WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:04.120 This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI A M six forty the 2 00:00:04.200 --> 00:00:08.720 Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to the 3 00:00:08.759 --> 00:00:13.720 Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. 4 00:00:14.080 --> 00:00:18.800 Okay, go on to my social media. Remember the handle is at 5 00:00:18.920 --> 00:00:24.039 doctor Wendy Walsh at d R Wendy Walsh. Let me hip up my DMC. 6 00:00:24.199 --> 00:00:30.320 Who's got me? Hi, Doctor Wendy. I hooked up with my 7 00:00:30.679 --> 00:00:38.359 ex's current boss friend. Should I feel bad? Okay, we're gonna calm 8 00:00:38.399 --> 00:00:44.159 down here. We're gonna take out that word should Should I feel bad? 9 00:00:45.039 --> 00:00:48.119 I don't know. It's up to you. Your feelings are your feelings, 10 00:00:48.119 --> 00:00:51.799 and they're gonna come up based on whatever. But why did you ask me? 11 00:00:52.240 --> 00:00:56.880 It's like you asked me to be the moral authority on whether you should 12 00:00:56.920 --> 00:01:00.119 have sex with your exes? Know what gender to put here? There's no 13 00:01:00.159 --> 00:01:03.679 genders here. I don't know if you're se your ex was a female or 14 00:01:03.679 --> 00:01:07.400 male, it doesn't matter, but it's their current friend and their boss's like, 15 00:01:07.519 --> 00:01:11.840 guess my question is why did you have sex with him because you like 16 00:01:11.959 --> 00:01:15.840 them, are attracted to them, wanted to have pleasure for one evening? 17 00:01:15.640 --> 00:01:21.920 Or did you do it to hurt your ex? Uh huh. That's really 18 00:01:21.959 --> 00:01:25.599 what you need to ask yourself. Now. I'm not gonna be the moral 19 00:01:25.599 --> 00:01:27.879 authority. I'm not going to weigh in with the should you feel I'm just 20 00:01:27.920 --> 00:01:33.519 gonna ask you to ask yourself why you did it, and then the follow 21 00:01:33.599 --> 00:01:38.959 up question after you answer that is do you feel good about that or not? 22 00:01:38.359 --> 00:01:42.840 Those are your feelings. You're allowed to have them, you decide. 23 00:01:44.000 --> 00:01:46.799 Okay, moving on. Oh, this is a long one. Let's see 24 00:01:46.799 --> 00:01:49.879 what this person wrote. Dear doctor Wendy, what do you think about this? 25 00:01:51.000 --> 00:01:53.159 I met a guy on bumble. He gave me his number. We 26 00:01:53.239 --> 00:01:57.840 planned a date within an hour or two. Fast forward to now four amazing 27 00:01:57.959 --> 00:02:00.879 dates within two weeks. I like that. Like that. That sounds about 28 00:02:00.879 --> 00:02:05.359 good. He's a complete gentleman. I don't have to think when I'm with 29 00:02:05.480 --> 00:02:09.719 him. Hm. Then oh, now she says I'm in the hospital. 30 00:02:09.759 --> 00:02:13.240 He offered to bring me dinner and wanted to see me. He was on 31 00:02:13.360 --> 00:02:16.719 his way traffic, plus he had a bad day. He called and said 32 00:02:16.759 --> 00:02:23.680 he was frustrated and I understood, and he said, and I said, 33 00:02:23.719 --> 00:02:27.879 you don't have to come go home and get some rest. Dates five and 34 00:02:27.960 --> 00:02:32.879 six were already planned and scheduled. Then I get a text saying, I 35 00:02:32.919 --> 00:02:38.719 don't like how I'm changing myself. This is not what I want for my 36 00:02:38.759 --> 00:02:43.360 future partner. I don't see long term commitment with you, and I respectfully 37 00:02:43.400 --> 00:02:46.680 want to end our dates. That's what he wrote to you. I don't 38 00:02:46.759 --> 00:02:51.560 like how I'm changing myself and this is not I want for our future partner. 39 00:02:51.840 --> 00:02:53.759 I don't like to see I don't see long term commitment with you. 40 00:02:54.199 --> 00:02:59.879 I respectfully want to end our dates. This came completely out of left field. 41 00:03:00.360 --> 00:03:05.280 What do you think about this? Okay, I like this guy. 42 00:03:06.199 --> 00:03:08.639 Do you know why I like this guy because he did not ghost you, 43 00:03:09.319 --> 00:03:15.240 because he did not lie to you, because he did not do anything except 44 00:03:15.240 --> 00:03:22.479 be honest. And even when honesty hurts, we should be grateful that we 45 00:03:22.599 --> 00:03:28.439 got honesty. And sometimes it does take five or six dates. And the 46 00:03:28.520 --> 00:03:30.919 reason why he didn't come to the hospital to bring you dinner was he had 47 00:03:30.919 --> 00:03:35.159 a feeling I don't want to do something that intimate, to see them in 48 00:03:35.199 --> 00:03:38.360 such a vulnerable intimate time and space, maybe this is not working for me. 49 00:03:39.120 --> 00:03:44.719 Remember that was only after four dates, so two others had been pre 50 00:03:44.800 --> 00:03:50.199 planned, and then he wanted to make sure that he went on and did 51 00:03:50.240 --> 00:03:53.639 what he said he was going to do and do those last two dates to 52 00:03:53.759 --> 00:03:55.680 just sort of see if maybe there's a chance that this is what he's looking 53 00:03:55.719 --> 00:04:00.599 for. Then you know what it wasn't. But that doesn't mean you're wonderful. 54 00:04:00.639 --> 00:04:03.280 You're not wonderful. It doesn't mean you're not amazing. It doesn't mean 55 00:04:03.280 --> 00:04:08.879 you're not the most perfect partner for somebody. I think you should do the 56 00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:14.919 touchdown cheer and say thank you. I got out early from something that wasn't 57 00:04:14.960 --> 00:04:19.319 going to work out. Ah. I know it hurts, and that's okay. 58 00:04:19.360 --> 00:04:23.680 Grieve a little bit, but it's okay. You are lovable. You're 59 00:04:23.720 --> 00:04:27.199 going to find a great mate because you deserve love. Everybody does, all 60 00:04:27.279 --> 00:04:31.360 right, Dear doctor Wendy, I just found out that my ex boyfriend has 61 00:04:31.399 --> 00:04:35.000 two kids. Wait, you didn't know when he was your boyfriend. He 62 00:04:35.120 --> 00:04:40.160 was awful to me and we broke up over seven years ago. Why am 63 00:04:40.199 --> 00:04:45.319 I sad about this news? I don't want him at all. Oh, 64 00:04:45.360 --> 00:04:48.920 because you were reminded of another way that he betrayed you. That's why. 65 00:04:49.360 --> 00:04:54.439 So it's like another little pang of an injury. What I was with this 66 00:04:54.519 --> 00:04:58.600 person. I thought I loved them, I thought they loved me. Yet 67 00:04:58.680 --> 00:05:03.879 something as important as the fact that they have two children. I hope you 68 00:05:03.920 --> 00:05:12.959 can convert this feeling of sadness into a feeling of you dodged a bullet there. 