All right, let's get started Naughty Tuesday on the Mennis Soota goodbye. You're
ready for Naughty Tuesday? I'm ready? Okay. Now, normally we move
these to the end of the podcast. Put I'm gonna give the heads up.
We're going to move the Naughty Tuesday emails to the front, mostly so
I don't forget them. So I'm not going to say the name of this
person for Naughty Tuesday. But here we go. Hey, besties, I've
been wondering if I should ask this question or not for Naughty Tuesday? Have
you or any listeners ever used anything other than sex toys for the love and
Well, my now husband and I when we first started dating, We're at
the grocery store in the Jesus Christ in the produce section, okay, and
he grabbed a rather large cucumber and said, hey, you want to try
this one. I was like, are you trying to kill me? So
we picked out a normal sized cucumber, went home, washed it, of
course, and yes, put a condom on it. Then he went to
town on me with it. He was so into it, and it turned
me on to see him so turned on. There was also a zucchini in
a great popsicle situation that happened to time or two as well. Okay,
that was ten years ago. We have moved on to bigger and better things.
It is still always a joke when we go to the grocery store if
we see something getting big, if we see someone getting big cucumbers, we
always chuckle and say, I know what Dave is doing tonight. Haha,
just kidding. Love you all listen to the show and podcasts every day.
I hope this is worthy of a staff rider sticker. I would love one,
dart lick. Oh, yeah, you've earned a staff writer sticker.
I will absolutely nail you one. Well. You know my nerfball story.
I mean, when I was twelve years old, I wanted to have sex
with something, so I cut a hole in a spongy nerfball and then I
made sweet, sweet love to it. The problem was the texture inside the
nerf ball was rough. It was like sandpaper ish. So I lined it
with a ziplock bag. And let me tell you something, Jenny, it
did nothing for me. It was it did nothing. So I didn't know
those zip block bag detail that's doing fault. Look at you use some aren't
little horny young teenage. The funny thing was it did it did nothing.
It was like, okay, this is not at work. This is nothing
like I thought it might might might feel like real sex, but I of
course didn't know what real sex felt like. But it was Yeah, it
was nothing. So if you want to share a story about something you used
other than a sex toy, cucumber, electric toothbrush, hair brush handle,
sharpie, anything like that, the chlorox bleach wipes, dispensers, bottle of
doctor pepper. Can I tell you one time really quick. I've told this
story before, but it's been years and years. I worked in Phoenix and
there was a very famous news anchor woman on TV and she was, you
know, normal and dignified and whatever. Yeah, and a nurse called in
one This is before texting and probably before email. A nurse called in one
time and said I should not tell you this, but I'm going to go
ahead and tell you. New Year's Eve a few months ago, a woman
came in wearing a raincoat and sunglasses after midnight on New Year's Eve. Now
remember this was after midnight on New Year's Eve, after a little celebrating,
and she said she would not take off her sunglasses, and she would not
talk to an admitting nurse. She insisted on talking to the doctor. She
had got one of those little little tiny bottles as champagne stuck up her butt,
and apparently during loving or during like you know, playing around or whatever,
somehow they put a little one of those little short bottles about eight inches
long champagne bottles up her ass and it got stuck. And how what do
you do? What do you do? I mean, you try to,
I don't know, you try to get it out with a pair of needle
nosed pliers or some salad tongs. Salad tongs would probably be my go to.
Then I'd start to panic and'd be like, oh my god, we
got to go down to the er and get this out. So yeah,
I that feels like something a little bit bigger that you should be able to
pull out on your own. But I understand she might have gotten it stuck
up there real good. Yeah, But I don't. Yeah, I don't
have any stories that involve things that are not sex toys or getting anything stuck
anywhere, except for a couple friends have had some tampon issue stories where they
disappeared in there. Yeah, that's the only thing I've heard of that one.
Uh okay, I'm going to delete that one. Thank you. That
was a great way to start it off. Let's look at another Naughty Tuesday.
Here is one. I won't say my name. I have something to
share with you guys for Naughty Tuesday. Sure it's not sure if it's too
inappropriate or okay for the podcast, here we go. My friend was casually
seeing and hooking up with the guy she met on tender. He told her
that he cannot finish from BJ's or lovin, only from hand jobs, or,
as he refers to it, getting milked. That's the whole story,
and unfortunately, I don't think I will ever forget it. You guys are
the I would love a staff rider sticker if my email gets read. I
don't have a whole lot to add to that one, but I know that
you know it comes up on the show once in a while. Everybody's got
their kink, everybody's got their thing. It's like, I can't come from
regular this or regular that. I can only did I just say come?
