1 00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:06,960 The Conscience Pudding by e Ne's Bitt. It was Christmas, nearly a year 2 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:11,599 after mother died. I cannot write about mother, but I will just say 3 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:15,800 one thing. If she had only been away for a little while and not 4 00:00:15,919 --> 00:00:20,480 for always, we shouldn't have been so keen on having a Christmas. I 5 00:00:20,519 --> 00:00:24,320 didn't understand this then, but I am much older now, and I think 6 00:00:24,359 --> 00:00:27,719 it was just because everything was so different and horrid, we felt we must 7 00:00:27,719 --> 00:00:33,320 do something, and perhaps we were not particular enough. What things make you 8 00:00:33,439 --> 00:00:39,079 much more unhappy when you loaf about than when you were doing events. Father 9 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:43,520 had to go away just about Christmas. He had heard that his wicked partner 10 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:46,799 who ran away with his money, was in France, and he thought he 11 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:50,759 could catch him. But really he was in Spain, where catching criminals is 12 00:00:50,799 --> 00:00:56,280 never practiced. We did not know this till afterwards. Before Father went away, 13 00:00:56,560 --> 00:01:00,960 he took Dora and Oswald into his study and said, I'm awfully sorry 14 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,439 I've got to go away, but it is very serious business and I must 15 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:07,599 go. You'll be good while I'm away, kiddies, won't you? We 16 00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:14,719 promised faithfully. Then he said, there are reasons you wouldn't understand if I 17 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:18,040 tried to tell you, but you can't have much for Christmas this year, 18 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:22,719 But I've told Matilda to make you a good plane pudding. Perhaps next Christmas 19 00:01:22,799 --> 00:01:27,079 will be brighter. It was for the next Christmas saw us the affluent nephews 20 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,599 and nieces of an Indian uncle. But that is quite another story, As 21 00:01:30,599 --> 00:01:36,959 good Old Kipling says, when father had been seen off at Lewisham Station with 22 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:41,400 his bags and a plaid rug in a strap, we came home again and 23 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:45,680 it was horrid. There were papers and things littered all over his room where 24 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:49,120 he had packed. We tidy the room up. It was the only thing 25 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:53,920 we could do for him. It was Dickie who accidentally broke his shaving glass, 26 00:01:53,359 --> 00:01:56,959 and h O made a paper boat out of a letter. We found 27 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:00,879 out afterwards. Father particularly wanted to keep. This took us some time, 28 00:02:01,599 --> 00:02:06,200 and when we went into the nursery the fire was black out and we could 29 00:02:06,239 --> 00:02:09,520 not get it alight again, even with the whole daily chronicle. Matilda, 30 00:02:09,759 --> 00:02:14,400 who was our general then, was out as well as the fire, so 31 00:02:14,479 --> 00:02:16,800 we went and sat in a kitchen. There is always a good fire in 32 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:22,240 kitchens. The kitchen hearth rug was not nice to sit on, so we 33 00:02:22,319 --> 00:02:27,400 spread newspapers on it. It was sitting in the kitchen. I think that 34 00:02:27,479 --> 00:02:30,199 brought to our minds my father's parting words about the pudding. I mean, 35 00:02:31,199 --> 00:02:36,520 Oswald said. Father said we couldn't have much of a Christmas for secret reasons, 36 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:38,919 and he said he had told Matilda to make us a plain pudding. 37 00:02:40,199 --> 00:02:46,360 The plain pudding instantly cast its shadow over the deepening gloom of our young minds. 38 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:52,840 I wonder how plain she'll make it, Dickie said, as plain as 39 00:02:52,879 --> 00:02:57,360 plain you may depend, said Oswald. Ah, here am I, where 40 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:02,560 are you pudding? That's her sort. The others groaned, and we gathered 41 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:08,879 closer round the fire till the newspapers rustled madly. I believe I could make 42 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:14,520 a pudding that wasn't plain if I tried. Alice said, why shouldn't we? 43 00:03:15,719 --> 00:03:20,280 No chink, said Oswald, with brief sadness. How much would it 44 00:03:20,319 --> 00:03:24,039 cost? Noel asked, and added that Dora had twopence and h O had 45 00:03:24,039 --> 00:03:29,960 a French halfpenny. Dora got the cookery book out of the dresser drawer, 46 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:34,080 where it lay doubled up among clothes, pegs, dirty dusters, scallop shells, 47 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:38,000 string penny novelettes, and the dining room corkscrew the general we had. 48 00:03:38,039 --> 00:03:42,680 Then it seemed as if she did all the cooking on the cookery book instead 49 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:46,120 of on the baking board. There were traces of so many bygone meals upon 50 00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:52,719 its pages. It doesn't say Christmas pudding at all, said Dora. Try 51 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:58,840 plumb. The resourceful Oswald instantly counseled. Dora turned the greasy pages anxiously. 