Made a decision. I'll face sunny Sue on. I hadasion my n to
reach. Let's up everybody, it's a for crying out loud. And now
girl Stephanie's back in studio. I'm back. I missed everybody. We missed
you too. Can I just say right off the top that we have the
best audience, yes, best community, because I can't. I'm like clumped
at how many people have been saying nice things about my book, I know,
and reading it and downloading it and like I would not have a career.
I know that so supportive. Everybody saw you on The Drew Show on
Friday with LB, which was great. It was you did awesome. She
was so wonderful with you. She seems so like down to earth and kind
and relatable, and you came across so like funny, relatable but like interesting
the stories you told like it was just a great segment. And I'll tell
you guys, the real, the real deal, Okay. And your outfit
was banging. Those boots were knocking. Everybody loved your He's so funny because
just like now, but people can't see us, but uh my, they
were. The jumpsuit was kind of short, right, you know, so
I felt like, oh my god, my legs are showing. Do you
ever have those thoughts in your head? I was like, I didn't shave,
and I don't know how close. I'm sure the camera wasn't like closing
in on my shins, right, but I had that thought of like,
oh, I didn't know, so I kept pulling it down and then I
was like, Okay, this is awkward. I'm like, keep adjusting my
pants and getting distracted and then petting the dog. I know that a lot
was happening. You're like, her dog's name is Douglas. That's so cute.
It's really sweet and super calm. I love that she just has a
dog chilling with it. I know, I know. And they make a
big thing, like when they sent me a thing ahead of time and they're
like, are you are you okay with dogs? Like are you allergic?
I don't know what. Obviously I'm not, but I'm trying to imagine what
would happen if I said, yeah, I can her dog not be there?
I feel like, bitch, how about you not be there? Like?
Who takes that chance? I guess I guess big celebrities. I'd be
like, I don't really not comfortable. I don't want dog hair. Well
maybe people are allergic to dogs, but I just feel like nobody at my
level is gonna go, yeah, he will not have her dog there.
That'd be helpful. Yeah, I just imagine them going, You're not worth
it. So if we are given the choice between you or the dog,
Douglas is going to be on the show. We're giving the segment to Douglas.
Yeah. Well, let us say, speaking of people, let's say
hi to them. Ashley's chic and she's back so chic and a share bear.
Ye do a hershey bar? Do you want a hershey bar? Yeah?
I do. Kelly ooh, Ladie Da and Amy's a cunt and Katie
Murphy's rolling on e still yep. Not Anna faris Aaron? Who is Nikki?
Call your girls? Leslie with the coughing and the other Leslie who's a
costing people coughing and coughing in the costing. Yeah, Jacob is so growlly.
I love Jacob. He sent me a really sweet email. I love
him. Rita rocks the Basinette with Elizabeth Williamson's kids and probably a lot of
people's kids. I don't know what she's doing a big it's a king size,
yes, California king A Fina, we love your dancing, and Polly,
we love you your pancakes and Valerie, Bubba Fenwick and Katerina check that
Moler and uh, Gabby and Missy you left them in New York? Did
you know that? I saw them in Times Square? And I have a
story about that. Okay, yeah, they were dressed up as characters.
Really yeah, uh, and that was troubling, and e Shan Vashpeg then
and Rebecca lu When is so cute and she lives in Hawaii now, oh
helloha, Kelly Brandt's not your aunt, and Alicia Escalante and Leslie, oh
we already sent her in. Sarah Stefano and Aaron's a dirty Sanchez and Jennifer
get up and Sandra's not easy being green and Christa you make me want a
stroup and Stephanie's a stinker. Yeah, so tell us all right, like
how okay? So first of all, and she'll never listen to this,
but my daughter elb so fucking moody the whole time, so she never went
through a real teenage. You know how, I'm always ragging on how close
ilbe and I are and you know, she tells me everything and not so
much on our trip to Really yeah, I was expecting. I was expecting
like girl time, girls are man teenagers. They can flip on a dime
on you. Right, It's like, wait, I thought we were cool
yesterday. I thought we were friends. I thought we were friends. And
then the next thing, you know, it's like they're like, get out
of my room. I'm tired, I don't want to talk. I'm on
the phone. You know. It's like, all right, you relax,
bitch. Oh yeah. Sometimes I'll be will be. I'll think she's either
maybe talking to Sadie Xander. She's like being super upbeat and yelling about something
in the and I'll come in on the kitchen like, oh I want to
and she'll be like I'm on the phone. Like she'll give me that like
I'm on the phone, right, I'm like, right, all right,
well you're also in my house and I'm sorry that phone exactly exactly. This
bitch got so spoiled. In New York, we went to a show like
I know, you know, I'm couching this in a complaint. We had
an amazing time. It was just it was my first time really experiencing teenage
moodiness and she's nineteen. Yeah, and she just there was a lot of
on her AirPods, oh yeah, tuning me out. So we'd be in
the hotel room and I'm thinking, you know when you go on a trip
and you're with your friend and you're like, you get back to the hotel
and then you want to debrief, like talk about stuff. No, Albe
did not want to debreeth Now, she was probably debriefing, but text with
her friends, right with you. No, not with me. And if
I tried to like talk to her, she'd give me like take one like
she'd give me the take one out and kind of go like you're bothering her,
yes, Linette. And on the plane too, oh yeah, and
I'm playing forget it. Did not want to deal with it at all.
