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Visit talo dot com slash teen girl Talk to get started. Welcome to
teen Girl Talk, Bean Girl Talk I'm Suzi Koda, my friend Coda,
and this week we are Twilight Eclipse. Yes, the one where they get
engage. Yes, because you because you can't make love about being engaged.
According Stephanie Meyer, oh my gosh, So do you know what I forgot
about this movie? When she's like, hey, I want to do it
as a human and he's like I can't, and she's like try He's like
nope, and I'm just like okay, okay, okay. Are we supposed
to assume that Edward has not been attracted to a human or another person or
any of that in a hundred and six years. Yeah, Frank's logical,
Edward is a pure flower. Who now that I'm thinking about it, you
know, we're living through all those years. How does he have a passport?
I know? Like how well, Okay, I'm actually not surprised he
has a passport because they have so much money, Like, of course they're
traveling internationally, yes, and they have fake identities. Wait now I'm confused
why you are shocked he is a passport because I'm just thinking about he must
like he was dying of Spanish flu. Where he was dying of Spanish flu.
But I'm pretty sure it was not America. So he comes over here.
Yes, and we see him go to Italy last movie. Yes,
And I'm just saying, look, he's been to Italy, He's been to
all these places, and we know women are attracted to him. Jessica that
one waitress Brank. Literally everyone who is attracted to people is attracted to him.
I was about to say men, but I don't even think. I
like, I think other men who probably identify as straight, Jacob included,
are attracted to Edward Colin. Let's just say every human on earth is attracted
to Edward Colin. Yes, except for my friend Beth. She does not
find him attractive, which I find shocking. It's like her hottest take Wow.
I know She's like, I just don't get it, and I'm like,
I love you deeply, but this is a canyon we cannot cross.
But the thing is, what I'm saying is there are many beautiful ladies across
the world, ladies, yeah, and you know all of them want him
for his body, and he's not about Okay, there's I feel like I'm
with you up into a point and then you say something and I'm like,
wait, what if we were on the same path. I'm going, I'm
going, I'm going somewhere with this. Okay, why are you saying these
women only want him for his body? I also like his brooding. Have
you seen people talk to him besides his family or Bella for more than ten
minutes. No, but this is a movie about how he's obsessed with Bella
and like completely because she comfortable, boy tolerates him Edward Edward. Edward is
a like the port of the Mona Lisa if it let out a high pitched
noise constantly. We're like, yeah, it's good to look at, but
boy, that noise is hard to listen to. Here's the thing, though,
Frank, I think the people who are attracted to Edward are just projecting
whatever they want on to him. I don't think they care about whether he's
annoying or not. Well, this is what I'm saying, Like they are
projecting that they're attracted him. They start talking about projecting that they're attracted him,
they're attracted to him. Okay, well, this is what I'm saying.
They're attracted to him, But you're saying they're projecting what they want onto
him. Yeah, that's because then he speaks and doesn't speak. Yeah,
he's not gonna see it broods. Yes, but then but like you can't
initiate anything unless you speak to him. Okay, I feel like this is
a riddle. You start want to get to the bottom of it. So
I am what I'm saying is Edward is exhausting, and you can be the
most attractive person on the planet. And if you're exhausting, we actually wait.
My friends and I actually play a game called deal Breakers. And the
game of deal breakers is what would like, you know, stop you from
making out with somebody, like they are just pure physical attraction. But then
you had to throw in a deal breaker and like, you know, I've
been like, okay, most of tried to person you've ever seen. They
want to make out, but you have they have you have to listen to
them talk for two hours about crypto Okay, Like do you go for it?
Yes or no? Yes? Like I feel like this is a question
for people who have never had to tolerate Tinder dating. Like that's what Tinder
dating is. You have to listen to people talk about cryptocurrency if you want
to date them, because they're like people of ineligible age or into dumb tech
stuff. I'm allowed to say that freely now because Crypto went under. Yeah,
what I'm saying is just that like if they're projecting their thoughts, they
find and we're attractive, He's not going to find them attractive because they just
want him for his body. And then like the one person who can actually
listen to him to speak for more than twenty minutes is the one person he
becomes absessed with. Okay, so here's the other thing about Edward though,
is he's like, yes, you're attracted to me, but it's because of
my vampire like my vampire status. Like when he's you know, during the
whole this is the skin of a killer thing, He's like, everything about
me is designed to draw you in. You know, my face, my
voice, all of it. So Edward in saying that, undoes your entire
theory that he's annoying. Like, according to Edward, his voice when he
dagns to use it, which is rarely, it's supposed to draw you in.
You're not supposed to be like, oh, he's a butter voice,
like you know, it's not. I think what we're missing about Edward is
that Edward is just not like interested in being intimate, like he says he's
even with Bella like on it. I mean, we haven't, and maybe
I will revise my theory when we get to Breaking Dawn one and two,
because that's you know, they're married, they consummate whatever. But from my
hazy memory, I'm pretty sure they get married immediately or pregnant immediately, and
that's kind of the end of the intimacy. So I feel except for all
of the talk about intimacy, so I feel like Edward really just wants to
talk about things more than he wants to do things. I mean, the
thing is, with like Edward, he could have just been Ace and that
would have actually like, I mean, we didn't weren't really talking about it
that back then, but that has been really cool, like to have just
like, hey, you know, the most you know, like iconic you
know, lover boy in young adult history right now. It's just like I'm
just purely in this because I love you and you know, and there's there's
nothing wrong with the physical relationship. There's nothing wrong with not having physical relationship.
But I think that would just make it more interesting if it's not just
like I am, if it wasn't so confoundingly weird that he lived through,
as we said, before the sexual Revolution, women's liberation, many feminist movements,
and he's just like, now, Dice, you've got to put a
ring on it. Like Beyonce, I said, well, I would just
thought it way cool if you're just like no, I'm just not into that.