69 00:05:13.519 --> 00:05:17.759 I'm so glad this reconfirms the fact that I'm not with him. That's 70 00:05:17.759 --> 00:05:20.319 what it should do. I don't know. It still kind of hurts. 71 00:05:23.160 --> 00:05:27.519 Okay, Dear doctor Wendy, would you believe a guy when he cancels last 72 00:05:27.519 --> 00:05:30.519 minute saying his mom is very sad and they don't see each other very often 73 00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:34.399 anymore, so he's gonna stay over and get breakfast with you. Mind you, 74 00:05:34.720 --> 00:05:38.399 he said he was at dinner with his mom, which I knew about 75 00:05:38.439 --> 00:05:42.560 all week. It just seems very strange to me. It doesn't seem strange 76 00:05:42.600 --> 00:05:46.240 to me at all. By the way, I'm just saying, dude has 77 00:05:46.279 --> 00:05:48.240 dinner with his mom. He doesn't get to see his mom very much, 78 00:05:48.560 --> 00:05:51.720 his mom is going through some kind of hard time, so he decides he's 79 00:05:51.759 --> 00:05:57.639 going to stay overnight cancel his date with you. I'm hoping that what you 80 00:05:57.680 --> 00:06:02.759 see here is a compassionate guy who cares about people and their feelings. Now, 81 00:06:03.160 --> 00:06:05.519 if there's a piece of you that says, oh, he actually went 82 00:06:05.560 --> 00:06:10.319 out with somebody else, then wait and see, because he'll reveal his true 83 00:06:10.319 --> 00:06:14.120 colors in a different way. And also if there's a piece of you who 84 00:06:14.120 --> 00:06:16.519 says, hmm, I wonder if he already has a wife in the form 85 00:06:16.519 --> 00:06:20.600 of his mother, and I'll ever be is a mistress. That's possible too 86 00:06:20.879 --> 00:06:25.560 see how close really he is to mom after this. But you can't judge 87 00:06:25.560 --> 00:06:30.399 on just one little incident like that. You can't. You just have to 88 00:06:30.480 --> 00:06:33.560 take it with what you hear. And I hope what you're hearing. Now. 89 00:06:33.759 --> 00:06:38.680 Here's the other thing when you said he cancels last minute, saying his 90 00:06:38.759 --> 00:06:42.040 mom is very sad they don't get to see each other. I'm wondering if 91 00:06:42.079 --> 00:06:45.879 he did it by text or phone, because something is personal like that, 92 00:06:45.959 --> 00:06:47.680 he should have called you. And if it was just a text, then 93 00:06:47.720 --> 00:06:53.279 sure, that's what makes people feel worried that somebody's lying to them, because 94 00:06:53.279 --> 00:06:58.199 they they could be anywhere and text, so it would have been nice because 95 00:06:58.199 --> 00:06:59.879 I don't know if he did. He might have called, he might not 96 00:07:00.120 --> 00:07:02.600 called. I don't know. Okay, when we come back, I'm going 97 00:07:02.680 --> 00:07:09.920 to continue to answer your social media questions and you can always send me a 98 00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:14.199 DM on any of my social media. The handle everywhere is at doctor Wendy 99 00:07:14.240 --> 00:07:17.519 Walsh. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six 100 00:07:17.639 --> 00:07:24.399 forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy 101 00:07:24.439 --> 00:07:30.759 Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy 102 00:07:30.759 --> 00:07:34.000 Wall Show on KFI AM six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 103 00:07:34.519 --> 00:07:38.480 Reminder, I'm not a therapist. I'm just a woman with a lot of 104 00:07:38.519 --> 00:07:41.639 life experience and a lot of wisdom and oh yeah, a PhD in clinical 105 00:07:41.720 --> 00:07:46.959 psychology. But anyway, I love to weigh in when people send me their 106 00:07:46.959 --> 00:07:49.480 messages. So let's see what we got. Dear doctor Wendy, do you 107 00:07:49.480 --> 00:07:57.120 think it's acceptable for a guy your message messaging with back and forth online to 108 00:07:57.240 --> 00:08:03.439 take twenty four or more hours to respond each time? Or is that a 109 00:08:03.519 --> 00:08:05.759 red flag? Or red flag? There we go. It's a picture of 110 00:08:05.759 --> 00:08:09.279 a flag. Is that a red flag or someone to just unmatch? Okay, 111 00:08:09.560 --> 00:08:13.639 so I don't know what stage of this relationship you're at. I will 112 00:08:13.680 --> 00:08:20.199 say this, if you're on a dating app and you're just messaging with somebody 113 00:08:20.560 --> 00:08:24.839 and they're taking a day or more to respond, then it is not moving 114 00:08:24.920 --> 00:08:30.160 forward. So you have two choices here. You could just leave your phone 115 00:08:30.199 --> 00:08:31.200 number and say, hey, I'm not a big text. If you want 116 00:08:31.240 --> 00:08:35.759 to give me a call, here's my number, and that's it. You 117 00:08:35.799 --> 00:08:39.480 could play a silly little game, which is every time he texts you text 118 00:08:39.519 --> 00:08:43.320 him back just a little bit slower, just to see if he goes, 119 00:08:43.399 --> 00:08:48.639 huh, where'd she go? And whether that makes him turn around. I 120 00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:50.399 don't like that way. I like you said, say hey, I'm not 121 00:08:50.440 --> 00:08:54.120 a big text, here's my number. If you want to give me a 122 00:08:54.120 --> 00:08:56.200 call, and if he doesn't, just let it go. Let it go. 123 00:08:56.960 --> 00:09:01.879 Now, if you've been on dates and you're seeing this person and this 124 00:09:01.039 --> 00:09:05.000 is how he's behaving it takes twenty four hours to call you back, he 125 00:09:05.120 --> 00:09:09.360 is sending you a very clear message. He doesn't want you as a long 126 00:09:09.440 --> 00:09:13.679 term girlfriend. He's not ready to make a commitment. He's not ready to 127 00:09:13.759 --> 00:09:16.039 chase you. He is not chasing you. You want to be with the 128 00:09:16.080 --> 00:09:22.080 guy who is running at breakneck speed to get near you and see you. 129 00:09:22.879 --> 00:09:28.200 These dating apathy guys full of apathy guys and girls who aren't showing the energy 130 00:09:28.240 --> 00:09:31.919 that they need to show. Forget about those ones. Just move along. 