WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.080 --> 00:00:07.559 Hello, it's another edition of fifty plus. I'm James Love Jr. It 2 00:00:07.719 --> 00:00:12.400 is August twenty one, twenty twenty three, and yes, I survived Hurricane 3 00:00:12.519 --> 00:00:18.920 Hillary or hurricane quotes Hillary and the earthquake yesterday here in Los Angeles. I 4 00:00:19.079 --> 00:00:24.839 didn't feel anything the earth, the hurricane, which is heavy rain, so 5 00:00:24.879 --> 00:00:28.800 where I lived here in Englewood, not a big deal and it's fine. 6 00:00:29.359 --> 00:00:34.439 So I survived that. Today. It's a very interesting day for me personally 7 00:00:35.240 --> 00:00:39.960 and for my family. But for me personally, August twenty first has two 8 00:00:40.000 --> 00:00:45.159 things, and it involves my brothers. So I have several people all in 9 00:00:45.159 --> 00:00:50.280 my life. You know, there are siblings. We all have siblings. 10 00:00:50.320 --> 00:00:59.759 Almost don't it's only children. And it's weird how life will do something that 11 00:01:00.280 --> 00:01:06.599 converges on another. Something's something I'll explain a second. I haven't had coffee 12 00:01:06.680 --> 00:01:11.640 yet. It's weird when one day could have several meetings. That's I guess 13 00:01:11.680 --> 00:01:15.719 that's there. That's that's the main point of this. And there is several 14 00:01:15.079 --> 00:01:19.400 times in my life when my voice is just kid. My voice was gone 15 00:01:19.400 --> 00:01:25.439 on this weekend too, so my voice kind of back where there were many 16 00:01:25.920 --> 00:01:30.840 I'll be invited to four major events the same Saturday in one month. You're 17 00:01:30.840 --> 00:01:38.599 like, why that Saturday? Like, it's just weird. So I'll start 18 00:01:38.680 --> 00:01:42.239 the good. So seven years ago I lostarch good. Start the good. 19 00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:46.599 Today it's my younger brother Jr's birthday. I'm gonna tell you his age. 20 00:01:47.040 --> 00:01:49.519 She's ocker than I am. I think he don't tell his age, but 21 00:01:49.599 --> 00:01:53.920 he lives. He's what he lives with me, Flavis, the fans and 22 00:01:53.000 --> 00:01:57.280 brothers. You never seen him. I'm in public. I'm in the public 23 00:01:57.359 --> 00:02:00.920 eye. So I've chosen to be here. So when it comes to my 24 00:02:00.079 --> 00:02:05.920 family, I let them choose if and when they wouldn't be included and related 25 00:02:05.959 --> 00:02:09.400 to me in public. My voice is still not back all the way. 26 00:02:09.439 --> 00:02:16.199 I'm like, well, that's crazy. He still feel scratchy, and I 27 00:02:16.520 --> 00:02:20.919 know that it's always over the years. I choose to be here and do 28 00:02:21.080 --> 00:02:23.000 this. They don't choose. I was like, so some of them are 29 00:02:23.080 --> 00:02:27.319 very private's but you'll never see him, and some are like they don't mind. 30 00:02:27.560 --> 00:02:30.840 They're on social media, they don't care. So my brother and I've 31 00:02:30.879 --> 00:02:38.080 always kind of kept separate identities. He's partially online, like partially in public. 32 00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:42.120 I partially not the last couple of years. He's actually it gets up 33 00:02:42.120 --> 00:02:45.919 to him. His reason. He's tagged me in a few things, come 34 00:02:46.000 --> 00:02:49.479 to a few of my events and some my famous friends. They know who 35 00:02:49.520 --> 00:02:53.680 he is, but we've never done a show together or knowing that he's not 36 00:02:53.879 --> 00:03:00.039 up for that. I but it's his birthday. He's actually post some stuff 37 00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:02.080 and I can. I post it and tagged him in a couple of things 38 00:03:02.159 --> 00:03:07.080 you'll see my social media. But it's his birthday. And so he's a 39 00:03:07.080 --> 00:03:09.360 younger brother that I've taken care of when I was younger. He's a younger 40 00:03:09.439 --> 00:03:17.800 brother that I lived with. He's a brother that he and I have both 41 00:03:20.120 --> 00:03:27.400 went through a lot this year together with my mom my now late stepdad, 42 00:03:27.520 --> 00:03:30.800 and my aunts. He was the one, he was the brother who was 43 00:03:30.879 --> 00:03:34.960 side by side with me, and so he went through all the stuff, 44 00:03:35.319 --> 00:03:40.759 you know, we alongside with me and stepped up and was there for my 45 00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:45.240 stepdad, for my mom, my aunt. He was like he was there. 