WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:03.200 Hi everyone, and welcome back to the podcast episode. My name is Lisha 2 00:00:03.240 --> 00:00:06.799 Gogin, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast. Why help you expand your 3 00:00:06.799 --> 00:00:09.919 mind and become more self aware so that you can glow up into the best 4 00:00:10.000 --> 00:00:16.760 version of yourself? Hello, how are we doing well? If I were 5 00:00:16.760 --> 00:00:20.960 to answer that question, I am doing a lot better than I did yesterday. 6 00:00:21.120 --> 00:00:25.359 Yesterday, guys, I had a little bit of a mental breakdown. 7 00:00:25.679 --> 00:00:32.159 And the reason why I'm telling you guys this is because it helped me remind 8 00:00:32.320 --> 00:00:38.320 myself to forgive myself more. And I want to talk about forgiveness in today's 9 00:00:38.359 --> 00:00:41.039 episode, okay, because I know a lot of you guys need to hear 10 00:00:41.119 --> 00:00:45.280 this message. A lot of you guys had asked me on the podcast Instagram 11 00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:48.240 to talk about forgiveness, So we're going to talk about it. Okay. 12 00:00:49.000 --> 00:00:54.719 So recently in my life, there has been a lot of things moving, 13 00:00:55.280 --> 00:01:06.120 and with change comes the important sometimes of being strong, being in a good 14 00:01:06.159 --> 00:01:14.439 mindset, holding myself together, really just persisting in a new direction. I 15 00:01:14.480 --> 00:01:19.040 know things are changing, I know I'm evolving. It requires me to be 16 00:01:19.200 --> 00:01:22.879 strong and all of that. We've been talking about that quite a bit in 17 00:01:22.920 --> 00:01:29.359 the podcast. So I've always been somebody who, you know, when it's 18 00:01:29.400 --> 00:01:32.519 not that it's tough times, but when things are presenting in my world and 19 00:01:32.519 --> 00:01:34.239 they're shaking me up a little bit, I'm like, Okay, I got 20 00:01:34.239 --> 00:01:37.879 to get on my routines. I gotta get my mind right. I'm going 21 00:01:37.920 --> 00:01:40.760 to use my logic here. I'm going to trust that things are happening. 22 00:01:40.760 --> 00:01:42.599 I'm gonna, you know, be strong. It's what I do, is 23 00:01:42.680 --> 00:01:45.760 what I do best, the same way a lot of you guys, you 24 00:01:45.799 --> 00:01:51.239 guys are very much so like me. So I was doing that. I 25 00:01:51.280 --> 00:01:55.040 was doing really good with responding to a certain circumstance in my life that has 26 00:01:55.079 --> 00:01:59.959 been happening as much as I could in terms of still being able to feel 27 00:02:00.120 --> 00:02:02.760 my feelings and letting myself you know, all of the ranges of emotions. 28 00:02:02.799 --> 00:02:06.760 But at the end of the day, coming back to like, you've got 29 00:02:06.760 --> 00:02:12.319 this being strong persisting through my days. You know, I was doing good, 30 00:02:12.520 --> 00:02:17.439 and then yesterday morning, waking up doing my general practice. My general 31 00:02:17.439 --> 00:02:22.680 practice is something that really just makes me feel safe. It makes me enjoy 32 00:02:22.759 --> 00:02:28.439 my safe space talking to myself in a beautiful, loving way, the same 33 00:02:28.479 --> 00:02:32.159 way I have always needed my mom to speak words of affirmation into me, 34 00:02:32.319 --> 00:02:37.080 Like, you know, when you're like scared, or you're getting bullied at 35 00:02:37.080 --> 00:02:40.159 school, or things are just a mess in your life, who do you 36 00:02:40.240 --> 00:02:44.439 want to call? You want to call a parent, You want to call 37 00:02:44.759 --> 00:02:47.800 somebody who really just is gonna make you feel good. Sometimes we don't have 38 00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:51.439 that, And sometimes I don't even call my mom for those things anymore. 39 00:02:51.680 --> 00:02:55.039 And what I do instead is I call on myself. So that a lot 40 00:02:55.039 --> 00:02:58.719 of times is my general practice. Like that's what I do, is like 41 00:02:58.800 --> 00:03:02.360 I'm really just being there for myself, you know, in good times and 42 00:03:02.400 --> 00:03:07.719 in hard times. So waking up in the morning, trying to do my 43 00:03:07.800 --> 00:03:10.280 journal, practicing, trying to like think about situations in a different light, 44 00:03:10.719 --> 00:03:15.960 also letting things go, really just pouring into myself. Last week's episode, 45 00:03:15.960 --> 00:03:17.800 I told you guys, you know, when things aren't feeling good, come 46 00:03:17.800 --> 00:03:23.360 back to yourself and just speak to yourself kindly and poorn that love that your 47 00:03:23.400 --> 00:03:27.960 inner child really needs for you instead of trying to even look at situations in 48 00:03:27.960 --> 00:03:30.879 a different light, like let things go, detach from things that are annoying 49 00:03:30.879 --> 00:03:35.120 you right now or distressing you. And that's what I was doing but even 50 00:03:35.319 --> 00:03:38.719 that it wasn't hitting Like even that, I was likeugh, I still didn't 51 00:03:38.719 --> 00:03:42.960 feel really good. So I kept trying. I kept like whatever, and 52 00:03:43.000 --> 00:03:46.199 I was just getting more frustrated with myself, more annoyed. Honestly, the 53 00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:51.319 weather wasn't even the best, and I think for so long I was being 54 00:03:51.400 --> 00:03:54.840 really strong that I definitely was just hitting a breaking point, and so I 55 00:03:54.879 --> 00:03:58.759 went on a walk. I was just irritated. I was annoyed. I 56 00:03:58.800 --> 00:04:00.159 was frustrated. I was getting in my head. And when you get frustrated, 57 00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:03.800 and when you get in your head and you start to spiral, sometimes 58 00:04:03.840 --> 00:04:06.439 like you just keep going into that spiral. You know, it's hard to 59 00:04:06.479 --> 00:04:11.400 pull yourself out of it. Sometimes a lot of the times that I can 60 00:04:12.319 --> 00:04:15.680 to a certain extent, but I was really going down there, and then 61 00:04:15.719 --> 00:04:18.399 I tried to do more things that were trying to like help me in a 62 00:04:18.439 --> 00:04:21.480 way, and I was triggering myself more, if I'm being honest. So 63 00:04:21.600 --> 00:04:27.600 I got to a point where I, let's say, acted out of character 64 00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:31.560 just a little bit, and I don't actually like whatever. I'll just like 65 00:04:31.680 --> 00:04:34.560 leave that till the last thing I'm going to say, because I look at 66 00:04:34.560 --> 00:04:40.279 it differently, but for how I usually deal with situations. I was like, 67 00:04:41.439 --> 00:04:45.199 ugh, like I just did something that I knew wasn't probably it was 68 00:04:45.240 --> 00:04:47.560 just gonna trigger me more, but I did it, Okay, So I 69 00:04:47.639 --> 00:04:53.800 did the thing and then I instantly regretted it and I was really annoyed, 70 00:04:53.879 --> 00:04:57.000 and like that triggered me more. And that was like I was so anxious. 