Yeah I can. I I'm going to tell you the kind of little argument
that we that we got into on the way home. I realize I'm already
just complaining and I don't really want to do that. But so we were
on the plane. We've had a great week except for the parts where she
just wasn't really talking to me, and I have to go, hey,
do you want to talk about it is something bothering you, like right,
no, fine, right, okay, uh. And then We're on the
plane on the way home, and I'm having this like weird thing with my
AirPods where I don't know if this has ever happened to you. It's a
really crazy story. Buckle up, but air pods charged up, but then
all of a sudden they just said zero percent, like they were out all
the time. We're so over it. Yes, in fact, I almost
bought her like a couple of days ago, but I said, eh,
because sometimes it works. I have the thing on the charger all night and
then you put them in and it's like like the one goes like, yeah,
is dead. And then now I gotta listen out to one side of
the year and you feel a little lapsided that way, right, you got
an earache and the other ear right right. Yeah, it throws me off.
Well, what generation of AirPods do you have? Good question? Mine
are not AirPod pros. Oh well, I just I don't know if mine
are pros. But I have like the first generation ones, and that one
happens so often I just expect it now. Yeah, So I don't know
if they happen with the newer models. I don't have the newer model,
and I don't have the ros either. But I don't like the pros either
because they're too big and clunky and they just fall out of my ear But
I think I have like maybe the second generation. What generations are there,
that's a good question. I would imagine they're on at least three. Okay,
yeah, I have an early gen. I'm on an earlier one too,
And my kids all got the pros. Remember when I was trying to
figure out something to get them like two years ago for Christmas, and I
got them the pros, even though in my mind, I'm like, the
first one's work just fine. Yeah, But like I'm still on an on
an iPhone ten, like I'm getting a new one. But it's like I'm
always like, right, if it's not it's not broken, right, why
it's fine? Well, but it is now broken the earbuds. But like,
here's the thing. I think it's like with the iPhone because when you
you always have to keep up, upgrade, up grade, Right, It's
the same thing with the ear pods. Right, So mostly they work fine,
but I'm on the plane and they go do they do the So I'm
like, that's so weird. So then I was like, I've only been
using them for like two hours. So I put them back in the case
and check and it says they're at like sixty five seventy percent. So I
say to Elbie, like, I got this big, crazy story to share.
I'm like, Elbe and she takes her ear. Yeah. She looks
at me and I said, so, it's so weird with my air pods.
And I tell her the story and she just looks at me like I'm
something on the bottom of her shoe, and she goes, I don't know
what to tell you. Yeah, And I'm like, what, I wasn't
expecting it sounds hard, Yes, that sounds hard. I too have been
thirsty with That's what was the movie? Was that from with Whatdy Harrelson.
It's like he Got Game maybe or the movie where he's bat there playing basketball
with that white man can't jump, Yeah, white man can't jump. He's
got a girlfriend and she's telling him something and he's trying to fix it and
she's like, just say, I too have been thirsty. John and I
do that to each other a lot. If I tell him something that he's
just like, I too have been thirsty. That's cute. That's all I
was wanting from her, just like yeah, oh that's you know what,
or oh my god, that's happened to me. It's so frustrating. No,
she's just like, I don't know what to tell you. Yeah,
And I'm like, you don't have to tell me anything, bitch, like
forget it, go back, okay. So then later towards the very end
of the flight, she's got a complaint about her AirPods, but she has
a lot of nerves. She's just like, so weird, my AirPods did
a weird thing. And I said, well, I'm going to tell you
what you told me when I tried to share an air pod story with you
don't know what to tell you. And then I tried to do it real
bitchy and then like look away to show her if that's how she acted.
It didn't have quite the effect, didn't stick, Like she just got no,
she just got more irritated, like how did I get hurt? You
know, because she'd forgotten about our earlier exchange or didn't notice that it hurt
my feelings. Yeah, but you know, it's that thing where and I
know Albie has some social anxiety, so she likes to talk real quiet in
a restaurant. But I always feel kind of stupid, like I'm being embarrassing,
do you know what I mean? Like like, oh, I'm doing
something, and then in my mind, I'm having this internal dialogue like I'm
not that uncool, like I'm here to be on the freaking Drew Barrymore Show.
What do you want from? Like somebody thinks I'm cool? People?
Yeah, yeah, they flew me here and then I flew you here?
So how am I that? And how am I embarrassing you that badly all
the time? How do you seem so uncomfortable like I'm going to do or
say the wrong thing? Just because they're teenagers, that's what they're They're wired
that way, especially with the teenage girl and their mom. Sonny's different,
Like Sonny just doesn't. He's totally cool with me, like fine, same
with Xander, right, but also same with Sadie. And they're sixteen.
Yeah, and they like Xander thinks I'm hilarious and he loves like Xander loves
to do stuff that's silly or that is embarrassing or he loves to do like
bits with people, or have a dry sense of humor, or talk to
strangers. He thinks it's so fun and hilarious. Right right, everybody personality
is different. So what so what else? Okay, So so I'm gonna
skip to I'll tell you all about Drew, but I'm gonna skip to another
little story that happened. Should we should we take a quick break and talk
about uh, let's talk about sorry, let me talk about it on the
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Honeylove. Yeah yeah, okay, So we went. So first night we
fly in, We got in a little you know, it was like six
thirty or so, so we and it was it was pretty cold, but
we got to our hotel. Hotel was really nice, and then we took
a walk and we got some dinner and then it was early. What area
were you staying in the city, Midtown Manhattan. So we wanted to go
to this restaurant called Wagamama, which there's one in London. Then John and
I went two years ago, and then John took Sadie and Xander when he
went last spring. So elbe and I wanted to go there. My mom
and brother used to go there all the time when they first moved to England.