46 00:03:45.560 --> 00:03:52.400 So he and I are probably the most hired from everything that's gone on. 47 00:03:53.080 --> 00:03:55.280 But we did. We did it. We're stronger for it. We've 48 00:03:55.360 --> 00:04:00.599 had we had the serious conversations, we had the we've had a few fights, 49 00:04:00.800 --> 00:04:02.800 you know, and all that kind of stuff. But he is the 50 00:04:02.919 --> 00:04:08.319 one who It's me and him in terms of the men were we're together, 51 00:04:08.919 --> 00:04:14.120 fighting this together, working on this together, side by side. So hey, 52 00:04:14.199 --> 00:04:20.079 birthday to him of course, and to and just things for stepping it 53 00:04:20.160 --> 00:04:25.879 up and being there for our parents and people. It would have fell on 54 00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:30.399 me mostly I had a lot. I'm I'm still the the older one on 55 00:04:30.519 --> 00:04:33.600 the more. I'm the one they just trust the most. I've had more 56 00:04:33.720 --> 00:04:36.399 life experience, so there's a lot of things that I handled it. He 57 00:04:36.439 --> 00:04:41.959 doesn't have to handle at all. That's why I'm super tired, and I've 58 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:47.519 come on here and told you about that. But but without him, it 59 00:04:47.560 --> 00:04:50.279 would have all fallen on me, and I just would have been just too 60 00:04:50.399 --> 00:04:57.000 much. So his contribution is very important, is very it should be noted. 61 00:04:57.079 --> 00:05:00.360 It's very important, and I don't take for granted at all. Right, 62 00:05:01.319 --> 00:05:04.480 So say it's his birthday and so I had some presence for him and 63 00:05:04.480 --> 00:05:12.600 put him together and all that stuff. Okay, So the other brother, 64 00:05:13.160 --> 00:05:17.639 a big brother, passed away seven years ago today, and here was Max, 65 00:05:17.839 --> 00:05:23.639 and some of you, my fans were with me when I explained it 66 00:05:23.720 --> 00:05:28.920 to you guys back then was Aftermath TV. Some of you have seen over 67 00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:31.240 the years my tributes and things to him, and some of you, a 68 00:05:31.279 --> 00:05:34.519 few of you and knew him actually find out later they knew who he was. 69 00:05:35.879 --> 00:05:42.040 Max was someone who Well, it's funny, I now for the first 70 00:05:42.079 --> 00:05:46.360 it's the CERTA things went through my mind right now. So one some stuff 71 00:05:46.439 --> 00:05:49.800 came to my brain that I wasn't allowing to come to my brain until I 72 00:05:49.839 --> 00:05:56.160 guess now, grief is its own thing, right, and I grieve for 73 00:05:56.240 --> 00:06:00.160 him all the time. But I realized I was like thinking back, So 74 00:06:01.079 --> 00:06:04.680 for those of you guys who don't know, I'll do a brief version. 75 00:06:04.720 --> 00:06:06.959 It's very painful for me, so I'll do a brief version for me. 76 00:06:09.319 --> 00:06:15.160 So I he texted me. I was his last text. He texted me. 77 00:06:15.600 --> 00:06:16.279 He was like, Hey, what are you doing? Blah blah. 78 00:06:16.360 --> 00:06:21.759 I texted him back in answer. I went and did an after Best TV 79 00:06:23.519 --> 00:06:28.480 my soap block because it was a Sunday, it happened, and I did 80 00:06:28.519 --> 00:06:32.439 my soaps somebody as the Best TV. And as I'm leaving as a message 81 00:06:32.439 --> 00:06:40.360 on my phone and after us see me me a long hallway and then I 82 00:06:40.480 --> 00:06:46.839 went outside and I was I was gonna walk to the train station because it 83 00:06:46.920 --> 00:06:49.480 was a hot night, as usual in Las Angeles, in the valley in 84 00:06:49.560 --> 00:06:55.560 Las Angeles. So I see, so I called back the number. That's 85 00:06:55.639 --> 00:07:02.360 what I'm told that he's dead. I was in shock because he had a 86 00:07:02.399 --> 00:07:06.720 heart attack. Now he hadn't been to me. I hadn't seen sickly. 