Welcome to you Softcore History. Hello and welcome back to Softcore History. My
name is Jake Goldman. I'll be your host for today. I'm joined here
by my two co hosts, Rob Fox and Dan Rojester. How's it going?
What is this? It's fun, he's just having fun. I'm bringing
the energy. I'm bringing it. That's usually Dan's job. Yeah, yeah,
the energy. Yeah, everything content, the substance. We just kind
of sit here like two farts and our man's playing history, do you guys.
Yes, that's the premise of the show. Dan Dan just kind of
like riffs. Dan just kind of knows everything about what's happened throughout, and
then Rob just throws in unnecessary quips too much. I'm where the gabby A
lot of the gabbing really comes from. But yeah, we're a history podcast.
We cover a bunch of stuff. If you haven't heard us before,
we talk about the things that are maybe not covered in the history books,
you know, the stuff your professors don't talk about. Yeah, you gotta
you want to read our ship, you gotta go to like Wikipedia. That's
what a commentary said the other day on the YouTube thing. Right, It's
like I better the catacombs. Motherfucker. That was such a weird flex.
It's like cool, get off of Wikipedia and get your ass in the catacombs,
I guess. Man like Dan, Dan, I mean, you don't
learn anything inherently just from being in a catacly Listen. I played The Assassin's
Creed too as well, and I've been in those catacombs. I blame Dan
for this comment. Dam won't shoot on location in the catacombs. I'm begging
him, talk about, like, if anyone wants to take this podcast seriously,
we need to be inside a fucking tunnel full of skulls. Yeah,
who knows what's down there. He was talking about the Vatican catacombs, right,
not the Parisian ones that people get lost in and die. He said,
he just said Roman Roman. Then it's the Roman, very broad in
theory, though I couldn't no, never mind anyway, it's even the description
though obviously source Wikipedia is in the name soft core. If we were what
do you want? If we were the other kind of core, we'd be
Dan. It starts out, the podcast starts out with my wife doing a
porno voice, talented mouth. Yes, what your wife's very talented mouth?
Yeah, yes, I've told that for years. Well, today we're gonna
talk about one of my favorite topics of all time, one of my favorite
things to do, sitting the bar high wander through the catacombs. No,
no, that's I'm too scared, too scart. That is like a top
five worse way for me to die. I feel like he's getting lost in
those catacombs and pain. I want to go in them. I just like,
what would be worse? Getting lost in the catacombs down below Italy or
getting lost in like a server space endless warehouses full like Facebook servers. Yeah,
uh where it's just a maze of technology. Oh no, one is
a bunch of dead people, and one will probably cause the destruction of all
people. So like, at least in the in the server, you just
start pulling wires, someone will combine. Right, Yeah, wait, what
are you doing? Yeah, if you're dying in a catacomb, I mean
you're already You're where you're supposed to be. It is kind of a weird
reminder to be like dying. Yeah, but at least you're properly buried.
Yeah, you didn't die in a death space? Yeah, which is efficient,
certainly it is. That's kind of like nice of you to die there.
Dare I say green? Very green? Yeah, very green. People
don't understand that hearses actually make up of all carbon emissions from automobiles. I
know. I haven't actually thought about how much of a carbon footprint the funeral
game is responsible. Think about the bodies they're cremating down there. I think
of all those Costco caskets that don't close and don't close. Thiss got to
be the worst review of any product I've ever read. One star, doesn't
close, won't refund. I just want to be able to buy it in
store, and it's annoying. You can only get it online if you want
to throw it in a cart. There's just some like if you go to
the back right corner past the hot dog place, people don't normally go back
here, but in Costco, if you go all the way back there,
there's usually some lurch looking motherfucker back there, and if you ask him nicely,
he'll take you to the cold room where the caskets are. God,
he's a bad I would just be a fun thing to like film people's reaction
to you just get like a two hundred pack of uh like Doritos, lunches
like lunch bag chips, and then like a child's casket, you fill the
casket with the doritos. No, it's just you're just you're just buying two
things. It's a one stop shop. Yeah, get everything. It's America,
man. Yeah, we're gonna be talking about partying party in real heart.
Oh sick bro. Yeah, I love partying. Took my favorite ding
party and partying. Love the party. How do you guys like to party?
I almost wore wore a Hawaiian shirt tonight. Oh that's pretty hard partying.
Damn parties wearing flip flops. Oh me too. It's party central,
baby, So we can actually just kind of monetize that section of the internet.
WI the feet party. God, we gotta be all over it by
now. We just cracked three thousand subscribers on YouTube. Oh dude, it's
because I'm showing the test we get. We go toes out like here,
bo, that's another five hundred people. If you're on the YouTube, you
can see us flex in our tosies. But yeah, this is actually the
first party I mean to talk about is a party that happened in Philly.
The Philly Party is that the bar tab is the bar tab Philadelphia, September
seventeen eighty seven. George Washington, respected war hero, is about to become
one of the most important people in history. The First Constitutional Convention is coming
to a close, and George has just been elected to be the first President
of the US. He's also two days away from sitting what will become possibly
the single most important document since the Magna Carta and probably now looking back,
one of the most important documents of all time as well, what the US
Constitution? Yes, yeah, Now keep in mind, I still want to
do my episode on this. But George Washington orchestrated this entire thing, the
bartzab Yeah, dude, nah yeah, well yeah, yeah, dude.
He's cool the fucking like he's the puppet master. Yeah. But what big
revel America? Yeah all right, oh yeah this, Oh shucks. I
don't want to be king act Yeah yeah, all right, George, I
don't want to be king. I want to be a god. It's kind
of cool. Yeah, I mean, you know, my favorite image of
him is the naked one, the naked statue of George Washington. Where is
that? I think it's in France. Actually it's somewhere you gotta look that
up. Yeah, there's a naked George w or George Washington. I'd be
awesome its naked George w bitch statue. Hey, guys posed for this sculptor,
but no, it's a George Washington. I believe he's like doing a
a post that a lot of occultists followers think is something. Yeah. Yeah,
I mean he's like, he's not like naked naked, it's not like
full hog. Yeah, he's straped, he's draped. Yeah, he's got
like a fucking toga on. He's fucking cut, dude, George Washington,
He's the most cut president we've ever had. I don't think that's true.
I think it's true. It's definitely not true. He's the cuttest. He's
showing feet. Abe in his day okay, okay, he second cut or
was he live? He was definitely cut because he had to make weight,
Yeah he was. He was like Abe. A lot of people know this.
Abe Lincoln used to run in trash bags and spit all day to make
weight homemade sanna. Yeah for sure, dude. Did the wrestlers at your
school just spit constantly to make weight? Yeah, you gotta get the water
out, of your system, dehydrate. Who who likes that sport? Insane
people, That's why they're good at it. Like, I mean, that's
just the things you have to do. Every wrestler I knew was fucking nuts.
Yeah, it is just I did the best skill set to have as
a fighter. I did one wrestling practice and I wanted to fucking die.
And this is from someone that would do like two days in the floor to
heat. And it was just like, Nope, you guys are sick that
I all. I'll never forget. Freshman year of high school. It was
just so funny to me, like everyone recruiting all the sports that no one
wanted to do, and then people like going into them like yo, yeah
I'm playing sport now, and it's like, dude, you're on the fucking
cross country team. You just run you Your sport is everyone else's practice.
