Welcome to Sword and Scale Rewind with your hosts Matt Fondelier and Ian Bag.
Hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome back to another episode of Sword in
Scale. Rewind that podcast about your other favorite podcast, Sword in Scale.
I'm one of the hosts. I've written a couple episodes, but above all
else, I just love Sword and Scale. My name is Matt Fondelier.
Very excited you're here with us, and very excited to be joined once again
by my buddy I Bag. Hey about it? Howai about Hey? I'm
doing good. This is technically like our Christmas episode. I know it comes
out in like January, but this story takes place on Christmas Eve, the
Magical Christmas Story. Who doesn't love murder on Christmas Eve? Yeah, he's
screwed up. That's supposed to be an Easter story. Yeah, that's true.
They got the dates backwards. What the hell's having a baby on Christmas
not having murder? Well, maybe we'll get into some of our Christmas traditions
because it factors into the story a little bit. Okay, you know one
of the victim, let's show up to Christmas morning. That was a big
flag. What's your Christmas tradition putting on a leather skirt and drone of fuck,
I'm wearing them. But it's the twenty first century. If we all
have different traditions, Okay, you gotta respect them all. He hung them
upside down like it was hunting. Oh, terrible, brutal story. It's
a brutal story. But let's let's let's let's start off things easier. Sure,
I was on a plane the other day. I'm pretty sure somebody was
wearing one of Michael Boudet's shirts that don't comply shirt. Really yeah, and
I want to I want to, I want to go up and say hey.
But then he didn't have his nose in his mask, so I just
like, I can't talk to that guy. He was kind of comparing.
He was kind of good, all right, I'll keep my mouth in you
motherfucker's When you're on a plane like that, do you ever get harassed by
the stewardess is to pull it up a little bit, because I've heard,
oh yes, I've heard from people like I was just trying to take a
nap, you know, and then they woke me up and told me to
put my mask up. Um, A guy beside me the other day he
was his mask fell off and he wasn't wearing it and they tapped him.
Yeah, like but he was asleep, like it was mean and it was
dark and he sat up and he's like, I don't know where it is.
I'll get you one. She won't. Wow. Yeah, which is
fair enough. I just I just crank up the air because apparently that's the
best thing done not get COVID is just crank up the air. Oh,
really make sure it's not going. And I just I wear the airflow.
Yeah. I wear an N ninety five Matt k N ninety five masks when
I'm when I'm flying, and I feel safe on the planes. As far
as what they said, the way the air circulates in a plane is the
way it should circulate in most buildings now, So I just sort of circulate.
I just sort of feel like we would be hearing about the just funeral
after funeral of airline stewardess in airline pop. Yeah they're doing but you don't
even you don't hear that. Yeah, they get they get it, but
it's it's not as as uh I'm and I'm guessing it to work, you
have to be uh vaccinated so that's why, you know, vaccinating makes it
makes it much weaker the the whole. When I got it, I was
vaccinated, so yeah, made it much easier. So see, I'm not
so great in that scenario because when I'm on an airplane, at least a
couple of times I've been on a plane since all of this started, you
cry the whole time. I know, I am nursing a water bottle and
eating pretzels. I'll do it the whole flight. Yeah, I'll do it
the whole fucking sucking on a pretzel first two hours. I mean, I
cut off your blood pressures. Crying because it's just been eating so much salt.
Yeah, exactly, exactly. Um, but yeah, I don't know.
I just you don't like wearing the masks. It's not really, it's
not nobody. Nobody likes it. I just don't. I'm just like,
whatever, what are you gonna do? Is just kind of like that thing.
I'm like, what, I'm respectful. I don't enjoy seat belts.
Yeah that's true. I listen, I'm respectful about it. I'm not gonna
be like, I'm not gonna be that guy. But I'm also gonna go
ahead and enjoy that pretzel for a lot longer than normally would. Sorry,
I just am I can't help it. I think that's fair. I I
just I just people losing their shit is just when I'm worried about lately.
Yeah, I mean like there's too many I'm just like, ah, there's
too many people. Just I don't know if it's people that don't usually can't
afford to fly. Yeah, too cheap is what's It's so bizarre? Why
the fuck like people bringing on their own alcohol onto a plane. I'm like,
how the where the fuck are you getting the alcohol? Because I can't
get my hand lotion through the fucking through through through security, So how are
you getting a bottle of tequila there? Well, let me tell you something
that they're called traveler bottles and are low enough that they can go through the
metal detector and they're less than like a tube of toothpaste or whatever. I
mean, I've just heard that you could bring travelers onto an airplane and talk,
Yeah, what what do you drink? What are you? Um?
I think on a plane? My go to in the real world would be
like a gin? Uh really? Oh hell yeah, love me some gin?
My good surprised you're not on one of these fucking nine one one calls
that they're making. Yeahs say thing me and my loather skirt on a plane.
I'm thinking in terms of my mixers, and all I got are the
sodas that they're going to offer me. So I'm sticking to either some Jack
Daniels to put into some coke, or I'll just take some vodka to put
into some orange juice. That's if I'm on a morning flight. You know,
just really to think about it. It's vitamin C. You gotta get
it up there. Yeah, exactly, good for you. You're not a
big drinker or are smoker or any of that stuff. Well, my problem
is my my recovery time is. I used to go hard when I was
younger, so my recovery time now isn't as good, and I work too
much to be able, so I need I need at least three days for
one for those to be hungover and then two more to come out of the
clouds back. Yeah. No, I feel that more and more every day.
But I enjoy it, and I do enjoy it, and it's just
I don't want Some of some of my friends, like were the same age
and they're still going hard, and I'm like, you must be shit at
work. That's all like a thing. Yeah, that's good. Yeah,
I like to think I'm okay at work? You Okay, how often?
How many days do you drink? I feel like a doctor. Let's not
talk about that. I'd rather talk about murder. Okay, let's get back
to murderer. Let me answer your question by saying, I host a show
about murder, and I think a lot about some really dark things in I
need to get I need to clear my mind. Yeah. Um, this
is a great episode, though it is another headline grabbing story about the murder
of Kevin Bacon. No, not that Kevin Bacon. Three three degrees from
Kevin Bacon. Yeah, two guys that got away and then he didn't.
Now. I felt an obligation to compile my list of the top five Kevin
Bacon movies. Oh, very nice. I don't know if you're a fan
of the man, Okay, I am. I do love Kevin Meagan.
