Welcome to soft core History. What is up? Welcome back to soft core
History. I am your host for the week, Rob Fox. I am
joined as always by Dan Rejester and Jake Goldman. How you doing to day,
guys. Fucking joyous day, joyous day. It's a great day,
great day, great day for Dan. Actually, Dan, tell the people
they don't need to know. Okay, fine, I don't need to know
my financial business, especially you're a legal financial business. Yeah, because none
of what none of the money you made you made legally. No, not
as bad as it sounds, but it's not legal. It's true. What
is state at least? Yeah? What is the legality? Like it's pretty
gray now, isn't it? How you made your money? Like, isn't
well for you? Specifically? It's not great. It's very black, but
it's very black. It's very dark. It's dark. But like the US
doesn't need this. Oh no, it's a terrible advice to get into.
Yeah, not when you though, baby, that's right. Wins. Oh,
now we know what it is, Chigasa, we know what it is.
Uh. I played bingo online Bingo one. I went to a hall,
dude, there's one not too far from my house. And I've always
kitty are like maybe we go they have some gigantic prizes, rackets. It's
a fucking whole thing. I think it used to be like a thing.
There's definitely some type of dirty money that gets kind of washed in a bingo
hall, especially when they're mentally not all there. Of course, just give
them a different card. Oh you didn't have bingo, swap it out?
Yeah. Uh that like the sweep steaks shit that's around here, Like all
the fake casinos that are just like digital slots on video screens where it's like
you have to give a donation. It's like, what what are you all
doing in here? I'm also down about the conspiracy that all these California winners
for the Latto for power Ball? What about it? The reason they're rigging
it so, uh, the stake can collect it half, so just that
state. So then California has bigger state taxes than like a Texas winner,
So a big bigger portion if you win a billion in the power ball,
which is like like the last two have been from California, the most popular
state in the Union, and essentially right that has nothing to do with it.
There's like almost by like almost double. Yeah, it's fifty million in
California. Texas is the second biggest with like thirty million or something like that.
Yeah, but yeahs anyway, Yeah, but no, they get they
get a bigger portion of the taxes, so they get five hundred million dollars
just into their into their bank or whatever. I'm down with that. It's
not I mean, obviously a population thing, but not it is rigged.
It's rigged. That's it's always rigged. That's why I haven't wonted. If
I'm moved to California right now, I bet you win the lottery. Yeah,
when I lose, it's not my problem. No fucking government man,
So they could move more whatever. Anyway. Uh, couple things, little
house cleaning before we go. First off, we have a Patreon Patreon dot
com slash softcore history on it. You get two extra episodes a week U
more episodes like this, plus other fun stuff. Voicemails. Think we're finishing
up our risk risk game this week. No, not this week. Once
Joel's wife is gone. Okay, so a couple of weeks. So Joel
had his wife come into town for the month, and I don't want to
like pull him away from his Uh, she could, she could strategize with
him. Yeah, why not bring her in? But I mean it's it's
it's still annoying of us to take his time. He's got he's got a
rental wife. We do not good. Sorry, I just yah, she
has mail order, but it's like may Order rental, it's like old Netflix.
But she still lives in the Czech Republic. I know they're still kind
of battling out green card issues. I told her to just enter through the
border down South. Come. Everybody's doing it. That's, by the way,
the myth that if you get married, bang sit us in the next
day, No, does not at fucking all, not when you're white,
not even when you're white, not even a blonde blue eyes, blue eyes,
Yeah, white ninety day Fiance has been on our TV a little bit
more lately. Yeah, that's just kind of turned into like daytime background ship.
That is the most hilarious show. I don't understand how, you know,
people get like canceled all the time for like old things they said on
a podcast or or whatever whatever, some old mood or like obviously Robert Downing
Junior in blackface in Tropic Thunder or maybe or like how they or about how
they are, Like I think people give him the past because it's literally twitter.
I think it's hold of it every now and then. Yeah, or
like people will sometimes shot on like Seth Rogan for like super Bad saying the
word like fag a thousand times. You know what I mean, he's being
a cop so tracks No, he doesn't even say it, it's just in
the scripty road. Oh yeah. But like it's funny to me that no
one has ever thought to cancel anyone who's ever produced a show for TLC because
those people are bored human trafficking and human misery. Like those people are taking
advantage the spare dealers of fucked up people. It is. TLC is just
the freak show channel, aren't you go? You go those Everyone on TLC
is the fucking elephant man. But that's expected, right, It's like going
to the circuit you complaining that, oh there's a woman with a beard.
You are You are a piece of shit if you are pitching shows to TLC,
if you have a show that got on TLC, you are a piece
of shit. That being there. They have a show called two Fat to
Transition, so they're taking advantage of someone who is morbidly obese and transgender,
like multiple situations, and your whole thing is to just fucking gawk, just
fucking gawk at that situation. That's insane. There's that one that's immortal.
There's that one, and that's the thousand pounds sisters where they're both equal one
thousand pounds. Yeah, and like, I've never felt more uncomfortable looking at
the not even the show, the cover of the show. What are you
talking about? Though? These people get Hot meals or American Express credit card
for like three hundred fifty bucks for the show. They get a Chili's two
gift card they can only use at the airport. Like truly insane. That
no produce, Like no one's been like, hey, that guy used to
breathe the show for TLC. Fucked that guy. That's actually it's always like,
hey, that guy made a joke about Mexicans on that podcast. That
is actually the premise of one of the characters in Nathan Fielder's new show The
Curse. Ben Safti plays this like former TLC show creator that like his whole
thing was like it was called like burn, something like the burn of love,
And it's about It was about a bunch of people trying to get this
guy, like a bachelor situation. But then it turns out he's wearing prosthetics
and he's actually a terrible burn victim. That's incredible. It's just like totally
ripping on TLS. The reason is because they're in the perfect level of the
entertainment industry where nobody knows who the fuck they are are. Yeah, you
can do that. You can exploit and be horrible to human as long as
your face, as long as you're the wizard behind the curve, rob What
do you think we do? Are we better? No, we exploit the
hell out of people that came before us. Yes, we're gonna be doing
that history. We're gonna do that today a big time. Well our show
specifically, Yeah, usually the weird. If you're notable, let me let
me see this. You don't even have to be notable for our show.
If you're if you're dead and you've been written about, you deserved it.
You deserved it. If if something happened to where I can find a story
about you on the internet, you deserved it. You're a stone for us
to step on, that's right. Let us use your skull to get to
the peak. When a curbre decomposing skull, you're a shitty step on our
dumb everest all the way to the top. Let's get into it all right.
Oh, by the way, leave a review on Apple that helps a
lot too. We're trying to get to it. We got a new review.
You want me to read it? No, we do. At the
end of the show. I think we should address it, okay, because
it kind of is perfect for what we just kind of addressed. I really
love you guys leaving reviews, please and thank you. But yeah, shout
out to Peep the King Prawn who left a review that said yikes. Oh
yeah, they're salty, dann salty about our negative review. No, I
mean it's fair and balanced. It just said yikes, two stars. No,
the review is titled yikes. Oh god, there says I got halfway
through one episode, had to call it quits. Fair enough, someone,
thank you for at least giving us an opportunity to earn your business. I
found the host to be disrespectful of women. Really. It seems that they
were trying to be ironic about it, which can be great when it's done
well. But they are definitely missing the mark and it's just off put in.
