Well, check, check and check well. This is the two seventeen Recovery
Podcast with Corey Winfield, who knows as soon as he gives a tour he's
gonna give her his heart to her too, and we'll have kids and getting
married. Dad's too far. It is the tenth of November twenty twenty three,
live recorded from the North Studio with very special guests with me today.
One is named Justin Burke, How are you today? Justin Fabulous? And
the others named Adam Stevens. How are you today? Adam? Now you're
doing good? How are you? Yeah? I had your mic commuted,
So how are you doing doing good? Yeah? We're gonna figure this whole
board thing out one day. Yeah. So it's the end of the week.
Good Friday, age. You guys have a pretty good week. Yeah
yeah, yeah, Well, how are you doing in recovery? Justin fabulous?
Okay, that's it. I guess how are you doing in recovery today?
Adam? I'm proud of myself nice being able to test it lately.
So that's nice. Okay, then, but test it? You don't mean
like, hey, I'm putting alcohol in front of me and I'm just gonna
stare at a more shot lass. Nope, no, life is testing me
and I am able to put my skills to work. Nice all that learning
you did and rehab. It's kind of like college you think about it.
You know, when you go to treatment centers. Some do this better than
others, but they kind of help help you explore those feelings and those thoughts
that would once lead us to drink or use. Right. Yeah, and
if you can retain that information and kind of work on it, it gets
a little easier. Eventually it makes some sense. You know. At first,
it's like I don't know, Yeah, how am I supposed to do
that? That's stupid. I remember when they were talking about for when I
have an issue, they would say, well, you need coping skills.
And I've done many episodes on coping skills, but I just don't believe in
coping skills, like I'm supposed to just cope with it. You cope with
it, but you have to kind of work yourself through it sometimes, you
know, like how is coloring going to help me through this? You know,
like how's painting going to help me through this? And I kind of
get it now because like weeding justin you know, you're a huge fan of
weeding cricket stuff, love it, cricket finally, love it. And but
for me, and I think you kind of agree with this, Adam,
it's just it's kind of soothing because you can just sit there, you can
kind of think you can kind of pick your way out of things. So
I think if you use that and at the same time while you're processing stuff,
it does help. But if you're just like coloring the color and then
you look at the picture and it's just like someone grabbed a cran like a
two year old and just scribbled it all down, it's probably not gonn really
help you as much. That may it could, I don't know, but
if it's working through that that stuff, it would sound like that, wouldn't
it, And that would be a thing. And then say, when you
do go lift weights, then you need to go for a run. Okay,
you go for a run, but then you come back and you're still
feeling that way because you didn't actually address the issue. And sometimes the issues
we have to address they're not the answers we want, you know, when
we start coming up in our own head, like that's not really the one
I want, Adam, and I had to talk earlier, and I was
telling them about some of the stuff that I find myself doing and I don't
know why, but it's things that I need to work on. For example,
my relationship with Marnie. She bends over backwards, she does that sounded
kind of dirt. The next sentence, I'm about to say, but she
does a lot for me, you know. But she does, and she
really loves me. She cares about me and she shows that all the time.
Am I giving that back to her? You know? I did an
episode where I thought, man, I really need to be a better husband,
you know, I need to do these little things. And justin you
were with me on Sunday when I didn't have my phone and I was like,
hey, can you text Marting because I think she needs something from Michael's.
Right. We were doing this art project for the art thing here at
the it's the Travers City Library for people in recovery doing art, and I
thought she wanted something for Michaels because I had seen a text from her earlier.
They said, hey, if you're going to Michael's and that's all I
could really read of it. So I didn't have my phone, so like
justin text marting and you're like, hey, she wants you to pick up
some cat food because your cat was crazy this morning or something. Yeah,
And I said, man, where's my man shit? And I said,
man, a cat don't need no different food. That cat just needs some
acceptance, you know, or whatever I was saying. You know, but
the cat was crazy as hell that morning. But I'm like no, because
the food she wants to buy is like fifty bucks or something. I'm like,
man, that's expensive. And she just bought the other food the other
day. She's like, the cat doesn't like it and that's why he was
being crazy. Yeah, but you'll eat it. It's not. Yeah,
that's why you have figured out when he's starving, he'll eat that food.
You know, not a big deal. But I saw I'm not going to
get it because that cat doesn't need new food. And so I go home
and she's like, oh, you should get the food. I said,
no, we got my message. Yeah, you didn't get the food.
That it's something I asked you to do. No, because that cat doesn't
need new food. Blah blah blah blah blah. And it's not about the
money, you know, it's if we were like holding on to our last
fifty dollars or something to be different. But we could afford, thank the
God, Thanks to God that we can afford to go out and buy some
cat food, you know, like we can put food on our cat's table.
Not that we're rich by any means, but we can at least do
something like that. And she asked me to do it, Like why couldn't
I just go do it? You're stubborn? Is that what? I don't
know? But it's just little things like that though that if I would ask
Martie to do something, she would have done it heartbeat without a question.
