Hi, everyone, Welcome back to another podcast episode. My name is Alicia
go get In, the host of the Gloat Cucus Podcast, where I help
you expand your mind and become more self aware so that you can blow up
into the best version of yourself. What is good everyone? You know,
today's episode is going to be something that I didn't really think too much about.
It's more coming from the heart, something that's been on my mind,
something that I've been thinking about, and I analyzed something last night which really
prompted me to make this episode. So last night I went to the Circle,
which, if you don't know, because I didn't really know what it
was, it's like an acrobatic circus type of vibe show. There's a little
bit of theater in it. I don't know, but it was insane,
okay, like the tricks and the talent that these people have. Like there
was guys who were like building huge tall ladders of chairs, balancing on them
and then going on one hand and like lifting up into the middle of the
error, like I have accomplished nothing in my life. Like truly, there
is no reason on earth that I should ever complain about going to the gym
being tired, not getting my ass up and working because these people are talented.
So just a side note, if you ever want to go to one
of those, you should definitely go. It highly recommends. I had a
great time. My agency had gave me some tickets and with my friends and
it was beautiful. If you follow me Instagram then you would have seen a
few videos that I posted. So anyways, that aside of realizing, oh
my gosh, we literally complain about everything and then you have such amazing talent,
Like the thing is with theater people and people who do like to so
late and just like acrobatics and just so many all of these I don't even
know what they're called half the time, Like what is it that you're doing?
I don't know, and something that I will never be able to do.
These people train every day for things like this. It was like,
you know the feeling that you feel when you watch Olympics. You watch like
Olympic runners or whatever, swimmers every like literally everyone in the Olympics. You're
just like, I have accomplished nothing in my life and these people must they
do train all of their lives for this one little moment, Like that's what
these people were doing and I was like, wow, amazing. So anyways,
great time. But I was realizing something when I was watching one of
the performances and there was this guy and he was building a bunch of chairs
one by one, going all the way basically to the top of the freaking
ceiling, and he was like balancing and whatever. And at the end he
was doing an insane like he was balancing on one hand, his legs were
up in the air like it was insane, and we were obviously all in
awe, like everyone's so shocked, everyone's like whoa, you know. And
the thing that I was realizing was I didn't even realize this until the last
time he did a little stunt, because he was building up to doing the
most crazy stunt that he could do. And I really didn't realize that there
was a woman who was standing on the stairs area of like where they had
like the theater and everything, and she was singing and her voice was amazing.
It sounded like a soundtrack out of Pocahonas or something. It was giving
that vibe. And I realized, like I just I looked at that situation,
because once I realized that she was standing there, I was like,
hmm, I bet you somebody could look at the situation and being like wow,
like this whole entire time, this beautiful woman who has a beautiful voice
was standing here singing the whole time, and we didn't even notice her.
We didn't even notice her because we were so focused on this man who was
doing an amazing talent. And now old me would have looked at that and
been like, wow, that's so sad, Like she's put to the side
nobody, you know, like this is a representation of how women are viewed
in society, like always put to the side. The man isn't, you
know, front and center and everyone on everyone's worrying about him. And you
could absolutely look at that like that, right of course you could, And
there's many of you, I'm sure that might still look at it like that,
And I did at some point too. But I also realized there is
something that is sober found because I have been really thinking, you know,
what is it to me? What does it mean to be a woman,
and how powerful we are honestly, and how we can not only move mountains,
but we play such a huge role in society and where it goes,
and we have such a huge influence not only on men, but just to
society and how it runs in general, and we need to really realize that,
and I feel like we don't, and instead we fall into this victim
mentality. And I'm listening. I know that there are times where we are
victims, and we have been in the past, like and I don't even
mean in this generation. I mean when the feminist became feminist. There was
a reason. So I don't want to throw that out. I do not
want to throw that out, but you guys do know I don't love the
victim victim mentality right because I just think it's very disempowering and I want to
live my life and take my power back. And I realized that observing the
situation, the way that we were in awe of this man doing this talent.
Yes it was him, he was the one that was on the chairs
balancing on one arm, but it wouldn't have felt so amazing and hit home
and like made us feel something so impactful that we could not if it wasn't
for her voice and the soundtrack that was on top of or playing in the
background really of his performance. And I just sat there and I was like,
wow, like some of us, I feel like this is just a
resembles how some of us feel in society. We feel like we're not hurt
and we're not there, but really and truly like our light is actually there
in so many ways that not a lot of people can either see yet or
we don't see within ourselves, and instead we feel like we are completely ignored.
