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a decision. I'll face sunny sunord on. I had a vision night,
So what's up everybody? Welcome to for crying out. Hello, Happy Friday,
Happy Friday. It's Friday. Yy. This brings me back to old
old episodes. Yes, where that literal Friday? It's Friday. It was
popular. We're making fun of it. Yep, Frida, it's the weekend.
Uh. You know. I sometimes when I leave Phil alone, I'll
put the TV on so that he feels like he's got company and I don't
know if you've seen this on Netflix. They have the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.
I cannot wait to watch this. It's so good. Everyone's saying how good
it is. It's so good, And so I left it for Phil to
watch because it just goes to the next episode, next episode. But yeah,
I watched it. You haven't seen it yet. It's well, Phil
loves like hot ladies, that's what I thought. Yeah, I thought,
you know, us a lot of pom poms, a lot of things to
love. Phil loves like American Idol. So Phil loves those kind of reality
shows where people get eliminated. Yeah, he prefers like the competition type shows.
Yeah. Yeah, it's really good. It's really good. It's so
good that I looked up because they would show like flashbacks of when somebody got
cut, and I was like, what, why is there flash I thought,
you know, so then I looked it up. It's they have twelve
seasons of the show. What, yes, they just go from year to
year of tryouts, and well, how did it just suddenly get popular now
because it's on the Netflix. I don't understand. I mean, I guess
what they did is they did because I looked at the TV show version and
it's like cheesy and they don't play the music like on the Netflix version.
You hear the ACDC Thunderstrike song, Thunderstruck song, and like on the shell,
you know, it's all like, you know, just fake music,
you know, like maybe some real songs, you know, but nothing good.
So anyway, and it wasn't shot the way it's shot it was.
This Netflix version is completely different. It's so different. It shot really well,
like a documentary style with the real music, you know, and it's
it's really good. And they show, you know, veteran like the women
from the year before still have to try out. They have like you know,
hundreds of people try out or whatever. Then once they even make it
to training camp, the training camps like two months long, eight weeks and
they still can still cut you. You could even get fitted in your uniform,
get your boots fitted for your foot, and they still cut you.
They can still cut you. Well, do you remember, I mean in
the eighties, I think it was the eighties, there was that making of
the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. There was that they there was they had a show
or it was a special or it was I don't remember, but it was
super popular. Yes, and they talked a lot about the weight, like
their weight, they had to be a certain weight. I'm sure they don't
do that anymore. No, No, I mean I don't remember them saying
anything in that, Like if you're working out the way these women are doing.
I mean they're going, going, going every single day, just long
hours. And they have real jobs too. One of them is a uh,
you know, a dentist during the day, yes, and then they
they go and you know, do rehearsals and tryouts at night. So you
know, they they have jobs, but they have to because they don't get
paid very much, right, right, right, they don't get paid very
much. But yeah, so it's it's really good. It's interesting. I
want to start that today. Yeah, it's good. Highly recommend it.
I really like low brow TV. I know, I like it. I
like both. I was like, oh, I finally watched Presume Innocent.
Did you have seen it? I don't think so. You haven't seen it
with Jake Jillenhall. No, I so good. Okay, is it a
movie TV show? It's the TV shows, Like I think it's six or
eight episod there's already like five almost six episodes out. I gotta start.
I gotta write this down. Jesus all right, presumed, and I said,
yes, Caitlin, you were watching it, weren't you. I watched
one. No, I watched about like twenty minutes of the first episode,
and you didn't like it. Amy really wants to watch it. It's good,
so I don't want to watch it without her, And yeah, I
wasn't super. I have plenty of other things to watch at the moment,
so it's not sci fi for him. Yeah, it's good. It's really
good. So the other day, yesterday, I had some people over to
write postcards political, you know, to get out the vote yet because I'm
a really good person and want people to have voting rights. So I had
some people over and they were more intellectual than me. Let's just say,
they're talking about shows, and I just was wishing to be like sitting with
you guys, because they kept saying shows that they were like, ah,
the Sympathizer, have you seen that show? And I was like turning the
war, but there was I'm sure The Sympathizer is a good show. They
were just like harder shows. And then even one of them was like she
was like, you got to watch the show. It's a British show.
And I'm like, I'm out, you know, but it was it sounded
good. It was about dog shows, but it was like a British show,
and I'm like and then and then she's like, I mean they do
all those shows better, like the British Baby or whatever, like, yeah,
they do. I like the like BBC channels stuff like some movies and
stuff TV shows that have come out. But I'm like presumed innocent. I'm
like Jake Jillenhall, Yes, okay, you already got me. I'm in
on that. You know. It's like reading books. It's like, you
know, there's it's historical fiction. No thanks, you know, I'm like
you that sounds up my alley, the Carolyn Kepness book. You know.
