Good morning Maya sphere Good day male sphere communicates of the Foundation. Good morning,
Father. Wait welcome one more day to our podcast, the podcast of
the community of content creators on parenting in Spanish, the podcast of Madre Espera,
in which in each episode you already know that we try to get closer
to themes, people, projects, books, adventures, everything that can help
you, to help us, to face the upbringing in a slightly more positive
way, to reflect, to learn, to get angry. It is also
sometimes good, it is positive to feel something or even because it does not
also accompany you simply while you are taking that walk and listening to this podcast
that, by the way, I thank you for doing so. Today we
bring back to our podcast, a person who has already visited us years ago,
but who remember with great affection that conversation good morning hours, that when
what we recorded at seven and fourth blessed and brave, all our guests who
always said yes, except some honorable exception, that he did not want,
but that is to say that most always wanted to come despite the hour,
seven and fourth in the morning, but on this occasion the professor of philosophy,
Jordi Gnomen, visits us again. No truth, no men yes,
no me, no me no try, no main, no men no accent,
we don' t lie, yes, but I know all of a
sudden, doubt has arisen there. Well, Jordi, welcome back. Good
to see you what? So, very well- monic, here we are
to share a time of dialogue together and finally, to talk about these things
that you also do in Madrid. This illusion and, moreover, it is
one of the conversations that we have carried almost one thousand two hundred episodes and
it is one of the conversations that I keep most fond of, because we
liked to listen to you very much, I like to read to you and
it is a pleasure whenever suddenly we see that you have published the new book
and we have it here with us, the new book by Jordi nomen how
to talk to a teenager and that he listens to you always. It'
s good news, also published by ARPA, by the ARPA publishing house that
just came out a little while ago and that well, because you couldn'
t miss Jordi and you couldn' t miss here accompanying us that if they
don' t know you, if there are people who have just arrived recent
parents, people who have just joined this world of parenting. I will tell
you that Jordi Nomen has been a professor of philosophy and social sciences for over
thirty years at the Sadako School in Barcelona, recognized as one of the most
innovative educational centers in Spain. He holds a degree in contemporary history from the
University of Barcelona and has a postgraduate degree in active citizenship and a Basternono philosophy.
He has been awarded the Eddow 21st and Abnau awards of Vilanova for his
pedagogical work. He is part of the group and Iref Grupo I DEFF,
which leads the implementation of philosophy for boys and girls in Catalonia and is author
of the Bet Seller El Niño philosopher book that always, always, always recommend,
has consolidated it as a reference in the field of philosophy for boys and
has been translated into six languages. In addition, he is the author of
the child philosopher and art and child philosopher and ethics. And what happens that
children who do grow truth and yortis back, because, besides all this hordi
b résumé is observe that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know,
you know what happens that I' ve carried out a thousand philosophy love with
kids, with kids. But it' s also true that I' ve
been tutoring how much of that for so many years. Therefore, I have
carried out my my would say, my professional career alongside teenagers and teenagers.
Therefore, it is also a field that deserved my attention and my reflection and
his, because in the book there is also his voice and his own reflections.
And I think this is a dialogue that can be fruitful. But for
families who want to approach this stage, which for me is wonderful, because
to her I have dedicated my life thirty- five years of teaching experience with
them and with them and, therefore, a marvel. I defend her a
lot before I read the book, as I have already read the previous ones.
And besides, I knew you, for there was more or less the
spirit I could find. But I do want our audience now listening to him,
you' re going to meet him and you' re going to see
a little what you can find. But he is an absolute advocate in the
previous days of childhood and in this case, because the truth is that he
expected and that same defense of adolescence, of course has not been. You
didn' t let me down in the brain salute. I' m not
very happy, because I think they deserve it. I have had more than
2, 000 students in my teenage hands over so many years and the vast
majority of them have been a source of pride and satisfaction that the merit of
that one said. Yeah, yeah, hey, they compare you a lot
to famous Merle sometimes because you know what happens that clear we, the philosophy
we do, we do it through dialogue. No. And then, because
the Merlie series also started a little from this, from the proximity of the
problems from situations in real contexts and try, because that of dialogue with them
and seeing how we can deal with them together in a learning community. So,
yes, sometimes they ask me about the Merlegue series. Besides, she
is Catalan and of course, so, look, yes, she has and
comes to her hair. Yeah. Yes, and it would be advisable that
to our audience I highly recommend because it also gives another perspective of adolescence that
this also wanted to discuss with you, although now there is much talk about
adolescence and sometimes better in a way trying to change stereotype. Adolescence comes at
least to father and mother. It' s coming down there like that black
cloud of the storm that' s going on. Well, I think it
' s like everything, that is, what I always know before is picked
up after. So this is my teaching experience. Basically when in childhood there
is a secure attachment and in boys and girls they feel loved unconditionally and this
means that they are allowed everything, because to love someone is also to reproach
them for what they do wrong and to help them to fix it and to
improve it. I mean, it' s not allowing you everything, of
course. But when glue is in condition, adolescence is better, it'
s easier. That doesn' t mean I' m risk- free.
