In the blurry photos justice system, the listeners are represented by two separate but
equal David's the Stecco who prosecutes the conspiracies, and the Flora who defends them.
Spiritually based offenders are considered especially hanted. These are their stories. Bom
Bom the dirt dirt, dirt, dirt, bom bom. Burden your honor,
David Stecco here for the prosecution. In the following testimony, I believe
I will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the defenses assertion that reptiles
are in control of most of the world's governments for the purposes of mining monoatomic
gold to be baseless and ridiculous, and we will stop it nothing less than
a ruling of debunked no. I say, Yanna, yanna, David Floor
here for the defendant. It's preposterous what my colleague on the prosecutors is insinuating
here. I would just like to say that my client is just a simple,
cold blooded, blood thirsted humanoid reptilian race who lives on the ground and
only once they're fast shot at controlling the minds of the people, thinning out
the population, as it were, With such simple strategies as fluoridating the water,
as putting giamos and all the food, and far more. Objection,
Your honor counsel is now leading on gross speculation and drawing in other conspiracies.
And as it was proven in the People versus JFK versus the moon Man,
that you cannot simultaneously defend two conspiracies by attempting to intertwine them. The Rico
Statute does not cover that, and I would ask that that testimony be not
allowed overruled. I want to see where this goes. Ah, thank thank
you, Joanna. As I was finishing up here before I was so rudely
interrupted by the interjections of my colleague across the ball, I was just wanting
to say. Back home, when I was growing up Honey Island, Louisiana,
my daddy used to tell me as he was feeding me snuckleballs ran a
socialist that you cannot judge a reptile based on his reptiling skin, and you
cannot judge a pusson based on if they want to rule the world and control
of minds and the hearts of the people in it, Your honor, I'd
like to counter that with a simple question. If you cannot judge a reptile
based on it being a reptilian, and you cannot judge a person based on
their intentions, can you not judge a person who is actually a reptile wearing
the skin of a human. Get to the point, please, your honor.
What I'm saying is that the defense is doing an admirable job of clouding
the issue. This is a falsity. There are objection, your honor,
objection. I believe the defense is getting badgered by the prosecution, and I
just want to relate to you a story back when I was growing up and
Mike and Georgia. It's a it's a simple store about a badger. Uh.
This badger he looked up in the book jaction, your honor. Defense
is trying to grandstand and tell endearing tales that are only tangentially of interest to
the court. You're on, right, Can I get a ruling on that?
Please? Uh? Before before you rule you on and cannot cannot double
objection to that objection, y'all, both of you shut up. I have
my ruling. You're gonna be dismissed from the court. This whole case is
dismissed. I don't want to see you all in this courtroom again. Everybody
knows gin run the case dismissed justice podcast style. Hey everybody, I'm David
Flora and representing the people David's necho and this is hereby ruled blurry photos.
You are sentenced to about seventy minutes of this. You do your your crime
and and then you got to do the time. That's right, that's right.
So oh well, Hey, happy Halloween, motherfuckers. Oh hey,
don't don't don't forget to save us some treats. We love unless you get
lots of treats. Oh, don't get it to save us a few tricks
too, who army to the movie waitress. We're high on candy. Yeah
yeah, but like literally that's it. Uh, we're drunk on happiness.
We just murdered someone. You have good jokes. Oh, I'm guilty of
having too much fun and multiple sex offenses. Yeah, required to say that,
and I tried to work it into a joke. Unfortunately we have come
to the end of Blurry Photober. But fortunately it's it's exactly the episode you've
been waiting for. Are you need to have your spine tingled? Oh?
That's what it sounds like? What else? What else? What? It's
another good hair You're ready to have your hairs raised? Oh yeah, I
am. How about your goose has bumped? I want to bump your goose?
Ye already to have your bets? I try? You made it.
I was trying. This is what I get for trying. It's time for
blood story. That's one of my favorite things. I don't think in anyone
like I'm sure you guys enjoy that, but I love it because I get
to see Florida like he is that guy for the whole time that he's laughing.
That would be a great looping gift to put on the web side.
Maybe that could be like new your email has been sent, is just thinking
of you. It's like the kool Aid man busting through a wall, exactly
and over and over. Yeah, you guys, this is our annual ghost
stories. Congratulations to all of us for having something become annual. Yeah.
So we like telling telling some spooky stories. Oh you know, we love
them spooky as stories. We brought you some for campfires, yep, but
now we're gonna bring you some for the best time of the year. Man.
The time when stories were made to be told. Yep. Yeah,
so this being uh the the old costuming time of year, the hallowest of
Wieen's, the first, the first and best costumer event yep. I mean
people dress up for for the July and Labor Day and stuff. I know,
but like Halloween owns owns the hill that that they have the contest on.
So if you came up with a really uh cool costume this year,
hey send it to us, let us let us know, Yeah, I
want to see that. Or just what you can do is go to the
to the contact form and say, hey, I've got a costume that that
I'd like to show off, and then we'll reply and be like, all
right, reply to it and attach it to this email and that's all you
got to do. Or how about I officially declare the opening of the Blurry
Photos Halloween Costume Contest. You know what? The winner gets an MS paint
certificate made by David Flora. Oh no, I'll make it. Florida is
too much work as it is. I'm I'm in charge of certificate tree.
Yeah that's true, and you do a better job than I would anyway,
I very much doubt that, very thoroughly thoroughly doubt that. But yeah,
if you want to send us your your costumes and we can post them on
on the site, share them with with people, and be like, yeah,
this is the fun stuff that we do. If there's one thing that
I am dead sure of is that our listeners have the best Halloween costumes,
I would I would double down on that. Bet Yep, yeah, that's
I would double down. Split those aces, double down, black jack.
