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seven Lamb, the number seven Lamb. Thanks and enjoy the show. Seven
Lamb Productions presents Movie Night, Season two, Episode six, The Way A
Crumbles. Hello, what a great morning. Damn man, you don't knock
out the hell so rude. It's a wonderful morning. So good morning to
you and to you. Okay, okay, calm down, Debbie Reynolds,
no need to go into song and dance. Guess who just got an email
back from the company they were hoping for? Wow? Really, guess what?
Guess who? Why you're obviously talking about your guess? Go ahead,
Coop. I was wearing my newly acquired attire a smoke collared dress shirt and
slim fit khaki pants. I crossed my arms jokingly posing for Cooper. Uh,
let me see, who could it be? I really hope you're kidding
Cooper, and you said it was a company they were hoping for. Okay,
just forget it. Oh, I know. Yeah, Jane Jane.
Who the hell is Jane? Jane's my ex roommate's cousin. She's been applying
for a marketing research company for a long time. Glad they finally got back
to her. No, damn it, Coop, it's me. Why do
you think he's dressed like that? Wait? Why are you dressed like that?
You have another Zoom meeting? No, just fell like it. I'm
a new man, Josh, with new goals and a new job. I
feel like I should start dressing for the part. You write movie reviews.
Yeah, I'm a writer. I've seen American splendor and adaptation. Writers do
not dress like that. They can. Plus, you're not a writer.
I am a writer. You're not. I write things. You write reviews
of people's writing. Someone writes a script, they make it a film,
You watch it, and then you write what you think. You're a reviewer,
A critic. You just want to say writer because it makes you sound
more sophisticated. I am more sophisticated man who than whom I dressed the part?
Josh, I dressed the part. We should all dress up in fancy
clothes. Why it'd be fun. We live in Florida and it's ninety five
degrees outside. Basic coop. Josh isn't as sophisticated as us. I can
see your pit stained from here. That's the gel deodorant. Why don't people
wear suits anymore like they did back in the day. It's too hot.
No, people today aren't as sophisticated. That's why that is the third time
you have used the word. It's sophisticated, and you're only saying it because
I just said it. If you're going to be a writer, maybe invest
in a thesaurus. I don't need a thesaurus. I have a phone,
Then use it. I think it'd be cool if people walked around and suits
and ties. Again, some people still do, It's just not as common
as it once was. You see that video and read it from like the
early nineteen hundreds of the people on the beach, fucking everyone is dressed up
and splashing around. Yeah, I think a guy even rides by on a
bike on sand in a suit. I dated a girl one time where a
whole family dressed up like all the time, but she didn't tell me when
I went to visit. Like they were rich, like her dad was a
CEO or something, but really old school. You got mad at me for
not taking off my hat when I walked into his house. I mean,
past suicidal norms claimed wearing a hat when entering a house or while eating was
rude. Yeah, but we watched a lot of old movies, a lot
of old detective movies, and those detectives never take their hats off. Maybe
that's why they were referred to as dicks. Well, with this new job,
you can be sure I'll be dressing professional more often professional Lee, what
nothing. I still don't see why you would. You're not going anywhere.
I'll be going to the movies to see new films. It's not the red
carpet, and I thought you were going to be reviewing older films. I'll
be doing both. Actually, Yeah, but you have a real inoffice job
now, and you never dressed like that. I had a real inoffice job
you quit. I told you. I'm making changes. Really, why do
you think I'm here on a Tuesday morning making a whiskey sour because you're a
lazy alcoholic. Because I'm a lazy alcoholic writer. So how come I'm dressing
this one out of style? Styles change? I think the younger generation had
something to do with that. Younger generations always bring about change, much to
the chagrin of the older generations. What does chagrin mean, Brad? What
come on, writer? What does chagrin mean? It means they hate it?
Hey, what older generations hate younger generations? That's not what it means.
