And but also why waste an opportunity to throw someone under the bus. Yeah,
it's Kyla and Toomey branded him under delivering Dave. Yeah, theaters and
theaters, they say, she hates that theaters. Robot Trump is the stuff
of fucking nightmares. The normal one is great. Yeah. Yeah, welcome
aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Blowdeck podcast. My name is Dylanum
settled up next to one Patrick Kickey. Gay to be here, Permission to
come aboard granted? Go Blue, Big Blue is in the house. To
Ruby ran, what's up, bitch? What's up? But Hi, Dylan,
Dylan, you can't say that word twenty twenty four. No, it's
like a it's she's she's my bitch, She's my bitch. Although I did
that to our mom the other day and she had the same reaction. She
was like, you mean your mother? Yeah, but like it was friendly
yep. So speaking of mom, she was a wolverine And Michigan's playing right
now. Our hearts go out to the creepy, creepy coach John Harbaugh and
the rest of the gang. What's it's halftime? What's the score? Sixty
four to sixty eight? You don't like college football. I hate college football.
Yeah that's Okayfore, also go Huskies if that's your team. Oh yeah,
that's your time too, because we're not we're not dying on this hell,
and we're here to talk about below deck Nott, not college football where
children get CTE for the price of free. Yeah, you never have to
work again after thirty two, and then you call yourself at fifty six,
what a ride? Whoa? But also you might not you might not get
to the big leagues, in which case you have to teach pe and then
you don't. You have to work for a very long time. And well
no, still only till fifty six. Okay, So everybody, Happy New
Year. Everybody, happy New Year. I hope your resolutions are intact.
We've got another five days before the first fault lines, I think, and
all that mess. Twenty twenty four is going to be a great year.
Project Bluebeam is coming. We talked about it earlier today, so that's good.
That's scary. And for those who don't know what I'm talking about,
it doesn't matter. Just don't look it up and completely ignore that I said
anything about it, because it is fantasy. Right. But what isn't is
below deck. I had no idea, Dylan, Yeah, that when you
step away from below deck a season, below deck for a couple of days,
things happen. Like I completely forgot who that Lily person was on the
boat. Oh, didn't know her name for I still. I mean,
it's okay to forget. You told me her name, and now I know
it, But but I did forget it. You know another thing that I
forgot anteater Hater is not on the boat, and I didn't realize that for
the longest time. Right, Yeah, Well that's because there's a contagion on
this killing it's getting everybody sick. It's like a contagion. Yeah, it's
like a contagion. It's a great movie. Yeah, it's a good movie.
It's a good movie. And nobody should brame, uh, blame pangolins
for any of this anymore. No, we ate them. Pangolins are just
the most adorable little pokemons that you could ever dream up. And stop eating
them. I think it's a shame that people consume them. I think it's
a shame that people blame them for the crimes that Bill Gates committed. Right,
Okay, so we have to get into Below Deck. Happy New Year,
twenty twenties. It's that decade and we're that podcast. What are we
here to do? We're here to talk about Below Deck. And what I
thought of the episode was this bad, no good comeback like this and you're
good. Pins and Needles, wondering what that happened with that cliffhanger right before
chriss Yeah, Oh the Frenchman throwing a tantrum about being hungry. Oh,
I cannot wait to shit on the mime tonight. Well, I hate to
be a dick, but zero people were left on pins and Needles. John.
I was wondering how this was going to pan out. Listen, dude,
I'm a little concerned that we are barreling towards the ts Eliot kind of
whimper here, and they need to pick it up a little bit. Listen.
I don't ever need to see inn Italia again, but right now I'm
kind of waiting for her to come back, yes, just so that something
can happen happen. I'm gonna get the episode twelve plus four times two knots,
and that's because I didn't think it was very good. And do I
know what number that is? It would be forty eight. I think I
know it. It's forty eight, and that's why we gave it that,
because it's not that good. And so excuse my dear in Sally, Pat,
go ahead, well, Dylan, you don't want to give it some
extra knots because of Sandy stepping on Luca's dick. I mean, this was
a major misstep. She's been working with Sea Rats for a number of years.
She should know better. She should know they're constantly throwing into each other,
oh tossing feelings develop. How callous of her to speak of Luca's girlfriend
in front of other Sea Rats. Do you think she knew? Pat?
God, you never know what Captain Sandy these days. I want him.
No, I'm gonna happen to your sentence. I was gonna say, I
want his opinion because he's his take on Sandy is so complicated in dynamic.
Well, I said it was cal so I'm going to say that. No,
she gave it no mind. She spoke openly thinking it would be funny.
Yea, And yeah she made it for a real I delivered the pots
already. But can I quickly say that one of the markers of us heading
towards that whimper. Is Sandy regressing into timeshare. There are so many things
this episode where it's like, what is going on? Why aren't we talking
to Toddler at the front of the boat about fruit and pasta. We've got
a fucking job to do here, Sandy. It's two buddy, buddy.