They don't live in London, they live in you know, kind of
the country. But and you said that name, I was like, Oh,
they used to go to that place all the time. Really, so
maybe it's an English restaurant. I think it is, but it's well,
it's like a noodle place. It's a ramen thing, so it's not like
Shepherd's fire Love. They love loves and noodles. That's Elvi's favorite food is
ramen. She loves it. So the one in London is like all kind
of computerized, like a little robot your table, and it's really cool.
The one in New York is just like a normal like a chinchin like a
Chinese restaurant kind of. But anyway, it happened to be literally one block
from our hotel and we've been planning to go, so we went to dinner
there. Now it's like only like eight o'clock, so really like five o'clock
our time. But we're tired. But isn't that a weird But we don't
want to waste We're like, this is our first night in New York,
But what are we going to do? Go clubbing? Like, you know,
it's a Monday night too, so we're like, you know what,
let's go for a walk at least, even though it's freezing cold. So
we walked to Times Square and Elbie was in heaven like she was. She
hasn't been to New York since she was eight, right, so this she's
like our first time. It felt like her first time, and she was
loving it. And of course constant like Instagram stories or whatever whatever the kids
do, tiktoking, snap grahams, snap gramming, snapping, texting, facetiming,
like a lot's going on that does not include me. Yes. The
only time it include you, though, is when they hand the phone to
you and go, can you take a picture? Are you too? Back
up a little bit, go from a hop hut, go down low,
go get my profile now, let me look, let me check it.
Do it again? Yes, yeah, that's what they do. And what's
the one that's like, what's the point they wanted? Two point oh?
Yeah, don't do it on a zero? Do it regular? No?
No, no, it's too close. Yeah, do it a point five?
Yeah. And in fact, somebody lay oh, my publicist. That
sounds very fraggy. But the publicist for my book who was with us and
Drew Barrymore took is young. She's only like twenty seven, right. She
took some pictures and immediately handed him on Elbie's phone, was like I took
him in point five or whatever else, and Alb's like, oh, cool,
cool, you know, like they all know this. I don't even
know what that means. I've never even heard of this before. You know,
on your phone, like you can zoom in and zoom out it says
point zero five and then you could go, yeah, I didn't know that
that was a thing. I know. That's how all the kids. Yes,
I guess, so it has to be a certain yeah. Yeah,
And if you don't do it that way, it's not cool, right,
Like it's wrong, yeah, you know. And LB will be like,
mom, can you put it in point five like as the funk? And
then I have to be like, I don't I don't know what that is.
How do you even find that? She's like, it's right here on
the phone. You just go, you just go, and I'm not even
looking. I'm just like, okay, whatever, you do it, and
I'll take the picture yeah, and then yes, and then she has to
look at them right right and go not this one, not this one,
and then she spends so much time figuring out what pictures are going to be
part of it. Yeah. So anyway she's doing that, and then we
come back to the room and I'm tired because I'm old and I've been traveling
all day and not up early, and also you know, I have like
travel anxiety, so there's a lot of and I'm with her, so I
want to make sure. I'm constantly like, do I still do have my
boarding passes? Are they still in my Apple wallet? Do I have my
this? Do I have my phone? Where's my wallet? Every frickin hour,
I'm like, I lost my wallet. My wallet's gone. And then
I'm like, oh, here it is because it's black. I'm carrying like
a black purse backpack and the wallet's black, so it's camouflage. Yes,
yeah, in my purse. So I have to feel around like a blind
person and I'm like, wait, that feels like a wallet, and then
I pull it out and I'm like, that's my phone. Because I'm constantly
like if I lose my wallet, totally fucked, like I'll never You're never
getting home. No, I have that thing, and I'm constantly catastrophizing and
then going, Okay, what's worst case scenario. I made John sit with
me and go, Okay, worst case scenario, lose my wallet and lose
my phone. Now what And he's like, Okay, you'll use LB's phone,
you'll call me or you'll call Like I'm like, what if I don't
have an I D how am I going to get home? I'm never going
to get home. And then he'll go, well, they have contingencies for
stuff, like like, it'll work. Happens. You're not the only first
person to travel that loses there, right, Yeah, but I feel like
I know, yeah, it's happened to me. You left your wallet in
a strip club or your person. I'll never forget that my credit card and
a strip club. I left my purse, my purse, Yeah, because
I had a backpack and I had like a like a like travel purse at
security. Yes, that one time that I got I never I never got
it back. I got home. Well, but it was when I was
coming back from So it was when I was returning back to LA on the
way like leaving New York going through security because I'm not used to that little
purse. I just took off, got my backpack and my back and then
left and then realized when I got on the plane, oh shit, I
don't have my purse. I left it at security on the plane to New
York, on the way home from from New York okay, coming home,
Okay, so then your your home, you're landed. And I left it
in New York at security, yes, and never to be found again.
And it was a cute purse from Zara. But anyway, but did it
have your phone? It didn't have anything important in it. It had my
ID, my credit cards, yeah, but not your phone. Yeah.