I'm like, oh, there's a murder, yes please, But like reality,
yes, historical fiction, there's no cell phones, no thanks. I'm
sorry, I'm not I'm not no real weight. You're saying there's no Real
Housewives in it. If he's not hosting the reunion of it, I know.
And then I feel bad and I'm like I need to widen my horizons.
But you know, there's so much competition for our attention these days that
if I start watching something, I will forget about it right away. Yeah.
Yeah, something that John and I were Oh, what's that one that
was with the Madmen era? And it was with I want to say somebody
from Saturday Night, Like, okay, now I'm going to forget a TV
show or a movie. It was. It was a streaming show called and
it took place it was like Vegas in the seventies, I want to say
her sixties. It's like felt like very mad Men. And it was supposed
to be funny. I was supposed to be funny. You know what.
You might have to edit this out because I'm gonna have to ask John what
it was. But anyway, okay, John and I were both it was
at the Postcards thing and they're like, oh, did you see such and
such a show? And John and I were both like, yeah, we
watched an episode of it, and then I lost interest in episode. Even
though it's supposed to be buess in the seventies, I would be into.
Yeah. It was with name some female people from SNL that are not on
anymore that were the biggest, the biggest, No, no, no,
the biggest ones from recent Yeah, oh my god, you might have to.
Oh, I know what you're talking about on Apple TV. Yes,
and it's the She's from Bridesmaid Her Yes, yes, Royale something Royale that
Yeah, no it but I could see the yes, yeah it is.
Yeah, a lot of people screaming at what's her name? But what so?
What's her name? Hellen knows the owner? Why can't I think of
her name? What is wrong with my brain? I love her and I
didn't even realize, like because I never really watched Their Night Live that when
I mean when the movie first came out, Like, yeah, I I
never watched it. I just watched Preston Kristen Weston Wig. Yeah. Yeah,
she's so you think it has a lot of things that would make us
like that show, but I couldn't get into it. Oh you didn't like
it? Did you watch the whole thing? No? I never watched it.
Oh I was gonna watch it, but no, I just didn't.
I was just like on board, but we liked White House Plumbers. Yes,
that was good. I like history stuff. If they it needs to
be really dramatized and kind of dumbed down for me. Yeah, so that
I can get it like I like learn, like I like a podcast that's
you know where you learned? Right? Yeah, but it just can't.
It can't be like medicine. It has to make it fun and interesting.
I agree. I don't know as opposed to other people that like, no,
I only like stuff that's real, boring, real dry, like just
not acted, just like droning on, like those old films that you'd watch
in school, remember when into high school, in junior high they would have
You would think you're getting excited because they're gonna be showing us a film,
yes, and then it would just be so the rocks that are that reside
in the Sahara Desert are made of three layers of and you'd be like,
oh, he's supposed to stay awake doing that. All kids supposed to stay
awake. They're tired, last thing when them. I know, my science
teacher used to shows films all the time. Everybody like as soon it was
over, like everybody had their head down asleep, drooling asleep, and he
would just not pay attention to anybody sleep and you just get up and start
talking. And science teachers were always like one. When I was growing up,
I could picture my His name was Oscar at my Magnet school, and
he just looked like this crazy science guy and he just never paid it to
Everybody would just go to his class to sleep, and he didn't care.
You would just talk. Everybody's head would be down, one person might be
up listening, and he would just continue talking. But yeah, so my
kids bio class ninth grade. Bio was impossible. And he would make these
videos himself. He was like doing a big favor to the class. He
would make these videos and they were so boring, and I would try to
help the kids. They would dread it every time, and they would have
a bunch of them throughout the week and they'd be like thirty minutes and then
he would stop them in the middle, like he'd give you, you know,
Okay, we're going to talk about the different tundra. I don't know
the different you know, there's seven different I don't know what they are,
but something's like the tundra. There's like the frozen tundra, and then there's
like the desert. What do you call the ecosystems whatever. Anyway, they'd
be like, okay, now we're going to talk about the frozen tundra.