71 00:04:57.439 --> 00:05:00.079 I was anxious about the action that I took, but also oh, 72 00:05:00.160 --> 00:05:03.560 I was really mad at myself because I was like, you know better, 73 00:05:03.759 --> 00:05:10.639 like very much, so why aren't you being strong enough? And then I 74 00:05:10.680 --> 00:05:14.240 had to go to hot yoga right after, which was though, literally this 75 00:05:14.279 --> 00:05:16.480 is why my day was so hard, I swear to God, was because 76 00:05:16.519 --> 00:05:20.800 not only did I completely spiral out of control and then I took action out 77 00:05:20.839 --> 00:05:26.160 of that spiral, then I had to go into the hardest hot yoga class 78 00:05:26.279 --> 00:05:30.519 ever with my feelings of anxiousness and just like wanting to run away and like 79 00:05:31.000 --> 00:05:34.560 hide in a freaking cave and just deal with the situation because that's what I 80 00:05:34.560 --> 00:05:38.439 do when I get really anxious sometimes, which is pretty rare, Like I 81 00:05:38.480 --> 00:05:40.839 don't I'm not like usually like this. I used to be like this a 82 00:05:40.920 --> 00:05:44.279 lot more when I was like always triggered about everything, but you know, 83 00:05:44.560 --> 00:05:46.959 I'm still human. So anyways, went to hot yoga. It was like 84 00:05:47.000 --> 00:05:50.600 the hardest thing, although in hindsight and even as I was going through the 85 00:05:50.600 --> 00:05:53.920 class, I was like, you know what, this is like the hardest 86 00:05:53.920 --> 00:05:56.519 feeling right now, but this is making me stronger, this is making me 87 00:05:56.560 --> 00:06:00.240 more resilient. Every other second I was thinking about the situation, and I 88 00:06:00.240 --> 00:06:01.360 was fine, and then I was not, and then I was fine, 89 00:06:01.399 --> 00:06:04.079 and then I was not. Whatever. Finally we get out of the class 90 00:06:04.079 --> 00:06:05.959 and I was like, oh my god, I did this. I did 91 00:06:05.959 --> 00:06:10.800 this. It's one like one more minute like longer, and you're gonna feel 92 00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:12.879 a little bit better, a little bit better by tonight. You're gonna be 93 00:06:12.879 --> 00:06:15.040 a little bit okay. And that's what sometimes you have to do when you're 94 00:06:15.079 --> 00:06:17.319 like spiraling or like things are just not okay, Like you genuinely have to 95 00:06:17.360 --> 00:06:20.439 talk to your inner child every three seconds, being like baby, you're gonna 96 00:06:20.439 --> 00:06:24.879 be okay, You're gonna be okay, You're gonna be okay. So I 97 00:06:24.959 --> 00:06:29.040 get a hot yoga. I feel kind of okay, but I'm like still 98 00:06:29.600 --> 00:06:32.879 like you know, annoyed, frustrated, spiraling, and then I have a 99 00:06:32.920 --> 00:06:36.600 few clients that helped me, like over the time, whatever. And then 100 00:06:38.360 --> 00:06:41.959 at the end of the night, I knew I wanted to obviously no longer 101 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:45.720 be in this spiral and be so anxious and mad at myself, and I 102 00:06:45.759 --> 00:06:47.680 knew that I wasn't gonna just completely change everything and like tomorrow I was gonna 103 00:06:47.680 --> 00:06:50.279 be a brand new person. But I did really want to address this, 104 00:06:50.319 --> 00:06:54.920 and this is what I do when I'm going through hard times. I'm very 105 00:06:55.000 --> 00:07:00.120 skilled in being able to deal with myself aka my inner child. And in 106 00:07:00.240 --> 00:07:03.839 hindsight, I'm really happy that I went through this because this was something that 107 00:07:03.920 --> 00:07:06.560 I needed to tap into more and I haven't done in a long time, 108 00:07:06.600 --> 00:07:12.000 and I think it's a good practice to do, and that is forgiving myself. 109 00:07:12.360 --> 00:07:17.399 So when I was done my work day, I was so sick and 110 00:07:17.519 --> 00:07:24.399 tired of beating myself up for doing an action based off of being human, 111 00:07:24.920 --> 00:07:28.480 okay, and I was just speaking to myself out loud. And you can 112 00:07:28.519 --> 00:07:30.720 always like journal and stuff if you want to, but at this point, 113 00:07:31.040 --> 00:07:33.519 this is when you know I'm really having a breakthrough, is when I'm speaking 114 00:07:33.560 --> 00:07:38.720 out loud to myself, Like genuinely, I usually just journal, but when 115 00:07:38.759 --> 00:07:42.120 I when I'm really going through things, it's like, literally just talk to 116 00:07:42.199 --> 00:07:46.240 the freaking wall at this point, and I was like, heaven forbid. 117 00:07:46.480 --> 00:07:48.360 It's almost like I was like yelling at somebody that wasn't me. I was 118 00:07:48.439 --> 00:07:54.959 just like preaching to the choir. Heaven forbid I mess up, quote unquote 119 00:07:55.079 --> 00:08:00.680 mess up. Heaven forbid, I take the wrong step, or I something 120 00:08:00.759 --> 00:08:03.439 that ooh, maybe I shouldn't have said, or like I did something out 121 00:08:03.439 --> 00:08:09.439 of the plan. Heaven forbid. I have human emotions, Okay, because 122 00:08:09.560 --> 00:08:13.120 this is really what it came down to. I was being so freaking strong 123 00:08:13.399 --> 00:08:18.519 and I was doing everything that I possibly could and using all the modalities that 124 00:08:18.560 --> 00:08:20.399 I had, and I'm just like being as you know, strong whatever. 125 00:08:20.680 --> 00:08:26.439 And the reality of it is is I still have emotions, I still have 126 00:08:26.600 --> 00:08:31.559 feelings. I'm still ebbing and flowing through life. Okay. So no amount 127 00:08:31.559 --> 00:08:35.240 of logic, no amount of right things to do on paper, is gonna 128 00:08:35.320 --> 00:08:39.559 change that is gonna erase the fact that I feel the way that I feel. 129 00:08:39.679 --> 00:08:45.440 This is not about excusing whatever action I did. It's not about that. 130 00:08:45.480 --> 00:08:48.360 But it's just to be like, you know what, I am no 131 00:08:48.440 --> 00:08:54.440 longer gonna be mad at myself for being human. I am not sorry for 132 00:08:54.559 --> 00:09:00.240 being human. And that's what I kind of kept looping on, like like 133 00:09:00.279 --> 00:09:03.240 an affirmation towards myself. Was like, heaven forbid, I am a freaking 134 00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:09.240 human being. I'm sorry. I am not no longer being pissed at myself 135 00:09:09.559 --> 00:09:13.039 for doing something based out of a triggered state, out of a place of 136 00:09:13.159 --> 00:09:16.120 yeah, I wasn't able to be as strong as I really quote unquote wanted 137 00:09:16.200 --> 00:09:20.159 to be. And then I tapped into this energy of you know what, 138 00:09:20.480 --> 00:09:26.679 I'm so tired of. I'm so tired of being the person who is always 139 00:09:26.000 --> 00:09:31.399 strong, who's always doing the right thing, who is always being perfect. 