WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:04.120 This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI AM six forty, the 2 00:00:04.200 --> 00:00:08.560 Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to the 3 00:00:08.560 --> 00:00:12.720 Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the 4 00:00:12.759 --> 00:00:15.679 iHeartRadio app. This is the part of the show where I remind you I'm 5 00:00:15.720 --> 00:00:20.359 not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor, but I've written three books on 6 00:00:20.440 --> 00:00:24.519 relationships, did a dissertation on attachment theory, and I've been personally obsessed with 7 00:00:24.559 --> 00:00:28.600 all the research on the science of love for the last thirty years. So 8 00:00:28.920 --> 00:00:32.479 I've also had a lot of experience in the love arena. So that's why 9 00:00:32.799 --> 00:00:37.039 doctor Wendy's wisdom is valid for you. Okay, So, if you do 10 00:00:37.119 --> 00:00:41.479 want to send me dms, the handle everywhere is at doctor Wendy Walsh, 11 00:00:41.520 --> 00:00:46.759 at Dr Wendy Walsh, producer klyst checking Instagram, she checks TikTok, she 12 00:00:46.880 --> 00:00:51.799 checks YouTube, et cetera. Feel free to shoot me a DM if you 13 00:00:51.799 --> 00:00:55.960 have a question. You will always remain anonymous. Okay, All right, 14 00:00:56.000 --> 00:00:59.359 here we go. Here's the first one. Dear Doctor Wendy. So my 15 00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:03.079 boyfriend and I have been going out for seven months. Now, What does 16 00:01:03.159 --> 00:01:07.640 it mean if I try on dresses for him to get his opinion and he 17 00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:11.959 doesn't really answer. I tried the first one on and he was like, 18 00:01:11.319 --> 00:01:15.120 where'd you buy that dress? I tried the next one on to ask him 19 00:01:15.120 --> 00:01:19.640 again, and he says, why don't you ask your girlfriends or someone in 20 00:01:19.680 --> 00:01:23.760 fashion? Does this mean he doesn't like them? He's very kind every other 21 00:01:23.799 --> 00:01:27.480 way, but I can't wrap my head around it. If he doesn't like 22 00:01:27.519 --> 00:01:30.439 the way I dressed, maybe how I looked in them or my body? 23 00:01:30.519 --> 00:01:34.959 Why is he being so avoidant? Okay, this is so obvious to me. 24 00:01:36.239 --> 00:01:41.239 I'm quite amazed that women are curious about this. So here's the thing. 25 00:01:41.920 --> 00:01:47.280 He's your boyfriend of seven months. He loves you. He's not quite 26 00:01:47.319 --> 00:01:49.480 smart enough to say, honey, you look great in whatever you put on. 27 00:01:49.920 --> 00:01:53.879 I love you, right. He also knows if he gives any kind 28 00:01:53.920 --> 00:01:59.920 of criticism you might take it in a crazy way. So he is literally 29 00:02:00.400 --> 00:02:04.400 giving you no answer. He does not want to get into this game. 30 00:02:04.719 --> 00:02:08.000 He does not want to have a dog in this race. Okay, so 31 00:02:08.039 --> 00:02:14.080 you've got to accept that he's telling you very clearly ask your girlfriends who know 32 00:02:14.120 --> 00:02:19.560 about fashion. Dudes don't know anything about fashion, all right, they really 33 00:02:19.599 --> 00:02:24.199 don't, and they make all kinds of mistakes all the time. So he's 34 00:02:24.199 --> 00:02:27.800 just trying to be cure, like, oh, so where did you buy 35 00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:30.599 that dress? Now he's thinking, oh, nord Strum, that's where I 36 00:02:30.639 --> 00:02:34.400 can go for our birthday. Right, He's just getting information. He just 37 00:02:34.439 --> 00:02:38.360 doesn't want to be in this game. It's okay. That's not being emotionally 38 00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:42.919 avoidant. It's just being I'm not going to So all you have to say 39 00:02:42.960 --> 00:02:45.759 to him is, okay, it looks like you don't like when I put 40 00:02:45.800 --> 00:02:47.319 on a fashion show for you. I'm gonna go to my girlfriend's next time, 41 00:02:47.319 --> 00:02:51.680 but don't complain if you don't like something I'm wearing. You're out right. 42 00:02:51.800 --> 00:02:53.879 You make it cute, You give him a kiss, you make it 43 00:02:53.919 --> 00:03:00.479 lovely, all right. Next one, Dear doctor Wendy, my girl friend 44 00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:05.800 damaged my car while she was being the designated driver for my friends and I 45 00:03:06.240 --> 00:03:09.759 on a night out. This has financially set me back, and she refuses 46 00:03:09.759 --> 00:03:14.879 to help. She says I shouldn't have gotten so drunk. Good point. 47 00:03:15.960 --> 00:03:19.800 I want to sue her. What to teach her a lesson. Will this 48 00:03:19.960 --> 00:03:23.639 cause me to lose her? You actually need an expert to weigh in on 49 00:03:23.719 --> 00:03:29.639 that. That's pretty simple. Yes, that will cause you to lose her. 50 00:03:30.199 --> 00:03:34.439 So here's your choice. You either go through insurance and the two of 51 00:03:34.479 --> 00:03:39.159 you choose to split the deductible, right, that's one idea. Or you 52 00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:44.159 say to her, you're right, I should have gotten so drunk. I 53 00:03:44.199 --> 00:03:46.719 take full responsibility for me, my car, my actions, and you keep 54 00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:51.719 your girlfriend. Or you say no, babe, you pay and you lose 55 00:03:51.759 --> 00:03:53.879 your girlfriend. So that's your choice. Door number one, Door number two, 56 00:03:53.919 --> 00:03:59.520 Door number three. You try to figure it out, But I mean, 57 00:03:59.599 --> 00:04:02.719 she does have a point. You got too drunk to drive, You 58 00:04:02.800 --> 00:04:06.599 designated her to drive, and now you're mad that she didn't do it perfectly. 