In a bleak and distant future. There are only two men. That's done
between you and the truth. No wait, they're not between you and the
truth. They're guiding you to the truth. They could be the truth.
They are the truth, and they are blurry photos. Look clips of action.
Have you seen this, boy, there's no time. I always feel
like that sort of theme music sounds like anyway, We're always diving over the
hood of seventies muscle cars, pursuing Bigfoot through the streets in San Francisco,
minds of trans am aviators and just a mustache. I've got a sweet shoulder
holster and tight jeans with a great big eagle belt buckle. I'm always wearing
a cowboy hat, but it's never the same one. That's right. I'm
Detective David Stecco and I'm Private Dick David Flora. We've got a few questions
for you. Sit down and shut up. This is blurry photos. Wow
wow wow, yeah, yeah, Thatt one, another brilliant launch. Here
we go. We're in the stratosphere. Now, welcome back. If you
have listened to part one of the Megapocalypse to Podcallops, the pod PoCA la
Culpo calcalyp gobble gobbleps uh. If you are justin just the first time joining
us, this is the second half of our smash bang whiz bang send up
understanding of the end of days yea, from what could happen to in the
world to the eschatology of religions to what we are going to discuss in this
episode. We save the big fish for last. We are going to tonight
or today or to morning whenever you're listening to this be discussing not only the
Book of Revelations and the Christian take on the end of days in Apocalypse,
but also the Mayans, the Kings of Apocalypse, the Lords of Twilight.
I love Saba, okay, Gante, but yeah, we're talking about the
minds and these guys own Like there are ad agencies that wish that they had
the market share of ownership that the Mins do of the end of days.
Mins own the end of days, it is theirs And oddly enough, this
ownership of the old Apocalypse and twenty twelve a fairly recent phenomenon. Yeah,
yeah, Like, are you saying that there is anything to a religious system
that has been somehow concocted or doctor to fit into our lives. Now,
are you saying that someone may who do you mean, like for profit's sake?
Boom? No? Yeah, oh man, I mean And it's okay
for us to blow the lid off this now because John Qusack got all the
money he's going to get out of his twenty twelve movie. It's over,
it's done. Yeah, So we're not hurting him at all because I know
that our listenership is very sensitive to the needs of John Cusack. That's right.
So don't you worry about John. He's just fine. Man. Let's
dive into the old Christian eschatology. M And if you to dive into Christian
eschatology, you got to go to the rock star of the Bible, the
cool kid at the back of the bus. You don't understand him. Nothing
he says makes sense. And that's a year fall, Ladies and gentlemen.
Revelation fun fact, never put ass on the end of it. It sounds
like you haven't read it. That's that's true. Also, Revelation is just
trying to be like his idol, Daniel, right, exactly. Sorry,
guys, but the books of Daniel and Revelation are apocryphal. Literature at its
best, Revelation was written by John of Potmose, Small Island and Greece,
and it's about a vision that he had about the end of days. It's
chock full of symbolism and imagery, and not just not just for poetic sake.
Keep in mind that this was written. Revelation was written towards the end
of the first century era. Yep. The uneasy truce that Christianity had with
the Roman Empire was at an end, and they had already started the roundups,
the burnings, the beatings, the general haram. Yeah, this had
already started. So um. When these letters were written and disseminated, they
used um. Not not in the essence of Saint Matthew, which uses a
lots a lot of allegories and metaphors. They were actual like code words,
so that they wouldn't if they were caught with these things be sliced with the
gladius yep um, So things like they would often refer to the Rome of
the Roman Empire as Babylon. That was a code word that they used.
Um. And so these were heavily encoded so as to protect the people carrying
them to their destinations from Roman patrols. The problem with this is that this
encoding, this, this word substitution leads to a lot of an accuracy.
Into this day, there is still a huge amount of debate on the Book
of Revelation and how it works and literal translation of some some people think that
a beast with seven heads will come out of the sea. But we'll get
to that. Yeah, um it. The Book of Revelation itself derives heavily
from twenty four of the canonized books of the Hebrew Bible. We already mentioned
Daniel. That's that's the big one. That's yeah, but there's a there's
a ton of other books that it draws pretty much direct imagery from. Uh.
It's concerned with the return of Jesus yep, a great tribulation or armageddon,
the end of the world, resurrection, rapture, and judgment, among
many other things. Yeah. Now, one thing right off the bat,
the term armageddon. This is where this comes from. Meghito is listed in
Armageddon translates literally to the mountain of Meghito. Now, Mighito is not a
mountain, as a matter of fact, not even a hill. It is
a kind of a neat archaeological thing called it till Yeah, I almost said
test it's a tell. And what that is is a prominence, a hill
that is built up over time when people consistently inhabit the same area. They
build a building, it gets knocked down, they build on top of that,
and this happens over hundreds of years until you literally have a hill,
a little mountain, yeah, a little protrusion, yeah, a little go
back lea teppi and so. But it has a very powerful strategic location that
it was located on a trade route and there were several battles over history that
that occurred there. And uh, and this is where it's it's so armageddon
isn't a thing but a location, right, it is the place where this
is where where it's all supposed to go down, right, where there aren't
armies gather they face off. How many times is it mentioned in the old
Book of Revelation the man so many wants yep, just so just the one
time. Yeah, it's mentioned in Revelation sixteen sixteen. And originally it was
horror meghito, Yes, horror, which horror, as we said, it
means mound, turn round. What what are some what's some of the other
imagery that we find in here? We get a ton of stuff, yeah,
ranging from the mundane to the fantastical to the terrifying. I'm not going
to go through everything because you're better than that. But we start out with
dude on a throne. Yep, pretty prominent dude, but he's surrounded by
twenty four elders, four creatures of varying make and model. Yeah yeah.
