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Welcome to soft Core History. What
is up? Welcome back to soft Core

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History. I am your host for
the week, Rob Fox. I am

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joined as always by Jake Goldman and
Dan Regester. I forget you have hair?

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Mean he always wears a hat.
Me. You're taking to him?

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Rob? Oh, you are talking? He gives me ship for that constantly.

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He has a great head of hair
on. He does have good hair.

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How am I like the least attractive
person on the podcast? Now?

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Rob's a hot? Dude? You're
hot? Now, dude, I'm hot?

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Or unemployed? I've been saying it
forever. Oh, yeah, you're

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unemployed. I don't think people know
that. Oh I'm very unemployed. Yeah,

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so please subscribe to our Patreon Patreon
dot com slash software history. This

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that's Jake's first job. Now,
yeah, that's Jake's first job. Income.

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This is podcast. My god,
you're gonna hear more desperate Jake.

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You're gonna hear probably an EDGI or
Drake, which I like, I enjoy.

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Yeah. Uh God. If anyone's
ever listened to me throughout my entire

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podcasting career, I've had like so
many chops. I know it's insane.

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You're getting too comfortable. You mean
too. You can tell when you've been

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at a job too long me personally, Yeah, your your attitude changes.

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What is it? You're squishy?
You do have like a Chandler being situation

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too, where someone was like,
what's Jake do for a living? I'm

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like, I have no idea.
There was There was literally a point where

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I was doing Import Export, which
was insane Costanza that was like Castando worked

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for the Yankees. Bro. Yeah, but he also I thought was an

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import export. I thought that was
Chandler. I don't know know the whole

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joke was. No one ever knew
what Chandler. I thought the whole joke

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was it was import export. Who
knows, I don't know. I don't

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I don't watch the show. I
didn't watched enough either, but yeah,

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Patreon dot com last off core three
five dollars a month gets you two extra

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episodes a week and then obviously an
entire giant back catalog of content. So

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that's all evergreen. So you know, five dollars gets you just like an

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infinite content of fucking an intimate infinite
and if you really want catalog of content,

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that's what I say. Also like
and leave a review on Apple.

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That'd be sweet if you did that
with plenty of content to stroke your dick

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too. Oh yeah, really that's
how we're selling it now. I mean,

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attack all angles, baby, whatever
we gotta do whatever market. Do

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you think there's just one listener out
there that's like, whatever it is,

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our fucking dumb voices do the a
SMR thing for them. Someone's at least

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came to us, you think,
so, Yeah, someone did tell it

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just happening on in the back.
Oh, it just popped on when they

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were having sex, yeah, right, or masturbating like mid stroke. He

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think he was having sex with his
wife. He was like mid you know,

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stroke, And all of a sudden
it went from like I don't know,

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let's just say I hope it was
the Patreon edition and it was just

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me or just hit it. He
busted to the Slackerman. The Slackerman voice

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came and he just immediately busted at
or that'd be good that or Jimmy,

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it's gotta be one of those one
of the voices that Rob does. Yeah,

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one of my many cartoonish I.
I just want to be a voice

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actor now. I think that's like
my main goal. He should be.

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I don't know why or not.
We just bait you into doing them half

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the time. I know it's just
like yeah, but I mean the second

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I learned how to animate, it'll
be pretty useless because A I'll do it.

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We should just make That's what I'm
waiting for, when A I can

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do when I can just be like, hey, I don't know, fucking

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Alexa, make me this cartoon any
of this, and then I can just

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I'm completely done learning skill sets.
I don't need it. Do you think

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like AI voice actors and AI writers
can like create enough of a buffer for

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slurs to be reintroduced back into comedy
slur for AI, Yeah, it depends

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on whose voice it is. So
you could probably get somebody from like you

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get like John Wayne, and he
would say a slur. Yeah, yeah,

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yeah, it's okay if John Wayne, John Wayne would say all this,

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and that's not one of my voices. I don't have. I don't

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have Wayne in the cattle because,
like you were just talking about this the

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other day, like the Cartman thing
where it's like Cartman's so bad and people

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hate that people love him. Where
we talking about that on air? I

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can't remember? Yeah, yeah,
how people people get annoyed at at like

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raunchy jokes or like I guess,
like mean spirited jokes like paging doctor uh

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faggot from hangover Hangover. I mean
that's what they say. Sorry, that's

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what they say. And anyway,
people are like dots funny. That's a

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nobody said that back then though.
Everybody everyone well. But the thing though,

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is that people forgets like the character
bad characters is a piece of ships,

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giants, a piece with all the
characters in all the sunny that's how

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you get away with it character.
But then people get angry because they're like,

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but they're funny, and so people
like them, and so people forget

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that they're a piece of ship.
Yeah, it's I mean, what are

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you supposed to write an unwatchable character? Right? Right? You're gonna put

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a character who sucks in there and
make them uninteresting and lame. Those people

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exist in real life though, like
just total scumbags that you hang out with

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because they're funny. There are there
are scumbags, like total dirt bags I

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met my life that you can give
as friends you've had from like ten years

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ago a pass because they've just they've
been around. Yeah, you wouldn't bring

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a kid around him, but like
funny as ship. Yeah, I love

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that. He's still good time.
He's a party guy. Yeah, he's

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definitely a party guy. He's like
he's like twenty eight, fat and terrible

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hair, but just can crush a
Miller lit like with the best of them.

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Doesn't have to be fat. He
could just be a piece of shit

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in shape as well. You could
be in shape too. This are you

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just saying you're a piece of shit
friend? Though? No? Okay,

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yeah that sounded like you're being defensive. You have to be fat fat,

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he'd be like pretty hot. He
could be like blonde and cute. I

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don't want to reach the point where
I've given up on my prospects of being

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an okay human being. I think
you're fine. Yeah, yeah, I

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don't worry about I'm not punting on
that yet. Yeah, good for you.

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Give it eight years thirty eight a
window, no like forty forty Yeah,

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anyway, lets get into the day's
episod. So, you know,

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there's some days I like to like
weave a narrative and tell a story,

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you know, go through somebody's life
or an event and be like, dude,

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you know these look at all these
threads that came together really weave a

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web. I feel like I like
to do that. Right, Today's not

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one of those days. Today you're
like, I don't want to work.

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Well, last night I didn't.
I had intended to work, But like

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Jake, I too need money and
need you to subscribe to the Patreon and

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shit because if my fucking kid had
to go to the er last night with

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RSV, which I hate a billion
times more than COVID, which kid Finn,

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Finn had to go to the er
or your guy? Is he okay?

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Yeah, he's fine. He didn't
stay, he didn't have to stay

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the night like Rory did last year. So well, tougher stock Finn.

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We've always said that, you know, it's the kid you'd pay least attention

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to, so stronger, stronger,
stronger. Yeah, he's like a rubar,

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but he's almost being raised by wolves
at this point. He does.

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Yeah, well, our dogs Jack
do a lot of Jack and Leo do

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a lot out of it, and
they they do, the three of them

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fight over food. Yeah, because
Rory's just like an attention how Yeah,

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me and me and me and my
wife feed Rory still as Finn sits in

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the corner eat gnawing on chicken bones
with he probably went to the hospital US

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or with scurvy. Uh No,
he gets plenty of vitamincy because we just

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throw berries into the corner. Yeah, the dog corner where he is.

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You just fill his dog bowl full
of caprice son. Yeah, he loves

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it. He's babies love caprice son. But yeah, so we got another

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sweet er bill coming. I like, seriously, dude, I tweeted this

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the other day, but it's like, it's like the holidays start to suck

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ass when you have kids, just
because it's the season that everyone has a

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thousand fucking diseases. Yeah, that's
true. Everyone does get sicker. I

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remember, like I didn't get sick
for like fifteen years, really yeah,

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and then I had kids, and
every like thing ever I got again,

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every fucking thing. As a like, it's thankfully I'm just wolver Everything just

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heals within like thirty seconds. No, it doesn't. If you spent a

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fucking two weeks with my kids right
now, I think I'd be fine,

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You'll be dead. You'll be like
the first time I got sick from a

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kid flush with white blood cells.
Kids do get you the sickest, so

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much so that they attacked my white
blood cells attack each other. You don't

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even know that's cancer. I think
that's cross Oh cuss those aides. Uh

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when you don't have white blood cells, Oh they go away. Uh So

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fuck R s V and fuck you
know, working really hard. I didn't

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writ last night. I don't write
well when i'm like because I didn't know

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if I was gonna have to go
go meet my wife, and plenty of

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time at the hospital. So dude, that's the worst place to write.

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Trust me, I was there for
five days. You're not inspired, No,

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the fucking opposite of inspired. Inspired
to just like hang myself on like

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one of the heart monitors like chords
and just being just leave. That's how

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I want to leave through the morgue. But today we are doing a fun

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topic that I'm pretty excited about.
Not inspired by your an episode. Actually

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I kind of just randomly went on
a rabbit hole, down a rabbit hole.

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And but today we're doing the worst
botched executions in history. Oh hell

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yeah. Now, obviously these are
the worst really recorded botched extra sure history.

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I'm sure you know when when the
Aztecs were cutting out two hundred thousand

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hearts a day or whatever it was. They probably missed a few times.

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Yeah, everybody knows they killed two
hundred and fifty thousand people a year.

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Yes, that's right. Yeah,
no, I think they couldn't have missed.

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They were so efficient to get through
all those people. There's a robot

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at that. Yeah. Yeah,
it's kind of like car efficient. Build

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a butcher, like he just knows, you know, that's killed. That's

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whatever. But it must lose all
of its joy when you're going through that

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many bodies. It has to look
at all these people that like leave sports

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early because they're like, I don't
love it anymore. Yeah, it's not

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it's work to me. Yeah.
Uh. A lot of the executioners here,

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I'm not necessarily sure they loved their
jobs either. Certainly this first executioner

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didn't. Although we'll talk about the
person executed. Really, we begin with

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Margaret Pole, the Countess of Salisbury
in fifteen forty one in England. We

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don't need to get into her whole
backstory, but suffice it to say she

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ended up quite literally on the chopping
block, because you know, she's mixed

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up with Henry the Eighth and the
whole Catholic versus Protestant situation in England.

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Right, So it's a rough one
to be mixed up. Don't want to

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be mixed up in that. She
was not a wife. She was not

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a wife. She wasn't like Anne
Bolan or anything like that. She was

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just found herself on the wrong side
of things. It's a rough, rough

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break. So she was kind of
controversial for a while when she was in

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the court. Took care of one
of Henry's child, Mary, who would

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later be executed herself in a botched
execution. Actually was her actual name poll

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or was it like given to her
because no, she was a stripper or

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something. No, No, Margaret
Pole real name far as I know,

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just checking the old medieval poll.
Yeah, haul, that's strip club.

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Like would a medieval strip club even
be like the awful? I think it's

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just like tits out, probably just
clogging on a table more. Yeah,

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I imagine it's whatever Game of Thrones
brothel you see. Yeah, essentially just

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that's grief. So she uh eventually
found herself arrested after the I don't know

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then that time period of England's version
of the Feds, UH just planted evidence

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in her home specifically a tunic bearing
the five Wounds of Christ, which allegedly

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symbolized her support her support of the
Catholic Church. This is actually what put

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m I six on the map.
This was their first big first case.

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Yeah, the FBI had Dillinger,
my six had this bit Margaret Pole.

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No one knows how far back am
I six goes, but they think it's

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this. Yeah, yeah, they
do. A lot of people, a

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lot of people are saying that.
Yeah. They said that she supported the

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Catholic Church and also the rule of
her son Reginald and the king, who

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is I guess married to the King's
Catholic daughter Mary. Mary was the daughter

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of Henry the eighth and Catherine of
Aragon or whatever. H Spanish who think

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she was Spanish anyway, and Catholic. So anyway, I could tell you

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didn't do much research on this episode. I'm pretty sure I just got that,

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all right. It just doesn't really
matter. We're trying to get to

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the point of the story here,
which is the botched execution. So she

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was arrested and sent to the Tower
of London, the infamous Tower of London,

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uh, where she lived for two
years with her grandson Henry just in

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a fucking in the Tower. I
think people still live in the Tower of

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London. Actually I think it's a
museum now, No, but I think,

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yeah, I think there's still people
that live there. Like that's a

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that's a part of a lordship,
Like that's a piece of like you're the

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lord of the tower. Oh really, Yeah, I think that's like I

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guess one you've lived there, like
that's your estate. Yeah, you're that

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specific like slice of nobility. It
is nice though, when I turn a

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full fledged like terrible, horrific prison
into like a tourist attraction. Yeah,

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Philly does that with Eastern State Penitentiary. Uh. One I've always wanted to

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go to is the I believe there's
like a French revolution. Best feel yes

203
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,279
that, Yeah, I want to
go there. Best you'll be sick.

204
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:28,240
I would love to go to Alcatraz
for that matter. Yeah, yeah,

205
00:13:28,279 --> 00:13:31,919
for sure, for like a tech
party, that would be I was this

206
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:35,000
close to getting to go to a
party on Alcatraz when I was in San

207
00:13:35,039 --> 00:13:41,840
Francisco for the Super Bowl. Man
the Broncos panthers on, Like Annheuser couldn't

208
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:46,000
lock down fucking Alcatraz rock, I
guess not. Man, I was pissed.

209
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,120
I was like, dude, I
want to rage. I want to

210
00:13:48,159 --> 00:13:52,240
fucking it would be so cold do
coke on Alcatraz. There were probably people

211
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:56,600
that had died in there for having
cocaine, and then I could have just

212
00:13:56,639 --> 00:14:00,759
been doing cocaine. Alcatraz might have
actually been done before cocaine was illegal.

213
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:07,080
Oh yeah, damn, Like cocaine
wasn't illegal I think until like mid nineteen

214
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:11,320
hundreds, and then when you're on
all the cocaine, you probably just try

215
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,759
to like test whether or not you
could swim back. Dude. Yeah,

216
00:14:13,759 --> 00:14:18,639
absolutely in those cold shark infested waters. First thing you're thinking when you're on

217
00:14:18,639 --> 00:14:20,000
a bunch of coke, because I'm
sorry, are they shark infested? Yes,

218
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,240
there's pretty very much. So.
Yeah, it's where a lot of

219
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:26,399
great whites are. Not only did
people die of hypothermia trying to escape and

220
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,240
like swim off the rock. But
yeah, that was like kind of the

221
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:31,799
big thing was you're gonna get eaten
by a shark, like a great white

222
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:33,960
shark will eat I mean there's a
lot of seals there. It makes sense,

223
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,279
I guess, Yeah, a lot
of prey, a lot of sad

224
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:41,120
the jumpers a gang of seals beat
the fuck out of you and the water.