131 00:09:33.240 --> 00:09:37.279 If you're not happy, If enough isn't enough contact for you, then move 132 00:09:37.600 --> 00:09:41.240 along. All right? A lot of women tonight men write to me too, 133 00:09:41.279 --> 00:09:45.039 But tonight I got a lot of women. Dear doctor Wendy. I've 134 00:09:45.080 --> 00:09:48.759 been dating a guy for about two months, and he always ends up staying 135 00:09:48.039 --> 00:09:54.320 over like breakfast and hanging out the next morning too. I feel like it's 136 00:09:54.360 --> 00:09:58.559 too soon for all that every week, but we live almost an hour apart. 137 00:10:00.399 --> 00:10:09.200 Am I avoidant or are my concerns legit? I think that if you 138 00:10:09.440 --> 00:10:15.919 are feeling engulfed, smothered and it's too much for you, you might have 139 00:10:16.000 --> 00:10:20.279 some avoidant tendencies. But this is for you and your therapist to figure out. 140 00:10:20.240 --> 00:10:26.000 Are your concerns legitimate? I mean, I like to say it's not 141 00:10:26.039 --> 00:10:28.639 about the time that they spend, but it's what's happening in that time. 142 00:10:30.159 --> 00:10:33.840 Are you being open honest, vulnerable, and authentic. Are you talking about 143 00:10:33.919 --> 00:10:37.879 real things or is it just kind of a weird date where he's hanging around 144 00:10:37.960 --> 00:10:43.759 talking about sports, weather, pop culture. I don't know, and he 145 00:10:43.960 --> 00:10:48.320 always ends up staying over. It's so funny how you say that? Do 146 00:10:48.360 --> 00:10:52.360 you invite him to stay over? Have you had the conversation? If you 147 00:10:52.440 --> 00:10:58.679 haven't been able to even say, hey, you know when you come next, 148 00:10:58.200 --> 00:11:01.200 I'd prefer you go home. That might make him freak out and run 149 00:11:01.240 --> 00:11:05.039 away. But you know, you usually talk about whether a sleepover is gonna 150 00:11:05.039 --> 00:11:09.679 happen before it happens. But it looks like he just stays over and assumes 151 00:11:11.279 --> 00:11:15.240 and it's too much too soon for you. Maybe a conversation about that, 152 00:11:15.799 --> 00:11:18.559 Hey, it's starting to feel a little too much too soon for me. 153 00:11:18.039 --> 00:11:24.039 Can we slow down a little bit and see what happens? Uh? Okay? 154 00:11:24.000 --> 00:11:28.879 Moving on, Dear doctor Wendy, I'm a married man who has had 155 00:11:28.879 --> 00:11:33.960 a very eventful past, if you know what I mean. Hmm. Oh, 156 00:11:33.039 --> 00:11:37.440 I'm sorry I did read this all wrong. I thought I had high 157 00:11:37.480 --> 00:11:39.639 hopes that I would have a married man writing to me with an eventful past, 158 00:11:41.240 --> 00:11:45.240 but instead it's a woman. I'm married to a man, she says, 159 00:11:45.600 --> 00:11:48.240 who's had a very eventful past, if you know what I mean. 160 00:11:48.879 --> 00:11:52.679 He has mended his ways, and I can see that he's trying to be 161 00:11:52.679 --> 00:11:56.720 a better man. But the dilemma is that the many women from his past 162 00:11:58.120 --> 00:12:03.000 keep reaching out via email, text or even requesting money on their birthdays on 163 00:12:03.120 --> 00:12:07.279 Venmo and writing flirty messages even though whoa, whoa, whoa, and this 164 00:12:07.399 --> 00:12:13.159 really bothers me. Okay, so you have a right to ask for him 165 00:12:13.200 --> 00:12:18.440 to exert boundaries. People don't reach out like that and ask for personal things 166 00:12:18.840 --> 00:12:24.159 like birthday gifts and Venmo money and flirty little texts. If he hasn't made 167 00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:30.399 it clear that he's married, monogamous and not going to be having affairs, 168 00:12:30.879 --> 00:12:35.279 he is keeping the emotional door the physical door open just a little bit with 169 00:12:35.320 --> 00:12:41.559 these women. I'm sorry. You have every right to say, a husband, 170 00:12:41.559 --> 00:12:45.639 dear, this is not acceptable to me, and I would like you 171 00:12:45.720 --> 00:12:48.559 to not respond to any of them until they go by the way, that's 172 00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:50.279 how you do a boundary. You don't write to the person and say please 173 00:12:50.320 --> 00:12:54.600 don't contact me again. Because you've just contacted them, You've just opened up 174 00:12:54.600 --> 00:12:58.320 that line of communication. You just don't respond, and you're going to tell 175 00:12:58.399 --> 00:13:03.679 him don't respond. You can even teach him how to block them. But 176 00:13:03.720 --> 00:13:07.679 if he's not willing to set up these kind of boundaries and you're a married 177 00:13:09.519 --> 00:13:13.080 you're married together. This is a problem for me too. I definitely talked 178 00:13:13.080 --> 00:13:20.519 to him about it. Uh okay, dear doctor Wendy, My girlfriend's just 179 00:13:20.639 --> 00:13:26.200 let me know the man I've been seeing for nearly three years whose birthday happens 180 00:13:26.200 --> 00:13:30.000 to be today. I guess when the person posted it was posted by another 181 00:13:30.039 --> 00:13:35.759 woman on her story wishing him a happy birthday. They claim he's been dating 182 00:13:35.759 --> 00:13:39.399 her on and off for a year and wanted a solid confirmation without telling me. 183 00:13:39.480 --> 00:13:43.759 Oh, I'm devastated. I'm not sure what to do. I'm trying 184 00:13:43.799 --> 00:13:46.720 not to mess up his birthday. I'm too diplomatic for that. What you 185 00:13:46.799 --> 00:13:50.440 have every right to mess up his birthday. You've been seeing him for three 186 00:13:50.559 --> 00:13:54.399 years and now come to find out he's been seeing another woman at the same 187 00:13:54.480 --> 00:13:58.799 time for a year and a half. First of all, you're only culpable, 188 00:14:00.799 --> 00:14:03.919 culpable, There goes my jet leg. Can't get the words out. 189 00:14:05.080 --> 00:14:07.159 You're only culpable if you didn't have a commitment from him, I get to 190 00:14:07.240 --> 00:14:11.559 have the conversation, are we exclusive? If you didn't, then WHOA, 191 00:14:11.879 --> 00:14:16.120 there you go. But if you've had the conversation, you've been exclusive. 