Okay, this is my opinion the five best Kevin Bacon movies. Number five,
Apola thirteen, Okay, take that one. Number four, Hollow Man
sci fi movie where he invisible Man turns to the Invisible Rapists. Yeah.
Yeah, great movie number three, The River Wild with Meryl Streep about a
roboting kidnapping. Yeah. Classic number two Footloose. Okay, this is the
classic probably definitely definitely his biggest movie, right, definitely his biggest movie.
I would also say, if you want to just google Kevin Bacon Angry Dance,
you'll watch the greatest three minutes ever filmed, which is the Warehouse Dance
from Footloose. It's incredible. Oh bizarre when dancing gets angry. Yes,
and the number one Kevin Bacon movie with a bullet tremors. Oh, Trammers
is good, excellent movie about giant snakes that live underground and eat people.
All these movies. You should watch him if you haven't seen him. Folks,
so they have welcome. Does he have to be the star of the
these movies? No House. Oh he's pretty great in that. Yeah.
That was his like film debut. Yeah, thank you sir. Yeah,
that's pretty good. Yeah, it's I think it's one of his favorite.
I mean, he's an incredible act I think everybody in that one is fantastic.
Yeah, that's a good one. I should have included Animal House damn
it, which one would you take out? Your reaction to Hollo Man wasn't
what I hoped, so maybe out you know why because I didn't see it.
Oh you didn't see that? Yeah, I remember it, but I
didn't see it. It's uh, it's one of those movies that's so bad
it's good. It's about I remember the scientists who discovers the ability to become
invisible but takes a very dark turn and decides to use it for like raping
people like you would not think it, especially with Kevin Bacon. You think
he's a nice guy. He has not a nice guy in that movie.
No he is. He is getting back for for what's his face, stealing
all his money in that movie. But anyway, we should probably talk about
the actual This isn't the Kevin Bacon hour. Well, a couple of weeks
ago you talked about You're I don't know if it was a real case or
not, the hooker Bacon murders or something, And that's all I can think
about when I was listening to this, And that's funny. Yeah know in
Canada and it's kind of the same thing. It was a sexual guy that
was picking up hookers and after he'd he'd keep him as slaves are bitten,
then kill him and feed him to the pigs. Yeah. Oh wow.
He had a pig farm just outside of Vancouver, so all that bacon was
going into Vancouver. Oh no, yeah, that's grosser bacon. Well,
this story takes place in the remote countryside, and I've decided I'm never I'm
never going to live outside of a city. Every one of these stories that
starts like covered road outside where it takes an hour and a half for the
nearest fucking ambulance to get to you, You're just asking for trouble people.
So when I was listening to this, I was like, oh, it's
right next to that one case that we like. I put them right into
the next property. Yeah, like one door. Oh yeah, basically what
I did. And can I bring up right now the best audio we've ever
had on any of these shows, so clear, so many great voices,
Like one one of the witnesses, you like, is he right from the
weather Channel? His voice was so good it was crazy. Yeah. I
think there are some very unique twists in this story. There's some great twists.
I do love the opening where there's the sort of double nine one one
calls of these two scenarios that are you have to go back and listen to
it twice because you're like, is this the same phone call? Right?
Luckily for you, dear listener, you have us here and we can just
play you clip. Yeah and help if you listen to our show first and
then go back with that's the way to do it. Yes, we've been
promoting it wrong. Oh time. I have a few clips of the first,
the initial nine one one called the nervous caller, Hello, nine one
one, How can I help you? Hey, let me play this for
you. We got a lot to talk about. We're gonna I can't believe
where I am. I don't know, like I never ever anything like this
happened. I don't very drugs movie, I don't know. I will up
in the fucking basement. Okay, embolasement with a love thing on I am
my ankle and I cut it with a bunch of knights that I have on
my French Okay, do you have anything on you right now? To me,
I don't know about you like I wanted. Part of me was having
trouble believing this guy. It really sounded like like a Alpaccino monologue. I
woke up in a basement, okay, and I had this knife follow me,
Like, are you in a Tarantino movie? That's what? Right now?
How are the nine one one operator kind of had your attitude all right?
Then? Hens fantastic, even the even the freaking basement. Excuse my
French. Yeah, wow, way to get crazy. I wake up after
somebody's trying to kill me. I'm not going fricking that's true. That son
of a bitch trying to kill me. We gotta get the fuck out of
your fuck your French people. I did think it was terrifying. The idea
of being like lost in the woods, where you've escaped the captor's house and
now you don't know if you're king back toward the captor's house or away like
that, to me, is is so terrifying. M And then to have
another nine one one call come in that's almost the exact same situation, but
that time the person ends up at somebody else's house, ends up at somebody
else's house who won't reveal his own address, which I thought was sort of
a weird play. Yeah, like, I get it if somebody came up
to my house all bloodied and flipped out. I don't know if I would
necessarily be like eager to tell him what my address is so he can convey
it to the people on the other side of that phone, right, But
at the same time, I mean, that person was desperate for hell.
I didn't understand why he the guy whose house he showed up, didn't call
the cops. Yeah, well maybe in that moment because he was like,
was on the phone with the police, Like the guy who escaped was on
the phone. He was standing in the doorway. But you're you're right.
I mean, you would think I wouldn't stand there, I'd be calling the
cops. He would think the door would still be closed. Yeah, there's
a guy at my door and he has got a night here, and he's
bleeding and he's yelling. Now this guy from sorry, I want to go
back for a second. Here. The first the first guy I skipped over
this part um it was on a business trip. According to him, he
was on his business this trip getting off the bus. A couple of things
about his story that I thought were kind of crazy, which was that he
was being confined by metal chains that had leather straps, which to me seemed
to sort of defeat the purpose of the magical chain. And there was a
butcher knife nearby, which, again, if you're being held captive, you
would think that you wouldn't leave a knife nearby, unless you unless I'm the
murderer, because the murderer wasn't around right, correct, So he'd like falling
asleep or something. Yes, So I got him strapped up, and I
just happened to putting a knife down, and I go to do something else
and he wakes up and he sorry, I'm nowhere near the microphone as I'm
falling backwards, because I was he So what I was saying was the murderer
gets them all strapped in upside down, he falls asleep. Now I gotta
go get my other stuff, so i'd go away. I had just put
my knife down. He's able to reach it, kind of like a comedy
of errors, even though it isn't a comedy. Yeah, right, and
then he's able to cut himself out of it, which I just didn't.