You would run more wrestling than you would cross country. Absolutely, just to
make wait, not even at practice started with three hours in front of seriously,
like fuck all of that. I remember pulling up. I pulled up
to football practice one time and they were all just pushing around a jeep in
the parking lots and I was like cool. Yeah. Wrestling was another one
where it's just like, yeah, it was just like past I'm good,
sounds terrible. It was also soft. That's why I never did much in
football. So but yeah, George, ready to burn off some steam after
a crazy few months. You know, the constitutions of a few years,
I would say, really but really, like the Convention's what made us September
of seventeen eighty seven, so like it's been a real back and forth.
Yeah, um, but yeah, it's finally all but law. They just
got to sign the fucking thing and ratify it. And that means one thing
and one thing only. Guys, it's time to get housed. Let's go.
So that's what happened with Washington and a sort of people ranging from troops
and politicians to friends and family. Fifty five people in total made their way
to the bar and managed to find themselves in the famous city tavern. I
mean, isn't even a party. It's like a private dinner. Oh,
it's a party, I know what It's like, fifty five people is I
mean that's just like that's not a rager like day rage, but that's like
it's not a huge party. Okay, I'll stop the episode. That's fine.
Yeah, next time I invite us to your giant party. Yeah,
I'm just saying it's more of like I don't know, you know, it's
not like a house party, like a big you know, Huger, we'll
talk about bigger parties. I'm not complaining about any of that. I'm just
saying, like it really is like a large private dinner that just got like
wildly out of Hay, it did get wildly out of hand, and you
know, a lot of the number I disagree. I just say, like
there's other party. Like, it's not like a project situation. It is
literally like a bunch of rich guys get the bet, like rent out the
restaurant for the night, and just go absolutely wrong. Ben Franklin came in
on a jet skid of the ram. I mean, if anyone, Yeah,
it wasn't really a jet ski. It was more of like a fan
propelled scooter. But nonetheless, and I think Hamilton in the head, Yeah
he's got five old hores. He got so much air on the scooter though,
it was crazy even with the gout. But um, yeah, you
know it's really I did a bunch of calculations so on how much they spent,
and like how much they drink per person. So I have a whole
spreadsheet of conversions from British sterling pounds in seventeen eighty seven to now. So
any question you have for me, I will actually be able to answer.
Now, was this did Washington put this on his tab? Or was this
on the federal government's tab? You know, they don't say, They don't
say, probably only the federal government. That was actually the zeroth Amendment.
He had his own LLC. Actually, George called the United States Treasury.
Well that and George was also a crafty guys. Why he cut down that
apple tree, cherry tree, the cherry tree. Yeah, yeah, he
did not lie about it though, that's cool. Yeah. We will never
be completely sure what happened in the tavern that night. The details were hazy
at best, considering how much was drunk bitch wanted as you gay Adams.
However, reports from outside the tavern recalled the party lasted all day and while
into the night, it didn't allow for anyone to break it up, even
with the sounds of laughter and breaking glass and furniture being broken were heard throughout
the night. That's the true sound of freedom. That is the true sound
of freedom, breaking glasses and couches getting tossed. That's what freedom sounds like.
I know, whatever they're doing now with that movie truly not the sound
of Freedom. No, no, but yeah, wait did they even express
what the sound is now? It's a terrible title. I'm sure the movie's
good, but like it is an awful title. They've also just done the
like I don't all then you believe this? Don't like all the ship No,
I don't care about that. I just the sound of Freedom is smashing
it up. Yeah, the Sound of Freedom, it's just a bunch of
like fucking rescued kids from traffic and breaking glass and going bananas. Odd of
what a chucky cheese. I guess that's actually the last fifteen minutes of the
Sound of Freedom. It's those kids just going ham and a Charles Entertainment cheese.
Yeah. No, the sound of Freedom is the glug glog glog of
lighter flew it onto an old couch before it gets lit on fire after a
basketball win. Basketball football too. Yeah, but I feel like I feel
like if it's in kind of reminds me. I just think of like when
Davidson was in it was West Virginia. But yeah, West Virginia is the
couch bur No. You know who was a real good yet school, Ohio,
Dayton, Dayton, not daven It's in Dayton. That's what I'm thinking
of when they went on their run. Oh god, every time every wintraight
top and a dude flips cars, burned couches, structural damage to homes.
I'll tell you what, man, Dayton was one of the schools I was
considering going to, and that college. That town sucks, but that college
is so awesome like that. That is, if I had to pick another
one out of the schools I was looking at, Dayton would have been at
Dayton. You were looking at Dayton. Yeah, it's the Midwest pool of
schools is just so different. It's a private Catholic school in the Midwest,
and I went to a private Catholic high school where you looking at like Villanova
and Ship too, Marquette, Marquette, yeah, great loyal Chicago, great
dental school. At Marquette. Had no chance to go to the main line.
No, but I mean it was a lot harder to get into than
like Marquette or Dayton. I couldn't tell you how good. Any of those
schools are all we know is one group in the schools down south. It's
the sec brother And if you can't get into the one you want, you
go to Auburn. That's not a bad backup. It's not a good one.
You gonna feel fun. It's it's fun. Yeah, it's cool.
It's not called the planes because it's like planes. It's called the planes because
it's boring, like it's plane. But how can there's a college there?
It's college? Ye? What you need to do? What fucking all right?
We're not taking unnecessary dumb shots at Auburn. I have really nothing to
defend or go against Auburn, So visit. I don't think you either.
Strikes me, It just strikes me as fine. I'm not talking about like
Mississippi State here, like you're being vindictive, I am. Anyway. One
person reported seeing a never ending run of servants bringing more and more things to
drink as the night went on. So they just kind of have like this
group of I guess bell boys just running booze in because it kept running out.
The party also included an additional fifteen members of Sordid Servers Music think they
had a guy that was a part of the group that they constantly sent on
ber runs because he was a bad hang. Probably there's like just one John
Hancock. No, Hancock was dope dude, you have smuggler and shit.
They wanted Hamilton to be the guy, but Hamilton was such an insistent dick
that he stuck around, you know what I mean, Like, no,
Sin fucking nin Like Hamilton is a guy everyone hates Sin Thomas Payne. Yeah,
but there's one guy that everyone hates more than Hamilton, and Hamilton knows
that and he picks on that guy all the time. Yeah, he's the
guy that's just worse than the worst, just slightly less worse than the worst,
right because he like maybe can like get chicks or something, So you're
like, well he's brings chicks, it's gotta good, like pot hook up.
Yeah, hate that guy. Yeah, But then there's the other guy
who is just like useless. It's come on, and Hamilton's so mean to
him. Yeah, it's like you almost kind of feel for him if he
wasn't the worst guy. Well, yeah, you start to feel bad,
but then he walks up and he talks to you, and you're just like
the fuck away from it. It's like the guy that you're talking to like
a group of girls in the house, and then he comes up and just
drops a non sequitor about something totally lame and so like men, Yeah,
Skyrim was crazy, even Sky, like I don't even not even like drop
some inside joke that no one finds funny, but he's like trying to like
make a girl the girls laugh, and you're just like, god, damn.
There's plenty of those people that I tried to be nice too, and
they actively just make me want to just dunk on them. Mhm. It's
like I don't want to bully you, man, you're making impossible. Yeah.
The the best example that everyone would know is like Gale the Snail from
It's Always Sunny got a sauder. Yeah with it, they can beat you.
Yeah. Nah. Actually there's one kid in college it was like,
yeah, I smoke weed before I work out because like makes me lift harder.
That kid was Jake. It was not me. I'm not the guy
that wants all the weight above my face when I'm high, But I just
remember being like getting high for armed day is actually pretty good, sure,
but like it's also slammer muscles. I know, but also like, no
compound lefts, no danger. I'm not That's not what I'm gonna say.
