WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.840 --> 00:00:15.519
Adventist Radio London inspiration for the song. We Welcome to Talking Point with Ray

2
00:00:16.399 --> 00:00:21.679
Angeler, discussing the hot topics and
answering your questions, Saturdays five to seven

3
00:00:21.760 --> 00:00:27.320
pm on Adventist Radio London. It's
talking Point, it's talking Point, it's

4
00:00:27.359 --> 00:00:36.240
talking Point, it's talking Point conversations. You need to have. Good afternoon,

5
00:00:36.280 --> 00:00:41.119
Good afternoon, and welcome to Talking
Point. I hope you've all had

6
00:00:41.159 --> 00:00:45.640
a really bless Sabbath today because I
was coming in I see it's been actually

7
00:00:45.679 --> 00:00:50.359
a really lovely sunny day, so
the spring might actually be here. So

8
00:00:50.359 --> 00:00:53.359
I to thank you all for joining
us as we are about to go on

9
00:00:53.359 --> 00:00:58.799
our discussion. I am joined as
usual with my co hosts zen Ya g

10
00:00:59.159 --> 00:01:03.560
in the house. Well actually,
hi everyone, welcome, welcome to Talking

11
00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:10.319
Point. And we've got Pedro somewhere
up north as well. Halifax. That's

12
00:01:10.400 --> 00:01:15.200
right, Halifax is up in downtown
Halifax. Hi doing Pedro, I'm doing

13
00:01:15.200 --> 00:01:19.120
good. Ocome everybody to the talking
Point. Cool and today we've got some

14
00:01:19.159 --> 00:01:23.000
other guests joining us as well,
so we'll introduce them later. So so

15
00:01:23.120 --> 00:01:26.680
thank you for joining us. As
always, if you want to join in

16
00:01:26.680 --> 00:01:30.799
the conversation, please do you would
always want to hear your comments, so

17
00:01:30.840 --> 00:01:38.519
you can either emailers at studio at
Adventist dot Sorry, studio at Adventage Radio

18
00:01:38.799 --> 00:01:42.000
dot London get my four Steve fuck
In, or you can text us on

19
00:01:44.120 --> 00:01:48.959
eight triple to eight, write hope
and then space and then your message.

20
00:01:49.799 --> 00:01:56.239
We'll be talking about siblings today and
sibling relationships. If you didn't know,

21
00:01:57.439 --> 00:02:00.599
it was National Siblings down the tenth
of eight pul. I'm not sure if

22
00:02:00.640 --> 00:02:04.959
that's the same in the UK actually, but in America and Canada it is.

23
00:02:05.159 --> 00:02:07.080
But it popped up in a timeline
of something and I thought, oh,

24
00:02:07.280 --> 00:02:10.319
that's a really cool thing. Yes, it's really important. Many of

25
00:02:10.400 --> 00:02:15.439
us have siblings, so we want
to sort of recognize and find out a

26
00:02:15.439 --> 00:02:20.599
little bit more about that now.
Also this month it's Stress Awareness Month,

27
00:02:21.319 --> 00:02:23.639
which I thought was also interesting as
well, so we've cover a little bit

28
00:02:23.639 --> 00:02:28.759
about stress. But I guess we're
talking about siblings. Hopefully none of us

29
00:02:28.800 --> 00:02:34.039
brothers sisters causes any stress, but
hey, we'll have to wait and see.

30
00:02:34.280 --> 00:02:37.639
So so yes, so that's what
we're going to be talking about today.

31
00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:39.599
Like I said, we have some
guests and would introduce them shortly,

32
00:02:40.639 --> 00:02:49.759
but how has your weeks been,
Zenya and Pedro? My week's been good.

33
00:02:50.039 --> 00:02:53.400
I ended up up not I don't
think as far as you are,

34
00:02:54.120 --> 00:03:01.479
Pedro. Somewhere I call Graham thum. Oh yeah, yes, first time

35
00:03:01.520 --> 00:03:07.159
I've ever been. I do really
need to explore more. Perhaps now the

36
00:03:07.159 --> 00:03:10.080
weather is changing, that might just
be the time for it. But I

37
00:03:10.199 --> 00:03:16.199
celebrated the sixty fifth birthday party and
it was just great to see everybody reunite.

38
00:03:16.199 --> 00:03:22.360
Some peoples they haven't seen since Lockdown
or pre Lockdown. So now that

39
00:03:22.400 --> 00:03:24.560
we're opening up, you know,
the time is right to just meet and

40
00:03:24.639 --> 00:03:29.560
greet and catch up with everybody,
and hopefully we will do a bit more

41
00:03:29.599 --> 00:03:31.439
of that, because I think that's
one of the lessons of Lockdown, isn't

42
00:03:31.439 --> 00:03:37.800
it that we really ought to spend
much more quality time with each other.

43
00:03:38.039 --> 00:03:40.599
That's the mission. Cool see what
happens. Yeah, yeah, no,

44
00:03:40.680 --> 00:03:45.599
that's lovely. Oh that's cool.
That's cool. It's so it's really important

45
00:03:45.840 --> 00:03:50.840
to celebrate birthdays as much as I
kind of kind of forgot mine last month,

46
00:03:50.879 --> 00:03:54.439
but hey, it's important. Don't
worry. I postponed it. That's

47
00:03:54.479 --> 00:04:00.599
all I'm saying. It's over.
Let it go, never going to celebrate

48
00:04:00.639 --> 00:04:06.599
all year long a month ago.
You know, the celebration can continue.

49
00:04:06.800 --> 00:04:14.919
So yeah, oh yeah, So
how was your week? And everything lovely?

50
00:04:15.199 --> 00:04:18.480
Lovely? What about itself? Pedro
and do not say your famous last

51
00:04:18.480 --> 00:04:23.920
words. My week was actually I
was actually on lockdown because too of my

52
00:04:23.959 --> 00:04:30.720
kids had COVID. Okay, like
they locked in their rooms and pretty much

53
00:04:30.720 --> 00:04:32.720
it just worked, and then came
home make sure they was okay, help

54
00:04:32.759 --> 00:04:38.319
the wife and make sure we you
know, tried to stay away from them

55
00:04:38.319 --> 00:04:42.079
so that we didn't get it.
Yeah, much better now made it a

56
00:04:42.079 --> 00:04:45.279
little crazy because my wife goes into
like clean out mode when the stuff like

57
00:04:45.319 --> 00:04:50.279
that. So COVID still around,
isn't it? Yeah yeah, yeah,

58
00:04:50.360 --> 00:04:54.519
but it's still it's still really a
thing. But I guess people are less

59
00:04:54.560 --> 00:04:58.079
a lot more not maybe not the
word casualist, a bit of the word,

60
00:04:58.120 --> 00:05:00.000
but we're not quite. Yeah,
we just kind of It's one of

61
00:05:00.040 --> 00:05:02.399
those things. Now. Yeah,
they need, like I told them,

62
00:05:02.399 --> 00:05:05.000
they need to still kind of social, Like they have pictures of their friends

63
00:05:05.000 --> 00:05:09.720
and they're like really right next to
them or have their arm around them or

64
00:05:09.720 --> 00:05:12.600
like stand in a real clothes and
I'm like, y'all need the because they

65
00:05:12.639 --> 00:05:15.800
definitely got it from school, because
only the two from the same school got

66
00:05:15.839 --> 00:05:17.879
it, so they definitely got it
from school. So I was just like,

67
00:05:17.920 --> 00:05:19.800
you know, you guys, gotta
be more careful next time. But

68
00:05:21.120 --> 00:05:26.560
they're doing better now they're over it, so good. That's good. Yeah,

69
00:05:26.959 --> 00:05:30.560
that's good. Oh that's good.
Well my week was My week was

70
00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:33.800
well. It was okay. It's
a bit up and down, you know,

71
00:05:33.879 --> 00:05:38.560
busy with work as usual. One
thing I did notice, now I

72
00:05:38.560 --> 00:05:42.279
know we always as we're on talking
point, one thing the British do very

73
00:05:42.279 --> 00:05:46.040
well is talk about the weather.
I noticed every time I went out to

74
00:05:46.120 --> 00:05:49.959
drive it poured with rain. Like
every single time I'd see like quite bright

75
00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:53.959
and sunny and thing, oh we'll
pop out. Soon as I stepped out,

76
00:05:54.079 --> 00:05:58.399
it started raining. And even I
drove down into London yesterday and it

77
00:05:58.519 --> 00:06:01.199
was torrential rain and I was like, I didn't notice this on the on

78
00:06:01.319 --> 00:06:04.680
the you know, when check the
weather my weather app I'm like, and

79
00:06:04.720 --> 00:06:10.079
it was just you know, it's
dark, it was misty and foggy and

80
00:06:10.120 --> 00:06:12.519
it was pouring down. I was
just like, you know, sometimes you

81
00:06:12.560 --> 00:06:16.000
just have to pray and please say
God protect me, bless me and the

82
00:06:16.040 --> 00:06:19.800
other drivers around me as well,
because there are some crazy drivers out there

83
00:06:19.839 --> 00:06:23.399
and some of the speeds I could
see people going past. I'm like,

84
00:06:23.639 --> 00:06:27.879
really, there's so much surface water
on the M twenty five. I was

85
00:06:27.879 --> 00:06:30.800
just like, oh, dear.
So I was quite pleased when I saw

86
00:06:30.839 --> 00:06:33.279
the sunshine today and was just like, this is great. Maybe spring really

87
00:06:33.399 --> 00:06:40.240
is here. I'm seeing enough spring
flowers, the daffodilswers. Yeah, it

88
00:06:40.360 --> 00:06:43.360
is. To be fair, it
is April, so I guess those showers

89
00:06:43.480 --> 00:06:47.920
are inevitable. But yeah, but
aside from that, it was a you

90
00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:53.240
know, it's fairly I was gonna
say uneventful really, but yeah, just

91
00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:58.319
it go so quickly here we are
again, which is you know, that's

92
00:06:58.360 --> 00:07:01.439
all good. That's sort of good
to what you just said. I do

93
00:07:01.560 --> 00:07:05.879
wonder about that because going to be
in the US and even in Bermuda here,

94
00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:11.879
the folks here, they they tailgate. It's poort rain and they're like

95
00:07:12.000 --> 00:07:15.399
right on your backside. They're cutting
you off the in and out of traffic

96
00:07:15.480 --> 00:07:17.519
on the motorway, and I just
is it like a culture thing? Is

97
00:07:17.519 --> 00:07:21.720
it just something that they drive worse
when it rains. Because I'm on the

98
00:07:21.800 --> 00:07:25.199
road all day every day, and
I just noticed that, like what you

99
00:07:25.319 --> 00:07:29.720
just said, and I get road
raide, so I'm like you, I

100
00:07:29.759 --> 00:07:31.439
have to hold on to my Christianity
because I'm like, I want to just

101
00:07:31.480 --> 00:07:34.240
curse them out, and I'm just
like, you know, I'm just holding

102
00:07:34.279 --> 00:07:36.160
in, like Lord, please be
with me, because I'm like, I

103
00:07:36.199 --> 00:07:40.040
just want to do you know what, I don't understand. I don't know

104
00:07:40.079 --> 00:07:44.279
if it's I don't know if it's
necessarily a culture thing, but but I've

105
00:07:44.399 --> 00:07:47.240
noticed and I guess I don't know
because I just wonder whether it's similarly around

106
00:07:47.279 --> 00:07:51.680
the country. I generally live in
London, but having been out of London

107
00:07:51.720 --> 00:07:55.800
a bit more, I don't see
that kind of driving quite as much.

108
00:07:56.120 --> 00:08:01.519
It's up here, but is Manchester, Liverpool? What if it's a It's

109
00:08:01.560 --> 00:08:05.680
all over, but I don't know. It's just like a field. It's

110
00:08:05.759 --> 00:08:07.959
everywhere. It's not just London.
I don't know. I mean, people

111
00:08:09.040 --> 00:08:11.839
just I guess it's one of maybe's
of those things where people just don't think

112
00:08:11.879 --> 00:08:15.240
of these things because you know,
the surface water when you hit that,

113
00:08:15.360 --> 00:08:18.399
and you're just like, actually,
it's very easy to glide and what have

114
00:08:18.480 --> 00:08:20.879
you, and you're just like,
are you not seeing this? And maybe

115
00:08:20.879 --> 00:08:24.319
they think they've got special time second
backup, Like, you know, if

116
00:08:24.360 --> 00:08:28.399
you're driving and you see a pole, the corpounds of the pole, you

117
00:08:28.439 --> 00:08:31.879
need two seconds before you hit the
pole, before you reached the pole to

118
00:08:31.919 --> 00:08:35.480
give it. That'd be enough distance
to stop. That's how I drive.

119
00:08:35.799 --> 00:08:39.200
Yeah, not these folks. They, Yeah, I just wonder. I'm

120
00:08:39.279 --> 00:08:43.080
just like, man, yeah,
I just shake my head. I'm just

121
00:08:43.080 --> 00:08:46.159
like, I'm really baffled by it
because it's annoying. Yeah no, I

122
00:08:46.519 --> 00:08:48.840
hate you. Yeah. So yeah, I don't get it myself. But

123
00:08:50.360 --> 00:08:54.000
you know, praise God, we
accidents. You brought it up. Yeah.

124
00:08:54.120 --> 00:08:56.320
No, I'm just thankful for traveling
mercies a lot of the time,

125
00:08:56.399 --> 00:09:01.559
because you know, you're on the
road and you're just like wow, you

126
00:09:01.600 --> 00:09:05.480
know. Yeah, So it's a
blessing to be here and to get from

127
00:09:05.519 --> 00:09:11.879
A to B. So I can
only be thankful for that. So I

128
00:09:11.879 --> 00:09:15.279
guess let's get stuck in and we'll
introduce our guests that we've got on so

129
00:09:15.440 --> 00:09:18.360
far, a couple of when we've
be joining us a bit later. So

130
00:09:18.600 --> 00:09:24.200
we're going to be talking all things
siblings. But as much as we love

131
00:09:24.240 --> 00:09:28.679
to give our opinions and our thoughts
on that, and obviously we've done we

132
00:09:28.720 --> 00:09:31.320
do a little bit of research.
We always like to have our experts on

133
00:09:31.399 --> 00:09:35.440
here as well. So today we
have got I guess who we haven't had

134
00:09:35.480 --> 00:09:37.480
on for a little while. Actually, it's been a while since we've seen

135
00:09:37.519 --> 00:09:43.240
you. So you've got Allison,
who is actually Allison. I'm going to

136
00:09:43.320 --> 00:09:48.960
let you introduce yourself and tell tell
our listeners hopefully they will be aware of

137
00:09:48.000 --> 00:09:52.679
you because I remember us from you
know, back in the day. But

138
00:09:52.840 --> 00:09:54.720
it's been a while since we've seen
you. So Allison is a I'm gonna

139
00:09:54.720 --> 00:10:00.320
say she's one of our resident practitioners. But please, yeah, tell us

140
00:10:00.320 --> 00:10:07.799
a little bit about yourself. Alison. Remember hi everyone, my name's Alison.

141
00:10:07.480 --> 00:10:15.360
I will call a psychotherapist and I
write on relationships. I'm very passionate

142
00:10:15.399 --> 00:10:18.919
about all things relationships. Yes,
it's good to be back on talking points.

143
00:10:18.960 --> 00:10:22.480
It's been a while, but yes, it's good to be back.

144
00:10:22.519 --> 00:10:24.679
Thanks for having me. Welcome,
lovely to see you, and yes,

145
00:10:24.759 --> 00:10:31.000
looking forward to hear your words of
expertise on our subject today and joining us.

146
00:10:31.320 --> 00:10:35.799
I guess we're talking about siblings now. I have siblings, both Zenya

147
00:10:35.919 --> 00:10:39.120
and Pedro do, so we can
maybe hear a little bit about our experiences

148
00:10:39.200 --> 00:10:43.679
too. But we've also got two
brothers on I didn't I heard the names

149
00:10:43.720 --> 00:10:46.799
before, and I didn't necessarily I
know one of them to discover. It's

150
00:10:46.799 --> 00:10:50.399
a small world, as they say. But we've got Andre and we've got

151
00:10:50.440 --> 00:10:56.320
his brother Ruel, so he wants
to go first. But okay, let's

152
00:10:56.320 --> 00:10:58.519
go to Andre. Tell us a
little bit about yourself, introduce yourself,

153
00:10:58.559 --> 00:11:03.879
and yes, I had to our
listeners for us. I'm good as from

154
00:11:03.879 --> 00:11:09.240
everyone, so man names areas as
just mentioned. I was born in barbadist

155
00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:16.159
to My father was a principal when
I was born. He became a pastor

156
00:11:16.200 --> 00:11:20.440
later on. So I grew up
in Barbadis and left Barbadas in my early

157
00:11:20.480 --> 00:11:26.440
twenties to come to Europe and eventually
made my rat in the UK. I

158
00:11:26.480 --> 00:11:33.440
am a husband, father of three, love seeing a cappella music, love

159
00:11:33.480 --> 00:11:37.440
playing badminton, loved playing volleyball.
So if you want to get me engaged

160
00:11:37.480 --> 00:11:41.879
me in any of those activities,
I'm game anytime. Cool cool, Well,

161
00:11:41.879 --> 00:11:45.639
I can testify with the singing.
So now I've actually sang on a

162
00:11:45.639 --> 00:11:50.679
couple of things with yourself. So
yeah, oh good, oh good.