Yeah. She wouldn't be like, oh, well, Corey, you don't
need that extra thing of ice cream, you know, like, well,
I don't know why it needs a bum, I'm still going to get it
for him. Yeah, she would have. Yeah, So why why can't
I wrap my brain around it? Can you just do this for your wife?
I don't know. It's something, but it's like little things like that
that I need to get better. I think that would make me a better
husband. And I hope she doesn't listen to this because then she can ask
me all kinds of crazy shit. Let's put this to test. Corey,
I need these panties or can you get these these tampons? I'm like,
what tampon remover? Yeah, Corey, I need this stilldo from the sex
job? Wait? What whoa who knows? I'm just saying that's what I
would do. That's with somebody like, oh, you're really okay, Well
I need all those things analise and whatever. Yeah, some DestinE, I
don't know whatever people use and do. Yeah, but why can't I do
that? I don't know. But I need to be more self aware because
at the time I knew, yeah, I should probably go do this.
But at the same time, I was like, nah, cat don't need
it. Who cares? She has to do something man Like. It's not
like no, honey, I don't have any money to do that. That'd
been different, you know, but she'd be like, sell your drone or
a microphone or three, right, you know. But I don't know.
It's just little things like that. But I do notice, and next time,
like I said, hopefully I'll be able to at least pay attention to
myself and realize what I'm doing. I laughed at you at the time,
and I said, this could be our first fight or something about you know,
doing this and that, and I don't know, so I guess I
kind of knew, but I just thought she would understand that the cat will
eat the other food. Well, we didn't enjoy drinking bottom self stuff,
but we still did it, you know. Yeah. Yeah, desperate measures
call for desperate times. Cat ain't that desperate ra otherwise you'd beating it.
Oh you're okay, you're comparing the cat eating that food to drinking food.
Yeah. Yeah, And it wasn't like it was a different the cheaper brand
that the stuff you had was really expensive. And then I told Marnie too,
It's like, well, what are you gonna do? Take that back?
I can tell him that it was no good that you didn't enjoy it,
and she's like yeah, and she did. She took it back to
Meyer. Thanks Meyer. They're like, well it does stay on the bag,
satisfaction guaranteed. She said, my cat, I don't like this,
and Meyer was like, okay, cool, so it says on there.
So so she bought the stuff she needed from Meyer. So yeah, but
it was just one of those things, man, where again I have to
pay attention to what's asked of me into what does it really hurt me to
go get that stuff for it? No? Well, and that's the thing.
Would you have even went down that train of thought, you think if
you wouldn't have went through recovery to actually look at yourself in that situation,
I wouldn't have. No. Never, I just stayed mad at it and
try to make my point. And I think that's what you know, recovery,
I mean, that's what's doing it. Yeah, And of course I
say I didn't make the right decision. Then how I feel like if I
had to redo it, I would just go get it, you know,
to make her happy. But I didn't really know how much it meant for
her for me to pick that up. And again she bends more backwards for
me. Again not sexual well, I mean maybe, but just saying to
podcast, the stuff that she does for me is incredible, and here I
can't even do something simple. So hopefully next time I'll be able to address
that in a way that will present to her and show her that I do
care about her and that I do love her. Because yeah, sure,
you know, we give each other kisses, we see each other like,
that's cool. But how else do I really show her? You know,
and they had an opportunity right there and then just dropped it. Yeah,
I fumbled it, sure did that, poor little baby Kit you can play
that. Yeah, I'm gonna throw all these out. Thanks for you have,
Adam, you got a new nickname. No, that's my education,
that's my college. We were talking about that too. Justin said he's been
to college three times. Yeah, because your blockday. We read your blog
today. Yeah it wasn't very grammarily get get right. Yeah, read his
blog at two seventeen recovery dot com and comment and rate it. Apparently grammarly
doesn't catch everything. M apparently not. It gets you that super and we'll
pay for yours. Be in there all day, Like I can't get this
sentence done when you take one of them gets out of there, that's so
wrong. And they're just like, I'm just gonna leave it. I'm like,
you might want to change that. Maybe you're like, nah, I'm
just gonna leave it. It's personality. Half measures. What is that?
What's that saying? I don't know. It's about half measures. Yeah,
didn't work, half stuffing. Yeah, that's just half asset. It avails
us nothing. Yeah, Corey doesn't mind if I half assed stuff, pouring
my heart into that blog. Thanks for calling it half ass. I'm gonna
go home and cry later. Well you get get out of here. No,
it was. And your blog was about the things that you you lost,
you know, and one of them you said was your family, and
I think more directly your daughter. Yeah, and now you see your daughter
every weekend. And you did get that back, and people told you you'll
get it back tenfold, and you're like, I don't think so. And
now you look back at it and you're like, Wow, that didn't take
as long as I thought. Probably right, not at all, Like you're
yeah, it's really not that long, you know, But back three years
ago, two years ago, you'd have been like, that's never gonna happen.