That'll be fun. If you don't have a particularly kick ass homemade costume,
uh, if you if you've got a sexy costume, even though we bitch
about it, we'll still take it. Yeah, we love it. I
mean, like, I gotta figure out what I'm gonna go as you had
a great costume last year. I did, I did, But now there's
gonna be an army of Walter White's. It's so you're that's you don't have
that. Probably an army last year too, But you're the best one I
saw. It's probably the only one you saw. Um yeah, you were
see so, thus proving the point that there wasn't there wasn't an army last
year. Suck it, checkmate, man, I'm a good lawyer. Objection
year leading the witness. Why not, let's let's uh, let's have fun
with with costumes. Uh, and then um, you can use this episode
to scare your friends to make them feel bad one for not having a school
costume as you, and two not having spooky stories. Yeah. Oh,
Also, you're instantly gonna win the costume if you guys, just decide to
dress as me and Flora. But but you should do it as buff versions
of us. Like if I see one person with a pillow under their shirt
to simulate my completely real belly, I'm gonna be pissed. So let's like,
let's like try to elevate it. It look make us look good,
guys, Yeah, because the avatars of our sales. Yeah. Great,
So so let's get into this so you can you can start learn in your
lines commands to spook for when you for when you need to retail these haunting,
harrowing tales of horror. Now to your friends, yep, to your
friends. Now, in the interest of fairness, Flora, would you like
to flip a coin as to who starts you? Would you just like to
start? You want to seize the reins? I like leaving it to fate.
Nice, all right, call it in the air bing bang tails.
How when win a chicken dinner? Flora goes first. Oh all right,
good, a good deal, Flora. You did it, You nailed it.
So I'll start us out here with a little tale called the cry.
A long plaintiff will emanated from the cardboard box. Whether Jacob had seen the
box or heard the cry first, he couldn't be sure, but he was
certain that the pitiful sound came from the box. This is a This has
fallen in line again, Yeah with our theory. Yeah, let's let's repeat.
Let's repeat the ghost tale theory. Go for it, Flora. Inform
our listeners who may not have heard last year's folloween episode last year's if you
go back and listen to it, we formulate this theory that starting out a
ghost story, if you stopped within the first couple sentences, somebody might not
be able to tell that you're not reading a pornographic story. Yep. Yeah,
it could be like literature or ourgos story. You'll never know which.
So to test this theory, I'm gonna start this over with that in mind.
Yeah, give us some porn. This is some erotic literature for you.
A long plaintive will emanated from the cardboard box. Whether Jacob had seen
the box or heard the cry first, he couldn't be sure, but he
was certain that the pitiful sound came from the box. All right, so
right, that one was on the I don't I don't know if that one
sounded terribly rot all right, all right, I mean even even even using
my erotic voice, right, you know, I don't. I don't know
if that one really played. But exception that proves the role. Exception that
proves the role. I'll keep going, sorry, did interrupt at once.
He was regretting taking the shortcut from the burger bar to the car park on
account of his diarrhea. He had always felt uncomfortable using it after dark.
The passage between the record shop and the butcher's was only just wide enough for
one person, and it was badly lit, with a single bulb where it
opened out behind the shops. Anyone could be hiding in the dark, out
of sight of the main street, hardly visible in the shadows from the vast
empty car park. Still, he had something else to worry about this time,
because there was that cry again, audible above the sound of the fans
and the refrigeration unit at the back of the butcher's shop. It was a
heartrending sound of loneliness, pain, and hunger that brought back memories of childhood
punishments. When Jacob's mother locked him in his bedroom without any dinner. He
could hear her voice even now, all these years later, You disgusting little
monster. What was that awful sound? What should he do about it?
Leave it? Probably let someone else sort it out. Nobody had helped him
then, Locked in his bedroom or in the dark under the stairs, covered
shivering in his wet pajamas, his cries drowned out by his mother's ranting in
the loud rumble of the washing machine. Dude's got some issues, Yeah,
no doubt, this is dark. The cry went on, long and pathetic,
rising and falling in pitch. It was probably some kittens, they abandoned
and unwanted offspring of a family pet, discarded by a callous owner. If
it was, and if he opened the box, what then he'd have to
feel responsible for them and take him home. Now, better to leave them
for someone else. Not his problem. But the cry was echoing round the
alley, echoing inside his head. There was something about it that sounded almost
human. Perhaps it was a baby shut in the box, he thought in
the dark. He couldn't leave a baby shut inside a box alone in the
dark. Kittens, yeah, I know, yeah, the baby. The
police get involved with that. That's the kind of responsibility you want. He'd
been killing kittens for years. Jacob knew how that felt to be shut in,
How you could not breathe, how you began to sweat, how you
could feel the blood rushing and roaring through your temples, and the contents of
your stomach rising in your throat, the waves of panic that wash hot and
cold through the body. Just the type of stuff a baby could feel.
Exactly, yeah, just exactly the things that a baby understands. And Jacob
knew if there was any chance that it could be a baby, he had
no choice but to look inside the box. He was within a foot of
the cardboard box when suddenly there was a slight movement from the box, and
the crying ceased. All was quiet except the thrumb of the fans in the
butcher's shop wall. The top of the box was sealed with wide brown parcel
tape. Jacob managed to his fingernail under the end and peeled off the tape
in one go, pulling open the flaps. He stared into the shadowy darkness,
trying to make some sense of the shape within. It didn't look like
a baby. In fact, there seemed to be more than one set of
eyes blinking back at him. Kittens, I was right the first time,
he thought, damn it, Reaching in with both hands to pick one up.
Taloned hands grabbed both his wrists. Sudden and vicelike, searing pain shot
up his arms. He yelled and tried to pull away. The claws pulled
back, hard and sharp, digging into his flesh and forcing him off balance.
