Joyce. Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show. Thank you, Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Joyce. What's on your mind? Well, eighteen years ago
my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer, and around December of that year he
had one lung removed, and then the following month, in January, he
had one kidney removed because of lung cancer. And the doctor says, well,
we'll do everything we can, but I suggest to go home and get
your fears in order during the next six months. So we were both dumbfound
it. But three years he's said so many health issues and I miss him.
I love miss so much, and he just died last a month.
And I've been trying to reach all the reef books and understand all these things.
But I'm sorry for crying, crying without wanting to, and then it'll
be okay. But why would you try to stop your crying? Why would
you try and stop your tears? Because they make me feel like I shouldn't
be doing it, that I should be strong and brave and all the things
you mentioned sometimes about being courageous. Oh but that's not no, that's that
is fiction. There is nothing weak about tears. There's there is only one
place without tears, that says in scripture, and that's heaven, and that's
the fulfillment of everything, and there's no need for them. Hope is fulfilled.
But while you're here on earth, that that is given to you as
a gift to experience, to continue to have a physical reaction along with your
emotions to a loss, a love, tears of joy, tears of pain,
those are precious. They're not weak, not weak at all. Well,
when you Mintioned mentioned passion a short time ago, I thought, you
know, during all these years, the past two years, he was pen
bound and I was with them all the time, helping him and taking care
of them, and he never complained. He was always such a good person,
and I would get short with him sometimes. I think sometimes now I
think I should have been kinder. But I always say a passion, for
that is what you said about I was always he would say, oh,
i'll see in a few minutes, because I keep going back in and talking
to Hi much or telling him something. And I said, I can't help
it. Here's like a magnet. You just I just like seeing you,
you know anyway, But I'm not even sure what to say anymore. He
was just such a kind I think I think part of it was he was
my everything. He was my friend, he was my husband, he was
my TARKI for he was everything. He was a little boy sometimes and a
strong man. And and I just miss all of those people. Well,
the best of them are all of those things and more. And God trusted
his heart to you and brought you to him and him to you, and
trusted both of you with each other's lives. And as far as getting upset,
and there is so many emotions when somebody is sick, and it is
about the mechanical and the most boring basic things of having to feed or go
back and forth when somebody can't. That's the basic fatigue, lack of sleep,
those are just the basic mechanics. And then deep down it's also the
sadness that shows up as anger. That what that means is you know,
we're not who we used to be, or I can't experience you in the
same way as we used to do, or you know I miss these things.
It comes out in many different ways. But what you said is profound.
You said he was like a magnet. That's the way relationships should be,
not in a compulsive way. But in an interdependent way where it's just
the mere presence of them has power. Just being in the other room,
even if you're not talking, just the being around and feeling the energy of
somebody in your life is powerful. It's beautiful. That's exactly That's exactly how
it was. And he had a little room that he liked to be in
with the TV and sports and movies and reading the paper. And he was
always always could make me laugh or smile. And he was so witty and
so kind, and I was always teaking on him. He had a door
that was used to be an old door, like in the old fashioned I
forget what you call him telephone booths. Oh, yes, last panels.
So even when the door was closed, if I had to go into the
other bathroom or into we only had one in the bathroom, I would always
cross by that door, and I always could see him sleeping, watching TV
or reading. And it always, I don't know, it always gave me
a sense of I don't know how to describe it, like wonderment or something,
just how he could be so calm and generous with his time and energy
and storytelling you. He was a wonderful storyteller. And oh, thank you
for letting me talk about me feel so much better. Of course, you
know, there's some things that I would love for you to take with you
today, and one of them is to maybe journal the stories as best as
you can, to write them down in a book and the way it was
brought to you, and the understanding of those things, because you're kind of
the curator. I tell people this a lot that you've got to understand.
