1 00:00:07,879 --> 00:00:16,640 Good morning Maya sphere Good day male sphere communicates of the Foundation. Good morning, 2 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:20,559 Father. Wait welcome one more day to our podcast, the podcast of 3 00:00:20,559 --> 00:00:24,600 the community of content creators on parenting in Spanish, the podcast of Madre Espera, 4 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:30,160 in which in each episode you already know that we try to get closer 5 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:35,719 to themes, people, projects, books, adventures, everything that can help 6 00:00:35,719 --> 00:00:39,479 you, to help us, to face the upbringing in a slightly more positive 7 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:44,159 way, to reflect, to learn, to get angry. It is also 8 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:50,159 sometimes good, it is positive to feel something or even because it does not 9 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:54,520 also accompany you simply while you are taking that walk and listening to this podcast 10 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,880 that, by the way, I thank you for doing so. Today we 11 00:00:56,920 --> 00:01:00,880 bring back to our podcast, a person who has already visited us years ago, 12 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:06,000 but who remember with great affection that conversation good morning hours, that when 13 00:01:06,239 --> 00:01:10,799 what we recorded at seven and fourth blessed and brave, all our guests who 14 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:14,640 always said yes, except some honorable exception, that he did not want, 15 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:19,799 but that is to say that most always wanted to come despite the hour, 16 00:01:21,239 --> 00:01:23,480 seven and fourth in the morning, but on this occasion the professor of philosophy, 17 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:32,599 Jordi Gnomen, visits us again. No truth, no men yes, 18 00:01:32,879 --> 00:01:34,719 no me, no me no try, no main, no men no accent, 19 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,760 we don' t lie, yes, but I know all of a 20 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:44,400 sudden, doubt has arisen there. Well, Jordi, welcome back. Good 21 00:01:44,439 --> 00:01:49,799 to see you what? So, very well- monic, here we are 22 00:01:49,079 --> 00:01:57,120 to share a time of dialogue together and finally, to talk about these things 23 00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:00,400 that you also do in Madrid. This illusion and, moreover, it is 24 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:06,040 one of the conversations that we have carried almost one thousand two hundred episodes and 25 00:02:06,079 --> 00:02:09,400 it is one of the conversations that I keep most fond of, because we 26 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:14,919 liked to listen to you very much, I like to read to you and 27 00:02:15,319 --> 00:02:20,199 it is a pleasure whenever suddenly we see that you have published the new book 28 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,800 and we have it here with us, the new book by Jordi nomen how 29 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:23,000 to talk to a teenager and that he listens to you always. It' 30 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:28,280 s good news, also published by ARPA, by the ARPA publishing house that 31 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,400 just came out a little while ago and that well, because you couldn' 32 00:02:31,479 --> 00:02:38,319 t miss Jordi and you couldn' t miss here accompanying us that if they 33 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:42,039 don' t know you, if there are people who have just arrived recent 34 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,759 parents, people who have just joined this world of parenting. I will tell 35 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,400 you that Jordi Nomen has been a professor of philosophy and social sciences for over 36 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:52,800 thirty years at the Sadako School in Barcelona, recognized as one of the most 37 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:57,120 innovative educational centers in Spain. He holds a degree in contemporary history from the 38 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:00,639 University of Barcelona and has a postgraduate degree in active citizenship and a Basternono philosophy. 39 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:05,000 He has been awarded the Eddow 21st and Abnau awards of Vilanova for his 40 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:09,159 pedagogical work. He is part of the group and Iref Grupo I DEFF, 41 00:03:09,719 --> 00:03:15,120 which leads the implementation of philosophy for boys and girls in Catalonia and is author 42 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:19,639 of the Bet Seller El Niño philosopher book that always, always, always recommend, 43 00:03:20,159 --> 00:03:23,280 has consolidated it as a reference in the field of philosophy for boys and 44 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:27,479 has been translated into six languages. In addition, he is the author of 45 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:30,639 the child philosopher and art and child philosopher and ethics. And what happens that 46 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:37,159 children who do grow truth and yortis back, because, besides all this hordi 47 00:03:37,159 --> 00:03:45,800 b résumé is observe that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, 48 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:51,319 you know what happens that I' ve carried out a thousand philosophy love with 49 00:03:51,319 --> 00:03:54,120 kids, with kids. But it' s also true that I' ve 50 00:03:54,159 --> 00:03:55,960 been tutoring how much of that for so many years. Therefore, I have 51 00:03:57,479 --> 00:04:01,680 carried out my my would say, my professional career alongside teenagers and teenagers. 52 00:04:03,719 --> 00:04:10,400 Therefore, it is also a field that deserved my attention and my reflection and 53 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,960 his, because in the book there is also his voice and his own reflections. 54 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:18,720 And I think this is a dialogue that can be fruitful. But for 55 00:04:18,879 --> 00:04:24,839 families who want to approach this stage, which for me is wonderful, because 56 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:29,399 to her I have dedicated my life thirty- five years of teaching experience with 57 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:34,000 them and with them and, therefore, a marvel. I defend her a 58 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:38,839 lot before I read the book, as I have already read the previous ones. 59 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:42,759 And besides, I knew you, for there was more or less the 60 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:47,000 spirit I could find. But I do want our audience now listening to him, 61 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:50,519 you' re going to meet him and you' re going to see 62 00:04:50,519 --> 00:04:54,399 a little what you can find. But he is an absolute advocate in the 63 00:04:54,399 --> 00:04:59,199 previous days of childhood and in this case, because the truth is that he 64 00:05:00,079 --> 00:05:02,360 expected and that same defense of adolescence, of course has not been. You 65 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:05,680 didn' t let me down in the brain salute. I' m not 66 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:09,360 very happy, because I think they deserve it. I have had more than 67 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:13,480 2, 000 students in my teenage hands over so many years and the vast 68 00:05:13,519 --> 00:05:18,600 majority of them have been a source of pride and satisfaction that the merit of 69 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:29,360 that one said. Yeah, yeah, hey, they compare you a lot 70 00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:32,879 to famous Merle sometimes because you know what happens that clear we, the philosophy 71 00:05:33,639 --> 00:05:38,000 we do, we do it through dialogue. No. And then, because 72 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,680 the Merlie series also started a little from this, from the proximity of the 73 00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:46,360 problems from situations in real contexts and try, because that of dialogue with them 74 00:05:46,399 --> 00:05:51,439 and seeing how we can deal with them together in a learning community. So, 75 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:57,160 yes, sometimes they ask me about the Merlegue series. Besides, she 76 00:05:57,199 --> 00:06:00,959 is Catalan and of course, so, look, yes, she has and 77 00:06:00,959 --> 00:06:06,879 comes to her hair. Yeah. Yes, and it would be advisable that 78 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:14,839 to our audience I highly recommend because it also gives another perspective of adolescence that 79 00:06:14,879 --> 00:06:19,120 this also wanted to discuss with you, although now there is much talk about 80 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:25,480 adolescence and sometimes better in a way trying to change stereotype. Adolescence comes at 81 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,879 least to father and