Of course there are, there are because the teenager has that attachment, which
I think is the basis for when it is. But of course it is
in contexts where there are certain risks and we must be able to deal with
them. But that' s what we said if we know if a child
teaches him to control his impulses. The children do not know, of course,
because they are very mature and the girls if we teach them to control
the impulses they have when they are younger, because that will serve as a
basis and it will be easier for them to control those impulses that they are
going to have. The impulses are going to have them the same, but
the important thing is how they manage them and what they do with them.
The title how to talk to a teenager and listen to you, why this
title and how important it is here that you listen to you is worth looking.
The title came up in conversation with the publisher, not because they asked
me what I was going to write about now. I had finished this task
that you came described from the type of thought of the child philosopher critical thought,
creating and careful and they said good. And now what you want to
write about. And I told him, well, look, what worries me
is how to understand each other with the worshipers, how to talk to them
and listen to you. And then he said, that' s it,
now, we have the title. It was the first conversation before I started
thinking about writing anything. And there I do want to make a nuance How
to talk to them is very important and also understand the sense that and that
they listen to you. It' s also very important, because sometimes adults
confuse this one and listen to you do what I tell them to do,
and that' s not the point they' re listening to, is to
think about what you' ve told them. But the final decision is going
to be made by them and they' re going to be their life and
they' re going to make it then. The important thing is that they
reflect on what you have told them and, therefore, that they talk to
you and that there is that open channel of communication. How important this thing
you said, George. And besides, it reminds me of this concept that
we have of good boys, of good girls, when they do what we
' re telling them to do. Of course it' s not like that.
It is not a question of being obeyed, because in adolescence there is
a fundamental task, which is to become mature, responsible and autonomous adults.
And, therefore, there you have to break, You have to break with
what was before, You have to break with childhood. It just means he
loses it, because there' s this myth, too. Childhood has already
been forgotten. It' s not true. People build on the foundation of
what came before, and we always do that. In maturity and in old
age, we likewise do not lose what we have been, but build upon
it. Then the children don' t get lost. But yes, we
must certainly break with the dependence on children, and we must move up to
autonomy and the responsibility of the adult. And that transit, that road,
well, as we say, is not easy, but it has to be
done. And that means, because many times question what adults present to you.
And besides, in this I do mean it' s something that I
' ve noticed a lot in philosophy classes. Teenagers are tremendously mature when it
comes to using reasoning, but rather to talking to parents and parents about everything
their teens say to them. Not because this, why? And this,
why? And the other thing? And the other thing? And beyond and
these arguments have, that is, on a rational level, they are beginning
to control critical thinking. And they love this because it clearly empowers them,
empowers them in the face of discussion with their adults and people around them.
But in that they are tremendously immature in the emotional, because that is much
more difficult. Then they need yes, a lot of support and a lot
of being there, even if it' s a bit of anger and a
little bit away from the adults around them. Before. He said that there
is a lot of talk about adolescence now and there is a boom about adolescence
for good, because the more information, the better. And we talked to
neuroscientists, psychologists, criminologists, we have social workers, almost all professions.
What it brings to a professor of philosophy about adolescents, because it actually looks
at the classes of philosophy, as we have said through philosophical dialogue in community.
What they contribute is that they choose the issues they want to talk about.
Then there really opens a space. If the trainer who directs it has
managed to create an atmosphere of tranquility, of calm, of not labeling anyone,
of accepting opinions, although that does not mean that all are equally valid.
