WEBVTT 1 00:00:06.240 --> 00:00:09.279 My, my, my, what a journey we were on today. I 2 00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:13.960 love when you send me your questions. I seriously, like get literally angry, 3 00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:16.800 Like I feel my blood boil when I see these messages of how these 4 00:00:16.800 --> 00:00:20.120 companies treat you and how they put you in these positions where you're like, 5 00:00:20.359 --> 00:00:22.879 what the hell am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to win 6 00:00:23.039 --> 00:00:27.399 or get ahead or make a livable wage? They act like making a livable 7 00:00:27.440 --> 00:00:31.160 wage is scandalous, Like I just I don't understand some of these employers. 8 00:00:31.199 --> 00:00:33.960 But anyways, I gotta buy my tongue otherwise one of them is going to 9 00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:37.799 come from me. But remember, I'm so happy to answer these, so 10 00:00:37.920 --> 00:00:41.079 send them in. I've got that link right in the description of this week's 11 00:00:41.079 --> 00:00:44.880 episode and every single episode. You can also check me out at Emily the 12 00:00:44.920 --> 00:00:48.320 Recruiter, on TikTok, on Instagram, and on my YouTube channel. So 13 00:00:48.399 --> 00:00:54.320 thank you so much. You don't forget to leave a rating and subscribe. 14 00:00:55.880 --> 00:00:58.759 The very first time you meet someone, whether you realize it or not, 15 00:00:58.960 --> 00:01:03.039 you are participated in small talk. At the beginning of every single meeting at 16 00:01:03.079 --> 00:01:06.959 work, you are participating in small talk. It's the niceties, it's the 17 00:01:07.000 --> 00:01:10.000 pleasant trees. I know it feels fake, I know it feels awkward, 18 00:01:10.079 --> 00:01:12.920 and you know why because it is. But if you don't participate in small 19 00:01:12.959 --> 00:01:15.640 talk, you are going to come across as an asshole, and I don't 20 00:01:15.640 --> 00:01:19.040 want that for you. Ultimately, it is going to hold back your career. 21 00:01:19.359 --> 00:01:22.920 People are going to think that you are cold. They're going to think 22 00:01:22.920 --> 00:01:25.760 that you don't want to socialize. You are not going to have a strong, 23 00:01:25.840 --> 00:01:30.799 positive personal brand if you haven't mastered the art of small talk. Further 24 00:01:30.920 --> 00:01:34.840 to that, in this video essay just getting not a video essay, but 25 00:01:34.920 --> 00:01:38.400 I'm feeling a little academic batty today because I got my new glasses on. 26 00:01:38.920 --> 00:01:42.040 I do want to say, if you are really, really good at small 27 00:01:42.040 --> 00:01:46.359 talk, that is going to be very important to you, identifying mentors, 28 00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:51.040 identifying people who want to refer you for positions, finding people who want to 29 00:01:51.079 --> 00:01:53.319 help you grow, who want you to get promoted, to build connection. 30 00:01:53.680 --> 00:01:59.200 It even helps you in your social life because the bridge to building a real 31 00:01:59.239 --> 00:02:02.280 relationship, whether it's in a personal or professional setting, is small talk, 32 00:02:02.359 --> 00:02:06.319 whether we like it or not. And the better you are at small talk, 33 00:02:06.560 --> 00:02:09.080 the better you are going to succeed and thrive in all of these other 34 00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:13.520 areas of relationship building. Do you want to get really stinking good at small 35 00:02:13.520 --> 00:02:16.479 talk, you either need to be really stinking good at asking questions or at 36 00:02:16.520 --> 00:02:22.639 answering questions. The easiest way to build relationships is by asking questions. I 37 00:02:22.680 --> 00:02:27.560 actually think that is the best best. I think that's the best method for 38 00:02:27.599 --> 00:02:30.360 you to take. Is to be the person who initiates and controls the conversation. 