They're trying hard to be funny, but that also missed the mark for
me, Hey call it like you see it, bro. I also dare
not every single person on fucking earth find me, Hilary. They are trying
hard to be funny, but that also missed the mark. I was actually
interested in learning about the episode's topic, but the banter was not worth waiting.
Okay, somebody's listening this episode right now, I mean like notes track.
Yeah, they haven't even talked about the topic yet. Yeah, but
I will say at least they at least they understood that we were being ironic
about the woman thing and not at it. Yeah, we're just being bad
at it. Suck. It's like it's like I don't think they're really that
big pieces of ship. They just missed the mark. It's like, okay,
thank you, I can handle that note. Yeah, I'll I'll take
it. Yeah. It's better than being like some just chud being like they
were rare. Well, now we just got demonetized because you dropped the hard
f well bleep it on YouTube. I guess no hard oh, because I'm
whatever. I didn't say it. I mean I did, but I siftinely,
you know. Okay, whatever, anyway, leave a review. I
guess not like that one unless you feel that way. But anyway, let's
debscribe on YouTube. Let's get into this week's topic. We all know roughly,
you know, we grew up with the story of u saka Jaweya.
So could you don't sack the jew out of my second jew second juwead juias
like a jueyasaka Joweya. I've always heard of that juya. I don't care,
I truly don't care. But yeah, the Shoshone lemmy Shoshone Indian who
you know, helped Louis and Clark explore the newly purchased Louisiana territory. We
should make a shirt that's sack of Juueya and it's her just jacked up on
way way Way protein, Way Protein. I think for Easter, I want
to do an Eastern shirt to Eastern shirts, everything's cannon, nothing's cannon.
Okay. I think it's good for me. I think I might be the
only person that buys the shirt. Think about how much she paddled that canoe
though. If she had way protein, Oh, she'd be so beast.
Don't think she did it in paddling do you know? Never mind, I'll
tell you later off air, yeah, off air No. I was like,
do you know how they know where they went like the poop? Yeah,
because they have like mercury or some shit. Yeah, they're like lead
or something. They kept finding their poop everywhere, specifically Lewis and work Clark,
but all the whole party, all those three. Yeah, they all
had some sort of like chemical in their crap for whatever reason. I remember,
we'll do an episode of some weird shit they were eating. Yeah.
So obviously she's an American hero. And though I'm sure there's I am sure
there is some level of like far left weirdo. I hate the word woke,
but woke. You know people who are like, actually she's a trader
to other Indians or blah blah blah for helping white people, doesn't matter,
that's not true. Saconduway is great, full stop. I did enjoy the
gold dollar. Yes, it was kind of fun to pretend like you were
from one hundred years ago, just flipping dollar. You're ramming down a gold
coin. Yeah, it's fun to pretend you were from the EU. They
have dollar coins. Yeah, they have one euro coins like I'll have a
m chicken sandwich please, and be like, oh sorry, you need another
like seven cents tax, like just take the gold. God, damn it,
the fucking gold. But yeah, so saca juwea great. Uh.
But America turns out it's not the only country in the New World with a
saka joweya. Really. Yeah, I'm sure there's plenty of natives that helped.
Yeah, I'm sure along the way I'm in Central and South America.
I'm sure. You know what, it must have been really hard when they
were crossing across Panama. You really need we really need to traverse it coast
to coast to be Cortez had a couple. Yeah, Cortez had one.
That's who we're talking about. Oh, no way, good call Dan.
The first thing that comes to my mind is who could be the most evil
piece of ship that Rob picks. Uh. Yeah, I'm gonna go quartet
Cortez. Yeah, yeah, safe bet. This is the story of Lamani
ish Uh La lynch sorry lam lynch uh, the Indian woman who helped Cortes
conquer Mexico. If you want to throw out the tea where go ahead?
For her trader. She might be. Well, we'll get into it,
because there are some people who believe that. I imagine she helped significantly.
She might be more responsible than Cortez himself. I don't know. In a
lot of points that come later in this, Cortet said. Cortet said she
was the most responsible for his conquest of Mexico behind only God. Wow,
am just pointing to center field and call my shot. You know the quote
behind every great man, there's a greater woman. It's actually about her?
Yeah, yeah that. Cortes said that. Was there a sexual relationship here?
There sure was? Oh jeez, he was bagging her. She actually
gave birth to his own or his firstborn son. Okay, so he was
married, by the way, not to her. He at least felt things
for her. What does feel in this content? I think he did.
I think he did physically at least right stuck stuck his peen in her.
Does that mean anything? Well, he felt something unless it was just totally
numb down there all right? He maybe it was means to end like did
he lusted? But did he love? Is the I think there might.
I think he might have felt enough. I think there was an attraction there
if I had to guess based on I mean, they just went through a
lot too. I was about to say, it's kind of like, what's
the statistic. It's like, the longer you work next to someone, like,
the more attractive they become. Right, They were working together in a
us beautiful. Yeah, we've been working together for essentially ten years now,
so it's been a long time. It's gorgeous. They were working together in
a high stakes environment, so to speak. Yeah, it's a god we
gotta get this report done. Yeah, I mean it's you know, we
gotta get the We gotta conquer this Aztec city or we're gonna die. Before
we die, I have one thing to say to you. I'm not gonna
I don't know. I don't know Quart has this shot? So, uh
did she light the boats on fire? She did not know. Lama Lynch
was born sometime between fifteen hundred and fifteen oh five to most likely a noble
family in a city state on the Mexican Gulf shore in the eastern sort of
in the eastern Aztec Empire in the it's in the current state of Vera Cruz
in Mexico. The city state was basically like a client state of the Aztecs,
a tributary. They basically owed protection money to the Aztecs type of situation.
It's arguably inside of what you could claim as at the Aztec imperial borders,
though the Aztecs kind of had from what I could tell from the maps,
I looked up sort of a hardcore inner circle of like this is az
Tech country, and then a sort of much larger circle of like we just
run these these people pay us, yeah, and we can come and do
whatever we want in these areas. They're the sun, and then like there's
little planets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's certainly in the fully in
their sphere of right, they can do whatever they want to these people.
I think more or less a lot of sources called her an Aztec noble woman,
but I don't think that's true from everything I read, I think she
was not as tech at all. Obviously she was native, but she was
not as tech. I think she was. Her ethnicity or identity or whatever
you want to call it was probably tied up initially in that city state she
was born in. It's like waiting it out, just like one day we'll
get our shit. This god man will come off a boat. Yeah,
one day this angel Cortes who was so angelic. Well, I'm not sure
she liked anybody. It's good she was out for number one. That's fine.
Yeah, because her cozy upbringing as a noble woman did not last long.
Sometime between the age of eight and twelve, she was kidnapped and sold
into slavery as the Aztecs did. This was not the Astecs. Potentially,
I don't know who kidnapped her, but we do know where she ended up.
As everyone did Jake, as everyone put it out there, everyone had
slaves, not everyone. Everyone. Everyone has slaves, Aboriginal slaves, slaves,
slaves. The craziest part about the Trail Tears not only did they force
the Natives to go to Oklahoma, they also had their slaves go with them.
The Native slaves. Yeah, like, oh no, that's there.