And I think that until you actually reclaim what you how valuable you are,
only then while people really see you. And I just think that you
know her voice and her power and the way that she was standing there and
she kept going, obviously this is just like a this is theater, like
this is not actually what she's trying to do. But I just looked at
that, like the reason why I'm able to see her beauty and her voice
and her talent and her everything is because she still she stood up there,
and she continued to sing, and she continued to support, and she continued
to make people feel something that they could never feel on their own watching that
one talent. But I feel like a lot of us women, we have
something so unique to ourselves and we stand maybe at one time in our lives
we've stood up there on the stage or something obviously not on the stage,
but somewhere in our lives lives, and we've you know, we've had this
little light and nobody's really acknowledged it. People have put it down, people
have suppressed it, and so we kind of fooled with that, and we
fall back, and we go into a corner and we run away. And
it's not our fault, of course, it's not our fault. But it's
like, no one's going to see your talent or your beauty or anything the
way I saw her unless you step out and you say, I am worthy,
I am here, I have talent, I'm worth something, I have
something to offer, and it just brings me to something else I've been thinking
about as well in life. Is like I think, with us women,
and I'm going to bring this to relationships. I find a lot of us,
especially if we have anxious attachment style, we struggle in relationships because we
always put the man on the pedestal. Right, We're always calibrating to his
needs and his wants. When he's gonna text me, When is he gonna
call me? When can I talk to him? Da? Da da?
Does he like me? Dada? For many reasons, we do that,
but I think there's always that level of like, you know, trying to
calibrate to that man, and then we get we kind of get jaded,
and we kind of get angry a little bit because we're like, I like,
I don't want to feel like I'm always calibrating to you, you know,
I want you to care about me. I want you to, you
know, put me in the spotlight. But I think sometimes we are trying
to get people to see us when we don't even see ourselves, when we
don't even step into our worth and we say I am worthy of you paying
attention to me, I am beautiful, I have talent, I have X,
Y and Z. And the truth is, if we were to really
stand in that power, not everyone's going to conform to that. Not everyone's
gonna recognize the girl that was standing on the sidelines. But the ones who
are healed, the ones who are really looking for that beauty, I guess,
are the ones that are going to see you the same way I saw
that woman. I'm sure there's not a lot of people in the crowd,
or maybe there was, I mean, you know, let me okay,
obviously there was, but not every single person probably looked at her and saw
wow like she is. Literally this show wouldn't be what it is without her.
And again this is leading back to things that I've been thinking about in
my own life recently. And you know, the stories that we tell ourselves
about who we are, how important we are to people, whatever it is,
these stories really do create our own reality. And listen, if you
don't believe that you create your own reality, then maybe this podcast is not
for you. But that is what I believe. And so when we focus
on the fact that nobody's paying attention to us, and nobody's giving us what
we want, and everyone's acting a certain way, you know, it's not
to deny that that is reality sometimes, but that does not mean that needs
to be your reality. But in order for us to have people conform to
us and care about us and love us and appreciate ours, we seriously need
to do it first. And we don't. And I don't want to hear
it. I don't want to hear that you do, because you know what
you're going to tell yourself that you do. You're a baddie. You got
this going for you, you got that going for you, got dada da
da, But then you're still calibrating to a man and making sure that he
likes you, and should I say this so that he likes me? Or
should I do this? Or oh nobody? Really, you know, it's
the subconscious parts of you that I'm talking to right now. It's not the
conscious adult self that knows, yeah, she's got it going on. You
know, she's a good girl. Da, we're all good girls. Okay,
listen, we are. But there's something that is deeper than what we
tell ourselves. And I think a way to really know what you actually subconsciously
believe about yourself is your actions, because we act out of our subconscious beliefs.
So you know, if you say that you're worthy of a healthy relationship,
and you're let's just say you're you're worthy of a healthy relationship, but
then you do these weird behaviors and you continue to ruminate on the past and
the X, and you're you're creeping and you're scrolling, and you're seeing if
he's looking at his stories or who he followed, and um talking about the
situation and comparing him to new guys and all of this stuff. Then you
are not standing in your worth. You just not because like if you say,
oh no, no, he was bad for me, Like I'm better
than that, Dada. But then you're still falling back into these old patterns
and these old thoughts and these old behaviors. Then there's something within your subconscious
mind that still believes that it's still keeping you in that low self worth that
you were in when you were actually with somebody who might not have been that
good for you, and it is this is a hard pill to swallow for
us, right because do we really want to take accountability for a lot of
things. Sometimes it's very hard to say, you know, maybe I'm not
standing in my worth completely. And I know it's been hard for me as
well, But I think that there's something so liberating about being like, you
know what, maybe I'm not standing in my worth yet. And to see
the way that I act in life and the things that I'm worrying about and
the people that I'm talking to and the behaviors that I'm doing, seeing how
these are actually reflection of what I believe in myself is actually can be a
very empowering thing because then you can change. Then you can change. You
cannot change if you do not see yourself or who you are. If you
can't look in the mirror and say, you know what, I actually don't
believe that I'm worthy of a healthy relationship. I actually do believe all men
are going to disappoint me. I don't think that I'm pretty, I don't
think that I'm worthy. I don't think that I'm X, Y, and
Z. Because when you see you, when you can actually look in the
mirror and say those things, then you can go a little bit further and
say why, why do I believe that I am not worthy? Why do
I believe that I have to stand on the sidelines. Why do I believe
that nobody is actually going to see my worth the way that Alicia saw my
worth when I was standing on stage. Why? And what you're going to
find is there's many reasons, and everyone is going to be different. A
lot of it has to do with parental guidance that we had, or a
lack thereof might have been a schooling system that you were in which not very
favorable to many of us, so you're not alone, or even just the
fact that you were raised maybe in a lower socioeconomic situation status whatever. There's
going to be so many factors, traumas, things that have happened that break
down your self worth that make you question am I worthy? Am I worthy
to be standing here on stage right now? And on top of that,
me standing on stage right now, am I really contributing? Am I contribute
to society? Is my voice enough? And the truth is it is.