This is one big, happy family of ground squirrels and sea rats and no
though right, sorry, go ahead. I thought it was a horrible episode,
but mainly it was a horrible episode because as I was watching it,
I went down a spiral Toomey's kind of turning into a Trump esque character where
she's finding names for people. Oh I think she was like Lily the Loser.
Anyway, we'll get into it, alliterate it and call them gay.
Right. So I went to because AI's like, you know, one of
those new things we're all using. So I typed in, Hey, I
wanted her to sound like to me, to sound like Trump, you know.
So I found an AI think I paid one hundred and thirty dollars for
it so I could type anything in and it would sound like Trump. It
sounds nothing like Trump, Oh my god. So I had to hit them
back and say I want my money back, and oh, they said,
no, you'll see U. I said them a screenshot it said best Trump
voice ever. And then I said, here's the screenshot, and she said,
if you look a little closer, right under there, it says we
don't actually do a Trump voice here. I said, well, I'll see
you in court, dear. I want to hear this horrible Trump voice.
Yeah, I'm so confused. Sorry, I I don't know. We got
a lot of haters. I've heard from people. She doesn't like it eaters,
and the eaters aren't happy about it. A lot of an eaters that
aren't happy. It's truly a sad thing for the see. So I typed
that in and that was going to be too me because she's naming people like
our former president. Can I tell you something? Yeah, it was pretty
good. Really. I think it was the writing I wrote it. Yeah,
it just sounds like yeah, and she hates senators. Yeah, I
wish that is crazy that they're going to be our master's anteaters. Uh huh
yeah, scary unlikely, but yeah, we can see it. Oh,
anyway, forty pots man, do I well on aps? I don't know
if I've done the task rabbit tail. Have I told the task rabbit tail?
Oh, my god, have I We would all know. How do
I have task rabbit? I've never looked it up, and yet it's one
of the things that says that I look up or something. I have an
epic support thread with task rabbit. I mean, you want to talk about
Dilly dilling. I can't tell you the time that I have spent on this
boord threat. I looked up their quarterly revenues. Yeah, that was a
little difficult to find, and then calculated percentages of what they would not refund
me, and I said, when you do the math, it really is
pathetic how you're behaving. Yeah, yeah, so oh sorry, Oh that's
okay. Yeah, it wasn't good. I don't like seeing Ladda potentially have
to be sick. I don't like seeing anybody have to leave the boat.
I forgot Kyle was on the boat until he emerged. And then they said
I would know that laugh anywhere. Yeah, we all would, and we
are all bummed. But loved seeing them get such a big tip. I
thought that that was actually like a really that was a really good way to
come back for the guests. Everything else was shit, Natalia, better bring
some spice and I would give it. Yeah, forty four about you,
We are back. I forgot that the last time we left off, we
were dealing with the Frenchman doing some insane routine about no food for me and
whatnot. No. Sandy asks that he comes back to the bridge after storming
out and refusing to admit to his boss that he lied to her, and
he refuses. Did I did I say that? Did I say that he
refuses to come back up after she asks and then he came Did I say
refuse twice? Yeah? Okay, I had a feeling. Yeah, it
was like a phantom alarm going off in the back of me. So Sandy
walks out to the nose or the tail or whatever part of the vessel it
is, and she rubs this nutbag's shoulders, like, and I'm sorry to
sound like a boomer here, but it's like we're in preschool. She's like,
it's okay that you only had fruit. I know that you need more
than your fruit. Firstly, shut the fuck up and eat the pasta.
It will digest fine. This lotus temple thing you have going on with your
body is a privileged delusion that has no room aboard this vessel. Okay.
Mostly people who work on the seas they eat tinned rotten fish and drink light
beer and smoke. Okay, and they do a much better job than you,
so please. And also don't throw a fit about the food like you're
in pre school. Yeah, no, you are speaking of preschool. I
felt for Sandy, although she gets exactly what she deserves. I don't know
how old Sandy is or how long she's been this person. I think it's
been at least thirty years of being a captain of these vessels. Yeah.
The fact that she still has to walk out on the bow of a boat
and put her hand on someone's shoulder who is an adult and talk to them
like a preschooler to get them back down to you know the way. Yeah.
Yeah, I felt for her because I at a certain age, you
don't want to deal with that bullshit. Yeah, Rubes just pulled up the
googs and she is fifty eight and her work currently is saying, you know,
need ghost, stump stomp, bam bam, We're going to take care
of you. Have nap, then we get food for you. Then we
I mean the existential spiral. She must be in right now. She is
a camp counselor to full grown, homesick, difficult campers. Yeah, so
Kyle catches up with his faves, he does not tell them that he has
been a bit of a duplicitous snake buries the lead on that. Yeah,
but he said he's had a tough, tough season, you know, to
be fair to him, it would make for awkward conversation if he divulged all
of his transgressions. True, you know that's true. The gays would be
like, I think I think you should go rest because it's been fifteen minutes
of you talking at us and crying. But before that, Billy primary,
Billy back channels that chef Jack's not doing what he's supposed to be doing with
especially with those steaks. Yeah, they're mad about the beef. They are
mad about the beef. You know. Rubes is a vegetarian, not quite
the Sutton kind of vegetarian, but she does indulge every once in a while.
