WEBVTT

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Shut that up and come on.
We it's just down to meat good Thursday

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morning. Stretch those calves. We
don't want any cramps today. Let's go

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nine o'clock a chance for you to
win a pair of tickets to see comedian

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Burt Kreischer. And we're gonna do
this in a way where you will have

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a chance to call in and join
in on the fun. I don't have

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a formal name for it yet,
but nine am. Just know that it's

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gonna be weird, wild, and
you have a chance to participate and win

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tickets to see Burt Kreischer. At
eight o'clock, a couple of things we'll

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batch around. But one thing is
we watched, well some of us watched

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maybe the worst TV program of all
time that happened live all night. It's

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very popular show What are we done? What did we do? Six million

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people might disagree, keV Oh yeah, maybe it was one of them very

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odd experience. It'd be weird all
day. Seven o'clock at former Cowboy fired

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a shot in his old team boy
and the cockroaches are scrambling and all kinds

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of more fun throughout the day.
Because that's what we do. We have

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fun. Hope everyone's doing great.
Good morning fellas. We have all kinds

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of more fun. That's right.
Yeah, don't curse them when you start

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the show. Don't bring off air
conversations. The first sentence of the show

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I did today is Burt Kreischer,
our greatest living Bert, no sesame street,

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Burt than Burt Reynolds living, no
offense, not real and not alive.

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Bert's technically a little bit real.
Rarely do I say this, but

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go on, Kevin. It's puppet
with a voice. It's not like he's

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he's still a human behind his mechanisms. Well, that dude's dead, right

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the guy did Bert, Yeah,
I would assume. So they don't run

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Birt out there on the show anymore. No, he still is with the

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gay thing. It's not gay.
Nobody knows this. He's I mean,

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he might be. He's never announced
it. And you know what, it's

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none of our business. You love
who you love, Kevin, I've always

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said that. I just asked,
you know, some people don't believe that,

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and that's why I was saying it. Frank Oz long passed on right,

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Oh okay, and a happy eightieth
birthday coming up to the frank Oz

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We would like to welcome Frank Oz
to the program. Welcome, Welcome to

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the program. Frank back from the
grave, still still alive? Well good?

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But was it Jim Hensen? I
don't know who did the boys anyway?

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It's not a real Burt. Burt
Chraischer, our greatest living Burt is

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he and but then there's b e
r T and b U RT. I

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don't think that should matter, Bert
Lancaster and Bur Reynolds. But if you're

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talking b E RT and some people
spell Mike m I k E though we

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don't. We literally only one band
is called Mike Snow and we lost Burt

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backrack last year. They jumped kick
the fun on my edge? What how

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old is or is how living?
Is? Bert be home by Levin dead?

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Now? He's alive? Oh he's
playing Lovin this week? Then because

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it's spring training, he's loving it. I think so, Jesus, you

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think that dude's been mailing it in
for about fifteen years? Who Burt bly

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Levin? No, what's his name? Backer act now the guy that does

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all the puns on people's names.
God sports, Yeah, Chris Berman.

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I know he's alive and well,
but I'm saying he's mailing it in for

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two decades. He hasn't updated any
of his bits. No, but it's

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all right. Do you think if
you line up every empty bottle of whiskey

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or bourbon that Chris Berman has chugged, it would cover the entire circumference of

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the globe. Maybe he's got gravel
throat, right, doesn't He just seem

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like end of the night. And
I don't blame him sixty eight years old.

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He's one of those dudes that got
real popular and never evolved. But

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they still keep hiring him, and
he still keeps taking their checks and says,

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Look, as long as you guys
are willing to give me money,

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I will live off of a legacy
that I created twenty five years ago.

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And you can't blame him. You
blame the people that are giving him the

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money. I bet he makes so
much more, yes than us? Well,

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okay, I bet they're paying him
over a million dollars to come in

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and do the fastest three minutes in
football. And it's not age shaming.

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It's just look, if you're going
to stay in the game, come up

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with something you know, be relevant. Did we pulled the creative? Okay?

