Shut that up and come on. We it's just down to meat good Thursday
morning. Stretch those calves. We don't want any cramps today. Let's go
nine o'clock a chance for you to win a pair of tickets to see comedian
Burt Kreischer. And we're gonna do this in a way where you will have
a chance to call in and join in on the fun. I don't have
a formal name for it yet, but nine am. Just know that it's
gonna be weird, wild, and you have a chance to participate and win
tickets to see Burt Kreischer. At eight o'clock, a couple of things we'll
batch around. But one thing is we watched, well some of us watched
maybe the worst TV program of all time that happened live all night. It's
very popular show What are we done? What did we do? Six million
people might disagree, keV Oh yeah, maybe it was one of them very
odd experience. It'd be weird all day. Seven o'clock at former Cowboy fired
a shot in his old team boy and the cockroaches are scrambling and all kinds
of more fun throughout the day. Because that's what we do. We have
fun. Hope everyone's doing great. Good morning fellas. We have all kinds
of more fun. That's right. Yeah, don't curse them when you start
the show. Don't bring off air conversations. The first sentence of the show
I did today is Burt Kreischer, our greatest living Bert, no sesame street,
Burt than Burt Reynolds living, no offense, not real and not alive.
Bert's technically a little bit real. Rarely do I say this, but
go on, Kevin. It's puppet with a voice. It's not like he's
he's still a human behind his mechanisms. Well, that dude's dead, right
the guy did Bert, Yeah, I would assume. So they don't run
Birt out there on the show anymore. No, he still is with the
gay thing. It's not gay. Nobody knows this. He's I mean,
he might be. He's never announced it. And you know what, it's
none of our business. You love who you love, Kevin, I've always
said that. I just asked, you know, some people don't believe that,
and that's why I was saying it. Frank Oz long passed on right,
Oh okay, and a happy eightieth birthday coming up to the frank Oz
We would like to welcome Frank Oz to the program. Welcome, Welcome to
the program. Frank back from the grave, still still alive? Well good?
But was it Jim Hensen? I don't know who did the boys anyway?
It's not a real Burt. Burt Chraischer, our greatest living Burt is
he and but then there's b e r T and b U RT. I
don't think that should matter, Bert Lancaster and Bur Reynolds. But if you're
talking b E RT and some people spell Mike m I k E though we
don't. We literally only one band is called Mike Snow and we lost Burt
backrack last year. They jumped kick the fun on my edge? What how
old is or is how living? Is? Bert be home by Levin dead?
Now? He's alive? Oh he's playing Lovin this week? Then because
it's spring training, he's loving it. I think so, Jesus, you
think that dude's been mailing it in for about fifteen years? Who Burt bly
Levin? No, what's his name? Backer act now the guy that does
all the puns on people's names. God sports, Yeah, Chris Berman.
I know he's alive and well, but I'm saying he's mailing it in for
two decades. He hasn't updated any of his bits. No, but it's
all right. Do you think if you line up every empty bottle of whiskey
or bourbon that Chris Berman has chugged, it would cover the entire circumference of
the globe. Maybe he's got gravel throat, right, doesn't He just seem
like end of the night. And I don't blame him sixty eight years old.
He's one of those dudes that got real popular and never evolved. But
they still keep hiring him, and he still keeps taking their checks and says,
Look, as long as you guys are willing to give me money,
I will live off of a legacy that I created twenty five years ago.
And you can't blame him. You blame the people that are giving him the
money. I bet he makes so much more, yes than us? Well,
okay, I bet they're paying him over a million dollars to come in
and do the fastest three minutes in football. And it's not age shaming.
It's just look, if you're going to stay in the game, come up
with something you know, be relevant. Did we pulled the creative? Okay?
Did we pull like an NFL primetime clip from September. Don't weigh,
I think we pulled the one. I don't I if I have it in
mind. I'm browsing the drop box real quickly. But like, I think
we pulled an old Berman clip from this year. Yes we did, because
I wasn't. Yeah what was he? He was still doing the fastest two
minutes right? Oh? Yeah, and he's snuck in like three references that
no one. Yeah, I get a shot. Surely bounce if you will.