I was like, wow, that knife being upside down and be able to
cut yourself out of that, it's pretty pretty talented. Yeah, that's pretty
tough. Like that's very circu to sola shit going on there. Yeah,
I count it. Do you think that this guy, this killer had like
part of the thrill was letting them go m Like you wouldn't even think of
that. I would think after the first time, like you would change your
security protocol a little bit, like the fact that it happened again a month
later, like you're just fucking you're terrible at this man, You're terrible at
holding people hostage? Or do you kind of get off on it a little
bit? Because that was the other part of this second scene is that the
killer then pulls up in his car dressed in a kilt, saying that,
oh, I was just running him down because I wanted to get he's got
my outfit. He's got my outfit. I need to get that back.
We need that for my play that I'm putting together. Yeah, I don't
know, Yeah, sort of. But it's interesting that he chased him down
the second time. On the first time, he didn't chase him down,
right, So it's one of those things where you hear about a lot.
Is he getting bolder, you know? Right? So I guess it's got
to be a little bit of that. But I don't know. Maybe it's
maybe it's the thrill of the chase. Here's a knife. If you can
get it, you can get out of here. Yeah, that's all I'm
saying. Guys, creepy as ship though. Everything about this dude is just
gross, supergross. The fact that neither of these gentlemen press charges is another
very interesting, interesting fact for the beginning parts of this story. Obviously,
if you have some shame of your lifestyle, you don't want to get out.
I guess I get why you wouldn't want to press the charges, but
I would think that that experience you had would be Okay, let's horrific enough.
Let's stop right here because I remember this part now, right, Let's
remember the first guy's voice. Yeah, I'm going to play a little go
ahead, play a little bit of it. I'm a volunt your coin advocated.
I came here to help on the CFC reading and I was supposed to
remember at the bus station I met this guy. I'm by you shooting it
on me. I don't know. We went out to the car and drops.
We went to the Sha Han soda. I woke up in the patient
and obviously drugged me. Okay, when I get that trooper close to you,
I'm gonna need you to put that butcher knife down though or back to
auto true scooting out sign in another wards. Okay, your officer is in
no danger. I've been a play. You don't need this throw it and
the wards. But but I just don't want to on you. Is there
anything else on you at all? Just I don't even know if I have
my cigarettes. Okay, I don't have a bag or anything else. I
want my bag nice, Okay, all right, I can't believe Darryl does
what you know? Come on, that's his conversation. Other thing. People
know it's lifestyle, sure, yeah, yeah, and there's nothing wrong with
it. I'm not saying there's anything wrong way. I'm just like, people
know your lifestyle, so why would you not press charges? Why would you
not? All right now, I'm gonna blow your mind right now, Mo,
I can't believe you said that during this episode. Sure, it was
a really bad transition, wasn't it. Woh, here's what I'm gonna say.
Should I hang upside down? Usually usually they're updates and I do them
at the end of the episode. But I have an update to this story
that really completely floored me. Okay, and I want to share it with
you now because it's related. It's related to what we're talking about. Okay,
So here's the deal, you guys know because you've already listened to the
actual episode of Sword and Scale. But at the very end of the episode,
Mike suggests that the businessman that we've just been hearing clips from Honey was
going to file like a civil suit against the killer, and that is how
the episode ends with there are going to be some legal proceedings that this guy's
going to have to deal with because of this story. Okay, here's where
it blows my mind. This was not included in the Sword and Scale episode
because when you hear this it, well, I'm just gonna I'm gonna stop
teasing. Here we go. Carlson. That's the guy's last name, James
Carlson. Carlson's suit states that he traveled by bus from New York to Michigan,
specifically to take part in an acknowledge BDSM encounter with Latunsky that's the murderer,
after meeting at the time his husband Jamie Arnold, and then Latunski through
Facebook. So let me pause my own reading here. So this encounter began
with James Carlson the businessman meeting the ex husband, and the ex husband said
he wasn't into that kind of stuff, right, so saying like I can't
deal with this lifestyle. Yea. More so they're saying he did have part
of it, or he was part of it when lun or when Carlson arrived,
that husband had already moved out, oh before the inc But he was
originally going to meet with the husband and meet with both men. But when
he got there found that the husband or is now an ex husband. He's
not there anymore. That's not that's how long. That's how long it takes
to take a bus from New York to Michigan. Yeah, he's able to
move out of the play. That's how long it takes exactly. All right,
Well, I'm still not even not the freakiest part here, get ready.
Carlson also claimed that Latunski quote hung him upside down naked and role played
pig and butcher while performing sex acts that got out of hand and that's when
he got scared and ran. Okay, so I thought that was disturbing too,
Still not the most During part of this, Carlson called police, which
we heard he had the conversation with the police. The police dropped him off
at a nearby gas station, where he called Mark Latunsky. Not only were
no charges filed at the time, but with no money and nowhere to go,
Carlson returned to Latunsky's house for a week and continued to participate in b
DSM sex acts with Latunsky until his return bus ticket to New York was valid.
What what in the living fuck is happening in? How insane is that?
Okay, he went back for a week and didn't get murdered, went
back for a week, didn't get murdered. But the reason that he I
can't even finish my sentences right now, Like the reason he stayed with him
was because he was waiting for that bus ticket home, didn't have anywhere else
to go. What kind of business this man? Is this? What are
we talking about? Business's not a business man, but you're not a business
man. I bring it down? How he How hard is it detained change
a bus ticket? Yeah? And I mean we heard the panic in this
guy's voice. Yeah. Yeah, he went back to that guy's house for
a week and stayed with him. Look, I was kidding about the pagan
butcher come on home. Does he say what happened to him? There?
Was he abused more? Or that's that's that part of this Why is he
suing him? That's a great question knowing all this part, Yeah, what
what's what's he suing him for? Like? Can you sue somebody for these
four I mean, I don't even have it written down here, but it
was for like the holding him captive and all that stuff. Sounds like somebody's
taking advantage of something bad that happened afterwards and using it in there. All
right, there's gonna be a couple more updates at the very end of the
episode. But that part, like that recolored my viewing of the entire opening
of this episode, because I really felt really bad for this guy. Yeah,
now I kind of feel less bad for him. I know, I'm
not supposed to victim blame on the show, but that's but he wasn't really
a victim. He didn't he just got he got tipped upside down and got
away. There was actually a victim in this story. Later on. You
know what's funny is I as soon as Mike brought up that he had patents
out, Yeah, this is the killer we're talking about. Yeah. Yeah.
