Hello and welkiny all. Oh, I wish there was a Valentine's Day hymn
or a carol, But there's no songs for it. No, they're sharn't
unless there's like, I don't know, baby, take my breath outway,
let's get it all. We're all fancitive people. It's so much tune understanding,
sugar Betty. But I mean, it's a song about two people who
just why don't they just want to get it on? I guess, Benny
stop, I don't know what's in me. It's it's the feeling of the
season. I guess it is. I guess. I guess I can forgive
you for this one. Oh my goodness, Now I know the first thing
you all all are saying, Wait a minute, haven't we already had Valentine's
Day? Well, well you're right. Well you're right, and I'll tell
you what. For those of you who are new to our podcast, Tabitha,
why don't you tell them why Candy Chat does things a little different?
Well, how to y'all, we're Candy Chat. I am Tabitha Hutchinson and
I'm Betty Abersaw, and we do things a little differently just because we know
what's up, that's right. We know how it's how it goes. And
one of those things that we know is how to shop for cad Candy.
Pricing is the name of the game. And only a fool buys before the
holiday, right, oh my goodness, specially Valentine. Oh my goodness.
If candy prices through the roof, oh goodness. You you'd think it's through
the roof for all the other holidays, and you'd be right. But Valentine's
Day is just through the roof too, And there's nothing sweeter than the day
after a holiday when all the candy is half off, at least half off.
And you know what, if they stick around for another week, you
can get them up to Oh my goodness, I cannot wait. We're not
quite there yet, but I have my eye on Piggley Dog. I have
been checking those prices every day. And I'll tell you what. Right now,
that Walter, who works in the pricing department, he sees me coming
and he knows why I'm there. And I said, Walter, you can't
wait forever. Someday these prices will have to be lowered and I'll be here.
And he didn't talk. I never heard Walter talk, not a word.
He just sits up in the little office looking through that tiny window with
that little gun that he's gotten in stickers. I know you can hear me,
Walter, Well, I can't hear you right now. Came with the
head phones. I hope he's a fan. But for as often as we
mentioned the great prices and excellent selection at Pigley Dog, he should be.
And that is where I got this bountiful harvest of Valentine's Day treats. Oh
and you know why I got him fifty percent off. But you know what's
funny, Nothing sweeter than a discount. But you know what's funny at Piglie
Dog. You can't get them discounts unless you've got an oint Bark card.
And now I use my oint Bok card all the time. I got a
lot of points saved up. But I don't think that the candy discounts counts
towards points on your oint Bok card. Well, i'll tell you what the
oint Bark says. Tom has been terrific. M If you don't have an
oint Bark card, you're just dumb. You should get one right now.
You go to their customer service y'all have to do. Give him your address,
you know I put mine on my key chain. Well, sure that's
what they got them little FIBs for you can just take it out and swipe
it. Well, I'll tell you what I do, like to swipe my
tongue across candy. Me too. Let's get started. What do we have
this week, Betty? Well, this week we have a sumptuous selection of
Valentine's Day rompous. First, we have a candy I can best describe as
experimental and fraught with danger. Oh, how frivolous. It's a Valentine's Nerds
rope? How do they get all them nerds to line up in a row
while they wrap them all the way around? Gummy Gummy Gummy holds loving place,
nerdy love. So I we're taking a look at this thing, and
it's already just it's beautiful. I want to hang it from my mantle,
but I know I'm gonna eat it. Yeah, and you'll get ants.
You're you're right at time, and I cannot afford another trip from that exterminator.
No, I'll tell you what. If there's one side effect that we
have to deal with, I candy Chat, it's ants occupational hazard, but
I'll take it. Also, we have this week Pearson's Mint Patty hearts,
Pearson's, Who's Pearson's fifty percent off? That's who okay off brand put it
in my hand. That's what I say. This continues a proud tradition of
every single holiday adjust a repackage a peppermint patty and call it relevant. Yeah,
that's true. They even tried to put those little messages on the package
where the heart has a message on it. But this is just a candy
heart filled with mint. And I don't even doesn't have these messages. Look
at these. This one says you plus me equals harpy. And then I
don't think these are made in America. I can't read this love you two,
love the letter you, the number two moon and black. I don't.
