1 00:00:04,599 --> 00:00:09,039 If you didn't catch the last two episodes, go listen and start the story 2 00:00:09,279 --> 00:00:13,560 from the beginning. We left off last time with me fully immersed in Greek 3 00:00:13,599 --> 00:00:18,399 life. I was now officially initiated into sorority world, and if you're lucky, 4 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:24,480 you learn the rules and norms of sorority world without getting hurt. Snapped 5 00:00:27,399 --> 00:00:35,960 Yeah. Summer twenty seventeen, end of July, my best friend and I 6 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:40,920 went to Sardinia, which is an island off of Italy, for vacation with 7 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:45,960 my family and almost vacation, as one does. I took some beech picks 8 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:50,359 from the bathroom sitting on the toilet looking through my pictures. You know how 9 00:00:50,399 --> 00:00:54,280 it is. I'm scrolling through. I'm scrolling through. Oh shit, I 10 00:00:54,439 --> 00:00:57,320 see a pick that I like. I mean, I think I look good. 11 00:00:57,359 --> 00:01:00,560 I think my friend looks good. To give you an idea of this 12 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:06,560 picture, it is a picture that my mom took where my friend and I 13 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:11,120 are laying on the beach. I'll post it on Snapped the podcast on Instagram 14 00:01:11,159 --> 00:01:15,159 if you want to see for yourself. My friend is laying on her back. 15 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,000 I'm laying on my side. I'm wearing a red with some flower print 16 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:26,680 bikini bottoms and my butt is peeking from the bikini bottoms because I got a 17 00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:33,640 fat ass. I'm not even gonna lie to you. So I see the 18 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:36,719 picture. I think I look good. I think my friend looks good. 19 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,799 And so what do you do when you see a picture that you think you 20 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:42,079 look good in at least what a lot of people do? You post it 21 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:46,200 on Instagram. But that's exactly what I did that night. My friend and 22 00:01:46,319 --> 00:01:51,040 I are going out on the town and we don't have service. But turns 23 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:55,640 out that while we're out, the notifications on my phone we're piling up. 24 00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:00,159 So I get home back to my Grandpa Aren's house, which is where we're 25 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:05,840 staying, and I turned my WiFi on and I have an overwhelming amount of 26 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:09,159 notifications. The first thing I see is a text from my pledge mom saying, 27 00:02:09,479 --> 00:02:14,960 hi, snap isn't an option, and then that upside down smiley face, 28 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:19,280 and so I'm like, fuck, they snapped my picture, which means 29 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,039 take it down. In sobrity world, and to a listener, you might 30 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:24,319 be like, okay, like what's the big deal, But in sorority world, 31 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:30,120 this is a big deal because that means that you're not representing the chapter 32 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:34,159 how you should and as you guys know, that's the number one thing that 33 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:38,599 you need to do as a good sorority girl. So I go to Instagram 34 00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:44,800 and I see the notifications. One of them is from my pledge mom saying 35 00:02:44,879 --> 00:02:49,560 snap. Two older girls liked the comment, and then there was another comment 36 00:02:49,719 --> 00:02:53,680 from another older girl saying snap, and girls liked that comment as well. 37 00:02:53,759 --> 00:02:58,840 I also had a few new follow requests from older girls and the sorority who 38 00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:04,439 hadn't been following me before. Immediately, my heart is so tense, and 39 00:03:04,719 --> 00:03:07,719 I mean, I know that they're slut shaming me, and I know this 40 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,840 is not right, but this is sorority world, and I kind of have 41 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:14,680 to play the game, and my gut instinct is to take it down. 42 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,360 And I replied to the pledge mom d of playing the game, wanting her 43 00:03:17,439 --> 00:03:22,840 to admit why she's making me take the picture down, and I say, 44 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,479 I'm just wondering why was that bad? I deleted it, but I'm just 45 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:29,759 wondering so I know for next time when you snap me. It's clear other 46 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,719 girls liked it to prove a point, but that is gaging me up and 47 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:36,840 not very sister like when we were told what not to post. Bikini picks 48 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:39,439 were never included, and what's going on right now is slut shaming. I 49 00:03:39,479 --> 00:03:44,960 feel attacked for loving my body and being proud of myself. Tears are already 50 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,879 flowing from my eyes. I show my best friend, who I'm with, 51 00:03:46,919 --> 00:03:50,599 what's happening, and she's