonna talk about Waistman Management's fucking crazy. I
Fiaska drunken party the other night. But I'm gonna plug a couple of quick
things if I could, and then let's move on a little NBA, all
right. March seventh, Our good friend Brian Jarvis wrote a real live movie
and it comes out on Amazon Prime March seventh, directed by Peter Fairley,
Ricky Sanicki coming out. You can see the trailer directed by Peter Failer,
starring our good friends Andrew Santino, not a good Friend, John Cena,
Zach Effron, and William h Macy. So watch Ricky Siniki March seventh on
Amazon Prime. It's the first movie my buddy Brian Jarvis wrote that didn't have
anal sex and dude, I had tickets to that screening like months probably like
six months ago when they were doing like because I'm right that the Amazon bought
the theater down the street from me, and they do all these like you
know, uh, audience screenings, test screenings, and I'm always getting tickets
and going and I I something happened. I didn't go see that, but
I really liked the uh the synopsis. It sounded like it was gonna be
badass. That's great, dude, that's great, dude. Congratulations. Nothing
to do with me. Why I didn't get a part in it because William
H. Macy is and it everybody keeps telling me I look like William mhe
maxy, which is not a compliment by any means. But they got the
real thing instead of William H. TV. Do you think they're like,
do you think he makes that joke to like, you know, and then
there could be Jason t. People say it look like that's that's not a
compliment by any meats, by any no, it is not When people are
like, you know who you look? I always say no Carter, but
they don't really know who that is. And then the last thing I want
to plug, and then we get in a little NBA love too before we
wrap up. I don't know if you guys are a brush. I have
nothing to do till fift I have to go. Yeah, but I was
so fucking happy to see and this is a big announcement for Punch Drunk and
especially for Samy and I and Johnny apples too, because we will have apple
flavored ones now that we know that he's in this. How happy were you
to see our good friends Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura start up their own vodka
company and then sit at a blackjack table with fucking Jason Kelcey and Baker Mayfield
and all of them hit twenty five thousand dollars hands man, I didn't even
know that. I didn't see that. I saw It's weird are they promoting
it? Because I saw them do like an interview with Cam Newton and Greg
Olsen at the Super Bowl promoting their new and I was so fucking worried.
I have not been able to sweep worrying about those two guys making money and
thank god they came up with this fucking vodka company so they can finally get
a little scratch in their pockets. Because man, I mean, I can't
believe it's taking this long. Oh for sure, here's here's the fact to
his liver. But I would also like to say in that exact same vein,
and he was a big announcement. Yes, here's these guys hitting Blackjack.
Don't see those guys here, this says unreal Kelsey has Oh no,
it is, I just I don't see the other guys. That's John now
does the UFC. Oh my god, he does. I mean he looks
like a completely different human in it, like third days double for the last
doubt, there's Kelsey's prices behind it. I like Bifield. I do to
Actually, I really wanted to work out in Carolina, I think, I
think, Yeah, I wish he had worked out in Carolina badly. I
really want to die the signs of Tampa. I don't know if they'll get
him to a playoff, but maybe I don't know, Like do you do
that? I mean, the question is do you do that? Do you
get a guy that's uh? I mean, like, I hate calling him
that because he's the only guy to ever win a playoff game in Cleveland and
how long. Yeah, you don't really. He's not really a game manager
though, is he. You wouldn't call him that because he more likely to
fuck up the game, uh, you know, than to manage it.
But when he's good, he's he's really good. You know he has he
gets you to the big dance, that's the question. Yeah, he got
a city team in the playoffs and won a playoff game on the roast.
I'll say, no home game. It was at home game. Then they
lost to Detroit in a close game. He overachieved this year and played himself
into a decent contract. They'll give him a three year, twenty million dollar
deal or something, and just some guy later on to see if he could
be the guy. Probably they're probably in that little limbo spot. They got
it got the worst place. They gotta work. Either you're winning or you're
losing. That's it. The problem is, you know, the Panthers lost
and then they got they drafted the guy. And I still think he's got
a chance, dude, I really do do. I still think. I
think, but think about think, Okay, so Steve Wilkes was at the
Super Bowl. Christian McCaffrey was at the Super Bowl. Uh, think about
all the talent we trade away. Uh. DJ Moore had a great season.