And then going on, we get four horsemen, we get a star called
Wormwood. We get a beast of the sea that has seven heads and ten
horns. We get a seven headed dragon, we get a beast of the
Earth. We get a whore of Babylon. The number six, six,
six, and seven seals, seven trumpets, seven bowls, how many was
going to say knives? Yeah, so I mean, what do you want.
It's like somebody eight a birthday cake and then threw up into a pile
of confetti. Yeah. Yeah. That there is everything and nothing and everything
again. And that's what makes this such a vaccine book of the Bible,
because this is why you have people claiming to know how things are going to
end and when they're going to end, over and over because they pick and
choose what they like, and you can disregard Oh, well, the beast
of the sea is the real beast. The beast of the earth is actually
you know, and you have. I listened to so many videos. I
say listening because it's usually just a guy sitting an elector, and so I
don't watch them. But sure these guys, you know, and to hear
them explain to you the importance the Book of Revelation. I see. Now,
I'm gonna tell you exactly what is in this book because you need to
know this because World War three is just about to begin, and without the
knowledge of the Book Revelation, you will not see it. To the other
side. Join us now, brothers and sisters, exactly. Put on your
shoes for walking, put on your robes for blessing, and your ears for
listening. And remove y'all thinking caps. Send us money to be side.
It is, it's and it's so hack. I can't tell you how many
different I mean, literally, every one of these creatures is Obama. I
can tell you that from from numerous YouTube videos. That's what YouTube tells me.
Yeah, I mean everything and nothing, it's all Obama. One of
them's Obama. Two of the seven heads are Obama's heads that fight with each
other it's just it's just it's so dense with with with figural imagery that I
almost am like, you know what, let's go literalists. Yeah, I
want more fun. It's like it comes out of like like Guidora, which
is the multi headed nemesis of Godzilla. Oh, but it is. I
mean, this is like the this is every Godzilla movie. Yeah, it's
just a beast that flies out of every conceivable in Godzilla is Jesus, Yeah,
Jesus gold Jesus. This is not respectful, but it's still funny.
Ps. That's the new tagline for our podcasts. Not respectful, still funny.
Oh let's uh, well, let's go through some of the big players.
Yeah in this thing. Um four horsemen. Yeah, I believe there's
a misconception, a popular one, popular one. Um, if not in
Christianity on the whole, Uh, just for me, um, in popular
culture. Yeah, if not in popular culture, then then just for me.
The first horse of the four horsemen, now the horse, the horseman
come out as the seven seals are broken, um, by by the angel
of the scroll. There are seven seals on the scroll. The first uh,
well, the first horseman comes when the what second seal is broken.
Yes, the first horseman is conquest. He riding a white horse. White.
Oh, I hope you still have your notes from last episode. He's
riding a white horse. The rider is holding a bow, and he's given
a crown and goes out to conquer the lands and be adored as a conqueror.
Interesting. Sounds like the kind of person you'd root for at the beginning.
The next seal to be broken, Usher's fourth war who is riding a
fiery red horse, and the rider has a large sword with which to cleave
his enemies. Now, I'm gonna be honest, I would probably have a
hard time telling the difference with it. We're not for their colored horses and
the color the theme of colored horses, the difference between conquest and war.
I absolutely agree. And that ticks me off because for a long time I've
thought of the classic four Horsemen as being war, famine, pestilence, and
death. Yeah, conquest was never in there, because isn't conquest what happens
with war? Right anyway? But this is this is coming straight from the
word here. Yeah, the good news. The third one, the third
Horseman, generally referred to as famine. Now this rider is on a black
horse, and he's holding scales, scales with which to weigh things. Now
they're thinking that this one is famine because it goes on to say that a
day's pay will only get you enough food to feed your family for like that
oh, that night, that day. So they're thinking that the scales weigh
out the grain or the barley versus the pay that you receive. So it's
basically like you know, lation at its worst, which I believe this happened
in the Soviet Union. Yeah, so that's why they think he's, uh,
he's famine. I don't know that. That's that's interesting, the Yeah,
the interpretations. Yeah, I can see, I can see where they're
going with that. I'm fine with that. But you would think famine would
be like I saw a gaunt writer, Yeah, riding fourth with all consuming
hunger. But you know, but that's the thing, you know, it's
it's just like war and conquest. If you call famine gaunt, then you
don't leave death anywhere to go. Ah. Then we have the fourth horseman
who is actually named and he is named to death, and he is riding
on a pale horse. That's the common interpretation, although the word for it
has Greek roots, which mean pallid or a greenish color, and he is
followed by hades. I mean, which makes sense, you know, since
they're translating it from the Greek. Right. But but yeah, that's that's
pretty that's that's the four Horseman there. And you know, and another interesting
more of the the pop cultural aspect of the Four Horsemen is that people think
that the pale horse is death. I've heard that referenced and a number of
places people simply say, oh, well, I'm here, that's the pale
horse. Like people, people really latch onto the horse. Yeah, and
you know what, I you know why I think that is honestly tombstone.
He didn't say a sick horse, the ignorant son of a it's Latin.
He's quoting the Bible. It's a pale horse. That's Johnny Rico, not
Johnny Ricco. That that's a great Johnny Ringo. You ain't no ain't no
Daisy day, Ain't no daisy at all. I'm gonna watch that tonight because
that's a great movie. Why you look at this, someone just passed over
your gray. Yeah, that movie was so awesome. And I think that
that movie taught the most people about the Book of Relation, just from that
one scene where they shoot up that Mexican wedding. Yeah, exactly, I'm
gonna hucklebar. Yeah, I see. That's the parts and that's personally,
that's where I think they came from. That's great, four horsemen. I
don't know why these guys, out of out of the whole book um,
have enjoyed such success in the modern world, you know what I mean?