My phone was in my pocket of my jacket. Yeah yeah, okay,
and then you had to just go to the DMV and had to get another
driver's license. I had to cancel my credit cards. I think my keys
were in it, and that was about it. My favorite lip gloss maybe
that was about it. Yeah, I know, night, I know,
night. Yeah. So I'm constantly checking for everything. So anyway, we
go back to the hotel, and that that's where I started got the first
dose of being completely tuned out. Like I thought we'd I guess in Elvie's
mind. To be fair, she was like, I talked to you all
day, like we were on a plane together, even though in my mind,
I'm like, but we didn't really talk on the plane, which I
thought we were saving up all our conversation for when we got to New York,
because you know, you're on a plane, there's somebody sitting next to
you. I get it inside voices, you know. But I thought we
would talk have girl time. No, not so much. So then second
morning I went to I had Okay, so pretty early I had to go
hair and makeup ready to do this interview for CBS Saturday Morning News, which
if you watch it, maybe there'll be a little b roll of what's happening
right now. Yeah, no sound. But so it was happening at a
house out in like New York, outside of the city, like forty minutes
outside of the city, in the snow. So we drove to this house.
So Elbie had an option, she could have stayed back at the hotel,
but it was very quick. I mean it was the very first morning.
So I think she was like, I'll just come. I don't want
to just be at the hotel by myself right at that point. So she
came and then it wasn't a great situation because it was the house was really
cold. It was just some random person's house who was renting it, you
know, for locations, so it was cold. There was a very small
crew. It was all men, so it was just like a camera sound,
the director, the anchor, all guys. So no like hair and
makeup or like proper snacks like it was, you know, we hadn't really
eaten, so we do that, and so that's where she was like having
starting to already have none of it. Like after the interview, I go
over. She's sitting in a corner wearing her puffer coat, making it very
obvious that this is not a good time for her, which I was like,
well, wasn't really supposed to be a good time for you. It
was me doing some press for my book. But I feel bad because you
know, yeh, hethile pleaser my daughter. I want her to be having
fun. So I'm just like, We're going to have a great rest of
the day. Spoiler alert. We did not, but now it was because
Wednesday was really fun. That was Drew Barrymore. We went to go see
six the musical we did. She went shopping by herself. So so now
it's Tuesday and I'm like trying to promise her a good time. We'll go
get a good dinner, like it'll be great. So we get back to
the hotel, we chill for a little bit, we go and we have
like an early dinner. Basically we have this great at this great Ramen place.
It's like literally two doors down from our hotel is this highly rated,
delicious ramen place and it's her favorite food. So we got a great meal
and then we were like, well, let's go do something. Yeah,
but she's nineteen, and also we're kind of tired and we have a big
day the next day. And also snowing. If it was springtime in New
York, you could like walk, right, that's the thing to do is
just to walk around, right, and you know, stop for coffee or
tea or whatever, you know, just snacks, slice of pizza, right,
but not cold. It was snowing, yeah, and it was like
really snowing, right, isn't that when the cold that blizard like came into
Buffalo. Oh yeah covered the stadium. That No, that was that was
the next day. Oh okay, that was the day we left, apparently
schools got shut down and flights got canceled. No, we missed that.
We had a little bit of snow flury. It wasn't that bad, okay,
but so we we She wanted to go to the Harry Potter store,
so we uber to the Harry Potter Store, and then we walked to the
Strand Bookstore, which is kind of a famous It's like a big bookstore.
It was fun. She bought a tote bag, you know. I mean
I was starting to already feel like I'm not showing her the New York,
you know. But then I was like, okay, but tomorrow is going
to be a great day. And it was. So we go back to
the hotel and we're like, it seems so wasted. It's only like nine
o'clock at night now. So we went to the hotel, our hotel restaurant
bar, which was supposed to be playing live music, but once by the
time we got there, they were they had just wrapped up, and uh,
it was yeah, and this is where she was starting to get into
a really bad mood. So yeah, so she was just were you guys
like watching movies in the hotel or anything like that. No, No,
I watched a movie on my phone. I believe she watched TikTok on her
phone. This squirrel is addicted to TikTok. I think all of them are.
Yeah, yeah, I don't, I mean yeah she and she even
said she's like, I'm addicted to it, Like I don't. I have
to be able to watch it on the plane. I don't know what I'll
do if I count. But was she able to watch it on the plane?
Yeah, we had internet on the plane. But anyway, it was
fine. It was a it was a fun night. By the next morning
she was in a better mood. And that was the Drew Morning night.
So I will tell you about the Drew Show. It was really really fun.
I cannot wait. So we get there and they had hair and makeup.
I had come camera ready, but like the hair and makeup people helped
me. And then the hair lady, I was like, can you fix
my hair? So New York the weather is very very dry, very very
dry in America, and my hair was horrible, like it just was static
electricity and fly away. So I go in and I said, hey,
is there any way you can like fix my hair a little bit? And
She's like, yeah, do you use conditioner? Of course I use conditioner.
What kind of a question is that? Obviously I use Like it was
felt so kind of meane. I said, yeah, of course I use
conditioner, and she goes, but do you use leaven conditioner? And I
said, well no, not normally because it in LA that would make my
hair greasy, Like I don't I don't need that in LA. She's like,
hmm, well your hair is very static, staticky and it's very fly
away. Wow, okay, well can you put some hairspray in it?
Like I do you solve that or you fly away? So she fixed my
hair. Also, there was the big am I going to wear my glasses?
