WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:11.759 This is pod Populi Podcast for the People, the Great Love Debate. It's 2 00:00:11.759 --> 00:00:18.199 the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debase. 3 00:00:18.559 --> 00:00:22.719 Hi again, Everyone's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate, 4 00:00:22.760 --> 00:00:26.480 the world's number one dating and relationship podcasts since two thousand and fifteen. I 5 00:00:26.519 --> 00:00:31.359 am here in the very fine studios of pod Populi Podcast for the People. 6 00:00:31.399 --> 00:00:34.359 I'm at the one in Palm Beach Gardens. I don't get here very much. 7 00:00:34.520 --> 00:00:37.479 It is um. I recorded last week because I told you guys from 8 00:00:37.479 --> 00:00:41.359 Scottsdale and it was a thousand degrees. This is five thousand degrees. This 9 00:00:41.439 --> 00:00:45.159 is so give me the dry heat. This is terrible. All you Southern 10 00:00:45.200 --> 00:00:47.399 people who are like, oh no, it's not that hot, it's really 11 00:00:47.439 --> 00:00:51.200 hot. Um. A couple quick things before I get into what I want 12 00:00:51.200 --> 00:00:53.159 to get into and who I want to get into it with. You guys 13 00:00:53.159 --> 00:00:57.000 have been asking me when the new batch of live tour shows are going to 14 00:00:57.000 --> 00:01:00.280 be on sale. They might even be on the website by the time you 15 00:01:00.280 --> 00:01:03.439 listen to this. We've got City Winery in New York City, good Night's 16 00:01:03.479 --> 00:01:07.840 Comedy Club in Raleigh, North Carolina, right here in Florida, Boca, 17 00:01:07.879 --> 00:01:12.200 the Boca black Box Center for the Arts, and the Tempe Improv in Tempe. 18 00:01:12.200 --> 00:01:15.760 Those Sorry, I've been stalling. I have just been on the road 19 00:01:15.799 --> 00:01:18.840 too much. I used to do like one hundred and fifty live shows a 20 00:01:18.920 --> 00:01:22.159 year. It's been nine years. I don't I'm not gonna do that many 21 00:01:22.200 --> 00:01:25.439 anymore. But I do the ones that appealed to me, and do the 22 00:01:25.439 --> 00:01:27.599 ones that I'm contractually obligated to do, and do the ones that you were 23 00:01:27.640 --> 00:01:30.519 really like, come to Boston, So I come to Boston, I do 24 00:01:30.560 --> 00:01:34.519 this show, so those will be on sale. Shortly About a year ago, 25 00:01:36.640 --> 00:01:41.719 I did a show that that I sort of addressed why I care about 26 00:01:41.840 --> 00:01:47.159 quote unquote this stuff so much, Why I eight years into this podcast and 27 00:01:47.239 --> 00:01:51.519 nine years into our live tour, I still want to talk about this stuff. 28 00:01:51.959 --> 00:01:57.079 And so I really sort of laid out why it appealed to me emotionally, 29 00:01:57.120 --> 00:02:00.719 intellectually, just a lot of levels. I just feel like this is 30 00:02:00.719 --> 00:02:06.359 the one thing love dating relationships that everybody has experience with, everybody has an 31 00:02:06.359 --> 00:02:09.120 anecdote on, everybody has an opinion on, everybody has pain from. It's 32 00:02:09.159 --> 00:02:13.319 the one thing that you can grab any people from anywhere in the world and 33 00:02:13.400 --> 00:02:16.800 have a conversation, and that conversation should be engaging to everybody involved in that 34 00:02:16.840 --> 00:02:21.120 conversation. And so I sort of laid out because somebody had asked me at 35 00:02:21.159 --> 00:02:23.680 one of our shows, why do you care so much about this stuff? 36 00:02:23.199 --> 00:02:28.039 But that answering that question really sort of only brought it down to about five 37 00:02:28.080 --> 00:02:31.479 thousand feet. I wanted to know what this stuff is. I wanted to 38 00:02:31.520 --> 00:02:36.759 know what it is we care about, and I want to know why we 39 00:02:36.840 --> 00:02:40.120 care about what that is. So I brought in a pro. She's laughing. 40 00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:44.879 She's like, I'm a pro because she is sort of privately and publicly 41 00:02:45.639 --> 00:02:49.159 dealt with a lot of this stuff, and she has a very popular podcast 42 00:02:49.159 --> 00:02:52.680 that gets into this stuff and a whole lot more. You may have seen 43 00:02:52.719 --> 00:02:57.439 her on Celebrity Rehab with her old friend doctor Drew back in the day. 44 00:02:57.919 --> 00:03:00.680 You might have seen her on Millionaire Matchmaker with our not so good friend Patti 45 00:03:00.719 --> 00:03:06.800 Stanger back in the day. That's another podcast for another time. She's the 46 00:03:06.800 --> 00:03:10.520 host of the Misunderstood podcast. I'm not sure how misunderstood she is, but 47 00:03:10.560 --> 00:03:13.639 we'll get to the bottom of that. Rachel, you can tell how are 48 00:03:13.680 --> 00:03:16.280 you. I'm great, thank you for having me. So when somebody says 49 00:03:16.960 --> 00:03:22.319 you obviously like I said publicly and privately, have been like I care too 50 00:03:22.400 --> 00:03:25.199 much, or I care so much, or I really need this in my 51 00:03:25.280 --> 00:03:30.120 life. What is it that we need besides the primal companionship? We always 52 00:03:30.120 --> 00:03:35.439 say that we're wired to be with another person. It's more than a physical 53 00:03:35.479 --> 00:03:38.199 thing. It is an emotional, chemical thing that we feel, really feel 54 00:03:38.240 --> 00:03:43.960 the need to be in a relationship. Well, I think it's different for 55 00:03:44.080 --> 00:03:49.439 every person. Some people derive credibility from it. Some people listen. Some 56 00:03:49.479 --> 00:03:53.319 people don't love to be alone, but they just want the physical intimacy sometimes 57 00:03:53.319 --> 00:03:58.159 and then want to separate completely after that. So I think for everyone it's 58 00:03:58.280 --> 00:04:01.439 very different, and everyone their own version of what means something to them or 59 00:04:01.439 --> 00:04:04.759 why it's so important to them. But it's the way they connect with other 60 00:04:04.759 --> 00:04:10.199 people for sure, and to meet. For me personally, my relationships for 61 00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:13.840 a long time was and I would get myself in trouble this way, I 62 00:04:13.840 --> 00:04:15.759 think, and I've dealt with it a lot. But like I derived my 63 00:04:15.800 --> 00:04:21.800 credibility by who I was with and if that person everyone wanted to know them 64 00:04:21.839 --> 00:04:25.959 but they wanted to be with me. That made me feel loved and worthy. 65 00:04:26.040 --> 00:04:29.439 I mean, I think everyone's relationship there's somebody. I'm somebody. Yeah, 66 00:04:29.519 --> 00:04:31.279 yeah, And I think that that derived a lot from my childhood and 67 00:04:31.639 --> 00:04:35.360 from you know, things that I went through very early on, and feeling 68 00:04:35.399 --> 00:04:40.720 the need to be loved meant I was worthy, you know. So that's 69 00:04:40.800 --> 00:04:44.519 my psychological issue with being in relationships. But I'm forty eight years old, 70 00:04:44.680 --> 00:04:49.480 I'm still single. I believe in monoga, that's right. I believe in 71 00:04:49.600 --> 00:04:53.439 love. I believe in getting married. I would love to have a family. 72 00:04:53.480 --> 00:04:56.759 I want to witness to my life. But it's really hard to find 73 00:04:56.800 --> 00:05:00.759 that. And I'm a shredder. I'm not great at it right, so 74 00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:02.519 you know, it's something I'm still striving. It's really hard to find that. 75 00:05:02.560 --> 00:05:04.839 But you know, as we say, the juice is worth the squeeze, 76 00:05:04.839 --> 00:05:09.439 on some level, it should be hard to find that. Yeah, 77 00:05:09.600 --> 00:05:12.439 we make it hard to find that. Sometimes we make it hard to keep 78 00:05:12.439 --> 00:05:14.959 that. We make it hard to recognize that we do all of these things. 