59 00:04:08.960 --> 00:04:11.960 I actually think she might be in the right on this one, I 60 00:04:12.039 --> 00:04:14.319 really do. What do you think, Kaylea? I feel like she damaged 61 00:04:14.360 --> 00:04:18.279 his property. As a stand up person, you should you should kindly was 62 00:04:18.360 --> 00:04:21.680 driving a car full of drunks that she didn't even e was going to have 63 00:04:21.720 --> 00:04:26.120 to do that. We're like forcing her to How did you get all that 64 00:04:26.480 --> 00:04:31.279 she was just a designated drive? Could she have said, you take her 65 00:04:31.319 --> 00:04:34.000 to get home safely. You're gonna be like, I'll drive. I don't 66 00:04:34.000 --> 00:04:36.319 want you driving. I think if she wants me a good girlfriend, she 67 00:04:36.319 --> 00:04:40.920 should offer to split it fifty to fifty, not pay for the whole thing. 68 00:04:40.959 --> 00:04:44.600 No, not that he didn't do anything. He was responsible by night 69 00:04:44.720 --> 00:04:46.360 drive. You know, I agreed. I think she should pay. It's 70 00:04:46.399 --> 00:04:48.800 a tough one, isn't it. I think so she should pay fifty percent. 71 00:04:49.000 --> 00:04:51.839 I think they were both in this together. They were both in this 72 00:04:53.079 --> 00:04:58.800 mess together. They were Okay, Dear doctor Wendy, I have an amazing 73 00:04:58.839 --> 00:05:01.000 connection with this guy that I'm dating in person. I love it how they 74 00:05:01.000 --> 00:05:04.319 have to say in person now because we are in a time where people are 75 00:05:04.399 --> 00:05:09.959 dating strangers on the internet and robots on the internet, so we have to 76 00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:14.120 qualify now in person. We actually see each other, okay, And when 77 00:05:14.160 --> 00:05:16.480 we text, uh oh, maybe he's a robot. He just sends me 78 00:05:16.519 --> 00:05:20.480 a bunch of selfies from different days, but he's always in the same post. 79 00:05:21.199 --> 00:05:25.240 It's so weird and I don't like it. He sends like ten pictures 80 00:05:25.279 --> 00:05:28.800 back to back. He's cute, but it gives me the X. It 81 00:05:28.839 --> 00:05:30.560 will give me the X too. How can I let him know not to 82 00:05:30.600 --> 00:05:33.720 do it without hurting his feelings? Okay, so let me talk about without 83 00:05:33.800 --> 00:05:41.360 hurting somebody's feelings. It is our job sometimes to give people the gift of 84 00:05:41.399 --> 00:05:45.519 pain, okay, And sometimes hurting somebody's feelings is not you that did it. 85 00:05:45.519 --> 00:05:47.759 It's you just setting a boundary with what you like to see and receive. 86 00:05:48.040 --> 00:05:51.439 It's not you making him feel a certain way or predicting how he's going 87 00:05:51.519 --> 00:05:56.439 to feel. You are not in charge of his feelings. So what I 88 00:05:56.480 --> 00:06:01.800 would simply say is do it in person. And I wouldn't do it in 89 00:06:01.839 --> 00:06:04.240 a text, because then he could sit there and read it over and over 90 00:06:04.279 --> 00:06:08.959 and imagine the tone of voice and ruminate and be hurt. When you see 91 00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:11.560 him in person, you're gonna say, hey, you know when you send 92 00:06:11.560 --> 00:06:15.160 me no, you start with a compliment, remember my communication sandwich something sweet 93 00:06:15.199 --> 00:06:18.879 first? So hey, it's so nice to see your beautiful face in person. 94 00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:24.439 But you know when you send me like ten texts in a row with 95 00:06:24.480 --> 00:06:27.279 you just posing in that, what does that mean? Like? What are 96 00:06:27.319 --> 00:06:30.959 you trying to say there? Just ask inquire and I'll be like, well, 97 00:06:30.079 --> 00:06:31.839 I don't know. I thought you'd like to see a picture of me, 98 00:06:32.160 --> 00:06:34.240 and you just say I'd rather see you in person. I don't need 99 00:06:34.279 --> 00:06:39.120 all those but thank you. That's it. That's all you do. It's 100 00:06:39.160 --> 00:06:42.720 simple. Own your own voice, Own your own voice. All right. 101 00:06:42.759 --> 00:06:45.879 When we come back, I'm going to continue to answer your social media questions. 102 00:06:46.120 --> 00:06:49.040 You can send me a DM at at doctor Wendy Walsh on Instagram. 103 00:06:49.839 --> 00:06:54.240 You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on kf I Am six forty live 104 00:06:54.240 --> 00:07:02.639 everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from 105 00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:08.839 KFI AM six forty. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI 106 00:07:09.000 --> 00:07:12.839 AM six forty. Were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Going into my 107 00:07:12.920 --> 00:07:15.600 dms on Instagram if you'd like to send me one, it is at doctor 108 00:07:15.639 --> 00:07:20.759 Wendy Walsh at Dr Wendy Walsh. Okay, Dear Doctor Wendy. This man 109 00:07:20.800 --> 00:07:25.480 asked me out on a date and told me I can choose the restaurant. 110 00:07:25.879 --> 00:07:29.680 I chose a pricey place because that's where I eat. When I sent him 111 00:07:29.720 --> 00:07:32.040 the restaurant, he told me he was thinking more tacos and beer, not 112 00:07:32.199 --> 00:07:36.240 phile mignon. I told him we could change the place, but he stopped 113 00:07:36.279 --> 00:07:41.120 responding. I feel like he thinks I'm a gold digger or something. Should 114 00:07:41.160 --> 00:07:45.680 I pop up with tacos for him? No? So here's what you learned. 