Yeah? So the kids Sadie and Xander were like, mom, were
are your glasses? You're going to be more comfortable because you know I see
double without glasses. I'm trying to get surgery to fix that. But in
the meantime I can't see without my glasses. I can't wear contacts because I
have double vision, but I should. You know, Elb is going to
be more honest. She's like, you got to lose the glasses. So
I was like, okay, So I brought contacts to wear. I'm like,
okay, here's what I'll be able to focus on. If I'm sitting
next to Drew Barrymore, I'll totally be able to focus on her just fine.
But if I look out into the audience, it's going to be yeah.
So Elvie's like, yeah, suffer. So I was like, okay,
so I'm all ready. And then right before I went out, because
I couldn't read even I couldn't. I can't see my hands with my contact
lenses. Wow. So I put in my contacts and I go out there,
and Drew was so nice. And then they said, the first time
you met her was when you came out or did she know she couldn't,
because so she was. She They taped two shows in a row two half
hours, so the first one was with Clive Owen, so she I was
watching on the monitor. She was doing the interview with Clive. As soon
as that show wrapped, they brought me backstage. But they told me that
she was really excited to meet me and that she was reading my book and
that she'd They were like, oh, she just can't wait for this interview,
and she feels like nobody's had such a close parallel to her story,
and like, I know it's so hard to be like a child star,
and like when I was starring in ET and then like started drinking at thirteen,
you know, my story it's so similar to hers. I was like,
she's an A list celebrity, how are our stories? But I guess
she kind of like no. I you know, felt like the way she
drank was very similar, not having like a low bottom, but having people
say stuff for being the one that accidentally gets drunk when she doesn't mean to.
And so she started by her introduction for anybody who saw it was super
effusive, like she was just like, I love this book and this person's
story is so much like mine. And then when I came out, so
I had had a very in depth pre interview, here's what you're gonna get
asked, kind of try to memorize this, like really in my email,
it was like, then she's going to ask you this, then here's what
you said, or here's what's in your book, or here's what was in
your interview. I do kind of know better than to really try to memorize
it, because I know that you have to be ready for things to be
different. But when I tell you that, she just threw away like that
has nothing to do. What the fuck? It was fine, but it
was her like what she felt like. I don't think she looked at the
teleprompter, so I was like, okay, Like right from the jump she
asked me something totally different. So I was like, okay, here we
go, like let's roll and it was fun, like yeah, it was.
It was great. It was better than fine. It seems like she
was really interested and she's just kind of more natural. I think, like
when I've been on the Today Show, it's very very structured, Like you
they asked, they don't they're not interested, they have not read your book,
they don't care. So they're just doing a segment. They do a
million segments. They're probably doing ten segments in every show. They're just like
reading the teleprompter and then you answer the question. You're selling your book.
They're asking you like, so, what what made you decide to write this
book? And then you have to sell your book. The beautiful thing was
that Drew was selling the book. Yes, so she's telling her story a
little bit and sharing stuff with me, And then it wasn't so much as
an interview as it felt like a conversation and I really appreciated that, Like
I appreciated that we were just like talking totally. Yeah, and then she
was so cute with Elb. So Elbe had known ahead of time that they're
going to go to her, and she had a question and she answered the
question, and they cut out a lot of I thought funny moments because she
was asking me. She was telling me that her ex husband's parents and family
were not big drinkers, and I was like, yeah, same with John.
They're all normal. And then we were like so annoying. We're both
like, it's so annoying, They're all normal. And then we were talking
about I thought I saw that online because I went to I didn't see the
actual airing of it. I went I did on YouTube, and then there
was a link to the website. Went to the website and clicked on all
the clips, and I thought there was a moment, Well, there was
a moment where she talked about her ex husband and I talked about John and
how I thought John was an alcoholic or thought he he had a drinking problem.
That turns out he doesn't. And then I was like so disappointing,
and that was a similar moment. Maybe that's why they cut the other thing
out. But then there was a moment where she was saying about her grandfather
was like a raging alcohe and I was saying that my father. She was,
I think, talking about her father and I was talking about my father.
And then we were saying, oh, like they were just raging alcoholics,
and I go, oh, yeah, my father was like a total
pill addict. And then we were like, oh my god. I mean,
there was some funny, lighter moments. It was a little the piece
felt a little serious, but whatever, it was great. It's great.
Everybody was super happy with it. Then I went to lunch with my book
publisher. Yeah, wait, should we take a quick break, and then
because I want to hear yes, and then I'll have more for you.
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Okay, So where was I? Okay? So I so after the show
went to lunch with my with the head of my gallery books. Oh,
I just wanted to say, it looked like they gave you a goodie bag.
Which, yeah, you're like, oh, you're gonna get a good
bagg you went, No, I don't think they do that. And the
robe I got it was so unexpected. It was. I was like,
it had my name on it, and it was a tope bag from the
jew Berry Moore Show. And this really soft of just a gray It wasn't
a hoodie, but it was a gray like crew neck sweatshirt. It says
the Drew Show. Oh cute. I know, it's really really cute.
