Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome back to softcore history. I am your host and
producer, Damn Regester. This is a damn register joint and I'm joined as
always Spike Lee. Hey, it's Jake Woman. Dan's Dan's really feeling himself
tonight. He's put us in a better space, and I agree with him.
He should be feeling good about it. What's our second podcast in this
space? It's a good space. It's a lot less. I'm not sitting
on Rob's lap. Also, Rob's not he Rob's not here. Yeah,
it's his anniversary, first anniversary. Sure, this time last year, we
were all in New Orleans getting fucked up. We were, yeah, too
fucked out. Well, you were. The person I'm talking to was Alex
Bushemiah was going to introduce him next. What's up, guys, how's it
going? Welcome back? Yeah? This time last year, I lost everything.
You lost no password on your phone? Calling? Yeah, like six
in the morning, We're about to leave at eight. I think he had
like a two hour gap where he had to get all the ship together and
we had to try to find stuff, like he had lost his thing all
throughout the city of New Orleans, and we had to try to piece that
together. Unfortunately we we couldn't. We didn't figure out that puzzle. No,
it is election native, just the e You're gonna be listening to this
on the day of probably election day. Yeah, Um, it's it's a
little eerie, right, No, this this one's kind of It's not like
you don't think so you know, I think you know, of all the
elections we've had, this one's probably the least important. Yeah, if you
haven't voted yet, waited out, just wait for the next freecount, you
know. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, no,
for sure. No, it's a yeah, it's definitely weird. Um,
it's like the calm before the storm. You know, some shit's gonna be
happening absolutely one way or another. Like some Trump's gonna say some shit.
Some people are gonna cry at like a cry in at some of like super
hyper liberal thing. If Trump wins, like you got maga people, uh
blocking the roads, you see, I don't think maga people do anything.
If Biden wins, I mean you'll have maybe the occasional like I don't know,
militia from Michigan or something, your occasional Christian conservatives. I don't I
don't think it. I think it gets bad if Trump wins again, like
riot in the streets again. So are you saying because of Antifa? Nah?
Whatever, that's more of an idea. Rights is part of it.
The Trump the Trump supporters seem kind of aggressive and potentially violent as well.
I don't know, I think it. I think if by if Trump loses,
there's a greater potential for looting and stuff like that. But if Biden
wins, there's a greater potential for a mass shooting of some kind. Both
sides think they're gonna win in a landslide. Dude, it's incredible. There's
no in between. People don't How do people not think it's going to be
super close? Like I think it's obviously it's gonna be close as hell.
Yeah, if you just do the math with the electoral votes, it's gonna
be ideally So the scenario came out and I'll put it out there. Fuck
you for this one. If nobody gets two hundred and seventy electorial votes,
I believe the president goes to the House, which is Democratic control right now,
so Biden would win. But then the VP goes to the Senate,
which is Republican control. And we could have a scenario where Biden is president
and Trump is VP. They would put pension over Trump. No, I
think Trump at VP would be kind of funny. No, they would put
pension though the Senate. The Senate would put pension because they could just be
like, yo, just make us look good, like you know what I
mean. I just don't see a scenario where Trump is the vice president.
Trump wouldn't be there. You don't think he would take it or no,
he would try to like submarine Biden, you know it, with the amount
of pending lawsuits in like criminal cases he has waiting for him, a public
office he would take. Yeah, I mean how many times has Putin taken
like second fiddle by like under like there's the skies of democracy in Russia?
Has he done that? Well? I know he used to always switch,
remember like president the VP president, but he controlled it at all times,
right, Yeah, no, because he runs the Russian mafia. And we've
discussed this, like Russia is like pretty cool with Putin because historically he's not
that bad. No, it could always be worse. It could be so
much worse in Russia. It could always be worse in Russia. Jess.
Yeah, so yeah, I mean obviously a lot of civil unrest right now.
Yeah, there's the possibility of Trump would go to jail after if he
loses. Well, yes, you have to go through some courts. He
leaves the country, yeah he gone, yeah, no, why would he
stick around. He's not gonna stick around for people that don't want him.
No. Yeah, he did say I'm going to leave the country if I
lose. Did he say that already because he knows he's gonna go? Are
so old? Like that's the thing. If I lose, I'm just going
I'm retiring on a golf course, especially if I own multiple golf courses,
right, Like It's like Trump just go to Turnberry, Scotland. Yeah,
or is that where a Turnberry is? Yeah? Okay, that's a thing,
man, Like I think that's a perfect lead into what we're talking about
today. Yeah, top, we were actually going to cover an election,
uh in I believe it was eighteen seventy two? Was it eighteen it was?
It was eighteen seventy two. Others here, Okay, good, I
hope you know what your topic election is. Well, you know, we're
getting a little laid back tonight. This is gonna be a relaxed fit up.
We got boosh here. We're just we're just here to kind of riff.
Yeah, you know Rob's not here. He's not gonna undermine our jokes.
He only undermines your jokes, I know, because he wants to be
the funniest in the right. Man. You're talking a lot of shit.
You're talking a lot of shit. Yeah, it's so he listens to the
podcast. We'll actually know if Rob listen. He won't. He won't on
his flight back. Where is no he he's on South Congress right now.
He's doing a staycation. Yeah, it makes sense. Come on, I'm
watching his dogs right now. Oh yeah, yeah, he couldn't take his
dogs on a staycation on one sea. One dog in a stet Well,
actually, I take my dog almost everywhere. I pretty much take yeah everywhere.
Yeah, but yeah, no, So eighteen seven to election, it's
between the incumbent President Ulysses S. Grant YEP and Horace war hero Ulysses S.
Grant, war Hero General of the Northern Troops Ulysses S. Grant and
the challenger Horace Greenley of the Liberal Republican Party. Yeah, we'll get into
that. But I figured we just start, which is kind of like the
first term of Grant, because I feel like people obviously know he led the
Union soldiers in the Civil War, right, but not a whole lot of
people understand like what he did in office. Everyone just kind of like the
rap he gets is that he's a raging alcoholic and he uh is pretty corrupt.
Yeah, that's that's kind of like the book on Grant. It's a
book on I mean, mainly people just say, oh, he's the one
who won the Civil War. He's on the fifty dollar bill. Yeah,
if you're on money, you're pretty you know what, Actually, if you're
on money, you're not excused him a lot. Andrew Jackson's on the twenty
and like, well, Grant has a much better policy with Indians than smallpox,
has a better policy with Indians than Andrew Jackson. So I'm just gonna
put that out there. It might be offensive, but it probably part of
it was a partnership with Jackson and smallpox. Yeah, that was probably Andrew
Jackson's running made at one point. Yeah Grants yikes. Anyway, Yeah,
no, so I mean us, I can't talk to that Ulysses S.
Grant. He has this rap for being corrupted because he hied Alls boys.
Yeah, I'm here to tell you Grant was a good man. This is
this whole podcast. If there's one thing you take away from it, it's
that Grant was just too trust in of his boys, of his counsel,
his counsel, his war buddies, pretty much anyone he put in office.
Grant was a good human deep down, but he put too much trust some
people. Okay, that doesn't do anything for me. No, yeah,
that doesn't do anything for the country either. But so we're covering this,
I guess how good of a person you are. It's not just it's not
just a Ulysses Grant suck off. We're also this is a pretty interesting election.
Yeah, he is Grant from Philly or something like. I'm wondering why
you're you're so quick to defend him. He's from Virginia. Yeah, oh,
I think Oh and Robert Lee were both from Virginia. I'm probably thinking
Robert E. Lee right now, but I'm pretty sure. I feel like
everyone was from Virginia in the eighteen seventy I'm from Virginia, Yeah, from
Virginia's degree. It's probably I mean, I should probably have this off the
top of he's from Point Pleasant, Ohio. Yeah, he's from Ohio.
Oh fucking yank. He is a Yank. His first term, he was
sworn in March fourth, eighteen sixty nine, as the eighteenth President of the
United States, where he spent the majority of his speech urgin the ratification of
the Fifteenth Amendment, which of course prohibits the federal government or states to deny
voting rights based on race, color, or previous conditions of servitude. That's
awesome, good for him. He was so woke for his time. That's
really woke. It was the most woke no one, no one was doing
that. No. So uh, within a year he passes that amendment,
gets it done, gets it done. He gets something done. But of
course, you know at the time, the set, you know, it's
the South, Jim Crow is a thing. No, no, Jim Crow's
not a thing. Yeah, that was like, this is reconstruction. This
was a time where, honestly, like right after the Civil War reconstruction,
blacks are kind of thriving, like low key, it's a really good time
to be a black. Well that's that's nineteen twenty by Wall Street nineteen twenty
you got to build it up right. Reconstruction is really good time to be
African American in this country. Obviously, Um, you know you're not a
slave anymore. Well, yeah, it's everything. Everything's a step in the
right direction when you're not property, right, when you're when you're a human.
