Hello, everyone, Welcome back to the Firescape cast. It's our second episode
of two twenty four. I's what you're saying. In general, it's done
a lot more than that seventy two, seventy two episode seventy two, but
episode two, to be precise, it's a good amount coming up on a
few years now. Are you guys used to writing twenty twenty four yet typing
twenty twenty four? Don't write date lines anymore? To typing? You're right?
Oh yeah, Dan, you have you broke? You had what you
had an injury that? Oh, perhaps he's not typing at all. Perhaps
on this podcast personally injured me maliciously and intentionally. Hey Mike, readay Mike,
can you do this? They specifically asked me if I wanted this finger
tape to it, so I wasn't constantly flitting people off, and I said,
no, leave it. And so now I've got this from Seinfeld,
and George is driving the player to the PBS fundraiser and then he gets cut
off and thinks the guy flips him off, but he falls into a gas
station. He had a middle Oh right, yeah, I got the ray
tomorrow. We'll see how long I keep it on, tell us what you
told the doctor, Like, what were the I mean, it was very
easy to talk to the doctor without bringing it up. Like I was just
like I fell and I braced myself and you know, like that's all that's
necessary. It's true. You didn't say you fell into a tub of cheese.
No, I can't afford to look ridiculous. That's during your video game
live stream weekend where we expensed Popeyes. It is, yeah, I did
that fucking seven said eight hour almost stream with a broken finger without realizing it.
I didn't know until over to I got a whole Christmas. I flew
to Kansas, I celebrated with my family, I hosted a New Year's party.
All that unknowingly broken finger. I'm just a I had discussed the possibility
of it because it was very swollen. And you said to me, Mary,
do you think it's swollen? And I said, if it is,
like not functional in two days, you gotta go to a dock. It
was like twice the size of a finger. It was started turning like black,
and it was very very Uh the knuckle, the knuckle is where it's
broken, so like that's where all the swelling was and everything so ah,
man, I remember when I bellow, like everything hurt because both hands,
well my knees got scraped up and bloodied, my elbows got scraped up and
bloodied, and my fingers on both hands. But like when Jake was just
outside the door and he just heard like ah that was like me yelling and
stuff, and he couldn't get in because the door was locked. So I
had to like crawl to the door on my bathroom floor and unlock it.
And I remember the thing I was holding the most was my hand. I
remember, so like that must have been my brain being like, hey,
that's the bard that's actually super fucked up. So you know they cater to
that. So yeah, I mean I broke I've broken several fingers, but
this one I didn't know and or care about. Mary. I think you're
actually there the next morning break, Yeah, wow, that's her thing.
This is never So that's like me straightening as much as I can. I
mean I can do it by either hand, but that's as far as like
the actual tendon will allow me. It's like an x men, But like
my only skill is that I can break your fingers with like twitching my nose,
terrifying Yeah. You can only brings very indirectly and unintentionally and in ways
you could have never possibly predicted somebody would break up work. Yeah, and
it'd be great if I, like worked for the government and they were like,
we need you to interrogate this guy. And I'm like filling a tub
with twenty five boxes of mac and cheese and he's like, what are you
doing? And I'm like, you'll see tell us the name that has the
authority to like launch a nuke in like a rival country, and it's like,
leading up to it, you make it so all their fingers break so
they can't press the button, and you say World War three. I say,
I say, let's get this gal down to Cuba. Show that Castro
the old what's for with twitchy knows and his broken fingers? Does Cuba have
nukes? I'm just I'm referencing the pigs. Yeah, but do they have
nukes now? No? No, no, no, no, Cuban missile
crisis, not the big pigs. I mean, there was whatever Cuba stuff.
But do they have nukes? Now? Maybe I don't believe nokes,
Okay, they might. Actually I was very surprised by how many countries have
nukes When I look at can I guess and marry you guess too, Mike.
You'll look it up. How many of how many countries have? How
many countries have nukes? Yes? Does Cuba have nukes? First? I
want to Cuba is not known to have nukes? Chemical by okay, so
can you lie? Like? How accurate is this where countries are like no
nukes here? Like, I don't think hold on? Hold on? Okay?
How many there's literally I think it was a New York Times graphic last
year. Oh my god, like ka, no, not, I will
say it's pretty scary. You're not. That's the spoiler. I'm gonna say,
hold on eighteen Okay, Mary, what's your guests? I'm gonna bob.
I'd like to double that. I'm gonna go with thirty six. What
I didn't finish the search term. I just entered how many countries and it
gave me one hundred and ninety five. That's all of them have nukes?
Okay, Okay, that's more reassuring. But all right, so you're thirty
six. Mary, I'm going with double what you said because I think it's
a lot, and I think that I think the world is evil. Okay,
again, keep in mind, are these prices right rules? I just
think closer. I'm just saying like it's if I'm over by one, do
I lose noice? Whoever's closer? If it's twenty four, we both win?
All right? Go ahead? Okay, Dan, Sorry you said eighteen,
Mary, you said thirty six? Nine of them? Do only nine?
I guess a bunch of pussies. What we take over so much?
I had the most evil reaction to that. Ever, is anyone for to
protect themselves anymore? Okay? As according to Statista, I don't know if
it's a viable source as of August last year. As of I love statistics.
Dot com statistics make me horny, dot gift. There's nine. Wait,
but now Wikipedia is telling me eight. Okay, okay, then wait,
hold on eight sovereign Eight sovereign states a publicly announced successful detonation of nuclear
weapons. Five are considered be nuclear weapon states, uh in order to acquisition
Okay, there's five like superpowers with nukes, which you could probably guess.
Okay, US, Russia, China and in North Korea want some real bad
I don't know if they have them for real. They probably have one,
but it's like weak and it like won't go very yeah. Iran okay,
I ran, okay, okay, So let's be it seems reasonable. We're
dabbling with some Uh there is a nine. I see where the why the
with the disparity between Wikipedia is the nine is Israel, which is widely known
to have nukes, but they never admit it. So here's a chart.
And of course, in August twenty twenty three, who do you think has
the most nukes? Us we're we're nuke lush, like we're number one.
We are number two. We invented them. Russia has more, according a
bunch of six hundred and fifty more like I mean, freak. Russia's no.
When you're like when you're building up an arsenal against pretty massive countries,
one nuke is not gonna Russia. Oh okay, So the United States is
two. I think the United States has and I don't know how they're classifying
these. I'm not twoty, Mary, that sounds like a good number.
I was gonna say we have at least one hundred and eighty. You are
both wrong. It is five thousand, two hundred and forty four. Wait
said Russia at six hundred and fifty and they're number one. They had six
hundred and fifty more than us. They have need that many, No,
nobody, nobody needs one. Who do you think is three China? Correct?
How many? Yeah? Because there they are constantly constructing things. Well,
it's like me making cure ofs and command and conquer four thousand marry How
many do you think China has? How many do we have? Again,
no, two hundred and forty four. And then next is Russia and they
have like because no, Russia's first, they have five thousand, eight hundred
basically six thousand we have sarek te hundred forty four. And then China has
how many? Four thousand, eight hundred, four hundred and ten. Oh
so stupid. I don't know anything about rectory. Geez. Wow. I
don't even let them on the podium. Geez. They can't even compete a
bunch of users. Keep in mind, they're like, okay, so I
don't I'm sure there's some that they don't disclose. But then again, there
are only a certain number of countries that are have a nuclear triad, which
is when you have nuclear launch capable submarines, nuclear launch capable land silos,
and nuclear launch or nuclear drop capable planes, the triad idea being you're more
of a threat like in the game of nuclear Chicken, because you can take
out two of these things, but you're not gonna find every stealth sub.
We can kill you six times before you hit the ground. We shoot them
from the sea, we shoot them from the sky, we shoot them from
our butts. We have nukes hidden in our children's toys. They are everywhere,
and if you fuck with us, we'll kill you. Basically, they
you need to build a tech get all three of those, right, Yes,
yeah, I love your your understanding. The old stage is painted by
two thousand meddle year and yes, yes. What is the fourth country after
China? India? Canada? Neither? What did you say to India?
No? But in India Iran and it's not no I ran as that's a
whole Pakistan have it? Yep, Okay, Stan has him. That's not
number four of them. Okay. So again another game where or sorry,
another quote unquote game of chicken where two countries do not historically get along Pakistan
and India. Yeah, one hundred and seventy and one hundred and sixty four
respectively. Do you say Canada does not have them. Not. I feel
like they have one. I bet you Trudeau's lion he's got at least one.
It's in a penguin's north nuclear he doesn't have to trifecta. He's only
got one penguin that's nuclear charge and he sends him out. I am curious
what is the deal with Canada, because I feel like I've been there a
couple of times. It was very nice. I know people who are from
there, I know people who have moved there from America. I hear nothing
but glowing things about Canada all the time. It seems to have a lot
of the benefits of us with like not a lot of the downsides. Like
I don't know a lot about Canada, but everything I've heard is positive.
Why aren't we all moving to Canada boring? It's not boring, it's boring.
Montreal Quebec is like my favorite patch of Earth, well second third favorite
after Paris, which changed my life. I Canada is great. I hear
awesome things about Vancouver. I've only ever been in Toronto. Montreal like the
Ontario province, state province, but it seems like they're never fucking with anyone
I don't ever like they're never getting attacked or they're not again it's boring.
They're real fighting, no, like really exciting things. They don't have four
locos like they're just not like pushing the boundaries of anything. That sounds all
right, that sounds like a good you know. That's what happens when you
when you hit like through old Yeah, like Canada, mid thirties. People
love Canada. My state borders Canada. I can just drive north me and
Canada later tonight. I grew up fucking two hours from the border of Canada.
It's great an hour, it's great. I love Canad. Let's all
go to Canada, like permanently in Montreal. I like, I like serving
the chance I would live in Montreal. And there's also paperwork and job stuff
for Canada. I've been to Canada a couple of times. It's very pretty,
it's very green, and I feel like it's clean. Their cities are
really nice and clean. I went to Neil Blomcamp. Uh he's Canadian or
at least lives in Canada for the very minimum, and blom Camp Studios is
in Canada, and I visited him where in Canada, you know, Montreal.
Just say mew, oh, you know it in Montreal. He's up
there. Uh no, I think he was in Vancouver. It was really
close. Are you just same? That's like saying someone is in Myrtle Beach
but they're actually in San Diego. That is how far off close enough any
Canadian lesters? She does not represent me. He lives in Vancouver. And
it was just kind of like I don't know, just like not a lot
goes down there and all right, but it's peaceful, right, I mean
they've got problems. I don't know which. I just assume. What do
you think the biggest problem Cana is mm, I have no idea. I
don't get Canadian newspapers. They probably have a lot of bird attacks. Oh
yeah, yeah. They probably have a train system that's like super efficient and
every once in a while it shuts down and it's chaos. It's probably like
a hockey strike like ten years ago. They probably have like such a good
food system for the people, and every once in a while they serve too
many crackers and everyone has like you know, it's a riot. Not to
get too political, I just did you new course, what is the one
are the biggest problems Canada's facing right now. It's number one. Climate change,
Well everyone, that's not exclusive to Canada. Number two, that's not
a real fucking problem. Canada, get yourself some real fucking problems. Number
two, gender inequality, welcome to the club. Number three immigration policy.
Fucking come on, Okay, Yeah, well actually I do think they have
serious immigration issues. Yeah, I mean, this is all, but none
of those are like starvation or like serious issues. I mean they are serious
issues. I don't want to actually make light of the issues. I'm just
saying, like, we got fucking problems. If you have cancer in America,
he's not a serious issue a problem, but we like literally haven't solved
healthcare. If you get cancer in America, you're fucked, Like, we
have serious issues. Oh my god. If you get addicted to opioids see
a later bucco, that shit like just doesn't happen. In most countries,
they just take care of you. Oh let's say, if you have a
person in your family that is special needs. In other countries, they're like,
cool, we'll make sure that that person's taken care of and is taken
care of by the government. In America, they're like, we're gonna tax
you double just because we hate you. My uncle who like works and his
special needs, they they basically were like, we're suing you because we gave
you money for being special needs, but you're able to work. And it's
just like, but you want people to work, right, Like that's a
good thing that he was able to work, and then the government sued him.
Where are the worst? We have serious fucking issues, and it's much
broader than global warming. Money to global warming is not going to take us
out nuclear war, and like owing owing your insurance company four billion dollars is
our problem. Before we move on, Because I know we're all political experts,
I will say that climate change might be the broadest issue the whole world
faces for is my personal opinion. But and birds, climate change strikes no.
But I like, I love Canada. Montreal is one of the few
other cities I would live in given the choice. I've been there like twice
and I enjoyed it quite a bit. Two times I was there, I
liked it. Like two months ago I was in Ottawa, Quebec. It's
wild that you could be there that much. M hm. There's cool stuff
there. They've got wrestling games. They're good as being from Buffalo. Niagara
Falls, Ontario is a place I used to go all the time as a
kid, and it like so pretty there. Falls is better than our falls
because they put a lot of energy into the landscaping, so it's filled with
flowers and gardens and it's beautiful and our side is like all concrete. And
then it's like, come look at the falls. That's it. You want
to go to their side. Their strip clubs. The women can get or
the people can get completely naked, and you can also have alcohol there.
So that was like eighteen, Yeah, you'd get your passports out to go
to a strip club. Mike ab Absolutely, I didn't. I just know
people who would be like for going to Falls, it's me. I'm people,
I fucking go. I went to it all the time. As soon
as we turned eighteen, we all went to Canada to get shit hammered.
I think I told you guys this. That were the very first time I
ever went. We went to a strip club and it had a huge sign
that said we're the best strip club in Canada. We have twenty gorgeous girls
and one ugly one, and they were like, let's go and we went
inside. It was great, they know that they're getting all these Americans,
New Yorkers, New Englanders coming up, so like we really got to lure
them to the side and get all that money on. In our tourist mecca,
we had a good time. I remember really enjoying and gambling and stuff
over there. Like you could. You could get a steak dinner in Canada
for like twenty bucks. Ah, I changed my mind. Canada's great.
Nor McDonald's probably my favorite Canadian. Yeah, McDonald, Wayne Gretzkreaky, Gretzkreky,
grets Creeky, probably Canadian because he's a hockey guy. Jim Carrey,
we're assuming he's Canadian. So manybody who plays as Canadians. Keanu Reeves is
great Canadian. Oh oh, okay, have we talked about this name and
actor. I guarantee you they are either from Australia or Canada. That's insane.
I promise you do it. Tom Hardy well minus him with a non
British accent name anyone, I dare you continue? Just continue? Jim Carrey,
he's Canadian, right, Oh you were saying Australia or Canada? Yes,
okay, okay, every single actor is Australian, Robert de Niro,
Tom Cruise Australian Canadian. This is no but for real though, a lot
of actors are from Australian and Naomi Watts and no, no, no,
no, no, no, okay, this is a real thing. And
my friend I was talking to is Australian. Apparently there are like a lot
of government subsidies to encourage actors. And I forget the specifics, but there
are a lot of like the Hemsworth's Like who did I? I did not
know was Australian till recently, Well I knew Margot Roby is Australian. Uh,
this is great radio? Who was I surprised? And new Kate Blanche
a new Eric Banner, Rose Byn, Hugh Jackman. These are all obvious.
