WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:02.879 Hi, everyone, Welcome back to another podcast episode. My name is Alicia 2 00:00:02.960 --> 00:00:05.240 go get In, the host of the Gloat Cucus Podcast, where I help 3 00:00:05.280 --> 00:00:08.359 you expand your mind and become more self aware so that you can blow up 4 00:00:08.359 --> 00:00:13.199 into the best version of yourself. What is good everyone? You know, 5 00:00:13.480 --> 00:00:18.879 today's episode is going to be something that I didn't really think too much about. 6 00:00:19.359 --> 00:00:22.800 It's more coming from the heart, something that's been on my mind, 7 00:00:22.920 --> 00:00:27.320 something that I've been thinking about, and I analyzed something last night which really 8 00:00:27.359 --> 00:00:32.079 prompted me to make this episode. So last night I went to the Circle, 9 00:00:32.600 --> 00:00:36.520 which, if you don't know, because I didn't really know what it 10 00:00:36.600 --> 00:00:43.119 was, it's like an acrobatic circus type of vibe show. There's a little 11 00:00:43.119 --> 00:00:46.240 bit of theater in it. I don't know, but it was insane, 12 00:00:46.320 --> 00:00:52.320 okay, like the tricks and the talent that these people have. Like there 13 00:00:52.399 --> 00:00:59.320 was guys who were like building huge tall ladders of chairs, balancing on them 14 00:00:59.479 --> 00:01:02.799 and then going on one hand and like lifting up into the middle of the 15 00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:07.400 error, like I have accomplished nothing in my life. Like truly, there 16 00:01:07.519 --> 00:01:11.200 is no reason on earth that I should ever complain about going to the gym 17 00:01:11.239 --> 00:01:17.920 being tired, not getting my ass up and working because these people are talented. 18 00:01:18.400 --> 00:01:19.480 So just a side note, if you ever want to go to one 19 00:01:19.480 --> 00:01:23.719 of those, you should definitely go. It highly recommends. I had a 20 00:01:23.719 --> 00:01:26.959 great time. My agency had gave me some tickets and with my friends and 21 00:01:27.120 --> 00:01:30.760 it was beautiful. If you follow me Instagram then you would have seen a 22 00:01:30.799 --> 00:01:34.840 few videos that I posted. So anyways, that aside of realizing, oh 23 00:01:34.840 --> 00:01:38.799 my gosh, we literally complain about everything and then you have such amazing talent, 24 00:01:38.920 --> 00:01:42.920 Like the thing is with theater people and people who do like to so 25 00:01:44.079 --> 00:01:47.560 late and just like acrobatics and just so many all of these I don't even 26 00:01:47.599 --> 00:01:49.560 know what they're called half the time, Like what is it that you're doing? 27 00:01:49.599 --> 00:01:52.719 I don't know, and something that I will never be able to do. 28 00:01:53.359 --> 00:01:57.200 These people train every day for things like this. It was like, 29 00:01:57.879 --> 00:02:01.799 you know the feeling that you feel when you watch Olympics. You watch like 30 00:02:01.840 --> 00:02:07.280 Olympic runners or whatever, swimmers every like literally everyone in the Olympics. You're 31 00:02:07.319 --> 00:02:10.759 just like, I have accomplished nothing in my life and these people must they 32 00:02:10.800 --> 00:02:15.319 do train all of their lives for this one little moment, Like that's what 33 00:02:15.360 --> 00:02:19.360 these people were doing and I was like, wow, amazing. So anyways, 34 00:02:19.680 --> 00:02:23.479 great time. But I was realizing something when I was watching one of 35 00:02:23.520 --> 00:02:29.039 the performances and there was this guy and he was building a bunch of chairs 36 00:02:29.240 --> 00:02:31.599 one by one, going all the way basically to the top of the freaking 37 00:02:31.680 --> 00:02:36.520 ceiling, and he was like balancing and whatever. And at the end he 38 00:02:36.560 --> 00:02:40.159 was doing an insane like he was balancing on one hand, his legs were 39 00:02:40.240 --> 00:02:45.919 up in the air like it was insane, and we were obviously all in 40 00:02:46.080 --> 00:02:50.759 awe, like everyone's so shocked, everyone's like whoa, you know. And 41 00:02:51.599 --> 00:02:54.759 the thing that I was realizing was I didn't even realize this until the last 42 00:02:54.800 --> 00:02:59.319 time he did a little stunt, because he was building up to doing the 43 00:02:59.360 --> 00:03:04.080 most crazy stunt that he could do. And I really didn't realize that there 44 00:03:04.159 --> 00:03:08.520 was a woman who was standing on the stairs area of like where they had 45 00:03:08.560 --> 00:03:13.680 like the theater and everything, and she was singing and her voice was amazing. 46 00:03:13.719 --> 00:03:19.280 It sounded like a soundtrack out of Pocahonas or something. It was giving 47 00:03:19.319 --> 00:03:23.319 that vibe. And I realized, like I just I looked at that situation, 48 00:03:23.360 --> 00:03:24.759 because once I realized that she was standing there, I was like, 49 00:03:24.840 --> 00:03:29.520 hmm, I bet you somebody could look at the situation and being like wow, 50 00:03:29.599 --> 00:03:34.039 like this whole entire time, this beautiful woman who has a beautiful voice 51 00:03:34.080 --> 00:03:37.599 was standing here singing the whole time, and we didn't even notice her. 52 00:03:37.879 --> 00:03:40.840 We didn't even notice her because we were so focused on this man who was 53 00:03:40.879 --> 00:03:45.639 doing an amazing talent. And now old me would have looked at that and 54 00:03:45.680 --> 00:03:49.680 been like, wow, that's so sad, Like she's put to the side 55 00:03:49.800 --> 00:03:53.599 nobody, you know, like this is a representation of how women are viewed 56 00:03:53.680 --> 00:03:58.599 in society, like always put to the side. The man isn't, you 57 00:03:58.639 --> 00:04:01.680 know, front and center and everyone on everyone's worrying about him. And you 58 00:04:01.680 --> 00:04:04.439 could absolutely look at that like that, right of course you could, And 59 00:04:04.479 --> 00:04:08.360 there's many of you, I'm sure that might still look at it like that, 60 00:04:08.919 --> 00:04:13.360 And I did at some point too. But I also realized there is 61 00:04:13.400 --> 00:04:15.560 something that is sober found because I have been really thinking, you know, 62 00:04:16.160 --> 00:04:18.439 what is it to me? What does it mean to be a woman, 63 00:04:18.480 --> 00:04:26.319 and how powerful we are honestly, and how we can not only move mountains, 64 00:04:26.399 --> 00:04:30.480 but we play such a huge role in society and where it goes, 65 00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:33.759 and we have such a huge influence not only on men, but just to 66 00:04:33.920 --> 00:04:38.560 society and how it runs in general, and we need to really realize that, 67 00:04:39.079 --> 00:04:43.160 and I feel like we don't, and instead we fall into this victim 68 00:04:43.279 --> 00:04:46.279 mentality. And I'm listening. I know that there are times where we are 69 00:04:46.360 --> 00:04:47.720 victims, and we have been in the past, like and I don't even 70 00:04:47.800 --> 00:04:51.439 mean in this generation. I mean when the feminist became feminist. There was 71 00:04:51.439 --> 00:04:55.519 a reason. So I don't want to throw that out. I do not 72 00:04:55.560 --> 00:04:59.560 want to throw that out, but you guys do know I don't love the 73 00:04:59.639 --> 00:05:02.319 victim victim mentality right because I just think it's very disempowering and I want to 74 00:05:02.360 --> 00:05:08.720 live my life and take my power back. And I realized that observing the 75 00:05:08.800 --> 00:05:15.560 situation, the way that we were in awe of this man doing this talent. 76 00:05:15.879 --> 00:05:18.600 Yes it was him, he was the one that was on the chairs 77 00:05:18.639 --> 00:05:26.759 balancing on one arm, but it wouldn't have felt so amazing and hit home 78 00:05:26.920 --> 00:05:31.920 and like made us feel something so impactful that we could not if it wasn't 79 00:05:32.040 --> 00:05:38.319 for her voice and the soundtrack that was on top of or playing in the 80 00:05:38.360 --> 00:05:43.959 background really of his performance. And I just sat there and I was like, 81 00:05:44.000 --> 00:05:46.160 wow, like some of us, I feel like this is just a 82 00:05:46.519 --> 00:05:49.000 resembles how some of us feel in society. We feel like we're not hurt 83 00:05:49.040 --> 00:05:54.199 and we're not there, but really and truly like our light is actually there 84 00:05:54.240 --> 00:05:59.279 in so many ways that not a lot of people can either see yet or 85 00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:04.079 we don't see within ourselves, and instead we feel like we are completely ignored. 