Hello, kleeps, it's me John could sear the voice of the crypt Keeper
and you're listening to chronicle from the Cript. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm father
Malone with me as always is casualty. Chris Statue, it's boy. It's
so we're talking Tales from the Crypt. Baby. Oh my god. HBO
television series that ran from nineteen ninety nine to two thousand and twelve. God
boy, what no two thousand and twelve? So if it ran that long,
boy, can you imagine what those seasons would look like? Dear?
You know what if it started later and the the talent that ended up there
were never part of the equation, it could have been good for twelve se
Do you think it's like a Simpsons thing where instead of going like this,
it went down first and then came back up. Yeah. I think.
I think if if it had been given a chance where people who had been
influenced by it got to do one, it would have been great. Yeah.
And then you look at the last Jedi and say, maybe that argument
doesn't work. Well, No, that just they picked the wrong guy.
That's all. That's fair. That's fair, that's fair. But look,
you know this is the final episode of this podcast, which to me is
kind of nuts because I had started this podcast oh so very long ago,
I believe sometime in twenty fifteen, if I'm not mistaken, and this is
the podcast that I started, that I got to talk to Bill Sadler.
I didn't talk to Bill Sadler for a movie. I talked to Bill Sadler
for this podcast. This was the first episode I ever did, the first
show I ever did today that had is it yeah? Oh? Is it
really? That's awesome? Seventy one today? What you know, what,
Bills, I we'll talk about Bill so other because I know we're both going
to mention something about Bill Sather at some point um, but that he was
the first person I ever talked to you in the industry, like ever interviewed
seriously, and it was it was intimidating, and I, you know,
think I'm not intimidated now by it as much as I was then. But
at the same time, this was kind of the podcast that if you've been
listening to this podcast at all, you know that there have been times and
maybe you don't know this, given kind of the way I've ret conned the
old stuff out of existence and I had to, and we did together,
you and I did Father Malone. But I started this podcast with a different
host in twenty fifteen, and then lesser host. Lesser host, well,
he wasn't a lesser host. You can throw shade all you fucking like you,
because this is my show. Now it's true you you never met the
other person. This was long but now I'm generous. But but they could
they could be for a youn um. But to your point, I started
it and then that person ended up leaving a culture cast, so he didn't
want to do this anymore. I understand. If you don't have time for
that, how are you gonna have time for this? Uh? And then
it just kind of laid dormant for a while, and then you and I
became friends, and then you and I finally got on a podcast together,
like what four months after, you know, like we initially initial emailing.
But um, which the movie that we talked about the first time was Seeing
No Sure was, there was, and now we're but it was supposed to
be Conan the Barbarians. Sure was, And I'm still rankling and I didn't
get to talk about That's fair. I don't such a great film. I
don't think we ever did a podcast on it, though, So let's just
talk about that as opposed to this. This is the secret code in the
Barbarian podcast in a random Tales from the Chrystop flipped it in there. But
then you and I became friends, Jesus christ Um, and you know,
after we became friends, and you were on the podcast a couple of times,
and then you know, I came to visit and we didn't start chronicles
until after I visited you the first time, right, because we recorded an
episode together in person the last time I saw you in twenty eighteen, twenty
nineteen. At this point, twenty nine. God damn dude, because twenty
twenty is a year that we'll never forget but all want to. Yeah,
it's it doesn't kind of exist, honestly, it kind of doesn't. Like
when you tell someone like the gentleman I'm working for now, when I told
him that he had done some work in twenty eighteen for the project we're working
on, he was like, holy shit, really, And I was like,
yeah, it was like three fucking years ago. Like it's everybody kind
of forgets about twenty twenty. I don't know why. I guess we're forcing
ourselves to. But when we initially met, I had no preconceived notions that
we would ever do a podcast together. And then Tales from the Cript kind
of presented itself and you and I and this again kind of behind the scenes
stuff here before we talk about the episode, you had actually come on to
you and i'd have finish the show right, And it was started in season
five John Cassier Interview episode is I like to call it because that's where I
put the interview that I got with John Cassier again, and that was Look,
for me, this podcast will always be this is the only Tales from
the Crypt podcast that has John Cassier doing intro. Please tell me how this
isn't the only tales from the Krip podcast you want to listen to. If
they're listening to this one, they've been listening, yes, So to be
fair, you don't need to upbraid them. It's all the other morons,
that's fair. But and look, I've never listened to the other tales for
the Crypt podcast, at least not recently, so I did. I know
you did, And that's you. You have your opinion. I think you've
said it a couple times before, and I know you're not a fan.
I've never listened, so I can't give my opinion. It's not that I
don't want to say. I don't want to. I don't want to throw
anything on the bus kind of a situation like you know, look their podcaster
garbage. That's just a fact. But hey, you know, look,
you know what. Ultimately the thing that cracks me up is that day you
and I got together to record that episode, we both essentially had the same
conclusion at the end of it. We were like, what are we doing
if we don't just or maybe you didn't have that conclusion. I didn't you
you did not. I I was. I was ready to sort of finish
it out with you, like I thought, yeah, okay, I can
sort of. You didn't have, like Ken Holt, that you would want
to like redo the entire show. I guess I didn't really put it on
the table though. Didn't. No, you didn't. I mean you were
like, hey, let's do this and if that works, then let's finish
it out. And that is kind of how I had set my mind to
it. Um. But I did jump at the chance to reevaluate this series,
and we did once. Yeah, I mean, here we are,
so, um, and what did we calculate? It is like three Well
if it was sometime, so let's see. So we recorded that episode in
like April of twenty nineteen, right, and I visited you in July of
twenty eighteen, So sometime between July twenty eighteen and April twenty nineteen we recorded
that episode and then we restarted the the show. I don't remember exactly when.
I'm sure I could look on my spreeker account. But we're here now,
so it's been about two years. Yeah, and here we are.
It feels you said this before we started. It feels rather ignominious. Oh,
it's a I think if you've listened to any of the episodes for this
season, you will know full well our opinion on the way this show exited
stage. Glad. You want to know the day the day our first episode
went up? You want to take a guess. I have it in front
of me, sometime long ago, July sixteen, twenty eighteen. It's like
three years, man, I know, that's how long it's taken to get
through this show. Good lord, I know too much, and well it's
too much energy. You couldn't do much time into this show, guys.
But we're here at the end, and yeah, it's it's the final episode
of the show. We're going to talk about it, and then we're going
to talk about the show as a whole, and I'll finally get to talk
about, Um, We'll finally get to talk about what the fuck the sales
from the crypt Keeper Mysteries of the Lost Temple of the crypt Keeper. Yeah,
but let's let's talk about let's talk about the final, actual canonical episode
of the show. Must the third pick? Hmm? Son of Dracula,
Return of the Son of Dracula, the Una Dracula's Revenge? Is that all
you can do vampire movies? I'm afraid that's not good enough. You'd have
to be a bite more versatile to be on the fighting staff of Kales from
the Grip. Hello creeps. As you can see, we've got an opening
for a story, Deditor. I've been conducting chop interviews all morning. No
one seems to get what I'm looking for. Oh well, let's see who's
naked? Interesting? A brother team grim, I think I've heard of them.
This has potential boils and goals. It's a twisted bit of gory telling
about three characters you may recognize at first. It's called the third Peak.
So this is the last time I get to do this. It's a little
sad for me. So the the it is, it is, this has
been a journey. This has been If if I had finished this, this
would have been the first podcast I finished, not Coal Check. This would
have wrapped up before Cold Check if it had been finished, you know,
when I had started it. So like this is kind of my like,
this is my first my podcast to finish like mine and became ours. I
mean, obviously I don't have this podcast is no, no, no,
this podcast is as much yours as his mind because my opinion is a little
bit more positive sometimes than yours is, but your opinions a little bit more
positive than mine is sometimes. So yeah, we balanced each other out.
And I couldn't do this by myself. I would hate to do podcasting by
myself. But it is it is a yeah, right, it's really fun.
But yeah, So it's just a little sad because you know, this
last time I get to talk about who directed it? So who directed it?
Bill cop Patrick Ventura. It's written by Steve dud and Bill copp.
It has a bunch of voices in it. Bobcat Goldthwaite is one of them,
Cam Clark, Charlie Adler, Brad Garrett, Corey Burton. Everybody loves
Brad Garrett. I do love Brad Garrett. But he's good. He's really
seem just see him in the newest season of Penny Dreadful City of Angels.
He played like a like a Jewish gangster and he was great. And not
only that, if go back and watch if you haven't seen it, there
was a Showtime series it only ran for two seasons called I'm Dying up Here
about the La comedy scene in the mid to late seventies, and he plays
like a sort of Jerry Lewis type washed out guy, and he's I think
he's only in it from maybe one episode, perhaps two, and he's a
revelation more so than he is on Everybody Loves Raymond. Yeah, Like because
you look at him and you you know that that he can be funny.
I mean, he's just sort of naturally that way. But this was not
a comedic performance. It was a serious thing and he like fucking nailed it.
Like I'm now I want to go watch that as opposed to this because
anything could be better than this. But yeah, so so this episode.
And I'm not joking. I know if you're listening to this, you probably
have watched the show. If you're listening to this, I look either either
you like the show, have interest in the show, or just listening to
this because you like the way our voices sound, which is a thing.
Hey you know what that's true in my kid? Yeah, all three,
but this is an episode that is the three little pigs told in the I
would say Klasky Suspo, but it's not art style. It's what more,
I forget the name of the guy who did rend and Stimpy. Yeah,
Klasky Supo is as good at depiction or description of the animation style here.
I would call it Spike and Mike fucking reheated special from the Midnight Spike and
Mike the twisted animation festivals that they would put out like they were wildly popular,
sort of in the underground scene, and I think everyone was trying to
get a piece of it. But yeah, definitely rend and Stimpy, like
you know, would end up setting the tone for everything and including the sort
of level of humor on display here, just not as smart I was to
say, rend and Stimpy is smarter than this. Oh, like by leagues
and bounds. This reminds me. There was a short film, an animated
film called Lupo the Butcher and if you haven't seen a Chris you should see
it. It's probably on YouTube brand. Oh my god, yeah it's then.
I'm so yeah. I would say that this entire episode was based on
these guys seeing that and going we have to do something like that, except
Lupo the Butcher is about maybe two minutes and it is fucking genius and includes
all of the sort of gross out kind of humor that these guys were going
for, but does it eloquently and economically. I I hated this episode.
