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The opinions expressed by Chiyo Busquets are
supported by their extensive experience as a family

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therapist and in the previous analysis of
the cases presented here welcome, that is,

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Chayo with you in Joya. We
all begin to welcome Chayo with you

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Listen I had a chance this weekend
to watch a film on Netflix that attracted

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me, not so much for the
title as for the artist glenk Close.

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You remember this, this big performance. Well, it turns out he'

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s playing the role of a mom, of a drug addict girl, and

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the movie is extraordinary. Evidently,
there is a whole difference between how places

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of detoxification in the United States work
and how it works in our country.

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But the part about which the film
is very good and I highly recommend it.

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It' s first, because it' s perfectly staged. What happens

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when the drugs already ended with a
person, when the addiction is already very

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advanced, when it is already supposed
that everything was done for and reached the

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last strategy and very well acted the
film. But how it impacts the family

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environment, how it impacts the story
inside this family, how it impacts the

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sister, the fact that this sister
occupies so much space and so cool in

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the mother' s concern, in
this case, the attitude that the father

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adopts, how the mother' s
new husband sees it. In short,

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there are a whole series of elements
that make a very good approach. If

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you are living in a situation of
this nature, I highly recommend that you

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watch the film, because it makes
the relapses perfectly clear and what happens to

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the different members of a family where
there is an addiction issue. So this

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Netflix is called four more days,
it' s worth a lot. Notice

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I was listening to this carla breu
song from you right now. You'

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re not worth it, and there' s a phrase that keeps repeating.

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At last I understood, at last
I understood and it takes us time in

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relationships. Sometimes you see it first
your brothers, your friends, your parents

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and you don' t see it
no and you' re constantly looking for

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or having justifications around why you do
what the other person does, the couple

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can happen to us with friends also
why not. And that has a lot

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to do with us being very committed, emotionally, very involved and we have

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a hard time getting to see how
big the faults are and what the true

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meaning of the faults that member of
the relationship is presenting. And for others

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it can be very clear. No, I mean, he' s not

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interested in you. He' s
using you, he' s just looking

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for his convenience and the process turns, he gets tangled up. However,

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when certainty comes, it comes with
great force and suddenly we see things in

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their true dimension. And that would
make me think, because we continually wondered.

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The other one' s legit.
It' s reliable, but how

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much you ask yourself. I am
reliable, I give signs that I am

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worthy, that they trust me or
worthy, that they trust me and whenever

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we talk about personal growth, no
doubt, this question has to appear.

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So you' re reliable today.
Note that I received an e- mail

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from a woman who has her partner
and tells me she doesn' t like

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to visit my family and when two
little nephews come she makes them expensive.

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They realize and I resent that attitude
a lot, because where we live it

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was my mom' s house.
I tell him that I don' t

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allow him those attitudes that if he
doesn' t know how to respect,

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he leaves the house because sometimes he
doesn' t even say hello and I

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with his family, I' ve
never been rude I would love your opinions.

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Look. I certainly understand perfectly well
how annoying a situation of this nature

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can become. However, I think
you' re making a huge leap.

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Don' t mean like you'
re putting faces on my little nephews,

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then get out of the house and
see him. I don' t think

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there' s a right dimension around
dealings on one side and on the other

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side of the family, clearly,
but it doesn' t give you a

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problem either. I think that,
before the bad ways in which a person

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is handled, we would always have
to start from a conversation that has friendly

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dyes so that that results in an
opening that facilitates an agreement making. I

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' ve noticed this. I'
d like to know what' s bothering

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you, what' s bothering you
about that situation. Maybe it' s

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the frequency. Maybe they' re
very scandalous. Maybe every time they come.

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Then you have your plans. Anyway, I' m giving some ideas

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of what his answers might be and
then, clearly, then see what arrangements

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we make, because if in the
face of an inappropriate attitude, then what

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I do is attack you and tell
you, then get out of the house,

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just because I think I have more
right in this house than you,

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because my mom' s house will
be there and then it can happen whatever

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it seems to me. I don' t think he' s inviting things

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to walk in a better place at
all. Think about it, notice that

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one of the biggest concerns ever between
parents is the conflict between the children,

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between the brothers, and that rivalry
very often is generated by a very naive

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way of parents seeing the quarrel between
the brothers and the way in which they

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intervene, they intervene always thinking about
knowing what is happening and who is right.