I was like, oh, there's gonna be financial rep Oh that's interesting.
I did not think about that angle at all. Yeah, I probably
has a lot of money to us. Yeah, so, because usually people
don't have a lot of money to their name when their murders or when whatever.
I just but as soon as I heard patents, I was like,
oh, he's got constant money coming in. Yeah, he definitely has plenty
of time for this hobby of his. Yeah. Um. Also learning that
the sexy game was called uh, when I say something pagan butcher, then
I start to think he this was his dreamboat. He actually had someone whose
name was Bacon. Oh my god. I didn't even think about that right,
Like, now this is why this happening. This story is incredible.
Oh my god. I wonder if he was like today's day, today's the
day. I wonder if that's why I killed him. I mean, it's
really and I wonder appropriate to laugh about it, But I mean, hippie
could be. How badly was I don't remember in the episode did they say
how badly he was butchered? Like, is there anything any chance it could
have been a mistake? His balls were cut off? He ate the balls
oh man, who doesn't Rocky Mountain. That's a hell of a slipping fall.
That's just a mistake. It's one fantastic slipping slipping fall. Oh I
cut off the ball better. Oh my god, I didn't know. It
doesn't say anything about being uh being being being making a cannibal. Yeah,
I did this episode. I didn't. How did I miss that? They
definitely talking aboum though. Shit, I did not make that part up.
That is said. I didn't say his balls, and it did. Ian,
I'll find the fucking clip. Don't make me find the clip. I
will. I wonder if my dog was barking when I missed that, and
that's what he Yeah, I guess he didn't do anything. Well, I
listened to him. I walk my dog sometimes and so he got distracted.
Yeah, yeah, no, he he hung him upside down. He would
have loved me, Ian bag. He stabbed him a bunch and cut off
his testicles so he could eat them. And then he went to a holiday
party. I remember the holiday party with that husband, with the guy that,
theoretically, based on the other story I heard, could have been there.
I was like, I think, was I wonder if he brought an
order a play the balls. Yeah. Oh, oh my god. He
has a new meaning to hanging balls from the Christmas tree. He put this
funny little sack on my tree and I thought it was I thought it was
supposed to be Sada's presence, but instead it was Kevin's Bacon's bacon. Oh.
If you're still listening to the show, thank you, We love you.
Send us a TWEETE tell us your favorite bacon Dick. I want to
talk a little bit more about this crazy guy at the center of this episode,
Mark Lutunsky, who his Facebook page was not under his real name,
it was under oligos Kai Lucas. He said that he's a straight arrow,
a chemist and an experimentalist, and he loves the leather killed. I also
found it interesting that he's posed in several pictures with food cleverly covering his genitalia.
Was just gonna say, just like an Austin power. It's clearly what
that was in homage to yeah um. But it is yet another story where
he is just time after time of him getting in trouble with the law,
being ordered by the courts to under go mental evaluations, and he's not taking
his meds like it's just fired from a job because he wasn't taking his meds.
Right, Yeah, so you're just like, well, what how is
this guy acting out before? Because I don't think many jobs would notice you're
not taking your meds, So you've got to be acting out like yeah,
like doing like paranoid screams and stuff. Yeah, well, we do hear
that he had a lot of psychological issues diagnosed with depression, anxiety, paranoid
schizophrenia, borderline personality traits, all these things like a sweetheart. Yeah.
It is interesting though that you hear about all these different diagnoses and then you
always have to give the like caveat of just because you have those things doesn't
mean that you're going to hang people upside down and get their balls off and
trying to get nothing to do with it. But that happens to be this
story this guy. Can I go back to his Facebook profile? Yeah?
Do you think this? And do you think we have to get rid of
names on the internet if you join grinder? If I joined Grinder, do
I have to use ian bag? You're just asking about the anonymity of the
idea, Well, it gives it gives people um confidence to do horrible stuff.
Yeah, yeah, I don't. I mean, I don't know if
I mean, listen, I met my girlfriend who's now my wife. I
was gonna say, I thought you were marriage son of m Richard. You're
pretty ballsy bringing that out. I met my girlfriend who is now my wife
in the era before the swipe apps, right, So I don't know if
would that be Match dot com that's like Tinder is like the really popular one,
the one I did. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I didn't do
Match. It was Plenty of Fish was one of the ones that I was
on. It's not even how I met her. I met her at a
party, like a Plenty of Fish party. It was a fishing party.
It's not a fishing party. Um. But my guess My point was,
I don't know if I seem to remember on the dating site you kind of
had to put your real name. But I don't know if do you.
I don't know. I don't know if you do though, like I mean
a name if you're gonna like post on a news article, you don't.
But I I guess, though, how the hell are they going to prove
it? My name's fucking fishy mcdick duck. Oh shit, that's my dating.
I always knew you're from Eastern European fish duck or whatever. I don't
even know what I said, But you're right, you could totally lie about
your name. I think you should. I think you should have to put
put your real name. How do they prove that? But like the license,
yes, when you first sign up. So if if I'm on Apple,
I have to put my license in, yeah, and everything from there
goes from there. There's always gonna be the like cheap dating site though,
Like that's easy. You know, that's why these sites even exist. Like
you're the guys that are going on Grinder, they are just fucking for a
hook up. It's funny when Mike said it's like Tinder all my gay friends,
Grinder is nothing like Tinder. Grinders meeting at a bush at a park
and it comes in your face. Yeah, I mean the name alone implies
many other images and just sparking a fire. I was kind of freaked out
to hear though, that on an app like Grinder, that if you delete
your text of the conversation, that it gets deleted from the other person's account.
That is wild to me. Yeah. And also again same idea that
if you deactivate your account. It can't be reactivated. They have to be
able to do that. In the case of like a murder, they should
be able to see who creates Yeah, stalking, it seemed a little too
easy to go awry. I guess it's all just under the banner of trying
to be discreet. Now, I guess. So remember when Ashley Madison was
huge. Oh of course you remember that, and then I don't just disappeared
like overnight. Those sites are still out there though. For sure we've had
guess we've had guests on the Corolla show or like I'm the new spokesperson.
Really oh yeah, for fuck around and find out exactly like insert sight here,
Like they're still doing that. Huh wow Wow. But you know,
listen, people have a hard time finn and love Ian stuff out there.
