WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.840 --> 00:00:07.000 Uh, how do we start this? In this episode, we have an 2 00:00:07.000 --> 00:00:12.279 announcement. We do, Shelley and I have news. Don't panic, it's 3 00:00:12.320 --> 00:00:17.039 okay, it's okay. And then after we share our news, we are 4 00:00:17.079 --> 00:00:21.640 going to read a couple of listener letters today. I love the listener letters. 5 00:00:21.800 --> 00:00:25.039 M Yeah, I think it's been a little while. Yeah, these 6 00:00:25.079 --> 00:00:29.800 are both from current Mormons, not for long. Oh sorry, members of 7 00:00:29.839 --> 00:00:32.520 the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. Don't use that wind for 8 00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:36.359 Satan. Nope. All right, let's take a break and then get into 9 00:00:36.399 --> 00:00:42.679 it when get back. All right, Hey, everybody, welcome to Latter 10 00:00:42.759 --> 00:00:46.119 Day Lesbian, the podcast about the next Mormon gay girl just trying to figure 11 00:00:46.159 --> 00:00:49.399 out a life. My name is Mary, my name is Shelley, and 12 00:00:49.439 --> 00:00:53.280 I'm a little bit under the weather. So if i sound a little you 13 00:00:53.320 --> 00:00:58.719 know, deeper voice, sexy, or than normal, that's why. Also, 14 00:00:59.119 --> 00:01:03.240 we are not our studio today. We're down at one of the airbnbs 15 00:01:03.520 --> 00:01:06.480 and the sound is not great, right, so quit your bitch in. 16 00:01:06.560 --> 00:01:10.000 We're doing our best. Dan hates these travel Mike. Sorry Dan, Dan, 17 00:01:11.799 --> 00:01:14.439 Well, there's a weird EQ thing. I don't know what you just 18 00:01:14.480 --> 00:01:19.319 said. Righty eq element op is gonna be way off. Yeah, it's 19 00:01:19.319 --> 00:01:25.640 gonna be kind of funky, Okay. We have put this off as long 20 00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:30.959 as possible, Yes, because of lots of reasons. Trying to figure out 21 00:01:30.159 --> 00:01:34.719 what the future holds, right is one of them. Trying to get over 22 00:01:36.359 --> 00:01:41.319 the pain is another. Everyone's very alarmed right now. Mary and I have 23 00:01:41.480 --> 00:01:46.480 broken up. It's not a joke, it's not April Fools. It's true. 24 00:01:47.640 --> 00:01:49.400 We broke up. I don't know, two months ago now, I 25 00:01:49.400 --> 00:01:53.159 want to say, yeah, over the summer. Over the summer and we 26 00:01:53.359 --> 00:01:57.280 just kind of had to take a break from the podcasting just to work through 27 00:01:59.439 --> 00:02:02.680 everything. We don't want to get into details about the breakup. It's personal, 28 00:02:02.760 --> 00:02:06.920 of course, but I just want everyone to know that A there was 29 00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:12.120 no infidelity, and for some reason for me, like in the Mormon world, 30 00:02:12.280 --> 00:02:16.520 when someone breaks up, divorces or whatever, my first thought was always 31 00:02:17.000 --> 00:02:23.479 somebody cheated or somebody left the church, and good thing they divorced. I 32 00:02:23.560 --> 00:02:24.639 know it's fucked up. Well, I left the church a long time. 33 00:02:24.680 --> 00:02:30.599 I guess you did, so did I did? I did not that church 34 00:02:30.639 --> 00:02:32.400 though, different church. Right. In case you're listening for the first time 35 00:02:34.199 --> 00:02:38.599 any people are bottom and go back back to the beginning one. I know, 36 00:02:38.120 --> 00:02:45.919 Jesus, so in the last couple of months, it's been hard on 37 00:02:45.960 --> 00:02:51.800 both of us. We both know and understand that we needed to take that 38 00:02:52.719 --> 00:02:58.599 relationship break not like break up. Not we're on a break like breakup, 39 00:02:59.680 --> 00:03:02.120 and we had to take time apart and figure it all out. Sure, 40 00:03:02.439 --> 00:03:06.360 yeah, I mean, you don't just like break up and everything's great. 41 00:03:06.400 --> 00:03:08.360 Me being the more And this is not a diss on you, Me being 42 00:03:08.400 --> 00:03:13.280 the more feeling one, I guess because I'm cold and dead and side. 43 00:03:13.439 --> 00:03:17.919 No. No, because I'm the one that gets devastated by everything. That's 44 00:03:17.960 --> 00:03:21.560 just who I am. You are all up in your fields, I am. 45 00:03:21.599 --> 00:03:25.240 I am so in all honesty, it was very hard for me. 46 00:03:27.719 --> 00:03:30.639 My mom got sick and passed away all in the same week. I would 47 00:03:30.680 --> 00:03:35.000 say, very bad timing, horrible timing. Yeah, but what do you 48 00:03:35.039 --> 00:03:37.319 do. It's like, you break up and then my mom dies, and 49 00:03:37.360 --> 00:03:39.520 then do we say, never mind, let's get back together while you work 50 00:03:39.560 --> 00:03:43.840 through your mom grief and then we'll break up Like that's it's I mean, 51 00:03:43.919 --> 00:03:46.159 our cat was out of the bag for us, and then your mom got 52 00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:50.199 second passed and it was just bad time. It was bad. It was 53 00:03:50.240 --> 00:03:54.159 bad. So the one two punch for me losing Mary as my girlfriend and 54 00:03:54.199 --> 00:04:01.639 losing my mom as my mom definitely put me in a spiral of massive depression, 55 00:04:03.439 --> 00:04:09.800 massive anxiety that I haven't felt in a long time there, And I'm 56 00:04:09.800 --> 00:04:12.039 just gonna throw those out there. I guess we need to trigger warning. 57 00:04:12.520 --> 00:04:15.560 Suicide ideation, I guess is our trigger warning there. I definitely was in 58 00:04:15.600 --> 00:04:24.000 a very bad, unsafe place there, And you know, I'm just laying 59 00:04:24.040 --> 00:04:28.040 this out there for you people because that's what we do. Sure, the 60 00:04:28.160 --> 00:04:35.040 breakup basically happened in Mary's apartment, and I don't think I would have done 61 00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:40.279 anything, because I didn't. But when I get to that point, it's 62 00:04:40.319 --> 00:04:46.240 like my brain starts the panic and doesn't think logically and was like, you 63 00:04:46.279 --> 00:04:50.639 know, Shelley, Mary lives on the sixth floor. There's a balcony. 64 00:04:50.839 --> 00:04:57.399 It wouldn't be that hard to just go take a leap and make make it 65 00:04:57.480 --> 00:05:01.879 stop hurting. I didn't know you. I mean, that's not considered an 66 00:05:01.879 --> 00:05:06.120 active plan. No, it was. I was having the impulses, which, 67 00:05:06.160 --> 00:05:11.240 by the way, talking to a doctor after that, you checked yourself 68 00:05:11.240 --> 00:05:14.720 into an AR. Yeah. So when I checked into the AR, and 69 00:05:14.759 --> 00:05:18.199 that was probably the next day, she told me most people don't make plans. 70 00:05:18.519 --> 00:05:25.079 Most people it's impulsive and they can't handle it and they do something that 71 00:05:25.079 --> 00:05:29.480 they wouldn't necessarily have done if they could have sat and talked it through or 72 00:05:29.519 --> 00:05:31.560 whatever. So whether or not I would have done that, I don't know, 73 00:05:33.040 --> 00:05:38.560 who knows, But I recognize that those thoughts were coming in and I 74 00:05:38.680 --> 00:05:43.959 knew it wasn't good, and so I spent probably the next day. Gosh, 75 00:05:44.120 --> 00:05:47.319 for sure, the next day was horrible, but it was non stop 76 00:05:48.879 --> 00:05:56.680 grief and crying and wailing and just wanting to get away from all these feelings. 