They can be refuted, but, instead, affirm people, always respect
people. If this atmosphere of trust is created, because there they appear,
their fears appear, their insecurities. That' s what worries them and then
it' s their voice. I believe that what a teacher can contribute is
the voice of teenagers who may also be an individual collective voice. How can
you be a psychologist who has one, one, one, one. Here
we are thirty in a class or twenty- five and then it is a
collective voice. One is building on what the other has said and, therefore,
because that is very, very, very enriching and provides many clues about
what they are concerned about, what they are talking about, what it is
important to know, what they are talking about and, therefore, how we
can approach them to talk about. About vo language that is not about relying
on the teen jargon and the broth they carry now hears tries to learn this
which also makes them very funny. When an adult tells them he hears about
how you are water, they love it not that you use their jargon because
you imposted and faked it. It doesn' t come out straight, no,
but, well, any case, leaving that aside, it' s
important to know that they and they talk about some things. No, and
basically look. What they talk about are the series they watch, the sport,
they practice, the music they like, the gossip in the class.
That' s the star theme for me. That is, if you want
to approach a teenager and get in touch and open that channel with him,
because nothing you ask him hears and what is the last quote of the class,
what parejillas are there that are being made. Come on, they'
re gonna start talking to you like they don' t have tomorrow, because
this is what they love about. Of course, there comes the first problem
that adults tell them no, no, but this is not of interest to
me. I mean, what I want to know is to watch sex,
drugs, and rock and roll. This is what worries me, because there
' s the risk, of course, but this is cold. You have
to understand that it' s going to be very difficult for them to talk
about it. That' s why I always talk there are comments whenever it
' s very important to have an open channel. That is what they talk
about when faced with a problem or insecurity. So if the cananal is open
to other issues that aren' t those, that' s when they'
re gonna come and they' re gonna tell you, hey, look,
I was at a party and there already the adult' s reaction has to
be the right one to keep them talking, because of course, I was
at a party, how at a party we already started wrong. Besides,
of course there was drug or comforter over there. What doroga you say,
it can' t be you what you did. And then we put the
peace, the flexo in front. But what you did, you consumed,
you didn' t consume your friends what they did. It must be understood
that in the face of questioning people close down why, because no longer talking
about it, then their minds disappear. Hence and clearly, out of love,
out of love, because it is out of love out of concern,
we proceed to question is worth instead of proceeding as we should, which is,
to ask them to keep talking. Then this is how it is done,
for as it has been done all my life. Ah, this was
good, and you felt that way. That is, therefore, you thought
this yes well and without altering itself worth. This is the way they see
that channel is open, that they can keep talking and that they can keep
explaining. This means you can' t give your opinion. As an adult,
of course you can give it, but not when they' re talking.
You have to let them finish so they can explain the whole context to
you, all the feelings that come out there, all the stories. When
they are finished, then I recommend, of course, saying it is worth
asking above all that I think it is not too much. You don'
t want me to give you my opinion. If he says no, maybe
at that time you don' t need to give him his opinion. But
if something has worried you a lot, then that' s when the next
morning you take him by car to the Institute and then you say hey look
at what you told me yesterday. I was worried about this, about this,
and that' s what it' s all about. That' s
what a teenager will hear if you insist, because of course, then drugs
are complicated, because you' re already disconnected. That' s it,
that' s it, that' s it, that' s it,
that' s it, that' s it, that' s it.
Yeah, but someone from our audience, when they' re listening to you,
banging all over the wall, but this one, sir, is more
vile. Sure why. This seems very easy, but it' s very
difficult. Of course it requires me to understand. It requires a lot of
self- control, it requires a lot of peace of mind for the adult,
just qualities that society systemically requires. No or no. No, no,
it doesn' t make it easy to have no. We' re
always running too fast. Besides, they choose? The moment? Which they
choose, which is the worst moment, the moment you' re making the
tortilla and you' re beating the egg. That' s when they come
in and say I have a problem. And you well, not now,
not now, that I' m making dinner now, not or I'
m passing the valley. Now it' s time, no, no,
because he' s not coming back. That' s the time. You
have to stop the eggs or keep beating them indefinitely while you' re listening.