Guy Pearce didn't. I didn't know, Guy Pierce. I did not
know Joel Edgerton or Isle of Fishers. You're weaving. Joel Edgerton was in
Farrior, he was in I'm looking at his face. I don't think I've
ever seen this man. He's in a bunch. He was in Zero Dark
thirty. Oh okay, then I've seen him. Naomi Watts, Russell Crowe,
like, I don't think I knew Alex No, he's American. Colin
Farrell. Colin Farrell is Irish, the most Irish. Will Ferrell Australian?
Yeah wow? Wait is will fail Canadian? And I think he's from California.
Let's see. Yeah, that sounds right. He did a lot of
factors from ya. He's from Irvine, Australia. I'm from Irvine. Is
that a Pablo Francisco reverence? Jesus Christ? When you throw the frisbee into
the neighbor's yard and they pick it up. I'm from Irvine. That's the
only joke of his I remember. I just remember A bunch of my friends
in college were really into him. He drove me nuts. Yeah same here,
and I never really liked him, but that bit just stuck in my
head for something, for some reason forever. We I'm finally watching Better Call
saul Ah. I watched an episode today. I have like six episodes left.
We are episode ten of season one? Can I can I get plot?
Details? Were about the first season of a show that I aired like
almost a decade ago. I think season one I think is old. I
mean, I don't know if it's a decade I mean it's probably actually yeah,
probably yeah, the first season probably I could see that. Yeah,
talk about it. Uh. In general, I am not completely blown away
yet again, I'm not even down in season one. Yeah, I think
it's good. I think uh it. I like the way it's shot much
better. I think it's more artistically shot than Breaking Bad. I know Breaking
Bad there was a there were a lot of cinematic choices I didn't always love
or know if they were on purpose or if they were just kind of still
rookies in certain seasons. Gilligan is not a rookie. Been doing this for
a long time, I know, but what episodes yet? But he wasn't
directing those? Is like did I thought he had Cranson on one. I
think that makes sense. But like you could tell his craft was much more
expertly honed when him and Peter Gould started a break better call Saul. I
love Saul or Jimmy. I'm learning more about Mike. Okay, here's the
thing. I'm surprised. I usually really just don't like prequels. I don't
feel like the whole prequel thing is played out. I don't care about people's
backgrounds. I don't need an origin story for any person. I think the
show is doing it very well because the stuff that is calling forward to Breaking
Bad is really economic. It's not beating me over the head every five seconds.
But I, like I, I oftentimes have to remind myself it's a
prequel, because the action in the show in and of itself is interesting.
Yeah. I just the thing that initially turned me off was that I thought
it was going to beat me over the head with that, because in the
first two episodes it's like, oh, he met Mike in the in the
tollbooth. Oh here's Tuco he showed up, And I thought it was just
gonna be constant, like hey, remember this guy. Here he is,
but like remember this guy. First two episodes are the only ones that kind
of do that, and honestly, everything that happened, it gets better about
everything as it goes on, and it all feels very natural, where it's
like, oh, of course, like Mike and this character would have cross
paths in the same area and their line of work, and like it's it
gets better every season, I believe. Yeah, I just we just finished
the episode tonight where we kind of saw this coming, but he finds out
that his brother was the one who told Hamlin the douchebag the last did not
hire him. Yeah, or he has been telling him his whole life not
to hire him. That's a good arc, though there's like a lot that's
being built right now. I will agree with you. I actually think I
stopped watching or Call Saul maybe two or three times. Each of those were
the first season because it's slow and I don't actually give a shit about his
lawyer troubles. When you build that foundation, it gets so much more interesting
later when stuff does go down at the firm, or he falls in love
or whatever it is that happens to him. So right now, I will
agree with you. I think it is a bit magoo, but I think
if you I agree, But I think it's that you're at the place where
it's the hardest to keep going. It infinitely gets better every season in Yeah,
you mentioned like arcs, and like every character seems to have a really
good arg Every fucking character has a really good story to tell, and it
has to start with a foundation of every character, which is why I think
season one is so because nobody's nothing really dramatic happens in season one. No
Yeah, ten episodes in I really don't get Kim seems ancillary and like right
now I'm writing right totally. She seems like I'm like, okay, she's
just moving the plot forward for Jimmy. I think I actually got mad at
season one for making her such a like, uh, what do you kind
of what you're saying? But she's an uninteresting character and she like she's helping
him and she doesn't have her own autonomy, and uh there is movement,
so like, yeah, you stick with it, Yeah, I with you.
Sired casting of Chuck his brother Michael McKean from The Spinal Tap and SNL.
And here's the lead singer Spinal Tap and that SNL during a couple of
bad eighties years, just you know, long time improv comedian. But like
they almost resemble each other, like you could buy them as brothers. And
it's interesting because you know, Oden Kerk used to be a writer and performer
on SNL and so they both Like I thought it was just such an interesting
like those two guys make so much sense as brothers in such a funny show.
Yeah, such a noted comedy. Kirk is like even though this is
not a comedy, like he is funny and like he is the right pick
back and breaking it and now as that kind of smarmy like always got an
angle on something guy like he is the perfect casting for that show. Both
this and El Camino are way funny or sorry, el Camino was way funnier
than I remember, like that dark humor the post. I've watched that.
I don't remember a whole lot about it, but I remember kind of liking
it but not loving it. It's more of a very focused action movie,
which I liked. I went into it expecting, Okay, they're just gonna
wrap up all of Jesse's loose ends, but like you could tell, it's
like, hey, we realized Jesse got fucked for most of Break the Bad.
Let's give him like a at least satisfying end to it. Which is
good, but it's funny as hell, but yeah, so far better call.
Chuck is a great character, especially now that he's done his like heel
turn sort of and told Jimmy that he was the one blocking him from getting
hired the whole time. He's not a real lawyer, his his struggles weren't
as bad as his mine were, so like brotherly like Thees are so good
his his whole uh like agoraphobia meets fear of electricities. At first, It's
like so like odd at first, but then as it went on, I'm
like, man, this this this character, it works for him, Like,
yeah, I don't know, it's uh, it's good so far.
But again I'm like, it's season one. I'm not expecting it to get
to like better than breaking bad level that I've heard a lot of people say,
but like I'm we're definitely I'd say we're hooked. I think you're over
the hump because I stopped watching initially when it aired with the second episode,
and then the years later when I heard some of the good things about it,
I got the sixth episode and stopped, and then the years later I
started it again. I think once you get over that hump, and I
think that that hump is just season one. I think I think you're in
the clear. The whole plot line with the treasurer and his wife, I
felt like they could have done that in two episodes. I don't remember that
they have no idea the family and they had out in the wood. He
was in buzzling money from the count yep okay, right city, Yeah,
I think they could have done that in two episodes, but I like what
that established in that he had Mike sneak in to steal the money, so
they had no other recourse. So like, that's the that's now to me,
the most appealing part of the show. It's like, oh right,
it's a law procedural in many ways, but it's dark humor and also though
like he's not afraid to do criminals. Rather, he's not above doing criminal
stuff to advance his low career. That's like the I feel like the crux
of every great drama is someone's two inter warring lives, like Sopranos, family
versus family, Barry the hit man versus Barry the actor, like mad Men,
Dendreper versus Dick Whitman. I'm what mother versus comedian and missus masel So
that's where that's coming in now too. But I think they're already doing a
lot of cool, nuanced things with Jimmy that I'm interested in seeing. Isn't
that Kettleman side story? Also, how they introduced Nacho. Doesn't he somehow
entered the picture with Voss from far CREDT three that's Voss? Oh shit,
I didn't realize that that's awesome. Well, because vass, isn't it Trevor
from GTA five's and it breathed, yeah, oh so far I've seen him
a couple of times. Yeah, yeah, wow, Okay, So yeah,
Nacho doesn't get involved because of that treasurer thing. Right, I forget
how he initially came in because he met Jimmy when him and Tucco and company
brought them out to the desert. And then right, I forget how he
figured out that saw. I think he just had heard that the Kettlemans were
seeking counsel and went to solve Jimmy. He then went to Jimmy to say,
do you have any info on where they hid the money? I'm gonna
I'm gonna boost it, right, okay, and then yeah, and then
Nacho got arrested. But yeah, so between like Mike and Nacho and all
that, that side story does like introduce some people into the fray. Oh
my god, this episode, this passed episode. Keep in mind, I'm
a huge fan of Mark Prochs from like the Good Morning America, a spoof
he did from What We Do in the Shadows the Office and then A man
and I both love what we do in the shadows. I know if you'd
met him at her if that was season two, I wasn't gonna say anything.
Just watched that episode because that's where I saw Trevor too. But he's
rounding the corner and you see his like sockenny sneakers at first with a huge
kakis and like, who what actor they get? I was expecting maybe Gus
Frain's gonna get out of the van or something, but it comes up.
He's like, hey, guys, are you I'm assuming you're the help for
this job. We were losing it. He pops off everywhere. Yeah,
he's a good actor as well, like he kind of unfortunately will likely be
typecast is a little Weasley forever. But he has a good he has a
good edge with that character that's different. So it's that's an enjoyable show.
I started an absolute train wrack of a show called vander Pump Rules. Have
you ever heard of that reference? I don't know what it is. It's
trash on steroids. Oh okay, Amanda's cousin loves it. I think it's
an ironic love is it reality? Yes, but I'm sure they tweak it.
But yes, I don't know anything about I don't know anything about this
world, so you have to understand, like, I'm very new to it.
But someone sold me as like Drama City if you want to like watch
something that's filled with drama and everyone's fighting all the time, which I usually
don't like. I actually don't even watch reality. But I was like,
I'm trying to work out in the basement. I don't even like drama.
Shut up, Mike, I'm trying to check that little bit. I'm trying
to work out in the basement three times a week. And a really good
way to get me to go down there is if I have a show to
watch that I'm only allowed to watch when I work out. The vander Pump
Rules is my workout show, and that see, it's like something nice I
can be like, Oh, I can treat myself to like thirty to sixty
minutes of the show as long as I'm on my bike. Anyway. Uh.
Yeah, it's a lady who was from one of the Real Housewives.
I've never seen any real housewives, so I don't know which one or who
she is really. I've never I don't even know what a housewife is.
Her bigger name is Lisa vander Pump, and in addition to like being on
the show, she owns a restaurant. Vander Pump Rules is her restaurant,
and it's all the waiters and waitresses like having sex with each other and then
fighting about it and it's so juicy. It's crazy. How now, Okay?
I feel like on the spectrum of like reality shows, in terms of
like authenticity, you've got like those old VH one like Rock of Love type
things on these super produced, fake bullshit ones, and then you've got like
Terrace House on the other words, like wow, that's actually seems pretty authentic.
Like where does this lie the most authentic? Which house? Sex house?
Sex house? I would say it's closer to sex house because it's actually
very close to sex house because all they do is have sex with each other.
But I think the idea is that like there's no rules, nobody gets
voted out of the castle, there's no host, it's just a camera that's
in this restaurant. Uh, and Lisa vander Pump will be like, my
waitresses and my bartenders are always screwing. I don't know what I'm gonna do
with them, and then it just shows them and they're like, we hate
Katie so much. We think that Stacy slept with Jackson. We're pretty sure
about it. And then uh, like four episodes later it turns out that
they did and they lied about it, and everyone's like, that's slut and
it's just great and that's it. It has no value, it has there's
no value to society. It's just great, like working out and just mindlessly
like taking something. Yeah, I'm I am riding my bike and I'm drinking
my little glass of water and I'm just like, uh, you gossiping bitch,
like yeah, get her, you know, and they're just constantly picking
on someone for whatever reason. Then they're just like, we don't like her
anymore. And then they just they they just bully this person. And I
observe it as a third party, uh, and then I forget about it
because it's not important. But yeah, it's it's great to pass the time.
Nice. Do you think you especially like it because of your time in
the service industry? I I think so. I mean it, there's much
most of it is not about their serving, like it takes it's funny,
it takes place in a restaurant, But at no point is it like I
forgot the order at table forty seven. It's always because she under we have
to eighty six chicken crispies. It's always because somebody's somebody else. It's always
sex related, Like it's always because somebody's flirting with somebody else's boyfriend, or
there's a rumor going around that somebody the new girl slept with somebody's ex,
and like it's upsetting everyone. But there's really good twists and turns in it
that I guess for you know, a reality show are pretty juicy where you're
just like, I can't believe that they lied to each other for like an
entire season. It's very good. Yeah, it's absolute garbage and I usually
don't uh partake, and so it's been a really nice, enjoyable part for
me. But similarly to what you're going through, Mike, I'm on season
two. I just started this journey. Apparently vander Pump has like ten seasons,
which sounds jus crazy because it's the same people more or less. Like
it's like the same group. So for like ten seasons, these people are
like sleeping with each other and getting mad at each other. I don't understand
where it's gonna go you get a whole journey, Mike, where like crazy
shit happens in your show, like characters go through massive changes, and uh,
you know, not everybody makes it. And it's just like in this
one, it's not like Lisa's gonna die. They're just gonna keep having sex
with each other. So I don't understand how to stay entertained, but I'm
gonna trys. Have either of you watched The Curse at all? The Nathan
Fielders show, No, not yet with them a stone. Yeah, we
subscribed to Showtime just to check that out, because like, you know,
I just I can't. I can't be bothered to subscribe to show this anyone
else I wouldn't do it. But Nathan Fielder and the joy that managed not
just in this stuff, not just Nathan for you in the rehearsal, but
also with the stuff he's executive produced, like how to John Wilson everything.
It's like literally anything Nathan Fielder's name is attached to I have loved without reservation.
So it's like, all right, this is him doing scripted stuff,
which is really weird to me because I associate him with not scripted stuff.
It is weird, and we watched one episode and we're like, what the
fuck is this and we weren't really gonna continue with it. And then like
a day or two later, both Bonk and I had realized we were both
still like thinking about it and like this is so weird and we just have
to see where this goes. And we're like five or six episodes in now.
I think there's like ten. I think they're about to do the finale,
and I don't know if it's going anywhere. It's just got the weirdest
fucking tone. It's funny, but I don't even know how to you know.
It's also Benny Safty. It's one of the Safty brothers did like Uncut
Gems and everything. If ever there was like a duo that would make something
very odd, it's Benny Safty and Nathan Fielder. Yeah. I haven't seen
anything like it, but like all the performances, like Safti's in it,
Fielders and Emma Stones and it. How did he get Emma Stone to be
in it? Yes, I'm gonna be honest with you, Like he's genius,
but she's Emma Stone. They're married in the in the show. Again,
how did he do it? Uh? Well, I feel like that
happens a lot. Like Susan Sarandon's son was super into him, so she
did that Conan bit with him or something that's Haden's Yeah, Oh, okay,
I don't know. You've seen the Susan Sarandon and Nathan Fielder thing they
did on Conan, right, was the one whatever? There was the Kimmel
one where he like prepared the entire thing is that we were talking about.
No oh, if you haven't look up Nathan Fielder, Susan's random Okay talk
show, they go on and I'm not gonna spoil the bit, but it's
pretty good. But apparently her son was super into him. That's how Danny
DeVito came across Sonny apparently, like I don't know, I'm wondering if it's
one of those things, but like also he's got a lot of money to
throw around these days, so like if Emma was available, well, I
guess HBO game that like that deal for like three different shows or something like
this, like hot like director not hot, but like like that is on
fire, noted hot director smoking hot. Uh. I just feel like she's
absolute award winning. She's won like Academy Awards, like I think she just
freaking won like another golden globe. Like she's this She's an incredibly renowned actress.