115 00:07:45.800 --> 00:07:47.439 You guys are not a good match. You see, this is how 116 00:07:47.480 --> 00:07:53.759 you learn. The beginning of any new relationship is all about eliminating those that 117 00:07:53.800 --> 00:07:56.920 are inappropriate. If you want to have a lifetime of tacos and beer, 118 00:07:57.279 --> 00:07:59.519 then yeah, chase him down. That's going to be it. If you're 119 00:07:59.519 --> 00:08:01.920 a Philly Minu girl, it's not that he thinks you're a gold digger. 120 00:08:03.480 --> 00:08:07.279 He thinks you're out of his league, and that's okay. You can move 121 00:08:07.319 --> 00:08:11.319 along unless you're ready to be tacos and beer and fast food and get a 122 00:08:11.360 --> 00:08:18.240 little billy maybe some hips, all the fattening food, you know, if 123 00:08:18.279 --> 00:08:22.279 you make more money now. I also, I want to sort of clarify 124 00:08:22.360 --> 00:08:28.240 something here that we right now in the mating marketplace have an oversupply of successful 125 00:08:28.240 --> 00:08:31.960 women. So you're gonna find ladies that there are a lot of women making 126 00:08:31.960 --> 00:08:37.519 way more money than men. So the words to the whys here is probably 127 00:08:37.559 --> 00:08:43.480 don't suggest the super expensive restaurants right away and just see where it goes. 128 00:08:43.879 --> 00:08:48.039 Because your idea of a power man might be a guy who can power a 129 00:08:48.080 --> 00:08:52.919 stroller. Right, So, maybe you learned don't do Philly Migno right away. 130 00:08:52.360 --> 00:08:56.559 He's not getting back to you, which tells me that he's lost interest. 131 00:08:56.600 --> 00:08:58.039 Not because he thinks you're a gold digger, but because he thinks you're 132 00:08:58.120 --> 00:09:01.759 out of his league. Now, if you really, really, really really 133 00:09:01.840 --> 00:09:03.679 like him, then do what you said, pop up with tacos? What 134 00:09:03.720 --> 00:09:07.679 does that mean? Show up? Don't show up like at is? How 135 00:09:07.679 --> 00:09:11.000 does that sound? Stockersh Like? Well, when you're into somebody and you 136 00:09:11.080 --> 00:09:13.000 want to like prove you know, yeah, but like you bring a cake 137 00:09:13.120 --> 00:09:16.039 or a pie or where do you know she's going to see him? I 138 00:09:16.080 --> 00:09:18.559 guess she knows where she's going to see him. I don't want to be 139 00:09:18.600 --> 00:09:22.159 stalkering him or anything. Don't get arrested, all right, Dear doctor Wendy, 140 00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:26.399 I can't stop ruminating on my latest breakup. Oh I'm sorry about that. 141 00:09:26.519 --> 00:09:31.639 It's destroying me mentally. Oh what are some healthy hobbies I can start 142 00:09:31.679 --> 00:09:35.480 to alleviate myself. Well, first of all, you need to go see 143 00:09:35.480 --> 00:09:41.679 a therapist because this kind of rumination is chronic anxiety. It could be RelA 144 00:09:43.080 --> 00:09:46.960 related to attachment insecurity, something that happened early in life. I don't know. 145 00:09:48.039 --> 00:09:50.559 I'm not your therapist, but I would say you need to see a 146 00:09:50.600 --> 00:09:54.320 licensed therapist to work through some of the stuff. From my own personal experience, 147 00:09:54.720 --> 00:09:58.879 having recovered from an anxious attachment style, having spent months and years decades 148 00:10:00.080 --> 00:10:03.759 of my life ruminating over lost men who I couldn't get back, I will 149 00:10:03.759 --> 00:10:07.159 tell you the number one thing that helped me was exercise. Yeah, just 150 00:10:07.240 --> 00:10:09.639 get to the gym, work out how hard, especially cardio. Get those 151 00:10:09.720 --> 00:10:13.000 endorphins going. You'll feel so much better. That's what worked for me. 152 00:10:13.720 --> 00:10:20.240 All right, think here's another one. Dear doctor Wendy, I need help. 153 00:10:20.360 --> 00:10:22.759 Okay, Well, thanks for reaching out to me. I am new 154 00:10:22.799 --> 00:10:26.799 to this area and my first meaning new to LA or new to the area 155 00:10:26.840 --> 00:10:30.759 of dating, new to the area of dating a sind a person. What 156 00:10:30.799 --> 00:10:31.960 do you think they mean? I would assume to the because I'm new to 157 00:10:33.080 --> 00:10:35.759 La. Okay to La, Okay La. I'm new to LA and my 158 00:10:35.840 --> 00:10:41.759 first connection was with ooh, a dangerous person. I want a restraining order. 159 00:10:41.559 --> 00:10:45.759 What are some other ways I can find safety and community in a new 160 00:10:45.799 --> 00:10:48.559 area. Well, I have to tell you something. I have gone to 161 00:10:48.639 --> 00:10:52.600 the police a number of times in my life to ask for restraining orders on 162 00:10:52.679 --> 00:10:56.240 people, often strangers, often somebody I might have had one date with when 163 00:10:56.240 --> 00:11:00.080 I was a young hot woman. Okay, that's when the stuff happens. 164 00:11:00.120 --> 00:11:03.720 And they were very clear that it's super hard to get a restraining order unless 165 00:11:03.759 --> 00:11:09.039 somebody physically assaults you, shows up at your house regularly, and you can 166 00:11:09.039 --> 00:11:11.519 take pictures of them there, et cetera. But if they're on public property, 167 00:11:11.559 --> 00:11:16.879 even then it's hard. But remember in the documentary on Netflix with what's 168 00:11:16.919 --> 00:11:18.879 the name there the Dutch baby, No, no, no, the Duchess 169 00:11:18.919 --> 00:11:24.399 and the Prince and princess are up in Santa Barbara, the real life ones 170 00:11:24.440 --> 00:11:28.399 Harry and Megan. Yeah, so Megan was saying when she was on suits 171 00:11:28.399 --> 00:11:33.919 and dating him and she was filming in Toronto, you know, thousands of 172 00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:37.440 people would be peering through fences and doing everything she said in real life that 173 00:11:37.480 --> 00:11:41.039 would be having a stalker. But the police could do nothing because they were 174 00:11:41.039 --> 00:11:45.960 standing on public land. Right, It's very hard to get a restraining order. 