That was a bust of trade for you. My god, it's just
it's it's really it hurts and now we don't know me what Brian burn is
gonna do. Congratulations by the way to Julius Peppers for making the Pro Football
Hall of Fame on the first ballot. One of the greatest athletes seen.
He win, did he win the did he win the Did he win a
Super Bowl? Peppers? No, he was with the Bears and the Panthers.
I mean he went to a super Bowl, but he did not win
the Super Bowl. No, he went to the Super Bowl against Brad.
They lost against Brady. Remember when John Casey kicked the ball out of bounds
green Bay? Pep Oh, yeah, and he played it green I don't
think so. Maybe Aaron Rodgers Super Bowl. Let me see that would I
mean he was he might have won win in Green Bay, or maybe gone
and lost or let's see. No, he doesn't have that on his Wikipedia
page. Uh. He was a NFL defensive rookie of the Year in two
thousand and two, A four time All Pro four oh six, eight and
twenty ten. That's a long period of being at the top of the top
of your position. Uh. Three times second Team All Pro, nine time
Pro Bowler, he's on the twenty He's on two All Decade teams. Uh
yeah, what a great player did not win a Super Bowler. Guys,
let me let me, let me, let me make me and Sammy,
I'm sorry about that. This me and Sam's big announcement to just throw it
back at those fucking Johnny I'm sorry. He's making money for those guys making
money. Guess what, we got an idea to make money too. It's
gonna be better than your vodka company and Johnny Apple Production would like to announce
ten Foil t Believe and it's a delicious ten w forty ounce beverage. It's
competitively priced, it's eighty seven percent alcohol, and it can lubricate a moving
back. Bro Raw specked raw spect tell them what's up with the lid.
Sam. It's the exact tear weight of a gram of cocaine and each bottle
comes with a gram of cocaine. Sorry, suck on that stuck on that.
There's one cup. Oh, it could be used for an ivy and
an enema bag. So there you go. Wow, Wow, that's we're
winning, dude, multiple uses going, We're winning. That's very that's very
environmentally friendly, Jason. I appreciate that forward thinking. Multiple uses for the
bottle. You know, that's that's smart, man, because you can get
fucked up as fuck. You can get fucked up as fuck on it,
then turn it into a fucking enema and or an ivy, hydrate yourself,
and then go outside and lubricate the old lumb over there. How does that
work legally with the cocaine in there. I'm just curious. It's just it's
state to state. Just depends on your state. Certainly. I don't think.
I don't think cocaine is legal in any any states. Jason, Well,
we're working on it, John, I got here working. We have
a very aggressive legislation. You guys. Yeah, we hired we put more
money in the lobbying than we actually did the product. So yeah, Kanye
spent seven million dollars on one fucking commercial with no camera crew Samy and I
have been greasing the pockets of these fucking scum, fucking scumbag. That makes
sense because I just got a Fiji water bottle what I thought was a Fiji
water bottle in the mail from Jason with just like duct tape in the name
of the so that so I get it was that test. That wasn't even
test packaging, is what you're saying that Actually that was the prototype, Okay,
I just wanted you to give it a shot. Union lady, get
fucked up on that. Hydrate yourself with a little enema bag when you're done,
and then go ahead and fucking squeak the wheels on any squeaky drawers you
got, or if your door keeps squeaking, go ahead, lawnmower. Yeah,
I got you. I got you. And it's mult liquor too,
so that's good for you already. So NBA trade deadline a little bit of
a bust. Wasn't a ton of movement, A couple of cool trades.
But what about this Lebron talk where they would Golden State was really pushing to
try to get Lebron. I thought that was strange. Do you think that
I mean craft teams? I mean, I dude, listen, Lebron is
we will never see anything like Lebron again, like a guy that just forces
himself out of everywhere. I mean the closest thing is Wilt Chamberlain that played
on so many teams right, well, I got you know, I take
it back. Didn't Shack play in a bunch of teams too. He kind
of overstated is welcome and they moved him on. But nobody forced it every
way out, like like Lebron James. Has nobody bails on a team like
Lebron James. Nobody team like Lebron James. Right, good teams to what
he's bailed on? Good teams too, Well, they're teams he puts together
and then he doing it doesn't work, he blames everybody but himself, and
he just has loyalty. And it's like, listen, dude, I know
he's trying to position himself to go play with his son, and I as
a parent, I find that very admirable. His son is not good enough
for the NBA at this moment in time. If somehow he gets healthy and
maybe his heart is back to normal and he's moving at full speed and maybe
he starts just hitting shots, but right now, dude, basketball, the
college basketball looks too fast for him, Vince Carter Man he could go pro
in two. Here's he's got a lot of maturation. There's a maturation process
with him. And of course with his ticker and all that. You're like,
hey, man, ease him back into the game. Yeah, I'm
not saying he can't. The problem is this Lebron James. Kids don't have
his their dad's game, and guess what, not a lot of people do.