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Did we pull like an NFL primetime
clip from September. Don't weigh,

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I think we pulled the one.
I don't I if I have it in

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mind. I'm browsing the drop box
real quickly. But like, I think

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we pulled an old Berman clip from
this year. Yes we did, because

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I wasn't. Yeah what was he? He was still doing the fastest two

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minutes right? Oh? Yeah,
and he's snuck in like three references that

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no one. Yeah, I get
a shot. Surely bounce if you will.

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I'm a card for Week nine.
Eagerly anticipated fast four ways, anticipant

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in the city I probably loved.
Here we go with our fastest three minutes.

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Dak Prescott Jalen Hurts Dantley didn't play
against each other last year, but

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on a heck of a show this
year. Eagles down in the third court

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of it hurts to the slim reaper
Duponte Smith now by five, last play

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the game tap to ab CD but
not efg lamb Okay. Here it is,

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but not afg okay. That took
one in about what thirty seconds?

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How many is it? Is?
It? One? Per thirty seconds that

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he gets in? Yeah? But
then he gets hot in the middle of

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that one. Eagles win. Nick
Surrey on his team eighty one for the

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second straight year. In Germany,
Chiefs and Dolphins, Tyreek killing Andy Reid.

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Want a Super Bowl together? Chiefs
defense again. Strong Hill stripped to

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the ball by Trent mcduffy to Mike
edwarton a wop that counts? What stands

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for? Danny? I know what
it stands for? Battle the Brian Cook.

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Oh fuck, wait twenty one nothing
Kansas City at the half. But

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here comes Miami Rahim Colonel Miami with
the lead pipe in the conservatory. Go

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back? Did he just make a
clue? Colonel Moster, Colonel Moster?

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Okay, could more? Comes Miami
Rahim, Colonel Moster with the lead pipe

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in the conservatory. Miami down by
a touchdown, and the kids are like,

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yeah, huh yeah, yeah,
yet one. It's football for a

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reason, it's football for it's berman
for a reason. Uh hey, whatever,

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dude, Nostalgia's back in. I
mean, I do, trust me,

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I think it sucks, but and
I don't watch a second of it.

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But hearing that, but I think
that's all he does now, I

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think, I think so do they
give him the fastest three minutes? They

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don't let him do the swammy anymore? Swam swammy? Does anybody remember the

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swammy? Looking back on it,
you might go, yeah, Chris,

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we can't do the swammy anymore.
And he would always pick every year the

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Bills and the forty nine ers in
the Super Bowl, the Bills to circle

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the wagons. I mean, I'm
gonna give you some names. If you

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remember his nickname. I just gave
you Burt blyleven. Remember that one,

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no Bert be home eleven. Okay, not bad, and it's number one

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on this currently. Really okay?
Eric the enemy, Eric the enemy,

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Eric the enemy, Eric, I
don't know. Sleeping with the enemy.

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Yeah, okay, Eric, sleeping
with the enemy. Not alright? Out

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with this one. Jake Delome the
loan by seven okay? No, uh,

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Jake dolom on the range, the
loam alone, the loam on the

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range. Not bad, either of
those. No, it's Drake daylight coming.

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You got a dell? No,
not real? Are you kidding?

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So help me? Yes? Andre
Rising? All right, maybe he's awesome.

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Okay, next bet payoff you have
to go as berman as beetlejuice.

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Figure it out. Was just his
nickname, Andre? Yeah, that was

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easy, right, Rising? What
andre Andre rising Son bad Moon Rising.

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Okay, here's a good one,
which was a great nickname. By the

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way, do you remember Bernard Guilkey? Not really? Okay, it doesn't

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matter. Bernard guilty, Bernard innocent
until prove and guilty. Stop it,

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John, I am not a crook. Okay, Okay, Daddy's like all

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right, okay, and Chuck New
kids on the Nall block Okay, okay,

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never mind, I take everything back. Those are amazing. That's fine,

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Lancey, you sunk my blankenship.
The problem with Bourbon did it every

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week and everyone get tired of it? Right? He did every he could

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go all the way I mean did
that is a legendary thing that people will

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know about. You know, kids
don't know that now, and they never

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saw NFL primetime with Tom Jackson.
You know what I think it is that

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makes me insane about Berman is that
they still think that hiring him to do

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the home run derby just to have
him go that is just two much.