I'm a card for Week nine. Eagerly anticipated fast four ways, anticipant
in the city I probably loved. Here we go with our fastest three minutes.
Dak Prescott Jalen Hurts Dantley didn't play against each other last year, but
on a heck of a show this year. Eagles down in the third court
of it hurts to the slim reaper Duponte Smith now by five, last play
the game tap to ab CD but not efg lamb Okay. Here it is,
but not afg okay. That took one in about what thirty seconds?
How many is it? Is? It? One? Per thirty seconds that
he gets in? Yeah? But then he gets hot in the middle of
that one. Eagles win. Nick Surrey on his team eighty one for the
second straight year. In Germany, Chiefs and Dolphins, Tyreek killing Andy Reid.
Want a Super Bowl together? Chiefs defense again. Strong Hill stripped to
the ball by Trent mcduffy to Mike edwarton a wop that counts? What stands
for? Danny? I know what it stands for? Battle the Brian Cook.
Oh fuck, wait twenty one nothing Kansas City at the half. But
here comes Miami Rahim Colonel Miami with the lead pipe in the conservatory. Go
back? Did he just make a clue? Colonel Moster, Colonel Moster?
Okay, could more? Comes Miami Rahim, Colonel Moster with the lead pipe
in the conservatory. Miami down by a touchdown, and the kids are like,
yeah, huh yeah, yeah, yet one. It's football for a
reason, it's football for it's berman for a reason. Uh hey, whatever,
dude, Nostalgia's back in. I mean, I do, trust me,
I think it sucks, but and I don't watch a second of it.
But hearing that, but I think that's all he does now, I
think, I think so do they give him the fastest three minutes? They
don't let him do the swammy anymore? Swam swammy? Does anybody remember the
swammy? Looking back on it, you might go, yeah, Chris,
we can't do the swammy anymore. And he would always pick every year the
Bills and the forty nine ers in the Super Bowl, the Bills to circle
the wagons. I mean, I'm gonna give you some names. If you
remember his nickname. I just gave you Burt blyleven. Remember that one,
no Bert be home eleven. Okay, not bad, and it's number one
on this currently. Really okay? Eric the enemy, Eric the enemy,
Eric the enemy, Eric, I don't know. Sleeping with the enemy.
Yeah, okay, Eric, sleeping with the enemy. Not alright? Out
with this one. Jake Delome the loan by seven okay? No, uh,
Jake dolom on the range, the loam alone, the loam on the
range. Not bad, either of those. No, it's Drake daylight coming.
You got a dell? No, not real? Are you kidding?
So help me? Yes? Andre Rising? All right, maybe he's awesome.
Okay, next bet payoff you have to go as berman as beetlejuice.
Figure it out. Was just his nickname, Andre? Yeah, that was
easy, right, Rising? What andre Andre rising Son bad Moon Rising.
Okay, here's a good one, which was a great nickname. By the
way, do you remember Bernard Guilkey? Not really? Okay, it doesn't
matter. Bernard guilty, Bernard innocent until prove and guilty. Stop it,
John, I am not a crook. Okay, Okay, Daddy's like all
right, okay, and Chuck New kids on the Nall block Okay, okay,
never mind, I take everything back. Those are amazing. That's fine,
Lancey, you sunk my blankenship. The problem with Bourbon did it every
week and everyone get tired of it? Right? He did every he could
go all the way I mean did that is a legendary thing that people will
know about. You know, kids don't know that now, and they never
saw NFL primetime with Tom Jackson. You know what I think it is that
makes me insane about Berman is that they still think that hiring him to do
the home run derby just to have him go that is just two much.
They've done that in like five or six years, though now Ravage handles I
feel like they've done pretty recently. Man on an alt cast maybe yeah,
it might have been maybe just kind of echoing in my head after a lifetime
we're playing in this one. Put him to work. That's the Potomac.
You just got his map up. Do you like when the sports announcers make
regional references of something that's kind of far away, when something long distance happens.
