The opinions expressed by Chiyo Busquets are supported by their extensive experience as a family
therapist and in the previous analysis of the cases presented here welcome, that is,
Chayo with you in Joya. We all begin to welcome Chayo with you
Listen I had a chance this weekend to watch a film on Netflix that attracted
me, not so much for the title as for the artist glenk Close.
You remember this, this big performance. Well, it turns out he'
s playing the role of a mom, of a drug addict girl, and
the movie is extraordinary. Evidently, there is a whole difference between how places
of detoxification in the United States work and how it works in our country.
But the part about which the film is very good and I highly recommend it.
It' s first, because it' s perfectly staged. What happens
when the drugs already ended with a person, when the addiction is already very
advanced, when it is already supposed that everything was done for and reached the
last strategy and very well acted the film. But how it impacts the family
environment, how it impacts the story inside this family, how it impacts the
sister, the fact that this sister occupies so much space and so cool in
the mother' s concern, in this case, the attitude that the father
adopts, how the mother' s new husband sees it. In short,
there are a whole series of elements that make a very good approach. If
you are living in a situation of this nature, I highly recommend that you
watch the film, because it makes the relapses perfectly clear and what happens to
the different members of a family where there is an addiction issue. So this
Netflix is called four more days, it' s worth a lot. Notice
I was listening to this carla breu song from you right now. You'
re not worth it, and there' s a phrase that keeps repeating.
At last I understood, at last I understood and it takes us time in
relationships. Sometimes you see it first your brothers, your friends, your parents
and you don' t see it no and you' re constantly looking for
or having justifications around why you do what the other person does, the couple
can happen to us with friends also why not. And that has a lot
to do with us being very committed, emotionally, very involved and we have
a hard time getting to see how big the faults are and what the true
meaning of the faults that member of the relationship is presenting. And for others
it can be very clear. No, I mean, he' s not
interested in you. He' s using you, he' s just looking
for his convenience and the process turns, he gets tangled up. However,
when certainty comes, it comes with great force and suddenly we see things in
their true dimension. And that would make me think, because we continually wondered.
The other one' s legit. It' s reliable, but how
much you ask yourself. I am reliable, I give signs that I am
worthy, that they trust me or worthy, that they trust me and whenever
we talk about personal growth, no doubt, this question has to appear.
So you' re reliable today. Note that I received an e- mail
from a woman who has her partner and tells me she doesn' t like
to visit my family and when two little nephews come she makes them expensive.
They realize and I resent that attitude a lot, because where we live it
was my mom' s house. I tell him that I don' t
allow him those attitudes that if he doesn' t know how to respect,
he leaves the house because sometimes he doesn' t even say hello and I
with his family, I' ve never been rude I would love your opinions.
Look. I certainly understand perfectly well how annoying a situation of this nature
can become. However, I think you' re making a huge leap.
Don' t mean like you' re putting faces on my little nephews,
then get out of the house and see him. I don' t think
there' s a right dimension around dealings on one side and on the other
side of the family, clearly, but it doesn' t give you a
problem either. I think that, before the bad ways in which a person
is handled, we would always have to start from a conversation that has friendly
dyes so that that results in an opening that facilitates an agreement making. I
' ve noticed this. I' d like to know what' s bothering
you, what' s bothering you about that situation. Maybe it' s
the frequency. Maybe they' re very scandalous. Maybe every time they come.
Then you have your plans. Anyway, I' m giving some ideas
of what his answers might be and then, clearly, then see what arrangements
we make, because if in the face of an inappropriate attitude, then what
I do is attack you and tell you, then get out of the house,
just because I think I have more right in this house than you,
because my mom' s house will be there and then it can happen whatever
it seems to me. I don' t think he' s inviting things
to walk in a better place at all. Think about it, notice that
one of the biggest concerns ever between parents is the conflict between the children,
between the brothers, and that rivalry very often is generated by a very naive
way of parents seeing the quarrel between the brothers and the way in which they
intervene, they intervene always thinking about knowing what is happening and who is right.
