Hi everyone, Welcome back to another podcast episode. My name is Alicia Gogan,
the host civil Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you expand your mind
and become more self aware so that you can blow up into the best vision
of yourself. Hi, guys, another week. I was gonna say,
another day, another dollar, another episode where my hair is out. I'm
on a roll. You know what. I realized my hair has been growing.
Okay, it's a little bit of a mess right now. I know
you can't you know you can't see if you're on audio, but just know
my hair is all the way out. Okay. So last week we talked
about jealousy and I talked about comparison as well. If you have not listened
to that episode, then definitely go back and listen to it. You guys
really enjoyed that episode of how not to be so jealous of other people.
I'll give you a lot of tips. But there is another side of this
jealousy conversation in comparison conversation, and I think that has to do with judging
yourself and judging others. So I want to talk about that. I want
to talk about how to stop judging yourself and others. How to stop criticizing
yourself and others. But I think it's so important before you try and change
something, you need to understand why you do it in the first place.
So let's talk about it. Let's talk about why you judge and criticize yourself
and others. So where shall we start. Let's start when you were a
little baby. Okay, you came in this earth, on this planet Earth,
so beautiful, so amazing, so flawless. And then you get socialized
and when you go into let's say a school environment, a work environment,
and you were raised by certain parents, whatever, people have different ideas of
how you should look, how you should be, and how you should act
depending on the environment that you live in, where you are raised, religious
things, people's preferences, depending on if your parents were telling you how to
act, be and live or not. Like so many things, create your
own essentially your own identity. Now, obviously we need some societ idle influence
and we need parental influence in our lives. We need our parents to tell
us right from wrong. We need the school system to teach us ways of
learning, things and jobs to get and how to act and be around other
kids. And it's also very inevitable that there's just going to be certain fashion
trends, or there's going to be a certain preference for people and how they
look, or the beauty standards or whatever. And although that's gonna be very
problematic, it's just a thing that happens in life, okay. But the
problem is that we are all susceptible to not fitting into a certain mold or
a certain beauty standard, or a certain way that people want us to be.
And that's where we get into hot water. So I'm going to give
you an example of my own situation. You guys have probably heard this a
million times, but we're gonna just use it anyways. So my dad was
very strict, and he didn't really tolerate me expressing my emotions, crying,
complaining, even though I never really complained, but any form of emotions,
essentially because he didn't know how to handle them. He didn't know how to
deal with a child who might be crying because she's afraid. He didn't know
how to tell me the right things in the right moments, so he would
just tell me, essentially to not make a fuss or not complain, or
not speak up or not say what I actually feel, so that essentially he
didn't have to deal with me. So ideally, in a response to somebody
not being able to handle your emotions or not liking something about you, what
would we do? Okay, well, screw you. I have the right
to cry. I have the right to speak up for my own worth.
You know, I have the right to express myself through dance or like this
outfit or that outfit, and you know, doesn't really matter too much about
what you say, like obviously it depends, right, But obviously we know
that that's like something that we should have a response to if somebody is maybe
telling us to be someone that we are not. But the problem is we
don't have this type of thinking when we're very young. When we're very young,
we are pendant on our caregivers. We also are built for connection and
to survive essentially, so we're going to do anything that we need to do
as children to learn how to adapt and to be a part of the pack
and to be liked and to be loved and to be safe. So I
learned that if I express my emotions and if I do all the things that
I've been taught that my dad doesn't like me to do that is going to
result in a consequence that I don't want. It's gonna get him to be
yelling at me. I'm gonna be afraid. I'm gonna be scared. I
don't want to be scared. So I'm going to do the best that I
can to not express my emotions. So this is what happens. I'm a
human being and I have natural emotions. Okay, Well, because I have
learned that emotions are deemed bad, I'm going to do my best to suppress
my natural emotions that I obviously I didn't know at the moment or the time
when I was young, are going to just come up, because that's life.
If you're a child, you don't understand life. Sometimes things are scary.
You're afraid. Like, no matter what age you have emotions, you
can't get rid of them. But I was taught that if you release these
emotions, or if you show your emotions, there's going to be a consequence.