Jacob realized that there was no way he could stop himself falling head first
into the cardboard box. As his head entered the box, more small,
clawing hands grabbed at it, pulling at his hair and ears. He felt
sharp talons scraping his face, digg into his neck and shoulders. Even as
his chest passed into the box, Jacob was aware of the wet and warm,
strangely comforting feeling spreading through the front of his trousers. What then,
as the claws pulled the rest of his body down into the darkness, he
felt the hot and cold waves of panic running through his body. As he
struggled for breath, the blood roaring in his ears, his shouts of terror
began to subside, turning first into a whimper, then into a long,
plaintive whale, and the dragon eats its own tail. The cycle never ends,
The aaborous continues forever. And that's the cry, dude, That's why
you never open a box ever again. Nope ups, especially in an hour,
or like nopeps screw ups. That was a hl more like dhil.
Yeah, I can't think of one for fat x fat ax more like fat
us. Moving on to further tales of misery and whoa This tale is called
black Aggie. Whoa black bag, black age la black Agget was a ghost
baa lamb. She ghost with the most black lamb. Black Aggie hates your
face bangla lamb. She's hain't all day, black bag. I hope everyone's
scared now by this this tale. Did we slowly turn into Betty from Aggie?
Because because we're just trained? Yeah? Probably. Do you want to
know what's weird? You know the best version of that song, my favorite
version? This is not bullshit. I'm an actual non ironic and not sarcastic
fan of Tom Jones, the singer. Okay, it's not unusual. I
love Tom jumps and years ago, about ten years ago told us that.
Yep. But ten years ago he released an album called Tom Jones's Greatest Hits
Reloaded and where he doubled up with Metallica. No, he actually really did
like work with a bunch of like class bands. He did a song with
portishead Um with Sarah's Matthews from Catatonia. All right. It was a great
album, but he decided to cover Black Betty. Okay, and the opening
of it. The thing that I love is that he gets so excited,
he goes, this is TJ dedicated this one to lead. He's really he
was really in the zone. So that's neither here nor there. Now I
have to bring you back, I see, I have to. It's hard.
I can't just hold the audience's head under the water of sheer mortal terror.
They have to come up for air every now and again. Yeah,
all right, So this is the tale of Black Aggie. Whoa black You
can't say it. No, it's gonna get it. I got it,
I got it gat ready. Okay. The tail oh Black. When Felix
Angus put up the life size, shrouded bronze statue of a grieving angel seated
on a penstal in the Angus family pot, how many commas can you put
in a sentence? Okay, this is a tale of terrifying grammar, I'm
gonna start over. The story itself is secondary to the yeah, this horrible,
frightening grammar. It's used the runaway sentence. Okay, the double All
right, here we go. Try it again from the top. Whoa Black
begged? Okay, Damn, everyone's being like Jesus just can finish the story.
Yeah, I think I just I just tapped into that. Okay.
When Felix Angus put up the life size, shrouded bronze statue of a grieving
angel seated on a pedestal in the Angus family plot in the druid Ridge Cemetery,
he had no idea what he started oka. The statue was a rather
eerie figure by day, frozen in a moment of grief and terrible pain.
At night, the figure is almost unbelievably creepy, the shroud over its head
obscuring the face until you were up close to it. There was a living
air about the grieving angel, as if its arms could really reach out and
grab you if you weren't careful, or if you blinked, yeah, I
was way ahead you on that one. It didn't take long for rumors to
sweep through the town and surrounding countryside. They said that the statue, nicknamed
black Aggie Bamba Lamb, was haunted by a spirit of a mistreated wife who
lay beneath her feet from Alabam. The statue's eyes would glow red at the
stroke of midnight, and any living person who returned the statue's gaze would instantly
be struck blind. Any pregnant woman who passed through her shadow would miscarry.
Also, she's not supposed to handle broken tablets of propitia. Those are That's
the other thing. The pregnant woman is not supposed to do a lot of
rules to be impregnant. If you sat on her lap at night, the
statue would come to life and crush you to death in her dark embrace.
What a way to go. Oh God, we're in serious trouble. If
you spoke Black Ackey's name three times at midnight in front of a dark mirror,
Tom Jones would be there with the specter of leadbelly. Damn it.
They have to say Bambo lamb three times to make her go away again.
Oh all right, If you spoke Black Aggie's name three times at midnight in
front of a dark mirror, the evil angel would appear and pull you down
to hell. They also said that the spirits of the dead would rise from
their graves on dark knights to gather around the statue at night. That is
sae. That was a redundant night because they were already done dark knights.
People began visiting the cemetery just to see the statue, and it was then
that the local fraternity decided to make the statue of Grief part of their initiation
rights. Black Aggie sitting Bambalam, where candidates for membership had to spend the
night crouched beneath the statue with their backs to the grave of General Angus,
became popular. At least he wasn't a colonel, I got it. They
just got it. One dark knight, Bambalam, two fraternity members accompanied new
hopefuls to the cemetery and watched while he took his place under the creepy statue
Bambalam. The clouds had obscured the moon at night, and the whole Okay,
the clouds had obscured the moon that night, and the whole area surrounding
the dark statue was filled with a sense of anger and malice. Bambo lamb.
It felt as if a storm were brewing in that part of the cemetery.