I can't come? Did I did say that? It's kind of weird because
you don't normally say that, but it didn't phaze me. Yeah. Well,
that's the funny thing about Jenny. She might seem innocent, she's disgusted,
absolutely disgusting. Okay, here's another one for a Naughty Tuesday. I'm
from Stockton, California, so you can use my name andres I will say
his name. My fiance is seven months pregnant. For the last two months,
we haven't been very sexually active. She does not allow me to touch
her, and she gets mad when I do, and anytime I initiate any
sexy times she refuses. For my own gratification, I've even offered to just
let me do things myself while I maybe just look at her and rubber booty
and know, quite honestly, can't help but feel sexually frustrated and that it
is starting to turn to all around frustration because I do not masturbate. What
well, you should, I mean, seriously, you should. That's why
God made your arms long enough. I don't think that's the reason. No,
that's why God, When you know God designed us, This is why
you cannot perform oral sex on yourself. Because God did not intend you to
suck your own dick. What he did it, he can't do it.
He can't do it, but he did make your arms long enough, so
Andres I would say, you've got to go ahead and do that. I
expressed to her that I feel unwanted and frustrated between the lack of affection,
her bad attitude, and short fuse with our five year old. That's making
me resentful. She says, Look, I'm pregnant, I've got no sexual
desire. I then told her I understood, however, I got wants and
needs, and I need to have them met in order to function one and
be less irritable with a short fuse, bad attitude, and bad mouth,
as she has labeled me, selfish, being selfish, No matter what,
I'm a big time Minnesota goodbye, uh listeners, So let it rip.
I just need a second, third, fourth, or eighth opinion to set
myself straight. I will tell you that different women are different during pregnancy.
I don't remember Julie or Beth or I know we still had sex, but
I don't know that it was more for them or more for me. But
they were accommodating. But I absolutely would have understood if they said, you
know what, No, I'm bloated, my ankles are swollen, my butt
hurts, I got a pee. I don't know, so I think Andrews
she had just got to hang in there. And also after she has the
baby, it ain't going to happen the day after she gets home from the
hospital. It's going to take a few weeks or a few months until things
are back to normal. Yeah, then if they're not, now you get
a problem. I just had dinner. You just had a baby. No,
I did not, But I just had dinner with some girlfriends who one
has kids and one just had a six week year old. And it's like
she just can't still, like her body is not to normal, she can't
have sex. And I can't speak for a pregnant woman because I have not
been, but you gotta understand that, like, there are such hormonal changes
that go through a woman's body that affects there not only like them physically,
but them mentally, and that can really affect a woman's sextrie. I do
think that there probably is a compromise in there for you, because obviously,
like you do have needs yourself, but the compromise might not have to involve
her. I think it really might just have to be something you do on
your own at this point if she's really not into it at all. Yeah.
And that's the thing is like, I don't I don't know why somebody
could say I don't masturbate because that is you know, I mean, I
mean it might be healthy, yeah, but it might be like religious reasons
too, could Yeah, I mean I guess. Okay, next one,
let's go to hold on one second. I want to make sure Okay,
Andrews wrote in several times to make sure that we read his email, and
there you go, Patty Sage. I saw chumba casino billboard on my way
to work this morning. Flip and billboard. Now, what the fuck your
bff, Patty K. Thank you, Patty. I know that Chump is
a big sponsor of the podcast and we don't hear our podcast, but we
know it can be irritating. But thanks for tolerating that. Let's see what
else we got here. Here's one that says Minnesota goodbye. I hosted a
client appreciation ladies night at Board and Brush a few weeks ago. Of the
twenty three women who are SVPD, four of them asked me if this was
Dave Ryan's wife store when they are svp'd for the event, I had to
smile knowing that a suspense substantial amount of my clients listen and love your show
as much as I do. And bonus, we had a great evening making
Christmas projects. Also as your middle Ryan or how did you come up with
a name? Dave Ryan have a great Dave Rebecca. I'm really glad to
hear that. You know, it's so funny. First of all, thanks
for going to my wife's store. Twenty three women, four of them said
is it Dave Ryan's wife store. That's impressive that four people knew yeah and
cared enough to ask yeah. And Susan gets that. Once a night or
so they'll say, hey, Hi, are you Susan, And she's very
gracious, and she's very kind. She's just a good person anyway, so
she's like yeah, but she's also very humble, so you know, she'll
be like yeah and talk to him about it. And once in a while
I'll walk into the store to pick up something or to bring Susan something and
people will wave and smile and like, oh my god, hi, Dave.
