Well, well, well, here we are again. I know this is
a side quest, but I thought i'd just pop in and say hi,
so hello. Now that's out of the way, Sit down, shut up,
and welcome to from a Far Podcast. Last time one from a Far
podcast. Black and white, striped wasp shaped ship sailing through wild space.
Why do we find the crew of the Winona writer doing I'm not going anywhere.
You figure it out for you connected to the elder Brain network, find
him bringing them to me. Spreads his hands and you see the purple kind
of go down and lock in places, simulating like an autopilot. You are
talking about eldsick. Do we not tolim to go on the cruise ship?
I mean, listen, we can. The first half of it could be
fun and joining the cruise much larger ship than yours, in the shape of
a hammerhead shark. Let's go. It seems we have a stone. A
man wakes up one morning, love it, and he has this big lump
on his forehead and he's very worried about it. It's very strange, came
out of nowhere. He goes to the doctor and the doctor says, sir,
I've only seen this one other time. But I know exactly what this
is. You are slowly growing a penis on your forehead and in five days
it will reach it's full size. And the man says, this is absolutely
ridiculous. What you're telling me is one day I'm going to wake up in
the morning, walk into the bathroom, look in the mirror, and there's
going to be a penis on my forehead. And the doctor says, no,
no, that's ridiculous. The balls will be covering your eyes. You
won't be able to see it. No, no, no, that's courtesy
of Prairie Home Companions, and you will joke show Neil Diamond. That man's
got the perfect face for radio. Yeah yeah, that's also probably like the
whitest thing you can say you've done is you listen to Prairie Home Companion.
There's not a lot annual joke show like it's undeniably the most. Do you
want it to get worse? I have CDs? Yeah, anyway, how
y'all doing. It's been a week. It's been a week since we're ads,
it's been has been a week a week's bawn we recorded? Yeah,
no, that's exactly it. Thank you, humble ump no, no,
is very very Friday. That's my second no reference that I've I've not just
gotten wrong, I've I've just initiated it wrong. Is it the Bear Naked
Ladies? Ladies there? Because all I know that they did was all Star
and the one where you might as well be walking on the side. That
is not that smash mouth that smash What is this today? What we should
just call us this episode? The unreferenced referenced episode. Yeah, I only
know that song because of Weird Owl. Honestly, he has it in one
of his polkas. Yeah, well, the Bar Naked Ladies one. I
don't know the name of it, but it's one week is the name of
the song. Get up on your nineties nineties alternative guys, Come on,
Oh no, no, I'm there, I David there, I'm not.
Did you know that the Bar Naked Ladies had the same five members for like
fifteen years and had to kick out one of the lead singers because of his
cocaine addiction? Oh god, when a rock band kicks you out for doing
too many drugs, that's a that's a lot of drugs that you're doing.
Yeah, yeah, just apropos of nothing. Figured i'd let you guys know
that little mind fact of it's fun. It's just talking about interesting nineties and
early two thousands rock and roll tidbits. Uh, with y'all's permission, Yes,
you ready to part the veils of reality? Part of the veils now?
I try to think of something that around with pirate, but I just
sorry. You ready to swashbuckle the veils of reality? Yea? With us?
As we wild space our way through? This? Is this a changing
room? Why are we in a changing room? Oh, there's the portal
and we're in the story. Welcome to the story. I did have to
put my pants on so confused first flot. Second, um, this is
what happens as we're gonna we sort of we we we cut back into the
story into the eyes of three. Oh hello, hello, hello, hello,
It's me three three. As you see the hammerhead shark rise up in
front of you, as you as Bjorn brings this astral elf in behind you,
she powers on the ground a little bit, looking scared and nervous,
and she just asks, please help me. Your your eyes are a little
more focused on the ship. I got one eye on her. I got
one eye on the ship. Right you you do have those chameleon eyes.
So as your as your eyes split and look out over the ship and uh,
this this young female astral elf. She has like almost like pinkish like
bubblegum pinkish skin and like white hair like the leech white hair, almost like
starlight. She's wearing robes that look like she comes from money. Sorry Space
money. It's just got a Supreme Supreme, says Space Supreme. Andy.
Come on, keep the suspension of disbelief. I am lunard to bloons.
Otherwise as three, as you look to this, this newcomer onto the bridge,
and you look out over the the the pretty serious threat that is right
in front of hey you for those for those of you who happened to be
listening to this, which is hopefully everywhere. Ye Andy just crossed his eyes
in a hilarious look. Very funny, but it's something kind of weird happens.
You're looking at over this threat, and it reminds you of the last
time you saw a hammer head shark, a hammer Head Shark ship, which
happens to be several years ago. Actually, when you as as you and
Slalsa stand in a junkyard actually after completing your first first mission and getting your
first little bit of space bucks, some space cash. You're flush with space
cash and space coin. Wow, space cash and space coins. And you're
standing out very much in the in the realm of Phantom Menace. You're standing
in Wado's junkyard looking out over just a plethora of garbage ships. And Wado,
Nope, not Wada as a um as his name is literally Tyrant,
Tyrant a plasmoid um is trying to He's like, you up, and he's
like pointing up to this giant hammerhead ship and you know it takes a large
number of crew members to drive. And you and you and Slaws are standing
there, um and I'm gonna throw this on you. What what do you
guys? How how would it sound you guys buying? You're buying the one
out. He's the it's a little little too large for everything, smaller maybe
maybe a little bit faster. What do you think, Slaw? Well,
it's uh, it's good that you're considering the number of crew. Also,
we don't have many space box I know you know that, but I'm just
glad you're admitting it as well. And Tyrant the plasmoid sort of looks at
you all, and it's like, why why what? You were flush with
space Box? So I'm ordered the Dundron Master with bolas right, it's right
here in my pocket radio and and and I thragon Like pulls a bunch of
space Bucks out and they glitter and shine and shoot lasers everywhere. He's like,
oh my, oh can burn burns the skin a little bit, space
Box. Don't look at it directly, but you actually kill slas. No,
we can have a pick or pick of the junkie steal. He's I
know you know where they are. And thragon Like sticks his hand in the
bubbling goop of tyrant and pulls out um very long and cylindrical and um and
very plush key um full of fuzz and and he he kind of waggles it
at slaws and starts and starts walking away with very high knees. He says,
what is he say? Just imagining against Yankee like like, walk away
with this guy is so evil. I love it. And he looks back
and he says, hopefully we get some blood on it. Slows from behind,
goes hit the alarm, see which one that's the keys for? And
he hits you just hear the blaring of absolute jackson shrieking as the two of
you, which hilarious by the way, as the two of you look up
to the impressive and daunting Hammerhead Shark ship and you're like, oh, here
we go. You press the buttons. You hear the sound come from way
far away. Y'all are like, turn around and you see way off in
the distance, like almost behind some extra large space dumpsters. You see the
faded at this point, faded and in quite a large, large need of
a big fixer upper, the black and white striped ship of what will at
some point in the future be called the Oneona very nice and uh yeah,
So he's walking and he's stepping very gingerly over over the garbage, and you
all, you all make your way to the ship. You open it up,
and you walk inside for the first time, and yeah it is.
It's a small ship. It's an old ship. It definitely needs a lot
of care and a lot of love. Do either of you say anything,
as it is your first time on this vessel that will soon become your home.
SLASA casts levitate on themselves so that they don't actually touch it. They
see three stepping over the garbage, and they just one up. I think
it will be nice when you're done cleaning it up, won't it. Threygon
like turns real slowly. Then he sees like Slalsa is like, have you
given? Have you given three the soul coin? I think this is this
is probably where the soul coin gets exchanged. Oh okay, so we finished
the first mission and Slasa has seen that Three is competent and going to do
what they need them to do. And like you said, Slaus is sitting
there flipping the coin on their tentacled hands, and I think Three probably turns
around frustrated that they have another task. And as as as Three turns around,
Slasa flicks the coin over to him, and Three like catches it out
of air, but it it just kind of looks at you slowly like puts
down their hand and like slides the coin in their pocket and like looks up
at the ship and says, you know what, Knowna's beautiful name. As
long as you start cleaning my room first, I don't care what you're calling.
Three kind of rolls his eyes and walks away, grabs a big ass
broom and just slams it on the Impress. The Digtations easy. That's what
well, that was good. That was good. It's weird that that memory
to your mind at this moment. But you you are now back in wild
space. You're aboard the one Ona, which has been cleaned up. Now
you've had many many adventures on it. You've met with one of your other
best friends, Corporal Buttons, and now you're in the middle of an actual
shit show. So the the vamp the vampirate on the on the on the
screen, it sort of is looking at youth Ray as she's you can tell
she can see the room and she sort of two points to the Astra and
she says, as I thought that one belongs to me. You have just
a moment too, give give her back or we will destroy your ship.