192 00:14:16.200 --> 00:14:18.159 And now you find out that he's been seeing someone for a year and a 193 00:14:18.200 --> 00:14:24.039 half, mess up his birthday and every other day. Don't be diplomatic and 194 00:14:24.120 --> 00:14:30.080 next time make sure you get a good exclusivity from the next person. I'm 195 00:14:30.159 --> 00:14:35.440 so sorry. That breaks my heart and people are done wrong. My guy 196 00:14:35.840 --> 00:14:39.679 who's a player. Hey, when we come back, I have a licensed 197 00:14:39.679 --> 00:14:46.320 clinical social worker who's a relationship expert who works with couples all day long in 198 00:14:46.360 --> 00:14:50.000 her office. She's got some inside juice on how we can all have some 199 00:14:50.159 --> 00:14:54.879 love hacks in our relationship. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on 200 00:14:54.960 --> 00:15:00.159 KFI AM six forty we live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to 201 00:15:00.039 --> 00:15:05.360 Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty. Welcome back to the 202 00:15:05.360 --> 00:15:11.039 Doctor Wendy Wall Showing ki AM six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. 203 00:15:11.080 --> 00:15:15.360 Now, I promised you we would get an expert on somebody who's in the 204 00:15:15.399 --> 00:15:20.240 trenches all day long with couples hearing the stuff. Yeah, the stuff that 205 00:15:20.279 --> 00:15:24.399 you shared. Don't worry. She's going to keep it confidential. We're not 206 00:15:24.440 --> 00:15:28.759 going to hear your name. That's her job. I'd like to introduce Kelly 207 00:15:28.799 --> 00:15:33.279 Miller. She's a licensed clinical social worker, a psychotherapist here in the San 208 00:15:33.320 --> 00:15:37.799 Fernando Valley and specializes in relationships also does some individual therapy. Her new book 209 00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:43.600 is called Love Hacks, and it offers some simple, I like simple, 210 00:15:43.039 --> 00:15:48.919 effective hacks to address your most common relationship for problems. Hi Kelly Miller, 211 00:15:48.960 --> 00:15:52.360 how are you. Hi? I'm so happy to be here. I like 212 00:15:52.440 --> 00:15:54.799 the cover of your book. Oh, I like anything pink. It's a 213 00:15:54.840 --> 00:15:58.480 Barbie h I think true and hearts right. Yes, So first question, 214 00:15:58.480 --> 00:16:03.039 why do you write the book? I wrote the book because I was having 215 00:16:03.080 --> 00:16:07.120 couples come in and they kept asking the same questions over and over, and 216 00:16:07.159 --> 00:16:10.200 I thought, well, clearly there's a need for this, Right, there's 217 00:16:10.240 --> 00:16:14.919 people who aren't in therapy who could use solutions to these common questions. You 218 00:16:14.960 --> 00:16:19.440 know, a lot of people are afraid of couples therapy because they're afraid of 219 00:16:19.480 --> 00:16:26.159 therapy in general. Right, going to those tender spots and in your experience, 220 00:16:26.120 --> 00:16:30.440 is it that couples often enter couple's therapy when they're near the end. 221 00:16:30.840 --> 00:16:34.919 It's hard to save absolutely when they need resuscitation, and it's a little it's 222 00:16:34.919 --> 00:16:38.120 almost too late sometimes. So I love when people when people come in and 223 00:16:38.120 --> 00:16:40.960 they're like, you know, we're not sure if we should be here. 224 00:16:40.960 --> 00:16:42.519 I'm like, this is great, we could all use this. But yeah, 225 00:16:42.559 --> 00:16:47.320 a lot of times they're coming when they're one person's kind of almost out 226 00:16:47.360 --> 00:16:51.759 the door. And so when do you recommend they should come? I think, 227 00:16:52.200 --> 00:16:56.000 I mean, I even third date exactly. I mean, the sooner 228 00:16:56.000 --> 00:16:57.879 the better, But I think the moment you kind of realize, hey, 229 00:16:57.919 --> 00:17:02.799 we might need some work, I'd rather them come sooner than later. I 230 00:17:02.799 --> 00:17:07.079 always like this idea of maybe having a third eye in the room. It 231 00:17:07.240 --> 00:17:11.799 seems so helpful. Like, Okay, so you know my fiance fiance, 232 00:17:11.920 --> 00:17:15.680 he's got his therapist. I've got med therapists. But I said to him, 233 00:17:17.079 --> 00:17:21.319 you know, we're grown up people. We've accumulated some assets, we 234 00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:23.640 got kids. We want to leave things too. We got to negotiate a 235 00:17:23.680 --> 00:17:32.480 prenap and I have because of my early childhood stuff issues around conversations about money. 236 00:17:32.519 --> 00:17:34.960 It's so difficult for me. So I said, and why don't we 237 00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:40.519 just book a therapist and we'll just do some sessions on how to? And 238 00:17:40.559 --> 00:17:44.400 he's like, okay, he loves therapy. I love that you recognize, 239 00:17:44.440 --> 00:17:47.240 Hey, this is something that I struggle with and we could work together on 240 00:17:47.319 --> 00:17:49.119 this. You know what my parents taught me about money. We're getting off 241 00:17:49.119 --> 00:17:52.160 track, but let me tell you what my parents want to I'm with a 242 00:17:52.200 --> 00:17:55.119 therapist. Okay, I want to get some free therapy everybody. That's why 243 00:17:55.119 --> 00:18:00.000 I'm here is once a month they would sit down to pay bills. Okay, 244 00:18:00.039 --> 00:18:03.440 they were always very angry. It wasn't an evening. We were told 245 00:18:03.440 --> 00:18:07.200 to go to bed and stay out of the way, and there would be 246 00:18:07.240 --> 00:18:12.880 a lot of sighing. There'd be fish slamming, paper shuffling, no explanation, 247 00:18:14.359 --> 00:18:15.599 and the next day both of them would be in a grumpy mood for 248 00:18:15.640 --> 00:18:19.119 a day. Yeah, that was my education about money. It makes sense. 