Hello, everyone, Welcome back to another episode of Let's Talk the Things.
I am your host, Ash and on this episode we are talking to things
about a culmination of topics that we covered this year. However, we're going
to mainly focus on the importance of character. So as you listen to this
episode, my hope, as usual is that you laugh, experience introspection,
and maybe even reconsider some of your views. Now, grab your tea,
coffee, or a glass of wine, and let's talk the Things. The
older I get, the more I realize and recognize the importance and the value
of character, specifically someone having good character. And now more than ever,
there's often a confusion of sorts about character versus personality. Most of us get
to know new people or form opinions of people that we know, be a
social media and birthday dinners at loud restaurants over a million a glass of champagne,
And I mean, how well do you know someone in those circumstances?
Right? And in those cases, if those people you're interacting with aren't persons
you know on a deeper level, you likely know their personality, not their
character. Think about it this way. Personality is that first impression that's exterior.
So maybe an outfit or a car, something that catches your eye.
Think of it as the Snapchat or Instagram filter of who that person is.
A charming person will get you noticed and maybe even in the door. But
a solid character, a good character, that is what will keep you in
the building. Now, some of you may be saying to yourself, Ash,
Relax, nobody cares about character, especially in this day and age.
So why does character even matter? Well, you're not completely wrong. Yes,
there are some people in this world that do not value character, and
those are precisely the people you should stay far away from, right because people
with bad character likely have no integrity, which means they are more likely to
be willing to put you in a bad situation or even betray you. You
see good character opens doors character. Well, that's like trying to sell a
phone with a crack screen. Nobody wants it, no matter how shiny the
cover is, no matter if it's the brand new Apple iPhone fifteen. Nobody's
going to want a new phone if there's a crackscreen, because it's it's not
useful, right, and it's probably going to cut you when you go to
use it. Another analogy, if you love music like me is to think
of character as being the silent conductor orchestrating the melodies of our actions. Integrity,
kindness, resilience. Those are like the notes that compose our character symphony.
So your character just doesn't influence the moment, it plants a masterpiece in
your legacy and what people will say about you when you're no longer here,
or what people say say about you when you're not around. Essentially, character
is kind of like a silent force that shapes our actions and our choices and
is a moral comp us to guide us on our journey. I equate it
to or I think of it as discernment in a way, right, Like
the ability to discern someone's character is very important. But also your own character
is based on that discernment that you have, right, So it's not just
about being good, it's about embodying integrity, resilience, empathy. Right.
Character isn't just a choice. It's the sum of your consistent choices and your
consistent actions, right, And it's something that helps guide us in this world
because you're gonna be faced with choices every day. Every day you're faced with
choices, and what you choose to me shows your character. Every day we're
faced with choices of doing right and wrong, and every time we choose doing,
every time we choose to do the right thing, that then enforces our
good character, our good character traits, and it's very important. So at
this point you might be thinking of someone who has poor character, but that
person is loved and revered by many, furthering your initial thought of nobody cares
about character these days. It's how many followers you have and how many people
like you and like your Instagram or you know your Twitter or TikTok posts.
Right, And while every situation is different, most of the time that person
is likely surrounded by enablers. Ah boy, those enablers, those professional excuse
makers, right, the architects of excuses and justifications, and when something goes
wrong, they usually swoop in with their justifications for someone's wrongdoings, like a
top Hollywood PR firm, you know, to paint a pretty picture over someone's
wrong that they've done. And what sometimes these enablers don't realize is that this
further contributes to the development of poor character. Right. Enablers may think they're
helping or being supportive, but in actuality, they're doing that person a disservice,
because accountability is the foundation of growth. That's how we grow when people
hold us accountable, when people tell us, you know, what you did
wasn't right, or what you said was right, or you know, I
understand why you did this, but that part of it wasn't right. When
people hold us accountable, that allows us to have a different train of thought,
right, That allows us to step outside of ourselves and question something we
might have done and make a different decision. However, when you're surrounded by
people that make excuses for you, or agree with you blindly, or you
know, just maybe even are afraid to say anything to you for fear of
how you'll react, for fear of what you will do, anything of the
sort, and now you're left dealing with an adult who's stuck in adolescence.