mother. It' s coming down there like that black 82 00:06:29,879 --> 00:06:31,600 cloud of the storm that' s going on. Well, I think it 83 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:36,480 ' s like everything, that is, what I always know before is picked 84 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:41,720 up after. So this is my teaching experience. Basically when in childhood there 85 00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:46,040 is a secure attachment and in boys and girls they feel loved unconditionally and this 86 00:06:46,079 --> 00:06:49,480 means that they are allowed everything, because to love someone is also to reproach 87 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:55,360 them for what they do wrong and to help them to fix it and to 88 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,199 improve it. I mean, it' s not allowing you everything, of 89 00:06:58,199 --> 00:07:01,480 course. But when glue is in condition, adolescence is better, it' 90 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:04,879 s easier. That doesn' t mean I' m risk- free. 91 00:07:04,959 --> 00:07:10,920 Of course there are, there are because the teenager has that attachment, which 92 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:15,160 I think is the basis for when it is. But of course it is 93 00:07:15,199 --> 00:07:18,920 in contexts where there are certain risks and we must be able to deal with 94 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:23,879 them. But that' s what we said if we know if a child 95 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:27,319 teaches him to control his impulses. The children do not know, of course, 96 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,360 because they are very mature and the girls if we teach them to control 97 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:38,040 the impulses they have when they are younger, because that will serve as a 98 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,800 basis and it will be easier for them to control those impulses that they are 99 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,639 going to have. The impulses are going to have them the same, but 100 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,560 the important thing is how they manage them and what they do with them. 101 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:53,480 The title how to talk to a teenager and listen to you, why this 102 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:58,120 title and how important it is here that you listen to you is worth looking. 103 00:07:58,319 --> 00:08:01,839 The title came up in conversation with the publisher, not because they asked 104 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:05,600 me what I was going to write about now. I had finished this task 105 00:08:05,839 --> 00:08:11,800 that you came described from the type of thought of the child philosopher critical thought, 106 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:16,199 creating and careful and they said good. And now what you want to 107 00:08:16,199 --> 00:08:18,639 write about. And I told him, well, look, what worries me 108 00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:22,000 is how to understand each other with the worshipers, how to talk to them 109 00:08:22,439 --> 00:08:26,079 and listen to you. And then he said, that' s it, 110 00:08:26,519 --> 00:08:30,560 now, we have the title. It was the first conversation before I started 111 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:35,320 thinking about writing anything. And there I do want to make a nuance How 112 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:39,200 to talk to them is very important and also understand the sense that and that 113 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,360 they listen to you. It' s also very important, because sometimes adults 114 00:08:41,399 --> 00:08:46,000 confuse this one and listen to you do what I tell them to do, 115 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:50,120 and that' s not the point they' re listening to, is to 116 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:54,159 think about what you' ve told them. But the final decision is going 117 00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:58,120 to be made by them and they' re going to be their life and 118 00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:58,919 they' re going to make it then. The important thing is that they 119 00:09:00,159 --> 00:09:01,440 reflect on what you have told them and, therefore, that they talk to 120 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:07,039 you and that there is that open channel of communication. How important this thing 121 00:09:07,039 --> 00:09:11,399 you said, George. And besides, it reminds me of this concept that 122 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:15,639 we have of good boys, of good girls, when they do what we 123 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:20,559 ' re telling them to do. Of course it' s not like that. 124 00:09:20,639 --> 00:09:24,279 It is not a question of being obeyed, because in adolescence there is 125 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:30,519 a fundamental task, which is to become mature, responsible and autonomous adults. 126 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:33,759 And, therefore, there you have to break, You have to break with 127 00:09:33,919 --> 00:09:37,159 what was before, You have to break with childhood. It just means he 128 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:41,320 loses it, because there' s this myth, too. Childhood has already 129 00:09:41,399 --> 00:09:45,720 been forgotten. It' s not true. People build on the foundation of 130 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:50,039 what came before, and we always do that. In maturity and in old 131 00:09:50,039 --> 00:09:54,159 age, we likewise do not lose what we have been, but build upon 132 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:58,519 it. Then the children don' t get lost. But yes, we 133 00:09:58,519 --> 00:10:03,519 must certainly break with the dependence on children, and we must move up to 134 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:07,919 autonomy and the responsibility of the adult. And that transit, that road, 135 00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:11,039 well, as we say, is not easy, but it has to be 136 00:10:11,039 --> 00:10:16,679 done. And that means, because many times question what adults present to you. 137 00:10:18,039 --> 00:10:20,240 And besides, in this I do mean it' s something that I 138 00:10:20,279 --> 00:10:26,759 ' ve noticed a lot in philosophy classes. Teenagers are tremendously mature when it 139 00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:31,559 comes to using reasoning, but rather to talking to parents and parents about everything 140 00:10:31,639 --> 00:10:33,720 their teens say to them. Not because this, why? And this, 141 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,159 why? And the other thing? And the other thing? And beyond and 142 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:39,960 these arguments have, that is, on a rational level, they are beginning 143 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:46,240 to control critical thinking. And they love this because it clearly empowers them, 144 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:52,159 empowers them in the face of discussion with their adults and people around them. 145 00:10:52,399 --> 00:10:56,519 But in that they are tremendously immature in the emotional, because that is much 146 00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:03,639 more difficult. Then they need yes, a lot of support and a lot 147 00:11:03,639 --> 00:11:07,799 of being there, even if it' s a bit of anger and a 148 00:11:07,919 --> 00:11:09,440 little bit away from the adults around them. Before. He said that there 149 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:15,879 is a lot of talk about adolescence now and there is a boom about adolescence 150 00:11:15,879 --> 00:11:18,720 for good, because the more information, the better. And we talked to 151 00:11:20,519 --> 00:11:26,440 neuroscientists, psychologists, criminologists, we have social workers, almost all professions. 152 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:35,000 What it brings to a professor of philosophy about adolescents, because it actually looks 153 00:11:35,039 --> 00:11:39,159 at the classes of philosophy, as we have said through philosophical dialogue in community. 154 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:43,320 What they contribute is that they choose the issues they want to talk about. 155 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:50,519 Then there really opens a space. If the trainer who directs it has 156 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:56,440 managed to create an atmosphere of tranquility, of calm, of not labeling anyone, 157 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:00,440 of accepting opinions, although that does not mean that all are equally valid. 