WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.280 --> 00:00:15.000 Andenogy, s cancel so High Ecstasy, Sage Cancelgema, it's not sorry, 2 00:00:16.440 --> 00:00:23.039 andenogy. What's up? Positive bitches? How are we doing today? If 3 00:00:23.079 --> 00:00:27.280 you're hearing this episode, you were meant to be here, So keep listening 4 00:00:27.960 --> 00:00:33.079 on that Bitch's Positive Podcast. Sometimes we will laugh. Other times, Babe 5 00:00:33.399 --> 00:00:38.320 girl, we're gonna cry, but we will always walk away feeling our most 6 00:00:38.359 --> 00:00:44.719 empowered positive bitch self. That is Babe in true connection with herself. On 7 00:00:44.920 --> 00:00:49.200 this podcast, we unbecome who we are not so we can fully step into 8 00:00:49.560 --> 00:00:56.200 exactly who we came here to be. Today is the second part of a 9 00:00:56.320 --> 00:01:03.039 three part series on healing your anxious attack. I Healed My anxious attachment and 10 00:01:03.159 --> 00:01:07.400 so can you? Part two. If you didn't listen to last week's episode, 11 00:01:07.519 --> 00:01:11.640 be sure to check that out first, because that's going to lay the 12 00:01:11.760 --> 00:01:17.000 groundwork for today's episode. Last week, I gave you a couple of tips 13 00:01:17.079 --> 00:01:21.079 and tricks on how to heal your anxious attachment. But today we are talking 14 00:01:21.239 --> 00:01:26.359 about how to heal your attachment system in relation to your nervous system. What 15 00:01:26.560 --> 00:01:33.280 I said is that anxious attachment is nothing wrong with you. You are inherently 16 00:01:33.359 --> 00:01:40.920 worthy However, there's dysfunction in your focus, and there's dysfunction in your regulatory 17 00:01:41.599 --> 00:01:48.079 systems, in your nervous system, and this causes us to not feel our 18 00:01:48.359 --> 00:01:52.640 best. It causes us to feel let me hear you say it, ang 19 00:01:53.040 --> 00:01:57.000 shifts. So today we're going to talk about how to balance our nervous system, 20 00:01:57.560 --> 00:02:00.200 and next week, which will be the third part, will be all 21 00:02:00.280 --> 00:02:07.280 about the energy that is below this three D surface. Before we get into 22 00:02:07.359 --> 00:02:10.080 it, if you're not yet following me on Instagram at vibin with CC, 23 00:02:10.639 --> 00:02:15.080 be sure to follow me there for daily tips and tricks on how to become 24 00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:19.280 your most magnetic self. I am a certified life and energy coach, So 25 00:02:19.360 --> 00:02:24.000 if you are looking for one on one services to balance your anxious attachment, 26 00:02:24.560 --> 00:02:31.280 to shift your self concept, to build those self confident muscles, you can 27 00:02:31.400 --> 00:02:37.240 dm me on Instagram again at vibe in with CC to find out more about 28 00:02:37.319 --> 00:02:40.960 my offerings. It is December, it's a holiday season. Don't forget to 29 00:02:42.199 --> 00:02:46.800 spoil yourself, celebrate yourself, give yourself the gift of healing and book a 30 00:02:46.840 --> 00:02:51.520 one on one session with me. And without further ado, let's get into 31 00:02:51.879 --> 00:02:58.000 today's episode. We are talking about the nervous system because a lot of anxious 32 00:02:58.039 --> 00:03:05.039 attachment is just over active fight and flight. Last week we talked about how 33 00:03:05.199 --> 00:03:08.439 when you have an anxious attachment, you tend towards anxiety. It's because your 34 00:03:08.520 --> 00:03:14.479 signal cry is always on your always looking for that threat. So even when 35 00:03:14.560 --> 00:03:20.080 things are good, you're already worried about when things are gonna get bad again. 36 00:03:20.960 --> 00:03:28.240 Anxious attachment is an over active nervous system, overactive in fight and flight. 37 00:03:28.919 --> 00:03:34.800 Now, there is this theory that I truly believe if you can understand, 38 00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:39.960 can heal your anxious attachment. And it is polyvagal theory. Now this 39 00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:46.199 theory, what it states is that our vagus nerve plays a central role in 40 00:03:46.319 --> 00:03:53.360 the central nervous system regulation that influences our social connections. That might sound like 41 00:03:53.479 --> 00:03:57.400 blah blah blah blah, don't worry, I'm gonna break it down for you. 42 00:03:58.520 --> 00:04:02.800 Essentially, what vagal theory states is that we have this vegus nerve, 43 00:04:03.039 --> 00:04:09.800 and this vegus nerve connects our brain to our gut, and there are sensory 44 00:04:10.120 --> 00:04:15.600 fibers that connect all of these different parts of our body from our heart to 45 00:04:15.839 --> 00:04:21.079 all these other organs and our vegus nerve will tell our heart when to start 46 00:04:21.160 --> 00:04:25.600 beating faster. It will tell us when to go in to fight our flight, 47 00:04:26.079 --> 00:04:30.800 or when it's okay to relax and to rest and digest. So this 48 00:04:30.120 --> 00:04:38.680 vegus nerve controls whether you feel rested and relaxed or if you feel completely stressed 49 00:04:38.720 --> 00:04:44.240 out. It will send signals from your brain to your body and tell your 50 00:04:44.279 --> 00:04:47.879 body what to do. So in tribal times, when our ancestors were hunting, 51 00:04:48.319 --> 00:04:56.120 and let's say our ancestors sore tiger, our vegus nerve would pick up 52 00:04:56.199 --> 00:04:59.560 this information from our brain. Oh, you're seeing a tiger, and this 53 00:04:59.720 --> 00:05:03.480 vague nerve would tell our body go into fight or flight because you gotta get 54 00:05:03.519 --> 00:05:06.800 away from this tiger, or you better hunt it, you better do something. 