We went to go see a film yesterday. She had a hot dog
net nuts. Well, I'll tell you this, I'm never gonna eat a
hot talk again. Oh ever, cool, I'll never eat a hot talg
again, that's amazing. I mistakenly went to Dodger Stadium at the seventh inning.
I thought I was probably there at the third inning. I ordered a
Dodger dog, you know, go figure to Meat mass Produced. Gave me
food poisoning for two days, nearly killed me. It's like having one of
those wafers at communion. You know, you have to do it. That's
true, right, But those wafers don't make you ship blood, and Dodger
dogs do. And people think, oh, that's probably hyperbolic. It is,
it's not. However, if you have about one hot dog one point
five to two point five hot dogs a year, no blood, you're just
enjoyment. Yeah, no, words are the wise. Just never have a
Dodger dog in the ninth heating. Okay, it's technically probably about twelve hours
old. Oh the steams got to it. I don't know too much.
At the bottom of the pile, steam has got I knew there was something
squashy about it when I ate it. Oh god right right, yeah.
No, we went to go see that Holocaust movie yesterday. Ruby had a
hot dog, which one don't of interest. Oh I was wondering about that,
you know, I told my wife and we were watching The Golden Globes
last night. I'm like, I think Dylan and Ruby saw this. Yea
yeah. I was shaking my head because I thought you were going to say
we should watch this. You shouldn't, you shouldn't. Oh, don't like
it? All right? So this is why you guys got to listen to
PMC. It's you know, the next tier up on Patreon. We're going
to go through the Golden Globes. Did Joe Coy really ruin the Golden Globes?
We'll discuss it. No. Taylor Swift and her bitchy countenance steady,
he loved Taylor there, Yeah, we love She's so good, so amazing.
It's more powerful than black rock Dylan. Yeah yeah, so shut up
and be shut up and dance to her music. That just makes you want
to move. I just wanted to clarify zone of interest. Fantastic movie.
I just think that if Patrick were to suggest to Sure that they unwind to
a subtitled German film about the Holocaust, she would say no and waiting for
a version of film about the Holocaust from the Germans perspective, You're welcome,
Oh, you're you're sarcastic about that, And that's fine, it's great.
But it is a marvelous movie. Now it's the second time I've seen it.
I got way too high and felt throughout most of the film. I
don't need to see this again. It's a little bit too painful, but
we recommend everybody go watch it. And after put on an episode of Below
Deck to cheer you up. Meanwhile, meanwhile, there are so many meanwhile,
this fucking episode. Okay, so my goodness to me notices that after
Captain Sandy had that chat with Lily, something just clicked in her quote unquote
little brain. Little brain to me, has learned that you need to just
give people time. And did we chant former President Donald Trump to talk about?
So she called theaters, she called uh, Lily, little brain Lily,
and then she called Kyle, demanding Kyle. And then of course she
came up with the name for Haley she called she called her Hailey the hater.
Ye, we got a lot of eaters. I've heard from people.
She doesn't like it, eaters for this country. You believe I paid one
hundred and thirty seven dollars. I wish she would have put it on the
company card. Because I am completely fine with that expense and completely worth it.
I want to dedicate this to all then teeters. She's crooked, all
right, Maxie baby gets his food, he asks to be left alone.
I believe while he eats the food. This guy is a baby. He's
he's The world is filled with communities and nodes of psychosis for lots of different
freaks. Right, We've got nudiest colonies and whatnot for fat men with little
penises, and they're very supportive wives to go hang out with one another.
And I don't know what kind of community Max needs to be a part of,
but he does not need to be walking around in polite society because he's
just too baby. He's just too yogi baby, you know, I mean,
did he say that he well, he admitted that he was a little
bit angry, but now he's so happy. He'll just he's just happy to
watch some cat videos on YouTube or something to that. I loved him stumbling
upon the epiphany too, that hungry and angry were similar phonetically, as though
he's not heard of the term angry. You know, I mean, he's
French, but still, well, you have x dot com, right,
So Luca has been hitting up Katie Flood, She's been hitting up him.