158 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:03,879 They can be refuted, but, instead, affirm people, always respect 159 00:12:05,159 --> 00:12:09,480 people. If this atmosphere of trust is created, because there they appear, 160 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:18,240 their fears appear, their insecurities. That' s what worries them and then 161 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,080 it' s their voice. I believe that what a teacher can contribute is 162 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:26,759 the voice of teenagers who may also be an individual collective voice. How can 163 00:12:26,799 --> 00:12:28,440 you be a psychologist who has one, one, one, one. Here 164 00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:33,440 we are thirty in a class or twenty- five and then it is a 165 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:37,799 collective voice. One is building on what the other has said and, therefore, 166 00:12:37,039 --> 00:12:41,240 because that is very, very, very enriching and provides many clues about 167 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:46,960 what they are concerned about, what they are talking about, what it is 168 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:50,320 important to know, what they are talking about and, therefore, how we 169 00:12:50,399 --> 00:12:54,480 can approach them to talk about. About vo language that is not about relying 170 00:12:54,480 --> 00:13:00,840 on the teen jargon and the broth they carry now hears tries to learn this 171 00:13:00,879 --> 00:13:05,440 which also makes them very funny. When an adult tells them he hears about 172 00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:13,879 how you are water, they love it not that you use their jargon because 173 00:13:13,879 --> 00:13:18,279 you imposted and faked it. It doesn' t come out straight, no, 174 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:22,799 but, well, any case, leaving that aside, it' s 175 00:13:22,399 --> 00:13:26,679 important to know that they and they talk about some things. No, and 176 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:30,159 basically look. What they talk about are the series they watch, the sport, 177 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:35,279 they practice, the music they like, the gossip in the class. 178 00:13:35,799 --> 00:13:37,000 That' s the star theme for me. That is, if you want 179 00:13:37,039 --> 00:13:41,879 to approach a teenager and get in touch and open that channel with him, 180 00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,919 because nothing you ask him hears and what is the last quote of the class, 181 00:13:45,159 --> 00:13:48,080 what parejillas are there that are being made. Come on, they' 182 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:52,919 re gonna start talking to you like they don' t have tomorrow, because 183 00:13:54,039 --> 00:13:58,159 this is what they love about. Of course, there comes the first problem 184 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,799 that adults tell them no, no, but this is not of interest to 185 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,240 me. I mean, what I want to know is to watch sex, 186 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,120 drugs, and rock and roll. This is what worries me, because there 187 00:14:05,159 --> 00:14:09,519 ' s the risk, of course, but this is cold. You have 188 00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:11,559 to understand that it' s going to be very difficult for them to talk 189 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:15,919 about it. That' s why I always talk there are comments whenever it 190 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,039 ' s very important to have an open channel. That is what they talk 191 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:22,399 about when faced with a problem or insecurity. So if the cananal is open 192 00:14:22,799 --> 00:14:26,279 to other issues that aren' t those, that' s when they' 193 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:31,440 re gonna come and they' re gonna tell you, hey, look, 194 00:14:31,879 --> 00:14:37,279 I was at a party and there already the adult' s reaction has to 195 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,360 be the right one to keep them talking, because of course, I was 196 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,159 at a party, how at a party we already started wrong. Besides, 197 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:45,240 of course there was drug or comforter over there. What doroga you say, 198 00:14:45,679 --> 00:14:48,320 it can' t be you what you did. And then we put the 199 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:52,080 peace, the flexo in front. But what you did, you consumed, 200 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,480 you didn' t consume your friends what they did. It must be understood 201 00:14:54,519 --> 00:15:00,879 that in the face of questioning people close down why, because no longer talking 202 00:15:00,919 --> 00:15:05,360 about it, then their minds disappear. Hence and clearly, out of love, 203 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:11,200 out of love, because it is out of love out of concern, 204 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:16,919 we proceed to question is worth instead of proceeding as we should, which is, 205 00:15:16,919 --> 00:15:18,679 to ask them to keep talking. Then this is how it is done, 206 00:15:18,679 --> 00:15:22,120 for as it has been done all my life. Ah, this was 207 00:15:22,679 --> 00:15:26,279 good, and you felt that way. That is, therefore, you thought 208 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:31,440 this yes well and without altering itself worth. This is the way they see 209 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,879 that channel is open, that they can keep talking and that they can keep 210 00:15:33,879 --> 00:15:39,799 explaining. This means you can' t give your opinion. As an adult, 211 00:15:39,159 --> 00:15:41,679 of course you can give it, but not when they' re talking. 212 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:46,120 You have to let them finish so they can explain the whole context to 213 00:15:46,159 --> 00:15:50,399 you, all the feelings that come out there, all the stories. When 214 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:56,840 they are finished, then I recommend, of course, saying it is worth 215 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,399 asking above all that I think it is not too much. You don' 216 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,480 t want me to give you my opinion. If he says no, maybe 217 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:06,480 at that time you don' t need to give him his opinion. But 218 00:16:06,759 --> 00:16:11,240 if something has worried you a lot, then that' s when the next 219 00:16:11,279 --> 00:16:14,759 morning you take him by car to the Institute and then you say hey look 220 00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:17,759 at what you told me yesterday. I was worried about this, about this, 221 00:16:18,039 --> 00:16:19,480 and that' s what it' s all about. That' s 222 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:23,360 what a teenager will hear if you insist, because of course, then drugs 223 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,919 are complicated, because you' re already disconnected. That' s it, 224 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:30,840 that' s it, that' s it, that' s it, 225 00:16:30,799 --> 00:16:32,080 that' s it, that' s it, that' s it, 226 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:32,080 that' s it, that' s it, that' s it. 227 00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:36,120 Yeah, but someone from our audience, when they' re listening to you, 228 00:16:36,279 --> 00:16:38,600 banging all over the wall, but this one, sir, is more 229 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:44,879 vile. Sure why. This seems very easy, but it' s very 230 00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:48,960 difficult. Of course it requires me to understand. It requires a lot of 231 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:53,919 self- control, it requires a lot of peace of mind for the adult, 232 00:16:53,919 --> 00:16:56,120 just qualities that society systemically requires. No or no. No, no, 233 00:16:55,519 --> 00:16:57,759 it doesn' t make it easy to have no. We' re 234 00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,919 always running too fast. Besides, they choose? The moment? Which they 235 00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:03,519 choose, which is the worst moment, the moment you' re making the 236 00:17:03,559 --> 00:17:07,640 tortilla and you' re beating the egg. That' s when they come 237 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,240 in and say I have a problem. And you well, not now, 238 00:17:11,519 --> 00:17:15,359 not now, that I' m making dinner now, not or I' 239 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,359 m passing the valley. Now it' s time, no, no, 240 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:18,960 because he' s not coming back. That' s the time. You 241 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:25,039 have to stop the eggs or keep beating them indefinitely while you' re listening. 