225
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,080
Dude, seals are mean, you
don't want to fuck. When I

226
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,200
was in Hawaii for my honeymoon,
there was like a monk seal swimming around.

227
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:50,679
What you're doing snorkeling and there was
a monk seal kind of like a

228
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:54,600
little away ways away, and they
didn't really know if it was gonna swim

229
00:14:54,759 --> 00:14:56,600
nearest or not. We were still
allowed to go on the water and shit,

230
00:14:56,639 --> 00:15:01,159
but they're like, if the seal
should happen to come relatively near you,

231
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:07,240
do not engage with it. It
will fuck you up. That's hilarious.

232
00:15:07,279 --> 00:15:11,200
Do not. Yeah, it's like
a deer, a deer in the

233
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,080
water. We're like, you don't
want to get too close to a buck

234
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:16,799
because you will just that will fuck
you up. Y. Yeah, Well,

235
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,399
first off, a monk seal is
seven to seven and a half feet

236
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:22,960
long. Fuck that that doesn't sound
right. That's too big. Yeah,

237
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,519
it is seven and a half feet
long for a seal, and they can

238
00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:31,240
weigh up to five hundred pounds.
That's a walrus. Yeah, that's a

239
00:15:31,279 --> 00:15:35,799
toothless walrus. I don't even know
what is it? Like? Wait,

240
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,519
Like it's like if it gets close
to you, don't engage, does it

241
00:15:37,559 --> 00:15:41,279
like get in your face, Like, what do you mean, Uh,

242
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,000
don't try to get its attention,
I guess, don't go up to it

243
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:46,679
or anything like just ignore it.
You just ignore it. Yeah, don't

244
00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:48,919
be funny if it like tried to
all like to like get it, you

245
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,120
though. Yeah, he's gonna work
a jab. He's got no defense.

246
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,720
I think I'm just gonna point in
the death. I think. No,

247
00:15:54,799 --> 00:15:58,960
that thing's gonna kill you. Not
the fuck seven foot seal now in the

248
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,960
water, Nah, Dan, you're
done. I'm great in the water.

249
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,360
You're not. There's no way.
One of the best. I don't know

250
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:10,600
if you remember Dan stories of swimming
drunk out as far as he could into

251
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:14,440
the ocean, swimming back here.
So that's pretty dumb in the water,

252
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:18,679
which makes them strong in the water. So she had several servants up there

253
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,440
too, who you know, we're
waiting on her and everything. She just

254
00:16:21,559 --> 00:16:25,679
wasn't allowed to leave. It's just
living her her life as a countess.

255
00:16:25,799 --> 00:16:26,879
But just in the Tower of London. You know, if you're in prison,

256
00:16:27,279 --> 00:16:32,559
but your noble, I guess,
even if you're accused of treason,

257
00:16:33,399 --> 00:16:38,200
you get to live an okay life. But then one day someone showed up

258
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,279
to her cell and was like,
hey, uh, in an hour,

259
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:47,000
we're gonna kill you. Sure.
It's a terrible bedside manner. Yeah right.

260
00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:49,559
And she was like, uh,
well I haven't even had a trial,

261
00:16:51,159 --> 00:16:56,039
and also I didn't do anything.
Hey guy, get this yeah,

262
00:16:56,159 --> 00:16:57,480
yeah, no, what do you
mean. They were like, uh,

263
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:03,880
okay, see you in an hour. Jokes on you. Yeah. So

264
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:08,839
it turns out that the day they
chose to go up and say hey,

265
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,640
you're getting killed in an hour,
it was a really really bad day to

266
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:18,079
be executed. Windy worse than well
no, well maybe probably some hail.

267
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,319
No, it was just that,
Uh, it was a shitty day because

268
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:27,400
the the executioner he's on vacation.
He wasn't there. Yeah, he was

269
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,559
up north dealing with rebels. I
don't know what that means, but he

270
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,920
was killing rebels. Yeah, probably
had a whole slew of prisoners there to

271
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:37,799
kill, so they had to,
uh, they had to play the backup.

272
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,279
It's pretty sick though, to be
the executioner during war. A lot

273
00:17:41,319 --> 00:17:45,240
of work. Yeah, but you're
sitting on the hillside waiting for the battle

274
00:17:45,279 --> 00:17:51,519
to band. Yeah, getting a
hoarding for pow. Here's dude's pad and

275
00:17:51,559 --> 00:17:56,000
stats. Fucking all the reward,
none of the risk. Yeah sure,

276
00:17:56,079 --> 00:17:59,200
yeah, I guess so. Was
a guy in a hood like all right,

277
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:03,599
boys, bring it back? So
they had to play the backup exit.

278
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:07,599
The other side just targets him like
a fucking medic. What the executioner?

279
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:11,000
Why? Although really though, if
you're already captured, it's it would

280
00:18:11,039 --> 00:18:14,440
be worse to not have the guy
who knows how to chop your head off

281
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:19,160
good, As Margaret Pole soon found
out, they just pull a guy off

282
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:25,359
the streets, dude. So the
guy was described the backup was described as

283
00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:29,880
a wretched blundering youth. So they
just handed a kid an axe, a

284
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,559
wretched blundering youth. We found the
scraggliest, lankiest boy we could find,

285
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:38,839
who looks like Bye, Oot the
fox, it's like him. Yeah,

286
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,920
you'd be chopping on a woman's head
off today, Hold on, not much

287
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:47,319
chopping the head, no, sir, what's kind of stables? Sir?

288
00:18:48,599 --> 00:18:56,480
Bye? You're swing the axe?
When I say yeah, but what's he

289
00:18:56,519 --> 00:18:59,319
gonna do? Say? No?
Was he get killed too? If he

290
00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:02,400
says no? Maybe I don't know
It's just it sounds like they found like

291
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:06,119
the lankiest boy they could find.
That's exactly what it sounds like, like

292
00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:12,200
like an awkward like, oh man, so this kid, I don't know

293
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,720
if he'd done the job before even, but he was bad at it,

294
00:19:17,319 --> 00:19:22,200
bad at swinging that big axe.
And to make matters worse, Margaret was

295
00:19:22,279 --> 00:19:29,680
like, I'm not putting my head
on that fucking chopping block because that's where

296
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:36,200
traders put their heads and I'm not
a trader, then why are we putting

297
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:40,759
your head on this thing? Also, she only worked out traps. She's

298
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:45,519
just like brock Lessner's daughter. Yeah, just stacked. Have you seen that?

299
00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:48,559
Which, by the way, man, clearly brock Lesner's daughter. All

300
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:55,279
the genetics, the jeans are strong, noble in that zero sable, all

301
00:19:56,039 --> 00:20:00,319
that is literally open. Unfortunate Brocklesterner, dude, like one one of the

302
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:04,400
all time hot women of our childhood. That's your mom and you got all

303
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,799
your dad's genetics. That's tough.
That's tough break. I'm not gonna say

304
00:20:07,799 --> 00:20:11,079
anymore because she'd kick my ass.
Oh she beat the ship out on me.

305
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:14,119
Yeah, yeah, easily. With
Lesner she would still. Yeah,

306
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,720
I don't want any of that smoke. That's always the best part about like

307
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:22,759
talking m m A being on an
MMA podcast. I have to like trash

308
00:20:22,799 --> 00:20:26,680
someone and they can all beat me
up, and they might be here and

309
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:33,359
they all take it personally. Yeah, their fights. Yeah. So she

310
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:37,640
said to the executioner if if he
wanted her head so badly. I remember

311
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:44,200
this as a kid who's like,
oh man, yeah, ah, gotta

312
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:49,119
cut her head off. Today,
she was like, if you want my

313
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,799
head, you're gonna have to come
and get it. Come and take this

314
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:57,440
head. Yeah, come and take
it this room. This is an awkward

315
00:20:57,519 --> 00:21:04,759
request. According to an eyewitness,
she was literally ducking and dodging his axe

316
00:21:04,799 --> 00:21:08,400
swings. It's like fucking Looney Tunes. Shit. She probably could take the

317
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,319
axe from him. Well, her
hands were bound and stuff. I think,

318
00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:17,920
oh okay, And this caused the
newbie executioner and to miss, of

319
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:22,000
course, but he didn't miss entirely. He's just taking chunks out of her

320
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:26,839
shoulder. Yep, yeah, yep, he's just taking pieces out of her

321
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:32,359
back. So he's just exacts murdering
her. Basically. The ambassador to England

322
00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:36,240
from the Holy Roman Empire was one
of the people there to witness the execution,

323
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:41,400
and he claimed that basically the backup
executioner just hacked giant pieces out of

324
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,599
Margaret's neck and head and shoulder.
At a certain point, I feel like

325
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:48,880
you just get on your knees and
take it right your own sake. It

326
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:52,920
took eleven swings to finally kill her. That's not that bad. I was

327
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,319
expecting like fifty five. It's ten
more than I would want. It's not

328
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:02,799
one two three. Yeah, I
know she's yeah, she's kind of doing

329
00:22:02,839 --> 00:22:10,720
the uh Ali against the ropes,
yeah, but not not getting not dodging

330
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,200
it entirely. Yeah. But I
mean he wasn't either. He's getting glance

331
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:17,279
on the shoulder and stuff, true
blocking it. Uh. Eventually she did

332
00:22:17,319 --> 00:22:21,519
die, obviously in recognition of Margaret, the Catholic Church actually beautified her.

333
00:22:22,039 --> 00:22:26,960
Now, beatification is it's like a
step below sainthood. Basically, they said

334
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:33,480
what beatification means is the Catholic Church
comes out and says she's absolutely in heaven.

335
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:37,720
Oh that's cool and confirmed and very
affirmed heaven, and got to call

336
00:22:37,799 --> 00:22:42,160
down from up top upstairs, called
down, she's in confirmed in heaven and

337
00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:48,079
you can pray to her, and
she can like react to your prayers.

338
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:52,519
She can act upon your prayers on
like every tear of idolatry in your religion,

339
00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:57,720
we have a I do like tears
teared idolatry. You have saints and

340
00:22:57,799 --> 00:23:03,359
fucking like it keeps in order.
I don't. Everyone can't be on the

341
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:07,279
same level. I just love how
God it is such a it's so yes,

342
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:11,599
ANDed what well, there's too many
of them. Yeah, and so

343
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,519
we got to make a lower level. And we also, like you guys,

344
00:23:14,519 --> 00:23:17,599
it's the most improved religion. But
it holds up. It's great.

345
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:21,480
It's the goat religion. It's fantastic. Bro. Yes, absolutely, I

346
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,880
mean if Hell has layers, heaven
has to symmetry, right, yeah,

347
00:23:25,079 --> 00:23:29,000
exactly. So yeah, the Catholic
Church is like she's in heaven. You

348
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:33,960
can pray to her and she'll do
stuff on your behalf. So yeah,

349
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:40,400
Margaret Pole, Countess of Salisbury in
heaven confirmed it took too long. You're

350
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,960
taking eleven hacks go to heaven.
Yeah, that's I feel like you take

351
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:48,440
that deal. That's I take that
deal. That's a fair compromise, Like

352
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:52,920
that's a fair like Okay, listen, if we can't catch him one swoop

353
00:23:52,519 --> 00:23:59,000
at two or three and you're wrongfully
executed for being Catholic. Well, yeah,

354
00:23:59,039 --> 00:24:00,799
I guess that's that's got to be
part of it. Yeah, bad

355
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:08,440
deal. Next, we're fast forwarding
to England sixteen eighty three and the execution

356
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,640
of a one Lord Russell, who, unlike our last victim, was definitely

357
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:17,400
guilty of being a trader. I'm
not gonna get into his whole plot either.

358
00:24:17,559 --> 00:24:18,720
It is what it is. It
doesn't matter. I mean, I

359
00:24:18,759 --> 00:24:22,359
read it. It's just not interesting, Like it's just like, you know,

360
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,359
he's like a dollar store guy fox
type of you know what, we

361
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:30,400
tried to overthrow something? Right?
Who cares it's funny or how he died

362
00:24:30,519 --> 00:24:37,720
than what he did to die,
So he definitely guilty. He's sent to

363
00:24:37,759 --> 00:24:41,240
the block to be beheaded by at
the time a somewhat famous executioner, an

364
00:24:41,279 --> 00:24:48,440
executioner of note, not a backup. Jack Ketch was the executioner's name.

365
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:52,240
Ketch was no rookie. He knew
how to get shit done. But that

366
00:24:52,319 --> 00:24:57,319
would not be the case for Lord
Russell. Everyone has tough days, Yeah,

367
00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,799
No one bouts a thousand. No, you have a few misses,

368
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:06,599
which is unfortunate for the misses.
Yeah, for the guys who get missed

369
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:11,680
on because they get exemplified more like
the amplified more yeah, yeah, Oh,

370
00:25:11,759 --> 00:25:15,160
the negative stuff always gets over amplified. It's like being a referee,

371
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:17,480
or just like, you know,
you go on so many decent flights,

372
00:25:17,519 --> 00:25:19,200
but the one with turbulence, you
know, right, or the one where

373
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:22,680
it's like the one time and not
an airline difficult all the time, but

374
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:27,200
the one time something relatively reliable sucks
up, You're like, yeah, you

375
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:33,559
remember that. Yeah. So this
account of the execution that I'm about to

376
00:25:33,599 --> 00:25:38,880
read comes from a book entitled Great
Bastards and History, which sounds like a

377
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:42,319
sweet book. It does. So
this is from the book itself I'm reading

378
00:25:42,319 --> 00:25:48,759
for beatim. Here catch wielded the
instrument of death, either with such sadistically

379
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:55,279
nuanced skill or with such a lack
of simple dexterity. Nobody could tell,

380
00:25:55,319 --> 00:26:03,240
which that the victims suffered horrifically under
below after blow, each excruciating but not

381
00:26:03,559 --> 00:26:07,759
in itself lethal. So they were
like, we couldn't tell if he was

382
00:26:07,839 --> 00:26:11,279
so good at being a psycho or
so bad at just doing his job,

383
00:26:12,319 --> 00:26:17,039
Like that's he might have been into
it. Basically right. Yeah, that's

384
00:26:17,039 --> 00:26:22,599
how fuck this execution was never worked
in your life. Yeah, like maybe

385
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:26,440
he was just having a bad day. You gotta take some things out,

386
00:26:26,599 --> 00:26:30,799
right, Yeah, it's better he
does it at his his job, his

387
00:26:30,799 --> 00:26:33,200
occupation. They if he does it, don't take it home. Yeah,

388
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:36,720
don't take your wife or anything.
I think it would be impossible to.