163
00:11:50.799 --> 00:11:56.000
So we'll go to your thank you
Andre gave it to your brother Ruel.

164
00:11:56.559 --> 00:12:01.440
Yes, when that's right? Okay, cool? Cool, I re mind.

165
00:12:01.480 --> 00:12:07.759
So I'm well, unlike Andrea,
was born in Jamaica, but I

166
00:12:07.759 --> 00:12:11.639
grew up in Barbados by the time
I was born, and my dad was

167
00:12:11.639 --> 00:12:18.440
already a pastor, So I got
that's a that's an interesting amic. I

168
00:12:18.480 --> 00:12:24.159
moved to the officially move to the
UK ten my husband as well. I

169
00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:28.679
am a graphic designer, photographer,
and I love to sing as well,

170
00:12:30.399 --> 00:12:35.960
a cappella, choral music, the
works. Yeah, that's that's pretty much

171
00:12:35.960 --> 00:12:39.440
me. Okay, great, So
at the two of you, who's I'm

172
00:12:39.480 --> 00:12:43.759
looking at the both of you?
Can the listeners out there their goods on

173
00:12:43.879 --> 00:12:46.720
zoom? So I see their faces? I know I am. I going

174
00:12:46.759 --> 00:12:50.960
to put my foot in it right
now? Dare I ask the question?

175
00:12:52.639 --> 00:12:58.440
Who was? Yeah? What's the
order that you cover? I'm not sure

176
00:12:58.480 --> 00:13:05.559
that's the right easy way to put
that. But who's older? Who's younger?

177
00:13:05.799 --> 00:13:13.559
Okay? Okay? And do you
have other siblings as well? Okay,

178
00:13:13.840 --> 00:13:22.000
okay, cool difference between two of
us? All right, okay,

179
00:13:18.919 --> 00:13:31.000
but yeah, okay, okay,
Well, thank you both for joining us

180
00:13:31.080 --> 00:13:35.120
today. So, as I said, we are celebrating National Siblings Day,

181
00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:39.919
which was towards the end of last
week. Now, I guess what we

182
00:13:41.000 --> 00:13:45.240
are looking to. It's a it's
a sort of a day that's celebrating brothers

183
00:13:45.360 --> 00:13:50.159
and sisters right across the board,
I guess. And you know it's really

184
00:13:50.200 --> 00:13:56.399
important to celebrate and recognize. But
everybody in their own right, what happens

185
00:13:56.440 --> 00:14:01.399
between you and I guess we're going
to talk unpacked today kind of what we

186
00:14:01.440 --> 00:14:07.159
think about that. Hopefully you,
like I said, you can join in

187
00:14:07.159 --> 00:14:13.559
that conversation with us today. But
yeah, National Siblings Day, we're having

188
00:14:13.000 --> 00:14:18.440
hopefully two other siblings aboard your sister
as well. Yes, and Jella should

189
00:14:18.440 --> 00:14:26.600
be joining us, and Pedro's wife
and are twins should be joining us shortly

190
00:14:26.639 --> 00:14:31.360
as well, so we will have
a full house. And yeah, we'll

191
00:14:31.360 --> 00:14:35.480
hear all the dynamics of that brother's
sister relationship. Yeah, our siblings are

192
00:14:35.600 --> 00:14:39.159
a gift from God. It's interesting
because I was at Balham today and it

193
00:14:39.240 --> 00:14:45.320
was a family Ministry's day and Sister
Laura, I say, preach today and

194
00:14:45.320 --> 00:14:46.840
obviously we're talking about families in general, and you know, one of the

195
00:14:46.879 --> 00:14:50.360
points we used to make in that
children are really important, you know,

196
00:14:50.399 --> 00:14:54.039
within a family dynamic. Now that's
obviously going to be different for everybody,

197
00:14:54.159 --> 00:14:58.240
but I guess there's something to be
said about a family that has there are

198
00:14:58.279 --> 00:15:03.360
siblings, And it's quite interesting when
I sometimes I've spoken to a couple of

199
00:15:03.399 --> 00:15:07.120
my friends who have been who don't
have siblings, and I guess their experiences

200
00:15:07.240 --> 00:15:11.919
are very different, and their relations
relationships with other people can be very different

201
00:15:11.919 --> 00:15:15.799
as well. Quite a few that
I spoke to her a bit like,

202
00:15:15.879 --> 00:15:18.759
actually I kind of wish I did. I think as I've got older,

203
00:15:18.960 --> 00:15:20.879
they've obviously made friendships and what have
you. But as a younger child,

204
00:15:22.320 --> 00:15:26.559
they were often sometimes wondering I wish
I had siblings, but equally, but

205
00:15:26.639 --> 00:15:28.399
I was like, yeah, but
did you not feel that you kind of

206
00:15:28.399 --> 00:15:31.240
then got everything? And it was
something like, yeah, I suppose so,

207
00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:35.759
but I think I would have liked. All of their friends had siblings,

208
00:15:35.799 --> 00:15:39.519
so they always wanted what somebody else
had, So I thought it was

209
00:15:39.559 --> 00:15:41.399
kind of an interesting one. But
you know, mass is always green eye,

210
00:15:41.440 --> 00:15:45.679
isn't it. That's what they said, That's what they say, so

211
00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:50.720
if you're in a very strained relationship
with your brother and sister, thinking,

212
00:15:50.799 --> 00:15:52.279
you know what, it should have
been just me, or it could have

213
00:15:52.320 --> 00:15:56.799
been just me or whatever. And
that's the that's the million pound question,

214
00:15:56.919 --> 00:16:00.679
isn't it Is it better to go
it alone or know? Is it good

215
00:16:00.679 --> 00:16:03.480
to have siblings or is it as
a single child, you know, you

216
00:16:03.519 --> 00:16:07.639
get to choose. That's the beauty
of that relationship. You choose your friends,

217
00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:11.320
you choose the people who are around
you in that sort of relationship that

218
00:16:11.440 --> 00:16:15.480
bond. But as siblings, you
don't have the choice. That's true.

219
00:16:15.480 --> 00:16:19.679
Who you get, that's true,
that's true. Funny story I can share.

220
00:16:19.879 --> 00:16:23.720
Sure. So as a child,
I always wanted a brother and sister.

221
00:16:23.879 --> 00:16:30.639
I always my parents for a brother
and or sister. And when I

222
00:16:30.679 --> 00:16:34.039
stopped asking, when I got fed
up allipying, they just meet him.

223
00:16:34.279 --> 00:16:47.960
That's when my brother turned up.
So wondering why is it you wanted?

224
00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:53.960
Why is it you wanted a brother
and sister? Well, both my parents

225
00:16:53.960 --> 00:16:56.279
were teachers when I was a child. My father was a head master.

226
00:16:56.720 --> 00:17:02.480
My mother was a teacher, which
was quite occupied a lot of the time,

227
00:17:03.120 --> 00:17:06.799
so I had to occupy myself.
I didn't have any cousins around growing

228
00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:10.880
up, at least not in Barbarous. My cousins were in Martinique, So

229
00:17:11.519 --> 00:17:15.440
my spare time was spent amusing myself. I was standing in front of a

230
00:17:15.440 --> 00:17:18.960
mirror, make these holsters, a
lot of paper and a gun, and

231
00:17:18.039 --> 00:17:22.400
stand in front of a mirror and
have a standoff with myself. When you

232
00:17:22.480 --> 00:17:26.400
try around me, you walk ten
paces and you're trying to shoot. That's

233
00:17:26.400 --> 00:17:29.920
how I use myself as a child, I'd use my imagination a lot.

234
00:17:29.920 --> 00:17:32.839
So I didn't have anyone to play
with. I didn't want to help occupy

235
00:17:32.920 --> 00:17:37.359
my time. I was one of
the brothers, so I could cheer with

236
00:17:37.599 --> 00:17:41.240
do things together, you know that
kind of thing. Okay, okay.

237
00:17:42.720 --> 00:17:48.160
And he used to teach the trees. You still have a whole classroom out

238
00:17:48.160 --> 00:17:52.279
of the trees in the yard.
You know. It was hilarious. Okay.

239
00:17:52.440 --> 00:17:56.160
So with everybody here, Alison,
do you have brothers and sisters?

240
00:17:57.039 --> 00:18:02.240
I? I, yeah, I
do. Actually I have a I have

241
00:18:02.559 --> 00:18:08.480
a sister who is same mom,
same dad, and then I've got six

242
00:18:08.640 --> 00:18:15.119
half siblings as well. Okay,
so yes, quite quite interesting. And

243
00:18:15.279 --> 00:18:22.720
I didn't get to really find out
about or know my other siblings until I

244
00:18:22.759 --> 00:18:29.799
think last year sometime last year.
So it's been quite an experience, quite

245
00:18:29.839 --> 00:18:33.359
an adventure for me, and I'm
really pleased. I'm really pleased. We

246
00:18:33.880 --> 00:18:38.079
really look alike, we have a
lot in common. It's been an interesting

247
00:18:38.160 --> 00:18:44.480
journey. But yeah, okay,
so we're all we've all got siblings here

248
00:18:45.680 --> 00:18:48.519
and obviously depending on where things are
in terms of ages and everything else.

249
00:18:48.880 --> 00:18:52.680
I mean, when we were younger, it's similar to Andrew. Was it

250
00:18:52.720 --> 00:18:57.480
a case if you wanted siblings or
does anybody really want to be an only

251
00:18:57.559 --> 00:19:03.519
child? I don't know, but
yeah, did you Petro? Yeah,

252
00:19:03.880 --> 00:19:12.799
there's always I because I like Alison, I have well, I don't say

253
00:19:12.839 --> 00:19:15.960
I don't. I cain'te saying the
word. I'm gonna say half brothers and

254
00:19:15.960 --> 00:19:18.240
sisters. My father had four of
us, so I had an older sister

255
00:19:18.319 --> 00:19:25.119
and a younger sister, but they
wasn't around that. We was around each

256
00:19:25.119 --> 00:19:26.519
other. But then when I moved
to the States, I was all by

257
00:19:26.519 --> 00:19:30.920
myself and I actually loved it.
I just loved it being the only child.

258
00:19:32.079 --> 00:19:34.200
I just do what I wanted to
do, and I was kind of

259
00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:37.880
I'm kind of a lone in that
sense. I just liked it being alone,

260
00:19:38.680 --> 00:19:41.480
just being left alone. My mother
would go to work and then I

261
00:19:41.480 --> 00:19:45.079
could just have the house to myself. I actually just enjoyed it. I

262
00:19:45.079 --> 00:19:48.640
would sit there with with you know, drugs, gallons of ice cream and

263
00:19:49.160 --> 00:19:52.759
eat ice cream and watch TV.
Yeah I was, I was. Yeah.

264
00:19:52.559 --> 00:19:56.880
I would just you know, always
get peanut butter and sugar and put

265
00:19:56.880 --> 00:19:59.920
the peanut butter on the spoon and
dip it in the sugar and eat.

266
00:20:00.039 --> 00:20:03.680
Yes, I remember that. Yeah, you know, you know what I'm

267
00:20:03.720 --> 00:20:11.640
talking about. Sugar, Sit there
and get another coma and you get a

268
00:20:12.039 --> 00:20:15.200
scoop of peanut butter. Two,
get it on the spoon, I mean,

269
00:20:15.279 --> 00:20:18.000
big old scoop and then just just
the bit in the sugar, do

270
00:20:18.200 --> 00:20:23.279
do and then just eat it.
It was. Yeah, I wouldn't recommend

271
00:20:23.319 --> 00:20:27.799
it to nobody right now. But
that's a new one on me. I've

272
00:20:27.880 --> 00:20:32.519
never heard that one. He knows
what I mean, he's heard of himself.

273
00:20:32.920 --> 00:20:36.240
I'm not lying. Yeah, So, I mean I I loved it.

274
00:20:36.319 --> 00:20:38.880
But then you know, when I
turned fourteen, I ended up like

275
00:20:38.880 --> 00:20:44.400
like Alison, where I had My
mother got married to my stepfather and he

276
00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:48.480
had five kids. Then they had
two kids. Then I already had the

277
00:20:48.519 --> 00:20:53.279
other three kids, three siblings.
I ended up I have like eleven twelve.

278
00:20:55.079 --> 00:20:59.240
Then we adopted somebody. We adopted
our sister, so we have like

279
00:20:59.559 --> 00:21:03.039
twelve, I have like twelve half
brothers and sisters. And yeah, and

280
00:21:03.079 --> 00:21:07.920
I'm still technically the only child,
So I do like that. Yeah,

281
00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:11.920
I think I said that all the
time. I'm the only one from my

282
00:21:12.079 --> 00:21:15.759
mom exactly. I'm the only one
for my mom and my father, so

283
00:21:15.960 --> 00:21:19.599
technically the only child. Yes,
and my dad has other kids. So

284
00:21:19.799 --> 00:21:23.559
I think a bit of as having
the best of both wells, I suppose,

285
00:21:25.519 --> 00:21:27.440
because it's I mean, it's what
it is. I'm the only child.

286
00:21:27.480 --> 00:21:33.559
I'm spoiled, you know, everything
to me, everything's mine. It

287
00:21:33.680 --> 00:21:40.359
is what it is. But obviously, I think relationships, having those relationships,

288
00:21:40.759 --> 00:21:45.480
especially as we've gotten older, we
valued having each other. Even though

289
00:21:45.480 --> 00:21:48.799
we're not as close as perhaps if
we lived in the same household, We've

290
00:21:48.839 --> 00:21:57.640
definitely come to appreciate each other more
as we've as we've aged. So I

291
00:21:57.640 --> 00:22:06.359
guess there's there was benefits of the
benefits of then that you will, there

292
00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:08.599
was benefits for certain to be anywhere, and I guess I was that from

293
00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:15.559
before. With everything there there are
benefits and disadvantages to to most aspects of

294
00:22:15.559 --> 00:22:18.640
life. There's there's never a black
and white. Most things are gray,

295
00:22:18.799 --> 00:22:22.319
and I think what you do is
you take the good out of it and

296
00:22:22.359 --> 00:22:25.960
you learn from it and you build
on it and all that kind of stuff.

297
00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:30.079
There are some sibling relationships that are
really harsh and horrible and because they're

298
00:22:30.119 --> 00:22:33.559
siblings doesn't mean they're good people.
So you know, you have to navigate

299
00:22:33.640 --> 00:22:37.200
that. So maybe in that case
you would prefer to be on your own.

300
00:22:37.240 --> 00:22:41.759
And I know of siblings who have
come to fist fights and the whole

301
00:22:41.839 --> 00:22:47.400
gamut. And I'm sure Alison will
speak to that. It's a process.

302
00:22:47.440 --> 00:22:48.960
It's relationships. You know, you
get the good, the bad, and

303
00:22:49.000 --> 00:22:56.200
the ugly, but you take it
as God planned it, and you you

304
00:22:56.640 --> 00:23:00.200
move on the best you can.
Okay, As I sort of come to

305
00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:03.359
you as actually to ask the question, and I don't know where everybody.

306
00:23:03.559 --> 00:23:07.680
I'm obviously green real well, there's
the two of you under the oldest.

307
00:23:07.720 --> 00:23:12.839
But is there something to be said
about the birth order and where people come

308
00:23:12.880 --> 00:23:19.440
within their sibling groups? They talk
about middle child syndrome. Do the oldest

309
00:23:19.559 --> 00:23:22.839
child get it the worst in certain
things because I have to take on more

310
00:23:23.079 --> 00:23:29.039
the youngers. Sometimes they say they
tend to be very spoiled. Apparently that's

311
00:23:29.039 --> 00:23:37.039
what they say. So is there
something to be said in truth? As

312
00:23:37.079 --> 00:23:40.759
in, because where are you pedri
young? I think we're always clashing on

313
00:23:40.799 --> 00:23:53.920
the show. I already agreeve you
know out there that's a that's a theory

314
00:23:55.000 --> 00:24:02.400
that came up in the nineties by
somebody called Alfred Older. But then there's

315
00:24:02.440 --> 00:24:07.400
been subsequent research that's been done along
those lines, and there's there's the way

316
00:24:08.279 --> 00:24:15.079
major flaws with that theory, so
there's no tangible evidence. In fact,

317
00:24:15.160 --> 00:24:19.119
that's a very kind of generalized and
simplified view. I kind of feel like

318
00:24:19.240 --> 00:24:26.519
that's a lazy way of grouping people, and I'm really, as a therapist,

319
00:24:26.559 --> 00:24:32.359
I'm really contrary to that. There
are a lot of factors that contribute

320
00:24:32.359 --> 00:24:37.720
to personality types and behaviors of individuals, including siblings, and I think that

321
00:24:37.839 --> 00:24:44.160
it'd be all too easy just to
say middle children are this way and first

322
00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:49.599
children are this way. However,
there's been some research that's evidence that first

323
00:24:51.000 --> 00:24:56.920
or the oldest child is slight has
a slightly higher IQ compared to other children.

