My, my, my, what a journey we were on today. I
love when you send me your questions. I seriously, like get literally angry,
Like I feel my blood boil when I see these messages of how these
companies treat you and how they put you in these positions where you're like,
what the hell am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to win
or get ahead or make a livable wage? They act like making a livable
wage is scandalous, Like I just I don't understand some of these employers.
But anyways, I gotta buy my tongue otherwise one of them is going to
come from me. But remember, I'm so happy to answer these, so
send them in. I've got that link right in the description of this week's
episode and every single episode. You can also check me out at Emily the
Recruiter, on TikTok, on Instagram, and on my YouTube channel. So
thank you so much. You don't forget to leave a rating and subscribe.
The very first time you meet someone, whether you realize it or not,
you are participated in small talk. At the beginning of every single meeting at
work, you are participating in small talk. It's the niceties, it's the
pleasant trees. I know it feels fake, I know it feels awkward,
and you know why because it is. But if you don't participate in small
talk, you are going to come across as an asshole, and I don't
want that for you. Ultimately, it is going to hold back your career.
People are going to think that you are cold. They're going to think
that you don't want to socialize. You are not going to have a strong,
positive personal brand if you haven't mastered the art of small talk. Further
to that, in this video essay just getting not a video essay, but
I'm feeling a little academic batty today because I got my new glasses on.
I do want to say, if you are really, really good at small
talk, that is going to be very important to you, identifying mentors,
identifying people who want to refer you for positions, finding people who want to
help you grow, who want you to get promoted, to build connection.
It even helps you in your social life because the bridge to building a real
relationship, whether it's in a personal or professional setting, is small talk,
whether we like it or not. And the better you are at small talk,
the better you are going to succeed and thrive in all of these other
areas of relationship building. Do you want to get really stinking good at small
talk, you either need to be really stinking good at asking questions or at
answering questions. The easiest way to build relationships is by asking questions. I
actually think that is the best best. I think that's the best method for
you to take. Is to be the person who initiates and controls the conversation.
It does not mean that you have to be extroverted, and it also
doesn't mean that you are dominating the conversation, but it does mean that you
are taking charge of the energy in the chat. If you enter a new
conversation with somebody, let's say it's at work, and you are the person
who goes out of their way to make a safe environment and to ask questions
and to inquire about somebody, people are naturally going to associate you with being
more confident and being able to facilitate relationships, both of which are fantastic things.
Plus, like I said, people love talking about themselves, whether they
realize it or not. They're way more comfortable talking to you about their personal
lives, their pets, whatever it might be, than they are going to
be asking you questions. So I get that you feel awkward and uncomfortable,
but so does everybody else. I highly suggest that you take on the position
of power. You put on that power suit, bestie, and you are
going to ask those hard hitting questions to the person that you are connecting with.
And there's an easy formula for this. You don't need to have a
new topic of conversation for everybody that you meet with. In fact, I
usually ask the same four or five questions because it feels more authentic to me.
So what I would do is think of three or four questions maybe five
if you're feeling wild, that are pretty natural or like aligned to your personal
brand, and start every conversation with those. For me, I'm a big
Netflix girl. I love television. I love reality TV, So I ask
people what have you been watching on Netflix recently? I feel like I'm running
out of TV show options? Or how is your week and did you get
up to anything exciting? Having language in there that is thoughtful and is not
just how was your weekend? How was your day? How was your lunch?
Have some pizzazz in there? Oh, how was your lunch? Did
you end up trying anything new in the area. I'm always on the hunt
for new restaurants. Have some personal antecdotes in there that aren't just cut and
dry asking someone a question, because then you're giving that also awkward and uncomfortable
person an opportunity to open up and share a little bit more. And the
slight language shift actually makes a really significant difference. If you feel like you
need a little bit of time before you become the question asker, it's okay
to just practice on being better at answering your questions. Basically, my only
piece of advice for this is, don't give a one word answer. Why
would you ever do that? Imagine you're on a date. Okay, let
me paint the scene. You and I were out at a fancy little restaurant.
Obviously it's Italian because I'm Italian. I tell you that I had a
great weekend, and I ask you how yours was, and you say good?
And that's it. What am I supposed to do with that? Think
about how awkward it would be for you to reply to a dry ass comment.
Now, how are you going to step it up so that you facilitate
great conversation? Do not be a one word answer person, give people something
to work with. Sorry if you hear my dog sneezing, because he just
had to give you to something to work with, like he was just going
for it. But if someone asks you how your weekend was, even if
it's at the beginning of an interview or at the beginning of a networking session,
don't say it was good. So it was great I did answered something,
because then it gives them something to talk to you about. It was
great. I tried a new workout class. It was awesome. The weather
was great, so I ended up walking by the lake. You're basically giving
them a little bit more a insight into who you are, but be it's
starting to facilitate that conversation in a way that feels less transactional and ultimately will
make that kind of uncomfy feeling and vibe that we get from small talk kind
of dissipate. Now, a lot of people are going to tell you that
it's a great idea to have a partner in crime when you're networking, Like
maybe it's a friend you go to these events with. But if you have
an extroverted friend or even friend who is slightly more extroverted than you, they're
going to end up overshining you and overshadowing you, and you're not going to
be able to practice all of these great things that we just talked about.
So it's important that you get comfortable in your own skin and develop your own
confidence in these one on one conversations so that it starts to feel like something
you have done, not something that you need to do with somebody else.