389
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,079
Once the head's off, you know, you're like, yeah, I'm new,

390
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:44,000
so there's no better feeling. I'd
imagine, continuing from the book,

391
00:26:45,279 --> 00:26:51,319
fucking just releases empty pure, you
know, even among the bloodthirsty throngs that

392
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:55,880
habitually attended English beheadings, which,
by the way, hilarious that there are

393
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,400
seasoned ticket holders fucking beheadings. Yeah. Now, I'm actually like, bro,

394
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:03,680
you go to the week like you
Steve, you go to so many

395
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:07,759
of these things. I'm actually a
booster. I pay for I pay for

396
00:27:07,799 --> 00:27:11,240
the gallows. Yeah, that's my
Jake Goldman gallows. That's me. I

397
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,160
give him. I give him a
couple of quid when he walks through the

398
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:15,440
parking lot. Do you want to
meet Jack Ketch? Do you want to

399
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:18,440
meet him? Dude, he's uh, he's coming to my kids. Uh.

400
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:19,519
Bar mitzvah. He's fucking cool,
dude. We get to we can

401
00:27:19,559 --> 00:27:23,359
we can actually go to the locker
room before them. He's actually executing my

402
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:27,400
kid at his bar. Meth No, I mean he's killing my kid.

403
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:30,240
Dude. It's gonna be sick.
I feel like it. He'd be more

404
00:27:30,319 --> 00:27:37,200
like a celebrity moil if you want
to go Jewish traditions like Jack Catch,

405
00:27:37,559 --> 00:27:41,680
Jack Ketch. He's cutting off my
kids forced dude, it's such a clean

406
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:45,119
line. Yeah, he's never fucked
up. He's never had a double dip.

407
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:48,799
I hope he didn't have a bad
day today though he's supposed to give

408
00:27:48,839 --> 00:27:53,319
him a high top. Fade loves
the nick ahead. Yeah, so uh

409
00:27:53,319 --> 00:27:59,640
what it goes on. The gory
and agonizing display had created such outrage that

410
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:07,079
Catch felt moved to write and publish
a pamphlet titled Apology. So it was

411
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:11,440
such a fucked up execution, the
executioner apologizes, and that even the psychos

412
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:18,480
who love going to executions were like, oh my god, his pr guys

413
00:28:18,559 --> 00:28:26,000
like you gotta get like bust out
the notes, app Bro, He notes

414
00:28:26,039 --> 00:28:30,880
after his own execution, it's the
first Twitter apology He's like to who I

415
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:38,079
offended. I'm deeply sorry and I
regret this. Uh. In this pamphlet,

416
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:45,160
he claimed uh that he literally victim
blamed essentially and was like, it's

417
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,720
not my fucking fault. Yeah,
he goes Lord Russell did. He basically

418
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:52,200
said, like Lord Russell didn't like
set himself upright, and that distracted him

419
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:56,480
and that's why he had to just
like hack him to death all weird instead

420
00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:00,519
of just cut his head off clean. He's like, I wasn't on my

421
00:29:00,559 --> 00:29:03,559
a game today, but this guy
laid down fucking funny and it's because of

422
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:08,079
this guy. Yeah no, if
he if he wasn't being all weird about

423
00:29:08,119 --> 00:29:11,119
it, that's pretty much it.
Yeah, he just called him weird.

424
00:29:11,319 --> 00:29:15,799
Always passed the buck. Never take
the blame, especially onto a dead person.

425
00:29:15,559 --> 00:29:19,359
Why wouldn't you double down? I
would blame dead people constantly if I

426
00:29:19,599 --> 00:29:25,079
if I could, if the situation
presented itself. Yeah, I mean you

427
00:29:25,119 --> 00:29:29,200
blame a dead person, immediately disparage
that name? What's the good? Every

428
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:33,079
time? Yeah? What's that name
doing? Being dead? I think every

429
00:29:33,119 --> 00:29:37,960
podcast we should uh put all of
our own issues and problems on somebody else,

430
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:47,319
yeah dead clearly? Yeah? Yeah, I agree, So Kissinger he

431
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:52,880
just thought. I've said this on
a million podcasts on this one I know

432
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:56,680
said on probably drinking Broths two.
But one of the funniest scenes of all

433
00:29:56,720 --> 00:30:03,079
time to this day his chest or
Jenny's boyfriend in Forrest Gump, who's wearing

434
00:30:03,079 --> 00:30:06,839
a Nazi jacket by the way,
uh, being like, sorry, I

435
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:11,319
beat you up to Jenny. Just
Nixon had me all pissed off. He's

436
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:15,000
just like, you know, Nixon
and stuff. Nixon was too literal.

437
00:30:15,119 --> 00:30:19,799
I'm guessing what Wait, the Nazi
was pissed off by Nixon. Oh,

438
00:30:19,839 --> 00:30:22,839
he was wearing a Nazi jacket,
probably to be like you got your Nazis

439
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:26,920
or something. Oh god. But
anyway, he just blamed beating up Jenny

440
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:30,720
on Richard Nixon. Listen. That
was kind of par for the course of

441
00:30:30,799 --> 00:30:33,559
the time. We don't like to
talk about it, but whenever, like

442
00:30:33,599 --> 00:30:36,400
I wish we had an old school
relationships back, I'm like, I don't

443
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:40,160
think you do. It's a lot
of hitting, a lot of women being

444
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,559
put in their place hitting well.
I actually, I don't know there's any

445
00:30:42,559 --> 00:30:45,720
way to grab this, but I
would imagine domestic violence has like low key

446
00:30:45,799 --> 00:30:49,000
falling off a cliff. Oh,
easily since the fifties. Oh my god,

447
00:30:49,079 --> 00:30:52,160
like it's still horrific. But oh
it's still bad. It's still is

448
00:30:52,519 --> 00:30:55,960
not. Yeah, it's not even
talking about sniffing the numbers. Yeah,

449
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:59,240
I was talking about right stats here, not that it's not when it does

450
00:30:59,279 --> 00:31:00,200
happen, not worse and it used
to be or whatever. No, I'm

451
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:04,160
still saying it's probably way too high. I mean, any one is way

452
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:11,119
too one, too many, probably
astronomically higher than you would think. Oh

453
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:12,680
yeah, yeah, but I was
saying it's still probably much lower than it

454
00:31:12,799 --> 00:31:18,359
then. It wasn't like the fifty
six. Also, we're moving in the

455
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:22,440
right direction. Does Jenny have hepatitis? The author? The author claimed it

456
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:26,200
was not AIDS because then it would
have been passed on to the kid maybe

457
00:31:26,519 --> 00:31:32,599
right, or at least not to
know you it's easier to get AIDS.

458
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:40,200
Yeah, I do know that she
got it from a needle. I imagine,

459
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:45,079
well you would have to it was
hepatitis, but also the needle you're

460
00:31:45,119 --> 00:31:51,920
receiving. It's true. I'm just
saying, what what was Magic Johnson doing?

461
00:31:52,119 --> 00:31:55,480
Well, I think he was a
plant. I don't think he had

462
00:31:55,599 --> 00:31:59,720
AIDS. I think you think magic
Johnson's AIDS was a false flag. I

463
00:31:59,799 --> 00:32:04,720
kind to do he's kind of fat. Who did it, Magic Johnson.

464
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:08,839
Let's just say the CIA, yeah
for qui bona, No I do.

465
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:12,279
I do think there's a legit.
I don't really think that's how they operate,

466
00:32:12,559 --> 00:32:15,960
that they're just I don't think benefit
is actually for the CI. Know,

467
00:32:16,119 --> 00:32:19,839
they don't care. It's just to
watch things fuck up, right.

468
00:32:19,839 --> 00:32:22,839
I think there's a legitimate reason for
like the government to have a face of

469
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:24,720
AIDS. It's to be like,
hey, because like even back then,

470
00:32:24,759 --> 00:32:29,680
people thought if you got breathed on, or if like you hung around somebody

471
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,319
with AIDS, you get AIDS.
And I think Magic Johnson was just kind

472
00:32:31,319 --> 00:32:34,400
of that person that they threw out
there to be like, no, look,

473
00:32:34,599 --> 00:32:37,599
you can live a perfectly fine life. It was actually a thing.

474
00:32:37,759 --> 00:32:39,559
I remember it being a reading.
It was a big deal that Princess Diana

475
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:44,759
shook someone with aids's hand. Yeah, because they really didn't know how got

476
00:32:44,759 --> 00:32:47,240
transmitted. There was a minute and
actually I actually don't think this is This

477
00:32:47,279 --> 00:32:51,440
is gonna sound crazy, but I
don't. I remember reading this about the

478
00:32:51,519 --> 00:32:54,440
history of AIDS and thinking to myself, like, well, obviously it's wrong.

479
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:59,759
We know that now, but it
sort of passes like an initial logic

480
00:32:59,799 --> 00:33:02,680
to where you're like, oh,
fuck, where people when AIDS was getting

481
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:07,920
rampant Los Angeles were terrified of mosquitoes. Yeah, that actually happened in my

482
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:12,559
hometown. Like people wouldn't eat outside. Yeah. Shit. Also, internet

483
00:33:12,799 --> 00:33:15,559
doesn't exist really hard to look.
Shu up, what are you gonna do?

484
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:20,440
Go getting in encyclopedia that was printed
in nineteen seventy two and find does

485
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:23,200
mosquitoes give me AIDS? It's not
in there, not fucking in there.

486
00:33:23,279 --> 00:33:29,200
Yeah, you gotta trust your doctor
who doesn't know your doctor. Dude,

487
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:32,240
your local doctor doesn't know what I'm
saying. Like it passes like an initial

488
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:37,559
sort of logic test of like it's
plausible. I feel like back then,

489
00:33:37,599 --> 00:33:38,599
if you went in and asked your
doctor that I'd be like shit, I

490
00:33:38,599 --> 00:33:43,720
never thought. Are still kind of
similar to what they were was in the

491
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:47,359
eighties and nineties. But it's similar. Not what changed about kidneys? Nothing,

492
00:33:47,359 --> 00:33:52,079
there's stuff that changes. I think. I think the route, the

493
00:33:52,079 --> 00:33:57,480
direction of knowledge you're going down is
probably medical efficacy was so like biological knowledge,

494
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,880
where you're like, oh, things
that they still have an updated that

495
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:02,559
we know are medically better for you. No, no, because people want

496
00:34:02,599 --> 00:34:07,239
to sling textbooks. Yeah, so
where was I? Oh okay, so

497
00:34:07,599 --> 00:34:17,960
Catch apologize and all good. But
unfortunately there was another instance that was even

498
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:23,000
worse. Here is the what they
said about this from the same source.

499
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:29,079
Fuck. I didn't write down who
he was executing, but it was another

500
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:32,199
nobleman. Trust me, dude,
this one was crazy. I think you

501
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:37,239
have kind of written out You've weaved
your own story within the story, which

502
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:42,880
is me doing this this afternoon because
I was up all night wondering if I

503
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,000
needed to go meet my wife at
the hospital. Yeah. Yeah, where

504
00:34:45,039 --> 00:34:47,719
You're just like, yeah, it
doesn't matter what this guy did. It

505
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:53,639
doesn't. So another duke was being
executed, and this is what it says.

506
00:34:53,679 --> 00:34:58,280
He the duke would not make use
of a cap or other circumstance,

507
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:02,519
but lying down bid the fellow,
the fellow being Jack Catch, to do

508
00:35:02,599 --> 00:35:07,360
his office better than to the late
Lord Russell, and gave him gold.

509
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:10,400
So he paid him. He was
like, he literally gave him gold and

510
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:15,679
was like, do better than you
fucking did to Lord Russell. With the

511
00:35:15,679 --> 00:35:19,280
love of gud. I know I'm
about to die, but here's money him

512
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:22,480
to not fucking do me as bad
as you deep that clean. Maybe tipping

513
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:27,519
culture has been around for a while. Now tip your executioner. Yeah you

514
00:35:27,519 --> 00:35:30,320
don't notice. On the other side
of the chopping block, you can turn

515
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:39,320
it around. He tipped his executioner. But the executioner, Okay, so

516
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:44,519
you guys didn't tip enough. What
if he shorted him like it was a

517
00:35:44,559 --> 00:35:50,400
bad tip? Twelve shekels, that's
it. You know you're gonna get lopped

518
00:35:50,599 --> 00:35:54,239
again twelve times again from the book
to quote. But the wretch made five

519
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:59,719
chops before he had his head off, which so incensed the people. So

520
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:02,320
this saying, people are like,
oh my god, again, I can't

521
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:06,079
watch the ship anymore. I thought
this is one of the goats. This

522
00:36:06,199 --> 00:36:08,079
is like he's got the yips.
He got the yips. He's got for

523
00:36:08,159 --> 00:36:13,920
sure that had it was a bad
period. He got executed in like sixteen

524
00:36:14,079 --> 00:36:16,679
nine extra hop. You know,
people going it's like a hitter or quarterback.

525
00:36:16,679 --> 00:36:20,599
They're gonna have to go back to
cold streaks. You get cold so

526
00:36:20,639 --> 00:36:22,159
anyway, and then he's starting to
question yourself. You get in your own

527
00:36:22,199 --> 00:36:25,840
head. It gets aggressively worse.
One after like thirty. Yeah, and

528
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:30,760
you're like, what he's never miss
So the people the books essentially said,

529
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:36,480
they're like, if if Jack Catch
had not been guarded as he was led

530
00:36:36,519 --> 00:36:40,440
away, the crowd would have ripped
him to pieces. Damn Well, all

531
00:36:40,519 --> 00:36:46,840
right, so what is he using
a battle axe? Like big acts?