324
00:24:56.359 --> 00:25:03.160
Well, I'm the oldest child,
and that's me too. I would

325
00:25:03.160 --> 00:25:11.319
tend to agree a disagreeing then interesting, okay, I would say, if

326
00:25:11.359 --> 00:25:15.359
I can add to that a little
bit. So this is coming more from

327
00:25:15.559 --> 00:25:18.640
a parent perspective. I have three
children, so I have the eldest,

328
00:25:19.000 --> 00:25:22.680
the middle, and the last.
And I think I would agree with with

329
00:25:22.759 --> 00:25:26.319
Alison in the sense that it's too
generic to say that the last thought is

330
00:25:26.319 --> 00:25:30.799
spoiled, even if it may seem
that way generally speaking, because you have

331
00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:37.920
the different aspects of the personality traits
that come into play. And I also

332
00:25:37.000 --> 00:25:44.000
would imagine depend on the experience of
the parents themselves. So with my children,

333
00:25:44.039 --> 00:25:47.440
I think this happens fairly often with
the first child. As new parents,

334
00:25:47.480 --> 00:25:49.680
you kind of experiment and your learning
what if this whole parent thing is

335
00:25:49.720 --> 00:25:53.480
all about? And you probably would
be stricter with that child because you want

336
00:25:53.519 --> 00:25:57.559
to set boundaries early. Again,
depending on the parent and the second child,

337
00:25:57.599 --> 00:26:02.200
you maybe I was a bit too
much with first child. You could

338
00:26:02.240 --> 00:26:06.480
actually go a little easier and still
maintain the kind of development we want for

339
00:26:06.480 --> 00:26:11.119
a child. And by the third
child, you're either tired mother as much

340
00:26:12.359 --> 00:26:18.200
or he just kind of maybe relaxed
to some extent, but it varies depending

341
00:26:18.279 --> 00:26:22.440
on the parent and depending the person
of a child. But you can also

342
00:26:22.480 --> 00:26:27.200
have the aspect where the last child, if they're observant enough and intelligent enough,

343
00:26:27.519 --> 00:26:33.079
will learn from what's been done to
the older siblings. And that's kind

344
00:26:33.079 --> 00:26:38.119
of my situation my children. My
youngest child is learning from the mistakes that

345
00:26:38.160 --> 00:26:41.680
the others have made, and she's
smart in a way she deals with her

346
00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:44.799
parents and how she approaches her parents
on what she does and doesn't do,

347
00:26:45.480 --> 00:26:49.079
and then it makes the other siblings
think she's point or she's the favorite,

348
00:26:49.079 --> 00:26:52.839
but it's not that she's favorite,
she's just in a way she kind of

349
00:26:52.880 --> 00:27:00.799
navigates her parents. Does that definitely, Yeah, And they think, oh,

350
00:27:00.839 --> 00:27:03.640
she's so spoiled, Oh you love
her more? You you know,

351
00:27:03.720 --> 00:27:07.400
you want to do more. No, she just pays attention. I totally

352
00:27:07.400 --> 00:27:14.119
agree with that. I totally agree
with that coming because yeah, just learn

353
00:27:14.240 --> 00:27:17.400
to do that. I mean,
it's interesting. I mean, I'm I'm

354
00:27:17.400 --> 00:27:19.720
the well, the oldest, although
I do have an older sister who's not

355
00:27:19.759 --> 00:27:22.599
with it. But for the morale, it's been myself and two younger sisters

356
00:27:22.920 --> 00:27:26.759
and I would definitely say that.
I think I've paved the way in some

357
00:27:26.799 --> 00:27:29.880
respects. You know. I guess
as you're saying, you know, there's

358
00:27:29.880 --> 00:27:33.079
probably things as new parents, they'll
do things I'll try, you know,

359
00:27:33.119 --> 00:27:36.599
they'll start things more protective, what
have you. But actually, I think

360
00:27:36.960 --> 00:27:40.200
by the time my sisters have got
to a point where they can do stuff,

361
00:27:40.759 --> 00:27:44.119
they get away with those stuff.
I sometimes think I never was able

362
00:27:44.160 --> 00:27:47.759
to do this, you know.
I'm like, you've got it easy now,

363
00:27:47.839 --> 00:27:49.480
and whatlse, It's just a different
experience. I'm like, Yeah,

364
00:27:49.519 --> 00:27:52.160
if it wasn't for me, you'd
never be able to do this. It

365
00:27:52.200 --> 00:27:55.880
wasn't for me doing all of this, if it wasn't for me getting into

366
00:27:55.880 --> 00:28:00.759
trouble first of all, kind of
thing. Definitely that. So yeah,

367
00:28:00.799 --> 00:28:03.880
So Alison, when your work do
you find sometimes those kind of issues do

368
00:28:03.880 --> 00:28:07.519
you come up? I think,
yeah, I think a lot of a

369
00:28:07.559 --> 00:28:11.880
lot of people, And I'm actually
glad this is being talked about because we

370
00:28:11.960 --> 00:28:17.559
don't get to hear about siblings relationships
a lot. But actually, if you

371
00:28:17.599 --> 00:28:19.880
think about it, like all of
us here have siblings, and I think

372
00:28:19.960 --> 00:28:26.480
we've mostly we've spent a lot of
time around our siblings. Our siblings have

373
00:28:26.799 --> 00:28:32.480
shaped us in good ways or even
more challenging ways as well, and some

374
00:28:32.559 --> 00:28:38.440
of those relationships can sometimes be very
challenging, not because maybe the sibling or

375
00:28:38.440 --> 00:28:45.960
one sibling chooses to be unkind,
unpleasant or horrible, but sometimes you know

376
00:28:45.119 --> 00:28:53.279
the environmental factors or cultural factors,
parental kind of engagement. I'm listening to

377
00:28:53.359 --> 00:28:57.400
the two brothers on the show at
the moment, and when one was born,

378
00:28:59.000 --> 00:29:02.759
the dad was ahead master, i
think, and when the other one

379
00:29:02.880 --> 00:29:06.920
was born, the dad was a
pastor, and so the kind of outlook

380
00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:14.200
from the dad's perspective on life would
be probably different between when the first the

381
00:29:14.279 --> 00:29:18.000
older sibling was born compared to when
the younger sibling was born. So the

382
00:29:18.079 --> 00:29:26.000
experiences will be different. But as
children we don't really necessarily understand that parents

383
00:29:26.000 --> 00:29:30.759
are going through different phases of life. And when we see differences, that

384
00:29:30.839 --> 00:29:36.920
poses that creates problems in the way
that we view ourselves, in the level

385
00:29:36.960 --> 00:29:41.440
of self esteem, that all confidence
that we have in ourselves, and that

386
00:29:41.599 --> 00:29:52.640
can sometimes develop in psychological problems or
rivalry between the siblings as well, which

387
00:29:52.079 --> 00:29:57.200
if it's if those are not addressed, then they just get magnified and spiral

388
00:29:57.480 --> 00:30:03.680
into something a lot more serios.
So you know there can be all sorts

389
00:30:03.720 --> 00:30:08.559
of factors that contribute to problems between
siblings. It's one of the kind of

390
00:30:08.720 --> 00:30:14.880
most beautiful relationships and it shapes a
lot of people in very positive ways.

391
00:30:14.920 --> 00:30:18.400
But when it goes wrong, it
can it can go very wrong, terribly

392
00:30:18.440 --> 00:30:29.039
wrong. If I could, well, I was just asking because you've touched

393
00:30:29.079 --> 00:30:30.599
on it, and I just want
to make sure that it comes across and

394
00:30:30.599 --> 00:30:37.559
it's clarified and maybe echoed in the
fact that the experience that the child has

395
00:30:37.880 --> 00:30:42.240
is shaped in terms of their experience
with their sibling, or their relationship with

396
00:30:42.319 --> 00:30:48.079
their sibling can be shaped a lot
by the parent and where the parents at

397
00:30:48.160 --> 00:30:52.160
and you know what stance the parents
has, And so I just wanted to

398
00:30:52.240 --> 00:30:56.200
reiterate that because you've said it there. When when I might think I'm being

399
00:30:57.440 --> 00:31:02.279
you're being hard on me, or
or I'm being spoiled, or you might

400
00:31:02.359 --> 00:31:07.079
think I'm being spoiled as my sibling, etc. It's based on what my

401
00:31:07.279 --> 00:31:10.960
mom and dad may be experiencing at
the time. As you said, as

402
00:31:11.039 --> 00:31:15.519
a headmaster, Andre may have gotten
the cane or the whatever the case might

403
00:31:15.559 --> 00:31:22.240
be the harder angle as a pastor
maybe not a vice versa, and we'll

404
00:31:22.319 --> 00:31:25.799
dig into that with them, I
guess at some point. But I liked

405
00:31:25.880 --> 00:31:32.519
what you said. It is the
parental relationship sometimes that shapes what experiences the

406
00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:37.640
siblings have and the perspectives that the
siblings have. And I wanted to sort

407
00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:44.079
of build on that because I'm thinking
as a parent. Let's say, I'm

408
00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:51.759
just sort of getting through the nappy
stage. I'm sleep deprived, but suddenly,

409
00:31:52.480 --> 00:31:56.279
hopefully the routine will come back,
We'll finally get a chance to spend

410
00:31:56.359 --> 00:32:02.599
time with each other, husband and
wife, etc. Am I to consider

411
00:32:02.680 --> 00:32:07.400
now that she's an only child and
I should bring somebody else into the picture,

412
00:32:07.599 --> 00:32:13.279
or maybe you know, the child
is throwing a tantrum in the supermarket

413
00:32:13.279 --> 00:32:16.599
and I'm wondering, what have we
gotten ourself into. At what point do

414
00:32:16.720 --> 00:32:22.400
our parents make a decision on should
we do this again? Should we have

415
00:32:22.440 --> 00:32:27.240
another child? Is that something that's
based on financials, emotions? You know,

416
00:32:27.279 --> 00:32:30.759
where do we go if we're speaking
to our parents first, what are

417
00:32:30.839 --> 00:32:36.079
we saying to our parents about the
decision about making more children, having more

418
00:32:36.200 --> 00:32:43.240
children and the relationship that this child
will have with that child potentially, I

419
00:32:43.279 --> 00:32:46.599
hope I'm making I mean, that's
a that's a really loaded question. And

420
00:32:46.720 --> 00:32:52.640
I guess that that depends on the
individual parents what their preference is. Some

421
00:32:52.680 --> 00:32:58.160
people will prefer to just have one
child, for financial reasons, for health

422
00:32:58.200 --> 00:33:02.759
reasons, the numerous reasons why people
might choose to have a large family or

423
00:33:02.799 --> 00:33:07.680
a smaller family, and that's an
individual or so that's the choice of the

424
00:33:07.720 --> 00:33:14.480
people who are having the children.
I would say children are a blessing.

425
00:33:14.759 --> 00:33:20.599
I would say children change our lives
in a way that we can't really explain

426
00:33:21.240 --> 00:33:24.640
pro play to other people. And
I think that for some people, the

427
00:33:25.079 --> 00:33:31.839
whole experience of carrying a child,
giving birth to a child might not be

428
00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:37.359
very great or positive, and they
might decide, actually, this is all

429
00:33:37.440 --> 00:33:40.960
I can handle, and they will
be comfortable with that. For other people,

430
00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:49.839
and for many people, they will
have strong more and they ask Christians

431
00:33:49.920 --> 00:33:54.359
pray about it, talk about it
because it's something that we can't Parenting is

432
00:33:54.400 --> 00:34:00.799
something that we can't fully prepare for. But psychologically, if we are in

433
00:34:00.839 --> 00:34:05.279
a position where we we think we're
ready, I say, we think because

434
00:34:05.359 --> 00:34:08.079
I've got two children, got two
teenagers, I thought I was ready,

435
00:34:08.119 --> 00:34:12.679
and I'm finding out every day that
you know, it's it's quite challenging,

436
00:34:12.719 --> 00:34:16.599
but it's also very rewarding. But
I think we need to psycho be psychologically

437
00:34:16.679 --> 00:34:24.280
prepared for the fact that having children
is a life changing event. It's both

438
00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:30.800
rewarding and challenging. It's something,
it's a it's a process where we're going

439
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:36.119
to learn, and we're going to
be have to be humble to be learning.

440
00:34:36.159 --> 00:34:38.840
If you're the sort of person who
thinks I'm a perfectionist, I want

441
00:34:38.880 --> 00:34:45.639
to be a perfect parent, I
suggest work on your perfectionism first before trying

442
00:34:45.679 --> 00:34:51.480
to be a parent, because it
will challenge us in many ways. So

443
00:34:51.639 --> 00:34:54.599
I think that we need to be
humble. We need to have a humble

444
00:34:54.639 --> 00:35:00.119
attitude and attitude of learning. We
need to be flexible, both kind of

445
00:35:01.079 --> 00:35:07.000
behaviorally and psychologically flexible as well.
And if we want to have more than

446
00:35:07.039 --> 00:35:12.000
one child, I think it's a
good thing. If we can, it's

447
00:35:12.039 --> 00:35:15.880
absolutely a good thing because I think
that there are a lot of benefits and

448
00:35:15.920 --> 00:35:21.800
in my view, where the environment
is right, where children are loved and

449
00:35:21.920 --> 00:35:28.199
validated and supported, it's absolutely a
positive experience for the children to have siblings

450
00:35:29.559 --> 00:35:34.800
can as are. So what you
just said, we're talking about siblings,

451
00:35:35.119 --> 00:35:40.639
but like siblings from the same parents, would the same thing apply for because

452
00:35:40.679 --> 00:35:45.159
in today's world, a lot of
times you get into relationship the person already

453
00:35:45.199 --> 00:35:49.159
has children. So then it comes
that no dynamic of you know, the

454
00:35:49.239 --> 00:35:52.800
stepparent becoming a parent. You know, like there's just that dynamic like what

455
00:35:52.840 --> 00:35:54.960
do we call you? Do we
call you mom? Do we call you?

456
00:35:57.360 --> 00:36:00.360
I think in Bermuda some people call
the stepfather cool. They don't say

457
00:36:00.400 --> 00:36:06.440
that, you know, does that
what that still apply the same way?

458
00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:10.960
You understand what acting like if it's
not from the same mother, but it's

459
00:36:12.159 --> 00:36:16.239
now joining like blended family, you're
blending a family, and that that can

460
00:36:16.280 --> 00:36:21.920
be a really beautiful thing, having
a blending it is it's about, you

461
00:36:21.960 --> 00:36:27.480
know, it's about communicating effectively,
being prepared for the fact that there's going

462
00:36:27.559 --> 00:36:36.159
to be challenges, and understanding that
children don't know everything. So you're you're

463
00:36:36.199 --> 00:36:40.440
you're taking on a child who probably
will behave differently from what you expect or

464
00:36:40.440 --> 00:36:44.880
what you're used to, but you
know, remember that that's a child,

465
00:36:44.880 --> 00:36:50.440
and remember that you have an opportunity
to influence and mold that child. Into

466
00:36:50.639 --> 00:36:54.880
into somebody really positive and that sometimes
it's going to be challenging, but being

467
00:36:54.920 --> 00:37:00.000
prepared for it, being realistic about
the fact that sometimes it's going to be

468
00:37:00.159 --> 00:37:05.320
difficult as well as rewarding. I
think sometimes when we go into things without

469
00:37:05.360 --> 00:37:09.119
really kind of thinking about it properly
or talking about it properly, then when

470
00:37:09.199 --> 00:37:13.800
we hit challenges, we find it
more difficult to deal with them. But

471
00:37:14.119 --> 00:37:20.719
actually, if we're going to do
these situation has been quite realistic about potentially

472
00:37:20.800 --> 00:37:24.519
what the challenges might be or the
fact that there will be challenges, then

473
00:37:24.599 --> 00:37:30.559
we have more of the mindset to
work things through to problem solve when we

474
00:37:30.719 --> 00:37:37.559
start to face difficulties. The process
where we're all learning, the parents are

475
00:37:37.599 --> 00:37:43.840
learning, the children are learning.
Sorry, Andrew, all right, before

476
00:37:43.880 --> 00:37:46.280
we started, I was thinking about
I was trying to think of all the

477
00:37:46.360 --> 00:37:52.920
sibling relationships I could think of in
the Bible, and I couldn't find too

478
00:37:53.000 --> 00:38:08.599
many positive or good sibling relationships mental
and most of them seem to be blended

479
00:38:08.599 --> 00:38:16.960
families or siblings from different parents.
And I wasn't sure that that was a

480
00:38:17.000 --> 00:38:21.000
factor could be I hadn't given that
much, but I just realized, oh,

481
00:38:21.639 --> 00:38:25.400
I can't think of many positive different
relationships in the Bible, you know,

482
00:38:25.519 --> 00:38:29.920
those kind of interesting thoughts. It's
funny that just said that because dis

483
00:38:29.960 --> 00:38:38.719
sermon today the other preached on families
and he talked about David wanting the his

484
00:38:38.719 --> 00:38:45.599
his wife or the other man's wife, and how his son saw that and

485
00:38:45.679 --> 00:38:49.679
said, Oh, it's gonna be
okay for me to now go and do

486
00:38:49.840 --> 00:38:52.840
whatever I wanted to do. So
what's what, Like Alison was just saying,

487
00:38:52.920 --> 00:38:58.519
like, what we do influences the
siblings, like it developed, We

488
00:38:58.599 --> 00:39:07.039
developed the children to under too,
to be who they are by what they

489
00:39:07.039 --> 00:39:12.280
see, what we carry. Yeah, but because if you notice everything you

490
00:39:12.360 --> 00:39:15.000
just said, a lot of the
siblings, you couldn't find any good reasons.

