WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.280 --> 00:00:19.679 Andy cancelit so high Ectasage Cancelgema. It's not sorry Andy, what's up? 2 00:00:19.800 --> 00:00:24.280 Positive bitches? How are we doing today? If you're hearing this episode, 3 00:00:24.359 --> 00:00:28.760 then you were meant to be here, So keep listening on that Bitch's Positive 4 00:00:28.800 --> 00:00:33.640 Podcast. Sometimes we will laugh. At other times, Baby Girl, we're 5 00:00:33.679 --> 00:00:39.200 gonna cry, but we will always walk away feeling our most empowered positive bitch 6 00:00:39.479 --> 00:00:44.679 self. That is Babe in true connection with herself. On this podcast, 7 00:00:44.799 --> 00:00:49.320 we unbecome who we are not so we can fully step into exactly who we 8 00:00:49.439 --> 00:00:55.200 came here to be. Today, we're following this month's theme of self love. 9 00:00:55.320 --> 00:01:00.240 It's fabru Ray, so it's all about you, you and you. 10 00:01:00.119 --> 00:01:07.840 The interesting thing about ourself and healing is we can do a lot on our 11 00:01:07.920 --> 00:01:14.519 own, but you know what allows us to heal even deeper, it's when 12 00:01:14.560 --> 00:01:22.280 we get into relationships with others. I could have never understood that I dealt 13 00:01:22.319 --> 00:01:29.079 with codependency and anxious attachment if it was not being triggered in a relationship. 14 00:01:29.680 --> 00:01:33.680 We can do a lot of the healing on our own, but we might 15 00:01:33.840 --> 00:01:37.120 not know what to heal, what needs healing, and what our triggers are. 16 00:01:37.680 --> 00:01:44.359 If there's not someone out there triggering those wounds. Our relationships, we 17 00:01:44.760 --> 00:01:49.680 know that they are not going to be all butterflies and rainbows. Relationships are 18 00:01:49.760 --> 00:01:56.120 meant to trigger us deeper into our own healing because they are a mirror for 19 00:01:56.480 --> 00:02:00.920 ourselves and not just the light aspects, but the dark. And as a 20 00:02:01.040 --> 00:02:06.439 positive bitch, we know we don't run from our darkness. We dance with 21 00:02:06.560 --> 00:02:12.520 it. We look at it so we can heal through it. Our darkness 22 00:02:12.719 --> 00:02:17.199 is sacred and it's something that when we look at we can transmute, alchemize, 23 00:02:17.800 --> 00:02:23.439 and use it to become a more powerful individual. Recently, I've been 24 00:02:23.520 --> 00:02:29.960 watching Love is Blind, and I've been seeing all these different relationship dynamics really 25 00:02:30.080 --> 00:02:32.759 play out. And if you don't watch Love is Blind or you haven't yet, 26 00:02:34.360 --> 00:02:37.599 don't worry. We are going to use Love is Blind to talk about 27 00:02:37.719 --> 00:02:43.120 certain concepts when it comes to dating. But if you don't know the couples 28 00:02:43.240 --> 00:02:46.520 or the people, I'm going to explain it anyway, so you won't have 29 00:02:46.680 --> 00:02:53.240 to worry. I also recently watch that j Lo music video, except for 30 00:02:53.360 --> 00:02:58.319 the fact that it's an hour long called this is Me Now, and we're 31 00:02:58.360 --> 00:03:01.560 going to be pulling some concepts from that as well. But today we're going 32 00:03:01.639 --> 00:03:07.680 to talk about not only attachment and love and dating, but ultimately how to 33 00:03:07.919 --> 00:03:15.120 choose our self. One of you positive bitches, I was talking on Instagram 34 00:03:15.319 --> 00:03:17.439 and you can follow me there at Vibe with Cci. I said, what 35 00:03:17.560 --> 00:03:22.719 are you positive bitches thinking about love is blind so far? And one of 36 00:03:22.800 --> 00:03:28.960 you said that love isn't blind, attachment is, and that is just gold. 37 00:03:29.159 --> 00:03:31.680 And that is why it's going to be the title for this podcast because 38 00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:38.360 that couldn't be closer to the truth. Love isn't blind, Love is kind, 39 00:03:38.639 --> 00:03:43.159 love is truth, love is passion. It's not blind. You know 40 00:03:43.240 --> 00:03:46.800 what is though, is attachment. When we're attached to someone, we don't 41 00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:51.520 care they're cheating on us, they're mistreating us, we don't care because we're 42 00:03:51.520 --> 00:03:57.199 attached to them. Anyway. Love is not blind, Attachment is. And 43 00:03:57.280 --> 00:04:01.039 we're going to talk about how we can choose ourself so our attachment stops choosing 44 00:04:01.159 --> 00:04:05.400 our triggers for us. But before we get into it, like I said, 45 00:04:05.400 --> 00:04:10.680 if you're not yet following me on Instagram, follow me at VIBEINWCC. 46 00:04:11.400 --> 00:04:14.719 That will be in the show notes below, so you can just click in 47 00:04:14.840 --> 00:04:18.680 there to find my Instagram and why even follow me? I post daily tips 48 00:04:18.759 --> 00:04:23.519 and tricks on how to use your energy so it doesn't just use you, 49 00:04:23.680 --> 00:04:27.879 and how to reclaim your reality. If you're going through a breakup, join 50 00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:30.000 twenty one day Breakup Glow Up Challenge, where you can learn how to get 51 00:04:30.040 --> 00:04:35.680 back on that pedestal and of course glow up stop obsessing about your ex and 52 00:04:35.759 --> 00:04:42.879 your past and instead get into yourself. You can also get the Pedestal Path, 53 00:04:42.920 --> 00:04:46.360 which is based on the pedestal principle, which we talk about a lot 54 00:04:46.480 --> 00:04:50.279 on this podcast, and in this course you can learn not only how to 55 00:04:50.360 --> 00:04:55.480 put yourself on the pedestal, but how to stop energetically chasing, how to 56 00:04:55.560 --> 00:04:59.560 heal these codependent wounds, and so much more. All this will be in 57 00:04:59.600 --> 00:05:03.079 the show, and if you're looking for more intimate guidance, I am a 58 00:05:03.160 --> 00:05:08.279 certified life and energy coach. You can DM me on Instagram for more information 59 00:05:08.480 --> 00:05:12.000 on how I may be able to help you. And without further ado, 60 00:05:12.600 --> 00:05:19.240 let's get into today's episode. I have gone to many nutritionists throughout my lifetime, 61 00:05:20.839 --> 00:05:27.720 many and you know the one thing that they all said in unison was 62 00:05:28.199 --> 00:05:33.920 never wait until you're starving. To eat because you will overeat. And this 63 00:05:34.120 --> 00:05:39.279 actually one day did happen to me. I was doing inter minute fasting, 64 00:05:39.399 --> 00:05:42.879 but I had a very busy day. I wasn't home and it hit like 65 00:05:43.040 --> 00:05:46.800 five pm or something like that, and I went to the supermarket because I 66 00:05:46.879 --> 00:05:49.639 thought to myself, I just need to eat anything in something, because I'm 67 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:54.839 starving. I go into the supermarket. I'm in the supermarket. I start 68 00:05:54.920 --> 00:06:00.000 filling up my cart with everything, just everything. I don't eat things. 