WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:03.120 Hi everyone, Welcome back to another podcast episode. My name is Alicia Gogan, 2 00:00:03.160 --> 00:00:06.519 the host civil Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you expand your mind 3 00:00:06.599 --> 00:00:09.599 and become more self aware so that you can blow up into the best vision 4 00:00:09.679 --> 00:00:13.640 of yourself. Hi, guys, another week. I was gonna say, 5 00:00:13.640 --> 00:00:17.719 another day, another dollar, another episode where my hair is out. I'm 6 00:00:17.760 --> 00:00:22.079 on a roll. You know what. I realized my hair has been growing. 7 00:00:22.440 --> 00:00:24.800 Okay, it's a little bit of a mess right now. I know 8 00:00:24.879 --> 00:00:28.000 you can't you know you can't see if you're on audio, but just know 9 00:00:28.199 --> 00:00:32.399 my hair is all the way out. Okay. So last week we talked 10 00:00:32.399 --> 00:00:37.159 about jealousy and I talked about comparison as well. If you have not listened 11 00:00:37.159 --> 00:00:40.200 to that episode, then definitely go back and listen to it. You guys 12 00:00:40.200 --> 00:00:43.719 really enjoyed that episode of how not to be so jealous of other people. 13 00:00:43.719 --> 00:00:48.840 I'll give you a lot of tips. But there is another side of this 14 00:00:48.920 --> 00:00:53.920 jealousy conversation in comparison conversation, and I think that has to do with judging 15 00:00:53.920 --> 00:00:56.719 yourself and judging others. So I want to talk about that. I want 16 00:00:56.719 --> 00:01:00.880 to talk about how to stop judging yourself and others. How to stop criticizing 17 00:01:00.880 --> 00:01:04.359 yourself and others. But I think it's so important before you try and change 18 00:01:04.359 --> 00:01:07.719 something, you need to understand why you do it in the first place. 19 00:01:08.040 --> 00:01:12.959 So let's talk about it. Let's talk about why you judge and criticize yourself 20 00:01:14.120 --> 00:01:18.959 and others. So where shall we start. Let's start when you were a 21 00:01:19.000 --> 00:01:22.760 little baby. Okay, you came in this earth, on this planet Earth, 22 00:01:23.040 --> 00:01:27.560 so beautiful, so amazing, so flawless. And then you get socialized 23 00:01:27.840 --> 00:01:33.879 and when you go into let's say a school environment, a work environment, 24 00:01:33.920 --> 00:01:40.040 and you were raised by certain parents, whatever, people have different ideas of 25 00:01:40.040 --> 00:01:42.560 how you should look, how you should be, and how you should act 26 00:01:42.599 --> 00:01:46.239 depending on the environment that you live in, where you are raised, religious 27 00:01:46.239 --> 00:01:51.439 things, people's preferences, depending on if your parents were telling you how to 28 00:01:51.560 --> 00:01:55.920 act, be and live or not. Like so many things, create your 29 00:01:56.000 --> 00:02:00.799 own essentially your own identity. Now, obviously we need some societ idle influence 30 00:02:00.840 --> 00:02:02.959 and we need parental influence in our lives. We need our parents to tell 31 00:02:04.040 --> 00:02:07.199 us right from wrong. We need the school system to teach us ways of 32 00:02:07.680 --> 00:02:13.319 learning, things and jobs to get and how to act and be around other 33 00:02:13.439 --> 00:02:16.039 kids. And it's also very inevitable that there's just going to be certain fashion 34 00:02:16.120 --> 00:02:20.080 trends, or there's going to be a certain preference for people and how they 35 00:02:20.080 --> 00:02:23.039 look, or the beauty standards or whatever. And although that's gonna be very 36 00:02:23.080 --> 00:02:27.719 problematic, it's just a thing that happens in life, okay. But the 37 00:02:27.800 --> 00:02:32.360 problem is that we are all susceptible to not fitting into a certain mold or 38 00:02:32.400 --> 00:02:37.159 a certain beauty standard, or a certain way that people want us to be. 39 00:02:37.400 --> 00:02:39.159 And that's where we get into hot water. So I'm going to give 40 00:02:39.159 --> 00:02:44.159 you an example of my own situation. You guys have probably heard this a 41 00:02:44.199 --> 00:02:47.680 million times, but we're gonna just use it anyways. So my dad was 42 00:02:49.080 --> 00:02:53.479 very strict, and he didn't really tolerate me expressing my emotions, crying, 43 00:02:53.800 --> 00:03:00.520 complaining, even though I never really complained, but any form of emotions, 44 00:03:00.639 --> 00:03:02.879 essentially because he didn't know how to handle them. He didn't know how to 45 00:03:02.879 --> 00:03:07.199 deal with a child who might be crying because she's afraid. He didn't know 46 00:03:07.240 --> 00:03:09.759 how to tell me the right things in the right moments, so he would 47 00:03:09.800 --> 00:03:15.960 just tell me, essentially to not make a fuss or not complain, or 48 00:03:15.000 --> 00:03:20.159 not speak up or not say what I actually feel, so that essentially he 49 00:03:20.240 --> 00:03:23.599 didn't have to deal with me. So ideally, in a response to somebody 50 00:03:23.120 --> 00:03:28.479 not being able to handle your emotions or not liking something about you, what 51 00:03:28.520 --> 00:03:30.919 would we do? Okay, well, screw you. I have the right 52 00:03:30.960 --> 00:03:35.240 to cry. I have the right to speak up for my own worth. 53 00:03:35.319 --> 00:03:39.319 You know, I have the right to express myself through dance or like this 54 00:03:39.400 --> 00:03:44.159 outfit or that outfit, and you know, doesn't really matter too much about 55 00:03:44.199 --> 00:03:46.919 what you say, like obviously it depends, right, But obviously we know 56 00:03:47.039 --> 00:03:52.719 that that's like something that we should have a response to if somebody is maybe 57 00:03:52.800 --> 00:03:54.840 telling us to be someone that we are not. But the problem is we 58 00:03:54.879 --> 00:03:58.960 don't have this type of thinking when we're very young. When we're very young, 59 00:03:59.120 --> 00:04:04.599 we are pendant on our caregivers. We also are built for connection and 60 00:04:05.039 --> 00:04:10.159 to survive essentially, so we're going to do anything that we need to do 61 00:04:10.520 --> 00:04:14.960 as children to learn how to adapt and to be a part of the pack 62 00:04:15.240 --> 00:04:18.639 and to be liked and to be loved and to be safe. So I 63 00:04:18.759 --> 00:04:24.680 learned that if I express my emotions and if I do all the things that 64 00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:28.680 I've been taught that my dad doesn't like me to do that is going to 65 00:04:28.879 --> 00:04:31.600 result in a consequence that I don't want. It's gonna get him to be 66 00:04:31.680 --> 00:04:35.639 yelling at me. I'm gonna be afraid. I'm gonna be scared. I 67 00:04:35.680 --> 00:04:39.120 don't want to be scared. So I'm going to do the best that I 68 00:04:39.160 --> 00:04:44.439 can to not express my emotions. So this is what happens. I'm a 69 00:04:44.519 --> 00:04:47.000 human being and I have natural emotions. Okay, Well, because I have 70 00:04:47.120 --> 00:04:51.759 learned that emotions are deemed bad, I'm going to do my best to suppress 71 00:04:53.000 --> 00:04:57.000 my natural emotions that I obviously I didn't know at the moment or the time 72 00:04:57.000 --> 00:04:59.959 when I was young, are going to just come up, because that's life. 73 00:05:00.040 --> 00:05:02.360 If you're a child, you don't understand life. Sometimes things are scary. 