It' s okay all the time, all the time, or I
' ve just done and listened to you. If you stop that that'
s magical, yes, leave something at risk and give us that clear exact
and I know we' re on fire. But in any case, you
have to stop and listen, have a lot of calm, a lot of
self- control, not lose your nerves. It' s hard. I
understand it because it' s done out of love. Besides, it'
s much harder, because it' s done out of love. And when
you want someone you care about, it' s automatic this happens no,
but you have to understand that if you want to know thoroughly the situation,
which is what all of your mother and father and every teacher want, you
have to let them talk. If you don' t let them talk,
if you cut them off and question them and then they won' t be
around anymore and then that gets a lot of verbalizing. You hear it because
maybe, because some teenager and he says this is that you can talk to
your mother. With my mother there' s no way to talk, there
' s no way. I' m going to tell you something and cut
me off, I' m going to tell you something and ask me 100
zero questions that don' t come to the point. Okay, that'
s how to talk to a teenager and, above all, how to hold
the tongue so you don' t start making speeches and proclamations, which is
what comes out of our heart. Besides, I think that fathers and mothers
face it from now on, since we get at the worst. When you
' re approached by a younger child, it may be a discussion thing with
one day, but when a teenager tells you, I have a problem in
your head. You see him in jail, of course, yes, yes,
you see him arrested in police station right now, and I' m
only asking for a real interrogation. This one' s real, but it
' s usually not like that. In other words, there can be,
of course, no denying that there may be adolescents who fall, for example,
because in drugs, there are, unfortunately, those who fall into crime.
They must be mistreated, too. There are. In fact, a
whole chapter of the book is devoted to all the dangers and risks there are.
There are so many, but it' s not most of them.
Most of them, and they have the problem that they don' t know
what to do about a situation, but not because they' ve already fallen
in a way. Now what I would suggest as well and this seems important
to parents is that they are very much in the case of changes, very
abrupt, that is, adolescence. It is a time of change and,
therefore, because many times we see that there are many changes not and that
occur in a short period of time. But you have to walk with your
eye, put on the radar that I say with the radar disguisedly, also
because if they don' t complain that we' re too much on them,
they need their space. But with the radar, since the changes are
very abrupt, they are sustained over time, they concatenate with each other.
I' m going to give an example, because a girl tells you one
day a teenager who' s not going to dinner today, who' s
not hungry. Well, it' s okay, don' t eat,
there' s no problem. But be careful if the next day he tells
you look you know that today I' m going to dinner in the room
and the next day he tells you listen to this thing you' ve put
on me, this, this is a lot of fat. This isn'
t gonna be good. This is surely not careful, because there is and
there can be a problem. That is to say, it is no longer
a timely situation, but it is a set of changes that are concatenating,
that are being recorded that every time and there we have to intervene and often
intervene as soon as possible, better in the first stages, better than in
the last stages. No, for example, because by saying look in the
room nothing is going to be done, because this is a family rule and
in the family we all have to be comfortable, because we are all going
to have dinner here as always. You' re not having dinner alone in
the room. That' s not what you' re gonna do. And
this, then, they understand. They don' t understand why you invoke
that family well- being of everyone and all of them who are the family
for those who have to comply with that we focus your book on how they
can approach it from where, as a manual, what they' re going
to find in this book how to read it well, from the beginning it
' s worth yes. See that the book has three big parts. The
first part is the teenage world. I think it' s okay to get
an idea of how they feel about their world how they live it, because
generationally it has nothing to do with ours, and so it' s okay
to get an idea of how they live that world and understand it, even
to contrast it. I think that would be good to contrast it with sons
and daughters. You don' t hear this how you see it, you
feel it that way Look, I' m reading even this book and it
tells me that your world, because it' s kind of like that.
I don' t know. I would like to understand whether your world is
like that or not, and that you validate it for me as the teenager
or the teenager at home. This is the first part of the book.
In the second we talk about risks and dangers that are not the same one
thing as another, because, in fact, the risk is the probability that
the danger will occur. And this differentiation is very important, because notice that
they, sometimes parents, are calm thinking about the dangers. They know them
perfect, because dangers are theory. But beware, danger is not risk.
The risk is the probability that the danger will materialize and, in addition,
the risk has a fundamental component, which is the fact that I control the
ability to control. Then, of course, there we have the problem in
the risk, not so much in the danger. They know there are dangers.