And when some parents give reason to one brother versus the other, what
they' re going to cause more than the one who' s not right
to learn that the one who was right was the other and that' s
how you don' t do things, what the youngest or the one who
was left in less status with the parents at that time, what you think
is my parents love my brother more and that gives rise to rivalry. It
is very important to learn how to intervene in a way that makes it clear
to both brothers that a lack of harmony in the handling of disagreements is not
allowed and that, therefore, both will have to pay the consequence for that
situation. Later we talked to each one to see what was the right way
to solve what happened. But harmony and respect for the other must always be
preferred more than is just. Or who' s right remember that whenever you
put a consequence on your children, no matter how old they are and then
you don' t respect them, they end up going unpunished, inappropriate behavior.
And if one thing we know in this country is that impunity is the
mother of many misfortunes, tragedies and opens the door open to everything that has
to do with crime, which is nothing but indiscipline carried to the extreme.
And in that process, when we prepare our children, we need to teach
them that their behavior is derived from a consequence so that you don' t
forget to exercise it, keep it in mind, take it into practice and
then do a reflection and they' re going to learn the way of what
we consider the right thing, well important within everything that has to do with
the process of being accompanying, educating, always taking into account that the bond
is not fought with the limits. It' s an eternal question I'
m consistently asked. They do it to me is that and where the affective
part is is that one is the moment when I put the limit that eye
is not quarrelled with putting it in a loving way, and another, very
different, is that there are no spaces so that we can live together to
talk about how we are playing even with our children, and that idea of
thinking that at all times he sent that at all times I am authority.
It' s a wrong idea of parenting. I will specifically say things,
specific, specific, clear, direct orders, and that learning process will help
me to have better obedience. To the extent that I have better obedience,
what they think we have plenty of time to live together, talk, play,
have fun, because I don' t have to be fighting, because
you do what you have to learn to do. I' m a woman
in fifty- eight years. I' m coming out of a bilateral arcs
or arthrosis operation on my legs. My children help me a lot, but
it is very difficult for me to say no, and I punish myself when
I realize that again I said yes, when it is not with my husband
the same, but somehow. I want to end this and I want to
know I want to try and I want to realize it, to be able
to say no, to be able to say yes when I really want it,
I can, but to say no, because most of the time I
know and feel up to courage, even with me, because your head is
saying no and I say yes. Yes, more generic clairvoyances than humans can
ever live. Learning to say it doesn' t cost a lot of work.
I would tell you to ask yourself what fears you have of what I
would say about you if you say no to the people you want, because
it usually costs us work with those people we want and then it' s
often that we have a lot of fantasies in our head about they' re
going to get angry they won' t want me anymore, it' s
going to change their perception of me. I don' t want to cause
discomfort, because saying that it doesn' t cause discomfort in the other,
that is, it' s a fact and in that process, this idea
of wanting to be, to please all the time, of wanting to look
good all the time, sometimes it' s an idea that we even learned
as a child. I would tell you to ask yourself, ask yourself what
you learned as a child, as a teenager, when it came to saying
no, when it came to putting your needs first under some circumstances. That
' s where the answers are going to come out. Now you' re
going to learn to say it when you say it, because learning to say
it' s not something you learn when it' s done with practice.
If you' re waiting for it to be easy for you, then you
' re just gonna sit around waiting, because that' s not gonna happen.
But to the extent you practice it, it' s going to be
easier and easier. And I wish from the heart that you will soon be
fully recovered. Notice that we learn by repetition, and particularly when it comes
to small children, suddenly like dad, like mom, like granny, who
takes care of him as an aunt in the end with whom the slope is
in the day to day. They always have this constant surprise. And that
constant surprise is because if you already know, you don' t have to
repeat it. We learn by repetition, we have to have patience for every
day. Repeat to brush your teeth, wash your hands. It' s
time to bathe every day We need to give the instruction. What we don
' t have to do is be so tolerant, tiredly tolerant that every time
we give an instruction, we have to repeat it twenty- five times until
I got critical and then I ended up doing a drama. The instructions,
in order for them to become habit, have to be repeated. So place
in its true dimension your expectation of what a small child is to know that
it is included in your daily slopes to repeat the instruction, but only once
and to make them obey it. This brings us to the end of today
' s chayo with you. I hope you enjoy your afternoon, because in
the best possible way that everything flows salchayo searchets we hear tomorrow, tomorrow,
Wednesday here with more done. Me with you until then. Audio Centre