WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.399 --> 00:00:09.960 Hey, Hey, I'm back with something for you to think about. So, 2 00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:16.359 if you haven't noticed, I've changed my podcast times now I'm podcasting on 3 00:00:16.399 --> 00:00:21.280 Mondays and Thursdays. I'm trying to see if you're gonna make a difference. 4 00:00:21.320 --> 00:00:30.000 It may not, we'll see. Today I'm here talking about individuals who are 5 00:00:30.600 --> 00:00:37.479 in relationships and remaining in those relationships because they would rather be in those relationships 6 00:00:38.119 --> 00:00:44.479 than by themselves. Now, believe it or not, which you don't have 7 00:00:44.560 --> 00:00:53.719 to believe most people in the world, I believe according to different people. 8 00:00:53.759 --> 00:01:00.920 I've talked to different people, I've canceled. I mean, looking at people 9 00:01:00.960 --> 00:01:08.920 in their relationships, I believe that most relationships are unhappy, in unhealthy relationships. 10 00:01:10.519 --> 00:01:17.840 I just do. I think there's a lot of evidence to support that, 11 00:01:18.519 --> 00:01:25.760 just in how miserable people are. People are so miserable in their relationships, 12 00:01:26.120 --> 00:01:30.079 and I think that's the saddest thing, because no one has to be. 13 00:01:30.680 --> 00:01:37.200 No one has to be a lot of people would rather stay in their 14 00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:47.599 unhappy places because they would rather be there than alone. The reason a lot 15 00:01:47.640 --> 00:01:53.840 of people are this way is because, as I always say, the person 16 00:01:53.879 --> 00:02:04.200 that's neglected the most itself. People look more to other individuals to comfort them, 17 00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:09.439 to make them feel good, to make them happy. Then they do 18 00:02:09.520 --> 00:02:15.599 trying to understand why they are not happy within themselves. If you're not happy 19 00:02:15.639 --> 00:02:24.319 within yourself, you cannot be happy by yourself. People know it. They 20 00:02:24.439 --> 00:02:30.719 know they don't love self. They know they have all of these insecurities. 21 00:02:30.199 --> 00:02:35.919 They know they have lack of confidence and self esteem, they don't believe in 22 00:02:35.960 --> 00:02:42.080 themselves. All of these things are going on, just tons of insecurities, 23 00:02:42.879 --> 00:02:46.840 and people know that about themselves, and that's why so many people don't want 24 00:02:46.879 --> 00:02:55.840 to be alone. That's also why people relationship hop. They don't like being 25 00:02:55.919 --> 00:03:02.120 by themselves. If you cannot love you, buy yourself and enjoy a long 26 00:03:02.280 --> 00:03:12.840 time, you have a really serious issue. And I guarantee you your mindset 27 00:03:13.080 --> 00:03:21.080 is your worst enemy. So many people don't believe that, but we living 28 00:03:21.159 --> 00:03:29.080 proof every single day. We all see living proof. People are unhappy. 29 00:03:29.520 --> 00:03:31.360 You can see it on your jobs, you can see it in your churches, 30 00:03:31.479 --> 00:03:35.800 you can see it in your clubs, you can see it on your 31 00:03:35.879 --> 00:03:43.000 teens. I mean, people are unhappy, and so many take that misery 32 00:03:43.080 --> 00:03:47.560 everywhere they go, projecting it. We see it on the road rage. 33 00:03:47.840 --> 00:03:55.120 I mean people get angry, very angry over the most smallest thing, but 34 00:03:55.199 --> 00:04:05.240 it's huge in their mind. I remember that I was going to a location 35 00:04:05.680 --> 00:04:16.639 on the base and me and this person turned at the same time, but 36 00:04:16.720 --> 00:04:23.199 from different directions, and we were both heading to the same place, and 37 00:04:23.560 --> 00:04:28.399 I saw that he got there a little bit before me, so I parked 38 00:04:29.160 --> 00:04:32.000 on the opposite side because it's no big deal to me. It's just a 39 00:04:32.120 --> 00:04:39.920 parking space. And he was like, well, you know, I didn't 40 00:04:39.959 --> 00:04:43.360 know if you were going to get upset. I said no, I said, 41 00:04:44.240 --> 00:04:48.120 I'm not that type of person. That was a very small issue, 42 00:04:48.360 --> 00:04:54.639 but it could have been really bad if it was someone else, because people 43 00:04:55.839 --> 00:05:02.279 project all of their anger that's coming from with the doing little situations like that. 44 00:05:03.879 --> 00:05:11.800 And I said that because a lot