52 00:04:00,479 --> 00:04:05,719 Plum pudding five one eight, are rich with flour five one seven, Christmas 53 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:12,120 five one seven, cold brandy sauce for two four one. We shouldn't care 54 00:04:12,159 --> 00:04:16,879 about that, so it's no use looking good without eggs five one eight plain 55 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:23,279 five one eight. We don't want that anyhow. Christmas five one seven, 56 00:04:23,399 --> 00:04:28,399 that's the one. It took her a long time to find the page. 57 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:32,240 Oswald got a shovel of coals and made up the fire. It blazed up 58 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:39,759 like the devouring elephant the Daily Telegraph always calls it. Then Dora read Christmas 59 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:44,800 plum pudding. Time six hours to eat it in, said h O. 60 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:51,000 No silly to make it forge a head, Dora. Dickie replied. Dora 61 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:57,720 went on twenty seventy two one pound and half of raisins, half a pound 62 00:04:57,759 --> 00:05:00,399 of currants, three quarters of a pound of breadread crumbs, half a pound 63 00:05:00,439 --> 00:05:04,519 of flour, three quarters of a pound of beef suet, nine eggs, 64 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:09,759 one wine glassful of brandy, half a pound of citron and orange peel, 65 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:14,600 half a nutmeg, and a little ground ginger. I wonder how little ground 66 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:18,199 ginger a tea cupful would be enough, I think, Alice said, we 67 00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:24,240 must not be extravagant. We haven't got anything yet to be extravagant with, 68 00:05:24,879 --> 00:05:28,519 said Oswald, who had toothache that day. What would you do with the 69 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:32,079 things? If you've got them? You'd chop the suet as fine as possible. 70 00:05:32,519 --> 00:05:36,120 I wonder how fine that is, replied Dora. And the book together, 71 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:40,720 and mix it with the bread, crumbs and flour. Add the currants, 72 00:05:40,879 --> 00:05:46,160 washed and dried, not starched, then, said Alice. The citron 73 00:05:46,199 --> 00:05:49,160 and orange peel cut into thin slices. I wonder what they call thin. 74 00:05:49,959 --> 00:05:54,199 Matilda's thin bread and butter is quite different from what I mean by it. 75 00:05:54,879 --> 00:05:59,480 And the raisins stoned and divided. How many heaps would you divide them into? 76 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:03,519 Seven? I suppose, said Alice, one for each person and one 77 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:09,000 for the pot I mean pudding. Mix it all well together with the grated 78 00:06:09,079 --> 00:06:13,399 nutmeg and ginger, then stir in nine eggs well beaten, and the brandy. 79 00:06:13,879 --> 00:06:15,879 We'll leave that out, I think, And again, mix it thoroughly 80 00:06:15,879 --> 00:06:20,240 together that every ingredient may be moistened. Put it into a buttered mold, 81 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:26,439 tie over tightly and boil for six hours. Serve it ornamented with holly and 82 00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:30,800 brandy poured over it. I should think holly and brandy poured over it would 83 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:36,240 be simply beastly, said Dickie. I expect the book knows. I dare 84 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:41,079 say holly and water would do as well. Though this pudding may be made 85 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:45,079 a month before, it's no use reading about that. Though, Because we've 86 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:49,160 only got four days to Christmas, it's no use reading about any of it, 87 00:06:49,639 --> 00:06:55,199 said Oswald, with thoughtful repeatedness. Because we haven't got the things, 88 00:06:55,199 --> 00:06:59,240 and we haven't got the coin to get them. We might get the tins 89 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:03,000 somehow, said Dickie. There must be lots of kind people who would subscribe 90 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:09,079 to a Christmas pudding for poor children who hadn't any Noel said, well, 91 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:13,439 I'm going skating at Pen's, said Oswald, it's no use thinking about puddings. 92 00:07:13,759 --> 00:07:16,839 We must put up with it plain. So he went and Dickie went 93 00:07:16,879 --> 00:07:23,399 with him. When they returned to their home in the evening, the fire 94 00:07:23,439 --> 00:07:26,800 had been lighted again in the nursery and the others were just having tea. 95 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,480 We toasted our bread and butter on the bare side, and it gets a 96 00:07:30,519 --> 00:07:33,879 little warm among the butter. This is called a French toast. I like 97 00:07:33,959 --> 00:07:39,439 English better, but it is more expensive, Alice said, Matilda is in 98 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:43,279 a frightful rage about your putting those coals on a kitchen fire, Oswald. 99 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:46,279 She says, we sha'n't have enough to last day a Christmas as it is. 100 00:07:46,839 --> 00:07:49,120 And Father gave her a talking to before he went about them. Asked 101 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:53,360 her if she ate them, she says, but I don't believe he did. 102 00:07:53,879 --> 00:07:56,839 Anyway, she's locked the coal cellar door, and she's got the key 103 00:07:56,879 --> 00:08:01,399 in her pocket. I don't see how we can boil the pudding. What 104 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:05,279 pudding? Said Oswald dreamily. He was thinking of a chap he had seen 105 00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:09,519 at Penn's who had cut the date eighteen ninety nine on the ice with four 106 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:16,279 strokes the pudding. Alice said, Oh, we've had such a time, 107 00:08:16,319 --> 00:08:20,360 Oswald. First, Dora and I went to the shops to find out exactly 108 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:24,319 what the pudding were cost. It's only two and elevenpence, Hatney counting in 109 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:28,800 the holly. It's no good, Oswald repeated. He is very patient and 110 00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:33,080 will say the same thing any number of times. It's no good. You 111 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:39,720 know, we've got no tin, ah said Alice. But Tatcho and I 112 00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:43,799 went out and we called at some of the houses in Granville Park and Dartmouth 113 00:08:43,879 --> 00:08:46,919 Hill, and we got a lot of sixpences and shillings besides pennies, and 114 00:08:48,039 --> 00:08:52,480 one old gentleman gave us half a crown. He was so nice, quite 115 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:56,639 bald, with a knitted red and blue waistcoat. We've got eight and sevenpence. 