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They've done that in like five or
six years, though now Ravage handles I

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feel like they've done pretty recently.
Man on an alt cast maybe yeah,

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it might have been maybe just kind
of echoing in my head after a lifetime

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we're playing in this one. Put
him to work. That's the Potomac.

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You just got his map up.
Do you like when the sports announcers make

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regional references of something that's kind of
far away, when something long distance happens.

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Followell did it the other night on
a Luca three that I think came

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from I don't know, Addison or
something like that. Yeah, you did

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it, but follow well and this
will This is an arcane reference. But

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anytime that Luca makes a shot off
the backboard, you ever notice him go

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Hello, Wenda? No, I
don't know. Do you know what that's

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from? No, that's the lyrics
from the lyrics of a song originally by

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Fair and Young called Hello Walls that
Willie Nelson covered and made very popular.

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There were both, they both made
it very popular song, old country song

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like wait, I'm talking like sixties
early sixties. Yeah, it's like Hello

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Walls, Hello Hello. It's about
this guy that whatever he's you know,

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going long time. Yeah, he's
broke up with his girl and he's all

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alone in his house and he's just
calling out crap that he sees in his

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bedroom and he's like, hello Wenda
and Followell says, hello, Wenda,

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okay, and it's great. I
texted the other night to go referencing Fair

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and Young in an NBA game is
the best thing going in the league right

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now. Devin Hair's like, yeah, okay, Devin's like, I don't

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know what that dude's talking about.
Fall is amazing because I still do watch.

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I watched the Pacers broadcast of the
game the other day and it's just

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lower. It's low energy. I
don't know, but it's also like the

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you know, the comfort of having
your guys, you know, so you

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think they're better. So I feel
like every other opposing ones kind of sucks

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compared. But it's funny to listen
to, Like the opposing broadcasters try to

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like deal with Luca in their heads. M hm, you know, I

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don't even remember who the color man
was, but he's just like the can't

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stop him. It is he just
kind of like it's I mean, they've

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seen him before, but they don't
see him like we do, you know,

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Like he's just so big. It
is funny. Yeah, how does

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he do it? Yeah? I
have no idea. Two things real quick

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on on that. I have to
sometimes watch the out of town you know

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the road game feed. There's a
guy that I I it was kind of

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on in the background and I walked
in and I swear I was like,

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oh cool, it's the home team
the home feed. And it was a

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dude either that sounded a lot like
follow Well or was trying to really yeah,

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like he had the same timber of
voice and pacing and everything. It

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took me a second to oh,
wait, that's not Mark. And number

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two, dude, Harp is a
legend. Don't want him going anywhere.

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But Devin Harris is excellent. Yes, that color yeah, and that team

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of follow l Skin and Devon,
there's something really new about it and fresh.

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I hate to say that because I
love Harp and I think he's just

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he's a comfortable fit for that and
we've grown to love him for years.

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But man, Devin Harris has got
wicked game at that I think under reported

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too. And I don't know if
they're the only one I've not seen.

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Another is who else has a third
man? And it's our buddy Skin,

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Like what our team has a third
guy who's sort of I don't want to

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just say comic relief, you know, because but that's part of his role.

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You know, is to just keep
it light, provide a third layer

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of insight and to you know,
he'll make some weird ass references and sure

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be kind of funny and be a
little quirky, but also like leave with

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two minutes left in the game to
go down and get ready in case it's

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a big win and stand, yeah, you know, to grab the player

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because everyone has that, but they
have a sideline. Most of them have

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like the sideline girl to be honest, which is what they do when Skin's

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not there for road games. Yep, yeah, leslie, yeah, but

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like then Skin usually or some nights
has to run up and do the postgame

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show with Data. I mean,
who's go do like MAVs Insider and stuff,

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and don't I think he still does, but I don't know if it's

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like I remember more of the Fox
Sports Southwest days and are like working direct

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with them, being like Jesus man, I just wanting to go play golf

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this morning with you before our show. I can't gotta go down the AC

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and do MAVs Insider. The dude
is the dude is a hustler and one

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of the hardest working people that I
know. You it just goes to show

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that you. It just goes to
show the skin. You really can neglect

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your wife and kids. And that's
the thing is he doesn't. He doesn't

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even do that. It's crazy.
Yeah, he still finds a lot of

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family time, you know, to
be able to give them. I mean

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she might disagree, but for herself, I think he's a pretty well rounded

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dude. I don't want to schedule. I can tell you that I don't

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either. They just have time to
eat. That's why he only he shoves

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just assorted sliced proteins in his mouth, microt It's the only down shot.