You were held up in jail and just all in the cell by yourself
and box box of Kleenexes. That looks a little funny. What what jail
were you in where you got a box of Kleenex? Oh you didn't get
a box of clean x. No, you're lucky to get toilet paper.
I just was watching the show on Time whe they had a box of Cleenex
and the guy like put some motion in it. Like he like kind of
parted it a little bit. He didn't take any of the tissues out,
made himself a fife m P P no other called feefees. I was just
saying that with the term I'm looking for as a P. And then there's
another P in one of them's pocket. Got you, That's what I was
picturing. Yeah, fife Okay, incarcerations are called fifees. Okay. Yeah,
So anyway, that's where you were with your fifee, you know,
thinking I'll never see my daughter again. I don't think you would have been
thinking about that with your fife. But no, what did you think about?
Well, I was in jail using like drugs, not your fife.
No, okay, I don't have one. Yeah that had a major time,
go a little faster, bro stare at a bunch of dudes, and
I don't know what I'm not saying. I got my mental past the time.
It seems like, no, wait, so you thought about using like
like I'm gonna get out of here and I'm gonna call up fife Jackson and
Whoa or whatever his name was or her name was, and you're gonna start
using again, Like as soon as I hit the streets, I know who
to call, like like that kind of thinking or yeah, so you're like
setting it up to like when I got out of here, man, And
what changed that probably the pain of my mom's eyes when I said that.
Yeah, I got back to her house. So I was out for like
an hour and a half, like I'm gonna go get high. Called up
my dealer. He was like, well, you know where I live at.
I was like, you won't come pick me up. He was like,
nope, you can walk here if you want to get high. Mhm.
So You're like, all right, Mom, see you later, I'm
gonna go get high. Yeah, And she just looked at you all disgusted,
like really, And so I just I didn't do it, decided to
go to treatment instead. Would you say that was a good choice. Yeah,
probably one of the best choices you've ever made. In it was and
not just the fact that you want treatment and you learn about yourself and you
learned you know, tools and different things, but you really got a sense
of like, I can be somebody. I can be a better person.
I don't have to be that old justin that got my ass locked up,
like I can change my life, right, and some people. That's it's
hard for him to find that man. Right. I went to treatment,
met you like four days later, and yeah, I had a great time.
Never laughed so hard in my life. I wish I could have been
there for that. That would have been fun. I want those memories in
my head. That's funny. But I'm glad that you picked up on like,
hey, you know, we can have fun and we can we can
do things in recovery. And I never laughed so hard of my life like
this. This guy's got something and I want that, you know. And
I've heard him say that many times AA meetings and stuff's like oh see this,
you know, and I'm on what that guy has. I want this
and that they don't mean to like physically go to their house and start taking
their shit, you know what they mean, like the inner happiness, yeah,
peace, the joy you feel. And I didn't have really shit,
Like Marty and I just got together, move into a place. She had
a job. I had like a oh it was that COVID money. Yeah,
yeah, that COVID money, which was nice unemployment stuff. That that
is really what helped me with two seventeen recovery, allowing me to you know,
take people to them from treatment. Was having that, so that was
that was good for us, but we didn't like have all the stuff that
we wanted in the world, you know. And I was going back to
school to take our student loans just so we could kind of keep afloat.
And it was tough, but I was still content, you know. I
was still happy with life and where I was at, where I was going,
you know, like I still had plans for myself. And I'm glad
you picked up on that justin and that I was. Maybe it inspired you,
I don't know, but it is. It's a really good point that
you know. That is I don't want to say lucky, but it is
lucky that your brain said that at that time, because a lot of people
are just one track at that point, you know, like you're just getting
out. You're thinking about it for however long you're in there, you know
what I mean. I mean, that's that's a big deal to have that
revelation in your own head at that time. It really is, right,
you got like ten eleven months where you're just thinking, yeah, man,
I get out of here and I'm gonna go see Fifi Jackson. We got
high and we got high, and we get high. I can't wait to
see him then, Like the whole time you're checking out, grabbing all your
crap, you're thinking, yep, a couple hours man, Yep, it
was rough. And to see that look in your mind. She needs to
teach me how to do that look to you like that. No, it's
not. That's a mother look. You'll never have it. No, No,
my mom's luck. Right, I'm just kidding mile. Yeah, I'm
not even gonna hit a sound effect for that. One. Can't do it,
man. Yeah. So do you guys have big holiday plans? Because
that's another thing for people around the holidays. It's a lonely time. Sometimes
they get in their own head and there's somebody right now, probably not listening
to this podcast, but they've already set their plan in motion for Thanksgiving and
Christmas. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm going to a concert day
before Thanksgiving. Supposed to be moving that weekend. Oh nice, Yeah,
that's about it. No dinner plans, that's okay, but you had them.
Oh man, I haven't thought that far ahead, be honest with you.