242 00:17:25,759 --> 00:17:29,359 It' s okay all the time, all the time, or I 243 00:17:29,559 --> 00:17:30,319 ' ve just done and listened to you. If you stop that that' 244 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:37,440 s magical, yes, leave something at risk and give us that clear exact 245 00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:45,640 and I know we' re on fire. But in any case, you 246 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:49,720 have to stop and listen, have a lot of calm, a lot of 247 00:17:49,839 --> 00:17:52,799 self- control, not lose your nerves. It' s hard. I 248 00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:56,079 understand it because it' s done out of love. Besides, it' 249 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:56,960 s much harder, because it' s done out of love. And when 250 00:17:57,039 --> 00:18:00,960 you want someone you care about, it' s automatic this happens no, 251 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:07,000 but you have to understand that if you want to know thoroughly the situation, 252 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:11,480 which is what all of your mother and father and every teacher want, you 253 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,279 have to let them talk. If you don' t let them talk, 254 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:19,839 if you cut them off and question them and then they won' t be 255 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:23,000 around anymore and then that gets a lot of verbalizing. You hear it because 256 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:26,000 maybe, because some teenager and he says this is that you can talk to 257 00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:29,599 your mother. With my mother there' s no way to talk, there 258 00:18:29,599 --> 00:18:30,160 ' s no way. I' m going to tell you something and cut 259 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,160 me off, I' m going to tell you something and ask me 100 260 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:37,920 zero questions that don' t come to the point. Okay, that' 261 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:41,720 s how to talk to a teenager and, above all, how to hold 262 00:18:41,799 --> 00:18:47,200 the tongue so you don' t start making speeches and proclamations, which is 263 00:18:47,279 --> 00:18:51,079 what comes out of our heart. Besides, I think that fathers and mothers 264 00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:56,039 face it from now on, since we get at the worst. When you 265 00:18:56,119 --> 00:19:03,400 ' re approached by a younger child, it may be a discussion thing with 266 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:07,880 one day, but when a teenager tells you, I have a problem in 267 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:12,960 your head. You see him in jail, of course, yes, yes, 268 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:18,839 you see him arrested in police station right now, and I' m 269 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:22,839 only asking for a real interrogation. This one' s real, but it 270 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:27,319 ' s usually not like that. In other words, there can be, 271 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,319 of course, no denying that there may be adolescents who fall, for example, 272 00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:36,559 because in drugs, there are, unfortunately, those who fall into crime. 273 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:41,119 They must be mistreated, too. There are. In fact, a 274 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:45,680 whole chapter of the book is devoted to all the dangers and risks there are. 275 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:49,400 There are so many, but it' s not most of them. 276 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:55,119 Most of them, and they have the problem that they don' t know 277 00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:59,440 what to do about a situation, but not because they' ve already fallen 278 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:03,759 in a way. Now what I would suggest as well and this seems important 279 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,720 to parents is that they are very much in the case of changes, very 280 00:20:07,319 --> 00:20:11,279 abrupt, that is, adolescence. It is a time of change and, 281 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:15,359 therefore, because many times we see that there are many changes not and that 282 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:19,240 occur in a short period of time. But you have to walk with your 283 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:25,400 eye, put on the radar that I say with the radar disguisedly, also 284 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:29,200 because if they don' t complain that we' re too much on them, 285 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:30,480 they need their space. But with the radar, since the changes are 286 00:20:30,559 --> 00:20:36,799 very abrupt, they are sustained over time, they concatenate with each other. 287 00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:41,599 I' m going to give an example, because a girl tells you one 288 00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:42,359 day a teenager who' s not going to dinner today, who' s 289 00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:45,640 not hungry. Well, it' s okay, don' t eat, 290 00:20:45,839 --> 00:20:48,599 there' s no problem. But be careful if the next day he tells 291 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:52,599 you look you know that today I' m going to dinner in the room 292 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,279 and the next day he tells you listen to this thing you' ve put 293 00:20:55,279 --> 00:20:55,920 on me, this, this is a lot of fat. This isn' 294 00:20:56,039 --> 00:21:00,119 t gonna be good. This is surely not careful, because there is and 295 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,640 there can be a problem. That is to say, it is no longer 296 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:07,200 a timely situation, but it is a set of changes that are concatenating, 297 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:14,200 that are being recorded that every time and there we have to intervene and often 298 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:18,640 intervene as soon as possible, better in the first stages, better than in 299 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,480 the last stages. No, for example, because by saying look in the 300 00:21:22,079 --> 00:21:25,440 room nothing is going to be done, because this is a family rule and 301 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,799 in the family we all have to be comfortable, because we are all going 302 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,359 to have dinner here as always. You' re not having dinner alone in 303 00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:33,160 the room. That' s not what you' re gonna do. And 304 00:21:33,279 --> 00:21:37,480 this, then, they understand. They don' t understand why you invoke 305 00:21:37,559 --> 00:21:41,720 that family well- being of everyone and all of them who are the family 306 00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:48,079 for those who have to comply with that we focus your book on how they 307 00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:53,279 can approach it from where, as a manual, what they' re going 308 00:21:53,319 --> 00:21:56,960 to find in this book how to read it well, from the beginning it 309 00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:03,920 ' s worth yes. See that the book has three big parts. The 310 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:08,160 first part is the teenage world. I think it' s okay to get 311 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:14,240 an idea of how they feel about their world how they live it, because 312 00:22:14,319 --> 00:22:17,079 generationally it has nothing to do with ours, and so it' s okay 313 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:22,960 to get an idea of how they live that world and understand it, even 314 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:26,240 to contrast it. I think that would be good to contrast it with sons 315 00:22:26,319 --> 00:22:29,480 and daughters. You don' t hear this how you see it, you 316 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:33,920 feel it that way Look, I' m reading even this book and it 317 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:33,400 tells me that your world, because it' s kind of like that. 318 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:37,440 I don' t know. I would like to understand whether your world is 319 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:41,720 like that or not, and that you validate it for me as the teenager 320 00:22:41,799 --> 00:22:44,640 or the teenager at home. This is the first part of the book. 321 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,240 In the second we talk about risks and dangers that are not the same one 322 00:22:48,279 --> 00:22:52,759 thing as another, because, in fact, the risk is the probability that 323 00:22:52,799 --> 00:22:57,559 the danger will occur. And this differentiation is very important, because notice that 324 00:22:57,599 --> 00:23:03,640 they, sometimes parents, are calm thinking about the dangers. They know them 325 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:07,839 perfect, because dangers are theory. But beware, danger is not risk. 326 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,799 The risk is the probability that the danger will materialize and, in addition, 327 00:23:12,039 --> 00:23:18,519 the risk has a fundamental component, which is the fact that I control the 328 00:23:18,559 --> 00:23:22,960 ability to control. Then, of course, there we have the problem in 329 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,279 the risk, not so much in the danger. They know there are dangers. 