I'm also keep interrupting him with this little workout tidbits. What I's gonna say
is that you don't just go up and say that un provoked to a group
of people. Yeah, you just walk up. It's like, dude,
I drank twenty forties last night. That's cool, you idiot, just like
die anyway. Anyone that brags about how much they drink too, especially at
our age, at our age age, it's stupathetic. Seriously die. Yeah.
Like but even in college, like dude, I drank clucking it up
to day and I like twenty yeah, and it's just like cool, man,
oh boy, why didn't you get alcohol poisoning? And I'm not saying
like questioning the science, and I'm like, I'm just wishing that that happened
to you. Yeah. The best response to always that was like, you're
keeping count. I know. I was at a party in Awesome from like
a year or two after I moved here, and some dude, some like
adult dude who was I guess mid to late twenties, was like, I'll
never forget it. He was like, yeah, dude, I had like
fucking fucking like twelve bushes combs jot for Loco, and I was just like,
I was just like, dude, you're fucking like twenty six. Which
is hilarious that we're making fun of this because the entire episode is based on
how much they consumed. Oh yeah, they counted. They well I counted,
So it's really the most American thing you can do. Yeah, let's
keep track, Yeah, and pay a lot. But yeah, again,
there are some other people there, like servers and musicians, and then there
were women companions as well. In the establishment. It was not prostitutes.
Actually, they referred to this might be whitewashed, so bear with me,
but they referred to them as like party hosts or like party girls. Yeah,
what do they call the chicks that show football recruits around campus hosts in
their hosts? Huh yeah, mmmmmm. Well, no one is certain what
happened within the walls of the city tavern. What did survive? What's the
bar tab preserved? For some reason? I don't know what I framed in
like a barn Philly. It is somewhere, like I know it's I think
it's in a national archive I forget stealing the Declaration of Independence, stealing the
founding the fram or bartab or whatever the founding father on set. That'd be
sick. Yeah, actually that would be cool. That would be basically the
ultimate prop. So if you're a listener and you're a real psycho, go
steal it. If you're doing like a side quest, maybe gets the liberty
bells, Well that's a much bigger get. Yeah, we'll replace the footstool
with the liberty bell. Didn't We also ask people to steal something from like
Cornell. Wasn't there something in some college we wanted to steal? Who could
remember? Though? I can't, but I know it's listen to the archives.
Yeah, yeah, go back and tell us. But we don't steal
along with this thing going on three years so oh yeah, So this bartab
actually does exist. It's in the National Archive. And we have a pretty
good idea of just how much was drank, how much was spent in the
total damage in US dollars that was spent today. So by the end of
the night, Washington's party drank fifty four bottles of Madeira wine. Do you
have like an ounceage or mill leaders on that? Um? So, actually
to do the math, I had to standardize what so bottles, interestingly enough
weren't I mean not interestingly enough. It's pretty obvious why they weren't standardized,
right, Yeah, so any bottles from that time were between twenty five and
forty ounces. Okay, so every bottle I refer to, like, if
I say, like a bottle of beer, I'm not talking about a twelve
ounce beer. I'm talking about like a big ass jug of it, like
a what do you take to a growler? Like a growler? Yeah,
like a growler or like, uh, there's so many different dumb words for
bottles I read today that but yeah, there's like one of those, yeah,
a jug. But uh yeah, So fifty four bottles of Madeira wine,
sixty bottles of claret, eight bottles of old Stock whiskey, twenty two
bottles of Porter rail, eight bottles of hard cider, twelve jugs of beer,
and seven bowls of punch? Is the punch just fruit juice? No?
Okay, gets a mixture. We'll get to the punch. The bill
also includes a tab for broken glasses, garnish for drinks, and uh boozing
food for the entertainers. The final bill came out to eighty nine pounds sterling,
which today would beep between twenty nine and thirty two thousand dollars. Okay,
that's really not that bad. Fifty five people at this party, five
and that's a reasonable bill. That's a that's a wedding. It is it
a wedding? But I am going to go over some open bar. What
do you say? What was the total? The total that I got to
you was thirty two thousand, seven hundred and forty four dollars and ninety five
cents. I would say, my wedding for the bar and stuff like that.
It tell us how rich you are. Bar, I don't know,
Uh, probably ten grand, I would say, maybe for the barn food.
Yeah. I was about to say venue. It is probably the most
expensive thing about your wedding. Venue and floral floral. Floral is definitely not
It's always more expensive. That's where they get you. They always do with
theas for free, you bitch, what do you um? But I've been
I've been to other weddings in a bed, like there's a wedding in my
family that was a yeah, seven figure tab yeah, and it was I
and there was like a lot of wine from like Napa and shit. So
I assume they were dropping founding father's numbers on that. Yeah seven, Wait,
like a million dollars bar tab No, it was a million dollars for
the wed wedding. Oh the wedding. Yeah, what you've been to a
wedding that you think costom million dollars? In his family? What are you
doing here? Why are you podcasting? Yeah, get off the set.
We're taking your cut. You bitch is like an uncle in California. All
cool, that's like one over from your dad. Oh that is it the
dude that wrote Full House whatever? No, no, no, no,
no no, that's my mom's side the family. You have a Yeah,
what are you doing here? Go be a scab dude, Go get a
job in the things. Oh my god. Anyway, I just like,
hey, I just like slumming it with you guys. Okay, So other
things I listened and I can listen them again. What do you think was
the most expensive line item per bottle or total? Oh that's a good question,
rout, because I mean, there's a ton of a dairy wine.
There was a ton of a day wine, So I would say that might
be the favorite that sounded or the most expensive. That sounded like it was
the most. The clarette was the most per bottle, Okay, it was.
It was a Bordeaux. Okay, Yeah, I don't know what that
is. If they were from they were from France, so so those most
from fifteen twelve, I don't know, man, But like the fact that
it was across the ocean meant it probably costs a lot more than it should
have any So many people have died for that bottle. But I mean,
like today it would be about one hundred and twelve dollars a bottle, which
isn't that bad? Really? Been that a Loanesome Dove. Think I'm gonna
say, if you took fifty five people to Loanesome Dove, you would spend
thirty thousand dollars. You would spend way more than thirty thousand dollars. You're
spending closer to seven fakes. Six people that were modestly eating and drinking dropped
the belt twenty five hun dollars at that place. All right, Yes,
strap like that out like six times ten. Basically they can get out of
hand there really quick. But also, like I like to think about this
too, in a way, you got to think of how cheap booze was
at this time. Booze was cheap, Yeah, really cheap. So if
you think about it this way, uh, the eight bottles of Old Stock
whiskey, which is like Imperial whiskey. Basically it's really good, Um it
is is it like pretty local though? No, it's like British like okay,
yeah, it is one hundred and ten dollars a bottle. And this
is like some of the fine, finest risky Okay. So like when you
were talking about like one time, like we don't inflate, we haven't inflated,
like, uh, luxury goods, Yeah, you're drinking it and neat
what's there no ice? Yeah definitely, um so yeah, you're right,
I mean there's no and they are kind of I would imagine that they're not
getting like insanely marked up the way like luxury brands. Just they're like oh
yeah, no, you know, like oh the Glenn FITTI fucking no no
no, yeah, well yeah, luxury goods cost the price they do because
people are willing to pay that price for them, right, They're not worth
that much. Yeah, like oh like diamonds, yeah, exactly, like
a lot of these so a lot of these things haven't like hyper inflated for
the gross, like not for the gross for the growth of like exponential wealth
right in the later half of the twentieth century. Right. So the second
there's a tie for second highest line item and it one is the fifty four
bottles of Madeira wine. The other is for relishes and olives. You know,
wait, wait, relish relishes. So I gotta imagine that's like either
it's food or it's like some sort of like garnished name that we don't know.