79 00:05:15.319 --> 00:05:16.920 But that was a really good point you brought up at the beginning. 80 00:05:17.959 --> 00:05:21.800 I need because I lack self esteem or I don't trust the love I was 81 00:05:21.839 --> 00:05:27.240 giving from other people, or I don't love myself that somehow we need the 82 00:05:27.360 --> 00:05:31.439 validation not from just this person, but from the people who see me with 83 00:05:31.560 --> 00:05:35.680 that person. That really has a lot of layers to it that actually make 84 00:05:35.720 --> 00:05:39.600 total sense. Yeah, I mean, I think it makes sense. It's 85 00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:41.920 what I've been dealing with my whole life. I think it's gotten me in 86 00:05:41.959 --> 00:05:44.639 a lot of trouble, but it's also made me understand. You know, 87 00:05:44.680 --> 00:05:47.639 I suffered from love addiction. That's what I was on celebrity rehab from dealing 88 00:05:47.720 --> 00:05:50.319 with. And I used to go on tour with Doctor Drew and all sorts 89 00:05:50.360 --> 00:05:55.319 of shows to talk about the validity of it because some people don't believe in 90 00:05:55.399 --> 00:06:00.120 it, and I believe that your problems with love addiction is what send stems 91 00:06:00.120 --> 00:06:05.560 into a lot of tangible addictions like drugs, alcohol, and people don't see 92 00:06:05.560 --> 00:06:10.600 how there's a correlation, but there really is. And it was very interesting 93 00:06:10.639 --> 00:06:13.240 to me to find out about it and then to teach others about it. 94 00:06:13.279 --> 00:06:15.360 Well. I mean, I think every addiction of any kind comes from a 95 00:06:15.399 --> 00:06:18.279 whole or an emotional need that you're trying to fill. Yeah, I knew 96 00:06:18.279 --> 00:06:23.160 somebody who had a problem with alcohol and he quit that and he became a 97 00:06:23.160 --> 00:06:30.120 sex addict, of course. And I've never seen anybody struggle with such self 98 00:06:30.160 --> 00:06:33.920 loathing and hatred as with this sex addict. He's just like, I am 99 00:06:34.079 --> 00:06:39.800 ruining my entire life for these little sort of thirty second bursts of pleasure, 100 00:06:39.800 --> 00:06:42.240 and the whole time it was I'm like, go back to drinking. Like, 101 00:06:42.279 --> 00:06:45.240 it's really really hard. Love addiction. Yeah, a lot of people 102 00:06:45.399 --> 00:06:50.160 probably say it's it's a made up term or whatever, it's a fake term. 103 00:06:50.199 --> 00:06:55.439 But if you are addicted on an emotional level to this need to feel 104 00:06:55.439 --> 00:06:59.480 connected, bonded, validated, any of those things, it's as real as 105 00:06:59.480 --> 00:07:04.639 anything else. And it can be hard for people to function in their job 106 00:07:04.720 --> 00:07:09.839 and their other relationships and their parenting, whatever it is for them. If 107 00:07:09.839 --> 00:07:15.040 they get so emmeshed in someone else, that is probably wrong for them, 108 00:07:15.040 --> 00:07:18.639 and they tend to have a bad picker. They tend to replace love for 109 00:07:18.720 --> 00:07:21.720 intensity. You know, they're looking for the ups and downs, They're looking 110 00:07:21.720 --> 00:07:26.600 for this toxic thing, and it becomes so overwhelming they cannot function as a 111 00:07:26.639 --> 00:07:30.160 person right. They're picking the wrong people that make their lives unlivable in some 112 00:07:30.240 --> 00:07:32.920 ways. And then you know, people get out of a relationship and they 113 00:07:32.959 --> 00:07:35.600 treat it like a game of musical chairs and they better find a seat as 114 00:07:35.639 --> 00:07:41.680 quickly as possible because they are floating without this life raft of both a connection 115 00:07:41.759 --> 00:07:44.439 and the validation that you talked about. Yeah, and not only that, 116 00:07:44.480 --> 00:07:47.000 when they get out of a relationship, it takes all their self value away. 117 00:07:47.199 --> 00:07:50.959 So for a lot of these people that struggle with love addiction, they 118 00:07:51.000 --> 00:07:57.720 cannot get up easy. You know, they cannot recover from losing this other 119 00:07:57.800 --> 00:08:03.160 person because that person's took all their happiness and all their worth and that that 120 00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:05.600 is the most stabilitating for a lot of people as well. Where where are 121 00:08:05.639 --> 00:08:09.000 you from in real life? Where'd you grow up? Anchorage, Alaska is 122 00:08:09.000 --> 00:08:11.639 where I was born. I lived there till I was five, and then 123 00:08:11.639 --> 00:08:13.279 I grew up in New York City. Okay, that's wow, Wow, 124 00:08:13.279 --> 00:08:18.199 that's a transition. Yeah, you know, New York City is an interesting 125 00:08:18.199 --> 00:08:20.360 place. You know, I'm from New York. A lot of the listeners 126 00:08:20.360 --> 00:08:24.600 are from New York. You can be what I call a bubble in a 127 00:08:24.639 --> 00:08:28.279 waterfall where there's all this energy around you and you sort of can float through 128 00:08:28.279 --> 00:08:33.440 an existence fairly isolated and fairly loan, and you really do have to try 129 00:08:33.480 --> 00:08:35.679 hard to connect there. It is a little bit cold, it is a 130 00:08:35.720 --> 00:08:41.159 little bit distant. Did you feel good about yourself at an early age? 131 00:08:41.159 --> 00:08:45.360 When did you? And you're obviously beautiful, when did that kick in? 132 00:08:45.799 --> 00:08:48.279 Well, I mean, I don't think physical you know, what you look 133 00:08:48.279 --> 00:08:52.919 like physically really has a lot to do with women's self esteem. No, 134 00:08:52.039 --> 00:08:56.240 but it gives you opportunities. It does give you opportunities. And by the 135 00:08:56.279 --> 00:08:58.799 way, you know, I used to run nightclubs for a living in Vegas, 136 00:08:58.840 --> 00:09:03.519 New York, the Hampton's, Saint Bart's, whatever, And I can 137 00:09:03.559 --> 00:09:07.600 tell you that the heavier, unattractive women were the ones with the most self 138 00:09:07.679 --> 00:09:11.679 esteem. They'd be getting up on tables dancing, and they would go home 139 00:09:11.720 --> 00:09:15.440 with men at night. The models who were hungry, who were mean, 140 00:09:15.720 --> 00:09:18.720 who didn't smile, They were the ones that the guys wanted to meet, 141 00:09:18.879 --> 00:09:20.919 But they were not the ones that the guys fucked at the end of the 142 00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:24.360 night, or you know, even got their number, because they were just 143 00:09:24.399 --> 00:09:28.519 annoying, you know. And the fun girls who just didn't care because you're 144 00:09:28.559 --> 00:09:31.159 getting something back from them, you getting energy back from them. Yeah, 145 00:09:31.200 --> 00:09:33.559 yeah, yeah. So anyways, to get back on what I was saying 146 00:09:35.159 --> 00:09:37.600 being in New York, you know, I was just talking to somebody about 147 00:09:37.600 --> 00:09:41.480 this today. The Housewives of New York, none of them are married. 148 00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:43.600 All the other franchises, a lot of the women are married. New York 149 00:09:43.679 --> 00:09:48.480 is the hardest place, in my opinion, and I've lived almost everywhere from 150 00:09:48.879 --> 00:09:52.919 LA to New York. It's a really hard place to find people. And 151 00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:56.480 you really can be and I learned this from working in the nightclub industry. 152 00:09:56.679 --> 00:10:01.720 You could be surrounded by people but feel so alone. And I've suffered from 153 00:10:01.759 --> 00:10:03.360 that for a long time. But it's also because I've really high standards. 