175 00:11:46.000 --> 00:11:48.279 I have one. You do have one on somebody. I do my 176 00:11:48.320 --> 00:11:52.320 ex boyfriend. He was not okay, he was dangerous, a dangerous person. 177 00:11:52.360 --> 00:11:54.720 Is he in this state? No, he's in New Jersey, thankfully, 178 00:11:54.759 --> 00:11:58.000 and I don't think he can afford to fly to this state greatly. 179 00:11:58.759 --> 00:12:03.360 However, getting the restrained restraining order was very difficult. It took a bunch 180 00:12:03.360 --> 00:12:07.120 of different the order chances. He violated it every single week. I was 181 00:12:07.120 --> 00:12:11.759 at the police department submitting that he violated. The only reason he got arrested 182 00:12:11.840 --> 00:12:15.679 was because he assaulted another man who I was dating. So it's hard as 183 00:12:15.679 --> 00:12:18.120 a woman out here. I hate to tell you this, my love. 184 00:12:18.559 --> 00:12:20.679 If you ask me how you can find safety and community when you're in a 185 00:12:20.720 --> 00:12:24.320 new area, it may simply mean if he knows where you live, moving, 186 00:12:24.559 --> 00:12:28.360 I'm sorry, finding a new place, and you may be able to 187 00:12:28.360 --> 00:12:31.679 get out of your lease if you feel threatened. But you've got and you've 188 00:12:31.679 --> 00:12:37.840 got to find new friends through your work, through the gym, through other 189 00:12:37.960 --> 00:12:41.720 kinds of social connections. But you've got to get healthy people around you so 190 00:12:41.759 --> 00:12:46.480 that you can feel safe. That's so scary and a protector. You were 191 00:12:46.600 --> 00:12:48.679 able to break your lease if you were if you felt like your life was 192 00:12:48.679 --> 00:12:52.159 in danger, so hopefully California is the same way. Yeah. Yeah, 193 00:12:52.159 --> 00:12:54.639 I broke my lease and it was no no. You know, I'm a 194 00:12:54.720 --> 00:12:58.600 landlord and one of the things I do is criminal background checks on people, 195 00:12:58.600 --> 00:13:05.000 because you know, if you put somebody in your building and they do some 196 00:13:05.080 --> 00:13:09.440 violence on another I think landlords might even be able to get sued because they're 197 00:13:09.279 --> 00:13:13.879 a bad person in there near there. Yeah, it's so hard, hard, 198 00:13:13.080 --> 00:13:16.919 it's you know, one of the most vulnerable groups in our society are 199 00:13:18.000 --> 00:13:22.159 young females, and we need to rally around them and help keep them safe. 200 00:13:22.240 --> 00:13:24.559 And guys, you need to do that. Walk them to their cars, 201 00:13:24.679 --> 00:13:26.000 be nice to them, be the good guy. Hey when we come 202 00:13:26.039 --> 00:13:30.600 back, If you have been concerned about where you're actually going to find the 203 00:13:30.600 --> 00:13:33.600 truth in the world, I have a former colleague of mine from CNN who 204 00:13:33.679 --> 00:13:39.519 has some advice on how we can all start to get true facts in real 205 00:13:39.559 --> 00:13:43.399 life. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls's show on KFI AM six 206 00:13:43.559 --> 00:13:50.200 forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on 207 00:13:50.279 --> 00:13:54.240 demand from KFI AM six forty. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show 208 00:13:54.240 --> 00:14:00.799 on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Well, I 209 00:14:00.919 --> 00:14:05.279 have my next guest is I would like to say a dear old friend and 210 00:14:05.399 --> 00:14:07.039 colleague. Can I say that? Josh Levs? Can I call you that? 211 00:14:09.039 --> 00:14:11.919 Are you kidding? I am honored? Yeah, absolutely. We're both 212 00:14:13.039 --> 00:14:18.039 all CNN veterans and been around a long time. But I wanted to have 213 00:14:18.120 --> 00:14:24.200 you on because I wanted to talk specifically about your new project and how it 214 00:14:24.279 --> 00:14:31.200 relates to our hour, meaning the whole public in America, our relationship not 215 00:14:31.320 --> 00:14:35.639 only with the media, but with the truth. And before we get there, 216 00:14:35.120 --> 00:14:39.440 let me start by giving you an introduction that's going to make you blush, 217 00:14:39.440 --> 00:14:43.200 because that's my job. So Josh Levs, if you don't know the 218 00:14:43.279 --> 00:14:46.320 name, you can google him. He spent twenty years at both NPR and 219 00:14:46.440 --> 00:14:52.000 CNN. He has won lots of awards, Peabody Awards, Edward R. 220 00:14:52.159 --> 00:14:58.360 Murrow Awards, and awards from the Society Professional Journalists, et cetera, et 221 00:14:58.399 --> 00:15:01.240 cetera. It goes on and on, and you know he has to throw 222 00:15:01.240 --> 00:15:05.200 in there and is Bioling came from Yale University I know, fancy school and 223 00:15:05.320 --> 00:15:11.080 all that stuff, right, but he came to big national attention and my 224 00:15:11.519 --> 00:15:16.200 attention and got to my heart, what year was it when you're when you 225 00:15:16.240 --> 00:15:22.799 delivered a baby? That would have been back in that two thousand and nine, 226 00:15:22.879 --> 00:15:28.519 two thousand and nine. So what happened was Josh as a prominent reporter 227 00:15:28.639 --> 00:15:35.279 for CNN, his wife was pregnant, gave birth, and like before the 228 00:15:35.320 --> 00:15:39.720 ambulance came and he's the nine to one one call. Became famous because there 229 00:15:39.759 --> 00:15:41.759 he was learning how to deliver a baby and a nine one one call. 230 00:15:43.320 --> 