And it's nothing against what I said. In the history of basketball,
there's been about ten threeaks like him, Nick that has not been a lot
man at eighteen. So his other son and like, dude, I'm not
taking away from him. They're like, they're just kids, right, But
his other son is averaging like six points a game, eight points a game,
and he's like six' six, And that's the one they thought I
had a real shot. So Lebron wants the price James. Yeah, Lebron
wants to force his kid to the NBA. And it's gonna be hell on
that kid. The kid doesn't need it. He just really doesn't need it.
He's gonna make money doing whatever he is. His dad's richer than shit,
and he's never gonna have to worry about it. I just it's just
sad you're taking away an opportunity of somebody who isn't a legacy person and needs
it. Rice James has offers from Ducaine and Ohio State. Those are his
two offers. Ducaine, Yeah, and Ohio State. Du Kesney not in
a long time, dude, Ukine. But the NBA's interesting, dude.
Uh. The Doc Rivers experiment is not going well Milwaukee. That was a
big surprise, very dumb move, and it's just unbelievable how nobody sees that
that guy can't make adjustments. Okay, you just can't make adjustments. And
he's the nicest guy you ever meet. And then the Clippers have real problem
with size. There's talk about us geting Gallinari, but I don't know how
much Gallinari has left in the tank. But that's exactly what we need,
is a six to ten guy to deal with when we have to deal with
like the t Wolves or the Pelicans who give us a lot of problems.
Man, that's a big team. That's a week you know, yeah,
State, But I'm hoping they could be just a tiny piece that helps us
because we have real problems with Minnesota and everyone can shoot on Rudy Gobert,
but Rudy Gobert and Mike Conley, whenever they're on the same team, they
have the top they have the top seed. They tend to have the top
seed in the Western Conference. The problem is when they get to the to
the playoffs, their wing guys just disappear. I don't think you're gonna have
that problem with Anthony Edwards, who aunt is just an assassin. And they've
been able to turn Cat Carl Anthony Towns into what everybody is hoping that Wendy's
gonna be, which is this long five that can shoot threes and drive from
the from the corner and block shots, and he is that. He's that
guy right now. This is a fucking insane team. And that's not even
talking about the role players they got. Nobody's talking about Minnesota because it's Minnesota.
They are a legit threat. There's nobody that I think they should be
scared of. Maybe maybe Boston, maybe, but I still think Boston's gonna
be problems. I think it's gonna have problems with their size. They're literally
reinventing the NBA right now, enforcing everybody to hit every shot they make or
you're just done. You can't drive, you can't drive to the basket,
you just can't do that. That I think part of the Clippers. How
far do the Clippers get this year? In your opinion right now, if
this is the team, don't go well, if we can get one of
these you know, uh, Sam Tripoli nine way fucking moves right now with
this core team and with this second team coming off the bench, how far
do the Clippers get or how far do you think they could get? I
think they can go as far as anybody. And they're gonna just have problems
with the t Wolves if they meet them anytime, and they're gonna have problems
with the Pelicans. Nobody on that Clippers wants to get in front a fucking
Zion Williams plans in the first round, right yeah, I mean, dude,
that's a real issue right there. They've taken ten to twelve from us,
and I watch it all the time. We went to that playing game
where they played the Pelicans and we're really expecting to win at home and they
lost. Like dude, I mean, everybody focuses on Zion. He just
is a football player playing playing basketball. So he's just so disappointing. That
guy to me, like, I mean, he hasn't been that great,
and well he refuses to rebound. He just won't rebound and play. He
is an all he could listen if we, somehow, some way could maradually
take Kevin Garnett's mind, forget about it and put it in Zion a game,
I mean, greatest player we've almost ever seen ever, five rebounds a
game for that guy. Yeah, I'm with you enough. It's his mental
thing. I wonder, I mean, like I don't want to say questions,
but I wonder if he had any anybody push him as a kid.