87 00:07:06.759 --> 00:07:11.199 It wasn't sickly. He was a bodybuilding, he worked out all the stuff. 88 00:07:12.279 --> 00:07:15.680 The thing they told me was he happened to be driving when he had 89 00:07:15.720 --> 00:07:19.439 the heart attack. And he was only in forty seven. And I'm not 90 00:07:19.519 --> 00:07:21.439 making the thing. It's all he was only year old, and I was 91 00:07:21.920 --> 00:07:25.279 so AGEI was here the year older. So he was in late forties. 92 00:07:26.279 --> 00:07:30.560 And he went, I guess quietly like he just he said, luckily, 93 00:07:30.680 --> 00:07:34.079 was on a residential street. A cop happened to be I guess behind him 94 00:07:34.800 --> 00:07:39.160 and knows the card is slowed down and go to a stop so the car 95 00:07:39.240 --> 00:07:46.759 didn't crash. He didn't injure anybody else, but he said he died. 96 00:07:48.639 --> 00:07:55.199 I was devastated. Called my mother right away, but I couldn't breathe, 97 00:07:55.720 --> 00:08:00.959 and and it it just it was just overwhelming. It something I'll never forget 98 00:08:01.040 --> 00:08:03.839 first of my life. It was just like no, and I was his 99 00:08:03.959 --> 00:08:07.000 last text. I kept saying, they going, But now I was answering 100 00:08:07.079 --> 00:08:11.040 him back. He didn't answering me back. And now I look back seven 101 00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:18.560 years later, about a week or so before, he had called me about 102 00:08:18.560 --> 00:08:22.000 this condition that I had had and a friend of mine had had. Okay, 103 00:08:22.079 --> 00:08:24.879 so do we tell you that. I'll make sure it all makes sense. 104 00:08:26.199 --> 00:08:31.480 It's all my brain, it's all quarter bus he. So my friend 105 00:08:31.519 --> 00:08:37.240 and I each over the years had had a thing called Verico cells in our 106 00:08:37.360 --> 00:08:41.960 testicles. I know it's just too much fast forward. It was too much 107 00:08:43.000 --> 00:08:46.480 where you're positive or whatever. I won't go in to super details, but 108 00:08:46.559 --> 00:08:50.639 you get blood clots in your in your testicles. A lot of times they're 109 00:08:50.799 --> 00:08:58.320 not life threatening, and already it's like it's just it's it happens science to 110 00:08:58.399 --> 00:09:01.639 correct themselves. Get to the surgery. My ac corrected themselves. Happened a 111 00:09:01.639 --> 00:09:05.679 couple of times. And for my friend, he had surgery. It was 112 00:09:05.759 --> 00:09:09.879 very painful surgery. Come down there. The only was the only way you 113 00:09:11.039 --> 00:09:20.120 find out you have it is when you're doing some stuff to yourself and it 114 00:09:20.279 --> 00:09:24.080 comes to that you see blood scarcely at first, you foresee like, oh 115 00:09:24.159 --> 00:09:28.919 my god, there's blood. It's scary, so you go to a doctor 116 00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:31.559 and get checked out. But it's but it's but my Like in my case, 117 00:09:31.879 --> 00:09:35.840 it just I was trying to find a way out, and it did. 118 00:09:35.960 --> 00:09:39.679 It came out, and after a week or so, I was back 119 00:09:39.720 --> 00:09:43.960 to normal. I don't remember what caused them, or I don't remember all 120 00:09:45.000 --> 00:09:48.759 that deals details, but he was having the same issue. I remember saying, 121 00:09:48.840 --> 00:09:52.840 go to a doctor, get checked out. But I said either it 122 00:09:52.919 --> 00:09:56.519 said, either it'll correct itself or you know whatever. Now I couldn't now. 123 00:09:56.600 --> 00:09:58.240 Maybe they could have been indicative of some kind of other heart condition we 124 00:09:58.320 --> 00:10:01.799 didn't know about. I don't if he