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Today's episode is sponsored by Honey dot
Com slash Softcore the Easy way to save

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one shopping on your iPhone or computer. That's Honey dot Com slash Softcore.

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Welcome to Softcore History. What is
up? Welcome to Softcore History. I

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am your host for the week,
Rob Fox. I am joined as always

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by Jake Goldman and Dan Rochester.
Hey, hi you guys soon today?

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Good? Why are you talking like
that? I don't know, just trying

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to be friendly. That's cool,
that's cool, just like hello, I

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like it. Let's guess. Okay, what kind of ruses thisything for you?

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It'd be nice. Yeah, today's
today. I tell you, what's

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your play? I want to make
you the godfather of my second child,

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not Rory, not the first one. Well, that's your mortal one.

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He's got a godfather? Yeah,
but can I like challenge him for that

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title? I don't think that's all. I think you'd lose, be honest,

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do you think I'll lose? Yeah? Who is in a fight?

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Then? Yeah? Yeah he could. He could give you a good fight.

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He was an he was a bouncer
in Chicago. M hmm, what's

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his ground game? Like? What's
his ground game like? Yeah, I

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don't know. He's stronger than you
switchblade. I don't think he's six five

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easily got you on weight. Was
it the wedding? Yeah, he's my

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best man. I got him big
trees fall hard man. All right,

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sure? Why not? Uh?
Today we have a topic. Do you

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have a name, by the way
for the second child? Yet? We

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do, but I'm not saying it
right. You don't want to say it

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a loud Yeah. I don't want
to say tell me all fair? No?

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No, can I be the godfather? Is that it? Well?

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If you you we have a couple
of people we have to fight against.

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But we'll get into that later.
Is that a Is that a thing?

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Not saying the name? Well,
we don't want to say it because people

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will be like, oh that are
like oh if they take it, yeah,

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I haven't dog named that or whatever
the fuck? Oh yeah it's Wheeler,

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isn't it. Yea, it's Wheeler. Yeah. Actually, if you

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told us right now, I would
get another dog. Yeah, it's and

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to name it that, it's actually
Chase Wheeler Fox. It's a good middle

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name too. I'll take it.
Yeah, you get this is your middle

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name? Um. Before we get
started, was getting into the topic too

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quickly before we get started. A
thank you for listening. B. We

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have a Patreon Patreon dot com slash
softcore history where you get a ton of

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00:02:23,039 --> 00:02:27,400
bonus content, first and foremost an
extra episode every week. Secondly, I

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do a daily blog Monday through Friday. I just you know, the news

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blogs you read, normal modern news, whatever funny thing happened, or political

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thing happened. Whatever. I do
that, except it's pulled from newspapers of

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the past. Today for example,
Uh, we had or I did an

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article on I guess some courts rule
that flirting could no longer be grounds for

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divorce. Really, yeah, interesting
it was. That's funny that it was

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round breaking case the bar a little
bit higher. Yeah, Like so it's

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like, what like a guy'll be
like, oh hey there, yeah,

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divorce shit, Yeah, she got
a little too friendly with that chapa with

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that divorce was Oh, but women
couldn't divorce the guy for it. They

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could go either way. Some day
labor whistles. I'll probably usually the guy.

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Yeah, he's like you, you
were too friendly with him. I

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want to divorce you. And this
has nothing to do with me having sex

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with that sixteen year old mate of
Oz nothing at all. I'm not running

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away with her, leaving the children
with you. You just flat too much.

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You're flat, You've let you're dead. You flat. Uh yeah,

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Patreon dot com, slash software,
he's here a lot of great ship.

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Five dollars a month and really it
should be more. It should be,

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but it never will be. It
will only be five only every five dollars

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a month. And we do our
Christmas raffle, of course, which is

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if you sign it your last month
to sign up. It ends December first,

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sign up wise, and then we
draw at the end of the month

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of December, and you get fifty
percent of our earnings in December, which

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you'll see whatever the number is,
Janner, and you don't tell the I

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r US about it, wink.
Yeah, no, it's it's a marketing

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expense which could have we had to
write off for us. Yeah, yeah,

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figure it out, Jake, I'm
sure. Yeah, makembers work.

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Yeah, thanks, guys, do
the say it, do the thing,

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say it, do the j thing, the Jake Ding. Yeah, the

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Jake thing, Jake Ding. I
don't want to use the J word,

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but Jake, but Jake, yeah, fuck you, fuck you guys.

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We also would appreciate it if you
rate our show a five star and leave

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a review that has actually been meaning
to say something. You guys have kind

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of been slacking with that. A
lot of reviews lately leave us some reviews

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plea need to get up over a
thousand. You can say whatever you want

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about us any terrible stars, five
stars. Yeah, someone railed me about

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the Gettysburg ding. I don't want
to go in October. I know October

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is spooky month, but probably closer
to the date of the battle is would

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be the better ghost. What is
the date again, July? For a

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second of time, it's gonna be
so fucking hot. Yeah, I just

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fuck during the battle. Was actually
at the Lincoln Memorial on Saturday, saw

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the whole speech first time. First
time seeing the speech, I mean,

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yeah, yeah, reading the entire
thing actually kind of kind of skim through

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it. Yeah. It was too
long. It very It's like one of

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the shortest speeches in history. Yeah, but on a wall. It was

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so short that they didn't get a
picture of them because they thought it was

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going to be like an hour and
it was like fucking five minutes. I

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like the Jefferson Memorial. Most Lincoln's
really good. Actually top tier. What

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I think is real dope is Grant's
tomb. Where's that in DC? On

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it's off them all? I think
near them all. I don't know the

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Grants tombs go. And then I
thought the Washington Memorial or Monument wasn't like

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super cool until you're like the closure
you get to it, the more impressive

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it gets. Yeah, yeah,
it's and it's like weirdly like you're when

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you're at the Washington Monument, you
can see straight into the backyard of the

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White House. Yeah, it's weird. Actually, did you get a chance

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to go to Arlington Cemetery? Now? Oh, the cemetery is sick.

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Actually, yeah, we did stay
in the cemetery. You stay there,

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I mean we're cutting costs here,
so camped out. Yeah. The Two

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of the Unknown Soldier is a really
cool thing to get to go see if

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you ever get a chance to AKA
if you listen to this podcast, you

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probably know this because you like history
a little bit. But that is Roberty

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Lee's old plantation. Oh really,
I didn't know that. I'd probably learned

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that and forgot. Yeah. Yeah, so, uh, the Union like

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quartermaster or whatever, like the main
one. His son died in battle and

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Lee's plantation was like, you know, right next to DC or whatever,

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and it had already been seized,
you know what I mean, Like it

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had already been conquered whatever you want
to call it. And so he was

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like, you want to kill my
son, all right, fuck you,

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and he just started burying bodies on
the property. Damn. Yeah. And

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now it's a cemetery. And they
never gave it. Actually. I think

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the Lees sued after the war and
that got it back, but then donated

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it back to the government after Lee's
son died or something like. I will

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say though, that straight shot from
cam Memorial to the Capitol, it's a

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very pleasant walk. Oh the mall, dude, Yeah, it's so nice.

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But me and Georgio were cracking down. I think there's some type of

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like ice cream mafia in DC.
What Like, everywhere you go there's at

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least thirteen ice creams high were you
by the way, I wasn't high at

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all. No, I haven't spoke
to me in a long time. Just

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Georgio. Georgio every day yet,
right, But literally, no matter where

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you go at all times, there's
like thirteen or fourteen ice cream chucks.

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Really there's too much ice cream in
d They're all just CIA fronts. Actually

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they had to be. We were
thinking they're like surveillance. Probably it's all

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CIA fronts. And I got an
ice cream cone from a man by the

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name of a Mere dream Cream.
Did he change his name or that?

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I only know that because he had
cash app, had a cash app.

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It was a mere first name.
He didn't take card. It was just

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cash app. It was ten bucks
for a fucking cone. Then, yeah,

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everything's expensive in DC's expensive. Everything
else wasn't that bad, but the

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ice cream cone ten bucks, it's
a CIA front easily, you just funded

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a que and like an ester in
Africa. Yeah, yeah, I just

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you know, replaced dictate. Especially
all those ice cream trucks are like training

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for how they like can just spy
on random people. Like it makes sense

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if there's three or four, because
you know, there's a lot of school

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trips in DC. But literally I
count I counted on one block there was

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fourteen. That's crazy and an absurd
amount of ice and they all sell the

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same shit. Yes, that's that's
that's CIA. Maybe FBI as well,

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competing in NSA. Why not?
Well, yeah, because like they never

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they never communicate. Well, so
it's just you just had a big cone

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of microchips. You just ate,
like so many microchips? Did you got

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microchips all up in you? They're
listening to us right now, Well someone

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is, well leave a five star
review. You're gonna listen to us out

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of Dan's asshole. Listen to the
eighteen different people monitoring Dan right now.

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If you could give us a like
and to subscribe, that'd be great.

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Really cool town though, great food, great boost, great bar scene,

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yeah, great people, great architecture, great everything. Love it. Uh,

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but let's get into this week's topic
because we have a lot to cover.

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I couldn't help myself. I have
ten pages of notes here. Jesus.

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Yeah, um, it's for a
good reason, me and Jake and

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leave then right, yeah, eventually
it's fine. Today we are talking about

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a little pocketbook, and that little
pocketbook is called Harris's List of Covent Garden

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Ladies. What, oh like an
actual book poet? Yeah, it's like

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a witch book. Uh no,
Uh, it was a handy little pocketbook

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published between seventeen fifties. I don't
like the word pocketbook and said, well

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that's what it was. The book
that goes in your pocket, Dan,

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No, I get that. Why
don't you like it? Because that's not

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what like the term pocket book.
I just think of somebody's like coin back.

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Well, no, that's not what
it means anymore, or that's not

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00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,480
what I meant back then, like
a handy book of reference for your pocket

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00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:07,480
four cell phones? Yeah, pa
book, I guess I don't know.

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00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:13,519
Um. It was a pocket book
sorry, published between seventeen fifty seven and

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seventeen ninety one. And what it
did was it gave a quick review or

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00:10:18,759 --> 00:10:24,120
overview, whatever you want to call
it, just a quick rundown of London's

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00:10:24,159 --> 00:10:28,440
best known midpriced prostitutes. Okay,
Oh, it was a review system.

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00:10:28,519 --> 00:10:31,559
It was like a back page.
It was like zagat, zagat. How

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00:10:31,639 --> 00:10:37,159
do you say it? Um,
zanga zag it zag it? Yeah,

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00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:41,360
what do you mean? Zag it? It's like a restaurant review Michelin,

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like a little Michelin book. I
even like Zaga, like the block Zaga

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00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:50,480
is a food restaurant, like yeah
or Lulu remember that? I was Yeah,

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00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:54,519
wait was that the one where rated
you? Yeah? You couldn't access

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00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:58,240
it as a guy, but you
could see through your friends. Yeah,

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00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:05,120
raak guys in college trash actually a
good rating as well. Yeah well yeah,

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but like sometimes you upset Lenin No, I never did, always pleased.

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I always got the wondering eye.
Yeah. And by this is that

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basically this is Lulu, but it
is curated. It's more of a like,

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00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:20,200
it's a more trusted source. Yeah
yeah, yeah, this isn't like

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crowdsourced. There's a curated list from
experts, and by expert it's one guy

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probably. Oh my god, can
you imagine if Lulu was the other way

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around? In college people lost their
fucking mind then, but now for sure,

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00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:39,639
Yeah yeah it still plays now things
for people forget that. Things really

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00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:45,200
started to get wild about twenty fourteen, twenty fifteen, that is when things

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00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,679
really started to get like college gampus
started to go Banana. I can't all

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00:11:48,759 --> 00:11:54,879
right, I can't do this.
We're moving on. Uh, just go

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00:11:54,960 --> 00:12:00,360
game. Another incident that like goes
boys, I'm not I'm not going to

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do that. That was the inside
and it was not a moment. It

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00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:09,240
was not but not defending that here. It was missoo, oh my god.

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00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:15,080
Whatever the downfall society in America happened
in Columbia, Missouri. That's why

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00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,440
you get the raging liberal lady meme
from Melissa Click. Let's click who I

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00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:22,000
had? I had a class?
How was she with as a teacher?

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00:12:22,039 --> 00:12:26,039
It's awful? Fucking hate her?
She can't I I by far had the

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00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:33,000
worst teacher of all of us,
worst professor. Who'd you have famous?

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00:12:33,039 --> 00:12:35,480
The one that was a pedophile?
You know who's the head of the film

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00:12:35,519 --> 00:12:39,799
department. He got pop for child
pornography. So yeah, yeah, we

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00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:43,480
can't meme that this is a normal
old man getting popped for child porn.

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M He almost almost didn't graduate college
because of him. He gave me a

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00:12:46,279 --> 00:12:50,159
D on the paper I needed to
see in the class. Wow, the

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00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:56,000
entire class was dictated on that paper. And to think he was just funny.

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He was probably a point that it
was a good paper too. That's

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I don't write for a liman or
didn't write for a living. Yeah,

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maybe it wasn't what he's saying.
It wasn't good paper because he fucked kids.

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00:13:05,759 --> 00:13:09,039
Has nothing to do with him.
Fucking kids are loving like he just

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00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,679
disag him. Liking naked kids had
nothing to do with the quality of your

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00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:16,600
pay. He just disagreed with my
opinion. It's not a reason to fail

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00:13:16,639 --> 00:13:18,519
someone. And he almost failed me
out of school. We're not failed by

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00:13:18,519 --> 00:13:20,519
it almost didn't. That is not
a reason to fail someone. That's why

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I loved all my creative writing classes
is that you can't really fault someone for

204
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,360
anything other than not turning in the
work. I'm sorry. Political science is

205
00:13:28,399 --> 00:13:33,759
even better because then you have a
fucking civil suit. It's like, what

206
00:13:33,759 --> 00:13:37,039
do you think? I can't believe
what I believe, folks, won't you?

207
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:41,519
Man? So the pocket Book that
was a guide to London's best known

208
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:48,519
mid price prostitutes between seventeen fifty seven. Some mid prosties, some mid prosties.

209
00:13:48,799 --> 00:13:52,000
So it's like the middle classman's hooker. Right, These aren't high end

210
00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:56,440
hookers. These are but not bottom
of the barrel. No no, these

211
00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,840
are every man every man. No. Helen Sligerman's in this book. No

212
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:03,200
no, no, no, Allen's
Oh D gave them my guy, Harris

213
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:09,120
Boggy will go he went tell you
um. Even the low effort is still

214
00:14:09,279 --> 00:14:15,759
much appreciated. Ellen Slickerman is my
favorite thing from Spare Bedroom. It was

215
00:14:15,799 --> 00:14:18,879
the first sketch, was it.
It's one of my favorites, all right?

216
00:14:18,159 --> 00:14:22,320
I think? Yeah? It was
in might. So it was started

217
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:26,399
by Samuel Derek he uh. His
credit was starting the book after his death

218
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:30,360
in seventeen sixty nine. The authors
are unknown, though it was authored under

219
00:14:30,399 --> 00:14:35,519
the pseudonym every Year by a quote
h Ranger from the late seventeen eighties.

220
00:14:35,159 --> 00:14:41,120
Er. Yeah, probably like horny
police ranger. Either one. Well,

221
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:45,679
that's more like ranger back then,
means more like explorer. You know what

222
00:14:45,679 --> 00:14:48,159
I mean. No, you take
the law on your own hands. Whatever.