69 00:06:00.040 --> 00:06:02.480 I would never think of eating things. I didn't even know what they were. 70 00:06:02.560 --> 00:06:05.120 But I was just so hungry that I started filling up my cart. 71 00:06:05.399 --> 00:06:10.399 I ripped open a bag of something and literally started eating it in the store 72 00:06:10.439 --> 00:06:14.800 because I was so hungry. And when I got home and I looked at 73 00:06:14.839 --> 00:06:17.800 my counter and I just saw five five five on the clock. Change is 74 00:06:17.959 --> 00:06:21.439 here. When I got home and looked at the counter and saw what I 75 00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:28.600 bought, I thought, Ceci, why would you buy any of this food. 76 00:06:29.759 --> 00:06:32.399 You don't eat it. You don't eat gluten, you don't eat dairy. 77 00:06:32.439 --> 00:06:34.879 I'm pretty sure I was a vegan at the time. You don't eat 78 00:06:35.000 --> 00:06:40.560 whatever it was. Maybe there was cheesing it, I don't remember. And 79 00:06:40.680 --> 00:06:45.839 I thought to myself, I was so hungry that I dropped my boundaries of 80 00:06:46.199 --> 00:06:49.079 what I liked to eat, how I feel about food and chemicals. I 81 00:06:49.240 --> 00:06:58.199 dropped my standards and I just let anything and everything into my car. And 82 00:06:58.319 --> 00:07:03.079 it got me thinking about dating. When we're starving for love, when we're 83 00:07:03.279 --> 00:07:10.319 starving for validation, when we're starving for someone to see us, we drop 84 00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:17.879 our boundaries, we drop our standards, we drop ourselves and become obsessed with 85 00:07:18.600 --> 00:07:23.759 them. And ultimately, when I ate this food afterwards, I felt sick. 86 00:07:23.800 --> 00:07:26.319 I ate too much because I waited too long, so I was so 87 00:07:26.560 --> 00:07:30.959 hungry and I ended up feeling sick. And what do we do when we're 88 00:07:31.040 --> 00:07:35.279 starving for validations, starving for love, starving for someone to see us. 89 00:07:35.360 --> 00:07:40.240 We end up getting played, we end up getting ghosted, We end up 90 00:07:40.279 --> 00:07:46.000 feeling sick of men and dating. The moral of the story is what we 91 00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:50.680 don't give to our selves, we will starve for in other people. And 92 00:07:50.759 --> 00:07:55.800 there's a quote that says something along the lines of, if you're not fed 93 00:07:56.040 --> 00:08:01.399 love on a silver spoon, you will learn to live get off of knives. 94 00:08:03.120 --> 00:08:09.319 When we are starving for that love, for that validation, we end 95 00:08:09.519 --> 00:08:16.160 up ghosting ourselves, and all this leads to is other people ghosting us too. 96 00:08:18.360 --> 00:08:22.120 If you're wondering when is a good time to date, when is a 97 00:08:22.160 --> 00:08:24.319 good time to go on love is blind and get married, it's not. 98 00:08:24.600 --> 00:08:31.679 When you're starving and needing someone to affirm your own identity, you want to 99 00:08:31.720 --> 00:08:37.360 walk into a relationship in dating not being perfect. You don't need that, 100 00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:41.200 but you need to have some sort of identity. You need to say, 101 00:08:41.279 --> 00:08:43.799 yeah, you know what, I would like a connection. That would be 102 00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:48.120 cool. It would bring me some more fulfillment. But either way, I'm 103 00:08:48.399 --> 00:08:52.799 good. There's nothing wrong with wanting a relationship, wanting love, wanting a 104 00:08:52.919 --> 00:08:58.240 partner. However, when you need it, that is the exact moment that 105 00:08:58.320 --> 00:09:03.240 you're inner being is actually trying to tell you what you need is not that 106 00:09:03.440 --> 00:09:07.000 person out there, it's you. It's you to start fulfilling your own needs. 107 00:09:07.559 --> 00:09:11.200 If you are starving for love and attention and affection, you need to 108 00:09:11.200 --> 00:09:16.360 start asking yourself, how can I give affection to myself? How can I 109 00:09:16.440 --> 00:09:20.440 give an intimate moment to myself? Intimacy with ourself? You might be thinking, 110 00:09:20.559 --> 00:09:24.480 how is that even possible? It is the most intimate moments I have 111 00:09:24.600 --> 00:09:30.000 with myself is in prayer, in meditation, when I'm journaling and I have 112 00:09:30.200 --> 00:09:33.759 this deep realization about my past and who I am and why I am the 113 00:09:33.799 --> 00:09:37.679 way I am. I have intimate moments with myself when I turn off social 114 00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:41.720 media, when I turn off my computer and I just sit outside by the 115 00:09:41.879 --> 00:09:46.320 water and I just read, or I just talk to my angels. If 116 00:09:46.399 --> 00:09:50.759 you want to feel intimacy before you go running to get it from someone else 117 00:09:50.799 --> 00:09:54.440 and drop your standards for that person because you're starving and you need it, 118 00:09:56.000 --> 00:10:01.120 what about giving it to your self. Not only will this cause you to 119 00:10:01.200 --> 00:10:05.000 have better relationships later, but you will feel immediately better now. If you 120 00:10:05.039 --> 00:10:11.360 are starving for validation, use your tongue when you achieve something at work. 121 00:10:11.559 --> 00:10:16.279 Good job, CC, when you make your bed, Good job, CC. 122 00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:20.759 When you do that workout, I'm proud of you for accomplishing that today, 123 00:10:20.000 --> 00:10:26.919 CC. Be impeccable with your word. I know that we think that 124 00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:31.519 we can only get these needs fulfilled by other people, but surprisingly enough, 125 00:10:31.759 --> 00:10:35.159 you can fulfill these needs yourself. And when you fulfill them yourself, all 126 00:10:35.240 --> 00:10:41.039 you do is attractive partner who will fulfill them too. Even ask yourself, 127 00:10:41.399 --> 00:10:45.799 what is my preferred love language? Is it words of affirmation? Okay, 128 00:10:45.919 --> 00:10:50.399 you need to be doing affirmations every single day? Is it acts of service? 129 00:10:50.840 --> 00:10:54.440 This is something I was working on with one of my clients and we 130 00:10:54.559 --> 00:10:58.919 were discussing, how what if you actually gave yourself that act of service? 