116 00:08:58,039 --> 00:09:01,320 Oswald did not feel quite sure Father would like us to go asking for 117 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:05,200 shillings and sixpences or even half crowns from strangers, But he did not say 118 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:09,919 so. The money had been asked for and got and it couldn't be helped, 119 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,919 and perhaps he wanted the pudding. I am not able to remember exactly 120 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,840 why he did not speak up and say this is wrong, but anyway he 121 00:09:18,879 --> 00:09:24,279 didn't. Alice and Dora went out and bought the things. Next morning they 122 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:28,639 bought double quantities, so that it came to five shillings and elevenpence and was 123 00:09:28,759 --> 00:09:31,120 enough to make a noble pudding. There was a lot of holly left over 124 00:09:31,159 --> 00:09:35,759 for decorations. We used very little for the sauce. The money that was 125 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:39,679 left we spent very anxiously in other things to eat, such as dates and 126 00:09:39,799 --> 00:09:45,960 figs and toffee. We did not tell Matilda about it. She was a 127 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:50,919 red haired girl and apt to turn shirty at the least thing concealed under our 128 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:56,480 jackets and overcoats. We carried the parcels up to the nursery and hid them 129 00:09:56,480 --> 00:10:00,879 in the treasure chest we had there. It was the bureau drawer. It 130 00:10:00,919 --> 00:10:03,399 was locked up afterwards because the treacle got all over the green bays and the 131 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:07,039 little drawers inside it. While we were waiting to begin to make the pudding, 132 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,440 it was the grocer told us we ought to put treacle in the pudding, 133 00:10:11,759 --> 00:10:16,559 and also about not so much ginger as a tea cupful. When Matilda 134 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,320 had begun to pretend to scrub the floor, she pretended this three times a 135 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,080 week, so as to have an excuse not to let us in the kitchen, 136 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:26,360 but I know she used to read novelettes most of the time, because 137 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:30,279 Alice and I had a squint through the window more than once. We barricaded 138 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:35,039 the nursery door and set to work. We were very careful to be quite 139 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:39,840 clean. We washed our hands as well as the currants. I have sometimes 140 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:43,000 thought we did not get all the soap off the currants. The pudding smelt 141 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,320 like a washing day when the time came to cut it open, and we 142 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,200 washed a corner of the table to chop the suet on. Chopping seuet looks 143 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:56,080 easy to do. Try father's machine he weighs letters with did to weigh out 144 00:10:56,120 --> 00:11:00,200 the things. We did this very carefully in case the grocer had not done 145 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:05,679 so. Everything was white except the raisins. Ho had carried them home. 146 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:07,919 He was very young then, and there was a hole in the corner of 147 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:13,720 the paper bag, and his mouth was sticky. Lots of people have been 148 00:11:13,759 --> 00:11:16,039 hanged to a gibbet in chains on evidence no worse than that, and we 149 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:20,960 told Ho so till he cried. This was good for him. It was 150 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:24,799 not unkindness to hoe, but part of our duty. Chopping suet as fine 151 00:11:24,799 --> 00:11:28,360 as possible is much harder than any one would think. As I said before, 152 00:11:30,279 --> 00:11:33,759 so is crumbling bread, especially if your loaf is new like ours was. 153 00:11:33,919 --> 00:11:37,000 When we had done them, the bread crumbs and suet were both very 154 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:41,039 large and lumpy, and of a dingy gray color, something like pale slate 155 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:46,279 pencil. They looked a better color when we had mixed them with a flour. 156 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:50,919 The girls had washed the currants with brown windsor soap and the sponge. 157 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:54,399 Some of the currants got inside the sponge and kept coming out in a bath 158 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:58,600 for days afterwards. I see now that this was not quite nice. We 159 00:11:58,639 --> 00:12:01,679 cut the candied peel as thin as we wish people would cut our bread and 160 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:05,440 butter. We tried to take the stones out of the raisins, but they 161 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:11,679 were too sticky, so we just divided them up in seven lots. Then 162 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:15,000 we mixed the other things in the wash hand basin from the spare bedroom that 163 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,240 was always spare. We each put in our own lot of raisins and turned 164 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:22,679 it all into a pudding basin and tied it up in one of Alice's pinafores, 165 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:26,399 which was the nearest thing to a proper pudding cloth we could find at 166 