But if you don't see that, it never will be and that will be
your reality. And it's my belief that life attracts like and if you're in
this energy of low self worth and you're not feeling like nobody sees you,
no one loves you, that's going to be your reality. You're going to
continue to search for those type of people to reinforce that negative belief that you
believe about yourself. And I think that a lot of us women, and
I've struggled with this as well, is like understanding, well, you know,
what do I contribute to society? To life? Like you know,
we're taught that you would just have to constantly keep working and grinding and producing
and doing everything. And it's like, when is it enough? How do
I know I'm giving enough doing enough? And I think that this example is
and I wish you guys were all there, but you can kind of just
imagine it there would be no show without this woman's voice there. It wouldn't
hit home. Okay, maybe there would be a show, but it wouldn't
be as good. It would not impact lives the way that it did that
night if it weren't for her voice. And I think with a lot of
us, we think that we need to be the voice. We need to
be the talent, We need to be the one in the back that's directing.
We need to be the one who put it all together and took the
tickets, and the ones that are working in the concession stand and the ones
that are doing this and that and making sure everyone is happy and safe and
everyone's taking photos and everything. And the truth is, you do not need
to do all of that in order to be a part of something worthy and
impacting lives. And that type of thinking keeps you stuck. It will keep
you stuck. It's kept me stuck, right, And I can even just
bring it to like being a content creator, right. And I know a
lot of you guys do with this, and you struggle with this, and
I swear this is honestly the number one thing that a lot of people struggle
with when it comes to doing anything. Let's say on social media, people
say, you know, I want to be a YouTuber, I want to
do this that, But then they have imposter syndrome. And they have imposter
syndrome a lot of the times because it's like it's really not the fact that
they don't know anything, it's just they don't have confidence within themselves that they
bring enough to the table because they think, oh, no, no,
I need to be educated in every single one of these topics that I'm speaking
about. I need to have gone to school for eight ten years. I
need to have this degree in that degree, and I need to have this
much life experience and that dada so that I can be perfect so people can
look at me and people can just like, so I can't get in trouble.
That's really that's really what it is, at least for women. Now.
There's obviously other reasons, but the main thing is like, I don't
want to be in trouble. I don't want to be wrong, I don't
want to be rejected. I don't want to And you know what, those
feelings make us feel disconnected and honestly, it probably makes you feel like something
that you felt in childhood, because that's been my situation I don't want to
be wrong. I don't want to be rejected. I don't want to be
abandoned. I don't want to feel like I'm not enough, because you know
why, that's how I felt in childhood every day when I was around somebody
who didn't know how to make me feel worthy and confident within myself. And
so I've learned how to protect myself from that feeling so it never happens again.
And honestly, it's kind of smart. We are very smart, but
we pick up these coping mechanisms that end up being counterintuitive because now it keeps
us small. Now, I don't want to go on the stage and sing
because I'm too afraid that maybe somebody won't like me, even though I have
something that's so beautiful within me and it would impact so many lies. I'm
scared because you know what, I know, there's not going to impact one
life. There's gonna be one person in there that's not gonna like it.
And I can't handle that because that makes me feel like how I felt in
childhood. And this is what I'm going to say to that, and something
I've really had to learn. You cannot stay small because somebody might reject you,
not like you, not accept you. You need to stop being afraid
of that. And I know it can be difficult because you've probably been afraid
in the past. Somebody might have rejected you, might have made you feel
like crap, might have X, Y and Z. But if you want
to live a life of meaning, of happiness, of whatever it is that
you're I know that you want to live, you cannot stay small. You
cannot stay small. You need to be confident within yourself. You need to
back yourself. You need to go for what you want in your life.