Yeah. But they still got screwed big time, like they they were
by the South. Yeah, but like they also they got screwed just because,
um, you know, well because Davis was basically a Confederate even though
he was Lincoln's um VP, because Lincoln's whole attempt of reaching across the was
to hire an essential Confederate as his VP. So when Lincoln got killed,
there was a Confederate guy replaced him. And so oh the acres and the
three acres in a mule that were promised to all the black freed slaves that
went out the window. And now all these black people are just completely screwed.
They have nowhere to go. You mean, oh was it you said
Davis? Oh Jesus, it was not Jefferson Davis Andrew Jones that would really
reunite. I mean, yeah, no, that for a second, I
was like, well, no, wonder Lincoln got shot in the fucking Andrew
Andrew Johnson. I have a little bit, had a little bit to drink,
well Andrew Johnson. But yeah, anyway, Confederate. You ever get
confused a black people had, they had the carpetbaggers. They had to all
move up north to try to find work because they got completely screwed. A
little trick for you, though, if you get confused by who the vps
for Johnson or for Lincoln and Kennedy ware same last name. Two guys that
got shot in the head, both followed by Johnson. Oh interesting, that's
a morbid trick, morbid little what. It's good to know that what I
got confused with was so um commonly confused that they had to come up with
a little idea for it. A little death trick, a little death have
you got shot in the head? It was Johnson instead one of those little
rhyming newmatic dude, Lyndon B. Johnson. Um. He also had a
name for his dick. Oh what was I said? He talked about his
dick all the time. Oh yeah, lb J lb J. In Mexico
they called him lb Jay. Never heard keep it. It's well, LBJ
called his dick Jumbo Yeah, he called his dick jumbo. He farted a
lot. He was a very crass human being. Texas is only press or
no, not only president, first president. I believes the first president.
You know, Kennedy got assassinated in Dallas. Oh, I was about to
make that conn you know. Oh man, we can talk about the Kennedy
assassination another time because there's a lot of fun facts about that. Uh,
the entire Secret Service was hungover the day that Kennedy died. But back to
Grant. Yeah, in his first term, so obviously he's trying. He
passes the fifteenth Amendment, doesn't really do much good in the South because obviously
the South is suppressing the vote. Yeah. They they did things like adopt
literacy test and you know, pole taxes. You know what. One of
the questions on the literacy test was how high is up? That That was
a question that was a question on one of them. That's kind of meta.
How do you answer that? You can't that's the trick. Was it
an open ended question or was it a filling? Was it a fill in
the circle? No matter what, you got the question wrong. I mean,
how high up up up would just be um whatever is above you.
You can't write that. Well, it's Michael Jordan Wants said, the ceiling
is the roof. The fuck does that mean it doesn't make any sense either.
The ceiling is the roof. The ceiling is the roof. Man.
I saw a fork in the road and I took it. Cool man.
Okay, yeah, so let's talk about yeah. Yeah, so obviously look
in the road, and then I used it to the South. The South
has you know, the literacy test, the poll taxes. You know.
The ku Klux Klan is a thing, pretty hot, pretty hot time for
the KKJ. Yeah um things when it formed, one of it, one
of the a little after yeah um. What Grant ends up doing, like
one of the kind of highlights of his first term is that he tries to
crush the fuck out of the KKK. Yeah, dude, he is the
most well. Look, he appoints dozens of Jewish and African Americans to the
office. He created a justice Department and suspended Habeas Corpus in October of eighteen
seventy in South Carolina single handedly to destroy the KKK. So basically it's like,
we can hold you indefinitely. He just sent trips. It was a
massive problem in South Carolina. So he's like, I'm just squashing this bitch.
I'm sending like I'm sending trips and we're fucking murking these submerged squads.
Yeah, he sent like suicide squad, like you're done. It's just like
the Inglorious Bastards. But for KKK dudes. Yeah yeah, and then a
little uh that's a cool It would be like a cool ass movie. It's
kind of like KKK Hunters. Yeah. Yeah, appointed by Grant, they
could definitely ask un could it could definitely be a tarantine. That's good,
just like us. Yeah, yes, that's really good. Jake, thank
you. I love this dude. We got this spakes. This fucking movie.
Man, it's on the road with teen Jesus right now. Teen Jesus
is first Jesus. Would be quite the movie. Yeah, we're just yeah,
we got a lot of content. It's going to spin out of this
um and then a little cherry on top. In his first term, created
the first National park, which one Yellowstone What Yeah, Grant's awesome. Grants
kind of thought that was um. Roosevelt, No, no, Teddy Roosevelt
expanded National Parkland, Okay, first National park in America Yellowstone created by Grant.
I just know Teddy Roosevelt is the National Parks President. Yeah. I
mean he cured his asthma by going outside, so he willed his asthma a
way, which is pretty impressive. Also, I'm just saying, not a
lot of people doing that anymore. He called for the proper treatment of Native
Americans, encouraging their civilization and ultimate citizenship. When he took office, there
was two hundred and fifty thousand Native Americans who are currently being governed by three
hundred and fifty different treaties. Jesus, so it was just a clusterfuck.
Yeah, right, like bureaucracy to fall. Yeah, so he's like,
yeah, we're getting this ship under one umbrella. Yeah. No, I
mean that's fair. Like you can always overregulate as much as you can underregulate
things. So yeah, that's always good. Plus it's wild to me that
it's like we're gonna make them citizens one day. These people we arrived at
their house and took it, so you can be allowed to live here.
Where's your welcome? Yeah. Wars with Natives goes down during his presidency,
but ultimately the person he put in in charge of Grant's Indian policy was often
undermined, and his power kind of was very corrupt. And that's kind of
a common theme with Grant. Yes, entire cabinet. Everybody he appoints eventually
steals money from them or like uses their position of power for their own benefit.
Well. Yeah, and Grant and his entire cabinet were kind of in
bed with a lot of the higher wage not wage earners, but the higher
wealth, higher status, wealthy people in America at the time, So a
lot of policies being going, oh, we'll get to that, okay,
because he was a huge fan of the gold standard. Yeah, so during
the Civil War obviously fuck uh, I did spill my busy, drop the
busy? Uh take a sip. I had pretty catlike reflexes to do that.
Also, Jake's passing this jewel to Bouche. Yeah that's what that sliding
sound is. Yeah, do you like that? Really relaxed fits and guys,
we're getting we're getting fast and loose. Yeah, who knows what tomorrow
brings. Yeah, No, I mean this is a this might be our
last night of chilling out, duing chill. Yeah. I have to host
an election show tomorrow with like a pro Trump crowd. If Trump wins,
I'm fully expecting a brick throwing in my head. Dude, Yeah, I
mean you also are gonna get lit. I could get let Yeah, you
should get lit. If you're I mean, you might as well. You're
gonna be with some of the only people in Austin celebrating it. Oh yeah,
so you might as well enjoy the moment. But gun owning Americans for
sure, how are they gonna act if he loses. I don't know.
He's not gonna lose. You don't think he's gonna lose. He's not gonna
say it's nothing. Okay, I think he does. Yeah, dude,
because I live in Austin. I live in this little bubble where it's just
there's not even really pro Biden signs. It's only dump Trump signs here in
Austin. But when I went that a homeless tent or exactly that's actually what
the tent was made out of. But actually I went to um me and
my girlfriend went to um Port, Aransas, and literally on the beach just
every single there's just pick up trucks with Trump signs everywhere leave the city of
Austin, like five ten minutes. It's all. Austin is like a little
blueberry. Houston and Dallas are blue now too, though Dallas is not as
blue as well. They voted blue last election, they did, but surprising,
but surprise, you have all these Californians and they're trying to turn Texas
blue. I don't think it's a matter of turning Texas blue as much of
it. It is not voting for this particularly. I could see Texas being
blue and like fifteen years, I think everything sixteen years in a traditional sense,
everything's gonna be blue in like thirty eventually. Yeah, yeah, but
I mean it's not gonna be blue anymore. It's gonna be progressive or you
know, some other party. I don't know, because all the all the
blue people move to the cities and so it's a very concentrated. So yeah,
you they have the popular vote, but still it's all these all these
rural areas carry just as much weight in the in the electoral college as the
cities do. So true so even though blue wins a popular vote, red
still wins. I still think that there's going to be reformation to that as
well. Over time, it's just gonna shift. Yeah, No, I
think, well, I think you're gonna have to have if the Republicans lose
bad, you're gonna have party reformation. They're gonna be like, we gotta
get on in some good graces. Yeah. I think it's the same thing
with the Democratic Party. I could see like right now the current dam's kind
of split in. Oh yeah, no. I think I think you're definitely
there too for both your traditional like Democratic kind of more central yeah center,
like you know, your center center left like your Biden's, your Hillary Clinton's
things like that, and then you have, um, you know, you're
more progressive candidates like uh, you know, Elizabeth Warren. Yeah. Um,
I think Pete. Everyone loves to say ACOC is not gonna be like
a factor. Ever, I disagree with that AOC. Actually, I bet
you in twenty years people hater guts. No, that's what happened to Hillary
Clinton. Man. Hillary Clinton was this like spitfire, just like we're getting
universal healthcare, and it fucked with the democratic voting process. Like people are
like, oh, she's too radical, and it fucked them in some elections.