55 00:05:08.000 --> 00:05:13.480 Okay, But the warning signals hello sos so our vegus nerve because it 56 00:05:13.519 --> 00:05:16.839 connects so much of our body. This theory, the polyvagel theory, is 57 00:05:16.920 --> 00:05:23.079 that our vegus nerve will either make or break our social connections and either make 58 00:05:23.240 --> 00:05:28.199 or break us when it comes to anxiety. If we're always perceiving threats, 59 00:05:28.639 --> 00:05:31.319 our body's always going to think that there's a tiger there, and it's always 60 00:05:31.360 --> 00:05:35.199 gonna feel anxious, it's always going to want to fight or fight. However, 61 00:05:35.480 --> 00:05:40.560 if we're able to perceive safety, then our vegus nerve will tell our 62 00:05:40.639 --> 00:05:45.399 body, all is well. You can enter social engagement mode, you can 63 00:05:45.519 --> 00:05:49.000 have relationships, you can have fun, you can enjoy your time. So 64 00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:54.560 it's up to what we perceive, and then it's up to our vegus nerve 65 00:05:54.639 --> 00:06:00.879 to tell our whole entire body what to do. So here's the thing. 66 00:06:00.839 --> 00:06:11.879 Here's the thing. If we have experienced inconsistent care growing up, we are 67 00:06:11.959 --> 00:06:17.480 going to think that everyone's going to inconsistently meet our needs. So our mindset 68 00:06:17.720 --> 00:06:23.879 is primed to perceive most things as a threat. And if it's not a 69 00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:28.439 threat yet, our mind will perceive that it might become a threat later. 70 00:06:29.279 --> 00:06:34.360 So our brain is constantly telling our body through the vegas nerve, that it 71 00:06:34.519 --> 00:06:41.920 is not safe to exist. If our vegas nerve is constantly telling us it's 72 00:06:41.959 --> 00:06:45.439 not safe, we're always going to be in fight or flight. And when 73 00:06:45.480 --> 00:06:48.600 we're in fight our flight, everything looks like a threat. We thought we 74 00:06:48.759 --> 00:06:53.839 perceive threats before, forget about it. Once we're in fight or flight. 75 00:06:54.759 --> 00:07:00.639 Our whole entire body feels threatened, and it enters this survival mode. Our 76 00:07:00.839 --> 00:07:03.519 brows furrow. The way we perceive information is different, The way we hear 77 00:07:03.680 --> 00:07:06.480 is different. What we see is different, how we feel is different. 78 00:07:06.839 --> 00:07:11.040 Our heart is beating faster. We think we have to run out. This 79 00:07:11.279 --> 00:07:14.439 is why when you go to a party and you don't feel safe at that 80 00:07:14.600 --> 00:07:17.199 party, you might start a fight with your friend just so you can get 81 00:07:17.240 --> 00:07:21.360 out of there, because subconsciously, your body's telling you it's not safe here. 82 00:07:21.800 --> 00:07:25.920 What is the escape plan? How do I get out of here? 83 00:07:27.240 --> 00:07:32.759 So this theory helps us understand that there's nothing wrong with us, But how 84 00:07:33.079 --> 00:07:43.800 our nervous system has been coded maybe tending towards over activation in fight or flight. 85 00:07:44.920 --> 00:07:48.519 If we are always in fight our flight, this means we have something 86 00:07:48.639 --> 00:07:56.040 called poor vagel tone. Our vagal tone is our ability of our nervous system 87 00:07:56.160 --> 00:08:01.199 to shift between fight and flight to rest and die. We need to have 88 00:08:03.199 --> 00:08:09.480 healthy vagual tone so that we're able to shift from stress back to relaxation. 89 00:08:09.279 --> 00:08:16.600 Poor vagal tone results in misdirected responses and high sensitivity to perceived threats in our 90 00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:22.199 environment. This overactivates the body. The body's responses and leads to reduced emotional 91 00:08:22.279 --> 00:08:28.800 and intentional regulation overall. Essentially, what you have with poor vagel tone is 92 00:08:28.839 --> 00:08:33.799 an overactive sympathetic system, which is fight or flight and you cannot concentrate. 93 00:08:33.919 --> 00:08:39.039 It's really hard to have healthy relationships. You can't plan for the future, 94 00:08:39.159 --> 00:08:41.399 and it's hard to pay attention. You don't want to go out, you 95 00:08:41.480 --> 00:08:46.360 don't want to spend time with other people because you never feel safe enough to 96 00:08:46.480 --> 00:08:54.639 do so. So when we're so stressed out, everything essentially becomes difficult to 97 00:08:54.799 --> 00:08:58.279 do, not being able to have a relationship or feeling really anxious in your 98 00:08:58.360 --> 00:09:03.360 relationship. It's not a personality defect. Again, there's nothing specifically wrong with 99 00:09:03.519 --> 00:09:09.639 you. It's poor vagel tone. Poor vagel tone meaning that it's difficult for 100 00:09:09.840 --> 00:09:13.279 you to go from fight and flight to rest and digest, or you're overactive 101 00:09:13.399 --> 00:09:18.360 in your fight and flight. If we have poor vagel tone, we're just 102 00:09:18.519 --> 00:09:22.840 always going to feel like the next shoe is always gonna be about to drop. 103 00:09:22.879 --> 00:09:26.639 We're gonna feel really sensitive, and we're not gonna be able to respond 104 00:09:26.120 --> 00:09:31.879 to our environment in a way that's healthy or in a way that we feel 105 00:09:33.240 --> 00:09:37.480 relaxed. We're always gonna be all the way here, all the way stressed 106 00:09:37.480 --> 00:09:43.679 out, all the way about to freak out. What I said last episode 107 00:09:43.759 --> 00:09:46.879 and what I want to bring up today is that a lot of our anxious 108 00:09:46.919 --> 00:09:52.559 attachment is just a disregulated nervous system and disregulated focus. Today, we're really 109 00:09:52.639 --> 00:09:58.480 focusing on the disregulated nervous system. When we tend towards anxious attachment, it 110 00:09:58.639 --> 00:10:03.320 means to put it in a nutshell. We have poor bagel tone because we're 111 00:10:03.360 --> 00:10:07.480 not able to switch between fight and flight back to rest and digest. We 112 00:10:07.679 --> 00:10:11.360 get eaten up by fight and fight. We're thinking, oh my god, 113 00:10:11.399 --> 00:10:13.840 they're gonna cheat on me, they're gonna abandon me, they're gonna find someone 114 00:10:13.919 --> 00:10:18.399 better. We cannot exit fight or flight, and so we stay there. 