00:15:48.960 And then later found out that his company, Time Warner didn't have any paternity 231 00:15:48.039 --> 00:15:52.120 leave. That's a pee there, folks, not maternity paternity leave. And 232 00:15:52.240 --> 00:15:56.320 here he had a premium baby to care for, a sick wife, et 233 00:15:56.320 --> 00:16:02.639 cetera. So he was a vanguard, he was a silence breaker, and 234 00:16:02.799 --> 00:16:07.200 he took them to court anyone, and now almost every company is gender neutral 235 00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:10.399 when it comes to family policies. And Josh, thank you so much for 236 00:16:10.440 --> 00:16:14.519 doing what you've done for families around America. I appreciate that. Wow, 237 00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:18.200 well, look I so appreciate that. Yeah, I mean, you know, 238 00:16:18.240 --> 00:16:21.759 and what was driving me at the time was just again crafts reality that 239 00:16:21.919 --> 00:16:26.039 dads are also caregivers. So at the time it was that Pid Time Winner 240 00:16:26.200 --> 00:16:30.679 only had two weeks for biological dads that everybody else, everybody else could get 241 00:16:30.679 --> 00:16:33.679 ten weeks. It was ridiculous. And so yes, that's FWICE became a 242 00:16:33.720 --> 00:16:37.960 big national thing, and I'm so happy to say that we have come a 243 00:16:37.000 --> 00:16:41.240 long way. Oh few years since then, you wrote a book called All 244 00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:48.519 In, Busting myths about dads and modern families and anything that breaks gender roles 245 00:16:48.559 --> 00:16:52.320 and looks at what families are, how they're actually living and doing, is 246 00:16:52.360 --> 00:16:55.320 wonderful to me. But you are here today for another reason. You have 247 00:16:55.360 --> 00:16:59.919 a new podcast called They Stand Corrected. I'm going to say it again, 248 00:17:00.200 --> 00:17:04.039 it is called They Stand Corrected. You were a fact checker. Now I 249 00:17:04.079 --> 00:17:07.440 should tell you I started as a journalist. I'm going to totally date myself 250 00:17:07.480 --> 00:17:11.079 here in the ad say I went into my Canadian accent because it was in 251 00:17:11.079 --> 00:17:17.279 Toronto E. I was in the late eighties writing for magazines. Remember those. 252 00:17:17.359 --> 00:17:21.039 It was before we had the internet and before we had blogs. And 253 00:17:21.240 --> 00:17:25.200 every time I submitted an article, Josh, I had to first send it 254 00:17:25.240 --> 00:17:30.000 to somebody called a fact checker, and the fact checker had to call up 255 00:17:30.079 --> 00:17:34.839 all of my sources, read the quotes to them, ask them things about 256 00:17:34.880 --> 00:17:37.920 other things that I had written in the article, and then send it back 257 00:17:37.960 --> 00:17:41.799 to me and say it's inaccurate and this area fixed, this area, they 258 00:17:41.839 --> 00:17:45.200 wanted more clarity on this area, et cetera. Nowadays, I don't know 259 00:17:45.200 --> 00:17:49.279 who has a fact checker anymore, anybody. So rare? Is it rare? 260 00:17:49.519 --> 00:17:53.359 It's yeah, it's so rare. It's almost never done. And they 261 00:17:53.400 --> 00:17:57.599 make and also what they sometimes do if they say their fact check is all 262 00:17:57.640 --> 00:18:00.960 they've done is source check. That's what I call it. As in, 263 00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:06.119 like they find another news outlet that claimed the same thing, but they don't 264 00:18:06.200 --> 00:18:07.720 check whether that news outlet got right in the first place or they good. 265 00:18:07.759 --> 00:18:11.519 Yeah, they go back to the source and say, did you actually say 266 00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:15.240 this not? Is it true or not? Did this? Can we print 267 00:18:15.279 --> 00:18:18.599 this lie? They told us, okay, as long as you make credit 268 00:18:18.640 --> 00:18:22.880 it to you. So one of your new missions is to help us all 269 00:18:22.920 --> 00:18:27.359 have a better relationship with the media. On your podcast, they stand corrected, 270 00:18:27.759 --> 00:18:32.720 What do you do? How do you fix this? I am factchecking 271 00:18:32.759 --> 00:18:36.200 the media, so you know the through line for all my work has always 272 00:18:36.240 --> 00:18:40.799 been like this passion for the truth. It's actually the reason I jumped from 273 00:18:40.920 --> 00:18:45.200 NPR to CNN because I would look at CNN and see all these live interviews 274 00:18:45.200 --> 00:18:48.759 where these politicians and pundits would just get on the air and say anything they 275 00:18:48.839 --> 00:18:53.400 wanted, and literally no one has the job of going through and fact checking 276 00:18:53.400 --> 00:18:56.720 this stuff. And it's just gotten worse and more since then, which you 277 00:18:56.759 --> 00:19:00.200 know, politicians have discovered you can just walk through the giant, gaping hole 278 00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:04.160 in the media and just say whatever you want, any of the global figures, 279 00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:10.119 everything. And I have seen the way that our society is praying because 280 00:19:10.279 --> 00:19:14.920 so often people are having these fights, you know, about politics, about 281 00:19:14.920 --> 00:19:19.200 international issues, when we literally don't have the facts. And because the media 282 00:19:19.279 --> 00:19:25.960 is not doing this job of fact checking everything, people are losing the concept 283 00:19:26.039 --> 00:19:30.960 of a source they can trust. And so what we need is fact check 284 00:19:30.039 --> 00:19:33.720 the media. So that's what I'm doing. I'm tackling big stories and I'm 285 00:19:33.720 --> 00:19:37.720 saying, this is what major organizations have said, but they got it wrong. 