140 00:09:31.799 --> 00:09:35.679 I'm tired. And this is not about oh okay, I want to be 141 00:09:37.120 --> 00:09:39.559 the evil one. I want to screw up everything. I want to be 142 00:09:39.639 --> 00:09:43.320 chaotic, I want to be the crazy one. I want to mess everything 143 00:09:43.360 --> 00:09:48.519 up. It's not about that. But I am done being this person who 144 00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:54.320 is telling herself that she can never make a mistake, that she always has 145 00:09:54.360 --> 00:09:58.960 to be perfect. It doesn't even make sense. You can't possibly like even 146 00:09:58.000 --> 00:10:01.960 the strongest of strong as people break down and I like to look at myself 147 00:10:03.000 --> 00:10:05.679 as very like strong. I can get through a lot of things, like 148 00:10:05.720 --> 00:10:09.080 I can really use logic to really keep me like stable through some of the 149 00:10:09.080 --> 00:10:11.759 hardest things, which then create really good results in my life. But there 150 00:10:11.759 --> 00:10:16.000 are just times where, you know what, the situation doesn't doesn't need you 151 00:10:16.080 --> 00:10:20.840 to be strong like I want to. And I thought about this too. 152 00:10:20.879 --> 00:10:24.200 I was like, I want to live in a life where, yeah, 153 00:10:24.360 --> 00:10:26.600 you know what, sometimes my hands go up and I say I can't do 154 00:10:26.679 --> 00:10:33.440 it. I want to be in a world where I'm supported even as I 155 00:10:33.559 --> 00:10:37.399 quote unquote screw up. And if I think about this in terms of relationships 156 00:10:37.440 --> 00:10:41.960 too, like wouldn't I want to be in a relationship where there's room for 157 00:10:43.279 --> 00:10:46.679 error, there's room for forgiveness, there's room for okay, like you didn't 158 00:10:46.919 --> 00:10:52.159 like say the right thing, or you did this or that, Like I 159 00:10:52.240 --> 00:10:54.159 want to be in those type of relationships. But I can't even have that 160 00:10:54.200 --> 00:10:58.919 relationship towards myself, So I'm looking outside of me for friendships, for romance 161 00:11:00.200 --> 00:11:03.519 partners, for even like business, like everything right, content, everything, 162 00:11:03.720 --> 00:11:09.120 you have a relationship towards everything, And like I would really want, you 163 00:11:09.120 --> 00:11:13.399 know, somebody to forgive me, but I can't even forgive myself. That's 164 00:11:13.480 --> 00:11:16.519 not gonna work. That's not gonna work. I'm just gonna end up creating 165 00:11:16.600 --> 00:11:22.240 circumstances where you know it's gonna be high standards, you have to be perfect, 166 00:11:22.320 --> 00:11:24.279 and I don't want to be like that. I'm not even like that 167 00:11:24.320 --> 00:11:31.240 towards other people. I am somebody who's very forgiving. I'm somebody who unconditionally 168 00:11:31.240 --> 00:11:33.159 loves people. I blame my mom for that, but I don't really blame 169 00:11:33.200 --> 00:11:37.279 her because I think that that's like something I would never want to change about 170 00:11:37.279 --> 00:11:41.120 myself. But it's like, where's that same unconditional love for yourself, Alicia? 171 00:11:43.080 --> 00:11:48.639 And whatever you're currently going through in your life, I'm sure this advice 172 00:11:48.799 --> 00:11:52.919 is probably like hitting right now, Like just think about do you really want 173 00:11:52.919 --> 00:12:01.720 to keep going in this direction of always being strong? And I do think 174 00:12:01.720 --> 00:12:05.120 when it comes to relationships, and we're not technically talking about relationships right now, 175 00:12:05.159 --> 00:12:11.080 but like, don't you want to have somebody show up for you and 176 00:12:11.120 --> 00:12:13.759 take care of you and for you to not always have it all together? 177 00:12:13.879 --> 00:12:18.840 And you know, I think women we are always talking about feminine energy, 178 00:12:18.879 --> 00:12:22.159 and I want a masculine man, and I want somebody to provide and protect 179 00:12:22.200 --> 00:12:24.559 and take care of me. And I don't want to do this all alone. 180 00:12:24.600 --> 00:12:26.200 Blah blah blah. You cry about wanting to do that, yet you 181 00:12:26.320 --> 00:12:30.960 don't actually show up in the world like that. You don't even give people 182 00:12:31.039 --> 00:12:33.720 the opportunity to be like, Okay, let me hold a bag for you, 183 00:12:33.159 --> 00:12:37.120 like, let me be there for you, because you know why You're 184 00:12:37.159 --> 00:12:39.639 like, no matter what, I'm going to be strong and I'm not saying 185 00:12:39.720 --> 00:12:43.240 for you to drop the ball just so people can pick it up for you. 186 00:12:43.399 --> 00:12:45.240 By the end of the day. It's like, sometimes you have to 187 00:12:45.279 --> 00:12:48.120 drop the ball. Let it drop, you know what I mean. And 188 00:12:48.440 --> 00:12:52.919 another reminder that I told myself is I didn't mess anything up. And I 189 00:12:52.960 --> 00:12:58.200 think you really have to remind yourself of that when you know, whatever it 190 00:12:58.279 --> 00:13:01.879 is, if it's relationship thing, a job thing, if it's working out, 191 00:13:03.039 --> 00:13:07.039 eating healthy, like being on your shit, you gotta tell yourself you 192 00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:13.039 didn't mess it up because that's going to allow you to be able to have 193 00:13:13.159 --> 00:13:18.919 open conversations with people if you need to repair or rebuild that connection. It's 194 00:13:18.960 --> 00:13:22.360 gonna allow you to get up and continue to move on. Like if you 195 00:13:22.440 --> 00:13:24.159 look at the situation like, you messed everything up. What are you gonna 196 00:13:24.159 --> 00:13:28.679 do? You're gonna keep making the wrong decision quote unquote wrong decision. You're 197 00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:33.279 gonna, you know, probably spiral yourself into more self sabotage. If you 198 00:13:33.360 --> 00:13:35.519 think that you mess up your diet, what are you gonna do? You're 199 00:13:35.519 --> 00:13:39.000 gonna keep eating cake because you're like, oh my god, all my progress 200 00:13:39.080 --> 00:13:43.919 is lost. So there does come a bit of reminder of like, you 201 00:13:43.960 --> 00:13:46.960 didn't mess anything up, You're okay to make mistakes. Now, this really 202 00:13:48.039 --> 00:13:50.000 brings it back to like some childhood stuff for a lot of us, and 203 00:13:50.039 --> 00:13:54.000 I think for me too. It's like I always had this energy towards myself 204 00:13:54.080 --> 00:13:58.600 of like you can't mess up, you cannot mess up, and if you 205 00:13:58.639 --> 00:14:01.320 do, it means x Y, it means like you're gonna get in trouble. 