She's in blockbuster Triple A movies all the time. She probably has her
pick of the litter. And she was just in Poor Things, which I
haven't seen but I would love to. I've heard it's phenomenal all and to
me, this was like one of those things where it's like I've Poor Things
is my year. It's what it's taking up everything, and I have a
little bit of time, and I I'm gonna slot this in. I mean,
both Safty and Fielder are both like kind of hot commodities. You know,
they haven't really missed, So I feel like there would be a certain
amount of prestige to be associated with the show. Doesn't miss about three people
who like all their show is like pristine. You know why. It's probably
been in some stinks. I think realized watching the show. I have not
seen a ton of heer stuff. Let me see that easy. Oh I
forgot she's in super Bad. Yeah, okay, so I've seen that.
Crazy. I mean, all those are like extremely renowned, like they're the
people talk about them. What is she most known for. Because I watching
them, I was like, why when did she kind of drop? Probably
was huge, that's not when she showed up. That's different. That's like
her biggest super Bad was her first? Wasn't super Bad to break out?
She's very young in that? Yeah she was. Also, wasn't she in
What's the One Zombie? Was that? Zombieland Zombie Land? Yea, oh
I saw that? Okay, Zombie Double Tap? She plays Wichita. Yeah,
okay, the Double Tap is the sequel to Zombie Land, isn't it.
Oh? She was in Birdman. Oh yeah, she was Michael.
She does the voice of Amanda in Sleeping Dogs. What the video game?
That's not what? I wow, weird d That's okay, that's a TV
series. Nevermind, that's not the drive that I know. Huh Drive three,
Driver three. She was like a spider Man. That seems big.
Yeah, she was a Mary Jane. Okay, I remember that. Yeah,
she's big, she's huge, but La La Land. I would say
it was her like Oscar moment, even though they didn't. Oh wait,
I think she was the blonde and spider Man. I might get mad people
mad at me for that. Gwen. I think she was Gwen's Stacy,
I'm pretty sure, which is funny because she's she's a redhead most of the
time, but in The Spider Man she's blonde, So I'm I can't remember
now she's funny. I don't remember what her character is titled, but I
remember she was blonde because she was hot. She was apparently she's in a
lot of good stuff. I'm just saying, well, like she's awesome in
the show, like she is, like all three of them are just excellent
in the show. I am not shocked. I know that she's going to
be good in it. I just I remain that he's lucky duck to obtain
her. I think that, uh, she's he's batting above average. Just
what I'm saying, he's uh, you know she had ten Yeah, that's
a that's wild, So good for him. Yeah, everyone's very unlikable in
that show, like every if you're somebody who needs like a likable protagonist or
something, like, everybody's super unlikable in The Curse. Because she's so that's
a good actress, you know, I bet she can play a real bitch.
Whereas Nathan Fielder, I question if he's a good actor. I just
think he's an unlikable weirdo. He's unlikeable. I just think he's weird.
Like you don't really ever see like behind the veil, like is there a
normal guy there. There's that one clip from Nathan for you where the guy's
talking about drinking his grandson's pea and you see Nathan break and then it's like,
Okay, he does realize how fucking funny all this is. Yeah,
he's just a guy who knows what he's doing is fucking hilarious. Okay,
Yeah, that's the like super humanizing moment for me. Yeah. I think
every once in a while, even if he's not breaking, there was every
once in a while there's this thing that he does when he knows that he
can say something funny, and he'll be like interviewing someone and you'll see it
and he'll do like this, Oh yeah, he'll kind of smart, not
really, but I can I can see the sparkle in his eyes where he's
like, I'm gonna fucking say something so funny. After this, he was
interviewed by someone I forget what this was for, and the guy was like,
I've always been a fan of your work, and Nathan was like name
your favorite piece that I was in. And the guy was like, no,
no, no, I like them all. And Nathan goes, but
name me your favorite, and the guy goes, don't do this to me.
I'm saying, I like everything that you've ever made. And Nathan goes,
name one. The guy is like fucking melting in his chair, and
you can tell Nathan's like, I fucking got you, you little bitch,
like he loves it. He loves to eat people for breakfast, like he
enjoys that. I remember. I understand people who like can't like, whether
it's like something scripted like Curb or something just awkward and reel like Nathan for
You that like can't handle watching like awkward situations like that, or the rehearsal,
like I feed off that. Like every fucking Nathan for You episode,
I'm just in delight from beginning to end, and I can't imagine not I
feel I feel bad for anyone who can't enjoy the stuff he does. I
enjoy that stuff very much. I can definitely imagine why people don't like it,
Like it's it's about finding comedy and discomfort and awkwardness. No, not
at all. Yet He's a he's a magician with it. Yeah, I'll
watch, I might watch True Free. We're gonna keep going back. All
I watched, but then you have to you have to download stuff. I
didn't like saltburn. I like that, is that a show? Movie?
Movie? It's a movie, and it's like the same trope that everything happens
where it's like there's a nerdy guy and there's a bunch of rich people and
he's like, I hope I can join them in their elite status, and
then he does, and then fucked up stuff happens. It's totally caddy show.
Okay, I will Yeah, Mary, I'm I'm largely on board with
you. I think it's hell but I think it but I think the second
half like plays with that to a to an extent that I don't know whether
another like opulent or rich voyeurism movie has. Yeah, Oh, I think
you're right. I think it it toys with the concept of it and then
it like I don't uh without it's hard to get into it without spoiling it.
But there's there's a point where I'm like, you've lost yourself. You
don't know what this is anymore, uh, and you are now just uh
it's almost like the writer was really enjoying themselves and then they started huffing paint
in like Q four. At some point they were like, I have the
best fucking way to end this, and then they decided on that even though
like nobody, nobody stopped them, and they just went ape shit with this
film. It's entertaining, I'll tell you that. And it's filled with hot
people. If you want to watch hot people like go down on each other
and drink a lot of booze. Oh oh, drink bath come yeah,
all right, that's very intense, but and suck the ground, go for
it, like, enjoy yourselves. I'm just all spoilers, like genuine,
that is a genuine You should not have said that. I should have gone
that far that. Those are all spoilers. I think we should bleep those
out. No it's not awesome, but those are like I think those are
like things that make you if you, yeah, write that down. These
are just things that I think will make people be like that was crazy,
right, but like to what end? To what end? I think it
veers pretty far into shock value, Like yeah, we're gonna do this a
bit too often for my taste. I still enjoyed watching the movie, though
I didn't see Promising Young Woman, which Emerald Fannel also directed. Oh my
god, it's very similar. I think Promising Young Woman actually is a very
similar curvature, which is just like it's on the rails. It's on the
rails, it's on the rails. Uh black mirror episode, you know what
I mean, like where you're just like, all right, you've gotten so
far at this point. But what I the more I think back of the
movie, the more I'm like, I agree with you. I think I
think they do cool things to play with the tropes of like the geek coming
into the opulent like rich voyeurism world. And I do think that movie several
cases goes for shock value over something that truly works for a character. But
I still enjoyed watching it, but it was entertaining. I agree, Dan,
you should watch Saltburn. I think you'll hate it. I think I
think Bunk watch it and was not super hot on it, if I remember
right, But she did poor things, brought port things earlier, and in
Bunk loved that. I want to see that. I chose to see The
Boy and the heron the New Miyazaki this weekend. Instead. If I could,
I would have seen see you monster. If I could, I would
have seen both. I would have loved to see both. And when I
got out of the Boy in the heron, there was a line out the
door for the bathroom as usual, so I was standing in line and a
lady was in front of me and she turned around. She goes, did
you just get out of pore things too? And she said it like that,
and I went no, I saw the boy in the hairn and she
was like what and it just like turned around and didn't engage with me for
the rest of the bathroom. She was just like, what is that?
So I don't think it's transcendent, right, like mi Azaki is prolific.
But for a lot of Americans, everyone's like what is that? Is that
the new Pixar. It's like, no, this is very different. I
saw Ferrari and I don't know why, but for like the first hour plus
I was thinking of Mike Maharty. Why was the character really it was the
main character really annoying. It was something about like Adam Driver, like you
know, they're living in Europe and he's talking about like fancy cars and stuff.
Something about it was like this is like, there's gonna be like a
Mike Maharty movie at some point about it. But it's just replaced cars with
wine. Uh, and that's what this is gonna be. And that I
was, I don't know anything about car no, no, I was,
I was replacing cars with wine in my head, and I was like,
we do that. This is just a Mike Maharty biopic. That's such a
boring film entertaining. And then there's stuff that happens later on, and then
we were like, oh, okay, this picked up and then I liked
the movie by the end. But I don't know. She died in a
freak wine accident. Everyone that was an explosion at the factory. Uh,
his wife got a cork to the face. It don't kill my wife in
this scenario. Sorry, I just I did. I did. What do
you call it? The wife and the fridge trope? Your by of your
Flying there's a couple of fridge tropes right in Indiana Jones and the or is
that just is it a trope? If it was just one stupid thing in
one movie like Jones getting in the fridge, that's not a trope. But
that happens over and over and over again. Right, fridge trope is a
very specific trope of your wife dying, and it it motivates the protagonist to
be like to do the protagonist's job at the expense of their dead wife trope.
It's so, who is this? Who's this character to someone I know?
I know, probably someone I know statistically and only now now get mad
that g T A you have to play a female prosagonist. There's a woman
and JT sex goes back to five fuck this five. Yeah, you could
play three dudes, each harder than the next. I'll be dead in the
ground before I play a woman, No, I I yeah, I would
live in Europe. Yeah, there's just something about like the fins and Europe
and all this stuff, And I was like, this is like a Mike
Mahardy movie. I know, that's what I was thinking of you. I
like Europe. I like God, you people listening since episode one have fully
seen the entire arc of YouTube. I think still by the time we started
the show, thought I was putting on airs about the thing certain things I
like. No, I've known you for a long time. I've known it,
genuine I think. I guess we haven't been doing the show nearly as
long. Now, that's yeah, I guess, But there are still people
I think who like, I know, I don't know about cars, and
I'm not. I don't think I'm a douche, but I'm definitely the douchiest
of us three. We've talked about that you're not a juice, but somebody,
like walking through a room, if you were talking about certain things,
might think, like you hear that douchebag. Like anyone who knows you,
I think doesn't think you're a douche. But if you just if this was
playing in a car, if the Buyer escape cast was playing in a car
and certain things you brought up at length were playing in the car, that
bag, What the fuck is this here listening to with this douchebag? But
anyone who knows you knows you're not. I appreciate that. Yeah, I'm
not a douche. I'm on the spec comes out. I'm very obsessed with
certain things. On a zero to ten douche spectrum, who's a ten?
Oh, that's a great question, elon, No, I would even put
him in. No, Who's like, who's that guy that just got arrested
for trafficking people? And he is always like, yes he strikes. He's
like numbered, He's ten douche scale. Elon's like nine one five. Maybe
Elon's got to be maxed out. Although, yeah, gotta be high in
those new cars. He is a douche andrew Tate for sure, but Entretate's
now like an actual like global Felon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, those
are also just bad people. Is there a good example of a douche that's
not criminal? Yeah, they're just douche he's the most Yeah, okay,
a non criminal douchebag that's just sucks or are they always coming a great question?
No, not all dutch Bags are criminals, And I wouldn't say all
criminals are douchebags. Justin Trudeau has he been? I don't think he's really
douchey is I'm going to google biggest douchebags, do it? I hope they
don't die this year. Well if they're on the biggest douchebag list, Oh
right, Well, we're also trying to establish that not intrinsically is a douchebag,
Like, oh, I suppose it is a bad person. But like
when we're saying that, Mike has you know that there's douchey tendencies, but
he's not a douchebag. I just want to not associate my with negative things.
Unfortunately, I am into a couple things that douchey people sit into on
a surface level to try to be interesting. Okay, okay, okay,
here non criminal douchebags, and let's like listen, I don't know everything polygon
dot COM's list of I don't know enough about him to know if there's anything
criminal or not. But like a Logan Paul, Yeah, do you think
he knows more about wine than you? Mike, No, I don't.
But it's the way is Logan the boxer is they're both both him and his
brother are a boxers. They're the same person. Yeah, oh god,
I've never seen them in the same room. Now I'm thinking about it.
Way backstage to the WrestleMania Ones, I recorded a podcast segment with him and
he came off so douchey in that segment that people at w E listen to
it and we're like week and not air this. He comes off terribly.
That is a wrestling podcast. There has been some actual suspect stuff with him.
It wouldn't it wouldn't sprise me, it wouldn't surprise me at all.
But oh, I have one kid, rock m he's actually being well,
is he criminal? He's no, Like he's just like really annoying douchebag.
Definitely, he's more of an asshole, I think. Yeah, I wouldn't
like he's he's intentionally low brow. Yeah, are you saying douchebag is only
with high brow things? I feel like you can be a douchebag and when
you go lower and like when you go like class is more douchebag, right
or likely? But I don't know if it's necessary like he was, he
was he's shooting guns at bud light stuff. That asshole behavior. Yeah,
I guess that is asshole behavior. What about Oh god, he was gonna
say ship I just had someone God Nam Sorry, You've got people like Jordan
Peterson that's a different category. Well, he's definitely a douchebag. That's like
borderline cult leader. We're obviously good at establishing when someone is finding Jared leto,
although that might be a criminal that I don't I think there are rumors
of maybe criminal stuff, but like grade a douchebag, he's a freak of
nature. Fuck that guy. Yeah, that's a great example. Dan Job
very long time. He's just someone I don't like the judge of book by
its cover or anything. But you watch two seconds of that guy talking,
or you see him on stage or anything like, that guy's a fucking douchebag.
Yeah, he as another person I still can't stand. Like when Fight
Club came out and he got the shit kicked out of him, I was
like, yeah, that seems right. Hey, I didn't even know who
he was. Then Websters defines douchebag as a jerk or asshole, a mean
or rude person, someone who's seen as arrogant, snobby, or obnoxious.
I think that's a huge bag and asshole. I think douchebag there is the
arrogant, snobby type thing. I think asshole is just like brash, drunken.
Douchebag is a holier than thou type vibe. Yes, okay, I
think we're establishing Jared Leto was a ten. The was like a one,
like anti not who's just a really nice Jake Decker. Obama just a regular
person, your President of the United States, average, an average show,
as you would say, is the anti douchebag. Yes, yeah, just
super selfless I saw him once. Wow, he's murderous, but he's not
a douchebag. Yeah, that's very anti douchebag. It was within, it
was within the boundaries a lot. He stayed in my place last weekend.
Still a very very nice guy. Turns out. Yeah, I like them
lot. Do you want to talk about video games? Oh right, yeah,
okay, sure, I guess talking about dogs, Mike and Mary.
It is a new year, and you know me, I always say I
like to start the year with something new. So this year you always say
that always every year. But this year, twenty twenty four, I am
expanding my palette to try some new wines with First Leaf. With personalized wines
and convenience shipping, First Leaf makes it easy to explore new wines from around
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They'll put together your first box based on those answers. But you can
also get into their fine wine collection, which I've been doing. I got
a carbon Air from Chili, which I'm excited to try out about a carbon
Air kick. I got a Bordeaux Blanc which is going to be nice to
pair with some some fish tacos. I plan on making weekend ann Acaberny Soovignon
from Spain. I'm looking forward to trying them all because the last time we
got fine wines from First Leaf, they were all great. Mary, tell
them how they can get in on this wine action. Try something new this
year with first Leaf. Go to try first leaf dot com slash fire Escape
to sign up and you'll get your first six hand curated bottles for just forty
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Try first leaf dot Com slash fire Escape Wine. All right. Games are
coming out again. We've got how many how many weeks into two weeks into
January, they're coming got like a Dragon Infinite Wealth on the Horizon, Last
of Us, Last of Us Part two remastered with its roguelike. We got
Tech and eight. We got pal World, which is like Pokemon with guns.