of you have that mindset because you've 45 00:05:11.879 --> 00:05:16.360 never allowed yourself to heal from whatever it is. Whatever it was, you 46 00:05:16.439 --> 00:05:21.839 have not allowed yourself to heal. Therefore, you're taking all of this stuff 47 00:05:21.959 --> 00:05:27.879 inside that's unresolving. You just holding on to it. And that's why many 48 00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:33.160 of you are in the relationships you're in because you fear being alone, and 49 00:05:33.240 --> 00:05:39.879 you fear being alone because you created the fear in you you let it grow. 50 00:05:42.279 --> 00:05:50.279 You created the belief that you can't be by yourself. We do these 51 00:05:50.319 --> 00:05:59.879 things to ourselves. People have the mindsets they have because of the experience they 52 00:06:00.120 --> 00:06:02.759 gone through. You don't have to stay on that path. You don't have 53 00:06:02.879 --> 00:06:10.240 to keep that negative mindset. You always have the opportunity to change. Every 54 00:06:10.319 --> 00:06:15.639 single day that you get to live is an opportunity to change. People just 55 00:06:15.680 --> 00:06:23.800 don't take it. They don't take it, and you wonder why you're suffering. 56 00:06:24.279 --> 00:06:30.439 You're tormented, you're miserable in your relationships. It is because you don't 57 00:06:30.480 --> 00:06:44.120 have any faith, confidence, or love for yourself in yourself, so you 58 00:06:44.160 --> 00:06:47.600 would rather stay in a relationship some of you know, the other person don't 59 00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:51.199 love you, they don't even care about you, but you don't care. 60 00:06:51.560 --> 00:07:00.480 As long as they come home sometime. You're all right. As long as 61 00:07:00.519 --> 00:07:04.040 they come home, you all right. It's like really being in the house 62 00:07:04.079 --> 00:07:12.879 with a roommate because most people they don't sleep together, they don't do anything 63 00:07:12.920 --> 00:07:16.720 together, they don't enjoy each other at all. But you would rather stay 64 00:07:16.800 --> 00:07:23.120 in that environment because you're afraid to be alone. So people use a multitude 65 00:07:23.199 --> 00:07:29.120 of excuses as to why they stay. Older children people still talking about the 66 00:07:29.240 --> 00:07:33.600 children. And the children are grown and gone, they have their own children, 67 00:07:33.639 --> 00:07:39.079 but you're still talking about the children. So now that your children are 68 00:07:39.120 --> 00:07:44.079 grown, now you're talking about your grandchildren. Well, I do what I 69 00:07:44.199 --> 00:07:48.199 do because of my grandchildren. You use that excuse for all the years when 70 00:07:48.240 --> 00:07:54.199 your children were growing up. Now you using the excuse of your grandchildren. 71 00:07:54.279 --> 00:07:58.920 No, it's not your grandchildren, it's you. Your grandchildren don't even stay 72 00:07:58.959 --> 00:08:07.600 in the house with you. It's you, you and your insecurities, because 73 00:08:07.639 --> 00:08:11.360 to you, it's better to stay where you are than to start over or 74 00:08:11.439 --> 00:08:16.560 to be by yourself, when you're already technically by yourself. Right now, 75 00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:22.839 although you have someone in the home with you, technically you're by yourself. 76 00:08:24.040 --> 00:08:30.800 You're just as lowly. Some of you are falling in love with other men 77 00:08:30.879 --> 00:08:37.600 and women because you have nothing going on at home. That's not right, 78 00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:50.440 That is absolutely not right. You don't have the courage in yourself to move 79 00:08:50.519 --> 00:09:00.960 on, but you have the courage to get into a relationship outside of the 80 00:09:01.000 --> 00:09:05.600 relationship you already have, or at least try to get in a relationship. 81 00:09:05.799 --> 00:09:11.000 You have that much confidence, but you don't have confidence to believe that you 82 00:09:11.039 --> 00:09:20.240 can make it and be happy by yourself. That's why I say all the 83 00:09:20.360 --> 00:09:26.600 time, the mindset of people is their worst enemy. It truly is. 84 00:09:30.159 --> 00:09:46.360 People are so caught up, focused and fixated on fear and insecurities, not 85 00:09:46.440 --> 00:09:54.480 even realizing how it's secure they are. They don't see it when it's you. 86 00:09:54.480 --> 00:09:56.600 You don't see it. You see it in other people, but you 87 00:09:56.639 --> 00:10:01.360 don't see it in yourself. You don't se see what your insecurities are doing 88 00:10:01.519 --> 00:10:07.120 to you. It's like you're just reliving over and over and over a cycle. 