And Belle's like, okay, cool, this is, you know,
something we have to work out between us. But I still love you,
so I'm going to you know, I want to put in the effort to
work it out with you, you know, because like the other part is
he could be demisexual, and you know, say, like I find it
very difficult to have intimacy with someone that I don't feel like intellectually and spiritually
and emotionally connected to. That would also make sense. But Edward's thing is
just like in the like when he starts talking about her soul in this one
and saving her soul, I was like, what is Edward Christian? Because
as far as we have yes, I get that Stephanie Meyers is Mormon or
is she formerly Mormon? Is she actively Mormon? I don't know, so
which is fine. It is fine to be religious, but this is a
new wrinkle to Edwards character. Edward has literally never mentioned spirituality, like being
religious, being Christian or any of the other faiths. That sort of dame
that you have to be married before you like sleep with one another. So
I'm like, are we supposed to now interpret this as cannon that Edward is
Christian qui shark? And also is his faith? See, this is something
I'd also be interested in it. It's his faith complicated by the fact that
he's a vampire. See. This is the problem with Twilight is there's so
many more interesting ways that you could take this, and like you they just
don't. Like, you know, Kay Applegate says that if she was writing
the animals now, there would have been way more LGBTQ representation and it and
she's like, we just didn't know about it. That was just not something
we considered back then. And because you know, people were saying, like
they see Tobias as a trans character even though you know he goes just from
person to hawk, but like, you know, he feels much more comfortable
as a hawk than he ever does a human. And she's like, that's
how you see it. Go right ahead. I think that's awesome. But
yeah, so there's so much, just so much art untumbler about which characters
or trans in Twilight, which I love. Like I was like sure,
absolutely, Okay, So this actually brings me to a very interesting part of
my history is um, I you know, grew up in the wilds to
fanfiction dot net back in the early auds, you know, before there was
a big conversation around LGBTQ, like you know, concepts and you know,
obviously trans people have been around for hundreds of years, you know, but
it was always so longer than hundreds. Yeah, I'm sure I'm will balling
it thousands, you know, as well as as long as there's been people
around, it's been happening. Um, But like you you'd see, like
it was way more difficult back in the day, you know, to find
um a lot of fanfiction that was you know, basically susgendered because like you
know, and I'm not this is not me complaining about that. It was
just I'm just trying to make a statement. Yeah, it's an observation.
Yeah, you know, because I go through them and I wouldn't read them
because like I don't relate to this, you know, Like, but it
was just like it was so fascinating to see these people like, I'm claiming
this person as my own because nobody else is making, you know, representing
me, so I will represent myself. M What characters were like prevalent in
in that um like vein of writing. Oh, a lot of the Harry
Potter series. Um, oh god, that's heartbreaking. Yeah, which is
you know, one of the biggest feelings of betrayal. I have, like
going through this because like a lot of the kids, you know, you,
Harry Potter's story is one of feeling and yeah, there was a lot
of Twilight also, I don't know, you know, Stephanie Meyers um politics
on that. So I'm not gonna presuppose anything. But it's just like these
stories where there are people who are out of place, who didn't feel comfortable
and at word never looks like he feels comfortable of anything, you know,
and they would just you know, I mean a narrative of being othered.
Yeah, and so like Hogwarts or among the Colon family or being a vampire
felt like a safe space. You're in a world that did not feel safe
for them, you know. Um. Anyway, it bums me out,
you know, thinking about like the Harry those Harry Potter fans and what's been
going on lately. Um, And I hope they're okay, you know,
um, because and I know that's just like, well, this is it's
it's hard to have you know, something that comforted you with like turn against
you. Um. So I read a really interesting UM post recently. What
is there there's like a Harry Potter TV show coming out or something. Yeah,
so all of it's getting stirred up again. And there were two opposing
opinions, one saying like, you cannot support this because to support this is
to support anti trans sentiment. And someone replied to that and said, I
don't agree. There are people in my life that are Harry Potter fans and
that it means something to them and their children, Like they grew up with
it, their children are now experiencing it, and they are allies. They
support me. They you know, and the choices I make, and you
know the way I identify and to paint with such a wide brush that anyone
who enjoys Harry Potter is transphobic is counterintuitive. It's not helpful because there are
potential allies that are just getting swept in with this garbage. And I thought
that was a really interesting point because like my I guess, like coming from
sort of an activist background, it's like, well, how to affect change.
The easiest way is money, So like, if you don't support something,
they get the message right, like it adds up the more people that
don't support it, etc. But then I'm like working in the library and
seeing young kids come in and you know, they're so obsessed with Harry Potter
and it means something to them, and I like, I don't want to
think that from them either, So then I'm caught between being like JK.
Rowling's politics are absolutely hot trash garbage, and I also don't understand all of
the reckoning she did that was like weird, like the magic and away poop
and all of that that was totally THEO was like nuts on like a different
level, like not as important but equally no, I don't want to say
equally confusing, like trans rights are much more important than her doing stupid stuff
to the character she created, But like I feel so conflicted because I don't
want to support her yucky politics, but at the same time, I do
want people to feel be able to feel things through literature without me being like
gross, I can't believe you like that, don't you know whether or like
because that's not fairy either, So I don't know. It's I guess like
I'm I'm torn. Well, the thing is like it's the death of the
author, you know, like and it's I mean, if we got rid
of every like music, you know, if you get rid of everyone who
is problematic in music, you're maybe listening to like Taylor Swift and like one
other and like listener. It depends on who you talk to, right,
yeah, because there are plenty of people who had issues to Taylor at some
point. So it's like I need to be famous, I think is to
have a complicated relationship with like politics and belief because it's complicated. But I
just the she didn't settle that shit. Yeah, the thing is and I
do agree with you, but like the way I see it is, yes,
like maybe don't you don't have to spend a crap ton of money at
the Harry Potter World theme park, which I don't know if that benefits her
in any way. She got a ton. Well, the reason it was
built at Universal I know this from watching defunct Land Universal and not um Disney
is because she wants. J K. Rowling was like, I want a
full train replica, and Disney was like, no, we don't want to
spend the money for that, and Universals like absolutely, whatever you want,
you get a train, A train will run through it or whatever. I'm
paraphrasing them, And then they made a billion dollars a day from Harry Potter
World. Yes, and that's why. Actually this might have been from the
Jenny Nicholson video about the Avatar World. Yeah. What what I'm getting at
is, you know, is there is it bad? You know it like
is Harry Potter, you know, problematic? Yes, if you look at
it through certain lenses, like the Goblins and all these other things are not
the best, but there's still a story that draws people in and gets them
reading. And the hope and like, you know, the thing is also
there is other stuff out there, you know, like made by the far
right that is meant to influence you and change you. And you know,
maybe Harry Potter is that to a small extent, like I said, with
the goblins, and like the other words, legacy plays into the blood right,
you know, anti Semitic legend a bit. But like the Hope is
that these people, Like, there's a lot of writers who are have inclusive
things who got their start in fan fiction writing Harry Potter fan fiction. One
of my favorite authors, Sarah Reese Brennan, who wrote the amazing Demons Lexicon
trilogy of books, she started writing Harry Potter fan fiction and she has like
those books are very inclusive. They're amazing, and you know, it's just
and you look at other places like, yes, like you have people who
create things that aren't great, but then they inspire people who will make inclusive
things that will make great things. You know, and do the original authors
get that much credit? They get a smith in the credit, But we
should really just appreciate the people who are moving us forward. You know.