74 00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:05.560 You're afraid. Like, no matter what age you have emotions, you 75 00:05:05.560 --> 00:05:11.079 can't get rid of them. But I was taught that if you release these 76 00:05:11.079 --> 00:05:14.319 emotions, or if you show your emotions, there's going to be a consequence. 77 00:05:14.600 --> 00:05:18.160 And because I relied on my father to keep me safe and to feed 78 00:05:18.199 --> 00:05:20.600 me and to take care of me and to show up for me, of 79 00:05:20.639 --> 00:05:25.000 course I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure that I can maintain 80 00:05:25.120 --> 00:05:29.360 closeness with him, even if I was actually afraid of him, right, 81 00:05:29.560 --> 00:05:32.000 even if I didn't like him, let's say, which I always there's a 82 00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:35.519 part of me who absolutely knew that my dad loved me, and I just 83 00:05:35.600 --> 00:05:41.600 would love him even though he just couldn't really fully show it. Whatever. 84 00:05:41.839 --> 00:05:46.079 That's another story for another day. But I learned to not essentially be my 85 00:05:46.199 --> 00:05:50.839 most authentic self. And so anytime that I would be afraid or I would 86 00:05:50.879 --> 00:05:55.160 feel emotions, especially when I was around him, but even in general out 87 00:05:55.199 --> 00:05:58.759 in life. Now I've learned, oh, emotions must be bad in all 88 00:05:58.879 --> 00:06:02.360 aspects, or it's very cringey to cry or like say how you feel, 89 00:06:02.399 --> 00:06:05.199 because this is the reaction that I would get when I'm at home. So 90 00:06:05.319 --> 00:06:10.639 that's what I learned. And so I did my absolute best to suppress any 91 00:06:10.680 --> 00:06:14.639 emotions that were coming up as a result of anything in my life. And 92 00:06:14.639 --> 00:06:18.240 I would essentially put these emotions into my shadow self. And you might think, 93 00:06:18.279 --> 00:06:23.079 Okay, what's the issue with, you know, maybe not being so 94 00:06:23.120 --> 00:06:27.040 emotional and just kind of ignoring it and whatever. Well two things, and 95 00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:29.720 one of them I basically just said, and you know, you can't get 96 00:06:29.759 --> 00:06:33.000 away from emotions and releasing emotions is very important. You guys know you listen 97 00:06:33.000 --> 00:06:36.160 to the podcast all the time. There's days are going to be sad, 98 00:06:36.199 --> 00:06:39.759 there's days that you're going to be afraid. There's days that you need to 99 00:06:39.800 --> 00:06:42.800 cry. There's days that you just are angry and frustrated, and you need 100 00:06:42.839 --> 00:06:45.959 to let these emotions out. You can't just suppress them. The emotions don't 101 00:06:46.000 --> 00:06:48.720 go anywhere. You just think they go somewhere. So that's on one hand, 102 00:06:48.800 --> 00:06:54.560 you're just gonna have pent up emotions to the point where maybe now you're 103 00:06:54.639 --> 00:06:59.480 lashing out insanely in your adulthood life because you never learned how to express anger 104 00:06:59.519 --> 00:07:02.560 and a health way, or you're so distraught by somebody who broke up with 105 00:07:02.600 --> 00:07:06.519 you and you don't know how to emotionally regulate yourself because you never learned how 106 00:07:06.560 --> 00:07:10.399 to do that when you're a child, because you never learned that it was 107 00:07:10.439 --> 00:07:13.639 okay to be sad and you're allowed to cry and it doesn't mean that needs 108 00:07:13.639 --> 00:07:15.480 to be the end of the world. And also you're going to be okay 109 00:07:15.519 --> 00:07:18.240 after you're done crying, Like those are very important things that you need to 110 00:07:18.439 --> 00:07:20.360 learn how to do. And if you don't do that, then that you 111 00:07:20.399 --> 00:07:25.720 know, you kind of blow over in your adulthood life. But also another 112 00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:30.360 thing, and this pertains to other people, is when you are uncomfortable with 113 00:07:30.439 --> 00:07:34.759 your own emotions, let's say, or whatever that you put into your shadow, 114 00:07:34.879 --> 00:07:40.839 you also are going to be uncomfortable around other people that might actually express 115 00:07:41.120 --> 00:07:45.879 the shadow parts of you that you don't express, which is also an issue 116 00:07:46.040 --> 00:07:49.199 because then that affects the way that you're able to connect deeply to people. 117 00:07:49.360 --> 00:07:54.319 Right, So it's either okay, you don't have the emotional capacity to handle 118 00:07:54.360 --> 00:07:58.920 people who are crying, like or your best friend who's crying, or let's 119 00:07:58.959 --> 00:08:01.959 say your friend who's angry or whatever, like you just you don't want to 120 00:08:03.040 --> 00:08:03.519 handle it, and you don't want to handle it. So you're just like, 121 00:08:03.519 --> 00:08:05.920 no, I don't want to deal with that. I'm not saying that 122 00:08:05.959 --> 00:08:07.879 you have to deal with your friends who are dealing with emotional things, but 123 00:08:07.959 --> 00:08:09.959 I'm just saying, like, you're uncomfortable around it, you don't know how 124 00:08:11.000 --> 00:08:16.639 to handle it, like whatever, or you might judge them for being sad 125 00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:22.319 or being angry because you've never let yourself be like that, and so now 126 00:08:22.319 --> 00:08:24.839 you're like, oh, like no, that's not right, I don't like 127 00:08:24.920 --> 00:08:28.879 that, Like, you shouldn't be like that, because you have learned that 128 00:08:28.959 --> 00:08:31.800 if you were like that, then it's wrong, then it's bad. But 129 00:08:31.920 --> 00:08:35.279 also in general, let's say bring it back to the human connection and the 130 00:08:35.320 --> 00:08:41.480 relational connection. If you don't know how to allow yourself to feel happy, 131 00:08:41.720 --> 00:08:46.519 sad, angry, afraid, whatever, you're not going to be able to 132 00:08:46.559 --> 00:08:50.279 connect deeply with other people. Because in order for you to have a connection 133 00:08:50.279 --> 00:08:52.440 with other people, you need to have those emotions. And I'm not saying 134 00:08:52.480 --> 00:08:56.320 you have to be angry, right, or you have to be super sad 135 00:08:56.360 --> 00:09:00.399 in order to like have a relationship with people, but like you're human being, 136 00:09:00.480 --> 00:09:03.360 you need to be your whole, authentic self. And when you have 137 00:09:03.519 --> 00:09:07.000 parts of you that you don't accept and you've been rejecting and you've been denying 138 00:09:07.080 --> 00:09:09.639 in your life, it's gonna be hard for you to deeply connect with other 139 00:09:09.679 --> 00:09:13.200 people. And on top of that, again, you might even now judge 140 00:09:13.240 --> 00:09:16.360 other people. So this is what happens when we judge ourselves and