77 00:05:56.959 --> 00:05:59.480 And by the way, Mary, you were very sweet and very kind 78 00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:01.879 and try to help me. I didn't leave your side for like three days. 79 00:06:01.959 --> 00:06:05.360 No, you didn't, And you also had a lot of support from 80 00:06:05.360 --> 00:06:11.720 a lot of friends. I did. I figured I'd get a little hearing 81 00:06:11.800 --> 00:06:18.439 on this, but yeah, I'm just kind of going back there in my 82 00:06:18.480 --> 00:06:26.000 mind and it's not happy, Yeah, I know. So yeah, the 83 00:06:26.040 --> 00:06:30.759 next day when I was just in a horrible place, you know, wailing 84 00:06:30.800 --> 00:06:33.160 out loud, just not being able to handle anything, and kind of rocking 85 00:06:33.199 --> 00:06:38.199 back and forth and just major anxiety. The neighbors. I can't believe they 86 00:06:38.199 --> 00:06:43.160 didn't call the cops because it wasn't like quiet wailing. It was like grief 87 00:06:44.000 --> 00:06:48.240 morning. Anyway, my daughter Genevieve was home, thank god. Well actually 88 00:06:48.279 --> 00:06:51.720 she was at work a lot of the day, but she knew what had 89 00:06:51.759 --> 00:06:55.040 happened, and she knew I was in a real shitty place. And she 90 00:06:55.079 --> 00:06:59.000 would text me like every hour, Mom, how are you doing? Are 91 00:06:59.040 --> 00:07:02.639 you okay? Yeah? My kids they're just oh, they're amazing humans. 92 00:07:03.079 --> 00:07:05.639 And one time I just text her and I said, Genevieve, I'm not 93 00:07:05.680 --> 00:07:11.920 I'm not good. I'm I'm not good. I'm scared. And she came 94 00:07:11.959 --> 00:07:16.519 home right away. And I was also talking to Kimberly and Jess are therapist 95 00:07:16.639 --> 00:07:23.439 friends, and they were very helpful with me understanding like the danger of what 96 00:07:23.519 --> 00:07:27.120 was going on. Right, and they're making all these calls trying to find 97 00:07:27.120 --> 00:07:30.920 a facilitate for you as Yeah, they knew it was bad. And I 98 00:07:30.920 --> 00:07:34.480 remember Kimberly asked, are you safe? And I said I don't think so, 99 00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:40.600 and she said you need to go to the hospital, and I agreed, 100 00:07:40.639 --> 00:07:44.519 I'm like, yes, for sure. Genevieve came home when she took 101 00:07:44.519 --> 00:07:48.839 me to the hospital and Mary met me there. They wouldn't even let me 102 00:07:48.879 --> 00:07:51.759 go back there. Those assholes I know well because Genevieve was back there with 103 00:07:51.839 --> 00:07:57.319 them one visitor of time. And by the way, there actually wasn't room 104 00:07:57.399 --> 00:08:00.879 for you in there because I only made it to a like a gurney, 105 00:08:01.199 --> 00:08:03.680 not that they had to wheel me somewhere because I couldn't walk, but they 106 00:08:03.720 --> 00:08:07.600 had me laid down on a gurney in the hall while they talked to me 107 00:08:07.720 --> 00:08:11.959 and asked me questions. And it seems an appropriate place for all that. 108 00:08:11.439 --> 00:08:15.480 Yeah, just in some hallway, I know, like, oh, I 109 00:08:15.519 --> 00:08:22.560 feel so cared for. But the great thing, this is my private ship 110 00:08:22.680 --> 00:08:24.759 that I need to talk about. I know they're asking me out loud if 111 00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:28.600 I'm making plans to kill myself, and you know where everyone's listening up together 112 00:08:28.680 --> 00:08:37.679 around we're about to start a podcast. So what was slightly entertaining? But 113 00:08:37.720 --> 00:08:41.879 I guess I shouldn't have been entertained because it's sad. But in the room 114 00:08:41.919 --> 00:08:48.240 like connecting to the hall where I was, there was a person there because 115 00:08:48.240 --> 00:08:52.960 I eaves dropped very well. The doctors assumed he had taken way too many 116 00:08:52.039 --> 00:08:56.960 meds, like on purpose, but he was irritable. He was yelling, 117 00:08:58.279 --> 00:09:01.039 he was trying to, you know, throw things around, and so they 118 00:09:01.159 --> 00:09:07.720 had I'm not exaggerating, at least ten security officers, some in the room, 119 00:09:07.799 --> 00:09:11.000 some standing in the hall. So I felt very safe. I don't 120 00:09:11.000 --> 00:09:13.519 know, but it was kind of nice. I don't know. It sounds 121 00:09:13.519 --> 00:09:16.039 horrible to say it was nice to have the distraction of someone else who was 122 00:09:16.039 --> 00:09:20.039 suffering, but whatever, it is, what it is. Mary met me 123 00:09:20.679 --> 00:09:26.399 back in the waiting room because the doctors wanted to admit me into that hospital. 124 00:09:26.480 --> 00:09:28.960 There for like seventy two hour watch, and I just didn't want to 125 00:09:28.000 --> 00:09:31.919 be there. I just felt I didn't want to be without my people, 126 00:09:33.440 --> 00:09:37.519 you know, I didn't want to be confined to some place. Anyway, 127 00:09:37.519 --> 00:09:41.679 Mary met me, she brought me home. Genevieve went back home in my 128 00:09:41.799 --> 00:09:45.639 car, and no, you stayed with me for a while. Yeah, 129 00:09:45.799 --> 00:09:48.799 you did, and it was I wanted to make sure you're okay. I 130 00:09:48.879 --> 00:09:54.240 know, I love you. I love you too so much. That hasn't 131 00:09:54.320 --> 00:09:58.759 changed, you know, never will never. Sometimes you just have to make 132 00:09:58.759 --> 00:10:03.720 the really hard decisions in life. Yes, and Marriott was the right decision. 133 00:10:03.960 --> 00:10:09.440 I know. For the first few weeks I was just like a fucking 134 00:10:09.480 --> 00:10:13.240 train wreck. And I am glad that you stood strong and the resolve that 135 00:10:13.279 --> 00:10:18.960 this needs to be ended. As far as the girlfriend relationship, but we're 136 00:10:18.960 --> 00:10:24.200 still podcasting partners and business partners. For sure. We're like best friends. 137 00:10:24.279 --> 00:10:28.720 I mean we're I don't have any less love for you. I really don't 138 00:10:28.960 --> 00:10:35.360 say thank you. So after the hospital experience, I was trying to check 139 00:10:35.399 --> 00:10:41.720 myself into like a mental therapy rehab, like an inpatient day thirty right, 140 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:43.440 what do they call it? Is it called inpatient? Like where you living 141 00:10:43.480 --> 00:10:48.840 here? I think so, because in my mind I knew I needed to 142 00:10:48.879 --> 00:10:54.360 work on myself. I knew I needed to get away from everything. I 143 00:10:54.399 --> 00:10:56.559 just needed separation. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to 144 00:10:56.639 --> 00:11:00.799 run, and so to me, this was my my I'm going to run 145 00:11:00.799 --> 00:11:05.080 away and get better and then come back to my life. I'm gonna say, 146 00:11:05.159 --> 00:11:09.000 fortunately, at this point, my insurance wouldn't pay for it. Yeah, 147 00:11:09.039 --> 00:11:13.960 your insurance sucks. Sorry, Kaiser. You know it's funny about that 148 00:11:13.000 --> 00:11:18.360 too, looking back, is that I finally got a call back from Kaiser 149 00:11:18.399 --> 00:11:22.879 to talk about what I was wanting, and the lady that was talking to 150 00:11:22.919 --> 00:11:28.240 me, she had looked up the rehab facility on the internet because it was, 151 00:11:28.320 --> 00:11:30.080 you know, about an hour away from where I lived, the kids 152 00:11:30.080 --> 00:11:33.559 could visit blah blah blah. And she was like, yeah, we don't 153 00:11:33.759 --> 00:11:39.039 pay for that. That looks like a really nice place. Like you bitch, 154 00:11:39.240 --> 00:11:41.159 I think I'm trying to go on vacation, Like what the fuck? 155 00:11:43.039 --> 00:11:46.240 That was kind of funny, but and I'm gonna let you talk in a 156 00:11:46.279 --> 00:11:48.759 minute, Mary. Sorry's getting us all out that some thing's never change, 157 00:11:50.039 --> 00:11:54.159 even broken up. You know, I'm still me, You're still you. 158 