So I come over and make conversation, you know, because I figure
if they know me well enough that they listen to the show, and know
me. I'm gonna come over and say hi, so and I'm trying to
do something lately, jinny where I want to talk a little bit longer to
the point where they go, holy fuck, you wouldn't shut up, because
I would rather have that happen than somebody to go. Yeah, Dave Ryan
came in and he barely said hi. I would much rather go over and
say, oh, what's your project? What are you working on? And
where'd you drive in from? Or is this a present? Is your first
time? And have them go fucking leave then to go. He didn't talk
very much? What is wrong with the in between? Do you not know
how to gate? Don't between? Okay, so you're just thinking like you're
either you're too short and it's rude, or you're too annoying and it's like,
get away from me exactly. Yep, that's it. I don't know.
I'm kind of kidding, but I always like to give people a little
bit more on you know. How I learned that from this is so funny.
I learned that from experience, but also from Brookshields. And here's the
story why. In nineteen ninety six, we all the radio stations went out
to Burbank, California to talk about the new shows that we're going to be
on NBC that fall, and it was really cool, and we broadcast from
this giant, giant studio down the hall from jay Lenos tonight and they brought
everybody in who is going to be on another show on new show, and
Brooke Shields was going to be on one called Suddenly Susan. Does that name
Riabelle? It does? Yeah, okay, And she comes in and she
was very shy and very sweet, and I said, hey, can I
get your autograph? And she wrote, I'm gonna make this up, but
she wrote something like, Hi, Dave, nice to meet you. Thanks
for talking to me about my new show on NBC. It's called Suddenly Susan
and it's on weeknights, you know, seven, and blah blah blah blah,
signed with Love Brooks Shields and I said, wow, thanks for writing
something. She said, I always want to give people a little bit more
than they're expecting. And I think she said her mom taught her that,
So anyway, isn't it interesting to give people a little bit more than they're
expecting, And whether it's an autograph or your time or whatever, give people
a little bit more than they're expecting. Oh, I'm going to write that
down for my book. Hold on, I'm gonna make a note. Okay,
Dave's literally going to his Apple watch use the Brookshield story about giving people
more than what they are expecting. Okay, gave me an idea for my
book. She said, as also, is your middle name Ryan or how'd
you come up with Dave Ryan? I basically, my real last name is
not Ryan, It's Kibler. And I thought, oh, I can change
my name. Let me change it to something. There was a DJ in
Denver that I listened to named Dan Ryan, and I said, oh,
Dan Ryan sounds like a good Dave Ryan sounds like a good name. So
I went with that, and I don't like it. It's stuck. It
was a seventeen year old kid's decision that has affected the rest of my life.
And I don't think it was a good radio name. But you know
what, it's worked out. Okay, how much time we got, Jenny,
Jenny's looking at the clock. How much two minutes? Okay, next
one, let me find one that might be short enough. Here we go.
I've been writing to you. I'm writing to you right now, I'm
my daughter's band concert, trying not to fall asleep as the eighth grader's play
just slightly off key. I want to say I don't need another sticker,
as I have received two, which was very surprising that you didn't read any
of my emails. Okay, that must have been a mistake. Ug I've
always pronounced that as ug yougg I digress. Personal written envelope made my week
twice. Yes, I sat at the counter and I write them out personally
Naughty Tuesday. Once I had sex with a manager of a valveline. I
worked there and was working bottom side. He he and well. I pulled
the plug and while oil was draining, we decided to have a QUICKI to
see if we could finish before it was time to add oil. We did
not. After that, the customer left dart Lick. Stacey, I don't
care if you say my name is Stacy. I love it. Thank you
for being on Naughty Tuesday. And yeah, sometimes I wonder if I send
out more than one stick or to different people, but either way, thank
you for listening. That is it for the Minnesota Goodbye. Send your emails,
including Naughty Tuesday emails. We'll get to those next week two Ryan Show
at KDWB dot com. And seriously, thanks for being here. I really
appreciate your listening because there's so many podcasts to listen to now and the fact
that you take fifteen minutes out of your day to listen to our podcast means
the world. So thank you for supporting the podcast and we'll see you tomorrow