Yeah, pop culture there, I mean, they're all over the place.
You know, you say the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, people people pretty
much know what you're talking about. Oh yeah, absolutely, And it's I
think, you know, they're just they're the cool guys, they're the sexy
ones. I guess, I don't know, they're the ones that just stick
in people's minds. Why is it do you think that? And is it
just me? But why is it that you think that war, famine,
pestilence, and death have come out of out of this instead of conquest being
in there? Have you have you experienced that? Or is that just me?
Is that no? No? And actually I had not heard conquest.
I think that we hit then, that we hit it on the head when
we started talking about it is that the distinction between the two is not very
strong. Yeah, And it's just it's easier to say, you know,
a war, you know, because conquest, you know, like if you
you know, gun to everyone's head, people are gonna say, yeah,
conquest is pretty bad one. But you gotta put the gun into their head
to get him to say it, because it was like, I don't know
what side of the conquest I on. Yeah, but you know, no
one feels like there's a winner in a war, you know, conquests.
Yeah, that's a tough one. It's a weird distinction. I think,
where do you think the pestilence horsemen came from? Then? Well, I
mean keep in mind, this is this is not even one hundred, the
year one hundred. If there's one thing people have seen and are accustomed to
seeing, it's an army ride to war. And you consider the aftermath of
a battlefield. You start with war and then you move on to pestilence.
The bodies are left on the field untended, some of them half alive,
m and they just are left to rot. I mean, and in some
cases some of these wars, I mean literally they a field turned to mud
just with blood. Yeah, you know, thousands of bodies. You get
disease from that, you get you know. Also, these armies as they
move through an area, they eat everything. They they pillage, they take
all the grain that they can, or if the army that's losing burns the
grains that they can't have it. Yeah, there is, there's huge there's
there's hunger, and where there's hunger, then you will find death, you
know, And that that is almost The Four Horsemen are just a brief,
four act play for what all of these people have seen and gone through numerous
times in their lives. It's my interpretation of that because if there's one thing
that I'm here for, it's to interpret the Bible for everyone. Immmm,
let's let's talk about the star called Wormwood. Yeah, it's a weird one.
Huh. That is a very weird. The actual scripture says a great
star fell from heaven blazing like a torch, and its name was Wormwood.
This one's not one that that's talked about a lot, but I feel like
it's got some pretty big significance. It goes on to say that it makes
the rivers and waters bitter and taste like wormwood. I've also seen that some
translations of the word star could also be the same as angel or or a
messenger, you know, one of those things. So it could be that
an angel came. I don't know. It could also just be one of
those those cryptic substitutions, right. And again that now, that is that's
wide open. That is that is insert whatever you want, you like,
you like the media theories, go for it. You'll have a nuclear fallouts,
go for it. A biological weapon, a chemical weapon, a chemical
weapon, yeah, I mean, whatever, whatever you like. Plug that
in there. Yeah, it could be a popular or infamous person that falls
from grace that makes things, you know, yeah, yeah, I could
could. I don't even like there's water anymore. Well somebody that was a
spokesman for the water, I mean, you know, yeah, who knows
this is this is not the only Uh, there's a lot of talk of
stars falling from the heavens. There's even the the old classic Great Mountain fell
into the from from the heavens into the water into the ocean or whatever,
and yeah, exactly that was that's pretty cataclysmic. And people are you know
a lot of people are riding the the asteroid train on this one. Oh,
and that that sounds I mean, I don't know what else that would
be if you were gonna if you had to explain that in a direct,
rationalized terms. Yeah, that that that fills the bills quite nicely. How
about we talk about six to six the sign of the Beast. Yeah,
let's do some Aleister Curley proud here. Yeah, the mark of the Beast,
sometimes translated as six hundred and sixteen. Oh really interestingly enough, But
I like that because that saves you fifty Yep. We passed that savings directly
onto you. Now, a lot of people have come to the camp of
thinking that this was another code that they had because Greek and Hebrew letters have
numerical equivalence, and apparently six to sixty six is the sum of the name
Nero Caesar, who was Impero Rome at the time. The six hundred and
sixteen comes from Neuron Caesar. I think that was the Hebrew spelling of it,
in er O n h. And something about that leads you to six
sixteen. It's all tied tight in there, but to me makes a ton
of sense, right, Yeah, Well, that's a that's a good site,
you know, you. No, that's that's that's they're literally saying to
you, right, this number is the sign of the beast, and we
can't say the beast, so we're going to say the beast, right,
the person who is responsible for killing Christians right and left. Yeah, So
it's a little petty of them to call them the beast. But even today
people are scared to death of the number six to sixty six. Oh absolutely.
For example, there was just a story in the news last week where
a girl there was a high school that was become as part of their security
procedures, every kid had a barcoded lanyard ID yeah, and she refused to
wear it, and they wanted to expel her from the school because she believes,
there's many people do that barcodes are this mark of the beast, that
in the future people will be barcoded, and that that is the mark of
the beast, and so for on religious grounds she refused to wear it.
So, yeah, that is a belief that is still still showing up in
society today. That is a thing that we are not done with. I
bought a sandwich or something came to six dollars and sixty six cents and the
person's like, just give me six dollars, or yeah, you know,
I don't want anything to do with the rest of this. We've had the
same thing happened with that paddle number, yeah, or they if their total
comes to that, they'll want it rounded up or down. Then they don't.
And that that is the funny thing is it's not just happened once or
twice, but they never care. They're like, you want an extra dollar,
take it or keep it all. Now. The the image of the
seven headed East has been interpreted by some that has been debunked by science.