491
00:39:15.239 --> 00:39:16.679
But look at their parents. That's
that's really what I'm going with.

492
00:39:16.719 --> 00:39:20.840
If you look at their parents and
what their parents are doing, that's why

493
00:39:20.880 --> 00:39:25.159
the siblings were doing what they was
doing, because they was they was watching

494
00:39:25.199 --> 00:39:30.960
their parents and then saying oh I
could do this, and you know and

495
00:39:30.599 --> 00:39:35.280
if you really look at it,
it's just it was weird because he did

496
00:39:35.320 --> 00:39:37.800
the Summonton and I was sending like, wow, that is so true,

497
00:39:37.280 --> 00:39:40.360
and then you brought that up.
But that's that's why he kind of broke

498
00:39:40.400 --> 00:39:44.599
it down a little bit and I
was like, okay, that makes sense.

499
00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:46.159
So with a little bit of that, and that's really really interesting,

500
00:39:46.920 --> 00:39:52.559
Andre and real tell us a little
bit about your sibling relationship. Obviously,

501
00:39:52.800 --> 00:39:55.719
and thinking back in terms of Allison
was mentioning in terms of you know,

502
00:39:55.760 --> 00:39:59.880
where parents are, so your parents
are in different places in terms of what

503
00:40:00.039 --> 00:40:02.000
they were doing work wise, et
cetera. But tell us a bit about

504
00:40:02.000 --> 00:40:08.559
your relationship and how that Yeah,
what's your relationship like and how has that

505
00:40:08.800 --> 00:40:13.000
developed over the years. And I
guess as well as we're talking about,

506
00:40:13.039 --> 00:40:16.360
how has that then shaped you know, your decisions to have children, but

507
00:40:16.440 --> 00:40:20.880
also to have siblings for your children
as well? You know, has that

508
00:40:20.920 --> 00:40:25.480
made a difference for you both?
But yeah, well I guess because of

509
00:40:25.519 --> 00:40:37.000
the gap, Yeah, because of
the because of the twelve years I'm probably

510
00:40:37.079 --> 00:40:39.920
to Andrea was probably the annoying brother
that was always wanted to be around,

511
00:40:40.360 --> 00:40:45.280
the bigger brother, And that was
the age for me that he was a

512
00:40:45.320 --> 00:40:49.000
teenager and he was getting into a
girlfriend and they just wanted to be everywhere.

513
00:40:50.039 --> 00:40:53.679
Well, he wanted to have his
own perfect time. But for me,

514
00:40:54.559 --> 00:41:00.000
about our relationship from my perspective,
has changed over the years because Andrea

515
00:41:00.199 --> 00:41:05.920
was obviously more mature and I was
much younger. But by the time I

516
00:41:05.960 --> 00:41:08.960
started to experience life but what it
was, our relationship kind of changed because

517
00:41:09.000 --> 00:41:14.960
I was understanding what he was going
through in terms of being an adult and

518
00:41:15.039 --> 00:41:20.639
so forward. But growing up,
Andrea was almost like the filler for me.

519
00:41:20.960 --> 00:41:27.960
Whenever, for example, my dad
and my parents won't really speak to

520
00:41:28.000 --> 00:41:32.599
me about certain things. Maybe they
say about relationships or sex as it were,

521
00:41:34.679 --> 00:41:37.639
Andrew was a person that I would
talk to about it, or he

522
00:41:37.760 --> 00:41:39.880
was the first person I say,
hey, I had my first kiss today,

523
00:41:40.119 --> 00:41:44.440
but my parents never knew about it, right, So he was almost

524
00:41:44.480 --> 00:41:50.760
like another father figure as it was, being the older brother at the age

525
00:41:51.039 --> 00:41:57.079
that we were at. And most
of the things that I am passionate about

526
00:41:57.320 --> 00:42:00.880
is because of what I saw Andrew
was passionate. So my first introduction to

527
00:42:00.920 --> 00:42:06.360
a cappella music, the fact is
because Andrew had an a cappella group.

528
00:42:06.800 --> 00:42:09.679
They were practiced at the house and
I'll be the little kids listening to all

529
00:42:09.719 --> 00:42:13.239
these harmonies. I'm like, oh, this is amazing. When I grew

530
00:42:13.320 --> 00:42:15.280
up, I'm going to do it, so when it was in high school,

531
00:42:15.360 --> 00:42:19.400
I found my own kind of quartets
and kind of following his footsteps.

532
00:42:19.960 --> 00:42:24.400
So I was almost like a little
sheet following a little lamb, following Andrew's

533
00:42:24.400 --> 00:42:29.360
footsteps, but also kind of listening
to my parents at the same time.

534
00:42:29.440 --> 00:42:32.840
But I had a bias towards Andrew
more than my parents. Mm hmm,

535
00:42:36.039 --> 00:42:39.199
right, yeah. I think her
relationship is quite unique in well unique in

536
00:42:39.199 --> 00:42:45.960
that sense because growing up as my
father all my father was a principal,

537
00:42:46.639 --> 00:42:52.440
the most pressure I had was your
your your Josie's son, So you had

538
00:42:52.440 --> 00:42:57.920
to be to be your behavior need
to be something that the standard right,

539
00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:04.440
which was I didn't feel it so
much that the early ages in the teams

540
00:43:05.159 --> 00:43:09.119
that shifted because then then the stabby
expectation raised further when that became a pastor.

541
00:43:10.280 --> 00:43:16.639
But I grew up under the the
dual expectation of your Jonesy's son the

542
00:43:16.679 --> 00:43:21.639
principal, but you're also Pastor Jones's
son, so it's like a double expectation

543
00:43:21.760 --> 00:43:24.159
of this high standard of behavior and
performance and all the rest of it.

544
00:43:25.639 --> 00:43:31.039
When when Will was born, I
was a static. I can tell you

545
00:43:31.039 --> 00:43:35.559
the day at the time, the
name of the hospital. I was so

546
00:43:35.639 --> 00:43:43.599
happy, and oh no, I
was. I was. I was even

547
00:43:43.639 --> 00:43:50.199
when I had to take well with
me when I went to things. I

548
00:43:50.280 --> 00:43:53.960
all kept really having a problem with
it. I don't reving a problem with

549
00:43:54.000 --> 00:43:59.920
it. I always enjoyed we're all
being around. The disadvantage that we have

550
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:02.960
is that by the time I,
by the time he got older, old

551
00:44:04.079 --> 00:44:08.079
enough that we could exchange probably better, I left home. So there's a

552
00:44:08.079 --> 00:44:13.320
good period of time where we weren't
together under the same roof, and then

553
00:44:13.360 --> 00:44:16.159
we kind of join each other again
when we're moved to the new case.

554
00:44:16.239 --> 00:44:21.400
He was a doubt by that time, and things kind of picked up from

555
00:44:21.400 --> 00:44:25.599
there. We were always able to
talk to each other. We be signed

556
00:44:25.639 --> 00:44:30.559
together in the same corral as named
choir. Our voices are very very similar,

557
00:44:30.599 --> 00:44:37.159
to the point where our mother could
sometimes shure who she's talking to on

558
00:44:37.599 --> 00:44:44.400
the phone. Our personalities or the
mean are very similar. I would say

559
00:44:44.400 --> 00:44:46.960
he's the more artistic of the two
of us, and the more gifted of

560
00:44:47.000 --> 00:44:54.920
the two of us. But it's
been an interesting it's kind of developed where

561
00:44:55.199 --> 00:44:59.320
although I'm the older brother, I
don't see him as my little brother.

562
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.199
I just seem as my brother,
so that that difference and age isn't isn't

563
00:45:07.000 --> 00:45:09.599
isn't kind of enforced or forced on
him in a sense. I know that's

564
00:45:09.599 --> 00:45:15.119
not always the case in a lot
of siblings, but that's that's not a

565
00:45:15.199 --> 00:45:21.760
dynamic that we have. Would you
what was interested in about? What was

566
00:45:21.760 --> 00:45:25.599
interesting about what? So again,
because of the age, by the time

567
00:45:25.679 --> 00:45:30.880
Andrew left, I felt like a
child at that because I didn't have any

568
00:45:31.239 --> 00:45:36.079
anybody wrong me, so that I
started to it. I wish I had

569
00:45:36.079 --> 00:45:39.960
a little brother as well, you
know, because that was he was gone

570
00:45:42.960 --> 00:45:50.039
by that time, my parents said. And then I didn't know that Andrew

571
00:45:50.119 --> 00:45:54.559
used to play entertain himself in the
mirror playing cowboys, because I used to

572
00:45:54.599 --> 00:46:00.280
do that as well. But I
laughed to myself. I was like,

573
00:46:00.320 --> 00:46:02.719
oh you did that. I did
that too, and I find it interesting.

574
00:46:04.079 --> 00:46:06.360
Well, it's funny you say that
because the need that he wanted.

575
00:46:06.719 --> 00:46:08.639
Yeah, because my next question was
going to be, how have you influenced

576
00:46:08.639 --> 00:46:14.039
each other's kind of with your personalities
or behaviors? So that's quite an interesting

577
00:46:15.519 --> 00:46:19.519
something that you've almost passed on without
maybe not even recognizing or realizing it.

578
00:46:19.960 --> 00:46:22.840
So I guess something like that were
there are other things that you can You

579
00:46:22.880 --> 00:46:27.119
spoke about your similar interests with singing, et cetera. But was there other

580
00:46:27.199 --> 00:46:30.800
kind of ways where you know,
you feel like you've influenced each other,

581
00:46:30.800 --> 00:46:36.360
not necessarily even from being the older
to younger, but even vice versa.

582
00:46:37.039 --> 00:46:40.639
And I don't know if it's if
it's a direct influence or that well,

583
00:46:40.719 --> 00:46:45.960
alan an extra layer to what I
just mentioned. And they said, we

584
00:46:45.039 --> 00:46:51.280
have very similar personalities. Right,
Funny enough, we've both married women who

585
00:46:51.280 --> 00:47:00.599
are very similar in terms of their
personalities. Okay, that's interesting. I

586
00:47:00.639 --> 00:47:04.559
don't know. I don't know,
but there you go. I think that's

587
00:47:04.599 --> 00:47:12.639
really interesting. I've I've seen I
know four brothers who who married four women

588
00:47:12.760 --> 00:47:15.320
who are very similar. And these
brothers are very similar as well. So

589
00:47:16.199 --> 00:47:21.239
I think that's that's you know,
there's something about the preference then that you

590
00:47:21.360 --> 00:47:25.800
have in the people you choose us
like partners. And I wonder if there's

591
00:47:25.960 --> 00:47:31.320
any there's been anything about how your
parents were or what sort of characteristics they

592
00:47:31.440 --> 00:47:38.599
had that have made you, maybe
consciously or unconsciously make certain decisions that are

593
00:47:38.679 --> 00:47:45.239
very similar. MM. That's interesting. They say that boys married, They

594
00:47:45.280 --> 00:47:51.400
say boys married their mother and girls
married their father kind of thing. I

595
00:47:51.400 --> 00:47:59.599
don't think that's the case for us. That's that's experience. Yes, h,

596
00:48:00.920 --> 00:48:01.599
I don't know. I said,
it's sorry, go ahead tell you

597
00:48:05.239 --> 00:48:09.239
no. No, I was I
was almost thinking of your question because our

598
00:48:09.320 --> 00:48:15.920
family was probably like a typical nuclear
family. There. Dad was, as

599
00:48:15.960 --> 00:48:19.440
you was saying, the breadwinner.
My mom was more of a support to

600
00:48:19.559 --> 00:48:22.480
him, and she was the main
one to kind of look after us,

601
00:48:23.679 --> 00:48:27.639
at least when I was. She
looked up to me because that was always

602
00:48:27.639 --> 00:48:31.800
busy word meetings and being a pastor, and she supported him and me as

603
00:48:31.880 --> 00:48:40.800
being a child. And I can't
find any any examples of oh, why

604
00:48:42.440 --> 00:48:46.719
we chosen like partners were chosen because
of how our parents were, But I

605
00:48:46.840 --> 00:48:51.679
think it was for me it would
be down to the principle who I've been,

606
00:48:51.719 --> 00:48:57.239
the character of my wife. She
shared a lot of similar things that

607
00:48:57.320 --> 00:49:00.599
she wanted in the marriage. That
was reflected in what I saw in my

608
00:49:00.719 --> 00:49:05.320
parents married, which I admired a
lot because I thought they had a for

609
00:49:05.440 --> 00:49:09.880
what it was within their time.
It was a great relationship that they had,

610
00:49:10.320 --> 00:49:15.559
and my wife wanted similar similar things. So that's what gravid what made

611
00:49:15.599 --> 00:49:23.880
me gravitate towards her for most soul
being. Okay, I just I just

612
00:49:23.920 --> 00:49:28.639
seek here and wondering if the dynamics
would be different between the two of you

613
00:49:28.760 --> 00:49:32.000
if one of you was female and
the other was male. Mm hmmm,

614
00:49:32.480 --> 00:49:44.000
that's that I think that would be
if if I think, if well were

615
00:49:44.920 --> 00:49:52.679
my sister had with my brother,
I think only more protective in that scenario.

616
00:49:54.679 --> 00:49:57.719
That's why thing I can really think
that the first that comes to mind,

617
00:49:57.760 --> 00:50:04.440
as you say, the person that
comes to mind another thing, Well,

618
00:50:04.599 --> 00:50:08.239
what I'm thinking as well is and
and you both show that it can

619
00:50:08.360 --> 00:50:12.840
be done, because a lot of
parents worry when they're there. The gap

620
00:50:13.440 --> 00:50:16.639
is as wird that it as it
is in terms of you know, the

621
00:50:16.760 --> 00:50:21.679
r the relationship and how you will
bond and how you will mesh. For

622
00:50:21.840 --> 00:50:27.639
me personally, my son is is
fifteen and I I I I can't think

623
00:50:27.679 --> 00:50:30.840
of having another child now. I
can't think of I. I can't understand

624
00:50:30.960 --> 00:50:34.800
how that will work because he you
know, he's fifteen, and I think

625
00:50:35.199 --> 00:50:37.760
going into adulthood and here I'm going
to be bringing sort of a baby into

626
00:50:37.800 --> 00:50:43.719
the picture, and a lot of
parents struggle with that decision and wonder whether

627
00:50:43.760 --> 00:50:50.199
it will work or not. And
you two are very good examples or example

628
00:50:50.280 --> 00:50:52.000
is not quite the word, but
but show that it can be done.

629
00:50:52.000 --> 00:50:55.760
And there are benefits to having a
a a brother or a sister that's old

630
00:50:55.840 --> 00:51:00.440
and has gone through it and can
sort of helped the younger one along,

631
00:51:00.920 --> 00:51:05.440
especially if the relationship is right.
And that's also a testament to your parenting

632
00:51:06.599 --> 00:51:12.360
or your your parents. And I
also wondered if your faith has anything to

633
00:51:12.480 --> 00:51:16.639
do with that, would you would
you attribute your relationship your your values,

634
00:51:16.840 --> 00:51:22.519
your because you are both very close. You can hear it in how you

635
00:51:22.639 --> 00:51:28.679
speak of each other, very complimentary, you know, very loving, caring,

636
00:51:29.119 --> 00:51:35.800
And I wonder is that just down
to parenting or would you say that's

637
00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:39.119
faith or a bit of both.
What what would you what would you say?