00:11:54.639 --> 00:11:58.320 Yep, I'm still a sidekick on a podcast over here. No, just 159 00:11:58.399 --> 00:12:05.840 a co hot on a podcast whose co host talks a lot Israel Jetty totally 160 00:12:05.679 --> 00:12:09.919 blah blah blah. Kiser sucks. But the reason that I was looking back 161 00:12:09.000 --> 00:12:16.200 glad is because it was right around that time when when I was trying to 162 00:12:16.200 --> 00:12:18.440 get in and I didn't know that they weren't going to let me in because 163 00:12:18.440 --> 00:12:22.480 it's too nice or whatever the fuck was when I found out that my mom 164 00:12:22.799 --> 00:12:26.960 had a couple of weeks left, maybe it and in my mind. I 165 00:12:28.039 --> 00:12:31.080 was on the waitlist to get into one of these facilities. I hadn't found 166 00:12:31.080 --> 00:12:35.000 out yet the Kaiser was a piece of shit, and I had to make 167 00:12:35.000 --> 00:12:39.840 the decision do I go out and see my mom or if the a bed 168 00:12:39.919 --> 00:12:41.480 opens up for me, because these places are very hard to get into. 169 00:12:41.559 --> 00:12:45.600 If a bed opens up for me, is it the better choice to just 170 00:12:45.879 --> 00:12:52.360 go to the facility and start my recovery right? And I went back and 171 00:12:52.399 --> 00:12:56.000 forth on a little bit. I did, and actually I didn't even hear 172 00:12:56.039 --> 00:12:58.919 back from Kaiser until after I had made the decision I need to go see 173 00:12:58.960 --> 00:13:01.720 my mom. I was told that my mom had a couple of weeks left, 174 00:13:03.240 --> 00:13:07.240 and I flew out and I got there in the morning. It's like 175 00:13:07.279 --> 00:13:11.120 the very next morning that I found out, and I was able to spend 176 00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:13.799 time with her and we talked about a lot of this. I don't you 177 00:13:13.879 --> 00:13:18.240 know. At this point, Kimberly and I have been podcasting about my experience 178 00:13:18.240 --> 00:13:22.440 in Utah with my family and the funeral, and at this point, I 179 00:13:22.440 --> 00:13:24.159 don't know if that episode will have come out by now. Probably we're going 180 00:13:24.159 --> 00:13:28.000 to release this one first, okay, and you have to release part two 181 00:13:28.000 --> 00:13:30.960 of that and record rather part two of that. Yeah, so the detailed 182 00:13:31.000 --> 00:13:33.799 story is coming. Don't worry. I'm I'm not brushing over good stuff, 183 00:13:33.480 --> 00:13:39.320 but I'm just saying that I am so glad that I went out there to 184 00:13:39.320 --> 00:13:43.200 see my mom. She died the very next morning after I got there, 185 00:13:43.320 --> 00:13:48.960 and all the experiences they had through that entire time with my two brothers that 186 00:13:48.960 --> 00:13:52.600 I'm close with, and helping my dad understand what was going on he has 187 00:13:52.639 --> 00:13:56.960 severe dementia now, and being able to hold my mom's hand, like God, 188 00:13:58.000 --> 00:14:01.519 if I would have missed that, yeah, and I wouldn't have known 189 00:14:01.519 --> 00:14:03.840 how much I would have missed, But after gone through it, I'm like 190 00:14:03.559 --> 00:14:09.120 I would that those are moments in my life that are etched in my brain, 191 00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:16.960 etched in my heart, and I would literally be less of a person 192 00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:20.320 had I not had that experience. Well, and you can go into more 193 00:14:20.360 --> 00:14:24.399 details about that on the podcast episodes center are going to be coming up, 194 00:14:24.639 --> 00:14:28.879 But the rest of us here we're really worried about you making that choice to 195 00:14:28.919 --> 00:14:33.639 go to Utah because you didn't seem okay, right right. I wasn't, 196 00:14:33.360 --> 00:14:35.799 but it was like, fuck, I gotta go see my mom. I 197 00:14:35.840 --> 00:14:39.960 bought a one way ticket, and I had decided to like, if I 198 00:14:39.960 --> 00:14:41.159 got the phone called that there's a bed ready, I would have come back. 199 00:14:43.759 --> 00:14:46.840 And because I just wanted to go see her one more time, right, 200 00:14:46.519 --> 00:14:50.480 it was so good for me to be there and have a distraction from 201 00:14:50.720 --> 00:14:54.879 our breakup. I mean, I was still horribly sad and grieving and I 202 00:14:54.879 --> 00:15:01.159 cried every day. But being there with my mom and her laugh hours and 203 00:15:01.279 --> 00:15:03.559 spending time with my two brothers that I like and we could all grieve together 204 00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:07.279 and make jokes and make each other laugh. I needed that. That was 205 00:15:07.720 --> 00:15:11.320 that was so good for me to do, and I'm so glad that I 206 00:15:11.360 --> 00:15:13.919 did that, you know, came back the Funeral's funeral was like three weeks 207 00:15:15.000 --> 00:15:18.399 later, and they had to keep my mom on ice before before we could 208 00:15:18.440 --> 00:15:20.919 get everybody out there, all the family out there for the funeral. But 209 00:15:22.679 --> 00:15:26.679 that's the funeral part that's in the Me and Kimberly podcast, you know. 210 00:15:26.720 --> 00:15:31.159 But coming back again so hard. We kind of distanced ourselves from each other. 211 00:15:31.200 --> 00:15:35.600 It was needed. We still talk every day and at this point, 212 00:15:37.240 --> 00:15:41.919 obviously because we're podcasting together again, we're in a really good place, I 213 00:15:43.000 --> 00:15:48.639 know, and I'm amazed I'm amazed is because I'm amazing. Well, you 214 00:15:48.120 --> 00:15:52.720 had mentioned a long time ago that if we ever did break up, you 215 00:15:52.720 --> 00:15:56.480 couldn't have me in your life anymore. I was terrifying for me. Yeah, 216 00:15:56.600 --> 00:16:00.120 I felt that way then, and I didn't want to lose you. 217 00:16:00.360 --> 00:16:03.519 I know. Yeah, I get it. I get it saying those things 218 00:16:03.600 --> 00:16:07.399 back then, I meant them, sure, you know. But now that 219 00:16:07.639 --> 00:16:11.639 here we are, God, I can't imagine being without you in my life. 220 00:16:11.840 --> 00:16:18.240 Say yeah, so now that we've worked through, Another thing about us 221 00:16:18.279 --> 00:16:22.480 and about Mary that I love is that we were able to have a lot 222 00:16:22.559 --> 00:16:26.320 of good conversations about the relationship and what had happened and what was good and 223 00:16:26.360 --> 00:16:32.480 what didn't work. And I think that maybe, well, most of the 224 00:16:32.480 --> 00:16:37.440 people I know after breakups, they're just pissed and they don't really talk. 225 00:16:37.480 --> 00:16:40.320 It's just like, well, fuck you, fuck you, you did this, 226 00:16:40.440 --> 00:16:44.440 you did that. And Mary and I have been able to just sit 227 00:16:44.600 --> 00:16:47.759 and I've been able to cry because that's what I do, and just talk 228 00:16:47.840 --> 00:16:52.600 it out. We're also hella old. I don't have the energy to be 229 00:16:52.679 --> 00:16:57.360 angry well, and I like to talk with Age potentially comes wisdom, not 230 00:16:57.440 --> 00:17:04.359 always, but sometimes luckily for us. I think we did a lot of 231 00:17:04.440 --> 00:17:07.319 learning about ourselves. Yeah, I know you did. I know I did 232 00:17:07.359 --> 00:17:11.920 too. But from our talking I went into therapy. Oh you had exactly 233 00:17:12.000 --> 00:17:15.400 Yeah, And don't you have an appointment coming up? I do. I 234 00:17:15.440 --> 00:17:18.119 went to like three back to back days of therapy right after the breakup, 235 00:17:18.119 --> 00:17:22.720 and then I went to Utah. And now I'm set up with a therapist 236 00:17:22.720 --> 00:17:25.720 that I've gone to before that I really love. Good. Not that I 237 00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:27.519 didn't like the one before, but I don't. I don't know. Whatever 238 00:17:27.599 --> 00:17:30.799 you find your therapists is our point, right, And therapy is good. 239 00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:38.200 Yes, therapy is good. But again, being able to sit down with 240 00:17:38.319 --> 00:17:45.240 Mary and still have that same love work for the grief of knowing it's different 241 00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:51.440 now, but being able to talk about and to apologize to each other. 