It's an octopus that has has been cited as being Rome itself because it's a
city built on seven hills, right, and and there are different interpretations of
of like oh if this is Rome, you know, here's here's why,
blah blah blah, and that to me that that makes some sense too,
sure whatever, Well, you know that's the that's the Curson blessing if you
could say that of the Book of Revelation, is that it allows the opportunity
for very logical or you know, logical and rationalized interpretation in a historical context.
And what they were trying to accomplish and who was working against them.
And on the other hand, no, this is really going to God said
this is going to happen, right, and that's that's a hard thing.
That's a hard thing to balance. But yeah, I I personally my two
senses that yeah, this is without making it sound too cloak and diagree,
but these are coded messages that were very critical of the government that was actively
repressing and assaulting them. Right, and um, this leads us into there.
There are are different camps for the interpretations, one of which is a
historicist view. Historicist sees it in a broad view of history. Another is
called a pratorist, which refers to events around the first century romano centric those
terrorists. Yeah, it refers to the events that actually did happen, you
know, around the fall of the Roman Empire. There then there are the
futurists who think these are future events that have yet to happen, and the
idealists that think it's an allegory and that it never happened, it won't happen,
it's just a story of the spiritual path that PO will take. Do
you fit into one of these neatly? Not really? I mean I would
say somewhere between the historist and the pratorist traitorist. Yeah, I would say
somewhere in that area. I don't. I don't feel like the Bible delves
into such fanciful is not the right word, but such vividly crazy balls.
I mean the Bible doesn't. I mean uses plenty of metaphor and allegory,
and you know there's plenty any of those those times in the Bible where that
is used. But this just cranks it all the way up. Yeah,
you know, the the imagery that is used is so sensationalist almost. It's
that I am. I'm I'm far more personally inclined to believe that these are
these are coded messages, that these are these are direct reverences the things that
were happening at the time, and they were coded so that the people writing
them wouldn't get killed if caught, exactly. And I and I feel like
the message, I think the messages in the Book of Revelation are meant for
the people at that time, right, I mean that the book starts off
with Daniel like this too. Yeah, the book, the book starts off
with a direct message to the recipients. Hey, to the church here.
This is why this is what I want you to know to the church,
I mean, this was this was directed to people. Yeah, I don't
I don't think that it was a prophecy for the ages. Yeah, but
you know what does that mean? What is that worth to anyone? I
have to degree. I think I fit in between that historicist pratorist view too.
Just uh, it just makes sense. I don't know, yeah,
I it just yeah, I agree, it's but then you know, for
some people, a mountain falling out of the sky into the ocean and a
seven headed dragon makes sense to them. So right, So that's uh,
Christians, we should just have an eschatology sound because you know what's going to
come back again. You know, we're gonna have to discuss that more on
the back of Christian eschatology. There, let's talk about some apocalypticism in history.
William the conqueror Big Bill had a doomsday book that was getting on the
cover. Denim found. Yeah, that it was just a census of the
people in lands that he conquered, and people thought that this was the book
that their name would be written, and then and when he was done doing
this census, that the end of end of time would come. Really huh,
that is interesting. Isaac Newton deciphered codes in the Bible, or what
he thought were Bible codes, and said that the end would be in the
year twenty sixty. Right. I don't mean to laugh at Isaac Newton.
He did invent calculus, but okay, hey, within our lifetime. Sure,
sure, if the cancer don't get us. Here's a big name.
William Miller was an army captain turned a Baptist preacher. In eighteen fifteen,
he calculated that Jesus would return to usher in the end times in the Book
of Revelation in the year eighteen forty three, which worked out. It happened.
I don't know when we're still talking about it. That's yeah, we're
living in the Golden Age right now. Yeah, this is the millennium.
It led to what's called the Great Disappointment, but also you do still live
in It also was the beginning of the Seventh Day Adventists and miller Wites,
who make a wonderful beer. I believe I might myself, I might be
a Miller writing myself. Then we get our friend Harold Camping, who was
a Christian radio host still alive, predicted that the rapture and Judgment Day would
occur on May twenty first, twenty eleven, with the end of the world
happening in October. Oop the poop, yeah, whoops a double daisy with
him. I remember a lot of this stuff. Oh ye last year.