115 00:10:18.720 --> 00:10:26.919 We have an overactive imagination in the negative sense and an overactive nervous system. 116 00:10:26.039 --> 00:10:31.440 That signal cry is on too much of the time. So what do we 117 00:10:31.720 --> 00:10:39.039 do if our nervous system has been this way our whole entire life, where 118 00:10:39.080 --> 00:10:43.840 we're constantly scanning for threats, We're constantly looking for if our needs are going 119 00:10:43.879 --> 00:10:48.000 to be met. We're constantly thinking the next shoe might drop. What do 120 00:10:48.159 --> 00:10:52.799 we do? What is the cure. The cure is having a toolbox of 121 00:10:54.039 --> 00:10:58.960 different ways for you to regulate yourself. Us who tend towards the anxious attachment 122 00:11:00.000 --> 00:11:05.399 and we were not given tools to regulate ourselves. For me personally, growing 123 00:11:05.519 --> 00:11:09.360 up, anytime I felt disregulated, I would go to my mom and she 124 00:11:09.399 --> 00:11:13.720 would fix it for me. I didn't learn how to regulate my emotions. 125 00:11:13.000 --> 00:11:18.480 If my mom wasn't there, I would just disassociate and binge eat everything in 126 00:11:18.639 --> 00:11:24.639 sight. I didn't learn healthy ways of regulating myself in order to have a 127 00:11:24.919 --> 00:11:30.600 strong vagal tone. We need vehicles of relaxation. We need vehicles. We 128 00:11:30.679 --> 00:11:35.879 need tools to get us back to rest and die. Just what we're lacking 129 00:11:37.480 --> 00:11:43.240 is ways tools, vehicles of self regulation. That's what this is. If 130 00:11:43.279 --> 00:11:48.399 we're constantly looking for a threat, we need to exit fight and fight, 131 00:11:48.879 --> 00:11:52.360 and we need to enter our power sympathetic nervous system, which is rest and 132 00:11:52.639 --> 00:11:56.679 die. Just so, how do we do this? I'm gonna tell you 133 00:11:58.320 --> 00:12:03.600 everything I have done and the things that work the best. Every single time 134 00:12:05.120 --> 00:12:11.200 my partner would leave my house, I would immediately feel a sense of deep 135 00:12:11.399 --> 00:12:18.279 abandonment, even though I consciously knew well he has work, well, he 136 00:12:18.440 --> 00:12:22.399 has to go back home while we don't live together, so obviously he's not 137 00:12:22.440 --> 00:12:26.960 going to stay here. Even though I consciously knew that my brain understood it, 138 00:12:28.600 --> 00:12:35.600 my body didn't because my nervous system was so overactive, My vague old 139 00:12:35.639 --> 00:12:41.399 tone was poor that I couldn't get myself to understand how to get back into 140 00:12:41.679 --> 00:12:46.600 ar rest and digest. What I came to realize is that my inner child 141 00:12:48.279 --> 00:12:52.039 was screaming at me, and I was just basically telling her to shush up. 142 00:12:52.960 --> 00:12:56.360 I wasn't giving her the affection, the love, the care, and 143 00:12:56.440 --> 00:13:03.759 the attention she needed. If you feel like every time your partner isn't with 144 00:13:03.919 --> 00:13:05.759 you, or goes to hang out with their friends, or goes home or 145 00:13:07.279 --> 00:13:11.159 can't be there, you feel a deep sense of abandonment. It's as if 146 00:13:11.240 --> 00:13:16.320 the punishment doesn't fit the crime. I feel really abandoned, but my partner 147 00:13:16.480 --> 00:13:20.000 just went to go to work. When it's like that and you're noticing that 148 00:13:20.120 --> 00:13:22.759 feeling is coming up time and time again, it doesn't have to do with 149 00:13:22.879 --> 00:13:28.639 the dude. It has to do with the dynamic you have with this dude 150 00:13:28.039 --> 00:13:35.200 and your nervous system. So we have to realize Okay, I can either 151 00:13:35.960 --> 00:13:39.440 I have two options here. I can either blame this partner and say it's 152 00:13:39.559 --> 00:13:45.360 their fault that I feel abandoned. It's their fault that I feel my nervous 153 00:13:45.360 --> 00:13:48.720 system has poor vagal tone. It's their fault I feel really anxious. Or 154 00:13:50.440 --> 00:13:56.360 you can take responsibility and realize that many different partners have the ability to make 155 00:13:56.440 --> 00:14:00.639 you feel like this because your inner child screaming has to do with you and 156 00:14:00.799 --> 00:14:05.840 has nothing to do with them. This has more to do with you than 157 00:14:05.879 --> 00:14:07.679 it has to do with them. It's not the dude, it's the dynamic 158 00:14:07.799 --> 00:14:13.399 you have with the dude. So what do we do? As much as 159 00:14:13.480 --> 00:14:16.759 you have an inner child within you? And by the way, what is 160 00:14:16.840 --> 00:14:20.519 your inner child? Your inner child is a part of you that felt unseen, 161 00:14:20.639 --> 00:14:26.519 unheard, unloved growing up. Even though we age physically, we turn 162 00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:30.600 twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. You know that when someone asks you, 163 00:14:30.720 --> 00:14:33.039 oh, do you feel older today, You're like, no, I 164 00:14:33.080 --> 00:14:39.720 feel exactly the same. Yeah. We don't really emotionally age unless we do 165 00:14:39.240 --> 00:14:43.399 the work, unless we're learning lessons and lefts, we're reading the self help 166 00:14:43.399 --> 00:14:48.159 books and working on ourselves physically. It's really easy to age, but mentally 167 00:14:48.200 --> 00:14:52.320 and