242 00:17:51.720 --> 00:17:53.359 Yeah, to be able to bring something up Mary, this hurt me, 243 00:17:53.400 --> 00:17:56.000 blah blah blah. You think about it, You're like, wow, I 244 00:17:56.039 --> 00:18:00.480 didn't mean that to hurt you in such a way. I'm sorry. And 245 00:18:00.519 --> 00:18:06.599 having all those back and forth apologies and understandings, it's just kind of beautiful, 246 00:18:07.160 --> 00:18:10.319 honestly, I know. I love that we were able to just talk 247 00:18:10.400 --> 00:18:14.799 through everything. And process it. Multiple conversations as many as it took, 248 00:18:15.240 --> 00:18:18.240 and all the time texts sometimes you were here for it as many as many 249 00:18:18.240 --> 00:18:25.839 conversations as it took to feel better right and get everything said. And it's 250 00:18:25.880 --> 00:18:30.200 not easy. Oh god, this were hard conversations. Wow, like being 251 00:18:30.640 --> 00:18:34.160 you know, we've always been honest with each other, but there were some 252 00:18:34.359 --> 00:18:38.319 things where I don't know if we want to say the honesty was less or 253 00:18:38.400 --> 00:18:41.359 guarded because we didn't want to hurt the other kind of I mean we kind 254 00:18:41.400 --> 00:18:48.680 of say what was going on, but not necessarily in a way that we 255 00:18:48.119 --> 00:18:55.599 understood how dire, yes, how dire, how much whatever was going on 256 00:18:56.319 --> 00:18:59.000 was hurting, just kind of hey, this is what's up. And but 257 00:18:59.039 --> 00:19:02.480 we really went there. We really went there, and I think that helped 258 00:19:02.480 --> 00:19:07.519 both of us understand why the falling apart of the relationship. I don't know. 259 00:19:07.559 --> 00:19:10.160 Again, I'm like, I don't want to go into the wise. 260 00:19:10.240 --> 00:19:15.039 We're just it just is and now it's great truly. Like Mary said, 261 00:19:15.079 --> 00:19:18.039 we're down at the river right now. This is our first podcast we've done 262 00:19:18.039 --> 00:19:22.799 since the breakup. I wasn't ready to podcast, and I actually had someone 263 00:19:22.799 --> 00:19:26.920 would so if I don't want to do the podcast because of the hurt and 264 00:19:26.079 --> 00:19:30.799 how weird it would be and how I would probably be so sad. But 265 00:19:30.880 --> 00:19:36.559 I went back and listened to a couple of the earlier podcasts, and in 266 00:19:36.640 --> 00:19:41.799 those there were some letters that we had read from people who wrote in and 267 00:19:41.960 --> 00:19:45.880 just fucking hit me like a ton of bricks, like people are hurting, 268 00:19:47.559 --> 00:19:53.359 people need to hear us and to help. And I'm like, I don't 269 00:19:53.400 --> 00:19:59.319 want to stop this. Y I enjoy I love the podcast. Be it. 270 00:19:59.319 --> 00:20:03.920 It does good for the world. And so Michael, I think also 271 00:20:03.960 --> 00:20:08.599 started to interrupt you. I'm talking to your ability to be vulnerable and put 272 00:20:08.640 --> 00:20:14.680 it all out there is inspirational to a lot of people who maybe haven't had 273 00:20:14.680 --> 00:20:19.039 that opportunity. You know, absolutely no, I think it gives people courage 274 00:20:19.440 --> 00:20:25.359 to be authentic with who they are, you know, right, I know 275 00:20:25.400 --> 00:20:29.240 you and I had a discussion about how do we tell the listeners that we 276 00:20:29.319 --> 00:20:32.559 broke up, and in my extreme grief, I was just like, just 277 00:20:32.640 --> 00:20:36.279 stop the podcast. Done, we disappear. You know, obviously we've worked 278 00:20:36.279 --> 00:20:37.880 through that. I was I was not great. No, you weren't in 279 00:20:37.880 --> 00:20:41.759 a good place. I was not. But we we talked about like, 280 00:20:41.880 --> 00:20:47.160 you know what, honestly most relationships end. Are we letting people down right 281 00:20:47.160 --> 00:20:53.200 now with that cold trip. Statistically speaking, divorces over fifty percent, and 282 00:20:53.279 --> 00:21:00.359 so to pretend like this relationship was perfect and to just drop it at the 283 00:21:00.519 --> 00:21:03.079 you know, when we break up, I think that does a disservice to 284 00:21:03.119 --> 00:21:07.440 our listeners because we want to talk about how things are now. We want 285 00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:11.319 to talk about how we worked through it. We want to talk about those 286 00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:17.519 those things because I think it matters. Also, I have reframed what this 287 00:21:17.599 --> 00:21:22.480 breakup is. You can look at breakups as a failure, and I do 288 00:21:22.559 --> 00:21:27.759 not at all look at the relationship as a failure. The fact that we 289 00:21:27.839 --> 00:21:33.359 broke up showing that that was a failure. No, nothing about this, 290 00:21:33.160 --> 00:21:38.079 meeting you, loving you, starting the podcast, everything that led us to 291 00:21:38.079 --> 00:21:41.279 this point. None of it was wrong. None of it was a failure. 292 00:21:41.759 --> 00:21:44.880 I don't want to do over for any of it. I don't. 293 00:21:45.079 --> 00:21:48.240 I don't regret a single moment of it. Right, it took me a 294 00:21:48.240 --> 00:21:53.000 little longer to get there, I understand, because you know me, I'm 295 00:21:53.039 --> 00:22:00.200 a feeler. I'm there now, I really honestly am. I think in 296 00:22:00.279 --> 00:22:06.559 our six years almost six years whatever, we have had amazing times. We've 297 00:22:06.599 --> 00:22:11.200 helped each other through some very hard things. We have this podcast that I 298 00:22:11.240 --> 00:22:15.880 know has been life changing for so many people, and I've loved doing with 299 00:22:15.920 --> 00:22:18.079 you. So yeah, that's that's where we are. Did you want to 300 00:22:18.279 --> 00:22:22.079 add anything else to that? No, I think I said it, you 301 00:22:22.119 --> 00:22:27.039 did. I said it a lot more. The podcast is continuing. We 302 00:22:27.079 --> 00:22:32.119 want to make sure you all realize that we're not done. No, we 303 00:22:32.279 --> 00:22:34.079 just took a big gass break, and honestly, I know we've been way 304 00:22:34.200 --> 00:22:38.599 less than weekly for a while, I'll say, but I think a lot 305 00:22:38.640 --> 00:22:44.319 of it was just the build up of the stress and pressure in the relationship 306 00:22:44.519 --> 00:22:49.039 and just you know, being unhappy, yeah, and not knowing what to 307 00:22:49.079 --> 00:22:52.640 do about it. I still don't think we're going to be able to get 308 00:22:52.680 --> 00:22:57.519 back to weekly only because you're so busy, right with kids in like twenty 309 00:22:57.519 --> 00:23:03.039 five jobs. I think up to a lot getting us in the same place 310 00:23:03.079 --> 00:23:04.640 at the same time. It's challenging, it is, it is, but 311 00:23:04.680 --> 00:23:07.920 we're not stopping. No, no, no, And now that I'm to 312 00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:10.160 a place where I'm like, fuck, yeah, we're gonna keep doing the 313 00:23:10.160 --> 00:23:17.599 podcast, am I am most definitely more motivated to