532
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:52,719
Big acts? Two sided? Maybe
I don't know why it would be to

533
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:57,960
be quite very dumb, unless he
had a lot of executions that day.

534
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:01,199
Yeah, because changing a little there
was definitely maybe we've talked about this on

535
00:37:01,199 --> 00:37:05,199
the podcast before, but there was
a thing in the French Revolution where if

536
00:37:05,199 --> 00:37:07,840
you knew you were getting it,
you want it first. You want to

537
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:10,800
be first. Yeah, you want
to You want the cleanest fucking blade do

538
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:15,519
you get because you didn't want to
get hepatitis from the other people who went

539
00:37:15,599 --> 00:37:19,639
before you on oriental trading? You
want, but you'll get hepatitis. Your

540
00:37:19,679 --> 00:37:24,199
dead body will get hypatetis. Uh. It depends really on the country what

541
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:29,119
kind of axe you get. Fair
So, if you take someone's head as

542
00:37:29,199 --> 00:37:31,880
it's still kind of conscious, has
its immediately ripped off their body and you

543
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:38,000
freeze it, you have like one
sided a Ted Williams situation where you're fine.

544
00:37:39,119 --> 00:37:43,760
Ted Williams got his head. Ted
Williams had his frozen somewhere. Oh,

545
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:45,239
he just did the head. Why
wouldn't you do like the body too,

546
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:49,880
because all you need is you can
just attach it to some fucking meat

547
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:52,880
vessel. I guess, yeah,
like Futurama style. Yeah, but why

548
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,159
woudn't you just like it? Could
just make your body better. I think

549
00:37:55,199 --> 00:38:00,119
Walt Disney does too. I think
it's this whole body. Though Disney might

550
00:38:00,119 --> 00:38:04,559
be his whole body. I bet
you Disney is Williams is definitely his head.

551
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:07,920
Yeah. Well, Williams didn't have
a great bod, right, I'm

552
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:12,360
about Are you telling me that Walt
Disney had a better body than Ted Williams.

553
00:38:12,519 --> 00:38:15,760
Absolutely one of the hitters of all
time. I mean he but he

554
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:19,159
didn't have that body anymore. He
was like eighty five. He was in

555
00:38:19,159 --> 00:38:22,000
a fucking wheelchairs a s. You
roll him out there for like for at

556
00:38:22,039 --> 00:38:25,840
bats, he's getting a hit.
He you think he's hitting two fifty into

557
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:30,039
days the league? Yeah at ninety
Yeah, okay, I do, just

558
00:38:30,079 --> 00:38:36,000
because the brain power he has.
People love the big brains that work so

559
00:38:36,079 --> 00:38:39,000
hard in sports. He's at least
getting a bunt down his fucking head.

560
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:45,320
Sure, uh out there and he
just takes it, takes one hundred and

561
00:38:45,679 --> 00:38:52,760
the ribs. He just fucking one
can't get one hundred and two to the

562
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:54,960
ribs. If if if it was
still his whole body would just go through

563
00:38:55,039 --> 00:38:59,559
them through his fucking frail body,
dude, it would just be the SNL

564
00:38:59,599 --> 00:39:05,159
schedule goes through with Jason. Oh
my god, can you imagine one hundred

565
00:39:05,159 --> 00:39:07,920
mile or fastball through a ninety year
old man. That's how we get people

566
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:12,159
back into baseball, dude, baseball's
bad. But anyway, if you think

567
00:39:12,199 --> 00:39:15,320
that that death sounds bad, this
death is worse. That's how we should

568
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:22,079
execute old people fastballs. So if
we catch like the last guard at Auschwitz

569
00:39:22,159 --> 00:39:27,199
or some like from the forties,
yeah, that'll be the first at bet

570
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:30,639
when Otani comes off TJ again and
he's good to go, that's how he

571
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:34,159
practices, whether or not he's he
can pitch again. Uh, you actually

572
00:39:34,199 --> 00:39:36,159
don't even want a pitcher to do
it. Actually, you probably want an

573
00:39:36,199 --> 00:39:40,199
outfielder like Ronald Acunya getting a running
start a little crow hop Yeah, okay,

574
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:45,679
because they're throwing like one hundred and
three. Yeah, just watch your

575
00:39:45,679 --> 00:39:50,280
heads explode. I mean, just
Randy Johnson in his prime, or know.

576
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:52,400
I think it's funny how I'm always
like, I don't know if i'd

577
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:55,400
ever watch executions, but then you
you played out this scenario, be like,

578
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:59,920
I'd probably watch it once. I
would see an old man take a

579
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:04,559
one hundred and five the fucking dome. Yeah. First off, these executions

580
00:40:04,599 --> 00:40:07,719
that people went to all the time
hit five chops and they were like,

581
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:12,440
I can't watch this anymore, and
they went to them all the time.

582
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:16,079
You two have seen a combined zero
people beheaded in person. Don't know that.

583
00:40:16,519 --> 00:40:20,239
I do know that. I do
know that. Dan, you laugh

584
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:24,039
too much for someone that's seen that. You play too much? Shake,

585
00:40:24,679 --> 00:40:29,320
I play too much. Have you
been watched it online? Have you watched

586
00:40:28,199 --> 00:40:32,280
it online? Yeah? Way too
young? Everyone? No, okay,

587
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:37,360
no one's the right age to see
someone get their head, but especially like

588
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:43,000
too young, my ass like,
like us, a forty five year old

589
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:45,840
man right now, he's not gonna
be okay. Those but heading videos came

590
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:49,320
out when we were like ten online. Yeah, but like, let's not

591
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:53,159
act like there's a right age.
That's just a bad thing to see regardless

592
00:40:53,159 --> 00:40:58,000
of your age. Yeah, actually
it might be better younger in some way.

593
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,760
In some ways it's better. More
ignorant you are, Yeah, like

594
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:05,400
you can't even like you don't know
like how long of a life that is

595
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:07,400
experienced with your kid. That's like
almost in it's hey, it's on a

596
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:10,079
screen. All right, let's see. Let's see how you feel about maybe

597
00:41:10,079 --> 00:41:14,280
watching this next execution, which was
a we're getting this guy out of here,

598
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:20,360
like extremely public. He's clearly we're
off Jack Catch, We're off Jack

599
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:23,400
Catch did that in his career?
No, I hope, no, No,

600
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:25,599
you just had two game. Ye. He gets sent to the miners

601
00:41:25,679 --> 00:41:30,440
or something. He sent them down
to He found them down to Dublin.

602
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,920
He found his groove. He found
his groove again. That is funny.

603
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:37,559
If Dublin's like the double A for
so for England at the time, they

604
00:41:37,039 --> 00:41:42,119
this guy can this guy's making it
horrible. Send him to the Irish no

605
00:41:42,679 --> 00:41:45,039
real quick. Before we keep going
on with these executions, we do have

606
00:41:45,079 --> 00:41:51,559
some ads. First up is factor
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So anyway, we're gonna cross the
English channel. Now we're gonna head

728
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to France. Next. We're talking
about Now, we're talking about Robert Froscois

729
00:49:55,679 --> 00:50:00,519
Demong's just because of his name,
he does serves the day. Yeah,

730
00:50:00,519 --> 00:50:04,360
well, actually I pronounced it wrong, Robert Frost. While if I want

731
00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:08,079
to French roll back Frost last name
is dem Young's Demos smiles. Uh.

732
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:13,639
It's seventeen fifty seven, all right, And if you honestly, if you

733
00:50:13,639 --> 00:50:16,199
guys think the last ones are bad, and if I actually don't think they've

734
00:50:16,199 --> 00:50:21,320
been that bad, hacky, Yeah, there's just described in like a horror

735
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:23,880
film. All right, Well,
see what you think about this one.

736
00:50:24,119 --> 00:50:27,280
And if you watch, you can
watch this one. Let's get creative.

737
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:32,400
Come on, And whether so this
one, this guy's also extremely guilty of

738
00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:37,079
his crime. Does that make it
better? I think so. I think

739
00:50:37,079 --> 00:50:43,039
it does because this, in particular, his crime is so stupid and this

740
00:50:43,159 --> 00:50:45,800
is definitely a play stupid games,
win the stupidest prize you could ever win.

741
00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:52,159
So he stabbed King Louis the fifteenth
of France in the chest. Oh

742
00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:57,400
that's a bad call. He got
to Louis. Though he got to Louis.

743
00:50:57,679 --> 00:51:00,960
Was he in the court? What
was his deal? Louis was getting

744
00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:04,119
in a carriage, and he pushed
his way through the crowd and passed the

745
00:51:04,119 --> 00:51:07,400
cards. Guards should be on the
block. Dabbed him in the chest.

746
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:08,960
Well, here's the problem. They
should be Yeah, they should be agree.

747
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:14,960
Here's a problem though. So he
ran up on Louis stabbed him in

748
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:19,480
the chest. Right, there's two
problems. In daylight and broad daylight,

749
00:51:19,519 --> 00:51:22,239
in front of everybody. He didn't
even run away after he stabbed him.

750
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:25,159
The horrors. He was just like, gotcha, he did his job,

751
00:51:25,199 --> 00:51:29,360
He's like, and he gave himself
up. Yep. I was like,

752
00:51:29,519 --> 00:51:31,920
I did what I needed to do. Fuck you. Here's a problem though.

753
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:37,840
There's two problems. One he only
used a pen knife. Oh,

754
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:44,440
so that's a pretty big problem,
break the sternham. And two it was

755
00:51:44,519 --> 00:51:51,000
the middle of winter and Louie was
outside, so it didn't even break probably

756
00:51:51,039 --> 00:51:55,039
that second jacket. Uh, it
did get one centimeter into Louie's chest skin,

757
00:51:55,480 --> 00:52:00,440
so it just broke the skin a
little cut one centimeters. It's an

758
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:06,000
annoying wound. Yeah, so Louis
was fine, bleeding, certainly, but

759
00:52:06,280 --> 00:52:13,719
fine. Despite that, Louis immediately
freaked the fuck out, screamed for a

760
00:52:13,800 --> 00:52:16,519
priest so he could give confession and
start getting his last rights, because he

761
00:52:16,639 --> 00:52:20,719
was like, oh, my frid
and I imagine it's soft hands king,

762
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:24,559
soft hands kings or hurt. It
probably hurts a lot. And yeah,

763
00:52:24,599 --> 00:52:30,119
and he was bleeding. Not a
warrior, No, nobody wore at this

764
00:52:30,159 --> 00:52:35,920
point. Yeah, fucking eighteenth century
France. Yeah, so Louis, I

765
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:39,280
mean the Polean fucking saw battle.
He did. But Napoleon wasn't born soft

766
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:45,760
hands. No, the Pollyan was
born. So he he it hurt a

767
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:49,519
lot, and so he thought he
was dying, even though he for sure

768
00:52:49,639 --> 00:52:55,159
was not. As soon as he
was stabbed. Also, the queen ran

769
00:52:55,239 --> 00:52:59,920
to Louis's side, right there on
the spot in front of the carriage.

770
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:02,960
And uh. While lou was waiting
to confess to a priest and get his

771
00:53:04,039 --> 00:53:10,000
last rites, thinking he was dying, Louis also began to confess to his

772
00:53:10,119 --> 00:53:16,079
wife, begging her for forgiveness for
all the other chicks he was fucking and

773
00:53:16,159 --> 00:53:21,599
listing them off. That's pretty common
with French heads of state. Actually,

774
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:25,440
what Yeah, they all got side
pieces I met, apologizing on their death

775
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:29,840
pat or something. Oh no,
no, they always just have side pieces.

776
00:53:29,920 --> 00:53:31,480
Yeah, that's that surprising. It's
not even heads of stage. What's

777
00:53:31,519 --> 00:53:34,920
surprising is that in general, He's
like. She's like, oh my god,

778
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:37,599
are you all right. He's like, babe, I'm sorry. I

779
00:53:38,079 --> 00:53:44,599
fuck Kristen and Anna and fucking Sophie, your sister Sarah, oh yeah,

780
00:53:44,599 --> 00:53:46,760
all your sisters, oh god,
and your mom. Ah. And you

781
00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:50,440
forgive me, right, you forget
me, Please forget me. She's like,

782
00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:53,119
you're not even dying. She shoved
her dirty finger into the hole just

783
00:53:53,159 --> 00:54:01,079
garfields her ass, so he obviously
swabs. Louis does too. It's awkward.

784
00:54:01,679 --> 00:54:06,719
Demiens, however, is immediately arrested, of course, because he didn't

785
00:54:06,719 --> 00:54:10,480
even try to escape, and it's
taken away immediately to be tortured so that

786
00:54:10,519 --> 00:54:15,119
they could see if there was anyone
else involved in this plot. Now again,

787
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:16,519
was he rogue? Was he was
rogue? And I'm not going to

788
00:54:16,599 --> 00:54:22,719
get into the plot because it was
just some dumb religious dispute that you would

789
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:24,719
have never heard of. And this
is I was saying about this after I

790
00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:28,840
wrote this, actually, and this
is what's really funny to me about this

791
00:54:29,519 --> 00:54:37,360
and about what's about to happen to
this man because it was probably it was

792
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:43,199
definitely a national political thing at the
time that he was upset about. It

793
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:46,000
was half religious, half political as
everything was back then to an extent,

794
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:51,920
and I'm sure at the time it
had a lot of people really up in

795
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:55,480
arms. Right, if I told
you what it was, I don't even

796
00:54:55,519 --> 00:54:58,400
remember the name of it. But
if I told you what it was,

797
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:02,199
you wouldn't know it. It was
a minor dispute, all things considered,

798
00:55:02,679 --> 00:55:05,880
but it had a lot of people
hot and bothered, and it had this

799
00:55:05,920 --> 00:55:08,280
guy's blood up so much that he
tried to assassinate a king. Mm hm.

800
00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:14,519
What I was starting thinking about was
the phrase that I think is now

801
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:17,239
especially you think is the dumbest thing
I've ever heard it, which is like

802
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:22,800
a stand for nothing, fall for
everything? Is now what it is?

803
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:28,599
Oh, it's fall for anything?
Yeah, it's something like that. Yeah.

804
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:34,679
The problem is you need to be
judicious about what you stand for.