89 00:10:11.440 --> 00:10:16.840 You continue to be miserable. You're not trying to work on your relationship. 90 00:10:16.080 --> 00:10:20.279 It's a difference. It's a total difference if you were trying to work 91 00:10:20.320 --> 00:10:26.879 on your relationship to make your relationship better. But most people are not. 92 00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:33.639 They are just there out of insecurity, out of the familiar. That's what 93 00:10:33.720 --> 00:10:39.600 you know, regardless of how bad you feel. That's what you know. 94 00:10:39.120 --> 00:10:46.919 That's what you're comfortable with. You're comfortable with the negativity. You're comfortable with 95 00:10:46.440 --> 00:10:52.240 the no communication, the no intimacy, You're comfortable with all of that. 96 00:10:52.639 --> 00:10:56.720 You don't like it, you loan for it, but you're comfortable in not 97 00:10:58.039 --> 00:11:03.440 having it with your significant other because you've been that way so long. I 98 00:11:03.480 --> 00:11:11.639 think that is horrible. I really do, I really do. And I 99 00:11:11.679 --> 00:11:16.759 know some people feel well, when you're married, you don't supposed to divorce 100 00:11:16.919 --> 00:11:20.559 and all of this and that, and you other Bible speaks of that. 101 00:11:20.799 --> 00:11:28.480 But the Bible also speaks certain instances where you can leave your spouse. And 102 00:11:28.600 --> 00:11:35.639 I'm not sitting here promoting anybody leave their relationship. I'm promoting your happiness. 103 00:11:37.720 --> 00:11:45.399 That's what I'm promoting, your happiness, because when you're not happy within nothing 104 00:11:45.559 --> 00:11:48.240 or no one is gonna make you happy. I've told you many times. 105 00:11:48.399 --> 00:11:52.080 People could put a smile on your face. Things could put a smile on 106 00:11:52.120 --> 00:11:58.960 your face, but they will not make you happy. Only happiness is through 107 00:12:00.200 --> 00:12:05.240 Christ, Jesus and yourself. You gotta love yourself. And when you love 108 00:12:05.320 --> 00:12:11.559 yourself, you will not make yourself suffer. You will not cause yourself torment. 109 00:12:11.919 --> 00:12:20.000 You will not cause yourself unhappiness and brief pain and a place of no 110 00:12:20.159 --> 00:12:26.399 peace. You won't do that to yourself. Not When you know who you 111 00:12:26.440 --> 00:12:33.159 are, you love yourself, You've healed from your past pains. Most people 112 00:12:33.200 --> 00:12:39.360 don't give themselves the opportunity because they're too complacent. They're too comfortable in where 113 00:12:39.399 --> 00:12:50.279 they've always been mentally, and it is the very reason people stay where they 114 00:12:50.320 --> 00:12:56.440 are. The reason I'm talking about this now, although I talk about it 115 00:12:56.480 --> 00:13:03.960 all the time, is I was listening to someone that was telling me that 116 00:13:05.320 --> 00:13:13.159 what's the point of starting over? I have everything you don't though. You 117 00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:18.960 don't have happiness, you don't have love, you don't have affection, you 118 00:13:18.000 --> 00:13:24.240 don't have anything, None of the things that are required in a healthy relationship, 119 00:13:24.440 --> 00:13:31.600 you have none of it. All you have is a person that you 120 00:13:31.759 --> 00:13:37.600 see from time to time. You see them, they come to get something 121 00:13:37.600 --> 00:13:43.399 to eat, they use the bathroom, whatever the situation is. But you're 122 00:13:43.440 --> 00:13:52.039 not interacting with that person, but you're afraid you won't have it any better 123 00:13:52.080 --> 00:14:01.120 than that. That is the mindset to have people thinking like that, and 124 00:14:01.559 --> 00:14:07.919 by all means, it's your choice. You could stay where you have been 125 00:14:09.960 --> 00:14:16.320 until you one hundred plus years old. That's on you. But just no, 126 00:14:16.519 --> 00:14:20.840 it's never ever going to get better by you continue to do what you 127 00:14:20.879 --> 00:14:26.600 do. If you wanna stay in your relationship, in your unhealthy, your 128 00:14:26.840 --> 00:14:37.080 unhappy relationship, at least try to work on it. You owe yourself that 129 00:14:37.679 --> 00:14:43.320 there is no reason to be with someone out of fear, out of lack. 130 00:14:45.360 --> 00:14:50.720 When I say lack of mean self esteem and confidence. There's no reason 131 00:14:50.759 --> 00:14:58.320 to stay with some person if you are not trying to work on your relationship. 