Followell did it the other night on a Luca three that I think came
from I don't know, Addison or something like that. Yeah, you did
it, but follow well and this will This is an arcane reference. But
anytime that Luca makes a shot off the backboard, you ever notice him go
Hello, Wenda? No, I don't know. Do you know what that's
from? No, that's the lyrics from the lyrics of a song originally by
Fair and Young called Hello Walls that Willie Nelson covered and made very popular.
There were both, they both made it very popular song, old country song
like wait, I'm talking like sixties early sixties. Yeah, it's like Hello
Walls, Hello Hello. It's about this guy that whatever he's you know,
going long time. Yeah, he's broke up with his girl and he's all
alone in his house and he's just calling out crap that he sees in his
bedroom and he's like, hello Wenda and Followell says, hello, Wenda,
okay, and it's great. I texted the other night to go referencing Fair
and Young in an NBA game is the best thing going in the league right
now. Devin Hair's like, yeah, okay, Devin's like, I don't
know what that dude's talking about. Fall is amazing because I still do watch.
I watched the Pacers broadcast of the game the other day and it's just
lower. It's low energy. I don't know, but it's also like the
you know, the comfort of having your guys, you know, so you
think they're better. So I feel like every other opposing ones kind of sucks
compared. But it's funny to listen to, Like the opposing broadcasters try to
like deal with Luca in their heads. M hm, you know, I
don't even remember who the color man was, but he's just like the can't
stop him. It is he just kind of like it's I mean, they've
seen him before, but they don't see him like we do, you know,
Like he's just so big. It is funny. Yeah, how does
he do it? Yeah? I have no idea. Two things real quick
on on that. I have to sometimes watch the out of town you know
the road game feed. There's a guy that I I it was kind of
on in the background and I walked in and I swear I was like,
oh cool, it's the home team the home feed. And it was a
dude either that sounded a lot like follow Well or was trying to really yeah,
like he had the same timber of voice and pacing and everything. It
took me a second to oh, wait, that's not Mark. And number
two, dude, Harp is a legend. Don't want him going anywhere.
But Devin Harris is excellent. Yes, that color yeah, and that team
of follow l Skin and Devon, there's something really new about it and fresh.
I hate to say that because I love Harp and I think he's just
he's a comfortable fit for that and we've grown to love him for years.
But man, Devin Harris has got wicked game at that I think under reported
too. And I don't know if they're the only one I've not seen.
Another is who else has a third man? And it's our buddy Skin,
Like what our team has a third guy who's sort of I don't want to
just say comic relief, you know, because but that's part of his role.
You know, is to just keep it light, provide a third layer
of insight and to you know, he'll make some weird ass references and sure
be kind of funny and be a little quirky, but also like leave with
two minutes left in the game to go down and get ready in case it's
a big win and stand, yeah, you know, to grab the player
because everyone has that, but they have a sideline. Most of them have
like the sideline girl to be honest, which is what they do when Skin's
not there for road games. Yep, yeah, leslie, yeah, but
like then Skin usually or some nights has to run up and do the postgame
show with Data. I mean, who's go do like MAVs Insider and stuff,
and don't I think he still does, but I don't know if it's
like I remember more of the Fox Sports Southwest days and are like working direct
with them, being like Jesus man, I just wanting to go play golf
this morning with you before our show. I can't gotta go down the AC
and do MAVs Insider. The dude is the dude is a hustler and one
of the hardest working people that I know. You it just goes to show
that you. It just goes to show the skin. You really can neglect
your wife and kids. And that's the thing is he doesn't. He doesn't
even do that. It's crazy. Yeah, he still finds a lot of
family time, you know, to be able to give them. I mean
she might disagree, but for herself, I think he's a pretty well rounded
dude. I don't want to schedule. I can tell you that I don't
either. They just have time to eat. That's why he only he shoves
just assorted sliced proteins in his mouth, microt It's the only down shot.