Oh thing got enshrouded a lot of things that Brian Cox video was very
smart. The Technic watch it yet I know the general gist of it.
I did not watch. It was just whoever came up with that and Namco
just hats off that had everyone talking. It was extremely well done. Brian
Cox like what, I don't want to say. He's into it, but
he's playing into it exactly the way he should. Like, he's doing the
Brian Cox gravitas talking about the fucking Mishima Devil Jean, and it's completely insane.
I love that video. I guess we might as well get get a
bummer of a game out of the way up front. Prince of Persia with
the lost Crown. I'm kidding. We haven't talked kind of thing. Yeah,
real, we have not talked about this, me and you at all.
I beat it this morning as of this recording because you hated it.
Yeah, yeah, okay, you've been joking. I don't know if you're
joking because it's so obviously good. I think it's a pretty obviously great metrics.
Okay, I like it a lot. I'm still very early on all
things told. We'll talk after I'll tell you where I am, but i'd
say four hours. Okay, Well you're okay, so I we're not going
to give explicit spoilers about like me, no don't no, no, no
no, the games. The game is not even gonna be out as of
this. No no, But but I think, you know, I can
talk about how long it is and things like that, Like things are that
risingly excellent. Metroid feels great on mechanical level, great boss fights so far.
This is just my experience. Great boss fights so far, great quality
of life, things that, like I hope Metroid does in the future.
Oh my god. Yes, there's so much to talk about with this.
Yeah, but I mean, like I I'm not into the characters on like,
oh, I can't wait to see what happens with this character next.
But the character design is cool. Look at the game is good, but
don't expect the story or the characters to suddenly get great. And that's not
just me, mister don't like stories and games. Guy, I've talked to
people who do very much like stories and games, and like, I don't
know anyone that is like, oh, it's really into the story so like,
but it's a Metrid mania. There's not a ton of story. There
are some like boss fight intros and stuff that you can skip on the second,
third, fourth, try and stuff that, but yeah, don't expect
characters your story to be great here. There's a lot of stuff where you
pick up a collectible and there's seven paragraphs of texts and it's like this is
what is this like? So let's get the bad stuff out of the way.
That's there's very few bad things I can say about this game. I
would say, yeah, character, story, things like that, but all
the things that matter to me in a metroid Vania, this hits so hard,
and like like you said, it feels good right away, and that
goes so far to me, especially in like a Metroidvania where the platforming and
the combat. The combat is so much better in this than damn near any
like Metroidvania I've played before, because this has almost like a Devil may Cry
Bayonetta type of combo melee. You know, your your air juggles and things
like that. You're doing sprint kick. That's the most satisfying thing ever.
The the slide and you kick them up in the air, you jump up,
you hit him a couple of times, you pair him, or you
stag him up there with an arrow, hit him down, or if you're
sprinting, and then you just press the attack, he'll do this like diving
you dropkick, Yeah, you can hold it in charge, throw like a
beam thing later. And here's the thing. I don't want to spoil too
many abilities and things like that, because that is one of the best things
about this game is I beat it in about twenty two hours, I want
to say, and that entire time, yeah, yeah, the entire time.
I was getting upgrades and abilities that like every like a couple hours,
I feel like I was getting something where it's like, oh shit, Like
you know that feeling in a Metroidvania where you get the double jump finally and
it's like, oh man, this opens up so much. I can't wait
to go back and see all this. It does that, but a bunch
of different times, with a bunch of different abilities, and the versions of
each of these upgrades feels so fucking good. Like the double jump fucking fantastic.
The uh uh. There's so many little details where it's like so much
thought went into everything in this game. Like if you jump forward and in
the middle of the jump you kind of hold back, like there's like an
animation you'll see your guy kind of like transition into a backflip and things like
that, like that not a major thing by any means, but like there's
so much thought in everything. Like there's an air dash and the animation for
it is the Wall Run from. It took me like a couple hours after
getting the air dash that I realized, like, holy shit, he's doing
the like signature like Wall Run from the Old, like Sands of Time trilogy.
There's just so so much care and TLC put into like everything in this
game. Got it, don't evenore it might Yeah yeah, no, I
was gonna say. I also, again, only four hours in each time
I've gotten a weapon or ability that I think I know what it does.
I'm like, okay, sure I get what Bow and Arrow does specifically.
And then this game is very good about toying with like what you get,
Like, I feel like there's a wrinkle to everything this game is doing so
far. But quality of life wise, holy shit. The thing Dan and
I were mentioning, uh more and more. Metrovnias are games with maps in
general, are allowing you to place custom markers. Bret the wild type Yeah
yeah. Lost Crown does something very smart in that all you have to do
when you're standing still if you see a chest that's out of reach because you
don't have the double jump yet, or you don't have the air dash or
what have you. Uh, you just literally hold down in the directional pad
playing on switch. I'm assuming it's the same. You just tap down.
Uh oh, I just have to. Yeah, you have to. It
says it told me to hold it. Either way. You basically just take
a screenshot of that what you're looking at that like what this? You take
a screenshot and then it adds it to that spot on your map. So
if you see a marker on your map, you don't have to put like
a treasure chest or a sword like you do in Breath of the Wild,
or it's here's the Kingdom. It's specifically the screenshot you took, so you
could see exactly what it is that you're reminding your future self to return for
it. It's like, oh right, I couldn't make this jump, but
there was this like triangle of energy up there. I don't know what that
means or whatever. And you can look at your literal screenshot on the map
and it's like, okay, now once I know what that means, I
can go back there. So you've got the Breath of the wild map markers
you got your own personal like screenshots you're putting on the map, and then
also it auto adds these map markers, Like if I'm trying to enter this
room from the right and there's a there's something blocking it, it will add
on the map a like arrow pointing to the left showing me that. So
it only shows up after you've encountered that, and then you're like, so
you know exactly what the deal. It's like, Okay, I couldn't get
in there because there's something blocking it, or is it saying that you can
only go one way through? It's pointing at the obstacle. So if you're
on the right trying to go to the left and there's a block or something,
it'll just be an arrow kind of going down to the left, letting
you know that, like I got to find some way to get here's where
the block is. You know. That's an excellent update for all metroid veanius
because one of my biggest criticisms with Metroid vane is is I will constantly be
like, why couldn't I go into this room? I will revisit and I'll
be like, oh right, it requires like if the door is blocked or
requires a key or requires a triple jump, and then it gets it's frustrating
if that happens to a player more than once or twice. So yeah,
that's a brilliant idea. Is just to like let you know there's a reason
why you can't go into this this space. Yeah, it's like that version
of like you know, in Metroid there would be like doors where it's like
you know on the map they show up as green and then you know like
oh, I need the super missile for that or something. But like this
goes a step further and it's like here's within rooms where you couldn't access there's
also uh fuck uh god, damn it, I already I keep drawing myself
the ambulance. Yes, that's what I was about. So your amulets are
like the perks you can you can add and adjust. So when you start,
you have a necklace that has like three spots, four different things you
can pick up. And so it's like, okay, this one is like
fire damage does less damage, or you know, your your air attacks give
you a little more, or like damage that are that you're bringing in will
be converted to this. Like basically like rage meter energy. But as it
goes on, you unlock a lot of slots for your amulets, and so
if you encounter boss and you're getting your ass kicked, but then you realize
like, oh wait, okay, I think I really need to do a
lot of like mail attacks with this, or I need to really focus on
arrow stuff or defense against this type of thing. You can respawn at one
of the trees that's like a save point, and then you can kind of
customize, like okay, I can fit this many amulets in here, and
like some of them cost different stuff, like this is a really good one
that costs three slots, this one's one. But I'll cover the arrows,
I'll cover this defense I need, and I'll power up my air attacks and
stuff like that. So then you go back and you kick their ass,
and yeah, it's you really get to adjust based on whatever challenges you're dealing
with. Yeah, it's great. It caught me off guard. I mean,
well, I there were some pretty glowing previews a couple a few weeks
ago, but I mean I'm trying to think of what the what were the
last good two d Metrovania Ben would have been Dred Dread would be the last
one. I mean, I would say in terms of like that top tier
of metroid Vania is it's like something Tonight's Super Metroid or like the top ones,
but like all those you know, ds and GBA Castlevanias and numerous Metroids,
Zerosion Infusion, all that shadow complex. I feel like this is in
that conversation. I'm not going to say this is better than Seventhday Night or
anything crazy, you know, but like it is in that top tier of
the genre. You know, so you know, you go down you know,
five or six steps and yeah, then you've got you know, the
holid Nights the world. But yeah, yeah, but yeah, this is
up there with a good one. I think that's fantastic. Is one of
my favorite is a good one? Yeah, what makes you like it more?
And then something like Or, which is like a very modern take on
Metroid and very good, and I love that second Or specifically, I really
loved that. I feel like Or really excelled in style. It also was
really good and also like the very kind of crafted platforming segments where like you're
getting chased and it's you know, this very kind of specific sequence of events
while you're you know these cinematic sequences. This is a little more traditional in
terms of Metroidvania. Uh, in terms of just like the combat and exploration
and things like that. Ori is the more stylish one. I would say,
I do like this one better. This is like you took a more
classic Supermetriator or something tonight but then added really solid melee combat and the boss
fights. Like they're all fucking fantastic. Yeah, I was gonna say Aori
struck four hours into Lost Crown, I will say Ori strikes me more as
a platform centric Metroidvania. Lost Crown strikes me as more combat centric. So
it's pretty like, Okay, I played like platforming is probably like my favorite
genre, and this is there are moments where I'm like, this is really
testing me, or moments where I didn't even think things were possible and I
really had to think, oh wait, I've got this disability and disability and
maybe I could make it and do a wall jump off that if I did
this, and I would like surprise myself like holy shit, I didn't know
that was possible and it works. So yeah, platform is I think it's
just that Ori from the outset is platforming is its identity almost like right away,
whereas this I haven't gotten to any parts yet where I'm like, oh
okay, I'm not saying that doesn't have good platforming puzzles and whatnot, but
it's definitely like so far, it's on the scale of like Pitfall to super
meat Boy. It's it's it's towards super meat Boy, but it's not it's
not or yet there there is, There are There are challenges in this game
that are very much in that like Celeste super meat Boy or those super challenging
like you know, three D Mario levels and things like that. I love
that show. There are things on that level. There was one in particular
that like, as I was trying to finish the game today, I got
to and I tried like six or seven times, and I got close.
I know I can do it. I'm going to go back, but I
was like this, I'm going to have to come back with this because I
want to beat this game before Buyer Escape. But very very difficult in a
good way. Even if you're like a season platforming fan. It's awesome that
you're so into it. I feel like the visual style isn't super might my
jam, but that's not enough to stop me from playing it. It has
a very I'm actually not sure how to describe this art style muddy at first.
I mean, you're in the desert at the beginning, but like it's
almost like a little overwatched character vibe to the characters, you know. Yeah,
it's strange to combine the words muddy and saturated, but that's how I
would describe it. It's like they put a lot of heavy satch in there
to make sure that it's eye catching, but that doesn't mean that it works
within the world or is very saturated, but it has such a vibe to
it that there's okay, So I guess, like just as I'm looking at
it a lot of the times in the side scrolling sections, in some spaces,
the background is actually very simple, Like it's essentially like fog, or
it's sand and there's not a lot going on back there, whereas like in
an Orri, there was a whole goddamn forest back there and there was so
much to look at in the whole game looks like a painting, you know.
In this there were certain like boss designs and things like that that I
thought were really cool, But like or Is definitely the better looking game between
the two. I'm very excited to play this. You have you have my
attention. It is a dewey game of a very high caliber. I would
say, I love it. Right. They get right into the dewey and
the power ups and the new abilities pretty quickly, like very quick one stuff.
Early on, there's a part where I was asking you to go talk
to all your teammates. I was like, ah, come on, and
all them like were They were all like three sentences and then it's like,
all right, move on. It was like, all right, I like
this crew. Yeah, and then like every boss fight because like I died
at most boss fights at least a couple of times, and like it you
can just hold me Skiven. So yeah, it's it's it's not too bad
with that, but it's it's not great the story stuff, but the gameplay
more than mixed up for it. Weirdly enough, the way it feels,
or at least like the way he transitions in and out of sprinting and jumping
reminds me of that Strider remake from like ten years ago. Yes, somebody
was telling me about that. Yeah, the Strider on it was in La
or it was a PlayStation exclusive, wasn't I think it might have been PlayStation
station exclusive. It was good. It was really good. Yeah, I
liked it a lot. It feels like I remember that game feeling, which
is a compliment. Yeah, clear, No, I love that game.
Uh Yeah, Lost Crown is great. It's it's out soonish later this week,
I believe as of this early access for like, I don't know if
it's a pre order thing or something. It was like the fourteenth and then
wide release I think is the eighteenth. Well, yeah, January fifteenth is
early access, maybe because it's three days prior. Yeah, yeah, that
makes sense. But yeah, especially like Prince of Persas got that whole Set
of Time remake in limbo kind of thing, this like this game was just
questionable for a while, so I'm glad to see them nail it. Yeah,
it's good. It's been it's been a weird series, like it's reinvented
itself so many times between the old like was it on DOS or like the
old PC a very deliberate kind of plant. It was more like an odd
world game back in the day. Uh, and then he had the Sands
of Time trilogy, was was a very different thing and then eight, which
I loved. I really really liked that direction for the series, and I
know that was a polarizing one and I wanted that to be what it was
doing going forward. But then the movie came out and then made the like
Forgotten Sands, which was the very forgettable just like we're gonna make him look
on like Jake jill and Hall, and it's gonna have a very safe,
boring art style. Jake jill played him, yes, and then it just
disappeared that happened. Nowadays people would freak out, Yeah, yeah, got
Jake Jillen Hall of all people. Either, we freaked out back then because
he just didn't earn nothing we did. Okay, he was also he was
he was just not a good fit for that role. In addition to everything
that you are saying, I'm saying he doesn't he he doesn't have the structure,
he doesn't have the bone structure, he doesn't have like the the tummy
for it, he didn't have the muss. I feel like every time he
was like holding like a semitar or any type of weapon, it was like,
you can't hold that Jake Jillen Hall. Everyone knows that that guy has
a bit of a doe figure. Is the guy that was after Have you
seen him and look up Jake Jillen Hall South Paw, Okay, I'll look
your point better not this better not change me? He was not. He
was not like this at the time. This was Oh I look like this
better not better not awaken anything in me. I'm pretty sure he like divorced
size for this movie. I'm exaggerating, I'm sure, but I'm pretty sure
he like broke up with his wife broke. Did he swallow a bunch of
bean bags and ended up in his belly? I don't know, but he
got like like like two ripped for this movie. He looks ridiculous. I
was wrong, yeah, yeah, But at the time though, my point
being, but yeah, he does not have a doe figure. But now
I'm gonna google Jake chill in the Hall principle. Imagine being the director of
Prince of Persia seeing South popular. Why the fuck couldn't you have done this?
