You're listening to kf I am sixty on demand. Dean, Welcome to the
Jesus Christ Show. All right, okay, I'm driving. Uh yeah,
it's a little low. But let's see if we can get through this.
What can I do for you, Dean? Well, I have a life
situation our Father's day, and I first want to say thank you for having
this show. And I have kind of a cargo ship full of problems a
boy one. The one thing that's you know, highly irritated to me is
the disconnect of my two young boys eight nineteen and twenty for me or the
last almost ten years, due to a very ugly custody battle, and that's
drifted over into my relationship with my father. There's eighty six that comes from
a depression era from Montana and doesn't necessarily know the intricacy's related to family law,
and so to just think I can pick up a phone and make a
phone call or go visit the kids, but the court orders state that I'm
to have no contact and I can't violate that. But the parental alienation has
been great and unfathomable, and I've been praying daily, pervently for best outcomes.
But not to men to financial destitution and being impoverished. I'm trying to
get my legs back they get up and running. And I'm now fifty one
and I feel like I've lost a lot of time. But I'm actually a
pretty good person, at least I think so. And I've done a few
things that are totable. I'm about perfect. I still make mistakes. They're
a racis of my menial and so I'm going to get first some something.
I don't know what to ask. But that's kind of the shortest walkest story
I can get you. Okay, that's fine, Dean Um. So why
did you lose custody and not even be able to see the children? Honestly
and as short as possible. I was accused a punch my son, which
was not the case. It was just construed in every effect and used totally
against me, and out of an abundance of caution, the courts issued out
a restraining order that was renewed not once but twice. Okay, And it's
kind of the cartel of family law. I don't want to get insolved,
you know, matters of my own opinions about it. But I'm on the
short end of the receiving stick, no doubt. Well, m, how
old is your son? My eldest son is now twenty and my youngest son
is nineteen. I mean, did they come to your defense? You know
they did not. They were very young, but this action occurred. They
were probably die for ten years of days and they were living majority of time
with their mother. Who a real vitriolic eight for me. Okay, but
one is twenty years old, and the court can't keep you from that person.
That person's an adult. They could see you if they wanted to.
How come they don't want to see you. When speaking with him as the
ships last month, he said that I'm invalid. I'm an invalid and that's
stressful, and then he hung up. Okay, and by invalid, what
did he mean? Obviously you're driving a car. What did he mean by
invalid? Well, I'm facing homelessness. I have no home. I lost
my home. Try again, shout was I could I know of the combination
of a perfect storm situation with the economic recession in two thousand and eight nine,
and also after having a twenty year career of broadcast television, things change,
layoffs appens the media. You know you need to save money and circumstances
changed, sure, but there's there's people that were in the similar circumstance and
and aren't in the situation you are in. Here, here's the only the
only constant in these problems or these issues are going to be U Deane,
And you're the one who is bold enough to call. So we've got to
focus in on you. But there's also some things that people can perceive things
differently. We all know that and if and that can work in many different
ways. But if you have a set of family and this isn't just about
your wife, Yes, I know that there are contentious relationships. I know
that there are people that will lie about each other, especially in family court.
It's one of the most vulgar and deep dark places to battle is in
a family court because emotion and children and everything else are tied into it.
But an accusation of hitting a child at the time nine or ten from your
descriptions that those types of things are very specific, and when you bring in
the powers that be to do investigations and all of those things, that it's
not impossible by any stretch. I think men get the short end of the
stick. Oftentimes that's changing, But there are groups. There are even pro
bono groups that you know back then ten years ago or so that would defend
fathers, and it can't always just be a kind of conspiratorial thing. A
perfect storm usually is a storm that is part circumstance and part lifestyle, meaning
that yes, circumstances did come your way, but also there were things that
you did. So unfortunately, we only have a certain amount of time here.
So Dean, this is what I want you to go away with.