And because I relied on my father to keep me safe and to feed
me and to take care of me and to show up for me, of
course I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure that I can maintain
closeness with him, even if I was actually afraid of him, right,
even if I didn't like him, let's say, which I always there's a
part of me who absolutely knew that my dad loved me, and I just
would love him even though he just couldn't really fully show it. Whatever.
That's another story for another day. But I learned to not essentially be my
most authentic self. And so anytime that I would be afraid or I would
feel emotions, especially when I was around him, but even in general out
in life. Now I've learned, oh, emotions must be bad in all
aspects, or it's very cringey to cry or like say how you feel,
because this is the reaction that I would get when I'm at home. So
that's what I learned. And so I did my absolute best to suppress any
emotions that were coming up as a result of anything in my life. And
I would essentially put these emotions into my shadow self. And you might think,
Okay, what's the issue with, you know, maybe not being so
emotional and just kind of ignoring it and whatever. Well two things, and
one of them I basically just said, and you know, you can't get
away from emotions and releasing emotions is very important. You guys know you listen
to the podcast all the time. There's days are going to be sad,
there's days that you're going to be afraid. There's days that you need to
cry. There's days that you just are angry and frustrated, and you need
to let these emotions out. You can't just suppress them. The emotions don't
go anywhere. You just think they go somewhere. So that's on one hand,
you're just gonna have pent up emotions to the point where maybe now you're
lashing out insanely in your adulthood life because you never learned how to express anger
and a health way, or you're so distraught by somebody who broke up with
you and you don't know how to emotionally regulate yourself because you never learned how
to do that when you're a child, because you never learned that it was
okay to be sad and you're allowed to cry and it doesn't mean that needs
to be the end of the world. And also you're going to be okay
after you're done crying, Like those are very important things that you need to
learn how to do. And if you don't do that, then that you
know, you kind of blow over in your adulthood life. But also another
thing, and this pertains to other people, is when you are uncomfortable with
your own emotions, let's say, or whatever that you put into your shadow,
you also are going to be uncomfortable around other people that might actually express
the shadow parts of you that you don't express, which is also an issue
because then that affects the way that you're able to connect deeply to people.
Right, So it's either okay, you don't have the emotional capacity to handle
people who are crying, like or your best friend who's crying, or let's
say your friend who's angry or whatever, like you just you don't want to
handle it, and you don't want to handle it. So you're just like,
no, I don't want to deal with that. I'm not saying that
you have to deal with your friends who are dealing with emotional things, but
I'm just saying, like, you're uncomfortable around it, you don't know how
to handle it, like whatever, or you might judge them for being sad
or being angry because you've never let yourself be like that, and so now
you're like, oh, like no, that's not right, I don't like
that, Like, you shouldn't be like that, because you have learned that
if you were like that, then it's wrong, then it's bad. But
also in general, let's say bring it back to the human connection and the
relational connection. If you don't know how to allow yourself to feel happy,
sad, angry, afraid, whatever, you're not going to be able to
connect deeply with other people. Because in order for you to have a connection
with other people, you need to have those emotions. And I'm not saying
you have to be angry, right, or you have to be super sad
in order to like have a relationship with people, but like you're human being,
you need to be your whole, authentic self. And when you have
parts of you that you don't accept and you've been rejecting and you've been denying
in your life, it's gonna be hard for you to deeply connect with other
people. And on top of that, again, you might even now judge
other people. So this is what happens when we judge ourselves and we judge
other people. We have parts of us that we have learned to reject,
to deny, to disown, to hate, to feel uncomfortable around and now
we are awkward. We don't like ourselves, and we also might not like
other people. But the problem with that is we can't fully get away from
our shadows. And this is what I mean, Like, yes, you
can do your best to not be somebody who's emotional, but eventually you're gonna
get triggered and you're gonna have to cry some days, or you know what,
at the end of the day, you probably are not going to have.