we judge 141 00:09:16.399 --> 00:09:20.399 other people. We have parts of us that we have learned to reject, 142 00:09:20.559 --> 00:09:26.279 to deny, to disown, to hate, to feel uncomfortable around and now 143 00:09:26.600 --> 00:09:31.879 we are awkward. We don't like ourselves, and we also might not like 144 00:09:31.000 --> 00:09:35.080 other people. But the problem with that is we can't fully get away from 145 00:09:35.080 --> 00:09:39.080 our shadows. And this is what I mean, Like, yes, you 146 00:09:39.080 --> 00:09:43.000 can do your best to not be somebody who's emotional, but eventually you're gonna 147 00:09:43.039 --> 00:09:46.679 get triggered and you're gonna have to cry some days, or you know what, 148 00:09:46.919 --> 00:09:48.159 at the end of the day, you probably are not going to have. 149 00:09:48.279 --> 00:09:54.240 Let's say you learned in high school is that the favorable body type is 150 00:09:54.399 --> 00:09:58.480 a body type that doesn't look like yours. And maybe you have more fat 151 00:09:58.519 --> 00:10:01.840 on yourself, or you have more thought on your legs, or your body 152 00:10:01.879 --> 00:10:07.320 just simply doesn't look like the body type that you learned was desirable in high 153 00:10:07.320 --> 00:10:11.799 school. And so now you hate your body. And on top of that, 154 00:10:11.879 --> 00:10:18.639 when you go out, you're very judgmental and nitpick and actually criticize people 155 00:10:18.679 --> 00:10:22.720 who resemble your body type. You can't even almost look at it because you 156 00:10:22.720 --> 00:10:26.440 can't even look at yourself because you don't accept yourself. And so essentially we 157 00:10:26.559 --> 00:10:31.120 go through all of life picking up ways that we should be or we shouldn't 158 00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:33.840 be, or how we should look or how we shouldn't or how we should 159 00:10:33.879 --> 00:10:37.279 dress, how we should speak, what we should do for our careers, 160 00:10:37.360 --> 00:10:45.639 everything right, and we try our best to live up to the standard that 161 00:10:45.679 --> 00:10:50.799 we see around us. But it's so it's inevitable that you're going to not 162 00:10:50.919 --> 00:10:54.480 be pitch are perfect and fit the actual mold of every single thing that you've 163 00:10:54.480 --> 00:10:58.000 ever learned that's supposed to be like positive and good. And that's when you 164 00:10:58.080 --> 00:11:01.720 get into this day of self hate and rejection, and that's when you start 165 00:11:01.799 --> 00:11:05.440 judging yourself, and that's when you start judging other people. So when you 166 00:11:05.480 --> 00:11:09.720 find that you're judging something about yourself, let's say your physical appearance, maybe 167 00:11:09.720 --> 00:11:13.919 the way that you present yourself, or the way that you speak, or 168 00:11:13.919 --> 00:11:18.000 how you show up in relationships, or maybe something to do with your career 169 00:11:18.120 --> 00:11:22.679 or your education, it's so important for you to see how you have most 170 00:11:22.720 --> 00:11:28.799 likely been taught somewhere in your childhood or in your life that you not having 171 00:11:28.799 --> 00:11:33.879 a certain body type or you not having a certain level of education has been 172 00:11:33.879 --> 00:11:37.399 taught to you that it's a negative thing. And who taught you this thing? 173 00:11:37.720 --> 00:11:39.440 And why did they tell you this thing? And this is the thing 174 00:11:39.879 --> 00:11:46.399 when it comes specially to body types or success in life. Everyone has their 175 00:11:46.399 --> 00:11:50.720 own preferences, right, and even thinking about the parts of you that you 176 00:11:50.759 --> 00:11:54.399 don't like or you don't love about yourself, there is a reason why you 177 00:11:54.399 --> 00:11:56.960 don't like these parts of yourself. And you can say, well, yeah, 178 00:11:56.000 --> 00:12:00.720 the reason I don't like my body is because I'm not thin and I'm 179 00:12:00.720 --> 00:12:05.679 overweight, okay, But there are people in somewhere in your life that obviously 180 00:12:05.960 --> 00:12:11.960 told you that that wasn't okay, or you should feel ashamed about yourself because 181 00:12:11.000 --> 00:12:16.159 you look like that. But also maybe you never had somebody who specifically shamed 182 00:12:16.200 --> 00:12:20.480 you for your body, but you've seen other people get picked on for having 183 00:12:20.519 --> 00:12:24.960 that body type and you have the exact same one. So now you realize, 184 00:12:24.039 --> 00:12:26.799 oh, well, I must not have the best body, so I 185 00:12:26.840 --> 00:12:30.320 need to feel a crap about myself as well, and I need to change 186 00:12:30.320 --> 00:12:33.879 myself. And until I change myself, only then will I be lovable, 187 00:12:33.960 --> 00:12:37.600 or only then will I be liked. And the problem with this is when 188 00:12:37.600 --> 00:12:41.799 we start to change ourselves for external validation, when we start to change yourself 189 00:12:41.879 --> 00:12:45.360 out of a place of self hate versus changing If let's say we want to 190 00:12:45.360 --> 00:12:48.879 talk about losing weight. You can lose weight, and it's great if you 191 00:12:48.879 --> 00:12:50.960 want to lose weight and you want to get healthy, but the losing weight 192 00:12:52.000 --> 00:12:54.679 in the getting healthy, you should one you should understand why you got to 193 00:12:54.720 --> 00:12:58.080 that place in the first place, and two wanting to do it for yourself 194 00:12:58.200 --> 00:13:01.799 and realizing that you still are absolutely lovable the way that you are, but 195 00:13:01.879 --> 00:13:05.559 that you're not just changing yourself just so other people can like you. But 196 00:13:05.600 --> 00:13:09.639 what we do is we learn, Okay, I'm bad, I'm wrong for 197 00:13:09.720 --> 00:13:13.080 being like this, so let me change and morph myself so that other people 198 00:13:13.120 --> 00:13:18.080 can like me. But the problem with doing that is you're never going to 199 00:13:18.120 --> 00:13:22.120 be likable to everyone all the time because it's simply it can't be done. 200 00:13:22.120 --> 00:13:24.600 There's so many people who have certain preferences. They want you to be one 201 00:13:24.639 --> 00:13:28.879 way, and then then the next friend or the next person wants you to 202 00:13:28.919 --> 00:13:31.679 do whatever they would like to do. Like you have to live for yourself 203 00:13:31.679 --> 00:13:35.279 and you have to be your own authentic version of yourself, and whoever likes 204 00:13:35.320 --> 00:13:37.919 you for you will stay and whoever it doesn't like you will go right. 