She's been blown up, blowing up his phone, as the kids saying,
you know, it's so funny speaking of Goblue, the quarterback for the Michigan
Wolverines, as a butterfly tattoo and what Harry Styles did and to no fault
of his Harry is an icon. I wonder what it's a generational thing,
del not to this podcast. I mean, the album's post one d weren't
fantastic or anything, but Harry is an icon. M wait another, can
you anut of solid five more years output with him? I think before we're
going to start throwing that word around, this is well, I'll say,
super comfortably. If Taylor Swift is an icon, Harry is an icon,
really comfortably. So I'm sitting so comfortable, speaking so quietly. It's a
democracy in here. Takes several seats, okay, But what that butterfly tattoo
has done is it's found purchase in the epidermis of fuck boys, and it's
just it's this calling card of fuck boy. Now, the pearl necklace,
the butterfly tattoo. Luca is, I mean, he's a he's a cute
little guy. He's a great kill. He is a fuck boy. Yeah
you know he is. So we uh we move on to Sandy being a
little gossip girl. Oh do you mind if I catch one thing before?
What was pretty little liars? Would she sign off a A? Well?
Yeah? Uh, Sandy's pretty little Kyle at this point Uh in the episode
is exhausted, so Todd, but he's able to muster enough energy to let
to me know that the guests are not happy with Cheffy. Yeah. I
suppose this was a correct move. Uh, he had to let you know
his chiefs too know that the guests weren't happy about that goddamn steak. And
but also why waste an opportunity to throw someone on to the bus? Yeah
it's Kyla and Toomy branded him under delivering Dave theaters and theaters. They say
she hates the theaters. Robot Trump is the stuff of fucking nightmares. The
normal one is great? Yeah, yeah, fuck yeah? So we are
getting ready? Is this where she goes down and says it I don't think
all right? So this is Uh we learned that Katie Flood is important and
Sandy thinks Luca's got a crush on her but denies it. And he's got
a he's got a secret. After all, he's hooking up with Jessica,
you know. But that Sandy, you know, commits that to memory.
She'll use that later on for god reason. Okay, so we are getting
ready to go to the castle, but before we go to the castle,
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one meal kit for eating well, okay, hand teters. What happens next?
Okay, okay, So Luca will take his girlfriend Jessica, and Max
is supposed to is refusing to take to go on this castle excursion. Lucas
being a complete dick. Lara's not feeling that well, but she's such a
tough customer that she goes on the castle Max Max is being a deck or
Luca. Oh no, no, no, I'm sorry. Forgive me,
I apologize. Max is being a little weasel. He won't get out of
his bed, he wants to sleep more, so that leaves Laura the only
choice to go on this excursion. Okay, so forgive me for the grumpuses.
Forgive me for them. My back is broken and I'm a camel.
I don't like Max anymore. I'm fucking sick of it. I am fucking
tired of your boll Tony Robbins, fucking Hannah Tattoo bullshit. I'm just tired
of it. You got a job to do. You should have left the
boat when your dick couldn't get hard, because that meant your chakras were not
in line, and you don't even know what a chakra is. He had
a very bad showing this entire episode. A lot of it was like,
I know, we're making fun of him for being a I want more fruit,
no fruit, bam bam, for a fit. He genuinely stump stomp
bam BAM's and he's too old to stomp stomp bam bam. And the job
that you're in, Yeah, you don't get to sleep sometimes, right,
you have to get up? And how old is too old to stomp stomp
bam bam? Probably, Like I want to say, hen, what we're
all differing. I think I'm in the middle of you guys, though,
So let's go with like ten or eleven, fine, but definitely not thirty
one. Yeah, right, that's too old to stumps some So poor Jess,
Poor poor Jess, Poor Jess. Yeah. Oh oh, did Sandy
step on his dick yet? I don't think that's happened yet. No.
Oh okay, no, we're about to get there. Okay. So before
the excursion, though, Lily does something and I know you' excursion. I
know you guys probably forgotten about this, but Lily does something that's very annoying.
She walks in while all the charter guests are waiting to board the vessel
to go to the castle, says, if you guys seen in Glorious Bastards,
we can play a game like that where everybody gets fucking killed. So
cool. You could clearly tell with the body language that the charter guests hated
this. Yep. Ah, it didn't play well at all. Yep.
I felt bad for them because they were forced to be polite on their vacation.
Yep. The last thing you want to do when you're on vacation is
have to be polite for on someone else's behalf. So thank you for this
out watching these moments. For someone like myself, this would be a reason
to leave the boat or to tip you four percent. I would never do
that ever in my life. But what you have just described is so unbelievably
taxing and agonizing. I would rather be forced to do a workout on the
boat than do this than liaise in a polite way. It's this is why
I'm here for you to be no and some people have it. Some people
don't. Luca getting toys playing with people and bad bad sound bad bad,
Kyle. They like they can do it, Lily, stop it, stop
it. Yeah, So thank you for pointing that out. I felt bad
for them. I think, you know, old Patty's pretty nice, and
I do a lot of uncomfortable things. I think I could have mustered up
a nice way to say, we don't want to do this. No,
but it's so it's so great the way that you put it. Like when
you're in an environment where you're being served, for the onus to be put
on you to make the situation palatable, it's just awful. You know.