It actually, I mean that is something I've been thinking about a lot
lately is you know, where I'm at my recovery and everything. It's like
I probably should have I don't want to say mended things, but like me
and my sisters, you know, that's really all I got other than my
dad, you know, and stuff, you know, for holidays, would
be my sisters. And my one sister has five boys, and my other
sisters got a couple of kids too. But yeah, homeschools. All five
boys. Oh lord. Put them on a watch list immediately when the last
one was born. I think the oldest was seven, so she had five
boys from seven to baby. You know, like that's not but it's been
kind of hard trying to find a like a nineteen twenty year old. Hold
on, mitche, I don't think they're that old, but maybe they are.
But that's that's insane though. That's a lot of boys, right,
it's a whole baseball team almost, you know, it's a basketball team starting
basketball team. School, Lucky school. They're homeschool, so oh yeah,
that's right. Put them on the watch list. Yeah, they But that's
the thing, is I gotta that's just one of those there's no real bad
feelings. Of course, there was like a little stressed strained things before my
last trip to rehab and so but yeah, so that's something I really kind
of point out to me that I gotta I've got to mend those because i'd
love to see those boys for the holidays. Usually we were on a track
where with them it was every other year they'd go to his parents and then
with us and stuff, and so it's with all my crap, it just
kind of got out of like, well, we don't really need to worry
about going to hang out with at him because he's drunk, you know,
or whatever, or I just went go. I'd be invited and I want
to go. So yeah, I think that would be awesome. I'd really
love to I gotta do that this year. I think there'd be an opportunity
to do something anyway, so that'd be cool. Yeah, sometimes you gotta
be the person that makes that first move too. Yeah. Yeah, but
I think that's where it's at, and I know, I know I'll get
a good reception, you know. Oh no, we don't want sober Adam
around. They're like, wow, you're just a bit you know, like
never mind, Well that's the difference. That's the difference in my family too.
With you know a lot of people are like, oh, I don't
want to go to the Holidays because everyone's gonna be drunk. I really don't
have to worry about that so much anymore. A lot of my family's actually
in recovery, and like my sister, and they don't they just doesn't have
don't have a problem with it, you know. But so yeah, so
that, yeah, it's all, it's all good. It's all just gotta
kind of happen, you know, or come together good. Would you did
your sister or anybody like that ever say oh, you can't be around my
kids until you stop drinking? Yeah, I know, I think the I
think the more the way I was is they really didn't have to worry about
it so much because I was such an isolator, you know, you know
you were coming around like, yeah, I wasn't trying to act like I
wasn't, you know what I mean there, I know, there was a
couple of times where I show I was there and I was you know,
I was basically maintaining I don't know if they knew it was one of those,
you know, those situations where you're not quite bad yet, but obviously
it'll get there. So I do remember a couple of holiday things where I
just kind of snuck outside and righted myself and went back in and so but
it never luckily, you know, it's another one of those yetes. It
would have, but luckily I never made a fool of myself in that way
with them. But it could have happened, But like I said, I
really minimized it because I wouln't have gone unless I knew I could handle myself.
So my sister tried that with me where she said that, you know,
you won't be around my kids if you keep drinking. And I was
like, okay, like those I love those kids and they're my nephews.
But like they never bought me alcohol, right, you know, like okay,
whatever, you know, Like but that's how powerful alcohol is, Like
that's not gonna help you. Like if hey, you don't come around here
if you're drying, okay, see it or not? Like I don't care,
Like alcohol took over my brain, Like like that's that's a kind of
a cruel way to look at it, but that's the truth of it,
you know, Like if you can't do it for I'm gonna do it for
my kids. Well and that's you know, you guys know me, and
people listening don't. But that's like that's my whole thing, you know.
And it didn't matter to me. I mean, it mattered, but it
didn't stop anything. Like I knew what I was doing to my son and
stuff. He was old enough to be realizing all of it and witnessing it.
And you know, even though it broke my heart, I'm doing it
while it's breaking my heart because I can't. I can't help it, you
know. Yeah, and then it just just rolls and out of control,
you know, and then you're on a train. You can't stop it,
and now you're drinking even more, and now it's, yeah, the shame,
the guilt, and then the sickness sets in. So now you're trying
to fight that too. It's becoming this monster, and you're just out of
control, you know, until you can go to rehab or to kind of
detox or at least get some kind of help for yourself. Like I'm trying
to get this help for these f and pop ups. I'm not sure how
mit been watching porn again? Turn off all notifications, Yes, I did
that like five times today, and the new iPhone app don't upload that crap
the new iOS system. Oh it's horrible. She just looks different. Your
phone works different, Like what's getting you prepared for our new phones? Stupid?
Hate it? I should download it? You should, but good luck.