249 00:18:19.160 --> 00:18:22.480 So of course you grew up with the fear and being a bad thing, 250 00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:26.839 then it must be terrible, all right. So your book is called 251 00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:30.759 Love Hacks, Simple Solutions to your most common relationship issues. What's the most 252 00:18:30.759 --> 00:18:33.079 common relationship issue. Gosh, if I had to pick one, I mean 253 00:18:33.119 --> 00:18:37.079 there's definitely like a handful. But I think what you just described is one 254 00:18:37.079 --> 00:18:41.160 of the main ones. Money not sex, that comes up there too, 255 00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:45.079 Yes, I mean it's the tough ones. And if you think about it, 256 00:18:45.119 --> 00:18:49.200 those are the ones culturally that are taboo, would scary and all of 257 00:18:49.240 --> 00:18:52.519 that. So that makes sense kind of what you were describing. And people 258 00:18:52.519 --> 00:18:55.240 are scared to talk about money. Sex is weird. So it's all of 259 00:18:55.240 --> 00:18:57.599 that and that's ingrained in us. So the first time I ever went to 260 00:18:57.559 --> 00:19:00.920 a couple's therapy, no I'm going to really date myself, it was like, 261 00:19:02.039 --> 00:19:04.640 oh, forty years ago with a guy I was living with, and 262 00:19:06.039 --> 00:19:10.480 I remember saying to the therapist, I will talk about anything, but sex. 263 00:19:11.240 --> 00:19:14.039 Is that funny? And now I have students who say to me, 264 00:19:14.319 --> 00:19:17.039 oh, you know, my mother listens to you and she says, are 265 00:19:17.039 --> 00:19:19.400 you going to have that professor who talks about sex all the time? Now 266 00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:23.039 you're the sex person? How things change? Yes? All right, so 267 00:19:23.160 --> 00:19:32.079 let's let's talk a little bit about why couples we're going to talk about sex 268 00:19:32.079 --> 00:19:37.640 because I brought it up absolutely, Why couples do stop having sex. I 269 00:19:37.680 --> 00:19:41.960 can add some things from my reading on anthropology and evolutionary psychology and the female 270 00:19:41.960 --> 00:19:45.400 sexual response system, et cetera, et cetera. Guys, just make sure 271 00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:49.599 the sheets are clean, the room is clean, the kid child care is 272 00:19:49.640 --> 00:19:55.160 taken care of. Yeah something, But why do you think most often do 273 00:19:55.160 --> 00:19:59.400 they stop having sex? So I think the main reason that I see is 274 00:19:59.400 --> 00:20:03.440 there's a on either side. That's typically what happens. So yes, I 275 00:20:03.440 --> 00:20:07.119 mean there could be biological issues, but if we're talking emotional, it's a 276 00:20:07.160 --> 00:20:12.480 resentment. So you know, nothing kills a buzz, a sexy arousal buzz 277 00:20:12.519 --> 00:20:15.759 than anger. Absolutely, you just you're not in the mood, I mean 278 00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:18.640 at all. Who wants to have sex with someone they're mad at exactly? 279 00:20:18.839 --> 00:20:22.119 And then they feel and then people hold it over their partner's head of like, 280 00:20:22.160 --> 00:20:23.920 well I'm just not going to sleep with you, you know. And 281 00:20:23.960 --> 00:20:29.119 it's a power thing too, so absolutely, oh a power thing as well. 282 00:20:29.920 --> 00:20:32.359 So how do you break that? So I think the first thing is 283 00:20:32.400 --> 00:20:36.599 we got to uncover those resentments. The only way out is through So I 284 00:20:36.599 --> 00:20:40.000 think you in order to feel really connected to your partner, that needs to 285 00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:44.559 be addressed and you need to have an open and honest conversation about what you're 286 00:20:44.640 --> 00:20:48.160 upset about. Let's go there, let's talk about it. So in order 287 00:20:48.200 --> 00:20:52.000 to feel physically connected, it starts with feeling connected emotionally, you know. 288 00:20:52.079 --> 00:20:56.039 I always say that that really at the end of the day, I mean, 289 00:20:56.160 --> 00:20:59.920 anybody, if you meet somebody hot on Tinder, can go and have 290 00:21:00.079 --> 00:21:03.039 hot sex with a stranger because you're having sex with your fantasies really at that 291 00:21:03.079 --> 00:21:11.000 moment. But down the road, if you work on I want to say, 292 00:21:11.000 --> 00:21:15.319 becoming best friends, but getting emotionally in touch with each other, yes, 293 00:21:15.359 --> 00:21:19.400 and really caring about each other, then sex will come, like the 294 00:21:19.720 --> 00:21:22.680 arousal will come. I do want to just tell every woman out there, 295 00:21:22.799 --> 00:21:26.039 I'm only speaking as a woman who's had some experience with this in my life. 296 00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:30.880 For tell me if you disagree with me on this. Sure, for 297 00:21:32.000 --> 00:21:36.759 many women, the best way to want to have sex is to start having 298 00:21:36.799 --> 00:21:40.079 sex. It's so true, it's so true. How do we explain that 299 00:21:40.119 --> 00:21:41.599 to women, because it's like going right to the gym. But when you 300 00:21:41.720 --> 00:21:45.160 say that, you know what people say, they go, well, you're 301 00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:48.880 talking about like having to do