Let's say you learned in high school is that the favorable body type is
a body type that doesn't look like yours. And maybe you have more fat
on yourself, or you have more thought on your legs, or your body
just simply doesn't look like the body type that you learned was desirable in high
school. And so now you hate your body. And on top of that,
when you go out, you're very judgmental and nitpick and actually criticize people
who resemble your body type. You can't even almost look at it because you
can't even look at yourself because you don't accept yourself. And so essentially we
go through all of life picking up ways that we should be or we shouldn't
be, or how we should look or how we shouldn't or how we should
dress, how we should speak, what we should do for our careers,
everything right, and we try our best to live up to the standard that
we see around us. But it's so it's inevitable that you're going to not
be pitch are perfect and fit the actual mold of every single thing that you've
ever learned that's supposed to be like positive and good. And that's when you
get into this day of self hate and rejection, and that's when you start
judging yourself, and that's when you start judging other people. So when you
find that you're judging something about yourself, let's say your physical appearance, maybe
the way that you present yourself, or the way that you speak, or
how you show up in relationships, or maybe something to do with your career
or your education, it's so important for you to see how you have most
likely been taught somewhere in your childhood or in your life that you not having
a certain body type or you not having a certain level of education has been
taught to you that it's a negative thing. And who taught you this thing?
And why did they tell you this thing? And this is the thing
when it comes specially to body types or success in life. Everyone has their
own preferences, right, and even thinking about the parts of you that you
don't like or you don't love about yourself, there is a reason why you
don't like these parts of yourself. And you can say, well, yeah,
the reason I don't like my body is because I'm not thin and I'm
overweight, okay, But there are people in somewhere in your life that obviously
told you that that wasn't okay, or you should feel ashamed about yourself because
you look like that. But also maybe you never had somebody who specifically shamed
you for your body, but you've seen other people get picked on for having
that body type and you have the exact same one. So now you realize,
oh, well, I must not have the best body, so I
need to feel a crap about myself as well, and I need to change
myself. And until I change myself, only then will I be lovable,
or only then will I be liked. And the problem with this is when
we start to change ourselves for external validation, when we start to change yourself
out of a place of self hate versus changing If let's say we want to
talk about losing weight. You can lose weight, and it's great if you
want to lose weight and you want to get healthy, but the losing weight
in the getting healthy, you should one you should understand why you got to
that place in the first place, and two wanting to do it for yourself
and realizing that you still are absolutely lovable the way that you are, but
that you're not just changing yourself just so other people can like you. But
what we do is we learn, Okay, I'm bad, I'm wrong for
being like this, so let me change and morph myself so that other people
can like me. But the problem with doing that is you're never going to
be likable to everyone all the time because it's simply it can't be done.
There's so many people who have certain preferences. They want you to be one
way, and then then the next friend or the next person wants you to
do whatever they would like to do. Like you have to live for yourself
and you have to be your own authentic version of yourself, and whoever likes
you for you will stay and whoever it doesn't like you will go right.
But we try and morph and change ourselves into something that is not even us,
and we don't even do it for ourselves. And on top of that,
we criticize and judge ourselves no matter how much we even change. When
we are constantly changing for other people, the judgment never ends, and judgment
never freaking ends. So again, asking yourself, what are parts of me?
Personality wise, appearance wise, whatever it is? What parts of me
do I reject, deny, disown and why do I do that? Who
might have taught me that? Now? I want to quickly talk about my
Inner Child Discovery journal guide. This journal guide has a lot of shadow work
prompts. So if you are interested and you don't really know how to get
to the root of some of your deepest insecurities and where they came from,
and how to learn how to have a better relationship with yourself and accept yourself
and love yourself, I would highly suggest you go get that Joeneral Guide.