805
00:55:35,679 --> 00:55:42,360
Yeah, and maybe have some kind
of fucking perspective on earth and life and

806
00:55:42,519 --> 00:55:51,159
existence. Yeah, before you go
stab a king that no one's gonna remember

807
00:55:51,679 --> 00:55:57,400
in one hundred and fifty years over
a dispute that definitely no one other than

808
00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:02,480
historians on French history from a very
specific time. The most ironic part about

809
00:56:02,519 --> 00:56:07,480
this whole thing is that the person
and thing that is remembered the most about

810
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:14,920
this entire incident is how this dipshit
who stood for something ended up dying.

811
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:20,440
Yeah, no, which is poetic. You have to kind of weigh how

812
00:56:20,480 --> 00:56:23,559
important the figure you're about to assassinate
is. I feel like he's super important,

813
00:56:23,559 --> 00:56:27,440
though, Yeah, but you you
need to kind of like ten thousand

814
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:30,719
foot view it. You need to
take a step back, look objectively,

815
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:34,480
like is he really in the grand
scheme of things in France that important?

816
00:56:34,880 --> 00:56:38,239
And if the answer is no,
then I don't think he thought the answer

817
00:56:38,280 --> 00:56:40,280
was no. I think I think
most people didn't think the answer was no,

818
00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:43,880
most at that time King of France. No. But but I need

819
00:56:43,920 --> 00:56:50,039
like multiple wars won I need why
he's the king and also he is actually

820
00:56:50,039 --> 00:56:52,800
he's kind of losing wars. I
should say he's about to lose the French

821
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:57,800
and Indian War this quote unquote seven
years war? Why is every assassin bad?

822
00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:00,559
Like all these assassins are so bad? Ad Like you think about it,

823
00:57:00,599 --> 00:57:06,280
like this bad assassination attempt wasn't Garfield's
pretty shitty? Yes, yeah,

824
00:57:06,360 --> 00:57:10,760
Charles, because that was not a
good was terrible? Oh, ferdinance dude,

825
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:17,079
propt props to fucking Kennedy's assassin.
Oh, smooth sailing all the Kennedy's.

826
00:57:19,079 --> 00:57:22,840
Yeah, both of them. John
Wilkes Booth king, Yeah, but

827
00:57:22,920 --> 00:57:27,199
like that whole conspiracy kind of asked
they were like one for nine. Weren't

828
00:57:27,119 --> 00:57:30,280
they supposed to kill a bunch of
people? Yes, the only one guy

829
00:57:30,320 --> 00:57:35,800
got it off. John Wilkes Booth, though, very very smart because not

830
00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:38,000
a lot of distance between the gun
and the head. No, I mean

831
00:57:38,039 --> 00:57:44,960
it was low failure rate. Although
I will say he is lucky that he

832
00:57:45,079 --> 00:57:50,880
didn't. I guess he he he's
lucky he waited to showboat until after he

833
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:53,039
scored the touch he broke his legs. Well, no, well, also

834
00:57:53,079 --> 00:57:59,480
because imagine if he was dumb enough
to scream the sixth semper Tyrannus before he

835
00:57:59,519 --> 00:58:02,360
shot link because he wanted Lincoln to
hear it. It's been stupid. I

836
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:07,880
feel like there's a not I feel
like that's the thing the act. I

837
00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:09,800
feel like that's the thing. He
was debating in his head, Right should

838
00:58:09,800 --> 00:58:13,159
I say it to him or if
they still think it's part of the show.

839
00:58:13,960 --> 00:58:15,119
Well, but it might make Lincoln
turn around and dodge, and you

840
00:58:15,159 --> 00:58:17,440
only get he had a he didn't
have a six shooter, I know,

841
00:58:17,440 --> 00:58:22,280
and then Lincoln would have probably gone
for like a single leg Yeah, set

842
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:25,320
him in a head and arm dude, but he's taking it back. Yeah,

843
00:58:25,400 --> 00:58:32,280
and she's gonna choke him out.
Yeah. What if what if John

844
00:58:32,280 --> 00:58:37,079
Wilkes booth saved us from a tyrannical
Lincoln? Just a monster? What if

845
00:58:37,119 --> 00:58:40,800
Lincoln? What if Lincoln was like
high on his own supply for winning the

846
00:58:40,800 --> 00:58:45,280
Civil War, then fucking leg locks
his would be assassin and chokes him to

847
00:58:45,400 --> 00:58:50,039
death in a fancy booth and then
he gives the play to keep going,

848
00:58:50,519 --> 00:58:52,480
and then he just gets so high
on his ship that he's like there's no

849
00:58:52,599 --> 00:58:55,079
term limits at that time, by
the way, so he just serves something.

850
00:58:57,159 --> 00:58:59,920
He serves a life. He's like
I was like Caesar, right,

851
00:59:00,079 --> 00:59:02,239
like, I'll just do it for
life and then we'll go I clearly fix

852
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:08,440
this country. Right Yeah? What
if what if I don't know? We

853
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:13,360
don't if you'll get Grant as our
president, who was you know, a

854
00:59:13,440 --> 00:59:17,760
good dude but clearly trusted the wrong
people who ran Yeah, well Grant probably

855
00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:21,400
succeed Well, no, I wouldn't
succeed. Well, who knows anyway,

856
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:28,599
So back to my main point when
you hear people say shit like stand for

857
00:59:28,719 --> 00:59:31,679
something or you'll fall for anything.
It's stand for nothing, fall for anything.

858
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:36,400
You're right, stand for nothing,
fall for anything, don't stand for

859
00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:39,480
anything. Be really judicious about what
you stand for. And this guy,

860
00:59:39,519 --> 00:59:43,679
this was a big deal at the
time. This was like, honestly,

861
00:59:43,800 --> 00:59:46,239
this this I don't want to get
like some political where like this would be

862
00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:52,119
like getting upset about Clinton's Whitewater thing
or or or or Hunter Biden's whatever he

863
00:59:52,119 --> 00:59:54,400
his cracked cocaine shit or something like
that. She's like, how much he

864
00:59:54,519 --> 00:59:58,559
actually spent on hookers? So much? It's so much mine, I know,

865
00:59:58,719 --> 01:00:00,519
But this is like at the the
it's kind of dumb. It's worthy

866
01:00:00,559 --> 01:00:06,679
of an episode, I think probably, But eventually I just all the all

867
01:00:06,719 --> 01:00:09,239
the warring around White House people just
in general. You can get it like

868
01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:14,679
Kennedy's Bidens all them. But I
think if you stand for nothing, you

869
01:00:14,719 --> 01:00:19,679
also fall for nothing, because like
I know you, this was a big

870
01:00:19,679 --> 01:00:22,480
deal at the time. If you
stand for nothing, you don't do anything.

871
01:00:23,199 --> 01:00:25,760
But you can't fall for anything.
You can't fall if you don't go.

872
01:00:27,119 --> 01:00:29,920
That's right. If I'm not climbing
the ladder, I can't fall,

873
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:31,119
say for nothing, fall for anything. It's like, what you think,

874
01:00:31,159 --> 01:00:34,760
I'm just gonna bite on everything.
I don't believe in. That phrase too

875
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:37,400
is kind of dumb too. It's
like, don't climb any ladders, fall

876
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:43,360
off every ladder because you're already on
the ground. And that's what happens when

877
01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:45,440
you fall the ladder. You're on
the ground. You're on the ground.

878
01:00:45,519 --> 01:00:47,480
But like this guy really like he
was like, I'm not this just the

879
01:00:47,519 --> 01:00:51,639
biggest fucking deal ever. And it
was again, like I said, it

880
01:00:51,760 --> 01:00:57,119
was a contentious political issue at the
time, This dumb little religious Yeah,

881
01:00:57,119 --> 01:01:00,719
you got that. You gotta like
kind of power rank where he is in

882
01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:05,320
the hierarchy of leaders. He's an
active We know Lincoln and we know Kenneth.

883
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:07,360
So Louis the fifteenth. Let me
give you some background because you probably

884
01:01:07,360 --> 01:01:10,679
don't know this. Louis the fifteenth. Cole is the Sun. Oh,

885
01:01:12,039 --> 01:01:15,119
most people don't know this. He
falls under most people. You don't know

886
01:01:15,159 --> 01:01:17,840
this either. I guarantee you don't. You think you're an elitist, you

887
01:01:17,639 --> 01:01:21,760
only you don't even just associate with
like the blue collar man like myself.

888
01:01:21,840 --> 01:01:24,119
No, I don't. You are
fucking not blue collar. What are you

889
01:01:24,159 --> 01:01:28,960
talking about? I have a blue
collar mentality, that's all it takes.

890
01:01:29,039 --> 01:01:31,440
That doesn't leave you. I still
have poor brain. Okay, fair enough,

891
01:01:31,519 --> 01:01:36,840
Yes, that's true. So Louis
the fifteenth is the son of Louis

892
01:01:36,880 --> 01:01:39,719
the fourteenth, who is known as
the son King, the man who built

893
01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:45,159
Versailles. Louis the fourteenth is arguably, I mean, on the very short

894
01:01:45,159 --> 01:01:47,960
list for the greatest French kings of
all time, like the top two or

895
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:52,559
three. It'd be like him,
Saint Louis, Charlete Mane, and Charlemagne

896
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:58,360
honestly, who may not have existed, well you know, anyway, it's

897
01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:01,880
like though it might be those three
let's questions. Fifteenth is the immediate heir

898
01:02:02,199 --> 01:02:07,960
lose fifteenth is the immediate heir to
the son King lou the fourteenth. France

899
01:02:07,039 --> 01:02:10,800
at this time is probably the most
powerful nation on earth. So this is

900
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:15,639
the leader of the most powerful nation
on earth and the son of a top

901
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:20,000
three French king. I would have
I think, personally, the sequels never

902
01:02:20,119 --> 01:02:22,440
better, though it doesn't matter,
though this is the most this is.

903
01:02:22,440 --> 01:02:24,480
This guy is a big fucking deal. Killing the son of someone who is

904
01:02:24,519 --> 01:02:29,639
a big deal is a big deal
in itself, right, So all that

905
01:02:29,679 --> 01:02:35,360
it's like JFK Junior and the paraglider. You know, well the CIA missile

906
01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:38,440
that took his plane out of this
guy. The guy's flying an ultra light.

907
01:02:38,599 --> 01:02:43,920
Yeah, he's asking for it,
So I think he should fly those

908
01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:46,199
things. You ever seen them?
They should crash the paragliders. Yeah,

909
01:02:46,280 --> 01:02:50,280
this things, dude, honestly,
have you seen anyone high profile? Why

910
01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:52,199
the funk would you get in that? Is he now the second most famous

911
01:02:52,239 --> 01:02:57,480
paraglider? Have you ever? Oh? No, oh no, who's the

912
01:02:57,519 --> 01:03:00,280
first? The gods, the sevenths, Yeah, oh yeah, they crushed

913
01:03:00,280 --> 01:03:05,360
thelider game. Have you ever seen
the plane that Roy Halladay was flying.

914
01:03:05,519 --> 01:03:07,719
Yeah, it's a little toy plane. It's stupid. It deserves to crash.

915
01:03:07,800 --> 01:03:12,320
Wind up, it's actually wind up
plane. It kind of he like

916
01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:15,639
gets out. It's like cranky.
It's like my kid's toy plane. Yeah.

917
01:03:15,840 --> 01:03:21,079
Also not the first Phillies pictured to
crash plane. See those ultra light

918
01:03:21,119 --> 01:03:24,400
things that people fly in that have
no motor you took they get toed up

919
01:03:24,599 --> 01:03:29,280
and they get dropped from a plane
and you just glide them down. Oh

920
01:03:29,360 --> 01:03:31,039
well that's actually how World War two
gliders worked. There were glider troops in

921
01:03:31,039 --> 01:03:34,440
World War Two. Yeah, yeah, no for sure, but like those

922
01:03:34,480 --> 01:03:37,159
were death sentences. Those things they
worked for the most part. I mean

923
01:03:37,159 --> 01:03:40,320
think of like World War one plane
kind of. I mean when they didn't

924
01:03:40,360 --> 01:03:44,000
work, think of the dog fights
in World War One. Those things were

925
01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:47,360
probably going like a snail's pace.
Oh yeah, those are slow as fuck.

926
01:03:49,199 --> 01:03:52,280
I'm just saying it's crazy that people
like, as a hobby glide.

927
01:03:52,599 --> 01:03:54,519
That's imagine in World War One they
were like shooting each other out of the

928
01:03:54,519 --> 01:04:00,000
sky with handguns. No, that's
amazing that, It's just fucking cool.

929
01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:02,519
That's sweet. That's that's not a
hobby though, that's for war. Like

930
01:04:02,599 --> 01:04:05,280
I get why that that was out
of necessity, right, Like they weren't

931
01:04:05,320 --> 01:04:09,519
doing that for fun. That's why
I was hearing me out executions World War

932
01:04:09,519 --> 01:04:15,519
One planes drive bys. So tommy
gun from a fucking zero plane is like,

933
01:04:15,559 --> 01:04:18,400
oh, he's better than fucking blue
angel shows. Yeah, at least

934
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:21,519
that would be better. Yeah,
all right, So anyway, we gotta

935
01:04:21,519 --> 01:04:30,400
get to this because it's gnarly.
So he was obviously a torture, but

936
01:04:30,599 --> 01:04:31,760
you know, tried to figure out
if anyone else was involved. In the

937
01:04:31,760 --> 01:04:38,000
plot, no one was. So
Damien's was sentenced to die for attempted regicide,

938
01:04:38,039 --> 01:04:41,679
which is quite literally the worst thing
you can be convicted of in this

939
01:04:41,760 --> 01:04:45,920
time period as far as I can
tell. Yeah, failed king or kingslayer

940
01:04:45,960 --> 01:04:48,920
either one. In fact, some
people were like, dude, you treated

941
01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:55,280
him like he did the job,
which he didn't, but like god,

942
01:04:55,400 --> 01:04:58,239
damn, you have to make an
example of him. You can't have any

943
01:04:58,360 --> 01:05:01,239
repeat Well, they did incidents,
let me let me, let me get

944
01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:09,559
into it. So before he was
set to be actually killed killed on March

945
01:05:09,599 --> 01:05:13,239
twenty eighth, seventeen fifty seven.
That day, that same day, he

946
01:05:13,800 --> 01:05:17,000
was tortured as well, because he
had to be tortured before he was finished

947
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:21,760
off. So on March twenty eighth, seventeen fifty seven, Damiens suffered the

948
01:05:21,880 --> 01:05:30,360
following punishments. Prior to execution,
his legs were painfully compressed by the devices

949
01:05:30,400 --> 01:05:34,599
we know as boots, the fucking
things that just smash your legs or whatever.