39 00:02:30.560 --> 00:02:34.159 It does not mean that you have to be extroverted, and it also 40 00:02:34.240 --> 00:02:38.080 doesn't mean that you are dominating the conversation, but it does mean that you 41 00:02:38.120 --> 00:02:42.639 are taking charge of the energy in the chat. If you enter a new 42 00:02:42.680 --> 00:02:46.159 conversation with somebody, let's say it's at work, and you are the person 43 00:02:46.199 --> 00:02:50.360 who goes out of their way to make a safe environment and to ask questions 44 00:02:50.360 --> 00:02:53.599 and to inquire about somebody, people are naturally going to associate you with being 45 00:02:53.639 --> 00:02:59.400 more confident and being able to facilitate relationships, both of which are fantastic things. 46 00:02:59.639 --> 00:03:02.039 Plus, like I said, people love talking about themselves, whether they 47 00:03:02.080 --> 00:03:07.120 realize it or not. They're way more comfortable talking to you about their personal 48 00:03:07.159 --> 00:03:09.000 lives, their pets, whatever it might be, than they are going to 49 00:03:09.039 --> 00:03:13.680 be asking you questions. So I get that you feel awkward and uncomfortable, 50 00:03:13.919 --> 00:03:17.639 but so does everybody else. I highly suggest that you take on the position 51 00:03:17.719 --> 00:03:22.199 of power. You put on that power suit, bestie, and you are 52 00:03:22.199 --> 00:03:25.039 going to ask those hard hitting questions to the person that you are connecting with. 53 00:03:25.400 --> 00:03:28.960 And there's an easy formula for this. You don't need to have a 54 00:03:29.000 --> 00:03:31.800 new topic of conversation for everybody that you meet with. In fact, I 55 00:03:31.919 --> 00:03:37.319 usually ask the same four or five questions because it feels more authentic to me. 56 00:03:37.639 --> 00:03:40.080 So what I would do is think of three or four questions maybe five 57 00:03:40.120 --> 00:03:45.719 if you're feeling wild, that are pretty natural or like aligned to your personal 58 00:03:45.719 --> 00:03:49.639 brand, and start every conversation with those. For me, I'm a big 59 00:03:49.680 --> 00:03:53.560 Netflix girl. I love television. I love reality TV, So I ask 60 00:03:53.639 --> 00:03:57.520 people what have you been watching on Netflix recently? I feel like I'm running 61 00:03:57.560 --> 00:04:00.599 out of TV show options? Or how is your week and did you get 62 00:04:00.680 --> 00:04:04.159 up to anything exciting? Having language in there that is thoughtful and is not 63 00:04:04.240 --> 00:04:08.240 just how was your weekend? How was your day? How was your lunch? 64 00:04:08.639 --> 00:04:11.439 Have some pizzazz in there? Oh, how was your lunch? Did 65 00:04:11.479 --> 00:04:14.400 you end up trying anything new in the area. I'm always on the hunt 66 00:04:14.400 --> 00:04:17.480 for new restaurants. Have some personal antecdotes in there that aren't just cut and 67 00:04:17.560 --> 00:04:23.439 dry asking someone a question, because then you're giving that also awkward and uncomfortable 68 00:04:23.480 --> 00:04:27.160 person an opportunity to open up and share a little bit more. And the 69 00:04:27.279 --> 00:04:30.000 slight language shift actually makes a really significant difference. If you feel like you 70 00:04:30.040 --> 00:04:33.600 need a little bit of time before you become the question asker, it's okay 71 00:04:33.600 --> 00:04:38.759 to just practice on being better at answering your questions. Basically, my only 72 00:04:38.759 --> 00:04:41.480 piece of advice for this is, don't give a one word answer. Why 73 00:04:41.480 --> 00:04:44.279 would you ever do that? Imagine you're on a date. Okay, let 74 00:04:44.279 --> 00:04:46.839 me paint the scene. You and I were out at a fancy little restaurant. 75 00:04:46.839 --> 00:04:50.680 Obviously it's Italian because I'm Italian. I tell you that I had a 76 00:04:50.680 --> 00:04:55.040 great weekend, and I ask you how yours was, and you say good? 77 00:04:55.639 --> 00:04:58.399 And that's it. What am I supposed to do with that? Think 78 00:04:58.399 --> 00:05:01.160 about how awkward it would be for you to reply to a dry ass comment. 