I've been watching his kid since he was like in seventh eighth grade. Oh
yeah, dunking on everybody the history of this show. We've been hearing about
Zions. But you take Zions, take Zion, throwing Kevin Garnett's mind and
then roll on uh Sidney Sweeney's tits. Now we're talking Sam. Sam's not
that's not that hot. He prefers Rachel. Do is all to uh know
that I thought she had those big bugs bunny teeth that you love so much.
I do think that fucking chick who thinks she's black, it has a
banging body. He thinks Rachel Dole is all hot, the woman, the
woman that pretended to be she's gotten only fans. Now that you think that
one, huh, Yeah, he's into her. But I just wanted you
just want to teach her a lesson that has nothing to do with how she
looks. I just want to hear her call me the M word. That's
see now there it is. You know what I'm saying. Oh, I
know exactly what you're saying. Sidney Swing is a knockout. Though she's I
think she's attracted, I just don't. I don't think she's like like Victoria's
Secret. How I'm sorry, what show me a picture? I tell you
Who's you know, Victoria's Secret All Star? Remember when hold on What's her
Name? And she had that talk show later on and then she was judging
models and stuff. She's a Victoria's Secret model forever, huge, huge boobs.
Who knows Tyra Banks tire of Banks Man. In her early I mean
she's always privately gorgeous right now, but in her when she first came out
on the on the modeling for for Victoria's Secret, Holy clock Mole. Yeah,
yeah, amazing. Yeah, she was beautiful. Dude. That was
right right up my alley to my age group. You know, like that
chicks hot, dude? Yeah, I mean, dude, I can find
a million chicks on Instagram like that. I'm sorry, dude, No,
you do the chicks you I see who you fall on Instagram because I can
log into the broken simulation account and none of them were as hot as Sydney
Swing. It's a bunch of gross hip hop dancers. Your growth, your
gross hip hop dancer's. Throw those cans on Zion now we're talking, guys.
How about this's body? Uh, Zion's body? Okay, just play
with damn god, Sidney Sweety's tits, Scottie Pippens, Dick, are we
in? Or are we in? We'll throw bugs Bunny's teeth in there for
you. Okay, there we go home. Bro, hold on, is
that her too, Sidney Sweety? Dude? Stop, she's just trying to
dude. You guys are I'm over you? Guys? This is gross?
What are you talking about it? I'm not into it. I'm sorry.
She's like, oh my god, that's the worst taste, dude, and
my tits ostracized me. You know you're tits didn't please stop? What are
you talking about her tits? Ostracize her? What does that mean? Dude?
That's the if you look at that one picture you were showing. One
of the pictures is a story where she's like, my tits are so big.
I felt ostracized. Just hot chicks looking for some kind of oppression.
What's that gonna do with how hot she is? Because it's annoying because it
turns Sam off. Thank you. Back to basketball. Back to basketball.
We are seeing there the official end of the Old Guard. Dude, the
Banana Crew's gone. Lebron James is the last. Chris Paul is basically m
i A. It's the opposite of what you said. By the way,
her mother she was trying to get her tits down size when she was in
high school, and her mother said, you'll regret it, and she says,
she's so glad she didn't get her tits downsized. She loves her big
old titties. So there you go. Sam, Johnny, I don't even
want to talk to you because you're saying dumb shit right now, that's what
I'm your breath right now. I'm loving the smell of your breath right now,
Johnny. And you know what, but the first time of the show,
it doesn't smell like apples, all right? And what do you think
about the All Star Game? And did anybody watch any of the bullshit about
the I mean I didn't watch any of the Pro Bowl. I didn't know
why they ruined it. They ruined that game. They've destroyed it. Well,
they get hurt. They should have one hundred yard dash, grab a
couple receivers, a couple of dbs of everybody that says they're the fastest guy
in the NFL. They should give out the fastest man in the NFL award.
Everybody would watch that ship. Why could they do that in the throughout
the entire history of you know, me growing up watching football, But they
can't do it. Now, have those guys get hurt? I don't understand.
Well, there's a lot going on, Johnny. There's salary caps.