There is a funny like it's not really a thing, what you can get
it like if you really dig deep into sort of like the dialogue between Native
Americans and African Americans, like these are like deep history dialogues, but like
African Americans are like fuck you, you own slaves too, and Native Americans
like fuck you, you were kind of colonizers too. You showed up the
ones, the ones that you that were free, started owning property. You're
not from here. You displaced us. Yeah, everyone's displaced everybody. Yeah,
it's not a big it's not a big argument because they've both got a
bigger whiter fish to fry. You're a colonizer. Most likely, no one's
supposed to be here, human beings. We're nowhere near here. I like
the thought that, you know what, it's actually just the evil was here
and we everyone found it. Like the Native Americans are like, huh,
we can kill each other. Let's fucking warm, fucking go. Yeah,
and then more people show up, and just the game is here. This
is where the game lives, and you find it. So some people say
there was a tradition traditionally where but a lot of times when a parent died,
a kid or kids would be sold into slavery, specifically a father died.
This tradition essentially to like pay off debts or to just like get some
money. That's like life insurance is actually just too is a child that you
sell to slavery when right caskets aren't cheap, that's insane. That was the
policy for a while people did it. It's so good. Now they're not
sure that happened, though. Some people did say her mom sold her after
her dad died and they had to go to like a Native American morgue,
fucking bone in them left and right, like, well you gotta cover you
know, this smoke and this powder that's not cheap. Yeah, you're gonna
need what are you looking at here? I mean the the cheapest feathers we
have U for you know, the incense uh spreading is uh, you know
it's five gold pieces. I don't know what they their fucking money is.
I'm just saying now, like banks just kind of give up if you don't
pay him long enough. Like back then, they're like, all right,
you're a slave. Now it's better now, it's better now. So yeah,
some people say her mom sold her to help pay things off. Uh,
and then they all say she threw a sham funeral, okay, just
to like cover up that she sold the daughter. How do you orchestrate that?
I don't know. It's probably not easy to I guess, yeah,
I guess it could be easy, probably super easy. I swear there's a
guy in there. You don't even close basket. I swear there's a girl
in there closed canoe. I don't know, but yeah, so she was.
I think it's more likely she was kidnapped. You know, some rate
she was out doing something, raiders came snatched her. She never came home.
And you know you're referred to as a raider, sick bandit raider.
Yeah, I'm not big on bandit. I'd prefer raider raider. Like if
the thunderdome happens, society collapses, I want to be referred to as a
raider. I'm a Ridley Green Raider. Is that your high school masks?
My high school mascot that was a Rattler? Why you're in Florida. We
were the only team in the state of Florida with that mascot. Are there
rattlesnakes? Ask? Famio Fami was also the Rattlers? Okay, but are
there rattlesnakes? We have Rattlesnakes? Yeah, okay. Our mascot was a
Native so I don't really know the the Ridley history of Native Americans. I
bet there were. I bet you guys had a one point in I guess
you. I bet you guys had an insane mascot at one time that was
just so bad. You know, I block it out like most it's just
like it's just like a fucking guy with the most feathers holding a hatchet,
running bloodshot eyes. We do the Florida State thing guy rat rides out on
a horse. Yeah, but it's just not respectful. That's actually how Smarty
Jones broke his leg came out in our field. You're looking for it.
I mean I found like the mascot mascot, but I like the drawing up
that's actually sick. It's like an Indian in the cupboard. But I don't
see like a guy dressed up as one. Unfortunately. No. I was
just hoping they have like a life sized Cleveland Indian running around. No,
we don't have Chief Wahoo. Unfortunate, yours was more of a Washington Redskins
type of mascot, which whatever, or like the Ilini Chief of Linowick mascot.
That's a sick one. So good then one is awesome. Pole of
Delkore. Gonna love this content. Yeah oh yeah. Anyway, h So,
whether or not she was sold or stolen, she would definitely ended up
a slave. So she was eventually taken to a major port city near the
Yucatan and sold to some uh chantal mayans somes. That's a long way to
go from Vera Cruz to the Yucatan. Yeah, that's what was on foot.
Yeah, it's long, it's a track. Was he gonna do a
lot of people that had nothing else? Did do? You never went that
far on foot. I would get bored, I think, I because you
have raider blood. That's right, you gotta gotta go. See. It's
like when we watched what the fuck what Apocalypto? You're one of those guys
that raided the village? Yeah, to steal people for the sacrifice most likely?
Yeah, north mean same thing, same de Yeah, all the same.
So she was taken to this port city and sold to mayans. Uh.
It wasn't long though, before the Spanish would show up and ruin this
harmonious utopian paradise. Yeah, everything was great until the Spaniards got there.
Is that I can shine in rainbows. The idea that anything wasn't ship wall
to wall before anyone else showed up, It's unbelievable. Yeah. Look,
it's not like the Spanish made it better. I'm not saying that it wasn't
good. It was probably a nightmare with the animals that you had to kind
of fend off and the other tribes. But surely it was like cleaner,
right not to clan had a really good source system from what I recall.
Actually, yeah, they had an amazing floating city system. I think.
Yeah, it was like like a kind of half venice, half row.
Like the entire North American and South American continents were kind of like going to
a national park, but it was the entire region maybe. I mean,
they had a lot of good stuff. You know what, they didn't have
boomsticks, electricity, the bullet things. We didn't have that. No one
had air conditioning, no one had the best I'm going to actually counter that.
I think there would be more spaces like a national park than but I
can't explain to you how much just boring flatness there probably would be too,
oh for sure, like just mangres with a buffalo room. Yeah, mangroves
and grasslands like that's what I think of. I bet they had some gnarly
tornadoes, oh my god, absolutely nothing in the way, nothing to stop.
Can you imagine just that strip from Kansas City to Dallas. But these
jungles had to be awful because gross, there's like no paths, you have
to cut through all these but they did. He did. That's the fucked
up thing is that they did well. They probably used to like game trails
too for that, Like, no they cut straight roads they're finding like using
light iron shit, they're finding like whole ass roads and ship in mine jungle.
The problem is if a city goes out, if a city goes away
in the jungle, the jungle eats it in like a year and you never
see it again. Yeaheah. That's there's probably so much we still don't know
about the Amazon. They're finding a lot of it. The light ar is
helping a lot because it really shows like basically straight line pass you're getting stuck
in like quicksand that's one place. Yeah, if there is somewhere that has
it, it's the Amazon rainforw So a couple more notes on her growing up
so far on Lamanlinch. Growing up so far, she grew up as nobility,
which means she learned both the courtly language of the region as well as
obviously she had to know the common ethnic language in the in the area.
She's got a code switch as we Yeah, once she was sold to the
Mayans, she learned two different dialects of Mayan language as well, so she's
smart. Four languages she got in the can before she even meets Cortes.
It's impressive. So Cortes lands in Mexico, faces off pretty early in his
expedition against some Mayans. There's a battle at Pontichan, the capital city of
the Kingdom of Tabasco. WHOA, that's cool. What's a battle like that
with the Mayan civilization? Like hard? I imagine? Is in an open
field field? Is it? Yes? Like guerrilla warfare. This battle was
more or less in an open field. So in March fifteenth I think fifteenth,
fifteen nineteen, Cortez fights the Battle of Centla. They're not just like
sniping you from their pyramids. No wait, it's in an open field.
Easy, easy fight then for Spain. So they outnumber the Spanish as always,
like four to one. I think at one point I think one Spanish
soldier said, for every one of us, there's three hundred of them.