emotionally, there are a lot adults that are acting like children out there 168 00:14:52.519 --> 00:14:58.039 because they did not do the work. So as much as we are our 169 00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:03.240 inner child and that part of us still lives on within us, we also 170 00:15:03.480 --> 00:15:09.519 have a wise inner adult within ourselves. When I would feel completely triggered and 171 00:15:09.600 --> 00:15:13.320 I was in fight or flight, I would have to use my wise inner 172 00:15:13.519 --> 00:15:20.159 parents to regulate myself back to rest and digest my parasympathetic nervous system. So 173 00:15:20.399 --> 00:15:24.360 what I would do is a couple of things, but they all fall under 174 00:15:24.600 --> 00:15:31.120 inner child's work. One thing I would do is just have a conscious conversation 175 00:15:31.240 --> 00:15:33.879 with myself. I would say, cci you are safe, it's okay. 176 00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:39.759 I'm here with you. I'm here with you, I'm not leaving you. 177 00:15:39.360 --> 00:15:43.399 If you feel like you want to cry, let it out, let your 178 00:15:43.559 --> 00:15:48.279 voice be heard. So I would just talk to my inner child like I 179 00:15:48.399 --> 00:15:54.039 would desire an adult to talk to me if I were that child today, 180 00:15:54.120 --> 00:15:56.480 right here, right now. If I was that child, I would want 181 00:15:56.519 --> 00:16:00.840 an adult to tell me that I was safe, that I was okay, 182 00:16:00.399 --> 00:16:04.080 that all was working out for me. So I just told that to that 183 00:16:04.240 --> 00:16:10.360 part of myself that was aching inside. Because again, as much as we 184 00:16:10.519 --> 00:16:15.000 are that inner child, we are also that wise adult. You have both 185 00:16:15.080 --> 00:16:19.200 parts of you, so use both parts. Another thing I would do is 186 00:16:19.480 --> 00:16:25.240 write a letter to my inner child, telling my inner child that we were 187 00:16:25.320 --> 00:16:29.879 safe, that all was well. I would update my inner child on all 188 00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:33.919 the beautiful things I have created in her life, how proud she would be 189 00:16:33.559 --> 00:16:37.559 of her adult self. And a third thing I would do is I would 190 00:16:37.600 --> 00:16:42.519 ask myself, what would my inner child used to love to do, and 191 00:16:42.720 --> 00:16:47.559 how can I connect to her by doing that thing today? So one thing 192 00:16:47.639 --> 00:16:51.000 my inner child used to love to do, and I still love this today, 193 00:16:51.039 --> 00:16:55.879 honestly, but it's arts and crafts. I got myself these Mendala coloring 194 00:16:56.000 --> 00:17:02.039 books and their beautiful, beautiful patterns, and I got myself colored pencils. 195 00:17:02.480 --> 00:17:06.519 And when I would feel myself getting over active, poor bagel tone, going 196 00:17:06.559 --> 00:17:10.599 into fight or flight, I would say, let me go color, Let 197 00:17:10.640 --> 00:17:12.599 me connect with my inner child, let me calm her down, let me 198 00:17:12.680 --> 00:17:17.480 do something that brings me peace, Let me connect with my inner child. 199 00:17:17.599 --> 00:17:21.200 And I would just color, and I would do as many pages as I 200 00:17:21.319 --> 00:17:26.200 needed to do in order to come back to rest and die jest. So 201 00:17:26.440 --> 00:17:33.000 inner child's work can look different for different people. If you used to love 202 00:17:33.079 --> 00:17:36.359 to have picnics, have a picnic, if you used to love to color 203 00:17:36.480 --> 00:17:40.200 color, if you used to love to dance, dance, do something you 204 00:17:40.400 --> 00:17:44.160 used to do, and connecting to this inner child will help her feel safe 205 00:17:44.480 --> 00:17:47.920 and will help you get back to rest and digest. Also, like I 206 00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:49.799 said, you can write a letter to your inner child, this is like 207 00:17:49.960 --> 00:17:55.200 journaling, and remind her she's safe. Or you can just have that conscious 208 00:17:55.240 --> 00:18:00.720 conversation with yourself and say I am safe, we are safe. All is 209 00:18:00.920 --> 00:18:04.359 okay. I'm not abandoning you. No one can abandon you if I don't 210 00:18:04.400 --> 00:18:08.759 abandon you, because I am the person that matters the most. And that's 211 00:18:08.880 --> 00:18:12.119 just the truth. We came into this world alone, and we're gonna leave 212 00:18:12.200 --> 00:18:17.319 this world alone. We will meet other souls in other dimensions and all will 213 00:18:17.359 --> 00:18:22.319 be beautiful. But we cannot be abandoned if we don't abandon ourselves. And 214 00:18:22.480 --> 00:18:26.680 that's the most important thing to remember. Another thing I noticed is that my 215 00:18:27.720 --> 00:18:33.720 nervous system would be so overactive, and it was because I would be at 216 00:18:33.839 --> 00:18:37.400 home or going to a friend's house or even going to dinner. Honestly, 217 00:18:37.559 --> 00:18:41.200 it didn't matter what I was doing. If my partner wasn't with me and 218 00:18:41.279 --> 00:18:45.519 he was out or on a work trip, I was so focused on what 219 00:18:45.720 --> 00:18:48.599 is he doing, who's he talking to? Is he out to dinner, 220 00:18:48.920 --> 00:18:52.000 is he out? What's happening. He works at a job where he travels, 221 00:18:53.119 --> 00:18:59.279 not very often, but often enough that I noticed it multiple times a 222 00:18:59.359 --> 00:19:03.839 quarter. So I told myself, look, Cecie, you have to figure 223 00:19:03.960 --> 00:19:06.920 this out, because you're either going to be a nervous wreck for the rest 224 00:19:07.000 --> 00:19:11.119 of your life or you're going to learn a way to quell this anxiety. 