And she hangs up, and then she sends you a text message and she
says, but we won't fight you if you give her back. Emoji heart,
vampire, emoji heart, two glasses clinking, black Santa Claus. That's
where we cut in. That's where we find ourselves in the story. The
crew of the Winona is all there Born. You've just been issued the gauntlet
has been thrown. Biorn has brought this astral elf in and she is kind
of trembling and cowering in the middle of the bridge. She's not looking up
Um, and she's just saying, please, please, please help me.
I only just escape from them. Please please, And what do you want
to do. Buttons looks at her and he says, I too worked with
VAM pirates at one point. I will not send you back to them,
you see, holding his hand over the ejection pod and looks up, puts
his hand back the back. Buttons looks at Slalsa and says, um,
beetlejuicelsa their their tentacles on their face, wrap up a little bit like get
a little excited, and they their fingers together the year three like gotta say
over over over like beetlejuice. Do it. No, this, this is
probably not an uncommon thing for this group to do. You guys can call
players anytime you want. That's amazing. We uh, we see a threat
in front of us, and instead of facing it head on, we're going
to do the thing that you typically don't do, and we're going to split
the party because it's it's normal that Slalsa and Corporal, Buttons and Biorn go
over and just cause chaos. We're not there to like, you know,
kill everybody on the ship. We're just there to distract them long enough so
that three can get us in a good position to either run or to disable
their ship. So good. Beorn's like, Um pulls up a book and
he's like, is that the one where I don't want to be ejected?
Oh no, no, no, no, no, that's that beetles juice.
Yes, you're thinking of alien this one. You're you're right, You're
right, yes, yes, I'm on board, and he like runs and
does the thing. We we line up by height, Yeah, so I'm
in the back. Well, I was gonna say we we line up probably
by armor class, but that's a little meta. I would say that we
line up by armor in general, and buts Yourn and then Slalsa in the
back. Um, And to prepare for this because we're we're gonna get into
combat, Slalsa pulls out his dagger and activates his his poison on it because
he's got a poison dagger. Excellent, And I think this is an excellent
time to do a couple of things here. Um, we were talking a
little bit before. I want um Stag, can you as the artificer as
the mechanic as the inventor here, what were you saying about how you might
have about the weapons, not manning and arming the weapons. I would say
that maybe Buttons has created a small, a small contingent of little robots that
are made of kegs. Yes, yes, they're kegs. They're full of
I'm gonna go ahead and just say they're full of something flammable. Okay.
So it's a bunch of little bombs. Yeah, bunch of little bombs with
arms and legs in a brain that knows only one thing, and that's to
do whatever it is that Ray says. There's three of them at at the
Ballista and one of them in the spell jamming Helm with gray. Um.
It's kind of a gopher, like to go grab something if if he needs
it. Most often that one grabs like snacks. Perfect. It's got a
cooler for a body. It's got a cooler for a body. You opened
the barrel and it's a little it's a little mini fridge. If they don't
have names for these guys, I just came up with some names for them.
The four of them go ahead, there's Bud, wise Er and Light.
Oh my gosh, they have to always be in that in that order.
Light er wise, Bud, like me, just a second here,
you gotta take a time ship power hold on, take it take it away,
zip zap zap, and Brian, Yes, yes, fantastic Brian.
Brian is obviously obviously the captain three is constantly mixing up all of them knows
Brian, it's okay. Buttons doesn't know what either. They're They're a group.
They don't come individually. It's like an instead of a digglan, it's
a dig triog use fly no use um as the three of you, as
Biorn, Buttons and Slasa, I'll line up on the outside of the outside
deck of the waspship. I realize we haven't we haven't actually really described what
these ships look like. It's kind of steam punky, so you got like
there's some mechanics, there's some gears, there's brass pipes, but there's also
a lot of wood. I'm gonna say there is there's a windshield on the
bridge where where three is. But I'm also say there's there's areas that if
you do want to cast spells, you'd be able to like get through.
You can like roll the window down. Yeah, wasp hatchback and you.
So it literally is shaped like a wasp like, it's got like a long
stinger, it's got wings, it's got these like big, big old feet,
and in the same vein as that, the Hammerhead ship is massive and
shaped like a giant Hammerhead shard. So that's where we find ourselves. You
guys run out onto the deck, which is actually open to wild space,
because these ships all do have gravity and air fields attached to them. So
you're kind of standing on the deck of like a imagine like a pirate ship,
but you're in space, and the ship is a ship as a wasp,
and you look out over this Hammerhead ship and you see the front of
the ship's got like the hammer head part, but like in the middle there's
this big glass orb where you can see the bridge, and you can see
the vampirate captain sitting there smiling, and you can see even from this distance
she's like drumming her fingers on her on her spell Jammer's home, and she's
starting to issue orders and the rest of her crew, which looks like there's
probably about ten to fifteen, is starting to maneuver around as well. And
with that, unless there's anything you all want to say. Real, just
a real quick explanation for those of you don't know about spell Jammer. Instead
of having individual initiative orders, we're gonna have just ship initiative orders. And
then one ship's gonna go. Everyone on that ship's gonna act. The next
ship is going to go. Everyone on that ship is going to act.
And there's no order to wit. But what order you act on the ship?
You just go whenever it feels right. So with that, who wants
to roll? Well? Can I can I do it? To get to
a quick action? Well this is going on? Of course? Yeah,
yeah, there's there's a lot of that's going on. Three kind of puts
his fingers to his lips. He's like m and you see like a blue
ripple go out from his finger to cross his entire body as he casts me
rounds. It's got like a bottle of like sunload shoe like squirts it on
his hand, which is like closer to the sun out here. Who you
are? Um? All right, well let's let's roll for these ships.
Who Andy or who else? To roll it? I think Andy? Andy
should he's driving the ship and I want to I want to flavor this like
so as the initiative roll so as the as the blue Shimmer goes over UM
three kind of slam, he kind of jabs his fingers over the like his
from his right hand over the left arm rest and kind of drags this purple
light in front of him, kind of like extending his captain's consoles now,
like he drags the light in front of him to increase his like desktop of
muttons and astral projections, and you see the lights kind of stretch out and
connect to fingers. Now there's multiple lights kind of each finger. Um,
are we mentally linked you and the ship? Like us three people? Y'all
y'all level ten, you all a level ten A venturesmitting this for a while
you have some sort of communicate you can talk to each other, like yeah,
you see Tendrill go and like cover cover Threy's mouth and you hear his
voice start reverberating throughout the ship. UM, and initiative let's roll out.
Oh that's a twenty two. Let's go cool, and I'm gonna flavor this
in the way that this is something I also want to make very clear about
the Windona is it is an old ship. It is an ugly ship,
but it is a quick ship, especially with this crew. As you see
like the much newer, much more armor clad Hammerhead Shark. I start to
like like lights start to turn on from like inside, it's like articulating tail,
and like guns start to come out. Pirates start to get up onto
the onto the top deck. Yeah. It just moves really slowly, and
you're like nerds and you you use zip away. I got a five on
my Yeah, y'all are going to get your entire all of you get your
action and then let's go. So can I take my action first? Sure,
whatever y'all think, I h, I said, I oh. They
also looks back at three, you know, knowing what's going on, pulling
out the console getting ready. May jarmor on and Slalsa turtles their fingers towards
three and says, remember if you can hear the screaming, you're too close.
But the whole time that they're doing that, their their gaze is on
the astral elf unbroken. I've talked to David about this about twinning this specific
spell because there's a lot of controversy online about it. I am twinning dimension
door because I can bring one extra person regularly, just as the spell says.
So I'm twinning it to bring two with Biorn and Corporal Buttons. Great,
by the way, yeah, Bullporal Cuttons, what is your what is
your dimension? Do look like? No, lamb? So we stand in
our line. We all have our hands on each other's back. So Biorn
has his hand on Corporal Buttons, and I have my hand on the Orn,
and I kind of wave and sneeze, and as I sneeze, this
big glob of light covers all of us, and we've you know, you
already established that I've seen these hammerhead chips before. Oh yeah, so I
think I know to place it in the corner of one of the decks so
that my back is against the wall and Buttons is facing outward. Yes,
love it. That's exactly the way it happens. You all of a sudden
three you you you know what beetlejuice is. You know this is about to
happen. You could probably count it. You could probably counting the seconds.
And right as you hit ten with the lightness shines and your friends are oh,
you're line on the ship with the astron the inspiration to do on my
turn. Also, I would be remissed. If I didn't say this,
you basically just duel deck to yourself. Andy, You basically just it's time
and I'm very here for it, as as corporal buttons bearn and and slaw.
So you all arrive in the midst of I wouldn't say chaos. It's
more like organized chaos like these pirates. These vampires are very they're good,
they know what they're doing, and no one which deck you want to end
on. I think we're on the main deck underneath the spell jamming deck.
