WEBVTT

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Tricia's smile lit up the room when
she told me about this. She was

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so excited to tell me about morally
questionable life hacks. So tell me what

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they are. I have not read
this. You got to kind of drive

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me through this, okay, So
to be clear, life hacks little simple

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tricks that maybe you shouldn't do them, but they're so easy to do,

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and they kind of help you out
a little bit. On the flip side,

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they're causing somebody else some headaches.
One of them, this is the

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one I think is kind of funny, and a lot of elevators. You

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can hold down the closed door button
while simultaneously pushing the floor you want to

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go to, and it goes straight
to that floor. It will not stop

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on any other floors. That's on
every elevator. That's on a lot of

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elevators. It's meant for servicemen and
firemen. But I mean that means all

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the other people waiting on the other
floors are kind of getting screwed. Lot.

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You're in a hurry. You're in
a hurry, right, Here's the

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one that I was like, Holy
crap, I kind of do that.

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Do you go to the movie theater
and you don't want anybody sitting in the

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seat in front of you. This
one Reddit user pours coke in a seat

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and the share in front of herson. It's in front of her. Oh

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can I tell you something terrible that
happened to me at the movie theater a

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couple couple of weeks ago. I
went to the movie theater and I got

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my usual big bucket of buttered popcorn, and I put my own butter on

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it. Well, clearly I put
too much butter on it, because I

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was sitting there in the movie and
I had it on. I wore at

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these brand new pair of shorts,
and I set it on my left thigh

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the bucket while I ate it.
Right, I got up and it had

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soaked through the popcorn bucket and onto
my shorts. The butter, the butter

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yourself, And no, but it
won't come out. Oh yeah, no,

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it's super oily. You know what's
ruined? You know, to get

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some of that dawn dishwashing soap.
I bet that takes it out. I

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washed it already and it's probably not
coming at all. You can still try.

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But did you put on it?
I put soaked the cardboard box?

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I don't know I think the box
was flimsy. I don't know, but

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I'm bummed because I love those shorts. I don't know. So now I

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can only wear those shorts around my
guy friends because every if I warm around

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Trusha, She'd pointed out every single
time I got I can hear your arteries

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hardening from over it, and I
do that every day. You don't act

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like you don't use a lot of
better when you make your homemade melting back

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on that too, because I'm healthy. Here's my version of the poor the

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coke in the seat in front of
you movie theater seat. I buy my

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tickets online and I buy up against
the wall, and I buy the seat

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next to me, even though I
know I'm going alone. And then when

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I get to the movie theater,
I turned my ticket in for a refund,

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and then I'm guaranteed that nobody sits
next to me in the carible just

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off sandy. People don't know how
to act in a movie theater. It's

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just self preservation on my part.
I weren't acted fine at the movie theater

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I was in. There was only
five of us at the theater. Yeah,

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one of those one of those.
I'll see what I'm near the movie

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theater and I got time to kill
so I'll see what's playing. And it

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was a movie called Roxy. It
was ro xx Y, and it was

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a story of a girl that started
loud to pornographic movies. And that's to

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say it went mainstream. Okay,
so that's weird. And again you'll watch

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anything you say that about me.
Like I said, I was in the

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area and it was showing. Here's
the one that I'm all thought about doing

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this, or I've thought about how
easy it would be to do this.

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I am not telling people to do
this. Walk into a Chipotle, Panera,

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any restaurant that pulls online orders on
a shelf. Oh yeah, walk

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up to the shelf with confidence,
take one of the bags and walk away.

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Get you a free meal out.
I thought it. I'd never do

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it. I would never do it, But I'm like, who would have

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nothing to keep anybody else from doing
it? The embarrassment of getting caught right,

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just it's not worth it, yeah
to me. And here's the equivalent

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of girls going out buying fancy,
expensive dresses, wearing them one time without

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taking the tags off, and then
returning it. Walmart has a ninety day

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return policy for pretty much everything.
So where you live, you have a

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heat wave by an AC unit,
after ninety days, return seventy two inch

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TV. You want a big old
Super Bowl party, get this big old

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giant TV before ninety days return it. How much people are doing all these

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things, They're just betting people won't
do it. Yeah, h interest,

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do you have one? No,
I am morally sound. I'm not like

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you. I'm not like you at
all, exactly like me. I've had

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a few people ask me if my
diary Perpetual Disappointments is a real thing.