131 00:11:00.480 --> 00:11:03.840 What if instead of putting off doing the dishes or cleaning your house or your 132 00:11:03.960 --> 00:11:09.240 room, you said, I'm gonna do it for fifteen minutes to forty five 133 00:11:09.320 --> 00:11:11.159 minutes. I'm going to get this done so that for the rest of the 134 00:11:11.279 --> 00:11:20.279 night I can just chill and I can relax. You can gift yourself the 135 00:11:20.440 --> 00:11:26.320 things that you need. And when you do that, literally your whole entire 136 00:11:26.559 --> 00:11:31.440 universe. I promise you will get better. It's the law of the land. 137 00:11:31.559 --> 00:11:33.600 I don't make the rules, but I do read the writing on the 138 00:11:33.720 --> 00:11:39.320 wall. In Love is Blind. If you've been watching, and I have 139 00:11:39.519 --> 00:11:45.519 to say side note, if you're healing from a breakup. One of my 140 00:11:45.879 --> 00:11:50.840 weird, quote unquote weird ways I healed during my breakup was watching Temptation Island 141 00:11:52.440 --> 00:11:56.720 and I would just watch these girls. It was crazy. I was just 142 00:11:56.840 --> 00:12:00.759 watching this girl getting blatantly cheated on and then she would have to watch back 143 00:12:00.879 --> 00:12:05.000 the footage of her partner cheating on her, and I would just cry with 144 00:12:05.120 --> 00:12:11.000 this girl on TV. Sometimes we don't allow ourselves to feel our own emotions 145 00:12:11.039 --> 00:12:16.120 because we've been told you're too sensitive, you're too dramatic, and so we 146 00:12:16.399 --> 00:12:20.960 have this internal voice that says, be stronger, go do your work, 147 00:12:20.320 --> 00:12:26.200 don't allow yourself to feel. And for me, watching dating reality television gave 148 00:12:26.320 --> 00:12:31.399 me this permission. It made me feel like they're crying. I feel for 149 00:12:31.519 --> 00:12:37.120 them, and I'm also going through my own trials. I'm gonna cry in 150 00:12:37.279 --> 00:12:41.320 unison with this person and I would watch them and I would just cry with 151 00:12:41.440 --> 00:12:45.799 them, and it really helps me move through my emotions. If you are 152 00:12:45.919 --> 00:12:50.240 going through something that's tough, I would recommend dating reality television to heal. 153 00:12:50.639 --> 00:12:54.840 No one's gonna tell you that, but for whatever reason, it really does 154 00:12:54.120 --> 00:12:58.440 work. It gives you permission to feel, It allows those emotions to be 155 00:12:58.559 --> 00:13:05.080 triggered, felt and released. So maybe try out Love is Blind. There 156 00:13:05.159 --> 00:13:11.919 is a woman on this show named Chelsea and there's two guys who she's dating 157 00:13:11.000 --> 00:13:16.440 in the pods. One guy is Trevor, who is obsessed with her, 158 00:13:16.960 --> 00:13:20.080 all about her, giving her all this attention and affection and love. He 159 00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:26.039 says, I love you, I want you. He's also a big muscle 160 00:13:26.120 --> 00:13:30.399 man. I'm just saying. She doesn't know that, but I do because 161 00:13:30.440 --> 00:13:33.279 I'm the viewer. And then there's this other guy, Jimmy. Who is 162 00:13:35.799 --> 00:13:41.279 he is? Who he is? You know, I don't. I'm gonna 163 00:13:41.279 --> 00:13:46.159 be kind, so he just is who he is. And Jimmy is in 164 00:13:46.320 --> 00:13:52.399 between Chelsea and some other girl he's not sure about Chelsea. But Chelsea really 165 00:13:52.600 --> 00:13:56.519 likes Trevor, the guy who's obsessed with her, and she also really likes 166 00:13:56.600 --> 00:14:01.039 Jimmy for some unknown reason. I don't I don't know. I don't get 167 00:14:01.080 --> 00:14:03.720 it. I don't get it, Okay, but you know what, it's 168 00:14:03.759 --> 00:14:05.000 not for me to get, it's for me to talk about. So let's 169 00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:11.279 get into this. So also another side note, Trevor, who is this 170 00:14:11.440 --> 00:14:15.639 big muscling man? Can I just tell you everyone on social media is like, 171 00:14:15.720 --> 00:14:18.679 don't judge a book by its cover. Trevor. I thought he was 172 00:14:18.720 --> 00:14:24.399 gonna be so surface level annoying whatever, you know what. I have been 173 00:14:24.440 --> 00:14:28.960 thinking this whole entire time while I'm watching Trevor. I one of the gyms 174 00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:31.000 I go to is a bodybuilder gym. Again, I always say this. 175 00:14:31.519 --> 00:14:35.039 I don't know why I go there. I have no idea, but I 176 00:14:35.159 --> 00:14:39.759 do. You know what they call all the big muscling men gentle giants, 177 00:14:41.200 --> 00:14:43.960 because these men who all they care about is working out and their job and 178 00:14:45.120 --> 00:14:52.480 their family. They are the kindest souls on this planet. They really are, 179 00:14:52.799 --> 00:14:54.279 because like I said, all they care about is what they look like 180 00:14:54.360 --> 00:14:56.759 in the mirror, so they're not looking at other ladies because they're too busy 181 00:14:56.840 --> 00:15:01.519 looking at themselves. They don't go out because they're on these strict meal plans, 182 00:15:01.559 --> 00:15:03.720 so they don't drink. They care about their family if they have one, 183 00:15:03.799 --> 00:15:07.320 and they always have a dog. Somehow. They are the kindest people. 184 00:15:07.639 --> 00:15:11.240 So everyone's now realizing this about Trevor. But this is something I've always 185 00:15:11.320 --> 00:15:15.600 known because all the bodybuilders at the gym that I go to are exactly like 186 00:15:15.720 --> 00:15:20.320 him. They're all gentle giants. Maybe this is a rebranding for the muscle 187 00:15:20.600 --> 00:15:24.120 men. I don't know, but just side note in there. So Chelsea's 188 00:15:24.159 --> 00:15:33.639 deciding between beautiful, loving, gracious Trevor and Jimmy who is Jimmy, and 189 00:15:33.799 --> 00:15:37.559 she decides to go with Jimmy, and so many people on social media are 190 00:15:37.600 --> 00:15:41.440 saying, why would Chelsea choose to go with Jimmy when there's this other guy 191 00:15:41.480 --> 00:15:46.200 who's obsessed with her? And it got me thinking, why do any of 192 00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:50.120 us choose the guy that's just not that into us over the guy who wants 193 00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:56.919 to give us the world? This is repetition compulsion in its truest form. 194 00:15:58.399 --> 00:16:03.600 Whoever we crave love from the most growing up, whatever caregiver we crave love 195 00:16:03.639 --> 00:16:08.759 from the most growing up, we will subconsciously try to redo this dynamic in 196 00:16:10.039 --> 00:16:17.600 our adult relationships, hoping to master that original dynamic. So let's say we 197 00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:22.000 always craved love from our mother, but our mom was always working and she 198 00:16:22.279 --> 00:16:29.240 wasn't able to really be there for us physically and really not there emotionally for 199 00:16:29.399 --> 00:16:33.919 us either. What we do is subconsciously, in our adult intimate relationships, 200 00:16:34.200 --> 00:16:41.000 will seek out people who are workaholics, who are alcoholics, anyone who maybe 201 00:16:41.039 --> 00:16:45.320 they're even a player, anyone who cannot be there for us emotionally and or 202 00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:49.039 physically. We will seek that person out because we're trying to redo that original 203 00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:53.559 dynamic, but this time as an adult with more power and more agency. 