I hate like, oh, I'm so bummed out. I'm in the same
camp as you. Yeah right, I mean, like, look, here's
the thing, Like we've we have had such a bone to pick with this
show doing the same thing over and over and over, to the point now
where it's like an in joke in this podcast, like they're doing it again.
They're doing it again, and this is like the first time in a
long time, almost in like a season maybe where I'm like, this is
genuinely fucking bizarre. This is so weird and it strikes all the right idea
notes in my mind of like retelling of a classic story in an interesting way,
in a subversive way that only Tales from the Crypt could pull off,
quote unquote, given it's an anthology show on paper, on paper, just
like Communism's perfect Tales from the Crypt episode, and in action it is.
It's not the worst, but if not by a long shot, but it
feels like it could be. In the conversation for it, and you know
what, like we did. I say this a lot and I'm saying it
again, but like we because we watched two episodes usually to evaluate, we
got very used to comparing episodes. Now, this is the capper of the
worst season of the show, without a doubt, the worst season of the
show. So by that very nature, it had the potential, even if
it was competent, Yeah, to be like a revelation this season. Yeah,
it's so much a part of what we've already received that I can't even
be depressed about it anymore. It's just like this is and this is like
and this is the first American, ostensibly American episode of the season. It's
the final American episode of the show. We didn't realize that the last we
I mean, we realized, but we didn't make a big deal about the
last episode was the final British episode of the show. Yeah, but this
is the this is the final America. This is the final American episode of
the show. And it's a what to say, it's a it's a big
bad Wolf story with the crypt Keeper as the narrator and bobcat Goldthwaite as the
big bad Wolf. And I mean you have Cam Clark and Charlie Adler doing
kind of you know, generic voices, and Brad Garrett's just kind of doing
a Brad Garrett's doing like a paired down, like a tone owned down,
more kind of um kind of drunken, slovenly version of his own voice.
But you clearly know it's Brad Garrett. Like Brad Garrett and Patrick Warburton are
some of the only actors where it's like you hear their voice, you know
who it is, you know, I mean, you know you have someone
like Dame Castle Anetta or Julie Kavner who their normal voice is kind to sound
like the characters in the show and the Simpsons but they can still change it
enough where you you're maybe if you ever met them on the street, you'd
be like, oh hi, you know, not think anything of it.
But like Brad Garrett and Patrick Warburton, you have you heard them in a
store, you would know who it is if you were if you were bagging
their groceries and you didn't look up and you heard thank you, you'd be
like, fucking, there's Patrick. There's the tick right there. You know.
Yeah, they're not they're not versatile work voice actor. No, but
that's not a bad us to no, not at all, because their voices
are so goddamn interesting that no matter what character they're gonna play, I'm gonna
buy into it. Yeah, it's like John Demaggio. It's the same thing.
You know, he does Bender, and every other voice that he does
is nothing like Bender. But I can hear his voice in every voice that
he does. Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, which you know, God bless
that he's able to, you know, pitch it in different ways, but
like, ultimately it's still him. It's not like mel blank where I'm like,
wait he did this and that word or someone who's involved in this episode,
Jim Cummings, who I have the utmost respect for as I'm sure you
do. He's you know, he is the voice of what like half of
the characters in Winnie the Pooh at least Winnie the Pooh, right, and
several other hundred Acre Woods characters. I mean with Jim Cummings also, I'm
trying to just there's so many there's so many roles that Jim Cummings is known
for. He is, again, one of the pre eminent voice actors in
this country, and he gets involved in this mess. Yeah. God,
I'm such a I'm a huge fan of voice acting in general, and uh,
you know, and I think everyone does a creditable job here. It's
just just that, like everything we've said all season long, the talent behind
the camera in front of the camera are all done a disservice by a fucking
horrible script. And if this one in particular, this one drives me crazy
as kind of a writer myself, in that if you're gonna choose a rhyming
meter that you're gonna have every character talking, then fucking do it. Don't
dick around and give us half rhymes. And I mean there comes a point
where it's like, well, that didn't rhyme and that's fine to sort of
break that rule. At that point, it's like, it's like to me,
free verse poetry. It's like, I'm a poet. I you know,
I write these things. And I'm like, yeah, okay, write
me a sonnet. You know, like you need to understand the rules of
the game before you start breaking them, and I want yeah, man,
And it's like it's a children's meter. It's like it's the easiest thing in
the world and they couldn't even do that, they couldn't be bothered to do
it. Yeah, it's really offensive. And then on top, like that's
more offensive to me than what they thought they were being like, Oh,
we're like, aren't we bad boys? Like we're gonna show violence and you
know this is drinky and smokey, by the way, creative names for the
fucking pig. Yeah. Well yeah, I mean, okay, so we
got a drunk okay, all right, Well we don't usually see that in
a cartoon. It's like, but I mean, maybe your average HBO viewer
was not used to that sort of level of humor and you know, attempt
at depravity in cartoons. But for the rest of us, and certainly now
if you're watching it for the first time, like we've had you know,
thirty years since or you know, twenty five years since this episode naming things
right, Yeah, like there's so much of it, but at the time
there won that that much of it. But the ones who were doing it,
who were pushing boundaries, you know, people like Bill Plimpton and I
don't know, there's a there's a ton of I mean, even I mean,
to be fair, even those early seasons of The Simpsons were pushing the
boundaries. Yeah, you know what, and like more than this is more
than this is because this is one time the Simpson was sustained. The Simpsons
doing what it did had a long term effect on our culture, like substantial
effect because they pushed the envelope and kept pushing and never took their foot off
again. As far as the envelope pushing. When it comes to like animation,
like I'm not saying it had all been done and there's always room to
grow, but like Ralph Bacci existed man and he made a whole bunch of
movies that were animated that if you think like something could be shocking in like
what's supposed to be a kid's medium, like he had already done it unfairly
labeled as a kid's media. Yeah, I mean, but then you know,
that's all media. You know, at one point comic books were literally
for children, you know, but like, but at some point they're not
anymore, and you need to stop pretending like they are, right, Like
you're you're denying the fact that people grew up reading them and they want to
continue to. Isn't that like what all the ESRB MPAA, all these assholes
are just saying, well, this was a kids thing, but it's not
anymore, so now we have to make sure that the kids don't see it.
Yeah, right, kind of fucked up. Yeah, and this sort
of this episode just kind of traffic. Oh, isn't that crazy? There's
blood with animated characters. Not really right, But and here, like you
said, here's the thing, even with the hindsight that we have in twenty
twenty one, it still could have been good. Yeah, it could have
been great. You know, there's Bobcat Goldway returning in this fucking show,
guys, and you fucked it up, and you fucked it up. You
fucked up, Bobcat. What are you doing? Bobcat Goldwine never heard anybody.
It's not like he can you know, uh, sort of improv on
on set in this one. Either it's like there's the thing say these things.
John Cassier is in this episode. Two. John Cassier is in this
whole episode, right, like, so it should be a Swan song if
you know? Okay? You know what's even more crazy to me, there's
a there's a moment in this episode where they go and then the morning came,
And I thought to myself, I was like, and you couldn't have
said then came the dawn? Yeah right, why not? I mean,
like really, why not turn this episode into like a love letter to the
face ends in the show in a way too? Motherfucker's this is seven seasons
of a show. You do have people. Look, there are still people
now who have taken umbridge with our opinions in twenty twenty one about the show.
Yeah, you're still out there. You still hate people hating on the
show. If you can't let us be critical of the show, they can't
make any more show because they're just gonna come back with this shit again.
What do you think? I'm not Shamalan was gonna come back with it was
gonna be Twilight Zone twenty nineteen. Yeah, it wasn't gonna be good.
It's gonna be love triangles. As far I can see, it was gonna
No, it's not gonna be love triangles. It's gonna be twist endings.
Yeah, the twist. The most important part of the tales in the crypt
comic book we all know is the twist, and not the inherent horror of
the situation or the story that's being told up until that point, or the
characters of the dialogue or anything else. It's only the twist. Thanks.
And you know, here's here's another example where they it's animated, you can
do literally anything, right, I mean, yeah, like, here's the
entire world at your fingertips. What do you want to do with it.
Well, it's a horror show, but let's not make it horror. Well,
let's just sort of run around with the tropes of horror, you know,
which is I think sort of illustrative of the entire series, where you
know, as long as there's some blood and possible nudity and some things like
that. Yeah, because that's what horror fans will do. And you know
what, I'm one of them, and they're right. Unfortunately, like I.
I you know, they're right. I mean, they're right, but
they're not. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna revel in it. Yeah I
know, but they're right, but they're not because you're sitting here complaining about
it. But yet, you know you like it. I know, I
like the genre, and I know I like when it's done well, and
I think there's ways to be even sort of tongue in cheek about it that
doesn't feel insulting as a horror show. This and this is an affront.
This episode is in affront. This whole season has kind of been real bad.
It's a perfect cap for the season. I guess, like I like
you, like I've enjoyed you about no derailed. I comma like you,
comma, I've enjoyed talking about this show. And you know, I'm a
little sad that there's no more to talk about. But at the same time,
this season has been a trial. Yeah, it's broken me. It
kind of has to the point where you know, we're gonna do a wrap
up here soon and you know, talk about the series on a hole.
But but like, I don't like it's sitting on my shelf now and I'm
just like no, not again, never again, you know what I mean?
Like and I this is a show that, you know, maybe not
every year, but every couple of years, I pull out sort of like
wade through the ones I remember liking. You know, we should do like
five years from now is do like a we're back for one episode and one
episode only to be like, we watched a couple of the episodes we liked
and didn't like, and what are our thoughts now? Do you think our
opinions would be different? No? I think on some of the halfway in
between halfway horrible ones, halfway horrible or whatever the fuck that episode was called,
I think I think we might change our opinions a little bit more.