get together and do this 314 00:23:17.640 --> 00:23:19.200 thing again. It's not we weekly, it might be monthly. I don't 315 00:23:19.200 --> 00:23:22.359 know. We might do a bunch in two weeks and then we might not 316 00:23:22.359 --> 00:23:25.440 do anything for a while. It doesn't matter. We're going to do things 317 00:23:25.480 --> 00:23:30.000 on our own time and things that don't stress us out, because the last 318 00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:33.680 thing we need is more stress. But because we really want to give a 319 00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:38.839 good product out to you all, absolutely and folks who enjoyed the last time 320 00:23:38.920 --> 00:23:45.319 we were on god Awful Movies talking about Charlie God, that was so god 321 00:23:45.359 --> 00:23:48.920 awful. We released some of those videos on Patreon. We haven't yet. 322 00:23:49.000 --> 00:23:52.359 Well, maybe by the time this comes up, those videos will be up. 323 00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:56.839 I've been a little bit busy, but we're gonna be on god Awful 324 00:23:56.880 --> 00:24:00.519 Movies again. Look, yeah, what's the name of the movie. Maybe 325 00:24:00.559 --> 00:24:03.200 these people want to watch it and it's not a Mormid movie. But I 326 00:24:03.279 --> 00:24:06.680 can I can rip apart any fucking religions. I don't. I don't know 327 00:24:06.680 --> 00:24:10.720 anything about this movie. We still have to watch it. It's called Unwanted 328 00:24:10.880 --> 00:24:15.440 Presence presents not like gifts right like things around you think you can look it 329 00:24:15.519 --> 00:24:18.720 up on YouTube. Yeah, it's a YouTube one. I don't think it 330 00:24:18.759 --> 00:24:22.880 made it to like IMAX didn't. I could check check check on IMDb see 331 00:24:22.880 --> 00:24:26.599 if it was in the IX Charlie's theron and that. Now I'm just doubtful. 332 00:24:29.279 --> 00:24:32.799 Yeah, but that's supposed to come out the tenth of October. That's 333 00:24:32.839 --> 00:24:36.880 when they're going to drop the episode, the god awful podcast episode with us, 334 00:24:36.920 --> 00:24:41.519 So we'll still be showing up here and there if if you're not getting 335 00:24:41.559 --> 00:24:44.599 your fill of LDL, I'm hearing about some people whore going back to the 336 00:24:44.599 --> 00:24:47.759 beginning and were listening to Oh, I'm so sorry, will start over, 337 00:24:47.880 --> 00:24:51.519 and that's actually awesome. Do it? You might have missed some good shit. 338 00:24:52.319 --> 00:24:55.079 You might have been laughing so hard at one joke that you missed the 339 00:24:55.079 --> 00:24:56.960 one I dropped right after Oh, because they were laughing at my joke. 340 00:25:00.799 --> 00:25:03.160 Oh wow, crickets, I know, Dan, Please don't serve crickets on 341 00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:08.680 that one. That was fucking awesome. That needs a good cricket. That 342 00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:14.200 is funny. Well, I'm looking at the clock and thinking we should probably 343 00:25:14.200 --> 00:25:15.640 get to the letters. We take a break first. Yeah, we're gonna 344 00:25:15.640 --> 00:25:18.400 take a break. Is there anything else you wanted to say before we take 345 00:25:18.440 --> 00:25:22.480 our break. I just want to reiterate again that Mary and I are happy. 346 00:25:22.680 --> 00:25:26.640 We've moved through the grief stage. I know that healing isn't linear. 347 00:25:27.000 --> 00:25:30.359 You know, I might cry once a while. Mary might hit a wall 348 00:25:30.359 --> 00:25:33.319 where she's like, fuck, that will be the extent of my emotions. 349 00:25:33.400 --> 00:25:41.440 Yeah, fuck, then back to work. But we are like, well, 350 00:25:41.559 --> 00:25:45.680 shit, shit, but we love each other. We spend time together, 351 00:25:45.920 --> 00:25:48.599 like we're here at the river right now, together in the same house, 352 00:25:48.799 --> 00:25:52.599 and it's good. We've really enjoy being around each other. We do, 353 00:25:53.400 --> 00:25:59.160 so I think we're getting the best of everything right now. You know, 354 00:25:59.279 --> 00:26:02.839 we can work on our own shit, we can be in each other's 355 00:26:02.920 --> 00:26:04.839 lives. We can still podcast, you know, we can go out to 356 00:26:04.880 --> 00:26:11.759 eat whatever. But we're also free of the stress in all the things that 357 00:26:11.799 --> 00:26:17.480 we're happening in the relationships. I'm happy. Yeah, So nobody do a 358 00:26:17.519 --> 00:26:22.400 favor. Nobody take team Shelley team Mary sides on this one. We're in 359 00:26:22.440 --> 00:26:26.759 it together, although I know it would be team Shelley. I'm fucking around. 360 00:26:27.599 --> 00:26:30.799 Yes, we are the team. Yeah, we are still a team. 361 00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:34.279 It's still not about the toaster ebbins, but we are still a fucking 362 00:26:34.359 --> 00:26:38.519 team one day, I'll night when you over on that score. Hmmmm. 363 00:26:40.160 --> 00:26:41.640 Well all right, let's go ahead and take our break, and when we 364 00:26:41.680 --> 00:26:45.880 come back, we have a listener letter. Let's do it. Be right 365 00:26:45.920 --> 00:26:52.079 back and we're back here we are, okay, So I'm going to read 366 00:26:52.079 --> 00:26:55.960 one, and then Shelley, we'll read one. I've changed both their names 367 00:26:56.640 --> 00:27:02.839 just in case this person I changed their name to tea like the tea drink 368 00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:07.559 could be ok or just the letter T green tea possibly Okay, green tea, 369 00:27:07.599 --> 00:27:11.880 go try T, says dear latter day Lesbian. Hey, that's us, 370 00:27:12.599 --> 00:27:18.000 always will be. I wanted to thank you so much for the podcast 371 00:27:18.200 --> 00:27:22.640 that both of you do. Hearing Shelley's story and listening to Mary's thoughts have 372 00:27:22.759 --> 00:27:26.000 helped me so much in my life. I've recently discovered the podcast. I 373 00:27:26.039 --> 00:27:30.599 started binging it from the first episode, Way to Go all the way to 374 00:27:30.640 --> 00:27:34.400 the most recent one. By the way, this letter, I know it's 375 00:27:34.440 --> 00:27:37.319 I think it's I think it's been a while. Oh it's a couple of 376 00:27:37.400 --> 00:27:44.000 years. So she thought she was done, but guess what, two more 377 00:27:44.079 --> 00:27:48.599 years there's more keep going. I wanted to thank you for helping me get 378 00:27:48.680 --> 00:27:52.039 through my life and for just everything you two do. See I know, 379 00:27:52.279 --> 00:27:56.799 see, Okay, I hope I don't offend you with this, but I 380 00:27:56.839 --> 00:28:02.799 am a Mormons. The fuck is wrong. Now we're going to actually reply 381 00:28:02.839 --> 00:28:06.279 to that letter. We're going to need an update for sure. Yet I 382 00:28:06.319 --> 00:28:11.200 agree with every single thing you've said. I completely agree with your thoughts and 383 00:28:11.240 --> 00:28:15.000 with everything you said about tithing and prophets and meetings, etc. I've always 384 00:28:15.119 --> 00:28:22.039 questioned my sexuality, and hearing this podcast, hearing Shelley share her story, 385 00:28:22.599 --> 00:28:26.000 it has helped me come to terms with who I am and who I like. 386 00:28:26.640 --> 00:28:30.039 Thank you. And while I would love to be who I am, 387 00:28:30.640 --> 00:28:34.640 love who I love and get out, I know my parents, whoever pretty 388 00:28:34.720 --> 00:28:40.400 stronghold over my life, will not accept me. Does t say how old 389 00:28:40.440 --> 00:28:42.000 she is? They I don't know what the wait for it, I'm not 390 00:28:42.000 --> 00:28:47.079 sure sorry, and will not allow me to be who I want to be, 391 00:28:48.079 --> 00:28:52.279 and they will hate me and everyone I know will hate me, and 392 00:28:52.319 --> 00:28:56.160 I'm scared to take a stand. Oh God, been there. I'm so 393 00:28:56.200 --> 00:29:00.920 sorry. That is such a hard place to be in In it, Yeah, 394 00:29:00.359 --> 00:29:07.039 it feels like I'm trapped with few decisions, especially because if I want 395 00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:10.279 to go to college. Okay, so she's young. I have to go 396 00:29:10.319 --> 00:29:14.920 to a church school otherwise they won't pay or let me go. God, 397 00:29:14.960 --> 00:29:18.160 I'm thinking, B where you Idaho? Or B y u fucking provo? 