Absolutely, people getting crazy over the rapture. You don't what you don't you
know what irritates me about these things that everyone who gets involved as an idiot,
that's my opinion. You've got this crazy old man on one hand who
swears up and down this is when the end of the world's coming. Yeah,
and then and that's his belief, and there's people who listen to him
who believe that that's fine whatever. Then there's like everyone else who weighs in
on it, and they're so smug they just oh, of course yeah,
and they love to mock him. Everyone loves to mock these people because feel
better about themselves, right, But they're just as dumb. I mean,
you know, like like that, that's like mocking a four year old while
they watched Sesame Street and just walk him and say, hey, you stupid,
deluded bastard. You know, they're just puppets, right, And then
you walk out of the living room going God, and that kid is so
stupid, dumb four year old. It's okay, I told him how dummy
was right, Like, there's no there's no point to that, you know,
like he's got his beliefs and that it didn't work out. Sure that
he's I mean, he tried to revise the right the time, but people
by that time had already sold their life savings. And you do damage with
that, Yeah it is. It is not harmless, but you make yourself
look like a jackass when you mock those people. Also, Yeah, and
uh, and I'm sure that the consequences that he will face will be just
just fine. Right anyway, So that's Harold Camping. There's the whole UFO
religion cults like the Hillbop Commet, the yes A suicide cults, Yeah,
suicide cults, things like that what's his name, Apple Apple White or yeah
those are the were the Nikes and yeah what they call gold Heaven's Gate,
Heaven's Gate cult and done. Oh yeah. Yeah. You get people that
think, well, this this comment or this this thing is is you know
coming back or here's this one date where you know we're we're going to ascend
into heaven while these other fools stay alive. And then from there you descend
into the faux scient the scientific astrologists who comport themselves like astronomers who say,
oh, no, it's because of this alignment of planets. It's going what's
what's some science where it's there'll be a gravitational flux that will change the field
harmony, and that's why the universe will crack like an egg like like it's
that that that really despicable astrologer who wants to sound like an astronomer. Yeah,
and we'll do that because even the astrologer knows that nobody's buying what they're
selling. We can't forget about the year one thousand or the year two thousand,
one of which happened in our lifetime. Mmmmm. There was definitely some
thought that the world was going to come to an end in y two k,
right, according to records, there was plenty of belief in the year
one k. Yeah, why why one kuh that the world that was,
you know, turn of the millennium was gonna None of their scrolls had code
to adapt to the use of a four digit number system, right, we
can't erase anything, and uh, And that came and went, yeah,
you know, and that's again, that's that's mankind's hubrist. I think,
well, the completely random and the subjective numbering we use has to line up
in a number that we consider interesting, easy to deal with, or significant,
and then that's when things have to happen. Right yep. I can
tell you right now that there's going to be some serious that goes down on
a day that makes no numericle sense whatsoever, and you'll create it after the
fact, that's what we do. But things of a huge importance will always
happen on a day of next to no significance. Ye. So how about
how about we journey down to South America? Hi? Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, I want to take you a cassion or my Mayan friends
have so much don't teach me. Let's let's jump over to the yuk Tam
Peninsulama talk about some moron prophecy thunder sound, double thunder sound. That was
amazing. I don't think we I mean, but you know what this is
the myyons. These are the guys who wrote the book in Stone and then
lost it, and so we had to invent the book later and then sell
our own books right in order to sell more books and movies based on those
books. I'll say spoiler alert on the old Mayan twenty twelve prophecy, I'm
not gonna turn on as alarming as you hope. Fuck my in prophecy.
It's a doomsday prediction ye, proposing that cataclysmic events will occur on December twenty
first, two and twelve. It's based on the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar,
which completes one great cycle on that date and in turn, one age will
end as another begins. Yeah, the Long Cycle calendar not insignificant to the
Myyons, pretty big deal to them. It is a huge deal to them
as you are starting a whole new age in my in town. What is
important to point out here is that even the Mayans planned on going on.
This was not the end of everything party. It was just a really big
party. Yeah, they're hangovers. Maybe they wish it was the end of
the world. Who had now roughly three hundred and ninety four years make a
Bock tune and thirteen bok tunes make one great cycle, which adds up to
about five thousand, one hundred and twenty five years. The completion of such
would have been very important to the Maya. Yeah, that's a that's a
milestone. That's a big deal. You celebrate one hundred episodes of the Simpsons
come on two hundred and two. I was around for both who Now the
calendar stones and uh and some columns that had had these calendar dates on them
were discovered as early as nineteen twenty nine in the Yucatan Peninsula, and using
these along with the Dresden Codex, which is one of four surviving Mayan documents
that survived the Inquisition, the beginning of the current Great cycle was supposedly on
August thirteenth, three thousand, one hundred and four BC, and so that's
how they get the completion of that on December twenty first. So you know,
this is exactly the way the world turns out that it is significant.
It's a huge deal. This is better than a millennium. This is a
huge the turn of the epic. Yeah. Yeah, for the For the
Mayans, this was a gigantic party for them. This was a huge religious
significant thing for them. Not a one of them say that it was the
end of the world. That's true. That no point did anyone say we're
not going to be here tomorrow, although there there is some eschatology in Mayan
culture that says the god kuk Con would return to usher in peace and harmony,
and there might you know, there's obviously more to it than than just
you know, oh google CON's back. Yeah, like you said, not
into the world, just into the end of this cycle. I found found
something that said they're five great cycles of five thousand, one hundred and twenty
five years. This one, this one. I'm thrown out there because I
found it in one place. I thought it was interesting, but I couldn't
find much else to back it up. But let's let's let's jump in.
There are they They name each of these these cycles, And I don't know
I'm gonna pronounce these wrong. I know, well, all of our mind
listeners can call and can write us in and tell us how dumb we are.
The first cycle was called Junia or june jaw, and it was It
corresponded to fire, okay, the element fire and the feminine energy. The
second cycle was Cabba yall or cabbajoll uh, and it corresponded to the element
Earth and masculine energy. The third was ok siba jaw ociba yall okay,
uh, and that's air and feminine and uh. The current one that that
we are in that's coming to an end is Kajibba jaw or Kayiba y'all,
which is corresponds to water and the masculine and mister T and the talking sharks
named jabber jaw. Well, bust juli kajibba jaw. I ain't got time
for normal kajibba jaboo. The next one that we are supposedly entering into is
called Jabba jall or Yobi yall, and that is devoted to a shark that
solves crimes with the neptunes. Uh, and its element is ether and its
duality of masculine and feminine and also it's uh the cycle of peace harmon understanding.
That would be awesome. I'd like that to happen. That'd be great.