And then it would be like the one of the qualities of the frozen tundra,
and I'm like, and Xander's like, mom, you got to help
me with this, and then you would stop it and go is the frozen
tundra? And then there'd be a multiple choice question and half the time I'm
like, I don't fucking know. But even though I was, even if
I was paying attention, sometimes the answer wouldn't have even been there. Yeah
yeah, And it was like a trick question, right, come on,
come on, I know. I'm just saying it's not even googleable, like
it was terrible over with, like done, yeah, done, no more
homework with the homework. And then also now I'm getting like, but now
I'm sad because I'm getting like emails from the school, like you know,
just like little text here and there about summer programs and stuff. And I'm
like, and I was with Suzanne over the weekend her daughter's the same age
as my kids, and she's like, oh, you just got to unsubscribe,
and I'm like, I don't know if I want to unsubscribe, Like
it's sad. They still get emails about Natalia's volleyball career and stuff. And
I'm like, yeah, that ship sailed. She doesn't ever want to play
volleyball again. No, she she did it up until uh basically half of
eight eleventh grade, and then it was done and she didn't want to do
it anymore. But like at Santa Barbara, they probably have what do you
call it when there's sports within like just within the school intramural and maybe I
guess sports. Yes, she's not as competitive as you're not on the she
would consider that. Yeah, I think she would, because I do think
she likes the athletic you know, she she loves being busy doing things like
working during different types of workouts and exercise. She loves that, So I
think maybe she would. I think she would do that, but I don't
know. But she wasn't. I really was bummed that she didn't want to
do senior year. She just was done and then her travel program, like
all her friends were done. They all left or they just stayed and just
did their school team and didn't so like a lot of people were. I
guess it's like that in a lot of the sports in high school, like
they start to peter out eleventh and twelfth unless they want to go and continue
it into their college years. So it just seems really hard to continue it
through college. That's got to take up a lot of your time. And
I feel like college is the time where you want to just start exploring all
the other things you're interested in. That's what she was saying. And like
some of the girls on her college on her high school volleyball team, they
already left for college because they're already in pat practice for volleyball at their school,
Like, wow, yeah, they're already there. And I mean they
were really competitive, like you know, they were uh what do you call?
I can't beieve the name that Division four or Division I teams, you
know, Like, so they were, you know, they were winning constantly,
you know, very good athletes. And they're off now that they're dedicated
to continue it to school. But but a lot of kids didn't, like
they were just done or like that. It meant if they still wanted to
continue to play, Like football one of her friends, it meant he could
either go to a really big school or go to a smaller school and play
and continue to play football, Whereas he could go to the bigger school try
out but might not make it because he's not that good. You know,
so it was like a give and take thing. But yeah, it's sad.
It was sad when it was over with. Yeah, one of my
friends, pretty one of my friends in my like mom friend group, her
son was is an excellent football player, captain of the high school football team,
but is going to a school where he wouldn't be playing football because it's
it was the exact same thing. And at first they were trying to find
a school where he would be recruited, but the only ones were very small,
like not schools he really wanted to go to. Yes, so he
chose to go to a school he wanted to go to Boulder, or he
would not be playing football, no way. Yeah, just not that good.
And then you got the parents that are kind of weird those too,
Like there's some parents that I've heard of like pushing their kids to go to
these smaller schools, you know, just to play, just to continue to
play because their dad loved to be the big man. Like you know,
one of them's like the point guard at our school. And then their dad,
like it, would come to the games all the time and he kind
of like you know, seem like he's reliving his days of playing high school
basketball, and then I heard like they pushed him into going to as small
as you know. It just it's I feel like that's how I would be
if Elv had stuck with basketball. I would for sure be like, no,
I think you need to go to a school where you're gonna remember how
much I pushed her. I was like, please keep playing basketball because it
because they were going to make her stay on the freshman sophomore team after freshman
year, which didn't matter anyway because all of sophomore year was home with COVID.
But I was like, oh my god, you're gonna be You'll be
the big fish in the small pond if you're and she was like, no,
I'm going to be on a shitty ass team. I'm not doing it.
And I was like, yeah, but I'll be the head mom cheerleader,
will be at every game like she was like no, no, no
thanks. Yeah yeah, I'd be like, come on, go to such
and such a school that no one's ever heard of, and all gonna fly
out for every game. I love when the kids are good at something and
you get to go watching and do it. I know. And I was
looking at some of her old volleyball pictures and videos and it was so fun.
I'm so glad that, you know, we I went to every game
and all of her tournaments, and we went to the out of town games.
You know, It's just it was awesome. I just I remember your
videos of Sonny playing basketball and getting like watching the ones where he got a
three pointer, like over and over and over, like that's not even my
kid. And I was like living vicariously through you. I know, I
do you living vicariously through Sunny. I know. It was so fun exciting.
It's exciting because I went to a high school that didn't have sports,
right, there was no sports, so I've been used to it, you
know, going to games and stuff like that, and so now my kids
are playing. It was just it was so great. I loved it.
I've just never been good at anything. But let's take a quick break.
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When I was in high school, I think part of it is because
I was just such not a joiner, didn't do anything, had very low
self esteem. And I remember deciding that I was going to play volleyball.
Me and my best friend. We auditioned, we did tryouts. I think
anybody who tried out was put on the team. Yeah, I have very
vague memories. I was not good at volleyball, so I do remember that.
I just and it was hardcore training, running and stares. There were
stairs in our school, and I'll just never forget just being so so tired
from all the training. I think I was a little bit athletic, only
because I'd been a gymnast for a couple of years when I was but I
was much younger, right like nine, ten and eleven and maybe twelve.