205 00:13:39.120 --> 00:13:43.200 But we try and morph and change ourselves into something that is not even us, 206 00:13:43.519 --> 00:13:46.080 and we don't even do it for ourselves. And on top of that, 207 00:13:46.360 --> 00:13:50.240 we criticize and judge ourselves no matter how much we even change. When 208 00:13:50.279 --> 00:13:56.240 we are constantly changing for other people, the judgment never ends, and judgment 209 00:13:56.360 --> 00:14:00.559 never freaking ends. So again, asking yourself, what are parts of me? 210 00:14:01.080 --> 00:14:05.159 Personality wise, appearance wise, whatever it is? What parts of me 211 00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:09.879 do I reject, deny, disown and why do I do that? Who 212 00:14:11.000 --> 00:14:13.879 might have taught me that? Now? I want to quickly talk about my 213 00:14:15.200 --> 00:14:20.600 Inner Child Discovery journal guide. This journal guide has a lot of shadow work 214 00:14:20.039 --> 00:14:24.559 prompts. So if you are interested and you don't really know how to get 215 00:14:24.559 --> 00:14:28.000 to the root of some of your deepest insecurities and where they came from, 216 00:14:28.039 --> 00:14:31.360 and how to learn how to have a better relationship with yourself and accept yourself 217 00:14:31.360 --> 00:14:33.440 and love yourself, I would highly suggest you go get that Joeneral Guide. 218 00:14:33.440 --> 00:14:37.879 I will have it linked in the show notes and the YouTube description. So 219 00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:41.080 many of you guys, lately, I've been posting about my journal guides, 220 00:14:41.120 --> 00:14:43.120 which thank you so much for purchasing, thank you so much for going through 221 00:14:43.120 --> 00:14:48.080 them. So many of you have really enjoyed them, and I think that 222 00:14:48.080 --> 00:14:52.399 that specifically I needed to say that because that journal guide literally brings you to 223 00:14:52.480 --> 00:14:56.440 the process of shadow work and working on your insecurities if you really struggle with 224 00:14:56.480 --> 00:14:58.679 that. Now. One thing to note also about shadow work and your shadow 225 00:14:58.720 --> 00:15:05.440 self is sometimes you put things into your shadow that are actually great qualities about 226 00:15:05.440 --> 00:15:09.360 yourself. So let's say you love to dance when you were younger, and 227 00:15:09.399 --> 00:15:13.200 then somebody commented on the fact that you are weird because you dance or you 228 00:15:13.240 --> 00:15:18.240 sing, or you have this like weird obsession about I don't know, like 229 00:15:18.480 --> 00:15:24.440 collecting cards or collecting little coins or something, and people just always made fun 230 00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:28.559 of you. Okay, well, now you're going to learn that this is 231 00:15:28.600 --> 00:15:31.559 not a likable trait and that this trait doesn't really get you anywhere. Right 232 00:15:31.600 --> 00:15:37.519 this again, you liking something or you being a certain way is not allowing 233 00:15:37.519 --> 00:15:41.440 you to essentially survive, because our goal is to be a part of the 234 00:15:41.480 --> 00:15:45.679 pact, right naturally when we're young. So you're going to learn, Okay, 235 00:15:45.679 --> 00:15:48.320 well, maybe I'll just stop dancing so much. Then maybe I'll just 236 00:15:50.360 --> 00:15:54.279 you know, not talk about my obsession with cards or whatever. But then 237 00:15:54.279 --> 00:15:56.960 you go through life and you're deeply unhappy. Why because you're not doing what 238 00:15:58.000 --> 00:16:00.039 you actually came here to do, which maybe you are supposed to be a 239 00:16:00.120 --> 00:16:04.399 dancer, or maybe you do have a passion for collecting cards or coins or 240 00:16:04.440 --> 00:16:08.799 something like that, and you know you're now following a career path or some 241 00:16:08.840 --> 00:16:12.919 sort of passion that everyone else told you to do. But you're wondering why 242 00:16:12.919 --> 00:16:17.240 you're so feeling like you're so empty because you're not actually doing what you are 243 00:16:17.240 --> 00:16:19.399 meant to do in your life. And bringing it back to the journal guide, 244 00:16:19.639 --> 00:16:22.840 I ask a lot of questions about, like, what are some of 245 00:16:22.840 --> 00:16:25.200 the things that you really love to do when you were a child, and 246 00:16:25.240 --> 00:16:29.440 how can you start to reincorporate some of these activities or behaviors or things in 247 00:16:29.480 --> 00:16:33.399 your life, Because realistically, the best thing that you can do for yourself 248 00:16:33.919 --> 00:16:37.840 is to allow yourself to be who you authentically are. And even when it 249 00:16:37.879 --> 00:16:41.600 comes to being shamed for things that are so normal, let's say emotions, 250 00:16:42.120 --> 00:16:48.639 you need to eventually at some point learn how to express your emotions right, 251 00:16:48.759 --> 00:16:52.320 like it's a normal, healthy thing to do. And even with some of 252 00:16:52.320 --> 00:16:55.279 the parts of you, let's say dancing, Okay, well, maybe you're 253 00:16:55.320 --> 00:16:59.440 not going to be this dancer in your adult life, but just to not 254 00:16:59.519 --> 00:17:03.279 feel so much shame around it or embarrassment can allow you to be confident when 255 00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:07.640 you go out and maybe there is music and people are trying to dance, 256 00:17:07.720 --> 00:17:11.759 and like you're around, but you're so incredibly awkward when really you used to 257 00:17:11.759 --> 00:17:15.079 not be so awkward. This is not for you to now just be this 258 00:17:15.160 --> 00:17:19.359 performer, but you know, just to allow you to be embodied in general, 259 00:17:19.519 --> 00:17:23.680 Like when we show up very awkward and closed off and scared and we 260 00:17:23.720 --> 00:17:26.599 don't know how to say what we feel, is because because we never learned 261 00:17:26.720 --> 00:17:30.400 how to allow these parts of us that are normal to come out and to 262 00:17:30.559 --> 00:17:34.759 flourish. We've been shamed for having emotions or we've been made fun of for 263 00:17:34.960 --> 00:17:38.839 being our authentic self. So now we go out into public and we just 264 00:17:40.160 --> 00:17:44.359 we can't be our authentic self. But it's coming across as like weird energy, 265 00:17:44.480 --> 00:17:48.440 right, like people can't connect to us. We know we're not connecting 266 00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:51.960 to other people, but it's because we have so many parts of us that 267 00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:56.000 we have rejected and we're disgusted by and we don't love anymore, and we 268 00:17:56.119 --> 00:17:59.119 keep pushing it down. And then on top of that, what happens is 269 00:17:59.359 --> 00:18:03.559 we start to other people and we start to criticize others as well as ourselves. 270 00:18:03.599 --> 00:18:04.799 Now, another thing that I want to talk about when it comes to 271 00:18:06.160 --> 00:18:11.599 judging yourself and others is the scarcity mindset. I do think sometimes when we 272 00:18:11.680 --> 00:18:15.279 are judging other people, Maybe it isn't the fact that we have something in 273 00:18:15.319 --> 00:18:21.839 our shadow, but it's this when you judge somebody else. And let's say 274 00:18:22.200 --> 00:18:23.920 you're like trying to bring somebody down, maybe even in your head. You're 275 00:18:23.920 --> 00:18:26.799 not actually saying this out loud, but you're saying it in your head. 276 00:18:26.839 --> 00:18:33.119 That makes you feel better about yourself. And even let's say you try and 277 00:18:33.160 --> 00:18:37.279 discredit somebody's success, Well, if you discredit somebody's success, then that obviously 278 00:18:37.319 --> 00:18:41.319 makes you feel like you actually have room to grow and like you're going to 279 00:18:41.359 --> 00:18:45.759 be successful and they're not. But this is all from a place of scarcity. 