See, now here's a fun thing. I read a really good article
about this, So the Maya in twenty twelve Apocalypse Maya twenty twelve. Everyone
talks about it. It's a very popular subject. There was movies and TV
shows and crappy news articles. It has become such a thing that NASA actually
has a phone line you can call into to get information about the end of
the world. NASA had to set this up, and which seems hilarious and
silly because it kind of is. But the point of the articles they were
interviewing the people who made this, and they said, well, you know,
we you know, we understand that the reason people are asking us about
it, you know the reason why that's some news stories because I think it's
kind of funny that we have to do this, but you have to understand
that we are They're actually dealing with genuinely terrified people who think that the world
is going to end on December twenty first, like they're like some of the
examples have there were some teenagers who were going to kill themselves because they didn't
want to be around for the end of the world. There was a mom
who was contemplating suffocating her kids. I mean, these are terrifying consequences of
a for lack of a silly thing, you know, just a pop culture
thing that we just kind of blew out of proportion for no reason, and
people willingly. That's the thing that is frustrating about this. All the things
that are discussed about the Mayan calendar and everything, there is a willing ignorance
yeah, anyone. Oh, I've researched it, and they say that the
Mayan calendar runs out on December twenty first. Well, if you researched it,
then you know that the next age starts on December twenty second. Right,
My calendar runs out right December thirty first, right exactly. But yeah,
and that's because it builds sensationalism, it sells books, it sells I
can't say how many websites I went to looking for, you know, experts
on the field of the Mayan apocalypse, and there is no data on their
web page age whatsoever. But the entire web page is a list of dates
and places where you can see him come give a lecture about the impending apocalypse.
And it's so affordable, you know, it's it's despicable. You know
that these people you know, and you you, you will get people genuinely
scared with that, with that kind of jibba jabba, not till the next
epic. Brother, Yeah, let's hope that there is a peace, harmony
and understanding in this in this next one. Yeah, and we can finally
mix our masculine and feminines. Sounds pretty sexy to me. Not if we
become a sexual though, m no, we become pan sexual, oh Alistair
Crowley. Yeah, bringing it all back to big al So some of the
theories that that coincide with this Mine twenty twelve prophecy. Uh, there's going
to be here here, here's the first one. There's going to be a
galactic alignment. Right now, the Sun moves through one zodiacal constellation or zodiacal
which end is it? That's how that's pronounced. Constellation Every two thousand,
one hundred and sixty years and every twenty five thousand, eight hundred years,
the Sun completes a whole backward rotation through the whole zodiac right the moonwalk,
Yeah exactly. The sun is just now moving into Aquarius for the March equinox.
Would you say that it's the dawning then? Yeah? But what age?
We are good singers. The December solstice puts it in Sagittarius on December
what twenty first? Yeah, well I'll say this if you what do you
know? December twenty one turns out the Sagittarius is the sexiest of the science.
M maybe Christmas Baby, I don't even know what I'm saying. You
know what Sagittarius rhymes with stegosaurus, the sexiest of them. So they're they're
saying that the sun will align with the galactic equator. Then there's I've even
seen things where it's like all the planets will will align for the first time
in thousand your ears. Well, I mean, I we have some precedents
for this, because it's happened before. The Sun has aligned with the galactic
equator before. It just happens to be last winter at the winter solstice,
and the winter before that at the Winter soltice, and the winter before that.
Actually, every single winter the sun has aligned itself with the galactic center,
and so far the machine just kept on running. Yep, once again
the willful ignoring of very simple facts in order to create an interesting snare discussion.
Yeah. The theories suggest that the Maya based their calendar on observation of
the Great Rift or the Dark Rift, which is basically the dark cloud in
the center of the Milky Way, and some theories say this alignment is going
to bring a profound spiritual transformation or transition for us as a species. I
hope, So that'd be great, right, I'm tired of being all worldly.
All I think about is eaten and looking at naked people. Have you
ever heard of a time wave zero? I used to listen to them a
British New wave of early eighties. Right, he's a gentleman todd wife.
Second, this is uh, this one's hard to explain, so jumping jumping
the nine card here with me real quick. Terrence mckinna ethnobotanist, psychonaut and
future podcast person of interest. Graft dates based on his interpretation of the eaching
that you okay, that's a big deal divination system. Uh. The eaching
had sixty four hexagrams, which he likened to the sixty four DNA codeons in
human DNA, And then he thought that it was a mathematically coded form of
a time wave system that is happening in the universe, and that the universe
would reach a singularity of infinite complexity in twenty twelve, at which point everything
conceivable happens in one instant. It was a time crash. It's a it's
a sounds like it now. Originally it happened he had it in November of
twenty twelve, but then when he learned about this this mayan December twenty first
thing, he revised it to be December twenty first, twenty twelve. Oh,
just some time for Christmas. So that's time wave zero. That's that's
interesting. This goes along sort of with with the eclactic alignment. But twenty
firth is going to be when the Earth transforms into the fourth dimension, raises
its vibration and everybody ascends if if they're ready and alkalized. Oh man,
I'm flying home for Christmas on the twenty first. I hope it doesn't happen.
Well, I'm in an airplane and everyone just gets vibrator rise and I
was just in an airplane. I missed the whole damn shebang. Like the
Leangaliers Langliers. You know there's that one too. There's just so many of
them. I why don't we just say the world is not going to end
until you die at the rate at which you consume saturated fats, sooner than
later. If you like smoking, you can bring about your own one man
arm again as fast as you like, especially with these new especially Delius Chesta
fields now made from Guatemala tobacco, the last flavor you're ill a need.