And so now everyone's like, oh, Hillary's bitch, she went too
far back center. It's like because he told her too. But also,
I mean, I don't I wasn't thrilled about voting for in the first place.
Yeah, anyway, Grant's boys, Grant's boys try to go back to
the gold standard because obviously during the Civil War they kind of suspended that.
Bitch, there's handing out bonds and yeah, you print money during wars,
bro of course, especially the war against yourself. Yeah, you print that
money. Confederate money's worth nothing. No, absolutely no. So he was
for the gold standard. Who had a problem with that? So he was
selling treasury gold at weekly intervals to pay for the national debt. Kind of
stableized a dollar boost the economy limited it to two million dollars per month until
a couple railroad magnets and private investors by the name of Jay Gold and James
Fisk befriended Grant and tried to manipulate the market and raise the price of gold
as they kept dumping their own assets into gold. You probably let it happen.
Yeah, he was, you know, he didn't really know much about
finance. There was an insider trading at the time. Yeah, it was
they created actually insiders, right, Yeah, no, they they invented it,
which is I mean, if it didn't exist before, that's a brilliant
move if you know how the market's gonna go. Yeah, but then,
uh, you know, Grant kind of wised up, figure it out they're
kind of using them, and that it was gonna hurt if the the more
gold would rise, it was gonna hurt American farmers. So he just dumped
it. He's like, fuck it, sell it, sell it, sell
it. Sell it caused the market to overreact. Gold went from one hundred
and sixty to one hundred and thirty five. And uh, yeah, the
economy kind of was in shambles for a few months because of that. Yeah.
No, you can't have quick reacting shit like that. No, he
didn't. He didn't really know that. Yeah, he was just like fuck
it. Fuck these guys they used me. Dump it. It sounds like
someone I know that's just very has very bombastic reactions to news. Grant was
on the sauce all the time. Sounds like some guy I know an office
that's on the sauce all the time. Trump's not on the sauce, on
the sauce bro, I think, so he sorts the adderall dude's sauce bro
I think I don't think he snorts it. Oh, I think he sorts
it a slow release. I think he's on what if they just inject him
with, like give him the old Kennedy cocktail. Yeah, just like the
butt shot. Oh god, yeah. Fuck. What kind of drugs do
you think Trump's on? Benzels and uppers? Well, whatever he was on
when he was recovering from Corona made him like the happiest he's ever been in
his life because he busted out those dance moves. The full stem cells he
was twenty years younger. That's why we need stem cells. I want to
drinking, like I want to crack a can of just pure stem cell juice.
And that's that's ironic because because if Trump wins, we're gonna be furthest
away from stem cells and whoever. Whenever I think stem cells, I think
I just think that South Park episode Christopher Christopher Reasons where he just eats babies.
He's just like shotgunning there, like little fetuses breaks their necks and he's
shrinking like fetal bone arrow. That's that's what I think Trump does. You
know what's he's old school with him. I support his right to do that,
to eat babies. Let's see, that's the thing. That's the thing,
Like you can't see like if you told the Democrat like, hey,
did you know Trump? Like and there was just visual proof of Trump like
cracking like a fetus and drinking the stem cells out of it, like that
was the thing that worked, Like can you see this a week? Wait
a minute, I thought you were you supported this. Yeah, I thought
you guys were pro stem cells. Kind of you think about this. It's
just kind of a it's kind of a dilemma, right, It's like next
thing, you know, Trump's gonna say he's for universal healthcare and you're against
it because it's Trump and he ate babies. It would be funny though,
because that's literally what QAnon is saying Democrats do is eat children? Or is
that bitch gonna win Florida? Q and the the like leader of QA nine
was it Lo Lomer or whatever? I don't even know. I don't follow
floor politics anymore. Man, I'm sorry, um yo. So let's get
back on track. Keep just coming because it's all that's on people's mind right
now. It's better to just riff. It's it's a political episode. Okay,
okay, but but yeah, so Grant has all his fucking buddies doing
all this work. He trusts people too much. It's a mixed bag.
In his first term, super cool that he was for human rights, but
you know he's fuck with the market. He had a few, he had
a few bad eggs in office, A couple bad apples. Yeah, you
know what they say about bad apples, You just chuck them out. They
spoil the bunch. A few bad apple spoiled apples are independent of one another.
That would be a grape. A grape would make more sense. No,
if you have a barrel of apples and a few or spoiled eventually the
restaurant, because no apples are all individual it's a bad analogy. No,
it's not. That's how that's do you know what? No, you're wrong.
Well, I'm pretty sure the metaphor is there's only a few bad apples,
as in, a few apples are rotten, so you just toss out
the bad ones and the rest is good. Yeah, seeing is a few
bad apples can spoil the bunch. I don't think that works like logistically.
Just because there's one bad apple in the bunch doesn't mean the rest of the
apples are bad. But I mean if I'm still bit into the other apples.
I guess this comes down to if you had a fungusy apple and you
put it next to a healthy apple, would that fungus transfer to the healthy
apple or not? No, I think it's a core issue with the single
apple. I'm telling you it's more. The analogy should be grapes, because
if you have one bad grape, they're all bad. Wow, this this
phrase actually has a lot of This metaphor of bad apples has changed so much
over time they use it for whatever they want. Do you have an entire
episode on bad apples? There's Oh, there's already an entire MPR thing.
It's like a bad apple can or one bad apple can spoil a metaphors now,
no, God damn it, Terry Gross. Remember when podcasts used to
be just kind of like the nerdy intellectual people and then all like the cool
popular jocks from high school took over. Yeah, what's up? It was
a cool popular job. I'm just saying, like, yeah, Joe Rogan
and Barstool Joe Rogan, Barstool Color Daddy, all the podcasts all like like
before, you know, five years ago, it was this American Life was
the number one podcast and now we have Marl and now podcasts were like Kevin
Smith fucking Corolla. Cereal serial changed podcasting. Yeah that was a more story.
Rogan's been around for a minute. But Cereal everyone listened five years ago.
The times you didn't listen to Cereal changed podcast not like a super big
serial killer guy. But Cereal is not about serial killer now I get it.
It's Cereal isn't like a serialized right now. Like I said, Free
whatever his name is at add is he guilty right now that nothing ever happened
with that. He's still in jail. Yeah, they came to their decision.
I don't know pretty good. I mean, I think it's like they
probably should reopen it, But at the same time, it's like there's a
lot of evidence. The precedent they're setting is like, oh, anyone can
make a podcast, and then now the courts are going to have to reverse
their decision based on what journalism reveals. And I think I feel like that's
why they even if the edit, you know, they had great evidence to
reopen it, but they're not going to because their egos are too big and
they don't want to be like, oh, this podcast podcasts can point out
that we were wrong. I mean, yeah, I don't know. Yeah,
I don't fucking know. Like, is it less douche that everybody's personality
is now based off their favorite podcast than like a book they read everyone's TV
show? No, it's the same shit. It's the same thing. You're
consuming media and regurgitating it by a point, you're adding on top of it.
Right, if your entire sense of humor, it's just stuff you're here
on our podcast or somebody else's podcasts, especially like movie quote guys, a
new version of movie quote. Yeah, I'm sure everyone's sense of humor was
like fucking Charles Dickens Zingers at one point too, Like you know what I
mean, it's just or whatever the funny guy version of that was back then.
I based my personality off the position of the stars Scorpio season. A
lot of people do that. Do you see the fucking moon tonight? It's
awesome, It's incredible? Is it? Blood Rob? Rob? If you're
listening, I'm sure you're rolling around just like, what are they talking about?
What happened to the grants? What happened to what happened? We haven't
even gotten to the eighteen seventy two election. That's not important. Grant probably
saw this moon at one point, got a thing. He definitely saw that
moon. Yeah, I think your moon is around back then it happens the
blood man. That's definitely not a blood moon. It looks like a blood
man. No it doesn't. It's orange, Broshet, it's orange yellow.
Go out there and look that's yellow. It was like this high off the
ground. It was really closely. It was the height of up. And
with that, let's bring it back. That's a callback. So we're gonna
call back to what we're talking about. It's called being a professional jake.