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And when some parents give reason to
one brother versus the other, what

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they' re going to cause more
than the one who' s not right

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to learn that the one who was
right was the other and that' s

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how you don' t do things, what the youngest or the one who

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was left in less status with the
parents at that time, what you think

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is my parents love my brother more
and that gives rise to rivalry. It

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is very important to learn how to
intervene in a way that makes it clear

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to both brothers that a lack of
harmony in the handling of disagreements is not

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allowed and that, therefore, both
will have to pay the consequence for that

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situation. Later we talked to each
one to see what was the right way

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to solve what happened. But harmony
and respect for the other must always be

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preferred more than is just. Or
who' s right remember that whenever you

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put a consequence on your children,
no matter how old they are and then

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you don' t respect them,
they end up going unpunished, inappropriate behavior.

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And if one thing we know in
this country is that impunity is the

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mother of many misfortunes, tragedies and
opens the door open to everything that has

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to do with crime, which is
nothing but indiscipline carried to the extreme.

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And in that process, when we
prepare our children, we need to teach

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them that their behavior is derived from
a consequence so that you don' t

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forget to exercise it, keep it
in mind, take it into practice and

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then do a reflection and they'
re going to learn the way of what

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we consider the right thing, well
important within everything that has to do with

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the process of being accompanying, educating, always taking into account that the bond

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is not fought with the limits.
It' s an eternal question I'

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m consistently asked. They do it
to me is that and where the affective

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part is is that one is the
moment when I put the limit that eye

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is not quarrelled with putting it in
a loving way, and another, very

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different, is that there are no
spaces so that we can live together to

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talk about how we are playing even
with our children, and that idea of

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thinking that at all times he sent
that at all times I am authority.

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It' s a wrong idea of
parenting. I will specifically say things,

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specific, specific, clear, direct
orders, and that learning process will help

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me to have better obedience. To
the extent that I have better obedience,

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what they think we have plenty of
time to live together, talk, play,

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have fun, because I don'
t have to be fighting, because

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you do what you have to learn
to do. I' m a woman

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in fifty- eight years. I' m coming out of a bilateral arcs

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or arthrosis operation on my legs.
My children help me a lot, but

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it is very difficult for me to
say no, and I punish myself when

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I realize that again I said yes, when it is not with my husband

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the same, but somehow. I
want to end this and I want to

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know I want to try and I
want to realize it, to be able

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to say no, to be able
to say yes when I really want it,

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I can, but to say no, because most of the time I

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know and feel up to courage,
even with me, because your head is

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saying no and I say yes.
Yes, more generic clairvoyances than humans can

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ever live. Learning to say it
doesn' t cost a lot of work.

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I would tell you to ask yourself
what fears you have of what I

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would say about you if you say
no to the people you want, because

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it usually costs us work with those
people we want and then it' s

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often that we have a lot of
fantasies in our head about they' re

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going to get angry they won'
t want me anymore, it' s

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going to change their perception of me. I don' t want to cause

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discomfort, because saying that it doesn' t cause discomfort in the other,

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that is, it' s a
fact and in that process, this idea

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of wanting to be, to please
all the time, of wanting to look

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good all the time, sometimes it' s an idea that we even learned

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as a child. I would tell
you to ask yourself, ask yourself what

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you learned as a child, as
a teenager, when it came to saying

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no, when it came to putting
your needs first under some circumstances. That

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' s where the answers are going
to come out. Now you' re

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going to learn to say it when
you say it, because learning to say

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it' s not something you learn
when it' s done with practice.

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If you' re waiting for it
to be easy for you, then you

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' re just gonna sit around waiting, because that' s not gonna happen.

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But to the extent you practice it, it' s going to be

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easier and easier. And I wish
from the heart that you will soon be

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fully recovered. Notice that we learn
by repetition, and particularly when it comes

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to small children, suddenly like dad, like mom, like granny, who

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takes care of him as an aunt
in the end with whom the slope is

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in the day to day. They
always have this constant surprise. And that

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constant surprise is because if you already
know, you don' t have to

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repeat it. We learn by repetition, we have to have patience for every

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day. Repeat to brush your teeth, wash your hands. It' s

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time to bathe every day We need
to give the instruction. What we don

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' t have to do is be
so tolerant, tiredly tolerant that every time

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we give an instruction, we have
to repeat it twenty- five times until

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I got critical and then I ended
up doing a drama. The instructions,

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in order for them to become habit, have to be repeated. So place

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in its true dimension your expectation of
what a small child is to know that

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it is included in your daily slopes
to repeat the instruction, but only once

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and to make them obey it.
This brings us to the end of today

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' s chayo with you. I
hope you enjoy your afternoon, because in

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the best possible way that everything flows
salchayo searchets we hear tomorrow, tomorrow,

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Wednesday here with more done. Me
with you until then. Audio Centre