So like grandpa hates me, not just your grandpa, but other people's
grandpa's as well, it actually means they are upset, like a embarrassment of
your generational ideas mine. That's what I said. You just didn't understand because
you didn't explain it right. No, because you're not what's the word I'm
looking for, sophisticated, that's it. That's bullshit. Oh come on,
Josh, you know it's true. I'm a classy swab and elect who knows
how to dress to impress, and you're jealous. Your tie is on the
ground, damn clip ons. You know this is a third time he's left
dishes in the sink and clothes on the floor. Relax, Daisy, he's
transitioning. No, he's always been lazy. I don't mean personally, I
mean to the new living situation. Well, he needs to transition his crap
out of the living room. He sleeps on the couch, but he keeps
his stuff in your room. That's where it belongs. I have guests over
all the time. You have friends. Neither of us have guests. What's
the difference. Friends don't give a shit and you're not trying to impress them.
Guests don't give a shit either, but you try to maintain an image.
Cleanliness is me keeping an image. You don't want to look like a
slob. I'm not a slob. Okay, And you're wrong, Josh.
Friends are guests the moment they enter your home, when they crossed the front
door thresholds now. Yep. So Brad is your guest. No, he's
your guest. What about Cooper? Cooper lives here now, he's not a
guest, barely a friend and definitely a nuisance. You'll get better. We'll
set up a chores list. Where is he? By the way, I
don't know. Ah, no one's here yet. Where where are you coop
next door? Taking a shit? What? Why? Miss White said?
I could? You asked our landlord if you could ship in her bathroom?
Well, I didn't word it like that. What did you say? I
asked her if I could quickly squeeze out a deuce? How is that better?
I didn't say it was better, Daisy, I said, I worded
it differently. I wouldn't curse around an old lady. Older generation already hates
us, right, Josh, not specifically, but sure. I did take
my hat off when I went inside, though, didn't want to be a
dick. Yeah, because the hat is the determining factor there. I am
so lost. Why were you over there? I thought it wasn't a big
deal. You did it when there was a spider last week and Josh was
in the bathroom when I had to go. Then you wait, man?
Yeah, I don't want you bothering our next door neighbor. I thought she
was your landlord. She's both, but she said she was happy to oblige.
You know, I don't think she's really racist. Why's that she said
she wasn't you asked her? Oh my god? That is so not cool
Cooper, but admitted days you are a bit curious. What did she say?
She said she wasn't she likes all racists? Oh, well, there
you go. Yeah, she just thinks that Jews have too much power.
What oh man, I got it? Hey? Hey, how's it going?
Guys? Oh, I'll tell you how it's going. You ready for
storytime? Here we go? Can I get a drink first for story time?
Are you serious? No? Don't wait for him to get a drink.
The kitchen is right there. I don't want to miss anything. It's
ten feet away. What's up, Kelly? You want to tell him?
Anderson or me? You just go because we both know I won't tell it
right. That's true, even though I don't know why we have to bring
it up here. Our house is like the Cheers bar, talk about your
troubles, except they're never all the same. Have you listened to the Cheers
theme? Like, listen to the actual lyrics. It's pretty messed up.
Some guy mentions how he hung his cat by its tail, and the third
fiance didn't show. It's truly depressing, but still one of the best TV
themes. You think what rivals it? Friends Jefferson's Seinfeld Seinfeld, the bass
plucks the What I thought we were naming best sitcoms, Best TV themes?
Oh? Then I say Lost? Does Lost even have a theme? I
think it's like, wa, are you guys done? Can I tell my
story? Now? Go ahead? By the way, I think it's ridiculous
you guys didn't mention Fresh Prince, The Simpsons or mash Mash is even more
depressing than Cheers. You're comparing an army hospital to a bar, so of
course it is. No, I'm comparing themes. Here's a theme for you,
Anderson, Stop helping your drug addict cousin. Is that a song?
I don't think I know that show? What do you do now, Kelly?