People say there's plenty of fish, but really there isn't. Mostly crabs.
Oh I'm on fire, Um I I back, No, No, I
don't know. I just the whole dating being anonymous. I get it.
I get if you're just trying to fuck around, and you're just fucking around,
right, But I think it gives an opportunity for a bad person to
to slide in and I I don't know how you stop that, and I
don't know if it's Yeah, as the victim, he's saying, Oh,
this could happen, but I'm fine with it. M. You know,
yeah, meaning like that it's out there. It's just a risk that you
know, it's yeah, it's it's part of the well, you know how
you have to say when you pick a sport, you might get hurt.
H kind of the same thing. Yeah, because he also talks about how
there's like a bunch of hey do this if this happens now, M.
Yeah, it's talked about a lot more. Now that's true. I do
think that. And again I'm sort of pairting what's said in the episode.
If you are going to go have some sort of like indiscreet hookup or a
more discreet hook up, you should at least let one person know right where
you're going, especially if you understand the technology of the app you're using.
But I can I can see his point. It's taking a bust to Michigan
from New York. Yeah, that's like you don't really want to tell anybody
I got I go four states to get some cock. That's what that's saying.
Yeah, um, yeah, again, I don't. But so if
this guy had just like come clean with this thing, that's a part of
his life. But if he went back, there's no way he's coming clean
with it, right, Well, then there's that whole part of him going
back again, which is just so insane to me. So so, how
could you be so careless? Well? I trying so hard not to say
terrible things. I am. I'm ready to try not talk. But is
he a victim if he went back again? It's not like he was in
love with the side, right, Yeah, you know, I showed up
from Michigan. I couldn't leave him. I was just so we were sorry.
We were entwined for over twenty minutes, you know what I mean?
Sure, I don't know. I don't and I don't. I don't know
how much I believe it. I didn't have the money to get back in
my bust, I don't. I've never seen a bus ticket with a with
a date on it before. I thought it was like, if there's a
seat, get on, Yeah, just hop on, man, Yeah,
who knows? Man? That fucking flips me out big time. It's weird.
Right, Let's talk about Kevin Bacon. Now this guy, this poor
guy looking for hook up on Christmas Eve and just sounds like a fun love
and he sounds like my gay friends. He sounds like, I'm gonna go
get some cock and then I'll be back a little bit later and we're gonna
have cosmopaltens. You know, I'm gonna have so much fun editing clips of
the show. And I got I got so much dirt on you, now,
my god, so many good clips that I was gonna say it's gonna
say that part. I'm like, Okay, remind me to ask you afterwards.
I want clips. I want the clips to be able to put on
my on social media to advertise the show. I'll give you access. But
Kevin Bacon doing this Christmas Eve hook up, but things have gone wrong.
By the next morning, when Kevin's family has their big Christmas breakfast and Kevin
is nowhere to be seen, it sounds like it's gone wrong within like half
an hour of him arriving. Yeah, he saw the guy's name was Kevin
Bacon, and that was like chump, chump, yep. I'm curious,
do you have any Christmas morning traditions in your family that you're gonna have you
ever hooked up with anybody from the internet, Well have you back in the
day? Look at you? Oh my god? But it was it was
dial up internet, so you know you're safe. That's good because by the
time the message got there, so did you like you know? Um,
Christmas Christmas? Uh, we try to go to a movie on Christmas Day
every Yeah. We love to go to a movie on Christmas Day. Um
we haven't last year, of course. Um we also we um we walk
around the neighborhood with our dogs on the twenty fourth and see all the lights.
That's fun, I do. I hated it as a kid. I
just enjoy because we take a drink and we go right. So yeah,
yeah, basically that. Yeah, you dress your dog of a costume.
Um. No. For the Christmas card, every year, I come up
with something different. So this year. This year we board my sister in
law and brother in law's kids and use them as our own family. That's
good. That's good for our Christmas card this year and last year it was
the dogs. I can't remember where the dogs are doing, but we usually
it's just the dogs. Nice. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. My
family does a big Christmas breakfast as well. So I felt I could relate
to this moment that happened in this episode of having the big breakfast and a
guest not showing up. Isn't it When it's a big tradition and somebody doesn't
show up, you know something's not good. Oh sure, especially something like
Christmas Morning. By the way, confused listener, Yes, I am Jewish.
My family celebrates both. I wasn't going to bring it up. Yeah,
I know. There's there's definitely a couple fans out there who ripping up
my Jewish card right now. They're ripping it up. They're saying, how
dare you, sir? Just to let the other Jewish people know he enjoys
Eastern much more. Woo. There's another mystery surrounding this case that happens in
this moment of Christmas Morning, which is that the car of Kevin was found
parked in a convenience store parking lot with all of his belongings, including his
phone. Now they were able to get the conversations from his phone. Thank
god, those texts weren't deleted, which you would think that Latunsky guy would
have deleted the text and that would have been game set match. But the
mystery is why were all the belongings in the car. Did Kevin take an
Uber to the house from an undis closed location or did he drive the car
to Marks and then Mark moved the car later? I think from the conversation
we had with not we, but the conversation Mike has Mike didn't happen.
But the conversation with the guy that didn't meet up with Yeah, I say
he was parked there and probably was headed off to something afterwards. You know,
you're just going to hook up, and was headed off to something afterwards
and for whatever reason, and we know now it was part of the kink,
was showing up without knowing where you were, knowing anything, showing up
from New York on a bus. Yeah, so there was something. There
was something in the kink like that, you know. But why no phone?
That's the part that bothers me. Maybe was it just like the cruelest
of fate that he also just happened to have forgotten his phone in the car.