206 00:14:01.320 --> 00:14:03.480 And that's why I don't want to mess things up. You know, 207 00:14:03.600 --> 00:14:07.360 like if I made a mistake or if I spoke out, or if I 208 00:14:07.440 --> 00:14:11.279 you know, did the wrong thing, I was definitely afraid of my dad 209 00:14:11.399 --> 00:14:16.960 yelling at me and getting me in trouble. So we carry that subconscious belief 210 00:14:18.039 --> 00:14:20.320 like, oh my god, if I say this thing, or if I 211 00:14:20.360 --> 00:14:22.679 do this, this person's gonna walk away. I'm gonna mess this up. 212 00:14:22.840 --> 00:14:26.799 This person's not gonna love me at the end of the day. It really 213 00:14:26.799 --> 00:14:31.720 does all come back to love. But you can't be afraid. Sometimes you 214 00:14:31.799 --> 00:14:35.600 really just can't be afraid. You have to be willing, honestly sometimes to 215 00:14:35.679 --> 00:14:37.879 be like, yeah, you know what, maybe that person's not gonna be 216 00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:41.279 happy with me. You know what, If I be myself and I be 217 00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:46.039 human and I have emotions and this person doesn't want to accept that, you 218 00:14:46.039 --> 00:14:48.039 know what, then maybe that person's not for me. And again, it's 219 00:14:48.039 --> 00:14:52.679 not about condoning you to be this chaotic mess and for you to be a 220 00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:56.960 toxic person. But the truth is you are human. I don't care how 221 00:14:56.000 --> 00:15:00.679 strong you want to say that you are. You have feelings, have emotions. 222 00:15:00.720 --> 00:15:05.519 You can only be so strong for so long. Now, if you 223 00:15:05.559 --> 00:15:09.399 struggle with forgiving yourself, I think something you also have to remind yourself of 224 00:15:09.799 --> 00:15:16.399 is the things that you most likely did that you're deeming either self sabotage or 225 00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:20.679 a mistake or something that you're like, oh, I shouldn't have done that. 226 00:15:22.039 --> 00:15:24.799 Why did you most likely do that thing? For me? Let's bring 227 00:15:24.840 --> 00:15:28.639 it back to the fact that I was completely so triggered and so anxious, 228 00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:33.399 I was in fight or flight. I was honestly in a like a trauma 229 00:15:33.480 --> 00:15:37.240 response that was like way younger than I ever am now, Like obviously, 230 00:15:37.279 --> 00:15:39.559 like this was like a young part of me that was coming online to the 231 00:15:39.600 --> 00:15:43.639 point where I literally like couldn't really like do much for her, Like I 232 00:15:43.720 --> 00:15:48.960 really tried to do as much as I could. And so I'm not gonna 233 00:15:48.960 --> 00:15:52.000 get mad. And I need you guys to stop getting mad at yourself for 234 00:15:52.080 --> 00:15:58.000 the things that you do in survival mode. You do things for a reason. 235 00:15:58.480 --> 00:16:00.960 I'm not condoning the reason, and we're not saying that it needs to 236 00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:03.600 be right. We're not saying that everyone needs to accept that. But the 237 00:16:03.639 --> 00:16:07.120 truth of the matter is, the things that you do in your life, 238 00:16:07.279 --> 00:16:11.480 you're doing it because you're triggered. You're doing it because you feel unsafe, 239 00:16:11.559 --> 00:16:15.639 You're doing it because you know you're trying to find safety, whatever it is. 240 00:16:17.679 --> 00:16:22.159 Forgive yourself for the things that you have done in survival mode. And 241 00:16:22.200 --> 00:16:25.919 I even think about this when it comes to eating, and I talk a 242 00:16:25.919 --> 00:16:29.519 lot about this in my book The Ultimate Globe Guide. Link down below get 243 00:16:29.559 --> 00:16:33.840 at your bookstores. I did a lot of self sabotaging behaviors in the form 244 00:16:33.919 --> 00:16:38.320 of binge eating, emotional eating, and I used to get so pissed off 245 00:16:38.360 --> 00:16:41.960 at myself. I used to be like, why do I keep failing? 246 00:16:41.320 --> 00:16:45.240 Why do I keep going back to these things? They're not good for me? 247 00:16:45.600 --> 00:16:48.159 And then I created this cycle of self hate, and then that led 248 00:16:48.200 --> 00:16:52.240 me into more binge eating because I just thought that I always messed things up. 249 00:16:52.919 --> 00:16:56.519 But I went to the root, and I tell you guys that in 250 00:16:56.519 --> 00:17:03.159 my book that realistically what was going on is I was driven to eating unhealthy 251 00:17:03.159 --> 00:17:07.559 foods, lots of candy all of my life because I felt unsafe in my 252 00:17:07.759 --> 00:17:12.519 environment. And that's the things that kept me safe. I was learning to 253 00:17:12.559 --> 00:17:18.440 emotionally regulate from a very young age around my father through things like candy, 254 00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:23.279 through things like being quiet and staying small, through things like going into the 255 00:17:23.319 --> 00:17:27.039 fawn response and telling like doing everything that he wanted me to do, even 256 00:17:27.079 --> 00:17:30.759 though I was uncomfortable, even though you know, I had needs that needed 257 00:17:30.759 --> 00:17:33.559 to be met, I put those to the side and I listened and I 258 00:17:33.599 --> 00:17:38.039 was a good girl, because why I was in survival mode. And when 259 00:17:38.079 --> 00:17:44.039 I really understood the reasons why I was doing the behaviors I was doing and 260 00:17:44.119 --> 00:17:48.079 learning, oh my god, I just needed more support my young self. 261 00:17:48.599 --> 00:17:52.599 She needed her mom there when she was afraid, and her mom wasn't there 262 00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:56.480 because she was working. She needed certain things in her life, affirmations, 263 00:17:56.720 --> 00:18:00.640 friends, family, more support, more, and she didn't need candy. 