But yeah, some of like some of the ones that have been bad have
been so definitively bad, so like glaringly like they took a huge like fucking
poker with a period on it and slammed it into your forehead bad. It's
like this is period bad, like bad with a capital B. If we
took the sort of ones that I sort of, yeah, it would be
an interesting experiment. If it was shows from the first couple of seasons where
you had some heavy hitters and again by comparison, I was like, this
one was garbage. Like I could see reevaluating some of those, like the
the Amanda Plumber one. I did not like that. Come back to me,
I might, I might like it if I rewatched it. That or
the Christmas one, the Santa Claus one. Yeah, that one. You
should through the house, right. I'm still not gonna let me leave that
one down. That was three years ago about Oh, I'm not trying to
make you feel bad, except you know it makes you dumb. Yeah,
your opinions wrong or it stuck. I was waiting for it. There's always
the butt. Yeah. But to your point though, like I genuinely liked
talking about this show obviously, I've been talking about it for damn near six
years now. It's look, it was. It was a show that a
girl that I liked in college. I bought her the entire box set.
Wow, you know it was. It was like twenty bucks, bro,
get the fuck out of it, like twenty thirty bucks. It was really
cheap on Amazon. It was like one of those like red Bucks or gold
Box deals. Bro. Yeah, it was a two thousand and eleven.
I've been buying them piecemeal, like a sucker or yeah, or buying them
at all. I don't know why you would be giving HBO money given that
they don't give a shit about this show. Oh no, I stole them
all from the My look, no that's not that's not true library. Your
library that was stocking jails from the crypt. Oh my god, what app
It's a sort of weird universe where the library actually stocks things you want to
watch. Oh they do, my you know they have Jels, mccryptire No
Man on DVD. There's I gotta say, the Las Vegas Library system,
while um, maybe not providing the level of books the library should be,
uh sort of you know, supplying Uh, their DVD section is quite robots,
you know what they say. The people who live in the sewers underneath
Las Vegas, they have DVD players, but they don't have light, so
they can't read at night. But they can watch things, right, you
can watch it. But you know, the argument can be made that if
you would just turn the brightness up on your television you could probably read it's
true. But again it's I don't know what's more disappointing for me about this
episode is it that it's the final episode of the show. Actually, yeah,
like no, it's not that. It's just a fucking atrocious episode where
it's Yeah, I don't even know what they were trying to do with it,
honestly, other than all I can wrap my head around is they thought,
were you know, we're sort of pushing an envelope or like, you
know, we're like transgressing somehow Grim's fairy Tales, dude. Yeah, And
the thing is, you could not be an animator at this point in history
and not have had access to the actual button pushing transgressive cinema that was being
made in like every you know, senior thesis class across the United States.
Like like you they they had seen all of them, and instead of like
trying to top them, they just kind of like you know, skated by
on the more surface things about those I don't know. I don't want to
speak for the filmmakers here or anything, but like, shame on you guys
for blowing an opportunity. Do you want to hear a piece of information that
is insane to me? If it's true? Yeah. Jess Harnell was initially
cast as the narrator of this episode in a Ringo star style voice. For
this episode would have made it better. But Joel Silver, although he liked
what Jess Harnell had done, said it really should be the crypt Keeper narrative,
which is shocking to me because I'm flabbergasted at as a matter of fact
that anyone was still involved at that level. Right, Yeah, Well,
Jesse Arnall is great. I mean, he's he plays Whacko in The Antimaniacs.
He's he's a great I mean that the Waco character in the Antimaniacs is
kind of a Ringo star thing. Yeah, it is. It totally is,
and like if you want, once you hear it, you can't unhear
it. Yeah, right, Like it's it's so obviously Ringo star and like
if he was doing like that voice, it might have worked. But like
again no, no, no, nothing was going to say, but no,
but yeah, again, like even the fact that you do instead of
having him do it, you do have John Cassir do it. It's not
a step down. I mean it's a lateral move. It's one untalented passed
off to another and should have fomented it. In fact. Yeah, if
anything, that move should have made the episode better because we got the crypt
Keeper and it does na, it doesn't at all. And that's the weird
thing to me, is like you would think having John Cassir in this episode
would make it feel like kind of a send off, like this is kind
of a big deal, Like it's kind of nuts that, like, here's
the show. It's going out on this wacky animated episode, Like isn't that
kind of crazy? It's kind of fun. And then it's like no,
it's just it's just a complete drag. And you know it takes about it
probably a year, you know, to do an animated thing. So it's
my feeling. Oh god, Anyway, I'm pretty sure they probably meant this
for the previous season, and then once they realized that, I think yeah,
and I think once they've realized that they were getting another season, they
thought like, oh, well, just we can we don't have to rush
to get it done. Let me tell you something. If they knew this
is the last season and they wanted this as their end off and didn't try
and do an episode that was the craziest and all of the characters in all
of the situations and everything, and like here it all is give it,
give the audience what they want. Yeah, you're not gonna do a Tales
from the Crypt story anyways. They literally didn't do a Tales from the Crypt
story anyways, and the series they didn't original. Yeah, makes sense.
It kind of feels like the biggest kick in the cock of all, like
the ultimate, Like it's just and they're just squaring up with your dick and
they just kick your dick right the tips so hard, and that's what this
feels like. This feels like the ultimate in dick kick because it's like,
no, it's because you you haven't adapted the show most of the fucking show
it. You haven't adapted the source material most of the time. Anyways,
they were doing you know, shock suspense and two fisted fucking tails and other
shit. It's like, and now you're gonna do an original and it's not
even gonna be like a crypt Keeper original story or a story with characters from
the other episod So it's like, no, it's just the most bullshit Grimm's
fairy tale for the you know, the hip nineties, we don't give a
fuck era and it doesn't even work. There should have been a you got
mail joke in this fucking episode, and it would have been It would have
been perfect. It would have been like this is the quintessential nineties mid nineties
bullshit. Yeah, nalk to the hand like we're that We're that close.
We're that close, we really are. Yeah. Didn't like the character designed,
didn't like the writing, didn't like the animation style. You know,
did the animation. Do you know who did the animation? The same company
that did Tales from the Cript Keeper. Oh yeah, I'm sure, but
that was at least the character's designs were better, like you know that they
were at the Crypt Keeper. No, but you know, what are you
gonna do? It was for kids. Not make him look like a purple
or I guess he's like a green puddle with a purple cape. Happen?
What are they doing? I don't know, I don't and that and was
he voiced? Was he voiced by John Cassire? Yeah, okay, well
this is yeah, I can't remember. I just remember how bad the show
is. You know, once again, the idea that Joel silver like had
a hand in this episode, like it's it has felt like this was a
rudderless ship for We talked about that in the last episode. Yeah, two
seasons, so like I'm like, oh, well, somebody was doing something
like, yeah, look at that. Maybe, but maybe there's that.
I'm gonna take that away as a positive. Maybe David Guyler was in there
with him making some decisions. I'm stealing this episode. It's mine. Yeah,
I'm just gonna put my name on it. It's okay, So I
think we'll be both an agreement. This episode is a skip. Yeah,
it's it. It's trash. Don't watch it. It's go watched Lupo the
Butcher. Honestly, everybody, it's fucking watch anything else. Yeah, So,
Father Malone, we're about to do what we're about to do, the
whole show wrap up. Yes, but before we do that, we have
to talk about season seven. Okay, which of the season seven episodes might
you revisit? That's how we're ranking this one none none Yeah, I mean
zero zero zero zero is a pretty big number. Yeah. Let me let
me actually like sort of think about it. Yeah, no, none zero,
I'm good. That was that really, It's yeah, it's only going
to kind of disappoint me further knowing the talent involved. Like I was excited
knowing the talent involved when I went into it, and all of those hopes
were dashed, so now it'll just feel like an extra slap in the face.
So to your point, yeah, Eddie Izard, Yeah, Kieran Hines,
Yes, I almost would say that episode. Yeah, if you look,
if you put a gun to my head and said watch one, that's
the one I'm watching. But then I think about what you just said,
and I don't think it's fair. Right, It's because it's not. Well,
it's it's not. It's not fair for two reasons. It's not fair
to that episode because that episode is a piece of shit. Regardless, it's
still not very good. It's not a good episode, Like it's not maybe
it's not a piece of shop, but it's not a good episode. And
it's such a bad episode that if you put it, if you ranked it
with the other episodes, even from season six, it drags them down by
association, totally right, And that's the shame, Yeah, because like those
episodes are, like the episodes of the season are so bad. They don't
I don't want them to infect the other show with it. They're like disgusting,
like laxadaisical, procrastination, lazy script quarantine. Um, what is the
worst episode of this season? The one report from the grave from the grave
with it made no sense. Um for me, it's the I don't remember
the title. Sorry, uh, the the Ewan McGregor episode. Oh,
cold War, Cold War. I thought you were going to say the Bob
Hoskins one. No, that one's just offensive. That's one's just yeah.
It's like, man, you know transsexual killer. No way, that's original
cry Sea. But uh uh, Like the EU and mcgreggar episode is like,
it makes no sense. It's just dumb and like the influence of a
post Tarantino world where we think, like this dialogue characters talking about bullshit in
a super slick and hip way was a thing and that I can't I will
never watch them again. And to be fair, like the the novelty of
it is that you know, like now the novelty is is You and McGregor
episode. Yeah, that's the only sort of produce. But at the time,
at the time, it wasn't the novelty because this is pre Training Spotting,
yeah, or I guess it's the same year as Train Spotting. So
right, So I mean, look, if you want to go back and
see you and McGregor like as a young man, a young actor, then
definitely go see Shallow Grave or train Spotting or Transforming. Yeah, but Shallow
Grave probably more. Yeah, I've never seen Shallow Grave, but probably more
like not only is that episode just terrible overall, but then you have you
and McGregor doing in America an accent really poorly, so far ours over there?
He over there, your ass bag, like, oh please stop,
you're come over here so I could kick your ass. Yeah please. Ewan
McGregor does not he does not do a good American accent. He might do
one now, but at the time he sort of fell into the that sort
of British trap of the the the r over pronunciation. Yeah. It's the
Australians that can do the American accent. They can perfect due. Yeah,
but although you know what, honestly a lot of English actors now can do
it really well. Yeah. Hugh Laurie, Man, I still blows my
mind when I found out Hugh Laurie was British. Yeah, Daniel, Daniel,
I mean he's basically Cockney and uh, and I did for at no
time during that movie get Out we're talking about, Uh, did I think
he was anything less than Americans? What's the um? What's the John Boyega
another John Boyega, John Boye. As much as I don't like those Star
Wars movies, John Boyega's American accent is better than mine. That's I mean,
that's Isn't that the bar? Like if you sound more like an American
than I do? Yeah, yeah, I can. I can. I
can be mistaken for Canadian from time to time. What's the hair that it's
the hair that gives it away? Is that it's the Canadian hair, that
Canadian, very Canadian hair. Side it is, I'm off to Canada.