Wow. Yeah, I don't really show nothing about it really show on me.
So they told us about callbacks in improv class. Ja yea, how
that go? I'm not a professional improv? Well who was? I don't
think anyone. What was the worst thing to do in improv warm up games
was to not zip z up, just not go with them. But there
are people that some branches and and we're like would not We're not down to
like go with whatever you said. Oh man. Sometimes the problem was like
pivot. No, the problem is, like I can remember one thing in
particular, and it has to do with Boosh. Bosh was playing an old
racist man and he said the word Japs and someone lost it on him,
like they guy, do you remember that? No one lost it on me?
I thought everyone thought it was funny. Didn't like, didn't you get
no one person said something to you. I only got in trouble, only
got someone got mad at me. One time, it was much less controversial
than that. It was this girl in our class, like her brother like
died of an overdose, and like, I made a joke about drugs and
she was like like drug addics or something, and she was like, you
can't make fun of drug addicts, Like that's not funny. I'm like,
if I can't make fun of that, then like what I think? I
think too, you can make fun of that stuff because it adds levity to
a situation that's otherwise completely terrible. Yeah, Like, oh, what what
do you mean what comedy is for? Yeah? Tell me how to deal
with tragedy? Yeah, no, I fucking as people that probably have had
to reel themselves back in a couple of times like, oh is this group
this cup right here? Yeah? Is that what you're talking about? Yes?
This group is what I'm talking about. Like, we all have our
problems, and you know, we deal with them in different ways, and
our humors one of them. Okay, you can jack everything good at home.
I ran out of Alexa pro, so I can't get my doctor write
me back. Maybe you should get some lexa amateur. Yeah, if we
had, if we had a sponsor, we have enough sponsors on this podcast.
Obviously, dumbest best joke. I'm out, but I'm getting another drink.
If Roman Swives wants to endorse this, another one too. I like
that he just left the podcast, Jake. I mean we're still going.
It's casual, very casual. Yeah, hopefully, Well we'll see if they
hear it in post um. I'll have to deal with this later. But
yeah, um Bush, what's up? Dan? All right? I'm great
man. I'm happy to be back behind the mic. What's so fucking shit?
How long are you keeping the haircut? What does he think and how
his hair is? As I got up from the table, Yeah, I
mean last time I was here, that's focus of my of my appearance.
Yeah, we talked about how either it's like it's back to how I wanted
it, which is like a true mullet style, like the like my hair
grows very fast, so like it was completely shaved and now it's just like
regular mullet now again, because so it went from like Antifa to Trump supporter.
You know, I switched. I switched side just in the course,
in the course of a month's worth of hair growth. Yeah, no,
for sure, definitely what happened. Um, My question to you is when
are you going to braid that back part into a little rat tail make it's
all happy? Yeah, dude, I mean pretty soon. I think I'm
getting close to the length of question from the old lady friend from the old
lady, I don't know. I think she'd support the rat tail. She
supports that mullet. She's going to support a rat tail. It was her
idea she gave me. She's living out her You have to see how far
old love you. Yeah, that's not sexual thing. Does she only have
sex with you in overalls? Okay, So she told me to grow the
mullet. Also, I used to pluck the hair between my eyebrows because I
get a unibrow, and she told me to stop. She's like, I
think unibrows are sexy, and I think she's just trying to make this.
I think she's trying to just make me unattractive to other because she's she's worried
about the competition, potential woman swooping in on me. Yeah, but what
if she's doing the opposite? What making me? It makes you more attract
Do you think that? Do you think that in the Univerrow was making me
more attractive? I mean, if you want to go make out in the
corner real quick, I mean Jake just went off camera, so I'm still
here there? Can you go anywhere? Are you? Are you inviting Boosh
to make out with me or you either? It doesn't yes, Okay,
Hey Dan, let's talk about Grant. Just make out with your homies.
That's all I'm saying. The content that Rob you're the glue. No he's
not already, but this has just become a substyle episode. Dude, we
got to talk about this election because it's very funny. It is. Eighteen
seventy two comes along. Well here, So everything we said before, obviously
you had all these problems with you know, his corrupt friends. Uh,
the other parties weren't super cool with you know, his progressive ideas of the
letting Black's vote and h you know, treating Native Americans as human. So
of course the Republican Party splits in and those two parties are the Traditional Republican
Party now known as the Radical Republicans, by the other faction, which is
the Liberal Republicans. The Liberal Republicans was funny to say, Liberal Republicans that
don't like treating slaves like humans, right or not slaves, but so giving
their party was founded on the principles of um low tariffs, and they opposed
Grant's persecution of the clan. So their pro clan, the Liberal Republicans were
anti terrors, so big pro business but anti anti anti very capitalist. They
love capitalism and they love the clan. So they're like neo conservatives. Yeah,
sure, very neo cons right, so um yeah, So the guy
that gets the they nominate Horace Greeley. He's the leading Republican New York Tribune
editor and a fierce enemy of Grant. The Liberals denounced Grant is m corruption,
nepotism, and inefficiency, demand the withdrawal of Federal troops from the South,
and they want literacy tests for blacks to vote, and of course amnesty
for Confederates. Of course, so at this point. The Democratic Parties and
Shambles they obviously were a big part of the Confederacy split him from the Union.
So they just go along with this. They're like, you know what,
we're gonna hitch our wagon to these liberal Republicans. There's always going to
be that base in America, whether or not people want to admit that.
Like this whole thing, and it's showed its head again in this selection,
right or the past one where it's this silent majority or whatever, or just
like Ted Cruz pimpin Trump yeah after he insults his wife. Yeah. No,
it's like there's gonna be that base that you're gonna have to pander too
if you want. Like there is a base of just fucking people that really
like having things when other people don't. Yeah, yeah, that it's having
stuff is good, but nothing is as good as having stuff when others don't
to some people, right, So they're hitching their wagon to this group,
and that group is pandering to that. Yeah, they're like, we can't
refight the Civil War. Yeah no, it's like we can't see that again,
but we can bring up all the shit that made us feel these ways,
right, We never really I mean come to think of it, we're
kind of like on a two hundred year festering wound, like that's just never
fully healed properly. Like that's what America is. It's a giant gas.
It's just a kind of like we sew up slowly replaced the band aid every
day. Yeah, Like, but it's it's just open, like it's a
big old scar that Like we don't have any like cosmetic surgery for fucking scars
though, But um, I guess that's not true. Um, but that's
I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. Uh yeah. So, but
so a few Democrats were kind of worried that Back and Greeley would effectively bringing
extinction to the Democratic Party. So kind of like the Whig Party, you
know how it just kind of ceased to exist. Yeah, but you know,
because at that point, the Whig Party was doomed by endorsing the know
nothing candidacy of Millard Fillmore in eighteen fifty six. I love that, love
that name, Millard Fillmore, No No that and No Nothing party. Yeah,
because they just didn't they just said I know nothing about that whenever they
were called out on their bullshit. Yeah. But that's like the perfect defense,
like sorry, I'm not educated on the matter. It's also like the
baseline for like white supremacy doctrine. Fourteen words. Do you know what I'm
talking about? No, I know nothing about the No Nothing Party. I
will you that, I'll tell you what this is. So yeah, um,
obviously the Whigs ceased to exist when they did that. So the Democratic
Party was a little worried, a little weary to back the Republican Liberal Party.
But you know, in a convention which only lasted six hours, they
ended up endorsing our boy. Really, so fourteen words means is a very
common thing in storm Front and stuff like that, is we must secure the
existence of our people in a future for white children. It's a very common
thing. Fourteen words is often said. It's kind of a thing back in
front in those groups. But also, um, if people are asked about
their ties to any white militant groups, I know nothing about that is a
common response as way, gotcha, Okay, so we actually let's let's announce
that not Enough part No Nothing Party is not necessarily tied to that. But
it's also it's kind of like the founding values. It's going hand in here.
Yeah, you don't talk about that. I go fuck yourself, no
nothing party. Yeah, fuck the wigs too. Yeah, if they were
so good, they'd still be around one't there the Quiggs? Quick? Which
wigs are you referring to? Just the one? Um? So we got
some other candidates of course too. Yeah, let's look about the other candidates.
We got the Labor Reform Party, which was organized in eighteen seventy,
with its national convention meeting held in Columbus, Ohio on February twenty second.
Initially, there was a fair amount of discussion as to whether the party should
nominate anyone for the presidency, and they ended up going with a guy by
the name of David Davis. They made someone up. That's not a real
David Davis. That's like you going to create a player and it's just the
generic formatted guy you get. Yeah, yeah, they were. They were.