264 00:18:02.119 --> 00:18:03.519 That wasn't going to be the thing. But guess what, that was the 265 00:18:03.559 --> 00:18:07.799 only thing that I could find. So, you know what, thank you 266 00:18:07.960 --> 00:18:12.400 to young Alicia for doing the best she could to keep me alive. And 267 00:18:12.839 --> 00:18:15.960 I know sometimes it's hard for you to think like, okay, that's like 268 00:18:17.039 --> 00:18:22.599 survival, but genuinely, eating candy for me was me surviving. That's all 269 00:18:22.640 --> 00:18:26.039 I knew. When you're a child, when you pick up these behaviors, 270 00:18:26.240 --> 00:18:30.480 that's literally subconsciously like what you're doing for yourself. And we get mad at 271 00:18:30.480 --> 00:18:33.640 ourselves for doing these behaviors now in our adult lives because we're like, I 272 00:18:33.720 --> 00:18:37.039 know better, blah blah blah. But guess what, there's a part of 273 00:18:37.079 --> 00:18:40.799 you that does not know better. So when you are overwhelmed in your life, 274 00:18:41.200 --> 00:18:45.160 you go back to how you know how to protect you the best way 275 00:18:45.200 --> 00:18:48.240 possible. You go right into that fight or flight. And for you, 276 00:18:48.519 --> 00:18:51.279 maybe it's eating candy, or if it's binge eating, or it's suppressing your 277 00:18:51.279 --> 00:18:55.000 emotions, or maybe it's going right to text your ex or you know, 278 00:18:55.079 --> 00:18:57.599 going to party or going to alcohol, drugs, whatever it is. That's 279 00:18:57.640 --> 00:19:03.039 why we do the things we do. There's always a reason. So I 280 00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:07.640 need you to forgive yourself or the things that you've done in survival mode. 281 00:19:07.759 --> 00:19:11.599 And I think that this is important for you to understand as well, because 282 00:19:11.599 --> 00:19:15.880 then you can understand why you keep doing certain things if you've done this over 283 00:19:15.920 --> 00:19:18.880 and over again. For me personally, I knew I was just being way 284 00:19:18.920 --> 00:19:22.960 too strong for way too long and I just needed to let it out and 285 00:19:22.039 --> 00:19:26.759 I really allowed myself to and I forgave myself quite easily for that. Maybe 286 00:19:26.920 --> 00:19:32.160 you have been doing things in your life that's like been You've been doing it, 287 00:19:32.480 --> 00:19:36.200 and this is a great time for you to see. One you're doing 288 00:19:36.240 --> 00:19:41.839 things that are survival okay, Why what do you need instead? What is 289 00:19:41.880 --> 00:19:48.079 your inner child crying out for you to see? There's always something And again 290 00:19:48.240 --> 00:19:52.200 I do talk about this in my book and I give you guys journal prompts 291 00:19:52.279 --> 00:19:56.799 so you can kind of get closer to the root of your current self sabotaging 292 00:19:56.880 --> 00:20:03.160 behavior and figuring out what happen maybe that you can put in place instead of 293 00:20:03.200 --> 00:20:07.440 the current habits that you might be using for self sabotage. But at the 294 00:20:07.559 --> 00:20:10.200 end of the day, I think the best thing that's helped me be able 295 00:20:10.200 --> 00:20:14.039 to really forgive myself and like let go and move on so that I can 296 00:20:14.079 --> 00:20:19.000 continue to level up in my life is really seeing like everyone's acting out of 297 00:20:19.039 --> 00:20:25.599 their own survival. Everyone's trying to stay safe. We all have habits unfortunately 298 00:20:25.799 --> 00:20:29.799 that are keeping us safe even though they're actually not because they're unhealthy or they're 299 00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:32.920 you know, they're causing a little bit of chaos, or maybe I shouldn't 300 00:20:32.920 --> 00:20:37.759 have said that. Whatever it all is rooted back to something, and you 301 00:20:37.839 --> 00:20:41.519 need to understand that so that you can actually move forward. Now, another 302 00:20:41.559 --> 00:20:48.680 thing that can help you forgive yourself is to potentially apologize. And what I 303 00:20:48.720 --> 00:20:55.279 mean potentially is sometimes you there's not like you don't need to apologize for something 304 00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:59.680 because maybe like you didn't like actually do something to somebody. For me and 305 00:20:59.720 --> 00:21:03.519 my personal like situation that had happened, I didn't like hurt anyone like I 306 00:21:03.519 --> 00:21:07.640 didn't actually like there was no I don't need to apologize for anything that I 307 00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:11.680 did. It was more I was just mad at myself because I had this 308 00:21:11.839 --> 00:21:15.559 standard of how I should have acted and I didn't. So it was more 309 00:21:15.839 --> 00:21:22.359 just apologizing to myself, Like genuinely, I apologize to myself for even telling 310 00:21:22.440 --> 00:21:26.039 myself honestly that I have to be so strong. But just like whatever. 311 00:21:26.680 --> 00:21:30.920 So if you have done something though, and you know, maybe you're not 312 00:21:32.000 --> 00:21:37.880 proud of it or you know, like it depends obviously, like my situation 313 00:21:37.039 --> 00:21:41.160 was, you know, it was manageable. But I understand that there's things 314 00:21:41.240 --> 00:21:45.039 in your life and I can think about a lot of things in my life 315 00:21:45.079 --> 00:21:49.680 too where I was not proud of doing what I did. And there are 316 00:21:49.720 --> 00:21:56.440 people who live their lives in complete regret and hold a lot of shame for 317 00:21:56.519 --> 00:22:00.400 the things that they have done, and I understand it's really really hard. 318 00:22:00.920 --> 00:22:04.079 But this is what I'll say. This is what I'll say from somebody who's 319 00:22:04.079 --> 00:22:12.519 been really hurt by a parent who's done things that also really regrets. And 320 00:22:12.559 --> 00:22:18.480 this has helped my parent, So maybe this will help you. And not 321 00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:22.440 everyone's going to respond the same way. But I think this is still helpful. 322 00:22:22.759 --> 00:22:26.599 At some point you have to release the shame and the guilt that you 323 00:22:26.680 --> 00:22:30.440 hold based off of like what it is that you did, because at the 324 00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:33.480 end of the day, you know, you're never gonna like really not, 325 00:22:33.559 --> 00:22:37.319 you're never, but you're not gonna thrive in your life when you're constantly holding 326 00:22:37.359 --> 00:22:42.240 shame, okay, And the best thing that you can do, and the 327 00:22:42.279 --> 00:22:47.319 only thing that you can really do is try. And I don't mean try 328 00:22:47.359 --> 00:22:51.720 in terms of trying to apologize, to get somebody to see it your way 329 00:22:51.759 --> 00:22:56.000 and to forgive you and to come back to you and to like accept everything. 330 00:22:56.799 --> 00:23:03.279 But sometimes you're uote unquote mistakes or you're whatever happened does require some level 331 00:23:03.319 --> 00:23:08.240 of accountability. So if you need to take accountability, do it. And 332 00:23:08.759 --> 00:23:12.559 this is not to try and get a response from someone else, because you 333 00:23:12.599 --> 00:23:15.960 cannot be tied to what that person is going to respond to. You know, 334 00:23:17.359 --> 00:23:21.000 maybe that they're still hurt, maybe they don't like it, maybe they're 335 00:23:21.000 --> 00:23:22.839 still defensive, so they might even throw it back on you and be like, 336 00:23:22.920 --> 00:23:26.400 no, you should feel worse about yourself. But I want you to 337 00:23:26.519 --> 00:23:33.119 release that shame and that guilt because you deserve it and if you have to 338 00:23:33.720 --> 00:23:40.799 apologize and bringing it back to my circumstance of being really hurt by, you 339 00:23:40.839 --> 00:23:41.839 know, someone in my life, I've been hurt by a lot of people, 340 00:23:41.839 --> 00:23:45.200 and I'm sure I've hurt a lot of people as well. But what 341 00:23:45.279 --> 00:23:48.880 has helped me And I'm not like everyone, so I might not be the 342 00:23:48.920 --> 00:23:52.200 person that's gonna be the same as who you're gonna apologize to. But what 343 00:23:52.480 --> 00:24:00.400 really helped me be able to heal my relationship with my parents is her coming 344 00:24:00.440 --> 00:24:06.480 to me and apologizing and owning things. And it took a while, Like 345 00:24:06.519 --> 00:24:08.119 it didn't you know, you have to build trust and you have to whatever. 