Right, Because when you're in adolescence, when you're a child, you throw
tantrums. And for some children, they throw tantrums and they eventually get what
they want, right, And what sometimes parents don't understand or families don't understand,
is that teaches that child that if they just throw a tantrum, they'll
eventually get what they want, which can be very very very very very horrible
in the long run, because these can grow into people that don't respect authority,
that don't respect women, that don't respect themselves, that don't respect teachers,
that don't respect their bosses because they have this thought that they should get
what they want. And if they get angry enough, or they throw a
tantrum or they you know, beat the desk in off or do something to
instill that fair eventually, they'll always get what they want. And what this
does is it enables this cycle of irresponsibility, right. And it's an all
too familiar scenario where excuses become shields and accountability takes a back seat. And
the thing is enablers reinforce excuses instead of whole bilding individuals accountable, right.
And what they do is they're perpetuating a cycle of toxicity, aiding in the
development of poor character. So if you tell someone a story and this could
be your friend, family member, co worker, whoever, and they ask
maybe no questions. Let's do one scenario they ask no questions and they just
say, oh, oh my gosh, she's crazy. He's crazy. You're
right, that person is a terrible person. You need to get rid of
them and just blindly supports you, if they want to call it that blindly
says you are one hundred percent correct. That doesn't help because maybe you're not
one hundred percent correct, maybe you're not correct at all in what you did
right, But that now feeds to you a sense of oh, I don't
even need to like sit down with what you happened and tried to figure out
if I had a role in it, because I'm right. Everybody's saying I'm
right right, whereas I know for me, I'm blessed to be surrounded by
friends and family that hold me accountable, to the point where a lot of
times it's annoying because listen, we've all been there where we're going to someone
and we want them to be like we right at dawn and yeah, girl,
like you're right and you did nothing wrong, and I see your point,
and let's go one hundred percent. And it used to annoy me until
I got older and I realized it's such a benefit because even if in the
moment, I don't want to see what I did wrong or I can't see,
having someone that I know cares for me say, you know, Ash,
I understand this point, but maybe what you could have done is this,
or what you could have said is this, or you know what,
that was really bad that that person said that, But why did you put
yourself in a position for them to say that or do that when you told
me they did that a month ago? So that means you know what they're
capable of and you kept going back. So no, it's not my fault,
but they put the question now in my head as to wait a minute,
why am I shocked? Why did I put myself back in that situation?
Right? Because I can't control that person, But this is not a
surprise to me, right, So all of those scenarios are things that are
helpful. But if let's say that same scenario I went to friends or family
members and they were like, oh, yeah, you know that person's crazy
and you're one hundred percent right and you know I knew I didn't like them,
and blah blah blah blah blah. I would never have that moment where
I would have to sit and think like, hmm, how did it get
there? Like what happened? What is this scenario? Let me figure out
what this is trying to teach me. I would never have those moments thus
I would never grow right. So again, enablers think that they're helping when
they just blindly support someone. But I would encourage if you don't know you're
an enabler and you're hearing this and you're thinking like, oh wow, maybe
I might be an enabler. The next time someone comes to you with something,
no matter who they are, no matter how close they are, try
to hear the full story. You know, and the persons on the receiving
end, know that those are your real friends. Those are people that really
care about you, right, family that really cares about you, that ask
those questions that hold you accountable. It may seem like your real friends or
your real close family are the ones that just blindly support you and don't ask
any questions and you're always right, But it's actually the opposite. When you
realize that you're in a relationship, friendship, or even a business partnership with
somebody like this, believe that that is who they are. As most of
us know, the ultra wise Maya Angelou once said, when somebody shows you
who they are, believe them. You are the only person that you can
control. And while people may change, and they can change, they have
to want to change, So no amount of love, time, or affection
that you give will make the difference if they do not want to change.