And I think that what's helped me the most is to realize that you don't
have to be everything to everyone. You can be great at one thing or
a few things, whatever it is, and own that you don't need to
be everything for everyone. It's impossible, it won't ever happen, and you're
going to waste your life if you try and do that. You really are,
because there's probably something that you really want to do in your life that
you know. You're keeping small because I don't know, and I don't have
confidence, and I don't know if I could do this that and the third
girl Listen, I've been there and it's gone in me. It's keeping small
in life. It doesn't get you anywhere. And this is what I think
as well. You did not come here on planet Earth. And I'll tell
you this for free, honey. You did not come here on Earth to
sit in the corner the way that you did when you were younger. You
didn't what happened when you were younger, or what happened whenever it happened and
made you feel like this and you became small. That was just a part
of your blueprint for you to work through. It's honestly in my I believe
the things that we go through, the traumas, the financial situations, the
problems in our lives, these are all learning lessons. They're tests. There's
things that the universe wants us to work through. Because I just don't believe
me. You will never convince me that we're just here to be wounded,
to be unhealed, to be unhappy, to be depressed, to be sick,
to be sick for the rest of our lives. Why that makes no
sense to me. It makes zero sense to me. And how I've lived
my life honestly since the age I was like really sixteen, where I feel
like I had a big awakening when my dad passed away, was That's not
how my life is going to go, and I'm going to start to see
things as tests as things that I can evolve and grow from. And that
the biggest lesson that I had was my father passing away, and that catapulled
me into so many other things, right, and my mother going through her
addictions and all the wounds that came out of that, and just in general,
even a parents' aside, society aside, you go through a process of
evolution, especially if you're a woman, right, biologically we go through so
many changes. And then on top of that, the more you heal,
the more layers that you peel back on that onion, you start to realize,
like, Okay, maybe I got to go all the way back,
because when my dad passed away, actually that was like an awakening for me,
and I really got myself together. I really needed to. And then
my mom went through her thing. But even after all that, I realized,
oh, he impacted me since day one. I didn't even realize his
impact on me. When I was sixteen, I just realized my dad passed
away, and like, I gotta I gotta change. I gotta do something
with my life, like let's go. And so from that point on,
really, when I was sixteen, and you know, all the way till
now I'm twenty seven, I started to look at things as Okay, you
know what, I've gotten a deck of cards. Some of them are great,
some of them not so great, some of them are going to be
damn hard to change. But not once am I looking at any of these
cards like I can't change them. And that is how I move through life.
And I think there comes a point in our time as a women where
we have a card. Many of us have this card, and it's this
little broken girl. In a way. She's broken, she's scared, she
doesn't have confidence, she's broken down by society and you know, toxic hustle
culture and survival mode. She's living in survival mode. She's doing all these
things and she wants to There's a desire somewhere in her to break free,
there is, but she doesn't know how to do that. And what she
tries to do in her life sometimes, which we all probably have, is
okay, well, I'm going to get somebody else to heal me, to
make me feel worthy, to make me feel happy to build me up out
of this little hole that I've been put in. And on one hand,
she's not wrong, because there's always going to be a level of people healing
you and people loving you, and people teaching you that you are amazing.
Right, you need that as a child. You can't just you don't just
come out of the womb. You do come out of the womb worthy,
but you don't come out of the womb with like a lot of confidence until
your parents give you that. And we try and find that in other people
in other circumstances, But the problem with that is we don't even have that
confidence within ourselves, so we sometimes attract people who are not even able to
do that, or we seek out people who are unhealthy to try and make
us feel something. So there's gonna come a point in time, your time,
and it's happened in mind where it has to be up to you.
You have to be the one to recognize your own beauty, your own worth,
your own amazingness, even when you second guess it and go full force
and saying you know what, it's almost like a level of delusion, you
know, when those girls are talking about delusion, TikTok I. So where
there's something, there's something to it, you have to be the one to
say, I am going to decide that my needs, my wants, my
talents, my beauty, my everything, it matters. And not every single
person who is going to see that. And I don't need everyone to see
that. I'm willing to walk away when people do not see that, and
I'm willing to stand in my worth and build up my own life so that
I continue to be in this energy. And honestly, only then will you
start to see your reality conforming to what you believe about yourself. It's not
going to be somebody out there that's going to do it for you. I
want to relate this back to relationships again for a moment. If you are
somebody, Let's say, you know, you're talking to a guy and you
feel, like I said, the calibrating to his every move and like waiting
and whatever, and you start to get a little angry, start to get
a little bit irritated because you're someone who you know, you're trying to step
in your worth and you're trying to be confident and like, I deserve this
treatment and I deserve that, and I deserve X Y and Z girl,
you do, right, But if you're getting really irritated at someone else's actions,
it's really a good indicator that there's something that you are not stepping into
of your own. Because why are we so obsessed with somebody else and their
behavior and how they're not showing up? Why do we need them to show
up? Because realistically, if you were showing up one hundred percent, and
I mean that with like a lightheart, because we're never going to be perfect
with everything, But realistically, if you're feeling like your wants and your needs
are not taking in consideration, it's really a reflection of you not taking your
own wants and your needs and consideration. And I know people don't want to
hear this, and it's confusing to some people sometimes and it has been for
me too, because I flip flop back on that, right, It's like,
Okay, well, there's a level of making sure the person that I'm
talking to does take my needs and wants a consideration. And what if that
person is toxic or what if that person is taking me for granded dada da
da, That could definitely be true, right, But if you're becoming very,
very frustrated with other people's behaviors all the time, you have to ask
yourself the question of, well, first of all, why am I so
focused on how they're not taking me in consideration, Because it really shouldn't matter.