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It is. It is a real
thing that I have that I write in

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on the regular. I gave it
to you kind of as a haha,

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as a joke. I had no
idea you would take it seriously. It's

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like your journal. Some people journal, Yeah, this is your journal.

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It is just got a different direction. These are not all the great things

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that happen. These are the things
I want to stay angry at, things

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that I think, also know will
never change. For example, some of

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my previous entries, and I'll tell
you what my latest is in just a

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moment. How I know that I'm
not one of God's little soldiers people?

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I know I will never speak to
again. Things I know will be a

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failure, grudges. I'll always keep
games. You're bad at games, aren't

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bad at things. I'll never organize
text and emails. I shouldn't have sent

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people I used to like, but
now just like you write them down so

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you never forget. Yeah, best
guess when I'll die. And annoying conversations

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I have overheard, not that you
were involved in, just that you happen

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to hear over let me guess in
a restaurant or a doctor's reception area.

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But you're not in your house when
you're in these places. Yeah, and

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you don't. The whole restaurant doesn't
need to know that your wife's cheating Anya

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with your het X buddy. And
I can't think of a single time when

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you're out in public that using your
speakerphone is appropriate. Yeah, it's not.

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And I think it's the waitresses person
responsibility to tell them. Yeah,

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here's my latest entry. Things I
never get right the first time. And

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here's my example. I've got a
fifty to fifty shot. When I plug

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in a USB chord, then I'm
gonna have it up the right direction,

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going turn it over fifty to fifty
chance. Right, your odds are higher

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than mine. Never. No,
everyone's runs with the same It's either one

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way or the other. No,
I'm saying, well, do you get

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it fifty percent of the time?
No, I never get it right.

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That's the point. Things I never
get right the first time. Never,

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And that's one of them. Yeah, Oh, tris me. In fact,

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I'll go to myself, Well,
I'm getting ready to plug in a

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USB. I'll go nope, I'm
gonna flip it over, and I flip

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it over and it's wrong. I
should it go with your first instant?

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Yet your other example of go with
your gut? Do you have one that

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like you never get it right the
first time? Never? Ever? Oh,

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there's like an installing a like a
light fixture or something. You never

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get it right. It wobbles the
first time. The thing that I've noticed

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most often that is never right is
struggling with the attachments on the vacuum cleaner.

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Never put the right one in the
right way, or if I had

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to take the hose out, I
can't get I can't remember the configuration to

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get it back in right, especially
at the car washing you have the vacuum

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getting it back on there correctly,
and shame on you people that just leave

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the hose on the ground. Yeah, you're the same person that doesn't return

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your your curser cart yep. Yeah, same person. You're the same person

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he probably litters yes bad yep.
So I'm sure. But right now,

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just one entry there on things I
never get right the first time, and

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that's plugging in any type of USB
cord. I never guess, right,

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Ah, guys, there have to
be more things. I feel like,

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we'll think about it for a little
bit. Oh, that's why it's in

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the diary, so I can jot
it down every time I think of it.

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I highly recommend that the Perpetual Disappointment's
Diary for you. It's very calming

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therapy, it isn't it kind of
a outer No, it's good to get

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it out. That's how I get
it out. It's like how I you

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know, because you know you're not
gonna listen to me if I complain about

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something. No, So I just
that's how I do things. Okay,

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all right, do what you gotta
do, whatever works for you. By

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the way, you know how women
always talk about are stereotypically guys never express

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their feelings. They never open up. I'm gonna tell you something. You

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want to hear a man express his
feelings. Listen to blues music. Only

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place the guy does it, you
know what I mean. And it's because

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it's in a cool way and it's
so bad. Oh my mom, I

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went there, so I baby went
out and left me and I only had

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two nickels in a dome. Country
music but not like they're tortured. Yeah.