154 00:10:03.360 --> 00:10:09.519 Funnily enough, I had interviewed um Mama June that us. You remember her, 155 00:10:09.519 --> 00:10:13.919 Okay, she just got remarried. She just got married. Now. 156 00:10:13.240 --> 00:10:16.679 I literally was coming up with the questions for her, and a legitimate question 157 00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:22.240 I had was give me your tips on finding love and getting married, because 158 00:10:22.480 --> 00:10:26.200 I can't get myself married. Even if I threw myself at someone and someone 159 00:10:26.240 --> 00:10:28.399 was like, you cannot ask her that that's ridiculous because she's picking someone who 160 00:10:28.440 --> 00:10:33.559 has like a meth habit. And no teeth and right you've been married, 161 00:10:33.759 --> 00:10:37.039 Ay, you can have a high both Menenda's brothers are married. Are they 162 00:10:39.360 --> 00:10:43.559 vera kind of high? Yeah, I guess. But you know, you 163 00:10:43.559 --> 00:10:46.000 could say I have a high standard, But are you making it because I 164 00:10:46.080 --> 00:10:50.519 have a high standard? Then it's not about that. You're like moving the 165 00:10:50.639 --> 00:10:54.480 bull's eye out of range so you don't have to deal with it. Maybe 166 00:10:54.519 --> 00:10:56.440 you brought up a millionaire matchmaker. When Patty's done this show, she always 167 00:10:56.759 --> 00:11:00.840 goes that there's no good man, there's no good everyone to blame the city 168 00:11:00.879 --> 00:11:03.480 they're in, the people they're in, whatever, or I'm too busy or 169 00:11:03.480 --> 00:11:05.639 I'm picky or whatever, because they don't want to take ownership of There are 170 00:11:05.639 --> 00:11:11.000 opportunities and possibilities and people right in front of you who you probably could date, 171 00:11:11.519 --> 00:11:13.519 and it's scary to you to go down that road. Probably I'm not 172 00:11:13.600 --> 00:11:16.639 someone who's easy to get to know, which is my fault. I have 173 00:11:16.679 --> 00:11:20.440 a lot of boundaries around me. I'm somewhat of a recluse. I don't 174 00:11:20.440 --> 00:11:22.799 like to I mean, I love my home here in Florida. I don't 175 00:11:22.840 --> 00:11:24.879 like to leave. I have a beautiful home. I love my dogs, 176 00:11:24.879 --> 00:11:30.759 I have an eleven year old. I don't meet people out at bars. 177 00:11:30.879 --> 00:11:33.279 I just would never do that. I don't. I do a lot of 178 00:11:33.279 --> 00:11:39.279 online dating. I you know, it's just it's interesting to me being on 179 00:11:39.360 --> 00:11:41.679 Millionaire Matchmaker. By the way, we could talk about that in a second. 180 00:11:41.720 --> 00:11:46.159 But you know, I try so hard to meet someone. I really 181 00:11:46.159 --> 00:11:48.120 do. But I probably to answer your question, don't go above and beyond 182 00:11:48.159 --> 00:11:52.320 to pick the people that I really could meet, because it's not that I 183 00:11:52.360 --> 00:11:54.360 find something wrong with them. It's just that I cut it off way too 184 00:11:54.360 --> 00:11:58.080 soon. As Patty labeled me. I'm a shredder, right, and I'm 185 00:11:58.120 --> 00:12:03.080 not good giving people a chance. And I've interviewed somebody who was on the 186 00:12:03.639 --> 00:12:09.399 host of the Netflix series Jewish Matchmaking. She was a Jewish matchmaker, Eliza 187 00:12:09.559 --> 00:12:13.759 ben Schalem, a wonderful woman, and she was like, listen, you 188 00:12:13.840 --> 00:12:16.840 have to give people a chance. You don't know anybody after the first date. 189 00:12:16.840 --> 00:12:20.320 You don't know this person. And my problem is I will meet someone 190 00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:22.879 and I can immediately know if they're going to be a boyfriend to me, 191 00:12:22.000 --> 00:12:24.360 you know, if we're going to be in a relationship. And that's my 192 00:12:24.440 --> 00:12:28.679 problem, and I will get into a relationship with someone for three years and 193 00:12:28.799 --> 00:12:31.080 not date anyone else, But like I don't. I'm like, I know 194 00:12:31.240 --> 00:12:35.200 this person so well, they know me, they make me feel good. 195 00:12:35.320 --> 00:12:37.039 That's like a red flag. I know now not to do that. Do 196 00:12:37.120 --> 00:12:41.639 you say google me or don't? I never say google me? They usually 197 00:12:41.759 --> 00:12:45.559 have help. Well, that's an interesting question. If they haven't, I 198 00:12:45.600 --> 00:12:48.440 always have that. And if they haven't and I like them, there's a 199 00:12:48.440 --> 00:12:50.759 lot of anxiety that goes on with oh, how am I going to tell 200 00:12:50.799 --> 00:12:54.320 them this or how are they going to find out? Right? There are 201 00:12:54.360 --> 00:13:00.440 plenty of times, even as of late, that people, before they get 202 00:13:00.480 --> 00:13:03.440 into even meeting me in person, they will say, just so you know, 203 00:13:03.480 --> 00:13:05.279 I know who you are, and I have no problem with it. 204 00:13:05.320 --> 00:13:07.559 I think you've been through a lot. I think you're amazing. I'm so 205 00:13:07.639 --> 00:13:11.159 excited to meet you. And then there are people that when they find out 206 00:13:11.159 --> 00:13:15.720 who I am. And this happened last year, someone said I went on 207 00:13:15.799 --> 00:13:18.159 on two dates with them, and then I spoke to them on the phone 208 00:13:18.159 --> 00:13:22.480 and they said, you owe me an apology. I can't believe how you 209 00:13:22.519 --> 00:13:26.399 have not been transparent with me. And I said for what? And they 210 00:13:26.440 --> 00:13:28.879 said, you didn't tell me who you were, And I said, I 211 00:13:28.919 --> 00:13:31.080 don't even know what that means. I mean, obviously I know what it 212 00:13:31.120 --> 00:13:33.080 means, but I couldn't believe they had the audacity to say that to me 213 00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:37.879 that I owed them an apology. And their thought was, you know, 214 00:13:37.919 --> 00:13:41.639 why should I find out from taking a flight and seeing the documentary Tiger and 215 00:13:41.720 --> 00:13:46.360 there you are. I should know that that's the girl I'm dating. And 216 00:13:46.360 --> 00:13:50.000 I thought to myself, but it's not like you disclosed everyone that you've had 217 00:13:50.000 --> 00:13:54.240 a relationship within the past or your biggest regret. Maybe it's not like you 218 00:13:54.320 --> 00:13:56.279 put that out on the table either. So what are we talking about? 219 00:13:56.360 --> 00:13:58.960 And not only that, you could make the argument and it would be valid 220 00:14:00.080 --> 00:14:03.120 argument. This is not what defines me. And I'm trying to give you 221 00:14:03.159 --> 00:14:07.399 the things that are who I am now that you deal with. If everybody 222 00:14:07.519 --> 00:14:11.000 had to be like, oh, here are the ten thousand important pieces of 223 00:14:11.039 --> 00:14:13.360 information, that's why when people make these little checklists, I like, I 224 00:14:13.399 --> 00:14:16.960 need this, this, and this, Well, those are five of ten 225 00:14:16.000 --> 00:14:20.679 thousand things you probably need. You don't know what's important to them, so 226 00:14:20.720 --> 00:14:24.240 there's no reason for you to volunteer it. But it's probably something that somebody 227 00:14:24.320 --> 00:14:28.320 no matter what, because it's relatively interesting or really interesting, depending on who 228 00:14:28.360 --> 00:14:31.279 you are. They're going to have questions about do you bring it up over 229 00:14:31.279 --> 00:14:35.399 the edamame, like when do you first say, oh, by the toy? 230 00:14:35.440 --> 00:14:37.440 And when they do know, they do have a lot of questions, 231 00:14:37.879 --> 00:14:41.559 which you know, it depends who the person is. But I really don't 232 00:14:41.639 --> 00:14:43.799 keep listening, stop googling. You can do that. I have to show 233 00:14:43.799 --> 00:14:48.120 you guys yet, but I don't feel the need to go into details unless 234 00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:52.279 it's somebody I know that I like or I want to spend more time with, 235 00:14:52.399 --> 00:14:56.600 and I feel it's important to let them know the basic facts, not 236 00:14:56.679 --> 00:15:00.639 of what happened, but of just you know how I kind of want to 237 00:15:00.639 --> 00:15:03.320 shape that conversation because of a sudden it's like, you know, have you 238 00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:09.200 ever cheated on someone? Have you ever done something that you feel guilty about? 