If you know your own worth, if you say, I am deserving
of you showing up, and I'm not going to worry about the fact that
you're acting weird right now, you're pulling away, you're not texting me or
whatever, because I am worthy of being shown up for my want and my
needs matter, and a kind it comes to this level of, well,
I'm not going to calibrate to your life and your everything, because it's actually
important that I calibrate to my life, and I have been calibrating to my
life. And if you have really been calibrating to your life, most likely
you won't feel this huge awareness of the fact that you feel like you have
to calibrate to someone else's life or you have to like it's always them above
you type of thing. You know, it's hard. It can definitely be
hard in relationships, right because again, there's this level of Okay, it's,
first of all, it's fine to calibrate to someone else's needs, and
wants as long as they're doing it for you, and you're never going to
be perfect with everything, especially if you have an anxious attachment. But if
you are so thrown off all the time and you feel like your power is
taken away from you, baby, it is not other people taking it away
from you anymore. It is you taking it away from yourself. And I
know it sounds kind of bad to say, but I say this in the
most lovingly way. You know, somebody took your power away, taught you
that you didn't have it, taught you that your power was useless. But
now it is going to be up to you to say my power, whatever
it is about me, I am worthy, I can use it. I
am important. My want and my needs matter. And I went to myself
smatic therapists the other day. By the way, shout out to Rachel.
If you are interested in a sematic therapist in the Toronto area, then I
will leave her information and link in the description. Also, if you don't
know what smatic therapy is, it's really hard to explain sometimes, but it's
basically you learning how to regulate your nervous system. It's it's you learning how
to come and drop into the body instead of being in the minds, but
especially so so so helpful for women. Men absolutely can do it too,
really, anyone everyone should. But we as a society we ignore the fact
that we have an emotional body, We have a nervous system. Our body
tells us so much. Our body stores trauma in the body like our sorry,
trauma gets stored in the body. All of these things so important to
go if you can. But something that I learned from my smatic therapist that
I have over the years but recently too because I'm psychoanalyze everything in my behavior
where my mind goes somewhere when my mind is too much on one person,
too much on one thing, too much on one situation, and I'm no
longer in my own body, and i start to feel anxiety, and I
start to worry, you start to stress, and I don't want to be
like that. I don't. I know it's not healthy, especially from all
the work that I've done. Like, I know that's not healthy. I
know it's not susstainable, I know X, Y and Z. It's just
not good. And so a practice that she well, we went through it,
and it's kind of a practice of my own and obviously you have to
kind of do it yourself, but you know when you and you have to
notice your thoughts. You have to be so self aware. This is why
number one step of healing anything is like, you need to be self aware.
You need to know when your mind is going somewhere right in order for
you to change it. But when you start to get really upset about someone
else's behavior, you're hyper analyzing the fact that they're pushing away or pulling away
I should say, they're saying something and you're looking into it and it's just
whatever. You are no longer in your body right now, you are out
of your body. Your energy is almost like seeping into the abyss and it's
scary. It's very scary. There's no containing there's no walls, there's no
borders, there's no safety. And when a lot of us woman what we
actually want when we are analyzing somebody else's behavior, what do we want?
We want containment, we want structure, We want to feel safe. Right
well, you're looking outside of yourself for someone else to give you that safe
containment. And it's not a bad thing, of course, we can get
that, but at this point, in this time, it's going to be
on you. And so when you find that your your mind is going and
wondering whatever, you need to pull your energy back to yourself. You need
to come back into the body. So it's not really about just like telling
yourself stop thinking about it, because sometimes you can't write. But it's like
coming back to your senses in a way. And I mean, I'm not
a somatic therapist, so you really would have to like do this with somebody.
But something that I do when I find myself, you know, outwardly
thinking about somebody or something. First of all, I step in as the
adult self of myself and I say, we don't need to go there.