398 00:29:19.359 --> 00:29:23.160 I hate that. Yeah, you go over someone's head, right, you 399 00:29:23.200 --> 00:29:26.920 go to church school, or you're paying on your own right to the line. 400 00:29:27.039 --> 00:29:30.920 Yep, you know. I think Jesus was really into extortion, pretty 401 00:29:30.920 --> 00:29:37.920 sure? Yeah, have you read the New Testament? The extortion is Jesus 402 00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:47.240 Christ of Latter day Saints. It's applicable to that version. Sure, I 403 00:29:47.319 --> 00:29:52.640 hate that, but hearing the podcast has inspired me and always makes my day. 404 00:29:52.680 --> 00:29:56.680 Writer. I love that I've done stuff that isn't contrary to what people 405 00:29:56.759 --> 00:30:00.720 teach, and I've seen how people in the church isolate those people, I 406 00:30:00.759 --> 00:30:03.920 guess, the ones who are contrary. Yeah, don't fucking pierce your nose. 407 00:30:04.160 --> 00:30:07.880 Saw how that went down for me, shouldn't do it. So I've 408 00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:12.720 always been afraid and terrified, not just afraid, but terrified, Shelley, 409 00:30:12.880 --> 00:30:17.640 but hearing you tell your story has made me feel less alone. So thank 410 00:30:17.680 --> 00:30:21.359 you, You're welcome. Thank you so much Mary and Shelley for everything you've 411 00:30:21.400 --> 00:30:23.839 done. And I hope you guys continue to do the podcast. Oh we 412 00:30:25.599 --> 00:30:30.640 are. Don't you worry about that, because it is truly amazing. I 413 00:30:30.680 --> 00:30:34.799 love your podcast and keep being you. Sincerely, te Oh Tea, thank 414 00:30:34.839 --> 00:30:40.039 you. I know what a lovely letter. I'm so sorry you feel stuck. 415 00:30:40.079 --> 00:30:41.880 You feel trapped. You feel like you have to do exactly everything that 416 00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:45.519 your parents are telling you to do, and other maybe friends and family members. 417 00:30:47.079 --> 00:30:49.480 I hate that for you. That sucks. You know, it's hard 418 00:30:49.599 --> 00:30:53.640 enough to feel that when you are an adult, but to feel that when 419 00:30:53.680 --> 00:30:57.759 you are still living under your parents roof and they are the money holders, 420 00:30:57.839 --> 00:31:03.359 and they are they hold, they hold all of the decision like it just 421 00:31:03.400 --> 00:31:07.799 fucking sucks. It sucks, and I'm so sorry. Yeah, same, 422 00:31:08.160 --> 00:31:12.960 I put mark that email when I'm going to reply finally and get an update. 423 00:31:14.319 --> 00:31:18.880 Okay, how about that? That sounds good to Green Tea. I 424 00:31:18.920 --> 00:31:22.240 believe it's she her pronounced be good to see what the update is on her 425 00:31:22.279 --> 00:31:26.759 life? Yes, now, oh my goodness, Well thank you for writing. 426 00:31:27.240 --> 00:31:30.240 Should we take one final break? I don't think we're gonna do patrons 427 00:31:30.359 --> 00:31:33.799 this time? No, I don't say it. I mean we have somebody 428 00:31:33.880 --> 00:31:36.839 I haven't had the chance to look them up. We will get to it. 429 00:31:37.240 --> 00:31:40.200 Yes, we will get to your names. So let's just take one 430 00:31:40.279 --> 00:31:45.960 last break and get to let her two. All right, back, we're 431 00:31:47.000 --> 00:31:49.480 back. We're back, Shelley, I emailed you. Shit, let me 432 00:31:49.480 --> 00:31:52.559 open it up my computer. Sorry, is it gonna make a lot of 433 00:31:52.599 --> 00:31:56.880 noise on your phone? No? But I don't bring my Oh I do 434 00:31:56.920 --> 00:32:06.799 have my reading glasses holders, ladys. No, they're sexy librarian glasses, 435 00:32:06.960 --> 00:32:12.960 just like yours. M hm, okay, alright, sexy librarian glasses annex 436 00:32:13.039 --> 00:32:15.920 and the case for them is kind of gay, rainbow striped. Hold on. 437 00:32:17.079 --> 00:32:20.759 Okay, Now, so Mary and I are sitting on opposite couches. 438 00:32:20.759 --> 00:32:22.680 Now, when I look at Mary, I only see a blur. But 439 00:32:22.720 --> 00:32:28.559 when I look at my phone, I can see shit. So this person 440 00:32:28.880 --> 00:32:31.960 was kind enough to change their name for us, and well I did that. 441 00:32:32.160 --> 00:32:44.880 Oh but thank you for calling me kind. God, I'm glad we 442 00:32:44.920 --> 00:32:47.960 get still laugh at dumb shit. I know. By the way, here 443 00:32:49.000 --> 00:32:51.039 at the at the river this time, we've been here for a couple of 444 00:32:51.079 --> 00:32:53.319 days. We've been laughing so much. We have we had some good deep 445 00:32:53.319 --> 00:32:58.079 conversations too. We have been cracking the fuck up, and that's we enjoy 446 00:32:58.079 --> 00:33:01.680 each other. We do. We truly do. Okay from Ophelia. The 447 00:33:01.759 --> 00:33:05.720 name that Mary gave I thought I liked it, so I was about to 448 00:33:05.720 --> 00:33:07.880 say how great this name was. This person changed too, but you did 449 00:33:07.920 --> 00:33:12.400 it, so I'll tell you great name. Thanks. Hi, Mary and 450 00:33:12.440 --> 00:33:17.240 Shelley. I want to thank you both for starting the Latter Day Lesbian podcast. 451 00:33:17.599 --> 00:33:21.480 You're welcome. I recently just started to listen to you both and it's 452 00:33:21.480 --> 00:33:25.119 been so helpful for me that I'm not alone and what I'm dealing and facing. 453 00:33:25.599 --> 00:33:30.799 Once again, this letter's possibly a couple of years old, so well, 454 00:33:30.799 --> 00:33:34.920 I'm sure they're still feeling that. Mark that one in the email too, 455 00:33:34.920 --> 00:33:37.680 and I'll reply. We'll do updates. Okay, here's a little bit 456 00:33:37.680 --> 00:33:42.079 of my story. I'm needing advice and I don't have many in my personal 457 00:33:42.119 --> 00:33:45.000 life that I can turn to to discuss this with. I understand if you 458 00:33:45.039 --> 00:33:47.519 don't have the time to reply back. I mean I kind of didn't, 459 00:33:47.559 --> 00:33:52.200 but I will. I think you may have replied at one time. You'll 460 00:33:52.240 --> 00:33:53.000 have to check. Well, how am I going to know? Because you 461 00:33:53.079 --> 00:33:57.640 change your name to fucking Ophelia, you'll know okay, plus the rest of 462 00:33:57.680 --> 00:34:00.759 the letter, it will look exactly like the one but the original name. 463 00:34:00.960 --> 00:34:07.519 See how that works. Mary still a smart one and you're the emotional one. 464 00:34:07.599 --> 00:34:12.719 It's so true. Listen, that will never fucking change. We are 465 00:34:12.800 --> 00:34:16.280 who we the fuck are? You know what's funny too? Sorry sidetrack, 466 00:34:16.760 --> 00:34:21.719 Sorry, Ophelia, my know, Ophelia. Hold please. When I went 467 00:34:21.760 --> 00:34:24.320 back and was listening to a few of the earlier, earlier episodes, you're 468 00:34:24.360 --> 00:34:30.280 so utah, I'm so fucking it's hilarious because we were kind of trying not 469 00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:37.000 to swear. I know, what the