225 00:19:11.839 --> 00:19:17.319 I chose the latter. It's almost a blessing he had to travel so much 226 00:19:17.400 --> 00:19:19.920 because it gave me so much time to practice this. But what I would 227 00:19:21.000 --> 00:19:25.960 do is I realized, I'm focusing more on his human experience and I'm focused 228 00:19:25.960 --> 00:19:27.880 on my own. I'm focused more on who is he talking to, what 229 00:19:29.039 --> 00:19:32.759 is he doing? That I'm forgetting that I exist. I have a life 230 00:19:32.799 --> 00:19:34.279 here, I have things to do. I have a business, I have 231 00:19:34.400 --> 00:19:38.079 clients, I have friends, I have family, I have activities I want 232 00:19:38.119 --> 00:19:41.640 to do. I want to go work out. I was simply just forgetting 233 00:19:41.720 --> 00:19:48.720 about my own human experience. And I call this body bouncing. My spirit 234 00:19:48.759 --> 00:19:52.279 would literally leave my body and I would be so focused on him and I 235 00:19:52.279 --> 00:19:55.640 would forget about myself. We do this when we go to the bar and 236 00:19:55.720 --> 00:19:57.119 we're like, oh, I hope someone buys me a drink, and then 237 00:19:57.160 --> 00:20:00.640 we body bounce to whoever we're talking talking to, and we're trying to figure 238 00:20:00.640 --> 00:20:03.039 out do they like me? Are they interested in me? Are they going 239 00:20:03.119 --> 00:20:06.880 to want to date me? That we don't even realize. Wait, do 240 00:20:07.079 --> 00:20:10.000 I like them? Do I want to date them? Am I interested in 241 00:20:10.160 --> 00:20:14.440 them? We body bounce when we're more connected to that other person than we 242 00:20:14.599 --> 00:20:19.680 are our own human experience. So how do we stop body bouncing? By 243 00:20:19.920 --> 00:20:26.640 using your senses. When you use one of your five senses, whether it's 244 00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:32.359 touch, taste, what you're looking at, what you're smelling, it doesn't 245 00:20:32.519 --> 00:20:36.519 matter what sense you use, what you're hearing, it doesn't matter. But 246 00:20:36.640 --> 00:20:41.119 when you use one of your physical senses, that actually helps ground your spirit, 247 00:20:41.279 --> 00:20:45.720 your energy back in your own body, and it will help you regulate 248 00:20:45.839 --> 00:20:52.240 your nervous system. Because let's think about this. If you're more focused on 249 00:20:52.359 --> 00:20:55.000 what they're doing, who are they talking to? What are they doing blah 250 00:20:55.039 --> 00:20:57.880 blah blah blah blah. You're going to put yourself in fight or flight because 251 00:20:57.920 --> 00:21:02.319 you're thinking there's a threat. There could be another woman, there could be 252 00:21:02.359 --> 00:21:04.319 another man, there could be another something. They could be talking to someone 253 00:21:04.359 --> 00:21:10.200 else. You're putting yourself into fight or flight for nothing. For nothing. 254 00:21:10.279 --> 00:21:15.480 You're assuming the worst for nothing. Quick tip for my anxious attachment people, 255 00:21:15.559 --> 00:21:18.680 by the way, instead of assuming the worst, if you are gonna think 256 00:21:18.720 --> 00:21:23.839 about them, give your nervous system a break and assume the best. If 257 00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:32.400 they have not given you a reason to doubt their authenticity, assume the best. 258 00:21:33.079 --> 00:21:37.799 For your own self. Assume the best. And I know you might 259 00:21:37.839 --> 00:21:41.079 be thinking CEC. Assuming the best is so hard. I know it's hard 260 00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:45.960 at first. Anything's hard. Assuming the worst is hard. What you do 261 00:21:45.240 --> 00:21:48.519 is going to be hard regardless. But if you assume the best and you 262 00:21:48.680 --> 00:21:52.640 practice that, the more you practice assuming the best, the easier it's going 263 00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:57.200 to be. Assume they're being faithful. Assume they're treating you well. Assume 264 00:21:57.279 --> 00:22:00.920 they're talking highly about you, and if they show you evidence that that is 265 00:22:02.039 --> 00:22:04.359 not true, later on you will deal with the evidence. But if there's 266 00:22:04.400 --> 00:22:07.240 no evidence, you have to stop freaking yourself out, and you need to 267 00:22:07.279 --> 00:22:11.480 take responsibility. I know it's difficult because I've freaking been there, but it's 268 00:22:11.559 --> 00:22:15.039 possible to do and you have great power, so let's start doing that. 269 00:22:15.480 --> 00:22:18.759 But that's just a side note. How do we use our senses to tap 270 00:22:18.839 --> 00:22:23.200 back into our body? I specifically remember my partner was either out or on 271 00:22:23.279 --> 00:22:29.440 a business trip and I was going to my friend's house for her birthday. 272 00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:33.359 And I remember it was raining and I was in the uber and I was 273 00:22:33.559 --> 00:22:37.839 having so much anxiety over what my partner was doing. And I told myself, 274 00:22:37.960 --> 00:22:41.799 Cecie, your body bouncing right now, get back into your own body. 275 00:22:42.440 --> 00:22:48.279 So I decided to look at the rain, to look at the droplets 276 00:22:48.359 --> 00:22:52.519 that were hitting the window. There happened to be a fair going on at 277 00:22:52.599 --> 00:22:56.720 that time, and I remember seeing the lights of the fair, and I 278 00:22:56.759 --> 00:23:00.400 remember just looking at the street lights and the lights of the fair and the 279 00:23:00.559 --> 00:23:04.279 droplet's on the window and the rain, and I remember saying, listen to 280 00:23:04.400 --> 00:23:07.559 the music that's playing off your phone, because I was playing music on my 281 00:23:07.640 --> 00:23:12.680 phone in the uber. And I use my senses to get back into my 282 