When you're the one that outlives someone, you end up being the curator of
their jokes, of their thoughts, of their ideas, and if you put
them down on paper, it's a good thing they live. There there's something
you can look at and see that it's tangible and reread and it helps you
categorize some of these emotions and memories in a loving and fun way. And
it's like, you know, the book of your husband and certain things like
that. Secondly, how old were you when you met Oh? I think
just under forty maybe well when we first met, oh, probably in by
thirties. Okay, So now imagine all the life you lived prior to meeting
him. Yes, that life is what attracted him to you. Now,
of course, physical beauty and the way you moved, and your eyes and
your smile, and all these things are there. But that knowledge, the
things that you learned, the way you listened, the stories you told,
all of that is what made him love you. And your job now is
to continue those things, continue learning, continue laughing, continue living in a
way that honors your relationship, honors the time that he took with you,
honors the time that you took with him, and that honors God and the
time that you had together in him putting you two together, and to take
those things and to appreciate them by living still. He was your everything in
the way that you both focused on each other, but he's not your everything
in reality. You came in you to that relationship with everything, and you
leave that relationship with everything, including the beautiful memories of being with him and
what you both gave to each other. So Joyce, I want you to
go and peace, my dear, on this Christmas Eve, and I want
you to think happy thoughts, and I want you to write down the thoughts
of holidays, pasts, of stories past, and of things that Joyce wants
to do. What is Joyce going to do now? What does this remainder
of your life look like. How are you going to honor that relationship by
continuing to live? Which is the best thing to do when someone passes,
is to continue to honor them by living. M m Allison, Welcome to
the Jesus Christ Show. Good morning and Happy Christmas. Well, happy Christmas
to you. How can I help you? So, my wonderful, beautiful
six year old who's extremely intelligent and well spoken and reads well and understands at
a greater level that most think. For Esus to want to go with me
today to Christmas Eve service to celebrate your birth well not uncommon. So as
a parent, what's your initial gut reaction? I'm a little frustrated because this
young man is blessed beyond means. His mommy and his daddy is a chef
who just lost his job because of the twenty dollars an hour increase. His
mommy is a housekeeper that works when he's at school so that she's available to
him all day. And he is never without, he has never been without.
And I just there's just something about this that is really really bugging me.
To Jesus, Well, one, I wouldn't force it. It's much
easier when you start early. And I will tell you that just as a
point of comfort, not to take from your personal story, but my producer,
Neil Save, has a seven year old and it goes through the same
thing. It's not just you. It is complicated. Kids are very smart.
As a matter of fact, there are studies that show that kids think
on a genius level, and that basically people parents, schools kind of ungeniusfy
them because trying to put people in a box and teach them about different things
rather than understanding and reasoning. But kids are very good problem solvers. Kids
have a great intellect. They're thirsty, and they're taking it all in the
concept of God, the concept of faith, and the concept of these things
are very difficult because everything is provided for them. So imagine this with all
those great blessings and all those things that you described, that your child has
the brain of a six year old. Now you take Adam and Eve,
you put them in perfection, in paradise, in the presence of God,
and they still don't get it. So don't expect the six year old to
get it all. I would start maybe with stories. There is a Bible
that I have referred to on this show, and I recommend called the Picture
Bible. And yeah, so that's a great start, especially when you go
through the holidays. You can read from that. There are cartoons that can
be helpful about the basics of the story of what's going on. Nativities in
the house can be helpful. Yeah. I don't mean to interrupt you,
but I will make you laugh. Literally, when I was explaining to him
why we got to go to Christmas church, he ran and grabbed his little
book of the Charlie Brown Christmas and he read me the passage that line has
read him. He's like, I understand Christmas, Mommy, I don't need
to go to church. Okay, well, see that's a really wonderful thing.
And by the way, I'll let the other part slide. But when
it comes to understanding, that's the first part. That's first part of everything.
You understand what it is first, and then you understand what that means,
what that knowledge means, and then you apply it. A six year
old is not going to apply it. As a matter of fact, a
six year old is not at the point of understanding. It's a matter some
theologians believe that Heaven forbid, if he passed today, he's not accountable for
what he doesn't know because he's six. Some people say it's ten, some
people say it's twelve. All of these things the reality, Allison, all
you can be is an example. If he doesn't understand church or doesn't want
to participate, that's a bigger issue of trying to to explain the importance of
getting together with you know, other people, and there'll be other kids and
they'll be opportunities to learn some things and ask questions, but it is it's
complicated, and unless they're going to church day one and it's just part of
the family, it's more difficult to introduce it to them later. And having
that structure is important, but it's not always easy, especially in today's world.