280 00:18:45.920 --> 00:18:48.920 If you had the abundance mindset of understanding that this person can be successful 281 00:18:48.960 --> 00:18:52.119 and so can I, or this person can be beautiful and so can I, 282 00:18:52.200 --> 00:18:56.559 and we can both get what we want in our lives, there wouldn't 283 00:18:56.599 --> 00:19:00.559 need to be any judging to bring this person down to make you feel better 284 00:19:00.599 --> 00:19:04.759 about yourself. So you know, you having low self esteem and you not 285 00:19:06.880 --> 00:19:10.680 maybe even showing up properly in your life and not having that abundance mindset can 286 00:19:10.720 --> 00:19:12.319 affect you. And if that's a case, and if you haven't listened to 287 00:19:12.319 --> 00:19:15.759 the last week's episode, definitely go listen to that episode. But let's talk 288 00:19:15.799 --> 00:19:19.839 back about how you can stop judging yourself and judging others. So I've already 289 00:19:19.880 --> 00:19:23.599 kind of talked about it shadow work. You need to learn how to reinterrate 290 00:19:23.680 --> 00:19:26.920 some of the parts of you that you have disowned and rejected and denied, 291 00:19:27.000 --> 00:19:33.240 especially the ones where you are constantly criticizing yourself about or others about. So 292 00:19:33.359 --> 00:19:36.799 let's say it's your body you need to learn how to be okay. And 293 00:19:36.839 --> 00:19:40.000 I don't mean that you cannot change things in your life, but you need 294 00:19:40.079 --> 00:19:45.359 to stop having such an adverse reaction to your own body and yourself and even 295 00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:48.920 others who might have that same body type. By one learning Okay, why 296 00:19:48.960 --> 00:19:53.000 do I hate my body so much? And is this even needed to hate 297 00:19:53.039 --> 00:19:56.720 my body this much? Do I need to be this perfect with how my 298 00:19:56.759 --> 00:19:59.680 body is going to look? And where have these influences come from? And 299 00:19:59.720 --> 00:20:03.440 also learning how to accept your body for what it is. And I think 300 00:20:03.599 --> 00:20:10.440 the thing that helps with accepting yourself is learning how to be grateful for the 301 00:20:10.440 --> 00:20:12.839 things that you do have. And so maybe you don't love every part of 302 00:20:12.880 --> 00:20:17.039 your body, but there are specific parts of your body that you really like 303 00:20:17.279 --> 00:20:19.839 or you love, or there's different aspects of yourself that you really like and 304 00:20:19.880 --> 00:20:23.640 you love. It's so important that you start to focus on the positive instead 305 00:20:23.640 --> 00:20:27.680 of all this negative like judging and criticizing others and yourself. You're just in 306 00:20:27.680 --> 00:20:33.480 this energy of negativity. So doing gratitude lists can be definitely, definitely helpful 307 00:20:33.759 --> 00:20:38.599 and having positive affirmations about yourself whatever parts of you that you've learned to hate. 308 00:20:38.799 --> 00:20:42.440 Also when it comes to judging other people as well, when you start 309 00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:48.799 to realize that you are nitpicking or judging someone, try and see how maybe 310 00:20:48.839 --> 00:20:52.920 whatever they are showing you is actually just a reflection of your shadow that you 311 00:20:52.960 --> 00:20:55.480 have not integrated in your life. Most likely, if you start to go 312 00:20:55.519 --> 00:20:59.240 out and you realize that you're judging people, there's a connection. Always, 313 00:20:59.279 --> 00:21:03.640 there's always they have something that you don't accept within yourself. And this might 314 00:21:03.680 --> 00:21:06.839 even be a trait, And this is what I'm gonna give you another example. 315 00:21:07.160 --> 00:21:11.920 You might be around somebody who's like really optimistic and really enthusiastic. Right 316 00:21:11.960 --> 00:21:15.599 at school, there's this girl, she's just like always happy and so enthusiastic, 317 00:21:15.640 --> 00:21:19.880 whatever, and you keep telling yourself, I don't know, there's something 318 00:21:19.920 --> 00:21:22.480 about her, I just don't like, like she hasn't done anything, Like 319 00:21:23.119 --> 00:21:26.880 she's a good person, but she's just like I don't know, I just 320 00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:29.759 don't like being around her. Or like in your head, you're just like 321 00:21:29.839 --> 00:21:32.480 so annoyed and you just don't really know why, but you're just so irritated. 322 00:21:32.799 --> 00:21:36.799 Well, you know what, most likely you have not been able to 323 00:21:36.839 --> 00:21:40.359 be First of all, obviously we know most likely you're just not happy within 324 00:21:40.400 --> 00:21:42.359 your own life, like we can kind of we kind of know that a 325 00:21:42.359 --> 00:21:48.319 lot of us do. But maybe she's able to express herself and her happiness 326 00:21:48.400 --> 00:21:53.640 and her feelings or her thoughts or her amazing talents the way that you never 327 00:21:53.720 --> 00:21:59.759 were allowed to. Or maybe when you see people who get to live this 328 00:22:00.359 --> 00:22:06.599 extravagant lifestyle or a lifestyle full of freedom and fun, and it doesn't seem 329 00:22:06.640 --> 00:22:10.559 like they have any responsibility and you just are so angry and you just keep 330 00:22:10.839 --> 00:22:15.599 like talking shit about them all the time. It's most likely because you haven't 331 00:22:15.599 --> 00:22:18.720 been able to have the opportunity to be able to live that life, because 332 00:22:18.759 --> 00:22:22.000 maybe you grew up in an environment where you had to be really responsible at 333 00:22:22.039 --> 00:22:26.440 a young age, and so now you almost resent and you're like envious and 334 00:22:26.440 --> 00:22:30.519 you're jealous of other people because they get to live a life that you are 335 00:22:30.559 --> 00:22:33.839 realizing that you don't. And the reason why this is important to see is 336 00:22:33.880 --> 00:22:37.799 so that you, for one, stop being so mad at the world and 337 00:22:37.920 --> 00:22:44.039 criticizing other people and getting into this negative mindset, but also just to look 338 00:22:44.079 --> 00:22:45.839 at yourself and be like, oh my god, no wonder I'm feeling this 339 00:22:45.920 --> 00:22:49.240 way. No wonder I'm feeling so awkward or judging myself or others, or 340 00:22:49.400 --> 00:22:52.599 I'm feeling really resentful or angry because I haven't been able to do this. 341 00:22:52.680 --> 00:22:59.160 Okay, So how can I now reintegrate certain parts of me or live a 342 00:22:59.200 --> 00:23:03.319 life that is more reflection of what I see out there versus just living in 343 00:23:03.319 --> 00:23:07.000 this crappy situation. And now you might be like, well, I don't 344 00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:08.079 have things handed to me, so how am I going to do? Like, 345 00:23:08.119 --> 00:23:11.559 how am I going to live a life of freedom or whatever. Okay, 346 00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:15.480 listen, what can you do in your day to make your life better 347 00:23:15.599 --> 00:23:18.200 than it was yesterday? And you can sit all day and complain and be 348 00:23:18.240 --> 00:23:21.599 sad that everyone else has a better life than you, But how is that 349 00:23:21.640 --> 00:23:23.000 getting you anywhere? And at the end of the day, we all have 350 00:23:23.079 --> 00:23:27.039 issues, and we all have struggles, and so yes, it might suck 351 00:23:27.119 --> 00:23:30.440 that you see other people like living this great life or this girl host amazing 352 00:23:30.440 --> 00:23:33.920 beauty and amazing body and amazing everything, and I have nothing. Okay, 353 00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:37.039 Well, you being in the victim mentality is not going to get you anywhere. 