223
00:14:48,399 --> 00:14:52,159
Yeah, they're ranging through a Texas
ranger and Dick's the gun horny ranger.

224
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:56,200
We'll get into those euphemisms. Oh
man, I bet they're great.

225
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:03,120
It abounds from the late seventeen eighties
on. We know it was printed by

226
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:07,840
three men, John and James Roach
and John Aitken. Now this was not

227
00:15:07,879 --> 00:15:13,000
the first book published about the locations, acts, prices and quality of London

228
00:15:13,159 --> 00:15:18,039
prostitutes. Between sixteen sixty and sixteen
sixty one, a book called The Wandering

229
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:24,879
Whore ran for five issues. It's
just like a real Betamax vhs. Huh

230
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:33,039
yeah, I guess yeah. Everything's
got competition. Sisterhood of the Traveling Underpants

231
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:39,200
In sixteen ninety one, another book, a Catalog of jilts, cracks and

232
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:43,159
prostitutes, night walkers, whores,
she friends, kind women, and other

233
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:50,759
of the linting linen lifting tribe was
printed. This catalogs the physical attributes of

234
00:15:50,799 --> 00:15:56,159
twenty one women who could be found
around town. One described was Mary Holland.

235
00:15:56,440 --> 00:16:00,799
She was apparently tall, graceful,
and comely, shy of her favors,

236
00:16:00,879 --> 00:16:06,679
but could be mullified at a cost
of twenty pounds, which twenty pounds

237
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,039
and is not twenty pounds now,
so I don't really understand that. Her

238
00:16:08,039 --> 00:16:14,440
sister Elizabeth was less expensive, being
indifferent to money, but a supper and

239
00:16:14,559 --> 00:16:18,480
two guineas will tempt her, so
she was less attractive and less expensive.

240
00:16:18,879 --> 00:16:22,039
A supper and two checks out,
though, wait, dinner and two Italians

241
00:16:22,039 --> 00:16:26,200
will get her? Is that what
that means? Give her two Italian slaves

242
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:32,320
and no no guineas is like a
fucking nicol or something. Okay, rightly,

243
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:33,879
I really didn't know what that meant, yeah, or just actual guinea

244
00:16:33,919 --> 00:16:41,399
pigs. She loves pets pretty much. It's awful, but the police smells

245
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:45,799
like straw. I one time me
and Courtney visit in New York and we

246
00:16:45,919 --> 00:16:49,559
visited one of our friends from high
school, nice people adult. I don't

247
00:16:49,559 --> 00:16:52,080
want to talk, Yes, I
don't want to talk to shit on them

248
00:16:52,159 --> 00:16:55,320
or anything. But we went we
went into their Upper east Side apartment.

249
00:16:55,440 --> 00:17:00,279
That was like, they have a
rabbit, a guinea pig, three guinea

250
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:04,680
pigs. Oh, that's too many, and and they had a whole habitat

251
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:10,680
and they lived in a four hundred
square foot apartment. Man, the habitat

252
00:17:10,759 --> 00:17:12,720
was basically in their kitchen. It
probably didn't smell good, you know,

253
00:17:12,759 --> 00:17:15,640
they did a good job of dealing
with the smell. But it was mostly

254
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:21,519
just like was it the sounds that
were bad? No, it was just

255
00:17:21,559 --> 00:17:26,319
like, how you're wasting space you
don't even have. Yeah, it was

256
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:30,240
well at that point, you can't
really have a dog, you Oh,

257
00:17:30,319 --> 00:17:36,359
dog would have been less. Space
takes the space of the dog. The

258
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:40,519
dog moves, the dog can relocate
wherever you aren't. Yeah, just keep

259
00:17:40,599 --> 00:17:44,240
the guinea pig out. You get
some dead guinea pigs, yeah, yeah,

260
00:17:44,599 --> 00:17:48,839
get a ferret um No, I
mean, if you get any ferrets.

261
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,839
Do smell bad if you get if
you get these rodents, if you're

262
00:17:51,839 --> 00:17:55,359
a rodent person, I'm not saying
you're as bad as a bird person,

263
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:59,240
but you're like on part I I
said I had. I said I had

264
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,640
a fairt and culture. What I
should clarify is I took care of someone's

265
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,559
ferret in college for a year.
Let's see, he couldn't have it in

266
00:18:04,599 --> 00:18:07,319
his apartment. And we liked the
ferret because it was a nice, funny

267
00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:11,200
little guy, and we kept it
in our room and that room smelled like

268
00:18:12,079 --> 00:18:17,359
ferret shit and piss smell so fucking
bad. I'm sorry. We had a

269
00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:21,759
sugar glider in our house because Joe
had one. Those things seem awesome.

270
00:18:22,079 --> 00:18:26,279
They're really cool, actually, but
they get lonely, they get very sad.

271
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:30,720
Did you say it would just like
cry it it kind of died of

272
00:18:30,799 --> 00:18:34,160
loneliness. No, you're supposed to
get him with a friend, so keep

273
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,680
each other company. I thought you
were gonna say it got sad and lonely,

274
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:41,160
so I started jerking off. No, No, it like Joe went

275
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,319
on vacation for a little bit when
were taking care of it, and it

276
00:18:42,319 --> 00:18:47,519
got like it made itself sick heartbreak. Yeah, it's a really sad story.

277
00:18:47,559 --> 00:18:49,480
But the thing that I didn't like
was it an eternal so like I

278
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,200
I'd sleep on the couch a lot, like pass out watching a movie and

279
00:18:52,319 --> 00:18:56,039
like middian Knight, I just hear
like fight out. I'm laying on my

280
00:18:56,119 --> 00:19:00,640
face. Yeah, like god damn
it, w what are you doing?

281
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,400
And like pick him up and put
him somewhere else. He lived in my

282
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:07,359
golf bag because that was his favorite
place. Like I'd go to go golfing,

283
00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:11,920
I pick up the bag. It
would just start going, like Jesus

284
00:19:11,799 --> 00:19:15,000
Rist, It's like living with a
cartoon. It was very deeply irresponsible for

285
00:19:15,079 --> 00:19:18,319
college. He had to buy a
sugar You're gonna kill that animal. We

286
00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:21,680
had a sugar layer in our house
too. You know what happened to it?

287
00:19:21,839 --> 00:19:25,920
You know how that met its end? Moved it into his house,

288
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,839
like after he moved out of the
fraternity, he lived in the Fratorney house

289
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,759
and moved into another house after he
moved out of the Turney house, like

290
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:36,839
just because you know, yeah,
and um, they all got drunk one

291
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:41,119
night. I don't like this story, and um they're like, let's tossing

292
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:45,640
and djorn No oh no, it
was the sugar gladder in the oven.

293
00:19:45,759 --> 00:19:49,599
Ye oh no, that's so sad. Dude, you cooked did it?

294
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:53,759
Did they at least eat it?
No? That's so fucked up, man,

295
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:57,759
Yeah, that's so irresponsible. I
know they just pre eated the oven.

296
00:19:57,839 --> 00:20:03,079
Huh the sugarlider can check for a
sugar glider. We have a small

297
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:07,160
animal that hides in small spaces.
Yeah, you're back to chat how to

298
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,200
get in the oven? They get
places, dude, I don't know.

299
00:20:10,519 --> 00:20:12,079
Yeah. So it wasn't like in
the main of an area, but it

300
00:20:12,079 --> 00:20:15,480
had wedge itself into a place where
it was cooked. Yeah. Yeah,

301
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,200
not great. But back to the
point, you want to be a bird

302
00:20:18,279 --> 00:20:22,079
guy like, yeah, also,
where are you supposed to keep a sugar

303
00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:26,440
glider? Like, who's supposed to
have keep a birdcage? Basically do keep

304
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,319
it in a birdcage? Yeah?
Yeah, man, it was depressed.

305
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:33,079
It was free range in our home. But you want to clip a bird's

306
00:20:33,079 --> 00:20:36,279
wings and just keep it in a
cage? Uh? Yes, for my

307
00:20:36,279 --> 00:20:40,960
own pleasure. Um. But yeah, so the thing got the book got

308
00:20:41,039 --> 00:20:44,440
ended. In seventeen ninety five.
The guy's got kind of sued. Uh.

309
00:20:44,559 --> 00:20:48,200
One did a year in jail.
The judge said, um, it

310
00:20:48,279 --> 00:20:52,200
was a most indecent and immoral publication
and you got to jail for this,

311
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:56,319
said roaches. Crime was an offense
of greater enormity that could hardly be committed.

312
00:20:56,359 --> 00:21:00,759
Yeah, it's fucking seventeen nineties at
that point. I mean, morality

313
00:21:00,799 --> 00:21:03,440
is a big deal. Kind of
some places kind of pick and choose where.

314
00:21:04,799 --> 00:21:08,839
So there was a turn. The
society was fine, fine ish with

315
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:14,240
prostitution in London basically throughout the publication
of this book, but by the end

316
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,359
of it there was kind of a
just so sort of social turn on it.

317
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:19,920
Here it got a little puritanical.
I guess you could say, true

318
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,960
someone most powerful woman in the world, like especially throughout history. I've been

319
00:21:26,039 --> 00:21:30,319
prostitutes, so that's fine, that's
fine, but just Madams started to be

320
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:37,960
dicks about it. But look,
I'm not here to talk about nerds shit,

321
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:41,160
No, all right, I'm not
here to be like, oh,

322
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:44,799
how when did this book start getting
published? Did they use a printing press?

323
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,200
What's a hack writer? All that
type of stuff? DDE fuck that.

324
00:21:48,279 --> 00:21:51,680
I want to know who had the
most bomb ass pussy. We're going

325
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:56,640
to read prostitute reviews, okay from
the seventeen eighties. So I found a

326
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,279
copy of this from seventeen eighty eight
online, fantastic, and we're just gonna

327
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:07,680
start reading hooker reviews. Names they
did they hookers written? So oh they

328
00:22:07,759 --> 00:22:11,559
doxed the hookers. They gave their
addresses. Oh god, well, how

329
00:22:11,559 --> 00:22:15,400
else are you gonna find them?
Fair? Right? But what's funny is

330
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:19,000
they leave out part of their name. So like on the first one,

331
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:26,359
miss l is miss l possibly miss
Lancaster, they printed as miss ell dash

332
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,920
st dash r, So they leave
out a couple of litters, they leave

333
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:33,599
out the vowels. Basically, yeah, like more or less the play wheel

334
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:37,720
fortune. Anybody could be Miss Lester. I don't know, but it's not

335
00:22:37,839 --> 00:22:45,759
hard to guess address. The addresses
were there. Yeah, so let's just

336
00:22:45,799 --> 00:22:49,000
get into it. And by the
way I went down, they were about

337
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:53,079
one hundred and ninety entries in this
book. I picked out the best ones

338
00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:56,079
that I could find. I read
through them. I read a lot of

339
00:22:56,079 --> 00:22:59,799
prosty reviews, right as one does. That's research, man, you could

340
00:22:59,799 --> 00:23:02,680
pick to do that. Now let's
go kinda. I don't KNOCKU pay to

341
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:07,000
do it. And now time machine. You now have a little if you

342
00:23:07,039 --> 00:23:11,680
want to go back to London,
Rob gets approached by a time traveling bandit

343
00:23:11,759 --> 00:23:15,039
that's like you can bring one thing
with you or I was like, all

344
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:17,960
right, I got the book.
Let's go, miss Lanisterre. Yeah.

345
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:21,759
Look I I didn't not start to
get curious about some of these women,

346
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,079
to be quite honest, I mean
some of them could have been your dream

347
00:23:25,079 --> 00:23:26,799
girl. Let's go. You don't
get in like another time, another dimension.

348
00:23:26,839 --> 00:23:32,359
Let's bread these horror reviews, this
whore, the wandering one that got

349
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:37,880
away. You know, this book
isn't like listed in order, you know

350
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:41,400
what I mean, best to worst. It's not like rings. But they

351
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:45,480
did lead off with the goat.
Oh so, yeah, they did lead

352
00:23:45,519 --> 00:23:51,039
off with the number one, the
Gretzky. Yeah. Essentially, she got

353
00:23:51,039 --> 00:23:53,160
the top spot, she got above
the fold, she got this is the

354
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:57,039
one you want to find number one
in the book. Like I said,

355
00:23:57,119 --> 00:24:02,839
I call her Miss Lancaster. Could
be missed. I don't know such I'm

356
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:07,960
reading from the book now. Such
are all pleasing. Landcaster leads the train

357
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:15,640
and, smiling like the morn,
unfolds her heaven of beauties. Now arrived

358
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:19,599
at the tempting age of nineteen,
Her imagination is filled with every luscious idea,

359
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:26,160
refined sensibility, and fierce desire can
unite. Her form is majetstick,

360
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:30,960
tall and elegant. She's pretty okay, so what's so pretty about her?

361
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:40,359
Her pouting lips distill nectarious balm,
and through the flame it's thrilling. Transports

362
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:45,200
dart, which, when parted,
display a casket of snow white pearls ranged

363
00:24:45,319 --> 00:24:49,160
in the nicest regularity. She got
a good teeth. She has a nice

364
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:52,960
smile, staying a lot. Oh
that is well, they focus on teeth

365
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,839
a lot in this book. They're
also seeing right at the top that she's

366
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,759
adventurous too. I think it's kind
of the classic Oh these young girls,

367
00:25:00,759 --> 00:25:03,119
man, you don't know what they're
into. Now, it's crazy. Like

368
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:07,559
that's what that paragraph kind of said's
full of these things. They she's full

369
00:25:07,559 --> 00:25:11,000
of these ideas, and like this
is one of the tamest reviews I read.

370
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,119
WHOA Really Yeah, I thought they
were just kind of dressing it up

371
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:18,160
a little bit. Oh, they
do dress it up, okayout, but

372
00:25:18,279 --> 00:25:21,079
it gets wilder, okay, Okay. So she has a nice smile,

373
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:27,759
very sweet. Next the neighboring hills
below full ripe for manual pleasure, firm

374
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:33,799
and elastic and heave at every touch. Scut big boobs. Yeah, I

375
00:25:33,799 --> 00:25:37,359
got nice titties. Uh does it
get more graphic than that. Sure,

376
00:25:37,559 --> 00:25:45,279
I hope the Elysian font in the
center of a black bewitching grove. So

377
00:25:45,319 --> 00:25:49,279
she has pubes and she she has
a vagina with a nice black bush.

378
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:56,279
Yeah, okay, which I think
I guess is Elician's like heaven like right,

379
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:59,359
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Elsie
and perfect can get used to describe

380
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:03,240
a lot of dicks pussies, uh, supported by two pyramids, white as

381
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:10,559
alabaster, very delicate and soft as
turtles down. I think that's her butt,

382
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:15,039
but I don't know that's actually two
pyramids pyramids or kind Oh. Actually,

383
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:18,119
yes, that's what I'm thinking.
That's that's You're absolutely right, I

384
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:21,559
think that's what I You just figured
that out. Yeah, yeah, that

385
00:26:21,599 --> 00:26:22,440
is what that is. I was
trying to figure that out but I couldn't.

386
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:26,680
Yeah. Nobody back then had an
ass. Not in England, No,

387
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:30,759
well no, not anywhere really mean
anywhere. Concave butts, people with

388
00:26:30,799 --> 00:26:34,039
asses had asses. Nobody had an
ass back then anywhere in the world.