It's table side magicians at Tera Sushi, it's stand up comedians who are bombing
and saying that you guys have sticks up your ass. You know. It's
just that kind of thing where it's like, go so far away? Can
I tell you sorry this digression? I'll keep this under ten seconds. Twenty
years ago, I worked for Brian Adams, the songwriter, famous hit maker
or whatever. And it's just me and him in the studio and he wants
to bang a model who's going to be showing up, who he's pretending to
he's going to write a song with her evangelista. And I go, hey,
Brian, what can I do for you? Can I get you anything?
And he turns around and he looks at me and he goes sound in
my headphones. He was being a complete dick, but I appreciated that he
didn't feel like he needed to give me the politeness. That was such a
terrible story. I hated that story. I thought it proved the point that
I did, and I thought that was such. You're here to do a
job. I don't need to be nice to you or not. I have
a model showing up in ten minutes gets sound in my headphones, you little
idiot. All right, So Jazz, poor Jazz, is falling in love
with Luca. He has the mark of the butterfly. Do not fall in
love with the man that has those wings aboard his tricep or chest or whatever.
We get to a little meeting in the bridge, and this is where
Timeshare walks in and is just chewing the cud with her best friends. You
know, girl time. She's just like, look at you, cutie pants?
Who's that texting you? He's spitting over there? Does he look spitting?
Wow? Can keep putting a p in that? He's so? He's
so in love over there? He's smitten. Yeah, it does not really?
Okay, so there are no consequences to this really at all, because
he's too good looking. Still, Yeah, he's too good good looking,
and Jess is too ann yep, right, so but this is why she
dates the FuG leies typically. She admitted that she normally dates, you know,
guys that are not attractive because they stick around. Yeah, and we
all know who coined the phrase you're only as good as your options. Dear.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's Tom, Like, that's right,
and you don't think that. Not early two thousands radio jockey tomkis not at
all thinks that, not at all. Who wants to live in that world?
Dear, My wife finds out that I don't know what's his face that
owns Amazon just dumped his girlfriend. He wants to date my wife. Yeah.
I don't want to think that. My wife would go, hey,
uh I'm not coming home this year. Yeah, because she's dating Jeff Bezos.
You have kids, so she can't do that. She'd probably take them
with her. Oh yeah, well that's not legal, big fucking yeah.
Also, Jeff doesn't want kids around him. It wouldn't work out. And
I know you love your kids, but I mean that sounds like a sweet
you know. And yeah, they'll be safe, Oh my god, they'll
be careful, you know, what. I just looked up on the googs.
I said, what sound do anteaters make? Because I wanted to know,
like, if you assemble that you were like and teeters. And I
was like, like, I imagined it would be like a bunch of them
walking very slowly, completely in silence. No, they make bellowing noises.
Apparently, Oh yeah, did you know that? Of course I knew that.
I know everything about ant eaters, including that they do not actually consume
the flesh of the termites and ants they eat. They take their souls and
they poop out the ghosts, which we're calling the shells of the bugs.
Okay, we talked about it a couple episodes. Yeah, theaters. They
are not psychically immune enough to know that there's something really wrong. They just
have a faint idea that themselves are not whole. No, do you have
the bellow? I'm trying to get the bellow, but get the bellow,
Get the bellow. They also make cute little sounds with their whippy little tongues.
Jesus Christ, you know, so under delivering. Dave He's gay,
says the boat needs a bit of drama. It's getting boring, and that
word is spelled b O r I n G, not b O R e
y. But it's getting a little bory and here here, here, here
now if you don't mind, uh sorry, just jump back to the Luca
Jessica debacle for a second. Luca, if you found let's hear what they're
selling. This is fucking I don't play the bellow. Sorry, don't play
the bellow. If this rules us, all we will we will die.
This sounds like that you've seen the Braille on NBC. It's in the final
season. That's what they sound like. Great television. Okay, no,
no, no, okay, everybody run and theaters. We got a lot
of haters I've heard from aren't happy about it. A lot of eaters that
aren't happy. It's truly the sad thing for this country. Okay, okay,
I'm sorry. I won't do it ever again. You two are gone
fired. We got it, Okay. All Luca needs to do here if
he is a nice person. I don't think Luca is a nice person.
I get it. You're a fuck boy. Part of being a fuck boy,
in the definition of fuck boys, you don't care about other people's feeling.
I would be like I've hooked up with Jessica. I feel bad and
I would just go, hey, I'm sorry, that was Sandy just getting
it wrong. Katie Flood's a friend she dated. He does this later on,
but I feel like to keep someone held hostage emotionally a little bit is
a dick move. And my agree buoied also like I get it so a
little bit because on the contrary, like what is he supposed to do?