Yeah, only so many people you can fit on a boat. No wonder
they were killing two million people a year, right, that was the number
too. Many people to day, there's two hundred and fifty thousand people here.
Yeah, sacrificed. They wanted to make it a fair fight. Yeah
fair, So can you fight to battle with the Kingdom of Tabasco. Despite
being of course massly a number of the Spanish kicked the shit out of the
mines thanks to their better weapon tech and one even more important reason. The
Indians thought the Spanish had centaurs. Fuck yeah, dude, riding on the
horses. They thought that the cavalry, that the person and horse were the
same beast. Oh god, that does blow my mind. Not necessarily in
South America, but like the command chees and everything didn't have horses before we
got here. No one in the crazy to think I thought I would have
thought America. Actually, horses did exist here at the same time as natives,
but they died out or migrated back up. They were cross slightly different.
Yeah, they were a different kind of horse, and I don't think
they ever domesticated them. There's yeah, the history forces coming soon. But
that blows my mind. Yeah. I don't know why it shouldn't surprise me,
but it does every time. It also cracks me up that like whenever
you read about it. It's like people, we were riding horses for a
while and then someone's like, you know, what would be nice, like
a place to put your feet stirrups when disturbing. It was so late in
the game, it was. It's astonishing when stirrups come about. You're like,
what stups are for? Bitches? It's the best thing. It's like
using the pad when he's squat. The three hundred CE was the earliest known
pair of stirrups in China. Some some data back to the second century beat
Chinese are the first ones on everything, but I guess the eight hundreds is
by the time. So, but like the Romans and stuff were riding,
no stirrups anything like that. What a miserable any fucking great cavalry unit in
ancient times. Nothing. That's probably why the Egyptians preferred chariots to regular horse
cavalry or whatever. Yeah, do they credit that like eight hundred to one
of the Ottoman No, maybe not Ottoman, one of the caliphates, though
I imagine it's super Arabian Peninsula invention stirrups. That's Asia Asia. I guarantee
somebody came up with it in like medieval Europe, and they got laughed at,
like, what are you soft? Bit saw? You can your feet
dangle up the roof. I'll tell you what, I hate having my feet
dangled anywhere. It's the worst feeling. It's probably I mean, look,
I'm sure the first person to wear a seatbelt got laughed at too. Sure
you feel like a little kid at Thanksgiving table if you're at a hot top
that doesn't have a crossbar. Oh, it's awful, You're just what do
I do? This makes me feel youthful? That that's exactly how I feel,
which I don't like. I feel like a child. I feel like
a kid in a big chair. You know. Sometimes I like that.
Okay, so obviously the Spanish one, they're horse centaur. People really scared
the shit out of them. The next day, the Mayans, as was
tradition in the region or for their culture or whatever, brought the Spanish gifts
for winning the battle. Hey guy, it's a good game. They got.
Yeah, They're like, hey, you did it, and we owe
you stuff. Now they do like a jersey swap. It's a one way
swap. It's like you've won our jersey. Cortezen the homies. Didn't give
them some armor. Yeah, just weighs them down incredibly. They can't hold
it, so it is broken. Give it to him. They got gold,
jewelry, animal skins and animals from the region, feathers of precious birds,
and also twenty female slaves word Lama Lynch. Mm okay, this is
the origin story. Yeah, and so the Spanish were like, oh cool,
you guys do slaves too, sick awesome, awesome, it's crazy that
made it over here. Yeah, like the women. The Spanish happily accepted
the women, baptized them, and then handed them out to to be servants
and sex slaves. Yeah, of course they can't be dirty. Washed them
with the lord. Oh hey, yeah, you're gonna rape a Christian buddy.
No pagans here, yeah. Ma Lynch was initially given to one of
cortez As captains, but once her language skills were discovered when the Spanish they
were discovered when the Spanish were first interacting with some of the first emissaries from
Montezuma that they encountered, Cortes took her from the captain and was like,
you speak all these language. So they had an interpreter who spoke like one
native language and Spanish la mala. She didn't speak any Spanish at first,
but she spoke obviously, like I said, four or five native languages.
So but and she spoke the language that their interpreter spoke. Got it so
she could talk to them, then talk to the interpreter. Then the interpreter
would give it to Spanish and cortet to Cortes put back down the telephone line.
I'm sure Cortez saw that in media. I was like, let's just
get rid of this interpreter. Uh, well, she didn't know Spanish yet,
oh yes. So anyway, he promised her more quote more than liberty
if she helped. So he's like, you're gonna get all this stuff,
including my penis, if if you help us out here. But don't worry.
Cortez's captain did get a different slave girl. He didn't. He wasn't
just out in the cold with no slave girl. They're not swapping either.
What you can't be sharing your slave girl? No, no, no,
no, no no no. So he got another one just in case anyone
was worried about him getting screwed over. I was like, really, what
about that one guy? Yeah? Hey, hold on, that's not fair.
Yeah, he did just as much. He's a brave captain and he
was one of Cortes's boys too, like this guy in particularly. I forget
what the connection was, but they were close. Uh. So Malinch helped
bridge the language chain between Spain's interpreter and the natives. Uh. The chain
actually got insane at one point where like even she didn't know a language,
so at one point something had to be translated into Mayan, then Nahuato,
which is kind of her native language, then Totanak before reaching the locals who
spoke to Tanak, whose answer then had to go back through that same chain
all the way up to span and then Spanish is in there too, So
it's like a four language chains. It's a bad game. A whisper down
the lane I was about to say, yeah, telephone must have sucked with
orders on that. It's like, you can't be right, It's like ten
minutes for a fucking sentence. Yeah, it's uh, it's a lot.
And actually that that game of telephone comes into play. I'm sure. Thus
that sounds like a leg of fucking namemare. So the Teutonac where the first
people Cortes met h who told him like, so he had heard of Montezuma,
and the Aztecs are ready. To an extent, they were the regional
hegemon, and so it was like everyone kind of knew who they were.
So the Teutonic, though, were the first ones who were like, hey,
you know, everyone's like, oh, we're with the Aztecs. It's
like that we fucking hate them. We fucking hate them. And Cortez was
like, oh, word, that's pretty interesting. Do tell yeah, And
soon they formed an alliance and started marching toward the Aztec capital of to Noc.
To Clan Need Bodies, Need Bodies. Now it was a combined force
of Spanish and Tautonic soldiers. Before they got to to not to Clan,
though, they're like the Special Teams members, the dude, sometimes you just
yeah, you need numbers. Special teams is important. You need a gunner.
Yeah, you need someone that's gonna rush that punk as the forty nine
ers man, Special Teams loses you championships, a third aspect of the game.
People forget. So before they got to the Aztec capital, they stopped
in tlax Kala. Initially these people were hostile to the Spanish, but Lama
Lynch was able to help negotiate not only a peace, but an alliance.
The Tlex Collins. When you look at a map of the Aztec Empire in
fifteen twenty, when Cortez was there, whatever, it's this whole big swath
and then there's one part in the middle that is not part of the empire
or a tributary state, and that is plex Kala, completely surrounded by the
Empire. Okay, not a part of the empire, not paying tribute to
the empire. How they swing the city of the Aztecs. They've just somehow
held out. But it wouldn't be like that because like, Italy's not invading,
but Italy invades the fun out of them. That's why I have the
Swiss Guards. Oh, I guess that's true. They set up pikes,
yeah, the border. Yeah, when it was a kingdom, dum,
a bunch of different kingdoms and like stuff. Yeah, yeah, sure,
when it wasn't like there was no Vatican City was established before there was.