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:31,320 any rate clean. What was left sticking to the wash hand basin did not 167 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:35,600 taste so bad. It's a little bit soapy, Alice said, But perhaps 168 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:43,039 that will boil out like stains in tablecloths. It was a difficult question how 169 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:48,759 to boil the pudding. Matilda proved furious when asked to let us just because 170 00:12:48,799 --> 00:12:52,360 someone had happened to knock her hat off the scullery door, and Pincher had 171 00:12:52,399 --> 00:12:56,559 got it and done for it. However, part of the embassy nick to 172 00:12:56,639 --> 00:13:00,440 saucepan while the others were being told what Matilda thought about the hat, And 173 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,120 we got hot water out of the bathroom and made it boil over our nursery 174 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:07,360 fire. We put the pudding in it. It was now getting on towards 175 00:13:07,399 --> 00:13:11,840 the hour of tea, and let it boil, with some exceptions owing to 176 00:13:11,879 --> 00:13:16,759 the fire going down and Matilda not hurrying up with coals. It boiled for 177 00:13:16,799 --> 00:13:22,200 an hour and a quarter. Then Matilda came suddenly in and said, I'm 178 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,480 not going to have you messing about in here with my saucepans, and she 179 00:13:24,519 --> 00:13:28,440 tried to take it off the fire. You will see that we couldn't stand 180 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:33,000 this. It was not likely I do not remember who it was that told 181 00:13:33,039 --> 00:13:37,279 her to mind her own business, And I think I have forgotten who caught 182 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:41,080 hold of her first to make her chuck it. I'm sure no needless violence 183 00:13:41,159 --> 00:13:45,879 was used. Anyway, While the struggle progressed, Alice and Dora took the 184 00:13:45,879 --> 00:13:48,080 saucepan away and put it in the boot cupboard under the stairs, and put 185 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:52,679 the key in their pocket. This sharp encounter made every one very hot and 186 00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:58,240 cross. We got over it before Matilda did, but we brought her round 187 00:13:58,279 --> 00:14:01,799 before bedtime. Should always be made up before bedtime, it says so in 188 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,720 the Bible. If this simple rule was followed, there would not be so 189 00:14:05,799 --> 00:14:09,720 many wars and martyrs, and lawsuits and inquisitions and bloody deaths. At the 190 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:16,799 stake. All the house was still. The gas was out all over the 191 00:14:16,799 --> 00:14:22,000 house, except on the first landing, when several darkly shrouded figures might have 192 00:14:22,039 --> 00:14:28,039 been observed creeping downstairs to the kitchen. On the way with superior precaution, 193 00:14:28,399 --> 00:14:33,320 we got out our saucepan. The kitchen fire was red but low. The 194 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,440 coal cellar was locked, and there was nothing in the scuttle but a little 195 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:39,519 coal dust and the piece of brown paper that had put in to keep the 196 00:14:39,519 --> 00:14:43,480 coals from tumbling out through the bottom where the hole is. We put the 197 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,679 saucepan on the fire and plied it with fuel. Two chronicles, a telegraph, 198 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:50,919 and two family herald novelettes were burned in vain. I am almost sure 199 00:14:50,919 --> 00:14:56,000 the pudding did not boil at all that night. Never mind, Alice said, 200 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,600 we can each nick a piece of coal every time we go into the 201 00:14:58,679 --> 00:15:05,240 kitchen tomorrow. This daring scheme was faithfully performed, and by night we had 202 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:09,840 nearly half a waste paper basket of coal, coke and cinders. And in 203 00:15:09,879 --> 00:15:15,080 the depth of night once more we might have been observed, this time with 204 00:15:15,159 --> 00:15:20,279 our collier like waste paper basket in our guarded hands. There was more fire 205 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,320 left in the grate that night, and we fed it with a fuel we 206 00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:26,679 had collected. This time, the fire blazed up and the pudding boiled like 207 00:15:26,799 --> 00:15:31,159 mad. This was the time it boiled two hours at least, I think 208 00:15:31,159 --> 00:15:35,879 it was about that. But we dropped asleep on the kitchen tables and dresser. 209 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:39,279 You dare not be lowly in the night in a kitchen because of the 210 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:46,360 beetles. We were aroused by horrible smell it was the pudding cloth burning all 211 00:15:46,399 --> 00:15:50,759 the water had secretly boiled itself away. We filled it up at once with 212 00:15:50,799 --> 00:15:54,080 cold and the saucepan cracked, So we cleaned it and put it back on 213 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:58,559 the shelf, and took another and went to bed. You see what a 214 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:03,080 lot of trouble we had over the push every evening till Christmas, which had 215 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:07,399 now become only the day after tomorrow. We sneaked down in the inky midnight 216 00:16:07,639 --> 00:16:11,960 and boiled that pudding for as long as it would. On Christmas morning, 217 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,679 we chopped the holly for the sauce, but we put hot water instead of 218 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:21,080 brandy and moist sugar. Some of them said it was not so bad. 219 00:16:21,759 --> 00:16:26,480 Oswald was not one of these. Then came the moment, when the plain 220 00:16:26,559 --> 00:16:32,080 pudding father had ordered smoked upon the board. Matilda brought it in and went 221 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,840 away at once. She had a cousin out of Woolwich Arsenal to see her 222 00:16:34,879 --> 00:16:40,200 that day. I remember those far off days are quite distinctive memory's recollection. 