354 00:23:37.119 --> 00:23:40.200 Listen. You can cry about it if you want, for sure, 355 00:23:40.359 --> 00:23:44.799 go ahead, But at some point you need to understand that if you want 356 00:23:44.799 --> 00:23:47.960 to actually have a great life, which you can have, but you need 357 00:23:48.000 --> 00:23:51.000 to have that belief, then it's going to be up to you to do 358 00:23:51.319 --> 00:23:56.920 some mindset work, to do some positive reinforcement, to focus on the positive 359 00:23:56.960 --> 00:24:00.400 things instead of the negative. And now again last week's episode, jealousy, 360 00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:03.160 you can really really help with this. And now something that I found was 361 00:24:03.200 --> 00:24:06.839 really really helpful on the times that I realized I was really judging other people 362 00:24:07.000 --> 00:24:08.920 in my head consciously, I would never actually say things out lot to people, 363 00:24:10.000 --> 00:24:12.559 never went to that level of bringing people down because I was very aware 364 00:24:12.640 --> 00:24:17.799 that the reason why I was ever judging other people or criticizing was because there 365 00:24:17.880 --> 00:24:19.920 was parts of me that I didn't accept. But in those moments, one, 366 00:24:21.039 --> 00:24:23.160 like I've already said, I would recognize, Okay, there's something within 367 00:24:23.240 --> 00:24:27.759 me that I'm actually not accepting when I see other people and I'm judging them 368 00:24:27.799 --> 00:24:32.839 for something, and that doesn't mean that I have the same trait as them 369 00:24:33.359 --> 00:24:37.680 or the same body as them, But maybe I picked up from other people 370 00:24:37.880 --> 00:24:41.039 that it's bad to look like that or bad to think like that, or 371 00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:44.000 I was actually never able to ever live my life like that. So now 372 00:24:44.039 --> 00:24:45.920 I'm actually just trying to shame them so that I can feel better about not 373 00:24:47.000 --> 00:24:51.279 actually living my full authentic life. Whatever it is being aware of that and 374 00:24:51.319 --> 00:24:55.000 getting to that root. But in the moment witnessing when I am having those 375 00:24:55.039 --> 00:24:59.200 negative thoughts, to try and pick something that's positive about that person in the 376 00:24:59.200 --> 00:25:02.559 moment. So let's say I am judging their body and I'm like, oh, 377 00:25:02.680 --> 00:25:06.000 like she doesn't have, you know, I don't know, like a 378 00:25:06.400 --> 00:25:08.920 nice body or something I don't do this, but like a nice Well maybe 379 00:25:08.920 --> 00:25:11.799 I did this when I was younger. For sure, I definitely did. 380 00:25:11.839 --> 00:25:14.759 I was always hyper focused on other people's bodies because I was hyper focus on 381 00:25:14.799 --> 00:25:17.119 my own. And then when I stopped being hyper focused on my body, 382 00:25:17.200 --> 00:25:22.400 I didn't care about being hyper focused on other people's bodies Anyways, if you're 383 00:25:22.440 --> 00:25:26.279 thinking like, oh, she doesn't fit well in those genes or something, 384 00:25:26.480 --> 00:25:29.599 Okay, once you recognize that you've had that thought and you realize, oh, 385 00:25:29.640 --> 00:25:32.119 that's just me my shadow self right now, like I need to probably 386 00:25:32.119 --> 00:25:33.599 do some shadow work, that's fine, like whatever, Like we can be 387 00:25:33.640 --> 00:25:37.599 loving with ourselves, not to accept the fact that we're being mean. Don't 388 00:25:37.640 --> 00:25:41.519 be mean to people, please, don't be freaking mean to people, but 389 00:25:41.599 --> 00:25:44.440 to try and focus on something that's positive about them. So maybe they have 390 00:25:44.480 --> 00:25:48.279 really nice hair, or let's say at the gym. Okay, I used 391 00:25:48.319 --> 00:25:52.519 to do this like way too much. Then, I'd like to admit, 392 00:25:52.440 --> 00:25:56.960 and I was doing this because honestly, because I was a personal trainer and 393 00:25:57.119 --> 00:26:02.240 so I know really good form. And so when I sometimes would go into 394 00:26:02.240 --> 00:26:04.720 the gym, I would see girls who were doing like the worst form ever, 395 00:26:06.240 --> 00:26:07.680 and I would just be like, oh my god, this girl is 396 00:26:07.799 --> 00:26:11.440 not doing it. Dada da da, And again like it's kind of like 397 00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:12.799 a harmless thing, right, because it's like whatever, I mean, I'm 398 00:26:12.839 --> 00:26:17.960 recognizing that this girl is not doing good form, but I even started to 399 00:26:18.240 --> 00:26:21.359 witness that I shouldn't even be doing that. At the end of the day, 400 00:26:21.400 --> 00:26:25.440 this girl has decided to come to the gym, okay, and it's 401 00:26:25.440 --> 00:26:27.599 hard to get into the gym, and maybe she's a beginner or maybe she 402 00:26:27.599 --> 00:26:32.400 doesn't know what she's doing or whatever. She's trying. At least she's trying. 403 00:26:32.759 --> 00:26:34.920 And as soon as I think like that, I stopped thinking about the 404 00:26:34.920 --> 00:26:37.680 fact that she's doing bad form. It doesn't matter, right, Like it's 405 00:26:37.720 --> 00:26:41.200 gonna be her past, she's gonna figure it out whatever. So just becoming 406 00:26:41.240 --> 00:26:45.680 aware of the thoughts that you're thinking and try and change to a negative to 407 00:26:45.720 --> 00:26:51.480 a positive. When you start to recognize yourself criticizing or judging, but also 408 00:26:51.640 --> 00:26:53.960 doing it to yourself. So let's say you've made a mistake in your life, 409 00:26:55.039 --> 00:26:57.519 or maybe you're getting a breakout, or maybe you didn't do good on 410 00:26:57.559 --> 00:27:02.240 a test, okay, and recognize that maybe we messed up a little bit 411 00:27:02.279 --> 00:27:03.920 whatever, But being loving with ourselves and being like, Okay, it's not 412 00:27:03.960 --> 00:27:07.599 the end of the world that have a breakout. I'm going to do better 413 00:27:07.640 --> 00:27:10.200 next time on the test. It doesn't mean that I'm stupid. It doesn't 414 00:27:10.200 --> 00:27:12.960 mean that I'm dumb. It doesn't mean that I