It would actually be hilarious if Italy invaded the Vatican. That would be funny.
It'd be funny they lost, right. I think they would do the
Swiss guards better than you think I mean, they're not gonna do anything.
But also, God can just and that's the ultimate fucking card to play.
Just comes out with his lightning hands just just like not even like lightning hands,
just like a thumb squishing an ant like just it's like a mighty Python
cartoon. Yes, exactly, like a foot Yeah, like no, flicks
away your tank. That'd be awesome. Can you imagine being in a tank
that gets flicked by God? Imagine how far it goes. It would release
them from underneath the Vatican. He's all chained up like magnates. So that's
basically actually the end of thor Ragnarok, Like the Italian army shows up and
it says to you know, the Pope, like you can't defeat me,
and he's like, I know, but he can't come. And then yeah,
the God pops out. Did that really happen? Yes, Jake doesn't
watch Marvel movies, but though he's too cool. I know it is a
meme and everyone should get that reference. I don't meme alone, everyone should
get that reference. I don't believe in the Internet. I kind of know
you don't. At this point. It's why our numbers are down, really,
is it? Yeah, I blame you. It's your fault. Yeah,
I'm the big personality of the three of us here. Yeah, that's
what you brought me on for. You're the ringer. Yeah, God,
Jake will at least get his numbers. So the Spanish, after they're making
an alliance with the Tlex Collins, we're given food and more chicks the way
it kind of had to rule to be a Spanish soldier on this trip,
right, oh yeah, especially if you think you're ordained by God to get
these women. You're like, there, I don't feel nothing bad, right
yeah, Like I mean, look, they're doing they're not doing anything different
than any conquering army through history at this point in time. Oh yeah,
and after that point in time for a larger to a large extent. But
I think there was like one nice soldier that we try to court his slave,
probably yeah, probably probably someone like so devout that they're just like,
yeah, we must pray and that and you will respect me, but I
must earned that respect some weird shit like that. And everyone's like God,
Wan sucks. We get at your soldier of Christ like man just like not
into it. They're like Wan, not today, God damn it just I'm
trying to have fun when clocks Kala. Yeah, he's just running around like
a dimn what is it really, Scott movie. That's That's what the last
Batchel party I was at in Tuloom when that one guy was like, we're
married, we shouldn't have suck with prostitute of like we're in Toulom. Do
you remember because you were, Oh, you already have sex with that process.
J I've actually never been to Tulum. Oh yeah, I forgot.
I've never been to Tulum. It's on his bucket list that we wants to
go to the jungle gym. Jungle Gym, the Tuloom Jungle is there.
It wouldn't surprise me. If there's a j it's a it's an influencer,
Jim. Is there a CrossFit box in the jungle. It's just on the
beach. If you're in Tulum, you have to go to all the weights
are made out of like the tree and I hate all that. Tuloum has
like one spot that I every bachelorette party story I've ever seen has like this
checkerboard pool where it's like tan and white and like everyone goes to the same
fucking hotel back to Jake fucking that prostitute and tuloom m. Yeah. So
glad my family and my wife's family and stuff like that listens to this.
Thanks guys. Yeah, you weren't there when Gary was like, come on,
we're married. No, was like Jake didn't even here anymore. You
guys suck. I've never had sex with a prostitute. Got to clear that
up. I just really have to do it because like, just in case
anyone's listening. I don't know who, but not even like I know Katie's
like they're being assholes, but like there's someone that inter of you. It's
like this is Katie's bob. I know they were trying to be ironic with
their prostitute talk, but didn't nail it. They didn't the market, the
plane crashed. This is the only thing Dan's gonna clip to for so it
doesn't matter what I clip. We don't boast it an that's right, it's
for us. It's really just video. So uh. A couple of days,
Cortes left Plexicla to continue on to the Aztec capital. Now with his
force Teutonic Allied soldiers and soldiers from Plaxicala. So he picked up another army.
He's now got two Satonic army, the Tautonic. I thought it was
just like grab people coming from the tectonic plates. That's like the whole people
Fantastic four guy the thing or yeah played by cousin in the latest iteration Eban
mock whatever Quincy John Quincy, Uh yeah, only referred to miss Quincy.
Now, okay, so anyway, now he has an he has two two
city states where the soldiers on top of his own. Now, why did
the tux College join the Spanish? You might wonder. Uh, Like I
said, they were not actually under Aztec rule, but they still hated them
because they were in a perpetual state of war with the Aztecs. Yeah,
this, but it was not the type of war you think. Oh,
and I'm not going to get into it too deep because I actually want to
do a whole episode on these as well. It's it's too interesting to even
like it was just real Schambeau. They kicked them in the nuts, then
they returned fire with kicking the other kind of nuts. Honestly, not not
terribly far off. It's called the Flower Wars or the Garland Wars, and
it was essentially like if you combined college football and ancient warfare. Okay,
it was like half sport half war. You sent thirty people died. Yes,
it was like it was just champion for sha. It was even numbers
on both sides and stuff like that. And the aspects. Man, they
were the Alabama this shit and the tlex columns fucking hated them. I would
be down for that. Why don't we do that? More? Like wars
shouldn't be dragged over years. It should be you said, you send your
guys, We'll send our guys, meet on a field, send your best
thirty, yeah, thirty on thirty. Why would any country with a lot
of people do agree that. It's like, no, We'll just continue to
send people, yeah, until you give up. Because I believe in America,
Rob Loot, in America, they just kept sending people. I have
the best, we have the best athletes and fighters in the world. Let's
go. We're not losing Dagistan. Fuck. Then I kind of like the
strategy. We're not losing to Dagistan now with what we currently have. I
like the current strategy of just completely overwhelmed them with money and people. Yeah.
Yeah, And I'm not trying to and culture. Yeah, I mean,
how sick would it be the one year like Panama just randomly wins the
world run the world. Oh, just every year we have a world war.
We have a world war with every country and then just they gets to
make whoever wins gets to make it get or like the UN. You just
one world government and hey man, you know what, Paraguay, good job
you did it. Yeah you're in charge. So anyway, this shit got
really bitter between flex Kala and the Aztecs, who, like I said,
they were like the Bama of the Flower Wars and the Twox Columns were just
fucking sick of it. They wanted the Aztecs to get their come upance.
But before they could get to to knakach Klan, there was one other stop
on the way, city of We're just it's like very hot sauce themed march
to the Aztec capital, Chilula. You gotta imagine the people from these kingdoms
would see the sauces now and be like, just watch white people cry from
them. The Kingdom of Franks Frank's Yeah, yeah, Frank's red hot put
that shit on everything. Yeah, there's the Saracha Kingdom as well. There's
a small Asian polity on the western side of Mexico. So it's a little,
uh just enclave. Yeah, from Thailand. I mean, I do
like that story when we talked about people showing up to the Americas, like,
we're pretty sure some Incans are near the Incan Empire. Some Polynesians landed
and they were like, those guys were perverts, they'll fuck anything, and
we had to kill them. Do you remember that the Polynesian said that about
the Incos. No, the Incans said that about the Polynesians. They're like,
they were huge, they were perverts and we had to kill them.