It's a template. This close to naming the guy candidate one. He
was. He was a template. He was a template guy. Yeah,
just can't it one David. Yeah, that's not a real person, new
player, new candidate. What's this guy's name? Before? It was David
Davis? I saw his picture on Wikipedia though, he was extremely fat,
like David Davis with David Davis, just like a and this this is before
taft, so like the US was not down to elect a fat guy.
Oh yo, this guy was a hoss. Holy shit, dude, look
at this, bro, His foopa could move mountains. Dude, that guy
but all because his name fucking sucks. Dude. If he won, all
the black people could have just settled on his foopa. Oh yeah, they
could have put Like, bro, look at that thing. Plenty of land
right on that. I bet there's a mule under that. You know what
I'm saying. You getting three acres in a hog with that foopa? Ran
the homestead Act right on this fucking stomach. Were fat shaming? No,
I guess um it's okay. I think you can fetch shame people back then
you can fetch him. A dead guy can still fat shame people. You
can fat shame you know. Here's the thing. You can fat shame fat
men. You can't fat shame fat women, right, Fat women are beautiful
fat men, No, you can. They're also brave. They're they're fat,
and they're courageous and they have high cholesterol. But they're he's turned into
a fucking red Pill podcast over here. Well, that's what we actually,
that's actually what they called. Joe Rogan's new studio is the red Pill.
It looks like a pill. It looks they're inside of a red It really
does look like that. It's ridiculous. Oh my god, they're trying to
move to they're moving studios already. Red Pill didn't take too many of the
on it fan boys. People are just joining on it to see Rogan is
he is he podcasting from on it right? It's in a whale and on
it? Oh my god, yeah, of course they're storming that Jim.
Now wait, he's leaving. He's gonna leave Auston. No, no,
no, he's moving a studio in Austin. Yeah, on it And well,
but the building also sucks like his like he went from a really cool,
laid back look vibe. Now it just looks like a weird, shitty
like sixties sci fi movie time machine. True, it is really bad for
like the waiting room of a laser tag arena. That sounds cool, that's
pretty that's pretty accury. Yeah, where like you find out the rules like
no no shoving people over, no holding up small children and cheating them over
and over again. It's like that that like that small hallway where you're all
sitting like it's like a cargo hold for like the space people. Yeah,
there's like fake stars, zoom and buy. The guy that's giving you the
rules and ship's exactly what his studio. That's pretty funny. I'm about to
make a memea that wasn't there a damn wasn't there a lady candidate in eighteen
seventy two? There was what's their names? Is Broad's name? But we
can get to that. I guess we'll just jump. Why not just get
through my fucking notes. You don't want to talk about you talking about your
notes. You don't want to talk about the fat guy more. Let's talk
about the fat guy. Tell me something, teach me. I was just
David Davis. Okay, Then let's talk about the lady. H We will,
we will? God, you're so pushy. I'm not pushed. She's
trying to chill here. But yeah, her name was Victoria Woodhall. She's
for the Equal Rights Party. She's the first woman to run for president.
She also couldn't vote at the time. That's wild. She also she was
also like under the age of twenty five, so she um not even win.
That was the reason they legally yeah, yeah, you can't, you
can't run, but she but it was she running if she ran anyway,
as kind of like a protest to the patriarchy. And she made Frederick Douglas
a black man as her vice president. And Frederick Douglas never even like met
her or acknowledged that he was part of it. He never did a speech
with her. She just kind of solely existed as kind of like a fuck
you to two men. And I was like, yeah, I'm a woman.
And she got a rest of the day of the election, though she
did because she tried to vote to vote. Did she throw like a fake
beard and stuff or did she up, you gotta go with the thick,
you gotta go with the disguise. She should have moved on to that shit.
Yeah no, I mean shit at the time, like during this period
of time, to you, like especially like the Northeast, there was a
lot of cases of like, uh, what is it? What is the
Tammany Hall group called like the the people that were like incorrupt politics in the
North. They would like get people drunk, dress them up, like over
and over and over again in different disguises and like make them vote like time
and time and time and time again, and then they like bail on them.
They just like throw them in the street and leave, so they'd rack
up like ten votes a person, like per person they could steal steal off
the road and like dress them up and get them drunk. And they think
that's how I'd grow out in poem. Might have died like he got just
like swooped up, like because they found him pissed drunk, like in a
gutter. Basically they think that might have been the result of that. They
just forced fed him so much alcohol he died. Yeah, Like they just
kept dressed them up in different clothes and like fucking making them vote places at
different precincts and stuff like that. I think it's more likely Edgar Allan Poe
just died because he was extremely depressed and his cousin that he was in love
with rejected him. Do you think he bourdained himself? What was? What
was overdose and heroin? No? I thought he hung himself with a towel.
Oh shit, did he might have just killed himself strangle baden? I
thought, I thought, Bourdaine, are you saying Bourdain erotic asficiated himself to
death. Yeah, no way in France. No, that was the rumor
for Robin Williams too. I think if you die by hanging now, like,
if you're gonna kill yourself, he hung himself with a towel, if
you're gonna do if you're just future reference to everyone out there, if you're
gonna kill yourself, don't hang yourself because there will be a rumor that everyone
by jerking off, just just overdose on pills or jump off a building something
like that, like because people will people will say you erotic assiciated yourself to
death, or a gun gets the job done. Usually, oh he did
hang himself. Well, no, I think if you, like I might
have missed your point. It might be repeating it. But yeah, if
you're gonna hang yourself, just leave your dick out so people think you're at
least having a good time and people aren't sad for you. People are,
Oh, he died doing what he loft. He love getting this close,
edging himself getting that close. Just went a little too far. That's the
ultimate is what if the video you're watching stops and AutoPlay starts just like a
really fucked up video though, and everyone thinks you died your motherless? What's
happening? What motherless? What is that? You don't want to go?
There? Is this the new porn you're into? No, this is something
I found out about two weeks ago from my current employer. What is this?
Do your homework? I was just looking this up. It sounds horriful.
I just put it on look it up on your phone in the bathroom
when your wife's not around. What is motherless? Yeah? Just tell uful
motherless? Is this is an NSFW podcast? It's just not a safer podcast
website. It's is it just hardcore porn? Yeah, it's like authentic shit.
You know where how like every porn website as like, oh, it's
step brother stepsister and it's just like two porn stars. Yeah that you're like,
clearly I know who fucking like I don't know fucking Tiana Trump is right?
This is this is actual steps These are like actual mom and dad and
oh like brother and sisters, so like committing crimes. Yeah, yeah,
no, this is like legit. People were like this step sister, this
step brother stepsister porn. It's clearly fake. It's just not doing it for
me. I need some real stepbrother stepsister. That's creepy, man like,
and it's really creepy because you know these people are probably like down on their
luck and just starving, and then these people are like, we'll give you
money if you just fuck on camera. It's like, well, I'll either
go hungry this month or fuck my sister. So that's I don't even think
it's that. I think it's just probably like dude two gros one committing two
girls, one cup. Those girls were like fucking like meth heroin addicts or
something like that, and they were just had no money to get their fix.
And these fucking asshole producers came up to these junkies and were like,
you eat this feces on camera, We'll we'll give you a months worth.
Like bum fights, but exactly, yeah, literally, exactly is what it
is. Do you remember bump fights. Yeah, Kimbo Slice used to knock
him out all the times, him in hospital, which just worked these bombs.
It was that was Miami backyard fighting, which is different. Yeah,
and then brush off some fucking old homeless dude and Kimbo Slice would kick the
shit out of him. Yeah, they're just finding two hundred and sixty five
pound roided out homeless man to fight Kimbo Slice dud. Kimbo always worked them.
Yeah, because it's Kimbo Slice. Can you a heart attack man?
A lot of death, too much steroids or something like what? He lived
a hard life, Yeah, it kind of made sense. Some kill people
every he was like he looked really healthy, diddy. Yeah, he had
like like an AID pack and was like huge man. Yeah, he lived
a hard life. I'll just say that. Why are you some somber sounding
about I don't know. I don't because Kimbo's I liked Kimbo. I liked
them too. I'm not sad about it all. Right, back to the
Jake, I mean, I'm sad about anyone dying. Yeah, not anyone.
The dirt's not even like it's still fresh man. He died like five
years ago, like two years ago. Well, it was just like five.
Honestly, I appreciate the honesty, Jake, because like how many people
actually cared. No one that cared about Kimbo size dying. People that care
about Kimo slays Dag were people close to Kimbo sla. He died in twenty
sixteen, so it's only been four years. The wound is still fresh.
