1
00:00:37,759 --> 00:00:46,359
Welcome listeners to another episode of fast
food Horror. In this tale, our

2
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:56,600
sleeper thinks his nighttime slumber can't get
any worse, and then worse comes creeping

3
00:00:57,439 --> 00:01:07,680
up to him. In this tale
entitled Stuck in Neutral by E. J.

4
00:01:07,519 --> 00:01:25,280
Miller, and I'm awake, crap, wide awake for no odd reason.

5
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:30,640
Just awake unless unless this is just
a dream, just another dream.

6
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:36,640
I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming. I
mean, I could be awake, but

7
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:44,120
crap, wait, just wait,
let's figure this out. No reason to

8
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:49,519
jump to conclusions that this is up. Well, what did my therapists say

9
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:55,640
to prove your dreaming? Oh?
The PM test? Push your fingers to

10
00:01:55,719 --> 00:02:00,799
your opposite palm and see if they
touch, if they pass through, you're

11
00:02:00,879 --> 00:02:07,439
dreaming. And well that would work
if I could just move, But my

12
00:02:07,639 --> 00:02:14,879
arms don't seem to want to cooperate. Crap, Okay, stay calm.

13
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:21,319
We could still be dreaming. What
was the next test? Mirrors? Oh?

14
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:27,879
Yeah, you won't look the same
in mirrors in a dream. I'll

15
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:36,080
just get up and walk across the
room and crap, nope, can't get

16
00:02:36,159 --> 00:02:40,240
up either. I'm in my living
room, on my couch, laying with

17
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:47,719
my head propped on a pillow and
I can't move. That means this no

18
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:53,840
reason a panic, no reason a
panic. This still could be a dream

19
00:02:53,319 --> 00:03:00,159
at this point of nightmare, which
would still be better than just breathe in

20
00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:13,240
out free. What was the next
test? Think? Think details, reality

21
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,439
details. If I'm dreaming, things
won't be as they are in the real

22
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:23,960
world. So windows, I have
windows in the living room. Let's see

23
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:30,919
yep. Two. Check with that
damn blinking neon pink sign for the bar

24
00:03:31,039 --> 00:03:36,639
I live over the top of Check
Oh, I left the TV on.

25
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:42,719
If it's off or not there at
all, then can't move my head.

26
00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:47,280
But yeah, I can see out
of the corner of my eye the Netflix

27
00:03:47,319 --> 00:03:53,520
title page and yeah, that's the
new spin off of The Walking Dead.

28
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:59,000
On there, water spot on the
ceiling. Check photos of my family on

29
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:03,319
the wall. Check check crap,
crap, crap. So I'm not dreaming.

30
00:04:04,039 --> 00:04:13,000
I'm I'm having an episode again,
an effin sleep paralysis episode. You

31
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,319
know. The first clue should have
been this, that this whole monologue I'm

32
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:23,399
having is in my effin head.
Yes, that's why I never won a

33
00:04:23,399 --> 00:04:30,160
game of clue. Oh oh okay, Doc said these episodes can last a

34
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:33,920
few seconds or up to five minutes. Of course, he said if they

35
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:40,639
last longer, I should seek immediate
medical help. Not sure how I can

36
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:46,879
do that though, when I can't
move or even cry out for help.

37
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:57,279
Damn, what did I read?
The longest sleep paralysis episode ever recorded lasted

38
00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:01,319
over twenty minutes. Thanks for I
mean, that's not making me feel better.

39
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:09,439
Maybe maybe my body will realize my
mind is awake any second now and

40
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:15,639
wake up. Come on, body, wake up, come on, come

41
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:23,920
on. Nope, still stuck in
neutral. This just started a few months

42
00:05:23,959 --> 00:05:29,720
ago. Not even sure why.
I'm not on any medications. I'm not

43
00:05:29,879 --> 00:05:33,279
more sleep deprived than the average guy
with bills and a jackass for a boss.

44
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:39,639
No traumatic events in my past.
I haven't asked my family if it's

45
00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:44,759
hereditary just yet. I really just
don't need this getting out to everyone anyways,

46
00:05:45,639 --> 00:05:49,199
especially my overly dramatic grandmother. If
her and my aunts knew about this

47
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:58,800
one. Oh how long has it
been? Two minutes? Three? Nothing

48
00:05:58,879 --> 00:06:03,000
like being stuck. Your body's still
sleeping, but your mind fully awake and

49
00:06:03,199 --> 00:06:10,800
looking to be entertained, with no
end time, no expiration time of being

50
00:06:11,399 --> 00:06:15,879
stuck, and no expiration time of
being stuck in this odd paradox of a

51
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:25,079
penalty box. Nothing to do but
think and wait. Have conversations with yourself

52
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:30,439
like this one, or watch the
lights, dance with the shadows on the

53
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:35,000
wall. Let your mind wander and
imagine that there is something else, like

54
00:06:35,079 --> 00:06:41,040
children do with clouds, like the
shadows of my books, looking like a

55
00:06:41,079 --> 00:06:46,360
city skyline, with my coat across
a high back chair, casting a silhouette

56
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:51,360
like King Kong perched high atop the
tallest one. The lights of rapidly passing

57
00:06:51,439 --> 00:06:57,600
cars outside my window, and the
blinking bar light are the search lights and

58
00:06:57,639 --> 00:07:01,079
the pulse lights from the plane's guns
trying to shoot him off the Empire State

59
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:10,000
building, and and the what the
heck is casting that shadow? A shadow

60
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:16,879
like a like a spider sitting on
sitting on my stomach. What could what

61
00:07:16,959 --> 00:07:23,360
could be? Oh? Oh crap, there's a spider on my stomach.