Yeah, you relish in the time you had there, you can't you
can't put on it. Yeah, and olives are also it's luxury good can't
so, so olives kind of suck. Fuck you, olive, oil good.
Olive's not fan. I'm not a fan of olives either. Oh my
god, you guys are white. If you get black olives on a pizza,
I'll murder you the I'll eat it, but I'm not happy. But
I'm fucking furious. Hey, you know what I wanted my pizza just something
that looks like a bunch of bugs. You don't look like bugs. What
a bunch of dead beetles on my pizza was? Talking about they make this,
it makes a pizza look, discussing they don't taste good. You're wrong,
it's this is dumb. But yeah, So the second that's high was
between the bottles. So this is fifty four bottles of materia and then olives,
and the alive bill came to five thousand, eight hundred and ninety nine
dollars and ninety nine cents. It's too much, five grand on olives.
Big, they wouldn't even drinking that much. Yeah, big martini crowd,
or there wasn't anything to make Martini's with no yeah what no vodka, no
gin overmooth right, no nothing, no, none of it was put Yeah,
what are you putting the olives in? You? Is it just bar
foods like pretzels like I'm thinking, I'm thinking it's bar food, Yeah,
relishes and allis makes me think like little gurgan pickles, That's what I'm thinking.
So they just ate five thousand dollars worth the gherkins and olives. Keep
they talk about can you imagine the breath of these people? Sued you're just
one of these hosts, one of these hosts, and Thomas Jefferson walked up,
dude like hey, oh my god, but pretty much lade up freedom.
You want to bang Georgie's teeth fallen out. Yeah, he's just popping
Gurgan's back in their place, breathing fire just right into your face. So
to say nothing of the diarrhea afterwards. I'm actually kind of surprised. The
broken glass bill was only three hundred dollars, so they weren't breaking too much
gold. They bring in portable outhouses. That's gotta be another question that that
place has to be a pistorium. Dude. You can walk out around back
and people who's sitting, Oh, somebody's shitting somewhere from Ben Franklin's Ben Franklin's
dropping a deuce. They're clear. Ben Franklin is like shitting in this spetoon.
Yeah, you know what I mean. Um, about ten percent of
the bill was the entertainment, so like the people playing music, stuff like
that, the girls hanging out, and they got them mules too. They
also got them like another so odd so many odd bottles of wine and things
like that to drug. Oh you don't want your hosts to be sober,
but so the seven bowls of punch. It's an interesting thing because someone in
a corner and the trash can with the trash cans during whatever colonial jungle juices,
Yeah, pretty much. The interesting thing about it specifically, though,
is that it was George's wife, Martha that made the recipe for it.
Sick. So apparently she made a really strong recipe of a rum based punch
that tasted great and, according to people, could strip the paint off of
a wall. Let's Martha, you dirty girl. George apparently loved it so
much he always had a serving dish of it in his office whenever he needed
a ladle or two. So he always had this punch punch just chilling in
his office. I just need he's unwinding with jungle juice. You just have
a jug of it in your fridge at all times. Yeah, what a
nightmare, dude. That's our country ran. Yeah, that's how it.
That's the thing. Now, Like if you think, like, oh,
he's such an alcoholic today, not even understand George Washington is keeping a fucking
picture of jungle juice. We need an alcoholic president to bring us back.
Who was the last do you think George Bush? George w because he got
sober, didn't he Yeah, he'd been sober by the time, Okay,
JFK Probably Um, I doubt Jimmy Carter. Nixon tried to order a nuclear
strike while drunk on who I think, Oh, there's the Soviets or China.
Fucking Nixon is after after Kennedy. So Nixon's the guy right now.
I don't know about Ford Clinton. Probably definitely not Jimmy Carter Clinton. No
one knows for sure. Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised. Definitely not Reagan.
No, definitely not Reagan. Definitely not h. W. Bush.
Reagan was probably doing drugs on the side. Nah, Nancy's back. Do
you think he just resented the Just Say No campaign? Yes, it was
a cover He definitely they're doing it. He's definitely done below before Well,
she was the throat goat according to Hollywood lore. Yes, you are correct,
Dan, she is the throat goat. I think the last confirmed alcoholic
president was Nixon. That's awesome. Who By the way, he gets the
Watergate stuff is really bad, but like pretty decent track record is president prior
to that, he wasn't the worst he I mean, he just he did
something very illegal, right, and that's bad. But he had alited a
lot of like pretty impressive things. He also said one of the things I
agree with the most of any president, which was the president's just there for
foreign policy. The country can run itself, I mean too large degree.
It's not a stretch by any imagination, Like it's not it. I mean,
yeah, like the country is kind of run internally and domestically in local
levels. Yeah yeah, I mean, like obviously federal agencies and stuff like
that do a lot. But yeah, I mean that's that's a good point.
Like he definitely opened the door to China for us too, which is
like, yeah, a big deal. I mean it might not have been
time. It was a nice I mean it was a big deal of time
too, because it kind of put a wedge between the Soviets and China,
which was huge for the time tact wise. That's smart, but like time
will tell economically speaking, you know, yeah, it's still we're still bearing
it out. Although people had to continue that down that road, oh for
sure. I mean, like I think I don't know that he necessarily intended
for all of our production to move over to China. No, I don't
think a lot of people did. But yeah, you know, so it
goes. Do you think Jefferson practice isolationism, so he didn't have to do
his job. Yes, m kind of lazy like he was. Jefferson was
the type of guy like I think, like a creative friend, you know
that, like likes to get three quarters of the way a guy. Yeah,
he's an idea guy. You know. He likes to like dream.
He's a dreamer, he's not a doer. Dreamers drive me insane. Um.
Yeah, granted he got the Louisiana purchasetant ship, so hey, that's
a wine himself. A good deal. Yeah, what do we say here?
Acquired land makes you a good president? So I want to say,
well, we came out, we figured this out the other day. But
we essentially acquired three four so the land in this country for forty five million
dollars. Steal forty five million dollars. That's how much Max Schurzer made this
year. He just got traded, he did. So we talked about this.
Now that we're talking about money, like thirty two k not a big
deal. I mean shit like Vince Young probably dropped that at his fucking steakhouse
after his signing. But no, he was a cheese cheese, cheesecake factory,
that's right, yeah, but he had to sell the rights to his
name for a steakhouse so he could afford his cheesecake factory habit, and buying
out Southwest Lights so he could turn into a private plane. Yes, of
course, Rookie of the Year. Yeah, great, great call. Okum,
that's why you need a good rep to not let everyone get their hands
in your pocket. I think Texas still feels a lot of guilt. They
sent that man out into the world, so ill equipped for it. Dude.
Yeah, I mean straight up, Like that's the one thing. The
thing that I'm scared of the most for Nil is like, these kids are
gonna get fucked. He's nineteen year old, I know. And every time
a coach says that, they're like, dude, you're putting them into some
big adult situations very quickly. And everyone gets every fucking like liberal little tweet
sports writers like oh you know, when you need to get paid, I
hate you, and they're like, dude, it's just they're just saying that,
like, these kids don't know how to fuck with that much money.