86 00:06:04.839 --> 00:06:13.199 And I think that until you actually reclaim what you how valuable you are, 87 00:06:13.319 --> 00:06:16.000 only then while people really see you. And I just think that you 88 00:06:16.040 --> 00:06:20.199 know her voice and her power and the way that she was standing there and 89 00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:25.399 she kept going, obviously this is just like a this is theater, like 90 00:06:25.519 --> 00:06:28.120 this is not actually what she's trying to do. But I just looked at 91 00:06:28.160 --> 00:06:33.160 that, like the reason why I'm able to see her beauty and her voice 92 00:06:33.199 --> 00:06:36.959 and her talent and her everything is because she still she stood up there, 93 00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:41.879 and she continued to sing, and she continued to support, and she continued 94 00:06:41.920 --> 00:06:46.920 to make people feel something that they could never feel on their own watching that 95 00:06:46.000 --> 00:06:49.720 one talent. But I feel like a lot of us women, we have 96 00:06:49.920 --> 00:06:55.680 something so unique to ourselves and we stand maybe at one time in our lives 97 00:06:55.720 --> 00:06:59.079 we've stood up there on the stage or something obviously not on the stage, 98 00:06:59.079 --> 00:07:00.800 but somewhere in our lives lives, and we've you know, we've had this 99 00:07:00.839 --> 00:07:05.199 little light and nobody's really acknowledged it. People have put it down, people 100 00:07:05.240 --> 00:07:10.199 have suppressed it, and so we kind of fooled with that, and we 101 00:07:10.759 --> 00:07:13.959 fall back, and we go into a corner and we run away. And 102 00:07:14.040 --> 00:07:15.879 it's not our fault, of course, it's not our fault. But it's 103 00:07:15.879 --> 00:07:21.879 like, no one's going to see your talent or your beauty or anything the 104 00:07:21.920 --> 00:07:28.160 way I saw her unless you step out and you say, I am worthy, 105 00:07:28.319 --> 00:07:30.920 I am here, I have talent, I'm worth something, I have 106 00:07:31.040 --> 00:07:36.560 something to offer, and it just brings me to something else I've been thinking 107 00:07:36.560 --> 00:07:41.920 about as well in life. Is like I think, with us women, 108 00:07:41.920 --> 00:07:46.120 and I'm going to bring this to relationships. I find a lot of us, 109 00:07:46.480 --> 00:07:51.519 especially if we have anxious attachment style, we struggle in relationships because we 110 00:07:51.600 --> 00:07:56.120 always put the man on the pedestal. Right, We're always calibrating to his 111 00:07:56.240 --> 00:07:58.439 needs and his wants. When he's gonna text me, When is he gonna 112 00:07:58.480 --> 00:07:59.959 call me? When can I talk to him? Da? Da da? 113 00:08:00.160 --> 00:08:03.279 Does he like me? Dada? For many reasons, we do that, 114 00:08:03.959 --> 00:08:05.720 but I think there's always that level of like, you know, trying to 115 00:08:05.759 --> 00:08:11.680 calibrate to that man, and then we get we kind of get jaded, 116 00:08:11.720 --> 00:08:16.879 and we kind of get angry a little bit because we're like, I like, 117 00:08:16.920 --> 00:08:20.199 I don't want to feel like I'm always calibrating to you, you know, 118 00:08:20.439 --> 00:08:24.120 I want you to care about me. I want you to, you 119 00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:28.439 know, put me in the spotlight. But I think sometimes we are trying 120 00:08:28.519 --> 00:08:31.720 to get people to see us when we don't even see ourselves, when we 121 00:08:31.759 --> 00:08:37.480 don't even step into our worth and we say I am worthy of you paying 122 00:08:37.519 --> 00:08:41.639 attention to me, I am beautiful, I have talent, I have X, 123 00:08:41.799 --> 00:08:45.080 Y and Z. And the truth is, if we were to really 124 00:08:45.080 --> 00:08:48.240 stand in that power, not everyone's going to conform to that. Not everyone's 125 00:08:48.279 --> 00:08:52.879 gonna recognize the girl that was standing on the sidelines. But the ones who 126 00:08:52.879 --> 00:08:58.600 are healed, the ones who are really looking for that beauty, I guess, 127 00:09:00.240 --> 00:09:03.000 are the ones that are going to see you the same way I saw 128 00:09:03.080 --> 00:09:05.840 that woman. I'm sure there's not a lot of people in the crowd, 129 00:09:05.919 --> 00:09:09.000 or maybe there was, I mean, you know, let me okay, 130 00:09:09.279 --> 00:09:13.399 obviously there was, but not every single person probably looked at her and saw 131 00:09:13.799 --> 00:09:20.759 wow like she is. Literally this show wouldn't be what it is without her. 132 00:09:20.879 --> 00:09:22.799 And again this is leading back to things that I've been thinking about in 133 00:09:22.840 --> 00:09:30.399 my own life recently. And you know, the stories that we tell ourselves 134 00:09:30.480 --> 00:09:35.240 about who we are, how important we are to people, whatever it is, 135 00:09:35.639 --> 00:09:39.679 these stories really do create our own reality. And listen, if you 136 00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:43.360 don't believe that you create your own reality, then maybe this podcast is not 137 00:09:43.399 --> 00:09:46.840 for you. But that is what I believe. And so when we focus 138 00:09:46.840 --> 00:09:50.320 on the fact that nobody's paying attention to us, and nobody's giving us what 139 00:09:50.360 --> 00:09:56.480 we want, and everyone's acting a certain way, you know, it's not 140 00:09:56.519 --> 00:10:00.279 to deny that that is reality sometimes, but that does not mean that needs 141 00:10:00.320 --> 00:10:03.879 to be your reality. But in order for us to have people conform to 142 00:10:03.960 --> 00:10:07.879 us and care about us and love us and appreciate ours, we seriously need 143 00:10:07.919 --> 00:10:11.600 to do it first. And we don't. And I don't want to hear 144 00:10:11.639 --> 00:10:15.159 it. I don't want to hear that you do, because you know what 145 00:10:15.279 --> 00:10:18.159 you're going to tell yourself that you do. You're a baddie. You got 146 00:10:18.200 --> 00:10:20.440 this going for you, you got that going for you, got dada da 147 00:10:20.519 --> 00:10:24.000 da, But then you're still calibrating to a man and making sure that he 148 00:10:24.120 --> 00:10:26.440 likes you, and should I say this so that he likes me? Or 149 00:10:26.440 --> 00:10:28.480 should I do this? Or oh nobody? Really, you know, it's 150 00:10:28.519 --> 00:10:31.480 the subconscious parts of you that I'm talking to right now. It's not the 151 00:10:31.519 --> 00:10:37.279 conscious adult self that knows, yeah, she's got it going on. You 152 00:10:37.320 --> 00:10:39.879 know, she's a good girl. Da, we're all good girls. Okay, 153 00:10:39.240 --> 00:10:46.000 listen, we are. But there's something that is deeper than what we 154 00:10:46.519 --> 00:10:54.159 tell ourselves. And I think a way to really know what you actually subconsciously 155 00:10:54.200 --> 00:10:58.399 believe about yourself is your actions, because we act out of our subconscious beliefs. 156 00:10:58.720 --> 00:11:03.559 So you know, if you say that you're worthy of a healthy relationship, 157 00:11:03.600 --> 00:11:09.200 and you're let's just say you're you're worthy of a healthy relationship, but 158 00:11:09.240 --> 00:11:15.240 then you do these weird behaviors and you continue to ruminate on the past and 159 00:11:15.320 --> 00:11:18.879 the X, and you're you're creeping and you're scrolling, and you're seeing if 160 00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:22.240 he's looking at his stories or who he followed, and um talking about the 161 00:11:22.279 --> 00:11:30.360 situation and comparing him to new guys and all of this stuff. Then you 162 00:11:30.399 --> 00:11:33.759 are not standing in your worth. You just not because like if you say, 163 00:11:33.799 --> 00:11:35.759 oh no, no, he was bad for me, Like I'm better 164 00:11:35.759 --> 00:11:39.879 than that, Dada. But then you're still falling back into these old patterns 165 00:11:39.879 --> 00:11:43.000 and these old thoughts and these old behaviors. Then there's something within your subconscious 166 00:11:43.039 --> 00:11:48.039 mind that still believes that it's still keeping you in that low self worth that 167 00:11:48.159 --> 00:11:50.679 you were in when you were actually with somebody who might not have been that 168 00:11:50.759 --> 00:11:56.200 good for you, and it is this is a hard pill to swallow for 169 00:11:56.320 --> 00:12:01.759 us, right because do we really want to take accountability for a lot of 170 00:12:01.759 --> 00:12:03.879 things. Sometimes it's very hard to say, you know, maybe I'm not 171 00:12:03.919 --> 00:12:07.360 standing in my worth completely. And I know it's been hard for me as 172 00:12:07.360 --> 00:12:11.879 well, But I think that there's something so liberating about being like, you 173 00:12:11.879 --> 00:12:16.480 know what, maybe I'm not standing in my worth yet. And to see 174 00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:20.799 the way that I act in life and the things that I'm worrying about and 175 00:12:20.840 --> 00:12:24.720 the people that I'm talking to and the behaviors that I'm doing, seeing how 176 00:12:24.759 --> 00:12:28.919 these are actually reflection of what I believe in myself is actually can be a 177 00:12:30.000 --> 00:12:35.840 very empowering thing because then you can change. Then you can change. You 178 00:12:35.879 --> 00:12:39.720 cannot change if you do not see yourself or who you are. If you 179 00:12:39.759 --> 00:12:43.399 can't look in the mirror and say, you know what, I actually don't 180 00:12:43.399 --> 00:12:46.080 believe that I'm worthy of a healthy relationship. I actually do believe all men 