I don't remember. Oh my god, it was. That's like the funniest
thing I've ever read about people arriving in the Americas. They literally like these
people, it was like definitely Polynesians because they're like, they're humongous. They
came on these big canoe boats. They were like and they just wanted to
fuck everything. They sound like you get hang do they I don't know,
someone busts into your house. I don't think, so it's more of it.
And they're like they're like way bigger than you. This is an old
Christmas celebration. They were just imagine that a canoe crashes through the wall your
house. You come downstairs, there's an eight foot man fucking wheeler the domos
and training my dogs. Yeah yeah, I would slowly go back upstairs and
be like sorry, Bud, sorry, man. It's like hands up and
he creep slowly. It's like you're you're essentially the person version of the megazor.
Did the police come? An hour later? They find two giants stabbed
to death? Like what happened? Like, dude, I had to kill
them. They knew just fucking popped in. They started fucking the dog and
the couch and everything. I had to the couple of yeah, right,
fine. So the people at Chilua they hosted the Spanish and their allied armies
for several days, but then, according to the Conquisadors, they stopped and
apparently the people of Chilula were setting them up for an Aztec ambush, but
the Spanish found out and took their vengeance via a preemptive strike. Wait a
minute, can we confirm that they were being set up? It's coming rat
force? Is that what that sounds like? It's like we're a preemptive strike
to their preemptive strath like we found they found out they betrayed them, and
so they were like, we're gonna attack you before you can attack us.
Do you think that really is where they slaughtered the entire city? Is this
where the telephone game happened? Not yet. No. According to legend,
La Maa Lynch was the one who uncovered the plot. She was approached by
a Chilula noblewoman who promised her her son in marriage if she betrayed the Spanish.
So in her noble son to Lamolynch and she'd be like, you'd be
one of us, you'd be part of the noble class here. And Malinch
was like, oh sounds great. Toll me the whole plan and I and
I'm and I'm in. And so they told her the whole plan and she
immediately turned went to Cortes and was like smart, Hey, they're about to
set you up. Yeah, in some brownie points with head honcho. Yeah.
Absolutely. In later centuries, this story has often been cited as an
example of Lama Lynch's quote betrayal of her people. No, that's just being
on the right side. Yeah, it's seen the landscape and going with the
intelligent choice. I'm are you hundreds of not thousands of miles from my home.
My life's been torn apart anyway, I'm trying to live. Well,
can I walk it back even further than it's it's you know, uh,
the smart choice and she was just looking out for number one or whatever.
Yeah, so I don't think that it's even fair to call the Chiluluins her
people. No, she wouldn't have viewed them as her people, absolutely not.
She wasn't from there. Yeah, it's it's honestly a bit reductive and
sort of like put projecting back on history and a little racist to be honest,
to be like, oh, well they're brown from school, they're the
same. They didn't view each other. She's like, I grew up in
this city state before being a fucking slave over here. This is a different
city state that I have. No. I mean, we're both Aztec tributaries,
I guess, but we are ethnically different in my mind. We are
culturally different in my mind. Do you not consider people from Iowa your people?
No? Kind of actually, because we're culture the same, We're Midwestern
and everything. But I wouldn't consider a Swedish person my people like if but
someone outside I'd be like well, they're white, white and white. So
yeah, it's like, no, dude, like Canadian, No, I
don't consider it Canadian Canadians like maybe a cousin. No, I mean,
but I don't feel strong. Imagine like going up to someone, like if
someone from outside the country and be like in Birmingham, Alabama, like,
oh, you're like the people from Delaware, You'll be like, shut the
fuck up. Ye'll be like fuck you. They'd fight you. Like if
there's actually a lot of parallels between Delaware and Alabama, Oh yeah, name
them good football. You're right, the Blue Hens. I mean, probably
Delaware has put a better quarterback in the league than Alabama ever has. Mmmm,
that's not true. Joe Namath, Joe Flacco, every Joe name of
stinks. That's a terrible The only one, uh who Bart Starr would be
the argument, you're right, Bart, sorry, would be the argument.
I would also argue was fine, Yeah he was found on Flacco's level or
Jalen Hurts neither on Flacco's level. Yet Flacca has one Super Bowl roo Yeah,
yeah, I can't argue with you. Super Bowls count for things they
do. But it's a fifty three roster. Okay, here's another thing they
need to have the lovity of Joe Flacco. They have not put up his
numbers Comeback Player of the Year. He did beat Tomorrow Hamlin, who literally
died. I'm just saying that, like, Joe Flacco beat a man that
died for Comeback Player of the Year. He deserves it too, because that
would have been they made the Browns. Okay. I think everyone bet on
Tamar Hamlin to win that, and every sports betting site was like, hey,
NFL, yeah, back to uh the start of this this program.
Conspiracy, the sports conspiracy is pulled the rug from underneath everybody. They're like,
oh, you thought Tomor Hamlin was a lock, No, sir,
I'm just gonna say, uh, look, obviously the league is different now.
But Joe Flacco's top twenty all time in passing yards. So let's just
pump the brakes on two end them until they maybe have a longer career.
I'm not saying they're not as talented or more as He's no John Parker Wilson,
all right, he's no Brodie Froyle. Yeah, hey, John Parker
Wilson solely off two days. Yeah, over high. So for now,
Flacco ahead although I'm not saying he's you know, more like just god given
gifted than them. Either way. Wait, the Flaco thing, we're still
on that. Okay, No we're not okay, So yeah, by the
Chilulans were not her people. I just that's an asenine thing. That's an
asenine take in my opinion. But it doesn't matter because it's all bullshit.
It definitely didn't happen that way. It didn't happen that they definitely slaughtered the
Chilulans, but it didn't happen that way almost certainly. What probably really happened
is that the tlox Collins were fucking furious with the Chilulans. Who goes.
For a long time, the chi Lulans and tlox Collins were allies holding out
against the Aztecs fleather flower war bros or whatever. And then the chi Lulans,
through either money or you know, just a foot on the neck or
whatever, flip flopped and became a client state slash ally of the Aztecs.
Questions fully enveloped the Tlax columns, completely made them surrounded. The tax colons
were like And that was only a couple of years before Cortez showed up too,
like two three years before Cortez showed up. That happened. So this
is fresh. This isn't even like a generational anger. No, I mean
this is everyone's bad. Yeah, everyone's bad le bones. In order to
strengthen his alliance with the Tlax Columns, and allegedly the Tlax Colins asked him
to do. This is a sort of like litmus test of his dedication to
them. Cortes just slaughtered the fucking Schilulans. And then Cortes made the ambush
story up to justify to the King of Spain why he completely slaughtered this town.
I love that they could just kind of wing an excuse for war crimes.
His war times didn't exist, but like the Vanish still were like,
don't just slaughter. I was gonna say, they actually had to come up
with an excuse to I was surprised by that, to be honest, d
Columbus got put in jail for being too cruel to Indians. Really in Spanish
jail. It's incredible because he didn't ride for Spain. That was a very
kettle black moment by Spain. I know you're being too cruel. Excuse me,
what this is that was happening like the same time he was going on
in Spain. He was a skip because he was Italian, and they're like,
he's not one of us. Yeah, yeah, it's easy. It's
like firing a line coach, you know, yeah, like at DC or
something. Yeah, strength and conditioning coach. So that's why. Finally,
after slaughtering the Chilulans, the combined forces reached Tanah's Plan in early November fifteen
nineteen, where they were met by Montazuma on a causeway leading into the city.