00:23:12.880 --> 00:23:17.799 own body. When you call your power back to you. When you call 283 00:23:17.880 --> 00:23:22.599 your energy back to you by grounding yourself through your own senses, it feels 284 00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:26.680 so much better because instead of you focus on what are they doing, what 285 00:23:26.720 --> 00:23:30.960 are they doing? What are they doing? And putting yourselfself into fight or 286 00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:33.960 flight, you're focused on what's in front of me, What day is it, 287 00:23:34.359 --> 00:23:37.799 what time is it? What am I doing? Right now? You're 288 00:23:37.839 --> 00:23:45.000 remembering your own human experience, which is grounding for your body. That's relaxing 289 00:23:45.119 --> 00:23:52.039 for your own body. Now, this is really just appreciating our own perspective, 290 00:23:52.160 --> 00:23:56.720 our own point of view, our own incarnation. And I feel like 291 00:23:56.759 --> 00:24:00.640 I've said this a thousand billion times, but it's just worth repeat. You 292 00:24:00.880 --> 00:24:06.119 came here to live via your own point of view, your own perspective, 293 00:24:06.240 --> 00:24:10.680 your own incarnation. You came here for you. Please do not throw that 294 00:24:10.799 --> 00:24:15.519 away because you've learned some faulty programming in your past. It's not worth it, 295 00:24:15.640 --> 00:24:18.599 and it also feels terrible. So let's refocus on you, if not 296 00:24:18.799 --> 00:24:25.039 for that reason, for at least your inner child. Sometimes it's harder to 297 00:24:25.160 --> 00:24:29.519 do something for ourselves. It's harder to stand up for ourselves, it's harder 298 00:24:29.599 --> 00:24:33.960 to heal for ourselves. Think of your inner child. Think of her. 299 00:24:33.440 --> 00:24:40.119 She deserves a life where she can live and feel grounded and not anxious all 300 00:24:40.160 --> 00:24:42.079 the time, and she can feel liberated. She got you here. Now 301 00:24:42.160 --> 00:24:47.119 it's time for you to take the reins and really do this damn thing. 302 00:24:47.920 --> 00:24:52.960 It's time something with anxious attachment that you're gonna want to look out for. 303 00:24:52.440 --> 00:24:59.559 Is we tend to when our partner is giving us love and affection and joy 304 00:25:00.079 --> 00:25:03.680 or look it because we're already focused on when the other shoe is going to 305 00:25:03.799 --> 00:25:08.319 drop. So even when my partner was giving me validation and love and safety, 306 00:25:08.440 --> 00:25:14.400 I couldn't really appreciate it because I was already so worried for what possibly 307 00:25:14.480 --> 00:25:21.400 could happen next. So it's really important that you convey. Once you understand 308 00:25:21.440 --> 00:25:26.279 your anxious attachment, tell your partner about your perspective. And the way you 309 00:25:26.440 --> 00:25:30.799 do this is you say, partner, I'm not fully evolved yet and there's 310 00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:36.799 still some things I'm working through, and one of those things happens to be 311 00:25:37.400 --> 00:25:41.200 anxious attachment. So I just want you to know that when you're out or 312 00:25:41.359 --> 00:25:48.599 when you're doing certain things, I might need extra reassurance. Communication goes such 313 00:25:49.000 --> 00:25:55.880 a long way I have always been so open with my partner, and so 314 00:25:56.480 --> 00:26:00.839 me speaking up for my needs wasn't necessarily a difficult thing for me to do. 315 00:26:02.119 --> 00:26:04.920 I think that's because my mom always told me, the squeaky wheel gets 316 00:26:06.000 --> 00:26:10.920 the grease you. Speaking up for your needs does not make you needy. 317 00:26:11.160 --> 00:26:15.079 It's you putting yourself on the pedestal. If you shut your own voice down, 318 00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:19.599 you're just putting yourself back into fight or flight. When you shut yourself 319 00:26:19.680 --> 00:26:26.799 down, you're actually pedestaling the other person because you're perceiving what do I have 320 00:26:26.920 --> 00:26:30.160 to do? So they like me, You're perceiving from their point of view 321 00:26:30.640 --> 00:26:34.720 rather than your own. Speaking up for your needs does not make you needy. 322 00:26:36.039 --> 00:26:40.559 It makes you bold, confident, and it makes you putting yourself on 323 00:26:40.640 --> 00:26:44.880 your own pedestal. It makes you authentic. That's what this is. So 324 00:26:45.079 --> 00:26:48.880 telling your partner don't blame them, because I know it's easy to blame. 325 00:26:48.440 --> 00:26:52.920 Don't blame them. Say look, I'm just not yet that evolved, and 326 00:26:52.079 --> 00:26:56.160 this is what I'm feeling, this is what I'm going through, and I 327 00:26:56.400 --> 00:27:02.279 am sometimes going to need extra reassurance. So I told my partner this and 328 00:27:02.920 --> 00:27:07.680 some little things that he did for me was one time before a business trip, 329 00:27:07.039 --> 00:27:11.079 he wrote me, like these little notes, It's going to be okay, 330 00:27:11.720 --> 00:27:15.319 and he put them on my water bottle and he just wrote me a 331 00:27:15.359 --> 00:27:17.880 couple of little notes that I could have and I didn't know he did that 332 00:27:17.960 --> 00:27:22.240 until after he left, and that just made me feel so seen and validated. 