You need to search your heart for your responsibility and the part you played in
all of this, and making amends is something that you need to do,
not only to the mother of your children, but to your children as well,
because everything's still coming from your point of view, and that's a suck
on other people, Like this is where I am. And it's scary to
a child in the best circumstance, even an adult child, to look out
and see a parent that is not in a position of strength, even a
capability of taking care of themselves. So it's a very difficult circumstance all the
way around. But you played a partners, you really did, and because
you were strong enough to call I need to impart that to you. That
is an imperative that you take that away. And if your adult children say
this is not what I want, that is their prerogative. Now, the
fact that your father has separation from you as another layer of concern, because
it sounds to me like you are a larger part of this than maybe you're
allowing yourself to see. So you've got to do some deep diving and understanding
of your circumstance. And I invite you to call back again so that we
can talk at a little more length than we have today. James, Welcome
to Jesus Christ Show. Yeah, so the question I have for you is
a lot of churches UM teach the tithing is a requirement, and a lot
of people put their their members under that system and tell them it's necessity.
And of course, over time I run across a lot of people that have
trouble paying it. They can't afford to paid UM. They have a lot
of troubles, and they feel like they can't move forward in ministry because they
cannot perform this financial obligation obligation exactly. And when I went to study the
scriptures, I determined that this is something UM, there's not a requirement for
day Today's New Testament Christian correct um. And so I want to kind of
get your thoughts on why so many churches teach this doctrine, which if you
really read scripture, it says anybody that justifies themselves by the law actually becomes
a curse. Well in this particular and that's a that's a whole different discussion
into itself. I will I'll answer for the sake of time looking at tithing,
this concept of a tenth in Hebrew, and you'll find in the Old
Testament was a command that was for the purpose of giving back that which you
receive and having, and making sure that that you're giving back to the people
of God and the things of God. Yeah, in this particular case,
you can reference Psalm twenty four one and also Malachi three eight through ten.
But that does change. As a matter of fact, throughout scripture. You'll
see that there's no place where where I reference, you know, tithing that
it needs to be done. I don't say that the disciples have to do
it. There's no record concerning any of the New Testament writers saying that there's
this Christian tithe or anything like that. The early Church practiced sharing of material
goods first Corinthians sixteen one and two Ephesians four twenty eight. That's kind of
the model. Also, you're asked to be a living sacrifice for God in
Romans twelve one and two, and to give material really as the Lord leads
you to give second Corinthians eight one through five. If you are in a
church, and you are a member of a church, you should be giving
just because if you're not, you're taking from that church. You're going and
you're receiving, whether it's air conditioned or not, or any of these things,
you're taking from that church, and you should be giving back to that
particular community, part of your community. As far as giving the tie,
the ten percent is, you know, a great way for people to kind
of get it in their head that this is a good standard. I think
that's mostly why churches still refer to it as a tithe and still give the
ten percent. If you want to do the mathematics of it all, it
really comes out to, if you go through scripture, about twenty one percent.
But that the purpose of tithing is just to get yourself in the mindset
that when when you're receiving, you should be giving. And if you're partaking
in a church, and you should be giving back. It's not that God
needs the money. God doesn't need your money. It's that the church does
to continue to work and to do good things, and to give to others
and all those things. So don't take, don't steal from the church.
However, if if ten percent is what helps you do ten percent, but
if you could give more, Bible essentially says give till it hurts. Thomas,
Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show. Some people come in seem to be
more mature, more wise, and more their filtering system. Your discernment is
earlier in earlier stages of the life. I guess wisdom beyond their age.
How could you explain that, Well, it's like anything else. There are
people that have strength or intelligent beyond their years as well. And the term
that a lot of people use as they're an old soul, which doesn't fit
the Christian narrative where there's no particular age of a soul or any of those
things. The concept of a pre existent soul and things like that in scripture
where it says that before you were in your mother's womb, I knew you.
Things like this and So in that sense, God knows all things and
the entirety of your life already before you're ever born, because God knows all
things and is outside of time, which explains that in the Christian context,
So in order to actually have an old soul, the concept of the samsara
or reincarnation or those types of things have to kind of come into play.
And there is too many people's chagrin. There's no place, zero place for
reincarnation in scripture in the Christian the Judeo Christian views, there's just no place
to start. Excuse me. I don't want to take that too far our
line. That was just a curiosity, but I like the attitude and the
halt fool has half empty glass of water, and the idea that we have
free will, we give a free will. So it's like evil is feeling
a something that's missing, and that is my understanding of my excuse me,
yeah right, my my creator's purpose for me. I'm here, okay,
uh and uh, excuse me. I'm a little over sensitive, but I
don't think someone could be over sensitive if it means them understanding their heart.