I thought you guys got him a motel for the time being. Anderson
did. But guess what Henry is doing in his motel room. Technically he's
not in it. M what's he doing. He's renting out the room for
prostitutes. Whoa, whoa, No, he's not. He's renting out the
room to friends of friends and escorts. What do you mean he's renting out
a motel room. Isn't that the job of the motel? Motel owner,
Anderson has been paying for the room, So Henry rents it out for other
people for a few hours so they can cheat on their significant others, and
then he pockets the money. That's awesome. No it's not. I mean
from a business standpoint, Hey, Gordon Gecko, it's not smart business because
Anderson's not going to pay for the room anymore. First off, I am
not Geico Gecko. And secondly, if he doesn't pay for the room,
where's Henry going to go? Doesn't matter. He wanted to move back in
with us, No way, I said no. So he was just giving
his key to people so they could hook up in his room. Yeah,
sometimes he would just wait outside until they were finished. Growth how did you
find out? Motel owner complained, said, we were asking him to change
the sheets too often. We were there to visit Henry, but he wasn't
there. One of Henry's friends, who works at Taco Bell was the dude
was there to cheat on his pregnant girlfriend with an escort. No, with
the Burger King employee. Now that's a combo. Henry is like an asshole
version of CC Baxter. No, Henry isn't anything like Jack Lemon. He's
Fred McMurray. You mean Shell Drake. Well, I don't mean the shaggy
dog Tim Allen, Fred McMurray. But Tim Allen was the shaggy dog.
Fred McMurray was the shaggy dog. First. What about Aladdin? What about
it? Wasn't he a shaggy dog? He means Scott Weiner Maybe Aladdin to
you, but he'll always be Steve to me. Hey, full House,
Now that's a good theme song. I just don't understand why you entertain him.
Anderson, he's my cousin. Yeah, but he's not gonna change,
That's what I tell him. Hey, did you guys know that Scott Weiner
is a producer? Like He's produced multiple shows, including Blackish. He came
back for Fuller House, didn't he? Yeah? I think he's still acting,
you know what? I think what I think? This might be the
most anybody has ever talked about Scott Weiner besides Fuller House and produce some shows.
He kind of did disappear after the nineties. I wish the same could
be said for Henry. You know what really annoys me knocking before entering Anderson's
cousin, Kelly's lack of movie knowledge all very good guesses, and that reminds
me I need to break up with Kelly. Things not working out never really
were I thought you liked her. Things change. I told you, Josh,
I'm a new man now. So what really annoys you, Brad?
Nobody colon memes? What the hell's a nobody colon meme? You know those
memes where it says nobody slashed colon and then it shows a picture and says
some joke. How are those still a thing? Memeshelf life is usually like
a year, I mean, creates something new. At this point, no
one gives a shit about philosopher Aptor or a good guy Greg anymore. I
see you're not dressed to impress right now. Run out of Josh shirts.
It's more work than it's worth. I gave it a go, but it's
run its course. It's been three days. Why are the memes bothering you,
Brad? Just annoying? It's every day now Like they were fine at
first, even sometimes funny when clever, but it's so lazy at this point.
Well, the reason why it's still around, unlike Velociraptor, scumbag Steve
or grumpy Cat, is because it's not dependent on one image. Explain,
Nobody Colin is an idea like Antifa, Yakami bastard. Don't start with me.
Oh God, guys, please no, keep going, Kelly. It's
an idea, not a soul image. You can imply the nobody calling to
multiple images, but grumpy Cat was applied to multiple images. But grumpy Cat
is the image. Nobody Colin is just an idea, a joke, a
joke with many meanings, kind of like the Aristocrats joke. Well, the
Aristocrats joke is a different build up with the same outcome, whereas the nobody
calling joke is the same build up with a different outcome. It's offensive to
even try to compare those two things. Unless I see Lewis Black, Dana
Gould, or Lewis using Nobody colon on Twitter, then those jokes aren't even
slightly comparable. Plus, memes aren't jokes. Memes make me laugh. Cooper
Friedberg and Seltzer movies make you laugh. Jesus, Really, I would rate
their films lower than memes. They're not all that bad disaster movie, spy,
hard date movie. We don't need their resume. Wait, were you
just listening movies that you deemed weren't that bad. Leslie Nielsen is funny,
but Spyhard is not. Freedburg and Seltzer movies are about as funny as watching
a World War two documentary and just as tragic. So Nobody Colin memes are
like that. You don't know, No, you've had to have seen them.