389
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:41,160
Man, it's a new invention until
like the eighties. Dude. Yeah,

390
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:44,160
honestly, feel my ass hasn't come
around since, like I mean, first

391
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,279
year. It probably popped up as
like two thousand and five. Sure,

392
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:53,839
why not? There was no asses
prior to two thousand and five. Pancakes

393
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:57,880
Ass, Okay, that's all they
had. Next pancakes are on the menu.

394
00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:00,400
That's it. I don't even hate
it. I mean, I'm gonna

395
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:06,759
do it to be honest. At
the approach of their favorite Lord unfold and

396
00:27:06,839 --> 00:27:12,039
for three guineas he is conducted to
this harbor of never failing delight favorite Lord.

397
00:27:12,519 --> 00:27:18,079
That's a cock ah. Then she
puts it in her pussy and they

398
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:22,279
fuck and it's delightful and it's delightful. Add to all this that she sings

399
00:27:22,319 --> 00:27:26,319
well oh and is a very cheerful
companion and has only been in this life

400
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:30,160
nine months, so she can say, well, she's not all used up

401
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:33,119
relatively. No, yeah, you
have a good time with her. And

402
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:37,640
then she sings you a nice little
yea entertainment, nice little show tunes.

403
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,559
I like how this book tries to
like they say, like, they try

404
00:27:40,599 --> 00:27:44,599
to like dress it up, and
they'll be like, and you know she's

405
00:27:44,839 --> 00:27:48,160
really smart too, No, she's
like super cool. Yeah, she's like

406
00:27:48,279 --> 00:27:52,880
a good hang, she's good hang, like the voice not terrible. I

407
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:57,000
don't know what you we'll get it
into because they just it gets there's more.

408
00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:03,519
So next we have who I,
Miss Holland start the review already down.

409
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:07,720
Yep, those who choose to sail
the island of love in a first

410
00:28:07,799 --> 00:28:12,079
rate ship or to enclose an armful
of delight must be pleased with this lady.

411
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,079
This hooker is solid. You're gonna
like the way you feel. I

412
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,720
guarantee it motion in the ocean.
But she's also not number one, and

413
00:28:19,759 --> 00:28:22,759
I think they let off with the
best. But then they just started.

414
00:28:22,799 --> 00:28:29,319
They just started started listening them after
that in no order, because they do

415
00:28:30,559 --> 00:28:33,279
get into pros and cons. There
were just no cons on number one.

416
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:37,839
Who So the first one's perfect?
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, no

417
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:44,000
complaints. So miss Holland, though, who, though only seventeen and short,

418
00:28:44,559 --> 00:28:48,720
is very fat and corpulent. Ah
what does that mean? I take

419
00:28:48,759 --> 00:28:52,440
back, I retract my previous statement
of amard down, got that off her

420
00:28:52,559 --> 00:28:56,440
name fat and short. Now you're
like this Holland. I love it.

421
00:28:56,440 --> 00:29:02,920
It's not Miss Holland, Like,
does this missy universe competences? This is

422
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:07,839
your last name? Bro? Damn
well, dun goofed du goofed, Like

423
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:11,440
they're here to be honest, it's
this is it's you know, it's a

424
00:29:11,519 --> 00:29:15,160
review publication. Okay, fan shut, but she probably works hard, right

425
00:29:15,839 --> 00:29:19,240
Yet notwithstanding, she is a fine
piece of frailty. Her face is handsome

426
00:29:19,599 --> 00:29:26,160
and her nut brown locks, which
are placed above and below, so she's

427
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:30,440
got a nice brown bush. Big
carpet matches the drapes. Handsome face,

428
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:34,640
handsome is quite acceptable for beautiful.
Yeah at the time, promise a luscious

429
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:38,079
treat to the voluptuary. Her temper
is agreeable and pleasing, and she is

430
00:29:38,079 --> 00:29:42,200
so far from being mercenary that a
single guinea is the bound boundage of her

431
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:45,079
wish. So she gonna cost that
much. Oh yeah, So she's not

432
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:49,839
like so far from being mercenary.
I mean like she's not like out there

433
00:29:49,839 --> 00:29:52,480
trying to get paid. She's like, oh, do it on the side,

434
00:29:52,599 --> 00:29:56,680
yeah, yeah, Yeah. If
you're in a pinch, she's your

435
00:29:56,680 --> 00:30:02,759
girl. Yeah. If you're nice
and you know she's feeling it, she's

436
00:30:02,799 --> 00:30:07,160
not gonna break the back. And
sometimes you've had five or six pints and

437
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:11,319
it's more about getting it done than
who you get it done with. Yeah,

438
00:30:11,319 --> 00:30:18,160
it's masturbating with another body. Gross, Dan, what do you not

439
00:30:18,359 --> 00:30:23,640
understand that? I understand it completely
good it probably i'd imagine, Yeah,

440
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,319
you're not above that. We all
have. It's called college, and there's

441
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:30,519
everyone's been there old college, or
also like half of life in Austin,

442
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:37,519
which is just college. Peter pan
Land. It is Peter pan Land.

443
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:41,160
I don't want to grow up.
Next up we have miss Johnson. Indeed,

444
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:45,039
this fair one is not afraid of
work, but we'll undergo a great

445
00:30:45,079 --> 00:30:49,359
deal of labor in the action.
She sings, dances and we'll drink a

446
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:53,440
cheerful glass and is a good companion. Good hang. You gotta love a

447
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:56,759
girl who's gonna, you know,
drink with you wine and dinya. You

448
00:30:56,799 --> 00:31:03,559
know, she'll put on a show. She has such God damn it forgret

449
00:31:03,559 --> 00:31:11,319
willis because they really take a left
turn from She's a good hang too.

450
00:31:11,319 --> 00:31:17,480
She has such a noble elasticity in
her loins that she can cast her lover

451
00:31:17,599 --> 00:31:22,400
to a pleasing height and receive him
again with the utmost dexterity. Her price

452
00:31:22,519 --> 00:31:25,839
is one pound one, which means
a pound and a shilling, I think,

453
00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:30,559
and for her person and amorous qualifications, she is well worth the money.

454
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:36,960
What I think that means is she
can lick it. She can write

455
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:41,039
it while you slip it and slide
it. She can do all them little

456
00:31:41,079 --> 00:31:45,640
tricks, keep the dick up inside
it. Wow did you write that?

457
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:51,680
I did. We're here to go, man, Thank you A plus lyrical

458
00:31:51,920 --> 00:32:01,119
genius. So they wrote this.
She uses her pussy good. I heard

459
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:07,160
flexibility, elasticity, she keep it
tight. Well, no, or actually

460
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:10,200
that'd be the opposite. It means
it ain't that type, but she can

461
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:14,640
make it. She can still do
stuff. Okay, right, and by

462
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:16,279
the way, I am paraphrasing because
some of these reviews are long. Not

463
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:21,400
paraphrasing, but just taking the best
part. And I actually appreciate your translation.

464
00:32:21,839 --> 00:32:24,400
Yeah, it's good. I hope
you did more I do I do

465
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:29,240
for the whole thing I did?
Okay, Next up, we have a

466
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:34,240
one, Miss Brown. If you
would wish to find a good bedfellow,

467
00:32:34,519 --> 00:32:38,160
though not blessed with every other perfection, this lady will perhaps suit her price,

468
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:42,880
which is two pounds two. I
don't understand that that's possible. Like

469
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:46,240
this chick's mediocre, but she costs
the more than Miss Johnson, who Miss

470
00:32:46,319 --> 00:32:53,519
Johnson had a fire ass like cunt. And yeah, I don't understand the

471
00:32:53,599 --> 00:33:00,119
review on Miss Brown. But sure, why not? There's a little and

472
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,680
I noticed this as I was reading
through it, like they kind of I

473
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:07,480
don't know, they got very contradictory. I guess at one point this is

474
00:33:07,519 --> 00:33:10,319
okay, and another point this is
a dog, this is not okay.

475
00:33:10,559 --> 00:33:15,559
Drinking especially comes up a lot.
Yeah, really like that she was too

476
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:19,559
drunk. Oh okay, we'll too
sloppy. Listen, sometimes you don't adhere

477
00:33:19,559 --> 00:33:22,559
to your own rules that you set, your your own ranking system can kind

478
00:33:22,599 --> 00:33:28,039
of be shot out the window after
a certain point. But also you're just

479
00:33:28,039 --> 00:33:31,200
not adhering to standards you've already set, right, and you're just like,

480
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:37,599
you know what, each individual girl
is their own thing. It's like gambling,

481
00:33:37,799 --> 00:33:42,759
right, Like just because it's on
Black five times on Roulette straight,

482
00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:45,880
Sure it's not. It's independent,
right, it's gambling gambler's fallacy. Yeah.

483
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:47,599
No, I mean it's like,
sure, you gotta be read this

484
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:52,640
time. Yeah, but every time
the odds were set right, So they're

485
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:57,000
just looking at each girl independently.
Yes, fair, which fair enough.

486
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,720
Yeah, So they haven't they don't
go back, they don't read the stuff

487
00:33:59,759 --> 00:34:02,319
they've already written. No, again, they're not ranking they led with the

488
00:34:02,319 --> 00:34:07,320
first one and everything else's independent review. That actually makes sense, and I

489
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:10,719
think that's actually the best way to
do it. Yeah, I kind of

490
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:16,320
wonder why and not hold them to
previously ranked. Yeah, what a gig.

491
00:34:16,559 --> 00:34:19,880
By the way, I was just
about to say, who were Like,

492
00:34:20,199 --> 00:34:22,679
so there was just dudes out there
like this, you gotta ranking this

493
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:27,039
year. This one was written by
three man Okay, but there's like one

494
00:34:27,119 --> 00:34:30,079
hundred and ninety chicks in here.
Now they're ranking systems. How do you

495
00:34:30,079 --> 00:34:37,119
think they come to an agreement?
Well, they're not system Yeah, like

496
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,639
what's that? I think they what's
that? Like? Brainstorm and said they

497
00:34:40,639 --> 00:34:44,079
probably divvied it up and wrote their
own, like, yeah, I don't

498
00:34:44,079 --> 00:34:47,880
think they were trying together. One
takes sixty prostitute. Yeah, I think

499
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,840
that was pretty much. It is
like, all right, you do sixty,

500
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,000
you do sixty, you do sixty
one, You got miss Johnson,

501
00:34:52,039 --> 00:34:54,320
you got miss Brown, And they
fought over who the first, who got

502
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:59,800
the first one? Yeah? Probably
what if they did like a fantasy draft.

503
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:05,599
They probably did We're going snake auction? Oh you gotta go snake all

504
00:35:05,639 --> 00:35:09,639
right? Maybe you go auctions?
Yeah, I think auctions like you're paying.

505
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:14,559
You probably are like a salary cap, like you can't go You can't

506
00:35:14,599 --> 00:35:16,280
just like spread all your money on
all the good ones. Yes, yes,

507
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:20,920
yeah, you're making like a draft
Kings team. Yeah, of prostest.

508
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:25,239
That seems like the right way to
do it. And I don't blame

509
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:31,280
the person who picked the goat,
just their entire bank roll, all of

510
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:37,239
it, all of it. Um. Next up we have missus dowd Oh,

511
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:42,679
missus. She is indeed turned of
forty, rather fat and short,

512
00:35:43,079 --> 00:35:46,440
yet she looks well, dress,
is neat and can divide as smartly covered

513
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:51,840
and as neat a leg and foot
as has ever beat time to the silent

514
00:35:52,039 --> 00:35:57,039
flute. She's old and fat,
cleans up nice, she's got nice feet,

515
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:00,480
and uh she'll work your dick as
well as anyone else. That's what

516
00:36:00,559 --> 00:36:08,599
silent flute is. Silent flute is
dick, no kidding, what else would

517
00:36:08,599 --> 00:36:15,199
it mean. She's not actually busting
out of flute. She's really bad though

518
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:22,719
you can't even hear it. So
yeah, old fat cleans up nice,

519
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:29,800
works that dick. Right, let's
go on. If you are not soon

520
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:34,480
disposed for the attack, she will
show you such a set of pictures that

521
00:36:34,639 --> 00:36:38,639
very seldom fails to alarm the sleeping
member. So she shows you porn to

522
00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:42,079
get you hard. Yeah. So
if you look at her and you're like,

523
00:36:42,159 --> 00:36:45,440
oh, gross, I don't want
to fuck you, she's like a

524
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:52,519
couple of pictures and lady nish picture
of a means how about this picture of

525
00:36:52,679 --> 00:36:58,920
das nipple ray and are you rushing
bee? Yeah? She just posts up

526
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:04,079
photos and then and there's a glory
hole, right you essentially like you would

527
00:37:04,119 --> 00:37:10,639
tie one of the pictures to her
face and you look at that. Oh,

528
00:37:10,679 --> 00:37:16,880
it's all right, Helen, you
know what. I'm glad in that

529
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:22,519
bit. Helen Sligerman was. She
was my prostitute in the bit. And

530
00:37:22,599 --> 00:37:27,480
also, if nothing came of spare
bedroom, at least we have this,

531
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:37,079
Oh won't be taken of offense if
you put one of my own cards let

532
00:37:37,119 --> 00:37:42,519
me vice, it's all right.
Um. Yeah, So she'll show you

533
00:37:42,599 --> 00:37:45,960
porn if she can't get your horny, and she won't and she won't she

534
00:37:46,039 --> 00:37:49,400
needs if she's got it on deck. You know she's not. She's just

535
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:53,639
got a fucking purse full of weird
drawn porn. It's like it's like Randy

536
00:37:53,800 --> 00:38:00,800
in the I know, you know, that when there's new Internet and there's

537
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:07,920
a guy just catching poor tie Hooker's
cot on their feet, there's our Southwark

538
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:12,320
reference. Yeah, I just imagine
though. It's like her version of Tarot

539
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,039
cards. Yeah, she's all right, let's work for you, let's work

540
00:38:15,119 --> 00:38:21,519
for you. One or two going
to the eye doctor. Yeah, I

541
00:38:21,599 --> 00:38:25,000
can never tell. It's like it
kind of looks similar air b whatever,

542
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:28,760
like one two, Like I don't
know, I can see them both.

543
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:31,400
It's too much pressure, because that's
gonna really infest our lives. Quiz right,

544
00:38:31,519 --> 00:38:36,199
like it's it's it stops, it
ceases to be you just being honest

545
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:37,679
about your eyes and you just wanted
to guess right, and it's a real

546
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,199
world consequences. Yeah, if you
fuck it up, it's like, oh

547
00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:45,639
well that's my eyesight. Yeah yeah. Um. Not done with her review

548
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:52,000
yet, perfectly skilled in every delightful
maneuver, knowing how to keep time,

549
00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:55,039
when to advance and retreat, to
face to the right or left, and

550
00:38:55,159 --> 00:38:59,920
went to shower down a whole volley
of love so she can fuck real good.

551
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:04,239
She's old, she knows how to
work it. She's been Yeah,

552
00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:07,920
she's got she's got the years.
Man. But here is maybe the most

553
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:13,760
important thing about her of all.
She is perfectly mistress in the art of

554
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:20,199
restoring life and performs the tender friction
with a hand soft as turtles down.