And then she has a makeup company. Oh so I got like a little
like a like a prime makeup primer and like a little I don't know,
it's like a little scribble pen that you can use for like your lips or
you know. It's cute. I know. I felt very spoiled. Yeah,
so I went to lunch with my boss basically and who had some fun
Britney Spears stories because they published Britney Spears, my company did. Yeah,
so that was that was very interesting and let's see. Okay, So then
I had to get myself to this podcast. Have you heard of the podcast
called The Last Day? Stephanie Whittle's wax. She she it's this big podcast
and she lost her brother to a drug overdose and he was a writer,
like a like a comedy writer and anyway, so she interviewed me. So
I had to go to this studio. Meanwhile, Elbe did not come to
lunch. She went and went shopping by herself and had a lovely time.
I got plenty of Elbie time facetiming her friends. Apparently while she was shopping,
she had a really good time. So you would think she would have
been super happy to see me. Yeah, herds. The end of the
day, I go do the podcast is a couple hours there, so we're
apart for like five hours, and then I caller right after the podcast that
I'm like, okay, so it's six o'clock. The show starts at seven.
I'm a little the uber is going to take a thirty minutes to get
to either the hotel or the theater the way the way it's situated, right,
So I was like, why don't just uber to the theater and I'll
meet you there, and so uh so she was a little bit like,
oh, okay, meet you at the theater. But we met at the
theater. We saw six. It was phenomenal. Loved it. I think
it was definitely the high point of her trip. Really. Yeah, she
absolutely about it. It's the wives of Henry the Eighth, different wives and
they all their stories. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
the six wives. What two of them were beheaded, one of them died,
oh, and one of them survived. It's it's but it's funny.
Yeah, it's very funny, and it's really good songs. It was great.
It was really great. It was fun highlight and it was it's only
ninety minutes now, intermission, it flies by. So we did that.
Then we went back to our hotel. Then we were like, okay,
we're hungry, so we walked and it was for a reason called it was
like ten degrees, but we walked to a pizza place for dinner, and
then we came home, went back to our room. Then the next day
we're like, okay, we have I purposely had us fly out a little
later in the afternoon so we could have a little time in the morning.
So we went to lunch and then we walked to Times Square to see it
during the daytime. So you know Times Square, there's all these like characters,
right, There's like a big King Kong, like somebody dresses up in
a big gorilla suit. There's like these different characters. Shit. Yeah,
we're walking by and I'm trying to keep Elbe from posing for any pictures because
they charge you yah, right, it's like Hollywood and Vine exactly, Hollywood
and Highland. Yes, the yeah, oh my god. So I know
better than to do that, even though I've not really been in that situation,
but it's just not you don't. So Elbe one of the characters like
pulls her in and like to pose for a picture, and I was like,
oh no. So Elbie's like oh okay, Like, well, what
are you supposed to do if somebody pulls you in? Hould her in,
like with arm around her and like come on, and they're gesturing to me,
take take a picture, take a picture. So then another character gets
in there. It's like I can't even it's hard to explain it unless you've
unless you've felt this. It's like they're all in cohoots with each other,
right, They're all like and it's like they smell blood. It's like a
yeah, like you have a cut and you're in the water and one shark
is like oh and then the other sharks come over and they're like, oh
meal time. Right, So like four other characters are appear out of nowhere.
They're all posing with her. Then one of the other characters grabs her
phone and is taking a picture, and then Elbie's like, mom, get
in the pic, Get in the picture. What's their endgame? Are they
dividing up my box? Like well, do you have to like hey each
one or so here's what happened. Yeah, So I'm like I just so
I go dig in my wallet and I've got a five dollar bill and I
go to hand five dollars and the guy's like oh uh uh, and he
hands me this. They have like a laminated card that says it's twenty dollars.
So now my life flashes before my eyes, right, like a lot
of scenarios. Now, all this trip has been building to this, Like
I already embarrassed my daughter, right, Like the last thing she wants is
a scene. Is like me getting in an argument right with somebody. But
on the other hand, I'm like, twenty dollars, go fuck yourself,
you know, That's what's in my head. But I'm like, I have
and there's a twenty dollars bill which is supposed to be for the driver who's
going to take us to the airport. Like I'm saving that twenty dollars bill
or tip. But I'm like I have this Sophie's choice going on in my
head, like really do I have a fight with the guy. So I'm
like, fine, So I give the guy twenty dollars and I'm like,
come on, Ilbe, Yeah, And then the other guy is like,
wait a minute, what about I need five dollars? And I go,
I literally go, go fuck yourself. I go, that guy just got
twenty dollars. I go, you guys can divide it up. And then
I move with Elbe and we walk away, and then Elbie goes, oh,
I didn't know it costs money to do that, And I go,
what do you think they're out there for their health, for either enjoying themsel
you think every morning that guy's like, you know what I want to do
today? Dress up in a giant monkey suit and go hang around Times Square
on the freezing car. Well, that's what they do. It's all about
money. It's all tips that. So they're making a great living. They're
making more money than I am. And then Elbie goes, well, well
why did you pay? Why did you give him twenty dollars? Because now
I'm complaining right now, like I had to give the guy twenty dollars.
She goes, well, why did you give him twenty dollars, I said,
because if I didn't, he would have been following me down the street.
Like listen, do I know for a fact that he was going to
harass me if I refuse to give him twenty dollars? No, I don't
know that. But that was a chance I wasn't willing to take now.