That's fair. That makes Yeah, that makes a lot of sense because like
I think it's hard to not sort of end up in um like a very
myopic view, like just a sliver of it and being like, well,
with this sliver, is this a problem? Is it? Okay? I
know that we are not going to solve the separating the art from the artist
issue on the Twilight Eclipse episode, but but you have you have to think
how many people started got their start writing from Twilight, you know, I
mean true right, and then you know, fifty Sheets the Gray kicked off
this whole other like sort of a bout of reading and so you know,
and focusing on women's sexuality in a way I don't think we've ever we ever
really did before that, at least like in popular media. Yeah, so,
I mean, and I have mixed feelings about how all of that was
portrayed, talked about like it's not exactly the safest but okay, but moving
on. So it's been twenty minutes. Were not talking about the clips at
all. We further said like about generally, uh, problematic stuff is mixed.
Yeah, so so let's get onto onto the business. It's a lightning
bolt, franc We're breaking new ground here, so things and for once to
get like whiny, I will say there whiny. Everyone is whiney in the
beginning of this movie. Charlie's whiney, Edward's whiney. I think the least
whiney. That was like the most like whatever, I'm gonna Bullie Edward into
what I want. Charlie gets to be whiny because for the third movie straight,
he's chasing mysterious sir killers that are murdering people is small town. I
mean, okay, we all know that. I love Charlie. I love
mustache Dad. He's like barely a cop in this one. But there's no
evidence that this was done by a human. Right, They're like, maybe
a serial killer, maybe a bear. Bro it's the twenty first century.
How are you not sure which it is? Something looks very different if it
is an attacked by an animal or if it's attacked by a human. So
then you have to think he is Charlie bouted his job. I mean,
he's no. Okay. So while I was watching this movie, I was
thinking about the game Persona four And in PRISONA four you go, you're like
a fifteen sixteen year old guy. You go to live with your uncle and
there is a serial killer on the loose. Oh my god, people,
what are these games? Frank? They are confounding. Um. I thought
they were just about dancing. No, that that's social points, that's the
dancing ones are the spinoffs because Persona four got too popular. Um. And
yes, you make friends with people and that helps you in battle, as
you've solved the serial killer murders. Um is dancing involved in solving the serial
killer murders. No, that's a clearly different thing. Um, but did
you say clearly you cannot act as if this is clear? I'm not sure
if a different thing, but I don't want to like definitively say I didn't
because that might come back is gas lighting. Um. But okay, so
your uncle listen back to it. You say, clearly clearly a different thing.
Okay. Um. So um, your uncle like it does not have
excess to any in the magic stuff that's going on, but he still is
like on the trail of the killer. It gets very close to catching them,
and he does start suspecting you because the minute you show up in town,
these murders start happening. And I would have loved this scene, like
my daughter shows up and people start dying. Oh my god, that'd be
so funny. Like you're like, look, I'm a father first, but
I'm also a con like you keep she keeps disappearing and murders keep happening.
It is true, she's like withdrawn she's acting super shady true crime podcast or
a thing. Bella Swan would definitely be a subjective one though, because the
other part is Bella like is the Pucci of this movie. Like, when
you think about it, all of the inciting action happens because Bella kicked something
off, can't protect herself, and literally everybody in Forks is falling all over
themselves to make sure she doesn't die again. This is the d Wars Dragon
Wars of vampire movies, where these two idiots are running from giant dragons while
thousands of people die. I believe in Korea, and it's just like,
I remember the road. Try to, like, please, so ten thousand
people are dead, just give yourselves to the dragon. And it's just like,
how many people have to die for Bella? How many people have to
die? And he's like not enough. He's like everyone, I don't care
as long as it's not her, Like poor Bree Tanner, Well like Bree
Tanner didn't hurt nobody who So there is a novella called The Life and Death
of Bree Tanner. Bree Tanner is the scared vampire girl in this movie.
Oh oh wow, And it's just like it is so unfair what happens to
her. I get that that's written. So we're like, oh, the
Vultari is straight up evil, but like the Collins, give it a half
hearted try. To keep her alive, and the vultari are like, no
dice, and the colons are like, what are you gonna do? They're
gonna murder a child in front of us? Like that really did not sit
great with me this round. I mean, we saw them do it,
we saw our heroes do this before, when they're just like, oh,
there goes a group of men women and much blood on those calling hands.
Again, really enforcing that if Charlie wanted to do some not so great detective
work, he could be like, I don't know this trail of blood.