638
00:51:39.880 --> 00:51:46.280
For the reasons or reason? I
think some of us also shared experience

639
00:51:46.519 --> 00:51:54.119
because again I keep going back to
the gap. You know, we weren't

640
00:51:54.159 --> 00:52:00.119
as close because while he was mature, I was still mm hm. And

641
00:52:00.519 --> 00:52:05.880
I think we only really got close
when, you know, I became an

642
00:52:05.880 --> 00:52:09.920
adult and we kind of understood life
as as he did. But we also

643
00:52:10.039 --> 00:52:17.800
went through a traumatic event together where
my dad asked and that brought everybody back

644
00:52:17.920 --> 00:52:22.079
that was in Jamaica studying at the
time, and Andrew was in the UK,

645
00:52:22.199 --> 00:52:27.159
and we came back together and because
we haven't seen each other for a

646
00:52:27.239 --> 00:52:30.239
while, that was almost like a
point in our lives where we will always

647
00:52:30.280 --> 00:52:34.840
go back to as to the fact
that we need to continue. We were

648
00:52:34.920 --> 00:52:38.519
reminded that we need to stay on
taps more. Life is short and that

649
00:52:38.639 --> 00:52:43.719
we should not take each other for
granted, you know. And then a

650
00:52:43.800 --> 00:52:49.599
few years later there was another point
in Andrea's life where you know, it

651
00:52:49.760 --> 00:52:52.199
was hospitalized, and it was it
was a traumatic event for me because I

652
00:52:52.320 --> 00:52:58.639
wasn't able to be there when he
was going through it, at least at

653
00:52:58.679 --> 00:53:00.440
the peak of it, because I
was before I was in the States for

654
00:53:00.519 --> 00:53:06.320
a friend's wedding, and I was
completely distressed the fact that I wasn't there

655
00:53:06.679 --> 00:53:09.000
and reminded me of who I wasn't
there with my dad passed away, because

656
00:53:09.199 --> 00:53:14.400
he passed away suddenly and when he
came to Barbados, you know, just

657
00:53:14.559 --> 00:53:19.679
to see to go through the funeral
and what not. So that fear of

658
00:53:20.920 --> 00:53:24.119
not being there for him also kind
of sparked who I need to pay I

659
00:53:24.199 --> 00:53:29.760
need to be more attentive to our
relationship. I can't allow months to go

660
00:53:29.880 --> 00:53:32.519
by and I don't check in on
how I was doing. So since those

661
00:53:32.599 --> 00:53:37.119
two points in our lives, at
least to me, it's kind of encouraged

662
00:53:37.159 --> 00:53:42.480
me or reminded me to stay in
touch, don't allow long gaps, and

663
00:53:42.639 --> 00:53:47.239
to check in to make sure everything
was there. And mm hmmm, that's

664
00:53:47.360 --> 00:53:52.599
cool, that's cool. Okay,
to go back to what you were go

665
00:53:52.639 --> 00:53:57.880
ahead, go ahead, go ahead. I'm gonna go back to what Zenya

666
00:53:58.000 --> 00:54:05.920
mentioned before in terms of the age
gap and how the parents wondering parents wonder

667
00:54:05.960 --> 00:54:12.519
whether they should shouldn't, it has
two things. The advantage of having that

668
00:54:12.599 --> 00:54:17.719
age gap is that it does it
could teach the older child responsibility because they

669
00:54:19.440 --> 00:54:22.440
become part of taking care of their
sibling. So it takes that kind of

670
00:54:22.440 --> 00:54:27.800
selfishness away from them and have to
consider their sibling and have some responsibility towards

671
00:54:27.840 --> 00:54:31.880
them. But that also largely depends
on how the parents manage that whole situation.

672
00:54:34.119 --> 00:54:37.239
They you know, they give too
much attention to the baby for getting

673
00:54:37.280 --> 00:54:42.320
the older or not really bringing the
older sibling into the into the mix,

674
00:54:42.440 --> 00:54:47.920
into the whole process. It can
cause tension and literally et cetera, et

675
00:54:47.960 --> 00:54:52.760
cetera. So it really depends on
how the parent manages that that dynamic.

676
00:54:53.440 --> 00:55:05.159
Mm hmm. In terms of running
myself, she wasn't well. I was

677
00:55:05.239 --> 00:55:14.599
asking whether you saw faith played a
part and how relationship is and I am

678
00:55:14.719 --> 00:55:20.079
not entirely sure. I would,
I would, I would, I would

679
00:55:20.079 --> 00:55:23.199
imagine it did. I think a
lot of it has to do as well

680
00:55:23.239 --> 00:55:29.400
with the way we were, what
we saw at home, which which you

681
00:55:29.480 --> 00:55:31.760
can't. You can't detach faith from
that anyway, because I was all integrated

682
00:55:32.039 --> 00:55:38.760
and aco part of the whole experience
at home. But the importance of family

683
00:55:39.400 --> 00:55:45.280
is something that was we could It
wasn't necessarily spoken of, but you could

684
00:55:45.320 --> 00:55:49.440
see in terms of how my my
father related to his siblings, how my

685
00:55:49.559 --> 00:55:53.119
mother lived to her siblings. That's
what we kind of grew up seeing.

686
00:55:53.239 --> 00:55:57.559
My mother. My father was very
very close to his sister and brothers,

687
00:55:58.519 --> 00:56:05.039
especially his sister what's your sister?
And my mother although she lived far from

688
00:56:05.079 --> 00:56:08.199
her siblings in different islands, she
didn't see them very often. You always,

689
00:56:08.440 --> 00:56:13.519
you would always hear a very question
of her growing up with her siblings.

690
00:56:14.079 --> 00:56:16.079
For this day, if you want
my mother to smile and laugh at

691
00:56:16.119 --> 00:56:23.239
scrimble an experience when she was growing
up. Mm hmmm, Oh that's lovely.

692
00:56:24.000 --> 00:56:30.719
Oh about me? Amazing and there, Yeah, I am sorry,

693
00:56:30.760 --> 00:56:32.679
I've clicked on a bus. I
don't know what happened there. Yeah,

694
00:56:32.719 --> 00:56:36.239
I was just gonna say, yeah, that's really it's that's really lovely to

695
00:56:36.320 --> 00:56:39.639
hear because you know, that's the
family relationships and the relationship and the things

696
00:56:39.679 --> 00:56:45.000
that have brought you closer, and
that's developed over the years, whether it's

697
00:56:45.039 --> 00:56:49.320
you know, unfortunately so may be
sad situations, but it's definitely prompted that

698
00:56:49.440 --> 00:56:52.320
and to see the importance of that. So thank you for sharing that.

699
00:56:52.000 --> 00:56:54.280
I see we have two or more
of our guests have just joined us,

700
00:56:55.000 --> 00:56:59.840
so we're going to meet them,
but we're going to play a track for

701
00:57:00.039 --> 00:57:04.960
yes today. I picked two sisters
here. Oh well, I can't remember

702
00:57:05.000 --> 00:57:07.920
their names, but you know them
as Mary, Mary Erica and I can't

703
00:57:07.960 --> 00:57:10.880
think of her sister's name. But
the song is thankful and one thing that

704
00:57:12.000 --> 00:57:14.639
you know, we can all say
that we are thankful for our siblings.

705
00:57:15.599 --> 00:57:20.280
Hopefully you have positive relationships with them. But let's listen to Mary, Mary

706
00:57:20.440 --> 00:57:30.960
and thankful, thank you for my
blessings, everything that you Okay, Sometimes

707
00:57:30.000 --> 00:57:35.840
when danger was around me, my
lad lord, you say, grow what

708
00:57:36.079 --> 00:57:40.599
up? Be without Joel love?
Be without Joel bring you didn't have the

709
00:57:40.719 --> 00:57:50.079
new came to and that word I
God, I got it all my own,

710
00:57:51.119 --> 00:57:58.000
never removed. They say they never
been around. When me up again

711
00:57:58.239 --> 00:58:09.559
to a broad it all. I
can always depend on you ever rockway up

712
00:58:10.000 --> 00:58:17.320
day was my life mocking say go
up, be with that job coming out,

713
00:58:17.440 --> 00:58:25.599
be with that Joe's say, you
didn't have the joy that next time

714
00:58:25.800 --> 00:58:34.760
you go, you wake the ball
right movie that he kept saying the night

715
00:58:36.280 --> 00:58:40.880
hid raison high. That's what you
say. What you did? You didn't

716
00:58:42.000 --> 00:59:07.960
have to get me say my nice
where on the floor away don't thank all

717
00:59:09.199 --> 00:59:25.960
and thank you on me time where
thanks, thank you, thank you,

718
00:59:27.239 --> 00:59:30.039
thank you, thank you, thank
you, thank you, thank you,

719
00:59:30.280 --> 00:59:47.559
thank you, thank you, thank
you. Don't know me hello, let

720
00:59:47.639 --> 01:00:52.679
me take you carry me time looking
jes say, okay, so we're thankful

721
01:00:52.719 --> 01:00:57.679
for our siblings are brothers and sisters. And yeah, so we've been hearing

722
01:00:57.760 --> 01:01:01.599
so far from Andre and Rural,
very close brothers from what we can tell

723
01:01:01.639 --> 01:01:07.199
from their experiences. Despite their age
difference, yeah, which has been really

724
01:01:07.239 --> 01:01:12.159
positive to hear, and some really
insights with Alison as well. Thank you,

725
01:01:12.199 --> 01:01:14.679
because actually there are a lot of
as we realized, there are lots

726
01:01:14.679 --> 01:01:15.920
of myths around things. You know, we talked a little bit about,

727
01:01:16.079 --> 01:01:20.400
you know, the birth order that
makes a difference. But so i'd be

728
01:01:20.480 --> 01:01:23.760
quite interesting to hear what your thoughts
on our next guests because they have a

729
01:01:24.000 --> 01:01:31.800
very special relationship. So welcome Tara
and Shara. Tara, some of you

730
01:01:31.960 --> 01:01:38.519
may know already, may have heard
her on the radio. Petro introduced Tara

731
01:01:38.679 --> 01:01:52.159
for us in wife. She's a
woman. My name is Tara, and

732
01:01:52.280 --> 01:01:57.039
I have read that. But I'm
originally from America, United States, Birmingham,

733
01:01:57.039 --> 01:01:59.679
Alabama, where I was born and
raised with my twin sister and my

734
01:01:59.760 --> 01:02:04.360
older brother. And yeah, my
mother and my father were my father's deceased

735
01:02:04.440 --> 01:02:09.039
now and I lived which I will
not get into all the other entities,

736
01:02:09.199 --> 01:02:14.199
but I have now I reside in
the UK with my husband and three children.

737
01:02:14.440 --> 01:02:19.280
Okay, who is Pedro in case
nobody had guessed, Thank you Tara.

738
01:02:19.480 --> 01:02:22.880
So, Tara, you are a
twin and we're really thankful that we

739
01:02:22.960 --> 01:02:27.960
have your twin sister with us today
as well. So tell us a little

740
01:02:28.000 --> 01:02:40.880
bit about yourself. Yes, well, I'm a twin obviously, I live

741
01:02:40.960 --> 01:02:49.280
here in the United States. So
yeah, I sing. I sing a

742
01:02:49.320 --> 01:02:53.880
little bit, I sing, not
a little well, well, I sing

743
01:02:54.000 --> 01:02:58.840
sometime. I don't sing as after
as I used to. Okay, but

744
01:03:00.159 --> 01:03:05.440
yeah, there's many Okay, who's
the who is the oldest side of the

745
01:03:05.480 --> 01:03:07.800
two of you? Because I just
after the question people always ask, and

746
01:03:07.880 --> 01:03:12.480
it's offtened, you know, minutes
and a half. Oh wow, okay,

747
01:03:14.519 --> 01:03:19.079
okay. And do you see yourself
Tara as the older sister. I

748
01:03:19.199 --> 01:03:25.199
do, Yeah, of course,
you know, I take my role very

749
01:03:25.320 --> 01:03:30.440
seriously. That's my baby sister.
Okay, okay, So tell us about

750
01:03:30.519 --> 01:03:36.400
your relationship and the uniqueness of being
a twin. And that's to both of

751
01:03:36.480 --> 01:03:42.280
you. Oh well, I guess
I'll start. I love the twin sister.

752
01:03:42.960 --> 01:03:45.079
I love that me and my sister
grew up together, doing everything together,

753
01:03:46.000 --> 01:03:52.880
from and you know, sharing things
with her to her. I didn't

754
01:03:52.159 --> 01:03:57.199
I've had her, you know,
I had my sister that I can lean

755
01:03:57.280 --> 01:04:00.039
on and we always encourage each other. We had moments, well we didn't

756
01:04:00.079 --> 01:04:03.880
get along, but I think through
it all, you know, the love

757
01:04:03.960 --> 01:04:09.199
that we have for each other was
just it was unmatched with anyone else.

758
01:04:09.800 --> 01:04:15.119
And yeah, I just love being
a twin mm hmm. Yeah, it

759
01:04:15.280 --> 01:04:20.079
was, it was. It was
always a challenge dealing with tars. We

760
01:04:20.280 --> 01:04:27.400
both grew up singing together, yeah, and in the church and everything,

761
01:04:28.280 --> 01:04:33.360
and our mother she played the organ
and everything. So everything was church bound

762
01:04:33.480 --> 01:04:41.800
in our house, you know.
So my parents were strict with us and

763
01:04:41.920 --> 01:04:46.320
my brother also, and you know, it was just a blessing, you

764
01:04:46.400 --> 01:04:50.159
know that our parents can be in
our lives the way that they was.

765
01:04:51.239 --> 01:04:57.559
And after our father died, that
was that was hard dealing with that.

766
01:04:58.760 --> 01:05:04.400
When he passed, he had kidney
failure, okay, and so but he

767
01:05:04.559 --> 01:05:10.079
dealt with that being on dialysis for
like what, how was how long was

768
01:05:10.119 --> 01:05:14.920
it? He's about fifteen? Yeah, yeah, I would say that was

769
01:05:15.000 --> 01:05:17.440
a challenge in time. And now, you know, in our lives together

770
01:05:18.039 --> 01:05:21.400
dealing with you know, my father
being having a chronic illness the way he

771
01:05:21.519 --> 01:05:25.679
did, and you know, just
seeing him come go from a healthy man

772
01:05:25.800 --> 01:05:30.119
to a stick man and then you
know, us taking turns go and take

773
01:05:30.199 --> 01:05:33.000
him to dialysis, and you know, I think our relationship got even stronger

774
01:05:33.119 --> 01:05:36.920
because we leaned on each other even
more. We always was already a strong

775
01:05:38.000 --> 01:05:43.480
net family, but when my father
became sick, we just really came more

776
01:05:43.559 --> 01:05:46.159
closer. I would say, understanding, you know, what his sickness was,

777
01:05:46.320 --> 01:05:50.360
and how we had to adapt to
learning what that was and just going

778
01:05:50.440 --> 01:05:54.840
around that whole thing. And you
know, I just think that was an

779
01:05:54.840 --> 01:06:00.199
opportunity God gave us to grow even
closer together as a family. Yeah,

780
01:06:00.239 --> 01:06:06.960
most definitely. And my mom,
she she always been you know, strong,

781
01:06:08.079 --> 01:06:12.000
a strong woman, you know,
being there for us twins and my

782
01:06:12.119 --> 01:06:16.199
brother, and and she was a
bit white. I always have been a

783
01:06:16.280 --> 01:06:21.280
good They always was great parents towards
us. You know. I always tried

784
01:06:21.320 --> 01:06:25.920
to teach us the right thing to
do in life. You know, even

785
01:06:25.960 --> 01:06:29.360
though we all go our separate ways
and do things differently. You know,

786
01:06:29.480 --> 01:06:33.400
nobody used to say even though my
sister and are twins, we're totally different

787
01:06:33.440 --> 01:06:39.559
people, two different people. Did
you find that that's interesting? That's making

788
01:06:39.639 --> 01:06:45.360
me smile. I was just waiting
for that moment when you're I like,

789
01:06:45.960 --> 01:06:48.840
like, you're two different people,
because what struck me is when you both

790
01:06:48.920 --> 01:06:55.960
came on. You know, I
think immediately there's you know, people are

791
01:06:56.000 --> 01:06:59.719
looking at both of you and thinking, you know, while they're looking like,

792
01:07:00.159 --> 01:07:05.079
sounded like I can see that the
twins, and almost immediately that individuality

793
01:07:06.679 --> 01:07:12.760
almost seems to be kind of like
taken away. And I just wondered how

794
01:07:12.880 --> 01:07:16.719
you kind of dealt with that along
as she went through along the years,

795
01:07:16.880 --> 01:07:20.960
the fact that, you know,
almost every time people saw the two of

796
01:07:21.079 --> 01:07:28.519
you together, potentially they compared you
to each other, make comments about how

797
01:07:28.599 --> 01:07:32.280
similar you are in certain ways.
How was that for you both growing up?

798
01:07:33.079 --> 01:07:35.360
Well, I remember, I don't
know if you remember, shares were

799
01:07:35.400 --> 01:07:40.559
vaguely want my father to be like
because my sister wore like a tongboy type

800
01:07:40.599 --> 01:07:44.480
of thing and I was more girly. So my father my sister, why

801
01:07:44.480 --> 01:07:45.519
you don't jest of like her sister? Why you don't you know, do

802
01:07:45.679 --> 01:07:49.079
things like her? And she just
was you know what I'm saying. She

803
01:07:49.280 --> 01:07:53.239
was just who she was and what
she liked to do. And I think

804
01:07:53.280 --> 01:07:56.039
my father and family, you know, was like, Okay, I can

805
01:07:56.119 --> 01:07:59.480
accept her for that. You know
he wanted I guess he wanted us both

806
01:07:59.519 --> 01:08:01.360
to be the same because we was
twins. I don't think he actually saw

807
01:08:01.480 --> 01:08:06.000
us as two individuals. You know, trying to do our own thing.