181 00:12:46.240 --> 00:12:50.799 are going to disappoint me. I don't think that I'm pretty, I don't 182 00:12:50.799 --> 00:12:52.799 think that I'm worthy. I don't think that I'm X, Y, and 183 00:12:52.879 --> 00:12:56.200 Z. Because when you see you, when you can actually look in the 184 00:12:56.200 --> 00:13:00.360 mirror and say those things, then you can go a little bit further and 185 00:13:00.440 --> 00:13:05.120 say why, why do I believe that I am not worthy? Why do 186 00:13:05.159 --> 00:13:09.879 I believe that I have to stand on the sidelines. Why do I believe 187 00:13:09.919 --> 00:13:13.279 that nobody is actually going to see my worth the way that Alicia saw my 188 00:13:13.360 --> 00:13:18.480 worth when I was standing on stage. Why? And what you're going to 189 00:13:18.519 --> 00:13:22.159 find is there's many reasons, and everyone is going to be different. A 190 00:13:22.240 --> 00:13:24.759 lot of it has to do with parental guidance that we had, or a 191 00:13:24.799 --> 00:13:31.519 lack thereof might have been a schooling system that you were in which not very 192 00:13:31.600 --> 00:13:35.559 favorable to many of us, so you're not alone, or even just the 193 00:13:35.600 --> 00:13:41.879 fact that you were raised maybe in a lower socioeconomic situation status whatever. There's 194 00:13:41.879 --> 00:13:46.759 going to be so many factors, traumas, things that have happened that break 195 00:13:46.759 --> 00:13:50.639 down your self worth that make you question am I worthy? Am I worthy 196 00:13:50.639 --> 00:13:54.159 to be standing here on stage right now? And on top of that, 197 00:13:54.360 --> 00:14:00.000 me standing on stage right now, am I really contributing? Am I contribute 198 00:14:00.240 --> 00:14:05.799 to society? Is my voice enough? And the truth is it is. 199 00:14:05.840 --> 00:14:07.240 But if you don't see that, it never will be and that will be 200 00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:13.480 your reality. And it's my belief that life attracts like and if you're in 201 00:14:13.519 --> 00:14:16.960 this energy of low self worth and you're not feeling like nobody sees you, 202 00:14:16.960 --> 00:14:20.200 no one loves you, that's going to be your reality. You're going to 203 00:14:20.279 --> 00:14:24.720 continue to search for those type of people to reinforce that negative belief that you 204 00:14:24.720 --> 00:14:28.440 believe about yourself. And I think that a lot of us women, and 205 00:14:28.440 --> 00:14:33.759 I've struggled with this as well, is like understanding, well, you know, 206 00:14:33.840 --> 00:14:37.559 what do I contribute to society? To life? Like you know, 207 00:14:39.159 --> 00:14:43.200 we're taught that you would just have to constantly keep working and grinding and producing 208 00:14:43.240 --> 00:14:45.720 and doing everything. And it's like, when is it enough? How do 209 00:14:45.799 --> 00:14:50.720 I know I'm giving enough doing enough? And I think that this example is 210 00:14:50.120 --> 00:14:54.519 and I wish you guys were all there, but you can kind of just 211 00:14:54.600 --> 00:15:01.799 imagine it there would be no show without this woman's voice there. It wouldn't 212 00:15:01.879 --> 00:15:05.039 hit home. Okay, maybe there would be a show, but it wouldn't 213 00:15:05.039 --> 00:15:09.559 be as good. It would not impact lives the way that it did that 214 00:15:09.720 --> 00:15:13.720 night if it weren't for her voice. And I think with a lot of 215 00:15:13.799 --> 00:15:16.960 us, we think that we need to be the voice. We need to 216 00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:20.320 be the talent, We need to be the one in the back that's directing. 217 00:15:20.679 --> 00:15:24.559 We need to be the one who put it all together and took the 218 00:15:24.600 --> 00:15:28.080 tickets, and the ones that are working in the concession stand and the ones 219 00:15:28.080 --> 00:15:31.559 that are doing this and that and making sure everyone is happy and safe and 220 00:15:31.559 --> 00:15:35.639 everyone's taking photos and everything. And the truth is, you do not need 221 00:15:35.679 --> 00:15:41.399 to do all of that in order to be a part of something worthy and 222 00:15:41.559 --> 00:15:48.080 impacting lives. And that type of thinking keeps you stuck. It will keep 223 00:15:48.120 --> 00:15:52.639 you stuck. It's kept me stuck, right, And I can even just 224 00:15:52.679 --> 00:15:54.200 bring it to like being a content creator, right. And I know a 225 00:15:54.240 --> 00:15:56.200 lot of you guys do with this, and you struggle with this, and 226 00:15:56.240 --> 00:15:58.759 I swear this is honestly the number one thing that a lot of people struggle 227 00:15:58.759 --> 00:16:03.120 with when it comes to doing anything. Let's say on social media, people 228 00:16:03.200 --> 00:16:06.200 say, you know, I want to be a YouTuber, I want to 229 00:16:06.200 --> 00:16:08.600 do this that, But then they have imposter syndrome. And they have imposter 230 00:16:08.679 --> 00:16:12.080 syndrome a lot of the times because it's like it's really not the fact that 231 00:16:12.120 --> 00:16:15.679 they don't know anything, it's just they don't have confidence within themselves that they 232 00:16:15.720 --> 00:16:18.480 bring enough to the table because they think, oh, no, no, 233 00:16:18.559 --> 00:16:22.799 I need to be educated in every single one of these topics that I'm speaking 234 00:16:22.840 --> 00:16:26.120 about. I need to have gone to school for eight ten years. I 235 00:16:26.200 --> 00:16:30.000 need to have this degree in that degree, and I need to have this 236 00:16:30.159 --> 00:16:33.799 much life experience and that dada so that I can be perfect so people can 237 00:16:33.840 --> 00:16:37.200 look at me and people can just like, so I can't get in trouble. 238 00:16:37.120 --> 00:16:41.679 That's really that's really what it is, at least for women. Now. 239 00:16:41.679 --> 00:16:44.960 There's obviously other reasons, but the main thing is like, I don't 240 00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:47.480 want to be in trouble. I don't want to be wrong, I don't 241 00:16:47.519 --> 00:16:49.519 want to be rejected. I don't want to And you know what, those 242 00:16:51.039 --> 00:16:56.639 feelings make us feel disconnected and honestly, it probably makes you feel like something 243 00:16:56.679 --> 00:17:03.480 that you felt in childhood, because that's been my situation I don't want to 244 00:17:03.519 --> 00:17:07.160 be wrong. I don't want to be rejected. I don't want to be 245 00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:10.480 abandoned. I don't want to feel like I'm not enough, because you know 246 00:17:10.519 --> 00:17:15.519 why, that's how I felt in childhood every day when I was around somebody 247 00:17:15.519 --> 00:17:19.519 who didn't know how to make me feel worthy and confident within myself. And 248 00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:25.319 so I've learned how to protect myself from that feeling so it never happens again. 249 00:17:25.720 --> 00:17:29.599 And honestly, it's kind of smart. We are very smart, but 250 00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:36.799 we pick up these coping mechanisms that end up being counterintuitive because now it keeps 251 00:17:36.839 --> 00:17:40.319 us small. Now, I don't want to go on the stage and sing 252 00:17:40.440 --> 00:17:45.599 because I'm too afraid that maybe somebody won't like me, even though I have 253 00:17:45.680 --> 00:17:49.759 something that's so beautiful within me and it would impact so many lies. I'm 254 00:17:49.759 --> 00:17:52.599 scared because you know what, I know, there's not going to impact one 255 00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:55.720 life. There's gonna be one person in there that's not gonna like it. 256 00:17:55.720 --> 00:17:57.640 And I can't handle that because that makes me feel like how I felt in 257 00:17:57.720 --> 00:18:03.119 childhood. And this is what I'm going to say to that, and something 258 00:18:03.119 --> 00:18:08.720 I've really had to learn. You cannot stay small because somebody might reject you, 259 00:18:08.920 --> 00:18:12.920 not like you, not accept you. You need to stop being afraid 260 00:18:12.960 --> 00:18:18.160 of that. And I know it can be difficult because you've probably been afraid 261 00:18:18.200 --> 00:18:21.839 in the past. Somebody might have rejected you, might have made you feel 262 00:18:21.839 --> 00:18:25.559 like crap, might have X, Y and Z. But if you want 263 00:18:25.599 --> 00:18:33.160 to live a life of meaning, of happiness, of whatever it is that 264 00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:37.880 you're I know that you want to live, you cannot stay small. You 265 00:18:37.160 --> 00:18:41.160 cannot stay small. You need to be confident within yourself. You need to 266 00:18:41.200 --> 00:18:45.319 back yourself. You need to go for what you want in your life. 267 00:18:45.559 --> 00:18:49.799 And I think that what's helped me the most is to realize that you don't 268 00:18:49.839 --> 00:18:56.519 have to be everything to everyone. You can be great at one thing or 269 00:18:56.559 --> 00:19:00.000 a few things, whatever it is, and own that you