It really leads back to my daughter. Very suspicious. Yeah, It's like
his daughter comes back and reports not a bear, it's a wolf. Nor
not a serial killer, it's a wolf. Like Charlie, there's no reason
to believe her. Suspicious that murders keep happening after your daughter told you it
was a wolf and you know, you never found the wolf, and the
wolf seems to just have human bite marks and people interesting Bella. I mean
again, Frank, is that not the craziest thing in this movie? Jasper
shows his arm and he's like, hey, some new bloods. Where are
the new buds or newborns? Newborns bit the shit out of me. The
bites he shows on his hand are clearly human teeth marks, which means that
newborns, like newborn vampires, when they bite you, it looks just like
a human bit you. So these murdered people that Charlie's finding are all human.
Bit up and he's like, maybe a bear, maybe a wolf.
It's clearly a human, Charlie. Yeah, um gosh, so it's great,
Like we're at graduation, peach, Charlie, how do you get?
How do you like? I mean, he's the sheriff. That's like an
elected position, isn't it. What is the sheriff or is he chief?
He's a chief? He should be fired. Nonetheless, he's a good he's
a good dad in a bad cough. Yeah, because Okay, so the
body canon Forks went from not very many to a skazillion, which if I
was just a citizen of Forks, Like let's say I'm on a Kendrick and
people start dying everywhere, I'd be like, hey, I think we should
do some organizing because I'm pretty sure the cops are not doing enough to keep
us all from being murdered in our beds. I think we should burn down
the old col employs. Or here's the other part, why don't we put
some street lights up? Because it seems like everyone keeps getting there's just for
such a small town. Forks has so many dark galleys for vampires are there
in Seattle for most of it, right, Yes, the vampire army is
growing in Seattle then moving south. Okay, so then really the only Forks
mystery is Riley. Yes, Riley was changed because he's a local and knows
the area of Forks, which is a town that I believe has about five
thousand people in it. I don't know the other part. Victoria probably knew
Sporks just fine. She'd been hanging out there for almost a year. Yeah,
we see graduation in this film, which means the calendar years past.
Victoria's like, well, I don't know these five streets well enough. I
guess I should kill as citizens of Forks now that I think about it,
it makes no sense. I guess she was like Bella was under the wolves
protection because like there's like five months when the columns are just gone where she
could just easily kill Bella. Okay, here's the thing I'm gonna say,
Victoria not that crafty it takes her two years her year, Okay, so
let's factor it out a year. It's a solid year. I think it's
almost a year and a half because think of it, Bella must get two
Forks. Is she's not as early as January. I would say, it's
like, yeah, Okay, she arrives there in March, because like March
February, because as Edward goes to the office and he's like, I need
to change classes and they're like, you can't change glasses. Were halfway through
the semester, and that's about yeah, January February, So she gets there.
I would be an assumption that, like that's when they're leaving. So
he can go to for Try, so his mom, her mom's boyfriend can
go for spring training. Okay, so so she gets count it back,
so like let's say roughly it's February. So February, March, April,
May, June. Graduation is happening. Victoria has been fucking around in Forks
for a year and a half, and it finds Bella to be so elusive,
like she had her chance while the Collins were gone, didn't do it.
Waited a year. Now she had to build an army to kill Bella.
From what we've seen, Bella's fairly toothless like. And also, I
mean, I guess what a frank, I'm gonna say it, call it
a hot take. Victoria like deserves to have her head smashed like a ceramic
doll. That effect was inexplicable. I don't I don't remember the books well
enough. I don't know why vampires just shatter and make like ceramic noises Buffy
because Buffy what. But I would say probably they wanted to go for the
same bloodless effect that happened in Buffy when you stack of Vampire, Like when
you stack of Vampire and Buffy, they just turned the dust and the fall
to the ground. I think there's just like, we can't do them being
dusted, but we can do them shattering like last no blood, no fuss,
no must We stayed a solid PGPG thirteen rating. Yeah, that's fair.
Also, why did they replace Victoria with Bryce Dallas Howard? Probably because
somebody maybe like the other actors, just like, man, I'm out the
biggest franchise at the time, Yeah it was. I looked it up because
I was like, well, that's not the same Victoria. You're not the
Victoria. I know, like this Victor like Burstell's house, was like I
need to get stuff done, so I'm gonna come in. Um officially it
was because of scheduling complex okay, but the thing is also like she wanted
to do I guess the up close kill. But I'm just like, just
buy a high powered rifle, just like Bells getting off her dumb truck and
then just like you know, take her out a thousand yards. I mean,
the newborn vampire army really does feel like a hat on a hat.
So much work? Yeah, all right, UM's work smarter, not harder,
Victoria, Come on, I have to kill this one clutty girl who
managed lights yourself open at every turn. But I just can't do it.
Yes, it's time to build a vampire army and to build a bear.
I had to just live with these. The mall is always open. Oh
my god, why did we not see Victoria build a bear? This is
all I desire. They're all pale as they do the angry, always angry.
It's just just like this accessory, this accessory, this accessory. Do
you build a bears have accessories? Yeah? You act like, I know,
have you built a bear? So back in um. Back in college,
I was part of a me Sarah's fraternity and I had gotten some money
for my UM. I've gotten some money for my birthday, and we're collecting
money for this to get the young girl a build a bear for her birthday.
Yeah, because that shit's expensive. Well, that was the thing.
So I was like, oh, cool, if I donate like sixty bucks,
like we can get some really cool stuff on there. And like I
found the people collecting the money for I'm like, oh, here, you
can take the money. You're like, this is the entire bear. And
I'm like, oh, like, I just figured the more money that goes
into it, you get like lasers and stuff like. No, this is
for the entire bear. I'm all right, cool, all right, I'm
gonna going to the I'm gonna go into the dining hall. It's it's the
most of night tonight. I mean, Frank, it's still stuffed animal.
So like, yeah, sixty dollars is a lot for stuffed animal. But
if it was more than that, I'd be like, is it lined with
gold? I mean, I remember you wanted to you apply there at one
time. They did not hire me. Yeah, And well you have to
have like a like a ceremony for the build a Bear to come to life
or whatever. Yes, I'd be so good at that. That's what made
me apply. Yeah, has I read that? I was like, I
want to do incantations to bring the build a Bear to life? Yeah?