555
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:24,760
She's good handies, great hand jobs. So maybe you come too fast,

556
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,280
you come and you want to go
again because you paid for the hour or

557
00:39:28,559 --> 00:39:30,360
three hours or fucking long you paid
for. She'll get you going again.

558
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:35,199
Just start working with the hand again. Uh, I thought it was over.

559
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:37,480
She's so unattractive you have to look
away and she'll just get you off

560
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:40,599
with their hand. Oh, I
was worry about it. Love. My

561
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:49,440
face maybe raw, but my hand
it's as soft as turtles down. I

562
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,719
get his voice all day, and
I've had enough alcohol and I'm a little

563
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:58,519
sick. Where I'm in perfect slaggerman
like range, Yeah, yeah, where

564
00:39:58,519 --> 00:40:00,000
I just got. I got the
right amount of rust in my throat.

565
00:40:00,519 --> 00:40:04,719
If you want to know, Helen
Sligerman is looking spearbedry, right, we

566
00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:07,800
need to put that up for free. Pat at some point might as well.

567
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:15,000
Yeah. Uh, next step,
we have Miss Richardson, a pretty

568
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:20,960
lively, fair complexioned girl with a
dainty leg and foot. They talk about

569
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:24,400
feet a lot. It's really weird. You need nice feet. Think about

570
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:30,800
how narrow yeah, especially back then, like just coal covered, like just

571
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:35,760
fucking walking around cobbled streets barefoot,
just fucking fucked. Yeah. It's not

572
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:37,199
like you just go get a pair
of nail clippers. He probably gonna like

573
00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:42,119
really try to do that manually.
Think about a girl now who hasn't gotten

574
00:40:42,679 --> 00:40:45,599
a fucking pedicure in long enough.
If maybe she just has like not great

575
00:40:45,639 --> 00:40:50,239
genetics and maybe her feet get a
little like dryer or something in the normal

576
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:53,199
person, if she doesn't get a
pedicure regularly, that's a fucking nightmare.

577
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:58,639
I've really paid zero attention to feed. I love feet. I don't pay

578
00:40:58,639 --> 00:41:01,559
attention to any of this, really, feet, hands, anything. I

579
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:06,039
got the soul I go, uh
yeah, the soul of the foot.

580
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:10,159
Okay, foot guy, Rob's big
fun guy. That's I just learned that.

581
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:13,679
That's what I've learned. That's what
I learned today. What'd you learn

582
00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:15,800
today? Rob? What's the fuck
my feet? We're not your feet,

583
00:41:16,159 --> 00:41:20,639
well, anyone's feet. There's just
someone's feed. Are you into foot point?

584
00:41:20,679 --> 00:41:22,320
Like when people are banging the feet
pressed together? Are you the guy

585
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:29,679
sold picks too? It's just robbed
the whole time he come getting my cake.

586
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:31,760
Dan Uh, I will say this. I'm not at like a foot

587
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:37,559
fetish guy, but I will notice
if you have like gnarly feet, I

588
00:41:37,639 --> 00:41:43,119
could see you just like out out
to fucking dinner with Courtney at dinner,

589
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:45,480
just braiding her, being like,
huh it's been a while. Huh.

590
00:41:47,119 --> 00:41:51,280
No pedicure, yea, when did
you get your last pedicure? Feter looking

591
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:53,400
rough? Yeah? What do you? What do you been have You've been

592
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:59,079
breaking bricks? Girl? That's stolen
from some black comedian in the nineties.

593
00:41:59,119 --> 00:42:02,960
I forget who, though, Well
there's only like two right, yes,

594
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:09,400
Bernie mc why not? He is
great? Um, but yeah, miss,

595
00:42:09,679 --> 00:42:15,440
I was gonna say Patrese, maybe
patris Yeah, it would be a

596
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:17,800
Patriso o Neil joke. Actually yeah, it could be, Like I really

597
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,559
I've heard that. I heard that
was the black comedian said that, but

598
00:42:20,559 --> 00:42:22,119
I don't remember Patriso O Neil is
a big red pill comedian at the end

599
00:42:22,159 --> 00:42:28,000
there, right, yeah, r
I p because he's red Yeah yeah,

600
00:42:28,079 --> 00:42:31,800
sure, why not? And only
he's dead going on and it's pretty a

601
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:40,000
pair of pouting bubbies as ever,
went against Demand's stomach, So repeat that

602
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:46,440
yeah, as pretty a pair of
Pouding bubbies as ever went against Demand's stomach

603
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:52,800
bubbies. Yeah, so Pouding threw
me off because of the lips, but

604
00:42:53,039 --> 00:42:57,159
kind of little tear droppers, I
think, no, no, if they're

605
00:42:57,199 --> 00:43:00,280
going against a man's belly, which
when you're hug him or your fucking are

606
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:05,079
or they're just sagging so low.
No no, no no, they talk

607
00:43:05,119 --> 00:43:07,079
about saggy ones. Okay, they're
like, no, they don't say so.

608
00:43:07,199 --> 00:43:10,000
This is when they say pouting.
I think they mean like tear drop,

609
00:43:10,079 --> 00:43:14,480
like a you know, like a
down and up type of yeah,

610
00:43:14,519 --> 00:43:19,079
yeah, yeah yeah. Um.
By the way, that one of my

611
00:43:19,159 --> 00:43:25,280
favorite things they're reading this is the
way they talk about tits an ass and

612
00:43:25,639 --> 00:43:36,880
dick and pussy. It ranges from
like bizarre too hilariously eloquent, m like

613
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:42,599
to the point where they describe in
this like filthy porno rag of a pocket

614
00:43:42,679 --> 00:43:49,079
book. They describe that better than
like a YELP review on Applebee's. Now

615
00:43:49,159 --> 00:43:52,320
there's like a Hooker's in the seventeen
to eighties, like apple He's not like

616
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:55,800
that that new casit had tasted like
fucking Donkey's asshole. Yeah, and now

617
00:43:57,119 --> 00:44:00,719
and at this point, like they
use like literary references to describe vaginas and

618
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:06,679
like better like more eloquent communicators just
in general back than though too. Yes,

619
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:08,360
especially if you're writing. I mean
you got to think of like the

620
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:10,920
privilege of the fact that you're putting
out a publication, right, Like,

621
00:44:12,079 --> 00:44:15,320
so it was very like it was
mass media at this point. I mean

622
00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:22,320
this was mass media, but still
the occasion of publishing something gave it more

623
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:24,400
weight. So I'm assuming they put
a lot more behind one percent. Yeah,

624
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:29,559
there's a difference between publishing this and
publishing a fucking tweet, right exactly.

625
00:44:29,679 --> 00:44:31,480
Yeah, you didn't have the time
you can just fired it off,

626
00:44:31,599 --> 00:44:36,400
like you had to really plan this
out. Yeah, because like Kirkcanal turned

627
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:40,559
a man to stone harder than Medusa, like right, yeah, well yeah,

628
00:44:40,559 --> 00:44:44,880
a little Greek mythology in there,
yeah, right, but it's like

629
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:47,280
the whole thing is euphemism, you
know what I mean. It's like his

630
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:58,000
saluting colonel was turned to stone,
like Medusa's first wide eyed lover in the

631
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:02,039
flood, Like too much fluff the
colonel. Yeah, it never stops.

632
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:09,320
It's like layer on layer of It's
like euphemism stacked on euphemism, so just

633
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:14,079
my writing a CFM. Yes,
yeah, they can't. They couldn't edit

634
00:45:14,119 --> 00:45:15,480
themselves. They had a fourth guy
that was just really bad, Like she

635
00:45:15,599 --> 00:45:20,719
got nice twitch, dude. I
think at some point some of these people

636
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:23,400
had to just be like, I
don't I didn't read that, all right,

637
00:45:24,039 --> 00:45:28,880
you just tell me what fucking count
ty slot or I want to know

638
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:31,519
where Connie Ty slot and I want
to know if a taf of that or

639
00:45:31,719 --> 00:45:36,559
if they yet out they what she
got any teeth at? Oh, I

640
00:45:36,679 --> 00:45:42,559
want to know she fought. I
didn't read you fucking great mythology. Just

641
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:45,199
tell me what what the Connie types
thought and what the teddies look like?

642
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:54,400
Round fuck Madden, Like I'm drunk
right now. I can't even fucking read

643
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:59,199
this ship through a Steinbeck novel just
to get to the review man her pussy

644
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:02,800
a taste like seven day porridge.
There was actually I didn't include her in

645
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:07,079
this, but one of the reviews
I read was of a French chick who

646
00:46:07,159 --> 00:46:13,039
was fat, and they were like, but unlike all these British chicks,

647
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:20,039
she does this weird French thing where
she cleans her pussy. She'll sit on

648
00:46:20,159 --> 00:46:23,440
her bidet for minutes on end.
She's probably just getting yeah. So like

649
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:27,239
the British chicks would only clean their
armpits and ship, but she would clean

650
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:30,639
the vagina. Like, that's a
curious French, French thing that she does.

651
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:36,960
So you're going in, I don't
know, seven eight deep guy's before

652
00:46:37,039 --> 00:46:44,719
you. Oh it's no wonder how
many venereal diseases went around so quickly.

653
00:46:45,159 --> 00:46:46,480
It's amazing. He like, while
you're wet, and I was like,

654
00:46:46,559 --> 00:46:54,199
well that's not me. Oh well, this is so uncomfortable, sticky.

655
00:46:54,320 --> 00:47:00,199
Huh, let's crunch at the end. Oh god, all right, keep

656
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:04,280
going on. She is pleasing.
We're still on, miss Richardson. She

657
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:08,159
is pleasing, though fond, and
can make wantonness delightful. Every part assists

658
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:12,920
to bring on the momentary delirium,
and then each part combines to raise up

659
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:19,559
the fallen member again seventeen eighty eight
Boner euphemism. Her price is commonly two

660
00:47:19,599 --> 00:47:22,159
guineas, but if a man is
clever, she is ready to make some

661
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:25,519
abatement. So if you can haggle, you can haggle with it. It's

662
00:47:25,679 --> 00:47:31,679
all right. Listen, Richardson,
I clever, myself clever. Call her

663
00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:37,159
an Italian market so you can haggle. Yeah, oh about this This is

664
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:40,519
someone just walks up to say,
we'll see two guineas. Oh about this

665
00:47:42,199 --> 00:47:55,480
one. Oh, I have a
boy that's just naming your price. Oh,

666
00:47:55,760 --> 00:48:01,400
a man who sets his price.
Well, I'd love to just walk

667
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:07,039
into car our car dealership. You
say thirty five? Thou how about twenty?

668
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:15,880
You're pretty smart man. Done.
It's a bridge process is use your

669
00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:24,719
Toyota Camry. Next up, we
have Miss Lucas. This might be my

670
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:34,800
favorite one. This one. This
review is it defies every ounce of logic.

671
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:39,840
It's wonderful. Go on. So
we have Miss Lucas. She has

672
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:46,480
said, like the river Nile frequently
to overflow. Whoa, she's squirt.

673
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:52,360
That was my thought, right,
I think we might have our first squirt.

674
00:48:52,639 --> 00:48:57,119
Yeah, has entered the conversation.
Yeah, minimum, it's a whop,

675
00:48:58,199 --> 00:49:01,000
but I think it's a squirter puss. Yeah. By the way,

676
00:49:01,159 --> 00:49:05,400
this is one of the first things
that reminded me of So I had this

677
00:49:05,599 --> 00:49:12,239
girl I went to grade school with. What wait, you can't no grade

678
00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:15,840
school with her? Oh okay,
I didn't say. This random grade school

679
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:21,280
girl I know reminded me of her. There's wet pussy situation reminded me of

680
00:49:21,519 --> 00:49:23,719
this sixth grader. I know,
okay, but you see where I got.

681
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:28,199
No, I don't because I said
it clearly the first time. Nah,

682
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:30,440
I don't know about that. You're
weird, man. I'm still Facebook.

683
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:34,559
I'm Facebook grass. There one time
like she used to post like wild

684
00:49:34,599 --> 00:49:39,320
shit about sex all the time,
or one time she did like a repost

685
00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:44,920
like a meme or some like like
account that's like I would love to get

686
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:47,039
my pussy eight or some weird shit
like that, you know what I mean,

687
00:49:47,159 --> 00:49:51,960
Like one of your trash home friends
will like re share some like wild

688
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,440
shit. Yeah. Facebook's accesspool,
dude, It's awesome, wonderful. Why

689
00:49:54,559 --> 00:50:00,920
then my trash friends there's a royal
you I think though, Uh yeah,

690
00:50:00,920 --> 00:50:02,800
I think he's looking directly at me. First of I'm telling a story of

691
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:08,039
my trash friend. You only have
one trash friend. This is a story

692
00:50:08,039 --> 00:50:10,159
about one, and I know you
have these types of friends as well.

693
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:13,960
Let's just drop the drop all airs
here. Yeah, come on, you

694
00:50:14,039 --> 00:50:17,159
know where you're from. We're in
a prostitute review episode. Let's be rural

695
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:21,760
Florida. You're from fucking Delco.
I'm from Saint Louis, it's fine.

696
00:50:22,119 --> 00:50:24,920
Yes, she posted this thing,
and she was like she was like a

697
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:30,679
green with it. She was like
mm hmmm, and uh it was essentially

698
00:50:30,719 --> 00:50:37,840
like, he ain't eating yo pussy, right if you don't squirt? Yeah,

699
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:42,039
I mean I dated a girl like
that not that long ago. What

700
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:45,199
you met her? Um, you
don't used to say. Yeah, I

701
00:50:45,199 --> 00:50:50,639
won't say an but like she would
share stuff like, uh, I take

702
00:50:50,719 --> 00:50:53,440
a pill so he can note to
me. He's he can take a pill

703
00:50:53,519 --> 00:50:59,039
so he can deal with my cats. Oh that's different. Oh I know

704
00:50:59,119 --> 00:51:00,440
who that is. Yeah, that's
fine. I don't care about that.

705
00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:05,719
I don't care about this either.
But I was just like, who is

706
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:07,119
this four? I'm not gonna say
her name, but like I was like,

707
00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:10,840
who is this four? Right,
Sarah? That's a fake name,

708
00:51:12,119 --> 00:51:15,599
Sarah, Like Sarah, who who
are you posting plans? Her name is

709
00:51:15,599 --> 00:51:20,199
Sarah. They'll never expect Sarah.
No, it's not, it's not.

710
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:22,559
But I just this is the first
thing that reminded me. I was just

711
00:51:22,679 --> 00:51:29,639
like, this chick was like,
you can only successfully eat my pussy if

712
00:51:29,679 --> 00:51:37,920
I piss all over your face.
I agree, I see no lies?

713
00:51:37,199 --> 00:51:42,000
Yeah right, yeahpot Sarah you guys
get square on way more than that.

714
00:51:42,159 --> 00:51:47,440
I guess, m it is just
pe yeah is it? It's a little

715
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:52,800
bit pee, but both yea and
whatever juices were in there. I will

716
00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:59,280
say, it does suck when you
have to sleep next to it that avoid

717
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:02,559
the wet spot. Yeah, it's
cold, it's real cold. That needs

718
00:52:02,559 --> 00:52:07,599
to be her half of the best
agreed, Like, that's her mess.