Oh my god, he looks so soft and they gave him a haircut.
It just does not suit him. He looks like at any moment he's
gonna write poetry like Dowey. What are any of us very but he probably
not the best. Gosh, it's so funny. I mean he's not.
I mean I could take him, but I wouldn't call that dowey. His
hair is real bad though. Your spectrum of biggest weather or not, you
could take them in a one on one. I yeah, that's that's my
spectrum for every person. Who are the few that you don't think you could
take? I think we decided brock Lessener Is he number one? Yep?
Nathan Fielder the rock The rockets pretty gas pretty quick these days. I could
take it. I would love to watch you fight the rock. A bear
like a black bear, and the bears are terrifying. I would never want
to fight a bear. I had a dream the other night that I rescued
a baby from underwater while an alligator was trying to stop me. It was
horrifying. I had to punch the alligator a few times. The baby's fine,
for the record, but I don't like alligators. I don't like Whose
baby was it? I don't know. I just walked into the ocean and
I had to go get it. Aren't in the ocean, that's a normal.
Yeah, it was a dream. I don't know. You have weird
dreams. Your dreams are stupid. My dreams are stupid. What did your
hair look like? I don't know what I looked like. No, I
know I look good, That's all I know. How do you know it
was a gata? Could have been a crack of that? Was there a
lady in the background, going, my baby, this gate is be care
for this gate is y'all, y'all get down to buy you there's gates.
No. I do that voice a lot around here because a man who knows
I don't like gators. That's like a subconscious thing. Prince of Persia Lost
Crown is really good. They keep playing it. I'm hooked. I am
also playing like a Dragon Infinite Wealth. I'm sure we'll talk more about that
next episode though. Embargo wise, Okay, just saying that because those are
the only two games I'm playing right now. Of course I was. I
was on my RTS kick over the holidays, But uh, Mary, I
believe you've been playing something else, right. Yeah, I'm trying to try.
I'm gonna do my us to pitch this to you, because, uh,
you haven't had times. I think you've been really focused on Prince of
Persia. But I got a rekindling of an old game love from long from
years past, and it's it's a really silly puzzle game that I find super
addictive called Snake Bird. I played about forty levels of that game before we
recorded Night, so I couldn't know. Yeah, I'm so proud of you.
Dan. You said it was one of your favorite games recently, and
I was like, I checked this out. It's not recent, it was
years ago. It was like, uh, back when I worked at game
Spot, I got really into this game. So this was a really long
time ago. Mike, there's no excuse. You can basically start this game
and beat five levels in a minute. Uh, just as a precursor.
Do it. Do it? While I talked to Dan about it. You're
a bird and a snake, and the concept of the puzzles is that you
have to eat every fruit. Once you've done that, you can inch your
way to the exit, but you have to eat the fruit first, and
every time you move forward, the end of your snake also moves forward.
But every time you eat a fruit, you extend one block and craddler game
for like you know calculators, like the old you know snake game. That's
right, the snake game for your calculator, but on this one, it's
much more about the fact that it'll be like when you bought when you get
this fruit, maybe you'll be one inch too long and you get stuck,
or maybe you're still too short and you can fall in a hole. So
it's about making sure you have eaten the fruits in the right order. And
I would say this is a very classic example of super simple rules. It
starts very easy. I think you can finish like ten levels and be like
this game is too easy. Maybe it's like maybe it's for dumb dumbs or
I'm a genius. And then at some point around like love I don't know
exactly when I'd be very curious what happened to you, Dan, But somewhere
in like the twenties, I was like, oh shit, I'm dumb,
and I started like it really pushed me. Eventually, it's once they start
introducing things like spikes and stuff, and you have to start thinking about the
way gravity plays in where it's like, oh, okay, if I move
one step forward, my butt's going to go off the ground, which is
going to make the snake fall out of the spikes and like things where it
should be easy, like okay, that apple is just like one off of
this tree, I should be able to go there. But then it's like,
wait, now, how do I get back? Because my snake butt
is blocking the tunnel there? So you had to figure out how to position
yourself. And then like pretty quick, they introduced like you're controlling two different
snakes snakebirds, and you're like ellen ring to select which one you want.
It's like, okay, well this one I'll make him lay flat and the
other one I'll use him to push him forward towards the exit and get him
across this gap. So I was impressed at the speed in which it was
introducing like new ideas. For sure, it absolutely starts to get complicated really
quick, but what's fun about it? And it reminded me of you,
Dan, because you have recommended games to me where you're like, this is
a really fun playing game. You can think about it. It won't pressure
you. It's literally there's no time limit. Just enjoy yourself. I find
this to be a very calming and relaxing, casual puzzle game that will challenge
you over time. Originally, I just find this interesting because I know because
I've been playing this game for so goddamn long. I used to play the
original Snake Bird years ago a game spot, but it was so hard.
So quickly I was like, I think this game is for only brilliant people.
And I think the devs I actually don't know this story, but my
assumption is is that they were like, we should probably make like a precursor
that helps ease people into how difficult this game gets, and so they made
an easier game, and then I think this what we're playing now is the
merger of the two. It's essentially a game that now teaches you the concepts
the rules of the world, which is very benefit. A really good example
of that is there's an early level where it showcases two birds, two snake
birds, and one is stuck and you use one of the birds to push
the other one out. It's a very simple level, there's nothing else to
it. But what it's doing is that level is teaching the player that you
can push your birds around when there's two in the world. I think the
original game didn't have levels like that, and so maybe I would get stuck
for twenty minutes, I'd be like, oh, I didn't know I could
push them this new version of the game is essentially like helping the player establish
a lot of rules and boundaries so that by the time you get to those
really tough levels, you should have everything you need to solve it. You
just might it might take your brain a little bit of time to work the
rules around to figure it out. It gets intense, I think. I
mean at some point, Dan, I have no idea how far I was
back in the day, but back in the day, I was like eighties
nineties levels and it was like I was like, this game is only for
geniuses and I can no longer play. It gets really good. Well,
it is so simple though that like it is fun to see just this like
single screen thing with only so many possible ways you can go, and it's
like, Okay, obviously this approach I'm using is not working, so I
need to think of different approaches to this very specific like title or this fruit
that I need to get to or whatever. And it is so smart with
like just the very quick like one button I always fuck up the face buttons
on switch, but the top one is the restart entirely, and it's a
very very quick one one button restart, no confirmation, nothing like that,
and then the other one. I think it's the be is just like one
step back, so it's like, oh shit, I went too far.
Okay, let's kind of it's the undow button basically, so there. It
never feels they're losing much progress by any means. No. It's also very
cute and bubbly, so for how frustrating the puzzles are, well how much
they become, because you will get stuck playing this game eventually, at some
point a puzzle will stump you. All of the movements have these cute little
noises, and it's very adorable and there it's extremely colorful, and the music
is very lighthearted and calming, and all of that I think is meant to
combat the fact that these will rack your brain. So visually, this game
is a delight and it's just kind of nice to play around in the world.
I think it's I think it's quite brilliant and I think it will be
although it's January, but I think it's It is possibly like one of those
playing games of the year, right, Like, it is just a really
nice puzzle game that you get to think about casually and time, and it's
well executed in nature. It's a very simple game. Yeah, I agreed,
and I'm glad you pointed that out to me. It's like you said,
on a on a plane, it's gonna be one where it's like I'm
scrolling through my game list and I just want something to pass the time on
this flight. I'm like, oh shit, right, I got a bunch
of levels up in that, so I'll definitely go back to that. Yeah,
even though it's not it's a or. No, it didn't originally come
out on This isn't the original release, right, it was on Piece No,
I think it was on Steam. I think I originally played on Steam,
And like I said, I actually think I played a different version,
which is even crazier. This game is on Switch and I think it's on
like it's coming out on like other play like Epic and stuff like that,
so like it's on different spaces now. But this is the updated version of
the game that I think is the best for yeah, someone to play.
I was going to say, might be a candidate for a Best Playing Game
this year, but I didn't know if it was actually technically what's the word
I'm looking for, technically came out this year? Fit was eligible? Ah?
Is it eligible, let's find out. Okay, so this is actually
a really good question. I will tell you this. The Nintendo release date
is November fifteenth, twenty twenty three, which is last year. But there's
a cutoff, right, like we stop allowing like at some point if a
game comes out in December and it's like we didn't even have time to play
this. We we have done that before. We don't have bosses. It's
our podcast. We can do it everyone. I think we we make this
elector like the boss. Yeah, we were our own bosses. Yes,
I'd like to point out that now that Mary likes the game, she's tweaking
the rules. Weird. Wait a minute, I'm not tweaking. I'm saying.
I'm saying that if a game, then you did it. I am
saying that even the game awards will be like this game came out in December,
so it was like after the grace period. I'm sure there's grace periods
for everybody. But yeah, I'm a liar and a thief and I've changed
my mind, but I'm giving I'm with you on it because I think there's
another one that we forgot to put on the list here that we've all played
and it has something we should push Lethal Company. Lethal Company. I put
that down as the best play with buds of the year. I already started
the twenty twenty four categories doc and I put this as the best budge of
the year. So the thing we got to plug is we played this US
and Jake Decker played Lethal Company and recorded it. And it's like a couple
of hours long, close to that hour and a half such any game.
Yeah, it's on the Patreon if you're on the videotapes. I played it
today. I didn't write it down to talk about, but I keep playing
this goddamn game. I downloaded the mods, which Dan said that he did
on Giant Bomb for a quick look. Mike, these mods change everything.
I was losing my mind today. They have mods where you can do all
these different dances. There's nothing funnier than being like chased by a monster and
running by someone twerking. We were in Warriors, I was in a suit
and you can flick people off. It's so funny. It's a really it's
like a totally different game to play with mods. I actually think the mods
are infinitely better. I just didn't know how valuable they are. Also,
I always get nervous like modding a game. I don't know why, probably
because I'm old and I'm always like I don't know. It's like I gotta
go to file on my local files here and files. I don't trust that.
Yeah, I agree, it makes me a little nervous, but anyway,
it's it's Lethal Company is fantastic with mods, and so I think it's
worth playing again. I'm glad I'm mentioning it now because although I'm a broken
record about how amazing Lethal Company is, Lethal Company with mods is like absurdly
funny. I would do it again with all of you because that that one
we did for Patreon was so much fun and it was I played once.
Mary were the most like veteran of all of us, and Mike ket and
played it all. Man, God, just the moments we tweeted out those
things about Jake to give Ja credit. He was kind of are also a
guru for us as well. But yeah, Mary, Mary, you definite
played way more than me. I like that game a bunch. I play
more of it too, But yeah, if you're not a I mean,
just to plug quick, go subscribe to our Patreon. The videotier we did
that bonus episode and it was it was super fun. It was funny,
so much fun. We talked before this episod about like, god damn it,
that was fun as hell, Like we should do more of that and
put it up on the Patreon. So you know, we don't have the
strict schedule like Patreon wise of like you know people that just do Patreon,
but it's fun for us to do that and like certain games come out like
a lethal company to make a lot of sense, and we would we would
like to do more of that for sure. Yeah, for sure. Oh
my god, it's super fun to like be inspired to like play these games.
And I was just saying to you guys earlier before we started recording,
I was like, I see these things all the time where it's like this
is a dumb game that I don't know if I'll put too much energy into
it, but it's like when it's four player, something goes off in my
brain where I'm like, I bet we would fucking love to drink and play
this game one night, right. Like I've probably said this before, but
I feel like games that are multiplayer online they almost get like a free pass
because even if the game isn't good. I'm gonna have fun with you.
Guys. If I'm playing video games with my friends on a Friday night and
I got a drink in my hand and I can stay up as late as
I want because I have work in the morning, We're cool and I'm an
adult, I'm a big girl. I will have fun. And then so
the game kind of gets that as a free edge. Now all it has
to do is have like some fun stuff to do in the game. If
it was a fucking room, we would probably have fun in there. Yeah,
so some of the forest I thought was fairly boring. But guys,
with games like that, there's a sweet spot because like if it's too involved
in terms of the things you need to do, then it's too much trying
to figure her stuff out and you have to be too business like, Okay,
you gotta go do you go build this thing. I gotta go do
this, you know, Whereas something like like I like doing like Fortnite.
The times I've done that a multiplayer, it's like it's great for like you
can just chat with your friends. You can catch up and have actual conversations
and stuff, and it's broken up every once in a while, but like,
okay, here, let's go let's land here, let's go here.
Oh shit, we got a guy over here. But like you can just
kind of catch up and everything, like Lethal Company is kind of on that
wavelength of like every time you get there, it's like, okay, we
got to talk about where's the main in and then like hey, did you
check out this room? Or oh shit, there's a spider there. But
you can't kind of like talk and just kind of fuck with each other while
you're playing it. Absolutely, I think it's I'm not gonna stop talking about
it. I think it's one of the best games I've played in a long
time. And uh, I'd like to play it again with you guys.
But Mike, maybe some homework to do ten levels of Snake Bird and tell
me what you think about it. I'd be curious your thoughts on it.
I'm also curious. This is an additional request, but I actually am quite
curious on Bonk's thoughts on it, because like every once in a while,
Bunk will be like, this game is rat and I'll be like, oh,
and I get excited when she likes she has a great eye for that
stuff. I know I've got the twenty twenty four categories list up, so
you know what for the next year, whenever we know something would be good,
per Like, I've got a bookmarked, I can easily go in there.
I added Snake Bird, the Best Playing Game, and Lethal Company for
Rest play with Bud, so I will I will keep a se domination throughout
the year. Yeah, shouldn't print should be added to Best Dewey Oh yeah,
yeah, certainly, yes, yes, yes, definitely. I like
this. I like we can't you should not. We should not do a
running list of nominees for Game of the Year, though, because then that'll
get really long and research. But we build that one on the on the
podcast anyway. We we had a blank dock when we started that. Yeah.
Yeah, but Mary, you've also played a game I'm very interested in,
Pacific Drive. Oh yes, But I will say preliminarily that I played
a what do you call it, like an early access version of this game.
This game isn't out. I played a preview version and I only played
like ninety minutes, so I can't really talk that much about it. It's
a really neat concept, though, which I like. It's kind of like,
uh like trucker truck simulator meets Firewatch. I know that sounds weird,
but you are driving a car, but there is like a a force.
You know, every game. Every game has like a different word for it,
where it's like you gotta watch out because the the miasma will get you,
or like the dark Essence is coming. It has this stuff that you
can't touch, and it's coming and it's ever expanding, so you have to
keep driving your car to get away with it. But you can run out
of gas, your car can break down, and you need stuff, and
so you have to stop your car all the time, siphon gas, change
your tires, and get stuff from the world in order to keep progressing.
It's really interesting and there's a story built in. There's like a person talking
to you on the radio that's like, you gotta keep going because we need
you to get to Sector B. What is the what was that? Oh
god, nah, I'm trying to even think if I have any signifiers.
Kentucky zero No, I Love Kentucky zero. That was like all talkie baby.
That was the talkiest game of this generation. It's like a book.
It was farther back. It was und Sam and Max hit the room.
Now you're it's like a zombie survival game where you're moving your car turn based
state of decay. Oh my god, I know exactly what you're talking about.
It was polygone looking. It was an early what was the what's the
publisher that's big now? But it was one of their early No. Sorry,
as soon as I brought it up, I knew I didn't have enough
words to I'll try to figure it out, you guys, vamp No,
I think I know what you're talking about. Well, maybe I don't,
isn't it. It was it Capybara. It's like I'm telling you, Adam
Saltzman, that's right, that's right, got it. It was Overland.