204 00:16:53.799 --> 00:16:59.919 This time, we're gonna get it right. And all this does is retraumatize 205 00:17:00.039 --> 00:17:06.039 ourselves. Our trauma that we had with that original caregiver becomes our type. 206 00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:10.279 And most of the time when we're going through breakups or in these relationships, 207 00:17:10.559 --> 00:17:14.319 it's not actually about the dude. He's not actually that great. It's about 208 00:17:14.359 --> 00:17:19.599 the dynamic the dude allows us to have because our inner child still lives within 209 00:17:19.759 --> 00:17:26.279 us and she's still looking for that love that she perceives that that caregiver couldn't 210 00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:29.519 give to her. So if she gonna get it from mom or dad, 211 00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:33.400 what is she gonna do. She's gonna try to get it from people who 212 00:17:33.519 --> 00:17:38.559 you have intimate relationships with. And all we do is repeat this dynamic over 213 00:17:38.640 --> 00:17:41.480 and over and over again. So if this is you, baby girl, 214 00:17:41.559 --> 00:17:48.839 it's time to try a new flavor. We have to choose to step out 215 00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:53.039 of this repetition, this compulsion to repeat the dynamic over and over and over 216 00:17:53.119 --> 00:17:56.640 again. How do you do this? One way to do this is, 217 00:17:56.759 --> 00:18:00.759 instead of going towards what you're attracted to, ask yourself, what do I 218 00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:06.160 value in a relationship? Do I value someone who wants to be a family 219 00:18:06.279 --> 00:18:10.000 man, who has a relationship with God who can see me, hear me, 220 00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:12.039 be there for me. I mean really, at the end of the 221 00:18:12.200 --> 00:18:15.559 day, let's say you're married, you have three kids. It's not gonna 222 00:18:15.599 --> 00:18:21.519 matter if your husband has abs, if he can't be there for you emotionally, 223 00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:25.799 cause you're gonna have days where you're gonna have that breakdown. And yes, 224 00:18:25.920 --> 00:18:29.319 breakdowns are breakthroughs, but you're gonna want someone there for you. We 225 00:18:29.480 --> 00:18:33.839 all do. Instead of just relying on what am I chemically attracted to, 226 00:18:34.400 --> 00:18:37.519 I want you to start relying on, actually, what do I value? 227 00:18:37.640 --> 00:18:42.319 And make a list and you need to be reminding yourself of this list every 228 00:18:42.359 --> 00:18:48.240 single day. Do I value a partner who's patient and kind, who understands 229 00:18:48.720 --> 00:18:53.400 spirituality, psychology, a relationship with God works out, whatever it may be. 230 00:18:53.839 --> 00:18:59.480 Write it down which I value and use those values as you're north star 231 00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:04.960 in instead of just relying on chemistry, Because what is chemistry but a bunch 232 00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:11.400 of chemicals that are just going off in your head. Chemistry is you picking 233 00:19:11.519 --> 00:19:17.400 up on trauma. Chemistry is chemicals going off in your head, dopamine in 234 00:19:17.440 --> 00:19:21.160 cortisol. This is a new opportunity for me to try to redo that dynamic 235 00:19:21.240 --> 00:19:23.160 I had with the caregiver. I craved love from the most, but this 236 00:19:23.319 --> 00:19:27.359 time, as an adult, get it right in this intimate relationship. That 237 00:19:27.559 --> 00:19:30.759 excitement that I need this person, I love this person, but I don't 238 00:19:30.759 --> 00:19:37.440 even know this person is chemistry and it's a chemical cocktail. It's not love. 239 00:19:37.519 --> 00:19:45.680 Chemistry is blind. Attachment is blind. Love Love is not blind. 240 00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:52.640 No. No. Another interesting takeaway I got from Love Is Blind is when 241 00:19:52.839 --> 00:19:57.400 ad who is another woman on the show, AD stands for Amber Desiree. 242 00:19:57.440 --> 00:20:03.119 I believe. She was talking about how she doesn't believe she's worthy of love, 243 00:20:03.200 --> 00:20:08.640 she doesn't think she deserves love, and Clay, who she's with, 244 00:20:10.839 --> 00:20:11.920 was saying, well why, like, why don't you think that? And 245 00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:17.039 she said, I manifested a good career. She was a dancer for some 246 00:20:17.839 --> 00:20:19.480 I don't know, some sports team. Don't ask me about sports, Like 247 00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:22.559 do I look like I know about sports? I obviously don't. Anyway, 248 00:20:22.640 --> 00:20:26.599 she was a dancer for some team, and she said a lot of people 249 00:20:26.799 --> 00:20:32.160 liked her because of what she looked like versus who she actually is, and 250 00:20:32.359 --> 00:20:36.200 she was able to build a good life besides the relationship part. She said, 251 00:20:36.559 --> 00:20:38.359 because I don't have love in my life, but I got everything else. 252 00:20:38.400 --> 00:20:41.079 I think I deserve everything else. I don't think I deserve love. 253 00:20:41.160 --> 00:20:47.519 Though. The mistake that Ad is making is she's waiting on her reality to 254 00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:52.359 affirm to her what her inner being already knows. She's waiting for her reality 255 00:20:52.480 --> 00:20:57.119 to shift to show her that she's worthy of love instead of first deciding that 256 00:20:57.240 --> 00:21:02.319 she's worthy of love, which then and the universe will respond to and give 257 00:21:02.359 --> 00:21:06.359 her that relationship where she feels worthy of love. You know, the interesting 258 00:21:06.519 --> 00:21:10.319 thing is there's always one in every season, but of course this one happens 259 00:21:10.359 --> 00:21:15.000 to be with Ad. Clay is the only person that they showed at least 260 00:21:15.400 --> 00:21:19.319 that was talking about his what he wants and looks. He was saying, 261 00:21:19.359 --> 00:21:22.319 you know, I need a girl a big He does not have this accent. 