ever went to the doctor. I 125 00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:03.720 don't know if he said an appointment's going to doctor. By just about that, 126 00:10:05.600 --> 00:10:09.240 just now, I had thought that in years, because I've been so 127 00:10:09.399 --> 00:10:15.080 busy every year mourning the loss of his his death, I just haven't even 128 00:10:15.320 --> 00:10:20.879 thought about a week before, weeks before that. Well, I've just been 129 00:10:20.000 --> 00:10:22.720 said, I just goes. Just all that to say is that it could 130 00:10:22.759 --> 00:10:30.320 have contributed towards it. We just said no. It also means it could 131 00:10:30.360 --> 00:10:37.200 be just I'm finally able to see a bigger picture in life. Now again 132 00:10:37.279 --> 00:10:39.639 we're concerning Hi because that bed Day's day has been so painful. And again 133 00:10:39.679 --> 00:10:45.360 it's so weird because it's he died on my other brother's birthday. So it's 134 00:10:45.440 --> 00:10:50.480 like I remember having to come home to tell him Max was Dad, but 135 00:10:50.519 --> 00:10:52.399 I also had his birthday presence. It was the weirdest. It was like 136 00:10:52.919 --> 00:10:56.399 there's no protocols, so that there's no handbook on how I mean, there's 137 00:10:56.399 --> 00:11:01.159 other sides like what do I do, Like what do I do it's his 138 00:11:01.279 --> 00:11:03.759 birthday? Or do I wait till much tomorrow? I got it was it 139 00:11:03.840 --> 00:11:05.960 was. It was so bizarre. Meanwhile, I couldn't hide my grief. 140 00:11:07.000 --> 00:11:15.639 I wasn't just I was fell apart. I've got some really strict and then 141 00:11:15.679 --> 00:11:20.440 the next then literally the next year, right near Max, like a day 142 00:11:20.519 --> 00:11:28.519 before Max's anniversary, my grandmother and my dog died back to back suddenly. 143 00:11:28.039 --> 00:11:31.080 So it's like this, this this past weekend is always on a rough weekend. 144 00:11:31.480 --> 00:11:35.039 And in my infamous speech at the Capital City Where Rewards a couple of 145 00:11:35.120 --> 00:11:37.440 years ago, when I won an award during the same weekend, I was 146 00:11:37.519 --> 00:11:41.679 like finally something good happened during this weekend, and I count out all of 147 00:11:41.679 --> 00:11:46.440 a suff that's happening for that. It's just it's a weekend. I still 148 00:11:46.519 --> 00:11:50.240 dread for it to come. I know it's coming, and maybe, let's 149 00:11:50.240 --> 00:11:52.320 say, it'll get lesser and lesser. Maybe one day, I guess, 150 00:11:52.440 --> 00:11:56.360 but obviously will you have known. No one can tell you how to grieve 151 00:11:56.840 --> 00:12:03.159 or when to grieve and how to do it. It's just in losing somebody, 152 00:12:03.240 --> 00:12:05.440 it's just so hard. I've lost many people in my life that it's 153 00:12:05.519 --> 00:12:09.360 just crazy. And mission we lost my stepdad and his birthdays in two days, 154 00:12:09.720 --> 00:12:13.360 so we're going to celebrate that. So that's we were interesting, but 155 00:12:13.600 --> 00:12:16.879 it's it's I just think about Max today. Max was one of the nicest, 156 00:12:18.000 --> 00:12:35.600 kindest people that you could meet. I can do this. He made 157 00:12:35.639 --> 00:12:45.759 everybody feel good. I'm trying to. He made I feel special and feel 158 00:12:45.840 --> 00:12:50.399 good. And he was just one of those people that everybody so you saw 159 00:12:50.519 --> 00:12:54.200 him justly smiled. There were times I see him we just started laughing. 