But the fact that a kid doesn't want to go to church, it's
not the end of the world. The key is to understand first, because
his communion, his connection is with you, your family. That's where he's
getting his coin and the at right now, that communion, that connection later
it will come from the church body, and you'll have to weave that in
the curiosity. The curiosity starts now in understanding I was trismacy, the true
tick less set, unsafe other merry Christmas to you. I know that there's
a lot going on in the world, but celebrations and festivals and feasts and
these things can be important to remind you what life is and why it's worth
fighting for, why it's worth celebrating, and in this particular case, to
give thanks towards the birth of a savior that could bring salvation to those that
believe and have faith. Now, not everybody will be in a state of
joy, but this is still a time of gathering and connecting. Eight hundred
and five to zero one five three four is the number if you have a
theology question or life situation question anywhere in the US of eight eight hundred and
five to zero one five three four. Joanna, Welcome to the Jesus Christ
Show. Hi Jesus, Yeah, thank you for your birth and your resurrection,
of course. And I just, you know, like a lot of
moms, I'm sure and grandmother's I just I'm getting I'm seeing all the packages
I've wrapped and I'm still making some food. And I feel like with my
kids, my daughter, I'm just tolerated. It's not like I'm even wanted
there. And I don't want to be like, you know, it's just
hurtful because I know I'm going to go there, and it's just like they're
doing an obligation and my son probably won't even say a word to me,
and my daughter just tolerates. And this attitude has influenced I feel like my
grandkids a bit not I mean, they just don't see that included. I
live like two miles from my daughter, for example, and here's an example.
So you know, there her and her husband are making tmallies. Well
you know, she's Hispanic, he's not. And it's like a you know,
tradition in my family for years. I am not included. I'm not
asked to come, I'm not asked for any you know, and it's this
is the first time they've done it. And my daughter said, oh yeah,
well we've got to Tomali's. You know, it's too much with a
lot of people. But then she let me know that she had invited mark
my granddaughters, and it's hurtful. I just don't. I know, there's
a lot of things in the past, but I've tried to you know,
well, her dad and I got a divorce, and her anger towards me,
it just doesn't stop. It just doesn't matter what. Let's for the
sake of you know, time, We're obviously limited, and I want to
ask you a couple questions, Joanna. First of all, is dad still
in the picture anywhere? Yeah? My ex husband, he lives two blocks
from me and he if not, we're neither one of us are married,
although he has been married two other times after me. Oh great, he's
not married. So does he have a relationship with the kids and the grandchildren?
Oh? Yeah, they adore him. Okay, So did you activate
the divorce? H I left? Yeah? I left? Yeah, I
left. Okay. So in your words, and I know this can be
hard to be objective, but to look outside of the situation. Why do
you think they have a problem with you? Well, I'm I guess I
do have strong opinions, but I don't scare them. And then when I
do, when I get abused, what I feel like I've been used too
much? Then out in a way that's not good. Okay, So you
weaponize your responses too, Well, yeah, it has been but well,
well after years, you know, it takes a while. I mean,
it's just so much abuse. Like we were, I was babysitting constantly,
and you know, I'm seventy at least I was sixty five at the time,
and just totally just dropping them off and not concern And then when they're
relatives, when his family would come over from out of state, they would
be taking him to dinner, taking going to the kids of the zoo.
But my hex husband and I were simply the drop off people. And after
a while, yeah, it got to feel like geez, you know,
so your ex husband was doing the same thing, doing something similar, picking
up, dropping off. Did he have the same problems with it that you
did. No, he did it, he did it. No, he
doesn't, he does than that ever at all? You know, Well,
then, can I just heard one thing? Jesus, this is just so
it's so okay. So just real quick, Like a month ago, October
twenty fourth, my sister, my oldest sister, this ady called me her
kids embezzled her entire account, which was over one million dollars, and quick
claimed her home. She called me from out of state. Yeah, she
called me from out of state. She's not even my closest sister, but
you know, she's my sister. So I said, I'm coming out there.