something that you don't want to do or being 302 00:21:48.880 --> 00:21:52.720 coerced and you know all that stuff, right, but our bodies, the 303 00:21:52.839 --> 00:21:57.799 juices don't get flowing until we exactly rev the engine keep it going. I'm 304 00:21:57.839 --> 00:22:00.000 with you, but yeah, mine, you was going to the gym like 305 00:22:00.039 --> 00:22:03.240 that's that feeling like I don't want to go, and then you go and 306 00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:06.279 you feel better, and so you know, it's that reminder that like, 307 00:22:06.319 --> 00:22:08.200 okay, might take a little bit, but yeah, once we're in it, 308 00:22:08.200 --> 00:22:11.480 it's gonna be okay. You're gonna feel connected. It's going to produce 309 00:22:11.480 --> 00:22:15.359 some endorphins. And how are men different in that way? They're just ready 310 00:22:15.359 --> 00:22:18.359 to go pretty much? Pretty much? Yes, exactly. I think I 311 00:22:18.400 --> 00:22:22.039 read somewhere that like a teenage boy thinks about sex like every nine seconds or 312 00:22:22.079 --> 00:22:26.200 something that you can not surprise me at all today getting it up. But 313 00:22:26.319 --> 00:22:29.640 they stopped being teenagers because I feel like it's still every nine seconds grown men. 314 00:22:29.920 --> 00:22:33.759 No. My favorite story was when a friend took her like ten month 315 00:22:33.799 --> 00:22:37.759 old baby boy to the nurse practitioner at ten Street Pediatrics and said he was 316 00:22:37.799 --> 00:22:44.119 playing with his penis so much that it was chafing and red and almost bleeding, 317 00:22:44.599 --> 00:22:47.759 and the nurse practitioner Nurse Kitty. I don't know if anybody remembers Nurse 318 00:22:47.839 --> 00:22:49.480 Kitty down over there. I don't know if she's still there, said, 319 00:22:49.480 --> 00:22:53.400 don't worry. This is only a phase only last seven decades. That's so 320 00:22:53.720 --> 00:22:57.000 true, okay, Kelly. I want to get to more when we come 321 00:22:57.039 --> 00:23:00.400 back. You. I am with Kelly Miller, who is a therapist in 322 00:23:00.440 --> 00:23:03.720 town, and her book is called Love Hacks, Simple Solutions to your Most 323 00:23:03.759 --> 00:23:07.240 Common Relationship Issues. We'll have more when we come back. You are listening 324 00:23:07.240 --> 00:23:11.960 to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere 325 00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:17.880 on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 326 00:23:17.960 --> 00:23:21.799 AM six forty. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM 327 00:23:21.839 --> 00:23:26.359 six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My guest is Kelly Miller, 328 00:23:26.680 --> 00:23:30.359 a therapist in Studio City, right, I said, San Fernando Valley. 329 00:23:30.359 --> 00:23:33.119 But I'm sure you have patients clients. Do you call them patients or 330 00:23:33.160 --> 00:23:36.039 clients? And these either one? But I think clients is the correct term 331 00:23:36.279 --> 00:23:40.880 exactly. Her new book, Love Hacks, Simple Solutions to your most common 332 00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:45.839 Relationship Issues is available everywhere online, but you can also check her out at 333 00:23:45.960 --> 00:23:49.440 Kelly Miller Kelly with an I Kellymiller theapy dot com. Okay, we started 334 00:23:49.480 --> 00:23:56.480 talking about the solution for bad death in long term monogamy and when couples stop 335 00:23:56.559 --> 00:24:00.599 having sex. Is there anything else besides getting to the emotional Yes, absolutely 336 00:24:00.599 --> 00:24:04.079 so, I have plenty. I think the second thing is just focus on 337 00:24:04.119 --> 00:24:08.000 the sensation. I think people get so focused on the orgasm in the end, 338 00:24:08.079 --> 00:24:11.240 and it's like, let's just start with what feels nice on the skin, 339 00:24:11.519 --> 00:24:15.039 you know. And there's something called sensate focus therapy that I love. 340 00:24:15.480 --> 00:24:21.880 So it's really focusing on those sensations rather than actual sex because I think a 341 00:24:21.920 --> 00:24:23.920 lot of times sex feel so overwhelming and people feel like they have to be 342 00:24:25.000 --> 00:24:27.839 on and so it takes off that pressure. Yeah, since they focus. 343 00:24:27.960 --> 00:24:32.680 As I recall from graduate school, they first tell you the sex therapists tell 344 00:24:32.720 --> 00:24:37.039 you don't have sex for like six weeks because you know, no, it 345 00:24:37.119 --> 00:24:41.759 is the world's biggest aprodisiac exactly, It's very true. We're onto something. 346 00:24:41.839 --> 00:24:45.880 And then they basically give you different body parts to explore, but not the 347 00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:49.519 genitals for like every week, you have a new homework assignment, right exactly, 348 00:24:49.799 --> 00:24:53.119 And because think about it, when you have a first date with somebody 349 00:24:53.119 --> 00:24:59.359 you're really into, if you happen to brush their baby finger against yours, 350 00:24:59.720 --> 00:25:03.960 get tingle all over your body, right, And then I like to use 351 00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:08.240 the metaphor that you're playing the same instrument for so many years that you're down 352 00:25:08.279 --> 00:25:11.599 to like one guitar stream, Like everybody goes to the go to spot, 353 00:25:11.720 --> 00:25:15.440 it's the same go to thing, and you get pretty numbed out. It's 354 00:25:15.519 --> 00:25:23.000 true by it. So that's a good one. Sometimes in people's sex lives 355 00:25:23.599 --> 00:25:27.279 there are past trauma issues, yes, right, how do you deal with 356 00:25:27.279 --> 00:25:30.279 that or how do you know if that's what the thing is? Yeah, 357 00:25:30.319 --> 00:25:33.319 I mean that could be a major piece of it. So again, I 358 00:25:33.319 --> 00:25:38.119 mean I recommend there if you recognize that within one of your partners, individual 359 00:25:38.160 --> 00:25:41.599 therapy if you can for sure, because that's a lot to take on. 360 00:25:42.720 --> 00:25:45.839 If not, I think it's talking to your partner about what's going to make 361 00:25:45.839 --> 00:25:49.279 them feel comfortable. I mean, if there is sexual abuse things like that 362 00:25:49.279 --> 00:25:52.240 that you know, we need to figure out what's going to make that person 363 00:25:52.279 --> 00:25:57.519 feel safe, because obviously we want them to feel okay in this intimate moment. 