don't need to 270 00:19:00.079 --> 00:19:04.799 be everything for everyone. It's impossible, it won't ever happen, and you're 271 00:19:04.839 --> 00:19:07.839 going to waste your life if you try and do that. You really are, 272 00:19:08.480 --> 00:19:11.640 because there's probably something that you really want to do in your life that 273 00:19:12.880 --> 00:19:15.880 you know. You're keeping small because I don't know, and I don't have 274 00:19:15.960 --> 00:19:18.519 confidence, and I don't know if I could do this that and the third 275 00:19:18.519 --> 00:19:26.400 girl Listen, I've been there and it's gone in me. It's keeping small 276 00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:30.240 in life. It doesn't get you anywhere. And this is what I think 277 00:19:30.240 --> 00:19:34.039 as well. You did not come here on planet Earth. And I'll tell 278 00:19:34.079 --> 00:19:38.839 you this for free, honey. You did not come here on Earth to 279 00:19:38.960 --> 00:19:44.720 sit in the corner the way that you did when you were younger. You 280 00:19:44.759 --> 00:19:49.119 didn't what happened when you were younger, or what happened whenever it happened and 281 00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:55.519 made you feel like this and you became small. That was just a part 282 00:19:55.640 --> 00:20:00.359 of your blueprint for you to work through. It's honestly in my I believe 283 00:20:00.440 --> 00:20:03.839 the things that we go through, the traumas, the financial situations, the 284 00:20:04.440 --> 00:20:11.680 problems in our lives, these are all learning lessons. They're tests. There's 285 00:20:11.799 --> 00:20:18.079 things that the universe wants us to work through. Because I just don't believe 286 00:20:18.200 --> 00:20:22.559 me. You will never convince me that we're just here to be wounded, 287 00:20:22.640 --> 00:20:26.759 to be unhealed, to be unhappy, to be depressed, to be sick, 288 00:20:26.359 --> 00:20:32.839 to be sick for the rest of our lives. Why that makes no 289 00:20:32.920 --> 00:20:37.960 sense to me. It makes zero sense to me. And how I've lived 290 00:20:37.039 --> 00:20:41.480 my life honestly since the age I was like really sixteen, where I feel 291 00:20:41.480 --> 00:20:45.200 like I had a big awakening when my dad passed away, was That's not 292 00:20:45.279 --> 00:20:48.160 how my life is going to go, and I'm going to start to see 293 00:20:48.240 --> 00:20:53.359 things as tests as things that I can evolve and grow from. And that 294 00:20:53.640 --> 00:20:59.400 the biggest lesson that I had was my father passing away, and that catapulled 295 00:20:59.400 --> 00:21:03.279 me into so many other things, right, and my mother going through her 296 00:21:03.279 --> 00:21:07.279 addictions and all the wounds that came out of that, and just in general, 297 00:21:07.720 --> 00:21:11.519 even a parents' aside, society aside, you go through a process of 298 00:21:11.599 --> 00:21:15.400 evolution, especially if you're a woman, right, biologically we go through so 299 00:21:15.440 --> 00:21:19.400 many changes. And then on top of that, the more you heal, 300 00:21:19.440 --> 00:21:22.759 the more layers that you peel back on that onion, you start to realize, 301 00:21:22.799 --> 00:21:26.119 like, Okay, maybe I got to go all the way back, 302 00:21:26.119 --> 00:21:30.039 because when my dad passed away, actually that was like an awakening for me, 303 00:21:30.079 --> 00:21:32.880 and I really got myself together. I really needed to. And then 304 00:21:32.880 --> 00:21:37.000 my mom went through her thing. But even after all that, I realized, 305 00:21:37.079 --> 00:21:41.000 oh, he impacted me since day one. I didn't even realize his 306 00:21:41.079 --> 00:21:44.400 impact on me. When I was sixteen, I just realized my dad passed 307 00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:48.599 away, and like, I gotta I gotta change. I gotta do something 308 00:21:48.599 --> 00:21:51.480 with my life, like let's go. And so from that point on, 309 00:21:51.640 --> 00:21:53.599 really, when I was sixteen, and you know, all the way till 310 00:21:53.640 --> 00:21:57.480 now I'm twenty seven, I started to look at things as Okay, you 311 00:21:57.480 --> 00:22:02.960 know what, I've gotten a deck of cards. Some of them are great, 312 00:22:03.480 --> 00:22:04.839 some of them not so great, some of them are going to be 313 00:22:04.960 --> 00:22:08.720 damn hard to change. But not once am I looking at any of these 314 00:22:08.759 --> 00:22:12.640 cards like I can't change them. And that is how I move through life. 315 00:22:12.759 --> 00:22:17.200 And I think there comes a point in our time as a women where 316 00:22:17.240 --> 00:22:22.640 we have a card. Many of us have this card, and it's this 317 00:22:23.400 --> 00:22:29.000 little broken girl. In a way. She's broken, she's scared, she 318 00:22:29.279 --> 00:22:36.720 doesn't have confidence, she's broken down by society and you know, toxic hustle 319 00:22:36.759 --> 00:22:41.160 culture and survival mode. She's living in survival mode. She's doing all these 320 00:22:41.160 --> 00:22:45.920 things and she wants to There's a desire somewhere in her to break free, 321 00:22:45.960 --> 00:22:48.759 there is, but she doesn't know how to do that. And what she 322 00:22:49.000 --> 00:22:53.079 tries to do in her life sometimes, which we all probably have, is 323 00:22:53.759 --> 00:23:00.119 okay, well, I'm going to get somebody else to heal me, to 324 00:23:00.160 --> 00:23:03.559 make me feel worthy, to make me feel happy to build me up out 325 00:23:03.559 --> 00:23:07.559 of this little hole that I've been put in. And on one hand, 326 00:23:07.640 --> 00:23:10.640 she's not wrong, because there's always going to be a level of people healing 327 00:23:10.640 --> 00:23:12.559 you and people loving you, and people teaching you that you are amazing. 328 00:23:12.720 --> 00:23:15.640 Right, you need that as a child. You can't just you don't just 329 00:23:15.640 --> 00:23:18.759 come out of the womb. You do come out of the womb worthy, 330 00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:22.960 but you don't come out of the womb with like a lot of confidence until 331 00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:26.160 your parents give you that. And we try and find that in other people 332 00:23:26.160 --> 00:23:30.559 in other circumstances, But the problem with that is we don't even have that 333 00:23:30.599 --> 00:23:33.920 confidence within ourselves, so we sometimes attract people who are not even able to 334 00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:37.079 do that, or we seek out people who are unhealthy to try and make 335 00:23:37.160 --> 00:23:41.400 us feel something. So there's gonna come a point in time, your time, 336 00:23:41.599 --> 00:23:45.359 and it's happened in mind where it has to be up to you. 337 00:23:45.359 --> 00:23:49.279 You have to be the one to recognize your own beauty, your own worth, 338 00:23:49.359 --> 00:23:55.319 your own amazingness, even when you second guess it and go full force 339 00:23:55.400 --> 00:23:57.400 and saying you know what, it's almost like a level of delusion, you 340 00:23:57.400 --> 00:24:00.480 know, when those girls are talking about delusion, TikTok I. So where 341 00:24:00.880 --> 00:24:06.839 there's something, there's something to it, you have to be the one to 342 00:24:06.920 --> 00:24:10.519 say, I am going to decide that my needs, my wants, my 343 00:24:10.640 --> 00:24:15.960 talents, my beauty, my everything, it matters. And not every single 344 00:24:17.000 --> 00:24:19.160 person who is going to see that. And I don't need everyone to see 345 00:24:19.200 --> 00:24:22.559 that. I'm willing to walk away when people do not see that, and 346 00:24:22.599 --> 00:24:26.720 I'm willing to stand in my worth and build up my own life so that 347 00:24:26.759 --> 00:24:30.799 I continue to be in this energy. And honestly, only then will you 348 00:24:30.839 --> 00:24:36.480 start to see your reality conforming to what you believe about yourself. It's not 349 00:24:36.519 --> 00:24:40.279 going to be somebody out there that's going to do it for you. I 350 00:24:40.359 --> 00:24:45.200 want to relate this back to relationships again for a moment. If you are 351 00:24:45.319 --> 00:24:48.440 somebody, Let's say, you know, you're talking to a guy and you 352 00:24:48.440 --> 00:24:52.079 feel, like I said, the calibrating to his every move and like waiting 353 00:24:52.119 --> 00:24:53.400 and whatever, and you start to get a little angry, start to get 354 00:24:53.400 --> 00:24:57.079 a little bit irritated because you're someone who you know, you're trying to step 355 00:24:57.079 --> 00:25:00.640 in your worth and you're trying to be confident and like, I deserve this 356 00:25:00.720 --> 00:25:03.799 treatment and I deserve that, and I deserve X Y and Z girl, 357 00:25:03.839 --> 00:25:07.720 you do, right, But if you're getting really irritated at someone else's actions, 358 00:25:07.799 --> 00:25:12.680 it's really a good indicator that there's something that you are not stepping into 359 00:25:12.720 --> 00:25:18.079 of your own. Because why are we so obsessed with somebody else and their 360 