Bamb lam And to their chagrin, the two fraternity members noticed that gray
shadows seemed to be clustering around the body of the frightened fraternity candidate crouching in
front of the statue. Bambo lamb. What had been a funny initiation right
suddenly took on an air of danger. One of the fraternity brothers stepped forward
in alarm to call out to the initiate. As he did, the statue
above the boy stirred ominously. The two fraternity brothers froze in shock. As
the shrouded head turned towards the new candidate, they saw the gleam of glowing
red eyes beneath the concealing hood of the statue's arms reached out towards the cowering
boy. With shouts of alarm, bamb lamb. The fraternity brothers leaped forward
to rescue the new initiate, Bambalam, but it was too late. The
initiate gave one horrified yelled Bambalam, and his body disappeared into the embrace of
the dark angel. Bambalam, how one can I do the story? How
long can people listen for? Yeah? They turned it off. Yeah.
The fraternity brothers skidded to a halt as the statue thoughtfully rested its glowing eyes
on them. With gasps of terror, the boys fled from the cemetery before
the statue could grab them. Two. Hearing the screams, a night watchman
hurried to the Angus plot. To his chagrin, he discovered the body of
a young man lying at the foot of the statue. The young man had
apparently died of fright. The disruption caused by the statue grew so acute that
the Angus family finally donated to the Smithsonian Museum in Washington, d C.
The grieving angel sat for many years in storage, there, never again to
plague the citizens visiting Druid Hill Park Cemetery. Harry Bambalam, whoa black whoa
black black? She came and right at you. She'll screw you up.
Broma Lamb, don't look up Bromia. Yeah, she's the bane of bros.
Also, did you notice that this story just kind of just kind of
went raiders the Lost Arc at the end. Yeah, it belongs in a
museum. I think that Black Aggie, you know, took out some bros.
Well, they were being disrespectful. Black Aggie knows what shes doing.
Well, we should find this person because I think we did a good job.
That story is cool and scary. I wish someone could tell it to
me in a scary way. Reply. Yeah, so there you go.
There's Black Aggie, Bamba Lamb. Fun you your turn, Flora for what
I hope is a more streamlined story that that story. I shouldn't have picked
that. That was nothing but digression and ridiculousnessness and extra syllables. All right,
Uh, this one, this one doesn't have a song to go with
it that I can think of. If you can think of a song to
go with it, that sounds like a challenge. This is called nightmare ha.
What say it again? Nightmare ha ha, ruler of the daymare.
No, I'm just fighting for it now in a nightmare day No, nightmare
house is the name of the all right, an. It was a dark
and stormy night. Steve had just come in from having tied down anything that
could possibly all right, all right, nope, I want this theory to
work. Steve had just come in from having tied down anything that could possibly
blow away in the way, blow away in the wind. Outside, cold
seeping into his bones, he decided to sit by the fireplace to warm up.
He closed the door to the large living room of the large house he
had just purchased. His wife and daughter were back at the old home gathering
up some of the last items to be moved to their new one. Steve
decided to stay the night by himself to get a field for the house.
The house was probably too large for such a small family, but Steve couldn't
pass up the goodbye he got on it. An old antique house, incredibly
large in a quiet secluded area for such a small price. You'd be stupid
not to get it. Steve still couldn't believe how lucky he was. The
television was one of the items his wife was bringing the next day, so
he decided to read a book to pass the time. He sipped at his
hot coffee while being warmed by the crackling fireplace. Steve couldn't help but look
forward to many more nights like this, all snug in front of the grand
fireplace on the cold winter nights that would eventually come. He had just started
to get into his book when he heard a tapping sound from the upper floor.
Steve brushed it off quickly. Old houses like this always make sounds like
that in the movies, even though I'm sure it's had enough time to settle
a He had to chuckle over his corny joke. He went back to his
book, but the sounds started again. It seemed to be moving across the
room upstairs. Perhaps mice, thought Steve, I should really look into that
tomorrow morning. The wife would not be pleased to find mice in their new
home tomorrow, though. No use chasing mice in the dark. Then Steve
heard what sounded like a door opening upstairs. The big room was starting to
feel a bit less cozy. He tried to p ass it off as his
imagination running wild and tried to immerse himself in his book. It did no
good, because this time the sounds didn't go away. The tapping. Then
footsteps started to sound like they were coming down the stairs down the stairs that
led to the living room's door, louder and louder as they went down.
Steve had put the book down now and was staring at the door with great
intensity. What if it's a robber, he thought, or worse, No,
he mustn't let his imagination go wild. He stared at the great door
and heard the footsteps keep thumping, finally coming off the stairs towards the door.
He stared at the door, his fear increasing. The fireplace suddenly went
out. The door handle started to turn. Steve was too frightened to get
up to stop it, stuck in his place by his fear. Slowly it
creaked open until it was finally completely and to Steve, a great blinding light
filled the room from the door. A blood curdling scream arose from Steve.
Linda pulled into the driveway in her truck. She was sure she finally had
gotten every last thing and was ready to move into the new house. Her
daughter bounced out of the truck and ran towards the house. Linda thought,
not for the first time, that the house was much too big for the
three of them, but Steve was too much in love with it for her
to change his mind. She had told him not to spend the night in
the house alone, but he had insisted. She smiled to herself, the
big goof was probably going to tell their daughter all kinds of ghost stories he
made up last night, and she'll end up trying to soothe her to bed
tonight. Her daughter bounded into the house, then she followed closely behind.
She called for Steve, but there was no answer. Probably still sleeping in
that huge living room, or can't hear us through the door. He loved
that room most about this house. She told her daughter to check the living
room for her father. Her daughter went off to do that. Linda started
unpacking some of the food they had brought in the kitchen when she heard a
scream from her daughter. She ran to the living room to see what was
the matter. She looked in and screamed herself. Steve was sitting in his
chair book on the floor. His hair had turned stark white, his clothes
were ripped, and it looked like he had tried to claw his eyes out
with all the claw marks on his face. He was dead, with a
look of stark terror etched forever on his face. Linda wretched and cried,
what, what could possibly have done this to her husband? What? Then,
through her sobs and her daughter screaming, she thought she heard a thumping
sound upstairs. Who buy? I like that? Yeah? I like anybody
close her own face up. That's a good story. That's that's got production
value. Yeah, funny or ripped, ripped clothing and uh and scratched his
own face. I don't know, stop hitting yourself. All right, I
got one, oh do you? Yeah? This next one is called the
Mansion. I was gonna skip ahead the Mansion. A shiver ran through her
as a gentle caressed rand over her shoulders and beneath her arms. She felt
a gentle cupping of her breast, and then a light tweaking of her nipples
to the thin material of her robe. That's serious. That's your annual literatic
a story. All right, here's a here's a tale of terror. Now.