Be like Sandy, it's not. I'm not smitten Sandy, not really,
but also like, yeah, fucking well, just be like just that's not
She's like, I don't you know, just would have probably still cool at
Lesbo. I'm I'm not Smith. I love how Sandy didn't pick up our
body language. Yeah, it's so interesting. The term fuck boy, it's
a euphemism for sex addict. Well, and what do we know about addicts
if they're in the throes of it and really in like the Seventh to Night
Ring, Yeah, they don't. They don't view people as people, people
like ants. All right, So we're moving on, and we're moving on.
We get c red history with Coyote Ugly Lata while making Spicy Margarita's.
If you've not seen that film, don't, but Coyote ugly. It is
one of the funnier things I've seen in some time. Maria Bello is just
she owns the ludicrous in that movie. That movie I saw in the movie
theater. Any Piper Piper something that was our starring role, Remember Piper,
Yeah, but it's not Piper Posy No no, but they get on that's
bars yes and dance. I like how they taught us how they fake that
they're getting drunk to you. Yeah, Now that's funny and it's cool because
the love interest in the movie is a guy who was going to go along
with the ruse that he was a manager so that he could fuck her and
then never talk to her. She falls in love with that kind So yeah,
really really crazy movie about female empowerment and whatnot. Theaters just like Barbie.
Yeah, Joe cooy, I want to get to lunch, which is
boring. Uh, Luca and Max, No, I don't, Luca,
we should say La took her top off shots. So Luca and Max exactly,
and men are dumb. Luca and Max come to a head and more
Hay is getting thrown on me and I can't get up. Well. Max
lied about being willing to go to that castle. Yeah, he absolutely said
no that I don't like liars. Yeah, he lied. And then he
said something. You know, Luca was was talking about how he's a pussy
and I don't agree with that kind of language, but you know, he
was saying stuff like, you know, you can't digest pasta, and you
got it doesn't matter about the food. We need to work, and Max
the kooky Frenchman says this is physics. Yeah, well he knows this is
physics. And he also says with irony that you couldn't find if you had
a flashlight and a search team. I don't want him speaking to me like
a child. Boom boom stump stump, boom boom. Luca makes a good
point. I think it's during this time where he says, I am his
boss, so if I ask him to do something, he needs to fucking
do it. And it's really just that, that's really just that's it.
Bam bam stump stomp, very simple. Tonight, we are dining in the
dark. This is the dumbest fucking thing that human beings maybe have ever come
up with. Airwon as a grosser is a close second, but this is
just unbelievably, Die, I was pretty sure you were going to have that
opinion on this. This is absolutely stupid, it's lame, it's doesn't make
sense. It actually diminishes the dining. I think I'm not even making this
class this. Oh fuck, it's broken. Fuck your drinks in your meal.
This might be a snl skitch, but it might be ooskitch, it
might be real life. I think there was a restaurant called Opaque that was
real. So that was real. It was in Sherman Oaks, it was
across from Laser Tag Peep and it was eating in the dark to the tune
of one hundred and fifty dollars ahead. I mean, just no longer believable,
no longer in business, if you can believe it or not. That's
kind of At what point do you think they blindfold you in the meal?
I'm not sure, but it's it's amazing they're coming up with that business idea,
and you know it's the number one rule of business obviously to make money
for the lizard people that sit at the round table every quarter, but also
retention, right, so coming up with businesses that have negative retention, in
fact, people may leave before they pay and never come back. Probably not
a good business idea bad bad So Jack is looking forward to it because they
can't see. I would say to Jack, Jack, they can take the
masks off and see that you have not plated dishes in any way, shape
or form. But whatever. The only thing that could save this, and
this is just me trying to problem solve, is how about the way that
the portions were cut in. Perhaps there's like little forks already stuck in the
samplers treat it more like a sampler menu than you can put Yeah, but
that's just me. Uh yeah, okay, you're right. Yeah. So
Kyle is still down and Toomey is going to have to communicate with that.
There are lots of to me is she's growing. I feel like she's gonna
be better in the future. But right now, what is going on with
the interior with Toomey, Jess and other is boring. It's just the talking
heads about Toomey with the communication and the guests that she likes. We get
it. You wrestled with five brothers growing up. We get it. You
like crazy guests. That's what you feed off of. Take a drink every
time, and I'm tired of it. First course is oysters with mignonette.
Not a great blind first texture in the mouth. I don't think, prebuably
the worst possible thing you could put in your mouth blindly. Then we've got
yellowtail with saffron sauce, and that is so what that is, right,
is that's a hard cooked piece of whitefish with sauce on top of it.
There's nothing else on the plate, not even a two thousand and four micro
green, just heart cooked white fish with a bunch of sauce and they stabbed
at it. What does it taste like? Saffron is the I don't know
the anatomy of flowers as well as i'd like, but it's the you know,
the little it's like little strippy Georgia O'Keefe. Yeah, like a little
strippies in there, you know, and they're very expensive to farm. Oh
good, Yeah, that's why Afghani children. Yeah yeah, yeah, right,
yeah, put it on my fish. So Sandy is continuing to be
sho hey, hey, she goes, what are you guys doing. It's
like it's like an opaque kind of thing we're doing here, and they tell
you, you know, we're because you know how you talk louder when you
can't see we're eating everything without our eyes. Oh you really can't see it,
king, Yeah, taking these back to my place. Learned how to
play guitar without a sense of smell. We are going, she says to
them, I'm going to take this back to my place. Now, I
know within the homosexual community, we're a little bit more open with our sexuality.