They know it because in the family. We have worked on it and
we have seen what dangers there may be, but at risk, an apology,
because the risk they see very far away and, instead, the families
see it already is what we said then. There, in that different double
perception, that' s where they tell you. He doesn' t forgive
two things. This isn' t gonna happen because it' s so far
away. And besides, I control, I control, I control with then
clear the parents who think neither control nor are far away, I mean,
we have a problem. That is not the second paragraph. And that'
s where it' s very important to put that radar with it worth it,
for example, because I know how to see teenagers can tell you that
you' re the worst mother in the world. They can tell you because
it' s normal. They tell everyone and everyone and all their mothers and
fathers. That' s not normal, but they can' t insult you
That' s not normal. So be careful, because there if that goes
to more, there may be a certain danger that that will turn into a
parental filio abuse, that there is much more to it than we think.
There is much more to it than we think and little is reported. So
those risks and those dangers should be borne in mind and realized how far we
get, how much risk we are taking and moving if we see that the
risk really increases and gets out of control, especially if it gets out of
control. That' s part two. And then there is a third part
that already deals with what my professional experience and my deal with adarlescents in and
out of school, because he thinks that as a tutor I take them to
the end- of- course trips all these things and, therefore, I
live with them for a long time and many hours, because all those tips
that have somehow served me, have allowed me to approach them, to bond
with them, to have a good bond with them, because the key is
the key, is the bond, the bond, to bond with them and
also to be demanding with them and them, because someone may think good to
link up and it means that they do what they want to be cool not.
No, it is not that, obviously, it is to love them
very much and to demand them very much also because the demand is love.
I understand that it is then those advices or those are not advices, but
fruits of experience and all of that I think it gains value in the book
because I, as a philosophy teacher, make them do a philosophical photography job.
When they' re 14. I ask you to take philosophical photographs,
that is, to reflect an idea, a thought, a concept, and
to make a text on that photograph. And this I' ve been doing
for thirty years. Then of course. There they release themselves and make absolutely
wonderful texts, some of them, some of them extraordinary, and some of
them, for I have chosen them in the book when it seemed appropriate to
me, so that their own voice may also be heard what they can tell
and are able to be seen also that actually. I believe that most of
the texts I have included are of a great human quality and, therefore,
saying oysters is adolescent is immature. And it' s immature because it is,
but, Notice, it' s able to make some reflections that go
way over there, that are very deep. Yes, to me it seems
most significant and the whole book, because it is highly recommended everything that you
comment, but it is true that the contributions of the adolescents themselves complement in
a special way what you comment and, moreover, they give coherence to what
you put directly in the title not to listen to the adolescents also us.
And what they' re telling us is that sometimes it' s not that
our teenagers don' t listen to us anymore, it' s that we
don' t listen to them. Sure, sure, look See I have
an example here that I wanted to tell you, because it' s from
doing a couple of weeks in one of these jobs. This doesn' t
come out in the book, because of course, the book has been written
for a while. No. No, it' s not from right now,
because one of these students gave me a job a couple of weeks ago
and the title he put to work is what the teenagers hide behind their strong
character from. That was the title he gave to all the work. He
wanted to put it a valid title and the three photographs carried three very significant
titles for me. The first, fear of failure, the second insecurity for
not being accepted. The third prisoner of a prisoner, in this case,
of a devastating idea of normalcy. Notice, what three titles and what global
title this teenager put to her work of philosophical photography that hides behind this rebellion,
from this not agreeing, because she hides much fear, fear of failure,
okay, hides the fear of not being accepted or accepted, especially by
the true group, which is fundamental at this moment. And besides, seeing
that there is an idea of normality that is devastating, so you can'
t reach it and you always feel failed in that sense. No, and
that makes it react, because with force and trying to reveal itself to that
fear and to that tremendous insecurity, it seems to me, and moreover,
that it reflects, because concerns that we know that our teens are interested as
the identity that you also speak in the book, in self- esteem,
not the acceptance to be accepted. There is a topic that is very fashionable
that you also address in your book and that you talk about everything you can
talk about. And besides, it goes from one side to the other,
which is a wonder, which is the subject of technology and it is something
besides what we have not. My generation yours and the ones that come next.