Now somebody you lose a player at that high end, you can't just sign
anybody else. And these guys are just like, there's so much money involved.
Now, I'd rather watch them play Madden. I'd rather watch an eight
person Madden tournament for the Pro Bowl weekend then watch these people play fucking I
like what you're saying. The NFL has had a salary cap since the nineties.
The reason they're doing flag football is because somehow everybody's trying to convince themselves
that woman's flag football is cool and everybody can go fuck themselves with that.
Okay, oh wait, so so you gotta you got a theory? Huh
yeah, explain. Hey, dude, you check out women's flag football.
It's really cool. It's growing. I go get out of here. Dude.
They're probably gonna play women's flag football at some point and it's fine.
I don't care. But it's just like, that's what they're doing it.
They should do a bankwod ceremony where they name all the uh, they reveal
the selections. Okay, everything comes up gets their plaque. Thank you.
You don't have to say anything. You're just like thank you. And then
and then we have the world's fastest man yea who could throw the ball the
far they I love to watch. Yeah, me too. I like that
ship. I don't like the tug of war. I don't care about dodgeball,
I don't care about flag football. I don't care about a crazy catch
contest, how about who can get the most strippers pregnant? Well that they
run that, I would be there. I would watch this ship out of
that. We would be making a big mistake, Jason. If we didn't
talk about the uh the fire. Oh yeah we haven't. We talked about
the show. Well, you guys know, Yeah, that's why I'm in
this airbnb because my mom's garage caught on fire two days before Christmas and I've
been this entire time for the worst part was like the Christmas to New Year's
I got these three big dogs in one of those fucking like hotels that have
a kitchen in it and ship. So my mom's in one hotel, I'm
in the other hotel. But we got to share these fucking dogs. And
you know Sam, Sam's a big dog guy. They can sense them.
Something's fucked up. Those dogs were they're already crazy. One of them tried
to kill Johnny Apples, been them right in his apples. They they were
fucked up. You gotta walk them every fucking two hours. It's been a
fucking nightmare. But now we're in an airbnb. Probably can't get back into
the house until May Man. Tell me how you not about it, like
what happened, talk about the fire. It was what it was like about
eleven thirty at night and downstairs you've been you've been there, Johnny downstairs almost
like an autonomous have you beaten off or not beating off yet? Not in
like thirty to forty minutes. Okay, I'm well outside the window, so
I'm yeah, so I'm I'm getting the belt off of my neck and making
sure of me back on the stool and uh, cleaning up. And so
my mom texts me, hey, because she's upstairs a whole different corner of
the house, did you, like leave something in the fucking airfryer some shit?
I got down, but I smell some shit. You want me to
do a lap around the house make sure everything's cool. She's like, yeah,
yeah, Bro. By the time I put my second shoe on,
all the all the alarms went off. Oh and You're like, oh shit.
I mean if that would have happened two hours later, everybody would have
been asleep, and not even ninety an hour and a half, everybody in
the whole fucking house. But it's just the garage what caused the fire,
Jason. They think it's electrical. They don't know yet one hundred percent.
Yet they're gutting the garage right now and then once they get behind all that,
they'll be able to. But it's a new house, so that's why
they that was why their theory was, Oh it's a beautiful house. Yeah
you said, your golf club's kind of melted into one giant golf club's all
right, can you still use it? I only have a fourteen iron,
but yeah, so I now I got new clubs. Thank you, callaway
rogue. That's where we're going to be rocking. We still need a driver,
but I got all my clubs replaced, so that's good. Just need
to get a driver and that's it. But yeah, it's been a fucking
nightmare. And but let me tell you this, and to anybody, God
bless you, if you've been through house fires or any water damage, where
you got to get they got to take all your shit out and do.
What a racket that these ambulance chasers are knocking on your fucking front door,
calling you how they got your number? You don't fucking know. And and
the fire marshall guy literally warns you and he goes, listen, these people
are gonna come out of the woodwork for you, and just remember that this
is your house and whatever they're going to try to fucking tell you. You
know what I mean, insurance anytime insurance money is to be paid out,
dude, The people come out of the woodwork exactly like you said, the
wood work, bro and everything everything is because they're just milking the insurance.