I will have it linked in the show notes and the YouTube description. So
many of you guys, lately, I've been posting about my journal guides,
which thank you so much for purchasing, thank you so much for going through
them. So many of you have really enjoyed them, and I think that
that specifically I needed to say that because that journal guide literally brings you to
the process of shadow work and working on your insecurities if you really struggle with
that. Now. One thing to note also about shadow work and your shadow
self is sometimes you put things into your shadow that are actually great qualities about
yourself. So let's say you love to dance when you were younger, and
then somebody commented on the fact that you are weird because you dance or you
sing, or you have this like weird obsession about I don't know, like
collecting cards or collecting little coins or something, and people just always made fun
of you. Okay, well, now you're going to learn that this is
not a likable trait and that this trait doesn't really get you anywhere. Right
this again, you liking something or you being a certain way is not allowing
you to essentially survive, because our goal is to be a part of the
pact, right naturally when we're young. So you're going to learn, Okay,
well, maybe I'll just stop dancing so much. Then maybe I'll just
you know, not talk about my obsession with cards or whatever. But then
you go through life and you're deeply unhappy. Why because you're not doing what
you actually came here to do, which maybe you are supposed to be a
dancer, or maybe you do have a passion for collecting cards or coins or
something like that, and you know you're now following a career path or some
sort of passion that everyone else told you to do. But you're wondering why
you're so feeling like you're so empty because you're not actually doing what you are
meant to do in your life. And bringing it back to the journal guide,
I ask a lot of questions about, like, what are some of
the things that you really love to do when you were a child, and
how can you start to reincorporate some of these activities or behaviors or things in
your life, Because realistically, the best thing that you can do for yourself
is to allow yourself to be who you authentically are. And even when it
comes to being shamed for things that are so normal, let's say emotions,
you need to eventually at some point learn how to express your emotions right,
like it's a normal, healthy thing to do. And even with some of
the parts of you, let's say dancing, Okay, well, maybe you're
not going to be this dancer in your adult life, but just to not
feel so much shame around it or embarrassment can allow you to be confident when
you go out and maybe there is music and people are trying to dance,
and like you're around, but you're so incredibly awkward when really you used to
not be so awkward. This is not for you to now just be this
performer, but you know, just to allow you to be embodied in general,
Like when we show up very awkward and closed off and scared and we
don't know how to say what we feel, is because because we never learned
how to allow these parts of us that are normal to come out and to
flourish. We've been shamed for having emotions or we've been made fun of for
being our authentic self. So now we go out into public and we just
we can't be our authentic self. But it's coming across as like weird energy,
right, like people can't connect to us. We know we're not connecting
to other people, but it's because we have so many parts of us that
we have rejected and we're disgusted by and we don't love anymore, and we
keep pushing it down. And then on top of that, what happens is
we start to other people and we start to criticize others as well as ourselves.
Now, another thing that I want to talk about when it comes to
judging yourself and others is the scarcity mindset. I do think sometimes when we
are judging other people, Maybe it isn't the fact that we have something in
our shadow, but it's this when you judge somebody else. And let's say
you're like trying to bring somebody down, maybe even in your head. You're
not actually saying this out loud, but you're saying it in your head.
That makes you feel better about yourself. And even let's say you try and
discredit somebody's success, Well, if you discredit somebody's success, then that obviously
makes you feel like you actually have room to grow and like you're going to
be successful and they're not. But this is all from a place of scarcity.
If you had the abundance mindset of understanding that this person can be successful
and so can I, or this person can be beautiful and so can I,
and we can both get what we want in our lives, there wouldn't
need to be any judging to bring this person down to make you feel better
about yourself. So you know, you having low self esteem and you not
maybe even showing up properly in your life and not having that abundance mindset can
affect you. And if that's a case, and if you haven't listened to
the last week's episode, definitely go listen to that episode. But let's talk
back about how you can stop judging yourself and judging others. So I've already
kind of talked about it shadow work. You need to learn how to reinterrate
some of the parts of you that you have disowned and rejected and denied,
especially the ones where you are constantly criticizing yourself about or others about. So
let's say it's your body you need to learn how to be okay. And
I don't mean that you cannot change things in your life, but you need
to stop having such an adverse reaction to your own body and yourself and even
others who might have that same body type. By one learning Okay, why
do I hate my body so much? And is this even needed to hate
my body this much? Do I need to be this perfect with how my
body is going to look? And where have these influences come from? And
also learning how to accept your body for what it is. And I think
the thing that helps with accepting yourself is learning how to be grateful for the
things that you do have. And so maybe you don't love every part of
your body, but there are specific parts of your body that you really like
or you love, or there's different aspects of yourself that you really like and
you love. It's so important that you start to focus on the positive instead
of all this negative like judging and criticizing others and yourself. You're just in
this energy of negativity. So doing gratitude lists can be definitely, definitely helpful
and having positive affirmations about yourself whatever parts of you that you've learned to hate.
Also when it comes to judging other people as well, when you start
to realize that you are nitpicking or judging someone, try and see how maybe
whatever they are showing you is actually just a reflection of your shadow that you
have not integrated in your life. Most likely, if you start to go
out and you realize that you're judging people, there's a connection. Always,
there's always they have something that you don't accept within yourself. And this might
even be a trait, And this is what I'm gonna give you another example.