I don't blame you, all right, skip it, skip it hard,
don't watch this, don't watch this season. Don't watch any of this season
this. Yeah, I think I'm I think I'm actually with you. I
don't think I want to give I don't want to. I don't want to
give anyone any reason to watch this season. Yeah, I mean, if
you go in and think, like, you know what, though there's some
good people, it's not as bad as I've heard. Yeah. If you're
a completist, like you love Kieran Hines so much you have to see everything
he's done, then go watch the Cook, the Thief, his wife and
her lover. Because he's a young man, in that and he's unrecognizable.
It's a great movie. Don't watch this series the season rather though, it's
a trap. And I don't mean that in a memy way. I mean
it's literally it just it's a frustration. Yeah, and ultimate it'll leave you
aching with hunger for good stuff? Yeah? Do you do you remember with
the less? So I want to point something out that's funny, So imagine
this season wasn't imagine this two scenarios we were kind of talking about the first
one at the beginning. Imagine if this season had had not existed. Yeah,
do you remember what the show would have ended on? An equally fucking
crazy episode? Which one you murder? Oh you murderer? Yeah? Yeah,
yeah, yeah, Okay, let's let's ask ourselves. It's now that
we're at the end of the show. Yea, would that have been a
better ending for the show? Or does this show deserve this season? Seven?
No show deserved the final season of Tales from the Crypt? Is this
last season of Tales from the Crypt worse than the worst season of TV you've
ever seen? Because I have a show that's worse than this one you and
you'll probably defend it because you're a motherfucker. Sometimes what season of the Shame
of Thrones? Oh, and I don't know about that. This this is
just this is as bad. But no, I don't know about that.
This is much worse. This is much worse. There were there were moments
of the final season that I really enjoyed of Game of Thrones, even if
you think, like in the end it didn't amount to anything, um there
was to say here didn't amount to a hillobeans. I don't like to say
that. No, I like, okay, you said that wasn't amount Is
it the worst season? No, it's I don't think it's the worst season
of any I mean, for me, if I had to pick a season
at television where I just go fuck you, that is the third season of
the television series Millennium, that Chris Carter show. And they were going to
say the third season of Dexter. No, they were looking for freebo yeah
bo uibo. May the worst season of Dexter is still a thousand times better
than this season of Telsma script it's it's unfor it's unforgivable. It's unforgivable.
Well, and I think is it because of is it? Is it because
of the hill like the mountain that it fell off, because like that's the
thing, right, like, because yeah, is that not? The issue
with TV in general is if the show is good and becomes bad, Unlike
a good or bad movie. A good movie is kind of probably good throughout,
maybe has some shitty moments, but it's still only two hours. A
TV show is like fifty sixty seventy hours of TV, and when it's bad,
it's like a sustained bad for like, I mean, this is what
ten hours of TV that's bad? We watched ten hours of just or I
guess like more like five hours of just like sustained garbage. Yeah, you
know, and uh, to sort of answer your earlier question, like if
the last episode of the entire series had been You Murderer, I would have
been left with a notion like it's a shame they didn't get to go out
and style right, and this season only tells me that they had no interest
in doing that. I want to say, what they clearly didn't care about
that. Yeah, so one iota. Yeah, I mean they went out
on an original animated episode. You know. It's funny because knowing we were
going to be doing sort of a wrap up here, I'd like tried to
make a list of favorite and least favorite episodes in the series. In the
least favorite category is your Murderer, Like it's one of them, so really
yeah, um, only because of its pedigree, like everyone there should have
known better? Um well and yeah, given, yeah, what was it?
Walter Hill? No, no, Zamachus, Zamachus? Who was who
was high on fucking digital manipulation? Thanks to thanks to Forrest Gump, Let's
do a whole twenty minute show about that. I can say that I directed
Humphrey Bogart. Yeah no, yeah, and that they see that's sure,
can can't you? That's another part of it that the you know sit of
Rankles why I put it a slowdown on the list. But you know what,
it would have been a bad episode in a not great season and perfectly
fitting for the end of the show. Um, definitely better than what we
ended up getting, because at least that had promised like there's you know,
like oh, if they'd only just done this or that, it could have
been really good. I didn't at no point this season that I that I
think like, oh, that could have been better, other than every one
of them should have been better. Yeah, And again. I mean,
given the pedigree of some of the people involved, they should have been.
Yeah, this season is such a drag, dude, I do not like
it. It's debilitating levels of depression of how bad this like, it's it's
so bad that you're just like, I never want to watch the show again.
Yeah. You know, there was a book by Albert A. Move
called The Plague where he wanted to pausit the idea that evil isn't flashy and
fun, it's actually slow and debilitating over time. So he wrote a slow
and debilitating novel and I always, I always rankled at that, like why
did you make like you could have proved your point without actually boring me?
And that's what the season feels like. It feels like this insidious like chipping
away of mine intentional. Yeah, like like you know, we want you
to hate the ship, that's the thing. You know. If it had
been that, they like were like, we're gonna fucking punish people, and
then they made this season and then like you find that out afterwards, just
like, oh, you cocksuckers. But at least there was a forethought to
it, you know what I mean, Like I could at least respect it
instead of just the detritus, like just here you go, isn't that?
What is that? Essentially what the dudes from Game of Thrones did is admitted
that they stopped caring about the show and just wanted the fans to hate it.
Did they say that? I mean, didn't we see that on screen?
Know? Don't fucking come. I look, clearly those guys were fatigued
and didn't want to They wanted to finish one season instead of doing another whole
season after that, which is what would have ameliorated the problems with that show.
Like they said, A rushed to the end. I do agree with
that, um, And I'm not defending the season overall. I think it's
pretty bad. But um, particularly the characterization of Denis Targarian, like I
have, dude, I have no problem with that character going nuts and fucking
turning into a tyrant like it, do it? But do it not in
the last season of the show. Yeah, man, don't go from the
reigning like revolutionary that we need to the other thing like in the blink of
an eye, like you, well, you lost a dragon. I guess
that'll push you over the edge. But before we before we're gonna keep expanding
out in scale of the show. So we've talked a little bit about that.
Yeah, what is what is the best season of the show? Mm?
Wow, Uh, it's not the first season, but the first season
has the best episode. It does, but the first season is too short
to be the best season. Yeah it is. Um, there's like what
six episodes? Six episodes? First season? I think I have my answer,
and I'm curious if my answer and your answer the same. It's probably
two season. Yeah, oh yeah, season two for sure, Season two
where everyone sort of realized the potential from season one and we're striving toward it.
Three's a crowd? Three Yeah, I mean it looked cutting cards.
If you would put three a crowd in this in season seven, I might
be saying season seven's best season because now it's that good. I think so
it is good. He regardless of what our friend Mike White says, Yeah,
yeah, um yeah, well no, that the only person who ever
guessed it on this entire show. Did he not like three is a crowd?
No, he wasn't on three a crowd. He did cutting cutting Cards,
which is a good episode. I guess did we have Jess on the
show. I think so. Did we have her on the Bonus ship with
Yeah, it was. It was the Creep Show if I remember that?
Man, oh man, did you watch that new season's garbage? Um,
Jess told me all about how bad it was. It's real. It's like
fans service bullshit, Like it's the first episode. Why are we talking about
it anyway? Though? I want don't talk about no, talk about it.
Yeah, we're not. You're not gonna get another chance like one other
show. I mean, if you watch the original movie Creep Show that there's
a rap around segment with Tom Atkins and young Joe King where it's you know,
the sort of gruff father who throws his comic book away and stop reading
these these dirty megs. Yeah, like uh and and at the end you
discovered that the kid has sent away for a voodoo doll and he's using it
on his father, like so he gets revenge through the comic and it's like
it's it's you know, it takes maybe three minutes entirely. Now, let's
take that three minutes and spin it out to a full half hour, oh
god, because that's all it is. It's kids. Surrogate father doesn't like
the horror and thinks the kids a freak and we spend you know, half
hour degradation of like which I'm sure every horror fan has experienced that, you
know, like when you bump up against people who don't like it, they're
sort of like violently don't like it, um, but I don't get it,
yeah, Like there must be something wrong with you for liking this kind
of a thing. Yeah, because they couldn't conceive of liking any of it
so perverse, something so perverse and disgusting, like horror on screen. But
I'll watch you know, CNN and everything else, right, and they cannot
conceive of their own mortality, which is sort of what we're all doing,
like you know what I mean, Like I know, I'm there with you.
We're all we're all like, you know, acclimating our systems to the
poison. You know, I'm with you. Yeah. So the creep show
thing like that's they made a half hour version of that wrap around and people
are like losing their minds over that's the other thing. Like, and I
find myself, you know, sort of reacting to the reaction more than the
thing itself, like because the thing itself was just like it's okay, it's
okay, it's not worthy of creep show. I really wish you would just
call the show something else. But when I see fans can't make money,
oh my god. This is such a delight, this examination of young horror
fans. It's like there have been tons of those and they've been done skillfully.
Don't settle for this, Like you ever heard a Monster Squad, my
guys, Yeah, or you know a Fright Night or Friday Thirteenth part four,
or you know, there's anything by Joe Dante pretty much. So there's
ways to sort of call back to those kids and you know who we used
to be as young people. And you know, maybe these people never had
a nostalgia for it and they're getting it for the first time, and God
bless them. But like creep Show is bad, man, it's just bad.
Anyway, let's talk to us from the Crypt show. Well, here's
a question. Here's a question. Yeah, if Tales from the Crypt had
come back, do you think it would be just like that? Yeah?
Yeah, I mean like it's it's it's almost like because you know what,
that's one of the big questions here, right is you know this show,
our podcast ends, but ostensibly it didn't have to there was another show coming.
Yeah, they had anno. I mean it wasn't. This isn't like
the George Miller Justice League film starring apparently serial murderer Army Hammer. Um is
not a serial murder. I don't know what he got. We'll find out
soon. Um he's one hundred percent a can of the book one huh.
But it's not like that where it was like we got to see stuff,
but like it was maybe coming maybe not. Yeah, the Tails or the
Cript show was like they announced it, they had like a teaser for it.