Yeah, Like one of the main courses for these kids needs to be like
one financial just financial responsibility classes, and two like not everyone in your neighborhood
gets something. What's wrong with you guys? Fuck that? See these kids
blow their life up. Just add that fold. Yeah, Like, because
however much money you have, say a kid gets a million dollars, right,
that means he is then allowed to go into to take out like ten
x that debt basically right, yeah, pretty much get that black card a
little a little weight to it. So however much money cash you get,
you are allowed to dig yourself a deeper hole. If I was in college
and someone gave me a check for a million dollars and said, whatever,
just have it. Taxes are already covered, like is seven the taxes need
are gonna be really weird, although maybe it'll get creative. Like that couple
who uh got the cash back rewards on their credit card. They maxed out
their credit cards, bought the money orders, paid off the credit cards immediately,
and then got like two hundred and fifty thousand dollars in rewards cash and
just kept doing that over and over again. Yeah. Yeah, it was
a loophole. Yeah, and the credit cards finally caught them sued him,
but then they were proven like said they couldn't. There's nothing that said they
couldn't do it. Yeah, so they got away with it. It's like
the guy who spent one hundred thousand dollars I think it was on United flights.
It's like unlimited United flights for the rest of his life in like ninety
four. Yeah, and like he's he's he flies to like France for launch.
Yeah, it's and they can't stop him. It's I think he's wracked
up. Like god, it I don't know the figure off the top of
my head, but it's well into the millions. Like it's glorious. But
also for that one dude, there's like one hundred people that also got that
deal. You never fucking hear these are true trailblazers. Yeah, because for
every one of those, you have the NBA signing people who have no idea
what credit scores are up for a replacement Jersey, Yeah, definitely, but
all the Jersey insurance is the most predatory thing. It's worse than payday loans.
Man. It's I just wanted to like scream at the television, like
honestly, it's like you're robbing black people like that. I just that's what
I wanted to scream, children and black people. You're fucking robbing right now.
Dude. It's not just black folks. I know it's not, but
it just felt for me for whatever reason, it I just reflective people like
that's for the it's just reflectively felt like that in particular. It really is
all poor people and morons that they're robbing. Yeah, but it's like that
came out of like a Haliburton think tank. Oh, Like they were just
like, hey, let's take five. What's something evil we can think of.
Hey, hey, I've been kicking this around for a while, but
what if you know how guys get traded? Like it really is kind of
like a pickle when you have you just bought a brand new jersey for like
one hundred and twenty bucks, and then your guy gets traded. So this
is moron I went to high school with and he he was on Facebook the
other day bitching about how he had bought this Kyrie Celtics jersey and he's gonna
burn it. Yeah, And I was thinking, like, I bet I
could steal ten thousand dollars from him for the cost of a new Kyrie jersey.
So it's fucking evil. It's an evil thing. Honestly, we don't
talk about like evil evil shit like outside of dictators that often that's like little
evil but still very much cruel. It's like but in a pennyway, you
know what I mean. It's it's the most it's like benign form of its
facing on someone's door handle every day. What is it? It's like the
mundanity of evil is that it's like corporate evil. That's what it looks like
a lot of the times. It's not just dumping into the Hudson. You
know, I couldn't believe that commercial what I saw it was insane. Yeah,
I'll never forget that either. But yeah, so back to the bar
tap thirty two k. Obviously in today's standards, it's really not that much
for fifty five people all in all, it comes out to about six hundred
and thirty five dollars a person, which for a bunch of aristocratic folks,
that's a drop in the bucket. I could you know, I could do
that if someone's like, hey, for six hundred and thirty five dollars,
do you want to party with all the founding fathers, to be like,
yeah, here you go, without question, take my money. I've I've
spent close to that on a meal for my wife and I, like,
I guess per person that would be like twelve hundred, which would be a
lot. I haven't come that close, but um, I've spent quick do
it. It wouldn't be hard. We just got to just get more stuff
at Lonesome up. Basically a couple more margharitas. It's just like one more
drink. But the drinks per person is the impressive thing. Okay, that's
what we're gonna get into right now. Yeah, because it's just a lot
lost in translation on the price. Yeah, and the numbers. I'm like
fifty four bottles of this, sixty bottles of that, eight bottles of this,
Right, So I did all the conversions based off of an assumption that
the highest volume that they know of historically at this time was about forty ounces.
The lowest volume is about twenty five. Before we get to this,
what was the potency of this alcohol? Like, so that's actually a good
question, Dan, I'm glad you bring it up. A lot of people
will revert back or refer back to like old time. What do you want
anecdotes of beer being less potent? I would imagine because like our drugs,
like our dad's drugs are weaker. Well, these dad's drugs were weaker.
It's a safe assumption for like the everyday man. It's kind of approach to
liquor, a lot of it's watered down. Yeah, but for aristocrats in
an actual institution, Like so a lot of the stuff that you hear about
where it's like, oh it's super weak, that's usually homemade. It's usually
super diluted or like you know, you're everyman's kind of like being also a
lot I don't think that tracks for booze the way it does for like weed
or LSD or something, because a lot of them we're making it way stronger,
like you think about like moonshiners in the twenties and shit like that.
But you also got a factor in the aristocratic kids who are kind of stealing
liquor cabinet then putting filthy brown water and they're just the normal Philly water yet
Yeah but um no, so that's half the Delaware in there. But yeah,
so like this is probably as potent or if not more potent. I'm
seeing the ale would be seven to eight percent, So that's a strong ale,
strong beer. Yeah, yeah, A porter I imagine is even stronger,
is it? I actually don't know a porter. It depends though,
like that's probably like again us, you know and get us just traditionally light
early London porters in the seventeen seventies. Six point six. That's strong,
that's just strong. So for example, I'm drinking like I feel like a
fairly mid beer. It's a blonde. This is four point nine. Yeah,
typically the beers we encountered today are about four to five percent ABV.
And if like a typical sort of macrobrew light beer, like a bud Lighter,
Miller Light or whatever, that's four four point five. I think,
yeah, um yeah. Once you start getting six and up, that's when
you start getting into in a big boy territory. Absolutely, so I had
to do I kind of split down the middle. I did thirty two and
a half ounces, that's what each bottle is, and then I used the
basis of wine servings of five ounces, beer servings of twelve ounces, and
a shot is one and a half ounces typically. Okay, So from all
of this, each person had you fuck, are you meant an like an
Excel sheet? Is there a real spreadsheet here? That's glorious? Yeah?
No, I did, look at you. I had fun I do too
much business these dates. Yeah, that's that's very much. This is like
your first job bleeding into your second job. I lad to tell I was
at a doctors point the other day. He was like asking me questions about
stuff and like how's the sleep going. I'm like, oh, you know,
sorry. He's like what are you doing for work? And I was
like this, and then I have a second job and he's like oh oh
oh, and I and like he just thought. He was like, oh,
this guy's on hard times two jobs, fucking shit, but he's unhealthy
as fun. And then I had to I had to like, wait a
minute, I realized from his reaction. I was like, it's a fun
it's a good second job. Yeah, I'm not like picking up hours somewhere
because I have fucked Like it's did he did he change his tune? He
was like, oh, oh goody. It's like second jobs are the silent
killer. Yeah yeah, yeah. So I'm gonna go. Although I would
be a little bit fucked without this money at this point, to be honest,
Yeah, that's terrifying. Anyway. Um, I'm gonna go line by
line of what was served to the fifty five people, not the stuff that
was bought. So there was way more booze bought just in general for the
entertainment people too, But we're not going to include all that. To get
a truck number, they didn't sign any constitutions, and I had to figure
out what the kind of amount of punch was. So seven bowls of punch,
and I looked. I looked at how much the bowls of punch costs,
like average bowl size Colonial Philadelphia. I split the difference of this on
um. I just made a serving of punch five ounces, like a serving
of wine instead of like a shot kierum. And based on the pricing,
I figured out that it was about, you know, a certain amount of
liquor people were drinking. So, without further ado, how many drinks do
you think each person had that night? I'm gonna say over under seventeen and
a half. You're saying over one seventeen and a half is the over under
I'm s okay, okay, that's fine. Over under seventeen and a half.