Anderson doesn't go on Facebook or Twitter that often. Everything's politics nowadays.
Oh save it, you damn hippie. That's how I feel. That's how
everyone feels. But you suck it up, pick your side of the political
spectrum and lamb basted the other side until you get banned for a week.
Brad has goals, so do why minors day off social media? Well,
I still think you've seen the Nobody Colin memes somewhere. It's been around forever,
Sadly, I've even heard people say it out loud in everyday conversation.
Jesus really, yeah. Here, I'll apply it orally like a condom on
Anderson he wishes, Actually I do. Here's an example, Nobody Colin Henry
on any day that ends with why Colin screwing over his cousin and being a
pimp. I don't know if it works orally. I guess hemage helps.
I do want to know more about this cousin, Henry, though she's talking
about my cousin, Brad Oh, the suspected thief and drug dealer. Wait,
he's a pimp. Now, he was a pimp, but he graduated.
No, we put a stop to it. Leave it to you to
kill a man's dream, dream bigger. So what did you do? Stop
giving him money for his motel room? But now he wants to move back
in with us. Hide your pearls Kelly, It's not going to happen.
He actually has some money saved up from all of his exploits. Can coast
on that for a while. I need you to be firm, though,
Anderson, not the first time you said that. I bet you know.
As time goes on, it's getting easier and easier to ignore you Brad as
you talk to me. So Anderson, apply that same logic to people who
are assholes to you, like Henry. I told you, babe, I'm
putting my foot down. You know what I just thought of. That whole
scenario was like a Florida man's version of the apartment. We already came to
that conclusion before you got here, so someone already said he's like Jack Lemon.
We said he's like Fred McMurray, the Shaggy Dog Shell Drake. No
he's not. He's like an asshole Jack Lemon. That's what I said.
You know, I think I saw Jack Lemon playing piano at the mall the
other day. No, you didn't, I did, You didn't. How
do you know? Because Jack Lemon is dead, Cooper? Since when since
his heart stopped beating? Has he been dead long long enough to not perform
at the mall? I swear it was him. What was his last movie?
Bagger Vance? Right? And when was that? It wasn't him at
the mall, Cooper. I don't even think he plays piano. How do
you know? I don't? He plays bass in something like It Hot.
That's a movie we should be watching for movie night? Is that a day
at Cooper's pick? Last week? Hey, eight Legged Freaks, wasn't that
bad? You chuckled a few times? Brad Our Kid has a funny surprise
face. You might actually be happy with Kelly's pick this week? What sappy
romance are we watching this time? Oh? Shove it. My picks are
way better than yours, Kelly, went over to her bag on the counter
and pulled out a Blu Ray. Voila the Apartment. I think it fits
where me and Anderson are currently. Yeah, but it doesn't hit too close
to home. Yeah, like when we watched The Birds after Josh got attacked.
Don't remind me. Yeah, he's starting to pick fights with the squirrels.
Now they're leaving peanut shells on my hood. That's on purpose. I
can't believe you bought the Blu Ray. I didn't know you collected. We
have some, even though we stream a lot, but the Apartment is worth
having. It's one of my favorites. That reminds me. I went over
to Josh and Daisy's movie shelf and glossed over their films. What are you
doing? I'm gonna borrow a few movies for reviews. They want me to
do an article on the perfect sci fi triple feature. I have Blade Runner.
I have Blade Runner. Did you see twenty forty nine? It's really
good? Yeah. I think people were shocked with how good it turned out.
Is that the one with Harrison Ford where he's an android? He's not
an android? I thought that was to be interpreted. What is you're thinking
of Sean Young. Who's he? She is the lead and Blade Runner the
original. So she was an android? Yeah, she takes that eye test,
the mind comptest or whatever. Right, she's not a Nazi. I
didn't say she was void comptests. Jesus. It's like our landlord is running
off on you, Cooper. What does that mean? Cooper found out Miss
White isn't racist, she's just anti Semitic. No, she's not, she's
just anti jew. Enough. Wow, Josh, we're gonna have to move
what our next door neighbor is racist? Where are we going to find a
ceiling high enough to have stadium seating? Where is your morality yet? My
morals cannot get in the way of movie night? Good answer, Josh.