If you lash out at people, I'd be concerned. But why does this
make you emotional, would you say, Thomas, I, I think it's
at same times the humility of the the graces has shown me throughout my life
and the wonderment of life, and that a certain point is beyond like little
bits of scripture. I understand. I'm well versed in scripture. But the
the mercy and the grace that has shown to us or to me the individual
has become apparent to me little flashes over the last twenty thirty years that I've
been of sober mind. Did you use the aftration for that? On that
note? And I think we might have talked about this ten years ago,
m R. On that note, so, uh, did you struggle with
substance abuse? Uh? No, that was that was taken out of my
hands thirty plus years ago. You did at one point, right, correct?
Okay, Well, often when people have gone through struggles like that and
have felt the pain and the separation of God and God's will and things like
that, they're very appreciative. So to to be emotional or to feel the
intensity of grace and forgiveness and all those things is intense on its own.
But when you climb out of certain things or deal with certain pains, Um,
then it can amplify that relief and appreciate in those things. Um,
I'm curious as too. I don't want, I don't want, I don't
want. You know, you're you're saying somebody the the descens of belonging to
a greater family. That's the warmth of my heart. That's there. It's
come stronger and stronger, the sense that I'm a part of a larger family.
Of course our rd's family. Absolutely. You know, I'd say I'm
not a big churchchoer or anything like that, but I do listen to a
lot of radio, and I do, and I'm going to listen more.
You You are a You are like the Eskimo out of the wilderness almost they
have somebody who ever said that, I don't know, I don't know where,
and like you are sure who said that either, And that's very kind
of you to stay Tomay somewhere. But Mike, the thing that I want
you to take away is an understanding that it's every it's all much bigger than
this program. And the reality is you you do need a church and you
do need to have that that structure preferably. Um. You know, my
producer Neil is not big on church because he works all the time, and
that's his excuse. But the structure of having that in your life is a
powerful thing. And yes, you are part of a larger family. Second
Corinthian six eighteen says in the I will be a father to you, and
you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty. Absolutely,
you're in a bigger family. You are connected to others through this,
and the power of that is super overwhelming. Your original question, and I
understand you're emotional, but you're going in a lot of different directions. The
concept of an old soul and those things is that really there are people that
are They say that there is an IQ which deals with your intelligence quoted,
and then an EQ an emotional quotient to somebody who understands emotions and those types
of things. As you gain or as there are people that gain these things,
there are some that have the gift of understanding and putting it in to
context. And sometimes, yes, there are people that seem wise beyond their
years, but usually what that means is that they're introspective and they're empathetic.
And the reason that is is that most people start out quite selfish, you
know, teaching a child how to share and understanding the concept of sharing and
connecting with others, being a part of a community. And so there's some
people that get that. They crack the code, as some say, the
code of life, like everything is a code. When you learn about numbers,
when you learn about letters, when you learn about speaking or walking,
it's just a human breaking the code. Okay, this is what I have
to do, this is what needs to be done. And there's some people
that understand the codes of life more quickly or deeper than others. Earlier on.