I don't think that one. Yeah, that that raises a few questionable
specters. And then this last one on here says I love you four.
How it's four? It's that football player. Oh, I see these are
well, you know what, check the expiration day because these these are old.
That's all right, because I do I think he's a he's a stand
up gentleman, all right, well, let's see what else. Boy,
he's got a good heart and a good arm. H oh, bang bang,
someone's at the door. It's an old family friend. There's an old
there's sold there's a there's an old friend at the door. Oh, who
is it? Who is it? Who is who is who's that? Oh?
My goodness, you're right. It's M and M's cherry flavored and mums
and that's they're they're Valentine's M and m's. They're come in burgundy and red
and they're cherry artificially flavored. Are the heart shaped? Well, let's take
a look in the bag, and no, they are regular M and M
shape, which is like a squashed ball. With all the money the M
and MS has, And you know they got money because they are everywhere and
have been for years, Why can't they just put it in a Why can't
they just indent one end of it? Well? Are you ready to just
turn this argument on your ear, Tabitha, because I'll tell you why because
here in the US of A, we know how to make M and m's.
Now, if you want heart shape, we're gonna have to outsource those
jobs. Really, would you do that? Tab Would you do that?
I'm a patriot, so no, exactly. And see that's the problem.
People do not understand candy manufacturing techniques. And that's why I consider this podcast
to be educational. Now, those people over at iTunes keep insisting it's not
educational, and it just makes me matter than a cat in a mannaise factory.
Oh, somebody's been watching TLC. You are correct. Now let's pull
into the grand tradition. I'll tell you what about the M M and MS.
If anybody's repackaging anything from holiday to holiday, just throwing a little cheery
flavor in there, that just makes a difference. I'll tell you what.
I'm excited because while you can find Eminem's for any holiday, you can even
custom order colors if you're so inclined. Didn't they have like gingerbread Eminem's Exactly?
It's when they put a special flavoring in that I get particularly excited about
another sumptuous treat from the Mars Corporation. Thanks Mars. And finally, last
but not least, as long as I've been alive, there's but one man
that I consider to be my Valentine. And I'm not a phrase two man.
I consider my Valentines, and I'll tell you what, I'm not afraid
to share either of them with Tabitha, Jesus and Russell Stover. Oh oh
yeah, Russell Stover, red Rover, red Rover, send Over, Russell
Stover. That's what we always say, Well, we always say it,
that's what we always say. And here we have. They're assorted fine chocolates.
Now I'm gonna tell you what. We've already opened this up. And
as we've said so many times, no map, No, it's just a
mind field to taste, son of a biscuit. Careful, I'm just pissed,
Betty. Pissed, Betty, Betty, calm yourself. This ain't nothing
to get all. You wouldn't You wouldn't walk into a grocery store with a
blindfold on and just say, well, I hope this doesn't give me hypertension.
I mean, and why would Why would you expect people to just wander
through an authorted box of chocolates assuming everything's gonna work out all right? It
fills me with anxiety. Well, it's all right, we can go through
it together. About that tap, well, I'll say that as a surprise.
Okay, your mystery's mysterious. Let's start things off with the nerds.
Row. Okay, I like that because it's gonna have a different flavor and
texture from all the rest of the stuff that we're enjoying. The aroma is
alluring of refined sugar and red number five. It does smell sweet mmmm,
And I don't think it's too much of a stretch to assume that the red
gummy might also give cherry flavor. All right, here we go show,
all right, all right, now it's making my tight heart, not me.