I believe that ade thing. Okay, that was a fanmade thing,
but they had announced it, said it's coming. Like. The fact is
like we're never was writing script. We know you know that. Yeah,
we're never going to get George Miller's Justice League. But the potential exists very
strongly that we'll get another Tails from Script series. Um. As much as
I think it might just end up being creep show, it does have a
leg up in that the source material is a wonder Like there's a lot of
dogs in the ECU collection of stories, but there's a lot of really good
ones that if somebody embraced and tried to make sort of relevant for you know,
twenty twenty one, then h I think it has more of a chance.
And creep Show. Creepshow is even more of an anthology crapshoot because they're
not drawing from anything other than you know, like I read a story and
it was kind of scary, so let's adapt that. That's a bum Yeah,
I mean again, you know, I watched enough of that new Creepshow
to know that I'm not gonna want to watch any more of it. It's
it's you know, it's it's poorly done. And uh, I gotta say,
like whenever they sort of cut to a sort of callback to Creep Show
itself by like doing splash pages or like you know, they'll throw in some
crazy background behind the people, like like this is a comic book, Like
it's done so inelegantly, Like you watch that movie creep Show Man, every
shot was considered and with purpose sometimes where like like George ramro knew that if
you rip somebody's face open and blood like pours like a fountain out of their
out of their head, You're probably going to run into an MPAA rule bud.
If you shoot it with red light, it just kind of looks like
water and it's like this this this thinking of like this will make this more
like a comic book, which is what we're doing anyway, but it'll also
achieve an end. There's no no thought of that the current show. It's
just they did an Evil Dead episode. What the second second episode of season
two is an Evil Dead episode. The literal necronomicon from Evil Dead is in
there, the dead eyes are in it. It's just like what is happening
here? Like and of course it's another situation where fans are like, oh
so cool. It's like, no, it's not cool. H That series
has a lot of movies. You can go watch it even had it own
it's own television series, which for how many years, Like who was clamoring?
Well, we need a creep show version four seasons there you go,
like three pretty three pretty good ones too. Yeah, like it's so funny,
like three good seasons of TV as res Evil Dead is a good show
for the first three seasons, right, and then they went and rebooted the
show in the fourth seasons, straight up rebooted it, right, and now
they're gonna like, you know, they're doing another movie, like you know,
it's ready to go. And like, you know, if honestly,
like I think Tales from the Crypt should say dead. Yeah, I mean
I never say never. I think I think if that's what I never say
never. I just think it should stay dead. I don't want to do
you want to see it come back and be bad and then have people come
back and do retrospectives about how these episodes aren't that bad because of how bad
the news shit is. Here's what I'll say, Um, whatever they came
up with would not be as bad as season seven, so that in and
of itself, Yeah, I think I show season two is seven show.
Uh No, no, not at all. And you're probably right. I
think as as much as I don't like what's going on on Creep Show,
you can tell it's made with love, you know what I mean, Like
there's there's at least some attempt at look. Greg Nikotaro is one of the
best makeup guys ever, but he's a terrible filmmaker. Like it's it's not
shot well and you know, I don't get in trouble with a bunch of
fucking nerds right now. But you know what, like I knew Greg Nickotaro,
not personally, but I knew when he was Tom Savini's like third assistant
guy, so you know, there's nothing but admiration for him. But that
yeah, man, well, I mean, you know, he had very
little to do with that show. I think I'm no, no, no
no. To start, that was Narrowbon's thing, and he hired KNB basically,
and then as it wore on his role. You know, grout Ground
its fan based down to a mealy pulp, right, But funny because it's
like from the executive producer. It's like I could be an executive producer,
you know what I mean. I just they want you to walk away sometimes
in that scenario. You know, we just talked about Spike Lee movie.
Like I have a friend who made a movie called Tales from the Hood,
which when it was advertised was from executive producer Spike Lee. And I approached
my friend and I went, so, what did he have to do with
the movie, And he said, oh, we gave him fifty thousand dollars
so he would put his name on it. Like that's that was his level
of involvement. I didn't know that's how that works. Yeah, I never
trust the executive producer credits as part of the creative process, do you think?
Okay, so another question. We're just working through the scenarios here.
Yeah. M Knight Shamalan, Yeah, that was the thing that could have
happened. Sure, who now could take the reins and turn this into a
competent show because I think M Knights, you know, M Knights doing his
own thing. I'm Knights trying to save his own career. He literally brought
his career back and then dashed it again. Yeah with that fucking what was
it? Glass? Glass? You you made Split? Like Split is a
great movie. Split should have won James McAboy the Oscar that year. He
was great without the little uh tag at the end. It was a great
movie, Like he didn't even need the tag to be a good movie.
And then you went and fucked it all up. You went, how did
you double fuck your career? Pal? How is that possible? I think
you know when you, I don't know, man like when you I don't
like fan casting and sort of fan like you know, producing in a way,
because I noticed when people do it, they just tend to say whoever's
popular at that moment. I don't know who the guy or girl or whoever
would be to uh Shepherd Tenylson the crypt like back into its former glory,
because isn't that like the thing about Tales It it has to have a Shepherd's
because that's what this show had. It had like a team of five guy.
Yeah right, and uh but yeah, I think that's that's definitely the
problem, right, Like there are people working today like you know better I
don't know, because that's it's so weird, Like we're at a point now
where like you can point at people and go, they're good filmmakers. But
it's not like there's somebody in a particular genre who I'm like, that's the
king, you know what I mean, Like you're supposed to say, ari
asket, dude, come on, yeah, you know in the in the
aies, like you know, throw a rock and you were hitting a great
horror filmmaker. People who were really invested in with David Cronenberg met John Carpenter
and George Romero was working Joe Dante and Toby Hooper, like like that's a
lot of fucking people. Like to a lesser degree, John Landis, who
was always more interested in the sort of comedy but understood horror better than most
people, Like he knew when to make things scary and more importantly, how
to make them scary. Because if you put the short list of people who
are considered horror filmmakers in front of me right now, I would say no
to every single one of them, like they should not be doing this show
because the names would be Eli Roth or fucking Rob Zombie or Eli Roth or
Rob Zombie or whatever the name of the guy who is who did the Way.
If you like that movie, good for you. It's I thought it
was oh um, oh um. The guy also did the Lighthouse. Yeah,
ponderous, man, ponderous, ponderous. You know people like complain about
art house movies, this is the movie they're talking about, that Lighthouse movie.
I actually fell asleep in the theater watching that elevated horror. Dude,
yeah, elevate right exactly, because you know, you know, you imagine
Tales from the Crypt as elevated horror. You know what, Honestly I'd be
interested to watch it feels like it would be a train wreck. It would
be weird, right, I mean, at least it would be at least
it would be in a direction of somehow interest, you know what I mean?
Like, is it any less weird? Than them doing an animated episode.
No, it's no less weird than giving a season seven or season six
for that matter. Like, h I think that, you know what,
here's who I would pick to run the show. Somebody who I would never
pick to run the show. That's probably gonna work out, you know.
Yeah, no, I agree, you know what, you know who you
should get to run the show. Maybe somebody like Joe King, Yeah,
who was like a like a horror writer. Yeah, man, he was
supposed to. He was supposed to run They were would be to rebooting Tales
from the Dark Side, and he was put in charge, and I think
he wrote the entire first season and he was like, I'm going to do
this anthology series but unbeknownst to anybody, they're actually all interconnected and then it
was going to pay off at the end of the season, like little things,
little subtle things where we're going to connect them all. Um. So
yeah, he'd be a great person. He's a really good writer. Actually,
Range is a good book. Yeah, Horns is good. Um.
No, Sperato was really good. Yeah, not so much, but the
book. Yeah, but his short fiction is supreme, man, just like
his dad. Yeah, Oh yeah, I agree. I mean that's that's
like, when I think about who I would want to run a show like
this, I want someone who understands short horror fiction. Yeah, and not
just I understand short fiction. Yeah, Because look, I don't know.
I mean, like, I don't know if they do an original if they
do this, if they do this show again, do they do original episodes
with Tales from the Crypt episodes? They should only do tilsym the Crypt episodes.
Well that would be that would be a novel fucking idea, wouldn't it.
Yeah, if I was producing it, I would be like, we're
drawing only from the source material. Nobody's writing in their fucking passion project here
and putting it in Tales from the Crypt form, and we are only choosing
Tales from the Crypt comics. Like that's because even the original show didn't,
right, which in and of itself is fucking insane, insane because it was
a running it was a running gag on this show. Yeah that most of
the time, it was never a Tales from the Crypt comic, Right.
It's weird that the rarity on Talis from the Crypt was that it was from
Tales from the Crypt. I don't know how many, how many do you
think ended up being from Tales from the Crypt, like ten, Yeah,
one every season essentially. Yeah, that sounds about it, right, I
think, doesn't it. What's funny is I don't think not one episode of
the first season it's a talesmir Crypt episode. Like, that's right. It
wasn't until the Switch. The Arnold Schwarzenegger directed episode was William Hikey like that.
That's the first one. I believe that's the first time it was an
actual tales comic book that they drew from. That's so insane. Yeah,
yeah it is. And then the second one was Cutting Cards. Yeah,
you know what, you know what? Season two, like, most of
them are Tales from the Crypt, Season three has a fair amount, Season
four no, Season four has two, Season five has four, Season six
has one, Season seven has two. Shockingly, the seasons I like most
are Tales from the Crypt heavy. Yeah, it's people at ec knew what
they were doing by segregating these stories into their own titles. Yeah, because
you know, some of them were actions, some of them were thrillers,
and some of them were horror. And when you're making the horror show,
you make the horror stories. Yeah, it's not that I don't under I've
never understood that about this show. I really have. It's a it's a
shame, dude, so so so so, I guess the cat's already kind
of out of the bag. But what what is your you know, what's
your favorite episode of the show. Um. For more than thirty years,
my favorite episode of this show has been The Man Who Is Death. It
is a towering achievement. It stands nearly at the top of the heat.
However, oh boy, are you fucking with me? No, I know
what you're gonna say too. Yeah, it's three's a crowd. Yeah,
I know. It's no so fucking good in ways that Man Who Is Death
is not. It actually is more horror, like what we were talking about,
sort of the trappings of horror that sometimes they dress it up in the
in the wolf the werewolf cloak, and like that's enough. I don't think
Walter Hill was coming at the show in a good enough way. I think
he was making the best thing he could. But that thing ain't scary.