950
01:05:34,679 --> 01:05:38,840
Oh, just getting a little compression. Yeah, I mean we do

951
01:05:38,920 --> 01:05:42,360
that kind of for recovery at this
point. Yeah, you wear the recovery

952
01:05:42,400 --> 01:05:46,119
boots or you just go to like
you know, one of those uh manicure

953
01:05:46,159 --> 01:05:49,760
places like great nails where like the
little people just punch you in the leg.

954
01:05:50,239 --> 01:05:51,960
Yeah, so it sounds like a
day at the spot so far.

955
01:05:53,039 --> 01:05:57,920
Go Okay. He was then tortured
with red hot pincers. We do a

956
01:05:57,960 --> 01:06:01,079
hot cold thing. Now you cold
plunge go into song on a still recovery

957
01:06:01,119 --> 01:06:03,880
here, yeah okay, Uh,
then a little bit of a stretch,

958
01:06:03,920 --> 01:06:08,360
but we're making a work. The
hand he held the knife with during his

959
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:15,559
attempt at assassination was burned with sulfur, molten look wax, and then molten

960
01:06:15,679 --> 01:06:17,239
lead. They're just getting them game
day ready, Yeah, man, getting

961
01:06:17,239 --> 01:06:20,880
this this cute nice and soft,
you know. Okay yeah uh. And

962
01:06:20,920 --> 01:06:27,679
then the holes that they punctured him
with the red hot pincers with they poured

963
01:06:27,679 --> 01:06:32,039
boiling oil into. Oh I don't
got one for that. That sounds like

964
01:06:32,039 --> 01:06:38,639
it hurts being fried from the inside
kind of like cupping. It's not,

965
01:06:38,840 --> 01:06:45,440
it's not like it's just like you're
a churo now, dude, Like what

966
01:06:45,679 --> 01:06:47,400
are you at that point? Like
that's that's a fucking I've never heard of

967
01:06:47,440 --> 01:06:50,920
anyone having boiling oil. So you're
being fried from the inside quite literally.

968
01:06:51,000 --> 01:06:56,320
Yea. Then it was finally time
to be executed. He was sent to

969
01:06:56,360 --> 01:07:03,039
the Royal executioner, Charles already Sound
Soul, which ironically was the same guy

970
01:07:03,119 --> 01:07:08,440
who would go on to execute Louis
the fifteenth son Louis the sixteenth. Nice,

971
01:07:09,599 --> 01:07:15,000
so he's tenured. Maybe not at
this point, but eventually Sanson started

972
01:07:15,039 --> 01:07:18,400
off, you know, as his
tradition, I guess, for regicide,

973
01:07:18,960 --> 01:07:25,280
attempted regicide, felon or whatever,
by cutting off Damien's penis and testicles.

974
01:07:25,400 --> 01:07:30,360
Have to oh, have to yeah, make a meet him. They didn't

975
01:07:30,360 --> 01:07:33,679
do that. Was that the Colombian
bow tie? No, that's the tongue

976
01:07:33,719 --> 01:07:36,559
through the throat. Yeah. Yeah, so that part one is planned,

977
01:07:36,559 --> 01:07:39,800
by the way, That part went
fine. That part went fine. They

978
01:07:39,880 --> 01:07:45,280
cut it off, swift cut,
swift cut, castraight. Then Damien was

979
01:07:45,320 --> 01:07:48,400
set to be drawn and quartered,
so each arm and leg was tied to

980
01:07:48,440 --> 01:07:54,599
a different horse, and uh,
yeah, this is where the problems arise.

981
01:07:54,960 --> 01:08:00,519
Oh now huh yeah yeah, Now
finally something goes wrong for Damian's smooth

982
01:08:00,559 --> 01:08:03,679
sailing before then, so you know, they slapped the horses asses or whatever.

983
01:08:03,880 --> 01:08:08,119
Yeah, uh, and the horses
started walking or running and did the

984
01:08:08,159 --> 01:08:15,039
pulling. But Damiellenes apparently was pretty
fucking yoked because these horses, they were

985
01:08:15,039 --> 01:08:18,439
doing the normal thing. They ripped
arms off, legs off all the time

986
01:08:18,479 --> 01:08:24,079
doing this. They could not get
his arms and legs off. He's elastic,

987
01:08:24,119 --> 01:08:27,239
girl. No matter how hard they
tried, it's just swolled. No

988
01:08:27,279 --> 01:08:30,560
matter how many times they could.
They were ripping. You know, everything

989
01:08:30,680 --> 01:08:34,520
was just located, all that stuff. They were going and going, but

990
01:08:34,720 --> 01:08:40,439
he would not come apart. That
sucks, man, he just would not.

991
01:08:40,479 --> 01:08:44,119
Embarrassing for the horses, for the
horses, for the executioner. Like

992
01:08:44,159 --> 01:08:45,680
at this point, I like,
I don't even understand how a human being

993
01:08:45,720 --> 01:08:50,960
can like they'd be using like petting
zoo ponies. I really don't get it.

994
01:08:51,000 --> 01:08:55,600
If they were like big horses,
they were big horses, that's weird.

995
01:08:55,760 --> 01:08:58,359
Maybe they just weren't having Maybe they
were having a bad day. I

996
01:08:58,399 --> 01:09:00,600
don't know. There's a couple of
guys out there. I think a horse

997
01:09:00,640 --> 01:09:04,159
couldn't rip apart you on that list. I have not reached that list,

998
01:09:04,159 --> 01:09:08,960
But if I get on some TRT
next year, maybe I don't think he

999
01:09:09,079 --> 01:09:13,760
was on TRT. I don't know
that. I feel you didn't confirm that

1000
01:09:13,800 --> 01:09:16,600
I feel confident. I didn't confirm
it. It's just on here. That's

1001
01:09:16,600 --> 01:09:21,000
what he's getting killed for her to
feel like. If he was on TRT,

1002
01:09:21,159 --> 01:09:25,000
he could have got more than a
centimeter into the King's chest. I

1003
01:09:25,039 --> 01:09:27,840
would have fucking punched a hole through
what he's doing. He didn't get TRT

1004
01:09:28,119 --> 01:09:30,800
until prison. Well, you gotta
get prison jacked. Maybe it's just all

1005
01:09:30,840 --> 01:09:36,159
lower body. Well the armor things
come off either, yeah, now,

1006
01:09:36,199 --> 01:09:39,920
but the legs were it's it's,
you know, like a squat. It's

1007
01:09:39,960 --> 01:09:42,960
like eighty percent of your entire body, right, you're working out, So

1008
01:09:43,000 --> 01:09:46,319
you don't like he could be mostly
lower body but still yoked in the arms

1009
01:09:46,319 --> 01:09:50,239
because he squat so much. Right, Well, the horses kept trying,

1010
01:09:50,600 --> 01:09:55,840
kept trying. They could not do
it. So finally the executioner was instructed

1011
01:09:55,920 --> 01:09:59,640
to, uh slice all of Damien's
tendons. Oh, so they had to

1012
01:09:59,680 --> 01:10:03,079
chop up a little bit kind of
you know, the pickle jock for the

1013
01:10:03,119 --> 01:10:08,319
horses. That's like bumpers at the
bowling out it is it is. Yeah,

1014
01:10:08,359 --> 01:10:10,960
it's like, come on, horses
don't get credit for that now.

1015
01:10:11,840 --> 01:10:17,760
So finally, finally, after he
was halfway sliced, the horses were able

1016
01:10:18,399 --> 01:10:21,319
to rip off his limbs one by
one. By the way, they do

1017
01:10:21,439 --> 01:10:27,279
not all come off simultaneously. They're
just juicing the balls for these executions.

1018
01:10:27,319 --> 01:10:29,800
Yet, suck. If your legs
are the last to come off, you

1019
01:10:29,800 --> 01:10:31,560
think, yeah, legs, well, think about it. So the arms

1020
01:10:31,560 --> 01:10:35,680
come off first. Then you're you're
from the bottom ripped in half because you

1021
01:10:35,720 --> 01:10:39,119
got to think, right, there's
no more tension up top. Yeah,

1022
01:10:39,159 --> 01:10:43,439
so you're you're being split apart.
Yeah, well, they got all four

1023
01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:48,199
off eventually. Finally, finally they
ripped all of his limbs off. Good

1024
01:10:48,199 --> 01:10:51,640
for them, problem was he wasn't
dead. Well wait, you can't rip

1025
01:10:51,720 --> 01:10:55,520
all his limbs off though. There
has to be one last one, right,

1026
01:10:55,600 --> 01:10:57,479
that's just drat. You're getting there. At that point, you kind

1027
01:10:57,520 --> 01:11:00,279
of hold them down. I guess
maybe you could be a tore, but

1028
01:11:00,359 --> 01:11:02,640
usually you die from that. I
would think, so, yeah he didn't.

1029
01:11:02,840 --> 01:11:05,760
Oh no, so he's just a
nugg at this point, he's just

1030
01:11:05,800 --> 01:11:11,920
a nugget without a wiener, sitting
there screaming his fucking face. I think

1031
01:11:11,960 --> 01:11:15,720
at that point you let him live. Oh that's way worse. Oh yeah,

1032
01:11:16,079 --> 01:11:18,960
honestly, this sounds so agonizing.
This is the worst one and then

1033
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:20,960
he just let him out into the
streets. But all right, you're free

1034
01:11:21,000 --> 01:11:27,159
now, but good luck roll along. Well they didn't do that. They're

1035
01:11:27,199 --> 01:11:29,319
like, what do we do now? Looking around, like, what do

1036
01:11:29,359 --> 01:11:33,520
we do now? I remember it
fhl king live as a nugget. Well,

1037
01:11:33,520 --> 01:11:39,319
instead what they did was they took
his still living nugget torso and burned

1038
01:11:39,319 --> 01:11:42,960
it at the stake. Geez.
Yeah, no, this is kind of

1039
01:11:43,000 --> 01:11:45,920
what I was expecting from the whole
episode. Everybody else is getting chopped up.

1040
01:11:45,960 --> 01:11:48,199
It's like, no, I want
some metal ship. Yeah, like

1041
01:11:48,319 --> 01:11:53,159
everyone was just bad hack jobs.
This guy turned into a fucking popcorn chicken

1042
01:11:53,399 --> 01:11:57,479
like this dude, This dude was
too durable. Yeah, the best abilities

1043
01:11:57,479 --> 01:12:00,800
availability and he was too available.
Yeah, dying hard, good, trying

1044
01:12:00,840 --> 01:12:03,960
to execute like Frank Gore, he
just keeps coming. Yeah, Like it's

1045
01:12:04,079 --> 01:12:09,159
just you can't. This man is
indestructible. If there's one thing I don't

1046
01:12:09,159 --> 01:12:12,720
want to be quality wise in my
life, it's hard to kill. Oh,

1047
01:12:12,760 --> 01:12:15,560
he's hard to kill. Like it's
bad at the wrong time. Yeah,

1048
01:12:15,000 --> 01:12:19,920
for this easily the worst quality to
be described as for a UFC fighter.

1049
01:12:19,960 --> 01:12:25,600
And then they fighter is durable.
Just get the shit kicked out of

1050
01:12:25,720 --> 01:12:28,760
him. Dude. Yeah, if
that's the first thing they mentioned, it's

1051
01:12:28,760 --> 01:12:31,159
like, this guy has no skill. He's just really good at getting punched.

1052
01:12:31,279 --> 01:12:36,199
You don't want to be Homer Simpson. Essentially, yeah, uh so

1053
01:12:36,319 --> 01:12:41,800
the execution, believe it or not, at least for the time. It

1054
01:12:41,920 --> 01:12:45,000
is obviously kind of a footnote of
history now, but it was a big

1055
01:12:45,039 --> 01:12:48,119
deal for a while. It was
used by supporters of the French Revolution as

1056
01:12:48,199 --> 01:12:54,239
proof that the French monarchy was barbaric
and evil. It was used against Robespierre,

1057
01:12:54,279 --> 01:12:59,199
who was from the same village as
his dummy ns Once they royalists were

1058
01:12:59,239 --> 01:13:01,880
like, oh, ropes p only
hates the king. He's actually not about

1059
01:13:01,880 --> 01:13:05,640
the people or whatever. He's just
mad because his uncle, and he said

1060
01:13:05,680 --> 01:13:09,399
they said that he was a nephew
of Demis. He's just mad because his

1061
01:13:09,479 --> 01:13:14,920
uncle was executive for trying to kill
the last king. Demien's execution was written

1062
01:13:14,920 --> 01:13:19,279
about by Thomas Paine for calt Edmund
Burke, Mark Twain Voltaire, Charles Dickens

1063
01:13:19,319 --> 01:13:21,560
in a Tale of Two Cities.
Some big hitters there, I mean,

1064
01:13:21,560 --> 01:13:28,680
those are some of your most important, essentially most every single one was essentially

1065
01:13:28,680 --> 01:13:31,119
in reference to how brutal the French
monarchy was, Like, it's so barbaric

1066
01:13:31,199 --> 01:13:34,560
that we're gonna let this guy continue
to be an executioner and also take out

1067
01:13:34,600 --> 01:13:40,840
the king. What oh yeah,
yeah, so he ends up killing Louis

1068
01:13:40,880 --> 01:13:45,319
the sixteenth and he just gets to
keep a job. Really, he's the

1069
01:13:45,319 --> 01:13:50,279
one that episode. At some point, there is no literally can't do a

1070
01:13:50,279 --> 01:13:55,840
French Revolution episode, there's too many, But you can do a Reign of

1071
01:13:55,960 --> 01:13:59,479
Terror episodes. Maybe I think a
Reign of Terror episode would be great.