239 00:15:09.559 --> 00:15:13.200 And then the whole world knows. Imagine what that's like, and then 240 00:15:13.320 --> 00:15:16.840 you are defined by that forever. I mean, everyone makes mistakes in their 241 00:15:16.840 --> 00:15:20.240 life, but rarely are you defined by it unless you go to prison for 242 00:15:20.320 --> 00:15:24.679 it and some google it or whatever. You get to learn from your lessons, 243 00:15:24.679 --> 00:15:28.320 hopefully and move on. But when something that big is the most talked 244 00:15:28.320 --> 00:15:33.360 about story, not just in your area, not just in America, in 245 00:15:33.519 --> 00:15:37.200 the world, and it's still brought up to this day, it's very It 246 00:15:37.360 --> 00:15:41.759 is not easy. Why do you say it's a mistake, Well, a 247 00:15:41.759 --> 00:15:45.399 mistake is I don't I'm not somebody who would like to define myself as having 248 00:15:45.440 --> 00:15:48.360 affairs with people. So that is the part that you're the affair, you're 249 00:15:48.720 --> 00:15:50.720 worth a married one. I was not the married one, correct, But 250 00:15:50.799 --> 00:15:56.399 I mean it was I was the monster, so to speak. You know, 251 00:15:56.480 --> 00:15:58.960 the mistress is always the most you're willing to participant in an adulterous situation, 252 00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:03.480 and you know, at the end of the day, that's between them. 253 00:16:03.039 --> 00:16:07.279 It's not great issue. And the issue was between the three of us, 254 00:16:07.320 --> 00:16:10.039 not the world, right, so correct, That's also what was. 255 00:16:10.399 --> 00:16:12.639 It became something I got angry about when people would ask me because I'm like, 256 00:16:12.679 --> 00:16:17.480 that's really none of your business. That's my business. And you know, 257 00:16:17.559 --> 00:16:21.120 I have never in my life cheated on someone I have been with. 258 00:16:21.279 --> 00:16:25.000 I believe in monogamy, and people don't think they're not like, well, 259 00:16:25.320 --> 00:16:27.039 well why were they in that? What? You know, what caused that 260 00:16:27.080 --> 00:16:33.960 and obviously he was with fifteen other women. Obviously, you know I had 261 00:16:33.000 --> 00:16:37.600 met him, and I knew that he had been because I met him when 262 00:16:37.600 --> 00:16:41.039 I was dating Derek Jeter and Derek Jeter and I let him come stay at 263 00:16:41.120 --> 00:16:45.600 well, Derek let him come stay at the apartment, and I knew that 264 00:16:45.639 --> 00:16:48.440 he wanted to meet a couple of my friends, and you know, I 265 00:16:48.600 --> 00:16:55.279 and I remember asking m Derek, didn't he just have a kid? He 266 00:16:55.360 --> 00:16:57.279 was like, yeah, but that's not their relationship. So it was something 267 00:16:57.320 --> 00:17:00.159 I'm not going to talk to him about. But you know, I knew 268 00:17:00.200 --> 00:17:06.599 that there was there was no issue there from years before. It's a complicated 269 00:17:06.839 --> 00:17:08.519 subject. This is a complicated subject. I got to take a quick break 270 00:17:08.519 --> 00:17:11.559 because we got to pay for dates with Derek Jeter and a whole lot more 271 00:17:11.599 --> 00:17:15.160 around here, I'm with Rachel. You could tell we're talking about what it 272 00:17:15.240 --> 00:17:19.759 is that we love and why we love it. We will be back right 273 00:17:19.960 --> 00:17:30.400 after this, and we are back. So when you say now you want 274 00:17:30.440 --> 00:17:36.680 to be in this relationship, a relationship for fifty years, happily ever after, 275 00:17:37.000 --> 00:17:40.599 I do. I believe in that we always say but before you can 276 00:17:40.640 --> 00:17:42.519 define love, before you can find love. You need to define it. 277 00:17:44.000 --> 00:17:48.079 How do you define it? How do I define love? Or how do 278 00:17:48.119 --> 00:17:52.759 I define define what I want in a relationship? One thing at a time. 279 00:17:52.920 --> 00:17:56.480 Okay, first, how do you define love? For you, love 280 00:17:56.519 --> 00:18:02.400 would be something that is unconditional, that you really have no judgments about, 281 00:18:03.720 --> 00:18:11.079 and you really care about that person or that things, feeling well being, 282 00:18:11.279 --> 00:18:15.880 sometimes more than your own, and you look to always protect that person, 283 00:18:15.960 --> 00:18:21.920 and you almost glaze over a lot of things that are bad. For example, 284 00:18:22.039 --> 00:18:25.960 I love my dogs, I love my daughter. I love some of 285 00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:29.640 my daughter's friends like that they're just incredible. You know. There are some 286 00:18:29.680 --> 00:18:33.000 people that I don't even know that well. I love their personality or their 287 00:18:33.119 --> 00:18:37.799 energy. I really care about these people who maybe are not my best friends, 288 00:18:37.799 --> 00:18:41.680 but I just love who they are. And then there have been relationships 289 00:18:41.680 --> 00:18:47.039 that I you know, I love that person, right, So that to 290 00:18:47.039 --> 00:18:49.319 me is love, But that is different maybe than what I want. Internet 291 00:18:49.359 --> 00:18:52.920 you bring up the unconditional thing, and the judgment thing is that because that's 292 00:18:53.279 --> 00:18:57.119 really important to you get that back in return based on that? Is there 293 00:18:57.160 --> 00:19:00.279 some guilt in natter? No know at all. I just think that what 294 00:19:00.440 --> 00:19:03.559 makes relationships tough is that you know, it could be so nice in the 295 00:19:03.599 --> 00:19:07.000 honeymoon phase for a little bit, but then it gets really toxic almost. 296 00:19:07.039 --> 00:19:11.640 Sometimes you might love someone but then pick out all their negative things that bother 297 00:19:11.799 --> 00:19:15.400 you, you know, and give them a hard time and nit pick on 298 00:19:15.440 --> 00:19:18.160 stuff. And you know, I think that's what makes a relationship difficult. 299 00:19:18.200 --> 00:19:22.839 So when you really love someone, I think you look over a lot of 300 00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:26.039 that stuff because you're just like I love them. Like my daughter, she 301 00:19:26.039 --> 00:19:27.720 could be a total bitch half the time. You know, she's eleven, 302 00:19:27.839 --> 00:19:30.920 she's going eleven's thirteen, Yeah, more than half the time. Yeah, 303 00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:36.519 and she's you know, can be awful. Yeah, but I love her, 304 00:19:36.559 --> 00:19:37.880 so I have to laugh it off. I get mad, but then 305 00:19:38.240 --> 00:19:42.519 that anger goes away in seconds, Whereas if I'm in a relationship, I 306 00:19:42.559 --> 00:19:47.079 can hold on too that I can really let that fester, and then I 307 00:19:47.119 --> 00:19:49.079 want to make them pay because they've hurt me. And you know, it's 308 00:19:49.079 --> 00:19:52.119 well, one of the things it's going to be easier for you in your 309 00:19:52.160 --> 00:19:55.839 forties and fifties. It's it might be the pool isn't quite as big as 310 00:19:55.920 --> 00:19:59.240 during our nightclub days back in the day, But when you were in a 311 00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:00.799 relationship or you were married in your twenties and thirties, at some point you 312 00:20:00.839 --> 00:20:04.359 go from husband wife to mom and dad, and that is a completely different 313 00:20:04.440 --> 00:20:10.039 dynamic in the thing which sometimes brings people apart as husband wife, it just 314 00:20:10.119 --> 00:20:12.559 kills the bond of what got you together in the first place. You're still 315 00:20:12.640 --> 00:20:15.920 a mom, But when you get into it in your forties and fifties or 316 00:20:15.960 --> 00:20:22.680 whatever, you are sort of adults over that hump of needing that or or 317 00:20:22.759 --> 00:20:25.240 having that wherever, and you can be like, this is my ship and 318 00:20:25.240 --> 00:20:26.720 this is your ship. Can our ship go together and we can sort of 319 00:20:26.759 --> 00:20:30.640 make this work. I think that has a good chance, you know, 320 00:20:30.680 --> 00:20:33.079 a better chance to work at that age if you can find the person. 