It doesn't really good under your skin. It's a nice ironic twist, told
it very well by a very charismatic lead actor and one of the tightest most
economical. That's a word I use a lot now, economical because I really
admire when somebody can get something across very quickly. But like the Man Who
Is Death, no doubt, one of the best I was on the floor
at the end of three is a crowd. It is such a good example
of what a twist should be, and not just for the sake of it.
It's actually startling. The episode is good all the way through, all
the performances are good. It's just, you know, it's if if somebody
were to say to me, now, give me one episode of the show
from jose mccriff to to sample it, I'd give them three. I would
say, Man Who Is Death is a good follow up, but three suscribes
my thing. Now I wouldn't. I don't know if if you're I don't
know if that scenario is the one I would use three as a crowd because
if someone watched that episode, knowing what they know about this show, they
might be disappointed, maybe because their their expectations are set by the crypt keeper
at the beginning of the show right up doesn't does okay? Is this a
thought? There's a thought experiment? Does the crypt keeper not actively work against
this show, Like, doesn't it kind of feel like the crypt Keeper as
a character actively works against this show being successful because your expectations are, this
is a show with a fucking rotting corps as the host, and you have
some episodes that don't even like they don't even seem to exist in the same
universe as this the fucking wraparound guy. The answer is the answers, Yes,
uh, it's do you think anyone has ever thought that? You think
that's a thing anyone thought about when they were making this show? No,
they thought is that too high level? Are we thinking too high level here?
But they about the fact that the character is a supposed to be a
sort of pressure release valve. He's supposed to make you feel okay about the
horror you're about to see in the horror you just saw, and when the
episodes are actually scary or startling or thought provoking, he works well in that
way. When it's not those things, then it's just like, I'm a
jokey guy and here's a jokey show, and so he don't even need to
be a corpse, Like me, being a corpse is unimportant. Actually feels
like it's not even like why is a corpse out throwing this show? Right?
And the funny thing is, you know, going back and reading all
the comics, like you know, I would always hear like, you know,
the crypt Keeper, like he always had please hilarious puns and whatever.
He's not. He's not funny, he's not he His purpose in that comic
is misremembered by everyone who read it when they were a little like, he's
not there to like hold your hand and make you feel better about anything.
He's there to show you that it is. This is a bad thing.
And he still finds it amusing, you know what I mean. He wasn't.
Yeah, he's not there to entertain us. And the crypt Keeper's primary
function after the first season kind of became jokey, just like every sort of
horror icon, you know, like Freddy Krueger wasn't cracking wise in Nightmare in
Elm Street. He was a scary fucking nightmare from hell. And then until
three. Yeah, then well he kind of started in part two likes a
little bit jokey, but by part three it was just like he was Part
two was he's a joke machine. Yeah. Part two was just like,
let's just break the conventions of this series by having him in the real world,
right, and that's that's that's fine, but you know, it is
closer to the spirit of the character initially, but then Freddie were in sunglasses
and rocking a nes power glove. Yeah, well that's that's part five.
Oh I'm well aware which part it is, but it's still the same character.
For yeah, I know. And that's that's the problem with the crypt
Keeper, where it's I don't look, man, I don't know that I
ever laughed one time. Well the crypt keepers, like to me what the
crypt Keeper was like, I was always trying to stay ahead of the crypt
Keeper to see where his puns were going, right right, Like that's I'm
I'm sure you did too, Like you're not gonna laugh, but you're like,
where is he going? Like what's going to be the gay? But
hearing how hilarious he is in retrospect from people means to me that they,
you know, they have a base interested this show. They you know,
they saw a couple episodes and maybe they've seen the like YouTube, yeah,
and they and they think it's funny that there was a carp a corpse making
jokes. I guess, you know, that is all anyone remembers from this
show. They really do. It's just him, Is that? Is that?
Fucking nuts? Yeah? Well, I mean you know, well,
I mean perfect segue. Let's talk about crypt Keeper based stuff. Yeah,
let's let's do that, right, because that's another thing I mean that leads
into this, right. I mean like crypt Keeper everything, crypt Keeper,
Vinyl, crypt Keeper, poster, crypt Keeper soundtrack, crypt Jam all,
all quality stuff. The crypt Keeper pinball machine is good. As a pinball
fan, you and I both know the kryp Keeper pinball machines good. I'm
not gonna argue, but any pinball game ultimately, it's pretty good as long
as it just doesn't, you know, shoot your ball directly into the that's
fair. I mean, if you can get a few moments of a flipper
action, you're it's a win. I would like to sit. I sometimes
have games of pinball that lasts for an hour, so I would like to
have a game that's a little bit more intriguing than that. But I understand
where you're coming. But the crypt Keepers like the fucking thing. Like you've
already said, he's the he's the money making he's the money making face of
the project. Yeah, and even though he doesn't like i'd necessarily belong to
those guys, here was the only chance to merchandise it, you know.
Oh yeah, how else? You know, like nobody was making fucking Rod
Sterling, Ashtrace, though they should have. Imagine if you will, yeah,
ashtray Um put your cigarette out in it, because you know, Rod
Serling is just as identifiable for that show as crypt Keeper was for here.
But but in the case of you know, the original Twilight Zone, there
are enough good episodes that I don't and he was so serious about them that
He's not the first thing that comes to mind when I think about Twilts,
and I think about the quality of the shows themselves, and then and then
of course, you know, he's interlinked as the crypt Keeper is here.
But I don't think we needed him honestly the crypt Keeper. Yeah, I
mean, I will say I like John Cassier, so I can't I do
too, I'm not, And then there's no place for John Cassier on this
show without that, right I will. I will not say he should never
have been there. I'm just saying they should have been more consistent with him,
or I actually actually been funny. Well, here's the thing that we
had mentioned a couple of times, and it really rears its ugly head here
at the end. I don't really as my eyes are super red. Holy
shit. Um you remember how we complained, Uh it was probably like season
five or six about them doing gags with the crypt Keeper. Yeah, that
made no sense in context of the episode, like, right, he's going
to space, like say the saying to Mars episode, They're not going to
space? Yeah, what the fuck is going on? And and and they
did. They kept doing that, and then in the final episode of the
show they do a Tales from the Crypt bit with the crypt Keeper and it
sucked. Oh the bat and the Dracula, Like you want to write for
this show? Thing? No, the thing at the end of the thing
at the end of Crypt Tales from the Crypt Oh yeah. The last the
show, the final episodes crap around is like, oh, we found a
new intern to work on the show, right yeah, it's like what the
fuck? Yeah, well, I mean but look by that I'd given up
caring so but Parcel, it was like, it was weird they had the
opportunity to do the crypt Keeper Tales from the Crypt like the two meeting,
and it's just like nope, no, you know, it seemed to hang
a lantern on it. I guess yeah, it seemed to me that,
you know, early on, like this is like any writing staff, right,
Like you got the ones who were doing the bulk, like you got
the showrunner, and then you have the sort of more trusted ones underneath him
are writing the majority of the stuff, and then you have other writers right
or in it, and and they tend to just give those guys the fucking
grunt work. Like if you get hired as a writer on The Simpsons,
I guess I guarantee you for the first year you're writing couch gags and chalkboard
slow sayings. You know, oh well all the don't forget this show has
like fifteen intro gags now, right, they've Bob's Right, So Bob's Burg
is like the same thing. Somebody's got to come up with the exterminator joke
in the store next door that is no longer their joke, showing that there's
a hierarchy basically in the writers. So somebody is just writing crypt keeper gangs,
and it's at some point on the show clearly they were just now we're
just writing gags where it did seem early enough that they were like, what's
the episode. Okay, now I'll write this crypt Keeper thing. And then
I think by by seasons five, six seven, like it was just all
stuff that they had written and it was all coming out of the trunk and
we got to do something. Whether we wrote it, we paid for it,
let's use it, um and uh, you know, much to the
detri I know we've probably said this before. You know, it's by the
end, it's it doesn't really matter. But as far as you know,
the first well, the first season, the crypt Keeper is scary, okay,
Yeah, sturbing, and if that had carried over for the rest,
it would have only enriched the show as far as I'm concerned. And that's
that's my final thoughts on the crypt Keeper. Everybody, Yeah, make everything
scarier. Yeah, I mean again, it's it's a that's the problem with
the show in in general as a whole. Like it's just it needed it
needed to be more horror. It's not a horror show. No, it's
like it's not like any I know that's going to make some people really angry.
I think that's probably the most controversial opinion that we may come to is
this is not a horror show. It has a lot of googlies and ghosties
and long legged obsties, but I don't think anyone was interested in using them
in a way that would do anything other than give us a twist or something
like it. You know, you know what, man, I can I
like horror that isn't necessarily the most disturbing, but I know that they're trying,
you know what I mean, And there's ways to make Yeah, there's
ways to make horror that it's a scary film and it isn't like crawling under
your skin and like making you like fear the darker, you know what I
mean. There's there's ways to appreciate horror on kind of not necessarily a surface
level, but like a level that isn't trying to disturb. But you still
or get it. You still know the intent behind it is to scare you,
at least a little. And I don't think these people ever had any
intention of scaring anybody. I think Samak has tried in the first season with
and All through the House. I know you don't like that episode, but
I know he was trying. Um, I will agree that that's what it
was a try for sure. Yeah, like they he was trying to establish
a mood and like work towards something and from from Vestil Dawn and the Frighteners
are scarier than Tales from the Crypt and those are both essentially rejected Tales from
the Crypt scripts. Yeah, and you know those are like action movies.
But that's perfect, that's a perfect example. Like that's the kind of scripts
that they were getting. You know, like people who don't I think it
has a it's more action e than anything, you know what I mean,
Like there are parts of there are parts of Aliens that are scary, but
it's not. It's not a horror It's it's a fucking action movie. And
people, Yeah, Demon Knights relaid out of horror movie is not at all.