1072
01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:01,399
That's really the part of the French
Revolution that matters in terms of like what

1073
01:14:01,479 --> 01:14:04,520
you think of when you think of
French Revolution. I took a hole still

1074
01:14:04,520 --> 01:14:08,239
crazier than you think. I took
a whole class on the French Revolution in

1075
01:14:08,279 --> 01:14:13,119
college, Like it was literally just
revolutionary France and it was super boring.

1076
01:14:13,239 --> 01:14:15,359
I just did it to learn about
more about Napoleon because I love Napoleon.

1077
01:14:15,399 --> 01:14:24,680
But yes, the Napoleon episode brot. Yeah, there's no way. Guess

1078
01:14:24,680 --> 01:14:28,479
what, yeah, get this topless
guy checking out the movie? I guess

1079
01:14:28,600 --> 01:14:30,159
wasn't that good? So we're fine, Yeah, we do whatever we want.

1080
01:14:30,239 --> 01:14:33,920
It wasn't like we missed Oppenheimer.
No, well, I still need

1081
01:14:34,000 --> 01:14:38,279
to see it to judge off for
myself. But yeah, anyway, Damielles

1082
01:14:38,520 --> 01:14:43,239
was His execution went down in history. It was used against the French monarchy.

1083
01:14:43,359 --> 01:14:45,880
It was referenced, like I said, by every major rioter at the

1084
01:14:45,920 --> 01:14:51,319
time who was either pro democracy or
pro rights of man or just you know,

1085
01:14:51,520 --> 01:14:56,199
don't do that to people, right, No, yeah, Next,

1086
01:14:56,560 --> 01:14:59,920
last, but not least, we
come to the first ever electric chair exit

1087
01:15:00,079 --> 01:15:02,920
cution in eighteen ninety in the United
States. And you know this didn't fucking

1088
01:15:02,960 --> 01:15:10,640
go right. Couldn't have the first
ever electricity sponge, dude, There's no

1089
01:15:10,640 --> 01:15:13,640
way they figured out the conducttion.
This was a This was a real no

1090
01:15:13,760 --> 01:15:20,119
sponge situation. William Kimler live.
He murdered his common law wife, Tillie

1091
01:15:20,159 --> 01:15:24,960
Ziggler with a hatchet. They got
an argument, he was over it,

1092
01:15:25,479 --> 01:15:28,760
chopped her to pieces with a hatchet, went to the neighbor's house and was

1093
01:15:28,840 --> 01:15:33,039
like, will I just killed my
girlfriend. Guys, sounds like an idiot,

1094
01:15:33,199 --> 01:15:38,960
yep. The New York Times described
him as follows at the time.

1095
01:15:39,199 --> 01:15:44,359
William Kemmler was a vegetable peddler in
the slums of Buffalo New York an alcoholic,

1096
01:15:45,399 --> 01:15:48,079
damn. So he was the worst. Well, I a if you,

1097
01:15:48,800 --> 01:15:51,520
like we always say, if you're
being described as an alcoholic at that

1098
01:15:51,600 --> 01:15:56,239
time, all he had to do
was go to fucking Vermont and he would

1099
01:15:56,239 --> 01:15:58,399
have been fine. No, that's
that's the thing. That he's an idiot,

1100
01:15:58,600 --> 01:16:02,960
Like move town over. Nobody literally
could have just left Buffalo, no

1101
01:16:03,079 --> 01:16:09,039
DNA. Yeah. So he was
tried found guilty of first degree murder because

1102
01:16:09,039 --> 01:16:12,319
he admitted to the murder. Yeah, neighbors death, all that stuff,

1103
01:16:12,560 --> 01:16:14,880
blah blah blah. I mean he's
an idiot because he killed his wife,

1104
01:16:14,880 --> 01:16:17,600
but also like for a laundry list
of other reasons. Yeah, you can

1105
01:16:17,680 --> 01:16:23,600
still kill your wife and be universally
beloved. You can just not be a

1106
01:16:23,640 --> 01:16:30,000
fucking idiot in general. Yeah all
that. Yeah, So lucky him.

1107
01:16:31,279 --> 01:16:38,119
He murdered her at the exact right
time because he was going to be the

1108
01:16:38,159 --> 01:16:42,439
first person ever to get the chair. You think he was like score.

1109
01:16:42,960 --> 01:16:46,439
Oh yeah. Death by electrocution had
recently been voted as the new standard of

1110
01:16:46,479 --> 01:16:55,680
execution in New York. He took
out Topsy so futuristic this before Topsy eighteen

1111
01:16:55,720 --> 01:17:00,039
ninety when he Yeah, I think
I looked it up to, so what

1112
01:17:00,159 --> 01:17:04,520
is what's funny? Though? This
ends up being a part of the topsy

1113
01:17:04,600 --> 01:17:11,039
story because of like the voltage,
the AC DC, the current wars,

1114
01:17:11,079 --> 01:17:16,119
this is, this ends up becoming
part of the current wars. So there

1115
01:17:16,119 --> 01:17:24,560
were some who did not want him
executed by electricity, specifically George Westinghouse of

1116
01:17:24,840 --> 01:17:30,159
a C fame alternating current fame.
Because alternating current is what was going to

1117
01:17:30,159 --> 01:17:39,439
be used in this man's execution.
Westinghouse sued to get the method of execution

1118
01:17:39,600 --> 01:17:44,000
labeled as a violation of the Eighth
Amendment under the Cruel and Unusual Punishment clause.

1119
01:17:45,520 --> 01:17:47,880
Now westing House thinking of a fuck
about this guy, or about this

1120
01:17:47,920 --> 01:17:51,319
guy being in pain, We don't
worry. We're gonna slowly dip him in

1121
01:17:51,359 --> 01:17:56,199
fucking acid. Westing House will have
been like, oh, oh cool,

1122
01:17:56,319 --> 01:18:01,680
whatever, I don't care anymore.
Westinghouse just didn't want his electricity being used

1123
01:18:02,319 --> 01:18:09,159
because it's about his rivals, chief
among them Thomas Edison, who were doing

1124
01:18:09,279 --> 01:18:13,720
DC direct current, right, yeah, didn't he? They wanted a C

1125
01:18:13,960 --> 01:18:17,720
to be seen as the deadly electricity
behind the kills se right, that's why

1126
01:18:17,720 --> 01:18:24,800
they used it for Topsy. This
just I mean, that's just that's trus

1127
01:18:24,800 --> 01:18:27,880
You what like lack of education does
to people though too, don't You don't

1128
01:18:27,880 --> 01:18:30,560
want to get that deadly electricity?
You just like, no, that's the

1129
01:18:30,640 --> 01:18:33,560
bad one, dude. There's like
twelve people in the whole world that know

1130
01:18:33,600 --> 01:18:39,960
anything about electricity. But that's the
education. But think about that, there's

1131
01:18:40,000 --> 01:18:43,840
only twelve people that know about electricity. And their first thought was like propaganda.

1132
01:18:44,039 --> 01:18:48,479
Yeah, we cannot be honest with
the people. We got to trick

1133
01:18:48,560 --> 01:18:53,119
them and thinking, one kind of
electricity you'll kill you. The other kind,

1134
01:18:53,199 --> 01:18:57,000
your toddler can lick the fucking socket. Because the man on that side

1135
01:18:57,119 --> 01:19:01,119
is Thomas Edison. It was a
ginormous piece of shit. I'm saying.

1136
01:19:01,119 --> 01:19:03,680
It's like humans are pretty funny,
man, No matter what. It's never

1137
01:19:03,720 --> 01:19:09,680
like it's lie immediately we're doing this
for sciences because you get to that high

1138
01:19:09,680 --> 01:19:12,680
of a level and you're just like
fuck it. But I mean, Tesla,

1139
01:19:13,079 --> 01:19:15,840
Tesla was on Weston House's side,
I'd imagine, yeah, I think

1140
01:19:15,920 --> 01:19:19,479
so. Yeah, he was alternating
game boy, yeah a boy. Yeah.

1141
01:19:19,520 --> 01:19:26,439
So the appeal was denied. Kendler
was set to be executed by electrocution

1142
01:19:27,720 --> 01:19:32,119
on August sixth, eighteen ninety,
the execution was set to go down.

1143
01:19:33,279 --> 01:19:39,119
Kemler was notably calm when he was
strapped into the chair. He was ready

1144
01:19:39,159 --> 01:19:43,039
to go. He was just like, it's cool. He actually was also

1145
01:19:43,199 --> 01:19:46,399
like like it's cool. I'm going
to heaven. Like he had beatified himself

1146
01:19:46,399 --> 01:19:49,159
and it's like, dude, you
chrapped your wife up with a fucking act

1147
01:19:49,319 --> 01:19:56,000
like you're not. But he's really
sorry. I don't I didn't see anything

1148
01:19:56,000 --> 01:19:58,159
about him expressing sorrow. He was
just like, I know, I'm going

1149
01:19:58,199 --> 01:20:01,000
to a better place. And people
between him god brother. He literally goes

1150
01:20:01,279 --> 01:20:06,199
like he he had all these like
flowery words for the for the executionery was

1151
01:20:06,239 --> 01:20:10,279
like I know, I go to
a better place something like that. Also,

1152
01:20:10,800 --> 01:20:15,000
side note, you're his wife,
right who gets chopped in pieces?

1153
01:20:15,039 --> 01:20:18,119
What if she goes to heaven?
He is really sorry, He apologizes,

1154
01:20:18,399 --> 01:20:23,039
does last confession, last rides he
makes to heaven. Somehow they run into

1155
01:20:23,079 --> 01:20:27,840
each other. How's that conversation go? Maybe they forgive each other. Maybe

1156
01:20:27,880 --> 01:20:32,279
like I think she has to see
a manager. Let this, dude,

1157
01:20:32,319 --> 01:20:35,079
you gotta talk to Saint Peter.
I feel like, you know you're beyond

1158
01:20:35,079 --> 01:20:38,880
your corporal needs and wants. You're
just floating. Now you can fly.

1159
01:20:40,039 --> 01:20:45,760
It's what you have Now you can
fly. Okay, sure that's a fucking

1160
01:20:45,840 --> 01:20:49,159
hard not a hard cell, man, it's this, but you can fly

1161
01:20:50,000 --> 01:20:57,279
sick. That's kind of sick,
slightly sicker, some fucking weak pitch dude,

1162
01:20:58,960 --> 01:21:10,920
Earth too, I'm flying sick,
the fucking lamest m m O RPG

1163
01:21:11,640 --> 01:21:14,920
Earth of All Time, Life two
or Earth too? What was that?

1164
01:21:15,800 --> 01:21:18,640
It's just where you like, like, hey, it's Earth, but you

1165
01:21:18,640 --> 01:21:20,960
can do whatever you want. It's
like, oh, you can do that

1166
01:21:21,000 --> 01:21:27,079
on Earth. It's called life.
What about just the sims? But it

1167
01:21:27,079 --> 01:21:30,880
wasn't an MMO RPG that was Are
you talking about second life? Second Life?

1168
01:21:30,920 --> 01:21:32,520
Yeah, yeah, it's no,
it's it's just it truly is just

1169
01:21:32,560 --> 01:21:35,960
what Dan is saying. It's like
Earth but you can fly. Yeah,

1170
01:21:36,199 --> 01:21:40,800
it's just one of the things like
something like that. It's like, but

1171
01:21:40,840 --> 01:21:42,760
you can be like remember they talk
about in the office, It's like,

1172
01:21:42,840 --> 01:21:45,279
yeah, Dwight a sports writer in
this world or something like this, you

1173
01:21:45,319 --> 01:21:48,640
can do that. It's like in
Hot Suptime Machine, the kids in jail

1174
01:21:48,800 --> 01:21:51,600
in Second Life. Yeah, yeah, it's like I've got to do my

1175
01:21:51,720 --> 01:21:56,359
time. It is a dumb game. It's really stupid. Just go do

1176
01:21:56,520 --> 01:22:00,159
that in life. You could do
that in life, but to waste of

1177
01:22:00,199 --> 01:22:04,760
time. So anyway, uh,
Kemler had all these flowery words. He

1178
01:22:04,880 --> 01:22:09,399
was like a go to a better
place, make it fast and do it

1179
01:22:09,439 --> 01:22:13,399
true, or just some dumb shit
like that. The executioner, the executioner,

1180
01:22:13,439 --> 01:22:16,560
that was just like his words were
the excuse. Just after he's all

1181
01:22:16,560 --> 01:22:27,079
done, the excution just goes goodbye. William Burn just all right, man,

1182
01:22:27,640 --> 01:22:30,520
see it, dude, was like, I what do you wana to

1183
01:22:30,520 --> 01:22:33,640
fucking say? Man, it's like
two thirty on high. So they flipped

1184
01:22:33,800 --> 01:22:40,439
the switch and they ran a thousand
vaults through William Kemmler. This had been

1185
01:22:40,479 --> 01:22:44,640
more than enough to kill a horse. The day before they tried it out

1186
01:22:44,680 --> 01:22:45,640
on a horse. I was gonna
say, did they try it on a

1187
01:22:45,680 --> 01:22:48,439
pig? First? Did they tried
on horse? It went heavier than Kemler,

1188
01:22:48,520 --> 01:22:51,279
Right, they went bigger. That's
how I was about to ask,

1189
01:22:51,399 --> 01:22:55,199
is that enough for a person?
Well, it was enough for a horse.