Right. Well, I shouldn't say we like I'm a part of that
community because that's like I mean, Kyle, take your head off for that,
and deservedly so. But I understand why because it was such a taboo
for such a long time. Now let's be proud of it, and you
should be. But with the whole captain of the vessel people sitting down in
blindfolds, maybe let's not talk about how you and the wife are gonna choke
each other, you know, with sleeping masks on. Right, that's probably
just having a hard poked whitefish. Right now, it's just not the time.
Um, So steak is up next. It's just thin slices of steak
in sauce again, and we round things out with up air a stewed pair
and under delivering Dave's strikes again, and he's just he's the best. He's
the same wise gamgee of this boat. But this meal was absolutely ridiculous.
I think he he phoned it in when he knew that he could, and
he needed to because he's been working his hats off, all right, So
the plating is was just thrown over the road. So Jess is fired up.
Now Jess is Jess is not and she is Sasha Fierce, and she
is going to make fuck boy pay. Oh break screech reverse one eighty turned
back to Dick right right now. I do want to point out, after
Sandy came back for a second drive by, did she end it by saying,
don't hate the player, hate the game. I believe that was a
quote. Well that's what she was told about the mess that she'd made.
Oh okay, but I don't think that applies here at all. That doesn't
make any sense. You know. That's an aphorism that I don't really use
properly. It's one of those things where I think about saying it, then
I'm not really sure if it applies, so I back away, Well,
think about hypothetical. When would it apply? Yeah, not a sport,
right, because don't hate the player, hate the game. I don't know.
When I own that tour business, there was twenty different companies all doing
the same bullshit. If some company just said, hey, I just put
a big billboard that said we're the number one rated tour company, and I
started getting all the business that day, I could feasibly say to your competitors
when they said, what's what this bullshit? Say, hey, we're all
a bunch of scoundrels down here. Yeah. Don't hate the player, hate
the game. Oh, I got a good one. So you're in the
trenches of World War One, right, someone stabs you in the throat with
a bayonet. Yep. You're gargling and crying for your mother, yep,
and you say, how could you do this? Right? Another good example.
The opposition says, don't hate the player, hate the game. Right,
That would be correct, correctly used. Then the guy with the sword
through his stories like you're right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
thanks for those examples, you guys. Oh look, we'll tell your mom
you love her. Yeah. I just died by choking on my own blood.
Horrifying stuff happen, so bad, so bad, so sick. Puppy
Luca texts Natalia I miss you. And this is where okay, so let's
do this, right, let's do this. So Luca's cute little butterfly boy,
right, and he's also this, which is a fuck bottom feeding cuddlefish
kind of sex addict. Right and and and these are the depths that you
go to when you are this kind of person. Now, he's young,
he's hot, he's a sea rat. He only has so much time to
do this because you get to sixty and your c you get to forty,
well sure, but you know they can still rip and tear into their fifties.
Right, You get up in age and your CV is only c stuff
and that's not appealing to literally anybody. Yep. There are certain animals that
I think can understand that that's not even cool. Probably in Teeters would be
like, that's all you. You were just out there the whole time and
they bellow and they go go away. So Luca has to kind of behave
like this, although he doesn't, and I wish that he wouldn't, but
I don't know. It's just sad because lucas been such a go get general
likability about him as well, but that's also just because he's very attractive.
You know, like if he did this stuff and he looked like Max,
we wouldn't think. God, this is his only kind of behavior where he's
being kind of a scumback. He doesn't like back channel or lie or do
other things that see rats typically. But this is deceitful back channeling, deceitful
behavior. So there's a note I have. Can you imagine letting being a
part of a fun show. Okay, this is it? All right,
this got it? Okay, here we go, Bello, bellow, get
ready for this. So the guests need a snack. Oh yeah, this
is guacamole. This is guacamole Gate. All the president's men went in and
they just they taped the whole place, right, and what they overheard was
cute little fifth grade lily taking preschool little boy into the kitchen and flirting for
forty five minutes while making Guacamly, that's not a lime, that's a lemon.
Oh. So they eventually bring the snack up to them, a food
that should take no less than two minutes and thirty seconds to make, and
the guests, while they do, give them a little bit of shit,
leave and say don't kiss each other or something. And I was just wondering.
Imagine being on a show, being part of this gossipy, fun,
young hot stuff papering over the cracks of a forty five minute guacamole bowl.