808
01:08:06.960 --> 01:08:10.800
I was. I think he knew. I think he knew that I was

809
01:08:10.880 --> 01:08:15.320
going to be different from you anyway, because he did. Mom always said

810
01:08:15.480 --> 01:08:17.600
that that that it was that we
were going to be different. Yeah,

811
01:08:17.800 --> 01:08:23.159
you know, he had already had
seen that earlier in our child like or

812
01:08:23.199 --> 01:08:31.159
whatever. So that being said,
you know, that was that was a

813
01:08:31.800 --> 01:08:42.439
hard task, uh, going through
us growing up in our personality being different

814
01:08:43.000 --> 01:08:53.640
from one another, especially when things
came in a more different way when I

815
01:08:53.760 --> 01:08:59.159
came out to my parents when I
was eighteen, and so that was a

816
01:08:59.279 --> 01:09:03.640
hard thing that I think as a
n our family home we had to deal

817
01:09:03.720 --> 01:09:08.600
with. But we got through it. Yeah, you know, we got

818
01:09:08.640 --> 01:09:14.319
through it. And I couldn't have
a better relationship with my brother, my

819
01:09:14.439 --> 01:09:19.920
sister, my my children. So
it's you know, it was a role

820
01:09:20.119 --> 01:09:24.680
you know times here are all wounds. Yeah, and that didn't change who

821
01:09:24.840 --> 01:09:28.239
I was as a person, no, you know, but me and my

822
01:09:28.359 --> 01:09:31.119
sister had you know it, it
was kind of a strange relationship we had

823
01:09:31.159 --> 01:09:36.359
at one point in our life because
you know, we wasn't speaking yeah and

824
01:09:36.520 --> 01:09:41.960
talking at one point. Yeah,
and so that was that was kind of

825
01:09:42.000 --> 01:09:45.680
hard. To deal with because I
missed her a lot and I missed you

826
01:09:45.800 --> 01:09:55.039
too, and I I think it
was just hard for me to m I

827
01:09:55.159 --> 01:10:00.600
know, that's not Oh, ykay, it's okay, that's okay. Yeah,

828
01:10:02.600 --> 01:10:05.279
when they when I met, when
I met Tara, it was right

829
01:10:06.479 --> 01:10:13.119
about two years to where she came
out, So I came in right when

830
01:10:13.359 --> 01:10:17.600
they was in the the fighting back
and forth and uh, just a lot

831
01:10:17.680 --> 01:10:24.119
of bickering between siblings. And as
I tell Tom that, you think she

832
01:10:24.159 --> 01:10:26.239
don't want to talk to you,
but she does. She's just mad at

833
01:10:26.279 --> 01:10:28.960
you. So you just have to
be patient and you guys just need to

834
01:10:29.039 --> 01:10:32.239
sit down and talk and just working. And you know, because I think

835
01:10:32.319 --> 01:10:36.039
talas Pond was just accepting. I
think because she had the same just like

836
01:10:36.079 --> 01:10:40.079
her father, she had the same
idea that her sister was going to be

837
01:10:40.199 --> 01:10:43.199
just like her, well not exactly
like her, but you know, be

838
01:10:44.039 --> 01:10:46.920
sembilant of her. So when she
came out and she's not like her,

839
01:10:48.079 --> 01:10:51.880
Taal had a hard time accepting that
because that was her sister, and she's

840
01:10:51.960 --> 01:10:56.439
like, you know, she just
had a hard time accepting it. And

841
01:10:56.640 --> 01:11:01.199
then I came along, and then
I didn't think it just took time for

842
01:11:01.319 --> 01:11:03.359
healing from me. Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm saying. And

843
01:11:03.439 --> 01:11:08.760
then like we was talking about this
this week, and I think, like,

844
01:11:09.199 --> 01:11:12.840
you know, God put people in
your place, and I'm not trying

845
01:11:12.840 --> 01:11:14.960
to take credit on it. I'm
just saying I think when I came into

846
01:11:15.039 --> 01:11:18.439
Tara's life, I was able to
talk to her and help her to understand

847
01:11:18.640 --> 01:11:25.319
and to be more accepting of her
sister in that sense. And I don't

848
01:11:25.359 --> 01:11:26.800
mean to say it like that,
but you know what I mean, I

849
01:11:26.880 --> 01:11:29.600
listen. I just mean like,
just you know, that's your sister.

850
01:11:29.800 --> 01:11:32.560
Don't matter, you know what,
the differences you have. You need to

851
01:11:33.560 --> 01:11:39.119
have a relationship with your sister and
your brother no matter what, because when

852
01:11:39.159 --> 01:11:41.800
it comes down to it, it's
still a family. Yeah. I think

853
01:11:41.880 --> 01:11:44.720
at the end of the day,
I had to realize that, you know,

854
01:11:45.000 --> 01:11:48.479
we had our own paths to take
right, you know, and I

855
01:11:48.600 --> 01:11:53.199
had chosen my path and she had
chose hers. You know. I think

856
01:11:53.279 --> 01:11:55.359
I was just trying to be more
dominant, you know. I was just

857
01:11:55.439 --> 01:11:57.319
trying to like, this is what
you need to do, and this is

858
01:11:57.359 --> 01:12:00.319
how you should you know, live
your life. And then I had to

859
01:12:00.399 --> 01:12:03.159
realize that no, I had to. I had to ask God to really

860
01:12:03.239 --> 01:12:10.399
help me with that because I just
couldn't accept the fact that my sister chose

861
01:12:10.520 --> 01:12:14.319
to have a different lifestyle than I
did. But I'm not I was hard

862
01:12:14.399 --> 01:12:16.319
for our parents too. It was
hard for my mother and my father.

863
01:12:17.079 --> 01:12:20.479
Like I said, you know,
we grew up you know, in church

864
01:12:20.760 --> 01:12:27.079
all the time, you know,
so you know, it wasn't an easy

865
01:12:27.159 --> 01:12:31.640
thing for me to come out and
tell them that. But you know,

866
01:12:31.960 --> 01:12:36.239
sometimes you get hard, you get
tired of keep them secrets and stuff,

867
01:12:36.560 --> 01:12:44.119
and so I just wanted to be
my authentic self and be honest with who

868
01:12:44.239 --> 01:12:47.000
I was with my parents, you
know, telling them the truth about me

869
01:12:48.399 --> 01:12:53.319
in what I was going through at
the time. So you know, once

870
01:12:53.399 --> 01:12:57.199
all of that got out, you
know, yeah, you know I had

871
01:12:57.239 --> 01:13:02.760
to deal with the consequences of buying
all of that. But you know,

872
01:13:03.239 --> 01:13:08.239
it's better now as far as I
can say that. It's like as a

873
01:13:08.279 --> 01:13:12.359
time here our wolves, both our
whole family, and now we can come

874
01:13:12.439 --> 01:13:16.560
together as one and still love each
other, you know, the way we

875
01:13:16.680 --> 01:13:24.840
insupposed to. So, I mean, what you've just described is like really

876
01:13:24.960 --> 01:13:30.479
clearly illustrates the really special, very
close bonds that you share us twins,

877
01:13:30.039 --> 01:13:34.119
but then also that each of you
is an individual at the same time.

878
01:13:34.680 --> 01:13:40.760
And you talk about growing up in
the church, but actually you were both

879
01:13:40.960 --> 01:13:45.640
in the womb at the same time, and that process of growing in the

880
01:13:45.760 --> 01:13:50.000
womb is part of life, and
a lot of our experiences are shaped when

881
01:13:50.079 --> 01:14:00.680
we're in the world. It's actually
a lot stronger than with others as well,

882
01:14:00.079 --> 01:14:06.760
and unconsciously there's a part of twigs
that just want to be very close

883
01:14:06.840 --> 01:14:11.640
and want to be very similar to
each other, but then at the same

884
01:14:11.800 --> 01:14:17.199
time, each person wants to be
an individual as well. And sometimes one

885
01:14:17.239 --> 01:14:24.720
of the most challenging things for parents
is to bring up twins or more than

886
01:14:24.800 --> 01:14:30.720
one child at the same time,
born at the same time, because you're

887
01:14:30.840 --> 01:14:35.960
trying to understand these people as individuals, but also you know, for practical

888
01:14:36.159 --> 01:14:41.039
reasons, you're doing the same things
to both people at the same time.

889
01:14:42.159 --> 01:14:47.000
So in the mind sometimes it's very
very difficult to figure out the fact that

890
01:14:47.760 --> 01:14:51.680
yes, you're treating both in very
similar ways, but you're having to get

891
01:14:51.720 --> 01:14:57.600
to know each person as an individual
for yourself and then treat them as individuals.

892
01:14:57.960 --> 01:15:01.319
And I think that we need to
give credit to parents who have more

893
01:15:01.399 --> 01:15:06.439
than one children at the time,
because they have a lot of work on

894
01:15:06.600 --> 01:15:13.920
their hands when those children are Yes, you guys didn't say like when you

895
01:15:13.920 --> 01:15:16.840
guys were growing up, you did
everything together. Yeah, yeah, we

896
01:15:17.319 --> 01:15:20.520
did. We did to the point
that was nauseating when I met them.

897
01:15:20.520 --> 01:15:24.279
They did everything. If they went
to the if one was going to the

898
01:15:24.359 --> 01:15:26.800
d V to get a hit,
they get a hit shot for the d

899
01:15:26.920 --> 01:15:30.880
m V, for the photo,
they both would go like why just go

900
01:15:30.239 --> 01:15:33.920
like they both everything. They went
to the grocery store together, they went

901
01:15:34.000 --> 01:15:36.680
to the park together. They did. I was like, it was just

902
01:15:38.319 --> 01:15:42.039
that's what we did. Yeah.
Yeah, my sister and I was very

903
01:15:42.119 --> 01:15:46.119
popular in our town where we see
and so you know a lot of people

904
01:15:46.159 --> 01:15:50.720
knew who he was, you know, especially when we were singing different churches

905
01:15:50.760 --> 01:15:57.479
and stuff. You know who didn't
know you know, yeah, the singings,

906
01:15:57.760 --> 01:16:01.000
so you know we was we was
our It's poppling in that way too,

907
01:16:01.239 --> 01:16:06.319
you know, because people loved she
singing a lot, and we haven't

908
01:16:06.479 --> 01:16:13.119
sung together in a long time now. Her whole thing, Oh, I

909
01:16:13.279 --> 01:16:21.520
see a reunion coming on here for
that then maybe a lot of things on

910
01:16:21.640 --> 01:16:31.359
today. In fact, yes,
It's interesting because you're talking about you're sort

911
01:16:31.399 --> 01:16:35.560
of individuality, but you did something
very similar. Did you have any sort

912
01:16:35.600 --> 01:16:42.199
of special and sometimes they talk about
twins having special languages between them or particular

913
01:16:42.319 --> 01:16:45.960
codes, or just did you ever
finish each other sentences? Or the weather's

914
01:16:45.960 --> 01:16:49.159
feeling well? For some reason,
I give a call and I'll be like,

915
01:16:49.439 --> 01:16:51.399
yeah, how you doing. She
was like, I'm not feeling worth

916
01:16:51.439 --> 01:16:54.680
a girl not feeling well? You
know, it could just it's just like

917
01:16:54.760 --> 01:16:58.960
we just I just knew something was
wrong with her. I could just call

918
01:16:59.000 --> 01:17:00.399
it like I was just thinking about
you. I was thinking about you too,

919
01:17:00.399 --> 01:17:02.880
and then we'll call each other,
you know, about the same time.

920
01:17:03.279 --> 01:17:06.119
Yeah. So it's always that thing. I always knowing something's up with

921
01:17:06.199 --> 01:17:09.920
my sister. She can't just call
and stay tired. I'm like, no,

922
01:17:10.039 --> 01:17:15.840
what's wrong? You know me too? Yeah? Yeah, just made

923
01:17:15.880 --> 01:17:18.600
a point. And it's true.
During high school, even though they were

924
01:17:18.640 --> 01:17:21.239
twins, they all they we talk
about all the time. They had separate

925
01:17:21.279 --> 01:17:26.880
friends. Yeah, yeahs friend and
shows friends with our times friends, which

926
01:17:26.880 --> 01:17:30.119
I thought was red because you would
think as siblings you would have the same

927
01:17:30.359 --> 01:17:31.680
at least some kind of group like
the only friends that had was the ones

928
01:17:31.680 --> 01:17:36.479
they sang with. Everybody else was
totally different in the sense of who they

929
01:17:36.600 --> 01:17:41.920
hung out with or who they did
things with. Is that normal? Is

930
01:17:42.000 --> 01:17:45.279
it something? But what we we
we we had the same friends, we

931
01:17:45.640 --> 01:17:48.079
hung out with with people together when
we was coming up, you know what

932
01:17:48.119 --> 01:17:53.159
I'm saying in our younger days,
you know. So we we uh we

933
01:17:53.279 --> 01:17:57.079
had groups and stuff that we was
in, you know, different singing groups

934
01:17:57.119 --> 01:17:59.640
around town, and you know what
I'm saying. And we would have to

935
01:17:59.680 --> 01:18:03.560
travel before that, and uh,
and especially when our mom played for us,

936
01:18:03.600 --> 01:18:10.319
so she was our personalized musician,
you know. So she she will

937
01:18:10.399 --> 01:18:15.560
play for us on different occasions that
we had to sing at. And yeah,

938
01:18:15.640 --> 01:18:18.479
it was just a joy of having
her, having my mom, you

939
01:18:18.560 --> 01:18:23.880
know, uh train us in the
way that she wanted us to be as

940
01:18:23.920 --> 01:18:27.640
far as vocalist vocalists and stuff like
that. Yeah, and so you know

941
01:18:28.199 --> 01:18:31.439
it was It still would be great
now if we can get together and sing

942
01:18:31.560 --> 01:18:36.399
with mom and and and and have
that reunion that we need to have to

943
01:18:38.359 --> 01:18:41.680
you know, give God a little
praise, you know, never get tired

944
01:18:41.720 --> 01:18:45.520
of giving God praise at all.
Yeah, Yeah, I mean petro Toine

945
01:18:45.520 --> 01:18:48.760
sa her question. I think,
yeah, that's it. Tastes come on,

946
01:18:48.880 --> 01:18:55.319
and it's actually healthy to be encouraged
for twins to have their own They

947
01:18:55.399 --> 01:18:59.640
can have friends in common, but
to have their own individual like groups of

948
01:18:59.680 --> 01:19:04.199
friends as well. And if you're
buying gifts, please don't buy one card

949
01:19:04.279 --> 01:19:10.640
for two people, you know,
things like that they both have to get

950
01:19:10.680 --> 01:19:15.439
a gift. Like in case of
this week, and I have we have

951
01:19:15.520 --> 01:19:18.159
three kids, and we went to
church today and we were supposed to go

952
01:19:18.199 --> 01:19:20.199
to dinner, but I knew I
had to do talking points. I said,

953
01:19:20.319 --> 01:19:23.920
like, it's gonna be too much
for me to do. My son

954
01:19:24.000 --> 01:19:26.840
wanted to go because his friend was
there and another two friends were there.

955
01:19:27.359 --> 01:19:29.960
The girls wanted to go, but
I was like, no, as more

956
01:19:30.000 --> 01:19:31.439
as age let him go by himself. Tired and what She was like,

957
01:19:31.600 --> 01:19:33.479
no, you know, they should
be at it. And I'm like,

958
01:19:33.720 --> 01:19:38.600
I think that even as siblings,
you should have your own set of friends,

959
01:19:38.640 --> 01:19:42.159
and that just because one is doing
one thing, the other doesn't have

960
01:19:42.279 --> 01:19:45.199
to do it too. Yeah,
I think that they should be able to

961
01:19:45.239 --> 01:19:48.119
do things separately, learn get their
own like footing in a sense, you

962
01:19:48.199 --> 01:19:51.920
know, friendship wise. You know, Yeah, I agree, and I

963
01:19:53.000 --> 01:19:55.279
was just gonna ask Alison, you
know what sort of tips can you You

964
01:19:55.399 --> 01:20:01.319
mentioned a few in terms of how
parents can encourage live individuality because people society

965
01:20:01.359 --> 01:20:05.560
would have to was sometimes, you
know, bring ce twins as one person

966
01:20:05.720 --> 01:20:09.560
often at times, you know,
rather than the unique people that they are.

967
01:20:09.640 --> 01:20:15.000
So how would you say parents could
encourage that individuality because we might find

968
01:20:15.079 --> 01:20:18.920
things like dressing in the same clothes
or the same colors, that kind of

969
01:20:18.960 --> 01:20:24.640
thing. Well, I never I
never liked you went dressing like my mama

970
01:20:24.760 --> 01:20:27.000
used to pull that stuff all the
time. I never did like that.

971
01:20:27.560 --> 01:20:30.159
You know, I want to I
just wanted to be my own person.