Montezuma came to, you know and negotiate with the Spanish. Lama Lynch
was completely in the middle of the event, and by this point she spoke
Spanish, so oh no, she was doing the She was what fuck else
is she going to communicate with? Cortest Yeah, I know, right,
So she hit the other translators just there while they're banging. That would be
hot, And he asked if you liked that. So Manazuma spoke to them
in a sort of flowery way, allegedly, and the Spanish took that as
a as a sign of submission to them. However, historians don't buy that.
The easiest way to explain this. I could get really into detail about
the languages, but essentially, Manazuma was speaking a language I think it was
the Wadle or whatever, but I'm not positive. It's just very this way
it's spoken. It's very deferential. It's very I don't know polites the right
way, but very like people just keep deferring to each other, and very
like passive or whatever however you want to say it. And but it's it's
if you speak the language, you understand that just because they're being deferential doesn't
mean they are deferring. It's just the way the language kind of it's really
a tactical language in that in a setting of negotiation, right, like,
Yeah, however, something was a bit lost in translation to Spanish, so
it just sounded like he was bending over. Oh interesting, Yeah, I
wondered why, Like I wonder what it was. I yeah, I don't
know, and I like I read a whole explanation on it, but it
was just kind of like convoluted, and I didn't really feel like it's just
essentially there the there was a lost in translation moment that made the Spanish think
or justify that Montezula was surrendering that's a very European thing. Well, I
assume the explanation being convoluted it is. I imagine it would be something like
they're like, well, we're going to come in and take the city,
and like he was like, oh, you're more than welcome to try.
And it was like, oh he says we're welcome. Yeah, yeah,
like yeah, something could be something. Yeah, seriously, So anyway,
blah blah blah. As we all know, the Spanish conquered the Aztecs killed
Montezuma. In the year fifteen twenty two, after the fall of Natus Clan,
Lama Lynch gives birth to her first son, Martine Cortes, HM Cortes's
firstborn son as well. Did he do anything notable or no? I didn't
look it up. He was the Nirvana baby. Yeah, I did look
at the war. I did randomly look up at one point. Saka Juwaya's
son, who she carried with her on the whole Lewis and Clark trip.
Turns out he ended up moving back to Saint Louis with Lewis or Clark,
I can't remember which one. And uh, he's an alumni of my brother's
high school. Really yeah, Saint Louis University High School. Nice went to
lou How the fuck did they have high school back then? It was more
like a university secondary school back then. But that high school my brothers and
my dad is my dad's high school too. It is founded in eighteen eighteen
along with the university. Is that the school that got like a silver medal
in the Olympics. No, that's my school. That's my high school.
Wow, damn CBC, it makes no sense. Series Olympics. We want
we want a silver medal in soccer. Second best soccer team in the world
in nineteen oh four? Was that the insane Olympics though with like the people
getting the cars for the marathon. Yeah, second best soccer team in the
world in nineteen oh four. No one knew how to get to that Olympics.
Second best soccer team was fair. Yeah, I'm behind and be like,
hey, world champ, the fastest guy here. It's just me real
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shots per box while your subscription is active. That's essentially the story of La
malench you know. That's what happened with her. However, we're gonna talk
about her legacy here for a minute. Was she just a guide and an
interpreter? No one who was there thinks that she was merely an interpreter,
and neither do historians. Bernard Diaz de Castillo, a soldier with the Cortes's
outfit who wrote the most thorough contemporary account of Cortes's conquests. Uh he wrote
as an old man, but he said that Cortez or he he said he
called her Donia Marina. They named her Marina after the baptized her. So
Donia Marina, as she was known by all the Spanish soldiers. Donia is
like another hot sauce. It's it is Uh, but Donia is like an
honorific. It's like madam or or like I gotta imagine. Yeah, So
anyway, he was like she we would not have we would not have done
what we did without her. She was like the MVP, like I said.
Cortes said that after God, she was the main reason. Although some
say Marina La Lamnch or Ma Lynch maybe known as a trader, she was
not viewed as such by the Tlux Collins. She was shown as a super
important figure in the native tellings of the conquest, not important in that she
was the primary antagonist or something, but that she was in their depictions of
her. She's larger than life. Sometimes she's depicted and Cortes isn't even in
the picture. That's crazy. And in a lot of stuff she's larger than
Cortes. She's shown in rich lavish clothing. She's an important noble woman.
The alliance is shown in at least one depiction being between her and the tlox
Colin, not between the talx Colin and the Spanish. Oh okay. In
another history. Not only is Cortes rarely portrayed without her, but she is
shown, like I said, at times on her own as an independent authority.
So she is. And this might be because of her noble upbringing.
So in her where she was brought up, she's not chained up like Princess
Lean job of the hut. No, No, she is when you were
a noble wife in where she grew up, and really honestly in Europe in
a lot of places too, when you're sold off as a bride to you
know, foster and alliance or whatever, you're not just like there to have
kids or whatever. You're there to help be a bridge with the people that
you know married you off and stuff like Steward for the culture for democracy.
Today's historians actually give a ton of credit to lam Lynch's diplomatic skills. With
this is a direct quote. Some almost tempted to think of her as the
real conqueror of Mexico. Wow, that's impressive. I mean, she was
doing so apparently she was not just in its basically what's happening. She's not
just interpreting, she's not just translation. She is doing the deal. Yeah,
I mean, and that makes sense too, because she's in the position
to do so. She's kind of the the rosetta stone of the situation,
right, like she knows most of the languages that are being spoken. And
by the way, if someone says something fucked up or something that might offend
Cortes or vice versa, she can maybe massage that leave it out. Yeah.
She also yeah, threw in some of her own perks and threw in
some of her own shit to like that she knew would make them happier,
so on and so forth. Like I said, the conquisadors that were there,
So she helped convince natives. Oh, I didn't say. This's actually
the conquisoers were there that were there, also said that she helped convince natives
that it was useless to fight against the Spanish because of their tech and guns
and ship probably horses, horse people as well. She probably just rolled up
with a rifle and like pointed it at someone. It was like, check
it out, Look, how I just killed that she Yeah, just to
prove a point. There's one hundred thousand people with these that were there.
Honestly, this woman's a gangster. Her legacy in Mexico is honestly fascinating.
I probably should have said this earlier. I doubt I'm doing her justice because
again, this is soft core history. She's an extremely fascinating person that in
terms more so of the reaction to her in a lot of ways. So
partly she is seen as the mother of mestizos, which is Spanish and indigenous
combine basically most Mexicans you know, mm hmm. But she adapted on the
fly, dude. Yeah. She props to her for just like seeing what
was gonna happen and choosing the right side. She is also seen by some
like I like you alluded to and like it is probably obvious to listeners as
a trader, so much so that today in Mexican Spanish, the words lamon
chismo and lamonchista are used to denounce Mexicans who are perceived as denying their own
culture in preference of a foreign cultural expression. Interesting the Henry Sehudos of the
world, you won't get that. Uh he's from America, but he has,
you know, Mexican roots, and it's like, I'll never fly in
Mexican flag. Why would I do that? So it's essentially like, if
you're not acting Mexican enough, if you're acting to white or I don't know,
African American, maybe you get into a hip hop or whatever, and
you're kind of just like, yeah, fuck Mexico. I'm I think that
like black culture is cool. Or he also won an Olympic called Medal for
America, so sick, yeah, malchiesta or Lamonchismo. Uh, if you,
if you do that. Some historians believe that Lama lynch Uh saved her
people from the Aztecs, who were the regional hegemon and we're you know,
basically taxing every stealing from everyone. Really Uh Again, she grew up in
a city state that was basically a client state of the aztex so she might
have had something against the Aztecs. Although I don't think I really don't think
it was a revenge tour for her. That's that is a narrative that it
was sort of a revenge tour and a fuck the Aztec tour. I don't
think that that is there were people who were like fuck the Asseex that Colins
in particular. Yeah, I don't think that was necessarily where she was coming
from. It doesn't. It didn't give her any pause. There's no pause
like oh, should I do this to the Aztecs. There was never that
moment where it's like right, it was like yeah, it she remembered.