Oh, I remember this game. I played at A. I played this
game at A like that. It did not get it did not get the
love it deserved. I think. Yeh, Mike, I'll let you say
I I think it was a really interesting concept. I thought it was a
little boring. It was. It had a lot to be desired on the
execution side, But I think it was I just for some reason, Pacific
Drive reminded me of that says it is a bit too scary, that's a
stupid review. The headline just googled. I don't like that. I don't
agree strategy too scary. Is it stupid that when I see like I googled
it and I see it's also on iOS, I immediately think it's like,
ah, that can't be that good. More and more and more of these
days i'd say, that's, uh, that's not a good take me.
If you I, I don't think you're probably I think now more and more
of these days I'm with I have that same association if something's also on mobile,
how good exactly? That's a bias. That's like a phone games suck.
I think there are some really good mobile games. I when I see
this something mobile, when I see this something split between console, slash PC
and mobile, I tend to assume the mobile version is less than Okay,
well, you have to also acknowledge that the switch is practically a phone.
Well, but god, I sound so old, but like there's sticks and
buttons. It's not old specifically, just because like tech screen games, unless
it is like a threes or something that is very much meant for tech screen,
I just feel like you don't have the control over the game that is
necessary for like the depth that I like in games, you know, I
think that's valid. But like, think about how Snake Bird would probably play
really well on a phone. That'd be a good that'd be one of the
good examples for sure. Yeah. Right, I understand what you're saying though,
which is like, it looks like it's a three D game in any
capacity, I would be like, I'm not playing that on a phone.
I'm gonna get sick. Yeah, any control that is needed besides swipes up,
down, left, right, you know, like I and maybe a
tap, you know, I just don't it doesn't work with it. I
wonder if Snake Bird is on the I could I could see snake We're totally
working on it. There's no time limits, there's no like specific platforming that
needs to be done. That would make sense. Yeah, it's on the
app store. I feel like that makes sense. I understand what you're saying.
How did we How did we get here? Oh right, we're talking
about Pacific Drive, so the concept cars cars? Is that your driving?
Yeah, we've moved on. We've moved on. I've said my piece about
I really don't have a lot to say. I don't I don't think I've
actually experienced enough to tell you I need to preview more of it. There's
not enough preview for me to tell you like, this is absolutely a killer
game. What I will say is like it's a really interesting premise, especially
if you like stuff where you're like survival and there's I'm not gonna say horror,
there's spoopy stuff going on and you're like trying to solve the mystery.
I would not consider this game scary. It's more like the environment is telling
you that if you don't leave, you'll die, and so you need to
like continue to move on and scavenge more stuff from the world. But I
like that type of game, and I find driving games cathartic. It's fun
to be in a car and just hit ye old town road and it has
a radio with like a bunch of different stations. You're constantly able to change
the stations and listen to different music, which is again why I compared it
to, you know, a truck simulator, Like at some point you're kind
of just driving and that's nice. Yeah, like if I'm I'm so excited
for it, but I definitely heard the early hours can be slow going right,
It's slow, it's slow, but that I don't think that's necessarily a
negative. I don't associate slow with negative. I associate too much talkie with
negative. It is dewey. Immediately in this game, you get in a
car and drive. It's not like we have to talk about, you know,
the happening, something's taking over. None of that's happening. You're literally
driving and there's a guy on the radio that's like, oh my god,
let me tell you about the calamity. But the whole time you're driving,
which I'm fine with. I'm fine with someone explaining to me the rules of
the game and how we got there, and like, you know, the
fact that I'm looking for my long dead sister whatever the fuck it is.
Driving helps smooth out that process. So I'm not bored. Okay, I
still want to check it out for sure, But there is no long dead
sister. I made that part up. Oh okay. I was like,
I did not know that about the plot, no, I added, I
added her. I thought I thought the game needed it. You're you and
the you and the wife and the fridge sister in the fridge. It's always
you. I always love killing women for plot movement. I think that they're
the easiest ones to get rid of and it always works. You can't kill
Keanu Reeves and have the movie progress. You gotta find another way around it.
That's me the movie critic. God, we're really just stuck to that
with like, Hey, you're gonna kill your own wife and then her ashes
are stuck to your face, Like that's that's really going forward with that.
Yep, it's a really good example about masculinity. You guys want to do
emails? Yeah, uh as usual right into firescape cast at gmail dot com.
We put out a call last episode to get the twenty twenty four momentum
going and got a lot of entries. Appreciate it. Keeping coming though firescape
cast at gmail dot com. We could think about video games, but it's
more fun when it's not secretly. But yeah, thank people writing in uh
Dan or rather I'm sorry Mary. Do you want to read this one?
From Josh the Canadian? It's my ear, Hey, fire Escape Cast,
I'm approaching forty and I've started contemplating my own mortality. I'm sorry to hear
that. We welcome to the crew. It took you so long? How
much time do I have left? That's the questions stop At the end of
sorry, I can't help it. I wasn't prepared for him to ask me
how much time he has left. This is a dialogue he's asking himself.
You know, I understand. I'm still not prepared to answer these. Okay,
I'm back to the email. Will they be good years or bad?
Will my penis stop working someday? You know that kind of stuff. This
this got me thinking, if I had the option when I turned forty,
I would rather live the next forty years aging as normal or in reverse Benjamin
Button style. Off, I figure I'll be shitting into a diaper one way
or another. But aside from that, there are some interesting pros and cons
to both, plus a whole range of creepy moral conundrums to boot. What
say each of you when you turn forty, would you rather continue to age
forward or in reverse? Happy pondering Josh the Canadian, I mean, so,
yeah, we either keep going forward to eighty or go backwards to zero.
Feel that time fans is the same. Let's say, you know we're
going to live to eighty either way. You know, it's just I feel
like I would want to keep going forward. I think because I think,
you know, one of the benefits of getting older is that you are smarter
and you realize the shit you did when you were younger was stupid, and
things like that smart button retain the brain. I'm not saying you revert,
No, I'm saying that, like I think the look matching your age,
you know, being an old wizard, you want to look like an idiot
twenty five year old and I start growing hair again and I'm skinnier and all
that stuff. But I'm like, I like that is a look when you
are a young, dumbass twenty something. You know that is, and that
was fine for then, But like as I get older and you know,
wiser and all that stuff, I'm fine looking that way. I think where
it gets difficult is the things breaking down. So like if I do go
and reverse, if I choose that, am I suddenly not getting as much
back pain? Am I suddenly you know like all like will you will you
loose? Do you get your like all of your what do you call it?
When you get a cavity? Do those get like sucked out? Yeah?
If your teeth go back pure? Do I get my first set of
teeth? Bag I would have I'd say, when you're a baby, you're
not gonna have your old man teeth, you know, with old man teeth.
I have old man teeth now, yeah, I back into your gums.
I have to say, though, it's really appealing as someone who like
I. I severely hurt both my ankles in gymnastics, and as I get
older, I feel that I know that when I'm not not today, not
tomorrow, when I hit like sixty or something, all of a sudden,
it's gonna be like cool, my ankles are like shot and fucked up,
and my knees started. I can feel my knee like starting to do some
weird stuff. I'm all about aging in reverse that way. I imagine being
seventy, well, I guess you'd be ten. Imagine being like sixty five
and being like at your prime skiing and you're like, I'm fucking killing it.
Because I am shaped like a fifteen year old and I have the knees
of a young buck. I can absolutely take on this black diamond. It's
awesome that I would be able to do those types of sports and things like
that at that age. So I love the idea of going backwards, But
what if it's like I don't want to go backwards. I don't want to
see. Well, he mentions me, this is a hypothetical, and we're
all going to age like normal and die. If if the body stuff reverts
and gets healthier and everything, then that is a very attractive thing of like
the idea of like, oh I'm not hurt as much. But then also
it's like, look, we all have you know, partners and stuff here
that is weird. We're like, how does that work? Where it's like
I'm you know, like I'm getting younger, my partner's getting older. That
gets weird. That's what he's talking about with the creepy moral conundrums. So
there are more complications with reversing things. You're going to go before puberty.
Your balls are going to go back up. My voice changes again. Yeah,
but when you're seventy, you're not fucking that much either. Speak for
yourself. I plan on doing quite a bit. I bet you will be.
I mean, I guess I don't know, but like I would assume
the statistics of impotence is pretty high at that point. It might not be
up to you, but yeah, I'm gonna be. We're gonna us two
will be slamming. I guarantee it. We're gonna when when I'm eighty,
we're gonna film us and then mail it to all of our friends. You're
gonna mail it to me a ten year old. You're going to jail.
You're going to prison zero by that point, you can't send me poorn,
you old freak. Sorry, we're going on a list. I got you
finally took me down, been threatening murder and then Benjamin related calculation For Mike
Mhardy, I always knew would be something old geezer, that all geezer with
a boner in his eighty year old hot one. I think I would I
would definitely rather keep aging. But also, like from a very narcissistic standpoint,
I think I'm at this point, I'm thirty two. I think I've
consistently I'm sure I'll hit a wall where I stop getting better looking. I
think I've gotten better looking than compared when I was younger. It's true,
we've seen we've seen young photos. You have absolutely gotten more attractive, And
I think that's stereotypical of men, that they tend to get better looking as
they age. But that's also because of like beauty norms. Sure, according
to today's beauty norms, I think I've gotten better looking, and I don't
want to go back to like what I looked like last year or the year
before, like or when I was a fucking teenager with more acne than face.
This kind where it's like, imagine like career stuff, where if you
look like you're fucking twenty two, you're not gonna have a job worth anything,
you know. Like again though, this is where the patriarchy comes into
play, because a twenty two year old dude that's like the CEO of some
company and he's actually like fifty might work, whereas like it's I swear to
god, there's like a weird stigma with that. With girls, that would
be harder. I think as a lady, wouldn't anyone twenty one or twenty
two looking like wouldn't people not take them seriously because they would just assume your
dad owns the dealership. They would just give you, They would just throw
you a buon. Yeah, A twenty two being playing completely off stereotypes,
A twenty two year old guy ceo is a prodigy. A twenty two year
old woman ceo, I think go on would assume some things about how she
climbed the ladder. One hundred percent, thank you, Mike. And these
are things like that, they're like kind of deeply embedded or rooted in the
back of our Like you might not say it out loud, but if you
saw a twenty two year old CEO, you'd be like, what's that story?
Whereas like it's yeah, like a lot of times when you just see
a young, young dude CEO, you're just like, I guess he's genius.
Like all the young dude CEOs seem like douchebaggs, right, absolutely,
but you never assumed that they fucked their way there as much. Yeah,
yeah, I think aging backward would be easier for professional lives, would be
easier for Dan and Dan and I one hundred percent. But I've been dealing
with misogyny my whole life. I want young knees. I'm going backwards,
and I'm going to become a skiing legend. You've accepted sexism for the rest
of your your knees. I am. I am a seasoned professional. I'm
going skiing. I'm also like, yeah, I'm trying to think of other
It's oh god, I probably couldn't get into bars by the time I'm fifty
five, sixty but wait, your ID. You have certificate that says you're
fucking born twenty ten or whenever you were born. Yeah, I don't think
any bouncer would see this ten year old look motherfucker and say, this guy's
seventy legal documents. Get legal documents show him. When I was twenty one,
I showed my ID to bouncers who still didn't let me, and they
didn't think it was that that was fake. Was insulted when I get carded
now, like it's almost like who we resulted? No, See, it's
seeing the difference old and this beard. You know I'm not fucking twenty years
old. It makes my goddamn day. There's no way they're mistaking me for
a twenty year old. It's insulting. That's not why they're doing it.
The cautious bars are doing it because technically the police often send UH stinger whatever
you want to call them, old Harry dude, that's clearly past twenty one,
and then he's like gotcha, And bouncers don't want to pay bars don't
want to pay the crazy fine for it. When I worked at the Liquor
Story, they gave us two hundred bucks for every uh every fake ID we
grabbed, so you were instead of why what is the store owner's incentive?
I think just not getting in trouble. I think if you were caught selling
the miners, it would probably be a problem. Right, So if you
can like more, yeah it's a good job. You know, here's a
couple hundred bucks. Yeah, okay, I see that. Let kids be
a little ship back. We had a courtboard up right by the entrance where
it's like all the fake id's. You know, you would take the pake
idea and then hey, look at that fucker. You can't do that here,
mine's probably up there. I had multiple fake IDs ripped in twine in
front of my eyes when I was young. I was too afraid to get
him because it was against the laws. So I wouldn't do it because it
was bad. Oh you little bitch. I was fucking printing those out and
constantly getting them swiped. I got away with murder. When I was a
teenager, I had a guy I a bouncer at a bar a twenty one
and up. It was like a club, like a nightclub. I watched
him pick at the edge and I was I kind of did that thing where
I like probably like was sweating a little bit, and I was like,
what are we gonna be here all night? And the guy looked at me
and ripped it in front of me and was like, you want to go
downtown? And I was like no, and then I just like walked away
like he ripped my actual ID when it was my fault. But you got
it. At that point, I was so far in You just have to
pretend that they ruined your life. Wow, and you run like hell.
I got an MP when I was eighteen, didn't didn't fuck with that past
that. I went to a bar that didn't card and I thought, oh,
this is great. All these freshmen are legal too. I know it
was illegal, but it was like I thought I could get away with it.
And then I was having a drink on the on the deck, and
I'll never forget because I was eighteen and I was like, going to college,
I'm gonna be able to drink, I can doctor girls and stuff like
that. I'm gonna be everything's going to be coming up. And I was
so nervous around girls. And I remember I was drinking a beer at a
bar one of the first times ever, and I was talking to a girl
that like, oh my god, this is actually like we're hitting it off.
This is good. And then I look up this story. What's that
look at this girl? All of a sudden there's a bright light. I
go ha, and I look up and there's a cop on the deck and
just shining a flashlight in my face. He's like, got an ID And
I was like, oh, fucking like. I never had a pick idea
because I was too afraid of that. But I was like, oh,
he's got me dead to rights here. And it was like four hundred and
fifty dollars MIP minor in possession ticket like all that, Like, didn't get
a rest, you got a ticket. It's uh and four hundred and fifty
dollars back then, was fucking that with your dad? No? No,
I mean I paid for and stuff, you know, was the cop?
Yeah? Actually no, there was a cop friend in the college time.
They got me out of some later stuff. But no, I had to
pay for that one. So well, I thought you're gonna tell a story
about I think your friend was like telling you about you just gotta be confident.
And then you went to like taking the beer off the dooh, I
know what you're talking about. And it's still the funniest thing I've ever seen
in my fucking life. We're at the jet Lag and Lawrence, Kansas.
We were of age, you know, we were like twenty one twenty two.
My buddy, I'll just say his first name here. His name is
Brad, and Brad was We're just sitting there at the bar. It's like
one thirty and we're just single dorks at the bar and we're just kind of
rab I can't why can't we meet me one? Why can't we just being
at dumb twenty one year old assholes or whatever? And it's like, oh,
we just you know, why do we suck? Why why can't we
meet anyone? And he goes, you know what, I'm tired of this,
Dan, I'm tired of being a loser. I'm tired of like I'm
gonna make it happen tonight before last call. And he looks across the bar.