I was doing gymnastics seven times a week. I was not that good,
though. John still makes fun of me because I was. I was training
at the LA School of Gymnastics with pre Olympic people. They have like an
Olympic team. I mean, it was LA School of Gymnastics. It was
big time. A lot of very big gymnasts came from there. I was
not good, though, but my best friend Jill was really good, and
I love to do everything that Jill liked to do. So my parents sent
me to this gymnastics school. And I do remember that they told my parents
that she is not very talented, but she's really has a lot of enthusiasms
for it. Could you do like backsprings and like roundabouts and round offs,
yes, round off back hand spring. Round off back hand spring was my
biggest skill. And I could only do it on a very cushy mat I
was. But I was very trade. I was like not athletic conditioned.
Yeah, so I could do like a ton of pull ups and I could
do stuff on the bars. I had upper body strength. I was really
strong, and I was really flexible, but that's just from all the training.
But I never got the tricks and I did like, I did have
the enthusiasm for it, and I wasn't scared. I just wasn't talented,
Like I just couldn't do it, and I wasn't really built for it.
So then my parents when we moved to Spokane, Washington, my parents were
like, well, we're I was getting like a scholarship. They really liked
my friend Jill. I know, they gave me some like huge discount.
But once we moved, my mom was like, well that's no, You're
not good at it, so we're not going to keep doing it. I
know. So then I stopped training completely, gained weight, got my period,
like you know, my body crazy, So I just wasn't really doing
any kind of sports anything. Do you think that if you continue doing it,
you still you would be I was just never going to be really good
at it, really, but I still miss it and think in my brain
that I could have been. I could have been somebody. Yes, And
John has to make fun of me now because I'm always like I was on
the pre pre pre Olympic team, pre pre pre pre Olympic team. So
John will make fun of me to the kids sometimes He's like, no,
mom was like a pretty serious gymnast, like she was a pre pre pre
pre pre Olympics. Then I have to go shut stop with that because the
kids will be like really, and I'm like, no, right up,
yeah, yeah no. So I joined the volleyball team for something to do.
I guess I was like sixteen at that point, so it's been a
few years away from gymnastics, but I still fancied myself in shape, you
know. But there was a lot of hardcore training. But I was not
very good at volleyball, so I mean that's how I think. I don't
I don't know. Maybe I could have been, but I never got played
in any of the games until one day I believe we were very very far
ahead. So she stuck me in and I immediately missed both my serfs and
then I was out and I never played again. That's the way I remember
it in my head. I remember feeling absolutely humiliated, and then I think
I dropped out after that, because well, what if you played? More
like, what if you you don't like? What if you continued it?
Do you think you would have been? Okay? Like let's just say yeah,
sure, no se Because my school didn't have any teams. They have
was no sports, but we had pe and so like it would be like,
okay, today we're going to play kickball, and today we're going to
play volleyball. So I remember liking volleyball because I hated kickball because I was
always picked last and I can never and then the ball would come to me
and I go, oh, it's gonna hit my boobs. No, no,
And so then I played. So then I played volleyball. About softball,
were you like, they don't have to throw me in deep right field?
Yes, where the ball never goes, It never goes. But then
every once in a while it would and people would be like, oh no,
going towards Stephanie and then i'd miss it. I'd be afraid to catch
it because I mean I was like, oh no, it's gonna hit me.
Yeah. But so then volleyball was like okay, I think I can
do this, you know. And then so I played volleyball for so whenever
we had volleyball, but we never got to play it very much. But
it was I remember it was the one team sport that I did like to
play. And I was, okay, you fancy yourself like I give on
the pre pre pre pre pre volleyball Olympics. Yes, absolutely, yes,
sure, sure, same with me. Right. I remember high school sports,
dodgeball in particular, as just being you know, I know it's common.
I know a lot of people feel, but I just don't remember feeling
like I was athletically. I didn't. I didn't think I I thought of
myself badly when it came to sports, so then I didn't really try.
I do you think it's because of your boobs, because for me it was
it was I'm afraid that First of all, I can't run. You know,
I wasn't very good at running because I didn't and also, like in
the eighties, I didn't have like a good sports bra, like my mom
bought me one bra year, you know, like it was not I never
had good support, so I could have been I might as well have been
out there with bralis so just running. It was just like and it was
embarrassing and like I wanted to hold my boobs when I had to run.