You said it's like an orb in the middle of I think we're on the
main deck looking up at it. Cool. So I'm gonna say that's like
it's actually that's perfect because I'm gonna say that's sort of like the crew quarters
area, which is a little less it's a little more deserted at this point,
like you waited just long enough to know, like, okay, I
know vampirates, you should take some about this long and they're out now and
launch into that room and there there's no one there, and you all get
into this h this like barracks basically, and it's literally just a bunch of
coffins like a bunch of wooden coffins, like all stacked up and it's very
spooky. You see the detritus of people that live here, candy rappers and
a few few. I fucking love that the first thing amongst coffins of vampirates
is candy man. These motherfuckers love where there's originals had Pamela of vampire send
on the wall. It is and it's horrific. Imagine just like close ups
of like veins like amazing, and that is that is Uh, that's that's
what happens to slaugh. So you're there, has anything else you're trying to
do or are we moving on to someone else on the one on this turn?
Nothing? I have no other actions that I can do. This ter
cool. So you've you've successfully got yourself corporal buttons and beorn to the barracks
of the s S Maco the SS Mako there it is. We got SS
Maco or Veco Baco perfect and uh anyone who who wants are going next?
Crew of the one out you can go is deck. Okay, all right,
So we're in the barracks. It's a whole bunch of coffins. There's
no vampirates in here at a glance. Note, okay, you also you
hear like the sound of like footsteps on like the ceiling above you. Like,
yeah, someone from like this next story up on this map real quick,
what number is the barracks? It's right below thirteen. It's like that
very front bottom I see up up near the front. Yeah, the very
front of it, like right underneath that, Like that looks like an egg
that's sitting there. I just tried to ping that. We're not on any
sort of btt. Yeah you all can't. Yeah, we're just looking at
We're just looking at pictures from the spell Jammer book. It's an amazing book
and you can get it on D and D beyond it. Stamberneeier Um sponsor
sponsors. Almost too easy, Yeah, it's almost too easy. Let's start
going back when it was harder. Yeah, all right, Buttons is going
to climb up to the top of the stairs. Is there anybody nearby?
So as you as you kind of make your way somewhat sneakily. But you're
a big We're not a big, but you're a metal. Yes, he's
allowed, probably, boy, Probably not as as sneaky as you think.
You're being you sort of like make you with you the coffins, and you
get you see a ladder like staircase in front of you, and you climb
up the ladder and you see a traptor of clothes and you start to peep
up, peep through it, and you see you're there. You're actually you're
on the helm. Now you're on like the forecastle where the spell jammer helm
is. And you see a couple of people you see are sitting with its
back to you. You see a very large spell jammer helm, very ostentatious,
very gothic looking. It looks like someone sitting in it. You see
about I would say about two to three different vampirates running around up and up
in this joint. And that's about it. I'm at the helm. I'm
at the spell jammer a helm, yeah, baby, Okay, cool,
I'm going to cast magic missile at the third level. Okay. So that's
five bolts it is, and as as he does does this, Buttons looks
at everybody and he goes, well, well, well looks like it's a
good time to die. And the iceman cometh Bryan perks up on the ship.
So I'm I'm going for the one driving the ship. I'm going for
the right, the sexy vampirate lady, the vampirate captain. She doesn't doesn't
have a great armor class sixteen, Well it doesn't matter. With magic missile.
It's an auto hit two h six to sixteen sixteen points of fourth damage
excellent. And they just there's there's these teeny tiny little missiles just coming shooting
out of corporal buttons backs and they go and they just hit her like as
as you as you shoot these little tiny magic missiles, they slam into the
back of this vampire. And you see this, This creature falls off the
off the spell Gamra home and they sort of sprawl on the ground a little
bit, and you see this very tall, very gaunt Yeah, no skin,
no color in their skin, bright yellow eyes, long, lanky like
not just white hair like sickly white hair. And she like she kind of
like falls to her knees and she turns and she sees you. She says,
well, I guess your answer is no then, And yes, they're
they're going to start attacking when it's their turns. So last for for the
crew of Monona, and what's trying to do. So let me just set
the stage for you real quick as as this is happening, I'm gonna say
you start to see some action on the on the top of the ship,
and you see three little like pods sort of come off of the ship and
start like coming very quickly towards you. And you know these to be jellyfish,
which are basically just uh space jet skis. So there you got three.
You got three folks coming coming at you. Cool. So I think
I think um Thragon cracks his fingers. He's got very long, thin fingers,
very pronounced bony joints. He's a lot of rings, lots of ringings
of those fears clicking flack when he when he claps. So you only on
the ship with him? Is the elf right? Do your knowledge? Okay?
I might, I might pull some wild ship. Maybe there's a beholder
there, So I think thing On turns to brian Um, who sticks out
a hand holding a nice lacroix m M D twenty place easy easy, easy
mode. Give me a challenge, Dave fifteen. That's not bad. And
you see him like he just he like crushes it and drinks it in one
gulf and just lets out the biggest burb that's a spicy burb, and he
just like slams his hands forward and the Winona dives like straight down and he
twists his hands and it turns and then it comes up. And now it's
coming like straight up under towards the belly. How close the ship's close enough
to do that, I'm imagine I want to come up. I want to
get underneath the hammer Head, and I want to shoot his belly. So
basically, if you're getting any in any sort of like maneuverability, roll off
with this thing, you're always gonna have advantage with it. Cool and because
we it's gonna be a little too much for me to track right now,
like space three D space fighting. Unless you're like I want to physically ram
this thing, you won't run into it. Okay unless unless, unless something
like that, unless something bak bad happens, and like vice versa, unless
it's like literally trying to hit you. Yeah, I'm not trying to ram
it. I just want to get like like I want to get dive below
because I've always imagined the hammer Heads above us for some reason, slightly above
us. Yeah, much more into me. Yeah, as long as you're
operating from this angle. You're gonna have cover from this because it doesn't have
guns on its on its ball sack. What is that? Is that?
A? Is that a giant rifle just pointing right at Oh? I guess
it would have one rifle, just one guns, one owner barrel pointing right
down. Bring out the main cannon and that's that's your ship's move turn.
Are you going to try and do anything? What can I do? As
a spell jack? I can cast spells? Can I? You can move
the ship and attack with it. As a spell jammer, you also get
your character's action. We've stored why I set it up. The Stag is
a control of zip Zap zap and Brian. Sure if you are, if
you're planning to attack with it, I feel like Stag would be able to
help with that. Sure could I? I was wondering if I could.
If I can change the gravity of the ship, you can absolutely try.
Well, Like so I'm a Dunamancie and I can do a thing called a
just density. Okay, so I can have a creature's weight and I can
double it well, have its speed increases by ten feet more so like as
flavor than really anything else thring on. You see like a pulse of purple
go through the tendrils through his fingers and light and the wasp gets lighter,
which means that you can like kind of maneuver it faster, love it.
Yeah, I'm gonna say it would probably lower your armor class by one,
like it would. It would add add like a lot of movement speed to
you. And you just see the space off in the background. Just what
does beetlejuice mean, Brian, You were supposed to hold it down, Brian,
Brian, Please, Ryan, Bryan just says his name. But Zap
Zapp is an extremely well spoken the young gentle. Yes, Zap is the
only one that actually speaks. He doesn't have a soul. I want to
clarify, none of them have souls. No souls. It does. It
does say that I have to it has to be a larger, smaller,
So technically it's not supposed to Technically, I don't give a ship because that's
cool as hell. You like you're controlling the way to the ship and moving
it around and giving it more movement speed, and I mean used a resource
for that. So yeah, let's do it. I'm gonna say, Biorn
is just fall He's just following along right now. Nothing nothing has come up
that he is going to try to do anything specific yet, he's just following
along, helping the crew out. Who's who's shooting the gun and stack uh
so zip loads zapp is aiming it and is going to fire it. They
are aiming at They're going to aim at one of the jellyfish that's coming at
the ship. Cool. Yeah, I love it. That is it's not
bad. Fifteen. You see the ballista. You hear the sounds of the
crew of the zip zip zup crew. Yeah, this means you see this
like it's like an actual javelin, but like with a cool like laser outline.
Nice, it's like a comment shooting through the air. Yeah, and
it's going, let's run on track to hit one of these one of these
jellyfish. And right at the last minute they roll out of the way and
now they're coming right there there towards you. And then this is what happens
on the ship. You see the hammerhead shark ships start to move forward,
start to like turnover and like trying to get reorients itself so like it's not
going to get like gutted by the Winona. You see several of the vampirates
come back onto the bridge, and now there's probably about five of them there,
and you see the vampirate captain stand up and point at you all,
and she is going to make let's see, let's see. Oh yeah,
okay, cool, She's gonna make two attacks on you buttons because you're the
first one there. Okay, that is a nineteen plus five twenty four that
just hits, damn and seventeen plus five twenty two. It's a mess.