Man, there's nothing scary in that movie. And you had and we've
already talked about it. It just adds. It just adds to the legend
of this show. I mean, look, the thing about the show,
Like the weird thing about this show is it has the show, and then
it has the movies, and then it has the children's cartoon, and then
it has the children's TV show, and then it has two Fisted Tales,
and then it has perversions of signs. Yeah, and then it has the
Frighteners and from Gustil Dawn, which are you know, technically movies that they
were developed. Four Tales from the Crypts Yeah, yeah, even though they
kind of became their own thing and Ritual is technically not even the Tales from
the Crypt script to begin with, but became one. Not yeah exactly,
and like all of that, and all of that adds to Tales from the
Crypt being this weird show. It's like a weird It's like it's a weird
thing to me. It's yeah, I don't know. Ultimately, all I
can say about the show in a samar some summing it up kind of a
way here is that when it worked, work like goddamn Gangbusters, And I
didn't even want to say there's nothing like it, because you know what,
like there was so many other things, yeah, and so many and so
many other things. Did this so much better? Twilight Zone nineteen eighty five,
some of those first season episodes butt fuck this show into the ground?
Oh yeah, man, Like, like I like the man who was deaf,
but is the Man who was death better than word play or Shatter Day?
Not? Uh, you know, it's in the same it's in the
same kind of class. So that's probably a bad example, right, it's
a different animal, And I think, but I do think if I had
seen wordplay as the Tales from the Crypt story, it would be like one
of the best else in there, you know what I mean, Like,
I don't know, they would add their own flare too. Yeah. Um,
they'd probably give you a reason why it was happening. Um, well,
well that's that's tales with a crypt floor. Yeah, you know,
there'd be a big twist at the end where now everybody refers to a dinosaur.
I don't know, you know, it's it's one of those things where,
like you said, there you could say that there's nothing like it,
but there was. Yeah, there's so many, so many other things,
and not only just because it's an anthology series, and there have been other
anthology series that are good, if not better. The fact is, I
think what shined the light on this whole possibility was creep Show that George Romero
Stephen King owed two ec comics which people have their own favorites or least favorites
of the five tales presented in that, But to me, all of them
are really good, Like it's a perfect perfect Tis from Crib even the Tales
from the Cript movie, you know from seventy one like understood the horror more,
you know what I mean? It like a lot of the what was
supposed to be scary as kind of corny now forty nearly fifty years later.
But but god damn they were trying right well not ogin I can't fall to
effort. Was it the second movie that had the Peter Cushing story? No,
that's Jalse mcribb. Okay, that's story is probably the best Tailors from
the Crypt story. We we watched. It is one of the best filmed
adaptation of the Tails from the Crypt property. Yeah, it's and it's it's
a fucking movie. Yeah, it's exactly what Tails from the Crypt was meant
for, which is, you know, real characters, horrible situations and supernatural
saving the day. Yeah, in in a horrifying manner. Yeah, supernatural
has to save the day. But it is awful. Yeah, it's it's
it's awful in a way that you can't even comprehend until you watch it.
What's your favorite? Is it still Man Who's Death? I think so?
Yeah? I like, like, I mean, I like three es A
Crowd A lot. I look, I would say that it's it's it's one
and one, you know, one A and one B really like you know,
three ZA Crowd is one of those episodes that I remember when I watch
it, and I forget about it every time after, but not this time.
You know, I've forgotten about it every other time I've watched, but
for some reason, this time, I haven't forgotten about it. Yeah,
and I don't know why. Oh, it's because it's amazing, that's why,
right, because it has such a horrifying finale that like, it's a
finale you could find yourself in totally. Very rarely do these shows have at
a point where you're like, I could see myself in the lead character's position,
and I see why he made the decisions he made, and they're not
undefenseable. It's funny because I'm said it too many times, like you know,
for me, the best that EC had to offer were ones that trafficked
and Supernatural, and my two favorite episodes of the series are not supernatural in
any way, No, not at all, so they kind of got no
excuse, you know what I mean. No, I'm with you, and
and look and look, the two episodes that we liked the most, they
don't even have the flashiest people in them. Yeah, and o'hurllah he yeah,
that's I think that's to the benefit of the show. Like that's one
of those things that I hate when like a show gets popular where everyone just
wants to come play in the sandbox, now you know what I mean they
did, yeah, which they did on this show, and it was nothing
but distracting. Arnold Schwarzenegger's directing the second episode of the second season of this
show. Yeah, and you know I get him doing it at least because
him and Joel Silver go back, like it makes more sense than someone like
well, I guess Michael J. Foxon's Amachus and Tom Hanks And I was
gonna say, you can make those statements, but all of a sudden,
like yeah, it all makes sense that they're all sort of buddies and like,
hey, come to one of these Yeah. I mean some of the
people I don't get, but like, oh, yeah, the but the
buddies of the buddies of that group, like, oh yeah, for sure.
So I guess would you I guess the biggest question nask is would you
suggest someone else watch this show. Yeah, I would, I would warn
them. Yeah, that feels like Part and Parcel now like it needs it
needs it, like Star trek TN levels right, Like nobody suggests you watch
TNG without saying like the first season is fucking Garbo, Like the first season
of the show is actively bad. Gene Roddenberry was a terrible person. He
made the show terrible for that first season. But after that first season it
becomes amazing. Yeah, that's a that's a good example. It kind of
worked in reverse here, but oh totallyse not really an old story where something
starts out and it's great and then just kind of grinds down to nothing.
I yeah, I would. Absolutely. There's nothing that happened in the last
couple of seasons that can diminish my appreciation of the good ones from the from
the first couple even, you know it. If anything, it's only sort
of amplified my appreciation for episodes that I was maybe too hard on, like
at the at the start, like you know, you start going to watch
the show in reverse. Yeah, man, if you start with Man who
was Death? Like you set the bar pretty fucking high, you know what
I mean, Like I'm expecting that every week, and when we weren't getting
that, I was like, Ah, this isn't good. This isn't good.
Don't watch this. I gotta say, man, I think it isn't
I a good idea to maybe a couple of years sort of reevaluate, because
if you put up most of the episodes that I told people to skip from
the first couple of seasons, I guarantee you they're all better than what we
ended up with. Oh yeah, right, And that's well, that's the
thing, Like, that's the thing I keep thinking about here is like so
many of the episodes where I was like, ah, these are okay,
but like I remember them being better, Like the good the really good ones
are so infrequent. Yeah, but there, but when they hit, they
hit that they almost make you forget everything else exactly. And you know that's
a sort of selective amnesia. That that's a strong high, Dude, that's
a strong high. I will take to my grave, the fact that you
know three's a crowd man. It was death death of some salesman. I'm
just reading my cutting cards. Cutting cards is great and for me and all
through the house is is pretty great for crying out loud, Like that's a
good one tell of Asian terror, Oh Moon Downey Jr. And there's an
episode that was their whole idea was like, let's fucking scare the shit out
of these viewers by the end, you know about what's cooking. I was
just about to say, what's cooking? Is the other one where it's like
not necessarily I mean it's actually no, I did. Yeah, it's really
good. I don't want to say anything it's it's good, but it's not
scary. But it's good. It's not scary, but it is kind of
repugnant. And that you know, if you can't, if you can't scare
them, gross them out right. Yeah, what is the Your list is
getting shorter the longer we go into the season. I know, Easil kill
you. I know you weren't that stoked about that one that was the tim
Roth Painter one. I like the tim Roth ending. Yes, they curb
your enthusiasm. Yeah, which I still think the twist was. Was was
good for that one. Oh you've killed the doctor, killed the doctor,
who's gonna save your girl? I liked it again. I'll take it over
everything we just saw in season seven. I like Yellow. I like Yellow.
I know of a movie than an episode. It is more than a
movie than an episode. But I think it's I think it's well done.
I like the twist. I like that you're not a war person. But
for me, like of war movies, World War One is very rarely the
subject, and when it is, it's always so like horrific. Like I'm
not saying the war is like fun and we should be pointing out it's good
side or anything, but like there, it's always too heavy. And I
think Lance Henrickson is awesome in it, and it's got Kirk Douglas. Come
on, I have I have written down and now I can't remember what the
episodes are. But strung Along I wrote down as like sort of teetering on
the edge of really good and strung Along. Yeah. Split Second is another
one that I think is actually pretty good. That's the one with the logging,
one with the Billy Worth Oh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Like that one's good. Um so look what this you know what this
this show needs like a you know what this show needs like a second lap.
Yeah, you know what I mean, Like you need to like we
have to make like a let It's like one of these shows where it's like
you gotta watch it again to be like, Okay, all the stuff that
I thought was really bad, Yeah, it turns out was like actually a
lot better than I thought, right retrospect. But you know, I like
went through the list of things today and I have thirteen episodes that I can
say are good and you should watch no matter what. It's one season.
That's a lot. If that had been just season one, I would say,
yes, it is a lot. For an anthology show, it's a
lot of like a lot to recommend it. Like I've said this also before,
like people lionize The Twilight Zone because when it was good, it was
fucking great. But go back and try. I've tried. I mean,
I don't know. I still even love the bad Ones. But but there's
a lot. But the True Gems, there's a it's a handful. It's
a handful. And that show ran for like five seasons and each season had
like twenty four episodes. Yeah, there's a lot. That's why. I
mean, there's a lot of show to get through too. Yeah. But
like you just said though, that's the thing about these anthology shows, like
unless you're talking full season anthology. Allah American Horror Story, which has its
own problems. Um. Yeah, the problems it has are many and varied.
Um that's the way these shows go, I guess, And we're finding
this out. We're finding this out the hard way on this show and on
Dreams for Sale. Yeah, although they're they're marrying Dreams for Sale like keeps
surprising me. Like the Dreams for Sale has also had some real fucking clunkers.
It had or we're talking about the toilet Zone eighty five by the way,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it has had some real call There was
no serious called Dreams for Sale, but there was an episode, yes,
there have been there. Look, man, you know me, I hate
melodrama and saccherin kind of things, and more often than not, that's the
clunker for me on that show. But it's the perfect example of an anthology
series in that some of them ain't gonna be great, but some of them
are gonna be awesome, which is why I love this show. Now,
I do want to take this opportunity to list my least favorite episodes at the
show. Oh yeah, go for it ready, Undertaking, Parlor, Undertaking,
pallor undertaking pallor right. See, it's so bad, I can't even
remember the name correctly undertaking Goonies meets fucking John Glover. What a waste?
So bad? Don't watch it? Really awful on a dead man's chest.