My boobs were a big factor with the sports stuff. I hated it,
Yeah I did. I really did too. And then I remember my PE
teacher going like, well, why don't you just get some rope and tie
back, like tie it around your waist and tie it, tie it up,
like he would just yell. Remember my PE coaches raised yeah no don
oh don don. It was just like so inappropriate all the time to us
kids just sit out there try and get tan with his shirt off. But
yeah, he would say like, well don't you just get some rope have
your friend tied around your waist? Like I thought, okay, like that's
gonna work. I remember in high school and I'm trying to remember what grade
it would have been, but I'm thinking tenth grade. I remember a guy
coming up to me and just going you have the biggest tits, and it
was off like it was so mortifying. It was humiliating, embarrassing, and
it was said as a taunt. It was not like you have good tits,
No, it was like you have big tit like he was disgusted by
me and really needed to call it out. And I just remember thinking,
God, have these brusts are the bane of my existence. I can't tell
you how many comments I got. I hated it. I remember when when
I worked at Bob's Big Boy, Abdalla's Big Boy. What I remember this
girl going, your boobs are so gross. It looks like you have a
pillow under your shirt. Yeah, I got it too. And I always
hated it when people would call you out in front of other people and then
everybody just goes shit and like looks at you in your breasts, you know
it. Just I hated it. It was like so uncomfortable, and then
you'd get nicknames and stuff like you know, Linnetti titty or you know,
like just ugh. I hated it. And there was no chance of getting
any kind of surgery, No way that costs money, and that was that
have surgery until I was like forty. Yeah, I mean I told you
I had this surgery when I was twenty. But they grew back. Yeah,
they grow back. I was reading somewhere maybe on our Facebook group.
They were talking about the boobs growing back and needing the surgery again, and
I was like, I guess that's what happened to me, because in my
mind I thought I just gained weight, but I didn't. Right, It's
just I guess if I did put on weight because I'm not overweight. But
I was like, well, it's because when I'm overweight, I get it
in my boobs, and then when I lose weight it's not. But now
it doesn't matter. There's my boobs are big no matter what, right,
right, And they don't and they're all mushy, so they don't fit properly.
They don't look good, you know what I mean. Like at least
when I was younger, they were perkier, so even though they were,
but they were also smaller because I'd had the surgery when I was young.
But yeah, my mom was like absolutely not no, not paying for that,
No, I know, And you're too young. Yeah, my parents
too now. And I remember there was a girl at our school she was
actually two years younger than me, and she got it done, she got
the reduction. I was so jealous, and I would talk to her about
it and she would tell me like, oh, I can fit into little
tank tops now, and I could wear little sun dresses. And I was
always like, oh, you bitch, like you know, but got a
Shopping for clothes was a nightmare. It was a nightmare. You had to
wear all like super oversized T shirts, but then it would make you look
heavier because it would they're so bad's a problem with boobs. They might look
pregnant too, yes, the wrong shit. Yes. And I could never
wear like an Oxford shirt remember when those were verry in style. Love that,
Yeah, but the buttons would always push pull apart. You had to
wear it so big. And then if you wore something that was a high
neck, I could never wear like crew necks because then it made it look
like your boobs are in the middle of your body. Yes, yeah,
because I had the shitty support braw no support bra right. Yeah, yeah,
I remember wearing having to buy those just matronly bras, minimizer bras.
Remember those Balleys minimizer brash. Yeah. Yeah, I lived in I had
like a couple of those, and that's all I wore. I remember as
soon as I got my first paycheck ever, Like the first thing I did
was go out and buy bras, Like I need to go to the store.
I need some sales lady to fondle me and like measure me properly and
tell me which bra. You know, sometimes you go those stores, the
lady goes, oh, you're wearing honey, that's the wrong size. And
then she'd go and measure you, and you know, stuff your ship inside,
like pull it up right, shift it the right way, like you
always have to have to bend over and put your boots in the cup and
then you sit back up and then you adjust the straps. Yeah, this
is a whole kashaw these tits. Fucking Christ, that's a good drop drop.
I know, these tits. I wish we could do drops. Yeah,
whole kasha these tits. All right, So here's something we don't often
do. Yeah, but there was a post on Facebook in our Facebook group
by one of our members. But they're on anonymous, so I hope they
don't mind. I want to read the post because I thought it was an
interesting discussion. Okay, okay, so it's kind of like am I the
asshole? Or what would you do? Post Okay, So here's how it
goes. Because she did a little too long, didn't read too long,
didn't read but I'm going to Okay. We have a family friend visiting for
the summer and she helps with cleaning and occasionally watches the kids while I'm working
from home. We pay her, so it's like a nanny. She's in
her mid fifties and is also from another country, if that gives perspective.
The other day, she hit my seven year old child about three to four
times and pinched her, then pinched my three year old. What the fuck?
Yeah, the kids were playing around and being little turds, throwing her
hat on the ground, and she asked them to stop, and like true
little kids, they didn't listen and did it again. She chased them down
and then hit an pinched them. The kids came running to me in my
office. The three year old was crying. The seven year old was flabbergasted
and upset and told me what happened. Then the sitter came in and said,
hold on, I lost the okah, Okay. Then the sitter came
in and said how she told them to stop throwing the hat and they didn't,
so she hit them this isn't a foreign language and I can't speak it
very well, and that was what I got from it. I said,
we don't do that, and then took the kids and later watched the camera
so she had a camera on them so I could see exactly what happened.
My biggest issue is that she hit them out of frustration and didn't come to
me. My second issue is when my husband came home, she told him
a different story where they were playing, and that was part of the game.