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I think that's what gets those guys
hard is having a heavy schedule. I

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00:16:26.919 --> 00:16:29.320
gotta be here. I gotta be
here. I gotta be here, I

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gotta be here. If I had
their schedule for one day in a week

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bitching, I'd be done. You
wouldn't have me around anymore. Oh oh

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no. If there's something on the
schedule, I'm like, Kevin, it's

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not what I want to do today. I think. So I have to

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meet one dude for lunch next week
at eleven, And I'm like, oh

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yeah, and that's a dude.
I really like. It's hard. It's

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a friend, not even I get
it. Oh God, what day is

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that? Yeah, yeah, that's
tough. If there's anything that throws me

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off of my train track, that's
that's looming. I can't sleep at night

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thinking about lunch with a friend.
Yeah, I have my idea. Maybe

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you set it up. We're horrible
people. We're not horrible people, Yes,

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we are. Just embrace it,
lean into it, Kevin, ride

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the wave. Sometimes it's just fun
to be the bad guy. Yeah.

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Maybe I did start that fire.
They changed things. Speaking of that,

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enjoy your every minute. Speaking of
that fire, that thing is forty four

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00:17:42.079 --> 00:17:48.119
contained. I'm seeing here we go, look out, fire coming. And

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I wonder if it's because of rain, because we got some storms yesterday and

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last night, Fellers, we had
a single massive flash and crack. Oh

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00:17:56.799 --> 00:18:03.599
you had a speaks huge crack.
Just won though I got it too.

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I didn't get the crack. I
got the rain in the wind, not

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a lot of rain, mainly just
the house swaying like a like a house

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swaying like a hut. You one
of the three little pigs. House swing

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like a three little pigs. Oh, Kevin, we're doing a wellness check.

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So not only does he not have
a dishwasher, sleeps in the hole

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where the dishwashers should be, has
to wash his clothes of an old grandma's

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washboard. Now we've learned that his
house is made out of twigs. Don't

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00:18:38.920 --> 00:18:45.480
forget the snakes in the backyard.
That's right, snakes yesterday. I was

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gonna do a whole segment about it
later, but dude, you should because

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the news that the Newspeople are back
today, they since they didn't have to

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go to the poles yesterday, actually
tons of headlines today. The amount of

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content through the roots and don't have
enough of time. It's incredible how good

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this show's going to be. And
that's why we're going to play audio from

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another show a couple of weeks ago, when we were all hanging out on

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the weekend for the you know,
at the Kessler and then at Lady Love.

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It's always funny to run into the
significant other of one of your teammates,

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and it was nice to see Kevin's
fiance roxy out. But there's part

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of me that also is like,
I don't see her for a while,

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and then I see her, and
I'm like, I think of all the

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mean crap that we do to one
another on this show, and I went

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to Roxy. I was like,
hey, how are you? I go,

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how do you feel about the perception
out there that you guys basically live

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in squalor? That's the whole thing. You don't bring it up because it's

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early. And I told her it's
like, I just want to apologize for

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no. I prefaced it by go, how much do you listen to the

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morning show? Okay? And she
told me. She goes, oh,

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you know, I try to listen
as much as possible. You know,

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sometimes I'm up when Kevin leaves,
and you know, my day starts pretty

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early as well. And I go, yeah, I go, I want

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to apologize for the the we kind
of perpetuate this myth that you guys just

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live in a shanty and you don't
have any appliances. Does some guys have

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a post the other day's real quick? And she's so cool. She's like,

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oh, I get it. You
guys are just you know whatever,

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But she understands we're just kidding.
Kevin has a lot of appliances. Yeah,

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I've got a few, Yes,
some some basic airflowers, dope,

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one airfier. You were saying,
I'm sorry my mom gave it to me

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because she doesn't use it. It's
not an air friar that I didn't pay

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for. Kevin still uses ice trays. My point is like, yeah,

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don't bring it up. How much
does she listen? I don't know,

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but probably not that not that much. Do you ever have things to talk

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about when she gets home from word? No, that's good. No,

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I love Roxy, but I feel
like she always gives me like a reluctant

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sigh. I'd hug when I see
her hot Latina, really, you know,

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like I said something that was inappropriate
not to her like on the air.