286 00:19:37.759 --> 00:19:41.240 What sources are you going to? So, Josh, how are you 287 00:19:41.279 --> 00:19:47.799 So let's say you see a story done on a cable news network, and 288 00:19:47.839 --> 00:19:51.119 then you say to yourself, that sounds a little fishy. Where do you 289 00:19:51.160 --> 00:19:53.839 go to find the truth, because everybody seems to think they have the truth. 290 00:19:55.880 --> 00:20:00.200 Yeah, So this is where my unusual expertise comes into play. I 291 00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:03.720 have a long history of knowing how to find original government documents, original official 292 00:20:03.759 --> 00:20:10.759 documents, actual videos that have not been faked. I go back often to 293 00:20:11.279 --> 00:20:15.039 the original report that everyone is basing what they're saying on. So people will 294 00:20:15.079 --> 00:20:18.680 say, well, there's this study from this group that claimed blah blah blah, 295 00:20:18.960 --> 00:20:22.680 and no one I'm telling you, I mean, you probably know this, 296 00:20:22.799 --> 00:20:26.400 but other people don't. No one in the news agency actually went and 297 00:20:26.440 --> 00:20:30.119 read that report. So these original reports, I dig into things that might 298 00:20:30.160 --> 00:20:33.440 sound boring, like methodologies and the small prints and all this stuff. But 299 00:20:33.559 --> 00:20:38.559 what it's all about is finding out what's true. So when you hear claims, 300 00:20:38.880 --> 00:20:42.400 very often these things actually can be checked. What's the real source of 301 00:20:42.440 --> 00:20:45.759 this? Why didn't we hear that on the news, and why doesn't the 302 00:20:45.799 --> 00:20:51.079 news agency itself go and collect that information for you in the first place. 303 00:20:51.519 --> 00:20:55.079 So instead of having you know, fights about why I heard this, well 304 00:20:55.119 --> 00:20:59.920 I heard this, Which one of those things is true politics aside feelings aside 305 00:21:00.119 --> 00:21:04.519 nothing about opinions and narratives and feelings. Let's find out what did what actually 306 00:21:04.599 --> 00:21:10.359 happened on that day? What do we actually know definitively clearing out the noise. 307 00:21:10.400 --> 00:21:14.400 To me, that is the starting point for healthy relationships, for a 308 00:21:14.480 --> 00:21:18.039 healthy understanding of society. Okay, Josh, I have to go to break. 309 00:21:18.079 --> 00:21:19.160 When we come back, I want to talk to you about how we 310 00:21:19.200 --> 00:21:23.640 can all become better critical thinkers, which I try to teach my students. 311 00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:30.279 And also let's talk about how there usually isn't just one truth. And remember 312 00:21:30.359 --> 00:21:34.640 Kelly and Conway with the alternative facts, So let's talk about that when we 313 00:21:34.680 --> 00:21:38.279 come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM 314 00:21:38.319 --> 00:21:44.359 six forty er Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy 315 00:21:44.440 --> 00:21:48.839 Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty Welcome back to the Dr Wendywall Show 316 00:21:48.880 --> 00:21:53.839 on KFI AM six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My guest Josh 317 00:21:55.079 --> 00:22:00.880 Levs. He is the podcaster behind a new podcast called The Stand Corrected. 318 00:22:02.359 --> 00:22:07.000 He is a former fact checker for NPR and CNN, and he's decided to 319 00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:12.240 use his fact checking skills to check as many stories as he possibly can in 320 00:22:12.319 --> 00:22:17.319 the media to find the truth. Josh, we talked about how you have 321 00:22:17.359 --> 00:22:21.119 this ability because you have a history of this, of going to find original 322 00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:25.759 studies, government documents, et cetera, et cetera. Could we all learn 323 00:22:25.960 --> 00:22:30.279 to do what you're doing. Yeah, but it takes time. Here's I 324 00:22:30.279 --> 00:22:33.680 can tell you. I don't ask anybody to take my word for anything. 325 00:22:33.839 --> 00:22:37.720 So when I fact check the meters, I have this newsletter also, but 326 00:22:37.759 --> 00:22:41.759 I've set up with someone called Substack, in which there's all these links that 327 00:22:41.839 --> 00:22:45.599 go along with it. So if you want to see what I'm talking about, 328 00:22:45.680 --> 00:22:48.599 what the actual sources are, you can you can get there. But 329 00:22:48.799 --> 00:22:52.960 you know, a lot of these is about the time, Like there's this 330 00:22:52.319 --> 00:22:56.480 royal figure from the Middle East, Queen Rania, who has been doing these 331 00:22:56.480 --> 00:22:59.640 interviews lately, and one of my listeners sent read this link and said, 332 00:22:59.640 --> 00:23:03.319 would you fact check this? And so I've been going through this transcript and 333 00:23:03.359 --> 00:23:06.000 I have found so part of there are twenty different things that we're wrong, 334 00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:11.359 and they're all demonstrably wrong. Like you can actually go find the original content 335 00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:15.200 that shows why it's wrong. And this is the kind of thing that is 336 00:23:15.359 --> 00:23:18.759 not a part of the news ecosystem. So yeah, so I EA a 337 00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:22.160 lot of it about the time, and yet people can learn to and I 338 00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:27.720 would love for everybody to become really active and passionate about doing this absolutely. 