972
01:20:30.159 --> 01:20:32.560
I want to dress my way.
I want my hair to be a certain

973
01:20:32.600 --> 01:20:36.479
way, you know. I just
I didn't like all the stuff my sister

974
01:20:36.680 --> 01:20:42.159
like, you know, she was
more, uh make up and like stuff

975
01:20:42.199 --> 01:20:45.720
like that. But you know,
I won't make up sometimes when I wanted

976
01:20:45.760 --> 01:20:47.520
to, you know, when I
want to dress up. We both dressed

977
01:20:47.600 --> 01:20:51.479
up and stuff, but you know, I was just I just I just

978
01:20:51.560 --> 01:20:56.760
had my own dying going on,
and so we I never did like the

979
01:20:56.960 --> 01:20:59.600
twin dress up. Some people like
it, some people don't. I didn't

980
01:20:59.640 --> 01:21:03.560
care for work like that did you
one time doing that? Your mim put

981
01:21:03.560 --> 01:21:05.279
you in a dress you didn't want
to wear, so you messed it up

982
01:21:05.319 --> 01:21:11.880
on purpose, so you can wear
what you want to do. I'm not

983
01:21:11.960 --> 01:21:14.479
trying to I'm not trying to love
your spot. I'm just saying I just

984
01:21:14.840 --> 01:21:16.800
you said that. It made me
think of the story that you guys were

985
01:21:16.840 --> 01:21:20.720
telling me how you had. He
was like, I'm not wearing this dress.

986
01:21:21.000 --> 01:21:24.800
He doesn't you did something to it. But but but I had to

987
01:21:24.920 --> 01:21:27.800
that my mama made me. So
weren't no, you weren't no where it

988
01:21:27.960 --> 01:21:31.359
is. You weren't go where my
mom and dad made or made me and

989
01:21:31.439 --> 01:21:34.840
my wedding stuff. So you know, when I got old, I was

990
01:21:38.920 --> 01:21:44.079
yeah, so you know, you
know, we basically you know, had

991
01:21:44.119 --> 01:21:47.159
to do what we were told.
So yeah, I mean, in terms

992
01:21:47.199 --> 01:21:51.119
of like what what parents can tell, I think, you know, it's

993
01:21:51.279 --> 01:22:00.279
it's really really important that parents take
time to know their intifu children, regardless

994
01:22:03.720 --> 01:22:09.119
even I was gonna say even twins, but yeah, especially twins. Yeah,

995
01:22:09.800 --> 01:22:14.039
and that's that's really important because nobody, nobody just wants to be treated

996
01:22:15.039 --> 01:22:19.479
in like like a general case.
Everyone's an individual and it's really important,

997
01:22:19.520 --> 01:22:25.000
and each child is unique. Each
child is different. Get to know your

998
01:22:25.239 --> 01:22:30.039
what your child's strengths are, and
really highlight us and praise them and compliment

999
01:22:30.159 --> 01:22:34.520
them for their strengths. Please do
not compare people. You know, we

1000
01:22:34.760 --> 01:22:40.159
each one of us is very different. Each one of us has different preferences,

1001
01:22:40.600 --> 01:22:45.000
Each one of us is unique,
so you know, recognize that and

1002
01:22:45.319 --> 01:22:51.359
don't compare people. Don't compare siblings. Don't compare siblings to their your children

1003
01:22:51.479 --> 01:22:57.159
to their friends, or anything like
that, because that's potentially very detrimental.

1004
01:22:58.479 --> 01:23:03.199
Find interest that everyone, you know, get people to be interested in other

1005
01:23:03.319 --> 01:23:09.359
people's interests as well, and appreciate
what the other person's about, what the

1006
01:23:09.439 --> 01:23:14.960
other person's hobbies are, and you
know, just get people to do different

1007
01:23:15.079 --> 01:23:19.399
things as a family so that you
can get people to learn to live as

1008
01:23:19.439 --> 01:23:27.159
a community and really appreciate each other
social skills as well. Encourage people to

1009
01:23:27.880 --> 01:23:30.920
nago siate. You know, people
are going to have differences, people are

1010
01:23:30.960 --> 01:23:35.319
going to have disagreement, and that's
normal. In a family setting conflicts is

1011
01:23:35.399 --> 01:23:41.319
normal because you get to learn a
lot about yourself as well as learn a

1012
01:23:41.399 --> 01:23:45.520
lot about the other person. We
can pretty much say a lot of things

1013
01:23:45.640 --> 01:23:49.399
is how we say it. So
parents have a responsibility to help their children

1014
01:23:49.680 --> 01:23:59.640
to communicate effectively, socialize. If
that's the work together, you know,

1015
01:23:59.800 --> 01:24:02.000
those are the things that are going
to keep them together. And it doesn't

1016
01:24:02.039 --> 01:24:05.399
matter where they are, it doesn't
matter what they're doing. If they grow

1017
01:24:05.520 --> 01:24:12.000
up knowing how to appreciate each other, communicate effectively with each other, problems

1018
01:24:12.039 --> 01:24:16.760
solved together, and just value and
respect each other, I think you know

1019
01:24:17.039 --> 01:24:25.600
we're going to have really close families
and really kind of happy communities. But

1020
01:24:25.800 --> 01:24:30.239
parents have a very very important role
to play. And I know that parents

1021
01:24:30.479 --> 01:24:34.319
are not perfect because I know that
we've touched on parents and we can sometimes

1022
01:24:34.439 --> 01:24:43.079
be quite critical of how parents have
performed in bringing up their children. But

1023
01:24:43.239 --> 01:24:47.560
let's remember that parents themselves have their
own past, their own history, their

1024
01:24:47.680 --> 01:24:54.239
own potential traumas that they've experienced,
might not have addressed, and are not

1025
01:24:54.399 --> 01:24:57.680
perfect. We only need to be
good enough parents. We don't have to

1026
01:24:57.720 --> 01:25:01.439
be perfect parents, and yes we
will make mistakes mistakes, but you know,

1027
01:25:01.640 --> 01:25:04.239
when you know that you've made a
mistake, or you know that you've

1028
01:25:04.399 --> 01:25:11.079
compared your your between your children,
please take the time to apologize, take

1029
01:25:11.119 --> 01:25:15.560
the time to understand pain, understand
their heart, and and just take the

1030
01:25:15.640 --> 01:25:20.840
time to listen, just to listen
to each person and try and understand where

1031
01:25:20.840 --> 01:25:28.680
they're coming from, because sometimes unconsciously
we pass on negative narrative, negative messages,

1032
01:25:29.039 --> 01:25:31.239
not because we don't love our children, not because we want to hurt

1033
01:25:31.319 --> 01:25:35.960
people, but just because we just
are not aware of it or we don't

1034
01:25:36.039 --> 01:25:41.079
know any different. So it's a
learning process and we need to be humble

1035
01:25:41.399 --> 01:25:48.840
in that process. You're a resident
counselor. It's so full of wisdom,

1036
01:25:49.079 --> 01:25:56.560
and I take from that the communication
and the love being the overaarching principle.

1037
01:25:57.000 --> 01:26:00.680
Even Sharon Tarry, you speak about
a time when you separate, then there

1038
01:26:00.840 --> 01:26:02.960
was sort of like a conflict that
you had to resolve. And here is

1039
01:26:03.039 --> 01:26:06.600
Elson saying that this is a process
that you have to teach and instill in

1040
01:26:06.680 --> 01:26:10.960
your children as they are growing up, so that when these conflicts come,

1041
01:26:11.079 --> 01:26:15.319
as they will, we know how
to navigate them and how to and how

1042
01:26:15.399 --> 01:26:18.039
to get beyond them. And that's
such a crucial, such a crucial point.

1043
01:26:18.439 --> 01:26:25.119
Yeah, cool, Well, second, third or fourth, that message

1044
01:26:28.319 --> 01:26:32.600
definitely, definitely it has been.
It's been really good, and you know,

1045
01:26:32.720 --> 01:26:36.000
we're coming towards the end of our
show. But we've got one other

1046
01:26:36.079 --> 01:26:41.119
person who has joined us today,
and I'm not going to say I'm not

1047
01:26:41.159 --> 01:26:43.399
going to send a time biased or
anything, but I'd like to say she's

1048
01:26:43.439 --> 01:26:50.079
probably with the best sisters in the
world. I mean, you know,

1049
01:26:53.159 --> 01:27:00.720
don't have So I'm going to say, welcome to my sister Samantha, who's

1050
01:27:00.800 --> 01:27:04.920
joining us from the US as well. How are you doing so, lil

1051
01:27:05.319 --> 01:27:10.199
hi. Yes, we just finished
our service, so I'm kind of trying

1052
01:27:10.239 --> 01:27:14.079
to go in between. So sorry
I couldn't join earlier. But great to

1053
01:27:14.159 --> 01:27:17.079
see everyone, and yeah, it's
great to be part of this conversation.

1054
01:27:17.960 --> 01:27:25.039
Thank you, thank you. And
I'm based in Connecticut in the in the

1055
01:27:25.159 --> 01:27:30.359
US. Yeah, so we're part
of a mission church. So our main

1056
01:27:30.479 --> 01:27:35.119
church is Mount Zion Santa Adventist Church
in Hamden, Connecticut, but we're part

1057
01:27:35.159 --> 01:27:41.079
of a mission church based in West
Haven. So we've been doing that since

1058
01:27:41.159 --> 01:27:46.319
twenty nineteen. So it's called mission
called I'm sorry, there's a mission and

1059
01:27:46.399 --> 01:27:51.479
it's called Victory Rose. Yeah.
Now, my father's a pastor. He

1060
01:27:51.600 --> 01:27:56.720
was a pastor of a church in
Connecticut and New Haven, Oh, which

1061
01:27:58.000 --> 01:28:00.000
I can't remember at the time.
He I wonder if that's Oasis Hill.

1062
01:28:00.199 --> 01:28:03.239
I wonder if it's that. I
can't remember, but I know he was

1063
01:28:03.279 --> 01:28:09.800
a pastor there. Yeah, in
Connecticut, right off of forty two,

1064
01:28:09.840 --> 01:28:12.840
by the Dairy Queen and you go
down, make a right and it's like

1065
01:28:12.920 --> 01:28:20.960
by the train tracks nowhere, but
I don't remember the name. When it

1066
01:28:20.960 --> 01:28:24.000
comes to food, I'm gonna know
where everything's that. When it comes to

1067
01:28:25.880 --> 01:28:28.840
those are your landmarks? Is it? That's my landmarks? That's right,

1068
01:28:29.039 --> 01:28:35.600
every queen, that's right. So
okay, well get it jumping very quickly,

1069
01:28:35.720 --> 01:28:39.640
and she say, for those who
don't have the benefit of the visual,

1070
01:28:40.159 --> 01:28:44.399
just let me just let you know
that our siblings look so alike.

1071
01:28:44.920 --> 01:28:46.319
You know, I'm looking at Andrew, I'm looking at Royal, I'm looking

1072
01:28:46.359 --> 01:28:50.640
at Shower of Sharon Tower, identical
twins, but you can just see the

1073
01:28:50.720 --> 01:28:56.640
similarities and beautiful faces. And for
those who don't have the benefit of seeing

1074
01:28:56.720 --> 01:28:59.279
that, I just wanted to throw
in it. And they sounded like you

1075
01:28:59.279 --> 01:29:03.119
would have noticed that, just very
very similar voices. Well it's really interesting,

1076
01:29:03.199 --> 01:29:10.920
you say that, said yeah,
because they move exactly exactly. But

1077
01:29:11.039 --> 01:29:15.039
it's interesting. For many years there
are so many. I don't think Samantha

1078
01:29:15.039 --> 01:29:18.239
and I look alike. I think
we probably have mannerisms that are similar.

1079
01:29:19.359 --> 01:29:24.119
We probably sound quite similar. But
for many years people didn't know we were

1080
01:29:24.159 --> 01:29:28.159
sisters, to a point that we
actually started a Facebook a Facebook page or

1081
01:29:28.199 --> 01:29:30.680
something that said pictures of us and
been like, yes, we're your sisters

1082
01:29:30.760 --> 01:29:34.479
because it sits together and suddenly realize, oh wow, you two are sisters.

1083
01:29:34.560 --> 01:29:38.600
It's like yeah, I mean,
and then they'll be like, yeah,

1084
01:29:38.640 --> 01:29:41.239
you look alike. It was like, I don't think we do,

1085
01:29:42.279 --> 01:30:08.479
but you think you think that's just
what features. I'm sorry. I was

1086
01:30:08.520 --> 01:30:11.359
going to say for the for the
sake of the listeners, because I almost

1087
01:30:11.439 --> 01:30:15.600
end on a guess the sibling if
someone said something, I guess who the

1088
01:30:15.640 --> 01:30:23.079
sibling is. So it's about the
tellers, Okay, from your perspective,

1089
01:30:23.079 --> 01:30:26.720
and I put it out there as
well, what would you say our relationship

1090
01:30:26.760 --> 01:30:33.119
has been like her sisters? Yeah, so, I mean I think when

1091
01:30:33.199 --> 01:30:38.960
we were younger, we definitely had
a you know, challenges, and I

1092
01:30:39.039 --> 01:30:43.720
think, you know, being the
second child, obviously there's a person already

1093
01:30:44.119 --> 01:30:47.880
in place, and I often wished
I was actually, you know, older,

1094
01:30:48.800 --> 01:30:53.159
and you know, I felt like
at times I was missing out on

1095
01:30:53.319 --> 01:30:57.199
things and Angela would go off and
kind of do stuff with their friends,

1096
01:30:57.279 --> 01:31:00.560
and I was having to you know, stay at home because parents would be

1097
01:31:00.720 --> 01:31:02.560
like, nope, nope, you
know, old enough yet to go often

1098
01:31:02.640 --> 01:31:05.800
do that, and so then I
felt like I kind of you know,

1099
01:31:06.159 --> 01:31:11.479
got a big, big for my
boots kind of thing. And often then

1100
01:31:11.560 --> 01:31:15.079
we're you know, back chat and
we fought. We did fight, and

1101
01:31:15.199 --> 01:31:18.359
so I would say that to be
honest, as you know, younger children,

1102
01:31:18.399 --> 01:31:20.880
we didn't really get on. We
did it, we argued, and

1103
01:31:21.359 --> 01:31:26.640
there was our thing. But I
think has been interesting is that, you

1104
01:31:26.720 --> 01:31:30.199
know, obviously then Angil left,
she went to university, and now I'm

1105
01:31:30.239 --> 01:31:32.159
at home, so I'm obviously getting
you know, more of the attention from

1106
01:31:32.199 --> 01:31:36.119
the parents. And then eventually I
went off went to university as well,

1107
01:31:36.720 --> 01:31:42.960
and I think, you know,
during that time, we got much much

1108
01:31:43.079 --> 01:31:47.520
closer. And when we reflect,
like it wasn't seen losing our dad and

1109
01:31:47.680 --> 01:31:53.119
you know, just going through kind
of just different challenges has really you know,

1110
01:31:53.279 --> 01:31:56.079
kind of brought us closer. So
I would say, right now,

1111
01:31:56.279 --> 01:31:59.239
you know, we're really close.
I mean, it's not probably a day

1112
01:31:59.640 --> 01:32:03.119
that doesn't go past where we don't
speak and you know, phone in like

1113
01:32:03.159 --> 01:32:06.600
a couple of times a day and
things, just checking in and if I

1114
01:32:06.640 --> 01:32:10.239
can't get hold of her, I'm
like what because you know how Angela can

1115
01:32:10.319 --> 01:32:17.399
be with her phone. Okay,
say no more? All right? Yeah,

1116
01:32:17.760 --> 01:32:23.199
So we're really close now and just
like got this really great like friendship

1117
01:32:23.359 --> 01:32:26.920
and you know, sisterly bond,
which you know, I wish it was

1118
01:32:27.000 --> 01:32:29.920
there when we were younger, but
then sometimes things happen for a reason,

1119
01:32:30.000 --> 01:32:32.520
and then you know, circumstances,
you know, just change things that you

1120
01:32:32.600 --> 01:32:35.920
know, you get closer. I
think definitely, And I think Andrea and

1121
01:32:35.960 --> 01:32:39.640
Real you were saying the same similar
sort of thing in terms of the age

1122
01:32:39.680 --> 01:32:43.800
difference. I guess at certain points
the age difference seems I mean, there's

1123
01:32:43.800 --> 01:32:46.560
only what four and a half years
between us, so it's didn't see that

1124
01:32:46.640 --> 01:32:50.960
big, but at certain ages it
seems very vast. So yes, for

1125
01:32:51.079 --> 01:32:55.600
me, probably when I was I
don't know, late teens, early twenties,

1126
01:32:55.720 --> 01:32:59.880
it was just like I've got this
younger, annoying sister who wanted to

1127
01:33:00.199 --> 01:33:02.880
with me all the time, but
I was like no, you know,

1128
01:33:03.319 --> 01:33:08.920
but as we've got older, I
guess that kind of age difference narrow seems

1129
01:33:08.920 --> 01:33:12.439
to narrow and really doesn't make a
difference anymore. You know, we kind

1130
01:33:12.479 --> 01:33:15.520
of hang out, We've got a
similar circle of friends. I think what

1131
01:33:15.640 --> 01:33:19.039
was really hard for me is when
Samantha actually moved abroad, it was like

1132
01:33:19.880 --> 01:33:25.119
part of me has left me,
or she has left me literally, you

1133
01:33:25.239 --> 01:33:28.560
know, And that was really hard
because again, you know, that kind

1134
01:33:28.600 --> 01:33:31.479
of bond that you have, you
lean on somebody, somebody's always there,

1135
01:33:31.640 --> 01:33:34.640
suddenly isn't there. And I've had
to kind of be like, Okay,

1136
01:33:35.399 --> 01:33:39.920
you've gone. But you know,
the beauty of technology is that we can

1137
01:33:40.000 --> 01:33:44.000
still stay connected, you know,
and I had to develop that and as

1138
01:33:44.039 --> 01:33:47.920
obviously you know, similar traumatic experiences, you know, bonding even closer to

1139
01:33:48.000 --> 01:33:51.680
that, as you've said, you
know, has been a beautiful thing.