You. See, those who lack good character and lack that foundation from childhood
to build that character will dispose of you. And not think twice and listen.
I'm not speaking of when you've treated somebody very poorly or wrong them,
or cheated or stole from them or alied on them, and they've chosen to
set a boundary by not continuing your relationship. That's completely different. You're on
your own with that, right, because that means you don't have good character.
I'm speaking of someone that you've treated well, that you know, despite
treating them well, they betrayed you. Someone who may have continuously disrespected you.
That that is someone or that is a situation where you have to think
about it and say to yourself, they're showing me all these things? Why
am I not believing what this person is showing me? Let me ask you
this. Have you ever had someone act like you were disposable or maybe treat
you like you were disposable? It hurts, right, but you must remember
whether you have gone through a situation like that, are currently going through a
situation like that, or maybe you will go through a situation like that.
If someone can just walk away after betraying you, they never truly valued you.
And that goes for a friendship, a romantic relationship, and even a
business relationship. If a company your work, you've worked for for twenty five
years, that you've you know, never taken a sick day, and you
always worked over time, and you always showed up, and you always made
sure you took extra shifts or whatever the case may be, and they now
have to make and you're the first person that they go to fire. But
persons that just came in that maybe go to lunch with them all the time,
but don't really do much work, but they're well liked in the office,
they get to keep their job. They never truly valued you, right,
And that's a tough lesson to learn, but it's something that you have
to learn and it teaches you. Okay, maybe in my next job,
I'm not going to overextend myself so much because when the ball drops, a
company is going to do what they have to do. In my next relationship,
I'm not going to go out of my way so much for somebody that's
continuously disrespecting me under the guise of if I just show them a little more
love, they'll know that they're safe. They'll know that they're safe here.
If I just do a little more, if I just try to talk to
them in a certain way, I can help with their actions to things.
It won't work because nothing you will do, nothing you can do, will
change who that person is. If they do not want to change, so,
they can't love you ultimately. If they don't love themselves, you know,
it's like trying to pour from an empty cup. It just doesn't work.
They can't pour anything into you if they don't feel that themselves love yourself
enough to walk away from the things or the people that make you feel like
an afterthought. You know, if someone can erase you from their life like
yesterday's news, it's not your love that they're missing, it's their own capacity
to love, right, And you don't wish bad on anybody like that,
because their punishment is that they are who they are. If somebody has it
in them to be so hurtful to another person that they claim to have love
that they claim to have, you know, regard for what type of person
do you have to be to have the ability to do that, and you
know, betrayal in that way is hard. You know, it's something that
I think rattles our foundation, especially of our trust. But amidst all of
that, there's a lesson in it, right, because we don't do losses,
only lessons. I know that's a jay Z lyric, but yeah,
our self worth isn't tied to someone else's treatment of us. So if they
can erase you in their mind without a second thought, again, it's not
your love that they lack, it's their inability to appreciate your worth. Right,
if someone can pretend you do not exist, ignore you, et cetera,
you know, have no remorse. It's not you, it's their inability
to recognize your value. And that's something you have to remember, especially if
you are a kind person, especially if you are someone that you know thinks
that your kindness or your good will or your good nature you know, will
just rub off on this person or they will just all of a sudden appreciate
it. They won't until they get to that place and figure out what their
issues are. It's not going to be appreciated. If anything, you're probably
going to be resented for it. So by now, you may be thinking
to yourself, what are some red flags that may indicate someone has poor character?