262 00:21:22.359 --> 00:21:25.400 I don't know where this is coming from, but he was saying, 263 00:21:25.440 --> 00:21:30.599 I need a girl who has like big lips, booty bad And Ad does 264 00:21:30.680 --> 00:21:33.880 have that, by the way, but he was the only one leading with 265 00:21:34.000 --> 00:21:37.240 that and saying if she doesn't have that, I can't get down on one 266 00:21:37.279 --> 00:21:38.799 knee. If she doesn't look like that, I can't get down on one 267 00:21:38.880 --> 00:21:42.920 knee. And he also said that after his future wife has a baby, 268 00:21:44.359 --> 00:21:48.480 that he's gonna get her back in the gym. He is the only person 269 00:21:48.599 --> 00:21:52.119 thus far that has talked a lot about what his partner has to look like. 270 00:21:52.519 --> 00:21:56.319 First of all, that's an insecurity in hisself that he's projecting on a 271 00:21:56.440 --> 00:22:00.960 d But more importantly, why would Ad out of everyone attract the person who's 272 00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:06.640 so obsessed with what his partner looks like. It's because she thinks that her 273 00:22:06.759 --> 00:22:11.839 only redeeming quality is her looks and that's the only possible way that she can 274 00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:15.000 really get someone to be with her, and that she's not deserving of love 275 00:22:15.160 --> 00:22:18.400 just on her own. So what does she do but attract the guy who 276 00:22:18.519 --> 00:22:26.599 also thinks so heavily about looks. Ad has not realized that once she changes 277 00:22:26.759 --> 00:22:32.640 how she believes about herself, the universe and five five five again on the 278 00:22:32.680 --> 00:22:37.519 freaking clock. It's a timer, not o'clock. She doesn't realize that once 279 00:22:37.640 --> 00:22:41.240 she changes her and what are we talking about but change? And I see 280 00:22:41.279 --> 00:22:45.079 five five five? Oh? Of course, of course, once she changes 281 00:22:45.160 --> 00:22:49.200 how she feels about herself and how she perceives herself, other people will shift 282 00:22:49.200 --> 00:22:55.359 how they perceive her too. So how can we start to shift our beliefs. 283 00:22:56.160 --> 00:22:59.559 Take out a piece of paper and write down all the negative beliefs do 284 00:22:59.559 --> 00:23:03.599 you have about yourself? Just write it down. Write it down, And 285 00:23:03.720 --> 00:23:07.319 then I want you to take out another piece of paper and write the exact 286 00:23:07.519 --> 00:23:12.000 opposite statement. So let's say I write down I don't think I'm deserving of 287 00:23:12.200 --> 00:23:15.119 love. On the other piece of paper, you're gonna write, I am 288 00:23:15.279 --> 00:23:21.160 deserving of love. I feel deserving of love. I love how much love 289 00:23:21.200 --> 00:23:23.400 I receive in my reality. I gave you three, but you can. 290 00:23:23.559 --> 00:23:26.240 You can just do one if you want. And then what you're gonna do 291 00:23:26.480 --> 00:23:30.359 is rip up all the negative beliefs, throw them out, and you're gonna 292 00:23:30.440 --> 00:23:37.359 use that new list as affirmations that you're gonna repeat to yourself every single day. 293 00:23:37.319 --> 00:23:41.440 And when you start believing this about yourself, and by the way, 294 00:23:41.640 --> 00:23:45.559 you will believe it. If you're reading these affirmations right now and you're like 295 00:23:45.599 --> 00:23:51.240 Cecee, I don't think this and I don't believe it, you will because 296 00:23:51.680 --> 00:23:57.839 practicing a belief, a thought, a sentence anchors it into your being. 297 00:23:59.200 --> 00:24:03.799 What is a belief, It's a practiced thought, It's a thought you thought 298 00:24:04.160 --> 00:24:08.160 so many times that it wired into your body and now has become a belief. 299 00:24:08.559 --> 00:24:12.880 Most of our beliefs are not fact, they're beliefs. Most of what 300 00:24:14.000 --> 00:24:18.680 we think are facts are also not facts. They're also just beliefs. We 301 00:24:18.880 --> 00:24:22.000 grow up and we hear a lot of different things, a lot of different 302 00:24:22.039 --> 00:24:26.319 things, and we, as a child assume, well, if my mom 303 00:24:26.440 --> 00:24:27.519 is saying that, if my teacher is saying that, if that's what the 304 00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:32.160 adults are saying, it must be true. No, you want a different 305 00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:34.640 reality than you gotta giddy on up on a new path, and you gotta 306 00:24:34.640 --> 00:24:38.559 write down the beliefs that you want. So take your pen back, turn 307 00:24:38.680 --> 00:24:44.279 the page and write a new chapter. Write the beliefs you want to have 308 00:24:45.359 --> 00:24:49.480 what you want to see in your reality. At this point, the damage 309 00:24:49.519 --> 00:24:56.119 from other people's already done. But you can take back your power by rewriting 310 00:24:56.240 --> 00:25:02.799 the rules for your own life. That is all in your power to do. 311 00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:07.160 Circling back to Chelsea and Jimmy, Chelsea being the one who chose the 312 00:25:07.240 --> 00:25:11.880 guy who wasn't really sure about her but picked her, but the whole entire 313 00:25:11.960 --> 00:25:18.039 time was questioning whether it to be Chelsea or Jess. When Jimmy sees Chelsea. 