160 00:12:56.679 --> 00:12:58.600 Why we're laughing? Why not just because of whatever? You know, how 161 00:12:58.679 --> 00:13:01.879 we look king when we're talking. He was a person that made everyone feel 162 00:13:01.919 --> 00:13:09.759 comfortable and feel good. He's like an ambassador for connection. I mean like 163 00:13:09.879 --> 00:13:13.720 he would meet you, he would make you feel important, he would talk 164 00:13:13.759 --> 00:13:16.759 to you, he would talk if you laugh, have a good time. 165 00:13:18.399 --> 00:13:37.840 And so I just remember that the thing that after years go by, the 166 00:13:39.000 --> 00:13:52.519 thing that it's tough. It's not always the big milestones. It's the little 167 00:13:52.559 --> 00:13:56.919 stuff. And that's when it will hit you out of nowhere. And maybe 168 00:13:56.919 --> 00:13:58.120 you guys have been through it, you know, or going through it. 169 00:13:58.159 --> 00:14:01.519 You know, it's little stuff. There are things I want to tell him. 170 00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:05.279 I can tell him. I know he's in heaven smiling down and I 171 00:14:05.320 --> 00:14:09.879 can tell him. But I missed the physical presence of him. I miss 172 00:14:09.960 --> 00:14:16.360 hearing him comment back and laughing about it, or you know, getting the 173 00:14:16.399 --> 00:14:22.559 gossip. I miss I missed sharing is something funny. I miss his gumbo 174 00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:28.879 parties. I miss I missed. We saw cons new song out, We 175 00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:31.600 talked about the new songs. She came out going new song or she does 176 00:14:31.679 --> 00:14:35.000 something. Because he was a big shot con fan. Whenever I hear her, 177 00:14:35.360 --> 00:14:39.879 I hear him. We both sang. So we would singing songs out 178 00:14:39.919 --> 00:14:46.000 of nowhere. We would just do that. He loved his eyelashes. He 179 00:14:46.159 --> 00:14:52.240 loved his he was the last last job. He was a greener at Bath, 180 00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:58.200 Bath and Beyond over in Westchester by Lax and just hearing people tell me, 181 00:14:58.360 --> 00:15:01.279 Oh, I knew him from there. And my boy Mark J. 182 00:15:01.440 --> 00:15:05.440 Freeman from a clost edition Days with Me, a friend of mine, I 183 00:15:05.519 --> 00:15:09.559 knew him also, and also Max knew his brother. We didn't know what 184 00:15:09.639 --> 00:15:11.159 to talk to you. I mentioned he died. He's like, wait a 185 00:15:11.159 --> 00:15:13.679 minute, like wait a minute, like wait a minute, there was a 186 00:15:13.720 --> 00:15:18.799 connection there. So it's a little it's like little stuff. I can't just 187 00:15:20.600 --> 00:15:33.120 call him up. So today I celebrate him and my brother Jr. And 188 00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:37.519 anybody who has brothers, all my other brothers. They're my all brothers in 189 00:15:37.559 --> 00:15:46.759 the world, all the brothers today And I said this, Uh, this 190 00:15:46.919 --> 00:15:52.039 show has become like my personal blog vlog, which I didn't care on that, 191 00:15:52.919 --> 00:15:56.679 but it kind of has. And also the tied into being your fifties, 192 00:15:56.399 --> 00:16:00.519 where you start to experience a lot of loss in your fifties, that's 193 00:16:00.519 --> 00:16:03.960 where it starts to really kind of begin and the possible. You know, 194 00:16:04.039 --> 00:16:07.360 you're both possibly losing your parents and if you have grandparents them too, but 195 00:16:08.399 --> 00:16:11.879 losing your first cousins and siblings is also a thing that can happen to you. 196 00:16:12.799 --> 00:16:15.320 That's just you're not don't can happen to any age, but it's kind 197 00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:21.399 of like we're all getting older and it's just very important to make sure you 198 00:16:21.559 --> 00:16:25.399 hold on to the folks that are here. You spend time with them, 199 00:16:25.440 --> 00:16:26.480 you talk to them, you tell me you love them. I mean, 200 00:16:26.519 --> 00:16:32.240 it's it's such a cliche thing to say, but it's it's very true because 201 00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:40.440 I have learned just from this year too. Nothing's promised, so I'll end 202 00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:42.759 it there. Hug your brother if you have one, if you're close to 203 00:16:42.799 --> 00:16:47.919 one, talk to them, call them Max Jr. You guys are great. 204 00:16:48.159 --> 00:16:49.120 I'm James lot Jr. And I'll talk to you next time.