It's like doctors. Doctors are the same way, dude. Yeah, thank
god my mom had good insurance on this, because yeah, you've got to
get good insurance, dud or else, so everything's covered. But that makes
it worse with you. The longer they keep you out of your house and
the longer they delay starting work on doing whatever they got to do, the
more they're milking and the more they're making. And the only person that pays
for it is you, because you're fucking in a foreign house with you know
gain. It wouldn't be half as bad for those goddamn dogs. Yeah,
yeah, I saw your mom on Facebook said that the dogs for a long
time, they wouldn't shit anywhere, but she had to take them back to
that house to ship, or they just wouldn't and they would just go ship
in their old yard and then come back. She even went crazy enough because
she's crazy, as she started shitting in the backyard, close close, close,
she I started shitting on her while she was shitting in the backyard,
to be like, you know this, because then the dogs see everybody ship.
No, she went, she goes, fuck, there's some sick of
a ship. She read somewhere that if you take some ship from your dog
from your yard over to a new house, then they will start shitting there
more. So, now she goes over there, picks up a bunch of
fucking ship in a bag and then brings it over and she just starts sprinkling
all around the boy. This just gets worse and worse. And why can't
so you say, it's just the garage. Why can't you stay in the
old house then, and it's not going to ground because of this, because
the way it's ventilated, all that smoke went up into the vents, and
then you know, there's like smoke damage in the house. They remove all
your beds, they remove all your furniture. They're like, we gotta clean
everything. Every fucking fork they literally moved. Now the downstairs is fine.
My whole area is down there because no smoke damage down there whatsoever. So
they didn't move anything, but the whole upstairs looks like no, but it
looks like a brand new house. That's funny. And they got we gotta
repaint all these walls. I go, but there's no doesn't smell like smoke.
There's no snow it got in there. Don't you worry. We're gonna
have to repaint. That's great. Really, Oh man, we might have
to, you know, because they were spraying the hose. It really was
foam. They're spraying all this foam in the garage, like on the wall,
you know where the fire was spraying it. All this bullshit on there,
and then they go. Then they go on the other side into the
kitchen, which is the other side of the Oh yeah, we're gonna have
to redo all these hardwood floors. There might be some water damage from when
they were spraying hoses. I go, might, let's talk about the word
might. You know what I mean. Oh yeah, there's another twenty eight
thousand dollars right to give it. Every fucking thing they can do. Uh
uh. They had to take, because it was two days before Christmas,
all the ornaments off of the tree and then get them all professionally cleaned.
That's what it is. What they're the people are telling me, and I
go, how about you throw the whole tree away? We just start over
next year if there's another Christmas. Ever, you you're going to charge the
insurance company to clean four hundred and you you missed your colleague as a lawyer
or just the guy who goes down to the city council and just that I
would be more that guy. Do you see the guy who? Do you
see the guy walked up to the city councils like, look at all these
ugly fat women? No, no, exactly exactly what else was I gonna?
Oh? Have you guys seen this movie? So anyways, Yeah,
everything's fine, got my clubs back, still need a driver. Thank you
the run is Easy. And thank you to stick Laveing our buddy Nick's Slaven.
They've been very helpful in helping me find new clubs and get my clubs
picked out and all that shit has been a fucking our deal. Let so
thank you to my golf friends for that, and thank you tor Is this
it. I'll just say thank you to rent is Easy for investing money in
my new Murphy toilet idea. Oh what is it. It's just like a
Murphy bed, but it's a toilet and he's going to throw one hundred thousand
dollars in to fix the water damage from a prototype and then now take a
ship, push it right back into the wall. Murphy toilet registered trademark.
Why I'm showing that? How does it? How does that? The water
doesn't come out of it once you push it up? Well, yeah,
it's been a fucking real ordeal. But we're going to figure it out and
research and development right into the wall, baby, just like a Murphy bed,
just looks like a fucking you know, closet, and you pull it
down, take ship, and he's excited about it. He's excited about that
idea. Huh is easy. He's investing and do it. Yeah, so
appreciate you for that. Have you guys seen this documentary called uh lover Stalker
Killer on Netflix? Oh? You gotta watch this one. I no spoiler.