364 00:25:59.319 --> 00:26:00.960 So whatever we can do to kind of make them feel safe and go 365 00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:04.359 slow, and if the partner can be really patient, I mean there are 366 00:26:04.400 --> 00:26:07.519 ways to really work through it, but patience is going to be key here. 367 00:26:07.720 --> 00:26:11.960 And for the frustrated partner who doesn't seem to be getting their needs met, 368 00:26:11.000 --> 00:26:14.720 what advice do you have? I mean, yeah, it's hard. 369 00:26:14.759 --> 00:26:19.000 I mean obviously you know you have to be slow and steady with this because 370 00:26:19.039 --> 00:26:22.480 if you forced it, it could backfire. So I think it's recognizing, 371 00:26:22.519 --> 00:26:26.160 Okay, I may not get my needs met sexually initially, I'm going to 372 00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:30.440 focus that elsewhere emotionally when get any of my needs met maybe intellectually, Okay, 373 00:26:30.440 --> 00:26:36.200 we can have fun in other ways, adrenaline seeking activities maybe theme parks 374 00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:38.519 and roller coasters and things like that. And I think that'll make somebody feel 375 00:26:38.519 --> 00:26:44.200 safe anyway that eventually this sex will come. So's it's safety. Also, 376 00:26:44.599 --> 00:26:48.359 there's that auto sexual behavior. It's perfectly acceptable. You don't know what I 377 00:26:48.440 --> 00:26:52.599 meant there, right, I meant taking care of your own needs yourself exactly. 378 00:26:52.759 --> 00:26:56.160 Yes, not with other partners who will be a threat to your relationship 379 00:26:56.279 --> 00:27:02.759 with yourself. Alone for sure, see your help. So you mentioned that 380 00:27:02.880 --> 00:27:06.680 sex and money are the two things that bring people in. Mm hmm. 381 00:27:07.359 --> 00:27:11.200 I have a friend who's a couple's therapist in New York, and I said 382 00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:14.680 to her, what's the most common thing that people bring in? She goes, 383 00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:17.960 it doesn't matter what it is, it's the same argument they have for 384 00:27:18.119 --> 00:27:25.119 years. True. So true, So what do you why why do people 385 00:27:25.119 --> 00:27:29.079 have this one issue that's that thing that won't go away because they're not seeing 386 00:27:29.119 --> 00:27:33.119 each other's perspective really plain and simply. So, I think my role or 387 00:27:33.160 --> 00:27:37.359 any couple's therapists is to help bridge that gap of like, okay, let 388 00:27:37.440 --> 00:27:41.720 me help you see how Bob feels this way and Susie feels this way, 389 00:27:41.759 --> 00:27:44.039 and it's like, oh okay, And so they kind of have to open 390 00:27:44.079 --> 00:27:47.680 their eyes to understand that person's perspective. They might not agree with it, 391 00:27:47.720 --> 00:27:52.200 but I think it's really understanding it is going to be helpful. Do you 392 00:27:52.279 --> 00:27:57.000 believe that if there is this recurring argument that seems to be the same thing 393 00:27:57.119 --> 00:28:03.680 over and over, that it's almost always related to some early childhood kind of 394 00:28:03.720 --> 00:28:07.200 trauma that they're trying to work out. There's a great expression. If it's 395 00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:14.200 not one thing, it's a mother And I love that, so father exactly 396 00:28:14.799 --> 00:28:18.519 or a parent will just say but yes, so much of our stuff is 397 00:28:18.559 --> 00:28:22.319 related to childhood. You know. It's funny. We were driving here to 398 00:28:22.640 --> 00:28:26.039 this interview and I don't know, you know, Julio's a well he's a 399 00:28:26.039 --> 00:28:30.440 man, so he's very rational and very thinking and problem solving, and and 400 00:28:30.599 --> 00:28:34.319 he's like, well, I don't understand, like, if people have finally 401 00:28:34.359 --> 00:28:38.079 gotten say the money or success or the partner that they want in life, 402 00:28:38.319 --> 00:28:41.720 why are they having all these issues still? And I said, because the 403 00:28:41.880 --> 00:28:48.440 issues belong in the past, but they have projected it onto the object that 404 00:28:48.480 --> 00:28:53.640 psychobabble person, the person in front of them. And so so if people 405 00:28:53.680 --> 00:28:57.960 can learn, I mean, if you're having the same argument over and over 406 00:28:59.039 --> 00:29:02.920 and over, do you suggest to go to individual therapy and find out why 407 00:29:02.920 --> 00:29:06.359 you have this issue? Yes? And another great expression that I love is 408 00:29:06.480 --> 00:29:10.799 if it's hysterical, it's historical. So if you're feeling something really strong with 409 00:29:10.839 --> 00:29:14.440 your partner, chances are it has something to do with you and your past. 410 00:29:14.839 --> 00:29:17.559 And my other famous expression, since we're going to put them all out 411 00:29:17.599 --> 00:29:19.920 there, is do you know why your family can push your buttons so well 412 00:29:21.480 --> 00:29:26.039 because they installed them. I love that that's true. See this is therapist 413 00:29:26.160 --> 00:29:29.279 humor exactly. I'm not a therapist, but she is, so we can 414 00:29:29.319 --> 00:29:34.000 get each other's humor right now. You also talk about something in your book, 415 00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:37.759 By the way, The book is called Love Hacks, Simple Solutions to 416 00:29:37.799 --> 00:29:41.160 your most common relationship issues. Kelly Miller is the author. You talk about 417 00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:45.839 a fast food communication method. Yes, what is that? Yes, So 418 00:29:47.000 --> 00:29:49.160 if you think about it, when you order fast food, you go to 419 00:29:49.160 --> 00:29:53.640 the drive through and they want to make sure that they get your order correct, 420 00:29:53.799 --> 00:29:56.680 so they repeat it back and they even show it on the screen. 