You might be around somebody who's like really optimistic and really enthusiastic. Right
at school, there's this girl, she's just like always happy and so enthusiastic,
whatever, and you keep telling yourself, I don't know, there's something
about her, I just don't like, like she hasn't done anything, Like
she's a good person, but she's just like I don't know, I just
don't like being around her. Or like in your head, you're just like
so annoyed and you just don't really know why, but you're just so irritated.
Well, you know what, most likely you have not been able to
be First of all, obviously we know most likely you're just not happy within
your own life, like we can kind of we kind of know that a
lot of us do. But maybe she's able to express herself and her happiness
and her feelings or her thoughts or her amazing talents the way that you never
were allowed to. Or maybe when you see people who get to live this
extravagant lifestyle or a lifestyle full of freedom and fun, and it doesn't seem
like they have any responsibility and you just are so angry and you just keep
like talking shit about them all the time. It's most likely because you haven't
been able to have the opportunity to be able to live that life, because
maybe you grew up in an environment where you had to be really responsible at
a young age, and so now you almost resent and you're like envious and
you're jealous of other people because they get to live a life that you are
realizing that you don't. And the reason why this is important to see is
so that you, for one, stop being so mad at the world and
criticizing other people and getting into this negative mindset, but also just to look
at yourself and be like, oh my god, no wonder I'm feeling this
way. No wonder I'm feeling so awkward or judging myself or others, or
I'm feeling really resentful or angry because I haven't been able to do this.
Okay, So how can I now reintegrate certain parts of me or live a
life that is more reflection of what I see out there versus just living in
this crappy situation. And now you might be like, well, I don't
have things handed to me, so how am I going to do? Like,
how am I going to live a life of freedom or whatever. Okay,
listen, what can you do in your day to make your life better
than it was yesterday? And you can sit all day and complain and be
sad that everyone else has a better life than you, But how is that
getting you anywhere? And at the end of the day, we all have
issues, and we all have struggles, and so yes, it might suck
that you see other people like living this great life or this girl host amazing
beauty and amazing body and amazing everything, and I have nothing. Okay,
Well, you being in the victim mentality is not going to get you anywhere.
Listen. You can cry about it if you want, for sure,
go ahead, But at some point you need to understand that if you want
to actually have a great life, which you can have, but you need
to have that belief, then it's going to be up to you to do
some mindset work, to do some positive reinforcement, to focus on the positive
things instead of the negative. And now again last week's episode, jealousy,
you can really really help with this. And now something that I found was
really really helpful on the times that I realized I was really judging other people
in my head consciously, I would never actually say things out lot to people,
never went to that level of bringing people down because I was very aware
that the reason why I was ever judging other people or criticizing was because there
was parts of me that I didn't accept. But in those moments, one,
like I've already said, I would recognize, Okay, there's something within
me that I'm actually not accepting when I see other people and I'm judging them
for something, and that doesn't mean that I have the same trait as them
or the same body as them, But maybe I picked up from other people
that it's bad to look like that or bad to think like that, or
I was actually never able to ever live my life like that. So now
I'm actually just trying to shame them so that I can feel better about not
actually living my full authentic life. Whatever it is being aware of that and
getting to that root. But in the moment witnessing when I am having those
negative thoughts, to try and pick something that's positive about that person in the
moment. So let's say I am judging their body and I'm like, oh,
like she doesn't have, you know, I don't know, like a
nice body or something I don't do this, but like a nice Well maybe
I did this when I was younger. For sure, I definitely did.
I was always hyper focused on other people's bodies because I was hyper focus on
my own. And then when I stopped being hyper focused on my body,
I didn't care about being hyper focused on other people's bodies Anyways, if you're
thinking like, oh, she doesn't fit well in those genes or something,
Okay, once you recognize that you've had that thought and you realize, oh,
that's just me my shadow self right now, like I need to probably
do some shadow work, that's fine, like whatever, Like we can be
loving with ourselves, not to accept the fact that we're being mean. Don't
be mean to people, please, don't be freaking mean to people, but
to try and focus on something that's positive about them. So maybe they have
really nice hair, or let's say at the gym. Okay, I used
to do this like way too much. Then, I'd like to admit,
and I was doing this because honestly, because I was a personal trainer and
so I know really good form. And so when I sometimes would go into
the gym, I would see girls who were doing like the worst form ever,
and I would just be like, oh my god, this girl is
not doing it. Dada da da, And again like it's kind of like
a harmless thing, right, because it's like whatever, I mean, I'm
recognizing that this girl is not doing good form, but I even started to
witness that I shouldn't even be doing that. At the end of the day,
this girl has decided to come to the gym, okay, and it's
hard to get into the gym, and maybe she's a beginner or maybe she
doesn't know what she's doing or whatever. She's trying. At least she's trying.