You guys haven't seen it? I don't, It's no, I don't
know. I don't. I might watch it, like the number one movie
on Netflix right now. It's like ninety minutes. But it's this guy in
Nebraska, regular guy, like a mechanic. Look that you're telling him to
spoil stuff after one of our biggest one of the biggest fights in the history
of the show was spoiler alerts whether his fucking donut and really getting into fucking
me and Johnny Apples. I'm gonna tell you this. So this guy moves
to uh, Nebraska to be kind of close to his kids and and his
wife have a separation, but he wants to move closer to where they are
and starts online dating and some shit gets fucking really crazy. You want to
see how crazy women can be. You watch that fuck movie and it's not
like one of those Netflix five one hour a part you know what I mean.
It's just one doc, but it is fucking out there. Did I
see they're doing another jinx another season of the Jinks? You know the Robert
Durst where he admitted, yeah, you could do another season of that.
Remember that he was like killed them all of course, went to the bathroom
and just confessed all the murders. Here's this video you were talking words,
Okay. Used to see you a bunch of fat ugly women. I gotta
start good evening cowards. Used to see you a bunch of fat ugly women.
No, no, no, ugly women is what they are. Let's
talk about it. You don't have to buy a speech, it is free
speech. Actually, hey, that's his opinion, Ugly Sam. You anyways,
bat to real quick? What do you are you excited about? All
Star Weekend? I think the NBA All Star Game of all the All Star
weekends and what have you with all the sports is probably the most exciting the
game. The challenges are great, the game base baseball probably has the best
game I think. Bro. Listen, I'm gonna end on another Sam tripley
rant against women's basketball. Listen, my daughter will most likely play at some
point. And I technically don't have a real problems with the game. I
actually enjoyed the game of basketball. But the way ESPN is destroying its own
channel with this Emperor's new close excitement for women's basketball is unbelievable. It is
unbelievable, And it's like, Sam, why is it bother you? Because
I work my ass off all day? Okay, I want to work.
I work my ass off all day. I hustle all the time, and
when I get home, I lay on my bed, exhausted, and for
just one moment, I just want to find out the scores of the sports
that most men care about. Okay, I don't want you leading off with
you god woman basketball after the Super Bowl the day of the Super Ball.
Yeah, the first though real was on the ESPN dot com was what Iowa
woman's basketball. So now they compare these two shots. There's a shot by
by Steph Curry that is so far away, he's in the tunnel going to
the locker room, owns it. He hits a three. Now the skinny
ass white Chin Yu Khon shoots a no look half quarter. You would think
they were the same level of difficulty the way ESPN was gushing about this woman's
shot, to the point they had a hard debate on what was a more
difficult shot, the half car no looker or the guy who shot it from
outside the arena. This Caitlyn Clark too, dude. They're just I mean,
man, they're trying to make her happen, aren't they. And listeners,
if you're in the woman's sports, which a small segment of society is,
they love to go watch her play. Anthony Johnson, it's probably some
good for and like good for her, and she's gonna go to the NBA,
and it's just like, stop crying about nobody watch the NBA. If
it could compete in the marketplace of ideas, it would, but it doesn't.
Look how long do you think it'll be in ESPN start saying, Hey,
could this? Could she play in the NBA. She's such a good
shooter. She might be the greatest female shooter of all time. And maybe
with the exception of Reggie Miller's sister. Dude, you know Grinder's too O
five. Chris Paul is too O five. Yeah, isn't that crazy gonna
happen? I saw Stephen A. Smith went on Bill Maher and they asked
Steven A. Smith what would happen? What would happen if the NBA and
the w NBA merged, And Stephen A. Smith says that, well,
Lebron James would have sixty points the game, and that's not it. No,
Lebron James would average twenty four, which is what he averages now.
And no women would be playing in the NBA. That's just one hundred per
set. It would be the NBA with four. If the w NBA the
NBA merged, it would become the NBA. It would be no different women
just wouldn't be playing basketball anymore. It would never Dude, these aren't the
greatest men, Like you're. The reason you, as a woman is not
playing in the NBA is not because you're a woman. Yeah, it's not
like the race thing, right. They think it's like the race thing possibly,
you know, like it was segregation, you know, kept all these
great black athletes from playing with the whites. Not that. Almost every other
form of entertainment, women are gifted opportunities for equality. And if you want
to take a real look at it, how how many let me ask you.
Let's say there's like, let's say there's two hundred and fifty women in
the NBA, in the WNBA. Do you do you have that number?