321 00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:37.400 Because a lot of people, especially men, I'm said, in my ways, 322 00:20:37.519 --> 00:20:38.880 this is the way I live my life, this is what I need. 323 00:20:38.960 --> 00:20:44.680 And a lot of times I think it's not the responsibility of the woman, 324 00:20:44.720 --> 00:20:47.880 but I think there's an opportunity for the woman to create an environment where 325 00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:51.559 his confidence can flourish in a way that he will change in whatever way she 326 00:20:51.680 --> 00:20:55.359 wants him to. And a lot of times it is harder for a woman 327 00:20:55.400 --> 00:20:59.480 in their forties because you don't need us as much you can buy your own 328 00:20:59.480 --> 00:21:02.559 ship, can do your own ship, so that the need of a man 329 00:21:02.680 --> 00:21:07.160 has gone away a little, which makes him lose his hero thing that he 330 00:21:07.200 --> 00:21:08.519 needs to play and all that kind of stuff. But if there's like you 331 00:21:08.559 --> 00:21:14.359 know what, I believe you can enhance my life, my world, my 332 00:21:14.440 --> 00:21:17.480 family, I think then he's willing to do whatever you wanted to do. 333 00:21:17.880 --> 00:21:19.160 Yeah, I mean, I agree. I think if somebody is a creative 334 00:21:19.200 --> 00:21:22.880 to the situation, if they are an asset, so to speak, they 335 00:21:22.960 --> 00:21:26.559 make you better, They believe in you, they love who you are. 336 00:21:26.920 --> 00:21:30.599 That is a better relationship than sometimes you get into in your twenties and early 337 00:21:30.640 --> 00:21:33.240 thirties when you don't even know who you are yet and you don't know what 338 00:21:33.240 --> 00:21:37.319 you're looking for. So I the reason I think why I'm so picky at 339 00:21:37.319 --> 00:21:41.559 this part of my life is because I know who I am. If someone 340 00:21:41.599 --> 00:21:45.400 has any problems with something that's happened in my past, because that comes up 341 00:21:45.400 --> 00:21:48.960 a lot, that's not the person for me. Because I know who I 342 00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:51.680 am, and I know the friends that I have. They love me for 343 00:21:51.720 --> 00:21:53.680 who I am. And I was a person before, I've been a person 344 00:21:53.759 --> 00:21:57.359 after, and I think I think it's just really important too, Like you 345 00:21:57.400 --> 00:22:00.839 said, find who you can be a foxhole with and they are going to 346 00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:04.359 be an asset to you and not let you down. And for me also, 347 00:22:04.440 --> 00:22:07.839 it's really important that I find a catcher. I am the man and 348 00:22:07.880 --> 00:22:11.319 the woman in my life in so many situations. I've been through my mother 349 00:22:11.400 --> 00:22:15.839 sending me to an awful therapeutic boarding school, the one that Paris Hilton went 350 00:22:15.839 --> 00:22:18.559 to for a few months. I graduated from there. I was left at 351 00:22:18.599 --> 00:22:22.480 the school when I was thirteen years old and did not leave till I was 352 00:22:22.480 --> 00:22:25.319 almost seventeen. It was awful. You had to like dig a grave with 353 00:22:25.359 --> 00:22:29.200 a spoon you had, I mean, horrible things happened to you there, 354 00:22:29.319 --> 00:22:33.000 and it's now been closed for abuse. I you know, I've been engaged 355 00:22:33.039 --> 00:22:37.759 to someone who was killed while we were engaged. I you know, no 356 00:22:37.799 --> 00:22:41.519 one got me through that but myself. You know, I was in a 357 00:22:41.519 --> 00:22:45.599 awful scandal and I had no one to turn to. My family and friends 358 00:22:45.640 --> 00:22:48.039 were like, that's a bad look. I don't know her. I had 359 00:22:48.079 --> 00:22:52.880 to get through that on my own. I've had to figure out crisis management. 360 00:22:52.880 --> 00:22:56.839 And then my father died of a cocaine overdose when I was fifteen years 361 00:22:56.880 --> 00:22:59.960 old, and I had to get through that. So I need to find 362 00:23:00.119 --> 00:23:03.079 a man who is going to be stronger then I know will be stronger than 363 00:23:03.119 --> 00:23:07.200 me in any situation. I can figure out anything. I can get a 364 00:23:07.240 --> 00:23:10.920 reservation, anywhere, I can handle if someone hijacked the plane, I feel 365 00:23:10.920 --> 00:23:14.240 like I've got it from little too big. So I really want a person 366 00:23:14.279 --> 00:23:17.680 that I feel like can get me. Even though I like to handle things, 367 00:23:17.720 --> 00:23:19.039 but I want to know that the guy's a little smarter. Will you 368 00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:22.680 let us handle some things? I can join you play like I can't reach 369 00:23:22.720 --> 00:23:26.519 that on the shelf, and hopefully that's good at that. I know that's 370 00:23:26.559 --> 00:23:27.759 part of what you have to do. You have to give us an opportunity 371 00:23:27.759 --> 00:23:30.720 to be the boy. I know you're right, and it's it's hard because 372 00:23:30.759 --> 00:23:33.519 you don't even need a ride anymore. You know where you can fix your 373 00:23:33.519 --> 00:23:37.160 own shit, you can buy your own shit. It's really hard for the 374 00:23:37.240 --> 00:23:40.720 men. I used to say, for generations, we were shooting at a 375 00:23:40.759 --> 00:23:44.279 ten foot basket. Now we're shooting at a twelve foot basket. We got 376 00:23:44.279 --> 00:23:47.279 to become a better shot. But you have to be aware that you raise 377 00:23:47.359 --> 00:23:49.920 the basket to get in your world because you simply need us less. Yeah, 378 00:23:51.000 --> 00:23:52.440 well, I mean, I guess so, but I appreciate men. 379 00:23:52.559 --> 00:23:56.079 I want to be able to lean on someone. I just have felt so 380 00:23:56.160 --> 00:24:00.359 disappointed. I guess in the past that thought might be my issue. But 381 00:24:00.440 --> 00:24:03.599 something really funny we're doing on my show is that we're trying to do things 382 00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:07.440 in a different way than what we've been trained to. And now in our 383 00:24:07.480 --> 00:24:10.920 forties, you know, we've gone a certain way. And everyone has a 384 00:24:10.960 --> 00:24:12.640 type. Right, you go on an online dating site, you have a 385 00:24:12.640 --> 00:24:17.759 type. You fill out all these check marks. So my producer Kelly, 386 00:24:17.440 --> 00:24:21.680 we do this segment on Happy Hour. She's forty five years old. She 387 00:24:22.000 --> 00:24:26.400 tells me all her dating stories, and we decided we announced that she is 388 00:24:26.440 --> 00:24:30.480 getting married New Year's Eve of twenty twenty four, and the only catches we 389 00:24:30.519 --> 00:24:33.319 haven't found the guy manifesting Yes, So we're manifesting it. We put