I'm telling you if you mess your stuff up anyway, back to back
to recovery stuff. The thing that you can do for your kid, if
you want to be there for your kid, is to be sober. Like
if you're like, well, I want to be there for my kid,
I want, well, well you want your kid to have a sober dad,
well, then be sober, you know, like, if you want
to be there for your kid, then be sober. You know, by
being sober, you can be there for your kid. And your kid can
have a father or a mother, But you have to do that for yourself.
It's that your kid can have those things. That's how I kind of
look at it. But you know, well, we'll see how my family
stuff goes this time, because we went down there for a birthday party,
and of course birthday party is a little different. But there's there's some people
who they just remind me of me. You know, they don't care about
anything, and they're going to drink because they think they can drink and their
an adult, they can drink. Okay, sure, but there's also people
like me who cannot have one drink. Like I, if I was going
to have a birthday party, let's just say there's another situation that came up.
You know, it's like birthday party for my seven or eight year old,
I probably well, first of all, I would have been not with
anybody, and I probably wouldn't have add any kids or whatever. But I'm
just saying like, if if I was I could have I could hold it
together because I wouldn't want the whole neighborhood knowing that I was drunk, right,
So I would hold it together and not drink at all because having two,
three, four, five six beers that's not gonna it's like I do
it. Some people will be like, oh, well, by drinking there,
I'll show the neighborhood that I can do it. But then you have
to rewind the whole situation to what I started with. You're at an eight
year old, seven year old whatever birthday party, you have to be drinking,
Like, come on, bro, Like for what that's My brain didn't
even pick up on it, because that's not how we work, right,
But some people be like, well, no, I was drinking there to
prove that I can't handle it. Why were you drinking at a birthday party?
You know, like that doesn't make sense, that's not normal. You
have a problem, you know, But then you can't tell somebody they have
a problem because they won't listen to you. I didn't listen to anybody.
I knew I had a problem. I was shaking all the damn time.
But then when I said I had a problem, didn't want anyone else tell
me I had a problem, right, yeah, yeah, Oh it was
real rude who they think they are. But having someone like myself or you
guys who have been through this, like when I call them the kettle black,
you know, like we're just saying the kettle's hot and you're on the
stove, so that's we're just letting you know. And it's not that you're
a bad person. It's not either you're doing bad things, but you know,
these things kind of came up though at the birthday partner, I'm like,
I just don't want to be around drunk people, you know. And
there are people in the family that still have this like thing of like well,
I don't have a problem. I don't have a problem, and there's
something that just don't really want to address it, and that's cool, that's
their life. And then I get asked, well, how come we don't
say something to this person or this person. I'm like, because it's not
my job. Yeah, but you just reach out to this other person.
I was like, well that was a little different situation, you know,
Like this other person. I was just like, yo, I'll be around
if you need any advice on some issues, you know. But that's all
I can do, you know, is help them with them. Of course,
we know how to get people to treatment, you know, and sometimes
people don't know how to go to treatment. Yeah, that's the really lost
on people because when I first started, I had no idea what to do.
My boss offered treatment and or you know stuff, and I had no
idea what it would even be anyway, you know. And that's a whole
nother process of like, Okay, so I have to go admit to other
people in this world that I'm a bad person, and that's how you feel.
You feel like, Okay, I'm tarnished, I'm trash, I have
this issue and I don't want to go tell anybody else that, but really,
in reality, you and I know it's not like that. You know,
people don't think you're trash. You're going to go into treatment. You're
not the first person to ever go, and it could be outpatient even,
you know, like whatever, it can work, because not everybody can just
take the time off to go to treatment. If you don't do something about
it, you will have plenty of time off because you're not gonna have a
job, you're not gonna have a house. It's progressive. We were talking
today at the Detox across the street and one lady was like, it's so
progressive. How she started drinking when she was thirty five. A woman over
there told us. And you think, oh, wow, she's in the
clear. She made it past her evil twenties. No, she'ld have got
her as she was then, you know, going out to these places with
people having these acceptable drinking times during happy hour and after work. And then
she said she started hiding bottles around the house, you know, and next
thing you know, she can't stop it. And she literally said that that
was her first drink. Yeah, she was thirty five, going out with
teachers or something. And now it's like because I can kind of relate,
like a lot of my twenties, I didn't barely drink at all, but
I had already drink and all that, you know, But that just that
does show people though, because I started again when I was thirty and by
thirty five I was in rehab a couple of times or whatever. You know
what I mean it it's progressive even if you're not drinking. I don't really
remember my twenties too busy getting whack, right, And it sucks because you
kind of want to go back and remember and nothing you can about it.
At least she can remember your your thirties, thirties and forties justin that's right,
that's all he can do. Yeah, I don't remember much of thirty
six, thirty seven, thirty six, thirty seven, whoa so old this
guy? Oh wait, so thirty seven. Yeah, the end of thirty
seven was pretty bad. But yeah for me, yeah, thirty six that's
my my eye opener. And even after that, you know, I still
drink, so don't right. We heard that song from Seither Fine Again.