223 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:45,679 Still, then we got out our own pudding from its hiding place and gave 224 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:49,559 it one last hurried boil, only seven minutes because of the general impatience which 225 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:53,960 Oswald and Dora could not cope with. We had found means to secrete a 226 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,480 dish, and we now tried to dish the pudding up, but it stuck 227 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:02,440 to the basin and had to be dis lodged with a chisel. The pudding 228 00:17:02,519 --> 00:17:06,799 was horribly pale. We poured the holly sauce over it, and Dora took 229 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:11,200 up the knife and was just cutting it when a few simple words from Aho 230 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:18,240 turned us from happy and triumphing cookery artists the persons in despair. He said, 231 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:22,839 how pleased all those kind ladies and gentlemen would be if they knew we 232 00:17:22,839 --> 00:17:26,200 were the poor children they gave the shillings and sixpences and things for. We 233 00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:33,960 all said what it was no moment for politeness, I say, Aho said, 234 00:17:34,319 --> 00:17:37,119 they'd be glad if they knew it was us was enjoying the pudding and 235 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:42,200 not dirty little, really poor children. You should say you were not you, 236 00:17:42,559 --> 00:17:45,640 was said Dora. But it was as in a dream, and only 237 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:52,720 from habit do you mean to say? Oswald spoke firmly, yet not angrily, 238 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:56,359 that you and Alice went and begged for money for poor children and then 239 00:17:56,839 --> 00:18:02,759 kept it. We didn't keep it, said Acho, we spent it. 240 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:07,519 We've kept the things, you little duffer, said Dickie, looking at the 241 00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:11,839 pudding sitting alone and uncared for on its dish. You begged for money for 242 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:17,039 poor children and then kept it. It's stealing, that's what it is. 243 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,920 I don't say so much about you. You're only a silly kid. But 244 00:18:21,039 --> 00:18:25,559 Alice knew better. Why did you do it? He turned to Alice, 245 00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:30,640 but she was now too deep in tears to get a word out. Aho 246 00:18:30,759 --> 00:18:33,359 looked a bit frightened, but he answered the question. We have taught him 247 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:37,759 this, he said. I thought they'd give us more if I said poor 248 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:42,880 children than if I said just us. That's cheating, said Dickie. Downright, 249 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:48,400 beastly mean, low cheating. I'm not, said Achho, and you're 250 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:53,599 another. Then he began to cry too. I do not know how the 251 00:18:53,599 --> 00:18:59,079 others felt, but I understand from Oswald that he felt that now the honor 252 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:02,440 of the House of Basket had been stamped on in the dust, and it 253 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:06,640 didn't matter what happened. He looked at the beastly holly that had been left 254 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:10,640 over from the sauce and was stuck up over the pictures. It now appeared 255 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:14,359 hollow and disgusting, though it had got quite a lot of berries, and 256 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:18,519 some of it was the varied kind, green and white. The figs and 257 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:22,160 dates and toffee were set out in a doll's dinner service. The very side 258 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:26,359 of it all made Oswald blush sickly. He owns he would have liked to 259 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:30,200 cuff h O. And if he did, for a moment wish to shake 260 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:36,880 Alice the author, for one can make allowances. Now. Alice choked and 261 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:41,279 spluttered and wiped her eyes fiercely, and said, it's no use ragging, 262 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:45,119 h O. It's my fault. I'm older than he is. Ho said 263 00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:51,039 it couldn't be Alice's fault. I don't see as it was wrong that, 264 00:19:51,519 --> 00:19:55,839 not, as murmured Dora, putting her arm round the sinner who had brought 265 00:19:55,880 --> 00:20:00,599 this degrading blight upon our family tree. But such sheers girls, a determined, 266 00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:03,759 an affectionate silliness, tell sist all about it. Ho, dear, 267 00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:10,359 why couldn't it be Alice's fault? Aho cuddled up to Dora and said, 268 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:14,279 snufflingly in his nose, because she hadn't got nothing to do with it. 269 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,960 I collected it all. She never went into one of the houses. She 270 00:20:18,039 --> 00:20:22,559 didn't want to, and then took all the credit of getting the money, 271 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:30,279 said Dickie savagely. Oswald said, not much credit in scornful tones. Oh 272 00:20:30,519 --> 00:20:34,559 you are beastly, the whole lot of you, except Dora, Alice said, 273 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:38,640 stamping her foot in rage and despair. I tore my frock on a 274 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,680 nail going out, and I didn't want to go back, and I got 275 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:45,960 