Sorry about that, guys. I did not mean to leave that song on
repeat. However, that thing that Jasper Cole brought into the studio tried to
attack us, got ahold of my utility knife, and I swear it was
trying to shank me. I've seen that look before when herb had a sou
chef that tried to use margarine. So we had to take care of it.
And I didn't really have this system set to do anything except play the
song. So again I'm sorry. I don't know what it was. Jasper
swears that it was a rabbit, but that I am not so sure on.
Eventually, we fought it or ran from it, and we got it
out the door and Jasper ran after it and I just closed it behind him.
I know he had a lot left in his segment on how to use
tomato as a proper sunscreen, but we can cover that another time. I
would like to move on speaking of on the Move the Great Sludge River.
Now, last time I talked about this, I kind of asked for some
suggestions or ideas from people, and I got a few messages in mostly from
Big Garden citizens. They dropped it in the anonymous message box that sits out
in front of my shit studio. One person said, I think we need
to send some scouts out to make sure Dusty is telling the truth. Remember
when he swore that there was a giant frog under the town. Yes,
yes, I do. Look, we all know that Dusty has an active
imagination. Yes, we'll go with that. An active imagination he does.
Indeed, maybe everything he says isn't exactly spot on, but he's got a
good heart. He's a good guy, and I know for a fact that
he does what he does for the betterment of fig guard. Now, is
it a giant radioactive sledge river? Personally, I'm inclined to believe him.
That's kind of not something you really exaggerate, right, So if he's that
freaked out about it, I'm gonna take it seriously. Probably wouldn't hurt to
send some scouts out, but that'll be up to the town council. I
got another message, and this one, instead of questioning, Dusty tried to
offer a solution. Maybe we dig a path to divert it to one of
the canals in the area. Now, if you're not familiar with the central
valley of the state that used to be known as California, it used to
be quite a farming state, right, so there were canals all over the
place to send water to and fro. Now that's probably actually not a bad
idea, except for we got to figure out where that canal goes. Is
a sledge river too big for a canal? Would work? Would that poison
our water supply even worse than it already is. All questions that need answered,
But not a bad suggestion all in all. That's something we can look
into. The next one says, maybe my favorite, we should build a
pipeline and send it to Settlement ninety nine. Now, as much as I
would love to give Settlement ninety nine this toxic sludge river, especially to get
back at them for the bald weasel incident of twenty one to sixty eight,
if this thing's eating through the buildings that it's rolling towards, then it's gonna
eat through any pipeline that we make. Plus, I'm not exactly a fan
of mass murder, even if it's Settlement ninety nine. I know, I
know, don't come at me too hard for that one, But no,
mass murder's not my thing. Sorry. And lastly, we should see if
we could use it to power a generator somehow. I love the enthusiasm and
the ingenuity, but we need a little bit more info than that, maybe
an idea theory. I can toss this one towards Dusty, but that might
distract him on trying to build a general again, and we all know how
that turned out last time. Herb's left eyebrow is still not exactly recovered,
and I don't know if that's the best use to his brain power right now.
Look, whoever wrote that suggestion, if you can come up with something
good, I'll pass it along. Otherwise, I think we're gonna move forward
with trying to divert it. Now. Enough about the terrible doom that's raining
down upon us any moment now, and let's move on to something a little
lighter like local news. Remember the suspicious water salesman that I mentioned a while
ago. Well, luckily the town water filter is fixed thanks to Dusty,
so demand for handheld filters isn't exactly as high as it was. However,
the filters that the man sold were fakes. Not only did they not filter
the water properly, which we found out after we started testing the water that
came out of them, they happened to start turning people pink. Doctor Mende
says that this is not a dangerous condition. However, it does allow people
to live a day in the life of someone who is chronically sunburnt, which
she says it could help some of these people who brag about not being able
to get a sunburn. Remember people, uv rays do not discriminate. Slather
on that sunscreen and maybe in the future that sunscreen would be made out of
tomatoes, if Jasper can come back into the studio without bringing that thing with
him. Moving on, So exciting but sad news. A local boy by
the name of Gilbert was discovered to have been missing when he didn't show up
to harass the workers at the local grocer like he does every day. Catherine,
one of the grocery store workers who was quoted as saying, as much
as I thought as I hated that little rascal, I realized I missed his
little face asking to sample every suite in the store every single day. We
know Gilbert has a little guy that goes into the store while his mom is
off working and he needs something to do, and that's something to do is
to try and weasel snacks out of the workers or customers who are shopping there.