Oh yeah, the tattoo comes to like Pier Carrera episode. Oh William Friedkin,
that steaming pile of trash. I know, Billy Friedkin as we call
him in the industry, a pit mark Dacascus. Who I love? What
was that? Why a nonsense suddenly with no payoff, no twist? Really
fighting, hooray showdown wild West wild I'm totally down with a fucking horror in
the wild West. This was not a horror in the wild West. This
was kind of a ghostie thing. And it's not from Tales from the Crypt.
It's from Two Fisted Tails, the pilot that they attempted to make a
new series on, And it's based on nothing or the other, the only
other original episode in the show right which it can piss up a rope.
As far as I'm concerned, it's just as bad as the other original episode.
Yeah, you murderer. Oh, don't don't use my television series murderer,
sir to you know further, what you think you can do in cinema
wouldn't this be a lark? I whatever your intention, you know what.
I love Sherlyn Fenn and I could watch her for half an hour. I'd
probably watch it again just based on her. But it's garbage. And finally
my other by the way, I don't know if you noticed, but I
have not included anything from season seven because what would be It's all bad,
It's all bad. But these are these are like, oh wow, was
this bad? The last one is Revenge is the Nuts, that's the one
with the blind people Harry Polo. Yeah, why did Deadweight not make your
list? Because I did. I only picked one Deadweight. Deadweight was my
least favorite. That was like the that the the James Remar episode Redhead,
right, yeah, Oh it's so mysterious you're a redhead boo oh yeah,
oh yeah that's how did you like that? I legit thought that when we
talked about that episode we were both going to come back to it as the
worst of the show because it is the worst of the show. We got
some zombie action in there though, right, remember when he just gets decapitated.
Oh right, there's a zombies in that one. I think the dream
stuff is pretty Yeah, you're right, damn it. I don't know how
you forgot that one. It's like, it's like the abjectly worst one.
Why would I remember it? I mean, I don't blame you. I
don't remember remember is it the worst one? Honestly? I remember when we
talked about it, how much we both disliked it was like it was very
overwhelming. Yeah, um, it's James Reemar. Yeah it's pretty bad.
But you know I love James Reemar, so I'm not putting that on my
list of the absolute worst. What is the absolute worst one? On a
dead man's chest? It's pretty bad on a dead man's chest. Tia Carrera
is not a great actress. She's a terrible actress. I don't know.
I never understood her part. I mean, I get it's just a pretty
girl who cares. Uh, you know, like pretty, you're pretty?
We got it? Yeah, bad and fifty cents will get you nothing these
days, pretty much? What a show man? Yeah, I mean,
you know what. Overall, I'm glad to have revisited it. Uh.
I think as bracing as it could be sometimes to realize the lack of commitment
by the creators when it worked, Fuck man, it worked. So good.
I'm still gonna you know, I'm still gonna I don't know that I'm
gonna go watch it again anytime soon, honestly. But man, who was
death? Yeah, the episodes we mentioned like those come on and uh,
you know what, here's the only skin Deep, not only sin Deep,
not the first season Leah Thompson, the only skin Deep with the girl with
a mask, Like, oh, yeah, Like, I don't think it's
like the greatest episode, but it was. It was really trying. It
was really trying to push, it was trying to get you there, trying
more than most episodes in season six were. Yeah. So like even that
I put it, like, you know, one of the better ones.
So, um, it's all great great series? Is it a great series?
No, it's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's good. It's
good. It is good. It's solidly good. Yeah. But but and
and when it and when it really gets going, it gets going. But
the problem is the goods are never so sustained to out to outweigh how sustained
the bad gets a whole season of a show being bad is is it's just
it's a it's it wasn't The final season of the show it was the second
to last one for most shows those Season six and then they did season seven,
Like I don't understand it. Season six wasn't very good either. Yeah.
I don't want to pile on the later portions the show anymore. I
just I'm glad we're done with it. Yeah, because because because of the
position they put us in. I'm glad we're done with it. But um,
good god man, man, it was death. I know I'm saying
now, I don't. Yeah, there's just so there's so much good stuff,
so many, so much good stuff, even the ones that I think,
you know, we're passable skip or like soft watches like those are still
fun. You know, you're not gonna, yeah, you're not gonna really
waste your time for twenty odd minutes watching some of them avoid everything we told
you to really avoid. And like there's fifteen good episodes and there's ninety three
episodes overall. So it's about what a terrible record, Jesus, Why did
you say that? I know it's bad. Sing some praises here, I
mean, but that's again, that's fifteen of the best. They're a while
in there that like, some people are going to have very different opinions on
and they'll be close. But in the other direction, you have an opportunity
if this ever sort of streams, then I think we've given you a solid
list of Tennis from the Crypt episodes that you should be investing your time in.
I would also encourage you to go back and watch the Amicist production from
nineteen seventy one, the Tennis from the Crypt movie really good Baltimore not as
good, but still got some good stuff in it. Yeah. And you
know, here's something I don't think I've said enough on the show. Go
back and read the fucking comics. What's wrong with you? They're all available,
I mean you can. You can get them online. And not only
are you getting nine times out of tennis superior story and get original version of
an adaptation you've seen on the show, Yeah, you're you're also getting a
wealth of really great artwork by a lot of really talented people who would go
on to inform you in ways that you probably can't even fathom. Like,
you know, once you dig into what these guys ended up doing. God
bless Alfalinstein, Marvel and DC, all of these guys ended up over there,
you know, like there was no way they couldn't people like Jack Davis
and Graham Angles and uh, oh my god, I'm gonna blank on all
of them. Seemed like a fool right now. But uh Jack Caman,
oh Jesus Christ so good. Even you know, people like um what's his
name created mad magazine? He started out and telling us from the crypt I
can't believe him. Oh really yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. But Alfredy
Newman, Yeah, Alfredy Newman, the very same fucker. I mean,
it's not surprising, and I'm looking it up. I'm looking at that up.
Actually, I advocate your decision. Yeah, you know, uh go
go read the comic books, man, They're so good. Thanks for listening.
Ultimately, if you actually listen to all of this, I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry, mister Canadian. Now, yeah, that's why people got
there. They're gonna thank you're Canadian. Oh yeah, thanks for listening.
Really, like that was the one thing the show didn't do. It was
like, thanks for you know, being a fucking viewer. It's just like
later, fuck off, yeah, um ignemonious to the end. We don't
give a fuck about you. Fuck off by Yeah, okay, we cast
the check anyway. I don't want to dwell on that. I don't want
to leave on that. I do want to say one more time, good
show, and it works, it works awesome, And uh, you know,
you kids out there, what you're getting for horror these days. Yeah,
it's pretty good. But sometimes maybe take a look back in unusual places
and stop adhering so much to the crypt keeper and lionizing him is the only
thing that was good about that show, because um, a lot of really
talented people put in a lot of good effort. And I don't want,
like I said, I don't want to watch this show again anytime soon,
but I know I'm gonna watch these same ten twelve fifteen episodes and uh,
and I'll enjoy them just as much as I did initially. And I'm right
there with you. The ones we've talked about are good. Again, this
show. I mean, it's ninety three episodes. We're here at the end,
you know, we're fifty something episodes at the end. It's over.
The show's over, you know. And again, like you said, I
don't want to rewatch the show, and it's entirety ever again, probably at
this point, given that I've almost watched, I've watched it all the way
through now three times and a halftime as well, so three and a half.
And look, if you're a fan of the show, you've probably watched
it a lot more than I have. But if you're a fan of the
show, you're maybe not as critical as we've been. Don't. Don't got
an insult, No, no, I'm just saying like, there, you
may get it. There over some of the stuff that we can't. Right,
there are shows that I like and I know it's bad, and I'm
just like, I don't care. It represents something else to me and I
get that. There's nothing wrong with that. And and frankly again, I
understand why us being critical of the show of something you of maybe upsetting.
But at the same time, our hope is that there is another show or
something else in the future, and our hope is that the next show that
comes out gives the people who are making the show the best chance to be
successful as possible. Yeah, and you you have to be critical of things
for people to make good things. People don't just make good things in a
vacuum. Sometimes people need to know what to avoid and what not to avoid,
and they need to look back at the show and be critical because at
the end of the day. We can't just let okay be okay. I
mean that was the thing about this show, where it was like it's just
okay, and it's like, okay, it's just okay, but doesn't have
to be you don't have to rest on okay. So you don't have to
stick. You know, like every sitcom, like, you know, somebody
gets a funny line and now they're just gonna say it over and over again.
And that's that. Don't do that. Don't yeah be better than that.
Yeah, and that's and that's the thing. But the show, you
know, the show made a made a lot of waves, and the show
is a whor anthology series. So those ror anthology series are few and far
between. Yeah, I mean they see to be a lot more lately.
Yeah, thanks for the web that they're like full season ones now right,
Yeah, which is not the same as this. Yeah, don't do that.
Stop doing that. Yeah, nobody needs that. Your story is not
interesting enough for twelve episodes, just to just do an anthology correctly, Yeah,
pick you pick your source material. Well, and if to anyone,
if you're listening to this and you're one of the people who's going to Spearhead
the next version of Tales from the Crypt. I'm also going to adhere or
a sort of admonish YouTube. Please go back and read the original source material,
and yeah, and make it better. Make it better. That's all.
So, father Malone, where can people find you? You can find
me over at father Malone dot com. That's links to all of the crazy
stuff I do, including my podcast Dark Destinations, which is a half hour
radio drama that I write and produce. You can also find the links at
father Malone dot com and plug it twice for not only this show, but
the other show you mentioned, which is Dreams for Sale, the Twilight Zone
eighty five podcast that Chris and I do with the projection booths Mike White,
and that show is coming to an end pretty quickly too. Yeah, don't
tell anyone. Yeah, that's another show that just I'm enjoying it. It's
running to the end and a downhill, downhill plod. So as for me,
you can find me on the internet at Christmas Clause on Twitter. Culture
Cast is another show I do, and it's about movies and scary stories.
We Tell is a show that I do about scary stuff weird, I know,
scary stories the title. Yeah, Um, as for us, we
don't know what we're doing next. Who knows another Horrinthology please said no one,
said no one. But we don't know what we're doing next, so
we haven't really talked about it, but as soon as we know, we'll
make it public on our Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and this podcast will sit
and be there forever. So there you go. One last John Cassier intro
to take us to the and DA