79 00:05:01.279 --> 00:05:03.959 Now, how are you going to step it up so that you facilitate 80 00:05:04.040 --> 00:05:10.079 great conversation? Do not be a one word answer person, give people something 81 00:05:10.120 --> 00:05:13.480 to work with. Sorry if you hear my dog sneezing, because he just 82 00:05:13.519 --> 00:05:15.480 had to give you to something to work with, like he was just going 83 00:05:15.560 --> 00:05:18.720 for it. But if someone asks you how your weekend was, even if 84 00:05:18.720 --> 00:05:23.000 it's at the beginning of an interview or at the beginning of a networking session, 85 00:05:23.079 --> 00:05:27.399 don't say it was good. So it was great I did answered something, 86 00:05:27.560 --> 00:05:30.439 because then it gives them something to talk to you about. It was 87 00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:31.920 great. I tried a new workout class. It was awesome. The weather 88 00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:35.040 was great, so I ended up walking by the lake. You're basically giving 89 00:05:35.079 --> 00:05:39.319 them a little bit more a insight into who you are, but be it's 90 00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:44.519 starting to facilitate that conversation in a way that feels less transactional and ultimately will 91 00:05:44.560 --> 00:05:48.160 make that kind of uncomfy feeling and vibe that we get from small talk kind 92 00:05:48.199 --> 00:05:50.600 of dissipate. Now, a lot of people are going to tell you that 93 00:05:50.639 --> 00:05:54.759 it's a great idea to have a partner in crime when you're networking, Like 94 00:05:54.839 --> 00:05:58.199 maybe it's a friend you go to these events with. But if you have 95 00:05:58.279 --> 00:06:01.639 an extroverted friend or even friend who is slightly more extroverted than you, they're 96 00:06:01.639 --> 00:06:04.839 going to end up overshining you and overshadowing you, and you're not going to 97 00:06:04.920 --> 00:06:08.839 be able to practice all of these great things that we just talked about. 98 00:06:09.079 --> 00:06:12.639 So it's important that you get comfortable in your own skin and develop your own 99 00:06:12.680 --> 00:06:15.360 confidence in these one on one conversations so that it starts to feel like something 100 00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:18.639 you have done, not something that you need to do with somebody else. 101 00:06:18.639 --> 00:06:21.879 The more you practice and put yourself in these positions, the better it is 102 00:06:21.920 --> 00:06:26.199 going to be. But these tips are simple for a reason. You don't 103 00:06:26.199 --> 00:06:29.879 need to suddenly become an extrovert overnight. You just need to become the kind 104 00:06:29.920 --> 00:06:33.759 of person who is comfortable, yeah, kind of putting themselves into uncomfy situations, 105 00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:39.560 asking questions and giving people something to work with when you answer them. 106 00:06:39.800 --> 00:06:44.959 It is not good enough to give a dry, flat vanilla response at some 107 00:06:45.079 --> 00:06:47.360 swirls, at some sprinkles, give me a sugar cone, okay. I 108 00:06:47.439 --> 00:06:53.560 need you to spice up your conversations and give people topics that they can resonate 109 00:06:53.560 --> 00:06:56.720 with. And the more you practice, the better it will get. I 110 00:06:56.800 --> 00:07:00.120 promise you don't need to be an extrovert in order to be in effective networker 111 00:07:00.160 --> 00:07:04.040 and an effective communicator. It's just about working with what you got. Baby. 112 00:07:04.399 --> 00:07:08.279 Speaking of what you got, you got some questions. Are you ready 113 00:07:08.279 --> 00:07:11.360 for some answers, because let's get into your questions of the week. Dear 114 00:07:11.399 --> 00:07:15.240 Emily, how can I stop people pleasing at work and in my personal life? 115 00:07:15.319 --> 00:07:17.480 Oh? Sincerely, people pleaser? Hello, my friend, I am 116 00:07:17.480 --> 00:07:21.319 a former people pleaser and right now the only person I care to please as 117 00:07:21.360 --> 00:07:25.199 me myself and I not like that you little freaks. Okay, keep your 118 00:07:25.199 --> 00:07:28.199 minds out of their cutter. But this is something that I hear all the 119 00:07:28.240 --> 00:07:30.439 time, especially from people who are a bit earlier in their career, and 120 00:07:30.600 --> 00:07:35.360 this perspective really changed my mind. It really helped me kind of step out 121 00:07:35.360 --> 00:07:40.040 of that state of fear. The reason we are convinced that we need to 122 00:07:40.079 --> 00:07:44.920 please other people is because we don't have the confidence in ourselves. We