So that first one's gonna hit. That'll be eleven points of cold damage.
As she shoots you with some necrotic ice from her icy stare, just to
speed things up a little bit. You hear several other vampirates starting to come
towards you, like you hear like you're you're underneath this like trapdoor and you
heal it feel and hear a bunch of them like running around on top of
you. Make me a strength saving throw really quick, please, it's not
bad. Twenty two uny two versus versus my nineteen okay, yeah, so
you you feel like you see some like rotting scabbed deathly hand sort to come
up, like grab around the edges of this um drop door, start to
pull it up, and you're just like nope, and you just like kind
of drop your weight, pull this whole whole thing down um And after a
second of like jostling back and forth, they eventually do get the door open
back up, and you see several of these honestly quite terrifying vampirates standing like
above you. You're like down this like like this ladder area, and they're
standing above you looking down. They've all got cutlass cutlasses, cut cutless cutless.
You have a sword, guy, no tell us? Yeah, what
is it? Cuts? Cutlasses? That's less cool. It's actually octopodies.
And I'm gonna make one two more attacks on you there, corporal buttons as
you're the you're the one right in front. Wow, both of those are
nineteen. I'm not gonna do it. As you see. You would know
this. You fought vampirates before. They have an energy drainability. Yeah.
They it's almost like the blood blood sucking ability, but it's an energy drainability.
And if it hits you and it kills you or you see to zero,
you turn into a shadow. Oh you see them? You see my
destiny. What's the icee of the of the of the of the Winona Andy
It is fifteen, I believe, yeah, shit it is. The first
one is a nine four plus five and the second one is a twelve plus
six eighteen. All right, as one of these Ballista's laser cut coat to
Ballista, shoot through wild space and come rocking the ship back and forth a
little bit. Um, We're gonna go back to back to you boys.
How many of the vamp pirates are within a twenty foot diameter? I would
say you can see up through this site little trapdoor Stawell area, you can
see about five six of them, and they're all like just crowding right there.
So I don't need visual site for this spell. Can I place a
twenty foot sphere above me by the vampires casting Hunger of Hadar? Yeah?
Absolutely? Okay, so I'm going to what do I have to do to
get through that? So the spell reads you open a gateway to the dark
between the stars, a region infested with unknown horrors. A twenty foot radius
sphere of blackness and bitter cold appears centered on a point within range and lasting
for the duration. This void is filled with a cacophony of soft whispers and
slurping noises that can be heard up to thirty feet away. No light,
magical or otherwise can illuminate this area, and creatures fully within the area are
blinded. The void creates a warp in the fabric of space, and the
area is difficult terrain. Any creature that starts their turn takes a two D
six cold damage, and any reacher that ends its turn in the area and
let's succeed on a dexterity saving throw or take two D six acid damage as
milky otherworldly tentacles up against it. So much of that is unsettling. I
always forget they're milky. I I always imagine them. I don't know why
it's better if they're black and inky, but the fact that they're milk that
is that is better if they're just black. Yeah, it's right. It's
just so unsettling cool. So uh, I guess we'll resolve that whence they
start their turn, because they're all there, they're all in. That is
buttons looking at me and biorn you can no, this is me asking.
This is not me hoping you are This is me asking are you looking at
me? And born I feel like it'd be pretty focused on the pipe.
Yeah, it'd probably be pretty focused on what's up ahead. Okay, good
because I spent two um sorcery points casting that spell to make it a quickened
spell um, so I cast it as a bonus action, and I use
my action to stab Jorn in the back with my poison dagger. All right,
let's go fucking what. Let's do some things. See what happens as
you do that? Rollmann attack rale please no what the ship We're evil Live
the Evil Taste the Evil twenty two. Yeah, that's gonna absolutely hit.
It's like a like a like a Souls game. When you sneak out,
He's cry, dose, I have made a mistake. A chaos drop from
his wrists and he says, you've made a mistake. Boy? How much
damage? So it's two from the blade itself? Okay, but nineteen from
poison twenty one total? Correct. You see like Born stiffing up and he
looks back and he sees I guess what he thought was his friend stabbing him
in the back, and uh, he is actually going I will give you
a reaction. He is going to start to yell like what does sh he's
gonna start yelling, yelling that at you. I will give you a reaction
to try to silence him, if you want or if you had something else,
Yeah, no, can can I do? I don't know if it's
a grapple or athletics check something to get my hand in on his mouth?
Yeah, if we're going like a straight grapple check, it would be your
athletics or strength versus my dexterity or strength. You're ready? Yes? Would
you get? I got a natural twenty you excellent? That's fucking amazing because
I got an unnatural tone. So you you do that? I will like
I'm about to I'm about to turn on Nolan here. I think Nolan turned
on me armed. Yeah, man, let's go. So yeah, how
does this look? Because I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say you will successfully.
I don't know if we kill him yet, but you will successfully take
him out of this fight. He turns around and you, what do you
do? So I stab him? He gets ready to yell, and I
wrapped my hands around his mouth, and I get in really close, and
my tentacles brush his face and as they brush up against his scales, he
feels that the usual moist mucosal layer that's on there isn't and the voice gets
much deeper. I know you know something about me. You might not know
my secret completely, but you know too much. And if there's an open
casket nearby, I'd like to just like push him into it. Absolutely absolutely,
Oh boy, the tingles, I'm so confused. It's this moment of
like corporal Buttons is up there. He's like, oh yeah, he go,
I'm fighting again, and Slassa does this horrific thing betrayal as you as
you just like there's I know there's a movie where this happens, but I
forget. So you just like you bring biorn in close, just like the
lion ki. Yes that's the word'm looking for. As as you bring biorning
clothes and you whisper this to him, and then you just like you see
his eyes go wide and he starts to like shake his head like no,
no, no no, and you just like gently push him back, and
at that point the poison takes effects effect and he just sort of like collapses
into one of these coffins. As it is still the crew of the one
Owners turn what are you all doing? So? What do you think of
the story. Oh, I'm sorry, I interrupted myself. It must be
it must be just awares thing that happens, so without further ado. But
well, sorry, since we've already stopped, might as well try to sell
you some wares. So without further ado, welcome to Slulls Selling section.
Hello everybody, and welcome to the partners section or the friends section. I
guess I'm not really sure what I want to call it yet, but anyway,
today I want to talk about shard Tabletop. For those of you who
don't know, Shared Tabletop is an amazing VTT, which stands for virtual tabletop,
which it's a It's a a virtual tabletop. It's not a real tabletop.
I thought it was a real tabletop at first. That's why I was
confused when they sent me a link not an actual tabletop. But anyway,
here let me tell you about Shared Tabletop. See. Not only is it
a virtual tabletop, it is actually a character sheet and campaign manager for fifth
edition Dungeons and Dragons with some amazing content from creators like Cobald Press, Patterson
Gaming, Sli Flourish, Underground, Oracle Publishing. You name it, they've
pretty much got it. They also have robust tools for creating and homebrewing your
own content. So if you are like me and like making up your own
stories and on your own magic items and just everything like that, head on
over to Shared Tabletop check them out. Trust me, you're gonna love them.
Head on over to shared tabletop dot com. Actually, let me check
that before I just say that. Yep, yep, yep, yep.
Just check it out. It is chard tabletop dot com. So please,
please, please please go check out chard tabletop. They're amazing. Tell them
from a far sent yeah, and they'll they'll be like who And we'll be
like from a far you know, the podcast that talks about you guys every
once in a while. Anyway, get ahead of here. I'm tired of
talking. Go listen to the story, or stop listening to the story,
whatever you want to do. I don't care. Have a good day.
By e oh and we're back. Okay. So now what I'm really excited
about is for what happened next in the story. So if you just sit
down and, as Earl says, shut up and welcome back to the story.
Yes, the Winona is underneath the the ss voco. You're you're coming
up at a fast clip. You're shooting off laser javelin, it is starting
to return fire, and you want a couple of jellyfish coming at you.
You have no idea what's going on inside. I can cast spells as you
can. You have your high your turn, you cast the testing of it.
You have an extra you have an extra round of just moving the ship
or using a ship action or an attacking. All right, yeah, so
I think I think three U with Tendril's kind of enveloping his hand. He
points his arm towards one of the jellyfish and he casts pulse wave. Fuck
yes you do. You create intense pressure, at least in a thirty foot
cone and decide whether the pressure pulls or pushes creatures and objects when a push
for flavor? Can we imagine like it's like he's almost using the ship as
the focus as like the you're casting through the ship yet because technically this would
be going through the wall, which I think would break the wall. What
about this? What about the what if there's like like the window like opens
or I don't know, some kind of hatch opens and he kind of gets
like iceight, he kind of leans over and and cast this pulse wave.
Each creature in that cone. Let's make a constitution saving throw. Creature takes
sixty six fourth damage and failed safe or half as much on a successful one
um constitution seving throw of what my safe DC is sixteen six? Seen?