Maybe like just getting into the Uber. I don't think I got to
reach into my pockets and realize, because immediately the first thing I'm gonna do
when I get into an Uber is go, I needed distrack myself so I
don't have to talk to this uber driver. Wow, you were a dick,
So I would immediately be looking through my phone and notice that when we're
not on the air, looking to throw your phone. I see you next
week, jerk. Do you think maybe uh Latunsky? Do you think he
picked him up not send an uber? You know, I like the uber
angle. I think that they would have we wouldn't know that an uber was
called. It would have been on somebody's phone, right, that's true,
and that that's never say brought up. Yeah, but I don't know if
it's even relevant. I mean, you know it's only relevant. It's just
weird, is what you're saying. Yeah, and trying to determine, like
why the car was left behind. Yeah, I don't know why it would
be at a convenience store. You know, it's like a Dollar General store
unless it was I have you ever been to a Dollar General? I've been
just to a dollar Storely different, aren't they? Okay? What's the dif
Well? Dollar General is basically a grocery store, Like it's almost like wool
Worse or Target or something like that. But they fuck it up by calling
the Dollar General because they started before the Dollar Store, where it's like that
was the name of the Dollar General. We're the Dollar General, but it's
not. It's not a dollar store's And I found out this summer by going
to one in Virginia with my wife, and I was like, this place
is fucking fantastic, wow walking around, where as I've been judging for a
long time the Dollar General being the Dollars store. Yeah exactly. Yeah,
in my brain I thought it was like the dollar Store. Yeah, well,
apparently they're changing their name because people, that's how if you're not familiar
with it, that's what you think of it as a dollar store. Yeah.
Yeah, so harazing items. Man, So him being parked there isn't
as weird as it would be as it would be if it was a dollar
store. Yeah. So basically he's parked at a Target or a Walmart.
Sure, so that's not as weird that. You're right, that's not as
weird. That makes it feel more like, let's meet at a public place
first, Yeah, just to I can make sure you're not a crazy person
who's gonna hang me upside down and cut off my balls and try to eat
him. And then once they've passed that test, then I'll get into going
to Dollar General. I figure it out. Then, Yeah, so I
think I think he got into his car. Yeah no, but still,
why why not the phone? I don't Yeah, that's what I mean unless
here we go. Now your theory's playing out because now he is talking,
he's parked his car, left his phone in the car. He's talking to
Latunsky, and then Latunski just just come with me, you don't need that.
We and they just gets into the car, and then he's now really
screwed. So he's basically thinking he's going to be back within an hour.
Maybe he's not even thinking. We don't even know. Maybe he is doesn't
even know he's going to his home, right, Maybe he's just like,
let's go for a drive, so just go, ya think somewhere, and
then they end up back in his home. See there you go. That's
that's starting a bit. We should start our own police company. So good,
Um, I do don't talk to the police, for God's sakeey,
And we did two episodes about that. Let's start talking about episodes that we're
gonna have to have a four week break. Yeah, I did think it
was interesting that Uber. They bring up this very interesting point that we were
always told don't get into a car with strangers, but now there's an app
where you do exactly that. I thought, Wow, that's pretty brilliant.
Smart people put their kids in ubers. Oh yeah, kids Uber to school
like it used to be. No, I was an Uber driver. Do
you know that? I did not know that last week? Thankfully not.
But in the lead up to my wedding, I needed to make some extra
money and so I was Uber driving at night. Money money. Okay,
so you didn't realize what pays for weddings. It's money. Being an Uber
driver was one of the more surreal experiences of my life, just because of
the people that got in your car from the people have gotten into my car.
Did you ever feel not safe? No? I never. That never
happened. But it reminded me because I did take a small child at some
point, like this little girl got out of like a dance studio and I
was like, yeah, my mom, Beverly's account, you just take me
home. And I was like, all right, cool, obviously I'm a
good person. I just Uber this little girl. I was like, this
is this is bizarre. This should not be like legal, there should be
certain people that I have to take kids, right, Yeah, you should?
Did you have Is there some sort of criminal record they check for you
to drive. I honestly only remember like scanning my driver's license. But do
you remember you do have to like go maybe you get your fingerprints taken.
There was like a little thing that you had to do before you got your
sticker for your car. What that process was, I don't remember. It
was not very intense at all, And certainly it's not like you're checking in
with a boss every day before you start your shift to make sure you're of
the right mind, you know, like I'm here in California, especially pre
pandemic. I mean, I can't even count how many times I used Uber,
very very convenient service, but it is a little bit freaky when you
kind of take a step back and just think about what it is you're doing.
Well, even worse, step back and think how little um the big
tech giants think of humans. Like my face, it's basically Facebook given you
a ride and they don't give a shit about you. Yeah, I mean,
you hear stories all the time of just weird confrontations in Uber cars and
stuff. I once was told that Uber started because they were they they were
going to use it in taxis, like that that app was for taxis,
and they went to taxi companies and they didn't want anything to do with it,
so they just started their own thing. And then the taxi companies got
real pissed, yeah, and got destroyed. Yeah. And now with the
total mass, especially again like in LA, it's just, yeah, what
a disaster. So but yeah, can't wait until they're driverless, you know,
I thought that, But then I've also seen all of those like weird
thought experiments about like how if a robot driver is about to run over a
person, but they could swerve out of the way, but by doing so
crash the car and kill you. Should the robot car be programed to do
that? Oh my god? You know what I mean? This episode just
took Ah, It's like a which should it do? What does it do?
And how do you make that judgment? You know, if it's going
to hit two people, let's say a mother and their child, or crash
and kill you, like does it? I don't know if I want that?
Oh my god, two lives are worth more than one. How do
you program it? Ian? How do your program does it save you all
the time? You know? Is that a question you have to answer before
you get into the car? Yeah, I mean, I'm sure that it's
called a waiver. I'm sure there's going to be a lot of those.
I don't know if it's ever gonna work for that reason alone. Also,
here's the thing too, I love driving because of the freeing experience. I
thought you're gonna say power and the power to to go at my speed literally
right, I drive the way that I want to. I'll follow the laws
hold over a lot. But you know, if if there's no cars ahead
of me, I can go faster than sixty five. I can go sixty
eight. I go seventy two if I'm really feeling frisky. But robot driver,
we're never gonna do that. Robot drivers are only going to go the
speed limit, and it's frankly gonna it's gonna piss me off. You know,
you can, you can kind of shame and guilt an uber driver to
go a little faster. But if there's there's if there's lanes for autonomous cars,
it'll be different because it'll never slow down, so sixty five won't seem
like you're going slow. Because you'll always be doing that. M hmm.
Let's see what you're saying. I think there's that's how I think there should
be. I think there should be a lane that driverless car is driving.
But what happens when any number of things go wrong? Like you say,
it's never gonna stop, but yeah, there's be some the oil's gonna leak
from a car, and the battery's gonna run out, and then there's gonna
be a stalled car in that lane, and then what but the but the
robot's gonna know. Our computer is gonna know what's going wrong with a car
before it happens, unlike you. Yeah, it's not gonna let it get
that far. But why am I? Why? Why am I playing on
the road on the contech company's side. Yeah, this is weird. I
was going to say. This whole conversation started with the fact that robots don't
give a book about is why we gotta do it? Yeah, oh my
god. Well, I'd like people tell me whether I want to know if
you listen to the show, send us a message either on Sword and Scale,
rewind On on Twitter or Matts or Eyes Twitter and let us know what
you think your your choice is kill the little woman and baby in front of
you, or swam into the wall and kill you in the car. It's
a tough choice. Make the decision you gotta before you get in the car.