00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:23.440 behavior and how they're not showing up? Why do we need them to show 361 00:25:23.640 --> 00:25:30.000 up? Because realistically, if you were showing up one hundred percent, and 362 00:25:30.039 --> 00:25:32.599 I mean that with like a lightheart, because we're never going to be perfect 363 00:25:32.640 --> 00:25:37.240 with everything, But realistically, if you're feeling like your wants and your needs 364 00:25:37.279 --> 00:25:41.440 are not taking in consideration, it's really a reflection of you not taking your 365 00:25:41.440 --> 00:25:45.200 own wants and your needs and consideration. And I know people don't want to 366 00:25:45.240 --> 00:25:48.720 hear this, and it's confusing to some people sometimes and it has been for 367 00:25:48.759 --> 00:25:52.319 me too, because I flip flop back on that, right, It's like, 368 00:25:52.599 --> 00:25:56.119 Okay, well, there's a level of making sure the person that I'm 369 00:25:56.119 --> 00:25:59.079 talking to does take my needs and wants a consideration. And what if that 370 00:25:59.119 --> 00:26:02.119 person is toxic or what if that person is taking me for granded dada da 371 00:26:02.200 --> 00:26:04.160 da, That could definitely be true, right, But if you're becoming very, 372 00:26:04.319 --> 00:26:10.160 very frustrated with other people's behaviors all the time, you have to ask 373 00:26:10.160 --> 00:26:12.480 yourself the question of, well, first of all, why am I so 374 00:26:12.559 --> 00:26:18.799 focused on how they're not taking me in consideration, Because it really shouldn't matter. 375 00:26:18.400 --> 00:26:22.599 If you know your own worth, if you say, I am deserving 376 00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:26.240 of you showing up, and I'm not going to worry about the fact that 377 00:26:26.279 --> 00:26:30.480 you're acting weird right now, you're pulling away, you're not texting me or 378 00:26:30.519 --> 00:26:34.799 whatever, because I am worthy of being shown up for my want and my 379 00:26:34.920 --> 00:26:41.200 needs matter, and a kind it comes to this level of, well, 380 00:26:41.240 --> 00:26:45.880 I'm not going to calibrate to your life and your everything, because it's actually 381 00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:48.319 important that I calibrate to my life, and I have been calibrating to my 382 00:26:48.400 --> 00:26:52.920 life. And if you have really been calibrating to your life, most likely 383 00:26:53.119 --> 00:27:00.079 you won't feel this huge awareness of the fact that you feel like you have 384 00:27:00.119 --> 00:27:03.000 to calibrate to someone else's life or you have to like it's always them above 385 00:27:03.079 --> 00:27:07.160 you type of thing. You know, it's hard. It can definitely be 386 00:27:07.160 --> 00:27:11.720 hard in relationships, right because again, there's this level of Okay, it's, 387 00:27:11.759 --> 00:27:14.160 first of all, it's fine to calibrate to someone else's needs, and 388 00:27:14.200 --> 00:27:17.680 wants as long as they're doing it for you, and you're never going to 389 00:27:17.720 --> 00:27:19.599 be perfect with everything, especially if you have an anxious attachment. But if 390 00:27:19.640 --> 00:27:25.599 you are so thrown off all the time and you feel like your power is 391 00:27:25.640 --> 00:27:30.039 taken away from you, baby, it is not other people taking it away 392 00:27:30.039 --> 00:27:33.519 from you anymore. It is you taking it away from yourself. And I 393 00:27:33.599 --> 00:27:37.240 know it sounds kind of bad to say, but I say this in the 394 00:27:37.279 --> 00:27:42.079 most lovingly way. You know, somebody took your power away, taught you 395 00:27:42.119 --> 00:27:45.519 that you didn't have it, taught you that your power was useless. But 396 00:27:45.680 --> 00:27:48.799 now it is going to be up to you to say my power, whatever 397 00:27:48.839 --> 00:27:53.519 it is about me, I am worthy, I can use it. I 398 00:27:53.559 --> 00:27:59.960 am important. My want and my needs matter. And I went to myself 399 00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:03.920 smatic therapists the other day. By the way, shout out to Rachel. 400 00:28:03.079 --> 00:28:07.480 If you are interested in a sematic therapist in the Toronto area, then I 401 00:28:07.480 --> 00:28:10.720 will leave her information and link in the description. Also, if you don't 402 00:28:10.720 --> 00:28:14.720 know what smatic therapy is, it's really hard to explain sometimes, but it's 403 00:28:14.759 --> 00:28:18.640 basically you learning how to regulate your nervous system. It's it's you learning how 404 00:28:18.640 --> 00:28:21.440 to come and drop into the body instead of being in the minds, but 405 00:28:21.640 --> 00:28:26.119 especially so so so helpful for women. Men absolutely can do it too, 406 00:28:26.440 --> 00:28:33.279 really, anyone everyone should. But we as a society we ignore the fact 407 00:28:33.319 --> 00:28:36.359 that we have an emotional body, We have a nervous system. Our body 408 00:28:36.359 --> 00:28:38.200 tells us so much. Our body stores trauma in the body like our sorry, 409 00:28:38.200 --> 00:28:42.599 trauma gets stored in the body. All of these things so important to 410 00:28:42.599 --> 00:28:48.799 go if you can. But something that I learned from my smatic therapist that 411 00:28:48.880 --> 00:28:53.880 I have over the years but recently too because I'm psychoanalyze everything in my behavior 412 00:28:53.880 --> 00:28:57.160 where my mind goes somewhere when my mind is too much on one person, 413 00:28:57.359 --> 00:29:00.960 too much on one thing, too much on one situation, and I'm no 414 00:29:02.039 --> 00:29:03.400 longer in my own body, and i start to feel anxiety, and I 415 00:29:03.400 --> 00:29:06.640 start to worry, you start to stress, and I don't want to be 416 00:29:06.680 --> 00:29:08.359 like that. I don't. I know it's not healthy, especially from all 417 00:29:08.359 --> 00:29:11.440 the work that I've done. Like, I know that's not healthy. I 418 00:29:11.480 --> 00:29:14.039 know it's not susstainable, I know X, Y and Z. It's just 419 00:29:14.039 --> 00:29:18.039 not good. And so a practice that she well, we went through it, 420 00:29:18.440 --> 00:29:22.000 and it's kind of a practice of my own and obviously you have to 421 00:29:22.079 --> 00:29:26.680 kind of do it yourself, but you know when you and you have to 422 00:29:26.720 --> 00:29:29.240 notice your thoughts. You have to be so self aware. This is why 423 00:29:30.079 --> 00:29:32.759 number one step of healing anything is like, you need to be self aware. 424 00:29:32.799 --> 00:29:34.519 You need to know when your mind is going somewhere right in order for 425 00:29:34.559 --> 00:29:40.680 you to change it. But when you start to get really upset about someone 426 00:29:40.680 --> 00:29:44.839 else's behavior, you're hyper analyzing the fact that they're pushing away or pulling away 427 00:29:44.839 --> 00:29:48.319 I should say, they're saying something and you're looking into it and it's just 428 00:29:48.319 --> 00:29:52.519 whatever. You are no longer in your body right now, you are out 429 00:29:52.559 --> 00:29:56.880 of your body. Your energy is almost like seeping into the abyss and it's 430 00:29:56.920 --> 00:30:00.079 scary. It's very scary. There's no containing there's no walls, there's no 431 00:30:00.119 --> 00:30:03.839 borders, there's no safety. And when a lot of us woman what we 432 00:30:03.880 --> 00:30:07.839 actually want when we are analyzing somebody else's behavior, what do we want? 433 00:30:07.440 --> 00:30:11.519 We want containment, we want structure, We want to feel safe. Right 434 00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:17.119 well, you're looking outside of yourself for someone else to give you that safe 435 00:30:17.160 --> 00:30:19.119 containment. And it's not a bad thing, of course, we can get 436 00:30:19.160 --> 00:30:22.720 that, but at this point, in this time, it's going to be 437 00:30:22.759 --> 00:30:27.000 on you. And so when you find that your your mind is going and 438 00:30:27.039 --> 00:30:32.519 wondering whatever, you need to pull your energy back to yourself. You need 439 00:30:32.599 --> 00:30:36.480 to come back into the body. So it's not really about just like telling 440 00:30:36.519 --> 00:30:38.960 yourself stop thinking about it, because sometimes you can't write. But it's like 441 00:30:40.200 --> 00:30:42.880 coming back to your senses in a way. And I mean, I'm not 442 00:30:42.920 --> 00:30:47.640 a somatic therapist, so you really would have to like do this with somebody. 443 00:30:48.240 --> 00:30:52.799 But something that I do when I find myself, you know, outwardly 444 00:30:52.920 --> 00:30:56.880 thinking about somebody or something. First of all, I step in as the 445 00:30:56.920 --> 00:30:59.880 adult self of myself and I say, we don't need to go there. 