132 00:14:58.639 --> 00:15:05.519 If you're gonna stay, at least try to fix things. You can't 133 00:15:05.559 --> 00:15:09.840 make anyone love you, You can't fix, save or change them. But 134 00:15:11.000 --> 00:15:16.320 if you're gonna remain in that relationship, at least try to make it work. 135 00:15:18.440 --> 00:15:22.600 And you have to do that by communicating. Some of you are in 136 00:15:22.679 --> 00:15:33.039 relationships and you have gotten closer to the Lord. But because your significant other 137 00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:39.440 don't go to church, you stop. Please tell me where that makes sense, 138 00:15:41.080 --> 00:15:46.279 because you gotta make it to heaven for yourself. You can't drive your 139 00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:52.600 spouse alone or your boyfriend or girlfriend alone into heaven. You gotta get there 140 00:15:52.639 --> 00:16:00.000 for yourself, just like they have to get there for themselves. People just 141 00:16:00.120 --> 00:16:10.320 doing it all the wrong way. You're supposed to love Christ, God more 142 00:16:10.399 --> 00:16:17.720 than anything, Jesus the Soul, and God the Father more than anything, 143 00:16:17.879 --> 00:16:25.320 more than anyone. If your significant other don't want to go, you still 144 00:16:25.840 --> 00:16:34.240 should go because it's for you and your salvation, not theirs. You go 145 00:16:34.320 --> 00:16:40.360 and may bring them in, but again it may not. Don't lose your 146 00:16:40.399 --> 00:16:48.480 seat in the kingdom because your significant other don't want to come on in. 147 00:16:51.159 --> 00:16:59.279 It's ignorant to do that. And in truth, you don't love Jesus, 148 00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:04.519 you don't love God. If you're making your choice be about your significant other. 149 00:17:07.559 --> 00:17:14.880 So some of you would rather stay and go down the same pit as 150 00:17:14.920 --> 00:17:22.279 your significant other, which is ridiculous, it really is. But this is 151 00:17:22.319 --> 00:17:27.240 the choice that some people are making. You rather go right on down to 152 00:17:27.279 --> 00:17:33.519 the pit of hell with him or her, then to go on this journey 153 00:17:36.359 --> 00:17:41.799 for yourself. It's a personal journey. It is a solo journey. I 154 00:17:41.839 --> 00:17:47.240 don't care if you or with someone and they are about our father's business. 155 00:17:48.640 --> 00:17:52.920 This is still a solo journey because I don't care how much you love him 156 00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:56.640 or her, how much they love you, how close you are, how 157 00:17:56.640 --> 00:18:03.000 good your relationship is. This journey is still solo. But when you've got 158 00:18:03.079 --> 00:18:10.839 somebody that loved God and is living for God, it's about God's business. 159 00:18:10.880 --> 00:18:17.799 Oh baby, make it so good. It make it so good. It 160 00:18:17.880 --> 00:18:26.079 really does. You're on the same accord. You can't beat that. But 161 00:18:26.240 --> 00:18:36.359 many people are missing the mark because they're waiting on their significant others to get 162 00:18:36.400 --> 00:18:41.559 on board. You're messing up, You messing up, and you're risking your 163 00:18:41.000 --> 00:18:51.839 life, your salvation, and no man or woman is worth that. So 164 00:18:52.000 --> 00:19:00.119 people stay in relationships for a lot of reasons, a lot of reasons, 165 00:19:00.519 --> 00:19:06.400 but none of those reasons, regardless of what they are, is going to 166 00:19:06.480 --> 00:19:11.440 fix your relationship. The only people can help with your relationship is you and 167 00:19:11.480 --> 00:19:18.920 the person that's in it with you. Even if you love the Lord and 168 00:19:18.039 --> 00:19:22.000 they don't, and you pray and you pray and you pray, prayer works, 169 00:19:23.680 --> 00:19:30.720 but that other person still gotta want it. We don't get to force 170 00:19:30.839 --> 00:19:36.160 them to do right. We don't get to do that. God don't even 171 00:19:36.200 --> 00:19:41.599 do it to us. So we don't have that ability for the ones we 172 00:19:41.720 --> 00:19:51.279 love. They have to want it for themselves. Some of you have built 173 00:19:51.359 --> 00:19:56.960 up so much fear in your lives. It's just ridiculous, ridiculous, it 174 00:19:56.160 --> 00:20:02.400 really really is. Fear comes