It's going straight to my brain. How is it possible? It's bypassing
everything. It feels like it's settling right behind my eyes. Betty, I
think I can see time. This is like what meth and fat amines like
on the Discovery Channel specials about meth and fetamine. Oh my goodness, whoa
ah, It's like that scene from the Matt Tree. It's like the candy
took a bye to me. Who whoo who. I've never been surfing,
but I imagine that's what it's like in your mouth with your tongue on a
board. Oh my god, you just you you are one hundred percent correct.
You just plucked my thoughts out of my head and spoke them. I
think it's that matrix doing that. Oh lordy, lordy who? All right,
well, let's just call that as an explosion of sweet flavors, A
confusing on sweet Betty. It's like it's like sugarcubes in a shotgun. Oh.
I was just thinking that, Well, this is there's something else to
these. No, I don't even want to touch secrets an ingredient. If
I'll tell you what, If you are ready to ride skateboards and live in
extreme lifestyle, and by extreme I mean spelled with the X first, the
way the children do, then you should be you know what, those guys
that are on snowboards should be eating these all the time. If they're not
already, because it's the dollar already. Bungee jumpers, people who who like
the skydive, people who turn themselves into them human squirrels, shark wrestlers.
I don't trust them. I don't trust them. See them skirting around them
mountains. I'll tell you what, squirrels m it's it's for not I'll tell
you there's people that's more. But it's not for me, for me,
not for any godden fear Christian out there who I can't go to church.
Now you better go to church. The washdam sins out of your mouth.
Goodness, I don't know know what, you know what, Let's move on,
let's come back to it later. Moving on to something that at least
offers very little in the way of surprises. What's that the Valentine's Mint patty
from off brand Pierson Piersons. Oh, I've been eating candy, as you
know a long time, and I ain't never heard of Piersons. I so
rarely read labels. Piersons sounds like a store where you bube pants. Well
it's shaped like a heart, so that's adorable. It's already a step above
the quote unquote wreath we had it Chris time. I know that was a
terrible wreath. Well look look on the inside. It's pank oh adorable.
No mente. Yeah, I was kind of hoping for a little strawberry kick.
I'll tell you what. This is just like watching when they have Wheel
of Fortune. But it's like in Las Vegas. Oh do you think,
oh, well, this will be different, but it very much is not
different. No, this is just like Wheel of Fortune in Las Vegas.
Rst L in easy the hair pilgrim. I'd like to buy a vow.
Oh it's far Ooh that was menty. I think somebody just bankrupted their flavor.
I'd like to solve the puzzle. Bland. You know there's no rule
it says we have to eat the whole thing, but I feel like there
is because we do. I don't know how to respond to that. Up
next, it's time for Eminem's Cherry Valentine. Oh boy, goodness, all
right, non heart shaped Eminem's. Let it go tab Now are my eyes
deceiving me? Are these slightly larger than a standard Eminem? I think they're
a little bit larger. I think they're about to size them peanut butter Eminem's.
Oh good call, They're so good, but they're still no Hardsham.
The aroma is teasing. That is some cherry chocolate mixed in together. M.
One at a time is best at a time? M M. They
share our sweet and cherry flavored Mmmm. You know that cherry's not very overpowering,
mixes pretty well with that chocolate. I'm glad that I ate eighteen At
Monce Well, they said cherry flavored Eminem's, and what we got was cherry
flavored eminams the package. Don't mmmmmmmm what a fun and interesting treat. M
Now is this a session treat? Could you sitting and enjoy this for the
entire night? I'll tell you I don't think I could. I'd enjoy probably
less than I just ate. But the cherry flavor is very powerful. It
stays in the mouth, It does not vacate the premises. It's squats.
He got flavor squatters, Little cherry hoboes just running all around you, your
place that you need to sail. Well, let's see if we can't run
those hoboes out of town with the Russell Stover Pinkerton's Oh boy, go out
of here, hoboes. You beat at you hoboes. Oh well, here
comes our dream date, Russell. Oh, how to Russell? You're looking
knife and svel m. I just wish he didn't lie to me all the
time about the contents of his chocolates. What matters is what's inside, and
you can't find out till they're already in. It's true. None of what
you're saying is false. Well, I told you I had a little secret.