1140
01:33:51.840 --> 01:33:56.439
And even now, you know,
still stuff going on. You know,

1141
01:33:56.600 --> 01:34:00.439
Smantha is always there listening to me, ranting, you know. And it's

1142
01:34:00.479 --> 01:34:02.720
interesting as much as it's funny,
because you're saying that we used to fight

1143
01:34:02.800 --> 01:34:08.079
a lot, and one was thinking, I almost don't remember that, except

1144
01:34:08.159 --> 01:34:13.880
I do because I have a few
scars. I I remember I have a

1145
01:34:14.000 --> 01:34:17.079
very long scar on my leg,
which I cut, interestingly with a razor

1146
01:34:17.119 --> 01:34:20.680
blade. But Samantha and I kind
of made up this story that we'd actually

1147
01:34:20.720 --> 01:34:24.359
been fighting. We hadn't been fighting
at this point, but I guess because

1148
01:34:24.600 --> 01:34:29.159
we fought a lot, it somehow
seemed believable. It really wasn't believable,

1149
01:34:29.279 --> 01:34:31.279
but that's what we told up.
It's kind of thing to sort of stop

1150
01:34:31.399 --> 01:34:34.720
me from getting into trouble. But
yeah, I look back and I feel

1151
01:34:34.720 --> 01:34:40.560
like I don't really remember those times
necessarily. And Alison, we haven't really

1152
01:34:40.600 --> 01:34:44.119
touched on the whole idea of conflicts
and stuff, and you know, coming

1153
01:34:44.239 --> 01:34:46.880
very close to the end of the
show. But interestingly, and Andre said

1154
01:34:46.880 --> 01:34:50.640
this at the beginning. When we
think about our biblical examples of siblings,

1155
01:34:51.079 --> 01:34:57.000
a lot of them really aren't very
positive relationships. There was a lot of

1156
01:34:57.159 --> 01:35:00.359
in fighting. I mean, I
guess the first murder in the Bible was

1157
01:35:00.439 --> 01:35:04.079
between brothers, you know, imagine
that. And sometimes it's really sad to

1158
01:35:04.199 --> 01:35:10.000
hear when people when siblings do have
conflicts. You know, that's natural parts

1159
01:35:10.000 --> 01:35:13.039
of life, I guess, but
to a point where they're going to cause

1160
01:35:13.119 --> 01:35:17.399
harm or in canaan Abel's case,
actually kill one and you know, they

1161
01:35:17.479 --> 01:35:24.279
killed one killed the other, you
know, yeah, totally to get to

1162
01:35:24.399 --> 01:35:28.560
that point. So how could you
know, how could I mean, obviously

1163
01:35:28.800 --> 01:35:32.399
conflict resolution, there's many factors to
that, but how can I guess parents

1164
01:35:33.600 --> 01:35:38.680
encourage that sort of I don't know, could you call it positive conflict or

1165
01:35:38.720 --> 01:35:40.800
been able to resolve things? You've
touched on that before. But as we

1166
01:35:40.880 --> 01:35:44.359
get older as well, which sometimes
our life choices in the past we go

1167
01:35:44.680 --> 01:35:47.359
can often be the cause of the
conflicts, how can we approach that?

1168
01:35:48.520 --> 01:35:51.920
And especially you know, we're people
of faith that you know, actually we

1169
01:35:53.000 --> 01:35:57.880
can kind of draw on those experience
as well to help with that. I

1170
01:35:57.960 --> 01:36:02.680
mean, I think most family is
have at some point will have dysfunction,

1171
01:36:03.039 --> 01:36:10.319
and if you've got siblings in families, those siblings might face conflicts at some

1172
01:36:10.479 --> 01:36:15.960
point. I mean, when Samantha
talked about you fighting with you, that's

1173
01:36:16.079 --> 01:36:21.960
like seventy four percent of young siblings
fight, you know, have like arguments

1174
01:36:23.039 --> 01:36:27.199
with each other. I think something
in the range of like fifty percent have

1175
01:36:27.560 --> 01:36:32.079
like pushing and hitting, and and
then there's like it's slightly less percentage that

1176
01:36:32.279 --> 01:36:38.439
have actually had physical fights with each
other. And it doesn't necessarily mean that

1177
01:36:38.680 --> 01:36:43.560
the siblings don't love each other.
You know, that's the irony. Siblings

1178
01:36:43.640 --> 01:36:49.680
will have disagreements because as soon as
another child is born the older siblings is

1179
01:36:49.800 --> 01:36:54.800
that as a threat because you've got
now, you know, more than one

1180
01:36:54.880 --> 01:36:59.239
person find for the parents' attention,
you know, and there's a sense of

1181
01:36:59.520 --> 01:37:03.600
insecure charity. And the parents,
like you are alluded to Angela, have

1182
01:37:03.960 --> 01:37:13.000
a lot of responsibility in ensuring that
they create a safe space for each child.

1183
01:37:13.399 --> 01:37:16.960
So having one to one time with
each of their children, getting to

1184
01:37:17.079 --> 01:37:21.880
know that they want one basis,
making time for them, validating how they

1185
01:37:23.000 --> 01:37:29.239
feel, and not dismissing how they're
feeling, involving older child, like with

1186
01:37:29.359 --> 01:37:33.520
the case with Andrew, to look
after the younger sibling. All of that's

1187
01:37:33.600 --> 01:37:40.079
really important because there then to be
part of a community. Having said that,

1188
01:37:40.600 --> 01:37:45.279
people are different, and part of
the reason why there's conflict is because

1189
01:37:45.840 --> 01:37:49.640
people have expectations that are not met. Now, if you're living your little

1190
01:37:49.720 --> 01:37:55.880
bubble, you don't have all of
the social skills that you need to relate

1191
01:37:56.000 --> 01:38:00.199
effectively at every level. So you're
in that process of learning. You're going

1192
01:38:00.279 --> 01:38:04.239
to make mistakes, You're going to
have certain expectations. Other people are going

1193
01:38:04.319 --> 01:38:11.079
to have expectations, and that's part
of me that wants to kind of say,

1194
01:38:12.079 --> 01:38:15.520
you know, parents should try and
get help when they know that,

1195
01:38:15.279 --> 01:38:19.359
you know they're going to have children, Try and get some parents in classes,

1196
01:38:19.600 --> 01:38:24.600
try and you know, get some
outside help, just to have an

1197
01:38:24.680 --> 01:38:30.319
idea of how to navigate these relationships
within the family, because it's very important

1198
01:38:30.359 --> 01:38:35.079
that we are aware as parents that
we need to give each person their time.

1199
01:38:35.520 --> 01:38:41.399
We need to make each person feel
validated and feel special, and I

1200
01:38:41.560 --> 01:38:45.920
think when we do that, the
siblings will will kind of learn from that

1201
01:38:46.079 --> 01:38:50.760
behavior that's being modeled by the parents. If you give all the attention to

1202
01:38:50.840 --> 01:38:54.920
one child. So I'm thinking of
Joseph in the Bible. We all know

1203
01:38:55.079 --> 01:38:59.439
the story of Joseph, hopefully,
and you know, it's not that Jacob

1204
01:38:59.479 --> 01:39:03.199
didn't love other sons, but he
loved one a lot, and he showed

1205
01:39:03.359 --> 01:39:08.439
a lot of favoritism to that one
and look what happened. So it's not

1206
01:39:08.600 --> 01:39:12.880
that the Yeah, it's not that
the other siblings didn't like Joseph. It's

1207
01:39:13.039 --> 01:39:17.479
just because they felt belittled, they
felt dismissed. And I think that's the

1208
01:39:17.560 --> 01:39:23.079
responsibility that parents have to validate each
child, to take time to get to

1209
01:39:23.199 --> 01:39:28.199
know each child, but then also
to prepare their children for disagreements. So

1210
01:39:28.319 --> 01:39:32.000
when the disagreements happened, listen to
each person, validate each person, and

1211
01:39:32.159 --> 01:39:41.119
teach them how to negotiate, compromise
and meet each other halfway. And I

1212
01:39:41.159 --> 01:39:45.159
asked a very great question, Alison, how much of conflict resolution between children

1213
01:39:45.359 --> 01:39:48.319
should a parent get involved in?
And I know you've got five minutes.

1214
01:39:48.319 --> 01:39:51.920
I don't know if that's a big
question to unpappen, but how much it

1215
01:39:53.039 --> 01:39:56.840
should should you get involved in as
a parent, or how much do you

1216
01:39:57.000 --> 01:40:03.039
leave for the children to I think
when the children are a lot younger,

1217
01:40:03.359 --> 01:40:10.000
I think you absolutely should get involved
and teach them how to be because they

1218
01:40:10.039 --> 01:40:14.359
don't know. As they get older, tell them you know if you do

1219
01:40:14.560 --> 01:40:17.960
this, if you take this action, there's going to be consequences, good

1220
01:40:18.199 --> 01:40:23.319
or bad. So you know you
can go ahead and share, and you

1221
01:40:23.439 --> 01:40:27.000
can go ahead and refuse to share, but just remember, if you don't

1222
01:40:27.079 --> 01:40:30.680
share, don't expect the other person
to want to share next time when they've

1223
01:40:30.720 --> 01:40:35.159
got So there's consequences to every action. Obviously, there are limits. Obviously

1224
01:40:35.239 --> 01:40:40.920
we need to have boundaries around everything. If something's very serious and one person's

1225
01:40:41.000 --> 01:40:45.479
going to really harm the other person, or the state of mind is not

1226
01:40:46.239 --> 01:40:50.000
clear enough to make the right decisions, then you do have to step in.

1227
01:40:50.159 --> 01:40:55.159
But I think as the when the
children are young, say between one

1228
01:40:55.279 --> 01:40:59.399
year old and five years years old, you have to teach them, literally

1229
01:40:59.520 --> 01:41:01.640
have to teach them. As they
start to get older, you sit them

1230
01:41:01.720 --> 01:41:05.520
down and tell them, well,
you've got choices, you can you can

1231
01:41:05.640 --> 01:41:11.840
make your decisions, but just bear
in mind the consequence of this decision could

1232
01:41:11.880 --> 01:41:15.119
be a B C D for this
other decision could be E F G H.

1233
01:41:15.520 --> 01:41:19.319
So that they're clear about so they
can negotiate as well, because they

1234
01:41:19.399 --> 01:41:26.199
need to lend that as well.
So you're doing yeah, because I was

1235
01:41:26.399 --> 01:41:29.399
as you asked before you ask the
questions, and I was actually thinking the

1236
01:41:29.479 --> 01:41:33.760
same thing, especially siblings that are
close to each other. But my two

1237
01:41:33.960 --> 01:41:42.479
youngest they are because thieves, they're
right okay, but as tight as they

1238
01:41:42.520 --> 01:41:46.520
are, they fighting just as ferociously. And it's it's it's a kind of

1239
01:41:46.600 --> 01:41:50.279
fine line knowing when to get in
there and just step out and let them

1240
01:41:50.359 --> 01:41:56.039
learn how to navigate those conflicts because
they will have them. It's inevitable,

1241
01:41:56.520 --> 01:42:00.680
and like Alson is saying, guiding
them alone, sometimes you have to be

1242
01:42:00.840 --> 01:42:04.359
like a like a referee. Okay, you're trying to talk. Okay,

1243
01:42:04.439 --> 01:42:08.720
now you're trying to talk. And
let them learn to listen to each other,

1244
01:42:09.479 --> 01:42:13.199
hear each other, and find figure
out what's going on, and learn

1245
01:42:13.279 --> 01:42:18.279
to those tensions because and you can't
always jump in because they if anyone were

1246
01:42:18.359 --> 01:42:24.439
to attack the brother, the sisters
going to jump into fight and vice versas.

1247
01:42:24.479 --> 01:42:28.079
All they have each other's backs,
but they also have these conflicts and

1248
01:42:28.279 --> 01:42:31.399
they finds a bit more when the
parents are around. So you have to

1249
01:42:31.800 --> 01:42:36.800
learn to understand what those fights are
about. What's triggering those fights. Is

1250
01:42:36.920 --> 01:42:42.039
it just fighting for what you think
they're fighting about, or is there an

1251
01:42:42.199 --> 01:42:46.279
underlying reason why they're fighting. Oh
that's that's a good one. And you

1252
01:42:46.319 --> 01:42:49.359
know what this is. This is
gearing up for part two. I think

1253
01:42:50.239 --> 01:42:57.479
start kicking each other. They always
pushing each other, buddy. They always

1254
01:42:57.520 --> 01:43:05.640
know exactly what to say to the
next person. I think, I think

1255
01:43:05.680 --> 01:43:09.800
we're gonna have to get you you
all back on for a part two because

1256
01:43:09.840 --> 01:43:14.720
I think the whole conflict within siblings
I think that's a whole nother that's a

1257
01:43:14.760 --> 01:43:18.520
whole other show, I think.
So yeah, we're coming with the time

1258
01:43:19.000 --> 01:43:23.479
has spent, the discussion has been
fantastic, and it's been great to have

1259
01:43:23.640 --> 01:43:27.680
you all on this show today.
And I'm kind of serious about the part

1260
01:43:27.760 --> 01:43:30.039
two because I think there's a lot
to be said. There's so much that

1261
01:43:30.119 --> 01:43:32.359
we can talk about, and as
Alastair you said after, the sibling relationships

1262
01:43:32.359 --> 01:43:38.399
aren't necessarily talked about as much interestingly
enough actually, so I definitely think there's

1263
01:43:38.399 --> 01:43:42.199
a lot more we can unpack here. So I want to thank you everybody

1264
01:43:42.319 --> 01:43:45.279
for listening, for joining us.
I'm gonna we're going to end with the

1265
01:43:45.319 --> 01:43:48.800
prayer. There was so much more
I could say, and I appreciate everybody

1266
01:43:48.880 --> 01:43:51.399
coming on. Sam. We know
we're going to talk a little bit more

1267
01:43:51.560 --> 01:43:55.600
about other dynamics as well, but
we will save that for part two.

1268
01:43:56.319 --> 01:44:00.239
Andre I understand you've offered to pray
for us to close us out, So

1269
01:44:00.479 --> 01:44:09.119
I thank you for listening and joining
us. So let's pray the heaving Father.

1270
01:44:09.199 --> 01:44:12.079
We thank you so much for the
gift of love, for the gift

1271
01:44:12.119 --> 01:44:15.199
of family, the gift of siblings. We thank you for this opportunity where

1272
01:44:15.199 --> 01:44:23.000
we can learn to practice self sacrifice, the practice humility and respect. Repeat

1273
01:44:23.039 --> 01:44:26.359
that you will be with each of
the siblings present here as we continue to

1274
01:44:26.399 --> 01:44:30.840
grow in our relationships with each other
and with you until the next time where

1275
01:44:30.880 --> 01:44:33.560
we can learn more about how you've
taught us to reserve conflicts, to resolve

1276
01:44:33.640 --> 01:44:38.319
conflicts and live life in love and
you know the most. Thank you for

1277
01:44:38.359 --> 01:44:43.279
a father and Jesus name. Thank
you so much. Thank you for joining

1278
01:44:43.359 --> 01:44:46.680
us. It's been talking point.
It's been great for joining to joining us

1279
01:44:46.800 --> 01:44:51.840
and do listening for the rest of
the weekend shows. Tomorrow, I'm going

1280
01:44:51.920 --> 01:44:57.880
to play us out on another Sisters
step Sisters, the Clark Sisters with their

1281
01:44:57.960 --> 01:45:01.119
song Blessed and highly Favored. As
we said, brothers and sims, sisters

1282
01:45:01.239 --> 01:45:05.039
are a gift from God and they
value all their relationships you've had here.

1283
01:45:05.199 --> 01:45:12.319
So thank you for joining us.
It's been talking point from me Angela Dania

1284
01:45:13.880 --> 01:45:15.439
and for all our guests. Thank
you. Have a good night, Thank

1285
01:45:15.479 --> 01:45:23.880
you bye everyone, Bye bye.
Adventist Radio London inspiration for the song