her 390 00:24:33.319 --> 00:24:37.559 on every dating site, we talk about every date she goes on. Now 391 00:24:37.599 --> 00:24:40.240 she's visiting me in Florida, and we're going to go out every night and 392 00:24:40.240 --> 00:24:44.000 look for different men. See what it's like online versus that bars. So 393 00:24:44.039 --> 00:24:45.440 we're doing the whole thing backwards to see if it works. Hey, I 394 00:24:45.440 --> 00:24:49.000 think that's got as good a shot to work as anything. Can you be 395 00:24:49.039 --> 00:24:56.160 asked out at Target and somebody just go to Target? Whatever? I don't 396 00:24:56.200 --> 00:25:00.000 like whole foods. I like publics. Okay, publics. That's a very 397 00:25:00.039 --> 00:25:03.039 Florida thing. You can be asked out like some stranger, like, hey, 398 00:25:03.079 --> 00:25:06.799 I just noticed the way you touch those melons. Would you like to 399 00:25:06.799 --> 00:25:08.359 go drink? Sometimes? Yeah, if I didn't think that was a cheesy 400 00:25:08.400 --> 00:25:12.799 line, Can I barbecue this? You know? Whatever? Yes you can? 401 00:25:15.319 --> 00:25:18.599 And probably I would like that guy more because I probably look like shit 402 00:25:18.799 --> 00:25:22.079 in the grocery store. I'm just being myself, and it does. It 403 00:25:22.079 --> 00:25:26.559 takes a lot. We used to have to do that. Yeah, that's 404 00:25:26.640 --> 00:25:30.079 right. So not to do play back in the day too much here. 405 00:25:30.119 --> 00:25:33.400 But you're not me and you were not quite old enough to remember the studio 406 00:25:33.440 --> 00:25:37.079 fifty four days. But the people who talk about those days talk about an 407 00:25:37.079 --> 00:25:41.240 era that that was the greatest time that ever was the closest we have to 408 00:25:41.319 --> 00:25:45.160 that and me and you kicked around the same sandbox back in the day for 409 00:25:45.200 --> 00:25:52.039 a while. Was those La Vegas late two thousands, early aughts or whatever 410 00:25:52.039 --> 00:25:55.359 a teens days. Explain what that was like, because I try and tell 411 00:25:55.359 --> 00:25:59.759 people what that was like in that height of that nonsense before it all kind 412 00:25:59.799 --> 00:26:03.440 of shut down, the lines and the cash and the right back. I 413 00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:06.799 can tell you from the very beginning because I grew up from when I was 414 00:26:06.799 --> 00:26:08.000 five in New York City. I went to an all girls private school, 415 00:26:08.079 --> 00:26:14.680 Nightingale Bamford. The circle that I grew up in. My boyfriend, my 416 00:26:14.759 --> 00:26:17.599 very first kiss when I was twelve, was Jason Strauss. His best friend 417 00:26:17.640 --> 00:26:22.559 was Noah Tupperberg. They are the two guys their tao now but they opened 418 00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:26.039 up Marquis, But before that, they started at Sweet sixteen. And when 419 00:26:26.039 --> 00:26:30.359 I dated Jason when he was twelve, he had a box, a tin 420 00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:33.440 box in his bedroom filled with cash. And it was because he was a 421 00:26:33.480 --> 00:26:37.119 promoter and he did all these things. He was a young kid that promoted 422 00:26:37.160 --> 00:26:41.319 all these parties and got kids to come in, and he promoted for Sweet 423 00:26:41.359 --> 00:26:45.920 sixteen and he knew how to get people two places. So it started when 424 00:26:45.920 --> 00:26:48.960 we were young and it was a lot of cash. Then he went on 425 00:26:49.000 --> 00:26:53.079 to be a part of different nightclubs in New York and different things, and 426 00:26:53.119 --> 00:26:57.200 then I moved to Vegas because of him. He was opening Tao, and 427 00:26:57.440 --> 00:27:02.079 that was a completely different experience in the way that he was now a real 428 00:27:02.160 --> 00:27:06.839 part owner of something big in a hotel. I came there maybe a month 429 00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:10.079 before it officially opened, and he taught me. He's like, listen, 430 00:27:10.119 --> 00:27:14.240 the women here are either strippers or waitresses. I don't trust any of them. 431 00:27:14.240 --> 00:27:15.640 I was. I had just quit my job at Bloomberg News. He 432 00:27:15.759 --> 00:27:18.599 knew that I kind of got it, and I was his friend for, 433 00:27:18.759 --> 00:27:22.039 you know, years, since we were twelve, or actually we knew each 434 00:27:22.039 --> 00:27:25.839 other since we were like six or seven. So he's like, if you 435 00:27:25.920 --> 00:27:29.640 come here, I will give you a job and you can help me figure 436 00:27:29.640 --> 00:27:32.920 this out. So I did. I went there and I stayed. I 437 00:27:32.960 --> 00:27:36.359 became known as a first lady in a Vegas because we started dating again. 438 00:27:36.440 --> 00:27:41.680 But I was taught a level of customer service that actually now it doesn't even 439 00:27:41.759 --> 00:27:47.920 exist anymore because there's so much saturation of nightclubs. But at the time, 440 00:27:48.079 --> 00:27:52.519 we were taught in a manner that no one knows this anymore. You had 441 00:27:52.519 --> 00:27:55.400 to do outreach every day. You had to go touch everyone in the city, 442 00:27:55.480 --> 00:27:59.319 from the cab drivers to the concierge to let them know that Tao was 443 00:27:59.319 --> 00:28:02.160 opening or was open, and what the party was that week. You had 444 00:28:02.200 --> 00:28:06.240 to bring The waitresses would get fired if they didn't bring in a guest list 445 00:28:06.279 --> 00:28:10.200 of twenty five people. The hosts had to have ten things booked, tables 446 00:28:10.240 --> 00:28:14.519 booked. And it started pa. Yes, well, it started with because 447 00:28:14.599 --> 00:28:18.079 New York is much different than Vegas. Vegas is they'll take anyone depending on 448 00:28:18.119 --> 00:28:19.319 what the price is. New York, even if you get in there's another 449 00:28:19.400 --> 00:28:22.599 room, you're never getting In Vegas, you're energy. But New York was 450 00:28:22.599 --> 00:28:26.599 crazy because you had to I mean, I worked with a guy that made 451 00:28:26.680 --> 00:28:29.640 women stand on a scale to get in. I mean, that's how mean 452 00:28:29.680 --> 00:28:32.640 it was. They would be like, you're fucking ugly, what are you 453 00:28:32.680 --> 00:28:36.359 doing here? They were mean there. But that's not how it wasn't Vegas. 454 00:28:36.400 --> 00:28:37.759 You could look like anything and come in and they loved it. They 455 00:28:37.759 --> 00:28:41.880 love the money, they love the people, the amount of like people they 456 00:28:41.880 --> 00:28:45.240 could pack in. So we started at charging tables of five hundred dollars a 457 00:28:45.279 --> 00:28:49.720 table, and then when we really got into it, on those five five 458 00:28:49.799 --> 00:28:53.319 hundred dollars tables, the minimums were five thousand yeah, and we were making 459 00:28:53.640 --> 00:28:56.480 on New Year's they were making over a million. And I was the person 460 00:28:56.519 --> 00:29:02.519 who cultivated, cultivated the first real bottle service customer that was spending two hundred 461 00:29:02.519 --> 00:29:06.839 and fifty thousand, four hundred thousand a night, and that became somewhat of 462 00:29:06.880 --> 00:29:08.359 the norm. Yeah. But also we would teach, sorry, we would 463 00:29:08.400 --> 00:29:14.359 teach our staff to know everything about them. You had to know their wives, 464 00:29:14.440 --> 00:29:17.200 their mistresses, what they like to eat, what they you know, 465 00:29:17.240 --> 00:29:18.400 what they did, where they were from. And then you could they could 466 00:29:18.440 --> 00:29:22.319 not leave at the end of the night without writing a thank you note. 467 00:29:22.519 --> 00:29:25.680 So it was really done well. I mean it kind of changed back back 468 