It's really my inner child that wants to go there. Right My inner child
is trying to pick at something to confirm the negative belief that she holds about
herself. So I witnessed that witness when my inner child's going there, and
I lovingly take her hand back to my body literally because she's all the way
over there. Like girl, come back, okay, come back to the
heart. You can put your hands on your heart, in your stomach or
your belly or whatever, coming to the breath for a moment and just feeling
your energy almost like seeping back into your body for a moment and just sitting
there and experiencing what that feels like. What does it feel like to have
your energy back to yourself right now? Do you feel anxious? Do you
feel scared? Because sometimes I feel a little bit scared with the presence of
my energy right in the present moment, being here right now. For a
lot of us, it's actually scary. A lot of us, we are
addicted to the chaos, even though we actually don't really want it. We
are addicted to the chaos because that's how it always felt. Your nervous system
is trying to go back to how it's always been operating. And in childhood,
my nervous system was in fight or flight. I was anxious girl,
and so when I'm not anxious, it kind of feels very uncomfortable. But
the more times that you train your nervous system to come back to the present,
slowly bringing the energy back, feeling your body like you literally you touching
your arms, touching your legs, reminding yourself, these are my boundaries,
these are my walls. I am right here, I am contained, I
am held. The more times you do that you're training your nervous system when
you get triggered to be safe, to be back with yourself. And the
present moment is where all the magic happens. But it's very scary, but
that's what it really means to be embodied as well. We can have profound
answers from this place, this center, our center, our bodies. Wisdom
comes out of this, especially for us women. And when you are back
within yourself, in your body, in your nervous system, your nervous system
is not anxiously attached to somebody else, your mind's not overthinking when you're really
in this body. This is where you take a lot of aligned action as
well, because this is what I'll say. Let's say you're analyzing someone pulling
away. Your mind goes to when, why, how, where? Right?
And what you do is you try to correct. You're trying to your
nervous system is trying to feel safe. You're you're trying to but you're still
in the state of fight or flight. You're very anxious, right, so
you're going to now try and take action based out of anxiety. So your
action might look like, Okay, I'm gonna double text him, I'm gonna
tell him that this can't be a thing and he shouldn't be saying this to
me, or you know what, Tomorrow, I'm going to say something and
we're going to get to the whatever, you know. But if you actually
tap a little bit more into that action. And this is something that I
didn't go through this same situation, but I kind of like resembled something I
was going through, And I asked myself, how does that feel for me
to take action from that place, like Okay, maybe I need a text,
or I need to checkout, or I need to like, you know,
set a day where I'm going to say this or that or take this
action. Feels very stressful. Still, it doesn't actually put my nervous system
at ease when I think about taking action like that or taking that specific action.
And that's how I know I'm not taking the right action, and I'm
not taking aligned action, and I'm not taking an action from my heart,
from my body, from presence. And we are so trained to just take
that action right because we want to feel safe. But the thing that we're
still trying to chase, this feeling of safety, it actually can come from
within if we stay with ourselves for a moment if we sit with our inner
child that is feeling like she needs to go run and double text a guy
or tell him how much he's hurting her, or whatever it is that she
needs somebody to know so she can fix, she doesn't need to do any
of that. And when you actually sit with her and you tell her it's
okay, I can see how you want to go over there right now.
I know right you feel really it's hurtful. We don't like that. But
we don't need to change, We don't need to fix, we don't need
to manipulate, we don't need to force anything. We don't need to force
anything because we can actually feel safe right now, me and you, one
on one here in the present moment, and you will experience that your nervous
system or you're inner child, or whatever your feeling state will be a little
bit more at calm. And this is a place where you can kind of
think clearly, and this is a beautiful place for you to start either taking
action which will be different than the action that you were going to take before,
or just to be And what you'll find is and what I found even
the other day when I was doing this work on myself was I don't need
to take any action. It's so interesting because five seconds ago, when I
was in my anxious thoughts, I was like, I need to take this
action and I need to do this and that da da da, and none
of it felt good. And I realized that, and I brought myself back
to my center and I just like relaxed for a moment and just sat with
that emotion of feeling like I want to change everything, and everyone's annoying me,
and my needs and my wants are not met and da dada da.
When I sat with myself, I realized I don't need to say anything.
I don't need to change anything. I don't need to manipulate anyone to do
anything, and I don't need to do that because I am worthy of somebody
taking me in consideration, loving me, respecting me. I deserve opportunities in
my life. I trust that things are going to come to me. I
trust. I am safe, I am sound, I am loved, I
am connected. And when you're in that place, you don't need to force,
you don't need to manipulate, you don't need to fix. And what's
even more profound is when you're in that energy, which is my friends,
that's feminine energy. When you're in that energy state, sometimes I don't even
want to say sometimes, because most of the time things will come to you.
You become a magnet. When people say feminine energy is attracting, that's
what they mean, and I think a lot of people mean that because you're
calm, you're taking if you're taking any action, you're taking very much so
aligned action. You're not forcing, you're not manipulating, you're not trying to
make things happen. You're trusting that things are going to come to you.
You're going about your day, you're taking care of yourself. You're stepping into
your confidence. You trust that you are amazing and people will value you.