hell, what the fuck, the 470 00:34:37.199 --> 00:34:43.039 fuck the fuck fuck you? That was making me giggle because it's like, 471 00:34:43.159 --> 00:34:46.039 oh, wait till you hear what's coming for anyone who's starting. At the 472 00:34:46.079 --> 00:34:50.760 beginning, we were gonna do a podcast episode where we was just trying to 473 00:34:50.800 --> 00:34:53.800 be like approved Mormon swears, but we never did that. Like fetch or 474 00:34:54.079 --> 00:34:58.400 fetch, I know, I don't really know all of them. There's lots 475 00:34:58.559 --> 00:35:02.840 fetch, flip, there's so many. Okay, hopefully you will get where 476 00:35:02.960 --> 00:35:07.039 I'm at. As I explained my story down below, I'm still thinking through 477 00:35:07.079 --> 00:35:10.119 things. I'm scared to come out to my family and friends about it. 478 00:35:10.519 --> 00:35:15.039 I'm twenty four years old. I'm still active in the eldest church. I've 479 00:35:15.079 --> 00:35:20.159 still only dated one guy, which did not go well. We broke up 480 00:35:20.159 --> 00:35:22.239 in a month of dating, which was hard on me because I struggled throughout 481 00:35:22.239 --> 00:35:28.159 the whole thing. And after the breakup, I found myself questioning if I 482 00:35:28.280 --> 00:35:32.159 even liked men. You probably don't, Shelley's like, you know, you 483 00:35:32.239 --> 00:35:36.519 know everyone's a laws man. Yeah, I mean they are, right. 484 00:35:37.000 --> 00:35:42.320 I started to open myself up more to girls and talking to them. Row. 485 00:35:43.000 --> 00:35:45.599 Yeah, that's how it starts. Don't start talking to girls, they 486 00:35:45.639 --> 00:35:53.800 will recruit you and boobs and boobs. I feel like, right now I 487 00:35:53.840 --> 00:35:58.800 could be bisexual. We know how I feel about this. Yeah, you 488 00:35:58.840 --> 00:36:02.159 think it's the gateway dress. Bisexual is the gateway. Some people are truly 489 00:36:02.199 --> 00:36:06.440 bisexual. I know it's a thing. I know, I know it's not 490 00:36:06.519 --> 00:36:10.639 fake. I'm just like when you are straight in quotations and then you start 491 00:36:10.639 --> 00:36:15.840 wondering if you're not straight. The safer, the safer path to say, 492 00:36:15.880 --> 00:36:22.679 I'm stopped by bisexual land right, because then you're only half bad, You're 493 00:36:22.719 --> 00:36:25.880 only a half center. That's fucked up. But yeah, I said it. 494 00:36:27.559 --> 00:36:29.760 I feel like, right now I could be bisexual, but I'm not 495 00:36:29.840 --> 00:36:32.960 even sure if that's what it is. It's not. Also, I have 496 00:36:34.079 --> 00:36:37.280 my endowments. Oh fuck, she's been through good temple. Also, I 497 00:36:37.280 --> 00:36:39.360 have my endowments and have been through the temple. So I'm so scared to 498 00:36:39.400 --> 00:36:44.039 say anything due to that because I know I will get a mouthful on the 499 00:36:44.039 --> 00:36:47.719 whole You made temple covenants and you're breaking them. Oh wow, bah blah 500 00:36:47.760 --> 00:36:52.119 blah. I have shown so many people the fucking magic handshakes at this point, 501 00:36:52.800 --> 00:36:55.440 no lightning has hit me and everyone exactly. Everyone's like, that's weird. 502 00:36:55.840 --> 00:37:00.440 I know, m yeah, I think you're gonna have to cut your 503 00:37:00.480 --> 00:37:05.440 own throat. I don't want to. I'm not about it. Thankfully they 504 00:37:05.440 --> 00:37:07.880 took that out of the ceremony right well, sure, but it doesn't mean 505 00:37:07.880 --> 00:37:10.239 it didn't they didn't say it in the first place. Sure, Okay. 506 00:37:10.440 --> 00:37:15.559 I haven't come close to wanting to leave the church yet. I just feel 507 00:37:15.559 --> 00:37:17.400 so alone on this, and the people I've told are people outside of the 508 00:37:17.480 --> 00:37:22.960 church that I know I can trust. I've always had a good feeling toward 509 00:37:22.039 --> 00:37:25.679 the church, but I never liked the whole thing on why the church judges 510 00:37:25.840 --> 00:37:30.039 the LGBTQ community like it does. I don't like that either as bullshit. 511 00:37:30.559 --> 00:37:35.159 Yeah, I mean remember in the New Testament where Jesus was just judging the 512 00:37:35.159 --> 00:37:38.639 funk out of everyone. It's a great reason to leave. Yes, it 513 00:37:38.719 --> 00:37:44.239 really is nothing else. If nothing else, leave for that. Yeah. 514 00:37:44.280 --> 00:37:45.320 I can't look at you, Mary, it makes my eyes blurry, cut 515 00:37:45.320 --> 00:37:49.639 of my glasses. I'll look over the top anymore. Whatever you need to 516 00:37:49.679 --> 00:37:53.079 do, Okay, thanks. Let's see I have a brother on a mission 517 00:37:53.079 --> 00:37:55.639 and my sister just got married in the temple. And as for me, 518 00:37:55.719 --> 00:38:00.039 I'm confused and I'm trying to do everything the right way as my parents have 519 00:38:00.159 --> 00:38:02.239 told me to do. But I don't know how much longer by mental health 520 00:38:02.280 --> 00:38:07.360 can handle this. Listen, if what you're being told to do and what 521 00:38:07.400 --> 00:38:10.960 your church is telling you to do blah blah blah is fucking with your mental 522 00:38:12.000 --> 00:38:15.920 health, that is a sign. That is a sign. Choose you. 523 00:38:16.360 --> 00:38:21.559 Yes, choose you, Oh God, please choose you. Yes. I'm 524 00:38:21.559 --> 00:38:24.400 not going to do anything to physically hurt myself. Good, thank God. 525 00:38:24.519 --> 00:38:29.559 Yeah, I just need some guidance on what I should do. Sorry for 526 00:38:29.599 --> 00:38:32.320 the long email. I hope you got where I'm coming from. Thanks for 527 00:38:32.400 --> 00:38:37.719 taking the time to read this. Signed Ophelia not her name. Advice you 528 00:38:37.840 --> 00:38:44.719 go leave? Okay? Yes? And how do you deal with that with 529 00:38:44.760 --> 00:38:46.280 your family? Okay? First of all, do you live with your family? 530 00:38:46.320 --> 00:38:49.960 Did she say shouldn't say? She's twenty four? Not? I that 531 00:38:49.840 --> 00:38:52.880 that means anything. It makes a difference if you're living under the roof of 532 00:38:53.199 --> 00:38:59.800 believers, who are you know, forcing your hand and expecting certain things, 533 00:39:00.360 --> 00:39:02.960 certain behaviors, et cetera. Very true, makes a huge difference. If 534 00:39:04.000 --> 00:39:08.320 you're on your own, it opens up some possibilities. Absolutely, And I 535 00:39:08.360 --> 00:39:12.199 don't think you're saying, and I'm not saying wait until you're out on your 536 00:39:12.199 --> 00:39:15.079 own. If you do live at home, just know that it's a little 537 00:39:15.119 --> 00:39:17.440 more complicated. I know that you hate to see them every day. You're 538 00:39:17.440 --> 00:39:21.679 just gonna get more shit, right, I know. Sometimes it's not possible 539 00:39:21.719 --> 00:39:28.719 to just leave. I get it. Maybe there are small ways in which 540 00:39:29.039 --> 00:39:37.320 you can start to choose, you like coffee, a feeling. You're going 541 00:39:37.400 --> 00:39:42.440 to just have to gauge how it works with you, maybe wanting to skip 542 00:39:42.639 --> 00:39:45.719 church a few times here and there, see how that feels absolutely, And 543 00:39:45.760 --> 00:39:51.239 I know there have been people who are kind of made to go to church 544 00:39:51.280 --> 00:39:54.960 with their family and they have been able to sort of tune it out for 545 00:39:55.039 --> 00:40:00.679 now, right, get on your fucking phone, do wordle like. I'm 546 00:40:00.679 --> 00:40:06.440 just I don't know what's going to work for you, whatever crossword puzzles. 