I think that's what gets those guys hard is having a heavy schedule. I
gotta be here. I gotta be here. I gotta be here, I
gotta be here. If I had their schedule for one day in a week
bitching, I'd be done. You wouldn't have me around anymore. Oh oh
no. If there's something on the schedule, I'm like, Kevin, it's
not what I want to do today. I think. So I have to
meet one dude for lunch next week at eleven, And I'm like, oh
yeah, and that's a dude. I really like. It's hard. It's
a friend, not even I get it. Oh God, what day is
that? Yeah, yeah, that's tough. If there's anything that throws me
off of my train track, that's that's looming. I can't sleep at night
thinking about lunch with a friend. Yeah, I have my idea. Maybe
you set it up. We're horrible people. We're not horrible people, Yes,
we are. Just embrace it, lean into it, Kevin, ride
the wave. Sometimes it's just fun to be the bad guy. Yeah.
Maybe I did start that fire. They changed things. Speaking of that,
enjoy your every minute. Speaking of that fire, that thing is forty four
contained. I'm seeing here we go, look out, fire coming. And
I wonder if it's because of rain, because we got some storms yesterday and
last night, Fellers, we had a single massive flash and crack. Oh
you had a speaks huge crack. Just won though I got it too.
I didn't get the crack. I got the rain in the wind, not
a lot of rain, mainly just the house swaying like a like a house
swaying like a hut. You one of the three little pigs. House swing
like a three little pigs. Oh, Kevin, we're doing a wellness check.
So not only does he not have a dishwasher, sleeps in the hole
where the dishwashers should be, has to wash his clothes of an old grandma's
washboard. Now we've learned that his house is made out of twigs. Don't
forget the snakes in the backyard. That's right, snakes yesterday. I was
gonna do a whole segment about it later, but dude, you should because
the news that the Newspeople are back today, they since they didn't have to
go to the poles yesterday, actually tons of headlines today. The amount of
content through the roots and don't have enough of time. It's incredible how good
this show's going to be. And that's why we're going to play audio from
another show a couple of weeks ago, when we were all hanging out on
the weekend for the you know, at the Kessler and then at Lady Love.
It's always funny to run into the significant other of one of your teammates,
and it was nice to see Kevin's fiance roxy out. But there's part
of me that also is like, I don't see her for a while,
and then I see her, and I'm like, I think of all the
mean crap that we do to one another on this show, and I went
to Roxy. I was like, hey, how are you? I go,
how do you feel about the perception out there that you guys basically live
in squalor? That's the whole thing. You don't bring it up because it's
early. And I told her it's like, I just want to apologize for
no. I prefaced it by go, how much do you listen to the
morning show? Okay? And she told me. She goes, oh,
you know, I try to listen as much as possible. You know,
sometimes I'm up when Kevin leaves, and you know, my day starts pretty
early as well. And I go, yeah, I go, I want
to apologize for the the we kind of perpetuate this myth that you guys just
live in a shanty and you don't have any appliances. Does some guys have
a post the other day's real quick? And she's so cool. She's like,
oh, I get it. You guys are just you know whatever,
But she understands we're just kidding. Kevin has a lot of appliances. Yeah,
I've got a few, Yes, some some basic airflowers, dope,
one airfier. You were saying, I'm sorry my mom gave it to me
because she doesn't use it. It's not an air friar that I didn't pay
for. Kevin still uses ice trays. My point is like, yeah,
don't bring it up. How much does she listen? I don't know,
but probably not that not that much. Do you ever have things to talk
about when she gets home from word? No, that's good. No,
I love Roxy, but I feel like she always gives me like a reluctant
sigh. I'd hug when I see her hot Latina, really, you know,
like I said something that was inappropriate not to her like on the air.
I mean, oh no, I don't think. Yeah, I think
you're reading too much into that. I think she just knows you and realizes
that's the best way to hug you. It could be that, yeah,
yeah, because my athleticism, Yeah, she's a wonder boobs get in the
way. Yeah. I think it's more because of the creepy frontal friction that
you always your former host in the afternoons with the thrust hug. He goes
the pirates into your house. Yeah, you know, I wonder how Kevin
Gray like that hugs the last couple of days. What's that is that I
wonder if Kevin Gray got that hug. The last couple of days, KG
filled in on the speakings. I think she's back today, all right?