ho to go to the houses alone, and I waited for him outside, 276 00:20:45,519 --> 00:20:48,039 and I asked him not to say anything, because I didn't want Dora to 277 00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:52,799 know about the frock. It's my best and I don't know what he said 278 00:20:52,799 --> 00:20:56,720 inside. He never told me, but I'll bet anything he didn't mean to 279 00:20:56,799 --> 00:21:00,599 cheat. You said, lots of fine people will be ready to give money 280 00:21:00,599 --> 00:21:06,359 to get pudding for poor children, so I asked them to. Oswald, 281 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:11,039 with his strong right hand, waved a wave of passing things over. We'll 282 00:21:11,039 --> 00:21:15,119 talk about that another time, he said. Just now, we've got weightier 283 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:19,920 things to deal with. He pointed to the pudding, which had grown cold 284 00:21:21,039 --> 00:21:25,920 during the conversation to which I have alluded. Aho stopped crying, but Alice 285 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:30,319 went on with it. Oswald now said, we're a base and outcast family. 286 00:21:30,799 --> 00:21:33,680 Until that pudding's out of the house, we shan't be able to look 287 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:37,880 anyone in the face. We must see that that pudding goes to poor children, 288 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:42,839 not grizzling, grumpy, whiney, piney pretending poor children, but real 289 00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:48,079 poor ones, just as poor as they can stick. And the figs too, 290 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:53,839 and the dates, said Noel, with regretting tones. Every fig said 291 00:21:53,880 --> 00:22:00,359 Dickie sternly. Oswald is quite right. This honorable made us feel a bit 292 00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:04,480 better. We hastily put on our best things, and washed ourselves a bit, 293 00:22:04,839 --> 00:22:07,759 and hurried out to find some really poor people to give the pudding to. 294 00:22:08,839 --> 00:22:11,799 We cut it in slices ready and put it in a basket with the 295 00:22:11,799 --> 00:22:15,519 figs and dates and toffee. We would not let h O come with us 296 00:22:15,519 --> 00:22:19,039 at first, because he wanted to, and Alice would not come because of 297 00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:23,720 him. So at last we had to let him. The excitement of tearing 298 00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:27,599 into your best things heals the hurt that wounded on a feels, as the 299 00:22:27,599 --> 00:22:32,200 poetry writer said, or at any rate, it makes the hurt feel better. 300 00:22:33,759 --> 00:22:37,440 We went out into the streets. They were pretty quiet. Nearly everybody 301 00:22:37,519 --> 00:22:41,799 was eating its Christmas dessert. But presently we met a woman in an apron. 302 00:22:42,839 --> 00:22:47,720 Oswald said, very politely, please, are you a poor person? 303 00:22:48,599 --> 00:22:52,720 And she told us to get along with us. The next we met was 304 00:22:52,759 --> 00:22:56,079 a shabby man with a hole in his left boot. Again, Oswald said, 305 00:22:56,559 --> 00:23:00,599 please, are you a poor person? And have you any poor little 306 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,720 children? The man told us not to come any of our games with him, 307 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:07,880 or we should laugh on the wrong side of our faces. We went 308 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,759 on sadly. We had no heart to stop and explain to him that we 309 00:23:11,799 --> 00:23:17,799 had no games to come. The next was a young man near the obelisk. 310 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:22,240 Dora tried this time. She said, oh, if you please, 311 00:23:22,279 --> 00:23:25,519 we've got some Christmas pudding in this basket, and if you're a poor person 312 00:23:25,559 --> 00:23:29,960 you can have some poor as job, said the young man in a hoarse 313 00:23:30,039 --> 00:23:33,039 voice, and he had to come up out of a red comforter to say 314 00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:36,759 it. We gave him a slice of the pudding and he bit into it 315 00:23:36,799 --> 00:23:41,519 without thanks or delay. The next minute he had thrown the pudding slap in 316 00:23:41,599 --> 00:23:45,640 Dora's face and was clutching Dicky by the collar. BlimE me, if I 317 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,440 don't chuck you in the river. The whole blooming lot of you, he 318 00:23:48,559 --> 00:23:55,720 exclaimed. The girl screamed, the boys shouted, and though Oswald threw himself 319 00:23:55,759 --> 00:23:59,160 on the insulter of his sister with all his manly vigor. Yet but for 320 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:03,440 a friend of Oswald who was in the police passing at that instant, the 321 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,960 author shudders to think what might have happened. For he was a strong young 322 00:24:07,039 --> 00:24:10,160 man, and Oswald is not yet come to his full strength. And the 323 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:15,640 quaggy runs all too near. Our policemen led our assailant aside, and we 324 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:19,839 waited anxiously as he told us to. After long uncertain moments, the young 325 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,880 man in the comforter loafed off, grumbling, and our policeman turned to us, 326 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,519 said, you give him a dollar pudding and a toasted of soap and 327 00:24:27,559 --> 00:24:33,519 hair oil. I suppose the hair oil must have been the brown winseriness of 328 00:24:33,519 --> 00:24:37,400 the soap coming out. We were sorry, but it was still our duty 329 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:41,240 to get rid of the pudding. The quaggy was handy, it is true, 330 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,839 but when you have collected money to feed poor children and spent it on 331 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:48,880 pudding, it is not right to throw that pudding in the river. People 332 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:52,400 did not subscribe shillings and sixpences and half crowns to feed a hungry flood with 333 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:57,480 