They had a new acoustic album come out, and if you really listen to
find Again, he's talking about you know, being in the throes of addiction,
and you know, he goes and he'll go to rehabber, he'll get
fixed, or he'll be sober for a minute, and then that people tell
him, oh, he'll be fine, he'll be fine, and so he
keeps going through this process of oh, I'll be fine again, you know,
and then it goes into where he says that like the girl or whatever
said she's leaving or she's done or something, it's over. So I said
said it's over, and he says it was like a sigh of relief.
You know, he felt relief again, you know, because I remember being
nagged and told, oh, you know you got to do this, you
gotta do this. And then it says in there that you know, you
call me a liar, and how many times have we been called a liar?
You know, like oh, I'll never drink again. I'm never going
to do it again. And then boom, you do it again. Oh
you fn liar. You told me you were done, You told me you
were never going to drink again. All that is part of addiction. And
then when when he felt relief when she said it's over, that's because the
nagging, like Okay, finally, you know, it's one part that I
don't have to focus on anymore. Yeah, I can give it. I
don't have to worry about that anymore. Yeah, I don't have to worry
about somebody nagging me or doing this, or disappointing anybody, or lying so
to somebody again. You know, when we weren't lying when we said we'll
never do it again. We really meant it when we said it at that
point, And people don't realize how much we beat ourselves up more than they're
doing any way. And then so when you hear it from other people,
you're like, no shit, you know, but you don't want to hear
it because you're already telling yourself that, Yeah, you're already feeling like a
squish bug underneath your shoe, and then hearing them say it's just squishing it
in even more. And I don't know, I don't even know what would
you replace liar with. It's like, I'm not a liar, I'm I
get fooled or you know what I mean, or because I believe it when
I say it, I mean I want it as much as they want it,
probably more because the way you know, But yeah, it's it's not
a lie. I don't know what to call it. I mean, it's
we're deceived as much as anybody. Yeah, I don't know. It's just
a fucking trick, deception by addiction or addiction deception or something, because and
we think, oh, nope, I got the plans figured out this time.
I know what I'm going to do. Here's my plan, you know,
and then sometimes there's some way we fall off of that, whether it
be well, I don't need to hit a meeting tonight, or I don't
I don't really need to do this or do that. You know, you
start slacking the next thing. No, you're right back in it again.
And if I could give families any advice with that stuff too, it'd just
be like when you're thinking that someone's not trying, do they keep going?
You know what I mean, because that's really all it is, like,
you can't you don't if you take a few steps. Are they learning?
Are they learning when they mess up? If they learn something each time,
it's getting better. And that's all you can really ask for. I mean,
that's all I That's all I could do is learn from my mistakes,
because the mistakes are coming you know, you don't know what you don't know
until you know it, and then go get your ass on probation. That
usually helps, right if you're not a big fan of jail, get your
ass on probation. I got jail and probation. Hell yeah, you overdid
it. Let's see if you listen to this podcast before you went in,
maybe you just it's just a little probations when it because I don't like Jael,
well, they would probably just gave me a little probation. But I
didn't show back up to my sunseen court date. I was like, I
don't need to go to that. I like jail. Don't let me know
what's going on Tennessee. Instead, get your ass yeah lifted, oh Grand
Rapids? Is it worth it? No even to think about it? Like,
well, I got my life. I did get These Jordans were pretty
sweet. No, but that's a good point though. If you didn't,
yeah, you know, that's exactly what you needed. Right now, I'm
not saying to go to the store with your friend and like going there and
give me that PS five. It's going to change your life. Boy,
those are behind locked cages now. I'm just saying that somebody probably is a
key somewhere. That's why you bring your friend just throw them into it.
Yeah, that's smart thinking what if you got what if you got caught?
What's I'm like gonna say it until I ask you, what's the most embarrassing
thing you can get caught shoplifting tampons? I think so for you it would
be I guess for a guy, Yeah, I mean if I'm buying it
for myself, it'd be like women's underwear or something. Maybe that's where I
was gonna go. Yeah, Like if you got caught a bunch of Victoria's
Secret panties, So what what is got your ass? Oh? Caught me
in panties? What you went for? I had some victorious secret panties.
I shut them down my pants and I ran out the store and not here
a guy yell, got your an? He got me? Not me here?
What you went for? Beating up a guy who stole some panties from
Victoria's Secret. My wife runs that store. Take a food off our table.
And then he'll be like, ah, I got your ass two times
because you can't ride. I'm in here with you and get beat up in
jail. Would you get beat up for man? Did you take that dude's
food? No, man, I say, I have robbed at Victoria's secret
store. That happened to be that guy's husband. Beat up. Some guy
wasn't me, though, but he made sure to beat me up in here
again. I'm just saying, don't steal pennies, no, do don't steal
anything, really don't. There's really not a way to go about it.