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slash teen girl Talk to get started. So we're no minutes into this movie.
That's what these movies do. They unlock our chakras. Let me just
go um. I mean there's also just like so much meandering in this movie.
Yeah, Jacob's mad, then Edward's mad, then both Edward and Jacob
are mad, and now Bella's flustered. She's such a trooper. It's just
so hard to be desired by these men that she cares for. I'm so
sick of seeing wolf boys running around in tiny shore. I mean they're basically
wearing like skateboard shorts, and shorts aren't that small? Yeah, oh god,
I love them so much more. If they skateboarded like that would be
so funny. If they just skateboarded in and out of scenes, Yeah,
like just roll into the frame. And Bella is just like and you know,
like I can I can kind of understand Edwards anger throughout this movie,
where because like Bella is cons like I love Jacob. I love Jacob.
I'm gonna smooth them in front of you. I'd be like, you want
to get married and you're smooching other dudes in front of me. Like I
feel like Edwards almost more into it when she's being petulant, like when she
kisses Jacob, when Jacob's like, I'm gonna just go die in battle and
she's like, Jacob, no kiss me. I thought that meant that Jacob
was not going to go into battle. Nope, they just kissed and then
he went into battle anyway. And then I was like, what was the
point of that kiss to make to call was dramas is he? But it
didn't because Edward goes the Jacob was like damn, he's so slick, and
Bella was like, he's not paying playing any games, and Jacob's like,
okay, what is this movie? Yeah? So um what about the mic
drop when we first see Jacob at the beginning of the film, Like it's
like the film pause. They were like eight for it, Oh my gosh,
it's Jacob. He's at the school. Yeah, like, oh my
god, and that the music staying of like like I was Diamond painting.
While I watched it, I looked up and I was like, what's happening.
I was like, Oh, it's just Jacob. We've watched so many
of these and like a quick succession. I was like, yes, I'm
familiar with Jacob, thank you. The thing is like, yeah, we
just saw this Weekend or this week Guardens of the Galaxy Volume three, and
that movie was celebrating itself, and I feel like that's what these movies needed
to be more of. Just like and that's what they kind of do with
this scene of Jacob, and it's like changing. It's like Jacob, you
know, like, okay, theater, get ready to go absolutely nerds like
yeah, um, and it's your boy Jacob. You know him, you
love him, unless your team Edward. You know him, you love unless
your team Edward and Anti Domestic Wilds. Well, I mean you can't really
put that on Jacob. Well no, I would say Jacob is way more
toxic than Edward. Like wow, really yeah, Susie, Like okay,
it is a tight race. I would say they're equally. It's toxic.
Yeah yeah, I'm gonna insleep back down from this, like because I just
I just remember Edward, like sabotage her trucks unless you can go see Jacob.
He's like, clearly having Alice listened to her all the time. Yeah,
so Alice. Then that you know, that brings us into the next
scene. There at school, Bella is listening to Um Jessica speaking what I
can only call is the face of somebody who's considering the other person as prattling
on yes, um, and she sees Alice having one of her vision like
thousand yards stairs. She goes up to her and Alice is like, there's
an army coming of newborns. Well, no, they don't get there yet.
At first, Alice is like, hey, everyone, I'm having a
party, and everyone's like what, we get to go to the Coulin house.
We are hardly going to see the friends after this scene, but she's
like, yeah, it'll be fun. And Bella brings the mood down to
the fucking ground by being like you said that last time. I thought she
was going to smile or laugh after that, No, full like dead eyed
stare at Alice. Alice just looks sad. Then Alice gets a vision edward
reased her thoughts, looks concerned, and Bella's like, what's up, what's
up? And he's like, oh, nothing, I just don't you know.
I was worried that people would think Alice was weird. And she's like,
okay, that ship sailed a while ago. And then they only find
out later about it's when they make the connection about the missing guy. Like
they show up at the police station for some reason and Edward listens to them
talk about Riley being missing and it's been a year and Charlie's done everything he
could and they haven't found anything. And then he tells her and she's like,
understandably, why would you keep that information from me? And he's like,
oh, photos keeping you tooth by keeping you ignorant in the dark.
Bella is still grounded and she has to be home by four, so he's
dropping her off so she can have dinner with her dad. Yes, Dad's
like, hey, I'm super sick of you hanging out with your mega controlling
boyfriend. I want you to hang out with your friends, and Belle's like
you, I'm gonna say this. If Alice was an only child and had
to get through Forks High School by herself, her natural charisma and peppiness would
have basically created She would have been leading an army of Forks High school students.
Absolutely, because they'd be like, we are willing to die for you
because you were the best, instead of like, oh, you hang out
with like NonStop mobes. Yeah, Alice is my favorite vampire in the series.
Frank, your bias is one thousand percent showing through. Don't don't worry
about that. No one is like I wonder which vampire is Frank's favorite.
I am on the same team as a man of the Jedi of Bella and
Alice should have ended up together. I mean, their chemistry is undeniable.
Yeah, and while Alice is as pushy as Edward, it's like a lot
more endearing coming from her than Edward because she's not scowling all the time like
Alice want. Alice wants what's best for Alice wants what's best for Bella,
while Edward's like, I want to possess her. Like that is true.
I'm not sure if that's like Cannon that he says I want to possess her,
but he might as well. It's in the vertext. Alice is like
I'm having a vision cuts to them, like you know, water skiing.
She's like, I'm having another vision cuts to them out of romantic dinner and
just like, yeah, I make the future best for you, I mean,
and like it would also be an upgrade for Alice. Like they had
Jasper do what can only be described as the yankeest Southern accent in this one,
and he's like, oh, was a Confederate soldier And I was like,
oh, no, movie what, Yeah, I'll give mine. I
used to feel sympathetic for this man who got eaten by lady vampires. You
are not sticking the landing on that. Yeah. My favorite book is called
Mountain, about a Confederate soldier, but he's a deserter. He's like,
I'm done with this. I'm going home. Like it's still problematic, but
he at least gave up. Yeah. Where Jasper is like I evacuated a
village and I was like, what to where? There's nothing out here?