He speaks the language, so there's no doubt about what was said there,
so she lied to him about it, and she says. My husband's
side says he grew up with regular ass whoopons and that is part of their
cure. She's older, quote from a different generation, and we never explicitly
told her not to hit the kids. Then she says, I'm sorry,
but never have I ever had to tell a sitter not to spank or pinch
my kids? Kind of a no brainer. Please keep in mind, we
as their parents, don't hit our own kids, so she hasn't seen us
do it. Anyway, I'm pissed and looking for validation. My husband is
like, eh, it happened one time, and we told her, so
we can give her another chance. Basically, but I feel like I can't
even trust her with the kids. Am I the asshole for not wanting to
give her another chance? Now? Basically, a lot of people were saying
like no, some people were saying, well, maybe she didn't really understand
not to do it. But in another comment, which I'm not going to
find right now, she described the situation as the nanny basically chased them down
and then was like hitting them like several times, like punt like them.
Wow, well that's not a whooping, that's not like no, that's not
old school discipline. No, that's not discipline. That's fighting your kids.
There one is a three year old year old. Yeah that's no. So
yeah, I was like absolutely not by Yeah, I absolutely not know either,
but story but no, But here's the thing, like I get it,
Like, you know, some cultures and some you know, older old
school you know, they do a little you know smack or whatever. And
you know, I grew up where my mom beat on me, you know,
and my mom wasn't just like giving me a smack. She was hitting
me, like punching me and grabbing me with her nails and pulling my hair
and you know all that shit. So I got hit a lot, but
but I get it, like there's other you know, situations whatever, uh
Adam and I decide like we did not hit our kids, and we did
not. We're not down for that, not down at all, so you
know, and when we did higher Oga, you know, we did say
like we're not you know, we're not for it or whatever. But I
think, like, I don't know, I can't remember. So okay,
so one, you know what, let's let's take a break and then I'll
tell you the story. Okay, let's talk about Tropical Smoothie. It's summertime,
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bim smack, No, I'm kidding. So all right, So, so
did you explicitly say to Olga? I think I do remember, Yeah,
I mean we might have had talks and stuff. I think so. But
okay, So, but she did tell us that she raised a single you
know, a daughter, She was a single mom on her own, and
that she has from time to time giving her daughter a little smack you know,
on the booty or whatever, not in the face, just a little
like just to you know, at the right age, not at a baby,
at a three year old or whatever. Right, and or did you
like okay? Cool? Well? And I was like, I don't remember,
but I but I know Adam was like, yeah, that's fine.
He was down with it, you know, he's like he's not down for
like, you know, beating on kids, but like you know, he's
okay with a little old school smack or whatever, and okay. So there
was a time where Olga was giving Natalia bath I think she was like six
years old, and uh, she was like playfully, you know, we
just talked about it recently with Natalia. She thinks it's funny when we tell
her now. So so there was they were we were we Olga and I
both had him in the bathtub and I got so Sonny she was playing.
She was like, you know, get talking to Sonny and until he was
trying to get her attention and I was getting Sonny ready to get him out.
So I was holding the towel and we were all talking to Sonny and
we were she wasn't getting the attention she wanted, so she spit water into
Olga's face. Okay, and Olga goes no, that said no, no,
you don't you know she's like and both of us were like, no,
you know whatever, I got Sunny with the towel, grabbed him,
got him out of the tub, and then while Olga was telling her that
said no, no, she did it again. You know, like kind
of goofing around. She did it again, like right into Olga's face,
and then Oga went up and she smacked her right on the booty, oh,
on the butt, yes, yeah, she smacked like her hip area,
just like and then she went ah. She started crying, okay,
hit me, ohkay, hit me. She goes, go ahead, go
tell your parents. I hit You'll go ahead, you know. I mean,
Olga's been with us like five years by now we know her, you
know. And Adam was like, good, I don't care what she she
probably deserved it. I'm sure it's fine, blah blah blah. And you
know, she told me and I was like, it's fine. You know,
I knew Oga doesn't like, you know, smack the ship out of
kids. You know, this situation with this person, this anonymous person is
describing is way out of line, way out of line totally. And I
don't like that. They that she took anger out and she couldn't have,
Like she's the adult. You have to stop and you have to correct the
child. And if you're getting upset, then you know, go get the
the mom was was in the other room or I don't know, yeah or
whatever, but like you can't lose your control. You cannot, you cannot.
You should not be around kids, especially having somebody pay you to take
care of your kids if you can't handle your anger and you can't control your
ship. And then pinching a three, hitting a three year old and pinching
a three and pinching by the way and weird. People were like, well,
she could get another chance. But it's like that doesn't seem like something
that was planned, Like that's just your discipline style. And if you're told,
hey, don't do that, you shouldn't be told not to do that.