314 00:25:19.039 --> 00:25:26.920 He is shocked because in the Pods, Chelsea said that people tell her 315 00:25:27.000 --> 00:25:33.720 that she looks like Megan Fox because she has dark hair and blue eyes. 316 00:25:33.799 --> 00:25:37.519 But of course Jimmy thought, oh, you look exactly like Megan Fox. 317 00:25:38.279 --> 00:25:41.039 I have to be honest, though, if I was in the Pods, 318 00:25:41.079 --> 00:25:44.880 I would be like, I look like Shrek. That's what I look like. 319 00:25:45.240 --> 00:25:49.880 So no matter what, when I am shown and revealed, no matter 320 00:25:51.000 --> 00:25:55.920 what, it's better than Shrek. I don't know who in their right mind 321 00:25:56.680 --> 00:26:00.759 would be like, oh, I look like someone who doesn't even look like 322 00:26:00.839 --> 00:26:03.759 themselves, like Megan Fox. Doesn't even look like Megan Fox. She has 323 00:26:03.880 --> 00:26:10.000 a wardrobe stylist, she has makeup and hair and doctors. If we're being 324 00:26:10.079 --> 00:26:18.400 honest, just what I I question that decision. I understand maybe she's just 325 00:26:18.680 --> 00:26:25.039 throwing it all out there seeing what works. But she didn't say that to 326 00:26:25.119 --> 00:26:30.599 Trevor, the guy who is actually into her. Okay, I don't have 327 00:26:30.680 --> 00:26:33.200 time to spiral about this right now. I would have just said I looked 328 00:26:33.240 --> 00:26:37.400 like Shrek. That way, It's owe me up from there. But this 329 00:26:37.559 --> 00:26:41.039 is the other thing I want to talk about with beliefs. So Chelsea definitely 330 00:26:41.839 --> 00:26:48.079 has some insecurities. Hello, we all do. And her saying that she 331 00:26:48.240 --> 00:26:55.839 looks like Megan Fox, who would even say that? That is her subconsciously 332 00:26:56.480 --> 00:26:59.920 creating a dynamic in which now she has to live up to Megan Fox, 333 00:27:00.640 --> 00:27:04.000 creating a dynamic in which she's going to feel insecure. Jimmy, when they 334 00:27:04.079 --> 00:27:10.160 all met, said something about Ad like she's stacked, which apparently means I 335 00:27:10.240 --> 00:27:12.000 think he means you have a big butt. I don't. I've never heard 336 00:27:12.039 --> 00:27:18.519 this terminology before. Jimmy says Ad is stacked, and then Chelsea out loud 337 00:27:18.720 --> 00:27:26.759 announces to everyone Jimmy thinks you're stacked, Ad. Chelsea creates more circumstances to 338 00:27:26.839 --> 00:27:32.279 feel more insecure in like if she never mentioned the Megan Fox thing, she 339 00:27:32.319 --> 00:27:36.119 wouldn't have to live up to that image. If she didn't announce to everyone 340 00:27:36.599 --> 00:27:40.720 that Jimmy said that about a d she wouldn't have made herself even more uncomfortable. 341 00:27:41.279 --> 00:27:44.160 Jimmy should have not said that. That was disrespectful anyway. You just 342 00:27:44.319 --> 00:27:47.720 met this girl. You don't need to be talking about someone else's looks. 343 00:27:47.839 --> 00:27:51.119 You just met each other, but still to blow it up and out of 344 00:27:51.680 --> 00:28:00.559 proportion in the moment. When we have insecure rittise, we will subconsciously make 345 00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:03.880 matters worse or carve out moments in our day to make us feel even more 346 00:28:03.960 --> 00:28:08.680 insecure. We will become hyper focused on someone we think has more than us. 347 00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:14.079 We will attract someone who's going to tell something negative about ourselves. We 348 00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:19.400 attract experiences that allow us to have the same emotional outcomes. So if I'm 349 00:28:19.440 --> 00:28:27.359 already insecure, I'm going to attract more circumstances to feel insecure. So instead 350 00:28:27.359 --> 00:28:30.839 of trying to force matter with matter and trying to change people out there and 351 00:28:30.920 --> 00:28:37.319 cir circumstance out there, work on yourself. Whatever you think is a perceived 352 00:28:37.400 --> 00:28:42.400 weakness about yourself, how can you make it a strength? What can you 353 00:28:42.559 --> 00:28:47.319 do? Can you drink more water, read more books, learn a new 354 00:28:47.440 --> 00:28:51.039 language. If you feel insecure that you don't have that many friends, well 355 00:28:51.480 --> 00:28:53.920 maybe join a class. If you feel insecure about your body, try taking 356 00:28:53.960 --> 00:29:00.200 a walk every day or drinking more water. If you feel insecure about your 357 00:29:00.359 --> 00:29:03.599 style, try out a new one. There are things you can do. 358 00:29:03.720 --> 00:29:07.079 If you feel like you don't have enough wisdom, read a damn book. 359 00:29:08.359 --> 00:29:15.640 You can choose whatever your insecure about and you can change these things. You 360 00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:19.839 don't just have to accept them. You can change them and strengthen those muscles. 361 00:29:22.519 --> 00:29:27.400 Another thing that is worth mentioning is Jess is someone on the show and 362 00:29:27.519 --> 00:29:33.920 this was actually the person that Jimmy was also interested in. When Jimmy turned 363 00:29:33.960 --> 00:29:38.039 down Jess, I think a lot of people were shocked. But here's what 364 00:29:38.119 --> 00:29:45.079 I'll have to say. Jess is a mom and that's just something about her. 365 00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:48.160 But anyway, she gave Jimmy a letter that she wrote to her future 366 00:29:48.359 --> 00:29:53.519 husband, and I swear that was the nail on the coffin, because anything 367 00:29:53.599 --> 00:29:56.480 we chase, whether it's a bugger or boy, will run away. And 368 00:29:56.680 --> 00:30:02.759 her giving him this really emotion in depth letter when he didn't even commit to 369 00:30:02.839 --> 00:30:07.519 her yet, that was sending way too much energy too soon. He was 370 00:30:07.599 --> 00:30:11.759 already iffy about her. But that nail in the coffin. Nail in the 371 00:30:11.799 --> 00:30:15.039 coffin, how can we use this to help ourselves? I would equate that 372 00:30:15.200 --> 00:30:18.839 long letter that Jess wrote to her future husband and then gave to Jimmy even 373 00:30:18.839 --> 00:30:22.880 though he wasn't sure about her yet, to like a really long winded text 374 00:30:22.160 --> 00:30:25.480 after you go on a date with someone. I like you so much, 375 00:30:25.519 --> 00:30:29.400 I can't I'm thinking about you or texting them first every day, those actions, 376 00:30:29.920 --> 00:30:33.759 stalking their social media, that's all energetically chasing them. And when someone 377 00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:37.599 isn't sure about you yet, that repels them because you're like the bowling ball 378 00:30:37.720 --> 00:30:41.680 and they're like the pins and they're just being repelled in the opposite direction. 379 00:30:41.160 --> 00:30:45.440 You want it to be like a tennis match, where you send some energy 380 00:30:45.519 --> 00:30:48.720 and they send some energy, and you send some energy and they send some 381 00:30:48.920 --> 00:30:52.000 energy, and eventually you do that long enough you learn one another, you 382 00:30:52.160 --> 00:30:56.440 understand one another, that the dynamic won't be so I have to think about 383 00:30:56.480 --> 00:31:00.000 where I'm placing my energy. But at first, yeah, it should be 384 00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:03.559 very much like a tennis match, or else you're gonna repel that person. 