Probably yes, but the subject of technology. We haven' t grown
up with her and we haven' t been teenagers with her. So we
' re not really prepared to understand ourselves in that technology context either. Let
' s see, I think we need to be clear that in this case
the motive, because the rest of the worries pass through it. They go
through there Family' s worth it. It' s very important to them
that family is. It is because when you ask for the main values,
in the first places, if not the first is the family, love remains
fundamental, love, love friends are fundamental. And I' d say that
almost after the cell phone comes, because the cell phone for them you have
to understand is their way of life. It must be understood, it is
the way in which they relate, in which they are shown, in which
they are recognized, in which they see others, in which they solve the
small problems that we solved in other ways. They don' t have any
trouble locating a place, because because they' re looking for it right away,
the serious mobile, they find it, that is, the mobile is
part of their life. Then we cannot forbid it, because if we see
it, obviously, we must know when to give it. There' s
no need to see it either. I was told the other day that in
some Latin American countries it was five years old. I think it' s
barbaric. Yeah, I put on the same face you' ve put on
now exactly the same I said sorry to the many, yeah, the five
is worth when they go to impossible elementary school. I mean, I find
it very unwise and very unwise. Okay, it' s putting a lethal
weapon in the hands of someone who doesn' t know it' s a
weapon. So that' s very dangerous. Then you have to know when
it' s worth it, but you have to teach how to use it.
And this is what we don' t spend too much time on,
neither schools nor families. It must be taught how to use it. The
risks they' re going to see are not worth the dangers the risks,
that is, how you can get involved in something that' s not going
to be pleasant and that can be a smaller or more serious problem is worth
making a bad use of that technology. That all this has to be worked
out, but to think inludely that they will not make the motive work,
that we can forbid it and that they will never make it serve in our
context, because that will not happen. They' ll hide it whatever they
look at in class at school, for example, we' ve determined that,
since we have iPad to work in classes, the cell phone doesn'
t need to be and, therefore, they leave it before they go in
and pick it up on their way out. We' ve determined that in
school and it' s working perfectly. We thought at first we' d
have a teenage rebellion with flags and pirates, but in the end it didn
' t happen. It didn' t happen. At first there were complaints.
Naturally, these trans as such and as mobile. And we said if
the cell phone could no longer be served, you didn' t illegally serve
in quotation marks at school. But now we' re not going to be
able to do it right, because we' re not going to have it,
because to work, we already have the tablet, or the computer or
whatever, and or the books, and you don' t need mobile.
And the truth is, they' re happy and happy now. That does
not mean that when they recover it, they immediately catch up immediately that they
have entered me that they have not brought me, that new immediately. This
is so. Then what needs to be done is to teach and clear how
it is taught, because with practice with one’ s own experience. Sure,
listen to the cell phone. You don' t have to have the
table, because the father and mother have it next door because they' re
having dinner with their cell phone next door. That' s going to be
very difficult. We are not going to leave it all, because again it
is a family standard so that everyone and everyone is comfortable and comfortable not to
use the mobile as a technological kangaroo. And we all know what we mean
by technological kangaroo is very comfortable. When a boy, a girl is very
small and she' s crying, of course, we put her cell phone
in and that' s it. But of course, that' s going
to have a price to pay later, because when we take it off,
it' s going to start crying again and it' s going to be
problematic. Then I don' t want him to play. Boys and girls
have to play, they have to shit, they have to dance. There
is no need for a mobile phone for these ages and for older people and
adolescents, because we need to work on what a mobile phone is for,
how it is used. Okay. We give it to him thinking. You
' re going to be traceable because they don' t respond is never the
call of their page or their mother. They' re not responding. Sure,
sure, they don' t answer because they haven' t taken him
to be Localize them no, no, they haven' t taken him to
relate to others, to show themselves in a certain way, etcetera, etcetera.