But that sounds like she got, like you said, anger, is
she Yeah, she's got anger, and then lied about her a lying is
also yeah, And you know she probably figured like, oh, you know
this whitey don't hit kids, And now she's trying to like cover her tracks,
you know or whatever, and you know that's not that's not the way
to handle it, like and then lying, yeah, so I wouldn't give
her So this is so, this is there's a there's an edit. An
edit, Oh, there's an update. Okay, she wrote update, Thanks
everyone, I appreciate all the input and reassurance. She will be flying out
on Thursday. My husband told her there were too many cultural differences, and
I think she seems happy to go back early she won't be back. Oh
good, yeah good. So I mean I'm happy for her because I just
would not feel comfortable with that person in my house. No, no way.
I would just be so mad. Yeah, I would be too.
You No, I don't. It's I'm trying to think if I've ever spanked
my kids. I think I tried to spank Sadie one time because she was
so bad. Yeah, really early on, when she would bite Xander and
she was just doing a bunch of bad behavior. I think I one time.
And she was also very defiant about it, like she remember you remember
back in the day when I thought she might be a sociopath. Yeah,
And I was like, this kid has no remorse, doesn't care, Like
would bite Xander and you'd be like you just bit Xander and she'd just stare
at you, like what who are you trying to? I don't care.
Yeah, I do think I got mad. And then she would when it
was time for bed, she would get so angry about having to go to
bed that she would throw all of her stuff outside of the crib. She
was in a crib. She had to be in a crib for way longer
than LBB because she was so bad. Yeah. I was like, this
kid will never be able to handle a big girl bed because she's just gonna
be like, oh what, Oh, I can just get out. Yeah,
and then she would just get up, so oh my god. I
remember she would take all of the bedding off the bed. She was like
a destructive little monkey, you know. She would rip all the bedding off
and just throw it outside the crib. So then she would just be laying
in a bear mattress, right thin. Get a lot of kids cream,
Yeah, a lot of kids did that. Yeah. At some point though,
I got pissed at what. I just remember one time getting really upset
and like turning her around and like whacking her off the butt and did no
good. Yeah, So I was like all right, Yeah, I mean
I just made it a conscious effort, you know, like my mom was
so grabby and aggressive and I'm not, you know, like I would never
ever scare my kids because I was afraid of my mom for a while.
I thought my mom wanted to kill me when I was young, Like I'm
scared of her, and I was like, I'm never going to do that
to my kids. So I think that's why you and I relate. I
was really scared of my stepfather and he did tell me he would kill me
one time, and I lived in fear of I mean, he was he
had been a boxer, So I was like scary, especially like stepdad.
I couldn't imagine. That's frightening. Yeah, but a stepdad that I'd known
my entire life because my mom divorced my father when I think I was four.
But he was my father's best friend. Oh yeah, always around us.
So he lived in like our guest house, and he talk about anger
issues. He had real about anger issues. M Yeah, I never want
my kids, I don't. I know. I don't even yell at my
kids. Yeah no, I that's the one thing, Like I don't ever
want my kids to feel like, oh my god, Mom's gonna flip out
at any moment, you know. Yeah, and maybe I overcome and sate
go the other way, Yeah, same, which is what we do,
you know. But I'd rather that and have them be afraid of me or
scared, you know. I remember thinking like I'm I'm afraid in the Italian
is going to do something it's sunny. Because remember, like I was always
like, she doesn't cry during movies, excuse me? Like I would think,
you know, like there was something wrong with her. Or she would
knock his shit over when he's you know, building something, or she would
try and kick Mollie to get our attention. And you know, so I
was always like I wonder, you know, I'd be afraid. Now it's
like no, like, you know, thank god she's not. She didn't
turn out that way. But yeah, when you when you come from like
chaos and stuff, like you kind of want it, like when you have
kids, you want it. You tend to maybe over career, you know,
you want to just like not be that person that your parents were to
you, you know, And my dad was the My dad was opposite.
He was very easy going and I was close with him, very close.
Yeah, so then you have that modeled for you that just because he wasn't
a strong disciplinarian doesn't mean that he was a bad parent. He was a
good parent and he felt safe with him. Yes, so you could talk
to him. Yeah, but he did hit me with about once and he
said, any if you ever do anything that's going to jeopardize your life.
I'm gonna hit you with the belt. And I ran across the street in
front of him and a car was coming and he took a belt hit me
with it and I was done. Wouldn't do that again. But that's it.
Like my dad would never, he wasn't. He didn't have a temper
and scream and like grab like he wasn't. My mom my mom would do
that to him. She beat up on him. Yeah, then you have
to watch that growing up. Yeah, and it was awful. And that's
what's being modeled. That's the behavior that's being modeled for you. Yeah,
as a mom, right, thank god that we both you know, I
mean, sure is our parenting of the maybe two soft Friday? I don't
know, But how do we know? You know, there's a lot of
different philosophies on how to pair. Yes, And you know, listen,
my kids are fine. Yes, they're good people. She's a very good
person. She doesn't have a bunch of you know, psychological issues. She's
not not that that would be the parent's fault either, you know, necessarily.