What are you talking about? Yeah? And Texas was not a Texas one.
He's like, oh, I'm a I'm a major. I was the
younger, he says, prifully, I was the youngest major there was.
Shut up, Jasper, that's not something to brag about. And here's the
other part. I'm not even sure how settled Texas was during the Civil War.
It was highly wild. Yeah, So I like the fact the idea
that they would even care what is happening during the Civil War. They're just
too busy trying to not die of Dysenterry Like, yeah, maybe maybe they
made him a major in the Texas Cavalry just to like just just like here
you go, just stay out of the way. Yeah, And like the
idea that this lady vampire is like, oh, I'm going to have a
vampire army in Texas. There are barely humans in Texas at that point.
Why we're going to rise. I get that they were trying to make a
parallel between Victoria's shitty plan and what was this woman's name, Maria Marianne Maria
Maria and Maria's shitty plan, where like the moral of the story is neither
of them needed newborn vampire armies. He's like, I killed I killed,
you know, twelve year olds all from Maria. I'm very proud of my
past. He didn't say he was proud. He says, I mean frank,
like, look, I don't like Jesser as a character, and I
think that the movie thing where we are going to have more sympathy than we
do. But he says, I was a puppet. I thought we were
in love. She had me do her bidding. He wasn't like I did
a great job. But it's not fair to the character because like he didn't
think he did a great job. He basically says, I was a dingdong
idiot. I thought he said, like I was the youngest major and that
he did. But when after Maria turned him and he was working for Maria,
he didn't think that was like a super great get. He thought they
were doing like love's work or whatever. And then he's like, oh,
I'm a rube and she manipulated me. There's actually in the Saman comics,
there's actually a character who talks about like he's like goes on this tirade that
people choose to die, and you know, you can choose just keep living
and death and dream hear this, and Death's like you want to do something
about this, and dreams like yeah, so dream gives him eternal life essentially,
huh, and he will like he's immortal, he will not die until
he asked to die, and every one hundred years they're going to meet up.
And dreams like do you want to die yet, and he's just kind
of like, no, I still got to see what else happens. But
then he gets still like a point in like the you know, past slavery
where he looks back. He's like, I am a monster. I have
to make up for everything I did. I participate in the slave trade.
I am a monster, and like that is such a better take than I
was the youngest major. You know. So, I mean because like the
whole point of this backstory right, like it makes more sense for them to
tell us Rosalie's backstory because her arc is I never wanted to be a vampire.
I had big plans for my human life and those were dashed because I
was assaulted by my fiance while a bunch of his friends watched, and they
left me in the street to die. First of all, I'm going to
say it is a very heavy theme or a ya movie. Like I get
that that su kind of stuff happened back then, but like, oh,
and I think that the movie gives it as much gravitas as it can in
this movie about teenage vampire love. But that is rough. I mean,
they cut before you see anything, but it's insinuated. And then Rosalie says
she would rather have tied than had Carlisle save her, and you know,
she enacts revenge on all of the men, but she says to Bella like,
if I had a choice, if this man had not ended my life
prematurely, and if I had been able to do the things I wanted to
do, I would never ever, ever, in a million years. She
used to be a vampire, and she in the second film, is in
New Moon, is the only one who votes to key Bella a human besides
Edward. And you know, so now at the time, we're led to
believe it's just because she's a grump, but now we understand why that is
so much heavier than Jasper's backstory. Like, yes, it's sad that Jasper
got eaten by hot ladies, but then it's like, well, Jasper is
so great at leading armies because he got eaten by hot ladies. So like,
but Rosalie's backstory is still just tragic period. She's full of regret and
tragedy and she doesn't get any resuming arc. So why does the Confederate soldier
get a resuming arc? And Rosalie, who was just minding her business in
the world is cruel not get one? Yeah, um, Rosalie should have
been the one to kill what's his name? The guy from the first movie?
Oh? Um, oh gosh, it would have been. It would
have mentioned him constantly. Never has a character who's not on screen been more
um like more ballyhood. Oh gosh, what is his name? I see
his bad wig, I see it in my mind's eye. Frank, what
have been amazing? Is? I think his name was Jason? Yeah,
Rosalie like stands like you know, is willing to die for Bree, like
at the end of this movie, and like because I like, I fully
agree if you let her backstory so much heavier and I love the line I
won't nobody. I didn't get a choice, And if somebody I would want
somebody to say no for me, if I if I could go back and
do it again, Yes, because like and like the thing I like and
I think that really plays up the sympathy of this situation is that she knows
that Carlyle thought he was doing a good thing in the same way that Carlyle
wanted to save Edward, because these are young people who are dying before their
time. But the result of that being that their life is. Yeah,
it's so complicated, right, Like the choice is it's rough, yeah,
because you're dooming somebody to eternal life or you get smashed like a porcelain doll.
Yeah. It's just like and I do like I did love watching her
burst through the door because she talks about leaving her fiance for last Yes,
so he would know she's coming, and he like had bodyguards and she was
like, I will dispense of all of you. Yeah, and she first
wearing her wedding dress and then just casually says as a bit theatrical back then,
we like, I mean this is a character that we saw crush a
salad bowl and her bare hands because someone had already eaten dinner. I mean
that's more dramatic theatrical. Um, James is the one who is murdered.
Yeah, Like I would love to see Rosalie like, you know, her
main thing becoming like I want to protect people from having to become vampires.
Yeah, you know, and just like this like hero of the you know,
hero of the people who don't have voices. But you know, once
again we're asking like these we're looking at these in like twenty twenty three goggles
versus two thousand cockles. Yeah, um, yeah, you know what have
been amazing is just like a vampire scene I always want is just like you
know, it's the middle of a field and there's like a clan lot rally
going on and you just see like a herd of vampires come running in and
be like I feel no, I feel absolutely no shame about this. I
feel nothing bad about this. Let's like, let's let's turn those white costumes
red. That would I would be very into that, and I have Yeah,
it would make more sense of being like, oh, was a confederation
or like you know Jasper and just like you know, maybe they put up
the cross. They're like, oh, we can't get neither because the cross.