Christmas pudding. Yet we shrank from asking any more people whether they were poor 334 00:24:57,519 --> 00:25:02,920 persons or about their famis, and still more from offering the pudding to chance 335 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,119 people who might bite into it and taste the soap. Before we had time 336 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:11,759 to get away, it was Alice, the most paralyzed with disgrace of all 337 00:25:11,799 --> 00:25:15,920 of us, who thought of the best idea. She said, let's take 338 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,079 it to the workhouse. At any rate, they're all poor there, and 339 00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:22,079 they mayn't go out without leave, so they can't run after us to do 340 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:25,440 anything to us after the pudding. No one would give them leave to go 341 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:29,119 out to pursue people who had brought them pudding and wreck vengeance on them. 342 00:25:29,279 --> 00:25:32,640 And at any rate we shall get rid of the conscience pudding. It's a 343 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,640 sort of conscience money, you know. Only it isn't money, but pudding. 344 00:25:37,319 --> 00:25:40,279 The workhouse is a good way. But we stuck to it, though 345 00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:44,480 very cold and hungrier than we thought possible when we started, for we had 346 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:48,119 been so agitated we had not even stayed to eat the plane pudding. Our 347 00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:52,599 good father had so kindly and thoughtfully ordered for our Christmas dinner. The big 348 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:56,720 bell at the workhouse made a man open the door to us when we rang 349 00:25:56,799 --> 00:26:00,480 it, Oswald said, And he spoke because he is next eldest to Dora, 350 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:04,519 and she had had jolly well enough of saying anything about pudding. He 351 00:26:04,559 --> 00:26:10,279 said, please, we've brought some pudding for the poor people. He looked 352 00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:12,920 us up and down, and he looked at our basket. Then he said, 353 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:18,319 you'd better see the matron. We waited in a hall, feeling more 354 00:26:18,319 --> 00:26:22,880 and more uncomfy, and less and less like Christmas. We were very cold, 355 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:26,880 indeed, especially our hands and our noses, and we felt less and 356 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:30,279 less able to face the matron if she was horrid, and one of us 357 00:26:30,279 --> 00:26:33,759 at least wished we had chosen the quaggy for the pudding's long home, and 358 00:26:33,799 --> 00:26:38,400 made it up to the robbed paw in some other way. Afterwards, just 359 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:42,960 as Alice was saying earnestly in the burning cold ear of Oswald, let's put 360 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:47,000 down the basket and make a bolt for it, Oh, Oswald, let's 361 00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:52,279 a lady came along the passage. She was very upright, and she had 362 00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:56,200 eyes that went through you like blue gimlets. I should not like to be 363 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:59,920 obliged to thwart that lady if she had any design, and mine was opposite. 364 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,880 I'm glad this is not likely to occur. She said, what's all 365 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:08,799 this about a pudding? Acho said at once, before we could stop him, 366 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:11,400 they say, I've stolen the pudding, so we've brought her here for 367 00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:15,759 the poor people. No we didn't. That wasn't why the money was given. 368 00:27:17,039 --> 00:27:19,240 It was meant for the poor. Shut our, Pacho said, the 369 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:25,559 rest of us all at once. Then there was an awful silence. The 370 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:30,160 lady gimleted us again, one by one with her blue eyes. Then she 371 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:34,440 said, come into my room. You all look frozen. She took us 372 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,720 into a very jolly room with velvet curtains and a big fire, and the 373 00:27:37,759 --> 00:27:44,200 gas lighted because now it was almost dark even out of doors. She gave 374 00:27:44,279 --> 00:27:47,839 us chairs, and Oswald felt as if his was a dock. He felt 375 00:27:47,839 --> 00:27:52,640 so criminal, and the lady looked so judgular. Then she took the arm 376 00:27:52,759 --> 00:27:57,559 chair by the fire herself and said, who's the eldest I am, said 377 00:27:57,559 --> 00:28:03,279 Dora, looking more like frightened white rabbit than I've ever seen her. Then 378 00:28:03,319 --> 00:28:07,000 tell me all about it. Dora looked at Alice and began to cry. 379 00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:12,400 That slab of pudding in the face had totally unnerved the gentle girl. Alice's 380 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:15,960 eyes were red and her face was puffy with crying, but she spoke up 381 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,920 for Dora and said, oh, please, let Oswald tell Dora. Can't 382 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,359 she's tired with the long walk? And a young man threw a piece of 383 00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:29,279 it in her face, and the lady nodded, and Oswald began. He 384 00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:32,440 told the story from the very beginning, as he has always been taught to, 385 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:36,359 though he hated to lay bare the family honour's wound before a stranger. 386 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:41,519 However, judge like and gimlet eyed, he told all, not concealing the 387 00:28:41,559 --> 00:28:47,359 pudding throwing nor what the young man had said about soap. So he ended, 388 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:51,880 we want to give the conscience pudding to you. It's like conscience money. 