00:29:25.720 --> 00:29:27.279 in the day nineties, used to be able to go out with you know, 469 00:29:27.279 --> 00:29:30.119 a couple hundred bucks and do whatever. Yeah, the table, the 470 00:29:30.200 --> 00:29:33.359 access, the bottle service, the VIP, it changed everything. Yeah, 471 00:29:33.400 --> 00:29:37.559 we used to have to bring out another guy who so we had access to 472 00:29:38.400 --> 00:29:41.920 the girls and like, you want to come with us, you're buying, 473 00:29:41.480 --> 00:29:44.839 And he knew his role and he'd be like, Okay, I'm the guy 474 00:29:44.839 --> 00:29:47.400 with the black card. I will pay twenty thousand dollars and I get to 475 00:29:47.400 --> 00:29:49.279 hang out with you guys. And he was getting something at us and we 476 00:29:49.279 --> 00:29:52.759 were getting something out of him, and everybody's getting free drinks and that just 477 00:29:52.960 --> 00:29:55.759 it was like such a different world that people would be like, oh, 478 00:29:55.839 --> 00:29:56.720 let's go to Vegas. I heard of this place called, you know, 479 00:29:56.880 --> 00:30:02.759 Pure, and it's like, you're nowhere unless you are spending five figures right 480 00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:04.640 right? And when I rules changed, Yeah, And when I worked there, 481 00:30:04.720 --> 00:30:10.359 it was all cash. We were making almost ten thousand dollars in cash 482 00:30:10.400 --> 00:30:12.759 a week and they told us, do not put in more than ten thousand 483 00:30:12.799 --> 00:30:18.079 into your deposited whatever, because you will get flagged. So we put cash 484 00:30:18.160 --> 00:30:23.039 under our bed for years. And it was only when Stevd from Pure got 485 00:30:23.319 --> 00:30:26.799 I don't know if you had arrested or got to some trouble with the irs, 486 00:30:26.839 --> 00:30:30.440 that they started to tax everybody. That's what happened to Studio fifty four, 487 00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:33.599 the bags of cash in the ceiling like ultimately, but the amount of 488 00:30:33.640 --> 00:30:38.039 money that people were making with the clipboards on the lines in those clubs crazy. 489 00:30:38.319 --> 00:30:42.319 What are the appearance fees that people were getting to show up Kim in 490 00:30:42.599 --> 00:30:45.960 Paris and Lindsay and everybody got just to go sit in a booth for eight 491 00:30:45.960 --> 00:30:52.759 hours. It was insane with the publicity and the dollars that that would generate 492 00:30:52.880 --> 00:30:55.359 was worth it. Oh yeah, it was more than they were paying the 493 00:30:55.440 --> 00:30:57.640 DJs. Kim was getting two hundred thousand dollars to come sit and talk to 494 00:30:57.960 --> 00:31:00.880 a guy named Joelo, who now is I don't know if you know who 495 00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:03.880 that is from Malaysia that he was on the run and all the stuff. 496 00:31:03.880 --> 00:31:08.200 But you know, we were paying a lot of you know, sort of 497 00:31:08.440 --> 00:31:14.319 random celebrities at the time that we're just like in not social media but in 498 00:31:14.559 --> 00:31:18.519 entertainment or pop news right to come be with these people. So it was 499 00:31:18.559 --> 00:31:22.400 a very you know, very interesting. Now, how do you find is 500 00:31:22.480 --> 00:31:26.920 love on your mind in that situation, because it's it's such a chaotic thing. 501 00:31:26.440 --> 00:31:30.400 Getting a relationship there is sort of like you're taking yourself off the ride, 502 00:31:30.799 --> 00:31:37.720 and the ride is such an exhilarating period of money and cash and people 503 00:31:37.799 --> 00:31:40.359 and all that kind of stuff that it's like trying to have a relationship during 504 00:31:40.359 --> 00:31:44.160 that time is hard. Well, it's interesting you ask that because I used 505 00:31:44.200 --> 00:31:48.000 to say all the time, I am in a room where three thousand new 506 00:31:48.079 --> 00:31:52.839 people come in four times a week Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, 507 00:31:52.759 --> 00:32:00.279 and there's no one that I that rarely throws me off, you know what 508 00:32:00.359 --> 00:32:02.960 I mean. And I was dating Jason again. We had dated when we 509 00:32:02.960 --> 00:32:06.359 were younger. As they said, we decided to date again there. We 510 00:32:06.440 --> 00:32:08.920 ended up living together there, and to me that was great because I was 511 00:32:09.000 --> 00:32:13.599 dating the owner of the club, my boss whatever, and he I knew 512 00:32:13.680 --> 00:32:15.079 him, I felt close to him and bonded with him. I also was 513 00:32:15.160 --> 00:32:19.079 highly aware of the trouble you can get in Vegas, Like I could have 514 00:32:19.160 --> 00:32:22.920 dated anyone that came in every weekend, any celebrity that came in, but 515 00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:25.000 that, to me, would have been it would have taken me out of 516 00:32:25.039 --> 00:32:28.480 the game. I was so good at my job, so it was better 517 00:32:28.519 --> 00:32:31.039 for me to be in a relationship with someone there. But I did, 518 00:32:31.559 --> 00:32:36.799 like I did sort of have my eye out looking like could I meet anyone 519 00:32:36.839 --> 00:32:39.799 else and fall in love and have someone almost like save me from this and 520 00:32:39.839 --> 00:32:42.680 get me out of here, because I'm not going to live here forever. 521 00:32:42.920 --> 00:32:45.720 And I really didn't meet anyone like that. I mean, I met That's 522 00:32:45.759 --> 00:32:47.839 where I met Derek Jeter for the first time, but I didn't have any 523 00:32:47.880 --> 00:32:52.279 interest in dating him. We were just friends, and I also found that 524 00:32:52.599 --> 00:32:58.480 I became very someone everyone wanted to know there because I was the gatekeeper and 525 00:32:58.519 --> 00:33:01.759 I was like their buddy and their Yeah. So I knew everyone on a 526 00:33:01.880 --> 00:33:06.279 level where they trusted me. But if I ever crossed the line, that 527 00:33:06.319 --> 00:33:09.039 would have ruined it. But they wanted validation from knowing you in the way 528 00:33:09.039 --> 00:33:12.920 that you needed validation from knowing somebody else. It's it's kind of an icky 529 00:33:13.319 --> 00:33:15.200 circle of life there, but that's sort of true. Yeah, you know, 530 00:33:15.480 --> 00:33:20.920 and it's tough if you're dating somebody who runs one of those empires, 531 00:33:20.920 --> 00:33:22.480 for lack of a better term, just the amount of women that they have 532 00:33:22.559 --> 00:33:28.160 access to. That's why they always say Randy Gerbert was so successful in as 533 00:33:28.200 --> 00:33:30.559 a nightclub guy and he ultimately married Cindy Crawford whatever, because he didn't get 534 00:33:30.559 --> 00:33:32.680 caught up in the nonsense. He had the one and that was it. 535 00:33:32.880 --> 00:33:37.160 Yeah. Well, it's interesting. Women would come to the front of the 536 00:33:37.200 --> 00:33:39.319 club every night and be like, I'm here to see Jason, and I'd 537 00:33:39.319 --> 00:33:42.960 be like really, and my host would laugh with me. They'd be like, 538 00:33:43.039 --> 00:33:46.359 Rachel stop. But also men were coming to the club, most the 539 00:33:46.400 --> 00:33:50.400 most famous men to be like I'm here to see Rachel, and like, 540 00:33:50.440 --> 00:33:52.920 we just had to have a trust and he clearly was not going to do 541 00:33:52.960 --> 00:33:54.759 this under my nose while we were there, and we're literally when we were 542 00:33:54.759 --> 00:33:58.400 there, we were running a business like this was not us like trying to 543 00:33:58.400 --> 00:34:00.039 have sex. Yeah, I mean I had a rule that I had to 544 00:34:00.039 --> 00:34:05.200 go upstairs and party with everyone. The waitresses knew they had to put diet 545 00:34:05.200 --> 00:34:07.519 ginger ale in my champagne glass and they had to put water in my vodka 546 00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:12.840 glass. So illusion. Yeah, the illusion, and the whole thing was 547 00:34:12.840 --> 00:34:16.440 an illusion. Jason took his job seriously and definitely flirts because he knows because 548 00:34:16.440 --> 00:34:19.880 he knew he had to. I definitely did as well, but I also 549 00:34:19.960 --> 00:34:22.079 had very good boundaries. Yeah. Yeah, it's part of the show. 550 00:34:22.760 --> 00:34:25.000 All Right, I'm gonna let you plug your podcast in a minute, but 551 00:34:25.039 --> 00:34:29.159 before we do, this is your first time on this podcast. We play 552 00:34:29.239 --> 00:34:32.719 something called worst date or first date, So you have to have to either 553 00:34:32.719 --> 00:34:37.039 give us the absolute worst date you've ever gone on or the absolute greatest first 554 00:34:37.119 --> 00:34:42.039 date you've ever gone on, your choice. Oh, I wish you prepared 555 00:34:42.079 --> 00:34:46.840 me for this before end. Okay, So I met Jim Norton on Bumball. 