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I mean, oh no, I
don't think. Yeah, I think

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you're reading too much into that.
I think she just knows you and realizes

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00:21:14.839 --> 00:21:17.160
that's the best way to hug you. It could be that, yeah,

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yeah, because my athleticism, Yeah, she's a wonder boobs get in the

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00:21:22.880 --> 00:21:26.799
way. Yeah. I think it's
more because of the creepy frontal friction that

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00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:33.359
you always your former host in the
afternoons with the thrust hug. He goes

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00:21:33.640 --> 00:21:37.880
the pirates into your house. Yeah, you know, I wonder how Kevin

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00:21:37.960 --> 00:21:42.000
Gray like that hugs the last couple
of days. What's that is that I

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wonder if Kevin Gray got that hug. The last couple of days, KG

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00:21:45.880 --> 00:21:48.599
filled in on the speakings. I
think she's back today, all right?

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00:21:49.039 --> 00:21:55.319
Uh, speaking of there's been multiple
Julie's audio boxes candidates like, how about

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00:21:55.319 --> 00:22:00.000
Ben Rogers returns from a Mexican vacation
and then he decides, you know,

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00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:03.880
we're just gonna use words that we
can't say on the air. Christina is

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00:22:03.880 --> 00:22:07.880
the star of this clip, though. Anytime you have something that has something

280
00:22:07.880 --> 00:22:11.839
else embedded in it, Yeah,
you can't toast me, bro, you've

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00:22:11.880 --> 00:22:18.400
never had toasted raisin bread. It's
the I hate definitely can't see that.

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Oh sorry, did you dump it? Yes? Dump? Thank you?

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00:22:22.960 --> 00:22:27.400
What happened to you in Mexico?
My god, dude, seriously, you

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00:22:27.519 --> 00:22:32.759
are so unhinged. Hey, George
Carlin, take a step back and do

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00:22:32.799 --> 00:22:38.319
a deep breath. What is going
on? If you haven't had toasted raisin

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00:22:38.359 --> 00:22:45.119
brand, you are misstound. You're
so bad. Now you're toasting raisin brand,

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00:22:45.200 --> 00:22:48.200
that's even worse. I just see
Ben cussing and pouring a box a

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00:22:48.359 --> 00:22:51.920
raisin brand into the toaster, and
I was like, what is that guy

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00:22:52.000 --> 00:23:00.880
doing right now? That that chow's
nuts dudent are. He starts with if

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00:23:02.079 --> 00:23:04.400
you can't have something with something embedded
in it, going to a toaster,

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00:23:06.799 --> 00:23:11.559
that's the base theory, something embedded
in it. I was like yesterday it

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00:23:11.640 --> 00:23:15.559
is the tease. His first segment, it was like, you know,

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00:23:15.599 --> 00:23:18.039
he's back of vacation and he's only
in out the hole. It's so good

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00:23:18.039 --> 00:23:23.200
to get away and you get some
perspective on things as give it forty eight

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00:23:23.240 --> 00:23:27.119
hours and you're back to fighting the
little wars that we fight every single day

296
00:23:27.960 --> 00:23:33.279
to Ben, to come to Ben's
defense. We all know what it's like

297
00:23:33.359 --> 00:23:37.200
to go on Christmas break for I
don't know, a month, and then

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00:23:37.279 --> 00:23:41.599
show back up here on that Monday
after New Year's And I know that if

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00:23:41.640 --> 00:23:47.200
you guys are like me, you
spend about forty eight hours convincing yourself that

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00:23:47.240 --> 00:23:51.160
you've forgotten how to do the job. Absolutely and you feel like the second

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00:23:51.160 --> 00:23:56.440
you turn on your microphone you're just
gonna go, which a lot of people

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00:23:56.440 --> 00:24:00.519
think we do anyway. Yeah,
but I get it. It's the first

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00:24:00.640 --> 00:24:04.119
day back from from VAK and and
you don't even you don't know which way

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00:24:04.200 --> 00:24:07.640
is up. But that wasn't even
a slip. He said it. Yeah,

305
00:24:07.640 --> 00:24:14.640
I didn't care it did raisin bread. It's the I hate. Definitely

306
00:24:14.680 --> 00:24:18.000
can't see that. Oh sorry,
did you dump it? Yes? Like

307
00:24:18.079 --> 00:24:22.200
dump think you what happened to you
in Mexico? My god, dude,

308
00:24:22.119 --> 00:24:26.839
seriously, let's say, oh sorry, what happened? Did you the music?