There's two girls sitting there by themselves. He goes, I'm gonna go
talk to them, dud. I'm gonna get up right now. I'm gonna
orders a beer a pressure and goes, I'm gonna walk over there with his
fresh beer. I'm gonna walk over there, and I've got I've got more
game right now than I've ever had at any point in my life. And
like he is doing a fucking any given Sunday speech about how he's about to
get laid tonight. He the new beer arrives, he grabs it, he
makes a point like, and he stands up and he pulls the beer towards
himself. But there's like a little lip on the bar, right, and
so the beer hits the lip and it all pours directly on his crotch.
Just he does this giant speech and pulls pours a full fucking new beer all
over his dick and just sat down, the most dejected human being I've ever
seen. And I laughed so fucking hard here. Oh, I was like
crying, laughing, just amazing. It's really good. That's gotta be in
a movie someday. I people, it would not look natural to see a
baby in a button down linen shirt with a sweater tied around his neck drinking
wine. You wouldn't trust the French, you wouldn't trust that kid. No,
it would be weird. I don't want to see a baby at my
wine tasting in France. No, it sounds cool to be like an old
dude, right, Like just being like an old dude and that's like got
some life experience and stories and stuff like that. I embrace that. That's
fine, I felt. I don't know. I found my old meershawn pipe
at my parents over the holidays and thinking about getting back into that. Is
that pipe the pipe tobacco? You can do that as a baby. Imagine
being in a bar and seeing a six year old with a pipe that is
telling war stories. That sounds oddest, arms and shit and physical stuff isn't
going to be as like he's going to lose all that control when he's a
dumb baby that's six. You can hold a pipe like you will, dignified
like you're you're seventy four, and would understand our skills to act like an
old person. I'm sure your muscle memory keep acting. That's a question,
though, does your muscle memory start to revert, because I think so.
I think all the physical stuff is good and bad gonna you know, you
still have the knowledge of how an adult should move, and but you've got
a stupid baby body like that's not going to translate years old. You're not
a baby. At six, you are functional? Are you an adult?
Six? You can function? Dan? Have you ever seen the show Old
Enough? No? You told me about that where kids doing chores and stuff.
I think you can see it on Netflix on Old Enough. The kids
are like five fucking years old and the mom is like, here's twenty bucks.
Go get me some rice and some noodles and come home. And the
kids like, okay, they are stupid, but they are functionally able to
be like the store is this way, and here's money in exchange for groceries
and carry them home like that is not baby, that is low bar.
They don't know what the money's worth. They didn't earn it, you know.
Like it's just like seventy four. You also are like here there's some
money, I'm gonna fart, and like you're not that present either. Like,
let's be real, you can be kind of a cool old guy,
right, I think you could be cool at seventy four. I shouldn't mean
carrying the rock. Sean Connery maybe not actually a cool guy. Let's see,
I know eighty year olds who Sean Connery still do cool stuff. Was
born in nineteen thirty. The Rock came out in ninety six, So he
was sixty six, Okay, all right, ten years is a lot that
Ideeah, ten years is a lot. I will say, like my dad
is turning seventy this year. Like, my dad is functional, he's coherent,
he's got it going on. He's like, uh, he's probably too
witty and a bit of a he's a bit of a spicy guy. Like,
but you know, eighty, I feel like you're starting to push it
rough. Well, no, we're dying at eighty. Keep in mind,
so right, matter what happened in this university, I mean that's like,
once you're eighty, that's kind of quality lives. You don't see a lot
of eighty year old running married. You don't want those years. They always
say, I'm gonna keep slugging merlow pounding. He's pointing offscreen and saying wife
ass ye. They heard that and saw that taping it. Just wait,
just wait, mark your calendars for how many fucking years from now? Forty
you're eight seventeen. I don't know, I'm thirty two. Okay, I'm
gonna be hitting the slopes six years old with a pipe in my mouth,
slinging war store. I don't know whose is more unrealistic. Well, thank
you Josh the Canadian Dan. Do you want to read this one from Troy?
Yeah, Hello, Fire Escape Artists. I am currently catching up on
last year's podcast, but I saw news on Twitter of Dan's broken fingy to
use the medical for his doctor used. I wish Dan a quick and full
recovery. This got me wondering what everyone on the podcast Dumbest Injury is for
me. A couple of years ago, I pulled something in my back while
bending over to plug in the Christmas lights that left me practically bedridden for the
rest of the week. While I haven't had anything like it since, I'm
embarrassed I caused a back problem doing something so simple while I'm still in my
mid twenties. Looking forward to hearing your stories, Troy, I bet he
would like to age backward? Oh yeah, have I stopped me? Ify
folds for the one about the Mortal Kombat play I wrote for my friend's tenth
birthday and I went to the hospital. Does that ring a bell? It
rings a big bell, I don't so. Basically, I wrote a play
all based around Mortal Kombat and it would have been like ninety four for my
friend's tenth birthday and we did in his basement which is just exposed concrete,
and like the parents came down all that stuff, and I was supposed to
be I think Scorpion or sub zero and birthday boy was Johnny Cage. And
there was a part where Johnny Ky was supposed to throw a fireball at me,
you know, the green fireball from Mortal Kombat. And we bought a
green couche ball to be that if you remember coushballs. And he threw it
at me and I like got hit with it, and so like I caught
the ball, and then in the moment this wasn't planned, I just decided
to sell it by like I did a quick front flip to be like,
you know, oh, I got hit by it and I flipped and I
just landed. I'm ten, I shouldn't My body should have been fine for
this. And I landed on the concrete floor and couldn't get up. And
wait, he did a front flip on concrete. Well that's your problem.
That was ten, and no, at any age, you cannot flip on
concrete. Well I learned that grass, yes, grass couldn't get up and
nothing was broken. I just I don't know what the hell happened? Something
got hurt and I did go to the doctor and everything, and there's like,
oh, you pulled something or whatever, like but yes, I told
ed Moon that story and you didn't love it. It's okay. Yeah,
he was kind of like I told him like, oh look I love Mortal
Combat and he was kind of like, oh, I'm sorry you hurt yourself
like an idiot. Yeah, that's it. That seems like an ed Boone
response. Sounds like a dumb child. There's been a few. I'm like
racking for all of them. I I told you, I've gotten like very
seriously electrocuted twice in my life. Right, Like, where's your skeleton showing?
Like if I was standing next to you, I see skeleton. There
was noness the first time. The second time, I don't believe my skeleton
is showing. But I was like shook. And they were both. When
I was helping my dad run me two separate basements house no, no in
the second first house, second house, I like, okay, the house
is this? I don't know. I don't know with two basements, chance
to laugh, a name, move back? No, I just like my
I. The first time, I was young enough where I was like trying
to impress my dad by working. Keep in mind, as a ten year
old, eleven year old, I have no working knowledge of electricity. I
don't understand the first thing about how an outlet works. I don't understand how
the prongs interacted. I didn't know anything. I just walked up to this
exposed outlet when my dad had gone away. Somehow in my mind I thought
I would finish installing the wires in this particular out How old are you,
like ten old? Okay? And I go up and of course I touch
it and like just to the exposed wire, and I like it shocked me
so bad I couldn't let go immediately. Oh my god, that's really dangerous.
My dad came back and I was just slumped against the wall next to
the outlet, like just this vacant look in my eyes. I probably did
permanent damage. And I did basically that again when I was like sixteen,
to prove him, to prove him wrong. I just I just I don't
know. The second time, I have less of an excuse because I was
sixteen, and I think it just didn't occur to me that bringing a screwdriver
to the outlet like when it was exposed, wires would mess me up,
but it did that one. I actually kind of fell backwards onto the You're
so lucky you're not sucks. It's really dangerous. But now I have the
sex drive of a panther. No I'm joking, but you're like an X
man. But you're just like a free like Colosses. But I just always
have a boner. That's my mutant power. That he touched an open wire
as a kid. Now he can't fucking put it down. He's gonna go
to jail. I can get it up for Assassin's Creed, no problem,
because I get it up for every game, can get it up for mobile
games, gets it up, Yeah, no problem. Mario versus Donkey Kong.
Yeah. I also I'm trying to think about their dumb injuries. Oh
oh, I forgot about this until this exact moment. We bought a slingshot
from a cracker barrel country store. Have you been to a cracker Barrel?
Oh? Many, many with the PEG game and all that. Yeah,
I know for those who know, if you're not in the States or it's
very Midwest by the highway thing, it's in the it's on the East cost.
They're always by a highway exit and their whole thing a they make their
own rocking chairs that are always out front. But it's a country country food
restaurant, like hardy comfort food type of mash potato. But there's always this
old fashioned toy slash candy store attestor and it has like it'll have like weird
shit your mom likes to decorate her country home with. Yes, exactly,
and crap. We bought a few slingshots, my brothers and I, or
rather my dad thought we were all old enough to get these slingshots. And
they were just sit try up. They weren't like the with the arm braced
kind of slingshot that you could kill somebody with. They were just these very
basic It looked like a birch tree had been carved into a y with a
rubber band and a little I can't believe your parents would buy you that.
I can either for like to put whatever you want in and then little hammock.
And so of course I bring it over to my best friend's house immediately,
and uh, we're like, what can we start what can we start
launching? And we see the car of I'm not gonna name I'm obviously not
gonna name names about this story. We see a car, and keep in
mind I was young. I want to say, I'm trying to think of
how old I would have been here twelve now thirteen. I was in middle
school. I noticed a certain adult that I did not like at all.
Let's say it was a teacher, and I'm not proud of this judgment.
However, I see a teacher that I just had come to like I clashed
with in school. I was like, I got this new slingshot, and
I was driving by in her car, so I know I'm not gonna hurt
her. I would never have done that. However, I was like,
I've got this new slingshot. We were eating gobstoppers at the time, the
wank of gobstoppers, and we were about, i want to say, fifty
yards from her car, which was at a stop sign near my friend's house.
And he goes like, don't do it. I can name him.
He's like, don't do it. You guys have met him. This is
a bad idea. So I take a gobstopper and I put it in the
slingshot, which we had been using all day, and in my excitement and
my slight fear as I was doing it to go launch a gobstopper at her
car from a distance, and then I guess run. The slingshot flung forward
and the gobstopper didn't come out, and it shot back and hit me in
the foret. And I just can't think of a more deserved injury. I
was about to, like clearly dent a teacher's car because I didn't like it.
I'm not out, but I got what I deserved. I have you
actually, you just rat it to eid me. I have a similar one.
I went to a bowling alley with friends when I was probably like fifteen,
right in my real shitthead era, right when I was like I want
to be a brat all the time, and I was playing. I was
just bowling with my buds, and you know, there's that thing you can
do when someone swings the bowling ball back and you can grab it. And
I tried to do that to my girlfriend, but I got the timing wrong
and she swung the bowling ball back right into my nose. She was a
girl fifteen, so eight okay, yeah, yeah that's eight nine pounds.
Yeah, no matter what that's gonna Yeah, your nose is fragile. It
absolutely did one of those like little Keith, and I had to kind of,
you know, correct it when I was fifteen. I never went to
a doctor or like got it set or anything. But to this day,
I now think like maybe I did crack my break my cartilage or whatever,
because it absolutely like dnked my nose really hard when it happened, and of
course, because we're all having fun and it was just a little goof when
she turned around and was like, what was that, I was like,
I don't know, and didn't even like acknowledge that she smashed me in the
face with her with her bowling ball. But I absolutely took that bowling ball
right to the face. Stupid last one. I'll say, it's pretty quick.
I had to go to the hospital when I was young for something relatively
unseerious. Regardless, I was in a hospital gown with a slit down the
back and my butt showing because my parents were busy, they were on their
way from somewhere else. My one of my older brothers brought me and he
comes into the room after I'd gotten in the hospital gown, and I'm like,
I'm gonna flash my brother and so I go to do this like ballerina
twirl to expose my butt to him quickly, and I do it into the
like the pole that they put the IV bags on, and I'd fall into
it, and it like domino, affects the tray and the bedpan and everything
else in the room. And he had just entered the room and seen me
destroy it. Because I didn't get hurt really, but it was just it
was funny. That's probably embarrassing. Last quick one for me. I remember
being in junior high, like seven in stupid ways. This is witnessed by
me. It was like seventh grade, so a bunch of dumbasses. And
I remember at these friends Quo and Jamison in seventh grade, and I can't
remember who I saw first. I think it was Quote came in and he
had stitches one day over his I think it was his right eye, and
uh so, what the fuck happened? He was like, clearly, it's
fine, I don want to talk about it, you know, sitting through
glass or whatever. And then like in between the next class I saw Jamison
had stitches over his right eye too. It's like, what the fuck?
So they knew each other and we were in the same class, we're in
like some same hour together. And it got to the point where they're both
sitting there and they both have the same fucking bandage and stitches above their eye
the same day, and they both don't want to talk about it, and
everybody's like, what the fuck is going on? And it turns out I
think Quote went first, and they were just like playing baseball or fucking around
like you know, in the neighborhood or whatever, and they had a basketball
and aluminum bats, and Quote was like here here, pitched me the basketball
and he swung at the basketball and the bat bounced off hit him right in
the fucking I split himself open. It was like oh. And then Jamison
was like, oh, get you idiot, I'll show you how to do
it. Touch it to me. Did the exact same fucking thing hit himself
and the eye. They both had to go get fucking stitches in the exact
same spot for the same dumb ass thing. That's so embarrassing. I didn't
know we could tell stories of other people. I remember vividly a girl coming
into school in seventh grade with two arms in slings and everyone being like,
what the fuck did you do? And It turns out she was just in
regular gym where you have to touch the sides of the wall when you're sprinting
back and forth, and she locked her arms and sprinted into the wall and
broke both her arms. What broke both arms? Broke both of them.
She didn't try to slow down at all, She just went full force in
her arms. There's multiple mistakes. Running full force into the wall, locking
your arms, committing both of them a super embarrassing. Do you know if
she's okay? Now she's dead. I don't know. I don't know what
happened. I don't know anything about this woman. I didn't even remember her
name. It's just a very vivid memory when someone walks into school with two
arms in cast and you're like, what did you do? Were you skiing?
I don't know what's up with me and skiing today? And she was
like, no, it was a gym accident. But after some prying,
it turns out the lamest gyms accident you could ever have. Jesus, I
was involved. I wasn't the one who got hurt, but I did the
hurting accidentally. We were playing baseball and so I had an aluminum bat.
I was up the bat and we had this. It was like a foreign
exchange student. He didn't even really know English or anything, was it.
Such a nice guy. His name was you On and immigrants. She was
the catcher. He was back there and I am not an athlete and certainly
was not back then. And I swung and I like accidentally like go and
I just heard this, and I look back and y Wan is just on
the ground, just bleeding and not moving, and like, oh Jesus,
she was like a week into like living in the country. And I was
like, oh Jesus, chrime. Like everything came to a total standstill.
Everyone ran in from the outfield. Everyone's like we get the nurses, get
there, like and we had to take you on back and everything, and
like I think he had to go to the hospital, and like definitely like
a stitch of situations. And I rode the same bus as him and everything.
I remember, like I rode the same bus as him for like five
six years, and I always felt so fucking bad about that, and I
always wished he forgave me and stuff. But there was like languid barrier and
everything. But oh man, I just threw a fucking aluminum bat. At
his head, and Oh, I felt terrible about that. I mean,
that's a pretty bad one. Yeah, I felt very bad. Sad.
Hurting another person is tough. We used to play so when I was in
high school, we used to always go over to a buddy of mine's house.