And as soon as I think like that, I stopped thinking about the
fact that she's doing bad form. It doesn't matter, right, Like it's
gonna be her past, she's gonna figure it out whatever. So just becoming
aware of the thoughts that you're thinking and try and change to a negative to
a positive. When you start to recognize yourself criticizing or judging, but also
doing it to yourself. So let's say you've made a mistake in your life,
or maybe you're getting a breakout, or maybe you didn't do good on
a test, okay, and recognize that maybe we messed up a little bit
whatever, But being loving with ourselves and being like, Okay, it's not
the end of the world that have a breakout. I'm going to do better
next time on the test. It doesn't mean that I'm stupid. It doesn't
mean that I'm dumb. It doesn't mean that I shouldn't keep trying because I
made Just because I made a mistake in life doesn't mean that I'm a bad
person. This is life. We make mistakes. Like you have to start
being nicer to yourself and stop with this perfectionist mindset. At the end of
the day, we're not even perfect anyways. And now, one thing I
want to quickly talk about is some people really struggle with doing shadow work and
integrating certain parts of them that they have hated on all their lives because they're
like, well, why would I want to accept the fact that I'm not
at a healthy weight, Or why would I want to accept my skin for
what it is when it's not clear, or the fact that I failed in
all of these areas of my life, Like why would I want to accept
that? Because if you want to evolve and change, it's going to be
so much easier and more sustainable and more consistent when you start to change out
of a place of self love instead of a place of self hate. And
this is what I mean. When you hate yourself because you're not where you're
at with your body, goals, your skin, your career or whatever,
you will be very, very harsh on yourself. You will go all or
nothing. You will tell yourself you need to go six days a week at
the gym and if you miss one, then you're going back on a diet.
And you need to be restrictive, and you no balance and cutting you
off of all the bad things, and you go so hard and then what
happens. You fail because it's insane and you can't you can't commit to doing
all of that hard. It's too much. And the truth is when you
love yourself genuinely, when you love yourself and you want to take care of
yourself and you want to nourish yourself, it's not from a place of hating
yourself. And oh my god, I have to drink more water and i
have to eat healthy because I've been so bad and I'm not going to be
lovable until I eat better food and to change my body so that I can
be accepted in society. Like when you are operating from that place, things
don't last, fad diets on and off, cycling diets, binge, eating,
unhealthy relationships with men, and whatever it is, because you are in
this place of self hate. I extensively talk about this in my book.
By the way, my book is going to be released in January. I'm
not going to say that date yet, just in case it doesn't get released
on that specific date where I don't specifically know yet. But anyways, I
say that because people get tied up with this loving myself and accepting myself,
but I still want to change, and I don't like my body, and
I want to be healthy, and I need to do healthy habits. Yes,
you can do both. You can love yourself, and I actually invite
you to love and honor and accept and be okay with your imperfections of your
body and your life. But at the same time want better for yourself and
want more for yourself, but not want more for yourself and better for yourself
out of place of punishment and out of place of only doing that so that
other people can like you or accept you. We want to live in this
energy of accepting ourselves, understanding that we have flaws, understanding that there's things
that we can work on, but also understanding that we're still lovable the way
that we are, and quite frankly, we're just never going to be perfect
and that is okay, and we don't have to be We don't need to
fit into everyone's box. We are the one that are telling ourselves that.
Now this is based off of the influences around us and what we've been taught
in society, and we need to deconstruct that. But we don't just stop
at this self love journey and acceptance and never change. What you will really
see when you actually do inner child healing shadow work, really inner child healing
and shadow work at the same thing, essentially deep healing work and really allowing
yourself to just be yourself for once, you will start to realize that you
actually want to do better for yourself. You want to take care of yourself
more, you know, like when I look at myself, like I have
this inner child who at one point thought that she was not worthy of love
or her natural hair wasn't good enough the way that it is, and she
had to change it until she burnt it off and literally like she had no
other choice but to change something about her life, like I just I want
to help her. I want to nourish her hair now, I want to
feed her with amazing whole foods and cook for herself and get into healthier relationships
and tell her that she's okay in the moments that she's feeling afraid, and
letting her cry when she needs to cry because she feels sad about something in
her life. Like, I want that for her because I love her.