All right? Uh, the first one is a eleven plus four fifteen.
That's only that's the only one because it's only one guy per jump and so
and then if he fails, he is pushed fifteen feet away and he takes
sixty six Give me the sixty six damage, real quick, seventeen damage perfect.
Well, so this is we're getting into something now that another little mechanic
of spell jammers. Once you start like leaving these ship's gravity fields, things
can get kind of weird. And I'm gonna say that jellyfish have very small
gravity fields to keep you on on the little little litle the Scooty Pop Junior
is basically and it's like almost like this guy's like rolling up on this like
he's like reven his engine rolling up on you like water World. Yeah,
exactly, Like what it's such a good movie. Did you know the girl
on that it's dev from Napoleon Dynamite. You see you you cast this pulse
out Andy, and it's almost like just the guy, just the vampirate that's
on the Scooty Pop Junior. It's almost like just he hits a wall and
the Scooty Pop Junior keeps sailing and it goes out of control, flows up,
and this dude is just like out there in space like as he starts
to float away, beans, Oh well I should have put my seat build
up. No, what he says is Scooty Pop Junior's son. So what's
the one Ona doing? I imagine the one Ona is maybe trying to come
up behind. Well, how much? How much? How far away is
the is the hammerhead chip? I would say it's within it. It's within
a movement, a turn of movement. But if you want to hit it,
you can. If you want to like skirt around, Jim zeban zab
are definitely gonna shoot at it. But I'm just trying to like maneuver the
wasp to be out of its firing range to do that. Let's roll dexterity
or what would you what would you think I could? I would I could
either say dexterity or like intelligence imagine like spell jammers upposedly wizards so like moving
it is probably intelligence, all right, So let's go with the movement,
and I will do a also intelligence for one of these pirates, the captain.
But I'm gonna give her disadvantage because she's not currently driving the ship,
because she's fighting. It's much better. I gotta that's a that's a nine
sixteen. You you're starting, guns are flying, are getting ready, swiveling
around, laser javelins are getting blasted all over the place, and you you
were able to stay within It's like blind spot. You're able to stay behind
it. You're like circling around it, flying around, like spinning up over
its dorsal fin and whatnot. But I'm gonna stay with that maneuvering check.
You are able to stay out of its line of sight. You can't.
It cannot ram you. You can still shoot you with its ballista, but
it can't ram you with its big head stag. Let's get a roll for
a zip, zap and zap if they're still if they're attacking sixteen, that's
that hits all right. It's three D ten hearsing damage by twenty one.
Excellent. You see one of your laser javelins come crashing into one of the
articulating like segmented sections of like this of this hammerhood's tail and it starts to
like move a little bit less easily. And that's it. So now fucking
Zep says cry Havoc can let loose the dogs some wall and the other one
say attack, attack, love it to finish off. Andy's turn. You
hear you actually see the elf like stand up and she makes her way out,
like goes like hops out. You're like open windshield and she like goes
and stands out on the main deck. Maybe maybe don't go out, Maybe
you shouldn't hope. Okay. She turns to you and like you no longer
see this like very timid, shy, fearful young woman. She looks very
fierce and ready to kick some fucking ass. And she pulls out these two
glowing daggers from her pockets and she says, I think I'm okay, And
she she's now joined the fight, as I think all that's left is stack
stags. You're gonna jump out of the trap door, okay, And he
is amongst the vampires. As you're flying up through the trap door, you're
kind of surrounded. You might get a few opportunity attack. That spell happening
right now, So the Haydar spell is about to happen. I am staying
away from that. Am I in the tentacles? If I go up through
the trap door? Yeah? But you could, you would do You don
enough moved to speed to get out. I want to get out of the
tentacles. So then I'm gonna say, you make your way up through this
ladder, up this trap door. And you're in the middle of this like
honestly horrific situation. There's milky tentacles like rolling around kind of you're sliding across
your face and you're just like starting to throw up a little bit, which
is weird because you're mid of metal. You feel you're brandy starting to bubble
just a little bit inside, and you're like, oh, not good.
And you you can tell there's other folks standing beside you. But you you
are very easily able to get out. Now. You're now you can see
the spell Jamera Helm. But you look out over wild space through this globe
and you see about you see about four regular minion style vampirates standing in this
hunger of Hadar, and you see Captain, I'm just I'm just gonna say
her name because I like it, Gwenevere gold Teeth Delacour. You see her
standing there, looking very regal, well horrifically regal, in her captain's attire.
But you also see someone a big, a big boy vampirate standing there.
He also has a name tag that says tank the Shank, and he
just looks like I'm going to cast thunder wave, all right, cool ship.
Everyone in a fifteen foot cube originating for me must make a constitution saving
to grow, all right, So then I'll just make one for the VA
the regular vampirates much better for you. That is a six plus four ten.
That's a failure, all right. Hit me with that. Damn for
a nine math seventeen? Wait four eight would be twenty one? Nope,
hold on, hold on a second. What are the numbers on the dice?
Yeah, let's say nine is having on a d eight. Yeah,
it's four eight and five that's what it was, So it is seventeen,
okay, seventeen, Okay, we got there. Some of these numbers are
added up some of them good, yeah, exactly, but yeah, that's
thunder damage and fund the damage unsecured objects are pushed ten feet away from you.
Oh and they're pushed ten feet away from me as well. And I'm
gonna say pushed towards the tentacles, just just to flavor the spelled us a
little differently. It doesn't actually push them away because this isn't that big of
a room. It just knocks them all over. Okay, so they're all
gonna they're all gonna be prompt like starting in that. It gets it gets
all the the little guys. And then and she passes, and he passes.
So Tank and Guenevere, they both they both pass as all the minions
just looney tunes. Three stood, three stood styles start to start to fall
over, and that's it for the crew of the wind known as term Yes,
the Cronona. How many how many of the people are in the spell
so I can roll for If they start in there, they take two DY
six cold damage. If they end in there, they also take two D
six acid damage. Got it. So they're all starting they're all prone.
They're all starting with the two D six cold damage. So hit me with
the cold damage, cold damage with the cold then eleven total for the cold
damage. Very nice, very nice. It's been great tonight. Sometimes the
dice just wanted you know. Sometimes you see all four of the just kind
of minion vampirates. They all take these extra eleven points of damage, and
all four of them are looking real shit. They're all, well, we'll
go with them. We'll go with them. First, we're gonna they are
going to move. Two of them are gonna move towards Buttons. They are
they are blinded in the spell as well. If they're in it all right,
then in that case, I will roll a perception check with disadvantage and
I got a six plus. Wait for it, nothing, I was about
to say it gotta be pretty high. So yeah, just just to expedite
this along. Then this is why you see buttons. You you shoot your
thunderway of all of them, they all just like fall down and then it's
like you just hear the sound of them getting cold. There's like burr,
and then all of a sudden, just this horrific just squelching like it happens
as all of them roll the roll the poison damage and all the shit.
I'm gonna roll it again. My second role was a nine. I'll put
it down well, totally totally good to kill them as buttons. You just
see you know in Drassic Park, the original Drassic Park, when they dropped
the goat or whatever in like the raptor feeding pen. Yes, and all
of a sudden, just like the trees and everything to start moving around.
You see that. But with like with like HP Lovecraft tentacles, it just
all of a sudden, it's just like and uh, you see one vampirate
like come out like and it looks at you and it reaches out towards you,
says, please, I have a family and adopted so many kids.
Please, I'm not even a vamper. I was undercover cop. And he
drops his normal piece piece prize for for like curing all disease. Everyone we
killed. I just secretly adopted and put in an orphanage. And I'm the
one supporting in if you're killing right now, they're all oh. He gets
torn away to h H pre love Lovecraft Wow, HP love craft Craft as
it is it is Captain Gwenevere's urn, and all she can see right now
he's but and these milky tentacles and these milky tentacles which so she like you
see her like you see her move to the side past the sphere and she's
like, oh now I can see you, and she she is going to
shoot you with her gun. Yeah, good, which do exist in this
world? Eighteen plus five twenty three, that's a miss. That's a miss.
Okay, on that first attack, she is going to take another shot
at you. Nineteen plus five twenty four. That's yeah, that one's gonna
hit you. Take another eleven cold damage specifically cold damage. Yeah, she's
shooting me with a razor FROs basically, and then tank the shank is gonna
is gonna like sort of walk passed around the milky tentacles and comes stand up
over top of you corporate buttons and look down. You're relatively I'm small.
Yeah, he's not. He's he's not large, but he's not small.
And he is going to he's going to make a melee spell attack against you.
Eighteen or higher. That's a nine plus six. Not gonna happen.