What do you think it is? I'm gonna say, because it was
a long I'll go fifteen fifteen, I'll go the seventeen and a half on
the dot, and you can't half Dan Dan is closer. Yeah, eighteenth
drink. They just kind of puked. It was twenty. Fuck, I
should have guessed that put away twenty on a tailgate day, on attiliate day,
for sure, But forty six, here's thirty be here's here's what the
breakdown is. It would be six glasses of material wine. Seven glasses.
Like it's a fractional close to twenty, So forgive me if I'm not exactly
on the dot. It'd be just over six glasses of material wine, almost
seven glasses of the Bordeaux claret, three shots of the old stock whiskey,
one bottle of porter, a bottle of cider, a bottle of beer,
and what is equivalent to a glass of punch. That turned out actually the
twenty drinks. It's a nightmare in your stomach, is what I'm gonna say
that. You're not even counting the pickles and olives. Not even counting the
pickles and olives. No, but stomach full of pickles and rum punch,
No, hear me out. Maybe like a competitive eater eats a salad beforehand
to open up the stomach, the olives somehow help with the consumption of the
alcohol. Well, what my assumption with the olives a and the pickles were
electrolytes, that's actually a probably a good call. That probably kept them alive,
right, yeah, kept him hydrated. Maybe that's where the term pickled
comes from for drunk. Yeah, I never had that. You never heard
someone's pickled. No, it's a good one. The southern thing maybe,
alright, bowl a pickle? Um. I think it's British too, which
could also make sense. Why it's southern, Yeah, Southern, more more
British, a lot more loyalists down there. Yeah, they wanted some help.
It wants about from their old friends. But yeah, so that's twenty
drinks per person on average, So that means some people probably didn't and some
people way over did I mean? Franklin is I'm going over twenty, no
question? Jefferson over twenty, no question? Why do you have so much
confidence in these man Franklin? Because Franklin is a dirty pig. He's a
big boy, he's a pit. I don't understand Jefferson though, The logic
pine that, Uh, Jefferson's a lush, he's a little what was it
again? What does that mean? What is a lush in these times?
He's horny and he's drunk. He does lush mean horny too. Yeah,
oh no, I didn't know that. I mean both. Fuck. I
just kind of like I've been I'm just feeling really lush right now, guys.
No, it's like I'm kind of a y. I used to say
that when I was like twenty four. Yeah, I'm kind of a lush
I mean, and that's why the women walked away. That's probably probably explained
one or two. Um. But yeah, that and I used to say
commisserate because I thought it meant just like, you know, mingle. When
I was a kid. I was like, oh, I'm just commiserating with
the family. Wow. People, I guess thought I just had a dark
sense of humor for me, you know, could be not totally an act.
It probably wasn't, yeah honestleep, But like, are you one of
those guys that worked tables at a restaurant being like, yeah, it's just
another damn paradise. He had to say that because he was working at the
Tommy Bahama restaurant. It was Margaritaville. Actually, oh yeah, yeah,
the other day of paradise. I Uh, I worked with a guy that's
just said that every day. I asked him how it was going. It's
like, oh, oh no, that means it's not. Yeah. I
bet, I bet you, and you're not in paradise. I bet that's
the opposite. The other one that was my favorite was like, uh,
live in the dream, just not mine. It's like grim, yeah,
that's a that was that came from someone at the CHIB. It's like,
yikes, which decently fun job. I I don't know, maybe not not
well, yeah, that's true. I think Adams was under and I think
Washington was under. You think Washington, Washington was a unit. He was
a unit. But I feel like he's also like kind of stoic the opponent's
brains and invented cocaine. Invented cocaine. Oh I forgot about that real quick.
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All Right's come back to it, as a group of the founders were
known to get after it. Benjamin Franklin's taste for wine may have likely contributed
to the gut that gave him fits during the convention that was going on at
the time. You know, there's a famous quote actually from him around this
time He's being carried away from the Hall of Independence or the Independence Hall due
to his gut, and a woman asks what they had created. Franklin's famous
quote is during him getting carried away from Galt, is we created a republic
if you can keep it. So like that's that's like something I've seen a
lot of people like quote Benjamin Franklin, where it's like a republic if you
can keep it. No one ever told me he's just got gout foot and
it being like carried away different drunk and gouty that they have to carry him
in a fucking you know who. The total liability probably was Madison. You
think so he's a little guy. Yeah, m he probably did not do
the majority of this drinking it. Maybe had like three or four. They
had a couple of thingbolts for him. Yeah, I could see that.
I feel like Monroe too, probably not crushing it, yeah, probably not.
Wall is fun and getting absolutely slammed. George should eventually turn up and
signed the Constitution a couple of days later. George Washington or first President Royal
fucking boo sound cool, dude, Um, I have a couple other ones.
If you want to talk about him, you can dive in another one.
Yeah, these are just from across the world. Okay, give me,
we'll get let's get out of the Western hemisphere. If you got it.
Oh, I got two? Okay cool. The man Han qu The
man Han Quong z oh Uh, first staged in seventeen twenty, The man
chow Han Imperial Feast Eat a Faun was ostensibly a sixty sixth birthday party for
the Queen Emperor kong Zi, but it was also an attempt to unify the
ruling mench I. Guess man choose is the Manchuria? Probably? Yeah,
with China's Han population. So for three days, the bank withs twenty five
hundred guests drink wine and stuff themselves with as many as three hundred different exorbitant
dishes and snacks. Along with dumplings, duck and roast pigs fattened with a
porridge. The menu also offered a section of more obscure dishes. So wait,
the roast pigs did they like? Um? What to call? We
go to a goose? Oh? Like the you're talking about the fog groth
thing? Yeah? They fog grass and pigs beating them like sweet porridge.