Yeah, it was probably it could have been the at So I will say
this, we don't know how she became a slave, fully, but she
was living in Aztec territory and was kidnapped and then sold to Mayans people outside
of the Aztec territory. Stands to reason maybe that Mayans weren't rating, especially
that far. She was kind of far up the coast a little bit,
that it was Aztec's kidnapping Randa who wandered too far away from the village along
with other women and boys and stuff, and probably and then sold them to
a neighboring power for profit. Yeah. I mean, it could just been
about bandits, like you said, like they're just raiders. Yeah, and
it's just a legal slave trade. Who knows. I don't. I don't
think she necessarily had anything in Siaztec's like that. Certainly not like the Tlex
columns did in my opinion, but it's not a very informed opinion. So
starting in the nineteen sixties, she also became really popular with Mexican feminists and
she lived a long time. Huh yeah, yeah. Chiicanas started to refer
to her as mother because she was sort of the quote unquote mother of their
race of Mexicans, although after the Mexican Revolution when they got independence from Spain,
people did think she was a trader, fucking etor wanted to kind of
push off anything that was Spanish. Mexican feminists, though, defended Lamelynch as
a woman caught between cultures forced to make complex decisions. They treated her like
a human being. They also called her the mother of a new race,
and they viewed any sort of uh calling her a trader as escapegoating. At
the very least, is taking heat off a cortez. I mean, I
gotta wonder and someone can flame me for this. I don't really care,
but like to be like, oh, just trying to push away the Mexico
stuff. It's like, well it's kind of late for that, right,
Like that's very much half of your like a big half of your culture Spain
to push off Spain or yeah, push off Spain. Sorry, Like so
we gotta to denounce that. It's like it's a lot more than half if
that's the language you speak, yeah, right, Like I'm just saying and
maybe you know, well, Irish people would be pissed if you said that,
yeah, because they didn't they spect they spoke Gaelic, yeah, and
then they were forced to unlearn Gaelic. Yeah, so I mean there could
have been that situation. But either way, what I'm saying is like,
no, it probably was that situation, but at this point it doesn't matter.
Yeah, but either way to push away, like you're very much this
too. Yeah, I don't know. It's just like I would feel very
conflicted by that if I was like half of it, right, I was
like, oh, I gotta get rid of that. Way, I'm already
half of it. It's not quite the same, but you know, the
when the American Revolution happened, we didn't want to be under British rule,
but we kept quite a bit of British like common law and all that stuff.
Yeah, it's like we didn't think the system or the culture was bad.
We just didn't want the taxes. Yeah really yeah. Yeah. After
the War, wash and kind of sided with the English over the French.
Yeah one because the French were way more culturally different. And he's like,
I understand the English. Yeah, the English were the closest we were English.
Really, it's like we just really hated the tax system. Yeah.
Yeah, It's really is one thing, and we still do. But that's
all I got for today. What do you guys learn today? I learned
that these hot sauce kingdoms really just could not hold their own No, I
guess I learned about this person in general. But also I want I'm really
excited to learn about the like college football war. The war. That probably
my very next episode, because I started reading it and I was like fuck,
because I was going to mention a decent amount about it. But then
I was like, there's just so much be a whole episode. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, I had something confirmed. Seems like a Patreon episode.
Well I am Patreon next week, so subscribe to our Patreon Patreon dot com,
slow software history. If you want to wars, don't Wikipedia, Do
not Wikipedia. Way to do it first, straight to the paper. From
there, our first two parter and it's behind a pay Well. It did
confirm something for me though, and that's if you're in the position to tell
one group of people something like another from another group of people, you have
a lot of power. There's power and interpretation and power and messaging la power
in middle just middle man in general. Yeah, it's not bad being in
the middle. It's a good gig if you can get it, Lucky Pierre.
Just like there's this one dude that speaks Portuguese as the interpreter for the
UFC, does every single event because there's always brazil Brazilian fighters, and that's
I mean, that's that's good pay. It's gotta be go to every UFC
event Portuguese dude, are you kidding me? There's some guy who literally,
I guarantee makes six figures just to translate show Ao Tani. Oh yeah,
you know, I kind of just need to become fluent in the language.
You really, honestly like, if you want to increase your job prospects,
infinitely, just learn it differently. That guy just hangs out like on a
chair or in the dogout of a Major League Baseball team. It's probably on
his phone fucking around and someone's like, hey, well you asked show A.
You know, I was arms feeling understands English too, show for sure.
I don't think I think he knows it. Yeah, but I think
usually it's like Ichiro. I think because speaking is usually the hardest part.
I think he doesn't want to. He choose not to. It's almost a
power move. That is a power move. I agree with that. Uh,
did. What did you say, Oh wait, what did you learn?
I learned about this Mexican mother, the mother of Mexic, Mother of
Mexico. Is that the title mother of Mexicans, the mother of Mexico.
Yeah, like no, not Mexico, Mexicans. She invented the race in
her womb. They did kind of say that. The Mexican feminist of the
sixties said that she kind of was the mother of a new race. Uh,
who's today's hitler? Mmmm, I'm gonna send the tribe that kind of
went back on the word and tried to pull the old switcheru the Chilulans.
Yeah, the Chiluin's just trying to backstab Cortez. He's just a hard work
in grinder. That's That's not what happened. This a tribe a hater.
I honestly, dude, the guys just trying to set up shop, do
his own thing. He's an entrepreneur. Yeah. I could also say the
Chaluons for dipping on the other kingdom. Yeah yeah. Or they took a
deal they had to make. They're looking out for number one. Yeah,
but they kept sucking them themselves, so every deal they made was bad.
Yeah. I don't think the chi Lulans were in a great position. I
mean the Hitler's Cortez. Yeah, how about the slave traders? Yeah they're
not great. No, which is everyone? Everyone's Hitler? Tod it Earth
is Hitler. Humans are Hitler. Humans are Hitler. Yeah. Well that
is all I have got. Thank you so much for listening. Again.
We have a Patreon patrion dot com slash soft core history five dollars a month,
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Became a patron, do it. It's the least you can do for such
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Robin Dan put on TFM, no mention of Jake and now love listening to
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So yeah, please. Word of mouth is the best way to spread
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maybe they'll like it. Yeah, just google whatever happened to those losers from
Do you f those fucking boners? Yeah? Uh? That has all is
all I've got though for so for Jake Old One and Damn Chester, I'm
Rob FOXX. We love you and you just got sauce served.