I'll fly out there, and I brought my ex husband. He's pretty
mild mannered and she's got you know, he's despite the fact we've in the
drawers whatever fifty years, were still close in the family, and he felt
she felt like she needed we needed some support. So I went over that
when we got there and in this rush to save my sister because her the
people that in bezzled are sitting there in her home boasting that they have her
house now. So we get her car. We started to read in my
ex and ended up having this episode where he was like lost his mind,
and I think later it was maybe having to do with the hell high altitude
from where we were living, and I had to spend time in the emergency
room. They wanted to do all this stuff. I get my sister home
back to California and he had some test. It didn't show anything, and
my daughter was very angry that I didn't stay there. I cannot stay.
I'm in California. Your dad seems okay now he found me out, Joanna,
she won't stay to me now, Okay. Well, we're up against
the clock and that's something. There's something no. But I just want to
say this, my dear, because I can hear the frustration. I can't
pull all the people in your daughter's your ex I only have you the work.
Sounds like it's your work that needs to be done. Don't worry about
them, and that's going to take You're going to have to face it and
say to make this better. You know you're going to want to hear exactly
what their problem is, your family, your daughters, because it it seems,
I mean, even you giving me specific dates October twenty fourth of these,
that you keep things differently, you hold them differently in your heart,
and you express them differently, and for whatever reason, that makes it difficult
for people to enjoy your presence, and then you don't enjoy it. And
I don't think you deserve to be in that situation, and I don't think
they deserve to be in that situation. But the key is with you for
your life, because you're the one that's bold and brave enough to call in
and ask the question. I'm giving you the answer, and that is you
need to do some work on yourself. But first of all, you need
to have some very tough either letter exchanges or sit downs with your daughter and
say, what is it about me that bothers. You I'm giving you.
Don't argue with them, don't any of that. You just take it,
go home with it and see what is real and what you feel you need
to work on, because this is to better you, not better them.
You know, we come together on Sundays. This show has been on for
over two decades. I know, right, kind of nutty, isn't it.
It's been syndicated for over a decade, a meaning that it airs on
some eighty stations or so across the country. And the years and the cycles
go by, and inevitably we come across at least two major holidays, Christmas
and Easter, and the importance of these holidays to the believer, to the
Christian one is the birth of hope, and one is the fulfillment of hope.
The birth of hope, obviously is celebrated on Christmas, and the completion
the actualizing of that hope is on Easter, the death on the Cross and
the resurrection. If nothing else, in the pain, in the loss and
a lot of loss still in calls, we can't get to whether it's Dennis's
sweet dog Anne and her friend that she's trying to help, whatever it might
be, contemplation of the afterlife from John. Whatever it might be going through
your head today on Christmas, whatever it is, try to focus on the
hope of the birth, the newness of the birth, the faith that surrounded
the birth, not only of Mary, the faith of Joseph, the faith
of the Madge to traverse to get to see the baby King. Focus on
that hope. With every death there is newness. With the end of something
is the beginning of something else. And to stare as much pain as it
has involved in the loss of something or someone, and that pain is real
and should be experienced. However, in addition to that comes the reality of
life, of more trials and understanding, of more blessings, of more curiosity
and fulfillment of knowledge, of passing torches on to younger and newer generations.
And even in all the pain and confusion in the world, if just within
this season you can take the time and lean your faith on a birth and
the newness of that birth, then maybe that and wanting to serve others and
having a servant's heart will give you a perspective and insight that will go beyond
your circumstances or situation and guide you into an understanding that goes beyond this world
into the next. Merry Christmas, and remember these simple words, I am
with you. Always reach out of us face yep personogy esus. Someone want
to hear, but someone who kills your personogy ess.