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Oh it's so sad, So so
sad. Guys, keep your feelings

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bottled up inside. August doesn't feel
like rodeo season, but I guess it

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is. I think it is rodeo
season to me. Always seems like cooler

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weather, like spring break time.
Yeah, that's where it's normally when the

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Austin Rodeo is. But there's a
rodeo happened in seed Apark. We're gonna

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get to that in just a second. For those of you that love an

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Irish pub, there is a new
one open on Sixth Street called Dead Rabbit,

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and it's it's a bar that started
out in New York about twelve years

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ago and they've expanded and now they're
in Austin. They moved into they moved

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into my old beat Riley's Joint.
Oh really, Betty Rilly shut down.

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They were there for like twenty years. Yeah, and so now a Dead

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Rabbit if that rings a bell.
If you saw Gangs of New York,

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that was the name of the gang, one of the real life gangs in

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the movie. There was a real
life gang that they portrayed in the movie,

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Leonardo DiCaprio and all that Dead Rabbit
was the name of their gang.

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What was the name of the pub
in New York that we went to that's

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been open forever Doorle's Pub. Yeah, if you're ever in New York City,

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that's there's two things you need to
do in New York. Yeah,

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two places to go. One as
you go and you get a You can't

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order just one. You have to
order two pints. They're half pints at

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mcsorley's. And they have your choice
between dark and light and that's it.

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And if they don't like you,
they throw you out. Yeah, be

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good or be gone. It's been
there since the seventeen hundreds, Yeah,

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continuously operating. Oldest alehouse in North
America, which is really a cool place

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to go. My dad used to
hang out there, and I mean it's

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five blocks from where he grew up. The other thing is the Tenement Museum.

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Remember that tour we were That was
really cool. The Tenement Museum tour

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was super cool. I thought you
were going to tell him to go to

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Veneros. It's an Italian baker.
Why are we talking about things in New

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York? I don't know, because
I asked about mcsorley's. Oh we got

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sight. Were you looking something up
on mcsorley's. Yeah, just see if

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it was still a listeners send me
pictures from mcsorley's, like they heard about

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it from from us and they go. And it's a good time, really

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and the best horse radish mustard you'lllebrity
in your life. They'll give you a

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plate of cheese and horse rattish mustard
with salting crackers. Salting crackers. The

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Rodeo is coming to Cedar Park,
Texas at the agib Serve Hi Rodeo August

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ninth and tenth. It's sponsored by
michelob Ultra. It is full on rodeo.

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It includes bare back riding, saladur
bronck riding, bull riding, calf

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ripping, all the stuff's girls,
barrel racing cool which I love they've added

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more mutton busting competitions. Remember when
Landry wanted to do that? So you

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wanted to do it so bad?
Why didn't we letter? It's never got

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tin of signer up, and you
know, I don't know. But you

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can get tickets. Tickets doors open
on Friday the ninth. You can get

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tickets at the HB Center. They're
on sale now. Buy tickets now adults

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forty bucks, children thirty five twenty
five. Price is subject to change.

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I mean it looks like it's it's
gonna be fun and it's right here.

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Yeah, and you're just getting back
on the ninth from North Carolina. Oh,

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I get back on the night.
Yeah. Maybe he could go on

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Saturday the tenth. Yeah, we
should do that. Would I would definitely

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go. I love the rodeo.
It's a blast. Yeah. Is there

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a concert? Not that I Let
me keep looking around. You also can

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get tickets on ticket Master. Let
me look around and see you again.

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This is at Cedar Park at the
h BET Center coming up August ninth and

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tenth. If you want to check
out the rodeo. That reminds me I've

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got to get with my friend April
about my performance with the Magnolia Musical Theater.

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I'm doing a cameo in their presentation
of Footloose, which is showing right

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now. It's going on right now. Yeah, it goes through when in

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August to fourteenth. I think that, Yeah, August fourteenth, and it's

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free. It starts at eight fifteen
every night. Just look it up Magnolia

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Musical Theater. It's very cool,
very cool. I hope, I hope,

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I hope that they make you do
a little dance number with them.