446 00:31:00.160 --> 00:31:02.880 It's really my inner child that wants to go there. Right My inner child 447 00:31:02.960 --> 00:31:07.000 is trying to pick at something to confirm the negative belief that she holds about 448 00:31:07.000 --> 00:31:11.920 herself. So I witnessed that witness when my inner child's going there, and 449 00:31:11.960 --> 00:31:15.799 I lovingly take her hand back to my body literally because she's all the way 450 00:31:15.799 --> 00:31:18.640 over there. Like girl, come back, okay, come back to the 451 00:31:18.680 --> 00:31:22.519 heart. You can put your hands on your heart, in your stomach or 452 00:31:22.519 --> 00:31:26.440 your belly or whatever, coming to the breath for a moment and just feeling 453 00:31:26.519 --> 00:31:33.759 your energy almost like seeping back into your body for a moment and just sitting 454 00:31:33.799 --> 00:31:37.640 there and experiencing what that feels like. What does it feel like to have 455 00:31:37.759 --> 00:31:44.119 your energy back to yourself right now? Do you feel anxious? Do you 456 00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:51.160 feel scared? Because sometimes I feel a little bit scared with the presence of 457 00:31:51.200 --> 00:31:53.920 my energy right in the present moment, being here right now. For a 458 00:31:53.920 --> 00:31:57.119 lot of us, it's actually scary. A lot of us, we are 459 00:31:57.599 --> 00:32:01.920 addicted to the chaos, even though we actually don't really want it. We 460 00:32:01.960 --> 00:32:06.880 are addicted to the chaos because that's how it always felt. Your nervous system 461 00:32:06.960 --> 00:32:09.680 is trying to go back to how it's always been operating. And in childhood, 462 00:32:10.279 --> 00:32:14.079 my nervous system was in fight or flight. I was anxious girl, 463 00:32:14.839 --> 00:32:19.359 and so when I'm not anxious, it kind of feels very uncomfortable. But 464 00:32:19.440 --> 00:32:22.319 the more times that you train your nervous system to come back to the present, 465 00:32:22.640 --> 00:32:27.839 slowly bringing the energy back, feeling your body like you literally you touching 466 00:32:27.839 --> 00:32:30.559 your arms, touching your legs, reminding yourself, these are my boundaries, 467 00:32:30.559 --> 00:32:32.880 these are my walls. I am right here, I am contained, I 468 00:32:32.920 --> 00:32:38.039 am held. The more times you do that you're training your nervous system when 469 00:32:38.079 --> 00:32:45.119 you get triggered to be safe, to be back with yourself. And the 470 00:32:45.200 --> 00:32:51.079 present moment is where all the magic happens. But it's very scary, but 471 00:32:51.279 --> 00:32:58.279 that's what it really means to be embodied as well. We can have profound 472 00:32:58.319 --> 00:33:04.559 answers from this place, this center, our center, our bodies. Wisdom 473 00:33:04.640 --> 00:33:07.480 comes out of this, especially for us women. And when you are back 474 00:33:07.559 --> 00:33:12.680 within yourself, in your body, in your nervous system, your nervous system 475 00:33:12.720 --> 00:33:16.119 is not anxiously attached to somebody else, your mind's not overthinking when you're really 476 00:33:16.160 --> 00:33:21.920 in this body. This is where you take a lot of aligned action as 477 00:33:21.920 --> 00:33:24.920 well, because this is what I'll say. Let's say you're analyzing someone pulling 478 00:33:24.920 --> 00:33:29.480 away. Your mind goes to when, why, how, where? Right? 479 00:33:30.400 --> 00:33:32.680 And what you do is you try to correct. You're trying to your 480 00:33:32.680 --> 00:33:37.279 nervous system is trying to feel safe. You're you're trying to but you're still 481 00:33:37.279 --> 00:33:40.799 in the state of fight or flight. You're very anxious, right, so 482 00:33:40.880 --> 00:33:45.720 you're going to now try and take action based out of anxiety. So your 483 00:33:45.720 --> 00:33:49.480 action might look like, Okay, I'm gonna double text him, I'm gonna 484 00:33:49.480 --> 00:33:52.200 tell him that this can't be a thing and he shouldn't be saying this to 485 00:33:52.279 --> 00:33:54.039 me, or you know what, Tomorrow, I'm going to say something and 486 00:33:54.039 --> 00:33:58.599 we're going to get to the whatever, you know. But if you actually 487 00:33:58.680 --> 00:34:01.240 tap a little bit more into that action. And this is something that I 488 00:34:01.240 --> 00:34:05.599 didn't go through this same situation, but I kind of like resembled something I 489 00:34:05.599 --> 00:34:07.760 was going through, And I asked myself, how does that feel for me 490 00:34:08.280 --> 00:34:13.360 to take action from that place, like Okay, maybe I need a text, 491 00:34:13.400 --> 00:34:15.960 or I need to checkout, or I need to like, you know, 492 00:34:15.079 --> 00:34:17.320 set a day where I'm going to say this or that or take this 493 00:34:17.360 --> 00:34:24.559 action. Feels very stressful. Still, it doesn't actually put my nervous system 494 00:34:24.639 --> 00:34:29.719 at ease when I think about taking action like that or taking that specific action. 495 00:34:29.840 --> 00:34:31.760 And that's how I know I'm not taking the right action, and I'm 496 00:34:31.760 --> 00:34:35.960 not taking aligned action, and I'm not taking an action from my heart, 497 00:34:36.000 --> 00:34:39.719 from my body, from presence. And we are so trained to just take 498 00:34:39.760 --> 00:34:44.199 that action right because we want to feel safe. But the thing that we're 499 00:34:44.239 --> 00:34:47.239 still trying to chase, this feeling of safety, it actually can come from 500 00:34:47.239 --> 00:34:52.320 within if we stay with ourselves for a moment if we sit with our inner 501 00:34:52.400 --> 00:34:55.199 child that is feeling like she needs to go run and double text a guy 502 00:34:57.119 --> 00:35:00.800 or tell him how much he's hurting her, or whatever it is that she 503 00:35:01.079 --> 00:35:06.519 needs somebody to know so she can fix, she doesn't need to do any 504 00:35:06.559 --> 00:35:09.360 of that. And when you actually sit with her and you tell her it's 505 00:35:09.360 --> 00:35:12.519 okay, I can see how you want to go over there right now. 506 00:35:12.599 --> 00:35:16.760 I know right you feel really it's hurtful. We don't like that. But 507 00:35:16.840 --> 00:35:20.320 we don't need to change, We don't need to fix, we don't need 508 00:35:20.320 --> 00:35:24.039 to manipulate, we don't need to force anything. We don't need to force 509 00:35:24.079 --> 00:35:30.800 anything because we can actually feel safe right now, me and you, one 510 00:35:30.840 --> 00:35:36.000 on one here in the present moment, and you will experience that your nervous 511 00:35:36.000 --> 00:35:38.199 system or you're inner child, or whatever your feeling state will be a little 512 00:35:38.199 --> 00:35:43.599 bit more at calm. And this is a place where you can kind of 513 00:35:43.639 --> 00:35:47.800 think clearly, and this is a beautiful place for you to start either taking 514 00:35:47.840 --> 00:35:52.400 action which will be different than the action that you were going to take before, 515 00:35:52.440 --> 00:35:57.079 or just to be And what you'll find is and what I found even 516 00:35:57.119 --> 00:36:00.440 the other day when I was doing this work on myself was I don't need 517 00:36:00.480 --> 00:36:04.639 to take any action. It's so interesting because five seconds ago, when I 518 00:36:04.679 --> 00:36:07.800 was in my anxious thoughts, I was like, I need to take this 519 00:36:07.840 --> 00:36:09.079 action and I need to do this and that da da da, and none 520 00:36:09.079 --> 00:36:12.280 of it felt good. And I realized that, and I brought myself back 521 00:36:12.320 --> 00:36:15.079 to my center and I just like relaxed for a moment and just sat with 522 00:36:15.119 --> 00:36:17.920 that emotion of feeling like I want to change everything, and everyone's annoying me, 523 00:36:17.920 --> 00:36:22.679 and my needs and my wants are not met and da dada da. 524 00:36:22.840 --> 00:36:25.480 When I sat with myself, I realized I don't need to say anything. 525 00:36:25.679 --> 00:36:30.800 I don't need to change anything. I don't need to manipulate anyone to do 526 00:36:30.960 --> 00:36:36.280 anything, and I don't need to do that because I am worthy of somebody 527 00:36:36.880 --> 00:36:42.519 taking me in consideration, loving me, respecting me. I deserve opportunities in 528 00:36:42.559 --> 00:36:45.880 my life. I trust that things are going to come to me. I 529 00:36:45.960 --> 00:36:49.920 trust. I am safe, I am sound, I am loved, I 530 00:36:49.960 --> 00:36:54.280 am connected. And when you're in that place, you don't need to force, 531 00:36:54.519 --> 00:37:00.320 you don't need to manipulate, you don't need to fix. And what's 532 00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:05.559 even more profound is when you're in that energy, which is my friends, 533 00:37:05.599 --> 00:37:10.880 that's feminine energy. When you're in that energy state, sometimes I don't even 534 00:37:10.880 --> 00:37:15.320 want to say sometimes, because most of the time things will come to you. 535 00:37:15.320 --> 00:37:20.239 You become a magnet. When people say feminine energy is attracting, that's 536 00:37:20.239 --> 00:37:23.000 what they mean, and I think a lot of people mean that because you're 537 00:37:23.000 --> 00:37:27.880 calm, you're taking if you're taking any action, you're taking very much so 538 00:37:27.960 --> 00:37:30.280 aligned action. You're not forcing, you're not manipulating, you're not trying to 539 00:37:30.280 --> 00:37:34.000 make