Um, yeah, that's what it sounds like they probably force fed them or
they just their pigs. Yeah yeah, but uh, honestly, fog groth
to you, like people talk about that is such an awful thing, and
it's like, have you ever had fog grow? Can I be ill with
you? I have no idea what it is. It's a fattened duck or
I believe fauta and water fowl liver. But as soon as that comes out
of someone's mouth, I just like disassociate fa raw. You've probably had it,
like you did it. He's gone, he's gone right here. What
happened pants? Yeah, that's what happened. Yes, I didn't. I
didn't hear the audio. Is there a clear audio? No? But you
can't. Like that's the exact reaction you'd have if you pooped your pants,
right, if a hot liquid, because you know how I mean, every
time you're about to fart and then like you feel the hot liquid like touch
your sphincter and you're like, oh, I got out. Oh it's yeah,
but he didn't. He couldn't. He was at the podium. Yeah,
but I mean he didn't, but he didn't hold it. What I'm
saying, Oh he's old. Yeah, Yeah, he's got it like that
Calamari's been out, been there for a while. Yeah, that's all These
people like he's having a was an ambiance seizure or whatever, And I was
like, stroke, would he sho his pants? I I tweeted this,
this is fox's razor? All right? This is what I want to be
known for. A fox's razor. It's just poop. Do not ascribe to
an elderly pers Do not ascribe a medical emergency to an elderly person who has
frozen when it can be more easily ascribed to crapping their pants and realizing that
they did so. Well, the explanations. No, Okham, it's razor,
but I like it. It is an Okham's razer. Every all of
those razors are essentially a subset of Okham's razor. Yeah, it's just a
straight line, right. The thirty two delicacies, though, are pretty interesting,
so big part of this was like, let's eat weird shit. These
included such culinary oddities as bear paws, camel humps, entire pert's nests,
those those crazy rich Asians. Hold on, No, I don't go back
to the well. The bear paw, I don't know it seems like a
delicacy. You know what they eat in Alaska. I had to write an
article on this early in my day is a click at a click farm,
um moose, no's jelly. They essentially like, I bet the snout is
really easy to like it's very fatty, and you essentially like put it in
a pan and and like, yeah, if you liquefy it, it's got
a bunch of collagen and it really really good. But yeah, the bird's
nest. Yeah, the bird's nest. I gotta imagine that's like just all
the eggs in one nest and not the sticks. No, no, it's
just the salad. Yeah, yeah, Actually it would be funny, like
you cook the eggs while the mother watches, and then you break the mom's
neck and they defeather the mom, and then you do the succession twigs to
kind of scoop it up. Yeah yeah, yeah, for sure, he's
every part of the nest. But I'm not done. Obviously, monkey brains
were in this, which I guess it's not I guess it's China, not
India, but it is like when people get mad at Indiana Jones and the
Temple of Doom. The number one racist. Thing that they point out is
that scene where they eat all the wacky shit. Yeah, and look,
I'm not saying it's totally wrong in that CRITI but like they did also eat
that stuff sometimes. Oh yeah, all kinds of was sometimes they ate that
ship. Obviously, monkey brains isn't the like like Asian version of like Thanksgiving
dinner. But it's not like a standard dish. It's a delicacy. But
a lot of delicacies from back then were things that were just like you can't
really get this anywhere and how to make it. I also would eat monkey
brains and of the Risings, although not I think it in Template Doom it
was like chilled monkey brains. Yeah, probably not good. I don't want
I don't want it gona be like, no, not a goospota, I'm
sorry, like a soup. It's gonna be like a stew or something like
manudo. Yeah, it's gonna be a thickened kind of yeah, yeah,
because manudos what stomach lining? Uh it's tripe. Yeah, yeah, I
believe it's tripe. If I'm flame me in the comments, if you want.
Uh. The last thing I thought was really interesting from the thirty two
delicacies. The one that stood out to me the most was leopard fetuses,
which what Yeah, how many pregnant leopards did they have? Do you talk
about delicacies? Right? Like, how do you find these? How do
you get the leopard fetuses? The worst leopard I've ever heard of? Hard
enough to come a buy, you gotta count not only a leopard. But
like, that's that's what got me the most was leopard fetuses because I immediately
thought, all right, there's twenty five hundred people and they're eating for three
days. How far does the leopard fetus stretchy? It's gotta be like two
three people, man, if you're using every part of it so like thy
leg fucking I don't know, like ribs so are and like a little embryo.
Yeah, like it's gotta be like probably about just the size of like
a little quail or something. All Right, So let's say it's a pretty
far along one. Think about a puppy. Yeah, let's go a newborn
puppy that's been like two folks. Yeah, it's what on a skewer?
You're eating it like a fucking quail in the leopard just kind of take it
out leopard's unharmed. So I'm sorry. How many? So, like,
how many you got a leopard? Abortions were performed for this feast? A
lot? You gotta think it was just leopard murder. Okay, so it
was. It was a tur ducan situation where you just kind of stuff the
food inside the food. Hold on, hold on, talk for a second.
This uh, I mean you have my attention now, I would like
to try this. I yeah, yeah, next Chinese buffet, I'm going
to I'm asking for the leopard fetus. How do you cook it? I
think he's I think it's skewer, open fire. If there's twenty five hundred
people and they each one one leopard fetus, say it's one per person,
and say you're having the max that a leopard normally has in a litter,
which is five, you would need to find five hundred pregnant leopards right now.
What if the leopards were actually just all about China? They're very common,
and then the reason they're endangered now is because the beast of this feast,
Well, I mean the Chinese did murder that fucking bird, the sparrow.
Yeah yeah, um, very effectively. So I mean they could have
been like, hey, we're having a big feast in a couple of months,
start paying attention to the leopards. Leopards were like squirrels in China at
one point, so many Like maybe that was the answer to a bigger problem.
It's like, it wasn't crazy that they had like that they found five
hundred pregnant leopards. It was crazier that they didn't do more. Like there
were just so many great span into your leopards, folks. Yeah, Chinese
restaurants still do monshu Han inspired feasts today. Actually this became like kind of
a tradition of just having opulent feasts. If there's no leopard fetus, then
they're not doing not traditional. Yes. Um. We can also talk about
the Shah of Iran's one hundred and seventy five million dollar birthday party. Sick
yeah. In nineteen seventy one, a multi day banquet was held to celebrate
the two thousand five Hundran. Yeah. Oh yeah, Western Iran. Cool
Iran, Yeah, Hot Iran. Yeah, Hot Iran, Iran's last hurrah
here it sounds like it is. Yeah, it is the last cool thing
they got to do before we ruined it. I always see those pictures.
Just just babes gorgeous. It's gorgeous that place, Tehran, it looks like
the coolest place to be at that time, in the like sixties, and
Ben Affleck had to ruin it. Yeah, thanks a lot, dude.
So yeah. The two thousand, five hundredth anniversary of Cyrus the Great's founding
of the Persian Empire was kind of fixed onto the Shah b Iran's birthday party.
So the elaborate birthday bash was stage in the shadow of the ancient ruins
of Persepolis or Persepolis. Yeah. As part of the preparations, the Shah
wrecked at an oasis tent city adorned with twenty miles of silk, flew in
food and chefs from France, and imported fifty thousand songbirds from around the world.
The six hundred guests, who included the Ethiopian Emperor I believe it's Hailey
Selassie, the Prince and Princess of Monaco, more than sixty other royals and
heads of state, dined on roast peacock and quail eggs and sampled five thousand
bottles of vinted champagne in between meals. They took in firework displays, dance
performances in a parade that featured soldier's costume as the great Armies from Persian history.
The celebration was supposed to signify the greatness of the Shah's regime even had
a documented in a propaganda film called the Flames of Persia, which sick flex.
Here's my birthday party. I made a propaganda film out. That's a
great title, Flames of Persia. Flames of Persia. Yeah, that's sick,
you know. Also in that, yes, the prequel. Yeah,
there is a weirdly amount of um. I've seen it on line before.
I haven't like gone down the rabbit hole, but I do know it's a
thing, is um sort of like Persian supremacists, like ancient person like you
know how like obviously the West essentially takes it's sort of spiritual line from Greeks
and Romans. Yes, so there is a not insignific amount of people who
believe that the Greeks and Romans were basically dog shit and the Persians were way
cooler, and the Persians were the real ones who were doing all the cool
shit times, and the Greeks and Romans were just kind of like stealing.
It wouldn't shock me whatsoever. But you know what else the Greeks and Romans
did really well Brandon account thinks, Yeah, keep record marketing, yeah,
pr Yeah. And the Persians they took over a place they just allowed them
to live. Yeah, stupidum. But yeah, Unfortunately, this would be
the last grasp or last gasp of Iran's millennial old monarchy by the end of
the decade. This is a funny line here from what I sourced it from.