His name was Kyle, and we would always go over to his house
because his parents were lax, we'll say, and let us get away with
doing really stupid stuff. He like, they just didn't care and we could
be idiots, and they had a big property so we could like run around
and really be fuckers. And what we ended up doing was we invented a
game called shrapnel Ball where we would take a bat and the pitcher would throw
a full can of soda and you would hit it with a bat, but
we would play baseball as usual. Now instead of catching the can, all
you had to do was squat it down, and as long as you could
get your hand on the exploded can shrapnel and smack it to the ground,
that was considered an out. So it was always assumed that the can would
explode and it would just be like shrapnel, like it would not be a
full can by the time it got to you. Correct it should be in
an exploded state. If you hit it but it doesn't explode, that's a
that's a strike. Oh okay, you have to you don't just have to
make content. It needs to It needs to become shrapnel in order for it
to be a ball in play. And I remember being in the outfield and
having the perfect shrapnel ball come right towards me. It's an amazing that this
is an actual story, and swatting it down and slicing my hand on the
metal. That was going to be my question, Wait are these bare hands?
And it's specifically like ripped metal. Yes, damn. Where wow,
and just kind of hiding it and being like he's out, he's out,
because that was a huge victory for me socially. I'm not going to say
I cut my hand and then we would just move on. We used to
play, you know, you just kind of like suck it out. It's
kind of yeah, we had Detonator. A bunch of us would stand in
a circle at parties with an unopened beer can and you just slam it as
hard as you can, like the length of it on your forehead, and
then you try to pop it over live. So then you once you do
it, and everybody agrees that you tried adequately hard. You pass it to
the next person, and of course my friend, my friend got was inevitable
the whole time. After seventeen games of this, finally got it opened and
sliced into like his hairline. He still has a scar, but and it
opens and he also drank the beer. Geez, you're supposed to drink what's
left in it. It's called detonator, and then you go get another beer
and continue. I think you had a stupider young drinking career than I did,
considering you taught me out a shotgun a beer when I was twenty nine
and you were twenty one or whatever. Like, I think you had the
more traditional dumbass college drinking game like I had plenty of that. But I
think you probably went harder than me. Uh broad, Yeah, maybe definitely
looking back too much. No, not, I would say it was.
It was. It was a it was. I know other high schoolers event
similar thing, but yeah, no, I definitely could have done less gloriors.
I've told the story on the Beast Cast. When I ran into the
parked camaro admiring the new bike I was riding at forty miles an hour,
and then I got catapulted over the Camaro onto the hood and rolled off in
front of it. That's the story. That's the last one. That was
probably the dumbest. I was so happy about my new bike and then I
got launched over. You keep read it doing me one time when it was
so many One time when it was pouring rain and I was I was probably
like, uh, boy, I pressing age, so I want to say
thirteen. I was like, at that age where had been really cool.
If a bunch of boys would recognize me. There would always be a bunch
of teenage boys that were in a garage, probably smoking, I don't really
remember, definitely watching TV and hanging out with an open garage door, and
it was pouring rain, and I was pretending to walk by, hoping that
someone would say something to me, and one of them did, and I
swear to god, my thirteen year old brain said, I'm going to sprint
there as fast as I can. I'm going to impress them with my speed.
And I did, and I sprinted as fast as I could from the
sidewalk to the garage, but because there was so much water, as soon
as I got to the garage. I slipped and I fell on my back
in front of all of these boys. And I think the cool thing about
I was really young stupid. I think the absolute last quality I cared about
in a girl when I was thirteen with speed and I think penultimately it was
probably clumsiness, which I think that's one of the most embarrassing stories of my
childhood. And I think I I think I really shoved it down till you
told me the bike story. That was really embarrassing. Like I remember,
I remember being mortified, and I remember like pretty much everyone laughing, Like
no one was like, are you okay? Everyone was like, wow,
that is so embarrassing. They were probably like sixteen seventeen. I think I
really, uh, it did not work well for me. That day was
not a successful event. Yeah, I'm sure there are more that I'm repressing.
Yeah, not coming to mind right now. I think I told you
guys. I had one in college as well, kind of similar to that
one where I was in my uh this was past dorm stage. We were
in a house and I had two roommates and basically everyone in the house smoked
a lot of weeds, so we were very high and I went to There
was a full packed room of people, maybe seven or eight people, and
I was getting up to do something and someone had a big jar of Jiffy
peanut butter on the floor and as I was walking through the floor, I
accidentally kicked over the jar of peanut butter, which made me stumble, but
it tipped it over onto its side, and then I stepped on the side
and then I like banana peeled it out and then also fell on my back
onto the coffee table. And that was like super embarrassing, and there was
nobody could not have witnessed it. But I think it was like the comedy
of errors that I not only tripped over the peanut butter, but then I
knocked it over, stepped on the rolly side and slipped out from under it
the table. No, but I mean I smacked it. It was very
wily coyote style where I just kind of like smack. Uh. Nobody.
Nobody didn't see it, you know what I mean. Like it was it
was the talk of the town. Absolutely, it was the silliest, stupidest
thing that they had seen in at least a day. But that was also
college. So somebody did something really stupid the next day and let it go.
I also closelined myself in college. I was running away from someone who
was chasing me, probably tag and I remember thinking to myself, yeah,
like in a fun way. We're probably drunk or something. And uh.
I remember thinking to myself, I'm going to run so fast, I'm going
to impress all of these people. And I ran really fast, and there
really, genuinely was a clothes line, and I remember vividly like the wire
and feeling the pole and then getting flung backwards in front of a group of
people. I was fine, I did not break anything, but it was
extremely embarrassing. God, this is like therapy. I think I've told you
like six of the most embarrassing things that have ever happened to me in a
row This one wasn't that embarrassing. I didn't really get injured. My genuine
last one my senior year of college. I may have told this. The
front yard of our house, it was all these like row houses pre War
one, so it was on a slight hill. However, our front lawn
was graded as such to keep it completely flat in front of the house,
parallel to the slope of the house. If that makes sense that there was
this little five foot steep, little tiny hill to get to the next door
neighbor's front lawn. So there was also a tree with a branch hanging like
right above that slope. So one time when we left our place and around
the way the bars, I was really excited and went to jump and grab
the branch and try to do like a Prince of Persia esque uncharted esque like
swing like they do in video games. And of course, as I get
to like the bottom of the swing, the branch falls off and I just
slammed into the ground. After I was fine, though, I think it's
so good, but uh, sounds like we're just a bunch of ding dongs.
Yeah, I'm usually really graceful. My friend Ryan got a hustler and
so I rode my bike over to his house to see the episode the Issue
of Hustler, and I didn't know he was sitting on his back porch for
the bb gun and as a prank, he shot me. And so I'm
just riding my bike. I was like, oh, I felt up to
my gut and I just ate shit on my bike because I was so excited
to go look at a hustler. Yeah, that's fucked up. You told
us this your friend sucks. Yeah, yeah, shouldn't shoot your friends when
they just want to look at your boom magazine. Probably didn't even didn't even
have a boot magazine. Was it all a ploy? No, we had
the hustler, that's the guy. I took the pictures of the magazine with
my game Boy camera for personally, He's okay, yeah, why are you
riding up to a back porch on your bike because it was like just it
was adjacent, like you could see the backs of the houses and you could
see the sidewalk from where he was sitting. And he's like, oh,
I'll shoot him on the way. Oh okay, Yeah, And I still
stayed over and took all my game Boy camera pictures of his boot magazines.
That's right. Yeah, that's how we told this. Amazing. Well,
thank you Troy from Columbus. I think that's good for the night. We
save this third one for next one. Sure that sounds great. Yeah,
we got some real good meat on those last two. Yeah, let me
just write down to save this one. Yeah, episode seventy two. Yeah,
only that classic another one in the books. January. That's right,
Thanks for the update. Yeah, God, I'm what else do you want
to tell us? Who's president? Joseph Biden President still fifty states? What
was the weather like? What a time capsule? This will be a slight
breeze kind of chilly January. What are you thinking about? Dark out?
Thinking about how dark and slightly breezy it is? Uh huh, think about
Joe Biden. Uh, just thinking about standard Wednesday, Wednesday in January,
Joe Biden, thinking about things, think about when I used to live in
San Francisco, was one person that would always wake up at eight in the
morning and go outside and have a walk and scream about Joe Biden. And
I remember vividly yes in my time and say, this was before he was
president too, so this's probably really pissed that guy off. But like I
vividly remember waking up always around like eight in the morning, and I would
hear him and he go the devil Joe Biden, and he would he had
a whole thing that he would say. Maybe he was narrating a face off
between Joe Biden the Devil and he likes Joe Biden. Maybe it did not
come across that he was a fan and he did it I would say,
minimum three times a week, sometimes as much as five times a week.
It was a full time profession for this man to wake up around eight am
and yell about Joe Biden outside of my window. He's a tremendously boring person,
and it seems Joe Biden. Oh, I thought you meant the man
that yelled up. I respect that man's interesting, Joe Biden. Like that
guy's let a full life. This is always a good thing. I like
being bored by the President, whereas I'll forget he exists until like, oh,
he's on Conan's podcast. Okay, I'd rather be bored by the President
than you know, waking up. Do you remember when everyone was like freaking
out that Obama wore a tan suit. That's a boring I like getting off
Air Force one or whatever. Yeah, it's it's like the biggest deal back
then. Boring can be good in certain ways. I agree. I want
my presidents boring, and my friend's dumb as ship. You want them bugging
hotels and I'm a victim. Yeah, we know what you like your presidence
to do? You sick of He was an innovator, a trailblazer, as
you say, Yeah, people talk about him. You don't hear people talk
about the good ones about Nixon. No one ever talks about Lincoln. Not
enough movies with him in it. I was boring. That Lincoln movie was
really boring. Lincoln boring and you know what talking about a Lincoln space marine.
And Lincoln had everything he needed to have an interesting film. There was
a war. Like, he didn't tell lieverything, dude. Yeah, No,
that was Washington. Couldn't tell lie oh ship? Yeah Lincoln. Did
Lincoln do something with apples? No, that was Washington too. Damn those
guys again they mix up my presents a speech. Who had your everything?
Is George? Every powdered wig. Let's just get ahead of it. Powdered
wig across the river was on a boat but one dollar bill. Yeah,
it's just this is all George running on president facts. The only two presidents
you know are George Washington and Richard Nixon. Lincoln was a very important one.
Who is that He lived in the cabin and he was tall, and
he had a hat and a beard at the end of the war, and
then he got shot in the head. Are you sure that's Washington? No,
Washington was I don't think he was tall? Was he not? Let
me see how tall? No one really knows for sure. What do you
think that's all? Do you think against historians could not prove the height?
What do you think? Five seven? Mary? How tall is George Washington?
Five tens? Oh? I feel like back then you had to be
burley to be pressed, because if you weren't, they'd be like this little
bitch like I think you had to kind of you know, like Lincoln didn't
he do like a gun thing with another person, sat in the head by
a gun. No. Before that, yeah, where he was like I'll
do a face off with I'm not Lincoln did off with someone. Hamilton and
Aaron was the face off in talking not far from where I am at this
very moment. Aaron still play damn it, Lincoln a famous duel. I
think he just shot. No, there was a that's not a duel.
That's no. I know that I know about the shot. I know about
the murder. The murder is not the duel. I thought there was a
duel. I can't find it for me. Teddy Roosevelt got shot by a
twenty two like and it lodged in his ribs, and then he still gave
a speech or something cool. Lincoln was challenged to a duel by an Illinois
state auditor over alledged. Who cares that? I probably was just every president
got offered duels back. Joe Biden's probably be operated duel. John Wilkes Booth
did not. That guy in San Francisco outside your building has probably challenged to
several duels. John Wilkes Booth was not challenging to a duel. He was
sneaking into a theater to shoot. Yeah, it was an assassin. Yeah,
you don't call it a duel. On November twenty second, nineteen sixty
three, Harvey Oswald was Mary's favorite duelist. Yeah it was, you know,
it was really good at it. He's, uh, what a one
hundred percent victory? He took a few shots, I believe. Oh,
do you guys really want to talk about who did that? Let's that's next.
On episode seventy three, we talk about who really killed JFK. We're
going deep. Let's let's do a hard pivot going forward with fire Escape.
Yeah. I don't know why we talk about games at all. The new
Jesse Ventura talk about conspiracy. There's there's there's a vacuum of people talking about
conspiracy. Nobody's doing it on the internet. We need to fill Yeah,
it's on the internet specifically, and podcasts better equipped, yes, than the
person who truly knows how that night at the theater went down. We're going
to figure out the link. I think the Lincoln assassinations closed case. Yeah,
I think they pretty sure they know who did that. Yeah, or
are they turn in next week? Thanks it for watching everybody or listening as
it would be. Thanks for firescapecast gmail dot com. Also, as we
mentioned, we have a new bonus episode where we played Lethal Company. Go
at our Patreon subscribe there to the video tier if you want to watch that.
Like we said, we want to. We talk all the time about
you know, this is a side project that we care very much about,
obviously, but we do want to find time to do some co op games
and play do more bonus stuff. Whether it's a dumb tier list of candy,
I shouldn't say dumb, it's very serious stuff. Yeah, and at
this point, if somebody was joined now, they would have access to all
the old stuff. So yeah, like Mike, you were talking the candy
list. The road trip from New York to Connecticut. The I believe they
should. I'll double I think they did. I think We'm pretty sure they
doe that setting. We did not have that setting at first, which is
dumb, and then I went back at it. Yeah, so if you
join now, it's you got the candy tier list, you got the one
we didn't hope, ok, where we're all like that did the bonus full
on episode at your place? Oh yeah, the road trip, the candy
tier list, the Lethal Company, the forest, the cheese, the Macroni
kind of travel. Yeah, so there's a there's a bit of a backlog
there if you join now, So get in there, and we want to
do more, yes for sure. And then also you can go to fire
skate Mars dot com. Go check out get Fire Escaping Space. That's on
our bonfire that's all on our Patreon, our Instagram page, but follow us
on Instagram, Instagram, fire Scape Cast. Uh Dan, what do you
have going on lately? Giant bomb dot com every week doing a bunch of
fun stuff. We're at to start Blake Club. Mike Manati is going to
play Mortal Kombat Mythologies sub Zero and I just sent him a full kwan Chi
outfit. So I'm sure he'll look very cool and normal. U and he
has to put facepaint on, which he's being a big baby about. So
uh yeah, tune into Blake Club specifically, but then everything on giant bomb
dot com. Mary by you nothing. This is the only thing I care
about. Okay, what's going on with you? I have a polygon and
here that's about it. It's been a good episode. It's January. Mm
hmm, it's breezy the Devil Joe Bye, it picks me back. Jake's
got a lot of clip fodder from tonight. Uh, well, awesome.
We'll see you guys a couple of weeks. Thank em righty for joining.
Well awesome. You never know how to finish these three hours? Yeah,
I know you take us out, Mary, take us out. Thanks for
listening. Yeah, bozos, we love you. Bye Yah. You just
gotta do it. You know, you just gotta like nip it in the
butt. You just gotta be like, this is over. Why are you
listening anymore? Get out of here? Do you stop listening to this podcast?
I said, get out? Get out? By Still are we still
here? I told them to, I told them to leave. If they're
still here, that's on them, their same time code remaining and thinking we
might say something funny, and I feel like there's nothing else to say.
I've inserted all my funny. I told them everything. We're done.