With Big Arden being kind of a trade route destination, there is no
shortage of people who he can do buying him some sweets. Doctor Mendez has
commented on his teeth condition being not great and tried to get them to stop
giving him sweets. But no one can resist those chubby little cheeks, one
person said as they were being questioned on if they had seen him recently.
To find this little guy, the town is putting together a search party and
will be heading out in just a little bit. In fact, Herb needs
me in the diner after the show to get some coffee together to send with
the search party. While I work there. I'm also happy to volunteer to
help these wonderful people out to bring Gilbert back safe and sound, because I'm
sure he's out there fine, probably harassing a mutant for whatever rations they have.
In fact, I'd be more worried about the mutant at this point.
What's a morning radio show without news from abroad. I bring to you an
update on the Junkyard Wars, the situation that the Great Junkyard is heating up
faster than a tin roof in summer right We've heard that the rivening factions have
declared the start of the Junkyard Wars officially for some reason like it's a sport,
but appears to be a battle of wits, wills and welding torches.
A couple of people have risen to what appears to be the leaders of the
warring factions. A Kragma. He runs the Reds, an extremely clever name,
as they seem to be using range weapons, mostly improvised spears made from
pipes and the like, and painting themselves in rust colored paint. Some say
they're even building a catapult made from car parts and springs. We will see
how that goes. The other one is a Missus Claw. She seems to
be leading the other group, which isn't named Jet as far as I can
tell. A little less pageantry on their end, but that's okay. The
reports is that they are fond of booby traps and have taken over the area
that houses the engine blocks. More updates to come as scouts and travelers trickle
in with more info on the situation. But this is the most exciting news
that I have had in a while, and I'm eager to see what happens.
In fact, I feel like I should pick a team. Well,
listener, tell me who do you agree with or who do you want to
vote for? Mister Kragma or miss Claw. Let me know when the messages
under this broadcast, or give a call the numbers available in the info of
the broadcast to keep a broadcast like this going and to keep that phone number
active. I gotta run, ads now. This one was given to me
to read to you by yours Truly, I am gonna do my best,
as I am not a professional voice actor. But here goes attention, survivors
and thrivers out there in the wasteland. Today I bring you a beacon of
hope and cleanliness in these trying times, the revolutionary Algae biofilm scrubber pad.
In a world where resources are scarce and the environment more challenging than ever,
this just isn't This isn't just any scrubber It's a testament to human ingenuity and
the relentless spirit of survival. For it's from the resilience of algae, nature's
own survivor. These scrubber pads are here to tackle the remnants of the old
world and the grime of the new, Whether it's the soot from last night's
fire or the remnants of scavenge feast, these pads scrub away the past,
preparing us for a brighter tomorrow. But the marvel doesn't end at their scrubbing
prowess. In a world where every little bit counts, these scrubber pads are
fully biodegradable once they've served their noble purpose, returned them to the earth from
whence they came, leaving no footprint behind. In our quest to surf,
in our quest for survival and cleanliness, let's not forget in times of scarcity
the dual purpose of everything we cherish. While these pads stand between you and
the dirt of yesterday, they also serve as a reminder of the green world
we strive to rebuild. Yes, my fellow survivors, even in the act
of cleaning, we're planting the seeds for tomorrow's forests. So if you're out
there clinging to hope and fighting for a cleaner, greener world amidst the ruins,
the algae biofilmed scrubber pad is your ally, Stay strong, stay clean,
and remember, with every scrub we're not just cleaning up, We're building
up. These can be found at the local grocery stores and trading posts all
around the Central Valley. Yeah. Like I said, you know, I'm
no professional. Did my best. Hope you liked it, dear listener,
I am happy to have some good news for you. Turns out Marshall and
his scavenger crew are still alive. In fact, he reached out to me
and I was able to convince him to come on to the show when he
had a few moments and then talk to you guys. Oh, talk to
me and you can listen. Got them on the line and here we go.
Hey, Marshall, it is so good to hear from you. I
was really worried for you. Actually, oh yeah, thanks Jick. Things
get a little bit herey there for a while, but most of us who
are all right glad to be talking to you back in town house down,
holding up dusty, blowing you fin up. Yeah, no, no,
surprisingly, no, that's good. That's good. Urban mildridden. They start
war again. Oh, no, wars. Those two are playing as nice
as those two can play. Fantastic. So how's it out in the field,
Marshall. It's well, Jack, I know know you are to keep
positivity on your show, and I apologize, but truth is, it's not
good. A few of us are quite injured, and you've had a bit
of a rough time. Oh I'm sorry to hear that. Were you able
to get a water tower? Well? Yes, and no, you know,
head and south, we had to pass near the old Fresno City College,
right, yeah. How much do you know about that place? Not
a whole lot, to be honest with you, right, right, right,
Well, years ago or saw the stories go, there was a scientist
that kind of claimed it as his own, began running experiments, right,
doing all kinds of stuff to different things, kidnapping mutant from the area,
running experiments on'em. As the story says, something got out of hand
or something broke out, not really sure. It depends on who you ask.