Uh, speaking of there's been multiple Julie's audio boxes candidates like, how about
Ben Rogers returns from a Mexican vacation and then he decides, you know,
we're just gonna use words that we can't say on the air. Christina is
the star of this clip, though. Anytime you have something that has something
else embedded in it, Yeah, you can't toast me, bro, you've
never had toasted raisin bread. It's the I hate definitely can't see that.
Oh sorry, did you dump it? Yes? Dump? Thank you?
What happened to you in Mexico? My god, dude, seriously, you
are so unhinged. Hey, George Carlin, take a step back and do
a deep breath. What is going on? If you haven't had toasted raisin
brand, you are misstound. You're so bad. Now you're toasting raisin brand,
that's even worse. I just see Ben cussing and pouring a box a
raisin brand into the toaster, and I was like, what is that guy
doing right now? That that chow's nuts dudent are. He starts with if
you can't have something with something embedded in it, going to a toaster,
that's the base theory, something embedded in it. I was like yesterday it
is the tease. His first segment, it was like, you know,
he's back of vacation and he's only in out the hole. It's so good
to get away and you get some perspective on things as give it forty eight
hours and you're back to fighting the little wars that we fight every single day
to Ben, to come to Ben's defense. We all know what it's like
to go on Christmas break for I don't know, a month, and then
show back up here on that Monday after New Year's And I know that if
you guys are like me, you spend about forty eight hours convincing yourself that
you've forgotten how to do the job. Absolutely and you feel like the second
you turn on your microphone you're just gonna go, which a lot of people
think we do anyway. Yeah, but I get it. It's the first
day back from from VAK and and you don't even you don't know which way
is up. But that wasn't even a slip. He said it. Yeah,
I didn't care it did raisin bread. It's the I hate. Definitely
can't see that. Oh sorry, did you dump it? Yes? Like
dump think you what happened to you in Mexico? My god, dude,
seriously, let's say, oh sorry, what happened? Did you the music?
Yeah? Of course, still whipping the music down? Is that's a
guitar move. Let's go to Mike's roy Oh okay, Hey, what do
you want to do? Missing bolts that came from this factory? Yes,
that did happen. And if someone was sitting in that window seat, yeah,
they get sucked out. Most lies sucked off. Yeah, out,
you said that wrong. It's sucked out, sucked off, the sucked off
out of the plane, from the plane, sucked off the plane. Children,
I work with children. We're gon allow it. We're gonna allow it.
You're currently on a plane, yeah right, yeah, And if you
sit in a window seat near one of those unbolted doors, there's a very
good chance you're gonna get sucked off. No, what aren't you getting Let
me explain. The forces that take you out of the plane are from the
outside. You would get pushed off of a plane. You get sucked out
of a plane. I think the thing sucks you out. I think this
is a regional choice for making. And I'm from a different part of America
than you. Okay, okay, Florida, you can bring you can bring
your your Florida English in here, but that ain't gonna hold up in the
state of Texas, where we talk good. I think, I don't know.
I think someone getting sucked off a plane is a very correct thing to
say. I agree. You can buzz it all you want, button Queen.
She's looking at you, stare at me all morning. I'll be right
here. I'll be right here. Aj putting eyeball darts through you, bro.
The visual gag would be if she had a lot of flare on.
It was just a bunch of buttons, but that would have been the visual
gag. There. Wow, okay, see get it? No barely.
Oh no, I'm hard to follow. Sorry, you're doing good. That's
why I'm not a leader. All right, it's seven o'clock. Mikey sucks
off a plane. See that's not Joe. That's how you use it different,
that's how you use it. Seven o'clock. A former cowboy fire a
shot at his old team coming up next. We had a hot internal debate
about what the most important thing in the world is. It either is in
regards to the weather, or a brand new food spot in Fort Worth or
something else. Next on an I said one of the f