They lay the cross on fire. It's like, oh cool, they
took care of that problem for us. They care about crosses. No,
not in this one. Yeah, I was gonna say, I didn't think
that was like one of their vampire things. They um they do it like
a cool thing in Castlevania where they explain like, um, as predators,
they don't have her, like vampires don't have her good eyesight. So like
the cross isn't like they're not against because of religious reasons. It just screws
up their vision. Um so, just like because like their vision is based
off of certain like um certain sensibility, you know. So then like the
cross like moving around like kind of screws it up. It's some predator nonsense
they came up with. Um okay, I can get behind that. Yeah,
so predator nonsense yeah, um so we have um yeah, it's there's
not There's like a lot of cool concepts in this movie, like Rosy's backstory,
and but mostly it just turns into Edward and Jacob pickering, yeah,
pickering and posturing and you know, talking about what's best for Bella while she's
standing about you know, ten feet away from them. And Bella like for
her part, tries to stick up for herself but mostly stokes the fires a
bullshit between these two. She's just like stopped fighting over me. Hey,
Jacob smooch. Yeah, She's like, I hate that you guys are fighting.
Jacob kissed me. Edward, are you upset? Oh my god?
Bella is Quinn moanfer Absolutely, And then I love that Edwards like just like
I'm gonna defuse this. No, I'm not upset. I don't care.
And she's kind of like, Ah, the only way she could be more
Quinn Morgan Doorfer is that they started like physically fighting in front of her,
And she said to onlookers, they're fighting because of me. Yeah for real.
Because then again, so like what the movie comes down to is no
one's entirely sure who's building the army or why Alice can't see, like she
says, it's not Arrow and it's not Victoria, but it is Victoria.
But for some reason, I guess because Victoria has been mostly hanging out on
like the werewolf property, she can't see Victoria's like thoughts or pats or whatever
because the werewolves block it in the same way that it Bella hanging out with
Jacob blocked her, like the change of her path after she jumped off of
the cliff. So then the Vulteri are there, they're willing to let it
happen, but they also were not responsible for it. This I felt like
it got a little convoluted at that point. Yeah, because the Vulteria see
like Riley and his vampire crew just wrecking right, you know, wreaking havoc,
and they're like, hmmm, should we let them go kill the Cullens
or should we take care of this ourselves? And Jane Dakota Fant's characters like
decisions, decisions, and she's like, we're gonna let this one ride and
just hang out. And one of them suggests we should call Arrow and see
what he thinks, and she says we can't because they're watching him, which
is like a really easy way to like write Michael Sheen outed this movie because
I guess he couldn't make it whatever. And so then after all of the
newborns are dispatched, they're kind of standing around. Jacob has had half of
the bones and his body crushed, which is like pretty severe, and because
he is like super healing like Wolverine, they need to make sure that they
get his bones in place before he starts healing up. So they take him
back to the reservation and then the Vultauri show up and they're like, oh,
Bella's love interesting, And then they find out that there's still a newborn
alive that what was her name? You mentioned her before and they say like,
well, it can't stand and the Collins try to say like, well,
no, she didn't attack us, she didn't want this, and they're
like too bad. So then they Killbrey and say that they absolutely, beyond
a doubt, have to change Bella or it's gonna be a whole thing.
Yeah. Um, and there's that. This just kind of cuts out a
bunch of I just want to highlight a few things that lead up to this.
One is the um camping on the mountain. Um, we're Bella up
for some reason. They're like, huh, like, I guess maybe they
didn't consider it, and or I don't think Everard consider it because he doesn't
get cold or he is cold all the time. And Jake's like, if
I don't bring her enough blankets, she'll have to get close to me and
like, you know, snuggle up because I'm I'm as he dead eye looks
Edward and you know, and says I'm hotter than you. Oh my god,
you know. And He's like, oh, you know, survival is
this thing like actual survivals and stuff says that we should you know, get
naked, and Edward it is just awfully sitting in the tent while he says
that, and then says Edwards like you're not married. You can't. He's
like, like you have not taken vows between you know, God and the
court. Guess what in this movie, I'm Christian. Yeah, I'm Christian,
Greg No, um, not yet he so you know they I just
remember in the one of the later movies they talk about like how Jacob can
give her a baby if she wants one. Come on, especially when the
imprinting stuff happens, like not appropriate. Yeah, that's a whole another kettle
of fish, Frank, I do not know how we were going to talk
about that. Oh, we're gonna I have a plan. We're just going
to monster truck our way through. How gross it is, like when he
talks about it in this movie, I was like, oh no, oh
god. And then I really Lily having flashbacks and breaking doll in part one
and two. Yeah, and then I was like, oh, I really
wish they had used that weird animatronic puppet that weighed a million pounds, but
instead they just decided to CGI into a nightmare. I cannot wait to see
that child m CGI nightmare is so much better than the doll. But I'm
so regretful that they did not use the doll. Um. There's also a
scene so upsetting looking where they finally use um, they use the tickets.
Um. That man Carlisle got Bella for her birth. Is this the extended
version? Why is the scene here? Nope, it's in the regular version
too. Oh no, I didn't watch the extended version for this one.
I was just like scenes that could be cut. I'm so confounded how Edward
got to Florida without getting caught and then he's just hanging out inside. Well,
Bella and his mom, Bella and her mom like talk about him,
And while her mom probably has thought that discussed him, that's true because like
I really thought they were going to get near, like an interesting conversation,
because Bella's mom is like, Hey, the thing with you and Edward is
that, like when he moves you move it, you seem different with him,
which really sounds like she's teeing up for a conversation of Edward is too
controlling and I'm worried about you. And Bella says, well, mom,
and her mom finishes the sentence and says, you're in love, and I'm
like, Bella, mom, that is not the takeaway from this. Yeah,
like it. So do you not remember the broken leg? Your daughter?