719
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:10,159
That's her mess, right. You'd
also just like if you if you accidentally

720
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:15,920
came on a pillow and no one
was everyone was too lazy to get rid

721
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:20,079
of it. Sleeping on that pillow, flip the pillow over, right,

722
00:52:20,199 --> 00:52:22,880
but that's your pillow for the night. Yeah right, we'll flip the mattress

723
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:27,400
over, even if it's not double
sided. That seems awful. I know.

724
00:52:27,679 --> 00:52:30,519
Yeah, she's sleeping on the floor. You're spraying it. You lay

725
00:52:30,559 --> 00:52:35,360
in it. Man, I just
did my job, right, you were

726
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:42,079
just there to work. You're just
falling orders. M the banality of evil

727
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:45,840
A fucking squirt joke? Okay,
cool? Why not? Yeah? So

728
00:52:46,039 --> 00:52:51,360
I do think this chick is a
squirter, because that's the only way that

729
00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:57,800
this next part makes sense. Okay, But somehow or another, her inundations

730
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:01,320
differ from those of that ever,
meaning the Nile, as they do not

731
00:53:01,559 --> 00:53:08,639
produce fecundity. Some skillful gardeners are
of the opinion that she drowns the seed,

732
00:53:09,119 --> 00:53:13,960
which is the reason that it does
not take root. She s worked

733
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:15,679
so hard she doesn't get the stuff
up in her she doesn't get pregnant.

734
00:53:15,679 --> 00:53:21,840
She blasts out the cup. WHOA, I think that what that's this is

735
00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:23,679
saying is I'm blown away that we
didn't put this one behind a paywall.

736
00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:28,159
By the way, yeah, this
is the one premium content. We might

737
00:53:28,239 --> 00:53:30,599
need to switch these sufer But in
the words of Future, I fucked made

738
00:53:30,639 --> 00:53:37,480
her p I mean that's if she
can do it all once. I know

739
00:53:37,639 --> 00:53:40,880
you are. I'm just quoting it. I'm not knocking you, dude.

740
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:45,280
I'm just saying the subject matter definitely
feels more paywall. I'm not saying we

741
00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:51,280
keep it behind the man there's fucking
gnarlier shit on Apple podcast. Oh absolutely,

742
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:53,320
yeah, yeah no, no,
this is team I'm just I'm just

743
00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:58,719
making a point. Yeah, Jake's
just vanilla. She blasts your jizz out

744
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:01,400
of her vagina, but with her
squirts, and that's why she never gets

745
00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:07,960
pregnant. It's that logic makes sense. It's a good I mean, it's

746
00:54:08,039 --> 00:54:14,239
it's a great um kind of attribute
to have here in this time. If

747
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:17,920
you're working, Yeah, you avoid
UTIs, Yeah, I mean that is

748
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:22,480
a good way to avoid you.
Everyone should. The amount of chicks I

749
00:54:22,599 --> 00:54:25,199
know or like hooked up with who
at some point I had to be like,

750
00:54:25,199 --> 00:54:28,559
you should go pee? And they're
like, what do you mean?

751
00:54:29,199 --> 00:54:31,000
And I was like, I feel
like you shouldn't tell them that, but

752
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:34,679
I was like, like, at
some point, actually I did have to

753
00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:37,079
tell them that because because you're gonna
get a yeast infection. Yeah, my

754
00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:42,599
gal, I mean I like,
yeah, I feel everyone everyone should have

755
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:45,440
have a pee after sex. Guys
too, Guys too, Yeah, I

756
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:52,800
don't really gonna have that little venom
p whereis yeah? Yeah? And then

757
00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:57,559
it goes to straight two barrel and
then you have just pushed so hard that

758
00:54:57,599 --> 00:55:00,800
it gets out one barrel. But
sometimes you shoot your pants. Yeah yeah,

759
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:07,280
well sure me for certain. But
you were doing sitting down, so

760
00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:14,119
it's fun. M Yeah, I'm
more comfortable. Honestly, why not.

761
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:16,239
I'm gonna I'm gonna pee sitting down
in my own home, all right,

762
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:21,920
I'll do what I want. Yeah, sometimes I'll fake a ship. I

763
00:55:22,119 --> 00:55:23,639
used to all the time at work, and well I work, for sure,

764
00:55:23,639 --> 00:55:25,920
but I don't mean at home because
now home is work because I'm a

765
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:30,400
child. Yeah. Yeah, So
it's kind of the same thing where you're

766
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:35,440
like, uh, you need twenty
minutes in the bathroom, and I just

767
00:55:35,519 --> 00:55:38,480
run to the bathroom like I ain't
a masic food pooping on company time,

768
00:55:38,679 --> 00:55:44,920
Yeah exactly. Well, you know
it's actually awful is when she's not home

769
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:46,320
and I actually do have to shit, Like I can just get kicked in

770
00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:50,039
the stomach and I just do you
have to bring the baby in? Yep,

771
00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:52,000
you're just shitting in front of your
baby. Yep. It's called trauma.

772
00:55:52,079 --> 00:55:57,199
Brother. I literally I'll give him
my phone and I'll like play with

773
00:55:57,320 --> 00:56:00,760
this and sometimes I'll just try to
release turn them away from you. There's

774
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:05,719
no turning anything. He can walk. Yeah, he turned the baby around.

775
00:56:06,119 --> 00:56:09,000
He turns back around. He's not
making memories yet. Is he in

776
00:56:09,119 --> 00:56:15,760
the is in the pool but he's
jumping in. No, he's just he's

777
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:20,760
fascinated. He will come up to
me and try to like grab my knee,

778
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:22,280
or he'll sometimes he'll be like Hey, hey, like pick me up,

779
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:27,559
and I'll be like, I can't
do that right now. These are

780
00:56:27,679 --> 00:56:34,639
things more points in the con side
for having a child. Yeah, you

781
00:56:34,679 --> 00:56:37,320
don't want to poop in front of
your baby. I have one. I

782
00:56:37,360 --> 00:56:39,199
don't have to think about it.
It's the best. Kids are the best.

783
00:56:39,280 --> 00:56:42,199
Not pooping Frene, baby's best,
but kids the best. It's the

784
00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:45,800
greatest lie every parent tells, isn't
it. Actually that's the number one reason

785
00:56:45,840 --> 00:56:47,719
I have a kid, Rob said, because he gets the poop in front

786
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:51,039
of them. Yeah, finally I
get to shit in front of a kid.

787
00:56:51,679 --> 00:56:54,719
One out seat guy likes shit in
public too. Huh. We're learning

788
00:56:54,760 --> 00:57:00,920
a lot today. Anyway. If
you think that was the peak of that

789
00:57:01,159 --> 00:57:13,599
review, it gets weirder. This
is a disagreeable circumstance to those who may

790
00:57:13,719 --> 00:57:17,719
wish to not till in vain.
If you're trying to get the hooker pregnant,

791
00:57:17,880 --> 00:57:22,880
right, what fuck? Trying to
get the hooker pregnant? Listen,

792
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:30,800
Sometimes, especially back then, some
of these guys, you know, they

793
00:57:30,840 --> 00:57:35,920
didn't have a whole lot of luck, and if they could find a woman

794
00:57:36,440 --> 00:57:39,599
that would sleep, a working woman, even though they have to pay,

795
00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:45,199
they can lock that down and then
let her keep working. There was a

796
00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:47,760
missus in here not too long.
Yeah. No, maybe they're just trying

797
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:50,440
to like, no, I can
get you out of this life. I

798
00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:53,079
can rescue you. Let me save
you girl, save your complex. It's

799
00:57:53,079 --> 00:57:57,480
not new like forget. And by
the way, this isn't like it you

800
00:57:57,719 --> 00:58:00,239
gross? You want to get that
type of woman pregnant? It's say,

801
00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:07,519
the whole point of fucking a hooker
if you fuck the hooker and then cut

802
00:58:07,599 --> 00:58:10,920
ties immediately. Wow, how presumptuous
of you, Rob, Rob Tell that

803
00:58:12,079 --> 00:58:16,480
to Jesus Christ. Did he fuck
Mary Magalan for sure? Well? He

804
00:58:16,559 --> 00:58:20,679
had a kid with her allegedly,
Yeah, according to Dan Brown, so

805
00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:24,760
he got a hooker pregnant. Yeah, but she stopped hooking because of him,

806
00:58:25,559 --> 00:58:29,360
all right, And I guess he
died and went to heaven. He

807
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:31,840
kind of ran out of his family. Bad dad. Yeah, I gotta

808
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:37,960
go. Yeah, Jesus not around
for his son. It's like if I've

809
00:58:37,960 --> 00:58:42,239
abounded my boy. The modern version
of that, it is like a rich

810
00:58:42,320 --> 00:58:45,400
guy getting a Christ J. J. Christ. The modern version of that

811
00:58:45,519 --> 00:58:47,880
is like a rich guy getting a
hooker pregnant and then his dad just like,

812
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:52,159
I don't know flies him on a
PJ to Abiza. Yeah, it's

813
00:58:52,199 --> 00:58:54,039
like, listen, dude, you're
an next pat now. Yeah, yeah,

814
00:58:55,199 --> 00:59:04,559
I respect it, um, but
it keeps going yep. But to

815
00:59:04,840 --> 00:59:09,719
others who would prefer the pleasure of
the sorry, but to others who would

816
00:59:09,719 --> 00:59:15,719
prefer the pleasure without the expensive consequences, which should be fucking everybody. Yeah,

817
00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:21,360
sure she is the most desirable as
they are, sure that all that,

818
00:59:21,559 --> 00:59:24,920
all who bathe in her Castilian spring
will be overwhelmed with a flood of

819
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:30,480
delight, so she'll blast out all
your normal people's is no problem. Castilian

820
00:59:30,519 --> 00:59:37,079
spring is great. Ye. Next
up we have miss Wilkinson. We're just

821
00:59:37,159 --> 00:59:42,800
gonna get straight to the vagina stuff
on this one. Cool cool. Next,

822
00:59:42,880 --> 00:59:47,280
take a view of nature centrally.
No folding lapel, no gaping orifice,

823
00:59:47,559 --> 00:59:52,199
no horrid golf is here, but
the loving lips tenderly kiss each other

824
00:59:52,599 --> 01:00:00,639
and shelter from the cold. A
small but easily stretched passage not done whose

825
01:00:00,800 --> 01:00:07,920
depth none but the blind boy has
liberty to fathom. So you have to

826
01:00:08,079 --> 01:00:14,360
be words. You essentially have to
be the only way you can understand how

827
01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:17,599
deeper pussy is is to be blind
and live in eternal darkness? What do

828
01:00:17,679 --> 01:00:23,880
you even do with that? Like? Is this a pro? I get

829
01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:31,280
fucking yeah? Divon end, dude, spur lunkin. Now, do you

830
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:36,880
like a deep vagina dan? Um? No, because I'm not working with

831
01:00:36,920 --> 01:00:38,920
a whole lot, you know,
Yeah, so I need it to be

832
01:00:39,159 --> 01:00:43,599
pretty shallow. Bit of a Tunican. Tunican dan is what they called me.

833
01:00:45,039 --> 01:00:51,639
I also want to know, like
what horrid golf means here, because

834
01:00:52,119 --> 01:00:55,039
we're talking about eighteenth century vaginas.
We're talking about seventeen hundreds of vaginas.

835
01:00:57,320 --> 01:01:01,280
What's bad for a seventeen hundreds vaginas? Oh? Man, it's got to

836
01:01:01,360 --> 01:01:06,119
be a war zone down there.
It's it's like, I don't think we

837
01:01:06,199 --> 01:01:10,039
have any room to judge. It's
a landfi with everything We've already said.

838
01:01:10,119 --> 01:01:13,800
We don't slut shame here, We
don't. Absolutely, I'm not. Look,

839
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:15,719
they were dealing with what they had
to work with, yeah, and

840
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:19,960
we don't want to except for the
French chip who washed everything, So they

841
01:01:20,039 --> 01:01:22,360
kind of weren't dealing with everything we
had to work with. We don't want

842
01:01:22,400 --> 01:01:28,119
to talk unkindly about the dead,
but you know what it was, it

843
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:30,679
was probably likely it was an RB
sandwich you have. I don't think anyone

844
01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:36,239
smelled or looked good. Nah,
but there was no I mean for the

845
01:01:36,360 --> 01:01:38,159
time, but even for the time, there's probably people that smell terrible.

846
01:01:38,519 --> 01:01:42,119
Everything's relative, is what you're trying
to say. Yeah. They ended with

847
01:01:42,159 --> 01:01:45,840
a little more of vagina talk between
the tempting lips. The coral headed tip

848
01:01:46,440 --> 01:01:52,360
stands sentinel. So coral headed tip
is a dickhead or that's a or or

849
01:01:52,159 --> 01:01:57,840
that's a clip, and I couldn't
tell which one. Coral headed tip stands

850
01:01:57,920 --> 01:02:01,719
sentinel between the ten lips. The
coral headed tip stands sentinel. That's that's

851
01:02:01,920 --> 01:02:07,519
definitely penis. Coral sounds like a
penis, right, yeah, coral,

852
01:02:07,880 --> 01:02:12,039
Like I checked my penis after reading
that, you're like, that's definitely coral.

853
01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:15,760
It's coral colored. Yeah, give
a coral colored little ring, coral

854
01:02:15,840 --> 01:02:24,519
cut, coral colored, it's caramel
car he's Portuguese jew man. Yeah,

855
01:02:24,519 --> 01:02:30,840
I forgot sheltered by a raven colored
bush. So a nice black bush,

856
01:02:32,239 --> 01:02:37,360
h quote the raven of them all
and for one half guinea conduct the well

857
01:02:37,400 --> 01:02:45,239
erected friend safe into port So pretty
cheap and not bad. I guess.

858
01:02:45,679 --> 01:02:49,000
Next up we had missed Noble,
who was a blowjob expert. Oh,

859
01:02:49,239 --> 01:02:51,679
I was wondering when this was gonna
come up, actually, because it was

860
01:02:51,719 --> 01:02:53,320
like, is this happening at this
time? First woman to ever use the

861
01:02:53,440 --> 01:02:58,519
mouth? Yeah, he's like,
oh no, oh, I was thinking,

862
01:03:00,440 --> 01:03:05,039
what if, oh, number three
year, there's gotta we gotta do

863
01:03:05,039 --> 01:03:07,599
an episode in the history of a
blow job, right, like, who's

864
01:03:07,639 --> 01:03:12,679
the first? It's gotta be out
there, it's not. It predates writing

865
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:15,360
by probably one hundred thousand years.
Yeah, you gotta think before we were

866
01:03:15,440 --> 01:03:20,800
even like farming, that was happening
some chimpanzees who blow each other but almost

867
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:25,360
chimps. It just feels good,
dude, Okay, yeah, you think

868
01:03:25,400 --> 01:03:30,000
they didn't figure that out intermediately?
We were blowing each other before we're human

869
01:03:30,039 --> 01:03:35,320
beings. That's actually what evobed us. Probably better ways to blow each other.

870
01:03:35,800 --> 01:03:37,800
I guarantee evolution. People are like, oh, evolution happens, because

871
01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:42,039
this isn't that a lot of times
I think evolution happens for really stupid reasons

872
01:03:42,519 --> 01:03:45,960
all the time. Yeah, And
I assume we're going to hit a wave

873
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:50,960
of that at some point. I'll
be dead, but it'll happen like sooner

874
01:03:51,079 --> 01:03:52,679
rather later. Have you seen your
child, It's already happened. Look at

875
01:03:52,719 --> 01:03:59,320
his head. His head is well
shaped, sir, A little off still

876
01:04:00,079 --> 01:04:02,559
oh off? Tick a look,
how would you know you weren't at his

877
01:04:02,639 --> 01:04:06,119
birthday party? Yeah, dick,
that's true, you would know better.