389 00:28:52,079 --> 00:28:53,880 You know what that is, don't you. But if you really think 390 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:57,519 it is soapy and not just the young man's horridness, perhaps you'd better not 391 00:28:57,599 --> 00:29:03,319 let them meet it. But the pigs and things we all right. When 392 00:29:03,359 --> 00:29:06,680 he had done, the lady said, for most of us were crying more 393 00:29:06,759 --> 00:29:11,720 or less, come cheer up. It's Christmas time and he's very little your 394 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,519 brother, I mean, and I think the rest of you seem pretty well 395 00:29:14,559 --> 00:29:17,880 able to take care of the honor of the family. I'll take the conscience 396 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:22,880 pudding off your minds. Where are you going now home, I suppose, 397 00:29:22,359 --> 00:29:26,400 Oswald said, And he thought, how nasty and dark and dull it would 398 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:33,359 be. The fire out most lightly and farther away. And your father's not 399 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:37,640 at home, you say, The blue Gimlet lady went on, what do 400 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,839 you say to having tea with me? And then seeing the entertainment we have 401 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:45,440 got up for our old people. Then the lady smiled, and the blue 402 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:49,759 Gimlets looked quite merry. The room was so warm and comfortable, and the 403 00:29:49,799 --> 00:29:53,759 invitation was the last thing we expected. It was jolly of her. I 404 00:29:53,799 --> 00:29:59,720 do think no one thought quite at first of saying how pleased we should be 405 00:29:59,759 --> 00:30:04,079 took accept her kind invitation. Instead we all just said, oh, but 406 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:08,240 in a tone which must have told her we meant yes, please very deeply. 407 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:14,880 Oswald, this has more than once happened, was the first to restore 408 00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:18,119 his manners. He made a proper bow, like he has been toured, 409 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:21,559 and said, thank you very much. We should like it very much. 410 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:26,119 It is very much nicer than going home. Thank you very much. I 411 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,880 need not tell the reader that Oswald could have made up a much better speech 412 00:30:30,119 --> 00:30:33,039 if he had had more time to make it up in or if he had 413 00:30:33,039 --> 00:30:37,799 not been so filled with mixed flusteredness and purification by the shameful events of the 414 00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:41,920 day. We washed our faces and hands and had a first rate muffin and 415 00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:47,119 crumpet tea, with slices of cold meats and many nice jams and cakes. 416 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:51,200 A lot of other people were there, most of them people who were giving 417 00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:56,359 the entertainment to the aged poor. After tea, it was the entertainment songs 418 00:30:56,640 --> 00:31:00,960 and conjuring and a play called Box and very amusing, and a lot of 419 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:06,720 throwing things about in it, bacon and chops and things, and nigger minstrels. 420 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:11,000 We clapped till our hands were sore. When it was over, we 421 00:31:11,039 --> 00:31:15,279 said goodbye. In between the songs and things, Oswald had had time to 422 00:31:15,279 --> 00:31:18,119 make up a speech of thanks to the lady. He said, we all 423 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:22,079 thank you heartily for your goodness. The entertainment was beautiful. We shall never 424 00:31:22,119 --> 00:31:27,640 forget your kindness and hospitableness. The lady laughed and said she had been very 425 00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:33,759 pleased to have us, A fat gentleman said, and your teas, I 426 00:31:33,799 --> 00:31:37,599 hope you enjoyed those. Eh Oswald had not had time to make up an 427 00:31:37,599 --> 00:31:41,920 answer to that, so he answered straight from the heart and said rather, 428 00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:48,000 And every one laughed and slapped us boys on the back and kissed the girls. 429 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,559 And the gentleman who played the bones in the Nigger Minstrel saw us home. 430 00:31:52,359 --> 00:31:56,160 We ate the cold pudding that night, and Ho dreamed that something came 431 00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:59,799 to eat him, like it advises you to in the advertisements on the hoardings. 432 00:32:00,279 --> 00:32:04,000 The grown up said it was the pudding, But I don't think it 433 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:06,680 could have been that, because, as I have said more than once, 434 00:32:07,039 --> 00:32:12,559 it was so very plain. Some of Ho's brothers and sisters thought it was 435 00:32:12,559 --> 00:32:15,599 a judgment on him for pretending about who the poor children were he was collecting 436 00:32:15,599 --> 00:32:21,359 the money for. Oswald's not believe such a little boy as h O would 437 00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:24,240 have a real judgment made just for him and nobody else whatever he did. 438 00:32:25,559 --> 00:32:30,079 But it certainly is odd. Ho was the only one who had bad dreams, 439 00:32:30,519 --> 00:32:34,680 and he was also the only one who got any of the things we 440 00:32:34,759 --> 00:32:37,960 bought with that ill gotten money, because you remember he picked a hole in 441 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:43,079 a raisin paper as he was bringing the parcel home. The rest of us 442 00:32:43,119 --> 00:32:46,279 had nothing unless you count the scrapings of the pudding basin, and those don't 443 00:32:46,319 --> 00:32:53,400 really count at all. End of the conscience. Pudding by EN's Pitt