from you. I don't care what you've seen 175 00:20:02.519 --> 00:20:07.920 or what you hear. Fear comes from you. I remember when I was 176 00:20:07.000 --> 00:20:11.680 little, and I think I mentioned this a while ago, like maybe years, 177 00:20:12.759 --> 00:20:19.839 I was so afraid of spiders, and I know I was because my 178 00:20:19.960 --> 00:20:23.920 Mom didn't like spiders, and I used to see how she reacts, so 179 00:20:25.000 --> 00:20:33.000 I adopted and adapted to that behavior. Petrified a spiders. I mean, 180 00:20:33.079 --> 00:20:37.799 I was so bad. I couldn't look at them in a book, on 181 00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:44.440 TV or none of that. But I got to a point that I said, 182 00:20:44.559 --> 00:20:48.039 you know what, this is ridiculous. I'm looking at the spider on 183 00:20:48.079 --> 00:20:51.119 the TV. What I think he gonna do to me? He can't jump 184 00:20:51.160 --> 00:20:55.480 off the TV, you know what I'm saying. I look at a spider 185 00:20:55.519 --> 00:20:59.160 in a book and I'm like, Okay, it's just paper. Oh it 186 00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:07.359 looks creepy, but it's just paper. So I learned to desensitize myself and 187 00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:11.240 I got that message out of my head. Do I like spiders now or 188 00:21:11.440 --> 00:21:18.599 no? But I tell you what, I'm nothing like I was, and 189 00:21:18.680 --> 00:21:25.240 I will get rid of them if I see them now. You know, 190 00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:30.279 I'm not running and all of that. So I comfort that that fear because 191 00:21:30.359 --> 00:21:38.200 it was I who cultivate and developed that fear in me. And that's how 192 00:21:38.279 --> 00:21:44.200 fear grows. We cultivate it, we allow for it to grow. The 193 00:21:44.200 --> 00:21:48.400 more power you give to something, the more power it has, and the 194 00:21:48.400 --> 00:21:53.880 more power it has, the more it can affect you in your life. 195 00:21:55.400 --> 00:22:00.680 So when you allow fear to keep you in a bad place, only you 196 00:22:00.720 --> 00:22:11.319 can change that, only you. If you wanna live your life out miserable 197 00:22:11.960 --> 00:22:19.039 and unhappy, that is your choice. But the excuses you make it's not 198 00:22:19.079 --> 00:22:23.440 gonna do anything for you but keep you in that same negative mindset. And 199 00:22:23.519 --> 00:22:27.640 like I said, I'm not here promoting anybody leaving their relationship unless you're being 200 00:22:27.720 --> 00:22:38.759 abused. But what I'm saying is if you're gonna stay where you're really unhappy, 201 00:22:41.240 --> 00:22:48.720 at least try to make it work. I don't believe in trying to 202 00:22:48.720 --> 00:22:52.519 make it work with an abuser, someone who's bopping you upside your head or 203 00:22:55.000 --> 00:23:00.319 abusing you emotionally, physically, all kind of ways. No no, no, 204 00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:15.319 no m M under no circumstance. I'm talking about just normal relationships where 205 00:23:15.400 --> 00:23:26.240 people have nothing going on, nothing at all. People are miserable, miserable, 206 00:23:26.359 --> 00:23:37.200 miserable, miserable, miserable, but they choose to remain where they are. 207 00:23:40.720 --> 00:23:44.440 So that's all I'm gonna say. It's your life, you do it 208 00:23:44.519 --> 00:23:52.119 your way. I just hope and pray that people choose better for themselves. 209 00:23:52.519 --> 00:23:57.240 We all see what's going on in this world, all the craziness, all 210 00:23:57.319 --> 00:24:07.640 of the the evil, the wickedness, the heartless, the cold hearts. 211 00:24:07.920 --> 00:24:15.000 We see it all, we see it all. Why would you want to 212 00:24:15.160 --> 00:24:26.599 cause yourself unnecessary pain and suffering? Because it's self inflicted. It's self inflicted 213 00:24:26.880 --> 00:24:33.279 because every day you get a choice to change, and if you don't take 214 00:24:33.359 --> 00:24:38.759 that opportunity, that's on you. It's totally on you. So that's all 215 00:24:38.799 --> 00:24:42.799 I'm saying. I'm leaving it right there, Thank you for listening. Much 216 00:24:42.880 --> 00:24:48.720 love to each and every one of you in every episode the same. And 217 00:24:48.759 --> 00:25:03.519 I hope and I pray you stop making excuses in your life because it it. 218 00:25:03.359 --> 00:25:07.200 It does you no good, there's no benefit to it. I hope 219 00:25:07.240 --> 00:25:15.400 and I pray that you do it. And that is think on it.