But growing discontentment with his rules saw him overthrown in a revolution. That's
a really interesting way to gloss over what probably happens. I mean, sure
there was some discontentment, maybe sewed by you know, some folks, you
know, certain places. Then you know, it could be anybody. I
would like to hear about the Hussain parties. Oh do the Uday and Kusa
parties. Yea, that just sounds like some Joffrey. Yeah, I don't
know if you want to hear about those. It was actually probably just a
lot of N sixty four in cocaine. A lot of rappers would go over
yeah, yeah, perform just private concerts like Tupac. Yeah, there's the
field of cloth and gold. If you want to hear about that. King
Henry the eighth of England and King Francis the First of France hosted a joint
summit in fifteen twenty in a valley near Kulais. They were supposed to be
nurturing friendly relations between their two nations, but what happened was basically just a
flex off between kings. Yeah, well, yeah, it's what they do.
For two and a half weeks, the royals attempted to upstage and outspend
one another by hosting a spree of drinking, jousting, and archery and feasting.
The banquets featured elaborate tents and pavilions, meet from over four thousand lambs,
calves and oxen, and fountains that spewed wine. Actually, one of
the fountains of wine was so big that the servers were in a small canoe
baddling around to serve people on the edge of it. All right, I
love that. That's my favorite things fantastic. It's like it's you want to
see a fountain of wine. I got your fountain wine. We don't do
so right anymore, No, we don't. I maximalism, We need it
back. Yeah, oh the highlight too hum, people are too humble.
Apparently, the highlight of the Bender came near its conclusion when the two royals
squared off in an impromptu wrestling match. So they were both pretty drunk and
just side right. Wait, wait, how old was the eighth for this?
Um, He's gonna be pretty young because he was a fat, useless
piece of shit after a while. That's gonna work in wrestling. Further,
having the weight advantage that yeah, he all he should have always had the
way he definitely didn't look like Jonathan rhese Myers. This is fourteen ninety one
was his birthday, so he's like twenty nine. Okay, he's big,
but not like obese. He's like Robert Barathian. Yeah, like probably did
some like probably still got some much probably gas in thirty seconds. Yeah,
but uh, Francis, King Francis the First of France, tossed him to
the ground pretty quick, and it supposedly the party was supposedly so price tag
heavy, it drained both nations treasuries, and the party failed to initiate an
era of good feelings. But first off, it didn't drain both nations treasuries.
It just trained those guys bank accounts. It's just those these bank accounts,
because what a nation's treasury was back then. It's fun to call it
that, but yeah, yeah, it wasn't. And then, um,
I guess the last thing I'll talk about too. If you want to talk
about birthday parties, Truman Capote's, okay, pass, you don't want to
hear about Truman Campode's birthday party, go ahead, it's quick. So On
November twenty eighth, nineteen sixty six, fresh off the success of his best
selling book In Cold Blood, Truman Capote hosted a much publicized Black and White
ball in the Grand ballroom of New York's Plaza Hotel. It was held in
honor of Washington Post Publis for Katherine Graham. The Sware brought together what The
New York Times called a spectacular group that has or the most spectacular group that
has ever been assembled for a private party. The five hundred forty person guest
lists included Frank Sinatra, Ralph Ellison, Lauren McCall, Henry Fonda, Andy
Warhol, Italian Princess Luciana Pignatelli, and members of the affluent Vanderbilt Rockefeller and
Astor families. Everyone should up wearing a masks, which Capotti decreed cannot be
removed until midnight, and celebrated with dancing and four hundred and fifty bottles of
vintage Tatenter champagne. The moment of the night, though, was when author
Normal Mailer challenged former US nor Sorry Norman Mailer challenged former US National Security Advisor
MC George Bundy to a fight over the Vietnam War sick. Basically like,
if I beat you, you have to stop the Vietnam War. Can you
imagine that kind of call a party? Hey, God fucked me up pretty
good. We gotta pull out, but well everyone out. Listen, guys,
I know it's happened a Commodey's birthday party. Man, he had to
be there. Jumbo, we gotta, we gotta withdrawal. It was sixty
six, so it wouldn't be jumbo. Yeah, it will be sixty six,
isn't jumbo lbj Yeah? Oh yeah, you're right, sixties It wouldn't
be Nixon anymore. Kennedy, then Johnson, then oh so I'm sorry,
dude, man, you don't know dates. I have a hard time with
dead presidents. And then their succeeding vice president. So LBJ got a full
four years after Kennedy died. I think j MO for like six years.
He was in office from sixty three two sixty nine. Okay, so he
won one term. Okay, got it. So yeah, I was about
that makes sense. Yeah, I'm not great at dates, You're right.
And then he he died like five years later, No, sorry, four
years later. He wasn't a healthy dude. Yeah, old jumbo gotta call
it like you see it, I guess. Mm. So that's it for
Opulu parties and stuff. I mean, I really just wanted to talk about
the bar tab, but I got a couple others in there that were fun
to just talk about. In general, I appreciated the bartab math. Yeah,
the Bartab math. Honestly, once I'd done the spreadsheet, I was
like, well, I have to talk about this for a while. So
that's why I did it. What'd you guys learn today? Though? People
just want to escape, people like to party. People don't appreciate the mindset
in which they wake up and rightfully so you mean, oh, they want
to alter their mind. Yeah, it's like they're just walking around until like
two o'clock and they're like, get me out of here. I think everyone
can agree with that. What's the I think it's a It might be a
Sinatra quote, it might be Tony Bennett, but it's like, I feel
bad for people that don't drink because they know exactly how I feel bad for
the people that don't drink, because when they wake up in the morning,
that's the best they're gonna feel all day. Yeah, I mean, And
just to kind of color in my own context on drinking as the national pastime
a lot of people. I think as of late, I think it might
have to It might have started around the temperance movement and just gotten worse over
time. But we like to paint anyone that uses substance and then slightly abuses
them from time to time as an addict. And it gets pretty like,
you know, I'm starting to see stuff on Instagram and stuff. It's like
even one sip of alcohol is bad for you. It's like shack. The
pushback on alcohol these days is fucking instinct, like stops the development of muscle
growth for twenty four hours. Oh cool, who gives a shit? Who
cares? I'm not like you don't care about kids. Here's what. Here's
what most people who are against drinking in particular because it's the most common drug.
Here's their real probo is that their actors, they for the most parts
Hollywood. Yeah, they don't know who they really are because all they do
is play characters. No, definitely, definitely, that is part of it.
They can't take responsibility for their own irresponsibility. It's like, like you,
the fact that you couldn't be responsible with this thing is no one else's
problem. But you stop yelling at the alcohol. You're the asshole. Yeah,
I mean to be frank, it's the classic. Uh well, let
me take my personal experience and extrapolate it to the entire world. In their
experience, it's pretty self centered. Um yeah sure. Yeah. Alcohol definitely
has had times where it's been awful in the country. Like true, alcohol
does not kill good vibes. Bad vibes kill good vibes. Yeah, that's
right, that's right. Is that a bad guys with guns kinda? Yeah?
Yeah, I saw it on a T shirt? A good guy?
Is that the boardwalk the other day? Gunstone? Guy with good vibes drinking
alcohol kills the guy. Bad gunstone kill people. Bad vibes killed people.
Well kinda, I mean to be. We're all about vibes these days.
Yeah, who's Hitler? Um I the leopard hunters, the leopard genocide.
Yeah, the leopard abortionists China. Okay, I mean that's fair. Good
lad, Hey, thanks so much for listening, y'all. Be sure to
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