things happen. You're trusting that things are going to come to you. 540 00:37:34.000 --> 00:37:36.719 You're going about your day, you're taking care of yourself. You're stepping into 541 00:37:36.719 --> 00:37:38.920 your confidence. You trust that you are amazing and people will value you. 542 00:37:39.199 --> 00:37:42.679 And the people who do not value you, they are just not for you. 543 00:37:42.760 --> 00:37:46.559 And you're not forcing and you're not manipulating. Everything that is meant for 544 00:37:46.639 --> 00:37:52.679 you will come to you because you're in the right energy. You're in your 545 00:37:52.719 --> 00:37:55.039 body, you are in the energy that you were supposed to be in. 546 00:37:55.480 --> 00:37:58.239 Now, this is not to say that you always need to be in your 547 00:37:58.280 --> 00:38:00.760 feminine energy and you always need to be calm and healed. Like obviously this 548 00:38:00.880 --> 00:38:07.159 is just very specific to this episode today, but I'm telling you. Some 549 00:38:07.159 --> 00:38:12.480 profound things come out of being in that energy state. And if I think 550 00:38:12.519 --> 00:38:15.440 about it, nothing good has really ever come out of me taking action from 551 00:38:15.440 --> 00:38:20.760 a place of anxiety, of a place of my liviting thoughts telling me you're 552 00:38:20.800 --> 00:38:24.679 not worthy second guess yourself. Maybe it means this, you should do this 553 00:38:25.199 --> 00:38:30.840 out of place of anxiety and not trusting. So I say all that to 554 00:38:30.880 --> 00:38:35.800 say a few things. For one, if you feel like people are not 555 00:38:35.920 --> 00:38:39.559 taking your wants your needs into consideration, or you're feeling disempowered, or you're 556 00:38:39.559 --> 00:38:43.920 feeling like a victim, and that's fine, if you do, like honestly 557 00:38:43.960 --> 00:38:47.480 like you gotta let yourself feel that right. You need to seriously remind yourself 558 00:38:47.559 --> 00:38:53.480 though that you need to be the change. And if you're wanting that respect, 559 00:38:53.519 --> 00:38:58.920 if you're wanting people to know your worth and treat you well, you 560 00:38:58.960 --> 00:39:05.239 need to act and identify and be embody somebody who was worth that, Which 561 00:39:05.280 --> 00:39:09.119 means you're going to act in accordance to somebody who is respected, who is 562 00:39:09.199 --> 00:39:12.639 loved, who is cherished. So let me give you a quick example, 563 00:39:12.639 --> 00:39:14.320 because I feel like a lot of you guys might be like, Okay, 564 00:39:14.599 --> 00:39:17.320 what would I do? Okay, let's just bring it back to Let's say 565 00:39:17.360 --> 00:39:22.639 you're feeling like a guy who's talking to you is not taking a consideration. 566 00:39:22.800 --> 00:39:27.840 A very embodied, confident woman would not. First of all, she wouldn't 567 00:39:27.840 --> 00:39:30.079 really pay any mind to how it is that he like, the texts he's 568 00:39:30.079 --> 00:39:34.239 saying, or the things he's doing or not doing. She wouldn't let that 569 00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:37.079 become a part of her reality in terms of throwing her off her routines and 570 00:39:37.159 --> 00:39:40.960 how she looks at herself. She also wouldn't be entertaining somebody who's giving her 571 00:39:42.000 --> 00:39:45.760 the bare minimum. She would really only be answering somebody who is coming to 572 00:39:45.840 --> 00:39:52.159 her correct meaning calling her the way that she deserves, face timing her, 573 00:39:52.880 --> 00:39:55.199 the guy who is setting up the date, the guy who is moving things 574 00:39:55.239 --> 00:40:00.440 forward and taking action. If she's not getting that, hey, I'm not 575 00:40:00.480 --> 00:40:04.760 answering you. I'm not picking up at twelve o'clock. I'm not going out 576 00:40:04.840 --> 00:40:07.039 and drinking and getting super drunk with you. I'm not doing that. But 577 00:40:07.119 --> 00:40:13.320 even outside of relationships, how are you truly watering your own cup? And 578 00:40:13.400 --> 00:40:15.280 I mean truly, because girl, I have been there where I told myself 579 00:40:15.280 --> 00:40:20.719 I was watering my cup. I was working on myself. I was in 580 00:40:20.719 --> 00:40:23.639 a relationship with myself. Girl, No you weren't. No, you weren't. 581 00:40:23.840 --> 00:40:27.679 You're only in a relationship with yourself because he wasn't texting you back. 582 00:40:28.519 --> 00:40:30.480 And as soon as he texts you back, you weren't in a relationship with 583 00:40:30.519 --> 00:40:34.519 yourself. You were in a relationship with a guy who was just living in 584 00:40:34.559 --> 00:40:37.519 your phone. Okay, and I just I relate that back to guys. 585 00:40:37.559 --> 00:40:39.239 But really, and truly it can be with whatever. Right, It's like, 586 00:40:39.320 --> 00:40:43.440 yeah, we're working ourselves until like somebody something comes back into our lives 587 00:40:43.440 --> 00:40:46.639 and then like recalibrates our nervous system and then we're fine. Okay, No, 588 00:40:47.039 --> 00:40:50.920 we're not going to live life like that anymore. I mean, truly, 589 00:40:51.599 --> 00:40:54.480 with or without this person, with or without this external thing that makes 590 00:40:54.480 --> 00:41:00.480 you feel great and whole and contributes to your life. What else do you 591 00:41:00.519 --> 00:41:04.480 have going for yourself? How much energy are you putting into those things as 592 00:41:04.519 --> 00:41:07.559 well? Are you like five percent putting into your health and your wellness? 593 00:41:08.079 --> 00:41:14.079 Like ten percent here and there? Let's not do that anymore. Let's not 594 00:41:14.159 --> 00:41:16.119 do that anymore. How do you think that you're going to feel confident? 595 00:41:16.199 --> 00:41:20.320 Truly? Like the woman who is standing on that stage. You think she 596 00:41:20.400 --> 00:41:25.199 just puts five percent into her rehearsing and making sure her voice is amazing as 597 00:41:25.199 --> 00:41:30.679 it is. No that girl is waking up and she's committed. She's not 598 00:41:30.719 --> 00:41:34.880 committed to getting a text back. She's committed to her work, her craft, 599 00:41:34.920 --> 00:41:38.719 her talent, her everything. This is not to be in boss babe 600 00:41:38.760 --> 00:41:43.719 mode and say can't have anyone, can't have a man, can't have what 601 00:41:43.800 --> 00:41:45.960 I want in my life, can't live this whatever it is that you want 602 00:41:46.039 --> 00:41:51.280 in your life. But I mean, truly, come on, your friends. 603 00:41:52.119 --> 00:41:54.360 Do you have friends? And if you're struggling with friends, you need 604 00:41:54.400 --> 00:41:59.400 to learn why you struggle with having friends, and you need to it's gonna 605 00:41:59.400 --> 00:42:02.719 be up to you to take on that challenge to start to have better friendships 606 00:42:02.760 --> 00:42:08.360 in your life. You need friends, you need sisterhood, you need community, 607 00:42:08.480 --> 00:42:13.639 you need something going for your life. And on top of that, 608 00:42:13.719 --> 00:42:16.719 if you want to even look at it like this, it will transform your 609 00:42:16.760 --> 00:42:22.079 relationships. And I know I have been a girl. Oh my god, 610 00:42:22.199 --> 00:42:24.840 I used to be a girl who's like, you know, introverted girl, 611 00:42:25.000 --> 00:42:29.039 like didn't have that many friends, had like I've always had like friends. 612 00:42:29.079 --> 00:42:31.719 But you know, it wasn't really that interested in having friendships or doing whatever. 613 00:42:32.039 --> 00:42:35.760 And I was very much so calibrated to men. And you know, 614 00:42:35.880 --> 00:42:39.480 even even if these guys were good, I was a girl who's like kind 615 00:42:39.480 --> 00:42:44.159 of about my man, ride or die. I wasn't a pick me type 616 00:42:44.159 --> 00:42:45.639 of girlfriend, but I was very much so I would rather do things with 617 00:42:45.679 --> 00:42:49.800 my man, love my man, Dadada. I still got that energy within 618 00:42:49.880 --> 00:42:53.360 me. Baby, Okay, I am a wife through and through. But 619 00:42:53.440 --> 00:42:58.320 what I realized over time was some of those behaviors are not healthy. And 620 00:42:59.199 --> 00:43:02.679 me not having a life, sisterhood, friendships, being in a community, 621 00:43:02.840 --> 00:43:07.760 having things going for me, like really going for me, that affected my 622 00:43:07.880 --> 00:43:10.079 relationships. It really did. And on top of that, it made me 623 00:43:10.159 --> 00:43:16.000 become a match to other people aka men who also didn't have a full life. 624 00:43:16.440 --> 00:43:22.679 And a man who doesn't really have a full life not healthy. Listen, 625 00:43:23.400 --> 00:43:27.400 you're not always going to have every cup filled, especially if you're starting 626 00:43:27.400 --> 00:43:29.840 a healing journey and you're you know, maybe you're young, and you're you're 627 00:43:29.840 --> 00:43:30.760 trying to figure things out. Okay, so I don't want you to say 628 00:43:30.800 --> 00:43:34.920 like you need to look for somebody who has a full life, completely perfect 629 00:43:34.960 --> 00:43:37.920 and you need to have a full life, completely perfect. But it's the 630 00:43:37.039 --> 00:43:42.599 action towards that, and it's going to be on new And the reason why 631 00:43:42.840 --> 00:43:46.199 we don't take that action is because it's hard, it's challenging, it's not 632 00:43:46.239 --> 00:43:51.320 going to be easy. It's going to be uncomfortable, especially when it comes 633 00:43:51.320 --> 00:43:55.840 to having friendships or being in a relationship where it's not just about aesthetics and 634 00:43:55.880 --> 00:44:01.840 the idea of having a boyfriend actually getting down and communicating and learning how to 635 00:44:01.880 --> 00:44:07.320 communicate and letting a man see you so that you can connect deeper and to 636 00:44:07.320 --> 00:44:09.960 work on whatever wounds that you need to work on. It is difficult. 