Let's let's go into some of the doomsday theories of it now now all,
well, the ones I went through there, they're kind of like spiritual transformation
and okay, all that kind of nice. That's cool. Solar flare oh
ye, huge coronal mass ejection hits hits the Earth now if it doesn't fry
the Earth on its own, knocks out all the satellites, just back in
the old Stone Age. Now, there is precedent for this. We've had
huge solar flares. There was one in eighteen fifty nine, ye that managed
to actually knock out what tiny little amount of nascent power infrastructure we had yep,
the telegraph lines. Yeah, exactly, we this, These things happened
before. I mean, the Earth has weathered these things, and they are
predicted to kick up in twenty thirteen and just but we've never been more dependent
on electronics than we are now for everything. Right, So that is actually
a podcast a problem. Yeah, we've created for ourselves. So our podcast
will be switching to a newsletter written on animal skin, and the Rumors and
Unsupported Stories will be discussing our rumors of clean water and food availability. Look
forward to that. There's a mystical fountain that has clean water somewhere, well,
surely it gives you some diarrhea, righto. The geomagnetic reversal of the
poles not to be confused with a physical pole shift or confused with complete protonic
reversal if you cross the streams. The geomagnetic reversal is a periodic reversal of
Earth's magnetic field. This happens, and has happened and will happen because of
the axis and the wobble and the tilt and all that stuff in the gym
jam and the gym and the jabbaja. The Earth's magnetosphere is quanky. Yeah,
it switches north north pole, south pole sometimes. And that that that
has happened again historically, that is a proven fact that has happened before.
There's a lot of debate as to the rate of which that happens. But
again, I can't can't quite call that an apocalypse a pain in the assid
At worst, the actual physical pole shift, which some people confuse us with,
is a literal flipping of the Earth upside them. Bow that that would
be a pain in the ass, would it? Though we still live in
a temperate zone well with the force of the flip, because it's all supposed
to happen in like three minutes. Then you get huge earthquakes, tidal waves,
tsunamis, you name it all. It's it's like stopping a car without
the seatbelt. That sounds ridiculous. I'm gonna go ahead and say that,
and if I'm wrong, I'll apologize in the next life. There's a there's
a there's a theory that a huge black hole will swallow us up. This
includes the supermassive black hole at the middle of the Milky Way galaxy. Problem
is, black holes don't suck things in, just huge mass It's it's almost
like how we are with the sun. Right it does, We're going to
continue. We're not going to get sucked in. It doesn't come get you.
Yeah, yeah, you can fall in it. But next on list,
we have mentioned this before, a supervolcano or refer back to episode one
of this one. Yeah, the first half of this thing. I think
we nailed that, and it is that one I kind of enjoy because it's
real. Yeah and pretty scary. Oh. Also, the supervolcano will create
an emotional disharmonic beam wave that will unify all souls. Yeah, that's science,
can't argue it. We've mentioned this too. Just your classic asteroid yep,
millions of voices crying out in terror and then suddenly silenced. Great disturbance.
Here's a fun one planet X or Nibiru. Oh yeah, the Nemesis
world. Yeah, this is the tenth planet in our solar system that's on
a very wonky orbit that initially uh has it passes by here once every thirty
six hundred years and um the first or one of the times says it's passed
by actually hit the Earth when the when the Earth was forming and knocked off
the Moon. That's that's one thought. Uh. This this comes from a
Sumerian um mythology or archaeology that that's a fellow by the name of Zacharayah Stitchen,
who's another probably person that we should cover, studied and and looked over
in their their munea form and stuff. Uh, and decided, hey,
there could be a planet X. I don't know that he actually ever got
behind this is as an actual thing, but the whole planet X thing that
is shaky. Yeah. This is where the Ananochi live come from. So
so that one if it were imminent to coming into our orbit, I think
we'd see it by now right. Well, they were saying, what was
if that existed, it would be at this point bright enough to see in
daylight. Yeah, it would be the bright three times the size of Earth
or something. Yeah, it would be sun moon. And then this thing
as far as bright objects in the sky. Next thing on the list,
energy from the galactic center is causing global warming on every planet. Okay,
moving on all right, then that gets nothing. Yeah, so you may
be asking yourself, do the Mayans actually believe this? No, they don't.
Here's here's the thing. They had no true doomsday prophecies. They none
of their stuff, Like like Stecco mentioned, they didn't have anything that said
this is the end of the world and irony of ironies. They actually had
a doomsday it's called the Spanish Conquest. They did not see it coming.
Now, currently, the mind belief is that humanity does need to take responsibility
because we're on a path of destruction. We need to get more in touch
with our spirituality. They're worried more about humans being dominated by technology and not
owing to you know, Mother Earth, sweet delicious singularity, bring it on.
Yeah. Yeah, and they had dates after December twenty first on some
of their calendars. Yeah, it's it's okay, people, it don't don't
do anything stupid, I mean, for the most part. Yeah, it's
a way to to feel some folks wallets and get them set in the world
of the illuminati right now. But yeah, chances are there's gonna be a
lot of people laughing on December twenty second. Ye, I'm going to be
laughing and you're because dear listening, Joe will be fine. Just don't get
drunk and get in a car wreck. Yeah, don't do that. Don't
drink and drive. Yeah, that's always good advice. You make your own
apocalypse a very very mundane one at that. You can do better than that.
Come on, people, you look better too, Come on. So
there you go, there you go. That's I think we've given you a
new lease on life. I think we've set you free of the shackles of
your doomed existence. And now today is the first day of the rest of
your life. So if if you have survived these two episodes, then you
get you get a certificate. Yeah, you get a certificate. Also,
just so you know, we had one singular claimant, the only one person
now will ever have the complete collection of certificates. You fooled. So full
points to Annie, one of our groupies. Yeah, she did it.