333 00:27:23.279 --> 00:27:30.720 This is funny, but like with anxious attachment, if someone didn't speak 334 00:27:30.759 --> 00:27:33.599 to me, I would either assume they forgot I existed, or I would 335 00:27:33.640 --> 00:27:40.000 forget they existed. And so I always told my partner, there are times 336 00:27:40.079 --> 00:27:44.160 where if we're not in contact, if we go five hours with no communication, 337 00:27:45.200 --> 00:27:48.319 I literally feel like you just forgot that I existed. And because we 338 00:27:48.480 --> 00:27:56.640 had some of our own traumatic moments together where what he did made me feel 339 00:27:56.720 --> 00:28:00.599 forgotten about that was like a really big trigger for me, and so I 340 00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:03.519 told him there are some times that I just feel like you don't know that 341 00:28:03.680 --> 00:28:08.400 I exist. So if we're gonna either one of us have a busy day, 342 00:28:08.519 --> 00:28:11.480 it would be really helpful if we could just say, hey, I'm 343 00:28:11.519 --> 00:28:14.440 going to be on a bunch of calls, so I won't be able to 344 00:28:14.519 --> 00:28:18.319 talk till later, and now we can go hours and hours and hours without 345 00:28:18.359 --> 00:28:22.359 speaking. But because we just put that buffer of hey, I'm probably not 346 00:28:22.400 --> 00:28:26.160 going to be near my phone by the way, I'm going to be recording, 347 00:28:26.240 --> 00:28:27.559 or I'm going to be in meetings, we know, Oh, my 348 00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:33.119 partner didn't forget about me, but they're just really busy. We've healed so 349 00:28:33.319 --> 00:28:37.400 much together, but there is a time that if he did not tell me 350 00:28:37.559 --> 00:28:41.039 these words, I truly believed he forgot about me. I also want to 351 00:28:41.079 --> 00:28:45.599 let you know that as you heal with a partner and with yourself, your 352 00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:48.920 anxiety is gonna get less and less and less. And now my partner could 353 00:28:48.960 --> 00:28:52.799 do things that would have triggered me in the past and they don't trigger me 354 00:28:52.880 --> 00:28:55.640 at all. So I do just want to say, yeah, there's a 355 00:28:55.680 --> 00:28:59.839 little bit of a learning curve here. It's more difficult at first to learn 356 00:29:00.039 --> 00:29:03.759 these new ways of being, but the more you practice them with your partner, 357 00:29:03.880 --> 00:29:07.240 the easier it's going to be. There are partners out there that are 358 00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:11.359 going to meet you halfway, that are going to show up for you and 359 00:29:11.599 --> 00:29:15.880 help you through your anxious attachment and help you heal through love. It's a 360 00:29:15.920 --> 00:29:21.640 beautiful thing. Another thing my partner does for me is every time he goes 361 00:29:21.680 --> 00:29:23.599 on a business trip, he brings me back a T shirt just from the 362 00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:26.880 airport. It's not this expensive thing, it's just a little T shirt. 363 00:29:27.200 --> 00:29:30.000 And that's another way of saying, hey, I remember you, and I 364 00:29:30.119 --> 00:29:33.359 know you exist, and I know we're in a relationship. But there was 365 00:29:33.400 --> 00:29:37.200 a time where I really did need that, and now it's just it's almost 366 00:29:37.279 --> 00:29:41.440 like a tradition we have now. And even when I'm like, Okay, 367 00:29:41.440 --> 00:29:44.079 I have enough T shirts, he's like, no, it's something we do 368 00:29:44.279 --> 00:29:49.640 together. It's our thing. So telling your partner how you feel can make 369 00:29:49.720 --> 00:29:55.880 your relationship so much better. People think conversation leads to conflict, but really 370 00:29:56.000 --> 00:30:02.079 conversation leads to you getting closer together. Speak up for your needs. Because 371 00:30:02.279 --> 00:30:04.759 my partner could not do any of those things to help me heal through my 372 00:30:04.799 --> 00:30:10.759 anxiety if I did not convey them to him. Now, something I had 373 00:30:10.839 --> 00:30:12.559 to do, and it was something I had to learn, was when he 374 00:30:12.680 --> 00:30:15.680 would bring me a shirt at first, or when he would give me love 375 00:30:15.759 --> 00:30:21.200 or attention. It was hard for me to receive it because I almost thought, 376 00:30:21.559 --> 00:30:23.799 well, if I receive this love and affection now, when is going 377 00:30:23.880 --> 00:30:26.640 to be the next moment where it's not there, so I should hold off. 378 00:30:27.000 --> 00:30:30.400 And it's this lack mindset that there's just not going to be enough of 379 00:30:30.519 --> 00:30:34.160 my needs met, so I always have to be on edge. What I 380 00:30:34.200 --> 00:30:38.519 would do is when he did meet one of my needs, I would take 381 00:30:38.559 --> 00:30:41.400 a second. I would take a deep breath, and I would say, 382 00:30:42.400 --> 00:30:48.480 Okay, how can I receive this beautiful moment of him meeting my needs and 383 00:30:48.720 --> 00:30:52.880 him giving me love and affection and attention. How can I receive this one 384 00:30:52.960 --> 00:30:59.839 percent more? Do I have just one percent more room to receive this pap 385 00:31:00.039 --> 00:31:03.440 positive energy he's giving me. It's like when we go out and someone gives 386 00:31:03.519 --> 00:31:07.480 us a compliment and we're like, no, I'm not pur andful, No, 387 00:31:07.079 --> 00:31:11.880 no way, I'm discussing, I'm garbage whatever. It's when we do 388 00:31:11.039 --> 00:31:17.240 that we shut down the positive energy. Can you accept the positive energy in 389 00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:22.519 one percent more? Just one percent? You don't need to be completely open. 390 00:31:22.680 --> 00:31:26.480 Oh yeah, I'm receiving all this positive energy. Can you receive it 391 00:31:26.160 --> 00:31:33.799 just one percent more? Just one percent more? Allowing that one percent more 392 00:31:33.960 --> 00:31:40.319 in can really help you rest into your own body rather than being so cautious 393 00:31:40.359 --> 00:31:42.759 of I can't even rest into my rest and digest because I have to be 394 00:31:42.960 --> 00:31:48.119 in fight or flight because when is my next meat need not going to be 395 00:31:48.359 --> 00:31:49.720 met? We don't need to do that, We don't need to be so 396 00:31:51.039 --> 00:31:55.960 robotic and so stiff. You're allowed to let this energy in. So it's 397 00:31:56.119 --> 00:31:59.559 just a little reminder. And I literally had a little post it that just 398 00:31:59.559 --> 00:32:02.759 said one percent more on my wall for a really long time to remind myself 399 00:32:02.839 --> 00:32:08.319 every single day, can I just let it in one percent more? Now? 400 00:32:09.119 --> 00:32:15.400 There are also ways that you can use your body to get you regulated 401 00:32:16.039 --> 00:32:20.559 working out. For me, I love to work out, yes, because 402 00:32:21.000 --> 00:32:24.000 I want to look a physical way. I want to be fit. That 403 00:32:24.200 --> 00:32:30.200 is something I really value health more than anything, and I think it takes 404 00:32:30.279 --> 00:32:36.960 you getting sick to value your health. And I've been sick and I never 405 00:32:37.039 --> 00:32:40.680 want to go back there again. I really value feeling good in my body 406 00:32:40.720 --> 00:32:45.079 and in my clothes, so that's definitely there. But my number one reason 407 00:32:45.160 --> 00:32:50.559 for working out is, oh my god, my mental health. I was 408 00:32:50.720 --> 00:32:53.240 just talking to my partner about this last night because we were talking about how 409 00:32:53.799 --> 00:32:59.559 if we don't work out, it literally shifts how we feel about ourselves for 410 00:32:59.640 --> 00:33:02.559 the rest of the day. Working out. What you don't realize is it 411 00:33:02.799 --> 00:33:07.920 releases first of ault endorphins and happy feeling chemicals, but it also releases the 412 00:33:08.119 --> 00:33:13.920 negative energy and it grounds you when you're working out. It's hard to be 413 00:33:14.119 --> 00:33:16.279 in your head when you have to pick up a twenty pound weight. It's 414 00:33:16.279 --> 00:33:20.920 hard to be in your head when you're trying to hold a yoga pose because 415 00:33:21.000 --> 00:33:24.440 you're literally having to focus, You're having to be present, You're having to 416 00:33:24.839 --> 00:33:30.799 focus on your own human experience. Plus you're releasing all the negative energy and 417 00:33:30.920 --> 00:33:36.599 giving yourself happy feeling chemicals. Working out is a great vehicle to regulate your 418 00:33:36.720 --> 00:33:40.599 emotions, your nervous system, and yourself. So after he would leave, 419 00:33:40.839 --> 00:33:44.920 I would go take a walk, just a mile walk on the treadmill, 420 00:33:45.440 --> 00:33:49.960 just to relax myself back into my own body. Do not sleep on yoga, 421 00:33:50.160 --> 00:33:54.720 on working out, on taking a walk, even stretching. A beautiful 422 00:33:54.799 --> 00:34:00.599 thing about yoga is yoga is a great way to actually press practice vagel toning. 423 00:34:01.000 --> 00:34:06.359 Going from fight and flight to rest and digest. Doing interval training again 424 00:34:06.640 --> 00:34:09.960 is a great way to practice vagel toning. Why because you're going from your 425 00:34:10.000 --> 00:34:15.360 body being stressed up picking up this heavyweight or stressed out and doing a yoga 426 00:34:15.480 --> 00:34:21.199 pose to oh, now I get to relax and have this twenty second rest 427 00:34:21.599 --> 00:34:24.239 or I get to relax and now go into a child pose. You're teaching 428 00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:29.039 your body it's okay to go from a fight and flight to a rest and 429 00:34:29.119 --> 00:34:35.199 digest. So working out is a great metaphor and a great way to practice 430 00:34:35.360 --> 00:34:40.800 going from these different systems of our own body. The last tool that I 431 00:34:40.880 --> 00:34:46.840 would suggest for regulating your nervous system is a healthy distraction like stand up comedy 432 00:34:47.480 --> 00:34:52.480 or a comfort show that you used to watch on Disney or Nickelodeon, something 433 00:34:52.599 --> 00:34:57.599 like that. Go back to things that bring you comfort, that can make 434 00:34:57.679 --> 00:35:00.800 you laugh. There are people who swear that that they healed their whole entire 435 00:35:00.880 --> 00:35:07.599 body just because they would watch funny things. So laughing is a great way. 436 00:35:07.840 --> 00:35:12.480 It's a great medicine to regulate your emotions, regulate your body, and 437 00:35:12.599 --> 00:35:17.639 get yourself back on track. Okay, positive bitches. If this podcast resonated 438 00:35:17.679 --> 00:35:21.960 with you, if it helps you heal, share it with someone who may 439 00:35:22.119 --> 00:35:24.960 also need the gift of healing this holiday season. If you know someone who 440 00:35:25.039 --> 00:35:30.440 deals with anxiety, send this podcast to them. You never know how much 441 00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:34.280 you can help them, or what sentence they needed to hear that's going to 442 00:35:34.400 --> 00:35:38.840 help them take control back over their own life. If you liked this podcast, 443 00:35:38.920 --> 00:35:44.280 if you could leave a positive review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, it 444 00:35:44.280 --> 00:35:46.960 would mean the world to me. It really helps this podcast grow. And 445 00:35:47.400 --> 00:35:52.400 if not for me, do it for you, because good karma the sparkle 446 00:35:52.480 --> 00:35:55.559 in me as always honors the sparkle in you. I can't wait for this 447 00:35:55.920 --> 00:36:00.400 third part of this series, the energy behind it all, and I will 448 00:36:00.480 --> 00:36:14.280 see you in the next one. Can see Hama, sorry something adenogy cancer 449 00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:34.239 im how come theenogy? No cance strange cancers, frat cancer as FRA