637 00:44:10.400 --> 00:44:15.119 It is not fun. It is not comfortable. Although I don't want to 638 00:44:15.119 --> 00:44:17.960 put that limiting belief too much into your head because for me, I actually 639 00:44:17.960 --> 00:44:22.000 look at it is very fun. It's uncomfortable still when I have relationship problems, 640 00:44:22.079 --> 00:44:25.039 not problems, but little things that come up are little triggers. But 641 00:44:25.079 --> 00:44:28.599 I look at these triggers as like a game to me, Like anytime I 642 00:44:28.599 --> 00:44:30.840 get triggered, I'm like, okay, so I'm going to work on but 643 00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:31.679 not in a way of like, oh my god, you need to work 644 00:44:31.679 --> 00:44:34.880 on this. And it's so bad in Dada. I'm like, girl, 645 00:44:35.039 --> 00:44:38.000 you are up leveling. You have a trigger right now. The universe is 646 00:44:38.039 --> 00:44:42.280 trying to tell you something, trying to teach you something. Let's go because 647 00:44:42.400 --> 00:44:45.360 I know I've proved myself so many times that when I step over this, 648 00:44:45.679 --> 00:44:51.079 when I overcome this, there's going to be more abundant and more beauty in 649 00:44:51.159 --> 00:44:53.880 my relationships, in my life when it comes to work, money, everything 650 00:44:54.360 --> 00:44:58.719 always has been And I want you to have that same mindset. I really 651 00:44:58.719 --> 00:45:04.360 really do. So this whole entire podcast is a reminder to you that you 652 00:45:04.760 --> 00:45:09.320 need to start putting yourself absolutely first. The areas of in your life that 653 00:45:09.360 --> 00:45:14.239 are lacking, that are slacking, that are you know and need a little 654 00:45:14.239 --> 00:45:19.320 bit of work, you need to decide today, whenever it is you listen 655 00:45:19.320 --> 00:45:23.199 to this episode, that you are going to commit to this journey of filling 656 00:45:23.239 --> 00:45:27.760 up your own cup and working on the things that you need to work on, 657 00:45:28.960 --> 00:45:34.199 because the truth is, you're gonna have to do it. You're gonna 658 00:45:34.239 --> 00:45:37.519 have to do it, and listen, most people, they get forced into 659 00:45:37.599 --> 00:45:40.679 having to do it. That is, unfortunately why a lot of people have 660 00:45:40.719 --> 00:45:44.920 to hit rock bottom before they change. And I've hit rock bottom in a 661 00:45:44.960 --> 00:45:47.800 lot of different areas of my life before I before I change my eating habits, 662 00:45:47.880 --> 00:45:52.239 change my health status. It was only when I got into rock bottom, 663 00:45:52.239 --> 00:45:53.840 when I had nerve pain in my hands that I had no answers for, 664 00:45:54.000 --> 00:45:57.920 when I had all strative colitis and I was in the hospital, when 665 00:45:57.960 --> 00:46:02.199 I was so financially in a muck because I was lost in my life that 666 00:46:02.239 --> 00:46:05.800 I needed to get up and I needed to work, and it was a 667 00:46:05.880 --> 00:46:10.320 grind. It was harder because I got to that rock bottom. Although that 668 00:46:10.480 --> 00:46:14.920 is my whole story and that is what makes me me. We don't need 669 00:46:15.000 --> 00:46:17.800 to go that low. And it's very difficult to try and change somebody who 670 00:46:17.880 --> 00:46:22.519 is not that rock bottom yet, but it's not impossible. And I just 671 00:46:22.559 --> 00:46:24.239 hope that you take it from me and take it from you know, whoever 672 00:46:24.280 --> 00:46:30.320 else you look up to online in real life, there's probably been something that 673 00:46:30.360 --> 00:46:35.559 they have had to work on and challenge themselves on in order to be who 674 00:46:35.639 --> 00:46:38.519 they are now, whoever you look up to, whoever you want to be. 675 00:46:39.079 --> 00:46:44.239 You're looking at their chapter twelve. They've every single one of them have 676 00:46:44.360 --> 00:46:50.280 had a chapter one. Maybe some of them. It wasn't that hard maybe 677 00:46:50.320 --> 00:46:52.639 it was, like you know, probably easier than what you might have to 678 00:46:52.679 --> 00:46:54.039 go through. Whatever, it doesn't matter because at the end of the day, 679 00:46:54.159 --> 00:46:57.920 you remind yourself that these are your cards and this is your blueprint, 680 00:46:58.119 --> 00:47:00.000 and no matter what, you can change them, you can up level them, 681 00:47:00.039 --> 00:47:04.760 you can change. But it's gonna be it's gonna be on you to 682 00:47:04.960 --> 00:47:07.719 tell yourself that, because if you don't believe that you can change, if 683 00:47:07.719 --> 00:47:10.159 you don't believe that nobody cares about you and nobody puts your needs first in 684 00:47:10.199 --> 00:47:15.679 your d dada, that's gonna be your reality. So what is it? 685 00:47:15.960 --> 00:47:17.440 What do you want? Because you need to decide. At some point, 686 00:47:17.480 --> 00:47:22.679 you need to decide, and you might as well decide now then you having 687 00:47:22.679 --> 00:47:28.199 to wait ten twenty thirty years for you to decide or be forced to decide 688 00:47:28.239 --> 00:47:30.960 that you need to change. And in the nicest way, I don't mean 689 00:47:30.000 --> 00:47:34.159 like you need to change you're so inherently wrong. But there's things that we 690 00:47:34.199 --> 00:47:38.679 need to work on for our own our own inner childs, for our healing, 691 00:47:39.480 --> 00:47:45.039 for the life that we say that we want. And honestly, it 692 00:47:45.119 --> 00:47:49.840 becomes very juicy. Life becomes juicy and fun. It does. And this 693 00:47:49.920 --> 00:47:52.960 is coming from somebody who has been down in the dumps. I have gone 694 00:47:52.000 --> 00:47:59.119 through a lot. I have gone through things that are not enjoyable, so 695 00:47:59.480 --> 00:48:02.760 many circumstances where I've been very, very very uncomfortable and i wanted to give 696 00:48:02.840 --> 00:48:07.360 up. And one of the things that I've always held in my mind even 697 00:48:07.400 --> 00:48:10.880 when I was going through even the rock bottom is of bottoms. I told 698 00:48:10.880 --> 00:48:14.639 myself, you know what, this is a game of life. Let's do 699 00:48:14.679 --> 00:48:17.320 it. Let's do it. If this is what you want to say, 700 00:48:17.360 --> 00:48:21.039 you want this life, let's do it. So I think that's going to 701 00:48:21.119 --> 00:48:24.800 be it for this episode. I hope something ran true for you, something 702 00:48:24.880 --> 00:48:29.800 clicks, something whatever. If you, of course want me to expand on 703 00:48:29.840 --> 00:48:32.800 anything else, please let me know in the comments, leave a review. 704 00:48:34.039 --> 00:48:37.559 If you could on Spotify or Apple as well, I would really enjoy that 705 00:48:37.639 --> 00:48:40.679 because that helps other women who might be going through the same thing as you 706 00:48:42.519 --> 00:48:47.559 find this episode. And that's what I want. I want more of you. 707 00:48:49.400 --> 00:48:53.440 I want to be able to walk outside and the women that I'm meeting 708 00:48:54.079 --> 00:48:59.639 are like you, and I think that we need more of us in this 709 00:48:59.719 --> 00:49:04.760 life. And I mean I think that the world is really going to transform 710 00:49:04.840 --> 00:49:09.480 when we step into our own power instead of us trying to force, manipulate, 711 00:49:09.679 --> 00:49:14.960 fight with things that are not even for us anyways. Babe, let 712 00:49:15.000 --> 00:49:16.559 it go, Let it go, let it go. Let's stop trying to 713 00:49:16.639 --> 00:49:21.840 change everything outside of us, and let's look inwards, not from a place 714 00:49:21.920 --> 00:49:27.159 of hate, not from a place of blame of you did this. No, 715 00:49:27.840 --> 00:49:31.559 somebody did this, or somebody contributed to this. But that's okay. 716 00:49:32.159 --> 00:49:36.840 We're gonna let that go and we're going to go on a journey of finding 717 00:49:36.880 --> 00:49:40.480 who it is that we are before somebody took something away from us. That's 718 00:49:40.480 --> 00:49:45.480 a journey that I'm on and it's a damn good one, and I hope 719 00:49:45.480 --> 00:49:49.239 you enjoy yours as well. Thank you so much for watching or listening if 720 00:49:49.280 --> 00:49:52.639 you're on Spotify or Apple, and I'll talk to you guys. And the 721 00:49:52.719 --> 00:49:53.280 next one by