No. Then. I believe that we adults should teach them good use,
but prohibit it, prohibit it from certain ages. It is that in
this society we are not going to get it then it is better to use
and besides, we can make very frequent uses and that and that they help
a lot, because it is not a bad instrument in itself. It is
an instrument that can be used well or depends on the text with which you
accompany that. Precisely that chapter is very illustrative of the teenager who talks about
this topic and what he is doing with technology. And what happens is that
we have used or are often using technology or mobile as if it were the
apparatus, the culprit of many other phenomena that we think that, as it
is prohibited, they will end, as is, for example, the harassment,
the violence, the fanaticization that is commented on And well, I don
' t know if that can work that way. No, because the cell
phone can be an amplifier of all those aspects that you call, but it
' s not the trigger. The trigger is another, not the abuse has
bivided it, but always in adolescents who are aggressive with their family, We
have always gone from there to there. In short, it is true that
it is the dethetonant, forgiveness, the amplifier and sometimes, therefore, that
aggravates it. This is true because, of course, school abuse used to
be limited to the school phone. What it does is increase that rank to
all day and then, of course, that' s much more burdensome,
much more difficult to pass. I mean, the cell phone makes it worse,
but it' s not the cell phone, in itself it' s
the misuse of the cell phone. It' s not what we say.
A hammer can be used to nail a nail and it' s fine or
to open someone' s head and it' s very bad. I mean,
it' s a medium and you have to teach him to use it,
because it' s a very powerful medium. However, the hammer has
few uses and the mobile phone has many. So that makes it really a
means to learn to use it well and where you see it, because in
the family, especially so that you use the mobile when you use it,
when you leave it. This is very illustrative, because then you can be
consistent with the message you want to teach them. And then, then,
that, then, tell him to watch social networks. You' re not
going into a certain age, you' re going into another, you'
re not going into one, and you have to be very clear what you
' re going to hang up. We' re not going to talk about
it, because this is important, it' s important to you, and
it' s important to me that I care about you, you have to,
you know, use it, but tell him you' re not going
to do it, it' s that the throne isn' t going to
work. Of course, I control the illusion of control, the illusion of
parental control, which also exists. I control it well. And the other
extreme is what happens to fathers and mothers who face the risks, we don
' t know how to find balance And you, besides, talk about it
in the book. Between leaving like this and protecting them. Sure, at
this stage it' s very difficult. Yes look, I think there is
a line that goes from protection to hyperprotection and following aristoteles that in this he
was already very wise, because virtue is in the middle. I mean,
it' s not about protecting them, because then they run out of compasses,
they run out of rules, they run out of limits, they run
out of secure attachment and then they get lost, they get lost and about
protecting them is not a good option, because then what we do is weaken
them. Love to that extent weakens them and introduces them into a glass bubble
that will burst into the least advernosity. Then you have to find that middle
point, which is not easy, of course, because there is virtue.
So, that' s why virtue is where it' s hard. Then
you have to look for that middle point. Putting on a metaphor that I
really like to repeat from the tea to see when they were little, the
father and mother have to be pointers. There, in the front row,
just in case the boy, the girl leaves something to keep him from gassing.
I' m telling you again to do your part and do it right.
No, and if he starts to cry, I' ll go up
there to comfort him. For when they are teenagers, you have to put
yourself in the last rows of the theater. But you have to get in
there at the last few parties. You have to be, because the first
thing the teenager does is open the curtain of the theater and you say look
there is already my father or my mother looks at the old people in the
background, they are there looking, but they want you to be. I
' d dare say that when you' re young, don' t go
to the theater as a parent anymore, let them tell you. They'
ll tell you how the function went, so you have to adopt different places
in that cat. It' s nice. Example, I imagine young parents
with mobile recording in the show, clear clade in front of everyone and passing
ahead of the director. Think about it there too, we have to learn
how to drive the phone and little talk about it. It' s always
her fault our teens are bad or they' re bad, but how do
we use it? No, of course, of course, of course,
of course that' s how we use it. It' s an example
for them to look at, but they look at us. I' m
gonna give it to you. Finally, I did want to have an impact
on the issue of self- esteem, because you also emphasize it in the
book as a fundamental aspect. How to work the self- esteem of a
teenager who also has his difficulty, Where we find that moment to strengthen it
without passing and why work the self- esteem of a good teenager look.
I believe that working anyone' s self- esteem is not absolutely necessary to
face the adversity of life. I mean, if you don' t have
a good self- esteem, you can' t face the challenges that life
presents to you. And we must know that life has a wealth of suffering,
also one of joy. Fortunately not, that' s the one we
' re all looking for, but that at some point suffering will come to
us, because life is like this and we have to accept it. So
the Stoics said, you have to accept it and look to cope with it
as best you can. Therefore, self- esteem is essential in order to
have a free and quiet life. I don' t think this is the
key. How Teenagers and Teenagers Cope Watch. I think it' s a
lot of times that boys and girls come to me with their hairstyles. You
can imagine them of all kinds and colors and ask me Jordi hear how beautiful
I am, I am handsome. If I tell them you look gorgeous,
not so beautiful the lie, immediately it' s okay because immediately they tell
me yes. But you don' t think it suits me. I don
' t mean you' re telling me. Only then have I already counted
my position. I' ll tell you what it is. It' s
tell them look. I' m from another generation. I can' t
understand your hairstyle and I don' t think it' s right or wrong.