421 00:29:57.200 --> 00:30:00.720 And I tell couples, I want you to do that with your partner because 422 00:30:00.720 --> 00:30:06.240 there's so much miscommunication. So basically, it's really simple. When your partner 423 00:30:06.279 --> 00:30:10.000 tells you something, you say what I'm hearing you say is and it sounds 424 00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:14.039 so funny like you're a parent. But A your partner feels validated, and 425 00:30:14.079 --> 00:30:18.759 B you're really ensuring that communication. Although I like it when people put their 426 00:30:18.799 --> 00:30:22.359 own words on it so that you can also clarify any discrepancy, because you 427 00:30:22.400 --> 00:30:26.240 know all those call centers that teach them the script, and then you finally 428 00:30:26.279 --> 00:30:27.319 lay out the problem and then they repeat your problem back and you're like, 429 00:30:27.359 --> 00:30:30.279 just get to the solution. Okay, you don't have to tell me what 430 00:30:30.319 --> 00:30:32.640 I just said. I know what I just said, right, because they're 431 00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:36.359 repeating it word for word and it sounds almost mocking. Yes, yes, 432 00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:37.920 I can see that. Put it in your own words, right, I 433 00:30:38.000 --> 00:30:41.680 like that too. So what you're saying is the way I see it, 434 00:30:41.799 --> 00:30:44.839 or the way I'm hearing it, is that you're feeling that blah blah blah. 435 00:30:44.920 --> 00:30:47.000 That's perfect, and use your own words, that's perfect. And then 436 00:30:47.039 --> 00:30:49.920 the person gets to go no, actually, exactly right, or yes, 437 00:30:51.000 --> 00:30:55.279 correct, right, you get it, you get it fast food, repeat 438 00:30:55.279 --> 00:30:59.359 it back in your own words and show it on the screen. But I 439 00:30:59.359 --> 00:31:03.000 think it's also that this person's coming to you. They're upset, right, 440 00:31:03.039 --> 00:31:06.160 and so if you are just taking that moment because I think we're so quick 441 00:31:06.200 --> 00:31:07.680 to defend or you know, no, no, no, that's not right, 442 00:31:07.799 --> 00:31:10.680 or I didn't mean to do that, or you know, what are 443 00:31:10.720 --> 00:31:12.799 you talking about? And so it's like if you take that moment to acknowledge 444 00:31:12.799 --> 00:31:15.400 what they're saying, I think people kind of can ease and they're not as 445 00:31:15.440 --> 00:31:18.279 defensive, like, Okay, they heard me, So that's part of it 446 00:31:18.319 --> 00:31:22.599 too, exactly. Okay, we don't have a whole lot of time left, 447 00:31:22.079 --> 00:31:29.759 but can you tell me what your number one recommendation to rekindle a kind 448 00:31:29.759 --> 00:31:36.119 of tired, dull old love. Sure, it's getting vulnerable. I think 449 00:31:36.160 --> 00:31:37.839 again, even if you've been with somebody for fifteen years. I think it's 450 00:31:37.839 --> 00:31:41.519 saying, hey, I'm worried, things feel stale with us, what can 451 00:31:41.519 --> 00:31:45.200 we do? It's getting really honest. Yeah, oh so literally saying yes, 452 00:31:45.359 --> 00:31:48.920 say there's no excitement in our lives. Anything we do, we do. 453 00:31:49.359 --> 00:31:52.240 Put the elephant in the room. Yeah, put them right there. 454 00:31:52.359 --> 00:31:57.079 You know, one of my favorite words that works well with male brains is 455 00:31:57.119 --> 00:32:01.519 the word how can we fash? How can we? Because it puts them 456 00:32:01.599 --> 00:32:06.400 out of their emotional defensive brain into their prefrontal cortex and it becomes like a 457 00:32:06.440 --> 00:32:08.279 math problem. I think, brilliant, how can we do this? How 458 00:32:08.319 --> 00:32:12.599 can we figure this out? How? Because and now you're on a team 459 00:32:12.640 --> 00:32:16.079 together, how solving this thing? Kelly? Good luck to you. I'm 460 00:32:16.119 --> 00:32:20.319 so proud and happy that you've written this book, and I know it's not 461 00:32:20.359 --> 00:32:22.599 your first book. But now you've gotten into the relationship space. Since you're 462 00:32:22.640 --> 00:32:27.119 sitting in it office all day long with relationships, why not share the wealth 463 00:32:27.160 --> 00:32:30.680 and the wisdom right. The book is called Love Hacks, Simple Solutions to 464 00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:35.640 your most Common Relationship Issues. The author is Kelly with an I Kelly Miller. 465 00:32:35.839 --> 00:32:39.319 You can also find her at kellymillertherapy dot com. Thanks so much for 466 00:32:39.359 --> 00:32:43.640 thank minute so much. I had a blast, and that brings the Doctor 467 00:32:43.680 --> 00:32:46.359 Wendy Walsh Show to a close. See I got through my jet lag. 468 00:32:46.599 --> 00:32:51.039 I stumbled a few times, forgot my words, but I did it. 469 00:32:51.839 --> 00:32:54.680 I'm always here for you every Sunday from seven to nine pm. If you 470 00:32:54.680 --> 00:32:59.000 miss any part of the show, you can always go to the iHeartRadio app. 471 00:32:59.279 --> 00:33:01.960 Producer Caleb post it right after the show and then it becomes a podcast 472 00:33:01.960 --> 00:33:05.519 Doctor Wendy on Demand. But we're always there. Thanks for being with me. 473 00:33:05.640 --> 00:33:09.319 We'll see you next Sunday. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Waals, 474 00:33:09.400 --> 00:33:13.839 you can always hear us live on KFI Am six forty from seven to nine 475 00:33:13.880 --> 00:33:17.039 pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app.