Welcome listeners to another episode of fast food Horror. In this tale, our
sleeper thinks his nighttime slumber can't get any worse, and then worse comes creeping
up to him. In this tale entitled Stuck in Neutral by E. J.
Miller, and I'm awake, crap, wide awake for no odd reason.
Just awake unless unless this is just a dream, just another dream.
I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming. I mean, I could be awake, but
crap, wait, just wait, let's figure this out. No reason to
jump to conclusions that this is up. Well, what did my therapists say
to prove your dreaming? Oh? The PM test? Push your fingers to
your opposite palm and see if they touch, if they pass through, you're
dreaming. And well that would work if I could just move, But my
arms don't seem to want to cooperate. Crap, Okay, stay calm.
We could still be dreaming. What was the next test? Mirrors? Oh?
Yeah, you won't look the same in mirrors in a dream. I'll
just get up and walk across the room and crap, nope, can't get
up either. I'm in my living room, on my couch, laying with
my head propped on a pillow and I can't move. That means this no
reason a panic, no reason a panic. This still could be a dream
at this point of nightmare, which would still be better than just breathe in
out free. What was the next test? Think? Think details, reality
details. If I'm dreaming, things won't be as they are in the real
world. So windows, I have windows in the living room. Let's see
yep. Two. Check with that damn blinking neon pink sign for the bar
I live over the top of Check Oh, I left the TV on.
If it's off or not there at all, then can't move my head.
But yeah, I can see out of the corner of my eye the Netflix
title page and yeah, that's the new spin off of The Walking Dead.
On there, water spot on the ceiling. Check photos of my family on
the wall. Check check crap, crap, crap. So I'm not dreaming.
I'm I'm having an episode again, an effin sleep paralysis episode. You
know. The first clue should have been this, that this whole monologue I'm
having is in my effin head. Yes, that's why I never won a
game of clue. Oh oh okay, Doc said these episodes can last a
few seconds or up to five minutes. Of course, he said if they
last longer, I should seek immediate medical help. Not sure how I can
do that though, when I can't move or even cry out for help.
Damn, what did I read? The longest sleep paralysis episode ever recorded lasted
over twenty minutes. Thanks for I mean, that's not making me feel better.
Maybe maybe my body will realize my mind is awake any second now and
wake up. Come on, body, wake up, come on, come
on. Nope, still stuck in neutral. This just started a few months
ago. Not even sure why. I'm not on any medications. I'm not
more sleep deprived than the average guy with bills and a jackass for a boss.
No traumatic events in my past. I haven't asked my family if it's
hereditary just yet. I really just don't need this getting out to everyone anyways,
especially my overly dramatic grandmother. If her and my aunts knew about this
one. Oh how long has it been? Two minutes? Three? Nothing
like being stuck. Your body's still sleeping, but your mind fully awake and
looking to be entertained, with no end time, no expiration time of being
stuck, and no expiration time of being stuck in this odd paradox of a
penalty box. Nothing to do but think and wait. Have conversations with yourself
like this one, or watch the lights, dance with the shadows on the
wall. Let your mind wander and imagine that there is something else, like
children do with clouds, like the shadows of my books, looking like a
city skyline, with my coat across a high back chair, casting a silhouette
like King Kong perched high atop the tallest one. The lights of rapidly passing
cars outside my window, and the blinking bar light are the search lights and
the pulse lights from the plane's guns trying to shoot him off the Empire State
building, and and the what the heck is casting that shadow? A shadow
like a like a spider sitting on sitting on my stomach. What could what
could be? Oh? Oh crap, there's a spider on my stomach.
It's not a shadow. It's one of those FM's recluse spiders, those big
black and gray, hairy, damn things. He's about the size of a
computer mouse they like hiding in dark spaces. Damn, you're big. I
can see his eyes reflecting off the TV light all of his eyes. They're
staring right at me. Maybe maybe this is a hallucinization. Doc told me
that even though your body is asleep and your mind is awake, your mind
still has a toe dipped in deep sleep, and sometimes sometimes you see things
that aren't there. Lucid dreaming, that's what he called it. Maybe this
is just a lucid dream. God, I hate spiders. Wake up,
wake up. I want to scream. If not, only I can move
my arms, swing at it, scare it, hit it. He's moving
closer. Why is he moving closer? I can see his legs pushing down
the folds of my shirt as he moves his legs slowly up my sternum.
Wake up, wake up? Damn it? Okay, calm down, breathe,
breathe, relax and just breathe. He can't eat me. It's an
evan spider. I'm going to wake up any second, any second. He's
being so damn methodical. Maybe maybe he's not sure if I'm awake. Maybe
he doesn't really know what he's on. That I'm a danger. Well,
not in this state. I can't even bet a fly away crap. He's
moved his way onto my chest. Is that my imagination or can I feel
his legs, each one of them as they inch closer closer to my beard?
Oh god? Is he going in my beard? I can't. I
can't see him. I can't. I can't. Where is he? Where
is he? I can't, I can't. I'm not sure if he's in
my beard or just kept walking maybe maybe around my head and he's moved on.
I'm not sure what's worse, knowing or not knowing where he is.
I'm trying to look as far down as I can. Wake up, Wake
up, please, wake up? Where would he have gone? How long
was he even on me? Why was he on me? He? He?
He? Is that a I see? I have a long, a
long beard. A hair just popped up on a place. It's it's just
a hair that's popped out of place, a long, crooked, thick black
hair, and it's it's moving, bending towards the ceiling, extending itself up.
There's another now, both bending forward out of my beard, towards my
chin. Oh god, I can see him peeking up out of my beard
now, eyes glistening in the light reflected off the TV, and as he
lifts the rest of his body up, up, up, unto my chin.
Now what what? What are you just here to scare me? Well,
congrats, I'm freaked out and I can't do nothing. Wait till I
wake up. I won't even look for something to smash you with. I'm
gonna use my bear. Where's he going? Don't come closer, don't come
closer. He's moved onder my nose, by my mouth. Oh god,
oh god, he's he's I can feel his legs, his body, his
hairy body, passing over, passing over my lips. I oh no,
he's on my tongue in my mouth. I can feel the weight of them
sitting there. I'm not a home. I'm not some dark hole you can
burrow into to bank your nest. Oh god, oh god, to lay
your eggs in. Wake up, wake up? Why can't I wake up?
He's moving in there. I can feel his legs and his body turning
and moving around inside of my mouth, over and over at a frantic pace.
Wake up, Oh god, wake up, wake up, wake up?
Wake up? No? Why? Why why is it? Why do
I feel so so dizzy? Things going dark? Dizzy and dark? Oh,
wake wake up, wake up, please wake no