385 00:31:03.920 --> 00:31:07.799 I feel like if Jess would have stood on her pedestal a little bit more 386 00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:14.000 and not given all of her focus just to Jimmy and gave either more people 387 00:31:14.079 --> 00:31:15.799 a chance, or didn't just give up all of her energy to Jimmy, 388 00:31:17.319 --> 00:31:21.000 it would have been different for her. And when you think about Chelsea, 389 00:31:21.200 --> 00:31:25.400 Chelsea was talking to Trevor and Jimmy. All of her energy wasn't just on 390 00:31:25.519 --> 00:31:29.160 one person. It was on I'm gonna find the best person for me, 391 00:31:30.240 --> 00:31:34.119 and what ended up happening is Jimmy chose her. And it goes to show 392 00:31:34.200 --> 00:31:38.880 you that when you're focused on you finding who it is you want, but 393 00:31:40.119 --> 00:31:44.680 not displacing yourself, you get all the options. But when we place that 394 00:31:44.759 --> 00:31:47.720 other person on a pedestal and we pour our guts out to them when they're 395 00:31:47.759 --> 00:31:52.480 not even sure about us, that's decentering ourselves. That's energetically chasing them. 396 00:31:53.160 --> 00:31:57.519 I tell my clients to deal with anxious attachment at first, date multiple people 397 00:31:57.680 --> 00:32:01.920 at once, because if you don't, and you tend towards anxious attachment, 398 00:32:02.200 --> 00:32:06.599 you will pedestal that person so quickly, give all of your energy to them, 399 00:32:06.640 --> 00:32:10.079 and it will just repel them. Watch out for this. Make sure 400 00:32:10.200 --> 00:32:14.000 I don't care if you're dating, in a relationship, single, you're on 401 00:32:14.119 --> 00:32:17.240 your own pedestal all of the time period. So I think if Jess didn't 402 00:32:17.279 --> 00:32:21.200 do that letter, I would have in an alternate universe. I would love 403 00:32:21.279 --> 00:32:25.720 to know how that would have unfolded. Side note Also, this is not 404 00:32:25.839 --> 00:32:30.160 really having to do with today's topic, but I just love this show so 405 00:32:30.319 --> 00:32:31.960 much and I need to mention it. There is a man on this show 406 00:32:32.119 --> 00:32:39.240 called Matthew and he is a wealth advisor. I don't know how to explain 407 00:32:39.319 --> 00:32:43.200 this man. He's a very private man. He doesn't have Instagram or any 408 00:32:43.240 --> 00:32:46.960 of that jazz apparently. And I've just been thinking lately. I know that 409 00:32:47.160 --> 00:32:52.559 US women have had such a revolt against men on Instagram and social media because 410 00:32:52.559 --> 00:32:54.440 we're like, no, stop following half naked women, what are you doing? 411 00:32:55.039 --> 00:32:59.720 But there's another side, the flip side of this coin are the men 412 00:33:00.079 --> 00:33:04.200 who are so private. They don't have Instagram, they don't have anything. 413 00:33:04.359 --> 00:33:08.400 They're so private and calculated that they're not hiding the DM or someone that they 414 00:33:08.519 --> 00:33:14.440 follow, they're hiding their second family and it. You know, I just 415 00:33:14.640 --> 00:33:17.359 feel that there's a middle way, Like just because a man has an Instagram 416 00:33:17.519 --> 00:33:23.440 doesn't make him evil. You know, maybe he's just posting his little fishy 417 00:33:23.559 --> 00:33:29.559 that he got, or him and his friends in his little flannel. Maybe 418 00:33:29.640 --> 00:33:32.079 that's not so bad because at least we can see what's going on, you 419 00:33:32.160 --> 00:33:37.640 know, what's happening. But without anything, they can have a full second 420 00:33:37.799 --> 00:33:43.039 family. And there's a very specific type I'm talking about, these men who 421 00:33:43.079 --> 00:33:49.279 are just very secretive it's almost suspicious. That's just a side note. Anyway, 422 00:33:49.640 --> 00:33:52.960 Let's get into the j loo of it all, shall we. So 423 00:33:52.200 --> 00:33:58.519 Jlo put out this. It reminds me of Beyonce's Lemonade album, how she 424 00:33:58.599 --> 00:34:01.319 did a visual album. I love pretty much do the same thing, and 425 00:34:01.480 --> 00:34:05.920 the whole entire time it was kind of making fun of herself how she's like 426 00:34:05.960 --> 00:34:10.119 addicted to relationships and love. But it had a couple of really key moments 427 00:34:10.199 --> 00:34:15.559 that we can learn from here. One line from it that I really liked 428 00:34:15.639 --> 00:34:20.000 is the stars can speak their minds, but what is in the deepest of 429 00:34:20.119 --> 00:34:25.360 your heart is ultimately what's manifesting in your life or what manifests itself. And 430 00:34:25.519 --> 00:34:31.280 this is so true. It doesn't matter about their zodiac sign or what's happening 431 00:34:31.519 --> 00:34:36.320 or what's going on out there. What matters is what's in your heart, 432 00:34:37.079 --> 00:34:40.199 what's in your body, what's in your mind. That is what always manifests. 433 00:34:40.639 --> 00:34:45.119 Your heart is like sixty times stronger than your head. So whatever you're 434 00:34:45.320 --> 00:34:50.840 broadcasting emotionally on a daily basis is what you're going to attract more of. 435 00:34:51.440 --> 00:34:53.320 If you're attracting I don't feel good enough and I need someone else. In 436 00:34:53.400 --> 00:34:57.599 my life, you're going to attract people who make you feel not good enough. 437 00:34:58.119 --> 00:35:01.000 But if you're broadcasting, I'm fine on my own. I love myself 438 00:35:01.360 --> 00:35:06.559 even I love myself and I want a loving partner. You'll attract someone who's 439 00:35:06.639 --> 00:35:12.880 loving, But we have to be giving that love to ourselves. What's the 440 00:35:13.079 --> 00:35:20.239 medicine for all of us? What is like the golden that Bitch's positive rule. 441 00:35:21.400 --> 00:35:28.360 You have to give yourself love and attention. Yeah. So there was 442 00:35:28.440 --> 00:35:32.679 a scene where Jlo's having this dream and she meets back up with her younger 443 00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:37.840 self or her inner child, and the inner child is screaming at her, 444 00:35:37.239 --> 00:35:40.400 I didn't get enough love. I didn't get enough love. And j Loo 445 00:35:40.559 --> 00:35:45.559 goes from whom mom and dad and the child goes no, from you. 446 00:35:46.960 --> 00:35:58.840 You loved everyone else but me. Yesh, Don't all of us fall into 447 00:35:58.920 --> 00:36:04.159 that trap because we I think, if I get this relationship, I'm finally 448 00:36:04.199 --> 00:36:07.039 gonna feel accepted. If I get this relationship, I'll finally feel loved. 