339 00:23:27.799 --> 00:23:30.839 You know what I ask my students to do. I teach at cal State 340 00:23:30.920 --> 00:23:34.200 Channel Islands, and I teach in the psychology department, and I ask my 341 00:23:34.240 --> 00:23:38.440 students to become critical thinkers. So when they we often find facts from the 342 00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:41.920 news that say, oh, a new study says this, and I say, 343 00:23:42.000 --> 00:23:45.599 well, let's go to the study. And the first question I want 344 00:23:45.640 --> 00:23:49.880 to ask ourselves is how many people did they actually research with? And sometimes 345 00:23:49.880 --> 00:23:53.279 the study is like ten people, And how did they collect the data? 346 00:23:53.400 --> 00:23:57.759 Was it like an interviewer with a subjective questions that are kind of a little 347 00:23:57.759 --> 00:24:03.720 bit leading, or was it, you know, some kind of internet survey 348 00:24:03.759 --> 00:24:07.240 where someone could tell lies about who they are also who paid for the study. 349 00:24:07.480 --> 00:24:11.599 We were looking at one the other day and it was about how TikTok 350 00:24:11.759 --> 00:24:15.559 doesn't hurt mental health. And then I looked at it and it was it 351 00:24:15.599 --> 00:24:18.359 was translated into English. It was all Chinese. It was all Chinese universities 352 00:24:18.359 --> 00:24:22.519 and China. Of course, I'm like, and yet this stuff will end 353 00:24:22.599 --> 00:24:27.519 up as a headline in the media. Oh all the time, this is 354 00:24:27.680 --> 00:24:30.200 you. I'm so glad you brought numbers. I didn't know if you wanted 355 00:24:30.200 --> 00:24:33.799 to go there. So I'm going to tell you this is like the ban 356 00:24:33.960 --> 00:24:37.519 of my existence, all of these wrong numbers in the news. I do 357 00:24:37.640 --> 00:24:42.920 this piece once for Money at Money magazine dot com because they had run this 358 00:24:44.079 --> 00:24:48.240 alleged study thing to talk about men and women and dad's families all and I 359 00:24:48.319 --> 00:24:52.960 knew it didn't make any sense because I had reported the opposite based on my 360 00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:56.720 studies. Well, what they had run was based on a quote unquote study 361 00:24:57.079 --> 00:25:03.200 from like literally third the people back in the nineteen nineties. Well's what I 362 00:25:03.279 --> 00:25:07.720 was reporting out was that annual set of surveys that deal with tens of thousands 363 00:25:07.720 --> 00:25:11.400 of people and represent a stampling and show what's really going on. Wow, 364 00:25:11.440 --> 00:25:14.759 And this happens all the time. I'll tell editors the thing you're looking at 365 00:25:14.839 --> 00:25:18.559 is non representative, and they're like, well, that's the scientist to figure 366 00:25:18.599 --> 00:25:21.400 out we don't want and no, no, no, any human being can 367 00:25:21.480 --> 00:25:25.680 understand that what thirty people have to say doesn't tell you anything other than the 368 00:25:25.720 --> 00:25:30.319 fact that thirty people said that same right, But the news is filled with 369 00:25:30.400 --> 00:25:33.920 it, and there's no system in place to make sure that anyone will really 370 00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:37.599 piece through that stuff and find out what is real and representative. You know, 371 00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:41.359 for example, I don't think the average person understands that there's a big 372 00:25:41.400 --> 00:25:48.039 difference between a correlational study and a true experimental study with a control group, 373 00:25:48.039 --> 00:25:52.279 where you can maybe imply some causality, and so people will say, oh, 374 00:25:52.400 --> 00:25:56.440 a new research study shows that depression is higher in women, So somehow 375 00:25:56.480 --> 00:26:00.720 people will think being female causes depression, right, Well, you know, 376 00:26:00.880 --> 00:26:04.839 it could be it could be sexism, it could be sexual harassment, it 377 00:26:04.839 --> 00:26:10.240 could be sexual assault. It could be not having a voice in the room 378 00:26:10.359 --> 00:26:12.440 or a seat at the table. There could be all those things causing depression 379 00:26:12.480 --> 00:26:17.160 that have nothing to do with your biology as female. But people think, 380 00:26:17.319 --> 00:26:22.559 oh, you know that that must cause that then, And you know what. 381 00:26:22.720 --> 00:26:26.279 The rare time that people often try to come together around fact is when 382 00:26:26.319 --> 00:26:30.960 there's someone that they care about who has a medical diagnosis that happened to you. 383 00:26:30.839 --> 00:26:33.160 You know, something yeah, happened to me. Is my son when 384 00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:37.519 he was born with a two days old he'd needed major heart surgery and you 385 00:26:37.559 --> 00:26:40.559 know, he came through it wonderfully, of course. But what you find 386 00:26:40.680 --> 00:26:45.960 with families is that often that's the time when people are not worried about like 387 00:26:45.160 --> 00:26:49.359 all the screaming opinions in society. They're like, Okay, what do we 388 00:26:49.559 --> 00:26:52.440 actually know? And yes, there are people who are like Google diseases that 389 00:26:52.559 --> 00:26:56.039 decide the obscure thing that they find on some website is true, absolutely, 390 00:26:56.079 --> 00:27:00.920 but most people are saying enough in the moment like that to say, what 391 00:27:00.079 --> 00:27:03.079 do we know, what can we prove? What is really happen, and 392 00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:07.680 what are our options