330 00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:29,359 They know it because in the family. We have worked on it and 331 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:37,720 we have seen what dangers there may be, but at risk, an apology, 332 00:23:38,759 --> 00:23:45,400 because the risk they see very far away and, instead, the families 333 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,519 see it already is what we said then. There, in that different double 334 00:23:48,759 --> 00:23:52,400 perception, that' s where they tell you. He doesn' t forgive 335 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:53,759 two things. This isn' t gonna happen because it' s so far 336 00:23:53,759 --> 00:24:00,039 away. And besides, I control, I control, I control with then 337 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:06,480 clear the parents who think neither control nor are far away, I mean, 338 00:24:06,759 --> 00:24:10,079 we have a problem. That is not the second paragraph. And that' 339 00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:15,079 s where it' s very important to put that radar with it worth it, 340 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,839 for example, because I know how to see teenagers can tell you that 341 00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,000 you' re the worst mother in the world. They can tell you because 342 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,079 it' s normal. They tell everyone and everyone and all their mothers and 343 00:24:23,079 --> 00:24:27,759 fathers. That' s not normal, but they can' t insult you 344 00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:32,160 That' s not normal. So be careful, because there if that goes 345 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:36,920 to more, there may be a certain danger that that will turn into a 346 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:41,400 parental filio abuse, that there is much more to it than we think. 347 00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:45,400 There is much more to it than we think and little is reported. So 348 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:52,960 those risks and those dangers should be borne in mind and realized how far we 349 00:24:52,079 --> 00:24:59,240 get, how much risk we are taking and moving if we see that the 350 00:24:59,319 --> 00:25:03,440 risk really increases and gets out of control, especially if it gets out of 351 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:07,160 control. That' s part two. And then there is a third part 352 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:12,519 that already deals with what my professional experience and my deal with adarlescents in and 353 00:25:12,559 --> 00:25:15,599 out of school, because he thinks that as a tutor I take them to 354 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,839 the end- of- course trips all these things and, therefore, I 355 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:25,400 live with them for a long time and many hours, because all those tips 356 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:32,119 that have somehow served me, have allowed me to approach them, to bond 357 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:36,359 with them, to have a good bond with them, because the key is 358 00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:40,440 the key, is the bond, the bond, to bond with them and 359 00:25:40,599 --> 00:25:45,440 also to be demanding with them and them, because someone may think good to 360 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,880 link up and it means that they do what they want to be cool not. 361 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:52,839 No, it is not that, obviously, it is to love them 362 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,160 very much and to demand them very much also because the demand is love. 363 00:25:55,480 --> 00:26:00,039 I understand that it is then those advices or those are not advices, but 364 00:26:00,079 --> 00:26:04,720 fruits of experience and all of that I think it gains value in the book 365 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:10,000 because I, as a philosophy teacher, make them do a philosophical photography job. 366 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:15,160 When they' re 14. I ask you to take philosophical photographs, 367 00:26:15,319 --> 00:26:18,839 that is, to reflect an idea, a thought, a concept, and 368 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:23,599 to make a text on that photograph. And this I' ve been doing 369 00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:29,039 for thirty years. Then of course. There they release themselves and make absolutely 370 00:26:29,319 --> 00:26:34,559 wonderful texts, some of them, some of them extraordinary, and some of 371 00:26:34,599 --> 00:26:37,799 them, for I have chosen them in the book when it seemed appropriate to 372 00:26:38,319 --> 00:26:44,480 me, so that their own voice may also be heard what they can tell 373 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:48,720 and are able to be seen also that actually. I believe that most of 374 00:26:48,759 --> 00:26:53,519 the texts I have included are of a great human quality and, therefore, 375 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:59,559 saying oysters is adolescent is immature. And it' s immature because it is, 376 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:03,759 but, Notice, it' s able to make some reflections that go 377 00:27:03,839 --> 00:27:06,000 way over there, that are very deep. Yes, to me it seems 378 00:27:06,039 --> 00:27:10,960 most significant and the whole book, because it is highly recommended everything that you 379 00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:15,960 comment, but it is true that the contributions of the adolescents themselves complement in 380 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:21,039 a special way what you comment and, moreover, they give coherence to what 381 00:27:21,079 --> 00:27:26,279 you put directly in the title not to listen to the adolescents also us. 382 00:27:26,839 --> 00:27:32,119 And what they' re telling us is that sometimes it' s not that 383 00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:36,039 our teenagers don' t listen to us anymore, it' s that we 384 00:27:36,039 --> 00:27:37,759 don' t listen to them. Sure, sure, look See I have 385 00:27:37,799 --> 00:27:44,119 an example here that I wanted to tell you, because it' s from 386 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:45,680 doing a couple of weeks in one of these jobs. This doesn' t 387 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,079 come out in the book, because of course, the book has been written 388 00:27:48,079 --> 00:27:52,119 for a while. No. No, it' s not from right now, 389 00:27:52,839 --> 00:27:56,160 because one of these students gave me a job a couple of weeks ago 390 00:27:56,240 --> 00:28:00,000 and the title he put to work is what the teenagers hide behind their strong 391 00:28:00,079 --> 00:28:07,240 character from. That was the title he gave to all the work. He 392 00:28:07,319 --> 00:28:11,240 wanted to put it a valid title and the three photographs carried three very significant 393 00:28:11,279 --> 00:28:18,799 titles for me. The first, fear of failure, the second insecurity for 394 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:23,720 not being accepted. The third prisoner of a prisoner, in this case, 395 00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:30,839 of a devastating idea of normalcy. Notice, what three titles and what global 396 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:37,359 title this teenager put to her work of philosophical photography that hides behind this rebellion, 397 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:41,000 from this not agreeing, because she hides much fear, fear of failure, 398 00:28:41,759 --> 00:28:45,680 okay, hides the fear of not being accepted or accepted, especially by 399 00:28:45,799 --> 00:28:52,640 the true group, which is fundamental at this moment. And besides, seeing 400 00:28:52,759 --> 00:28:56,039 that there is an idea of normality that is devastating, so you can' 401 00:28:56,119 --> 00:29:00,480 t reach it and you always feel failed in that sense. No, and 402 00:29:00,519 --> 00:29:07,400 that makes it react, because with force and trying to reveal itself to that 403 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:11,079 fear and to that tremendous insecurity, it seems to me, and moreover, 404 00:29:11,519 --> 00:29:17,440 that it reflects, because concerns that we know that our teens are interested as 405 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:22,319 the identity that you also speak in the book, in self- esteem, 406 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:26,400 not the acceptance to be accepted. There is a topic that is very fashionable 407 00:29:26,519 --> 00:29:30,480 that you also address in your book and that you talk about everything you can 408 00:29:30,559 --> 00:29:34,880 talk about. And besides, it goes from one side to the other, 409 00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,480 which is a wonder, which is the subject of technology and it is something 410 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:44,480 besides what we have not. My generation yours and the ones that come next. 411 00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:48,039 Probably yes, but the subject of technology. We haven' t grown 412 00:29:48,079 --> 00:29:49,920 up with her and we haven' t been teenagers with her. So we 413 00:29:51,000 --> 00:30:00,880 ' re not really prepared to understand ourselves in that technology context either. Let 414 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,200 ' s see, I think we need to be clear that in this case 415 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:07,400 the motive, because the rest of the worries pass through it. They go 416 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:11,079 through there