Oh is it time for that? Mmm? What's your secret? It's
time fault? You get a lot of reward points from your oint bark card
I did, but I'm saving those for the future. Oh, I would
like to tamped, Tabitha. Oh, here we go now, in the
interest of us both trying each kind of candy I've already selected, unfortunately and
against my will at random. Oh a chocolate from this box, which leaves
seven pieces for you, Tabitha. You think you can eat them all at
once? Oh? All at once? I think you could. Happy Valentine's
Day from Russell Stover. Now allow him into your mouth if he if he's
given me my Valentine's I can't refuse him. M mmmm, oh my lord
in him here? Look at these are bigger than I thought they'd be.
Well, I'm gonna eat my chocolate. These are like little Miami roaches in
a box. What are these? Oh goodness? How are you gonna try
to suss it out? Are you gonna You're gonna be like Sherlock Holmes?
But for chocolate, Well, I guess I'm gonna go with the darker ones
first, because those are the least favorite. Okay, and I've got around
what appears to be milk chocolate. Oh okay, Now when you say all
at once. What do you mean mins fell with some sort of strawberry cream
or find it delicious? All right? The first one, it's kind of
a no goodie. M m no, it's hazel nut. Keep going checond
one. Then it goes well, taste like hazel Then it goes faster,
tap faster. All at once doesn't mean over the course of six hours.
I try to and it goes Okay, it's a good thing. I got
denthers around my cheek will be hurt. And tell it to Russell and it
goes. Third one, Oh, this was sure? Why are you taking
bats? Just shoving in? It would just stop me in the trucks?
Goodness, that's that's caramel horrible? Isn't it interesting how people pronounce that differently
and half of them are wrong. How people see it was a trick sentence.
I was just leaving it open ended. Fan in the fires, fanish
it. It srowed me down. And this fiction, it's not gonna forget
this candid chats not for quitters, tab what's next? Don't let Russell down.
I think this one's trying to be cherry maybe in a caramel eat it
real che landmine it is, I tell you what, this is gonna be
a very solid honestly, three bites one chocolate? Really hold you this hout's
gonna be I told you it's stopping me. Wouldn't milady? Also care for
some fine silverware and a porcelain plate. Oh you're a man, just sty
of chocolates. I did not mean to a fan, don't you suit me?
Betty? You know I used to know this girl at Tabitha and she
loved candy, and she just loved to eat candy. I wonder where,
hey you who, where's Tabitha? Where's my friend Tabitha? Who would have
just taken that that box of chocolates out to the wood shed and made it
regret ever being packaged in the first place? Betty? The fire number five
much easier? Oh good? Is it a cream? Is that a cream?
Cream? Cream? It's another? This one's like a milky Oh i'm
ya, I'm yam happy. Left two left hooked around the square one.
I think you should shove them both in your mouth at the same time.
That's just me talking. I'm not the one holding the box. No you're
not. How was yours, by the way, um actually quite tasty?
I think it was strawberry. It was a cream cream, not a nougat,
not a newgat, a cream cream, a caramel cream cream. Didn't
stop you? You're stallin. Mmmm this one's I can look away too.
Oh part you You mash those together. It's like one of those almost candy
bars. I'll drop. Oh oh no, land mine boom in your mouth.
M. I just played mind sweeper and lost in the last bottle.
Russell Stover blew up in your mouth. Oh no, it's cocabut Russell,
leave her alone. M ride a coconut would be last. Oh cruelly capricious
fight. Why half the seat detarture, My sweet Tabatha? Oh now I
feel terrible for pushing you into this. What have I did? Russell,
though, has forsaken me? M. This is why nobody likes Valentine's Day.