Yeah you will, and it's just it's a bad thing. Some people are
addicted to stealing. Yeah, rush isn't gratification. I didn't have to favor
that ship OUs Dunham's buying one of my sweat sits week and the guy was
like, there's no I was like, there's no security tag on that ship.
I was like, that should have been free. He didn't find an
amusing Yeah, Adam did, though. I thought that was funny. The
old me would have just walked out of the door. Well, I just
think it's funny because I just think it's ridiculous nowadays. You know, like
when I was working at Low's, I realized that, oh, you can
just walk out of a store and no one can do anything about it nowadays.
Not that I'm promoting that, I think it's fucking ridiculous, but it
is. It's that's literally the way it is. You can't do anything about
it. Home Depot does the same thing. Yeah, Walmart. I guess
Walmart's gonna could shut down because of all their shoplifting. I doubt that they
got lost prevention. They'll tackle you. Don't believe that nonsense? Yeah,
Walmart. I've seen that Walmart before. I believe I've been tackled at Walmart.
Yeah. And Grand Rapids oh yeah, yeah. But Home Loves Home
DEEPO and Lows they have that thing where well, we're not gonna mess with
it. And I was like I almost didn't work there because I was like,
well, I wanted to work in retail. I want to tackle someone
trying to show uplift. That's like the fun. Well a lot of those
people, though, is where they get them. And this makes sense is
they'll come back to the store or a different store, and I'll try to
sell it back to the store and be like, hey, I need to
return this. Yeah, and that's when they got your ass going and return
it up three times at the store here and then on and gets you in
a database and they're like okay, well this was their purchase. So got
your ass. Yeah, yeah, so I mean that's kind of a sneaky
way to do it, but yeah, I just don't steal. It's just
not a not a soulful thing. No, but if you're listening to this
podcast, you probably don't steal anyway. If you made it this far through
this episode, I'd like to congratulate you. And you want a free two
seventeen recover reshirt, just sign up on the website. What's the website to
seventeen recovery dot com? Here you go, slash contest. Hey, there
you go, and you can get the app too, which is from the
play Store, Google Store. Adam's on the app and Google. Yeah,
adm, Adam and Mitch all on the app about time. Yeah, I
did that about a week ago. I think I didn't even know when you
told me that that I wasn't on there. I go. Always started a
website. I've got the no, I go to the app for podcasts.
But whatever, whenever I check stuff, I check on the website and it
hit the team button. Once you get our app, which is free,
you can listen to every episode of the podcast, which I don't know if
it is good or bad. We haven't broken down in the years. And
then the latest episodes obviously are the ones going now. But when you get
in your app, Adam, I was just talking to Mitch about it yesterday.
I can't remember. We had some kind of idea about something. Oh,
it was when Mitch was working on uh single and TC, uh sober
and single and TC or something on a Facebook group. Okay, he's making
one. He's trying to get me to good minute. But yeah, that's
what I was talking. We should make an app, the sober dating app.
They don't have one of those. I'm sure they do, but I
don't think so. I don't know my phone, my phone's in my pocket.
I feel like I don't know. Sober dating App's gotta be sober singles.
That's what other names could there be? Sober dating, one Date,
sober Dating, lucid, clean, sober Love, Sober grid, hinge dating,
meat club, soda, mmmm, adult hookup. I know a good
one, yeah, sure, Justin does. I don't need it. I
don't know if it's still there, and I don't know if I have the
name exactly right, but I think it is. So it's for the funeral
and burial industry, and it's called coldmeat dot com. I don't get out
of here for I think it's coldmeat dot com. You know. Oh it's
a website. Yeah. I haven't looked at it in probably seven or eight
years. It was when I worked at the other place, the subway surfers.
Nice. Ah, that's crazy, like that would be a creepy dating
site. Yeah, I mean once you're in it, I mean, everybody's
normal people. There's definitely creepy people that work in that industry, I guess.
But at the end of the day, like the person that showed me
was I mean, I can't get into too many details, but it was
an attractive funeral director from around here, you know. And it I mean,
it's like anything else I think. You know, I didn't try it
that you want to date someone who's in the same line of work as you
If that's your line of work, that'd be weird. Well the thing is
though, I mean yeah, but it's also is weird you know, to
normal people, regular people that don't you know, so there is some understanding
there, you know what I mean, what's your body count? Today?
I had to burn this one guy and big old wiener I didn't see it.
Well, I mean I probably saw Wieners at some point. But see
how many dead people do you think you've seen in your life? The actual
body probably only like fifty. You need therapist. Know, there's some issues
going on here because that's not normal for peopleboard boxes when they get slid into
the fire. Well yeah, but there's situations. I mean, we could
get into it. I mean, there are things that you can check to
So pacemakers explode, so that's not good. They explode bad. Yeah,
and uh, body fat matters. That's like nape not napalm, but whatever,
it's fuel. Uh but yeah, I don't know, I mean I
could go on, but there, Yeah, there's just stuff to check sometimes
and they don't always come uh in the box already. They might come with
the funeral home and need to be placed in their final Did you ever see
like oh that can that dude got some jewelry on or they take that stuff
off. Yeah, I mean as far as I know. I mean,
so metal has to be removed after the process. So but yeah, generally
jewelry family is going to have and if not, then some people do like
certain things to be cremated with body. But well somebody has some gold teeth,
they melt sometimes getting that back. So I don't know, because the
thing that's what I was always told is that the gold descent not disintegrates.