Thanks, Okay, can we get started. I'm gonna make popcorn? Josh?
Don't you have Starship Troopers? It's over there? Oh? I see
it? What about the one with what's his face? Brendan Gleeson's son.
Why can't I think of his name? Oh? Yeah, I have it.
You're talking about ex Machina. That's it so good? I need to
buy it. Why do you do that? Do what Kelly buy movies?
No? B sexist? How am I sexist? Am I somehow grabbing these
movies in a misogynistic way? No? But Alicia via Candor was an ex
machina too, not just Brendan Gleeson's son. So let's try a little test.
Oh boy, I'll name a movie. You name the actor or actors
in the movie. Okay, Mars Attacks, Jack Nicholson, Pierce Brosnen,
Danny Duvito. What about Glenn Closon Aette Benny? What about him? You
always jump right to the male actors. I do not Pirate of the Caribbean,
Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom. What about Karen Knightley. I was getting
to her, but Johnny Depp's the real star five Hundred Days of Summer Joseph
Gordon Levitt? See what, he was the main star? They both got
top billing. You're picking these movies to purposefully trap me. I am not.
I mean, why not just say Twelve Angry Men or Glen Gary Glenn
Ross. I'm picking movies with both sexes, but with predominantly male stars.
You're definitely Glen Gary Glenn Ross in me. I am not Glen Gary Glenn
Ross. And you you totally are Glen Gary Glenn Ross in me, guys,
stop using Glen Gary Glen Ross as a verb. Well, she is.
I wouldn't use that as an example any more than the women or bridesmaids,
at least bridesmaids has John hamm Oh, jesus, really see you're still
doing it. I was just stating a fact. Fine, I'll pick better
movies. Ready go, Swordfish, John Travolta, Silence of the Lambs,
Anthony Hopkins, he had five minutes of screen time, keep going, almost
famous, Billy Crudup, Million Dollar Baby, Clint Eastwood, Juno, Michael
Sarah Alien, Tom Scarrett. Oh okay, yeah, I see your point
now. In all fairness, Ripley was supposed to be a guy in the
original script. Anderson, I read that recently. Listen. I like women
in film, Meryl Streep, Carrie mulligan, Holly Hunter, Lauren McCall,
Kate Winslett, Claudette Colbert, Shirley McClain. I was making a point.
I'm trying to help you Bread since now you're a critic a writer. You're
not a writer. But speaking of McClean, are we ready for the movie?
Yes? We all grabbed our snacks and drinks and made her way to
the couch. So where is Henry now, we don't know. Probably hustling
the north side. The problem with Henry is he'll be back to bother us
for sure. He's a loser, but unlike Jack Lemon in the apartment,
he lacks chrisma, charm and talent. I agree. Should have seen him
play the piano. Oh, Henry, no Jack Lemon, it wasn't him.
Can we just start the movie now, Kelly, you don't feel a
little bit bad for him? No, not at all, Anderson, not
at all. Really, he makes his own trouble. He's his own worst
enemy. But now he has no place to stay. Well, that's the
way it crumbles, cookie wise. Kelly put in the Blu ray and I
grabbed the controller, but before pressing play, I decided to send an important
text and done. What is just ended things with Kelly overtext. It wasn't
that serious, And honestly, I don't think she'll care that much. Why
because she'll realize she was scraping the bottom of the barrel with you, because
we don't have a lot in common. Plus things are changing from me new
job, and and what I really thought you were going to rattle off a
list right now. No, but new job is the beginning. What's next,
working on myself, breaking up with someone I'm not compatible with, and
hopefully at some point meeting someone else who likes movies and absolutely adores me.
Okay, Brad, shut up and start the movie. Movie Night Written and
edited by Robert M. Lamb, starring Robert M. Lamb as Josh Catabell
as Daisy, Brian Messeick as Brad, Jack Austin Cooper Hope, Ennis as
Kelly, Nick Englehard as Anderson co starring Christina Lewis. Music provided by Kevin
McLeod of incompetet dot com. If you enjoy this podcast, don't forget to
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