But it's really hard to love yourself when you have all of these parts of
your shadow that you refuse to accept or even look at, or you're so
ashamed of. And I think that we can all just understand that when somebody
is judging us or somebody's judging other people, you guys are smart enough to
know this. And the people who are judging other people, it's really deep
down because they're unhappy with something about themselves and it makes them feel better to
just put somebody down so that they can feel higher, or you know,
so that they don't have to work as hard, or they don't have to
see all the ways in which that they're falling short, or the realization that
they don't look exactly like this person. Now, what does that mean if
I don't look like this person that I've been taught that I have to look
like in order to be loved. So I encourage you when you find that
you are judging yourself, criticizing yourself for the way that you look your personality
traits all of your beautiful flaws, that you ask yourself, why am I
judging myself and criticizing myself right now? Where did I learn this from?
Does this have to be my truth? Is this the full truth of me?
Am I really not lovable because I look like this? Or I made
a mistake? Or I X, Y and Z. And what are some
things that I can tell myself in this moment to make myself feel better about
being authentically me? And being authentically me means sometimes I'm making a mistake.
How can I speak loving words into myself and into my inner child so that
if I do want to change, or if I do want to allow more
of the shadow self to come out, that I do it from a place
of love, not from a place of hate. But the main thing I
want you to understand is the reason why you have certain aspects of yourself thrown
into your shadow is because you were trying to survive in your life, and
actually, how smart is that that you did that? And I think that
it's important for you to understand that because when you catch yourself hating yourself or
criticizing, putting yourself down, or just being in this negative mindset, just
understand that it's just a form of you trying to keep yourself safe. Right
when you start to judge yourself because you're crying or you're feeling some sort of
emotion, or you're feeling awkward because you're trying to dance, but you just
you keep judging yourself, understand that it's just your little inner child trying to
keep you safe. The way that she learned to keep herself safe by not
expressing emotions or not being her full authentic self around other people, because she
was taught if she was her full authentic self, she wouldn't be liked.
And if she's not liked, she's not connected. And if she's not connected,
she's essentially not surviving. Okay, So it's deep. It's definitely deep.
It's definitely a process. I think as you get older in life and
you stop caring so much about what other people think, it really does help
you allow yourself to just you know, let your shadow out more. There's
definitely different aspects of your shadow that you know might need more work on,
especially when we're talking about emotions like anger or sadness that might be needed to
be processed with a therapist or even on your own. But it might just
be something that you do, you know, as a journal practice. But
whatever it is that you do, try and pick one part of yourself that
you have really been rejecting and denying and really dive deep into the why and
how can you, in your day to day life start to give yourself a
little bit of that room to flourish, a little bit of that room to
be messy, a little bit of that room to just be okay with the
fact that, yeah, I think that this is a little bit awkward because
I've learned that it's awkward. But I'm going to just try and let myself
be myself right now and see where it gets me. And what happens is
you end up being okay more with yourself and the little aspects of yourself that
you once hated and now it becomes your fall authentic self or you know,
when you're witnessing yourself judging other people in that moment, reminding yourself of something
that's positive, like I was saying the gym example. Now again, if
you need a general guide that is perfect for this, then I encourage you
to go get my Inner Child Discovery Journal PROMP guide and it's digital or you
can print it and write it, or you can just write in your journal
and look at it on your computer you open it. Also, I do
have some resources in there, like book recommendations and YouTube and podcast recommendations to
help you further with discovering more of your inner child and healing and self love.
And I also have one other episode that's very helpful, I think,
and I don't remember the title. I don't know if this is the title
or it's the thumbnail, but I'll have it linked down below, and it's
all about what would somebody who loves themselves do? And I dive more deeper
into what it really means to love yourself and conditional love versus unconditional love.
So definitely go check that out. Don't forget. I have off topic episodes
every Monday now And yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed, and I'll see
you the next one. By