346 00:24:08.279 --> 00:24:14.640 But God, did it really really help me to see that my feelings 347 00:24:14.640 --> 00:24:18.200 were not invalidate, you know, like I wasn't crazy for feeling like this, 348 00:24:18.440 --> 00:24:22.799 Like I really felt the love, and I really felt the shame, 349 00:24:22.920 --> 00:24:30.720 the guilt, the regret that my parent has still for some of the things 350 00:24:30.799 --> 00:24:33.920 that I've had to go through. And now I'm a very very mature person 351 00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:40.200 and I really understand that people just do things because they're hurting. So this 352 00:24:40.240 --> 00:24:44.200 is why I'm saying, like some people are not going to really like understand 353 00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:47.480 your apology or like really like be warm, because you know, they have 354 00:24:47.519 --> 00:24:49.720 their own things and it's their own thing, like they don't need to take 355 00:24:49.720 --> 00:24:53.519 that apology if that's on them. But for me, the reason why I 356 00:24:53.559 --> 00:25:02.839 can really let somebody apologize is because I genuinely like I I understand, so 357 00:25:03.839 --> 00:25:07.880 regardless, I do think it is helpful for you and that person. If 358 00:25:07.880 --> 00:25:15.039 you need to to be a mature adult send a message. However you need 359 00:25:15.079 --> 00:25:19.000 to make a call, and it's very much so. I am so sorry 360 00:25:19.039 --> 00:25:22.960 for the things I recognize, the things that I didn't like, the way 361 00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:26.160 that I showed up, I didn't whatever. I'm working on these things X, 362 00:25:26.279 --> 00:25:32.480 Y and Z. I'm not expecting you to understand to accept it to 363 00:25:32.640 --> 00:25:37.400 anything. I just need you to know that genuinely I am sorry, and 364 00:25:37.279 --> 00:25:41.160 you're only going to be apologizing though if you really need it, don't be 365 00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:45.319 saying these things if you just want some sort of result. That's when I 366 00:25:45.440 --> 00:25:48.039 sometimes think, I'm like, I don't really know if that's like a true 367 00:25:48.079 --> 00:25:52.119 apology, but I think that once you learn how to forgive yourself and understand, 368 00:25:52.160 --> 00:25:55.960 like, wow, you know, I got to give myself more compassion 369 00:25:56.000 --> 00:25:59.759 for the things that I've done, you're better able to be able to extend 370 00:25:59.839 --> 00:26:04.279 that and face that. But when you're carrying the shame and you're hating yourself 371 00:26:04.279 --> 00:26:07.240 for things, it's no wonder sometimes that you can't show up. And I 372 00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:11.240 will say this for anyone who is currently waiting for an apology for someone else 373 00:26:11.279 --> 00:26:15.279 because you know they did you dirty, you know that they're on the wrong, 374 00:26:15.319 --> 00:26:18.240 and you're like, wow, it really hurts that they're not apologizing to 375 00:26:18.319 --> 00:26:21.640 me, like it would help me so much. Understand, if you're not 376 00:26:21.640 --> 00:26:23.880 getting an apology, most likely it's because that person's living with a lot of 377 00:26:23.960 --> 00:26:29.559 shame and guilt. And I know that doesn't make everything good because you still 378 00:26:29.559 --> 00:26:34.359 would love the apology, But I really think that that helps you on times 379 00:26:34.359 --> 00:26:37.039 where you do not get that closure, because I understand some people don't get 380 00:26:37.079 --> 00:26:41.079 that closure. And the way that I create closure for myself is understanding that 381 00:26:41.160 --> 00:26:45.319 hurt people hurt people. This is not condoning it, this is not accepting 382 00:26:45.319 --> 00:26:48.119 it. It's just unfortunately, it is what it is. So if I'm 383 00:26:48.119 --> 00:26:52.279 not getting something, I'm going to tell myself, you know what, this 384 00:26:52.319 --> 00:26:56.039 person's still hurting. Even if you want to believe that this person is so 385 00:26:56.200 --> 00:26:59.799 happy in their life, and oh, but they're over here doing this and 386 00:27:00.160 --> 00:27:03.680 don't seem like they're remorseful. You don't know a thing deep down that they're 387 00:27:03.720 --> 00:27:07.279 holding. And the reason why I'm saying that is because I've held it myself, 388 00:27:07.559 --> 00:27:12.039 and I've been around people who've really deeply held it. You really do 389 00:27:12.119 --> 00:27:17.680 not know what is going on, Okay, So hopefully that can help in 390 00:27:17.799 --> 00:27:22.240 terms of sending an apology be an adult if you have to, Like that 391 00:27:22.359 --> 00:27:26.920 might be a part of you forgiving yourself if you need to, and also 392 00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:30.759 maybe creating closure for yourself if you're not getting it right now. And my 393 00:27:30.920 --> 00:27:37.720 last reminder would be this, whether you did something to the point where you 394 00:27:37.799 --> 00:27:41.200 have to apologize to someone or you didn't like me like, I don't have 395 00:27:41.240 --> 00:27:48.079 to apologize, really, whatever it is, understand that you are working on 396 00:27:48.400 --> 00:27:56.480 years of limiting beliefs, changing, evolving, getting out of patterns, healing 397 00:27:56.559 --> 00:28:00.079 from trauma. At the end of the day, Okay, so you are 398 00:28:00.119 --> 00:28:04.319 not going to have perfect days. You're just not. And I know so 399 00:28:04.480 --> 00:28:07.599 bad you want to, and I know you get mad at yourself sometimes when 400 00:28:07.640 --> 00:28:11.440 you're like, oh, I didn't wake up and have my morning routine perfectly, 401 00:28:11.559 --> 00:28:15.519 or I didn't go to the gym and I had this bad, crappy 402 00:28:15.559 --> 00:28:18.200 mental health day, or I acted out of this way and I should have 403 00:28:18.240 --> 00:28:22.599 been stronger. I get it. But the end of the day, you 404 00:28:22.920 --> 00:28:26.759 are working on yourself. There are gonna be days where you just your self 405 00:28:26.759 --> 00:28:30.240 concept's not perfect, you don't have all the confidence in the world. You 406 00:28:30.279 --> 00:28:34.000 break down even though you logically shouldn't be breaking down right now, X Y 407 00:28:34.039 --> 00:28:37.880 and Z. Remind yourself of that, and that's what I had to remind 408 00:28:37.920 --> 00:28:40.480 myself of too, And that's what allowed me to be like, you know 409 00:28:40.519 --> 00:28:44.519 what, Heaven forbid, I'm a freaking normal human being who's you know, 410 00:28:44.640 --> 00:28:48.799 working on herself every single day and getting up and all of this kind of 411 00:28:48.799 --> 00:28:52.480 stuff. I'm taking responsibility in my life. I'm doing everything that I possibly 412 00:28:52.519 --> 00:28:56.599 can do. Okay, There's just gonna be days where it's not perfect. 