I was still like like when I hear like a celebrity die is like I
you know, I'm still like, oh shit, man, that sucks,
you know, like make me genuinely sad. Never but I mean I'll be
like a little somber. I'll be like, oh, I remember watching and
I remember I also remember like seeing like his YouTube videos to him just kicking
a guy's ass in a Miami backyard and then seeing him on TV and being
like wow, like fuck, yeah, good for him. He was like
kind of like inspirational in a way. Or and then and then he and
I was like us, I was like ah. Or the professional fight he
had against dott Off five thousand, No, dot Off five thousand literally died
like twice during the fight. His heart stopped in the middle of a fight,
and they kept going, I think they're just jacking these guys up with
ship, man. I think that's what killed him. You mean in the
sport where they fight between a chain link fence. They're doing some shady ship.
By the way, Anyway, I think all I'm saying is I feel
sure I get what you're saying. I don't feel that genuine sadness that like
some people might when like, okay, sure, when Prince died, I
was kind of bummed out, like, but oh Princes, Yes, Prince
is way more of a thank Kimbo for our generation. Yeah, no one
listens to Prince. I listen to Prince were I don't, I don't.
You're probably making Kobe jokes during your five minutes stand up for the day he
died. Huh. I do remember when Prince had that guitar that the silhouette
looked like a giant He was jerking off a giant dick at the super Bowl.
That was mad. Respect all my Prince memories come from because he got
that one over the heads of like the CBS producers. He was like,
it was like, oh, he's I can't show my I can't show jerking
off. But they won't know that the light behind my guitar will create a
giant silhouette of my guitar that looks like a giant dick. And as I
played, it looked like I'm jerking off in front of the biggest TV event
everyone knows. Still alive, Prince is still alive. South America and Hitler,
Yeah, and hit hit was just a nice old man down the road
makes great toffee. Yes, the most fire mixtapes with Tupac and Prince Collabs.
Yeah, there's just like a German. He's an old German. He
sells a really weird smelling bar soap. That's that's a dark joke, bro,
that's a really dark joke. Organic that it's like a is that like
a cremated remains kind of joke? Or yeah? I think so? Yeah?
Wow? Okays. And then we have one more party just kind of
worth mentioning, the straight out Democratic Party. Who's the candidate for They're straight
out dude, straight out Democratic Party called it. They called it straight out
the Democratic Party. Yes, oh fuck, okay. So. Unwilling to
support Democratic Party's nominee of Grilly, a group of mostly Southern Democrats held what
was called a straight out Democratic Party convention in Louisville, Kentucky, on August
eleventh, eighteen seventy two. They nominated Charles O'Connor, who declined their nomination
by telegram. That's an eighteen seventy two bird if I've ever heard one.
And they also nominated for VP John Quincy Adams, the second not even they
couldn't even get the first one. Nope, he's probably dead by that,
right, he's definitely well. Yeah, yeah, John Adams, Yeah,
John Quincy Adams and John Quinnon. Whatever became of John Quincy Adams, he
had to be a massive disappointment to his family the second Sure, Um,
I think it's really funny that the guy just said naham via telegram. Yeah,
um, I'm good like kee. Imagine like their I okay, is
he gonna do not shit? Like they're just like getting that yeah, got
us again? No, keep imagine getting bad news by a telegram. It's
like your wife is, oh, I hope she's in good spirits dead.
Fuck. So because of this, they didn't have time to substitute the nominee
and they just want with Charles Leconnor. Anyway, they received point three to
six percent of the popular vote. Dude, this just lets me know that
elections as insane as they are now or a lot more legit. Yeah,
you could nominate people as your vice president you never met. You could choose
guys to represent your party. Let's say no, like that would be like
if the Democratic Party is like, I choose Barack Obama, It's like he
can't run again. No, we're going with them Biden in twenty sixteen,
where he's just like no, I'm good. Yeah, They're like you're not.
Yeah, you're going. You've been called up. That's kind of been
a common theme with this podcast. Right, So as craziest things have been
in this world, current day, modern day, you just have to look
back at all the same shit that we were dealing with two hundred, three
hundred, two thousand years ago. Okay, yeah, absolutely, I think
don't really change the main two people. The main two people in this election.
You have Ulysses Grant war hero, great, great story, right,
fucking picks all his boys is drinking buddies. He picks all his drinking buddies
to be his partners. You know, well when that never works. Always
that never fucking works. Dude. You can't have your drinking buddies be the
people that runs something for you, like you need to have some counsel that
disagrees with you a little bit like Lincoln. He had a bunch of yes
men exactly Lincoln from people not because he was essentially the yes man. He
disappointed his boys and instead of him kind of dictating what they do, he
was the yes man to his friends. He just took counsel from them and
he just agreed with anything they say, Yeah, that's an idiot move.
Well he was hammered. Yeah, he was drunk. They were drinking.
Sounds good, you got like drinking buddies. Yeah, I mean the podcast.
Yeah, fair enough. But that's like a that's like a fraternity president.
It's like, oh, you guys really want to do that? All
right? I guess I guess right. We'll put it to a vote,
like ye know, and then okay, So the next guy, the guy
the main competition, Horace Greeley is an editor for a newspaper. What is
that? What? What part of that makes him valuable as a as a
person to run a country? Nothing. He probably didn't have much of a
say in running either. Just like, hey, Horace, guess what you're
running for president? I just can't believe, dude, I can't believe.
They just said, well, even though he said, no, he's our
guy, we're voting for him, and who are you? The best part
is throughout, I mean, as the elections going on, and we'll get
there. Um should we should we give it away? What happens? I
really, yes, give it away? At this point, people can wait.
If you're still listening, you deserve to know. Horace Greeley died midway
through the election, and Jake did not feel bad about it. I'd cry
once, he does not care at all. That horse really dialing, you
know, honestly, Like I was like, oh yeah, bummer. But
when I found out he died, I kind of laughed, so like,
yeah, this is the only US election where one of the candidates dies met
election. How has this never happened but one time? That's my question.
Like Ronald Reagan was old as ship when he was getting reelected. These two
guys are running right now, Trump and Biden. Either of them could die
at any moment. Trump almost died, like we all saw him at that
at that fucking like White House steps, like like he's cool. It's like,
oh, bro, you can like barely take a breath. He was.
I think I saw that. I think he was trying to not cough,
is what I really think. It was trying to, Like he was
trying to like stifle a cough, so he didn't look like he still was
sick. If my boss ever shows up to anything with active COVID, I'm
not sticking around to make him feel better about himself, like, yeah,
dude, that was and then everyone in his immediate circle got sick too.
Yeah. So so the election goes on, right, so he doesn't die
before the popular votes counted. Grant wins the popular vote by eleven percent.
It's a huge win, seven hundred and sixty three thousand votes. It was.
It was big. And then they were waiting for the Electoral College to
vote yep, And this is how Greeley died. They came up to him
and they said, hey, Greeley, uh, you lost the election.
He's like, oh, really by how much? And they told him the
numbers. He was like huh and his heart stop right there. The thing
too, that I was reading about this as well with Greeley, like they
had so much bad opinion from him on paper because he was the editor of
a newspaper that he just got fucking dunked on. I mean. Also,
Grant had so many backers too, but I mean he had like big tie
names as financiers. Yeah. I mean, it would be like Jake here
running for president and then they'd be like um. On this podcast, one
time, Jake said he didn't care about Kimbo Slice dying. Clearly he's a
racist. That makes a racist. Sorry, I'm just saying that's how Greeley
lost, like he had all these hot take Yeah, but probably it definitely
plays back then. When Ronnie Coleman dies, that will be sad. Yeah,
everybody want to be a bodybuilder. But absolutely, yeah, dude,
everybody want to be a bodybuilder, but asked you know the peanut man.
If Ronnie Coleman dies, I will be sad for that. What about Arnold?
Ye, I'll be sad for Arnold. Okay, I'm just double checking
making sure these are people that care about Like I didn't care about Kimbo Slice.