Point is now, it's a site for some of the worst mutants out
there. I think that the ones I wander around fig Gardener. But just
why till you say ones at Fresno See College. Na, No, No,
I will not. I will not be seeing them. I know that,
Jack. It's a figure of speech. Right. So we were hoping
that we didn't have to do too much of a uh a day tour to
get around it. But uh we we did. As we get close,
our studied the same movement on the horizon over some uh ruins of the buildings,
and I find I don't know, maybe it's a flying one, right,
No, this thing was so tall it's head poked above the buildings.
Oh yeah, So we did have to detour, and that brother close to
some uh territory of the undesirables some writers set up shop, had a bit
of a skirmish, couple of injuries, and that one not sir by we
thought, kept him moving. Made our way to the warehouse where they build
these things. Unfortunately, once we got on the side and started search and
thro for a water container that wasn't all broke down to ship we got on
top by those writers coming back for revenge. M'st no problem. We can
hold'em off at last. I can't a little bit of help with the
other people. But the issue was when fire was over, we'd always got
'em off. Got a tower head back to town, no problem. Except
there was a problem, Jackie, a really big problem. They took our
waggon, you know, the wagon we needed to bring the tower back to
town. The entire bloody reason we were out there in the first place.
Yeah, they stole it. Not only did we have to fight him off
for a number of days, but now we got to sit around there,
lick our wounds and begin searching for'em. See wherever they took that thing
so we can get it back. No way in hell am I'm making my
way back to town. Have to get my ass handed to me by some
raiders. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, marshall. Oh, it's
all right, Jack, We'll be okay. I don't need you to be
sorry. Well, I just need you to keep an eye on the town.
Well I'm gone gonna be gone a little bit longer than I fought.
Yeah, yeah, of course you're not problem man. Plus, we're a
little bit closer to the tower than i'd like to pay. Oh that's not
good. No, even back when I was in the core, we didn't
go near tower districts much less. Uh, scvenging with a bunch of civilians
and a few rifles. So i'd like to find my wagging, I'd like
to get my tower, and i'd like to get the hell back to figure
out. Now I'm not sorrying, I'm getting soft to my old acte,
but kind of like sitting around town like sure everybody keeps it straight, rather
than getting a gunfights of raiders who don't got two brain cells to knock together
to start a fire out here. I feel you, I know what you
mean, do you No, No, not at all. But I can
empathize, sympathize one of those. I know you can. I'm just messing
with your Stay safe, Jack. We've got some boys here are getting hungry,
so we've got to start that fire. Or maybe I'll go collect a
couple of the brain cells of the raiders that we took down. Yeah,
yeah, oh, taughing up Jack here, I'm just messing with you.
No, we've got lighters, but stay safe today, Scout full give her
a good slap on the back for me and Coach slink some good coffee.
We'll do. We'll do. Marshall absolutely happy to hey, Jack, Yeah,
but if if we don't make it back, I just want a dome.
You've been a good friend. Well, of course you're gonna make it
back, Marshall. Why would you say that. Oh, I'm just paying
cosies. Anyways, I'll go to dark. I have a good one,
Jack, Yeah, Okay, Marshall. But oh, okayact that's strange.
Okay, I hope that he is. Uh. I hope they're gonna be
okay. Well. Up next thirty ways to give yourself a haircut in the
Apocalypse and three extra methods if you actually have scissors. But before that,
I'm going to play you. Courthouse Blues by Clara Smith with an unknown recording
date. Dear listener, thanks for tuning in. I hope you've enjoyed the
show so far, and enjoy the song. I'll be back shortly, my
dady of my moy and a glass. I give me a bill minute,
then a class me this time to Morraby mainand a cor my men cor three
months jail and no three months and days and no no long I know he
made ny not during months and on my two months inter Rommi Jelfrey sid and
Verty claw lets up, Oh gain both I mean a yeah, are in
the CoA with my maid in my in the Dakota hit in my hand and
is all on the corner. Riding man, I mean riding man.