And also, what are you supposed to do, like, I'll give me
like two bucks back, like change or you know what I mean? Or
I don't know, and it's tad twenty bucks. I could have just given
him the fun. Well that's the thing. It's like, Well, the
twenty dollars that he wrote that he's telling people at costs is kind of arbitrary
when you consider that I didn't sign up for that. I didn't say hey,
can you take a picture here? He pulled her in and made us
take pictures. I guess I could have been like, no Elbie, we're
not taking a picture with them. Yeah, but also it seems we like
it's not like he showed it to me first and was like, just so
you know, we're going to take some pictures with your kid, and it's
going to be twenty bucks. Is that cool? Yeah? No, they
don't do that. They just go twenty dollars, twenty dollars. So I
was like, well, Ilbe, I said, knowing you, I said,
you would have been really upset if I started arguing with the guy and
like had us had to run away, like you would have never forgiven me
for that. And she was like, oh, well, I don't know.
I mean, she's like, ill, no, next I go next
time, skirt away from them because they're trying to do that. And they're
also harassing you to take these bus tours. Oh right, you're going to
say the bus tours come on. They're like in your face with these flyers.
Yes, yeah, like n Italian I went to. We were by
almost by where you take the Staten Island ferry across the thing, and they're
like doing break dancing and they're dan and I was like, oh, look
at these let's watch them. She goes, no, no, no,
keep walking keep yeah. Hell, she knows, she knows. And I'm
like, but she's like, no, no, no, no, they're
gonna rope you into doing this star site. You know this the tour this
site, or at least pay them money or the money I make yicontract hat
right, I gotta like keep walking. Keep it was yeah, it was
that and the tour thing all in the same area, right. She just
got like just keep just get tunnel vision and keep walking. Mom. I
was like, oh all right, oh I know, I know, yeah
it happened. Yeah yeah, well Albie didn't know better. So she's all
like, yeah, yeah, I'm taking a picture for the GRAM. I
can't wait to snap this. The monkeys all my friends are gonna love this
on my story, you know. And by the way, I never even
got those pictures, so, like, I paid twenty dollars for nothing,
for nothing you never see That's the other thing with teenage girls, Like you'll
take like a selfie with the two of you out to dinner, you send
it to me. Yeah, yeah, okay, never ever to be seen
again. Yeah I want that picture. I wanted to take it with us
because she's always like, I'll take the picture, you know, and yeah,
you never get you never never never see it. I always get that
or I get oh yeah yeah, tesll sent it to testas took pictures,
still send you yeah never right right never. So yeah, So then we
went and we got on our flight home, and so we're in the airport
and we're going through security and the Newark we flew in and out of Newark.
It's a calmer airport. Everybody was like, don't fly through JFK,
so we took their advice. Everything is very like new fangled. So we're
going we go through airport security and you put all your stuff in like the
little plastic trays and apparently my boot. So you take off your shoes.
I'm wearing like little like ug rip off not real ugs but Target brand,
yeah, ugs, thirty dollars rugs, and one of them fell off the
thing. So I'm waiting, you know, you're waiting for your stuff.
You go through the X ray machine and I'm waiting for my stuff and I
see one boot, one loan boot on the on the like belt thing,
you know, and I was like, oh uh, where's my other boot?
So then I swear to god, they were at I'm almost scared to
talk about it because this is how fucking serious they take everything, Like I'm
like, oh, where's my other boot? Well, apparently if something falls
out of the thing, it's like a huge deal, like then they have
to double check it as if I plotted that, like right, but if
it's not in a tray for some reason. They're like, nope, now
my suitcase got flagged. So god, They're like, oh, what goes
with this loan boot? So now the boot. I don't know how a
boot got hurt, Like it wasn't trying to jump out of the tray,
Like what do you think is hiding in there? It still went through the
X ray machine, it just wasn't in a plastic tray, do you know
what I'm saying. So I've got like my coat, boots, and like
my purse, my backpack in one tray and then my suitcase is by itself.
Okay, so one of the boots jumps all out ship and now it's
the biggest emergency, Like I get pulled aside. But now I've got so
but out comes the other boot. Like so I got my backpack and my
coat and one boot and now nobody is paying any nobody is like saying anything,
but my suitcase is sitting by itself and no boot. Like so now
I have to flag someone down, and you know how approachable in airport security,
I can't wait to help me. They're just like, oh, what's
going on? How can I be of service to you. No, They're
completely ignoring me, and Elbie's like what's going on and I'm like, well,
I don't know, and nobody interested. And the suitcase is on the
other side. I can't get to it because they pulled it aside. But
they're in no rush now to figure out what the problem is or get me
my boot back. And I saw somebody put it somewhere, so I'm like,
okay, do you not think that boot belongs to somebody? Like what
I know? Like, you know, somebody has one boot right now,
And I'm trying not to get mad, but I was like, excuse me.
I'm like, hey, uh, I have one boot like my other
boot. Somebody took it, so then this lady could not have been reminded
me of Lbie like in the hotel the night before. It's just like,
excuse like she might as well have taken one earpod off to just be like
your bothering, like what raw? And they move so slow off they throw
things to the side the right time, and it's like, bitch, we're
at an airport. This you don't think I got a plane to catch.
This is where I'm anti union. I'm sorry, this is where I drawn
the line. Yeah, you guys are too comfortable, no competition. Yeah.
So finally I'm like, hi, uh, you took my boot and
I only have one and my suitcase is over there. So she's like,
yeah, we had to run it through again, and I go, well,
okay, but it's not coming out, so are you sure it's like
being run through again? And also why do you have to run it through?