556 00:34:46.920 --> 00:34:52.480 Do you know him, the comedian? Yeah, And before I got 557 00:34:52.480 --> 00:34:55.559 together with him, he said that something was wrong with his elbow and so 558 00:34:55.760 --> 00:35:00.119 he had become vegan or vegetarian, I don't know, wasn't eating certain foods 559 00:35:00.159 --> 00:35:02.920 because he couldn't work out, so he was trying to slim down. This 560 00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:07.280 is what we were talking about on text before he met up. And then 561 00:35:07.800 --> 00:35:09.800 also I had I owned a store at the time, so we were talking 562 00:35:09.840 --> 00:35:14.840 about clothing or whatever, and he said, oh, he asked me about 563 00:35:14.840 --> 00:35:16.679 my feet, like if I was walking around in heels. I didn't think 564 00:35:16.719 --> 00:35:20.199 anything of it. He's like, well, how are your feet? Send 565 00:35:20.239 --> 00:35:22.199 me a picture of your feet, So I did. I didn't think anything 566 00:35:22.239 --> 00:35:24.519 of it. So anyways, I meet up with him at this like vegan 567 00:35:24.599 --> 00:35:28.719 restaurant, which, by the way, even on my bumble now it's like 568 00:35:28.760 --> 00:35:32.000 I won't date Trumpers or vegans, like it's super annoymous today. So we 569 00:35:32.039 --> 00:35:36.440 go to this vegan restaurant. We're eating all this disgusting stuff, but I'm 570 00:35:36.440 --> 00:35:38.400 pretending I like it. And I finally and I realize as we get through 571 00:35:38.400 --> 00:35:42.440 this, he has a foot fetish. Now I don't know if you know 572 00:35:42.519 --> 00:35:45.159 this about Jim Norton, because I think it's kind of out there now. 573 00:35:45.760 --> 00:35:47.440 He has a major foot fetish, so like during dinner, he's like, 574 00:35:47.440 --> 00:35:51.880 like a Quentin Tarantino, can't I see your feet? You know? Do 575 00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:54.280 you let people lick your toes? And I'm like, We're at a vegan 576 00:35:54.360 --> 00:35:58.360 restaurant talking about feet. It was so uncomfortable. But he's so nice and 577 00:35:58.400 --> 00:36:00.760 so funny. I really like it. But I knew the date was going 578 00:36:00.800 --> 00:36:02.880 nowhere because, as I told you earlier, I can spot with him the 579 00:36:02.920 --> 00:36:07.199 first five minutes if I'm going to date this person. So here's where it 580 00:36:07.239 --> 00:36:08.960 gets really embarrassing. I kind of wanted to get out of there and leave. 581 00:36:09.800 --> 00:36:13.360 My store at the time was like a block away, and I was 582 00:36:13.440 --> 00:36:16.360 riding my bike to the store every day. It was like five blocks away, 583 00:36:16.400 --> 00:36:20.159 and it was the middle of summer. So I'm like listen, oh 584 00:36:20.199 --> 00:36:22.239 and I had and I had heels on, so I'm like listen. He's 585 00:36:22.239 --> 00:36:24.199 like, can I drive you home or get put you in a cab and 586 00:36:24.239 --> 00:36:28.280 take you home? Like, actually, I rode my bike. I'll you 587 00:36:28.320 --> 00:36:30.239 know, I'll just walk over there. He's like, well, I'll walk 588 00:36:30.280 --> 00:36:34.199 you to your bike. So we go to the bike and we're standing from 589 00:36:34.199 --> 00:36:36.679 the bike kind of waiting to say goodbye. I'm like, this is my 590 00:36:36.719 --> 00:36:38.639 store, blah blah blah. He's like, okay, so where's your bike. 591 00:36:38.679 --> 00:36:42.119 I'm like, it's right here. He thought I met a motorcycle. 592 00:36:42.559 --> 00:36:45.480 Meanwhile, it was a bicycle with a baby seat on the back because my 593 00:36:45.559 --> 00:36:49.840 daughter was like three or something, and I had to take my heels off 594 00:36:49.880 --> 00:36:53.440 and put flip flops on. And then he's like, this is the greatest 595 00:36:53.679 --> 00:36:59.400 date I've ever had. This is so random. And then like the Wizard 596 00:36:59.400 --> 00:37:04.079 of Oz, I had to bike away from him with the baby seat behind 597 00:37:04.119 --> 00:37:06.880 me. He's like, no, I'm watching you bike off because this is 598 00:37:06.920 --> 00:37:09.119 just too hilarious. And we never spoke again. He never called me, 599 00:37:09.199 --> 00:37:12.679 so at that point I was like, wait, I want him to love 600 00:37:12.719 --> 00:37:15.559 me because I feel like such a loser, so he has to call me. 601 00:37:15.599 --> 00:37:19.880 I felt so unsexy taking off my heels getting on this stupid bike when 602 00:37:19.920 --> 00:37:22.800 he thought I was that cool that I had a motorcycle, So that was 603 00:37:22.840 --> 00:37:27.840 a pretty death Well how are your feet? My feet looked fantastic. I 604 00:37:27.920 --> 00:37:30.360 used to know this guy who had a foot fetish, and he subscribed to 605 00:37:30.400 --> 00:37:34.400 this magazine called Well Healed, and he was like, he would go up 606 00:37:34.400 --> 00:37:36.519 to random people and it's like, what is those like an eight and a 607 00:37:36.559 --> 00:37:39.719 half? Like it was so weird. But part of me, some of 608 00:37:39.719 --> 00:37:44.679 these fetish people that I've met, they're into that more than I'm into anything, 609 00:37:44.840 --> 00:37:46.639 and part of me's jealous, like they have what they love and they're 610 00:37:46.800 --> 00:37:50.199 passionate about it. So maybe we're the weird. Yeah, I don't know. 611 00:37:50.519 --> 00:37:52.320 All right, tell everybody about your podcast and where to find you please. 612 00:37:52.519 --> 00:37:58.559 It is called Misunderstood amiss Understood with Rachel you could tell you can find 613 00:37:58.599 --> 00:38:00.719 it on Apple, Spotify and where you get your podcasts. I would love 614 00:38:00.760 --> 00:38:06.119 for you guys to tune in and listen. This was good. Thank you 615 00:38:06.960 --> 00:38:09.000 as far as us, not just Misunderstood, but this podcast too. Please 616 00:38:09.039 --> 00:38:13.119 like, share, follow, and review this podcast. You're reviews me a 617 00:38:13.119 --> 00:38:15.599 lot in the podcasting ecosystem. Shoot us an email, Great Love Debate at 618 00:38:15.599 --> 00:38:20.599 gmail, gmail dot com. If you have questions thoughts for me Rachel, 619 00:38:20.760 --> 00:38:22.239 or you want to send us a picture of your feet, have at it. 620 00:38:23.239 --> 00:38:28.320 The aforementioned live tour schedule. The tenth season of the Great Love Debate 621 00:38:28.360 --> 00:38:30.639 World Tour. I don't know what's on there, but by the time this 622 00:38:30.719 --> 00:38:34.239 drops will be some on sale. Go check that out because, as always 623 00:38:34.679 --> 00:38:37.840 at the Great Love Debate, we never stop making love. See you next 624 00:38:37.880 --> 00:38:46.800 time, Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love 625 00:38:46.880 --> 00:38:50.679 Debate. It's a Great Love Debate.