878
01:04:06,519 --> 01:04:11,800
He's in the bathroom when you shit. He is often every parent, so

879
01:04:11,920 --> 01:04:15,480
you're probably getting like a good view
two of his head. Just you're down

880
01:04:15,599 --> 01:04:18,559
lower. I'm down lower than my
child who you're shitting, But you're kind

881
01:04:18,559 --> 01:04:21,440
of like on his level because you're
you're sitting down. I'm like still two

882
01:04:21,519 --> 01:04:25,760
feet above him. He's been a
man. He's like this big. He

883
01:04:25,880 --> 01:04:28,800
like comes up my fucking knee.
Yeah. By the way, every parent

884
01:04:28,840 --> 01:04:30,280
listening to this is like, yeah, shit in the same room as my

885
01:04:30,360 --> 01:04:33,039
one. That's all our fucking app
mentions are gonna be after this episode is

886
01:04:33,079 --> 01:04:39,119
like, I actually I do agree
with Rob. Staying with Rob. So

887
01:04:39,239 --> 01:04:43,960
the blowjob queen here, Miss Nobel. Her tongue has a double charm,

888
01:04:44,320 --> 01:04:47,679
both when speaking and when silent.
For the tip of it, properly applied,

889
01:04:48,159 --> 01:04:54,800
can talk eloquently to the heart whilst
no sound pervades the ear and sends

890
01:04:54,880 --> 01:05:00,719
such feelings to the central spot that
immediately demands the more noble weapon to close

891
01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:06,000
the melting scene. So melting scene
means blast off. It's fucking come come

892
01:05:06,079 --> 01:05:15,519
your come, come your come out
of your penis hole. Thank you,

893
01:05:16,239 --> 01:05:18,239
come here, come out of your
penis. Well, gout it, man,

894
01:05:18,559 --> 01:05:21,840
I'm glad you laid it out for
me that way. I didn't get

895
01:05:21,880 --> 01:05:26,840
it from the first part. Yeah. I try to put in twenty first

896
01:05:26,880 --> 01:05:30,599
century terms. I try to juxtapose
how we speak with you busting a no

897
01:05:30,719 --> 01:05:36,199
cab for real, get out,
shut up, dude, I should be

898
01:05:36,239 --> 01:05:40,639
put out of your mouth. Blondie. Uh well, we're starting to get

899
01:05:40,679 --> 01:05:45,039
some roots starting to grow back,
Yeah a little bit. Yeah, looking

900
01:05:45,119 --> 01:05:49,440
less and less like a die hard
villain every day, which is sad.

901
01:05:53,639 --> 01:05:58,079
I'm keep it up. Get a
touch up, man, have Jesse to

902
01:05:58,119 --> 01:06:01,199
clean it up monthly, real quick. Before we get back into the best

903
01:06:01,280 --> 01:06:04,920
book ever written, we do have
some ads, and we're gonna start with

904
01:06:05,199 --> 01:06:11,840
Harry's Harry's dot com slash softcore.
They are the place to get the best

905
01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:16,199
razors on earth. Hey, do
you guys shave? Do I shave?

906
01:06:16,280 --> 01:06:19,960
Two? I clean up? Yeah, you clean up? And I also

907
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:25,840
just kind of like sometimes I just
kind of take it completely off. Yeah,

908
01:06:25,920 --> 01:06:28,400
I just made a little mustache this
time. I like to just give

909
01:06:28,440 --> 01:06:31,320
myself variety. Yeah, with my
facial hair options. That's fair. So

910
01:06:31,480 --> 01:06:34,400
we all shave, we all have
facial hair, yes, and we all

911
01:06:34,440 --> 01:06:40,719
shift. Harry's razors are you know, basically the best things you can order

912
01:06:41,039 --> 01:06:45,320
anywhere. And what's great about them? Now, Look, we're getting into

913
01:06:45,440 --> 01:06:47,239
the holiday season, We're getting into
you know, you're gonna you gotta kind

914
01:06:47,280 --> 01:06:51,880
of dress up a little bit for
whatever, Thanksgiving church, maybe you got

915
01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:55,119
kids. You gotta, you know, look good for some stupid pick.

916
01:06:55,159 --> 01:06:58,079
If you gotta look good for a
prostitute, maybe maybe it look good for

917
01:06:58,159 --> 01:07:03,199
a hooker. It's not all about
out you know what they charge for because

918
01:07:03,239 --> 01:07:06,079
sometimes they won't even accept you.
Yes, if you're looking like trash,

919
01:07:06,760 --> 01:07:11,639
Harry, you're looking like a trash
raccoon Harry's dot com slash softcore is the

920
01:07:11,719 --> 01:07:15,079
place to go for the best razors. Again, if you want to look

921
01:07:15,079 --> 01:07:16,920
good on holiday pictures stuff like that, just bet they're the best shaving stuff

922
01:07:16,920 --> 01:07:19,000
around. Like they sent me some. I've been using them for a while,

923
01:07:19,039 --> 01:07:21,559
but they sent me something for this
ad. And it's awesome. Uh.

924
01:07:21,599 --> 01:07:27,320
They have incredibly sharp razors and you
know their refills arrive always just in

925
01:07:27,400 --> 01:07:31,920
the nick of time. Harry's is
the esficial sponsor of cutting it close.

926
01:07:33,079 --> 01:07:36,719
Like I said, I've used Harry's
um for a while. Uh, and

927
01:07:36,960 --> 01:07:40,920
they just sent me some stuff because
of this ad which has been awesome,

928
01:07:41,039 --> 01:07:44,960
like they it is. All this
stuff they sent me has been incredible to

929
01:07:45,199 --> 01:07:47,440
me. Body wash, razors,
it's all like my wife has been,

930
01:07:47,480 --> 01:07:50,199
like you smell great and uh's been
a good shave and everything like that.

931
01:07:50,360 --> 01:07:54,679
Now that I can grow beard like
you two can. Your your facial hair

932
01:07:54,760 --> 01:07:58,159
is much better than mine, right, but you're shaving probably more. I

933
01:07:58,239 --> 01:08:00,559
got consistently. Yeah, get it
off, I do. I gotta get

934
01:08:00,559 --> 01:08:04,039
all my little dirty facial hair off. H No, I mean, Harry's

935
01:08:04,079 --> 01:08:08,599
razors are incredible. The body wash
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936
01:08:08,639 --> 01:08:10,639
don't know, I love all this
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937
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smells good, it's it's it's high
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938
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939
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940
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razor weighted handle, foaming shave gel, and a travel cover. It's a

941
01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:31,319
sixteen dollar value for just three dollars, and you can get it at Harry's

942
01:08:31,399 --> 01:08:36,439
dot com slash softcore. That's h
R h A r r ys dot com

943
01:08:36,520 --> 01:08:43,239
slash softcore Harry's without the Apostrohe basically
look, you have everything you need when

944
01:08:43,279 --> 01:08:45,279
you get Harry's. The blades are
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945
01:08:45,359 --> 01:08:48,960
than ever. Uh. Guys who
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946
01:08:49,119 --> 01:08:53,640
is just as sharp as their firth. Uh, I don't know. Tell

947
01:08:53,680 --> 01:08:56,520
you like, these are the best
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948
01:08:56,600 --> 01:09:00,800
them. Don't waste any more time
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949
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950
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951
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953
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954
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955
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957
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961
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964
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965
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966
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967
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968
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971
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979
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They are really really good. I
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980
01:11:15,439 --> 01:11:21,880
not least, because it's never least. We've got Honey. Honey is the

981
01:11:23,079 --> 01:11:29,000
goat that is Honey dot com slash
softcore. Do you shop online always?

982
01:11:29,239 --> 01:11:31,079
Have you used the internet before I
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983
01:11:31,319 --> 01:11:34,880
I have? Oh wow, wow, Well that makes both of us and

984
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also every other human on earth.
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985
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986
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987
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coupons and they will apply a coupon
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988
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on a clothing website, even a
pizza delivery website, whatever, it doesn't

989
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matter. They will apply a coupon
code in there. They will find what.

990
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They will search the internet and if
they find one, they'll put it

991
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992
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993
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Honey is the free shopping tool.
It scours the internet for promo codes and

994
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applies the best ones to your cart. Imagine your shop on line from one

995
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of your favorite sides. You know, you go to the checkout and you

996
01:12:25,079 --> 01:12:27,760
apply coupons. You don't have one. You feel like a loser, as

997
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you should. But boom, Honey
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998
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know, maybe ten five percent whatever off.

999
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You get money off, You get
money off. I've saved money on

1000
01:12:38,800 --> 01:12:42,319
everything, literally, like I said, from food, pizza, pizza,

1001
01:12:42,359 --> 01:12:45,640
food, whatever, clothes, electronics, it doesn't matter. Honey pops in

1002
01:12:45,760 --> 01:12:48,279
and it gives me that stuff.
And by the way, it doesn't just

1003
01:12:48,359 --> 01:12:51,520
work on desktop. It's great on
desktop on like a Chrome map or whatever,

1004
01:12:51,680 --> 01:12:55,880
but it works on your iPhone as
well. Just activate it on Safari

1005
01:12:56,560 --> 01:12:59,800
on your phone and save on the
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1006
01:12:59,840 --> 01:13:01,800
you are straight up missing out on
savings, and by getting it,

1007
01:13:01,880 --> 01:13:05,479
you'll be doing yourself a solid and
supporting this show. I'd never recommend something

1008
01:13:05,520 --> 01:13:10,319
I don't use. I've used it
multiple times this week alone. Get Honey

1009
01:13:10,359 --> 01:13:13,840
for free at joint Honey dot com
slash softcore. That is Joint Honey dot

1010
01:13:13,880 --> 01:13:19,359
com slash softcore. I cannot recommend
it enough. Let's get back to a

1011
01:13:19,399 --> 01:13:24,079
book that could have used Honey.
Next up, we have what I think

1012
01:13:24,239 --> 01:13:30,760
is a black prostitute impetuous flood of
longing, expected rapture. She is a

1013
01:13:30,920 --> 01:13:36,880
charming black beauty. I don't know
what else I could mean, because they

1014
01:13:36,920 --> 01:13:40,880
talk about black hair on a lot
of these women, and they never say

1015
01:13:40,960 --> 01:13:45,079
that, yeah, it's it's definitely. Maybe her heart is black. I

1016
01:13:45,159 --> 01:13:48,920
don't think so, because she sounds
nice, Okay, like she sounds I'll

1017
01:13:48,960 --> 01:13:54,479
hear her out like a good hooker. But I don't know, I don't

1018
01:13:54,520 --> 01:13:57,720
know. I'm this is a full
guest ring. I mean it's pretty I

1019
01:13:57,720 --> 01:14:02,000
think that's pretty straightforward. And there
is something later in another review that will

1020
01:14:02,119 --> 01:14:06,520
make it make this seem more likely
that it's she's like though, she's very

1021
01:14:06,600 --> 01:14:12,640
fond of U. Noun substantiative.
I don't know what that means. Fucking

1022
01:14:13,319 --> 01:14:15,359
uh that can stand by itself.
Oh it means dick. Sorry, Yeah,

1023
01:14:15,439 --> 01:14:18,479
so she's yeah, she's found of
dick. I actually wonder if she

1024
01:14:18,560 --> 01:14:24,000
needs a big dick. So I
think that they left this in here and

1025
01:14:24,199 --> 01:14:26,880
forgot to, like they're like,
oh, think of something for dick.

1026
01:14:27,159 --> 01:14:30,920
Oh like noun substantial, that's like
the filler. Yeah, yeah, they

1027
01:14:30,920 --> 01:14:32,600
put in like blah blah blah.
Yeah, put in the rest later,

1028
01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:36,039
and they just forgot. They just
forgot. But that's actually that's actually a

1029
01:14:36,119 --> 01:14:40,159
good euphemism in ite of itself.
It really is. Yeah, but I

1030
01:14:40,279 --> 01:14:44,399
kind of think the publishers just forgot
to say something fancy for dick. H

1031
01:14:44,439 --> 01:14:47,359
boner or whatever. Uh. Yeah, she loves to make it fall,

1032
01:14:47,800 --> 01:14:53,800
and indeed the stoutest man cannot stand
long before her. Many a fine weapon.

1033
01:14:53,960 --> 01:14:59,640
She has made a beer hanger and
the most stubborn steel hath melted in

1034
01:14:59,800 --> 01:15:02,600
her sheath. You won't last so
long, bro Yep, She's gonna make

1035
01:15:02,640 --> 01:15:09,359
you come real fucking fast. Damn. All right, how long are you

1036
01:15:09,439 --> 01:15:13,359
gonna last? In? All right? Well, clearly not very the best

1037
01:15:13,399 --> 01:15:18,600
swordsman being melted like a like a
just a blacksmith taking find a sword.

1038
01:15:19,920 --> 01:15:24,239
So let's say that the average guy
goes a hot one minute with her,

1039
01:15:24,439 --> 01:15:29,239
Missy Elliott, What are you doing
in comparison to these seventeen eighty eight man?

1040
01:15:30,439 --> 01:15:33,640
Probably better? Honestly, yeah,
do you do it much better than

1041
01:15:33,680 --> 01:15:36,520
like a seventeen hundred man? Do
you think she? Are you? Though?

1042
01:15:36,600 --> 01:15:41,159
They might be fucking like wild?
No? I don't know. I

1043
01:15:41,239 --> 01:15:47,680
think we underestimate the past. I
think the so people always say the winners,

1044
01:15:47,760 --> 01:15:50,279
right history, right, yeah,
sure, but there's no winners in

1045
01:15:50,359 --> 01:15:55,439
this situation. And what's being written
here or what was being written about this

1046
01:15:55,560 --> 01:15:58,439
time wasn't necessarily well, it was
written by the winners. It was written

1047
01:15:58,479 --> 01:16:00,520
by the upper class, right,
So they want to they want to present

1048
01:16:00,560 --> 01:16:04,119
a certain view to you that things
were prim and proper and whatever, and

1049
01:16:04,239 --> 01:16:09,319
they didn't really care about these fucking
mud people. I've already been self deprecating

1050
01:16:09,359 --> 01:16:13,239
about the size. I can't double
down, you can't go time. Yeah,

1051
01:16:13,359 --> 01:16:15,399
yeah, yeah, that's that's just
too cliche. Hard to get overwhelmed

1052
01:16:15,399 --> 01:16:19,199
when barely anything's in there exactly,
like, no, I'm going in an

1053
01:16:19,239 --> 01:16:25,239
hour, all right. Yeah.
But I think I think when we talk

1054
01:16:25,239 --> 01:16:29,680
about history have been written by the
winners. It's not just about oh,

1055
01:16:29,760 --> 01:16:32,920
they won the war, so they
write the history. It's about the upper

1056
01:16:33,000 --> 01:16:35,880
class for a lot of history was
the only one that can fucking right.

1057
01:16:36,159 --> 01:16:41,640
So they write the history, and
they want to project themselves certain ways.