And the people who do not value you, they are just not for you.
And you're not forcing and you're not manipulating. Everything that is meant for
you will come to you because you're in the right energy. You're in your
body, you are in the energy that you were supposed to be in.
Now, this is not to say that you always need to be in your
feminine energy and you always need to be calm and healed. Like obviously this
is just very specific to this episode today, but I'm telling you. Some
profound things come out of being in that energy state. And if I think
about it, nothing good has really ever come out of me taking action from
a place of anxiety, of a place of my liviting thoughts telling me you're
not worthy second guess yourself. Maybe it means this, you should do this
out of place of anxiety and not trusting. So I say all that to
say a few things. For one, if you feel like people are not
taking your wants your needs into consideration, or you're feeling disempowered, or you're
feeling like a victim, and that's fine, if you do, like honestly
like you gotta let yourself feel that right. You need to seriously remind yourself
though that you need to be the change. And if you're wanting that respect,
if you're wanting people to know your worth and treat you well, you
need to act and identify and be embody somebody who was worth that, Which
means you're going to act in accordance to somebody who is respected, who is
loved, who is cherished. So let me give you a quick example,
because I feel like a lot of you guys might be like, Okay,
what would I do? Okay, let's just bring it back to Let's say
you're feeling like a guy who's talking to you is not taking a consideration.
A very embodied, confident woman would not. First of all, she wouldn't
really pay any mind to how it is that he like, the texts he's
saying, or the things he's doing or not doing. She wouldn't let that
become a part of her reality in terms of throwing her off her routines and
how she looks at herself. She also wouldn't be entertaining somebody who's giving her
the bare minimum. She would really only be answering somebody who is coming to
her correct meaning calling her the way that she deserves, face timing her,
the guy who is setting up the date, the guy who is moving things
forward and taking action. If she's not getting that, hey, I'm not
answering you. I'm not picking up at twelve o'clock. I'm not going out
and drinking and getting super drunk with you. I'm not doing that. But
even outside of relationships, how are you truly watering your own cup? And
I mean truly, because girl, I have been there where I told myself
I was watering my cup. I was working on myself. I was in
a relationship with myself. Girl, No you weren't. No, you weren't.
You're only in a relationship with yourself because he wasn't texting you back.
And as soon as he texts you back, you weren't in a relationship with
yourself. You were in a relationship with a guy who was just living in
your phone. Okay, and I just I relate that back to guys.
But really, and truly it can be with whatever. Right, It's like,
yeah, we're working ourselves until like somebody something comes back into our lives
and then like recalibrates our nervous system and then we're fine. Okay, No,
we're not going to live life like that anymore. I mean, truly,
with or without this person, with or without this external thing that makes
you feel great and whole and contributes to your life. What else do you
have going for yourself? How much energy are you putting into those things as
well? Are you like five percent putting into your health and your wellness?
Like ten percent here and there? Let's not do that anymore. Let's not
do that anymore. How do you think that you're going to feel confident?
Truly? Like the woman who is standing on that stage. You think she
just puts five percent into her rehearsing and making sure her voice is amazing as
it is. No that girl is waking up and she's committed. She's not
committed to getting a text back. She's committed to her work, her craft,
her talent, her everything. This is not to be in boss babe
mode and say can't have anyone, can't have a man, can't have what
I want in my life, can't live this whatever it is that you want
in your life. But I mean, truly, come on, your friends.
Do you have friends? And if you're struggling with friends, you need
to learn why you struggle with having friends, and you need to it's gonna
be up to you to take on that challenge to start to have better friendships
in your life. You need friends, you need sisterhood, you need community,
you need something going for your life. And on top of that,
if you want to even look at it like this, it will transform your
relationships. And I know I have been a girl. Oh my god,
I used to be a girl who's like, you know, introverted girl,
like didn't have that many friends, had like I've always had like friends.
But you know, it wasn't really that interested in having friendships or doing whatever.
And I was very much so calibrated to men. And you know,
even even if these guys were good, I was a girl who's like kind
of about my man, ride or die. I wasn't a pick me type
of girlfriend, but I was very much so I would rather do things with
my man, love my man, Dadada. I still got that energy within
me. Baby, Okay, I am a wife through and through. But
what I realized over time was some of those behaviors are not healthy. And
me not having a life, sisterhood, friendships, being in a community,
having things going for me, like really going for me, that affected my
relationships. It really did. And on top of that, it made me
become a match to other people aka men who also didn't have a full life.
