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Hello, what's up, and welcome
back to another episode of the Straight Shooter

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Recruiter podcast. I'm your host,
Emily Durham, and if you don't know

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me, my goal is to help
you thrive. And you're nine to five

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and beyond, and I might sound
tired, it's because I just got back

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from a five hour adventure. It
was actually such a good day. So

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it's a Monday and I'm recording this. It's actually a day off and my

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friend I was going to say my
friend from work, but we have very

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much graduated to real life friends.
My friend Sandra and I ended up doing

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like a mini walking food tour.
We just had a couple of different spots

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that we wanted to try, so
we tried this new salad place and then

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we went to go get these like
delicious mango tahin smoothies that were so good.

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Anyways, all in we ended up
walking ten kilometers. And I'm telling

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you this not because I want you
to be envious of my food, although

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it was really really delicious. I
actually felt so inspired to talk about work

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friendships because I think it's something that
is very divisive. A lot of people

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tend to think about friendships at work
as impossible, and even I have said,

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a lot of the people you think
are your friends at work probably aren't

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and are probably like preying on your
downfall in a lot of ways. But

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as I say that, a bunch
of my really really close friends I actually

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met through work at various stages in
my life. So I wanted to dedicate

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today's episode to helping you navigate who
is a real life friend and who is

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a work friend, and how to
protect yourself from the people that we're not

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quite sure about yet, because yes, that shit will come up and haunt

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you. And do not forget to
like and subscribe to this show. It's

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available on all platforms, so I
appreciate it wherever you choose to do it.

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And one of the best ways you
can support this show, and something

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that means so much to me,
is when you share on your social media

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that you are listening. Because I
love seeing y'all do that, and a

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couple of other housekeeping things. If
you have questions you want me to answer

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in this show, make sure you
are clicking the link in the description for

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this episode where you can submit your
question via a Google form. Plus,

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if you are just thinking about how
much you would love to stick to your

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boss with a hat that says your
future boss, or a hat that says

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off the clock, or some mugs, or some sweaters and T shirts and

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long sleeves. I have a super
super sweet merch line that has just recently

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dropped. We had a few items
sell out. They are currently back in

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stock, but I don't suspect they
will be for long, so a link

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for that will also be in the
description. But let's get into this episode.

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I want to cut the toxic stuff
because a lot of people online are

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automatically going to tell you that your
work friends are not your friends. But

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I think there's an important distinction to
be made. Work friends are not friends,

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they're work friends, and that's where
the differentiation is so stink and important.

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If you find yourself feeling really gravitated
towards a particular group of people at

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work, maybe you have lunch together
all the time, like you have a

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little group chato on your pals,
that's fantastic, But before you start confiding

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in them your career goals, your
personal details, what you think about that

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one coworker, what you really think
about your boss? I want you to

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ask yourself, when was the last
time we hung out outside of work,

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Like, really, really ask yourself
that question, because if you don't hang

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out outside of work fairly regularly,
and if when you do hang out outside

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of work, you end up talking
about work ninety percent of the time,

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I'm telling you those are not your
friends. Those are people you are friendly

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with at work. And it's not
to say I want you to be catty

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or closed off, but it is
literally a bad business decision for you to

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be confiding all of your juicy secrets
to people who are not your real life

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friends, because if they are your
work friends, their priority is still themselves.

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Your real life friends will always prioritize
your relationship, your safety, your

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confidentiality, all of those wonderful things. But friends that you've met at work

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and are only really friends with in
the context of work will typically throw you

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under the bus in order for them
to get ahead, or perhaps they'll do

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things you don't agree with in order
to not ruffle feathers. There's just so

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many things that are variable, and
the best way to judge whether or not

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these people are your friends is by
like the cadence or how often you're actually

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hanging out with them. If you've
got a friend where you're like, ah,

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we're at work, we have a
really good time. Should we take

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it to the next level. Here's
what personally has worked for me because a

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lot of my girlfriends I met at
work, Like actually half of my birthday

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party this past year when I turned
twenty seven last October, half of those

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people I met were from work.
And I never suspected that that would be

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a thing that I do. So
here's what I'll say. The best thing

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you can do is keep it light
and playful. Like I always used to

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joke with the people I would get
along with at work, and I'd say,

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should we take it to the next
level? Should we go steady?