shouldn't keep trying because I 415 00:27:14.039 --> 00:27:17.680 made Just because I made a mistake in life doesn't mean that I'm a bad 416 00:27:17.759 --> 00:27:21.640 person. This is life. We make mistakes. Like you have to start 417 00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:26.240 being nicer to yourself and stop with this perfectionist mindset. At the end of 418 00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:27.599 the day, we're not even perfect anyways. And now, one thing I 419 00:27:27.599 --> 00:27:32.440 want to quickly talk about is some people really struggle with doing shadow work and 420 00:27:32.519 --> 00:27:36.640 integrating certain parts of them that they have hated on all their lives because they're 421 00:27:36.680 --> 00:27:38.799 like, well, why would I want to accept the fact that I'm not 422 00:27:38.920 --> 00:27:45.519 at a healthy weight, Or why would I want to accept my skin for 423 00:27:45.559 --> 00:27:48.640 what it is when it's not clear, or the fact that I failed in 424 00:27:48.720 --> 00:27:52.039 all of these areas of my life, Like why would I want to accept 425 00:27:52.039 --> 00:27:56.359 that? Because if you want to evolve and change, it's going to be 426 00:27:56.480 --> 00:28:00.759 so much easier and more sustainable and more consistent when you start to change out 427 00:28:00.759 --> 00:28:03.079 of a place of self love instead of a place of self hate. And 428 00:28:03.200 --> 00:28:08.680 this is what I mean. When you hate yourself because you're not where you're 429 00:28:08.720 --> 00:28:14.279 at with your body, goals, your skin, your career or whatever, 430 00:28:15.119 --> 00:28:18.160 you will be very, very harsh on yourself. You will go all or 431 00:28:18.240 --> 00:28:22.880 nothing. You will tell yourself you need to go six days a week at 432 00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:25.640 the gym and if you miss one, then you're going back on a diet. 433 00:28:25.680 --> 00:28:29.519 And you need to be restrictive, and you no balance and cutting you 434 00:28:29.559 --> 00:28:32.680 off of all the bad things, and you go so hard and then what 435 00:28:32.839 --> 00:28:37.119 happens. You fail because it's insane and you can't you can't commit to doing 436 00:28:37.160 --> 00:28:41.400 all of that hard. It's too much. And the truth is when you 437 00:28:41.480 --> 00:28:44.720 love yourself genuinely, when you love yourself and you want to take care of 438 00:28:44.759 --> 00:28:48.319 yourself and you want to nourish yourself, it's not from a place of hating 439 00:28:48.359 --> 00:28:52.599 yourself. And oh my god, I have to drink more water and i 440 00:28:52.680 --> 00:28:55.960 have to eat healthy because I've been so bad and I'm not going to be 441 00:28:56.000 --> 00:28:59.799 lovable until I eat better food and to change my body so that I can 442 00:28:59.839 --> 00:29:03.880 be accepted in society. Like when you are operating from that place, things 443 00:29:03.960 --> 00:29:10.160 don't last, fad diets on and off, cycling diets, binge, eating, 444 00:29:11.559 --> 00:29:15.640 unhealthy relationships with men, and whatever it is, because you are in 445 00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:21.160 this place of self hate. I extensively talk about this in my book. 446 00:29:21.200 --> 00:29:23.200 By the way, my book is going to be released in January. I'm 447 00:29:23.240 --> 00:29:26.920 not going to say that date yet, just in case it doesn't get released 448 00:29:26.920 --> 00:29:30.920 on that specific date where I don't specifically know yet. But anyways, I 449 00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:36.519 say that because people get tied up with this loving myself and accepting myself, 450 00:29:36.559 --> 00:29:38.799 but I still want to change, and I don't like my body, and 451 00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:42.519 I want to be healthy, and I need to do healthy habits. Yes, 452 00:29:44.160 --> 00:29:47.960 you can do both. You can love yourself, and I actually invite 453 00:29:48.000 --> 00:29:52.240 you to love and honor and accept and be okay with your imperfections of your 454 00:29:52.279 --> 00:29:56.079 body and your life. But at the same time want better for yourself and 455 00:29:56.119 --> 00:30:00.599 want more for yourself, but not want more for yourself and better for yourself 456 00:30:00.640 --> 00:30:03.119 out of place of punishment and out of place of only doing that so that 457 00:30:03.200 --> 00:30:07.319 other people can like you or accept you. We want to live in this 458 00:30:07.759 --> 00:30:12.440 energy of accepting ourselves, understanding that we have flaws, understanding that there's things 459 00:30:12.480 --> 00:30:17.599 that we can work on, but also understanding that we're still lovable the way 460 00:30:17.599 --> 00:30:21.200 that we are, and quite frankly, we're just never going to be perfect 461 00:30:21.200 --> 00:30:23.799 and that is okay, and we don't have to be We don't need to 462 00:30:23.799 --> 00:30:27.279 fit into everyone's box. We are the one that are telling ourselves that. 463 00:30:27.400 --> 00:30:33.279 Now this is based off of the influences around us and what we've been taught 464 00:30:33.359 --> 00:30:37.359 in society, and we need to deconstruct that. But we don't just stop 465 00:30:37.440 --> 00:30:41.359 at this self love journey and acceptance and never change. What you will really 466 00:30:41.400 --> 00:30:47.759 see when you actually do inner child healing shadow work, really inner child healing 467 00:30:47.839 --> 00:30:52.279 and shadow work at the same thing, essentially deep healing work and really allowing 468 00:30:52.279 --> 00:30:56.240 yourself to just be yourself for once, you will start to realize that you 469 00:30:56.319 --> 00:31:00.799 actually want to do better for yourself. You want to take care of yourself 470 00:31:00.839 --> 00:31:03.640 more, you know, like when I look at myself, like I have 471 00:31:03.680 --> 00:31:07.519 this inner child who at one point thought that she was not worthy of love 472 00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:11.599 or her natural hair wasn't good enough the way that it is, and she 473 00:31:11.680 --> 00:31:15.319 had to change it until she burnt it off and literally like she had no 474 00:31:15.359 --> 00:31:19.519 other choice but to change something about her life, like I just I want 475 00:31:19.599 --> 00:31:25.400 to help her. I want to nourish her hair now, I want to 476 00:31:25.519 --> 00:31:32.359 feed her with amazing whole foods and cook for herself and get into healthier relationships 477 00:31:32.400 --> 00:31:34.720 and tell her that she's okay in the moments that she's feeling afraid, and 478 00:31:34.799 --> 00:31:38.880 letting her cry when she needs to cry because she feels sad about something in 479 00:31:38.920 --> 00:31:42.359 her life. Like, I want that for her because I love her. 480 00:31:42.480 --> 00:31:48.519 But it's really hard to love yourself when you have all of these parts of 481 00:31:48.519 --> 00:31:52.960 your shadow that you refuse to accept or even look at, or you're so 482 00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:56.880 ashamed of. And I think that we can all just