The more you practice and put yourself in these positions, the better it is
going to be. But these tips are simple for a reason. You don't
need to suddenly become an extrovert overnight. You just need to become the kind
of person who is comfortable, yeah, kind of putting themselves into uncomfy situations,
asking questions and giving people something to work with when you answer them.
It is not good enough to give a dry, flat vanilla response at some
swirls, at some sprinkles, give me a sugar cone, okay. I
need you to spice up your conversations and give people topics that they can resonate
with. And the more you practice, the better it will get. I
promise you don't need to be an extrovert in order to be in effective networker
and an effective communicator. It's just about working with what you got. Baby.
Speaking of what you got, you got some questions. Are you ready
for some answers, because let's get into your questions of the week. Dear
Emily, how can I stop people pleasing at work and in my personal life?
Oh? Sincerely, people pleaser? Hello, my friend, I am
a former people pleaser and right now the only person I care to please as
me myself and I not like that you little freaks. Okay, keep your
minds out of their cutter. But this is something that I hear all the
time, especially from people who are a bit earlier in their career, and
this perspective really changed my mind. It really helped me kind of step out
of that state of fear. The reason we are convinced that we need to
please other people is because we don't have the confidence in ourselves. We don't
think that the decisions we make are the right ones. We don't have the
confidence in ourselves to trust our gut, to lead our own career, to
take initiative, to take on things independently. Great example of this is if
you focus on people pleasing in your dating life, you are never dating for
yourself and you are never trying to find a partner for you. You are
always trying to find you a partner that is happy with who you are.
Same would go for a job. You're never doing the work that matters.
You're doing the work in a way that other people want you to. Sometimes
that makes sense, a lot of times it doesn't. So the first thing
you need to do is really focus on gaining your confidence, and gaining confidence
in a way that is authentic, like not the fake confidence, not cockiness,
but really reminding yourself of the value that you bring to the table.
Reminding yourself you have nothing to prove. The only person who has the power
to make you feel inferior is you. And it is easy to stop people
pleasing when you realize you should only be pleasing yourself. Another thing that you
can do is set healthy boundaries. So if there are certain people for you
know they're going to stress you out, Yeah, they're not going to be
easy to work with. You are going to feel like you need to go
above and beyond to make them satisfied and make them happy. Set a personal
boundary with yourself that you will only work till X hour or you will only
deliver x output, and that is all in the effort to protecting your piece.
Dear Emily, I'm a new graduate. How can I get a recruiter
to at least give me a chance for an interview. I'm interested in marketing
and entry level jobs in Toronto. Well, congrats on graduating, and I'm
excited that you're choosing Toronto because it's an amazing place to be. Although I'm
very, very biased a few things. Number One, you need to redefine
what experience means. I always see new graduates be too scared to apply for
jobs because they think they're underqualified. Your academic experience is still experience, so
do not shortcount yourself on that at all. What you really need to over
index on, though, is your networking. That is actually going to be
the most valuable asset. If you're just applying for jobs on LinkedIn, I'm
telling you you're not going to get a job, especially in this market where
things are a little bit tumultuous, as I am sure you know, so
you really need to be focusing on networking. I do have a full episode
on how to build a network, but you basically need to find mentors and
people to connect you to the right jobs. I would all so highly recommend
checking out the website fish Bowl. It says this is not sponsored. I
have worked with them in the past, but that's neither here nor there,
because I have recommended them before. But basically, you can go on websites
like fish Bowl and sometimes on Reddit and people will literally like encourage you to
get referrals, like they'll give you a referral for a job for free because
they get paid if you get hired. So if you need to do a
bit of a shortcut, focus on that. But your efforts really need to
be on the networking and on getting referrals because that's what's going to get you
the interviews. It's not going to be you just directly applying for a job.
Oh this question kind of ties in really well to that. It's how
can I have my resume stand out from the pile and actually get an interview.
Recession job hunting is killing me. I feel you, I don't know
what is in the water man, Like the recession job hunt situation is freaking
out of control, Like it's been painful. I do feel optimistic and that
things are going to start to level out and things will get better. Obviously
I can't predict the future, but you feel optimistic, which I'm hearing from
a few different places, which is good. This kind of ties into the
last question because if your resume is solid and you know that your resume has
all of the information that's important a lot of times, Bessie, it has
nothing to do with your besume. You actually need to network because most recruiters
right now are getting thousands of applications for every job. And I say this
all the time. A lot of recruiters are not good at their job.
So what you need to do is reach out to them directly after you apply
on LinkedIn, but you need to get referrals for people who work on the
teams you want to work at. Like it is not enough just to connect
with the recruiters. I need you to go to the person who currently occupies
the job you've applied to and say, Hey, I've applied for this position.
I'd love to hop on the phone and learn more about your career at
this company and just talk to them, get to know them, make it
a network. Can call and then ask if they're comfortable and feel like you're
a good fit, could they potentially connect you with a recruiter for that role.
But unfortunately, with the high volume of candidates we're seeing in the market,
I'm really going to need you to focus on networking. That's what's going
to make you stand out for the pack. Oh this was a fun one.
Oh my gosh. I love getting all of these questions y'all, so
thank you so much for sending them in. I only answered a couple today
just because this episode is a little bit longer. But if you're not,
if you have already submit your question, I promise I will be looking at
them. They will get answered, and don't forget to send in more as
we go through, and remember leave a rating and a review and honestly helps
so much. And if you want more content for me, I post twice
a week on YouTube, on Instagram, on TikTok, all of that great
stuff. So really excited to keep making some content. I love seeing you
all love the show. It honestly means the world to me. But I
think that's it is that all the big stuff, I think, so happy
small talking and I will talk to you next week.