Well, my dear, there are several. Some are more obvious than
others. And to be honest, listing all of the red flags that I
think are possible would make this episode about five hours long, so we're not
gonna do that. But I will say this. One that I think is
a Trinidad carnival of red flags all by itself is when someone says I've got
nothing to offer you or you're too good for me. If somebody says one
of those two things, believe them. It is not carnival. Okay,
there's no Marchelle, there's no Bungee. They're not perform Do not turn into
an avenger and try to save the day. It is not an invitation to
be their savior. It is a billboard time square sign sized red flag to
remove yourself from the situation. And I know, I know, trust me.
You may be well intentioned. We have all been there at some point
in time, but in the long run, your intentions will not matter to
someone whose character is flawed. It is twenty twenty three, about to be
twenty twenty four. The LTDT community. Let's make a deal in twenty twenty
four and beyond. Let's invest in relationship where reciprocity is a currency, not
relationships that require constant self sacrifice, right, because stress causes what wrinkles and
m M, we're not having that. Friendships, relationships, partnerships, cruise
ships, any ship should never be one sided. And think about it like
this. You know, I love my analogies. What happens when you go
on a seesaw with somebody with which you usually do in order for it to
be a seesaw? Right? What happens when you go on a seesaw with
someone and suddenly they hop off. You go flying in the air, and
while you're in the air, you're going to be looking down, which would
probably seem like slow motion thinking, oh my gosh, I don't know how
I'm going to land. Us an't see if. Ultimately, if you haven't
been in any of these situations, you likely will encounter at least one of
these situations at some point in your life. And it's important to remember this.
If somebody betrays you or disrespects you, and you're even more hurt because
it seems like they move on like you meant nothing. And at the same
time they're revered, and like we spoke of earlier, they have a crowd
sharing for them based on sometimes the untruth that they likely told, but just
maybe because they have a likable personality, and you might say to yourself,
really, God, like this is so unfair, how are they getting away
with this? Well, I will tell you this, No, I am
not a senior citizen, although sometimes I feel like it, but I have
been on this earth long enough, and one thing I learned, Like our
Caribbean grandparents and parents, like to say God now sleep right, which for
those unfamiliar with the saying, is just a reminder that while justice or vindication
may take a while, it eventually catches up. God doesn't sleep. God
sees all and hears all, and it's a comfort and a reminder as well
for us not to stress about the wrongdoing that someone has done to us.
And it's just important to remember to trust the timing of your life. And
although it may be hard to do in the moment, if you can,
just try to think to yourself, instead of thinking I should say what is
instead of thinking I should say why is this happening to me? Try to
ask God or whatever higher power you pray to, what is this trying to
teach me? Your mother did not endure hours of labor for you to be
undervalued or disrespected. Your mother literally puts her life at risk for you to
be on this earth. So don't let no Why treat you like bread back?
You are ouxtale with extra gravy. H Chase your dreams, chase tequila,
open up an account at Chase Bank. Anything but chasing someone who's made
it clear that they do not value you. Do not chase after those who
ignore you, dodge uncomfortable conversations, and continuously disrespect you. That's nothing worth
chasing. Your worth is immeasurable, and settling for less only diminishes your beautiful
light. With that, I'd like to leave you with one of my favorite
quotes. Don't allow people who dishonor you to define you. Define yourself,
reclaim, nourish, and love yourself. Your ancestors hope you remember who you
are. You are worthy, you have always been well. Guys, we're
winding down the season. This might be the second to last episode, or
maybe we'll have two more left. I'm still not sure, but I'm just
here thinking This can't be the same year we just did five four three two.
Happy New Year, for it can't be. I mean, honestly,
can you believe Christmas is in less than a month? Crazy? Well,
as twenty twenty three comes to an end, I hope you had a lot
of wins, but I also hope you had a good amount of lessons and
support through those lessons. I hope that this podcast helped you through a lot
of those lessons and even maybe some of the wins. And I hope that
you continue to embrace your worth, honor your boundaries, and trust in God's
timing. Remember love yourself enough to recognize when someone's actions don't align with their
words. Character matters.