don't 123 00:07:44.920 --> 00:07:47.120 think that the decisions we make are the right ones. We don't have the 124 00:07:47.160 --> 00:07:51.319 confidence in ourselves to trust our gut, to lead our own career, to 125 00:07:51.360 --> 00:07:57.279 take initiative, to take on things independently. Great example of this is if 126 00:07:57.279 --> 00:08:01.360 you focus on people pleasing in your dating life, you are never dating for 127 00:08:01.399 --> 00:08:03.639 yourself and you are never trying to find a partner for you. You are 128 00:08:03.720 --> 00:08:07.560 always trying to find you a partner that is happy with who you are. 129 00:08:07.879 --> 00:08:11.839 Same would go for a job. You're never doing the work that matters. 130 00:08:11.879 --> 00:08:15.519 You're doing the work in a way that other people want you to. Sometimes 131 00:08:15.519 --> 00:08:18.279 that makes sense, a lot of times it doesn't. So the first thing 132 00:08:18.319 --> 00:08:22.319 you need to do is really focus on gaining your confidence, and gaining confidence 133 00:08:22.360 --> 00:08:26.240 in a way that is authentic, like not the fake confidence, not cockiness, 134 00:08:26.480 --> 00:08:30.199 but really reminding yourself of the value that you bring to the table. 135 00:08:30.319 --> 00:08:35.039 Reminding yourself you have nothing to prove. The only person who has the power 136 00:08:35.080 --> 00:08:39.000 to make you feel inferior is you. And it is easy to stop people 137 00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:43.600 pleasing when you realize you should only be pleasing yourself. Another thing that you 138 00:08:43.639 --> 00:08:46.279 can do is set healthy boundaries. So if there are certain people for you 139 00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:48.480 know they're going to stress you out, Yeah, they're not going to be 140 00:08:48.519 --> 00:08:52.120 easy to work with. You are going to feel like you need to go 141 00:08:52.159 --> 00:08:56.279 above and beyond to make them satisfied and make them happy. Set a personal 142 00:08:56.279 --> 00:08:58.960 boundary with yourself that you will only work till X hour or you will only 143 00:09:00.200 --> 00:09:03.279 deliver x output, and that is all in the effort to protecting your piece. 144 00:09:05.200 --> 00:09:07.559 Dear Emily, I'm a new graduate. How can I get a recruiter 145 00:09:07.600 --> 00:09:11.159 to at least give me a chance for an interview. I'm interested in marketing 146 00:09:11.159 --> 00:09:15.559 and entry level jobs in Toronto. Well, congrats on graduating, and I'm 147 00:09:15.600 --> 00:09:18.120 excited that you're choosing Toronto because it's an amazing place to be. Although I'm 148 00:09:18.320 --> 00:09:22.240 very, very biased a few things. Number One, you need to redefine 149 00:09:22.279 --> 00:09:26.320 what experience means. I always see new graduates be too scared to apply for 150 00:09:26.399 --> 00:09:31.720 jobs because they think they're underqualified. Your academic experience is still experience, so 151 00:09:31.840 --> 00:09:35.799 do not shortcount yourself on that at all. What you really need to over 152 00:09:35.919 --> 00:09:39.039 index on, though, is your networking. That is actually going to be 153 00:09:39.080 --> 00:09:43.679 the most valuable asset. If you're just applying for jobs on LinkedIn, I'm 154 00:09:43.679 --> 00:09:46.960 telling you you're not going to get a job, especially in this market where 155 00:09:46.159 --> 00:09:50.279 things are a little bit tumultuous, as I am sure you know, so 156 00:09:50.559 --> 00:09:52.840 you really need to be focusing on networking. I do have a full episode 157 00:09:52.879 --> 00:09:56.279 on how to build a network, but you basically need to find mentors and 158 00:09:56.360 --> 00:10:01.000 people to connect you to the right jobs. I would all so highly recommend 159 00:10:01.120 --> 00:10:03.279 checking out the website fish Bowl. It says this is not sponsored. I 160 00:10:03.320 --> 00:10:07.960 have worked with them in the past, but that's neither here nor there, 161 00:10:07.000 --> 00:10:11.759 because I have recommended them before. But basically, you can go on websites 162 00:10:11.799 --> 00:10:16.799 like fish Bowl and sometimes on Reddit and people will literally like encourage you to 163 00:10:16.840 --> 00:10:20.080 