I feel like Russell just drove up in his Pontiac Grand Prix, saw
I'm was standing there waiting, walking towards the car, and then just drove
off. He showed up with with fine words and and velvet suits, and
when he left it was all I'll see you later and muddy boots, oh
my man, and oh my goodness. Well, while it's fresh in our
minds. I suppose it's time for us to pick the winners the four.
Well, I'm gonna ride off the bat say, immediate disqualification to nerds ropes.
You can't give that to children unless they're lazy. If you need to
like make a child Mowa lawn feed them that in the neighborhoods too. Maybe
Melan the lawns a bad choice because they get there's blades involved. Yeah,
and it's not a candy. It's a narcotic Yeah it is. I mean,
I'm I'm gonna have those crazy dreams again. I feel like I could
see in three D. It was like living with those HD glasses on,
but I didn't have the glasses on. Oh gosh, how can you fathom?
Oh well, I'll say this then. My favorite of the Valentine's Them
candy would have to be Cherry Eminem's Oh Me Too, Me Too. However,
I was not really impressed with any of the offerings. I felt much
like the holiday itself. It was a lot of hoop law and it led
just to let down. Yeah yeah, after the Eminem's I Love him but
I hate him? Russell Stover, Russell, why why do you have to
be so complicated. I can never understand what's going on inside those chocolates in
your mind. I can't stay mad at Russell. I mean neither I will
go back to you. So, Russell Stover, you'd be the queen of
her hearts if you just put a damn map in the box. Well,
Betty, I mean you can say it another way. An I'm sorry.
It's just because I will for the next week in my mind. See the
look of suffering on your face and betrayal as you bite into another Brooklyn promise
from Russell Stover. That's true, It's so true. I accuse you.
Coconut, Coconut. I can't believe it's the last one I put in my
mouth, so rude and behind. That was the yawn of the year,
the mint Patty. Oh hey, everybody, wake up the neighbors. Get
the kids out of college. It's heart shaped now. Whoop de la la.
Everybody throw your shoes at a lamp post. Time to set fire to
your cars. Pearson's. There's a reason we don't know who you are.
Yes, stay anonymous, off Brander Pearson's. If you're gonna keep doing it,
put some labor in there. Exact strawberry, a lesson from M and
m's put something in there. It's red. It's the most delicious of labor.
Punch, fruit punch, fruit punch. Oh my goodness, there's a
lot of options. Pomegranate that's a popular flavor that's supposed to cure cancer,
passion fruit cherry again, chocolate covered strawberry. Yeah, anything would be better
than that horrid riched mint. Chocolate minty mint mint. Go back to Christmas.
At least you makes sense. Then, Well, for this episode,
oh my goodness's and I'll tell you what, We're gonna have to go to
candy gym because it's time for one of the toughest workouts of the year.
It's just around the corner the diabeta stash. Well, that's one name for
it. I call it Easter Easter. I don't know if I can get
the taste of all them rus stovers out of my mouth before East rolls around.
Well, we're gonna have to train and run up and downstairs and sing
I have a tiger to each other because we just have to down down town,
downtown town. I don't down Towntown's On the radio, I listen to
Joel Lousten I have the tiger. That's that Katie Purry. You don't want
to listen to Katie Purry. She's a hush, she's a young woman.
She's got who has hanging out all over the place. She is asserting herself
as an individual young lady, and she does not yet have the maturity to
understand that is not the way. It's not to get in front of her
and that she's getting at the wrong kind of wrong kind of attention. I
agree, it's wrong, you know what. And she's gonna learn, she's
gonna gonna learn, she's going to not like that bieber girl. No,
she's already getting hers. Mm hmmm, I foul the law. So from
this episode of Candy Chat, I am Betty ever Saw, I am Tabitha
Hutcheson, and we wish you the very best of fifty percent off Candy.
Don't forget your wint back card, pint black card, by y'all, I'm I'm blas