413 00:28:56.799 --> 00:29:00.519 You are trying to literally change who you are as a person. You're trying 414 00:29:00.519 --> 00:29:03.880 to be a better person. You're trying to respond to things in better ways. 415 00:29:03.920 --> 00:29:07.880 You're trying to grow, You're trying to be more mature. You know, 416 00:29:07.920 --> 00:29:11.279 you're trying not to be so anxious all the time, take care of 417 00:29:11.359 --> 00:29:15.680 yourself more because you haven't been. You're trying to do all of these things, 418 00:29:15.000 --> 00:29:18.480 it's inevitable that you're going to slip up. It's inevitable that you're going 419 00:29:18.559 --> 00:29:22.960 to fall down and like, oh shit, Like that was not what I 420 00:29:22.119 --> 00:29:27.079 was meant to do like that, And I think it's really important because that, 421 00:29:27.680 --> 00:29:32.799 really, that perspective really allows you to continue to get back up, 422 00:29:33.279 --> 00:29:34.319 right because at the end of the day, we do have to get back 423 00:29:34.400 --> 00:29:37.319 up. We are people who want to create our own dream life. We 424 00:29:37.359 --> 00:29:41.319 want to have great relationships, we want to have great X, Y and 425 00:29:41.440 --> 00:29:47.119 Z. And that led me to today, I feel so much better than 426 00:29:47.160 --> 00:29:52.319 I did last night. And honestly, I knew that I needed to go 427 00:29:52.400 --> 00:29:56.359 through all of that because one, what a great message to share to you 428 00:29:56.400 --> 00:30:02.319 guys. But two, that really was a piece of the puzzle that I 429 00:30:02.599 --> 00:30:06.960 needed in order to become the person that I am trying to become in my 430 00:30:07.039 --> 00:30:10.799 own life right now. And I talk about this all the time, and 431 00:30:10.839 --> 00:30:11.920 nobody wants to hear it when you're going through it, because it's like, 432 00:30:11.960 --> 00:30:15.680 I don't want this fucking piece Thank you like, just give me the puzzle 433 00:30:15.799 --> 00:30:22.759 done. But if you are trying to be the best version of yourself, 434 00:30:22.799 --> 00:30:29.599 you want that dream house, dream car, dream job, dream friendship, 435 00:30:30.039 --> 00:30:36.799 romantic partnership, everything, It's literally gonna require you to be more loving to 436 00:30:36.839 --> 00:30:41.000 yourself, to be more kind to yourself, to learn that you're gonna be 437 00:30:41.079 --> 00:30:44.880 safe even when you mess up. It's just gonna require you to do that. 438 00:30:45.160 --> 00:30:48.880 It really is at the end of the day. And sometimes you were 439 00:30:48.920 --> 00:30:52.240 trying to be that person or trying to get to that person by being the 440 00:30:52.279 --> 00:31:00.720 old version of us who is a perfectionist and who never lets herself cry or 441 00:31:00.799 --> 00:31:03.240 never lets yourself like be a human being, And it just doesn't even make 442 00:31:03.319 --> 00:31:08.519 sense. So when it comes to forgiving yourself, it's gonna take some time, 443 00:31:08.599 --> 00:31:12.240 depending on whatever it is that you're currently going through. Give yourself grace, 444 00:31:12.359 --> 00:31:18.359 give yourself time. You did not miss anything up, Okay. I 445 00:31:18.440 --> 00:31:21.799 just want to like reiterate that, because that was like the message that like 446 00:31:21.880 --> 00:31:23.680 I really needed to hear, is like, you didn't mess anything up, 447 00:31:25.160 --> 00:31:30.640 okay, And during this moment, focus on yourself. You are your number 448 00:31:30.839 --> 00:31:37.000 one priority. Sometimes when we think that we've messed up or we're not doing 449 00:31:37.039 --> 00:31:45.119 good enough. We really like run away from ourselves, and actually what we 450 00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:48.400 need is to come so much more closer to ourselves, Like we need to 451 00:31:48.440 --> 00:31:53.119 give ourselves a big hug. We need to speak words of affirmation into us. 452 00:31:53.319 --> 00:31:56.799 We need to remind ourselves we do not need to be perfect. Nothing 453 00:31:56.839 --> 00:32:00.799 in life requires us to be perfect. That is just an illusion. We 454 00:32:00.839 --> 00:32:05.079 don't need to and at the end of the day, just come inwards. 455 00:32:05.160 --> 00:32:08.039 It's not about running away from the situation and hiding and being like, oh, 456 00:32:08.079 --> 00:32:13.440 I'm so ashamed, and like distancing yourself from people. Whatever. If 457 00:32:13.519 --> 00:32:15.519 you have to say story, you have to say sorry this that detach from 458 00:32:15.519 --> 00:32:20.960 the situation, whatever it is for a moment, pour into yourself, build 459 00:32:21.000 --> 00:32:23.400 yourself back up, because right now you're probably feeling a little bit crappy about 460 00:32:23.400 --> 00:32:27.519 yourself. Like I'm not gonna lie like, did I feel the best about 461 00:32:27.519 --> 00:32:30.279 myself like the past like day and a half. No, So I knew 462 00:32:30.279 --> 00:32:34.799 what I needed to do after I realized, heaven forbid, I'm a freaking 463 00:32:34.880 --> 00:32:37.160 human being. I'm going to forgive myself. I'm gonna like let myself like 464 00:32:37.279 --> 00:32:40.480 be a normal human being. I was like, Okay, I got to 465 00:32:40.480 --> 00:32:43.880 rebuild myself up right now though, because I lost a little bit of my 466 00:32:43.920 --> 00:32:47.599 confidence, you know, I lost a little bit of my I don't know. 467 00:32:49.000 --> 00:32:52.240 I just think sometimes like when we make a mistake, especially when it 468 00:32:52.240 --> 00:32:53.880 comes to like other I don't know, in relation to other people. I 469 00:32:53.920 --> 00:32:59.039 think that's always kind of how it is. We're just like we're really vulnerable, 470 00:33:00.039 --> 00:33:02.799 and it's almost like you're in this energy of like this young kid who 471 00:33:04.359 --> 00:33:07.759 is like, oh my god, like I'm so bad, Like I'm so 472 00:33:07.880 --> 00:33:10.799 bad and I'm so wrong. So when your inner child is feeling like, 473 00:33:10.799 --> 00:33:13.720 oh my god, I'm so bad, I'm so wrong. Everyone hates me, 474 00:33:13.759 --> 00:33:15.920 Da da da, what is it? What does your inner child need 475 00:33:15.960 --> 00:33:17.880 at that point? Right your inner child needs to hear no, no, 476 00:33:17.880 --> 00:33:21.079 no, no no. You're great, you're beautiful, you're amazing, you're 477 00:33:21.119 --> 00:33:23.119 whatever. You didn't do anything wrong. Like everything's gonna be fine. You 478 00:33:23.160 --> 00:33:25.599 know, yes, this person might be mad over here, but it's gonna 479 00:33:25.599 --> 00:33:30.920 be fine. You're a good person. You aren't like inherently a bad person 480 00:33:30.960 --> 00:33:34.519 for doing this thing. Let's take your mind off of this thing. You 481 00:33:34.519 --> 00:33:37.599 know, we've been ruminating on it for so long. What can we do 482 00:33:37.680 --> 00:33:39.000 in this moment. What do you need that's going to make you feel happy? 