Johnny? Yeah, Hold on a second, let me ask you how many
social how many social media influencers female social media influencers across YouTube, Instagram only
fans and TikTok do you think there are It's gonna be like one hundred thirty
something like that. There's twelve teams and each team has like eleven or twelve,
one hundred and thirty women something like that is how many women make money
and off of TikTok Instagram OnlyFans Facebook, Twitter and get likes and retweets for
nothing. They literally like just having a coffee today, thousand likes. Oh
I love you so much. They make so much money off that shit.
You know, it's like Eric Myer's old bit where you know you have to
he'd have to be on the moon and you get twelve likes, and a
woman puts out like just gone today a billion likes, and those billion likes
by her influencer opportunities like ads, you know, traction from the social media.
So women and we're you also apply this to like a job that more
people do than basketball, which is waiting table service industry. Women make way
more money and tips than men do. It's not even close. Nobody talks
about it. To the point. Worked at Hooters for two years. I
worked at Hooters for two years. I got four dollars in tips over two
year period, and and three of those four dollars was from the same guy
telling me to put my tits away, which I did all three bucks.
Oh, it's so dumb. It's never gonna work, man. Maybe the
WNBA had a chance. Maybe back when there wasn't the Internet and a bazillion
things to do if you want. They're like, lower the rim. It's
like it's the only female sport for the most part where there isn't some weird
like women's mma is kind of the same as men's They play by a lot
of the same rules, I guess, But most of your other female sports
there's special rules for females. Uh less sets less Uh lower the rims if
you really, but I don't care if chicks start dunking, nobody's give a
shit. I women golfers than the yeah crows. I said, there's only
two ways women's basketball explodes. Lower the rim no, yeah, literally.
Uh. Somehow convinced the Jenner gambrlers degenerate gamblers that there's a lot of money
in betting into WNBA or only fans. Literally hook up with only fans.
They have enough money. They make so much money they could afford to give
you all private jets. You could. Every team gets sown private jets through
only fans. Your hottest chick has a finger blast herself on there after every
game I'm watching. I'm watching, I'm watching now, don't tell me that
that what's disrespectful when all these kids are doing only bands anyways, I mean
they're all doing it. I wonder if the w NBA or NBA, I
guess. I mean, guys, if they have to think like you can't
do only fans, you can't do nudity, you can't do. I wonder
if they have a thing that they I'm sure are not allowed to you.
You know what I mean, they all would Yeah, yeah, for sure.
All right, guys, I got jam I gotta do show. I
love you. Hey, dude, we gotta do these more often. Thursdays
are good for me. Glad you feel better Thursdays. It works for me
too. No. I mean I dude, I've been down for two weeks.
I feel like I'm Every time I think I'm getting better, it just
gets back. The worst gets you sorted out. Man, what's going on
here? I'm trying, dude. All right, I'll talk to you guys
soon. I love you, Sammy, I'll love you guys. Sam March
third, go samsoo dot com for tickets. Help me all the tickets that
when you purchase a ticket to my show, just know goes to the production
of the of of the Special. I'm not making any money off this.
I don't want I just want to help pay off this special, so it's
not about me putting money in my pocket. Say what are you putting it
out on? If you decided yet, I don't know. I'm gonna put
on Rumble first because they give me love and we'll see where it goes from
there, because I'm shadow band everywhere else. Well, I'm happy. I'm
excited to hear it. Sammy, I love you. I love you too.
Guys, We're just gonna head over to Patreon now. If anybody's still
there, ptre dot com slash punch Drunk Sports. We won't keep talking ten
or fifteen minutes here, uh the pet you on dot com slash punch Drunk
Sports, go ahead, say it again. That's stepped on. I'm just
telling it you guys from your boy the Teeth and from Johnny Apples, suck
it. What did I say? Girls? Girl friend? Every girl's knock
girl friend? And it has disturbed me how much Sam loved this song.
He answer was like, yeah, special mege, what am I saying?
Jobby stop? Just letther rock. These are kids we're supporting. Now.
If you are, if you're a drunk puncher by by on the problem,
if you want to find this U and buy it. It's with knee high
Let's get Busy as the name of the album, and dross my girlfriend and
drows my girlfriend. I made that, I'm gonna make I'm gonna put this
a vote. Should this be the new punk drunk? These