get referrals, like they'll give you a referral for a job for free because 164 00:10:20.080 --> 00:10:22.840 they get paid if you get hired. So if you need to do a 165 00:10:22.879 --> 00:10:26.000 bit of a shortcut, focus on that. But your efforts really need to 166 00:10:26.039 --> 00:10:30.360 be on the networking and on getting referrals because that's what's going to get you 167 00:10:30.399 --> 00:10:33.480 the interviews. It's not going to be you just directly applying for a job. 168 00:10:35.360 --> 00:10:37.720 Oh this question kind of ties in really well to that. It's how 169 00:10:37.759 --> 00:10:41.240 can I have my resume stand out from the pile and actually get an interview. 170 00:10:41.279 --> 00:10:43.919 Recession job hunting is killing me. I feel you, I don't know 171 00:10:45.000 --> 00:10:48.840 what is in the water man, Like the recession job hunt situation is freaking 172 00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:54.720 out of control, Like it's been painful. I do feel optimistic and that 173 00:10:54.720 --> 00:10:58.039 things are going to start to level out and things will get better. Obviously 174 00:10:58.120 --> 00:11:01.960 I can't predict the future, but you feel optimistic, which I'm hearing from 175 00:11:01.960 --> 00:11:03.799 a few different places, which is good. This kind of ties into the 176 00:11:03.840 --> 00:11:09.120 last question because if your resume is solid and you know that your resume has 177 00:11:09.120 --> 00:11:13.240 all of the information that's important a lot of times, Bessie, it has 178 00:11:13.279 --> 00:11:16.960 nothing to do with your besume. You actually need to network because most recruiters 179 00:11:18.039 --> 00:11:20.559 right now are getting thousands of applications for every job. And I say this 180 00:11:20.600 --> 00:11:22.879 all the time. A lot of recruiters are not good at their job. 181 00:11:24.120 --> 00:11:26.639 So what you need to do is reach out to them directly after you apply 182 00:11:26.759 --> 00:11:31.000 on LinkedIn, but you need to get referrals for people who work on the 183 00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:33.759 teams you want to work at. Like it is not enough just to connect 184 00:11:33.759 --> 00:11:37.480 with the recruiters. I need you to go to the person who currently occupies 185 00:11:37.519 --> 00:11:39.600 the job you've applied to and say, Hey, I've applied for this position. 186 00:11:39.639 --> 00:11:43.320 I'd love to hop on the phone and learn more about your career at 187 00:11:43.320 --> 00:11:46.559 this company and just talk to them, get to know them, make it 188 00:11:46.600 --> 00:11:48.759 a network. Can call and then ask if they're comfortable and feel like you're 189 00:11:48.759 --> 00:11:52.120 a good fit, could they potentially connect you with a recruiter for that role. 190 00:11:52.200 --> 00:11:56.879 But unfortunately, with the high volume of candidates we're seeing in the market, 191 00:11:56.960 --> 00:12:00.600 I'm really going to need you to focus on networking. That's what's going 192 00:12:00.639 --> 00:12:11.039 to make you stand out for the pack. Oh this was a fun one. 193 00:12:11.080 --> 00:12:13.600 Oh my gosh. I love getting all of these questions y'all, so 194 00:12:13.720 --> 00:12:16.679 thank you so much for sending them in. I only answered a couple today 195 00:12:16.720 --> 00:12:18.720 just because this episode is a little bit longer. But if you're not, 196 00:12:18.799 --> 00:12:22.840 if you have already submit your question, I promise I will be looking at 197 00:12:22.840 --> 00:12:24.720 them. They will get answered, and don't forget to send in more as 198 00:12:24.720 --> 00:12:28.960 we go through, and remember leave a rating and a review and honestly helps 199 00:12:30.120 --> 00:12:33.039 so much. And if you want more content for me, I post twice 200 00:12:33.039 --> 00:12:35.399 a week on YouTube, on Instagram, on TikTok, all of that great 201 00:12:35.399 --> 00:12:39.720 stuff. So really excited to keep making some content. I love seeing you 202 00:12:39.759 --> 00:12:43.320 all love the show. It honestly means the world to me. But I 203 00:12:43.360 --> 00:12:46.240 think that's it is that all the big stuff, I think, so happy 204 00:12:46.320 --> 00:12:48.440 small talking and I will talk to you next week.