People always say, oh gosh, they're an old soul, but really
they start to understand empathy and others and selflessness at an early age, which
is what most people see as well. They're not selfish, I would assume
they'd be selfish at that age. Or they have a good sense of humor
or a sense of humor beyond their years. This can come from a lot
of different things. Often that comes from engage, well some of it's genetic,
but very engaged parents. It comes in by having older siblings, being
surrounded by and having connectivity with your family. So if a parent enjoy certain
things, old music or things like that. Then often the child will take
on many of those attributes and learn appreciation for things, maybe beyond their years
because their connectivity with family and the like. So all of these things can
make up what would make someone say, hey, that person is an old
soul. People use that term about themselves sometimes, but really it's somebody who
has an appreciation for things not only within their generational standards, but outside of
that and also beyond their years, and the sense that they care about things
that maybe most people their age do not care about. And in the fullness
of that, you end up getting somebody who is well rounded at a young
age, understanding the importance of things. So whereas you might have a child
who's like all about sugar, cereal or these types of things, you'll have
some children that understand right away when their parents said, this is not the
most nutritious thing for you, let's try something else, or the family eats
based on more nutritional, nutritionally valuable food, and the child understands that the
name will see things and therefore actualize those things themselves. And that's why how
you raise or interact with a child is so important. They see good standards
and and examples is what becomes powerful, and often people take that Thomas to
be an old soul when it's just somebody who has learned that selfishness and being
selfish is not beneficial to them or anyone else. Oh Nelson, Welcome to
the program. How can I help you? Um, I'm kind of in
or. I divorced in in the nine proximately nineteen and my wife and I
had alcohol and drug problems issues and I had had them for a long time
in my life. I am one of those sixties kind of people ran away
to San Francisco and all that stuff when I was a kid, issues with
the organized church I belonged to and that kind of stuff, and I ended
up married to a woman that was in that religion. And I don't know
where I'm going with it, but we have I have two boys, thirty
seven and thirty five, and my thirty seven year old has done pretty good.
He's been with a major utility company for quite some time. And my
youngest is a heroin addict and has been to prison and out of prison three
times now. And I when I ended up, when I separated, I
went to AA and I went to NA and it worked for me. Yeah,
I getting goose bumps out because kind of loving creator is you? Is
the truth and the answer. I don't know if I'm the best Christian on
the planet that I pray and meditate every day from my from my boys and
have ever since the separation my life took me. I used to work at
school. I was a custodian. I cared about the kids deeply and was
respected, even though you know, I well, there was a lot of
drinking going on and maintenance and custodians and teachers and everything, but it was
that's what it was. At Christmas, go to teacher's auge number one and
get your stuff and again to go go home with a case of mird,
a couple of models, you know, and yeah, for the I know,
there's a lot of twists and turns to your story. Everyone has that.
That's me, that's just me. No, I just is there a
question for me this morning? Yeah, I know it is. Actually,
my youngest son has been in the program son and then he always relapses.
Everybody will get hopeful his mom and he has a son and their family,
you know, and recently got out and my life is well off, very
well off. He stayed with one of her girlfriends. Something went wrong.
He stayed with the grandparents, parents of his son. Something went home.
They called me, they say, you've got to come and get him.
And I'm in a situation in a fifty five and over and I have housing
assistance, and I couldn't have I couldn't have that the drugs here where I
live. And I tried that. I realized it just wouldn't I would lose.
I would be back on the street myself. So I made him leave.
And I feel I did a horrible thing doing that, because well,
my youngest son ended up back on the street, calling them couch to couch.
He's got a job in a car, but he's still using. Yes,
he started using again. You know there in lies the rub. You
can't have that around yourself. That won't help him, for you to backslide
into that situation. I don't feel that issue where it's tempting for me,
you know when I see it, you know, all that stuff to want
to do it again. And there's the issue of me trying as a twelve
step person to help him. And but he needs Nelson, he needs a
sponsor that is separate from his family. It's the same reason doctors don't work
on their family either, or it just it's not a good situation. And
really the reality is you're still working the program yourself, and that's a bad
situation. You can't you can't beat yourself up for the circumstances. I do.
I do want you to hear this, not punitively, but I want
other people to understand this when you hear versus like Proverbs twenty two six,
train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is
old, he will not depart from it. It works both in good and
bad. And because there was alcohol and drug that's the way that children were
raised and they haven't departed from it. They're struggling and they're finding their way.
And as you said, one of your boys has done better, but
they both struggled with it because it's what they were taught. And I know
you're past that point, but there's others that need to know that. That's
you impart these things to them, and that's what they end up seeing,
that's what they end up feeling, that's what they end up understanding. You
didn't do wrong to have your son out of your house. You're not capable
of helping him in that sense, you're just not and you both would end
up on the street. But it doesn't mean there aren't things to do.
It doesn't mean you can't make phone calls and find out if there's services and
things and to guide him, guide him into an area where he can get
the help he needs. K f I AM six forty on demand