449 00:36:07.079 --> 00:36:12.880 If I get this relationship, I'll feel validated. If we just decide to 450 00:36:13.039 --> 00:36:15.719 give that validation, love, affection, and attention to ourselves, we got 451 00:36:15.760 --> 00:36:21.519 it. We got it, your inner child, lives on within you, 452 00:36:21.639 --> 00:36:25.199 but so does your inner wise adult, and you can decide differently. Now. 453 00:36:25.519 --> 00:36:34.000 I also love how in this This is Me Now visual album, it's 454 00:36:34.039 --> 00:36:39.239 not even just blaming her hurt on her parents. It's taking responsibility, and 455 00:36:39.400 --> 00:36:44.079 in taking responsibility over what you're broadcasting and who you are, you take your 456 00:36:44.119 --> 00:36:49.320 power back. Moral of the story is always gonna be you have to give 457 00:36:49.400 --> 00:36:57.559 yourself what you were craving that love. There is one scene in this visual 458 00:36:57.679 --> 00:37:00.960 album where there's a glass house and there's a bunch of couples that are fighting 459 00:37:01.079 --> 00:37:06.039 or screaming at one another, but they're connected to one another by this tied 460 00:37:06.159 --> 00:37:10.840 rope, and that's attachment. It's not love anymore. And even j Lo 461 00:37:12.039 --> 00:37:15.239 says, it felt like I thought I could die, Like during her breakup, 462 00:37:15.320 --> 00:37:19.960 she felt like she was gonna die. That's attachment. That is not 463 00:37:20.880 --> 00:37:24.599 love. Feeling like I need this person it's attachment. It's not love. 464 00:37:24.679 --> 00:37:29.280 And attachment is blind. Feeling like I'm gonna die if I don't have this 465 00:37:29.400 --> 00:37:34.119 person is not love. That's attachment. An attachment is blind thinking that it's 466 00:37:34.159 --> 00:37:37.719 okay that this person verbally or physically disrespects me. That's attachment. It's not 467 00:37:37.920 --> 00:37:45.480 love, and attachment is blind. Attachment is what keeps bringing us back on 468 00:37:45.679 --> 00:37:51.119 that rope to the same people or different people with the same emotional outcome, 469 00:37:51.599 --> 00:37:54.880 because we're attached to feeling like we have to be the caregiver, or attached 470 00:37:54.920 --> 00:37:59.199 to feeling like we have to take the disrespect, or attached to feeling like 471 00:37:59.239 --> 00:38:01.639 we have to be the people pleaser, feeling like we have to do everything 472 00:38:01.679 --> 00:38:10.320 for everyone all the time. Attachment is blind, not love. In the 473 00:38:10.440 --> 00:38:15.719 Bible, what they explain love to be, I feel like is the truest 474 00:38:15.800 --> 00:38:21.360 definition, because I don't know that any other book has wrote it so well. 475 00:38:21.519 --> 00:38:25.760 They say love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. 476 00:38:27.000 --> 00:38:30.039 It is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own 477 00:38:30.119 --> 00:38:35.840 way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice that wrongdoing, 478 00:38:35.920 --> 00:38:39.400 but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, 479 00:38:39.519 --> 00:38:45.400 hope all things, and endures all things. That's love. And if 480 00:38:45.480 --> 00:38:49.000 someone is mistreating you when you keep saying I have to stay, I have 481 00:38:49.079 --> 00:38:53.039 to stay, that's not love. That's attachment and attachment is blind. There 482 00:38:53.119 --> 00:38:59.079 are some people in my life. In my family, they have to be 483 00:38:59.159 --> 00:39:01.840 blocked. I can love them from afar, but I can't love them from 484 00:39:01.920 --> 00:39:10.119 up close. I can't, I can't. I will literally just it woant 485 00:39:10.159 --> 00:39:14.000 to be good for anybody. Okay, let's put it that way. There 486 00:39:14.079 --> 00:39:17.599 are some people in my life that I can't be friends with anymore. I 487 00:39:17.800 --> 00:39:22.239 had to release those people from my life because I can love them from afar, 488 00:39:22.519 --> 00:39:25.800 but thinking I need them in my life. That's attachment, and attachment 489 00:39:25.880 --> 00:39:30.440 is blind. And as positive bitches, we need to have our eyes wide 490 00:39:30.599 --> 00:39:36.920 open, wide open. And I know it's not always easy to set these 491 00:39:36.960 --> 00:39:42.199 boundaries or remove ourselves or remove another person because we get an emotional payout. 492 00:39:42.239 --> 00:39:45.800 We don't do anything for no reason. Everything we do has some sort of 493 00:39:45.840 --> 00:39:51.280 payout. Whether it's unconscious, emotional, or conscious, doesn't matter. We 494 00:39:51.440 --> 00:39:54.800 do things when there's some sort of payout. And sometimes we need these toxic 495 00:39:54.840 --> 00:40:00.679 people in our life because they allow us to keep rereading the city story that 496 00:40:00.760 --> 00:40:06.320 we've known our whole entire life. But that's living blind, and it's time 497 00:40:06.519 --> 00:40:10.280 to see ourselves as who we truly are, see the truth, see them 498 00:40:10.360 --> 00:40:15.960 for who they truly are. Because love isn't blind. I had to remove 499 00:40:15.079 --> 00:40:21.599 people actually so I could love them from afar. I had a block people 500 00:40:21.679 --> 00:40:24.199 so I actually could love them from afar because I can't love them up close 501 00:40:24.280 --> 00:40:30.159 because I was attached to them and they're not healthy for me. And history 502 00:40:30.519 --> 00:40:32.880 is never a good enough reason to have a future or present with someone. 503 00:40:34.440 --> 00:40:37.599 They need to be a healthy, a healthy influence in our life. We 504 00:40:37.719 --> 00:40:42.039 are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. If 505 00:40:42.079 --> 00:40:45.639 we're with someone who tells us that we're worthless makes us feel like we're worthless. 506 00:40:45.039 --> 00:40:50.920 We must believe we're worthless, and that comes down to us. That 507 00:40:51.840 --> 00:40:54.239 is up to us to make the change. They're not gonna change, It's 508 00:40:54.320 --> 00:40:58.000 up to you. Why are you relying on that person who seems to know 509 00:40:58.119 --> 00:41:06.320 nothing Anyway, It's time to take back our pen and write a new story. 510 00:41:07.280 --> 00:41:13.280 So what story are you gonna write? As always, the Sparkling Me 511 00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:16.280 honors of Sparkling You. If you enjoyed this podcast, please leave a positive 512 00:41:16.320 --> 00:41:23.280 review review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. I love talking to you on YouTube 513 00:41:23.320 --> 00:41:27.960 in the comments, so definitely interact with this video. Give it a like. 514 00:41:28.000 --> 00:41:31.639 If you enjoyed it, subscribe so that you know when videos are posted 515 00:41:32.440 --> 00:41:37.440 and I will see you, beautiful beautiful humans in the next one. By 516 00:41:46.320 --> 00:42:12.519 cancer m kids asked me kinds as me mm hm