I'm gonna warn everybody before because even the even the title of this one
might be objectionable to the younger listeners, of which there are none. I
hope thunder sound. All right. There was once a beautiful old house right
on the edge of a lake, surrounded by woods, But no one would
live there because a spirit calling itself sifty sifty Sand drove everyone away. In
desperation, the owner of the house went to the big city looking for a
man a woman who'd be able to banish the spirit of sifty sifty Sand.
The first night in town, he came across a man named Sam, who
had spent much of his life banishing ghosts. You know, banishing Sam,
Yeah, yep, oldish. As Sam approached the house, he whistled cheerfully
to himself. The prospect of a good night's sleep in a fancy house and
a big wad of money in his pocket made Sam a happy man. Darkness
came swiftly, and with it came a sinister, hissing sound from the forest,
safty sifty. The wind whistled in the tree tops. The waves lapping
at the shore responded outside. A huge gust of wind shook the house and
howled down the chimney. Sam shivered and threw another log on the fire.
Didn't settled down a bit, and Sam could once again hear the tiny sounds
of night sifty sifty. The little frogs croaked, belched, the biggest of
the bullfrogs. Holy Sam, Sand, there are frogs I could talk.
Yeah. The sound of the waves grew louder. Sam heard a huge thud
thud thud sound coming from the forest. Sam ran around the house, making
sure all the windows and doors were locked. He had just settled down by
the fire for supper when there came a soft cry from the far side of
the lake. The frying pan shook in his grip, and he hastily put
it back in the fire and pulled a bible out of his pack. The
cry came again louder. A strange gust of air blew through the house,
bringing with it a strange, musty smell, like the dust in a graveyard.
Out in the lake, Sam heard a voice chanting, I'm sifty sifty
s and I'm here on the lake. Where is the man? Sam frozen
place, and the wind picked up again, howling down the large chimney sifty
sifty seve A sinister voice hissed from the shore of the lake. I'm here
sure. Sam dropped his bible in fright. His hands were shaking too much
to grip anything, and the dusty, decaying smell coming through the window seemed
to dull his thoughts and numb his body. Sifty sift. A terrible howling
voice called from the front of the house, I'm here on the porch,
abandoning food, bible bag in sanity. Sam wrestled desperately with the back window,
trying to open it wide enough to climb through. He heard the front
door slam open with a bang, and down the passageway came the thudding of
footsteps. Then the kitchen door slammed inward, and a huge shadow with burning
yellow eyes appeared in the frame. Cyc oh horrible blood chilling voice bellowed,
I'm here in the house. No you win't on account I'm gone, shouted
Sam. Spring into the window, glass, wood frame and all. He
high tailed it back to his own town faster than a jack rabbit. And
that was the last time anybody went near the old house on the lake.
If it hasn't fallen to pieces by now, then sifty fifty sand may still
be there. Boo booguiny, booguiny. You have some kind of affinity for
stories, Yeah, that people repeat things as they get closer. I'm like
the chant whisperer. I can find these stories without trying because I don't try,
and I find them. That's how I've proven that. Yeah, you
know this is this is kind of a trope in stories. Yeah, you
know, it's like, oh, guy in house, they're repeated, it
gets closer, it gets closer, it gets this was this through a little
turn because he got away? That's true. Yeah, but here's what I'm
curious. Ever banished a ghost ever again? Right, here's the thing.
This guy's like he spent his whole life banishing ghosts and he brought nothing.
He didn't brought a Bible. Yeah, but like that's all you need but
Jesus, But like, what are you talking about? But what but what
Jesus? It's all you need? W W j D. Here's the thing
though, Like he didn't like commenced to banishing, he made no attempt to
banish. Sounds like he was a fraud. Right, He's like, Oh,
I'll just sleep in a spooky house and not give a fuck. Yeah,
I think that's what he big wat He still had the wad of cash
in his pocket. Yeah, I think that's what. Yeah, he got
paid, so we paid up front. That's a smart racket. Yeah,
that's what he's I'm a banisher, which is a turn of the century dialogue
for hobo I'll sleep in your spooky room for money. Yeah, five hundred
dollars right now, and I'll go get rid of that ghost. Right he
sleep seen again? Yeah, and there was the money, Yeah exactly,
and said by the local strip club. That's right. So there you go.
There's the terrifying tale of fifty fifty sand Oh okay, how about do
you got Flora? I got one more for you? And uh, I'm
gonna round my stories out with a with a good old poem. I love
it the best way to end an episode. This poem is called Will.
There in the calumus, he stands with frog webbed feet and bat winged hands.
His glow worm garb glints goblin wise and elfishly and elfishly above the gleam
of oulid eyes, A death's moth cap of downy dies nods out at me,
nods out at me now in the reeds, his face looks white as
witch down on a witch's night. Now through the dark old haunted mill,
so eerily, so eerily he flits and with a whipperwill mouth hauls and seems
to syllable, come follow me, come follow me now o'er the sluggish stream,
he winds a slim light at his finger ends the spotted spawn. The
toad hath Clumb slips oozily, slips oozily. His easy footsteps seem to come
like bubble gaspings of the scum. Now near to me, Now near to
me. There by the stagnant pool. He stands a fox fire lamp in
flickering hands. The weeds are slimy to the tread and mockingly and mockingly with
slanted eyes, an eldridge head, he leans above a face long dead,
the face of me, the face of me. You said it crime stick.