I want to talk. Here's another question that's brought up in this episode.
Do you think it's possible that Mark Latunsky murdered before these events? No?
No, you think those runaways, including the guy who ran away and
came back, are were just they would have escalated them. There would have
been other DNA in that house. Yeah. Oh, that's but a guarantee
if there's JIS everywhere in that house. I don't want to think about that.
Maybe think of that. I was just thinking of the blood everywhere.
But then I was like, there's other DNA that he's bringing into the house.
Now I think I think he just got bolder and boulder and got caught
on the first time. Yeah. I mean, it's such a gruesome crime,
but he also seemed woefully unprepared to cover it up, you know,
like he was still just hanging from the rafters when the cops got there,
Right, I would think maybe if he was he would have mass killer.
Yeah, he would have tried to hide it more. What were your thoughts?
Do you think he watched a lot of Sorry I didn't mean it,
but that show That's Dexter because it was kind of a Dexter time kind of
killing right, It was a little bit a little bit but then yeah,
I mean, god, we get so many horrible ideas from watching things.
So he's just he's just when they talk about is him being married to his
wife? You know, just sound like just one of those people that's just
mean. Just oh yeah, you just don't want to be right, guess
so mean. And I know you don't ever google these people or see what
they actually look like, but if you want to see what Mark Latunsky looks
like, not a looker? He not a looker. He is exactly what
you would think of, just a creeper who praise on other people. He's
how about the wife? Was the wife a looker? I didn't see that
picture. I only saw the picture of the dude, so I was interested
in, Um, what were your thoughts that too? Yeah? Better?
If I'm making martinis cosmopolitans, you better be. I just wanted to pay
to see the picture of the dude. That sounds I'm interested what were your
thoughts on makeup mogul Jeffrey Starr, who's also interviewed to heat the episode.
But he's been canceled, right, Oh, I think so now that you
mentioned that. I didn't actually think that until you've just now said it.
I remember hearing something, Yeah, everyone's canceled. Everybody. Yeah, Well,
in comedy, if you get canceled, get nominated for a Grammy.
It's what I'm gonna awesome. I'm trying to get canceled. Well all people
off the dudes listen to this episode, and I'm not gonna have very far.
Hey to tell you he did a couple of jis or that's the dessertness.
I was trying to explain to my wife. I was like, it's
a good thing. I'm not ever going to run for political office because I
have said so many things into a microphone I can't even remember half of it.
Or it's or somebody in your family's running for you? Did you rather
say, yeah, exactly. I want to play a clip here of this
YouTuber. I thought he said some interesting things. I had some thoughts.
I want to share them with you. Here we go. What's really heavy
heart? It's one of my dearest subscribers and fans. His name was Kevin
Bacon and he was from a very small town in Michigan called a Swartz Creek,
and he was sadly murdered a few days ago. And the case it's
giving me weird vibes. The police are playing games, and I really wanted
to talk about this case and bring more awareness to Kevin and his family.
I thought it was really interesting that he was talking about how the police are
playing games. I didn't understand it. I didn't either. The only thought
that I had it's an open investigation, and the police are not just going
to go reveal all the information that they have. It doesn't work that way,
So you'd think because because they didn't give him all the information, he's
like, they're playing games with me. That's kind of what I thought.
And I also I thought it was because they didn't do anything about the other
two guys that he thought the police were playing games, like they knew there
was going to be a problem, sure, and they hadn't done anything.
That's what I kind of thought. I think either way, it sounded a
little bit uninformed. You know. I also thought sounded Jeffrey Stars. I
kind of had two thoughts about it. I thought it was interesting that he
was choosing to make an announcement at all. Right, it felt a little
bit like I'm just using this so that people, the right people will put
my name with this case. I also on the flip side of it,
though, you've got to maybe kind of distance yourself from it. You know,
there's other stories throughout entertainment history of like actors or whoever who kind of
get their name raked through the mud because they're tangentially involved, but not really.
So I started my mind started to change a little bit. And also
I would say, as a host of a show, I guess if I
had heard about some tragic death, I might feel like I should say something
about it. I don't know, no, no, um. I I
think it was a little bit of both. But I also thought he said
some nice things. You know, he's later on he said some nice things.
You know, he donated twenty thousand dollars and put the things out there,
Hey be safe, you know, And this guy loved I love to
have fun and love to live life. And you know, I thought he
said some great things. So I don't I don't know, Although that beginning
part is you're just like want Yeah, but you can't judge him for that.
You know, people, when you're talking about somebody that dies, you
don't you don't always the right words. Yeah, I agree, And again
he did donate a lot of money, so I thought that was really weird
him to do that. It'd be weird. Did somebody had a tattoo of
you on them and they then helps on their showing and he's been hung up
side down? You're like, yeah, okay, did they want to kill
me? Right? Yeah? Mentioned that the twenty thousand went to the funeral
costs. What's up with funerals costing five figures? This is like a crazy,
crazy scenario that I don't know how we got this far. Is it
just because people like you're gonna go if you want to believe in like a
heaven and a hell? I don't think the place that your body is rotting
in has anything to do with that. Why are we spending this much money
on a casket or on a site? I just I don't get it.
I don't. I think it's something I don't understand it as well, And
I don't I know this is weird to talk about, but I think i'd
like to be donated to science is what I'd like to happen before you die.
Yep, just before you're out. Way to go, Matt, I
was trying to have a nice talk and you decide to ruin it. Sorry,
donate you to fucking science. No, I'd like to. I'd like
to, you know whatever. There's there's areas where you know, they do
things with your body, but there's also in murders they use you. Uh
there's a place where they put you to see how long it takes for you
to disappear. Yeah, So I just I don't know. I also feel
like we talk about and being environmentally sound, and I don't know how graveyards
are, you know, I don't know why. Sure like it just seems
like a waste of space and they just keep watering the grass and the cutting
the grass and the and it doesn't seem and it doesn't seem like the body
goes back to the earth where. Yeah, have you seen they have those
new newer things where it's like makes your body part of like a tree.