understand that when somebody 483 00:31:56.960 --> 00:32:00.960 is judging us or somebody's judging other people, you guys are smart enough to 484 00:32:00.960 --> 00:32:02.839 know this. And the people who are judging other people, it's really deep 485 00:32:02.880 --> 00:32:07.680 down because they're unhappy with something about themselves and it makes them feel better to 486 00:32:07.759 --> 00:32:12.880 just put somebody down so that they can feel higher, or you know, 487 00:32:12.920 --> 00:32:15.200 so that they don't have to work as hard, or they don't have to 488 00:32:15.240 --> 00:32:20.839 see all the ways in which that they're falling short, or the realization that 489 00:32:20.880 --> 00:32:22.680 they don't look exactly like this person. Now, what does that mean if 490 00:32:22.680 --> 00:32:25.240 I don't look like this person that I've been taught that I have to look 491 00:32:25.279 --> 00:32:30.559 like in order to be loved. So I encourage you when you find that 492 00:32:30.599 --> 00:32:35.279 you are judging yourself, criticizing yourself for the way that you look your personality 493 00:32:35.359 --> 00:32:40.640 traits all of your beautiful flaws, that you ask yourself, why am I 494 00:32:40.720 --> 00:32:44.920 judging myself and criticizing myself right now? Where did I learn this from? 495 00:32:45.799 --> 00:32:49.480 Does this have to be my truth? Is this the full truth of me? 496 00:32:49.960 --> 00:32:52.440 Am I really not lovable because I look like this? Or I made 497 00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:55.359 a mistake? Or I X, Y and Z. And what are some 498 00:32:55.400 --> 00:33:00.079 things that I can tell myself in this moment to make myself feel better about 499 00:33:00.160 --> 00:33:06.079 being authentically me? And being authentically me means sometimes I'm making a mistake. 500 00:33:06.160 --> 00:33:10.640 How can I speak loving words into myself and into my inner child so that 501 00:33:12.079 --> 00:33:15.079 if I do want to change, or if I do want to allow more 502 00:33:15.119 --> 00:33:19.119 of the shadow self to come out, that I do it from a place 503 00:33:19.279 --> 00:33:22.720 of love, not from a place of hate. But the main thing I 504 00:33:22.720 --> 00:33:27.440 want you to understand is the reason why you have certain aspects of yourself thrown 505 00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:30.480 into your shadow is because you were trying to survive in your life, and 506 00:33:30.759 --> 00:33:34.799 actually, how smart is that that you did that? And I think that 507 00:33:34.960 --> 00:33:40.759 it's important for you to understand that because when you catch yourself hating yourself or 508 00:33:40.799 --> 00:33:45.720 criticizing, putting yourself down, or just being in this negative mindset, just 509 00:33:45.920 --> 00:33:50.920 understand that it's just a form of you trying to keep yourself safe. Right 510 00:33:51.440 --> 00:33:53.640 when you start to judge yourself because you're crying or you're feeling some sort of 511 00:33:53.640 --> 00:33:58.480 emotion, or you're feeling awkward because you're trying to dance, but you just 512 00:33:58.519 --> 00:34:04.359 you keep judging yourself, understand that it's just your little inner child trying to 513 00:34:04.440 --> 00:34:07.039 keep you safe. The way that she learned to keep herself safe by not 514 00:34:07.119 --> 00:34:12.679 expressing emotions or not being her full authentic self around other people, because she 515 00:34:12.760 --> 00:34:15.840 was taught if she was her full authentic self, she wouldn't be liked. 516 00:34:16.079 --> 00:34:20.320 And if she's not liked, she's not connected. And if she's not connected, 517 00:34:20.400 --> 00:34:25.679 she's essentially not surviving. Okay, So it's deep. It's definitely deep. 518 00:34:25.719 --> 00:34:30.320 It's definitely a process. I think as you get older in life and 519 00:34:30.360 --> 00:34:34.000 you stop caring so much about what other people think, it really does help 520 00:34:34.119 --> 00:34:37.719 you allow yourself to just you know, let your shadow out more. There's 521 00:34:37.760 --> 00:34:43.639 definitely different aspects of your shadow that you know might need more work on, 522 00:34:43.719 --> 00:34:49.599 especially when we're talking about emotions like anger or sadness that might be needed to 523 00:34:49.639 --> 00:34:52.440 be processed with a therapist or even on your own. But it might just 524 00:34:52.559 --> 00:34:58.599 be something that you do, you know, as a journal practice. But 525 00:34:59.119 --> 00:35:01.280 whatever it is that you do, try and pick one part of yourself that 526 00:35:01.320 --> 00:35:07.880 you have really been rejecting and denying and really dive deep into the why and 527 00:35:07.000 --> 00:35:12.400 how can you, in your day to day life start to give yourself a 528 00:35:12.440 --> 00:35:15.880 little bit of that room to flourish, a little bit of that room to 529 00:35:15.920 --> 00:35:19.159 be messy, a little bit of that room to just be okay with the 530 00:35:19.199 --> 00:35:22.239 fact that, yeah, I think that this is a little bit awkward because 531 00:35:22.280 --> 00:35:24.800 I've learned that it's awkward. But I'm going to just try and let myself 532 00:35:24.840 --> 00:35:28.599 be myself right now and see where it gets me. And what happens is 533 00:35:28.599 --> 00:35:31.559 you end up being okay more with yourself and the little aspects of yourself that 534 00:35:31.599 --> 00:35:37.199 you once hated and now it becomes your fall authentic self or you know, 535 00:35:37.360 --> 00:35:42.880 when you're witnessing yourself judging other people in that moment, reminding yourself of something 536 00:35:42.920 --> 00:35:45.360 that's positive, like I was saying the gym example. Now again, if 537 00:35:45.440 --> 00:35:50.800 you need a general guide that is perfect for this, then I encourage you 538 00:35:50.840 --> 00:35:54.440 to go get my Inner Child Discovery Journal PROMP guide and it's digital or you 539 00:35:54.440 --> 00:35:57.880 can print it and write it, or you can just write in your journal 540 00:35:58.079 --> 00:36:00.280 and look at it on your computer you open it. Also, I do 541 00:36:00.360 --> 00:36:06.519 have some resources in there, like book recommendations and YouTube and podcast recommendations to 542 00:36:06.559 --> 00:36:10.679 help you further with discovering more of your inner child and healing and self love. 543 00:36:10.840 --> 00:36:14.679 And I also have one other episode that's very helpful, I think, 544 00:36:14.960 --> 00:36:17.159 and I don't remember the title. I don't know if this is the title 545 00:36:17.239 --> 00:36:20.480 or it's the thumbnail, but I'll have it linked down below, and it's 546 00:36:20.519 --> 00:36:22.880 all about what would somebody who loves themselves do? And I dive more deeper 547 00:36:23.039 --> 00:36:29.440 into what it really means to love yourself and conditional love versus unconditional love. 548 00:36:29.800 --> 00:36:34.079 So definitely go check that out. Don't forget. I have off topic episodes 549 00:36:34.119 --> 00:36:37.920 every Monday now And yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed, and I'll see 550 00:36:37.920 --> 00:36:38.400 you the next one. By