You find yourself at ease with him. You like it because you'
ve really made your decision freely. Or you' ve done it by imitating
other people. And now you realize that imitation wasn' t too good.
If you' ve done it freely, well it' s there we are
then. I don' t think you have to lie. Lying, not
because right away, they smell the lie. They are very quick and very
smart and very birdy. You read the lie right away from it. So,
what good you' ve been talking about today and my dad tells you
he' s got a bloody idea he' s made a fatal shoeing there
and he tells me that he danced great and you say, my mother,
I said so to encourage and such or no lie. Look, hey,
I' ll tell you, I think you can do better. I think
you can do better. But between that and telling him you' re a
disgrace. With legs there is a lot of distance, because the distance with
legs no longer has a solution. That' s a lifelong label. Then
you don' t have to lie to them, because they notice that.
But we must not recognize the small steps they take and, above all,
recognize the possibility of improving this. To me, my teacher' s discomfort,
it works a lot for me. Don' t look. You'
ve done so badly. I' m sorry your attitude wasn' t right.
I expect much more from you. I think you can do a lot
better. And now let' s talk about how you could do much better.
And I' m gonna be watching you see if you can make it,
and then I' m gonna be happy with you. I' ll
be by your side. I' ll be happy with you because you'
ll do so much better than you have now. I think that' s
the way to build self- esteem that they feel loved that they feel that
you' re there, that you' re accompanying them, that you'
re going to be there. I' m sure you' re going to
be there, you' re going to go with them, and you'
re going to celebrate the successes you have. And in the failures, because
you' re going to point them out and you' re going to tell
them that chances of improving ah you' re not going to deny them,
because that' s cheating on them and that' s not good. We
want to be your students Jordi good. All this stuff I' m telling
you I learned from my teachers, that is, this is a timeline.
You learn this from the good teachers and the good teachers I had had bad
ones and I had good ones, as we all had. No And then,
you have to look at the good ones, how the good ones did
it, because they loved us and demanded us at the same time that they
did the good ones. If you, who are listening to us, also
want this feeling and above that I do not examine you, I recommend your
book Este and the previous ones also that good. It' s not the
same as having her in class, but it brings you a little closer to
our teacher and ordinome. Thank you so much. It has been a pleasure,
as always to listen to you, to chat with you and read to
you that I really congratulate you on this book. I' m sure it
will go as far as the previous ones and that cauti deck. You have
very faithful readers and very faithful communities that I know that comes to me yes,
yes. However, the author has little to do with it. I
' m telling you, too. I am very excited that there are people
who inspire him, therefore, reflections and thoughts, but of course. The
author often doesn' t know what' s going on. And it'
s very nice. It' s so nice of you to come in.
It' s nice of it to happen when she tells you from time to
time, as long as someone tells you. Hey I read the book Me
ha ha ha ha ha me ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha? There, too, it is,
it is, and besides, it' s something that gets out of your
hands. It' s not a little like the students don' t you
set it up and then they' re gonna take your flag somewhere else far
away. Students do the same thing. They plant a seed and then carry
it around The parents are lucky enough to see that seed grow, see it
grow, and that is a very beautiful part of the motherhood and fatherhood that
see it grow, consolidate, become mature, become confident of itself and ultimately
be free. I don' t think this is very important, because you
know if you' re listening to us and you' ve read Jordi tell
him, make him clear, it' s clear in networks it always gets
to the bad, it moves much faster and we don' t get good.
And well, look at me from here, I' m telling you,
I love reading to you, and congratulations. Thank you very much,
Monica for the interview. Thanks to you, friends. We' re leaving
you. I will leave as always in the notes of the program, the
information of the book so that you can do with it, running right now
in your neighborhood bookstore and listening in a new episode of good morning. Father
wait. Bye. Bye? S s