Family' s worth it. It' s very important to them 417 00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:15,359 that family is. It is because when you ask for the main values, 418 00:30:15,279 --> 00:30:19,519 in the first places, if not the first is the family, love remains 419 00:30:19,559 --> 00:30:26,640 fundamental, love, love friends are fundamental. And I' d say that 420 00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:33,359 almost after the cell phone comes, because the cell phone for them you have 421 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,559 to understand is their way of life. It must be understood, it is 422 00:30:36,599 --> 00:30:38,640 the way in which they relate, in which they are shown, in which 423 00:30:40,079 --> 00:30:44,759 they are recognized, in which they see others, in which they solve the 424 00:30:44,799 --> 00:30:48,599 small problems that we solved in other ways. They don' t have any 425 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:52,599 trouble locating a place, because because they' re looking for it right away, 426 00:30:52,039 --> 00:30:56,440 the serious mobile, they find it, that is, the mobile is 427 00:30:56,440 --> 00:31:00,160 part of their life. Then we cannot forbid it, because if we see 428 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,000 it, obviously, we must know when to give it. There' s 429 00:31:03,319 --> 00:31:06,519 no need to see it either. I was told the other day that in 430 00:31:06,559 --> 00:31:10,799 some Latin American countries it was five years old. I think it' s 431 00:31:10,799 --> 00:31:14,480 barbaric. Yeah, I put on the same face you' ve put on 432 00:31:14,559 --> 00:31:18,839 now exactly the same I said sorry to the many, yeah, the five 433 00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:22,839 is worth when they go to impossible elementary school. I mean, I find 434 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:27,079 it very unwise and very unwise. Okay, it' s putting a lethal 435 00:31:27,119 --> 00:31:29,599 weapon in the hands of someone who doesn' t know it' s a 436 00:31:29,599 --> 00:31:33,640 weapon. So that' s very dangerous. Then you have to know when 437 00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:37,559 it' s worth it, but you have to teach how to use it. 438 00:31:37,599 --> 00:31:41,160 And this is what we don' t spend too much time on, 439 00:31:41,839 --> 00:31:45,279 neither schools nor families. It must be taught how to use it. The 440 00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:48,680 risks they' re going to see are not worth the dangers the risks, 441 00:31:48,759 --> 00:31:52,240 that is, how you can get involved in something that' s not going 442 00:31:52,279 --> 00:31:57,920 to be pleasant and that can be a smaller or more serious problem is worth 443 00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:00,519 making a bad use of that technology. That all this has to be worked 444 00:32:01,079 --> 00:32:06,039 out, but to think inludely that they will not make the motive work, 445 00:32:06,279 --> 00:32:10,039 that we can forbid it and that they will never make it serve in our 446 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:15,039 context, because that will not happen. They' ll hide it whatever they 447 00:32:15,119 --> 00:32:17,079 look at in class at school, for example, we' ve determined that, 448 00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:21,880 since we have iPad to work in classes, the cell phone doesn' 449 00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,000 t need to be and, therefore, they leave it before they go in 450 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:25,319 and pick it up on their way out. We' ve determined that in 451 00:32:25,319 --> 00:32:30,119 school and it' s working perfectly. We thought at first we' d 452 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:35,119 have a teenage rebellion with flags and pirates, but in the end it didn 453 00:32:35,119 --> 00:32:37,799 ' t happen. It didn' t happen. At first there were complaints. 454 00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:40,799 Naturally, these trans as such and as mobile. And we said if 455 00:32:40,799 --> 00:32:45,680 the cell phone could no longer be served, you didn' t illegally serve 456 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:50,519 in quotation marks at school. But now we' re not going to be 457 00:32:50,519 --> 00:32:52,160 able to do it right, because we' re not going to have it, 458 00:32:53,119 --> 00:32:57,039 because to work, we already have the tablet, or the computer or 459 00:32:57,039 --> 00:32:58,079 whatever, and or the books, and you don' t need mobile. 460 00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:00,519 And the truth is, they' re happy and happy now. That does 461 00:33:00,599 --> 00:33:07,119 not mean that when they recover it, they immediately catch up immediately that they 462 00:33:07,119 --> 00:33:10,519 have entered me that they have not brought me, that new immediately. This 463 00:33:10,559 --> 00:33:15,319 is so. Then what needs to be done is to teach and clear how 464 00:33:15,359 --> 00:33:20,559 it is taught, because with practice with one’ s own experience. Sure, 465 00:33:21,079 --> 00:33:22,920 listen to the cell phone. You don' t have to have the 466 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,720 table, because the father and mother have it next door because they' re 467 00:33:25,799 --> 00:33:28,960 having dinner with their cell phone next door. That' s going to be 468 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:31,039 very difficult. We are not going to leave it all, because again it 469 00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:36,920 is a family standard so that everyone and everyone is comfortable and comfortable not to 470 00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:39,880 use the mobile as a technological kangaroo. And we all know what we mean 471 00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:45,119 by technological kangaroo is very comfortable. When a boy, a girl is very 472 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:47,480 small and she' s crying, of course, we put her cell phone 473 00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:52,519 in and that' s it. But of course, that' s going 474 00:33:52,599 --> 00:33:54,920 to have a price to pay later, because when we take it off, 475 00:33:55,039 --> 00:33:57,920 it' s going to start crying again and it' s going to be 476 00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:00,799 problematic. Then I don' t want him to play. Boys and girls 477 00:34:00,799 --> 00:34:02,799 have to play, they have to shit, they have to dance. There 478 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:07,519 is no need for a mobile phone for these ages and for older people and 479 00:34:07,519 --> 00:34:10,719 adolescents, because we need to work on what a mobile phone is for, 480 00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:15,880 how it is used. Okay. We give it to him thinking. You 481 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:22,119 ' re going to be traceable because they don' t respond is never the 482 00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:25,079 call of their page or their mother. They' re not responding. Sure, 483 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:32,079 sure, they don' t answer because they haven' t taken him 484 00:34:32,079 --> 00:34:37,880 to be Localize them no, no, they haven' t taken him to 485 00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:39,800 relate to others, to show themselves in a certain way, etcetera, etcetera. 486 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:45,519 No. Then. I believe that we adults should teach them good use, 487 00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:50,760 but prohibit it, prohibit it from certain ages. It is that in 488 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:57,239 this society we are not going to get it then it is better to use 489 00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:01,000 and besides, we can make very frequent uses and that and that they help 490 00:35:01,039 --> 00:35:05,360 a lot, because it is not a bad instrument in itself. It is 491 00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:09,679 an instrument that can be used well or depends on the text with which you 492 00:35:09,679 --> 00:35:15,679 accompany that. Precisely that chapter is very illustrative of the teenager who talks about 493 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:22,840 this topic and what he is doing with technology. And what happens is that 494 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:28,760 we have used or are often using technology or mobile as if it were the 495 00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:35,280 apparatus, the culprit of many other phenomena that we think that, as it 496 00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:37,960 is prohibited, they will end, as is, for example, the harassment, 497 00:35:37,159 --> 00:35:45,679 the violence, the fanaticization that is commented on And well, I don 498 00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:51,360 ' t know if that can work that way. No, because the cell 499 00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:54,519 phone can be an amplifier of all those aspects that you call, but it 500 00:35:54,559 --> 00:35:59,639 ' s not the trigger. The trigger is another, not the abuse has 501 00:35:59,679 --> 00:36:06,840 bivided it, but always in adolescents who are aggressive with their family, We 502 00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:12,400 have always gone from there to there. In short, it is true that 503 