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And Silker Hillside Theater is doing oh
legally blonde. I believe that's right.

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Yep, yeah, that'd mind.
If you've never gone to Zilker Hill Site

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Theater. It's cool. Take your
chairs, take a blanket, sit on

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the side of the hill. It's
very fun. It's a cool, very

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awesome thing to do. One thing
you can say about Tricia, along with

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being the people's reporter, you're an
idea girl. I am an idea girl.

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You're not an execution girl. Oh, I have people to do the

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executor. I came up with the
ideas. That's the hard part, right.

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Trisa's constantly got ideas that things.
She can go on to Shark Tank

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and get rich doing yep, her. My favorite. One of Trisa's was

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the writing of bad words on rocks. Bad word rocks. I still have

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them. I still have not given
up on that. We were in a

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store in Nebraska that would sell them. Yeah, a store in Nebraska that

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had all the it's the same store
that sells the socks that have bad words

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on him sayings, bad sayings,
yeah, you know, kind of kind

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of raunchy sayings, those kinds of
stores. Those are my people for me

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to sell my bad word rocks.
And it's just a rock, a black

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rock, and I write, I
stamp in white ink just bad words on

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the rock and seal it. And
it's just something really cool about holding a

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rock that has a bad word on
it. This is the same hand.

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This is the same store that I
got our daughter a pair of black socks

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and in white letters on the side
said the Ramones And I'm like, that's

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cool. Oh, I thought you
got that at the record store. Oh

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was it at the record It was
the record store. Yeah, it was

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at the record store. We've all
seen those socks that say completely inappropriate things.

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They're funny, but those are my
people, right, But my people

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are the ones that get socks and
say the ramones on them. Anyway,

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trist You're not alone. Thirty three
percent of Americans say they believe they have

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an idea that could make them wealthy, and nineteen percent say they have a

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feeling in their bones that one day
they're gonna win the lottery. That's me,

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I'm the nineteen percent. I'm actually
a tiny part of my soul is

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shocked and disappointed every time I don't
win the lottery when I bought a ticket.

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Now, those with the big ideas
not the Latto winners. They or

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their plans are a business idea,
a blockbuster movie script concept, or a

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hot stock tip. Oh mine's a
business concept. Yeah, well, you

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also have the feeling in their bones. Yeah. Thing. Now here's how

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here's a little bit more how it
breaks down. Men are more likely than

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women to feel confident that they'll strike
it rich one day. Thirty nine percent

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of men versus twenty six percent of
men, and twenty six percent of those

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who have a big plan think they've
come up with a game changing idea or

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a product that's never been done before. I will give you, for example,

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the scrub Daddy. I still don't
understand I made a this scrub Daddy.

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That's the sponge with a happy face, right, yep, don't understand

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why it's so amazing. I don't
understand because it's cute and it's a good

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sponge to it. It's a good
cleaner. But what about my rock Sandy.

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I think that I just haven't had
the right the right audience, yeah,

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yeah, the right audience, the
right marketing, yeah, the right

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everything. Right your rocks, I'm
telling you. I also think that I

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have a number one single because I
have the title. I just haven't written

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this song yet. Oh, I
have the title. I have the hook

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for my number one song, right, got bits and pieces? What's your

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hook? Someone's going to jail.
Oh, it's a good hook. I

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don't want to say my title because
I want someone to steal my idea.

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Oh. I work on it sometimes
in my brain. And then you and

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I have our children's book idea.
Yeah, missus Rugle took a poo.

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We took action on all of our
ideas. We'd be rolling in it.

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Well, I'm working on an idea
that I'm not going to tell you guys

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about that's actually in the world.
You know about it. It's in the

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works and it's gonna be big.
Oh yeah, no I know about that

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one. Yeah, that's gonna be
big hu big yeah on the radio.

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No more. God see gives my
happy ask bag. It's like when I

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win the lottery. Working four hours, I see it beyond the radio radio

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talking on the radio, act like
you don't like it, nonsense, doing

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stuff and count my money by our
own radio station, depreciating asset.