I care about Kimbo Slice. I'm knocking Dud's eyeball out of his head
and Miami like cool, like pro Kimbo podcast. I will not have my
ants like Kimbo. I just didn't care. So yeah, um, obviously
with this vote in popular vote in the electoral college vote, there's a little
bit of a gap between both, and he dies before the electoral vote but
still get sixty six electorial vote and it's electoral. Yeah, like you're doing
the George Bush nuclear bomb thing and I'm like electorial, Oh God, thank
you so he wins the editorial vote. So wait, Greeley did won the
editorial Yeah, he get he gets sixty six electoral votes even though he died
sick. Well did you some of those getting nullified, Well, the telegram
just didn't reach their state yet. They didn't know he was dead yet,
so they're like, I guess from this guy, we're voting. Boy,
Oh he's dead. He lost whatever it takes, you know, half a
year for the news to reach deep the Midwest that he died. Yeah,
I mean you gotta think, like the deep South is probably not the most
technologically advanced part of the country yet, and that's who they were backing,
so they probably didn't know he was dead. Yeah. I would guarantee a
lot of places, even even more so than the South, The Midwest was
still fucking cowboy villages, you know, like, yeah, I mean the
wild West going on out there. I mean a lot of those places didn't
even vote, like they didn't have territory to vote from. Like I think,
like California, if you look at the electoral map from this election,
there's a bunch of gray before you get back to like voting colors and stuff
like that, because it's states. It's unincorporated territories. It's like Indian territory,
right, so which goddamn Grant's trying to get those Indians riots. Yeah,
we can't. We can't have that. Yeah, that was that was
a big thing with like the Democratic Party and the Liberal Republican Party was like,
a, if Grant gets Blacks to vote and Native Americans to vote,
they're going to have those that for every election moveing forward. They're just gonna
have that boat. That's a huge voting block. I mean, it's a
great strategy, even if it's even if it's for ulterior motives. They were
for sure racist, yeahsides. It wasn't just like a numbers thing. It
was like a they're not equal to us things, right. No, But
I'm saying even if Grant was like, well, even if there's an ulterior
motive of locking down the voting block of Blacks and Native Americans, it's still
a good cause. Like it doesn't matter, you know, I'm totally for
that, right, like right, like as long as I think some people
would try to undersell it, like by saying, oh, he was just
trying to get that voting block that would probably be the class knock from the
Liberal classic lids. Yea, even though they were on the at this time,
they were on the wrong sad they're pro kkk so so weird. Man,
it's weird how they like kind of it all switches around, which is
kind of we just muddy our own waters. So people really they don't know.
So yeah, obviously this is the end of the Liberal Republican Party.
They kind of get dissolved into the Democratic Party just kind of they absorbed them.
Yeah, no, it's it's a very short lived run. Then it's
good run with their candidate dying. Yeah, midway through the election. So
yeah, that that was the election of eighteen seventy two. Uh, I
mean Grant runs away with it. But it's the first election where a woman
runs. Sure, it's the first black vice president who was very unknowingly he
didn't even know he wait what and uh, a candidate dying. So also
a guy that just didn't even want to run getting picked up by a party.
Shouts to our boy, O'Connor and Quincy the second who just doesn't even
They're like they don't even nominate him, like next man up. Yeah,
they're just like, not, you're gonna be VP. Well, so I
saw for Grant, some of the electoral votes actually mattered for the Greeley ticket
because some people some states just submitted the vice presidential piece. Because I think
this is still at the time where you're voting for both, you're voting for
both, right, Yeah, we need to start doing that, because they
made it very clear that they they had They mentioned every VP candidate for every
every ticket. So this seems like the case. Basically, I'm saying,
let's just get rid of primaries completely and it's just ranked choice, and whoever
gets the most amount of votes is president. Whoever gets the second most about
its VP. So you end up with like a Trump Bernie ticket or office.
I mean problem with that is the VP doesn't do anything. No,
but man, there would just be so many hits out on presidents, more
so than they already are. Do you think if Trump is VP, dorn
Biden's election when neither get two hundred and seventy electoral votes elector total editorial votes?
Uh? When Biden becomes president in Trump's VP, Trump orders an assassination.
He's literally said he could kill people and no one would care as he
said that. Yeah, he said I could shoot people on Fifth Avenue and
no one would care, like my supporters wouldn't care. I'm kind of cheering
for it, really, just for the chaos. I think you know,
I appreciate your position there in a way that I don't for content. There's
gonna be chaos tomorrow night. We would regardless of the outcohol. I have
that weird like I want to win because I just don't want anything to happen.
I don't think any anything that happens if Biden wins, but if Trump
wins, I feel like it's gonna be I think it validates a lot of
people. I think it infuriates a lot. I think it infuriates a ton
of people. I think especially in Austin. And I'm gonna be out at
a bar producing a show. I just don't want to get hit with a
brick. Yeah, I don't want a fucking chair off like that. I'm
gonna thirty stories up. I'm gonna leave a palette of bricks outside of Whiskey
Tango tomorrow. Don't tell them where I'm at. You you've told everyone where
you're at. I don't think I said Whiskey Tango, but yeah, that's
where it will be I'm not leaving a power to bricks up. Alex Jones
will protect me? Will they own that bar Um? No, it's just
a friend of the program. Okay, for the studio I work at.
But yeah, um But I will say this, I don't really want the
chaos that you're talking about either. I don't think happen. I mean the
Trump the Trump by the production thing good show. That would be terrible.
That'd be kind of funny. Though, No, it wouldn't because nobody,
nobody, nothing happens tomorrow night. If that happens, right, it makes
it No, it makes it a real laughing stock. If that, do
we find out who is president tomorrow? Or no, we do not find
out who president is tomorrow. Okay, that's that's here's what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna call this right now. Trump is gonna announce victory tomorrow. Regardless
of what happens, He's going to announce it tomorrow. I don't think so.
I think I think he concedes if he loses. I don't think it's
going to be clear who won or lost tomorrow. We've been talking about this.
It's gonna be clear. Moster people think Bush's vote got sent out.
Yeah for people listening in. I voted. I registered to vote because I
never voted before. I registered to vote, and then I was first time
you voted? Yeah really yeah? Interesting? Well the last time it was
because I still like had some like I didn't have my license in Texas yet,
so it was like this whole ordeal I had to go through and it
was just so hard. I was like, fuck, it was just like
I just didn't I didn't get the ship filled out in time. But anyway,
I didn't vote yet. So I registered to vote, and then I
went to I went in person to the Austin Library and I voted and I
filled out a provisional ballot because they said that my registration hadn't been received yet,
so I voted provisionally. And then they said, like, once they
confirmed that your registration is a legit, then your vote will count. So
I go home. Then I get a letter the next day saying that your
social security number on your I could see they said the social security number of
my registration application did not match the one they had on record, which is
fucking bullshit, dude. I have filled that number out dozens of times,
and I printed it out I printed it out so like there was no way
it was a handwriting issue, and they said that it was wrong. And
like, dude, okay, I've been reading the news, like NPR,
just this story about how seven percent of votes in Florida are just being thrown
out for random reasons. It's a fucking conspiracy. I am a I got
I got suppressed. I got suppressed, the suppressed. That's what happened to
me. They're suppressing Bush in these streets. What I tried to be a
responsible citizen and they refused to let me last time. I not fuck up
those four numbers. Dude, I know those four numbers by fucking heart.
What is your social did you tell us and your mother's man in name?
What was your first pet um? Yeah? Also I saw that like Harris
County right now or not right now? I guess they decided on this.
They were Repulicans were trying to get one hundred and twenty seven thousand votes thrown
out in Harris County, Texas, and a federal courts was supposed to rule
on that today. I actually I don't know how that went. See,
I don't care who wins, honestly, I just want ship to be over
tomorrow. I don't want this to drag on, convenient, I don't want
this to drag on. I just want, I want it's not gonna You're
not gonna get that. I mean, I've never had in my life.
I've never there's never been an election last that didn't wrap up the night up?
Were you talking about two thousand? Oh? Yeah, I didn't take
that long, though it took weeks. It went to the Supreme Court.
Yeah, I don't remember it though I was like nine. Yeah, but
still it's like to say yeah to a nine year old, though weeks is
like, you know, it's like that's a few hours, nine year old,
you don't you don't know about what the fuck's going on with to the
election anyway. I think my parents were more politically involved than dolls maybe,
but probably yeah, yeah, well especially okay, keep in mind I was
also in Florida in the two thousand election, even in the swing state.
Two what I'm also in a swing But the controversy was in Florida, the
hanging chads and the butterfly ballots and these things. So, I mean,
yeah, hanging chads. Did you ever hear about that? So the punch
cards for the vote. In two thousand in Florida, you punched a hole
through ballot and old people couldn't get it to punch all the way through your
kind, pieces of paper would hang and like their votes wouldn't get counted because
like it wouldn't be fully punched. All they were hanging. They're hanging chats.
But I wouldn't call an old person chat. It should have been like
hanging Horace. Yeah. Yeah, Well the chat isn't the name of the
person voting, it's the piece of paper. But even if it's an old
person punching through the paper, you need like a a hanging Norman. I
agree completely. No, you guys are right, I'm wrong. Um.
Also the butterfly ballot thing too. The way the ballot in Florida was set
up was very confusing, Like it was like scantron. It wasn't like the
bubble that you would be voting for would be like next to bush or next
to Gore, but actually it was tied to the bush. You just make
a butterfly pattern like on a scantron. It was like it wouldn't just be
all the candidates on one side, all the bubbles on the other would be
like there were three candidates over here and three candidates over here they had like
interlocking bubbles. Are we in a safe space right now? Yeah? I
have a confession. What I've never voted. You've never voted? That shocks
me so little, Dan, that's the least surprised. I don't care.