There you go. That's a that's the willow of the whisp poem.
That's awesome. That was good. That was That was the spookiest thing.
Poems are the every Poems are are spooky. Yeah they're good. Spooky poems
are spooky poems. Toots, we got a request from more diggie toots.
Yeah we forgot about that. Yeah, I guess we've been laxing our diggie
tootsing diggie toots. Man, I'm on, I'm on, rats. Some
spoker poetry. That's my next. My day's time is called ghost stars man.
But lamba treble mon name treble mountain Abel abel knebel hanneweeble trick or treeble.
Thank y'all, nigga two. So there you go. That's uh,
that's your your ghost Stories episode for this year. Yeah. Check you check
your pants because you wet them. Yeah, hopefully you wore a diaper or
at least set on a towel. Oh man. And uh look forward to
some more around Yule Tide yep and uh and then next summer. Yeah,
like we do, like we do. I mean, I'll tell you.
I mean it's I don't know that there's anything scarier than those stories. Probably
not, No, probably not. I And in fact, I think we
should go on and tell everybody to subscribe to iTunes and and say our names
with with funny yeah phrases, and then and then say bye. Probably right,
no, yeah no, because we can't getting scarier than there. Wait
a minute, what's that tap tap tapping on the window? A gremlin?
No, something far more dangerous. Okay, I'll start us off, all
right, all right, I don't get floras on point. I have a
fortune teller, nice fortune teller where you can go and have your fortune divined
by looking into the contents of a cardboard box. Oh really, it's called
the Scry Nice. That is good. I like that. All right,
I've got one. This is uh it's one of our new sponsors. Oh
yeah, yeah. It's actually a demolition company. They specialize in unblocking old
rivers. You know, people used to they would block up a river to
kind of create a reservoir. But then over time they realized was a bad
idea. So this one company special mentally on sound dude, right exactly,
So this one company exists. They that's they specialize in removing these impediments.
Uh. It's run by a woman. Her name is Agatha, but they've
always called her Black Aggie. Uh and so her you know, its just
a nickname she's always had. Um. So her company is Black Aggie's damn
coblam. Oh Na, damn comblam, black tagger, damn com blame that
river blocked up. Then we're gonna show well, get rid of that debris.
Comblam. Set the water for you day, black taggers, damn comblam.
That's what I've got. If there's not one, there is, now,
what do you got? Geez? All right, um my my next
one. Uh, it's it's a it's a popular tourist spot, especially for
fans of of old WWF wrestling, oh, of which there are Malassic Classic
days. Uh. But if you go there, you might come out of
it with with bleached hair, just the hair that's almost stark white. You
might be horrified at what you see because you go in there and you hear
thump thump. It's the it's the Rick Flairhouse, the Nature Boy. Yeah,
nice WWF reference, really well done. All right, I've got I've
got one to around this out. Okay, I got a It's a children's
story about a man named Daniel who travels to Japan and he likes to race
cars. But in Japan they like to make the cars go sideways. Yeah,
so it's the tale of shifty Drifty Dan. He does that in Tokyo,
right, he dies and becomes a ghost. Oh yeah, there it
is, man oh man. Limbs ponds you can't you can put them in
the ground, whether they just come back to haunt you. Yeah, you
can't bury pons. Tap tap tap at the windows. Right, scary stuff.
Yeah, you know, Flora, I'm not entirely certain. Um where
wolves, Yeah we're wolves. Where to put this in the podcast because I've
got a whole bunch of terrifying tales that are all entirely true. Where did
they come from? Where did you get them? I looked all over the
place for tales and I couldn't find any. Well, I've got a bunch,
and they come from listener mail. Hollow what Yeah, that's a creepy
place. Yeah. All those kids are from listener Maile Elementary School. Yeah
one of us. Yeah. What have we got? An old mail bags?
Oh? Man, so many great things, and we've got an amazing
where to kick this off with a couple of true tales of the terrifying that
we had. We got so much awesome listener mail that we had to,
like, we had to make some Sophie's choices here. Yeah. Yeah,
so as promised, let's get our promises right out of the way. A
terrifying tale from his kitty Pickles. Oh, one of our good friends,
Kate Parker from the hilarious and very entertaining Uniform Snowflakes podcast check it out,
of which we were guests. M M. That's how we know it was
so good. We've tasted those goods firsthand. Mmm. I shoved him all
in the face and it almost threw up the rest of the night. So
Kate's got a great haunted apartment story. We got a couple this week,
so let's kick this off. Kate moved into an apartment. She had some
roommates, and one night she gets she gets home, She's got the apartment
to herself. She's taken an app whatever sharpening knives, whatever it is.
She feels like Kate's off other people was probably putting bread everywhere, right,
we're wildly speculating on the personal life of Kate here, probably playing Statigo,
but it's on a turntable, so she's playing both sides of it, I
don't know, still losing. So she hears her roommate come home, she
hears the keys in the door, doors open, shots, goes straight into
the bathroom to jump in the shower. Now, Kate, this is kind
of a new arrangement. She didn't know her roommate that well, so it's
not like she could come flying in there. But Kate had to also like
get ready for work and stuff. But she's like, oh, just waiting,
ben. So she's sitting there and she hears the shower running, and
it's running for like twenty minutes and She's like, dude, come on,
now, what her conservation. Yeah, let's think of the planet. So
she was waiting and waiting, and finally she like walks up and she kind
of knocks on the door. She was like, hey, hello, and
finally she's like, God, I have to open the door. Opens the
door. There's no one there. There's no shower running. She'd heard it
for like thirty minutes, nothing going on. She checked. She even,
like Kate is a very rational woman. She was like, well, maybe
it's the upstairs name. But she went outside and actually stuck her head out
the window to see if she could hear a shower from like her upstairs or
downstairs neighbor. Nothing, because they were done because that shower was over.