62
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:30,319
It's not a shadow. It's one
of those FM's recluse spiders, those big

63
00:07:30,439 --> 00:07:33,240
black and gray, hairy, damn
things. He's about the size of a

64
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:41,879
computer mouse they like hiding in dark
spaces. Damn, you're big. I

65
00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:46,240
can see his eyes reflecting off the
TV light all of his eyes. They're

66
00:07:46,279 --> 00:07:54,319
staring right at me. Maybe maybe
this is a hallucinization. Doc told me

67
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:59,240
that even though your body is asleep
and your mind is awake, your mind

68
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:05,360
still has a toe dipped in deep
sleep, and sometimes sometimes you see things

69
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:09,560
that aren't there. Lucid dreaming,
that's what he called it. Maybe this

70
00:08:09,639 --> 00:08:16,160
is just a lucid dream. God, I hate spiders. Wake up,

71
00:08:16,879 --> 00:08:20,920
wake up. I want to scream. If not, only I can move

72
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:26,319
my arms, swing at it,
scare it, hit it. He's moving

73
00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:31,319
closer. Why is he moving closer? I can see his legs pushing down

74
00:08:31,399 --> 00:08:35,399
the folds of my shirt as he
moves his legs slowly up my sternum.

75
00:08:37,279 --> 00:08:43,720
Wake up, wake up? Damn
it? Okay, calm down, breathe,

76
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:50,360
breathe, relax and just breathe.
He can't eat me. It's an

77
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:58,320
evan spider. I'm going to wake
up any second, any second. He's

78
00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:05,279
being so damn methodical. Maybe maybe
he's not sure if I'm awake. Maybe

79
00:09:05,279 --> 00:09:11,399
he doesn't really know what he's on. That I'm a danger. Well,

80
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:16,399
not in this state. I can't
even bet a fly away crap. He's

81
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:22,840
moved his way onto my chest.
Is that my imagination or can I feel

82
00:09:22,879 --> 00:09:30,799
his legs, each one of them
as they inch closer closer to my beard?

83
00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:33,799
Oh god? Is he going in
my beard? I can't. I

84
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:37,120
can't see him. I can't.
I can't. Where is he? Where

85
00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:43,039
is he? I can't, I
can't. I'm not sure if he's in

86
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:50,840
my beard or just kept walking maybe
maybe around my head and he's moved on.

87
00:09:50,639 --> 00:09:54,159
I'm not sure what's worse, knowing
or not knowing where he is.

88
00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:00,240
I'm trying to look as far down
as I can. Wake up, Wake

89
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:05,919
up, please, wake up?
Where would he have gone? How long

90
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:13,799
was he even on me? Why
was he on me? He? He?

91
00:10:13,799 --> 00:10:18,919
He? Is that a I see? I have a long, a

92
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:28,440
long beard. A hair just popped
up on a place. It's it's just

93
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:33,919
a hair that's popped out of place, a long, crooked, thick black

94
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:43,120
hair, and it's it's moving,
bending towards the ceiling, extending itself up.

95
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:50,120
There's another now, both bending forward
out of my beard, towards my

96
00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:56,399
chin. Oh god, I can
see him peeking up out of my beard

97
00:10:56,480 --> 00:11:03,399
now, eyes glistening in the light
reflected off the TV, and as he

98
00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:09,159
lifts the rest of his body up, up, up, unto my chin.

99
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:16,120
Now what what? What are you
just here to scare me? Well,

100
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:22,320
congrats, I'm freaked out and I
can't do nothing. Wait till I

101
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:26,080
wake up. I won't even look
for something to smash you with. I'm

102
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:30,960
gonna use my bear. Where's he
going? Don't come closer, don't come

103
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:35,879
closer. He's moved onder my nose, by my mouth. Oh god,

104
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:46,039
oh god, he's he's I can
feel his legs, his body, his

105
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:54,840
hairy body, passing over, passing
over my lips. I oh no,

106
00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:03,639
he's on my tongue in my mouth. I can feel the weight of them

107
00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:09,320
sitting there. I'm not a home. I'm not some dark hole you can

108
00:12:09,399 --> 00:12:13,960
burrow into to bank your nest.
Oh god, oh god, to lay

109
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,679
your eggs in. Wake up,
wake up? Why can't I wake up?

110
00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:22,639
He's moving in there. I can
feel his legs and his body turning

111
00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:26,279
and moving around inside of my mouth, over and over at a frantic pace.

112
00:12:26,559 --> 00:12:28,759
Wake up, Oh god, wake
up, wake up, wake up?

113
00:12:28,759 --> 00:12:37,879
Wake up? No? Why?
Why why is it? Why do

114
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:50,600
I feel so so dizzy? Things
going dark? Dizzy and dark? Oh,

115
00:12:50,639 --> 00:13:00,120
wake wake up, wake up,
please wake no