As he as he stands above you and he starts like reach his hands down
towards you. It's interesting because you're like, I don't have blood, and
just for like the flavor of it, he gets his hands on you just
a little bit and you feel like not just not like you don't know what
blood feels like, never owned it, but you feel like your essence and
your energy for a second starting to get like pulled out, and you're like
hold on and he just like back up, and he's like should have been
quicker. So all that being said, he can he can hurt you.
Yeah, And now we're gonna do the two remaining jellyfish. Um, you
see these two jellyfish dudes like do these really cool acrobatic flips, and they
come down. We're spiraling all around and they jump off their jellyfish and land
route on your ship, pulling out their their scimitars and cutt and we we
already did that joke, damn it. And their cutlass is cut and they're
gonna take They're just gonna take two attacks on Constellation. Oh this will be
fun. One of those hits and the other one doesn't is she dodges very
nimbly out of the way and catches one of the scimitars on her like like
laser tipped space knife. Then the other one comes like crashing into her like
rib cage, and she takes a decent amount of damage and she kind of
staggers back, but she's still she's still going strong, and that is it.
Where. Yeah, So the way I'm kind of envisioning this in my
head is you are, you're sitting in your spell jammer's helm on the deck.
You have like a big window in front of you that's opened up for
you to cast these spells, and in front of that is sort of just
this area probably sixty feet by like twenty feet sixty feet long by twenty feet
wide of just sort of like on the hood of the car, basically on
the hood of the ship. And that's it's the hammer head shark. Ship
tries to turn and you see that big glass area in front, need to
like glow and like get ready to do something. And you would know this
because you fought them before. This thing does have a ramability and if it
rams you, that's going to be no boy home. Yeah. No,
we are not strong. Did they lose any movement because of the the javelin
in the tail? Yes, yeah, so they they're they definitely were not
able to get into advantageous position to ram or shoot this turn. So I
rolled with disadvantage for them to shoot again, and I did get a nineteen
plus plus. So you're taking another boat, another sixteen damage to the one
to the one Ona, which is starting to not look super great. You
still have a lot of a lot of You've taken thirty two hits, right,
yes, yes, um, and yes, so you take another laser
blast from the from the weapon's deck of the SS maco I'm just gonna go
back to Maco U and it is now the Winona's turn. Who wants to
go first? One? What do y'all do? I think? Slalsa,
being alone in the underdecks, reaches out to Frey and says, do you
think, um, anytime soon, we might have done enough damage to run
without them chasing us? Is that a possibility soon? Well? Funny you
should ask. I've done no damage to them, hit it once once,
We've built a little bit of damage to them. So no, Well maybe
I mean maybe we could convince them to not follow them. I like convincing
m Are we able to damage the spell jaming helm? Sure? Okay,
well, okay, here's one thing I will tell you know you can do.
You absolutely can try to take that take it over, like if you
sit down on the spell jammers ham and like there's like roles for it.
You can absolutely try to like win control of the ship. What I was
thinking, I have another another spell that I wanted to cast on the helm
and just make it impossible for anybody to sit in. What's that spell?
Everard's black tentles more tentacles. Yeah, so it's it's a concentration which I
can hold up to an hour of just let's say, is hadar not a
concentration? It is, and I'm going to break that concentration if this is
able to work. So Slossa is going to walk to the door that buttons
opened up and break concentration so that the circle of blackness is gone, and
they're gonna They're gonna perch on the deck and look at the vampires and go.
Do you do you find battling tentacles a comfortable thing? Because I think
you might be doing it for some time. And then I cast average black
tentacles on Hell and it again, it's it's pretty similar. It's squirming ebony
tentacles fill a twenty foot square on the ground that you can see within range.
What's the range or what's the size of it? Twenty foot cube?
Cool? I'm gonna you would you wouldn't get tanked the shank but whenever is
still by the by the spell Jammer's helme, she needs to make a dexterity
saving throw. The see if she can do that, that is a six
plus wait for it plus three nine. That does not reach my spell saving
throw. Yeah, I figured it wouldn't. So she takes a lot of
damage. That would probably as soon it's just three D six. I wouldn't.
I wouldn't want to get hit with three D six damage. No,
fourteen total. That's a lot of damage. She's not looking not looking great,
but she's also not like minutes from death. Yeah. Sense also looks
at Buttons and just goes, whenever you're ready, we can leave. Just
find me when you're ready. There is Barnum. We'll talk about that when
we get back to the ship. How does the Buttons respond to that?
Buttons is a little unsure that make that that that feels like a very appropriate
response. Um, Buttons says, they're going to come after us. They're
going to come after us, and no matter what we do, we've got
to take out the captain or at least you hear like in response like absolutely,
I'm totally I'm gonna fucking kill you off and she's just like rolling like
trying to fend off these disgusting tentacles. I am going to cast heat metal
again. Let's see if we get this time. That is a constitution setting
throw fifteen is what we're looking for. So this is what happens. Oh
no, As you see Captain Guenevere gold teeth deliquor fending off these black tentacles
writhing around, she's slashing with claws, shooting off these ice rays like just
doing doing her absolute darkness to get away from these tentacles. And she doesn't
see the little autognome line her up in the site, yeah, and shoot
her with that spell. And now Stag, what does it look like?
Oh boy, all right, she got a yeah. Buttons looks at her.
He caesar, uh, he sees the shine the twinkle off those teefers,
and he snaps his fingers and they glow red hot. Can you hear
this? Just this wild scream erupts from one of you. As that is
twelve fire damage. It's a good amount of fire damage. Fan fantastic.
She's again now looking great. As you hear this, this un goodly echoing
how erupt from the writhing captain as set her face itself. That sounds so
metal of shit, and you hear just yell from beside you tank Captaurn and
he's he turns to you and he's got rage, rage in those eyes.
But Andy, it is your turn as you see your new Alvin astral Elvin
friend facing off against these two, can I defer my turn to be after
hers? Yeah? Absolutely? You see her fu okay man, I always
love that my NPCs can roll better than me. She got natural twenty.
The vampire like sliced her across in like the chest with her with his cut
list. She just like spins around and you see her like quick like like
stab this guy in the back like three times and like weird like pressure point
areas, and then he then he just like kind of floats away and it's
it's her and then her second attack is a big old miss. And I'm
gonna say just because she's very focused on the guy in front of her at
as it is now your turn. Cool. So, so this ship is
faster than than the hammer Head. What I think three would do is he
notices the head kind of glowing, So we were behind it and the ship
did it turn around and start coming at us it's like turning, imagine,
you know, and like remember Atlantis, the Lost City. Yeah, when
one of those like flying ships. Oh yeah, it's like taking a big,
like scooping turn, and it's like turning around like starting to come back
towards you. It hasn't because I didn't roll well on my last one.
It isn't in ramming position yet, but it is. You can tell it
is gearing up for that, I imagine. So what three does he actually
just kind of like guns it towards the more like towards inside of the turn.
It's like inner circle. Yeah, so that it like getting closer.
So I'm imagining this hammerhead probably can't turn too fast, and he's just kind
of gunning it, and he is going to turn so that the deck is
facing and he's gonna kind of like look to see if if he can see
buttons and Slausa and kind of just like starts coming along the side of it.
There's tentacles. Yep, that's gonna be where Slausa's Yeah, and you
see like this this the beautiful vampirate lady who was talking to you, just
like rolling on the ground tentacles like just like attacking on her face is on
fire. Yeah, you see dead, dead bodies everywhere, and you see
corporal buttons facing off against uh tank to the shank um how many feet away?
I would say you're close enough to like see them. You're probably within
fifteen twenty feet. You're a small ship. You can you're coming in real
close by it. Cool I am assuming that's all I can do. Yeah,
let's get those attacks from from zip Zappin's up real quick. As they're
they're constantly just reloading. Yeah, they're like Hi, just like just doing
their doing their damn teen plus six. That's one that's gonna absolutely gonna hit
give me, give me that damage d D ten fourteen short seen you see
like even though you've only hit it a few times, like the laser javelins
that you're hitting it with a are making big dents and like huge rents and
gashes in the wood because the ship is also in d of wood. Is
a ship metal ship. Well, it still has three hundred and twenty hps
to get through though, but you've but you've done, you've done some good
Damage's just talking trash. Yeah, that's it. That's everyone on the on
the winonas that was a fast turning. Good job, everybody, Yes,
as the Winona does all that stuff, there's one there's one more minion on
the deck of the Winona fighting constellations. There is only Guinevere and tanked the
shank on the deck with you. So, Guenevere, do I get to
make a saving throw against the tentacles or do I take more damage? Just
straight away? So you start by taking another three D six damage? All
right, roll it up, but you do get to make a strength or
dexterity check to see if you can get out fourteen damage damage demage. Oh
cool, okay, okay, great, Yeah, she's not looking quick good
at all. You said strength or dexterity, strength or dexterity to get out.