But no, she heard all the all the interim sounds, everything happened,
and then there was no one there. Weird. Yeah that's great, super
spooky, I mean as spooky tails go. She got off pretty light.
Yeah yeah, but it's it's still spooky because that means for the rest of
her time in that apartment, she was like embracing for ghost encounter. Yeah.
Yeah, that's that'll take it out of you. Yeah. Nice,
thanks for writing, Kate. Yeah, thank you, Kate kid A Pickles.
Also Kate in beautiful minimalist fashion, closes out her story with great podcast
guys, which I was better at puns? Oh well play? Yeah,
that was like just the tiny little dagger, which better Nice? Well played,
Kitty Pickles. Nice. We also have one from a friend of the
podcast Oh Yeah, who is very talented and terrific um and it's she lived
in a haunted apartment and so she she moved in and her roommates had said,
hey, just so you know, our apartments haunted. UM. There
was an old woman UM named Francis who used to live in the building.
And as Kenna was unpacking her bags when she first moved in, she heard
clearly an elderly woman say hello, and which obviously for in the apartment.
No one else in the apartment. She was there by herself and her roommates.
I love this. Their roommates weren't like, oh my god, the
ghost. They were like, yeah, our ghost doesn't talk like stiff armed
her head. No. She's like, guys, I'm having an experienced They're
like, yeah, no, we don't experience ghost, but not that kind
of goes. So I'm pleased. Report Kenna doesn't live with those people anymore.
What happened to Yes, and man you gotta pay money to Yeah,
but they did continue to have, um uh problems with the haunting. One
of the girls ended up having a baby and they said that really kick things
up, which we hear a lot in ghost stories. So I'm wondering,
Kenna, how they how it kicked it up? It was it a more
just more of a presence? Uh? Did it do stuff? Was it?
Was it more malevolent? Was it? Did it tuck the baby in?
You know, like like what kind of how how did that increase?
Yeah? So yeah, thank you very much, Kenna. I love that.
An awesome story. And right here, right here in Chicago. Yeah,
right around the corner apartments unavoidable leases, security deposit denying friends. Yeah,
we heard back from my friend disturb. M m oh heyhait wait wait
wait can see that's Disturbed. That's the one. That's the one see learn
we learn Alistair Crowley. Oh you got room. I got room to be
right about one thing, uh, disturbed one to let us know that we
actually got to mention on the Miskatonic University podcast. And you can find those
guys at mudesh podcast dot com. It's a call of Cthula roleplaying podcast.
So great, thank you guys for for giving us a shout out there,
and we're we're probably going to be hitting up your site soon. Oh yeah,
because we we've got some lovecrafty and irons in the fire. Oh we
really do. We've got an amazing episode. We were trying to get it
done for October. Couldn't quite get the scheduling worked right, Oh scheduling,
But we're here every week, Flora, what could that possibly mean? Well,
I don't know. Yeah, so yeah, yeah, we've we've got
some stuff in the work. So so thank you guys for listening and giving
us a shout out. Yeah, well, we'll be swinging by your neck
of the wood soon, I'm sure, Bam milan Man, well done.
I'd like to take just the briefest moments to point out that this week's listener
mail is brought to you by Bourbon and Cider Bourbon Insider, a delicious beverage.
I highly recommend it. And uh and here we go, and it
helps you to not finish sentences. Yeah, all right, We've got a
quick note from a friend of the podcast. Jay Jay says that the uh.
For some reason, he felt that the penalty box of the Jabberwock had
an oddly sexual mix to it. Maybe it was because we were like both
in on it tag team in the jabber one. Yeah, it's it's probably
calls. Everything went nicker snap and we were all galumping all over the place.
Now, I do want to point this out because I it occurred to
me when listening to it. That has been a long time since we've explained
the penalty box, so we should do this every time. True, the
penalty box is a weird technological torture chamber that we created on accident with our
old microphone setup to make a very long story short, using our old microphone
and our old laptop. For some reason, when you speak into the if
you're wearing headphones, you speak into the microphone, it goes through the computer
and by the time it gets to the headphone output, there is just this
one tenth of a second, this incremental delay. But the thing is is
your brain is constantly trying to sync up what you're saying with what you're hearing,
right, so it makes it impossible to speak clearly. You're you keep
your brain keeps trying to bridge that delay gap by elongating words or repeating syllables
and making you sound drunken stupid, so that that's what the enalty boxes.
It's it's this thing that you can speak fine, everything's great until you put
the headphones on and you hear your voice at this little delay and everything falls
apart. Yeah, you have to have just great powers of focus if if
you want to hear yourself while speaking, and even so hard. It's just
before we decided to turn it into entertainment. Be while we were setting up
every week we would both put the headphones on and try to see if we
could focus through it, and somehow, no, we can't. And as
an interesting PostScript, the United States government is also hip to this little trick,
and they actually have already developed a means of functionally silencing a public speaker
by using UM. This this kind of delay, it's a it's a psychological
phenomenon that they're aware of, so that they can use a directional UM speaker
so that they can focus sound onto one person and play their own voice back
at them at just such a delay that makes it hard for them to speak
in public. So if you've got a rabble rouser rousing that rabble, you
can actually functionally silence them using a more tuned in version than of the same
exact phenomenon. How's that for fun and interesting? Huh, that's neat.