I don't give a fuck, but there are cameras on you, irrelevant oceanic
drunks. Get me the fucking guacamole so much faster. It's not cute.
I would walk down after probably realistically, if you're turning to minute, say
fifteen, and just say one, scrap it, never mind. Whatever you
have in your hands right now, give it to me. She's like,
oh, it's just her opinions and on you fucking give it to me right
now, put it in my mouth. That's absurd. Yeah, too long,
Yeah, it's too long. I'm always practical about this stuff. I'm
trying to, like find life hacks for sea rat sea rats. Why doesn't
the chef before he goes to bag go like, all right, I've prepped
a pizza in here. I'm trying to do a bad chef jack a pizza
some fucking nachos that you need to heat up just to have something for the
charter guests. Yeah, it's great, full, can uh fucken pizza?
That was good, right, Yeah, that was really good. Pats was
better. But so next morning. Next morning, Latta is not doing well
and I completely for God that Haley was gone in this moment, but she
is still a part of the show. Dylan, forgive me. It's also
worth mentioning that Luca and Jess were able to get beyond their little issues and
they've squashed the beef and they shove tongues down each other. Not quite yet,
but they will get there. So Jess is saying that she's going to
be present and after the charter they'll be done, which is sorry, did
you did you not think that? That? What? I thought that you
knew that? But maybe not. No. She arrives at this which is
the correct approach to Luca. But they're going to be going to the Amalfi
Coast or something, can I think? So Kyle is up just in time
to say goodbye to the guests, perfect time. I don't know what the
fuck Max is talking about with his iPhone and shit, he says something about
his I can't Jess and Luca have a chat? She says, can you
meet me in the Captain's office? Odd? Inappropriate game of workplace clue,
right? He after they mend things, says, imagine if I was texting
Natalia with a little boris and Natasha kind of wink ew butterfly Boy, that
is just I didn't catch that he did that. That's peak butterfly Boy.
That is peak butterfly boy. So a lot of feels like a bag of
dicks. And the guests depart, but not before they leave. Thirty two
thousand dollars, so nice, that is I know we have goldfish memory with
these tips, but that is Tiger Wood's Michael Jackson what Michael Jordan goat kind
of tip. And you could say that Michael Jackson was a goat too,
but he you fucked well, was he? He fucked it up? Yeah,
he sure did. He messed it up a little bit. They should
have left so much less and it still would have been too much. It
took them forty nine minutes to make you smashed Corey Ender filled bowl of food
that they themselves said they would neat. Yeah, thirty two thousand dollars,
thank you. They're going to be back next season. Sandy's Sandy's haying is
has reached kind of a critical mass here for me. She goes upstairs after
calling a tip meeting in a certain hour. Not a single sea rat is
in the salon ready to go, not one, and she says, with
a ribbing little tone, I'm gonna take all this and go shopping. Oh
so funny. What is going on? I mean, I'm not saying that
we need Lee to hand out plane tickets or anything like that, but I
mean, what the fuck is this? We have a meeting, let's all
be here, or at least one of you be here. Yeah, right,
okay, So we get ready for a night out. Max naturally is
not going to head out. Kyle naturally is right as rain talking about Rihanna
bitch, and is ready to go out. Jess at the dinner table is
starting to It makes me sad that she mounted that defense of her self worth
and now she's leaning against Luca in a white tablecloth restaurant, saying I don't
want to be calm, I just and and don't don't fall for butterfly boys,
and Max and his fucking robe don't care. And we head to the
bar that they frequent. These bartenders when they see these sea rats coming in
must be the happiest fucking campers. Yep, They're like, what was your
chap thirty two thousand, and they all tell one another, we're gonna make
fourteen thousand dollars tonight. Yeah, And then they do. And then they
do. Although this is a very tame night as sea rat nights out.
They drink, they take selfies, drama free, not that fun, and
we end up back on the boat. We end up back on the boat
in more Max being scum. Well, okay, I understand that if somebody
comes back and your physics is off, you don't want them breathing in your
face with cigarettes and booze. The problem is the entire country that he hails
from smells like that. Everyone smells of a wet rind cheese and cigarettes and
fucking chartruse, so you should be used to it by now. Okay,
Well, he doesn't feel his physics are not the best physics they've been,
and he doesn't want he wants less cheese, So I think it's fair.
Lily, go down, Lily, go down, Go down, Lily.
Next day we end with is Haley going to come back? And is Laura
in fact turning into a zombie before our we hit her off the goddamn boat.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, We'll find out next week's spoiler alert,
Laura is a zombie and yes, Hayley is coming back, and we knew
those two things and below deck always does this, but we know how many
episodes do we have left of this? Get better? Bravo, We love
you very much. Jump in the comments, let us know what you thought.
Join us on YouTube, Join us on Instagram, Join us on the
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very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye pat Say goodbye, goodbye Ruby, Bye
bye. The distance. The nesting sessis instinct intestact distances