00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:15,920 it is the dethetonant, forgiveness, the amplifier and sometimes, therefore, that 504 00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:22,000 aggravates it. This is true because, of course, school abuse used to 505 00:36:22,079 --> 00:36:27,880 be limited to the school phone. What it does is increase that rank to 506 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,960 all day and then, of course, that' s much more burdensome, 507 00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:35,119 much more difficult to pass. I mean, the cell phone makes it worse, 508 00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:37,400 but it' s not the cell phone, in itself it' s 509 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:37,880 the misuse of the cell phone. It' s not what we say. 510 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,840 A hammer can be used to nail a nail and it' s fine or 511 00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:44,440 to open someone' s head and it' s very bad. I mean, 512 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,559 it' s a medium and you have to teach him to use it, 513 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:50,599 because it' s a very powerful medium. However, the hammer has 514 00:36:50,679 --> 00:36:54,960 few uses and the mobile phone has many. So that makes it really a 515 00:36:55,000 --> 00:37:00,360 means to learn to use it well and where you see it, because in 516 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:02,280 the family, especially so that you use the mobile when you use it, 517 00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:07,079 when you leave it. This is very illustrative, because then you can be 518 00:37:07,119 --> 00:37:10,559 consistent with the message you want to teach them. And then, then, 519 00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,800 that, then, tell him to watch social networks. You' re not 520 00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:20,719 going into a certain age, you' re going into another, you' 521 00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:22,079 re not going into one, and you have to be very clear what you 522 00:37:22,079 --> 00:37:23,599 ' re going to hang up. We' re not going to talk about 523 00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:27,880 it, because this is important, it' s important to you, and 524 00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:31,840 it' s important to me that I care about you, you have to, 525 00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:35,960 you know, use it, but tell him you' re not going 526 00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:35,960 to do it, it' s that the throne isn' t going to 527 00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:42,239 work. Of course, I control the illusion of control, the illusion of 528 00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:45,159 parental control, which also exists. I control it well. And the other 529 00:37:45,199 --> 00:37:53,280 extreme is what happens to fathers and mothers who face the risks, we don 530 00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:58,960 ' t know how to find balance And you, besides, talk about it 531 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:02,760 in the book. Between leaving like this and protecting them. Sure, at 532 00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:09,719 this stage it' s very difficult. Yes look, I think there is 533 00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:15,639 a line that goes from protection to hyperprotection and following aristoteles that in this he 534 00:38:15,679 --> 00:38:20,239 was already very wise, because virtue is in the middle. I mean, 535 00:38:20,719 --> 00:38:24,079 it' s not about protecting them, because then they run out of compasses, 536 00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:28,840 they run out of rules, they run out of limits, they run 537 00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:32,960 out of secure attachment and then they get lost, they get lost and about 538 00:38:34,039 --> 00:38:36,000 protecting them is not a good option, because then what we do is weaken 539 00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:40,079 them. Love to that extent weakens them and introduces them into a glass bubble 540 00:38:40,159 --> 00:38:46,880 that will burst into the least advernosity. Then you have to find that middle 541 00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:50,480 point, which is not easy, of course, because there is virtue. 542 00:38:51,599 --> 00:38:54,000 So, that' s why virtue is where it' s hard. Then 543 00:38:54,199 --> 00:38:58,599 you have to look for that middle point. Putting on a metaphor that I 544 00:38:58,639 --> 00:39:02,679 really like to repeat from the tea to see when they were little, the 545 00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:07,119 father and mother have to be pointers. There, in the front row, 546 00:39:07,599 --> 00:39:09,559 just in case the boy, the girl leaves something to keep him from gassing. 547 00:39:10,639 --> 00:39:14,599 I' m telling you again to do your part and do it right. 548 00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:16,880 No, and if he starts to cry, I' ll go up 549 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:21,000 there to comfort him. For when they are teenagers, you have to put 550 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,639 yourself in the last rows of the theater. But you have to get in 551 00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:27,639 there at the last few parties. You have to be, because the first 552 00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:30,079 thing the teenager does is open the curtain of the theater and you say look 553 00:39:30,119 --> 00:39:34,760 there is already my father or my mother looks at the old people in the 554 00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:37,119 background, they are there looking, but they want you to be. I 555 00:39:37,159 --> 00:39:40,559 ' d dare say that when you' re young, don' t go 556 00:39:40,599 --> 00:39:43,800 to the theater as a parent anymore, let them tell you. They' 557 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:47,079 ll tell you how the function went, so you have to adopt different places 558 00:39:47,079 --> 00:39:52,599 in that cat. It' s nice. Example, I imagine young parents 559 00:39:52,639 --> 00:40:01,719 with mobile recording in the show, clear clade in front of everyone and passing 560 00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:07,559 ahead of the director. Think about it there too, we have to learn 561 00:40:07,599 --> 00:40:10,480 how to drive the phone and little talk about it. It' s always 562 00:40:10,519 --> 00:40:15,440 her fault our teens are bad or they' re bad, but how do 563 00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:19,639 we use it? No, of course, of course, of course, 564 00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:22,960 of course that' s how we use it. It' s an example 565 00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,599 for them to look at, but they look at us. I' m 566 00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:30,079 gonna give it to you. Finally, I did want to have an impact 567 00:40:30,159 --> 00:40:36,039 on the issue of self- esteem, because you also emphasize it in the 568 00:40:36,039 --> 00:40:38,400 book as a fundamental aspect. How to work the self- esteem of a 569 00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:46,920 teenager who also has his difficulty, Where we find that moment to strengthen it 570 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:51,159 without passing and why work the self- esteem of a good teenager look. 571 00:40:51,159 --> 00:40:54,800 I believe that working anyone' s self- esteem is not absolutely necessary to 572 00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:59,119 face the adversity of life. I mean, if you don' t have 573 00:40:59,119 --> 00:41:01,400 a good self- esteem, you can' t face the challenges that life 574 00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:06,159 presents to you. And we must know that life has a wealth of suffering, 575 00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:09,760 also one of joy. Fortunately not, that' s the one we 576 00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:14,559 ' re all looking for, but that at some point suffering will come to 577 00:41:14,679 --> 00:41:16,000 us, because life is like this and we have to accept it. So 578 00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:21,159 the Stoics said, you have to accept it and look to cope with it 579 00:41:21,199 --> 00:41:23,920 as best you can. Therefore, self- esteem is essential in order to 580 00:41:24,079 --> 00:41:28,719 have a free and quiet life. I don' t think this is the 581 00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:35,559 key. How Teenagers and Teenagers Cope Watch. I think it' s a 582 00:41:35,599 --> 00:41:37,719 lot of times that boys and girls come to me with their hairstyles. You 583 00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:44,079 can imagine them of all kinds and colors and ask me Jordi hear how beautiful 584 00:41:44,199 --> 00:41:49,480 I am, I am handsome. If I tell them you look gorgeous, 585 00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:57,199 not so beautiful the lie, immediately it' s okay because immediately they tell 586 00:41:57,199 --> 00:42:00,199 me yes. But you don' t think it suits me. I don 587 00:42:00,199 --> 00:42:04,239 ' t mean you' re telling me. Only then have I already counted 588 00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:07,639 my position. I' ll tell you what it is. It' s 589 00:42:07,639 --> 00:42:10,239 tell them look. I' m from another generation. I can' t 590 00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:14,840 understand your hairstyle and I don' t think it' s right or wrong. 