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00:24:26.079 --> 00:24:30.160
Yeah? Of course, still whipping
the music down? Is that's a

310
00:24:30.200 --> 00:24:37.599
guitar move. Let's go to Mike's
roy Oh okay, Hey, what do

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00:24:37.640 --> 00:24:41.400
you want to do? Missing bolts
that came from this factory? Yes,

312
00:24:41.920 --> 00:24:45.000
that did happen. And if someone
was sitting in that window seat, yeah,

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00:24:45.039 --> 00:24:48.599
they get sucked out. Most lies
sucked off. Yeah, out,

314
00:24:49.119 --> 00:24:52.400
you said that wrong. It's sucked
out, sucked off, the sucked off

315
00:24:52.440 --> 00:24:57.640
out of the plane, from the
plane, sucked off the plane. Children,

316
00:24:57.880 --> 00:25:02.759
I work with children. We're gon
allow it. We're gonna allow it.

317
00:25:02.920 --> 00:25:07.039
You're currently on a plane, yeah
right, yeah, And if you

318
00:25:07.039 --> 00:25:11.799
sit in a window seat near one
of those unbolted doors, there's a very

319
00:25:11.799 --> 00:25:15.920
good chance you're gonna get sucked off. No, what aren't you getting Let

320
00:25:15.920 --> 00:25:21.720
me explain. The forces that take
you out of the plane are from the

321
00:25:21.799 --> 00:25:26.920
outside. You would get pushed off
of a plane. You get sucked out

322
00:25:26.920 --> 00:25:33.119
of a plane. I think the
thing sucks you out. I think this

323
00:25:33.200 --> 00:25:36.119
is a regional choice for making.
And I'm from a different part of America

324
00:25:36.160 --> 00:25:41.160
than you. Okay, okay,
Florida, you can bring you can bring

325
00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:45.039
your your Florida English in here,
but that ain't gonna hold up in the

326
00:25:45.039 --> 00:25:52.680
state of Texas, where we talk
good. I think, I don't know.

327
00:25:52.759 --> 00:25:57.200
I think someone getting sucked off a
plane is a very correct thing to

328
00:25:57.240 --> 00:26:02.359
say. I agree. You can
buzz it all you want, button Queen.

329
00:26:04.839 --> 00:26:10.000
She's looking at you, stare at
me all morning. I'll be right

330
00:26:10.039 --> 00:26:15.200
here. I'll be right here.
Aj putting eyeball darts through you, bro.

331
00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:17.680
The visual gag would be if she
had a lot of flare on.

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00:26:17.799 --> 00:26:19.519
It was just a bunch of buttons, but that would have been the visual

333
00:26:19.559 --> 00:26:23.559
gag. There. Wow, okay, see get it? No barely.

334
00:26:23.640 --> 00:26:30.440
Oh no, I'm hard to follow. Sorry, you're doing good. That's

335
00:26:30.440 --> 00:26:33.359
why I'm not a leader. All
right, it's seven o'clock. Mikey sucks

336
00:26:33.400 --> 00:26:38.240
off a plane. See that's not
Joe. That's how you use it different,

337
00:26:38.599 --> 00:26:41.680
that's how you use it. Seven
o'clock. A former cowboy fire a

338
00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:45.799
shot at his old team coming up
next. We had a hot internal debate

339
00:26:45.799 --> 00:26:48.480
about what the most important thing in
the world is. It either is in

340
00:26:48.519 --> 00:26:52.599
regards to the weather, or a
brand new food spot in Fort Worth or

341
00:26:52.599 --> 00:26:52.920
something else. Next on an I
said one of the f