This is the least probably. Did you vote? No, you're not voting.
I knew you weren't voting. I mean were They talked this year about
like, oh my god, record numbers of voters and what is the number,
like sixty percent? Like everybody is voting this year, six huge sixty
percent of people, which is still fucking early. That's we have more people
that turned up for early voting in Texas than we did vote last time around.
That's big man. Yeah, because people like me. It's all the
under thirties voting for the first time and that and I and guess what I
fucking I put in the fucking effort, and you know what happened. They
said that my vote doesn't. That's that's what I get for being a responsibles.
They want to in the process. That's why people, I'll tell you
what you want, you win. And they said that you can you can
resubmit your Social Security number and we'll get it corrected. It'll take thirty days.
I'm like, long after the election, obviously, so very frustrating,
and I did, like I am a dizzy person. I am, I'll
admit it, But I did not fuck those four numbers. I did not
fuck those four numbers because I've been reading about the suppression going on and like,
I don't know, I don't know how they get away with it.
How do they get away with like like how do they even know? Like
how are they eple even able to know who I voted for before they process
my shit? Like I don't it's fucked up. It's fucked up. Guys,
winner loose, go vote like I did. I I am. I
was not a big conspiracy like I thought, like I always trusted like a
vote. I always trusted our system to have it shit together enough to like
not be able to fuck up this stuff. But they did. It's mistake
number one. Never trust the system. I trusted the system for a lube
until system up and then just go to town. Oh man, I you
know, I think that a lot of people in very high up places benefit
from the disenfranchisement and disillus and young people's disillusionment. Yeah, but if you
vote, aren't you more likely to get jury duty. I'm not trying to
get jury dude. You get paid for jury duty. Nah, yeah,
you do. I don't want to do that. Not enough, you,
dude. I'm trying to keep myself off the radar. You're on the radar.
You have a phone. You're on the radar that you know of all
the phone. You have a phone. It's paid by the minute. Your
phone number hasn't changed in years. You're you're keeping the same burner. Uh
no, it's called a little app that keeps that same number. It's about
design, Jake, You're not thinking things through that phone. I'm gestavo in
every phone I have. Oh my god, all right, maybe we should
go we should wrap this up. We should Uh yeah, no, uh
look forward to tomorrow. I guess just being over really, I'm just kind
of over there. I have one of those weird like I hate to say
excitement, but like just when I know, like something crazy it's gonna happen,
even though it's bad, it's gonna be crazy. Though, like everyone's
like, oh, it could be the launch of a civil war. I
don't I mean, yeah, there's no definitely not gonna be civil war,
but it is going to be. How do you just even if there is,
how do you determine? I mean, there's absolutely not gonna be civil
You can't have a civil war. Now it's fucking cities versus open land.
Like, what where do I go? How do I abstain? Yeah?
Yeah, I mean I would just stay in our cities and they'll stay and
the rural America you come to fucking bum fuck Bill, we'll get you.
Like, okay, I'm not coming. I mean I I just went to
port Ranzas and all those people with the Trump flags. I'll tell you this
right now, they're a lot more friendly than random people and you pass on
the street in Austin, they were very friendly people, friendly folk. Oh
no, man, I was in port at one time, and I just
remember there was a jeep one. If you drive on the beach, you
trash. Well, they everyone drives on the beach. This is what they
do in Porto Ranzas. Yeah, you park on the beach and then you
walk around the beach. In general, and Texas not great, no,
but Florida, you don't drive on the beach unless you're in a shitty beach.
No Daytona, but Daytona case some point, there's anyway beaches. I
just remember port ranzas like on the fucking like amount of like people that had
soaped on their jeep windows like white and proud and shit like that. Oh
Jesus, yeah, no, I I can be friends like I can be
friendly? Is that next to the mean? I never saw that. I
never saw the white proud shit. Man. I saw some pretty hate full
shit on some fucking windows and shit like that. Wown't I feel like some
type of sexual pun I also was in the off season. You know this
is this is false so fair, this is fair? Um No, man,
I just you know, it's easy to say like, oh, these
people were friendlier to me. It's like, do you think they would have
been friendly if you were black? Dude? I did see a um golf
cart with a Trump flag and they pulled up. It was these two white
people and they had like a black kid with them, like I guess it
was like an adopted adopted black kid. I was like, this is lovely.
Yeah. I was like, oh, what a nice what a nice
little twist. Didn't they go after like Amy Cony Barrett or Amy Barrett Coney,
Slasha Barrett Coney? Is it Amy Coman Barrett? Or is it Barrett
Barrett Coney? Is it Amy Coman Barrett? Whatever? They went after here
for adopting like two black kids, right, I didn't even hear that criticism.
How they were just talking about who wants to end abortion? Yeah,
the phone just went off. Bro, Dan, you're on the radar now.
But no, I think like the left attacked her for something, you
know, I think, how do you attack someone for that? I think
that's the worst thing you could possibly attack someone. But I think so,
yeah, absolutely, that's like that's like a really good thing she didn't.
She gave people a better chance. Like you can totally go after her for
not being prepared during her confirmation hearings. You can go after pretty prepared other
than the one question. If you go back, I mean, I think
you can say you can talk circles around answering questions like she doesn't. She's
not gonna uphold anything Row related, and she's going to take personal politics into
account. I don't think so based on what Dan her word cool, Yeah,
that fucking works anyway. She's attractive, She looks like kind of right
for an order, I guess for a Supreme Court justice. She's as far
as Supreme Court justices go, she's a nine. She's no Anton. Ruth
was like, you know, you know she's soft sex, she's hard five
back in the day. What do you think she was? And you see
young photos of real god, you know this is counterinto like, you know,
it's not woke rating Supreme Court justice. Oh dude, she was kind
like beer no Brett having on deserves, not like, okay, all his
fucking student modest paid off now all of a sudden after he gets confirmed.
That's weird, right, I didn't even know about that. Yeah, man,
are did you be? Yeah? She was cute man back in the
day. All right, there's a lot of dead people in this podcast side
when she did not Kimbo fuck. You can be equally sad. No you
can't. If you're more sad about Kimbo slice and you're not actually involved with
him in a way than Ruth Bayer games. But do you mean involved like
sexually, like connected to him in a way or you interacted with the man.
You don't know my past with Kimbo, I do know it. It's
non existent. You watched him on YouTube, well, and you probably watched
him more on YouTube than RBG though in the UFC, I definitely watched way
more YouTube of Kimbos same honestly. Um, but yeah, that is the
episode for today. Make sure we have a YouTube channel now so you can
see our beautiful faces and just ten eighty some some HD Yeah not quite four
k I'm not that's too much. Files too big, but make sure to
rate, subscribe on iTunes, Tell a friend about the podcast. We'll be
back with some normal content. Yeah, we got a little you know,
it's a weird day, it's a weird, weird night. I'll give us
the I'm actually filling in. I wasn't like we're supposed to. Rob was
pimping out like what we're supposed to do tonight, and he was gonna lead,
and he was He said he was gonna do, you know, like
the whole Catholics that ran for president thing. We obviously pivoted because I don't
really want to do there. Yeah he would he neither of us, even
though you were a Catholic or are Catholic, none of us are as Catholic
is Rob, And we wouldn't have been able to hit the nuance of what
he was wanting to talk, right. I didn't want to step on his
toes there. Maybe we'll save it for another time next election cycle, or
I mean, if Biden wins, we can just talk about if we want
to, don't. We'll get back to some cool shit. Yeah, We're
gonna get back to some cool shit. I'll be running a pod next week.
I'll have some weird conspiracy theory ship for us or something spooky. Still,
I like talking about the weird shit, like I need to like dialof
Pass and like just bizarre things like William Walker, like fucking dude that just
leaves Tennessee and decides I'm King of South America. I'm gonna be the Nicaragua
president. Now that's pretty tired. I wish I could do that now.
I like that. So we'll get back to that. We'll get back to
our roots. But we figured we just kind of riff tonight. I had
a few nods, but yeah, it is what it is. You know,
we got a whole lot going on, Bush. Thank you for taking
your time, dude. Always a blast coming on with you guys. Thanks
man, it was fun. Sorry you got suppressed. Yeah, man,
I'm gonna, I'm gonna keep at it though, I'm gonna. I'm gonna
get my You're gonna vote tomorrow SSN locked away. You should vote multiple times,
Yeah, vote as much as you want tomorrow. None of it's gonna
count anyway. Maybe a little stick stuff the ballot box, sorry, and
then light it on fire. And on that we'll leave you. You've just
been soft served, you've just been soft sera. Thank you for listening again.
We'll be back to our regularly scheduled program next week. Got a little
off the wall to this week, all right, right, good night,