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Should we take this outside of the
office? And that was my icebreaker to

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try and grab a coffee with someone
outside of work, or maybe grab a

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drink after work. The easiest thing
you can do is drop in jokes like

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that or say something as simple as, oh, what are you doing after

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work? Do you want to go
in a walk? Or like, what

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are you doing after work? Can
you flower market just opened up? Just

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bring up something that's of common interest
and then position it after work and see

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how it goes. Sometimes it takes
a couple of hangouts for things not to

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be awkward. And it takes a
couple of hangouts to stop talking about work

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like. It's not going to feel
like an age long friendship or like a

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lifelong friendship right away, but you
do need to give it like a tester

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period and a bit of a cooling
off period just to see how things are

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actually going to feel for you.
My biggest piece of advice is take it

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slow. Right because with any other
friendship you would probably take it slow.

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But because this is a friendship where
you have met at work and it feels

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like you know that person, you
don't you know that person in the context

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of work. You don't know them
in the context of your personal life.

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They are two very very very very
very different things. So take it slow.

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Don't tell them all about your shitty
boyfriend, don't tell them all about

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YadA, YadA, YadA. Just
be mindful about what you open up about.

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And I'm not telling you this to
make you cynical. I'm telling you

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this to protect you, because sometimes
we just got to look out for ourselves

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a little bit. If you're in
like your twenties, your thirties, your

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forties, and you're looking to make
friends at work. I actually think that's

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an amazing place for you to build
out your relationships because if you work at

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the same company, it's basically guaranteeing
that you have some level of common interest,

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whether it's like the values of your
company, the products, blah blah

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blah. I work in tech,
so typically people tend to be like,

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pretty creative, they're pretty abreast with
things happening in like the fintech market,

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so we have those common things to
talk about. But the best thing you

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can do is show up as your
authentic self and most importantly, show up

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as someone who is nice to be
around. Like, show up with that

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positive magnetic energy before you go to
work tomorrow. Look at yourself in a

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mirror and repeat after me. And
I'm not even joking because I do this

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all the time. Say you know, whatever positive affirmation sits well with you.

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But I typically say something like I
am magnetic, I am kind,

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I am warm and wonderful. People
and things always gravitate towards me. Like

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just something like that, just to
remind you that you are fantastic. You

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can also do things like spruce up
your office space because it's a great conversation

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starter, people might walk by and
compliment, like your plant or your funky

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mug. Shout out to my mugs
because they're really funny. You can also

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be the kind of person who brings
in office treats like cookies, whatever it

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is, and kind of share it
and use that as a connection point because

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people love food. You can also
work in areas where maybe people outside of

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your teamwork, like perhaps you work
a little bit on the engineering floor,

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or maybe you sit in a different
area at lunch. So there's a lot

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of different ways you can position yourself, obviously focusing on work, but from

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a social perspective that make it more
easy for these conversations to kick back up.

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Another thing that is so important is
making people feel seen and feel heard,

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because nobody is going to want to
be your friend if they feel like

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they're just a number. So really
like lock eye contact, make people feel

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appreciated, use their name, like
be that friend. Basically show up as

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the kind of person you would want
to be around, and all of the

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good things are going to find you. Making friends and your adult ears is

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so hard because you have a much
more defined sense of who you are,

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and at least for me, I
am not willing to compromise when it comes

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to my friendships, like, you
need to enhance my life, make me

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happy, make me feel fulfilled.
I want to feel excited about the people

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in my life, and it's a
little bit harder to do that the older

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you get, because you have a
much more concrete vision of what that looks

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like. So you're naturally just using
the pool and that's okay. Like it's

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hard sometimes. When I was twenty
one, I would have dozens of people

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i'd be hanging out with on the
weekends. Now I've got like five or

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six really close friends. So it
really does change the way you look at

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things and the way you see things. But I don't necessarily think that is

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a negative. Anyways. I really
hope this mini episode was helpful. When

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you're listening to this, I think
I should be in Calgary or London,

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England. I'm traveling quite a bit
in July, so I don't really know.

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If you're curious, you can check
out my ig stories because I'm sure

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I'll be posting That sounds like something
I would do. But honestly, I

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cannot thank y'all enough for loving this
show. Seeing the show consistently in those

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top charts means the stinkin world to
me. I am so grateful for you,

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so just thank you. I really
really really love you, I really

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appreciate you. Thank you for making
the show what it is. And next

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week's episode is going to be absolute
fire fire, fire heat because I'm going

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to be answering all of your questions, so that will be an absolute pleasure.

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It's a question only episode, so
I'm super excited about that. Thank

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you so much for hanging out with
me, and I look forward to seeing

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you in my next episode next Sunday. How do I always sing up the

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intro and the otro chow