483 00:33:39.039 --> 00:33:42.599 Do we need to play over here? Do we need to pour into 484 00:33:42.680 --> 00:33:44.960 ourselves? Do we need to get our minds off of it? And like, 485 00:33:45.599 --> 00:33:47.960 really, in our adult lives, it's really all about routine, right, 486 00:33:49.400 --> 00:33:52.160 not focusing on anything else. Stop ruminating and thinking about a million things 487 00:33:52.160 --> 00:33:55.039 that you can't change right now or the things that are quote unquote messed up. 488 00:33:55.039 --> 00:34:00.880 If you still can't think about it differently, focus on yourself love affirmations 489 00:34:00.920 --> 00:34:05.480 in the morning, go to sleep with a night meditation all about self love 490 00:34:05.519 --> 00:34:07.559 and your child healing. Pour back into yourself. You're a little bit drained 491 00:34:07.639 --> 00:34:12.320 right now. Go take a freaking breath work class, Go to yoga, 492 00:34:12.480 --> 00:34:15.440 go out for a hawk girl walk. Listen to a podcast that's gonna inspire 493 00:34:15.480 --> 00:34:17.960 you again, that's gonna motivate you again. Go on Pinterest, Get off 494 00:34:17.960 --> 00:34:22.719 of toxic social media. Stop listening to people who are talking a bunch of 495 00:34:22.760 --> 00:34:25.800 crap and like being really negative because I think sometimes like also depending on your 496 00:34:25.800 --> 00:34:30.199 mental diet, like even if it has nothing to do with like what your 497 00:34:30.239 --> 00:34:35.159 situation is at hand, I don't know, Sometimes like negative things can can 498 00:34:35.199 --> 00:34:39.639 really trigger you when you're in this vulnerable state, Like anyone talking about specific 499 00:34:39.679 --> 00:34:44.599 things or non specific things will trigger you. So just be very gentle with 500 00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:47.519 yourself and be very loving. Like if that means like you're not listening to 501 00:34:47.519 --> 00:34:51.719 any self improvement right now, or you're not listening to any whatever that's triggering 502 00:34:51.719 --> 00:34:54.360 you, like, go watch freaking flogs. You know what I did is 503 00:34:54.599 --> 00:35:00.119 I couldn't really like I wasn't able to like focus and like do my work 504 00:35:00.119 --> 00:35:01.679 after this, even though I kind of like settled down a little bit, 505 00:35:02.639 --> 00:35:08.599 I went on YouTube and I started watching Madeline Urgee. I think that's how 506 00:35:08.639 --> 00:35:12.159 you say her name. She's the one that's dating Central c And if you 507 00:35:12.239 --> 00:35:14.519 guys are ogs, you know that I was obsessed with Central Cee. I'm 508 00:35:14.519 --> 00:35:17.119 not obsessed with them anymore. Honestly, I'm not obsessed with them anymore. 509 00:35:17.519 --> 00:35:20.159 But I do love him. I do love him, but like, I'm 510 00:35:20.159 --> 00:35:25.840 not obsessed. She has a YouTube. She's like a like a new version 511 00:35:25.880 --> 00:35:30.920 of Emma Chamberlain. Sorry, well she's not a new version, but she 512 00:35:30.079 --> 00:35:35.239 gives off Emma Chamberlain vibes. I like her a lot, so anyways, 513 00:35:36.239 --> 00:35:38.800 her vlogs I don't know why they were doing it for me. So I 514 00:35:38.880 --> 00:35:42.960 ended up watching those bogs until I went to sleep. And then I went 515 00:35:43.000 --> 00:35:45.800 to sleep with like a self love meditation, like an eight hour self love 516 00:35:45.880 --> 00:35:52.119 meditation, and I woke up feeling so much better, And I wrote in 517 00:35:52.159 --> 00:35:54.559 my notes app, I journaled, I spoke to myself and I just kept 518 00:35:54.679 --> 00:36:00.519 letting it out and I literally spent as much time as my inner child needed 519 00:36:00.840 --> 00:36:06.599 before I went to bed, like speaking words of love and affirmation into me, 520 00:36:07.280 --> 00:36:09.159 Like that's like what I did. It was like I asked myself, 521 00:36:09.800 --> 00:36:14.239 do I feel complete? Like can I go to sleep? Or do I 522 00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:16.679 feel like I'm still anxious and I'm still worrying. If that's the case, 523 00:36:16.719 --> 00:36:20.480 okay, well obviously you've got to go to sleep eventually. But I was 524 00:36:20.519 --> 00:36:22.679 like, okay, what do I need to tell myself again and again and 525 00:36:22.760 --> 00:36:28.480 again. And it was just self love affirmations like I'm not a bad person, 526 00:36:28.920 --> 00:36:31.079 I am allowed to mess up, I didn't do anything wrong, and 527 00:36:31.119 --> 00:36:36.000 I'm not gonna be sorry for this. I did this, this, and 528 00:36:36.039 --> 00:36:38.320 this, Like maybe for you, it's like reminding yourself, Okay, you're 529 00:36:38.320 --> 00:36:43.760 gonna apologize, you understand why you did that. You're gonna be changing moving 530 00:36:43.800 --> 00:36:45.880 forward. You're gonna give yourself grace, whatever you need. It's like you 531 00:36:46.000 --> 00:36:49.599 have to talk to your inner child, because you're inner child's really the one 532 00:36:49.639 --> 00:36:52.400 that's coming online right now and freaking the f out. So it's like, 533 00:36:52.480 --> 00:36:54.280 be with yourself, be there for yourself, pour into yourself. You're your 534 00:36:54.360 --> 00:36:58.760 number one priority right now, and over time you'll feel better. Okay, 535 00:36:59.119 --> 00:37:02.880 So I hope this episode helped in any way. Please let me know what 536 00:37:02.880 --> 00:37:07.320 you would like to hear next. Don't forget to subscribe to this channel. 537 00:37:07.360 --> 00:37:10.280 If you're watching on YouTube, and if you're on the podcast, then you 538 00:37:10.280 --> 00:37:15.360 can let me know what episodes you want to see or hear next. And 539 00:37:15.719 --> 00:37:21.559 if you want to, you can give me a review on Spotify preferably five 540 00:37:21.599 --> 00:37:24.280 stars. That would be lovely if you love the podcast. If you love 541 00:37:24.320 --> 00:37:28.039 it, okay, that's it. I will see you guys in the next 542 00:37:28.039 --> 00:37:28.840 one. Bye.