And a man who doesn't really have a full life not healthy. Listen,
you're not always going to have every cup filled, especially if you're starting
a healing journey and you're you know, maybe you're young, and you're you're
trying to figure things out. Okay, so I don't want you to say
like you need to look for somebody who has a full life, completely perfect
and you need to have a full life, completely perfect. But it's the
action towards that, and it's going to be on new And the reason why
we don't take that action is because it's hard, it's challenging, it's not
going to be easy. It's going to be uncomfortable, especially when it comes
to having friendships or being in a relationship where it's not just about aesthetics and
the idea of having a boyfriend actually getting down and communicating and learning how to
communicate and letting a man see you so that you can connect deeper and to
work on whatever wounds that you need to work on. It is difficult.
It is not fun. It is not comfortable. Although I don't want to
put that limiting belief too much into your head because for me, I actually
look at it is very fun. It's uncomfortable still when I have relationship problems,
not problems, but little things that come up are little triggers. But
I look at these triggers as like a game to me, Like anytime I
get triggered, I'm like, okay, so I'm going to work on but
not in a way of like, oh my god, you need to work
on this. And it's so bad in Dada. I'm like, girl,
you are up leveling. You have a trigger right now. The universe is
trying to tell you something, trying to teach you something. Let's go because
I know I've proved myself so many times that when I step over this,
when I overcome this, there's going to be more abundant and more beauty in
my relationships, in my life when it comes to work, money, everything
always has been And I want you to have that same mindset. I really
really do. So this whole entire podcast is a reminder to you that you
need to start putting yourself absolutely first. The areas of in your life that
are lacking, that are slacking, that are you know and need a little
bit of work, you need to decide today, whenever it is you listen
to this episode, that you are going to commit to this journey of filling
up your own cup and working on the things that you need to work on,
because the truth is, you're gonna have to do it. You're gonna
have to do it, and listen, most people, they get forced into
having to do it. That is, unfortunately why a lot of people have
to hit rock bottom before they change. And I've hit rock bottom in a
lot of different areas of my life before I before I change my eating habits,
change my health status. It was only when I got into rock bottom,
when I had nerve pain in my hands that I had no answers for,
when I had all strative colitis and I was in the hospital, when
I was so financially in a muck because I was lost in my life that
I needed to get up and I needed to work, and it was a
grind. It was harder because I got to that rock bottom. Although that
is my whole story and that is what makes me me. We don't need
to go that low. And it's very difficult to try and change somebody who
is not that rock bottom yet, but it's not impossible. And I just
hope that you take it from me and take it from you know, whoever
else you look up to online in real life, there's probably been something that
they have had to work on and challenge themselves on in order to be who
they are now, whoever you look up to, whoever you want to be.
You're looking at their chapter twelve. They've every single one of them have
had a chapter one. Maybe some of them. It wasn't that hard maybe
it was, like you know, probably easier than what you might have to
go through. Whatever, it doesn't matter because at the end of the day,
you remind yourself that these are your cards and this is your blueprint,
and no matter what, you can change them, you can up level them,
you can change. But it's gonna be it's gonna be on you to
tell yourself that, because if you don't believe that you can change, if
you don't believe that nobody cares about you and nobody puts your needs first in
your d dada, that's gonna be your reality. So what is it?
What do you want? Because you need to decide. At some point,
you need to decide, and you might as well decide now then you having
to wait ten twenty thirty years for you to decide or be forced to decide
that you need to change. And in the nicest way, I don't mean
like you need to change you're so inherently wrong. But there's things that we
need to work on for our own our own inner childs, for our healing,
for the life that we say that we want. And honestly, it
becomes very juicy. Life becomes juicy and fun. It does. And this
is coming from somebody who has been down in the dumps. I have gone
through a lot. I have gone through things that are not enjoyable, so
many circumstances where I've been very, very very uncomfortable and i wanted to give
up. And one of the things that I've always held in my mind even
when I was going through even the rock bottom is of bottoms. I told
myself, you know what, this is a game of life. Let's do
it. Let's do it. If this is what you want to say,
you want this life, let's do it. So I think that's going to
be it for this episode. I hope something ran true for you, something
clicks, something whatever. If you, of course want me to expand on
anything else, please let me know in the comments, leave a review.
If you could on Spotify or Apple as well, I would really enjoy that
because that helps other women who might be going through the same thing as you
find this episode. And that's what I want. I want more of you.
I want to be able to walk outside and the women that I'm meeting
are like you, and I think that we need more of us in this
life. And I mean I think that the world is really going to transform
when we step into our own power instead of us trying to force, manipulate,
fight with things that are not even for us anyways. Babe, let
it go, Let it go, let it go. Let's stop trying to
change everything outside of us, and let's look inwards, not from a place
of hate, not from a place of blame of you did this. No,
somebody did this, or somebody contributed to this. But that's okay.
We're gonna let that go and we're going to go on a journey of finding
who it is that we are before somebody took something away from us. That's
a journey that I'm on and it's a damn good one, and I hope
you enjoy yours as well. Thank you so much for watching or listening if
you're on Spotify or Apple, and I'll talk to you guys. And the
next one by