But the way that I chose to go about it was definitely of the
softer parenting. But I would live in fear. I remember one time.
I'm sure I talked about it, because see, this is the problem with
having done a podcast for fifteen years. It's like, you know, things
happen, and we talked about it at the time, But I remember yelling
at LB because I was so mad at her one time because she lied.
She went through a little period and I think it was around fifth grade where
she was telling the lies and real boldface, like real like look you in
the eye and tell you what you want to hear, because it's the easier
way to go about it, because she didn't want to do homework. And
I remember that there was a couple of different lies that I caught her in
where the thing that made me the maddest about it was that she stared right
in my face and convinced me of something. She wasn't even being a bad
liar. She was such a good liar that I was like, would never
think to not trust her. And then I found out this one particular lie
was that she'd not been doing her homework, so she'd been the class work
was supposed to be finished at home. If you didn't finish something in class
that was your homework, you had to finish it, and then she would
take all the papers and tuck them in the back of her folder, all
the way in the back, like hide them. You don't know how she
thought she was going to continue to get away with it. Another mom had
called me because she wanted to know what the math was. She was having
a similar problem with her kid, but she knew that they were supposed to
finish something. And I was like, Elbie, can I see whatever the
math from today? And she was like, uh oh, I don't have
it. And I was like, what do you mean you don't have it?
It was something that was done and I need to see it. Uh
no, no, can't do I don't know what math was that worried even
mean, and I was like, uh where you're being so strange? Bring
me your folder. Can't find it. I was like, yes, you
can, It's in your backpack. Go get your folder and bring it to
me. And then I was like, what is up? So I look
in there and I see all of these unfinished papers, and then she got
grounded. But then I was kind of onto her. I was like,
oh really, Like so then she couldn't watch TV for like two weeks,
and then of course, immediately I was like, shit, this is more
of a punishment for me. Then I would let because I would have to
let Sadie and Xander watch TV and I couldn't. Then LB had to go
to her room while they were watching TV. And then of course I was
like, oh, this was way too long a punishment, this does not
fit the crime. But then you don't want to go like, you know,
and I'm just going to make it a week, Like I think you're
going to be good in a week. So I think guy kept it up
most of the time, but then another time, but then I was on
guard, and I think one other time I caught her lying and I got
so mad. I think it was in the morning and we were on the
way to school and I yelled at her in the car and I was very
mad, and I was like, I can't believe you did that. You
know, I yelled at her, and then I had to drop her off
at school that way, and then I obsessed about it the whole day,
cried about it. I felt so bad. I was like, I scared
her, and now she's scared of me. I've ruined our relationship. Now
she's going to think of me as a mom who screams at her and tortured
all day, couldn't wait to go pick her up, and I was like,
I don't know how she's going to be, and she'd been sad all
day, and I wanted to like show up at the school and be like,
are we okay because I'm so freaking codependent, right, pick her up
at the end of the day and she's like, hey, mom, like
I had totally forgotten about it. And of course then I apologize and she
was like, ah, what, Yeah, I forget, barely remembered,
hadn't bothered her. And that's when I realized, Oh, it's because we
don't. I don't yell at her all the time, like we don't have
a tense relationship. But I thought maybe it would she in her mind,
she'd be like, well, now this is how it's always going to be
my mom, Like is a screamer, right, Yes, I know,
I know that's the sad but I remember feeling guilty like that too. But
yeah, and you think like it's on their mind all day, but then
you they forget, you know, But yeah, that's another reason, like
I've always you know, I didn't want to be the you know, like
have them. I just because I had such a bad relationship with my mom
and my mom and I fought all the time, like I wanted, you
know, them to be able to feel like they can talk to me and
they can come to me or whatever. But yeah, it's thank god they're
eighteen. My mom was so so hypercritical, you know that just whatever I
was wearing doing saying like I feel like I was getting corrected. And I've
definitely gone the other way on that too. Like there's things that I want
to say sometimes to my kids that I'm like, is it gonna help them?
Are they really going to grow from me pointing this out? Or if
not, I just don't say it. Yeah, And I think it's better,
Yeah, probably because there's certain things that I feel like they already know.
I mean when it was like when they were younger and they'd be stinky,
I'd be like, oh God, you smell bad, Like if there's
something they can do about it? Do you know what I mean? But
like I oftentimes go is this something they can do something about? Or am
I pointing out that they're being annoying and it's not something they're doing like on
purpose? Do I need to make themself conscious, like sometimes the instinct is
like how I was parented and it wasn't a good thing. Yeah, yeah,
I can see that. Yeah. AnyWho, Okay, all right,
hey, let's talk about Wilmanfrida. I love we love their food, we
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or Palm Desert area, go visit Wilmanfrida. Also, you need a T
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Stephanie wants her shout out. Stephanie Stinkeringer wants her shout out to go
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