I don't know. We could pull a tooth out pretty easy that I would
assume. Well, yeah, not me, no, but that's I mean,
you see that stuff and it gets, it gets. We had we,
you know, dispose of it and a certain way. There wasn't really
any I don't know if there was any real regulations, but we as a
company did everything is nice as possible, I guess so that families would you
know what I mean, like you just never I don't know. There's a
lot of bad stories about crematories that people don't do things the right way.
So I'm just agree throw it out there. Is not a doctor or professional
of anything really, but that's not a good job to have if you're an
early recovery throwing it out there. So if you're thinking about maybe getting a
new job, and you're like, you know, maybe I'll go down to
the crematory place and see if I can get a job there. Don't don't
do that. No, Yeah, then we could get deep into that,
but it there there's a history of that being for people, and I hope
they had the good because like here, we have pretty good assurance. I
want you guys seeing people. I want you guys talking to people. Get
that stuff, because you can't be like going around recovery coaching people telling them
you start to therapists, even though I do this, but I was gonna
say, do you find a therapist? Yeah, I do live with a
therapists. It doesn't count. You cannot use your life, it kind of
does. Know. Then we have a mouse now it's name Susan. It's
my old therapist. But I'm looking whatever. But but no, but at
least like we have that here. But like at the funeral home, they
should guarantee you, like hey, like you got therapy set up and everything.
They should. I don't know if they did, but they didn't.
And that's you know, and as I think about it, I mean,
it is, I mean, all parts of that business. It's a thing,
you know. I mean obviously I and that was me. I started
when I was nineteen, you know, worked there for fifteen years and didn't
even realize the slow progression of the depression and everything. But it is,
I mean, you only hear certain stories all the time, and every now
and then you get a nice story from a little old lady in the cemetery,
and you you know it's nice. But uh yeah, I mean so
much of it as shit. Some of the stuff I some of the stories
I heard of the tragedies is just like, how does that happen? How
does that happen? You know? And yeah, but it was a recession.
There wasn't shit for jobs for that whole decade. I mean I remember
at one point there was a place in Cadillac and ice cream place and Cadillac
that was hiring for one position, and two hundred people applied for that to
work at an ice cream shop. I remember that time. But sold a
lot of drugs, right, I could have found a job. I'm sure
it worked. It's crazy well by working here, I got to tell you
guys, this excellent park that you get not even for me. What's that
but Nolan Building Company. I don't think that's the actual name of them.
But the people who rent this office to us is giving us pies. That's
fabulous. Yeah, we get to go to the Grand Travers Pie Company.
Great place. They support people in recovery. Go looking out love them,
Yes, big fans. They're big fans of people in recovery, so I
love them even more now exactly. But they are the Jill Nolan who like
said, Princess's play this place. She's giving us those sweet So yeah,
was that for everybody on the team? Tyrone included Mm hmm, that's awesome.
He deserves a free pie. So we got six employees, but I
said, well, hold on because Martie and I could share the pie.
Said we have five. That was sweet. But it was sweet of them.
You know. She's like, oh, because you rent from us,
and this is what we do for people who rent from us. And I
was like, oh, that's awesome. And we missed the fourth July party.
I think we had we had something going on. But yeah, like
that's that's really sweet that she would do that for us. So big props
to hers. It's awesome. Next time I see her, All, yeah,
give me that, give me that certificate. Where's that at? You
gave him to Corey two weeks ago? What? But that that is sweet
of them. And yeah, so we get free pies and we get free
therapy. Yeah, it's pretty nice, isn't it? Tell you what you
guys, got it pretty good. I'm happy. I'm glad that we can
hire people with disabilities right now, even though we don't get anything for it,
but we're working on it. Well, you and I had and we
were the ones with the real disability, and Mitch, justin, according to
the state, you don't have one anymore. So what Yeah, I know
that's bullshit. I know, And it seems like you're the one with the
disability. Yeah, I'm the biggest rear here get but I know unfortunately we
don't get anything for that, right so whatever, Well, do you guys
look like you want to get out of here? So h three something depends
what clock you look at in my office. Oh, it's about four forty.
It's about six o'clock. It's about four forty. But now, let
let's spy. Let's wrap it up. Though, I appreciate you guys coming
to the office and wanting to jump on a podcast last minute without a run
sheet. Well, but thanks again, guys, and have a great weekend.
Good luck and fantasy except justin bad luck for you. I don't need
it. Thanks for listening to the two seventeen Recovery podcast. We hope you
come back for our next episode,