547 00:40:06.840 --> 00:40:07.960 I don't know what's going to work for you. I don't have the answers 548 00:40:08.000 --> 00:40:12.840 for everyone at all. But I'm just saying some people who have to go 549 00:40:12.960 --> 00:40:16.519 because either they live at home or they're just worried about they're not yet ready 550 00:40:17.400 --> 00:40:22.559 to, you know, flick that domino over. They've been okay, going 551 00:40:22.679 --> 00:40:28.079 along in the motions and just checking out of it mentally. Again, not 552 00:40:28.159 --> 00:40:30.639 advice, I'm just saying that's what some people have been able to do well. 553 00:40:30.639 --> 00:40:34.599 And honestly, putting yourself first, putting the needs of others second, 554 00:40:35.559 --> 00:40:39.719 and choosing yourself is a lifelong journey. Sometimes Absolutely, you'll sure to figure 555 00:40:39.760 --> 00:40:43.800 this out in like a month or something. And you sure didn't learn how 556 00:40:43.840 --> 00:40:50.039 to do that in the Mormon Church. So probably when you start putting yourself 557 00:40:50.079 --> 00:40:53.320 you will be labeled as selfish. Sure that is the Mormon way. That's 558 00:40:53.320 --> 00:40:58.159 a lot of the ways. Actually, yeah, I mean also boundaries when 559 00:40:58.199 --> 00:41:00.239 you set a boundary with someone that can be laid to selfish when when the 560 00:41:00.280 --> 00:41:05.599 other person doesn't understand the boundary, doesn't like the boundary, doesn't like change, 561 00:41:05.639 --> 00:41:09.400 You're mean, you're selfish, right, doesn't like change. So these 562 00:41:09.400 --> 00:41:15.679 are things that are really challenging, really hard to do. But you're already 563 00:41:15.719 --> 00:41:20.480 recognizing this current situation is not working for you, right o, Philia, 564 00:41:20.559 --> 00:41:23.440 you are on your way? Yeah, you you have actually taken a huge 565 00:41:23.480 --> 00:41:30.239 step on your path. Yes, because of acknowledging it and knowing that where 566 00:41:30.280 --> 00:41:34.280 you want to get. That's huge. So give yourself some credit. I 567 00:41:34.320 --> 00:41:37.320 know that you're you know, inside you feel lost and depressed. I so 568 00:41:37.519 --> 00:41:43.000 understand that. But you have already taken a huge ass step, right yeah, 569 00:41:43.079 --> 00:41:47.000 congratulations' And that's really brave for writing in. You didn't specifically say to 570 00:41:47.079 --> 00:41:51.480 change your name well either letter, but I just decided to do it. 571 00:41:51.559 --> 00:41:53.719 They're young and still in the church, and so I decided to change names. 572 00:41:53.920 --> 00:41:58.800 Sure, yeah, you know, shout out to everyone out there, 573 00:41:58.880 --> 00:42:01.840 But I'm thinking of the who have written in. You all are so brave, 574 00:42:02.639 --> 00:42:07.880 no matter what point in your life. You've written in where you are 575 00:42:07.880 --> 00:42:13.079 in your story. The fact that you are somewhere in your story thinking that 576 00:42:13.159 --> 00:42:20.440 you need to get away from this cult is huge and brave and scary. 577 00:42:20.760 --> 00:42:25.519 I am just in awe our listeners, Honestly, I know y'all fucking badasses. 578 00:42:28.440 --> 00:42:30.400 Yes, yes, you are so, Ophelia. It's gonna get easier, 579 00:42:30.599 --> 00:42:35.679 yes, Mike, a little harder, but over time it will get 580 00:42:35.679 --> 00:42:42.519 easier. Putting yourself first can feel scary and selfish, but with practice, 581 00:42:42.719 --> 00:42:45.400 it does get easier. Right. And when I say it's harder, you're 582 00:42:45.440 --> 00:42:50.360 gonna get some some backlash from people, for sure, yeah, or shit 583 00:42:50.719 --> 00:42:55.159 shitty backlash, backlashy shit shit lash. You'll be getting some shitlash. Okay, 584 00:42:55.199 --> 00:42:59.039 Okay, sorry, go, but you know what, You're worth it 585 00:42:59.159 --> 00:43:01.880 and you should come first. It's your life. Yeah, this is your 586 00:43:02.039 --> 00:43:06.400 story. Be the protagonist, Be the hero of your own story. This 587 00:43:06.480 --> 00:43:09.000 is all about you. Yes, And people are just gonna have to deal 588 00:43:10.159 --> 00:43:13.679 they are, and people will get used to it. They will, they 589 00:43:13.719 --> 00:43:17.199 won't, And who the fuck cares? Yeah? Sometimes you have to figure 590 00:43:17.239 --> 00:43:21.800 out who truly loves you, who your true friends are, and they may 591 00:43:21.800 --> 00:43:24.360 not be blood related, you know. Yeah, it ends okay, Yeah, 592 00:43:25.239 --> 00:43:29.800 it is okay, it is okay. You've got us, Ophelia say 593 00:43:30.039 --> 00:43:36.920 and t you both have us. I guess that's gonna wrap up this episode. 594 00:43:37.400 --> 00:43:39.400 We've been sort of putting off the breakup episode as we're working through shit, 595 00:43:39.559 --> 00:43:44.639 so we don't actually have a lot planned to talk about. So yeah, 596 00:43:44.719 --> 00:43:46.199 that's it. I feel How do you feel, Mary, now that 597 00:43:46.199 --> 00:43:51.639 we've done this, I feel okay, and I'm glad we didn't go into 598 00:43:51.679 --> 00:43:55.000 a lot of detail. Yeah, it's our personal shit, yeah for sure, 599 00:43:55.639 --> 00:43:59.639 but it does feel good to share with our listeners who've been very invested 600 00:43:59.719 --> 00:44:04.079 in us, in the podcast and whatever. It feels good to just lay 601 00:44:04.079 --> 00:44:07.559 it down there and be good with it. And I want to thank everybody 602 00:44:07.599 --> 00:44:10.320 in advance for their support as we go through this. Yep, this isn't 603 00:44:10.360 --> 00:44:15.119 a sides thing like we mentioned before. No, please just support us both 604 00:44:15.159 --> 00:44:22.159 and this decision. This is absolutely a no fault divorce, right. I 605 00:44:22.159 --> 00:44:25.119 know, like movie stars say that shit and it's not true, but and 606 00:44:25.119 --> 00:44:29.119 then it comes out later and they had seventeen girlfriends on the side, and 607 00:44:29.159 --> 00:44:30.760 then you're Johnny Depp and you're in court. Well fuck, that was a 608 00:44:30.800 --> 00:44:37.800 good one. Yes, no fault divorce seriously, and we love each other 609 00:44:37.079 --> 00:44:40.440 and we're going to keep loving each other and keep doing the things that we 610 00:44:40.519 --> 00:44:45.079 love to do together. And that's not going to change. No, absolutely 611 00:44:45.079 --> 00:44:47.679 not. And I want to thank both Tea and Ophelia for writing in. 612 00:44:47.840 --> 00:44:52.559 Thank you for your bravery, thank you for sharing your stories. I also 613 00:44:52.559 --> 00:44:54.719 want to thank Dan from Extension Audio. You know, I don't think Dan 614 00:44:54.840 --> 00:44:59.039 has heard us thank him in a while. Thanks for leaving it in Dan. 615 00:44:59.719 --> 00:45:04.119 Ye. And he also didn't realize we had broken up, so this 616 00:45:04.199 --> 00:45:07.679 he will find that out listening to this podcast. Yeah, when we send 617 00:45:07.679 --> 00:45:10.679 this for the first edit, he's gonna be like, oh fuck, yeah, 618 00:45:10.800 --> 00:45:13.920 it's gonna be news to Dan. It's not talent. Let's just send 619 00:45:13.960 --> 00:45:16.760 that good over, ok. Yeah? Wow, Dan, If you want 620 00:45:16.760 --> 00:45:20.840 to record your response at the end of this episode and put it in there 621 00:45:20.840 --> 00:45:24.079 and fucking do it, that's up to you, buddy, do you Dan, 622 00:45:24.480 --> 00:45:35.000 We're all doing ourselvesselves. That's bad well these days? True? Oh 623 00:45:35.119 --> 00:45:40.519 God you Mary, I love you. We will be talking to y'all soon. 624 00:45:40.679 --> 00:45:44.920 Absolutely, we're not quitting. Can you still say this, Dear Clear 625 00:45:44.960 --> 00:45:46.760 of Cults, because that's still applicable. Well you just did. No, 626 00:45:46.880 --> 00:45:52.719 I didn't because there's no joke, no joke at all. You later byeye