That's three plus three six. She does not go, And then does
she take more damage on her turn or your turn? Oh no, for
the for the face melting metal on my turn, and I use a bonus
action to keep it going. Excellent. Then she is going to take a
second and she's going to shoot at you, Nolan. She can see you
now. She's got two ice attacks coming your way. She's rolling around,
scream and trying to make that. But those are both a disadvantage of the
first one is a six plus five eleven. Second one is a natural one.
So, in classic from a Far Podcast fashion, my villains are not
a threat. Man. This is what I am going to say. Happens
now, Stag roll me the damage real quick, for your for your face
melting Solo seventeen Jesus okay, Stag For the first time ever on from a
Far Podcast, can you describe to me how you kill this lady? Well
done, Buttons, I almost said that man. Buttons looks at her and
sees her teeth glowing red and she's in immense pain. And he just whispers,
dude, and he closes his fist and the red hot, burning teeth
turned white and glowing, and I think her face is engulfed by fire.
And she looks like a ghostwriter for just a minute. Hell yeah, before
falling to the grounds. As she fies, she goes right or falls to
the ground. You see this again, this unearthly scream like you hear,
this unearthly scream erupt from her as she falls down and she's writhing and she
reaches out one more time to you both and she dies. But when she
dies, I'm gonna need you both to make me decktare constitution saving throws a
fifteen constant sixteen. Oh all right, that's a good one, barely.
Uh whoa doesn't do it? Is this? Is this a spell? Uh
no, unfortunately this is as as you see her head catch fire and then
the fire like burns away as she just like becomes like this mummified crispy corpse.
You see for a second, she's just like in like that creepyways zombies
and undead things due like even though she's dead, she still kind of like
reaches towards you. It starts moving towards both of you all and from from
in like within her like chest. You see this like glow and she explodes
into ash. Corporal buttons is able to like turtle or like hide behind tank
and like you don't get any of this ash on you, but but slawsa,
you take twenty damage twenty new chronic damage as this ash gets all in
your face and you start to like just like it's it's not good for you.
It's really not good for you. Well, it's not good for you.
Can I add a little flavor? Yes, oh please please? Of
course we're all making a soup here what do you want to add? Let's
go. I think that Slulsa was a little overconfident, sitting sitting there with
their tentacles on the deck, just watching all of this, the Sigore and
Vitriol getting sprayed around, and they weren't prepared for this to end so quickly,
and the ash smacks them in the face and they fall back, and
as they're falling, their minor illusion ends and their skin changes tone completely.
Un Can I ask Stag to roll a perception check? Yes, And I'm
gonna say you have it with disadvantage because you're definitely you're already trying to like
hide and cover your eyes from this. So that's ten plus four or fourteen.
You can set the DC if you want one. That's up to you.
I mean, my, what's your performance? I think it would be
performance. Yeah, it's plus four. Yea, I have a roll off
for it. So we got we got fourteen. I rolled up fifteen four.
Hold on, when you were another creature. You can see within thirty
feet. If you makes an ability check or saving throw, you can use
your reaction to add plus three to the role. I'm gonna add plus three
to this role, alright, So so corporal buttons. What no one?
What did what did you say? As as Slalsa begins to fall back into
this this deck, their eyes lose all of their color and their skin is
cracked and decaying. You can see the veins in their face. Um.
And this this is a look of shock, not horror or tearror. The
bandana that you've become so accustomed to them having around their cephalopoid head is actually
fine, fine jewelry that you would recogniz eyes as an autognome. But this
only lasts for a split second as they get their constitution back under control and
flash back to Slalsa. I'm gonna can I put a little flavor on that?
Absolutely corporal buttons as you see this like because Slaus is still in like
this stairwell, actually like they fall down the stair just a little bit,
like you can't see them at all, like for a second as they're falling
down, just like this what Nolan just described. This pretty horrific, even
more so horrific mind flare than you're used to. And then like all of
a sudden, Slaus is like crawling back up and like whoa, oh no,
um, and that is that is what you see as we're getting into
that those bullshit rounds where a story is happening more so than combat. So
we're still technically in the round of the the on the Hammerhead Shark. So
this, this is what happens as as as tank, the shank cees his
captain just get wreck as they explode, they get wrecked, they explode into
this ash tank. Let's out this yeo, and he's gonna take his two
attacks on you. Hoo hoo hoo. Y'all know something fun. I rolled
twice, one of them natural twenty oh No, one of them was a
nineteen. I'm gonna hit you both times. As as so for the first
one, first one that hits you is is going to be his energy drain
attack, and that is that is the crypt So you you're you're, you're,
you're like taking it back. You're like, what the fuck did I
just see as tens of this animalistic howl and he turns and he just like
like like open hand palm slaps you, like right across the face um with
his energy drain and you're gonna take forty necrotic damage as you kind of go
flying back, and then he's gonna start to run. So you're not going
to get an opportunity attack on this guy. Sure, he starts to run,
and the second attack he just like as he's running past you, he
just like reached like he pulls up his foot and just like stomps down on
you. This one won't be the necrotic attack. It'll just be for another
twelve points of thirteen points of damage, so fifty fifty three points of damage.
As as this big bruiser guy just sort of hits you over and he
starts to run, and you hear him yelling to the rest of the crew
and back on the crew of the Winona. Andy, this is what you
see. Can Slash, can you please roll me a dexterurty saving throw?
Please me as as as as Slash I did say Slash, I don't know
why I said Slash, Andy, can you please roll me as three?
Can you please roll me a dexterurty saving throw. It's a pretty high DAK
six. Wait, I can use flash to Genius to give me plots four
ten. Still still'm not going to quite hit it. You. All of
a sudden, as this hammerhead shark ship kind of takes up quick pivot and
the tail is all of a sudden in front of you, and it just
dam slams right into the into the Onona and you're going to take a decent
chunk of damage. You were going to take another well not not you.
You you don't. You don't take any damage. The ship takes another forty
damage which brings it down pretty low as all of a sudden, like you're
you're so connected to this ship thray as it takes this massive hit you you
kind of get stunned and you're you're you're it almost like feels like you just
got hit, like punched in the brain and you take a second like the
Wasp ship is starting to kind of like drift off a little bit, a
little bit lack lusterly a little bit unintentionally, as the hammer Head ship isn't
like fleeing, it just like makes that big tail attack. Or for the
boys on the hammerhad ship, I'll give you which one action. As you
hear Tank the Shank starting to yell for a retreat and like for for the
rest of the parts to get to the escape pods because the captain is dead.
What are you all doing or are you trying to stop them? Buttons
is down to fifteen out of ninety. Buttons is gonna run back down to
the place they came in because because uh fucking Slauso is at the bottom of
the stairs, right, Yeah, so he's gonna run back down. I
have a passive perception of fourteen. Would I see beorn? Not unless no,
not unless you roll for it. We did make the joke that has
become cannon that Slasso was actually putting. They put him in a coffin.
If you roll for and get high enough you could you would recognize that one
of the coffins is now closed. It is going to be pretty high.
That's okay, I'm going I didn't get it, So yeah, there's a
little there's a little too much going on. Yeah no, I just I
would kick myself if I didn't try. No, four plus four eighteen.
That was not I was not gonna do it. That's not gonna do it.
It's not high, all right, So Buttons is gonna look at Slalsa
and uh say, shay Sonora. It's also I can't pull a Winona writer
just movie out of my head. Shake your body right, believe this ship
is just filled with stranger things. Um Slassa puts their hand on Button's chest
and casts dimension door to get back onto the Winona. I got so afraid
for a second. It's knowing the way the rest of this has been going
the rest of this time, I was like, what are you about to
do? The castole person leave the came long. Um as, all of
a sudden, three two of your friends show back up right as right as
Constellation. Just really cool. He's like, yeah, fuck you, and
then and then the other vamp it just floats away. And to set the
scene again, as you guys all recon meet on your ship, you see
several smaller escape pods, probably about three or four, shoot off of the
the SS Maco starts sailing off in the other direction, back towards the Rock
of Brawl. The Hammerhead Shark is abandoned and it is dead, but so
is the Wasp and not abandoned, but it is not. It's seen absolutely
better days. Yeah, um as you as the four as the three of
you four now with Constellation are back on the ship and congratulations, you've solved
my vampirates puzzle. Yeah, so it doesn't want have anything pressing, they're
trying to say at this moment. I think three would would kind of like
get to catch his footing and be like WHOA, well, well that was
rather exciting, but how did it? Where's Bjorn? There is Biorn Slassa
looks back at their teammates, and fortunately, when we landed on the ship,
there were several vampirates underneath decks while you were valiantly facing the ones above
decks. Buttons, it it seems that by one was taken in lighter News.
While we haven't made it to our first mission, it seems that the
other one has fallen into our laps. We're gonna need a deception check for
sure, first of all. But I'll give you advantage on this. I
would say I would say three, probably like oh oh, that's that's an
absolute shame. But you know it's really fine. I rolled an eighteen and
a three, so my total is twenty six. Damn it. Three Sorcerer
baby, Yeah, this is what I'll give you. Buttons, you believe
Slausa because you've traveled with Slawsa quite a bit. Yeah, it's not wrong.