She wins. That is no longer available at all. Collector's item eBay and
Annie, make a mint, give it a year or two. Yeah,
let that mature. It's an investment. It's like a bond. So if
if you have survived both these episodes and be honest, uh yeah, don't
the code or the the there's only one there's only one password for this one,
eschatology. Yeah, that's it, eschatology E S C H A T
O l O G Y. If you spell it wrong, you'll still get
a certificate. Did I spell it right? So yeah, congratulations, Just
send it, send it on into us here. And you know what,
you were going to have Christmas parties and and things to discuss this at and
you are going to drop You were going to crack eggs of knowledge over all
of your friend's heads. Yea, and they're gonna be like, wow,
you really know that? And you're like, I've got some pretty smart friends.
We and uh, and then why don't why did you tell them about
a podcast? Because we need more listeners. Yeah, that's that's a perfect
like it you're fun, perfect segue yeah, replace that wink with you know
what here they denied, know that wink is actually a little asterisk, and
that at the end of the conversation. Go oh, by the way,
that wink actually indovers that thing. Just given like the whole rundown in a
weird, subdued voice, and they'll be like, thanks so much for this
knowledge omelet that you've given us. Non no no omelet, no momnlet.
Okay, that leads us into some puns. Oh, yeah, get let's
go. Who wants to start? I've got one, just one, okay.
It is the song that ends the earth, the bock tune. What
a haunting melody that Or it's the back tunes or a four man um barbershop
quartet. That's great, that harber that bring in the end of the world,
the meteor in the sky yep, following on you and um, I
have a clock shop called ticktockle lips. Oh that's good. I stole it
out of your mouth, didn't I know? But that I like that one
a lot. I like that one a lot. I don't have it anymore.
I really used my really good ones for the first half of this thing.
So no, come on, you you can squeeze one more out of
all this ship. That's true, There was so much here. Okay,
all right, um, okay, there's uh it's a cartoon, okay.
The cartoon about um a young planet who just wants to race through the Solar
System. But every now and then his brother Planet X comes by and he
whizzes by him so fast that he hurts him. Please, Planet X,
dude, not hurt me. Last time you gave me a moon. And
while I have grown to love the moon and has become my friend, sometimes
I don't want another moon because I have all these people living up on me.
Please don't kill me, Planet X. All planet there, you go
there. That's what happens when you backed me into a corner next year.
All right, all right, see what I've created here? All right,
I've got a brand of contraception products called kuckle condoms. Oh man, to
stop the to keep you from ruining your world. Ye use them for your
cuckle concubines. Oh my god, you double down, You doubled down.
You have just taken me out to the woodshed and beat me with puns this
week now, the spermacytal kettle coating, Oh my god, that is a
new high score. That is the new high score. You tripled up on
a pun. By the way, I should have mentioned this, but kugle
con is the same thing for all intents purposes as cazel claudel from the Aztecs
or goucku mots from other Mayan culture. They had it split up. Is
that your condom? No, it's Mayan til I'm riding them your place,
so Mayan. Oh that's even better. Kick me again? Really well played,
David. All Right, I just need you to decide this receipt in
inca. No, too far, too far. You got greedy, You
got greedy, and you went too far a dug too deep. So send
us your puns. Yeah, you don't have much time left. Yeah,
and you can beat those puns. Were Yeah, we weren't really impressed with
ourselves, but that doesn't mean we hold you to to to our low,
low standards. I expect you to kick our asses with awesome puns. That's
true. Check us out on Facebook. Like us there, please, yeah,
help us get too. I don't know, you know what. Let's
lowball at forty five forty five gets a little I mean, it's it's cool
to be like in this tiny little exclusive cabal. But wouldn't it be awesome
if we could upgrade our cabal to a junta, oh like the virus.
Yeah, and then from there maybe you know, year down the road,
A cavalcade, A cavalcade, a movement, oh geez, part of the
counterculture. So yeah, Facebook, We're also on as you know iTunes ye
may or may not know. Rate us on there. If you'd like write
a review, write a review, that'd be awesome, I hear. I
love podcasts. I listen to a lot of podcasts. Yeah, and I
always hear people like, oh yeah right, it's a review. And unless
you don't like it. You know, at this point, if this just
infuriated you, if you think my voice makes me sound fat, I want
to hear it. Yeah, yeah, just write something if we if we
have um inadvertently offended you with our skimming through your religion and the end of
the world beliefs of your said religion, if we have at all upset you
about your religious views, stick around till next week, where we'll be discussing
Christmas. Oh now, um, we're also on the on the twitters.
Yes, we are on the Twitter. I know Twitter is not a not
a very popular thing. No, no flash in the pan, it's never
gonna work out. But blurry underscore photos is what our handle is, so
so you can get on there and oh and and you know what, when
you send us a pun or or if you want to write us a story
or feedback or anything on the contact sheet on the blurry photos dot org,
don't don't be scirred of of putting your email address in there. That's just
to weed out, you know, any any potential loose cannon trolls that are
that are out there. If if you want to troll and put your you
know, put a put a fake in there, then that's fine. You
have to do a little bit of work for that, but you gotta earn
it. But if that ass if you're afraid of us, like spamming you
or something, don't be because we're not going to do anything an email address.
We literally have nothing to sell and no one who wants our help in
selling them whatever they it's right. So unless you specifically asked us to reply
to you, don't worry about putting an email address in there. So hopefully
that opens up the door some too. Yeah, I think that's what it
was. I think that's what was stopping the deluge of feedback. Is that
te hurdle. Tell your friends about us, Yeah, get us up or
even you know, just the person that you get your dry cleaning from.
Sure, but I think that's uh, that'll do it. Yeah. That
wasps. That was rich and amazing. We learned a lot about the world
around us and about ourselves. So or this episode, Larry photos and hopefully
in the future make it has the next few days. I am the indomitable
David Staco. I'm saying it really low, slowly, so that you have
tons of time to think of a great adjective. David Flora destrative. Yeah,
see, everyone gets to play the adjective dame. Now that I have a