591 00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:17,480 You find yourself at ease with him. You like it because you' 592 00:42:17,519 --> 00:42:23,599 ve really made your decision freely. Or you' ve done it by imitating 593 00:42:23,599 --> 00:42:25,960 other people. And now you realize that imitation wasn' t too good. 594 00:42:28,519 --> 00:42:32,920 If you' ve done it freely, well it' s there we are 595 00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:37,199 then. I don' t think you have to lie. Lying, not 596 00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:39,639 because right away, they smell the lie. They are very quick and very 597 00:42:39,639 --> 00:42:43,760 smart and very birdy. You read the lie right away from it. So, 598 00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:45,719 what good you' ve been talking about today and my dad tells you 599 00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:51,360 he' s got a bloody idea he' s made a fatal shoeing there 600 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:53,239 and he tells me that he danced great and you say, my mother, 601 00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:57,440 I said so to encourage and such or no lie. Look, hey, 602 00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:00,599 I' ll tell you, I think you can do better. I think 603 00:43:00,679 --> 00:43:04,400 you can do better. But between that and telling him you' re a 604 00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:09,079 disgrace. With legs there is a lot of distance, because the distance with 605 00:43:09,159 --> 00:43:15,199 legs no longer has a solution. That' s a lifelong label. Then 606 00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:17,519 you don' t have to lie to them, because they notice that. 607 00:43:19,199 --> 00:43:24,360 But we must not recognize the small steps they take and, above all, 608 00:43:24,639 --> 00:43:30,199 recognize the possibility of improving this. To me, my teacher' s discomfort, 609 00:43:30,679 --> 00:43:31,000 it works a lot for me. Don' t look. You' 610 00:43:31,079 --> 00:43:35,400 ve done so badly. I' m sorry your attitude wasn' t right. 611 00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:38,639 I expect much more from you. I think you can do a lot 612 00:43:38,639 --> 00:43:43,880 better. And now let' s talk about how you could do much better. 613 00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:47,679 And I' m gonna be watching you see if you can make it, 614 00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,760 and then I' m gonna be happy with you. I' ll 615 00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:53,159 be by your side. I' ll be happy with you because you' 616 00:43:53,159 --> 00:43:55,440 ll do so much better than you have now. I think that' s 617 00:43:55,480 --> 00:44:00,960 the way to build self- esteem that they feel loved that they feel that 618 00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:05,239 you' re there, that you' re accompanying them, that you' 619 00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:06,840 re going to be there. I' m sure you' re going to 620 00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:10,239 be there, you' re going to go with them, and you' 621 00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:13,440 re going to celebrate the successes you have. And in the failures, because 622 00:44:13,559 --> 00:44:16,280 you' re going to point them out and you' re going to tell 623 00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:21,000 them that chances of improving ah you' re not going to deny them, 624 00:44:21,119 --> 00:44:23,920 because that' s cheating on them and that' s not good. We 625 00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:32,480 want to be your students Jordi good. All this stuff I' m telling 626 00:44:32,639 --> 00:44:37,280 you I learned from my teachers, that is, this is a timeline. 627 00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:43,199 You learn this from the good teachers and the good teachers I had had bad 628 00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:45,280 ones and I had good ones, as we all had. No And then, 629 00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:47,760 you have to look at the good ones, how the good ones did 630 00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:52,400 it, because they loved us and demanded us at the same time that they 631 00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:55,199 did the good ones. If you, who are listening to us, also 632 00:44:55,480 --> 00:45:00,719 want this feeling and above that I do not examine you, I recommend your 633 00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:04,159 book Este and the previous ones also that good. It' s not the 634 00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:08,920 same as having her in class, but it brings you a little closer to 635 00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:12,079 our teacher and ordinome. Thank you so much. It has been a pleasure, 636 00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:17,400 as always to listen to you, to chat with you and read to 637 00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:20,440 you that I really congratulate you on this book. I' m sure it 638 00:45:20,559 --> 00:45:24,280 will go as far as the previous ones and that cauti deck. You have 639 00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:30,519 very faithful readers and very faithful communities that I know that comes to me yes, 640 00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:32,840 yes. However, the author has little to do with it. I 641 00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:36,920 ' m telling you, too. I am very excited that there are people 642 00:45:37,039 --> 00:45:39,559 who inspire him, therefore, reflections and thoughts, but of course. The 643 00:45:39,599 --> 00:45:44,840 author often doesn' t know what' s going on. And it' 644 00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:45,320 s very nice. It' s so nice of you to come in. 645 00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:50,880 It' s nice of it to happen when she tells you from time to 646 00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:52,440 time, as long as someone tells you. Hey I read the book Me 647 00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:57,880 ha ha ha ha ha me ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 648 00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,000 ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 649 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:00,000 ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 650 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:00,000 ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 651 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:00,000 ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 652 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:00,000 ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 653 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:00,000 ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 654 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:00,000 ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 655 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:02,760 ha ha ha ha ha ha ha? There, too, it is, 656 00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:07,000 it is, and besides, it' s something that gets out of your 657 00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:09,559 hands. It' s not a little like the students don' t you 658 00:46:10,039 --> 00:46:14,480 set it up and then they' re gonna take your flag somewhere else far 659 00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:17,000 away. Students do the same thing. They plant a seed and then carry 660 00:46:17,079 --> 00:46:22,880 it around The parents are lucky enough to see that seed grow, see it 661 00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:25,760 grow, and that is a very beautiful part of the motherhood and fatherhood that 662 00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:31,039 see it grow, consolidate, become mature, become confident of itself and ultimately 663 00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:39,360 be free. I don' t think this is very important, because you 664 00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:49,719 know if you' re listening to us and you' ve read Jordi tell 665 00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:54,639 him, make him clear, it' s clear in networks it always gets 666 00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:57,360 to the bad, it moves much faster and we don' t get good. 667 00:46:57,440 --> 00:47:00,599 And well, look at me from here, I' m telling you, 668 00:47:00,039 --> 00:47:05,159 I love reading to you, and congratulations. Thank you very much, 669 00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:07,199 Monica for the interview. Thanks to you, friends. We' re leaving 670 00:47:07,199 --> 00:47:10,320 you. I will leave as always in the notes of the program, the 671 00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:15,039 information of the book so that you can do with it, running right now 672 00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:16,719 in your neighborhood bookstore and listening in a new episode of good morning. Father 673 00:47:16,719 --> 00:48:04,360 wait. Bye. Bye? S s