1190
01:22:55,239 --> 01:22:58,199
They did a thousand balls to a
horse. You used to get murdered

1191
01:22:58,479 --> 01:23:01,800
and executed for stealing a horse.
Now they're just just casually. They bought

1192
01:23:01,840 --> 01:23:03,840
a far and square. You do
whatever you wanted the horse once you have

1193
01:23:03,920 --> 01:23:08,079
it. Yeah, it's one those
loss You don't know what you legally acquire

1194
01:23:08,159 --> 01:23:12,319
the horse. They could have just
killed and just fried the cows. Not

1195
01:23:12,319 --> 01:23:16,880
sure cook the meat, oh man, speaking of cooked meat. Um,

1196
01:23:17,479 --> 01:23:24,119
yeah, this guy. The current
passed through Kemler for seventeen seconds. The

1197
01:23:24,159 --> 01:23:29,840
power was then turned off and Kemler
was declared dead, which I think was

1198
01:23:29,920 --> 01:23:34,199
just someone was like, he's dead, because witnesses were immediately like, he's

1199
01:23:34,439 --> 01:23:41,920
breathing, He's still there. He
cook absolutely fucking alive. Did he shit

1200
01:23:42,000 --> 01:23:46,439
himself? Of course you probably his
fucking eyes probably melted in his head,

1201
01:23:46,520 --> 01:23:55,199
dude, not yet, oh soon, so madic. The doctors went up

1202
01:23:55,319 --> 01:23:58,720
confirmed he was still alive, and
one of the doctors reportedly called out,

1203
01:23:59,119 --> 01:24:01,239
have the current turned on again,
quick, no delay, Like he's still

1204
01:24:01,239 --> 01:24:04,640
alive now he's just suffering. Like
you got out up the vault. Yeah,

1205
01:24:04,680 --> 01:24:08,199
finished the job. Just run the
battery. So they were like,

1206
01:24:08,319 --> 01:24:11,920
you know what, let's double it, keep the car running, So they

1207
01:24:12,000 --> 01:24:19,159
ran two thousand vaults through him this
time. This caused his whole body explode

1208
01:24:19,239 --> 01:24:25,600
with the fuck the blood vessels to
explode inside of his body. Oh my

1209
01:24:25,640 --> 01:24:30,159
god, this whole body exploded on
You got microwaved, yep, pretty much.

1210
01:24:30,199 --> 01:24:35,800
Yeah, you got microwave. And
then he caught on fire. Witnesses

1211
01:24:35,880 --> 01:24:41,600
claimed that his flesh burst open and
flames started shooting out. It's like when

1212
01:24:41,640 --> 01:24:44,520
that guy on Twitter just like was
like, I'm gonna put a hot dog

1213
01:24:44,560 --> 01:24:46,159
in an air fryer for as long
as I can let it go. You

1214
01:24:46,239 --> 01:24:49,720
ever see that cat? Oh so
funny man, He'll do that with like

1215
01:24:49,720 --> 01:24:54,520
a big mac and shit. He's
like his neighbors just call the cops on

1216
01:24:54,600 --> 01:25:00,680
him every Timely funny. It's been
sixty hours. It turns into like a

1217
01:25:00,720 --> 01:25:03,520
flaming puck. It's amazing. You
should check this guy out. The New

1218
01:25:03,600 --> 01:25:09,920
York Times wrote, an awful odor
began to permeate through the death chamber,

1219
01:25:10,279 --> 01:25:14,439
and then, as though to cap
the climax of the fearful sight, it

1220
01:25:14,560 --> 01:25:17,680
was seen that the hair under and
around the electrode of the head, and

1221
01:25:17,760 --> 01:25:23,000
flesh under and around the electrode at
the base of the spine was singing.

1222
01:25:23,560 --> 01:25:28,880
The stench was unbearable. Witnesses said
that the smell of burning flesh left several

1223
01:25:28,880 --> 01:25:33,199
people nauseated as they tried to like
bust out of the room. They ran

1224
01:25:33,279 --> 01:25:39,079
two thousand volts through him for eight
minutes. Oh my god, so long

1225
01:25:39,239 --> 01:25:43,039
and he was still alive. That's
the whole that's freebird with the solo.

1226
01:25:45,760 --> 01:25:48,159
That's how I want to go.
And he just run a fucking so much

1227
01:25:48,199 --> 01:25:53,439
electricity three me and blastpreymbird. The
New York Times headline for the story the

1228
01:25:53,479 --> 01:26:00,159
next day was far worse than hanging. Yeah sounds terrible. Stinghouse commented,

1229
01:26:00,199 --> 01:26:09,319
they would have done better using an
act. It's a safe electricity. No,

1230
01:26:09,479 --> 01:26:12,479
this was the dangerous No, well
now it is. Yeah, right

1231
01:26:12,560 --> 01:26:15,079
now, That's all I got for
today. Boys, those are the four

1232
01:26:15,159 --> 01:26:18,920
worst botched executions that I could find. There is actually a fifth, but

1233
01:26:19,000 --> 01:26:24,039
it's relatively recent. We talked about
an RPR about the guy in the gas

1234
01:26:24,159 --> 01:26:29,039
chamber, but they use cyanide gash
and it didn't work so good. Like

1235
01:26:29,079 --> 01:26:30,439
it hurt a lot, but it
didn't work very quick. Well, there

1236
01:26:30,439 --> 01:26:34,680
he started, he got he ripped
himself off the table and started slamming his

1237
01:26:34,760 --> 01:26:39,279
head into a metal pole in order
to knock himself unconscious. So he couldn't

1238
01:26:39,279 --> 01:26:42,159
feel the pain anymore. Oh my
god, dude, but he raped a

1239
01:26:42,159 --> 01:26:44,920
three year old and killed Oh you
know in that case, I'm fine with

1240
01:26:44,960 --> 01:26:47,600
whatever. Yeah, yeah, no, but it is weird like in like

1241
01:26:47,680 --> 01:26:51,399
the Midwest and stuff, because these
chemicals are harder to get, like they're

1242
01:26:51,479 --> 01:26:56,039
kind of like winging it. Yeah, with execution chemicals. Now is the

1243
01:26:56,079 --> 01:26:59,640
South? I think is like Mississippiously, I don't remember either way. Yeah,

1244
01:27:00,640 --> 01:27:04,920
but that's all is brought to you
by Monsanto. It right, Tyson

1245
01:27:05,000 --> 01:27:08,520
Chicken. It would just be what
if they just killed him with like a

1246
01:27:08,600 --> 01:27:12,520
round up? They checked him with
the round up. I have a frattornity

1247
01:27:12,560 --> 01:27:16,000
brother who currently has cancer from using
roundup. People forget about that. But

1248
01:27:16,119 --> 01:27:19,680
yeah, I can't wait till you
get he cashes like a thirty five dollars

1249
01:27:19,720 --> 01:27:21,960
check. What is it just from
getting it on your skin? Little class

1250
01:27:23,000 --> 01:27:27,119
action? Uh? He had a
landscaping company in high school. Uh,

1251
01:27:27,159 --> 01:27:30,880
and I think college over summers and
then he's round up a lot. Yeah,

1252
01:27:30,119 --> 01:27:32,840
you'd probably get on your skin.
He's fine now. Part of his

1253
01:27:32,840 --> 01:27:36,439
heart is made of a cow.
That's fine at this at this point.

1254
01:27:36,520 --> 01:27:43,439
Yeah, that's strong arm. Shout
out to Trevor. Uh anyway, who

1255
01:27:43,520 --> 01:27:45,479
is Oh sorry, what'd you guys
learn today? You don't want to be

1256
01:27:45,520 --> 01:27:49,600
the first person that gets executed by
any means, no, any method,

1257
01:27:49,840 --> 01:27:53,880
especially electricity. When it comes to
that and they're still trying to figure things

1258
01:27:53,920 --> 01:27:58,479
out. You want to have it
down before you get electrocuted. Mm hmm.

1259
01:27:58,920 --> 01:28:00,920
You don't want to be the first
anything. No, yeah you know

1260
01:28:00,920 --> 01:28:03,439
what I mean? Or bad?
Yeah, no, like it would be

1261
01:28:03,479 --> 01:28:10,239
a trail bla. Same with the
vaccine. Yah, yeah, I'm not.

1262
01:28:10,479 --> 01:28:13,680
I'm not doing that first ever.
I don't care what anyone says.

1263
01:28:13,720 --> 01:28:16,880
I'm not the first one to do
it. I'll be like a million that's

1264
01:28:16,960 --> 01:28:19,560
fine. Like these people sign up
to go to Mars or something, No,

1265
01:28:19,560 --> 01:28:23,920
no way, bro, space travel. When they're like, oh,

1266
01:28:24,239 --> 01:28:26,760
take a flight to the moon,
I'll be like, kiss my ass,

1267
01:28:27,039 --> 01:28:30,600
I need to even a hundred thousand
of those Mars. Like even let's go

1268
01:28:30,640 --> 01:28:34,840
back in time and someone's like,
hey, they discovered a new continent.

1269
01:28:35,199 --> 01:28:39,399
You want to go over there and
build a town, Like, I'll call

1270
01:28:39,640 --> 01:28:44,560
after the town as well established.
Perhaps I will not go over there building

1271
01:28:44,640 --> 01:28:48,760
what is essentially a different planet and
fucking build the down with you across what

1272
01:28:48,960 --> 01:28:53,039
an ocean? Yeah? Have people
crossed that before? No? You right

1273
01:28:53,159 --> 01:28:57,640
me? When the town is up
and running, because I mean other than

1274
01:28:57,720 --> 01:29:02,039
Columbus, the ocean is out and
maybe John Smith. You don't know anybody

1275
01:29:02,039 --> 01:29:08,159
else from those those days. The
Pilgrims, they're just kind of categorizes one

1276
01:29:08,560 --> 01:29:13,560
truly. There's not one pilgrim that
sticks out everyone. Probably John Smith and

1277
01:29:13,640 --> 01:29:15,439
Columbus are like easily the top two, you know, the the other ones

1278
01:29:15,479 --> 01:29:18,359
like Wall, John Rolfs like that. But yeah, but that same story,

1279
01:29:18,960 --> 01:29:23,560
yeah him and Smith, Yeah,
yeah, true, But yeah,

1280
01:29:23,560 --> 01:29:27,640
you're right. But yeah, those
people probably thought, oh, we're pioneers

1281
01:29:27,680 --> 01:29:30,039
here, we're trailblazers. We're gonna
our names will be in history one day.

1282
01:29:30,199 --> 01:29:34,119
Nah, you're long forgotten. I
gotta say the main thing I learned.

1283
01:29:34,199 --> 01:29:40,039
I already talked about it, but
like, stand have some perspective on

1284
01:29:40,359 --> 01:29:45,319
what you're getting very angry about politically
or religiously. Nah, gets just get

1285
01:29:45,359 --> 01:29:48,199
mad, get emotional. Yeah,
hold it like a hot rock, burn

1286
01:29:48,239 --> 01:29:56,279
yourself. A window suffered a death
so bad it was written about for centuries.

1287
01:29:56,359 --> 01:30:00,800
Yeah, but he's dead now.
Who cares over a religious I didn't

1288
01:30:00,800 --> 01:30:03,680
bother riding down because I know you
haven't heard of it, but they felt

1289
01:30:03,680 --> 01:30:06,399
good. One he tried to stab
all the big hitters wrote about him,

1290
01:30:06,479 --> 01:30:14,199
twain. Do you think he appreciated
that death in his own way? For

1291
01:30:14,279 --> 01:30:18,000
sure? Uh? Who's today's hitler? Today's hitler? I'm gonna go with

1292
01:30:18,039 --> 01:30:21,600
Homeboy. That was allegedly one of
the best that just had. Yeah,

1293
01:30:21,720 --> 01:30:30,199
the old Hackey Mhackerson five swings.
You gotta be a professional jack catch jack

1294
01:30:30,279 --> 01:30:32,039
ketch. Yeah. And then when
the guy, the guy who tipped him

1295
01:30:32,079 --> 01:30:38,319
did a worse job, it paid
you man, tip your executioner. Hey,

1296
01:30:39,600 --> 01:30:41,960
I don't tip people. What is
it? You don't tip people for

1297
01:30:42,000 --> 01:30:45,279
things you can do yourself? Right? Yeah? I can kill myself just

1298
01:30:45,319 --> 01:30:48,279
fine, get better. He's not
getting tipped. Yeah, ive already told

1299
01:30:48,279 --> 01:30:51,920
you I want to do it.
Gonna get some piano wire and super glue

1300
01:30:53,000 --> 01:30:56,359
my hands to my head. Yeah, then hang myself because then it's gonna

1301
01:30:56,359 --> 01:30:58,960
look like I pulled off my own
head. That's sick. Yeah, it's

1302
01:30:59,000 --> 01:31:02,439
pretty metal. What do you sorry? Who's clean up with the piano wire?

1303
01:31:02,760 --> 01:31:06,239
Oh? This is gonna be you
know, after Katie and Wheeler are

1304
01:31:06,239 --> 01:31:10,680
gone. Okay, but they'll just
know the piano wire did it. Yeah,

1305
01:31:10,880 --> 01:31:13,399
it just look like well, the
piano. Oh, you're right.

1306
01:31:13,439 --> 01:31:15,119
I gotta hide the piano wire.
Yeah, you gotta hire something. Yeah,

1307
01:31:15,479 --> 01:31:19,279
a lot of old skin there.
You're right, so I gotta have

1308
01:31:19,319 --> 01:31:21,920
someone, Dan, can you move
the piano wire. This is why you

1309
01:31:21,960 --> 01:31:26,439
should have children to kill you.
But they won't like they want with the

1310
01:31:26,439 --> 01:31:30,399
piano wire. Children, if you've
walked through the room and seen that I've

1311
01:31:30,239 --> 01:31:34,640
removed my head from my body,
yeah, you'll find some piano wire on

1312
01:31:34,680 --> 01:31:38,560
the ceiling. Take it out.
Take it out and tell everyone that I

1313
01:31:38,600 --> 01:31:42,760
took my head off of my body. Do it on Halloween too, like

1314
01:31:42,800 --> 01:31:45,239
a prank. Yeah, Flora,
you'll be the ultimate Florida Man. Florida

1315
01:31:45,279 --> 01:31:49,720
man, rip head off body in
sick Halloween prank. Yeah, gone wrong

1316
01:31:50,279 --> 01:31:55,520
because at first they would think it's
a decoration. Oh that Jakey's so crazy,

1317
01:31:55,960 --> 01:31:58,399
you go so hard browlling. Oh
my god, that's his that's his

1318
01:31:58,479 --> 01:32:01,199
sad. Well, that's thanks all
I got for today. Thank you so

1319
01:32:01,279 --> 01:32:05,359
much for listening again. Patreon dot
com slash software History five dollars a month

1320
01:32:05,399 --> 01:32:10,159
for a giant catalog of content.
And there's new stuff every two, new

1321
01:32:10,159 --> 01:32:15,800
episodes every week. Please like and
leave a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

1322
01:32:16,239 --> 01:32:19,079
For Jake Goldman and Dan Richester,
I'm Rob Fox. You just got

1323
01:32:19,119 --> 01:32:19,720
saw Served,