Oh that's cool. I thought that was pretty cool looking at a tree.
Not like that, it's like a scarecrow. Yeah, like that, like
one of those faces you put on a tree. Yeah, like that.
No, it's more like, you know, your ashes and stuff mixed in
with soil. Oh, it's interesting your physical body necessarily, But I thought
that seemed to make a little bit more sense. And then instead of this
weird, desolate graveyard, you have like a forest with like renewable energy and
stuff. I mean, it's it sounds nice. Who knows what the realities
of it are. Well, honestly, by the end of the day,
we're just we're just dinosaurs which turned into fuel. Like, yeah, so
how we have to I'm guessing that's what we have to do, is we
have to just turn into some sort of energy source. That's all we are.
Good talk, way to fucking bring it down, Jesus Christ, how
much is a funeral? Well, what do you want to do? God,
damn it, you're worse than my wife. I don't want to I
don't want to get life insurance. You're just gonna kill me. Ye,
So there's another By the way, why do they call it life insurance?
It should be it's non insurance. Though it's insurance. Sounds like you're gonna
get another three years out of something. Yeah, that's great. Um,
I wanted to wrap this up with some talk about the the hearings, the
trial, and initially Mark said that he wasn't Mark Latunsky. Mark Latunsky was
his nephew and his real name is Edgar Thomas Hill. He's a descendant of
a royal Welsh family called the Thomas clan, and then for I guess,
for a very long time, continued to maintain that that's who he was.
I mean, this guy is is completely insane or he's brilliant. I mean
he we know he has these masters, we know he holds several patents.
He obviously has levels of brilliance in him, but he has certainly crossed a
line and I think he knows that it keeps him out of prison. He's
yeah, he's brilliantly crazy. But I thought it was interesting they because they
kind of talk about the two types of insanity and how you can be guilty
but mentally ill or not guilty because of insanity. But in either scenario you're
gonna go to jail. It's just a question whether or nothing it though.
Yeah, they keep testing it while he's not ready yet. Well i'll push
it next year. Yeah, So that's what he's doing well. I have
an update for you up date. You are correct. It just continues to
get pushed still to this day. So here's the deal. He's in a
hospital, I guess more or less eating balls. Yeah. So in June
of twenty twenty one, that is when the initial lawsuit deposition between the killer
and the businessman. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
So in that initial hearing in June of twenty twenty one, Mark invoked his
Fifth Amendment rights one hundred and twenty two times. Jesus so literally to every
question that he was asked. He just pled the Fifth back. In January
of two thousand and twenty, he had entered an insanity plea and then in
February a judge had ruled that he was incapable of standing trial. But in
October of twenty twenty, the courts reversed that decision, saying that he would
be able to start trial proceedings. So he has been found competent. The
trial was set to begin in July of twenty twenty one, but as we're
taping this, it still hasn't started yet, and there's some speculation that it
could maybe start in January of twenty twenty two, which is basically when this
episode that we're taping is being released. So it's maybe it's happening like right
now, but not not likely, you know. I think those guys always
are good at ulterior motives and ulterior plans. Obviously he wasn't good at planning
out the murder to get away with it. But yeah, one of the
quotes I wrote down, I had never really considered just because you're crazy doesn't
mean you don't know what you're doing right, which I that really is a
brilliant way to think about it, because you think, oh, they're they're
playing guilty by insanity. They were just so crazy they didn't know. But
it's it's not that simple, you know. And again, you could be
crazy, but you do certain things. You you lie about things, you
will change your story. So there's a part of you that does know,
Yeah, what you're doing is wrong, that's the That's the thing. At
what point are you so far gone that you don't know the difference between right
and wrong? And I don't. I would like to say it would be
you know, a kid that has mental retardation, You know that that might
and I don't. Even then, we all know they know, Yeah,
they know. If they know, well what I just you don't know.
And that's lawyers are paid to get people up. They were they do.
By the way, where we've changed. You asked what the businessman was like
accusing the killer of It was neglect, battery and false in prison neglect.
Worst week in my life. Yeah. Um, he had no must had
tiny little balls. That's why I didn't cut him off. That's the only
reason why. Oh my god, I'm going to a Christmas part. I
got nothing. I gotta cut off your nuts and roast and Kevin Bacon nuts
on open fire. Well, folks, we're not going to top that.
There's no way I'm topping that. I had other topics, but forget it.
Kidding. Great show, a good show, Matthew. I feel like
we paid tribute to both Kevin Bacon's. You know, we told the we
retold the story. We also had some laughs along the way. Yeah,
it's pretty successful. Not loose. Yeah, no, put on your Sunday.
Oh, probably have to take that off. Probably keep the song that
I was thinking. We probably couldn't have to take that down off the internet.
We're keeping it, folks. Thank you all for listening to our show.
We hope you enjoy it. Please give us a nice review, send
us a message, let us know you're out there. I've been getting lots
of tweets from people good. I'm really excited. Everyone's been very nice so
far. Everybody hates me. I love it, I love you. I
love it. I've been having a great job. I have had some people
show up to the shows that hey, we listened to the show. We
came to see you because we listened to the show. Thanks funny so and
I've had a couple of people that say, we just listened to the rewind
show and I was like, oh, all right, it doesn't make sense,
but okay, well I think it makes sense. People don't want to
necessarily hear the details about the balls being cut off. And we got better
voices than Mike. I don't know about that. He does have a good
voice. He's got a great voice. Well, hopefully we'll get him back
on the show one of these Yeah, we gotta have well come back on
and tease him a little bit. Yep. But in the meantime we'll just
make fun of each other, all right. See Larry Matthew bag back.
Follow me on Twitter at Matt Fallen to leer. Check out another show I'm
on called The water Cooler sounds fun. Ian's on Twitter at Sarah Ian bag
Bag. Give a listen to Around the Bag starting in a new studio this
January, and we'll started recording in January started they'll be coming out in February,
so go to listen or look at the old podcast and see even new
one starting in February. That's awesome. Again, We love you guys,
thanks for the support. As Mike likes to say, stay safe, and
as I like to say, don't be a douchebag. Yeah. Sort scale
we want is a production of incongruity Media. If you enjoyed the show,
leave us a five star rating and a glowing review. No criticism please,
it hurts our feelings. Be sure to tell your friends about us, but
not your family or co workers because I'll think you're weird. Okay, that's
it. Until next time. Don't be a douchebag.