You guys were fighting and you you did lose track of of Also,
canonically we kind of hate the guy, so I don't know, there's a
lot I hate it. It's just it's only a stick can make fun of
him. Yeah. Basically, what what I'll give you with that, buttons
is you do believe Slawsa, but there is that sort of itching feeling in
the back of your mind that like something is off about the clues don't line
up, but you still believe him, which I know it's kind of oxymoronic.
But and at that point, Constellation, the astral elf walks inches high.
I'm Constellation, and yeas cool in a very different demeanor than than what
you saw before. She is just like all right, um, yeah,
you caught me. Good job. Well the iority of it is, actually
we didn't We didn't do any of the catching. I believe you kind of
showed up, but and no, we didn't really want you. Is there
is there a bounty maybe some some some space bucks. No no, um,
not yet. But if you help me, I can see that your
hands rewarded my father, Uh silk shirt Johnson is um, she just come
up with ever right now? Yeah, that's that's one that just came off
off the door, your Constellation Johnson. And she she she just sort of
like yeah and actually as as goofy as this says you. You all as
space pirates yourself. You do know that there was that silk Shirt Johnson,
Oh yea and his his rather infamous space or wife. Um, they did
have a daughter. You do know that his wife Captain Kenney gold tooth um
where put her name? Um? Oh, that's not as fun as I
remember it being. There was someone named Captain Margaret who also Margaret Johnson who
they were a rather infamous spacer who died a while back. It was kind
of mysterious the way her death happened. You didn't know that Margaret was married
to silk Shirt. And silk Shirt is like as a very high end business
aristocrat man on the rock of brawl, and his wife was like sort of
a good a good pirate and she went missing a long time ago. And
Constellation, that's a wild family name. Silk Shirt Constellation and Margaret Constellation,
says I am that John said no, and I can see to it if
you all help me that My father rewards you handsomely. We have money,
we have ships, we have technologies that can upgrade your ships. We have
you name it it's yours. That sounds good good to me. Yes,
the very much of my desire of those things. Yes, of course,
I don't see it downside this. I think it could be negotiated. And
she she like puts her daggers away and pulls up her hood and it just
looks really cool, and she's like, Okay, here's the deal. I
need to get myself and one of my friends two party City, Party City,
the most confetti, the most dastardly placed in the astral plane. I
need to go to Chuck E Cheese for my birthday. You um, she
she says, I need you to take me and one of my friends to
the ol Rex, a stair zone, which is an actual thing. It's
a type of constellation. But you all know the ole Rex Astasum is an
unfinished constellation. It is part of a wild Space system, part of a
constellation that when the gods were messing around with the astral sea and when the
powers that be were making wild Space, they didn't finish this one. And
you know that the ole Rex Astasum is a place of great power but also
great danger, and you all know that it's I don't know if you well,
maybe you can answer this question. I don't know if you've been there
before or not. It's relatively far away. It'd be a bit of a
journey. I might be also be saying the name wrong because a stairs um
is an actual science thing. I did look it up because I was trying
to impress Nolan. Uh and uh yeah. And constellation is just like,
if you all do this, if you all help me, not only will
we will you be you be rewarded. You will help rid wild space and
rid the astral Sea, a great and terrible evil. We're more in for
the money. Who's Who's your friend? And she sort of does that noise
size there it is she size, and she says hold on, and she
exits the bridge and she's gone for a few moments, forever leave one of
the skinny pope juniors. And she's like, fuck you guys, No,
she's gone for a moment, And you guys are kind of left there sitting
there, sort of floating dead in the water, sort of floating next to
this gargantuan dead shark. Buttons just started repairs, do you also might need
might need to do some repairs on yourself. Actually take that back, because
after a moment, Consolation comes back in and she is accompanied by someone very
short, shorter than about her size. She's young. I don't know if
I said before, she's probably like seventeen eighteen um. And she comes in
with a with a figure that is fully covered head to toe in protective sun.
Here there's goggles, there is a big sun hat, and there are
long, very thick leather gloves covering this person's hands. I wish everyone could
see their faces right now. And as this person approaches constellations like, all
right, everyone, this is my friend's slal and Slaw takes off his hat
and for the listener, we see a much younger I know this is not
the way elithids work. What fuck you? You see a much younger Slaw
and something that we haven't actually talked about, but that I'm gonna need you,
all three of you to roll four please is a history check. I'm
good at those sort of and no one you can have an advantage one,
seven, seventeen, fourteen, and seventeen excellent, all three of you.
You've been in wild space, and you've been in the astral sea long enough
that you know there are difference. There's differences in elthids, there's differences in
mind flares. Majority of like the populace I'll have four tentacles four four face
tentacles denotes them as just sort of general, yeah, regular regular folks.
You all notice on this young young mind flare Slaw. As he takes off
his hat and his goggles, you notice he has six tentacles, which,
as you all understand, dictates him as an ulthid, which is technically the
mind flares that become elder brains. So he's got like an extra finger on
his hand, he's got an extra finger on his face. He's got an
extra finger on his face that dignifies he will be president. Interesting, let's
go, and this is where what I was talking about. Corporate buttons.
As Slaw sees you, he says, oh, hello, um, you're
all pirates. That's very exciting. And then he looks to you, corporal
Buttons. You all see something that you've all had interactions with mind flares before.
They're relatively horrifying. Well, Slalsa, come on, thank you.
Like they're more or less like they don't they don't normally get curious, they
don't normally investigate things like they don't normal they they're mostly an autopilot. And
you see this young mind flare, see you, corporal buttons, and without
even like your permission, he walks over to you and he sees like just
the damage done to your body, and he sees the metal dented in and
like the burn marks and the freezing and the screws that are missing, and
he just starts working on you. And at first you're just like, what
the fuck? But it is very strange at how fast you start to feel
a lot better as he from underneath his cloak. He pulls out like little
wrenches and he's just he's talking fixing me up. He's fixing you up.
With enough time you're gonna feel, you're gonna heal full. But it's very
strange to you for the three of you to be sitting there with a young
mind flair, young lathed who is being kind to someone and like fixing them
up. And I feel like that's actually a pretty good spot to stop.
I am, as always Nolan Lacey playing slalsa. You can find me playing
Yardie drippled Jaw typically at Good Better Quest wherever you find your podcasts and on
Twitter at GBq pod, and I am David Hollman, also known as stag
Horn, also known as the Fungen Master of Good Better Quaz. You can
also find me wherever you find Nolan wherever you find your podcasts, and you
can also find me on Twitter and Twitch at a stag underscore horn. I
am often twitching playing Vigi games, doing silly things. Sometimes Paynton Minis come
on by, and I'm ADYE. Tilster playing the very evil, very comically
dumb yet very smart thregon Iosiodia. If you can pronounce that name, I'll
give you a whole nickel see you next time. And I'm David Tilstra,
the dungeon master and the very sweaty boy. Because my air commisioner is off.
So I hope you all have a wonderful two weeks and we will chat
soon. Bye a team time. Our theme song was written by John Lowell
Anderson. Sound effects and music provided by artless dot Io and freesound dot Org,
edited by David Tilstra, and sound design by Christian Spinella. And finally,
a huge thank you to Kendari O'Connor for his invaluable sound mastering who just
showed up? Is it a little slow? Yes it is anyway. Thank
you all so much for joining us on this side quest. Thank you to
the good Better Quest team for supplying your talent and your friendship and just generally
being awesome and coming and hanging out with us, because this has been amazing,
and trust me, you're not gonna want to miss the exciting conclusion to
what happens after the thing you just heard. So yeah, as always,
thank you so much for listening, and we're excited. Just keep keep going
with the story. I think we're gonna have let's see, I think we
have about two more episodes of this story left, and then I think we're
gonna do another side quest involving one of the other backstories of the Sea Monsters.
We still need a little more time to get things sorted out on our
end over here, but we are super appreciative of all the support and love
we've gotten during this kind of rocky time for us. But I mean,
it's been really fun. It's been really fun kind of telling a new story
and working with some new people and just you know, having a good time.
I hope you guys enjoy it. Let's see. I don't know if
we have anything else exciting to announce. I mean, there's a lot of
exciting stuff to announce, but I don't think there's anything super press at the
moment. So with that, I'll let you get going. Thank you so
much for stopping by, thank you for listening, thank you for supporting,
and just remember, stay happy, stay healthy, and go to bed.
Just go to bed. It's too late, it's too late for you.
But not like an aggressive not like in an aggressive way, just like,
just do it. I know you haven't been sleeping, so just go to
bed, please. I love you night. All right, see you on
a few weeks, in two weeks. Actually, we'll see you on in
two weeks. Thanks by ye