1058
01:16:41,720 --> 01:16:45,880
Yeah, it's about perspective more than
anything. Yeah, and they're gonna ignore

1059
01:16:45,079 --> 01:16:50,079
essentially these mud people, even these
like middle lower middle class people that honestly,

1060
01:16:50,199 --> 01:16:56,920
it sounds like they're fucking constantly.
Yeah, yeah, it's every night.

1061
01:16:57,000 --> 01:17:00,319
What else are you gonna do?
It's an easy get Yeah. It

1062
01:17:00,359 --> 01:17:02,800
sounds like it's easier to get laid
here than it is to the state school

1063
01:17:03,880 --> 01:17:11,600
because no one's fucking rob no one
wants to fuck anymore. Kids aren't fucking

1064
01:17:11,640 --> 01:17:15,239
anymore. They're so lazy, we're
not reproducing. That's the same, right,

1065
01:17:15,039 --> 01:17:23,039
good kids, good less less humans. It's better for the planet or

1066
01:17:23,119 --> 01:17:27,319
something. No, I don't give
a shit about that. More resources for

1067
01:17:27,399 --> 01:17:31,840
me, baby. Uh they go
on, Yet no one complains, but

1068
01:17:32,079 --> 01:17:38,840
rather rejoices at the debility she produces
and wishes for repetition, which she enjoys

1069
01:17:38,880 --> 01:17:45,199
with a go peculiar to herself and
is possessed of every amorous means to produce

1070
01:17:45,279 --> 01:17:48,159
it, and she is of every
luscious one to destroy it. Uh so

1071
01:17:48,359 --> 01:17:54,159
she just fucks real good again.
Essentially, there's all these just flowery paragraphs.

1072
01:17:54,199 --> 01:17:57,199
It's like, yeah, but she's
just like, no, just a

1073
01:17:57,239 --> 01:18:00,439
good. It would be a boring
book if it only said that. That's

1074
01:18:00,439 --> 01:18:03,600
why they do it. Yeah,
this one fuck good. This one through,

1075
01:18:05,039 --> 01:18:09,560
it's more of a pamphlet. Yeah, it's way What was that hooker

1076
01:18:09,600 --> 01:18:14,079
website we went to? Probably back
page was then of a backpage or something

1077
01:18:14,119 --> 01:18:18,279
like that, like her page one
day. It's fucking weird. I know

1078
01:18:18,359 --> 01:18:23,439
they shut that down there past me, No either of you. No,

1079
01:18:23,760 --> 01:18:27,560
no, I would legally well not
married now, but like I would be

1080
01:18:27,640 --> 01:18:30,039
down like an answer Damn's red lights
like next week you probably right, Yeah,

1081
01:18:30,039 --> 01:18:33,039
I was good an answer damn for
a show when I win the Powerball.

1082
01:18:33,920 --> 01:18:39,600
It's not cheating. If you're a
billionaire, nothing is. You can

1083
01:18:39,600 --> 01:18:45,960
give your wife a good severance.
Let's go. She listen, that's fine,

1084
01:18:46,079 --> 01:18:48,439
right, didn't you see her?
But I think her dad is.

1085
01:18:48,720 --> 01:18:53,159
But if you win the Powerball,
you're not staying together. Yeah, yeah,

1086
01:18:53,239 --> 01:18:57,479
it's kind of irresponsible. You mean, what do you mean? What

1087
01:18:57,560 --> 01:19:00,600
do I mean? I can't do
that to my child? A little bud,

1088
01:19:00,359 --> 01:19:03,399
I would say with my wife if
I win the Powerball? What,

1089
01:19:03,760 --> 01:19:09,520
don't be a liar, I'm not
lying. Shut up. I mean she

1090
01:19:09,600 --> 01:19:12,439
could have a pool boy, Like, yeah, yeah, that's really the

1091
01:19:12,560 --> 01:19:15,199
situation. Yeah, that's all right, if you have kind of a handshake

1092
01:19:15,239 --> 01:19:18,199
agreement. Yeah, I think that's
more the more likely situation. But I

1093
01:19:18,319 --> 01:19:21,600
like that you said she has the
pool boy and you have nothing after you

1094
01:19:21,680 --> 01:19:26,840
win the power Ball. I'm self
loss. You're like, yes, she

1095
01:19:27,159 --> 01:19:29,840
my my wife's husband. I want
to say what I would say? What

1096
01:19:29,920 --> 01:19:31,479
I said a ross before he left
here. I was like, the thing

1097
01:19:31,520 --> 01:19:33,760
you would have to worry about for
the Powerball for me is you have to

1098
01:19:33,800 --> 01:19:36,439
make sure I don't die the minute
I find out I win the Powerball,

1099
01:19:36,479 --> 01:19:41,119
because I would be very out of
all the people here. I might be

1100
01:19:41,159 --> 01:19:45,800
the first one to die if if
I win the Powerball, just pure like

1101
01:19:45,840 --> 01:19:49,359
I have a heart attack, just
like party mode. I'd be like whoa

1102
01:19:50,119 --> 01:19:53,560
Like would I get sober because I
wouldn't want to die because I have all

1103
01:19:53,600 --> 01:19:57,560
this money with my luck. I
said this before before the show. But

1104
01:19:57,920 --> 01:20:00,159
I would have the ticket, the
winning ticket in my tra fucking it would

1105
01:20:00,159 --> 01:20:03,279
be smashed and broken into and they
would take that and I'd had to go

1106
01:20:03,359 --> 01:20:08,159
to court with a man who robbed
me yep, pretty much, and you

1107
01:20:08,159 --> 01:20:12,640
wouldn't be able to prove it.
No, and he'd be a billionaire and

1108
01:20:13,079 --> 01:20:15,760
he wouldn't even pay for my window. Nope. Yeah, Like, shut

1109
01:20:15,840 --> 01:20:20,159
up, poor, you'd be five
dollars out of lug. Yeah. Well,

1110
01:20:20,199 --> 01:20:26,399
and actually I forgot your happens every
year. It happens every days.

1111
01:20:27,359 --> 01:20:30,760
Next step, we have miss ward. Um. Not a great review on

1112
01:20:30,840 --> 01:20:34,920
this one. Oh, Like I
said, they don't get great reviews on

1113
01:20:34,960 --> 01:20:42,439
everybody. She is so not the
inspiration for maitland Ward. Maybe maybe it's

1114
01:20:42,479 --> 01:20:45,159
her descendant or her ancestor. I
checked out some of her work after she

1115
01:20:45,239 --> 01:20:49,199
came on the show. Pretty good, She's enthusiastic, she's yeah, like

1116
01:20:49,359 --> 01:20:53,239
not you know, I'm not the
best looking, but like I like a

1117
01:20:53,359 --> 01:20:56,840
girl. I think porn really comes
down to like how into it are you?

1118
01:20:57,479 --> 01:20:59,640
That's more important selling it, And
that's what she was saying on the

1119
01:20:59,640 --> 01:21:03,840
show. The way was like,
it's not just about like what you look

1120
01:21:03,920 --> 01:21:08,600
like. Well, she was talking
about like story and something. I know.

1121
01:21:08,640 --> 01:21:11,199
I agree with that though. I
think that's but it's like hearing an

1122
01:21:12,279 --> 01:21:15,159
It's like hearing an actor and be
like you gotta find like where they're from

1123
01:21:15,239 --> 01:21:16,880
and blah blah blah. And it's
like you to play in Lincoln, just

1124
01:21:16,920 --> 01:21:20,000
do a Lincoln impression, right,
And that's what you think because you can't

1125
01:21:20,039 --> 01:21:24,920
act, but the actor needs to
give me a fucking psycho about it to

1126
01:21:25,039 --> 01:21:29,359
be a good actor. Yes,
so she's same way, oh porn actor.

1127
01:21:29,520 --> 01:21:32,439
But then when you hear her,
it is what is every actor sounds

1128
01:21:32,479 --> 01:21:36,359
like an asshole. I don't know, uh, miss Ward. She is

1129
01:21:36,560 --> 01:21:43,199
really a delicious piece and her terra
incognita is so very agreeable to every traveler

1130
01:21:43,279 --> 01:21:49,279
therein that it hath it hath ceased
to deserve that name. So the her

1131
01:21:49,359 --> 01:21:55,159
vagina can no longer be called Tara
incognita because so many people have fucked her,

1132
01:21:57,359 --> 01:22:00,560
it has become well known and a
much frequented country, freely taking in

1133
01:22:00,720 --> 01:22:05,640
the stranger. So even for a
prostitute, she's sucked a lot of fucking

1134
01:22:05,720 --> 01:22:12,840
guys. Yikes, she's a floozie
for a prostitute. I guess she's a

1135
01:22:12,920 --> 01:22:17,760
horse whrror. You know, but
this is the really liked your favorite horse

1136
01:22:17,800 --> 01:22:21,159
favorite horror. It's it's a comics, it's comedians, comedian you know,

1137
01:22:21,279 --> 01:22:29,439
it's a horse whrror. I mean
she must be good looking, then no,

1138
01:22:29,800 --> 01:22:32,359
if she's getting a lot of business, that's not what they it's well,

1139
01:22:32,399 --> 01:22:39,000
they just say she'll take anybody.
Can hookers deny people? Yes,

1140
01:22:39,239 --> 01:22:43,239
yes, well yeah, but like
if they're gonna pay the right price,

1141
01:22:43,920 --> 01:22:46,720
it depends on the person. And
we'll talk about that. I didn't realize

1142
01:22:46,760 --> 01:22:51,960
we'll get to that. They had. Imagine getting denied by a hooker.

1143
01:22:53,079 --> 01:22:56,439
It's pretty low. Yeah, probably
happened back day for you. It probably

1144
01:22:56,439 --> 01:22:59,119
happens a lot, a lot.
It probably happened all the fu time.

1145
01:22:59,119 --> 01:23:02,720
I would imagine. It's like you
to think, man, like most you'll

1146
01:23:02,800 --> 01:23:05,920
call I don't know how many dudes
are going to hookers and stuff, but

1147
01:23:06,000 --> 01:23:10,800
like run in the middle guy's probably
not going so you gotta think, like

1148
01:23:10,920 --> 01:23:15,239
now you're getting like lower quarters higher. It's either gonna be high end businessmen

1149
01:23:15,720 --> 01:23:18,039
or low end dudes who can't get
laid right, And the high end dudes

1150
01:23:18,279 --> 01:23:23,279
who are super businessmen probably aren't that
great either they're working so much or probably

1151
01:23:23,279 --> 01:23:27,000
a little. Right. I imagine
hygiene's a big problem for a lot of

1152
01:23:27,039 --> 01:23:30,319
these chicks. So they're probably no, you stink, bro, Yeah it

1153
01:23:30,439 --> 01:23:33,680
doesn't matter. I don't. It's
not like, yeah, you can get

1154
01:23:33,720 --> 01:23:38,239
whatever money you want and walk into
a you know, like a fucking McDonald's

1155
01:23:38,279 --> 01:23:42,439
and buy fifty dollars worth McDonald's.
But you can't just have fifty dollars and

1156
01:23:42,479 --> 01:23:45,600
walk up from a prostitute and be
like, I have this, gimme.

1157
01:23:45,960 --> 01:23:48,920
Yeah, it's not They do their
own quality check, right, Like no,

1158
01:23:49,159 --> 01:23:53,359
no, there's nance to that in
your pants. Yeah, I'm not

1159
01:23:53,479 --> 01:23:56,159
gonna fuck you. Ohough, that'd
be sick if you went to McDonald's and

1160
01:23:56,159 --> 01:23:59,720
they didn't do I mean, they
can also do that, they're just less

1161
01:23:59,800 --> 01:24:01,960
like flea to do that. It's
like we're making an he's in his car,

1162
01:24:02,079 --> 01:24:04,239
what's the worst he can smell like
you know, but versus like,

1163
01:24:04,680 --> 01:24:08,399
oh, I have to let you
inside of me. Yeah, there's gonna

1164
01:24:08,439 --> 01:24:10,800
be some ground rules. There's some
nuance to this ship. It's not just

1165
01:24:11,199 --> 01:24:13,800
give me money get in. Yeah, you know, right, But you

1166
01:24:13,880 --> 01:24:15,600
go to McDonald's like, no,
we're cutting you off. I'd be insane.

1167
01:24:16,560 --> 01:24:19,000
I mean an even lower point,
to be quite, that would be

1168
01:24:19,079 --> 01:24:24,239
lower. Yeah, I'm being rejected
by a process understandable for many reasons.

1169
01:24:25,199 --> 01:24:32,359
But yeah, that's actually pretty bad. Like we're not gonna feed you.

1170
01:24:33,479 --> 01:24:36,199
I mean you had enough? Like
no, I'm not gonna fuck you is

1171
01:24:36,199 --> 01:24:42,680
a sentence most people here. Everyone
everyone's heard. But I'm not gonna feed

1172
01:24:42,720 --> 01:24:46,079
you. Is you hear that?
Less? Like you don't need this?

1173
01:24:46,319 --> 01:24:54,720
Yeah? Uh so that's a pretty
bad start. The review doesn't get better.

1174
01:24:55,279 --> 01:25:00,239
Okay, she does not pretend to
restore sight for the blood. She

1175
01:25:00,359 --> 01:25:03,279
does not pretend to restore sight to
the blind. She'll place but she will

1176
01:25:03,319 --> 01:25:08,880
place him in such a direction that
he cannot mistake the way. So she's

1177
01:25:08,920 --> 01:25:12,760
not a good lay but you know
what you gotta do. But she gets

1178
01:25:12,800 --> 01:25:19,039
the job done right, Like she's
not gonna blow your mind, but you'll

1179
01:25:19,079 --> 01:25:24,720
come yeah, okay, you'll finish, Miss Simms. By the way,

1180
01:25:24,720 --> 01:25:29,199
they're running out of ways to describe
and or com just getting tired Gina at

1181
01:25:29,239 --> 01:25:31,960
this point. Yeah, we hear
her. Low countries are far from being

1182
01:25:32,039 --> 01:25:41,239
capacious, but like a well made
boot, it fits well, is drawn

1183
01:25:41,319 --> 01:25:45,199
on the leg with some difficulty,
and fits so close as to give great

1184
01:25:45,239 --> 01:25:48,239
pleasure to the wearer. Okay,
so she's tight tight. It is about

1185
01:25:48,279 --> 01:25:54,520
two years since her boot has been
accustomed to wear legs in, and though

1186
01:25:54,680 --> 01:26:01,000
it has been often sold and sold, it has to wear out. So

1187
01:26:01,159 --> 01:26:06,399
it's been a while since she's she's
been fucking for two years, but still

1188
01:26:06,439 --> 01:26:15,760
tight. So she is a cock
cobbler, cock cobbler, cobbler, cobbler.

1189
01:26:15,840 --> 01:26:20,000
Yeah, that's what he said.
That's why it was funny they to

1190
01:26:20,159 --> 01:26:26,920
fit, all right. Just comparing
a vagina to a boot is not the

1191
01:26:27,000 --> 01:26:29,680
best. It's a lot and that's
what I'm saying. Like they're running out

1192
01:26:29,680 --> 01:26:32,960
of euphemism at this point. Yeah, I would push back on that.