here? And they come together instead of screaming at each 393 00:27:07.680 --> 00:27:11.519 other with their different opinions based on life lives about the election being stolen or 394 00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:15.880 whatever it is. They're no longer lost in that anger and they're more focused 395 00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:19.559 on facts. And if we could do that for everything in the news, 396 00:27:21.000 --> 00:27:25.119 then we would have fewer fights in society, fewer families being torn apart, 397 00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:30.559 fewer difficult relationships, fewer strained relationships, and we would be at least even 398 00:27:30.599 --> 00:27:33.839 if we disagreed, we would at least be starting from a point of truth 399 00:27:34.839 --> 00:27:38.480 that is true. But I also want to remind you that there are many 400 00:27:38.519 --> 00:27:44.079 truths in every room, in every family, in every relationship. And I 401 00:27:44.119 --> 00:27:51.079 think our individual truth is based on our individual biased perceptions. Right. So 402 00:27:51.680 --> 00:27:55.559 we have stuff that's happened to us in life, so we have opinions about 403 00:27:55.559 --> 00:27:59.079 people or events based on what happened to us before, and somebody else sees 404 00:27:59.119 --> 00:28:02.759 something completely in a situation. One of the things I do when I'm teaching 405 00:28:02.799 --> 00:28:07.920 my student's cognitive biases is I show a picture of a guy and he's backlit, 406 00:28:08.000 --> 00:28:11.519 so he's dark. You just see kind of his silhouette, and he's 407 00:28:11.519 --> 00:28:14.839 holding the shape of something in his hand. And I show it to them 408 00:28:15.000 --> 00:28:18.160 for two seconds, and I asked them was he holding a gun or a 409 00:28:18.200 --> 00:28:23.119 cell phone? And it's amazing how people project onto it's actually ambiguous, uh, 410 00:28:23.279 --> 00:28:27.240 and they will just project onto it based on their experience in life, 411 00:28:27.480 --> 00:28:32.640 right. And so the problem with truths is that we have to learn, 412 00:28:32.680 --> 00:28:37.000 I think, to stop trying to convince other people of like if they're an 413 00:28:37.000 --> 00:28:41.240 anti vaxxer, so stop trying to convince them that vaccines are safe. And 414 00:28:41.359 --> 00:28:47.799 instead you know, let them have their truth, but say, you know, 415 00:28:47.839 --> 00:28:53.039 and and everybody's doing it, and everybody's okay, right, Yeah, 416 00:28:53.079 --> 00:28:56.599 I mean there is some lip and stuff, but it's like you can have 417 00:28:56.720 --> 00:29:00.519 you can balance that with truth. So for example, like you know, 418 00:29:00.559 --> 00:29:03.599 I've talked to in the past about the myth of black fathers generally being absent 419 00:29:03.880 --> 00:29:07.960 by all the majority of black fathers live with their kids and they are on 420 00:29:07.000 --> 00:29:11.720 average the most involved. And this is just actual, and it's getting a 421 00:29:11.839 --> 00:29:18.160 case for years and there's all the data that's legit proves it. So instead 422 00:29:18.160 --> 00:29:22.799 of people saying, well my feeling is this about black dads or my experience 423 00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:29.880 was this, there are facts that people can learn that can show important society. 424 00:29:30.119 --> 00:29:33.119 Yeah, so there are times that we can say, you know, 425 00:29:33.240 --> 00:29:37.319 like we have so much information about since wenty twenty election, how people voted, 426 00:29:37.519 --> 00:29:41.000 what really happened, the claims have been adjudicated. There's so much people 427 00:29:41.039 --> 00:29:45.839 look into. The election was not stolen. We know this because so much 428 00:29:45.880 --> 00:29:48.759 has been studying it, because the people claiming it and they were lying. 429 00:29:49.359 --> 00:29:53.400 We have all the information that we need to decide that. So we shouldn't 430 00:29:53.440 --> 00:29:56.400 be having so you know, have an opinion about what's better, have an 431 00:29:56.440 --> 00:30:02.559 opinion about the candidate you want or the policy, but start with a basic 432 00:30:02.720 --> 00:30:10.240 understanding of facts so that you can at least share a center point of truth 433 00:30:10.559 --> 00:30:12.640 before you go off with your different perspectives. Josh, I can't wait to 434 00:30:12.680 --> 00:30:18.759 listen to your podcast. His podcast is called They Stand Corrected. He is 435 00:30:18.799 --> 00:30:22.519 going to be the fact checker over election season and beyond of the media. 436 00:30:22.680 --> 00:30:26.400 Josh Levs, thanks so much for being with me. It's always a pleasure 437 00:30:26.400 --> 00:30:29.920 to chat with you. Always a treat, your great. The show is 438 00:30:29.920 --> 00:30:33.279 great. Thank you so much. And that brings the Doctor Wendy Wall Show 439 00:30:33.319 --> 00:30:36.559 to a close. It's always my pleasure to be with you every Sunday from 440 00:30:36.599 --> 00:30:38.839 seven to nine pm. You can always follow me on my social media, 441 00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:41.960 where I try to be as truthful and factual as it can be. The 442 00:30:42.039 --> 00:30:45.599 handle everywhere is at Doctor Wendy Walsh. We'll see you next week. You've 443 00:30:45.640 --> 00:30:49.279 been listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere 444 00:30:49.480 --> 00:30:55.839 on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can 445 00:30:55.880 --> 00:30:59.519 always hear us live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine pm on 446 00:30:59.599 --> 00:31:03.279 Sunday and any time on demand on the iHeartRadio app.