So I'm trying not to argue, but I'm like, okay, but
it did come out the other end of the X ray machine like it did
get looked at, and she's like, ma'am when something falls out, and
then she's like, if if you're not going to put your stuff where it's
not going to fall out, that's what happens. Oh, now you're getting
shame because yeah, you get boot shame, pack shame. So then I'm
waiting and waiting and waiting. Finally the other boot comes out and I'm like,
okay, in a tray, in its own little tray, you know,
with a bomb in it. Oh, I can make that joke.
Now you yet that there bomb bomb bomb, bom bomb, No bomb in
my boot. So I put my boot on, but I'm like okay,
but like also my I'm gonna need my suitcase, which is being held hostage
a case of a bomb scare with my fucking ug my non ug my thirty
dollars ug. So then the lady is acting like it is so ruining her
day to have to look in my suitcase and now they have to open my
suitcase their christ. So then she opens my suitcase and there's a face.
Okay, it's like a I can't explain what this is, but it's a
face. It's something you wash your face with. It is not liquid,
okay, it's like the consistency. It's like a little bit looser than like
toothpaste, like a cream, like a cream. It's a cream cleanser okay.
And she's like she opens it up, but she looks through my stuff
and then she pulls out the cleanser and she goes, yeah, you can't
have this. And meanwhile it went through security, no problem. Well as
you are, oh yeah, from LA to New York, nobody's worried about
my cream closure. And she's like, yeah, this got flagged. And
in my mind I'm like, no, my boot got flagged that you were
not. Now you're just trying to find shit to confiscate, you know.
So she's like I said, I said, but that's not it's not a
liquid. It's like a yeah, it's like a cream. And she's like
nothing over four ounces, and I said of a solid, like, because
right, I have like moisture, I had other stuff, but whatever,
I'm not going to say. So I was like, okay, throw it
out. That's the worst. She's like, And then I'm trying to make
a little joke with her. I was like, you can have it.
It's really good stuff. Got it in my fab fit thumb box, you
know, only used it like once. She was like, that's not what
we do. It's gonna get thrown out. I'm like, all right,
I'll take the stick out of here. I got LB. On the one
hand, nobody can tolerate me and jokes. I'm like, I was just
on the Drew Barrymore Show, assholes, I'm really important, did you know?
Don't you know? I think I am so now I'm all shamed.
And then we finally yes, and then we flew home and then Lbe gave
me shit about my AirPod story and uh, yeah, thats my trip.
That's awesome. That the whole I love it. Who everybody was so excited
to hear how your trip went. Yeah, everybody was so so nice.
Yeah, now you guys got some behind the scenes. That's it's awesome.
Yeah. And if you've missed ILB, won't listen to this episode. Yeah,
that's yeah, it's I'll post a link. I guess I posted a
link just to like the first segment and not the whole show. But I'll
post a link to the whole the whole episode. I have it. I
put a link up on the fcol podcast Facebook group two where it's one of
the clips on YouTube. But then you go to our website which is in
the post and you can see all the clips there. Yeah. Yeah,
so that was it was like super super fun and I'm gonna be on I
have an interview that is in Shondaland. Oh website Shondaland that came out today.
Oh there's still stuff happening. Yeah, it's core. It's great.
And just thank you everybody who's bought my book and support. I'm enjoying it.
I'm really enjoying it. It's so good. It's so good, and
it's so funny, and like you know, not for nothing, but like
I sat with you for many, many years now, and I thought,
man, I probably know all these stories. No, I don't. Like,
there's a lot of stuff I didn't know. That's what people are saying
that. A lot of people from fcol were saying that they felt like they
were gonna it was all gonna be stuff they know. No, there's a
lot of interesting stuff, Like, well, I don't want to ruin it.
But you know, yeah, it's really good and it's so relatable and
it's funny and you I listen, I'm listening to it on audible. Oh,
and the way you are narrating it is really good, Like it's not
stuffy and not overact like sometimes people overact or try too hard. It's not
like that at all. Like you're very you're very comfortable. I mean,
I know you're good. Some people not even comfortable reading their own books.
But you are very funny. I felt because it always I felt very stiff
at the beginning, but then I would loosen up by the end. So
hopefully they then they would make me go back and start at the beginning of
the chapter again so that I could get a little looser. Right, Yeah,
but they are like sticklers about like you got to read exactly what you
wrote and sometimes you're like, ohh that could change. But anyway, let's
do a shout out to our our friends The Family Skeptical, which is a
podcast about raising kids without religion, so check it out. And also Wilman
Frida, Palm Springs and Palm Desert great place. They have delicious food.
We love them. Basic Becky can make you a T shirt, make you
a mousepad. Yeah, I've ordered a lot of her stuff over the years,
and you and find her at just basic Becky dot com or Basic Becky
on Facebook. Uh Maren has a sugar Skull on the island of Kawhi and
if you're vacationing there, check them out. Or you can like and follow
their Instagram page at sugar Skull eight oh eight and uh oh. Christine Black
from Storybook World Travel you can find her on Facebook or Instagram Storybook World Travel.
Everybody's always like, who's the travel agent you? I know it's Christine
Black. And also Adam Lerner. He's a car broker. He's helped so
many help people. Robin just met him. The others like my friends had
a little uh watch party for Drew and Robin was there and she I was
like, it's Adam from Adam's Got a Car, Adam's Got a Car dot
com or three one oh nine nine eight seven zero four eight. Anyway,
Thanks everybody, Thanks Kaylin. Thanks, you're a parent. Now, don't
have it up you had, let in't go