Yeah, that's something you can learn the powers of focus for to overcome.
I know. So that's the thing we keep trying every week. We focus
so that when it's time for us to lead the revolution, we will not
be silenced. Great, probably be drunk, but we will not be silenced.
Yeah, We'll just be making more sounds and less words. Brought to
you by Apple Juice and Bourbon. Got some mail from Daniel, a listener.
Daniel. Yeah, Daniel says he's he's been listening since nearly the beginning,
which is great, thank you, good on you. And then we're
also sort of sorry, and we're sorry, but he says he's surprised that
we haven't done a UFO show yet. That's uh, that's a let of
questions, Daniel. That's that's brought that up. That's one of those A
listers that that we kind of shy away from. We because the subject of
UFOs is so huge right from the beginning until we get stupid with everything for
the next three months. We're going we were going to focus on probably stories
that may involve UFOs, all parts of them or something, but we're never
gonna really don't think tackle like UFOs. UFOs as a subject. Yeah,
I think that. I mean, we get into some cool areas that we've
touched on before, like Palladians. Yeah, pass has command like and it
will We'll always go after the really specific weird aspects of it. Yeah,
but I don't know that we'll ever just have a UFOs episode or yeah,
you know, or like a Roswell episode or something. Right, there's so
much out there about that, and we kind of pride ourselves on bringing bringing
the weird, yeah, or the poorly understood. Maybe the closest we would
come would be like a Phoenix Lights episode or something. But I don't know
if anything beyond beyond that, because yeah, like bigfoot Nessie Roswell, that
that stuff's just been done so much it's you can't even recognize it. Yeah
it is. It is pretty thoroughly covered. But we you have my word
as a guy who's been drinking that we're definitely you'll hear more stuff about UFOs,
no question. We were too we're too fond of the weird, but
it will always be an area of the UFOs that that maybe we don't feel
has gotten enough attention. Right right. And if you the listener Daniel included,
have something that you're like, well maybe you guys would like this,
please tell us sure, and then we will tell everyone because we're blabber mouths.
Don't tell us about that girl you like, because we'll embarrass you.
We also got a really great letter from Mick from the UK. I've never
heard of it. Nice good, ay, I no, no, what
wrong? Oh wrong? One wooden tog cheerio. Oh man, I'm gonna
learn them countries some to Hey, thank you? How you doing? Nick
gives us one a really great article linked to about mysterious hums sounds which we've
talked about before, that actually could be mating fish, large schools of mating
fish that are known to use low frequency sound. Yeah, that's that's just
smart, right. I love that it's not sexy because it the mysteries did.
But whoa, whoa, whoa. I mean maybe you've seen these fish.
Oh I mean, let's just yet, bro. Also, he has
a couple of great questions about animal mutilations, and that a correspondence between animal
mutilations and a radiologic that the parts that are taken from animals are the portions
where radiation tends to build up. Perhaps interesting, or that the areas where
there are a lot of animal mutilations are where radioactive air has blown through or
dust particles after say testing or after Chernobyl, which would I guess top of
my head kind of point to maybe this is government sampling, but they don't
feel like filling out a lot of paperwork. Wow, you know something like
that. Um, definitely something we're looking into, So look to the future.
That's that sounds like the That sounds like the seed of a particularly fruitful
episode. Yeah, yeah, it does. Think that's got UFOs and it's
got some conspiracy going in there. It's got some physiology, a little bit
of physics. It's smart too, Like that's connecting the points on the throwing
a muffin recipe. That's how that's how you're getting your worth. That's that's
that's that's a full service podcast right there. Nice and we got we got
some puns from from our friend Lenny. Yeah, Lenny says that yet he
had to take a pause when he found himself unbearably cold and could not perform
his greatest sexual and most relaxing act that he coined the High Breed. But
as it is for most cryptids with mental disorders and confused sexual identities, he
never has any lasting relationships because he is bipolar. By Yetti, do you
perhaps mean to bear my good friend? Uh? Well, you know what.
Thank thanks for writing Lenny. I'm gonna file that one under the miscrypted
contest. Yep, that's where that one will go in. Awesome. Thanks
for writing in you guys, thank you please. You know we are now
we have now retooled our male handling system, and now I dare you to
break it. It's time for like the stress test on our beta server.
Oh, I want you to make this the I don't even want to mention
the Obamacare, So seriously choke us with correspondence, bury us with letters and
puns, devastate our minds with your tatoes of the unknown, and then we
can have a nice chat about it. Yay, teacups. Thoroughly done,
people, thoroughly and frighteningly. Yeah, I'm scared. Don't be too scred
to go to iTunes though, and give us some stars and get a review
of them. There is a number and it's very specific. The number is
five, not some, not a few, not a couple, several,
several is five. You can go to Twitter and follow us at Blurry Underscore
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Yeah, we're working on some stuff. We've got some irons and the
fires we got some firens and you can stumble upon us if if that's your
your boat to flute's that jill bag and as always, feel free to write
into us that contact form on Facebook, on Twitter however you like yeah,
oh we love to us, please do yeah. Now that everything is hopefully
working still ye. Other than that, have a happy and safe following.
Hope you enjoyed this blurry photo. Now you'll be haunted by pie in Turkey.
But in the meantime, for this episode of Blurry Photos and for Blurry
Photo, we're on the whole. Yeah, I have been David Flora and
I'm predictably David. Oh blackage la oh black gagge ma'ammelamsteco, there's podcast hands,
bammelad. We need Facebook friends, lamblad, y'all don't get high,
bamblam now, Saint bye. When Felix angers that didn't last long? Felis,
When Felix Anis met biggest dickas yeah, the randiest Roman in all of
Greece, in Greece, what stop laughing? Do you find something funny about Biggest Dick