Remember that we're not gonna we're not gonna talk about that, the broken
hand, you got from punching Jacob the various huge like gaping cuts. Yeah,
that papercut she got that like kind of ruined her life, like what
Yeah? So, I mean the thing is the movie again similar to um
New Moon, all of a sudden decides at the end it wants to get
really interesting and there is a quick battle and then everything's resolved for the next
movie where they're getting married, and um it's I mean, this movie does
like a lot of sort of um fuffing around before it decides to get serious
and then all of a sudden there's a bunch of action and then it just
ends. Yeah, I mean, and the fight is not particularly bad or
good. It's just kind of their um I do I did like because I
mean, they didn't want to give anything away for the huge battle in Breaking
Down too. Do you not remember this? No, I remember the pilot
battle. I just remember the bullshit that comes to the end of the battle
exactly. So, Frank any closing thoughts on Eclipse, I like this one
in the least. Really, I like them all equally. Oh okay,
it's okay, I just like I did once again, I don't I'm not
hating these like I did when I was a kid, but I was just
like I just kind of meandering around, just like this, this feels so
second act but doesn't like, like, you know, the second act is
supposed to drive you towards the you know, the climax, and I'm just
like it did. The new Newborns didn't seemed that bad a thing, Like
I don't think they kill any of the other werewolves or vampires, you know,
I said, And I like, I get it, Like they do
break the bones on the right side of James Jacob's body and that's it.
And I was just like, I mean, here is the thing. James,
one vampire felt like so much more of a threat than Victoria or the
Newborns. Right, James, in a matter of hours, god fella alone
poisoned her and broke her leg. Victoria couldn't do that in a year and
a half. Yeah, And he also and I'm not saying that's because she's
a woman, you know what I'm gonna say, she just didn't want it
bad enough. So I feel like she hadn't loved James that much, because
if she had loved James, she would have poisoned Bella and broke her leg
and got it done in let's say, earlier than eighteen months later. Well
that's the thing. We didn't even talk about this. They get into the
Swan household. Well Riley is like inches away from like Charlie's face. Well,
Charlie sleeps on the couch with the newspaper. Yeah, this is what
I'm saying. I don't think that Victoria was all in for killing Bella.
Yeah, I think she was half dedicated at best. Yeah, she should
have just gone on the road to become a vampire detective. Frank, I
can't even tell you how many times I thought I wish that Bella and Edward
would just become detectives. I mean, I was thinking about that in the
last movie, where we like, if she's looking for a journal and she's
joined the Scooby Gang, Like, yeah, they deal with stuff all the
time. She comes to be talking a ghost Edward and he'd be like,
I bet you, it's just a dude. This time. She's like,
no, it's really a ghost. This time it's just a dude. And
then he'd like, look, who got it right again, it's just a
dude trying to avoid taxes or some other nonsense. In a party city,
mask and you bought it Bella. Wow, I can't believe I wanted to
marry you before we were intimate by my favorite Meanwhile, like either Shaggy or
um Fred or just like was up and she's like, you are very triangular
Fred. I mean, isn't Fred married to not Velma? The other one?
Definitely? Yeah, Daphne, he's married to Scooby. Uh no,
uh they are dating for a while but they break up. Well, one
of my favorite things is Daphne Um There there is a movie where they go
to an island and it turns out the zombies are real and it's like it
rules. But then it turns out the the the this nice family, well
this family they thought was nice is actually a group of cat people who suck
the life out of them, who sucked the life out of man and turn
them into zombies and zombies actually nice. Oh my gosh, is this the
live action one? No? The live action one directed by James Gunn has
Um Scrappy as the villain. Why have we not watched any of these?
I had a whole month plan for it, then I got derailed. I
think for something else. I think I was gonna be April like Scooby Doo
month or something, and then like Polite Society came out and we're I was
like, no, April's for action. Oh my god, wouldn't it be
so funny if you were like, we were gonna do it, but then
instead we did in April. I would probably never talk to you again.
I'd be like, in April. Yeah, No, in April was in
and of itself a mistake that came completelyansone. We were young, we were
impressionable. We thought that horse movies could fix us. But my favorite,
my favorite part is we have not gotten more professional. I think, in
fact, i'd say we got less professional, because if something starts tanking in
our minds, we'll just digit oh my god, absolutely well, who wants
to listen to a million episodes of us being like you guess what, guys?
This one was bad too, surprising no one. This horse movie was
boring and unwatchable. Yeah, my our horse movie is so cheap to make.
I just don't even understand it because you have to get like an animal
wrangler. I think because they can they I'm gonna guess a lot of these
ranchers they're like, yeah, we're totally animal wranglers looks around shift away that
this horse movie is Nope truly which is about animal wranglers, so or I
guess, like and what would you call like animal actor wranglers. It's the
m I actually heard what we referred to it as an anti horse movie because
like, no, not like it's against horses, but I know, but
like it's not like one of those boring movies we were just talking about.
Well, they're just like this thing can't be tamed, you know. Um,
I don't want to get too much away because I still feel like Nope
is been spoiler territory. Yeah, I would agree, you know, and
no, watch the toilet movies and watch Nope. Nope kicks so much ass.
It really does. So I'm not gonna there's the only ball give.
It hasn't a cure slide in it, and that's amazing. So next week
we are doing Breaking Dawn Part one, and we will close out the month
with Breaking Yarns the Breaking Dawn Part two. Actually we're going to close out
the month with um the Little Burtmaid. Oh, and then next month we'll
begin it with Breaking Dawn Part two. For single summer, everyone will be
waiting with bated breath to hear what we have to say about Breaking Dawn Part
two, a fifteen year old movie. So I'm waiting with baited breath to
talk about photo realistic flipper. Yeah wait wait flipper, No flounder, flounder
um. If you would like to write us, you can write us a
real team girl talk at gmail dot com. We have a Facebook group and
page that Frank moderates. I guess we still have T shirts for sale and
stuff and if you want to rate and review the show, that'd be sick
And until next week. I am Suzi Cooda. I'm from Ucoda Team Doda