1193
01:26:34,920 --> 01:26:40,159
If you're a bootsman, that's actually
probably if they're making like, well,

1194
01:26:40,840 --> 01:26:45,560
the vagina fits on your dick so
well like a boot handmaid. All right,

1195
01:26:46,840 --> 01:26:51,560
Miss Betsy Clark, the common destroyer
of beauty, has made few dells

1196
01:26:53,159 --> 01:26:57,680
on the face of this fair jewess. Oh, one of the tribe.

1197
01:26:59,640 --> 01:27:03,079
Let's go. But a pair of
pretty dimples makes ample amends and quite over

1198
01:27:03,159 --> 01:27:06,560
the balance, quite overbalances these trifling
imperfections. So she get a little bit

1199
01:27:06,600 --> 01:27:11,640
of acne and she's a jew but
she's still pretty cool. Well, your

1200
01:27:11,640 --> 01:27:21,279
tribe should match your vibe. What
I missed? It tired? It's okay,

1201
01:27:23,399 --> 01:27:26,039
it happens. It's been a long
day. Yeah, uh, miss

1202
01:27:26,119 --> 01:27:30,039
Coop. Strange it is, but
no less strange than true that Englishmen in

1203
01:27:30,159 --> 01:27:33,319
general have a great ish for variety. But according to our promissory note in

1204
01:27:33,359 --> 01:27:39,479
the preface, we here present them
with one of the finest, fattest figures,

1205
01:27:39,600 --> 01:27:44,039
as fully finished for fun and frolic, as fertile fancy, ever formed,

1206
01:27:44,319 --> 01:27:46,560
fraught with ever melting charms. Okay, stop, she's fat. This

1207
01:27:46,720 --> 01:27:51,439
is too much alliteration. I fucking
know that's insane. Starts to get bananas

1208
01:27:51,880 --> 01:27:59,279
you start reading. That's like doctor
Seuss wrote that Hooker review, fut and

1209
01:27:59,399 --> 01:28:04,600
fun and fuck off dude and fun
and fanciful and for fluffy and like yeah,

1210
01:28:04,760 --> 01:28:10,319
stop stop it's absurd. That's where
I think, Yeah, these people

1211
01:28:10,399 --> 01:28:15,199
had to be like, just tell
me where to fucking vajoina is care about

1212
01:28:15,239 --> 01:28:19,079
your pottery all to tell me where
I can fucking come? Green eggs and

1213
01:28:19,199 --> 01:28:25,560
ham might have actually just been played
your eyes from this. It really if

1214
01:28:26,079 --> 01:28:30,479
if a vagina in this book was
described as green eggs and ham, would

1215
01:28:30,479 --> 01:28:34,119
it would you be surprised at all? At first? At first you deny

1216
01:28:34,159 --> 01:28:36,479
it, but then when you try
it you like it. Yeah, yeah,

1217
01:28:38,279 --> 01:28:43,680
it's some moral of the story.
Try it first, man, Now

1218
01:28:43,920 --> 01:28:48,279
you get into Yeah, we're almost
there that like, just we're like ten

1219
01:28:48,359 --> 01:28:51,720
pages deep, dude, all right, I'll get it. I would do

1220
01:28:51,760 --> 01:28:57,359
like two more, Okay, Miss
Nancy Davos. She has a tolerable pretty

1221
01:28:57,439 --> 01:29:00,560
mouth. We wish we could say
the same, or we wish we could

1222
01:29:00,560 --> 01:29:05,479
pay her teeth the same compliment.
Oh no, girl, that mouse she

1223
01:29:05,600 --> 01:29:11,359
thinks serves as an index to the
cousin below. That's her pussy. Uh.

1224
01:29:11,560 --> 01:29:14,840
To be sure, she has learned
the wriggling part of pleasing and would

1225
01:29:14,880 --> 01:29:18,119
willingly make her gentleman believe when in
the heat blah blah. She's got a

1226
01:29:18,159 --> 01:29:20,640
pretty used up pussy, but she
knows how to use it. Okay,

1227
01:29:23,000 --> 01:29:28,279
uh she little teethe, bad teeth. But like with the blow jobs,

1228
01:29:28,600 --> 01:29:30,800
I think they would have said something
about that. Okay, in a long

1229
01:29:31,199 --> 01:29:40,439
pros most likely Oh yeah, uh
here is my favor. Let me find

1230
01:29:40,520 --> 01:29:46,800
the one I can listen to you
honestly, like, there's gotta be one

1231
01:29:46,880 --> 01:29:56,159
though that's just caught your eye.
There is one in particular where oh yeah,

1232
01:29:56,159 --> 01:29:59,079
here we go. All right,
so I'll just this is my last

1233
01:29:59,119 --> 01:30:01,479
one. Okay. I think that
if it's your favorite, I think that's

1234
01:30:01,479 --> 01:30:06,479
how we should my law. It's
just funny because if you're with this hooker

1235
01:30:08,560 --> 01:30:13,439
and you get charged a certain way, oh it says says something value.

1236
01:30:13,680 --> 01:30:19,239
Yeah, yeah, um, this
is miss Corbett. So she's just given

1237
01:30:19,279 --> 01:30:30,159
out potentially like Podrick rides. Oh
pod the god God. Yeah that's two

1238
01:30:30,239 --> 01:30:36,319
Lane Street, you know what I
mean? Yeah, miss Corbett. Some

1239
01:30:36,560 --> 01:30:42,760
girls have been debauched by delusive arts
and under promises of marriage, and others

1240
01:30:42,800 --> 01:30:48,600
have commenced harlots through want, but
neither of these motives actuated this lady's principles.

1241
01:30:49,039 --> 01:30:55,359
It was mere lewdness that overpowered all
nature's works and stamped the principles of

1242
01:30:55,439 --> 01:31:00,680
conjunction and copulation at a very early
period. When air twelve summers AKA when

1243
01:31:00,720 --> 01:31:06,520
she was twelve had warmed her consultation, she learned the use of different machines

1244
01:31:08,000 --> 01:31:13,359
and felt the effects of friction as
soon as she had any genital fluid within

1245
01:31:13,439 --> 01:31:17,319
her. Oh gross, who first
stamped her virgin mold? We are at

1246
01:31:17,399 --> 01:31:23,560
a loss to tell. We don't
know who banged the twelve year old.

1247
01:31:23,640 --> 01:31:28,520
Yeah, but from the luxuriance of
the present soil, guess it was broke

1248
01:31:28,640 --> 01:31:34,159
open at an early period. So
she's a little used up. So that's

1249
01:31:34,199 --> 01:31:38,680
exactly what it sounds like. Yeah, she uh, I don't know,

1250
01:31:38,840 --> 01:31:44,319
she's a child puberty early, got
horny early, was in some sort of

1251
01:31:44,520 --> 01:31:48,199
sexual situation, consensual or non consensual. I do not know. Yeah,

1252
01:31:49,960 --> 01:31:54,159
it's probably the ladder, right,
Yeah, probably the ladder. And she

1253
01:31:54,319 --> 01:31:59,039
got fucked real young again, whether
consentially or not. I don't know how.

1254
01:31:59,079 --> 01:32:03,239
How does she hear the review a
couple of years older? But don't

1255
01:32:03,279 --> 01:32:09,159
feel great about this? Here's the
good part, okay. In regard to

1256
01:32:09,279 --> 01:32:15,039
price, she has one fixed rule. She always measures a gentleman's may pull

1257
01:32:15,520 --> 01:32:20,760
by a standard of nine inches and
expects a guinea for every inch it is

1258
01:32:20,840 --> 01:32:27,479
short of full measure. Wow.
So if yo dick, you got to

1259
01:32:27,520 --> 01:32:30,119
pay extract. But if it is
nine nine or above, or if it's

1260
01:32:30,159 --> 01:32:33,039
ten eleven, yeah, she's paying
you. Yeah, she's knocking it off.

1261
01:32:33,520 --> 01:32:39,119
I hope. So okay, I
kind of respect. I feel like

1262
01:32:39,199 --> 01:32:45,239
that's a fucking that's a big ask, Like that's a pretty like so for

1263
01:32:45,560 --> 01:32:50,600
what it's worth with that nine inches
then isn't nine inches now? Inches have

1264
01:32:50,720 --> 01:32:58,479
been changed changed, But essentially what
she's saying is for if your dick doesn't

1265
01:32:58,520 --> 01:33:00,800
mean a certain size, it drop
below that size, it costs more.

1266
01:33:00,920 --> 01:33:04,319
So she's I'm not having fun,
she's she's a side queen. Yeah,

1267
01:33:04,520 --> 01:33:12,920
she's price fixing. She's dick fixing, brom Can you imagine the indignity?

1268
01:33:15,760 --> 01:33:19,800
What would you do if they're like, yeah, I know it's it's normally

1269
01:33:19,840 --> 01:33:27,319
a thousand, but you're twelve hundred. That means it's only two inches shorter

1270
01:33:27,479 --> 01:33:30,640
right than nine? Well? No, well nine seventeen eighty eight inches.

1271
01:33:30,720 --> 01:33:33,680
That might be six to five inches
for all we know. No, well,

1272
01:33:33,880 --> 01:33:38,840
I think we're good. That mind's
about cell phone size. Cell phone,

1273
01:33:38,920 --> 01:33:45,119
Yeah, gotta measure it okay,
but yeah, that one was especially

1274
01:33:45,199 --> 01:33:50,199
like, man, you have to
be like almost brave to fuck her.

1275
01:33:51,600 --> 01:33:56,760
Like it's almost like the It's almost
like a carnival challenge. It's like I

1276
01:33:56,840 --> 01:33:59,199
think I can make the bill ring, you know, if I hit this

1277
01:33:59,239 --> 01:34:00,760
thing or enough or like if you
know, like I'm strong enough, like

1278
01:34:01,439 --> 01:34:04,159
you going. It's like, man, she charged me more. God damn

1279
01:34:04,199 --> 01:34:08,199
it, the game was rigged.
I think the game is rigged by the

1280
01:34:08,239 --> 01:34:12,319
way from the start where she measure
from right, because in my experience,

1281
01:34:12,359 --> 01:34:15,680
you have to take the ruler and
push it as hard and as you can

1282
01:34:15,960 --> 01:34:19,199
your pelvis yep, until you're basically
bleeding. You have to measure from the

1283
01:34:19,279 --> 01:34:25,079
top touching bone. I typically go
from my asshole. Yeah yeah, yeah,

1284
01:34:25,119 --> 01:34:29,239
yeah, yeah, which which is
fair as well. That's European measurement

1285
01:34:30,439 --> 01:34:35,600
mainland, right, you know it
varies with country. Yeah. Um,

1286
01:34:35,960 --> 01:34:40,079
it's like shoe sizes like in China, it's it's different size, like a

1287
01:34:40,159 --> 01:34:43,600
men's ten is not the same.
No, it's not. What did you

1288
01:34:43,600 --> 01:34:45,880
guys learn today? You're your foot
guy? Bro? Yeah, you're a

1289
01:34:45,920 --> 01:34:53,960
foot guy. You're also h I
feel like you probably brate your wife for

1290
01:34:54,159 --> 01:35:00,680
not keeping up a certain standard a
foot foot in hand. Yeah, I

1291
01:35:00,760 --> 01:35:04,439
like it, like you're off the
turtles doown you like you like? Pause?

1292
01:35:04,560 --> 01:35:09,479
Bro, I like hand the softest
turtles down digits in the mits.

1293
01:35:10,000 --> 01:35:14,680
Then did you learn anybot history today? Oh? Yeah, we've always had

1294
01:35:14,680 --> 01:35:18,399
a backpage. This isn't a back
page. That's actually a review site,

1295
01:35:18,880 --> 01:35:23,239
which there are also those. This
is its own thing. Yeah, we're

1296
01:35:23,239 --> 01:35:29,199
a little too flowery with our smart
and yeah, I agree with that.

1297
01:35:29,239 --> 01:35:32,479
I can't imagine a drunk person having
to flip through this, I know,

1298
01:35:32,600 --> 01:35:35,359
because these people are kind of drunk
when they're doing it. Like, this

1299
01:35:35,560 --> 01:35:39,880
has to be four I imagine this
might be four upper class people too,

1300
01:35:40,239 --> 01:35:43,359
says it's four middle class people,
but middle classes. Yeah, but I

1301
01:35:43,399 --> 01:35:45,800
think it's for upper class people to
go. Guy's not getting off the docks

1302
01:35:45,840 --> 01:35:49,199
and writing this. Nor could they
afford it to be about could they be

1303
01:35:49,359 --> 01:35:55,000
twenty dollars today for what they charged
back then? Nor could they read it?

1304
01:35:55,199 --> 01:35:57,640
But it was middle class, like
middle class feel could afford it?

1305
01:35:57,840 --> 01:36:01,079
Okay, fair enough. So if
you're like, uh, to give an

1306
01:36:01,119 --> 01:36:06,239
example that people would understand, Um, if you're Bob crash it right,

1307
01:36:06,560 --> 01:36:11,279
you don't own the business. But
you are an accountant at the at at

1308
01:36:12,239 --> 01:36:15,159
Scrooge's business, you could afford this. Yeah, and I guess like you're

1309
01:36:15,199 --> 01:36:18,119
taking the you're biting the bullet on
this twenty dollars book so that you don't

1310
01:36:18,239 --> 01:36:21,520
waste money later on exactly. So
he's getting a prostitute instead of paying for

1311
01:36:21,560 --> 01:36:26,960
tiny ten. Yes, you get
the surgery. Yes, what surgery?

1312
01:36:27,000 --> 01:36:30,319
What surgery? A foot? Yeah, they cut off his head and you

1313
01:36:30,359 --> 01:36:33,439
don't have a crippled kid anymore.
That's true. Takes care of the problem.

1314
01:36:35,680 --> 01:36:38,880
I mean people, that's how they
don't with shit like that back then.

1315
01:36:38,920 --> 01:36:41,840
I don't know what you want me
to say. Hating the cure is

1316
01:36:41,920 --> 01:36:50,039
their problem? Yeah, Harry Christmas, who's today is hitler? Um trying

1317
01:36:50,039 --> 01:36:54,119
to think? I don't know if
there is one. Yeah, these women

1318
01:36:54,159 --> 01:37:00,279
are offering a service to lonely men. I think the hitler is anyone that

1319
01:37:00,439 --> 01:37:05,039
is stealing from this last woman who
has a dick over nine inches. So

1320
01:37:05,199 --> 01:37:09,960
there, so they're like, you
gotta charged me less, No, she

1321
01:37:10,079 --> 01:37:13,760
got to pay them. Yeah,
so she's hitler. No, they are.

1322
01:37:14,039 --> 01:37:17,079
If you have big dick dudes right
there, hitler dance calling dudes with

1323
01:37:17,159 --> 01:37:28,039
big dicks Hitler Yeah, okay,
um My Hitler would be probably I don't

1324
01:37:28,119 --> 01:37:31,439
have one the first time as a
whole for you know, kind of looking

1325
01:37:31,479 --> 01:37:34,079
down. Do you have a Hitler? It's the judge that's setting someone that

1326
01:37:34,159 --> 01:37:38,119
wrote this to prison. Yeah,
for you, that's bullshit. It's a

1327
01:37:38,159 --> 01:37:42,800
book, right, fucking free speech
man, will you Nazi? That's my

1328
01:37:42,920 --> 01:37:53,199
pick? Right? Uh My Hitler
is gross feet, Rob Fox, Jake

1329
01:37:53,239 --> 01:37:56,359
Coleman, I'm damnage Ester and you
just got saficer