telling me how fucked up it is. And I'm 52 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,960 talking about how fucked up it is. And look at my texts, my 53 00:03:53,039 --> 00:03:58,639 other texts, and I see a text from a friend in the sorority saying 54 00:03:58,879 --> 00:04:01,599 I love you, don't let them bring you down. And then something about 55 00:04:01,639 --> 00:04:06,639 an email, and I'm thinking, like, what did they fucking send an 56 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:13,199 email out about me? And so I check my email and I see an 57 00:04:13,199 --> 00:04:18,240 email with the subject social media and this is what it said. Hi. 58 00:04:18,399 --> 00:04:23,120 Hi. With the start of the semester just a one month away, yay 59 00:04:23,399 --> 00:04:28,079 pnms, which are potential new members are beginning to check us out to get 60 00:04:28,079 --> 00:04:31,519 an idea of what our sorority is really like. That being said, now 61 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:34,839 is a time where it is really important to be keeping our image up and 62 00:04:34,959 --> 00:04:40,800 constantly sharing posts that are an appropriate portrayal of our chapter. Everyone needs to 63 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:44,360 be mindful of the photos they are posting on social media, and remember that 64 00:04:44,439 --> 00:04:47,600 your pictures are not only representing you as an individual, but the chapter as 65 00:04:47,639 --> 00:04:51,680 a whole. Love the beach picks, but let's try to keep the booties 66 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:56,879 tucked away from here on out, smiley face. With this in mind, 67 00:04:57,079 --> 00:05:00,000 remember the part of being in blah blah blah the sorority name is holding each 68 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:04,720 other accountable. So remember to use snap if you think you see something that 69 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:09,040 might not be the best image of our chapter. And of course, if 70 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:12,959 you are ever unsure about a host or photo, don't hesitate to reach out 71 00:05:12,959 --> 00:05:19,160 and get a second opinion. Xoxo. My heart is pounding, I am 72 00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:25,079 ugly crying, and I'm thinking, what the fuck? How is this allowed? 73 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:28,800 I mean, not only are they slut shaming me, but they're encouraging 74 00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:32,160 other girls to snap me. And my fight or flight mode told me to 75 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:35,480 fight. I had to stand up for myself. I couldn't be treated like 76 00:05:35,519 --> 00:05:40,199 this. At this point, the pledge mom had responded to me and said 77 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:45,920 also to note that these texts are slightly condensed for the purposes of the podcast, 78 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:50,279 but all salient details are present and no words were changed around, just 79 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:56,480 sentences that repeated itself were taken away for the sake of time, So the 80 00:05:56,519 --> 00:06:00,160 pledge mom said, I in no way had the intention of ganging up on 81 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:01,959 you, And to be honest, I'm not sure what you're referring to on 82 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,959 that. I know other girls snapped you or liked my post, most likely 83 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:10,160 for the same reason I did. When you post something, you represent the 84 00:06:10,319 --> 00:06:14,120 entire chapter. And to be quite honest, you're absolutely allowed to have a 85 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:17,120 bikini picture up, no problem, but you're representing one hundred sixteen girls, 86 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:21,720 and when your bathing suit doesn't cover much the photo itself wasn't really appropriate and 87 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:27,000 really doesn't reflect well. You're obviously more than welcome to wear that. I 88 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:30,560 just think pictures like those are similar to the ones we spoke to you about 89 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,439 around mid day, same vibes. Rule of thumb I usually follow is if 90 00:06:34,439 --> 00:06:39,480 you wouldn't want an employer seeing it, safer not to post again. This 91 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:43,560 isn't meant to be an attack. Everyone has been snapped. It was created 92 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,279 as a safeguard and as a way to hold each other accountable. No personal 93 00:06:46,319 --> 00:06:50,040 attack, I promise. Hope you're having fun on your trip. Creating the 94 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:54,720 snap system was for the exact reason to be sisterly to each other. I 95 00:06:54,759 --> 00:06:58,720 would much rather have someone tell me the harsh truth than have people who I 96 00:06:58,759 --> 00:07:06,480 call my sisters let me do something that isn't in my best interest. I 97 00:07:06,519 --> 00:07:15,160 am livid at this text. Who do you think you are telling me what 98 00:07:15,759 --> 00:07:17,519 I am allowed to wear? Like? Oh, like you're more You're more 99 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:21,319 than welcome to wear it, but don't like who is? What is this? 100 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:26,759 Is this fucking handmaid's tail? I'm confused. And although I want to 101 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:30,920 reply being in all caps, there's still this power dynamic between us where I'm 102 00:07:30,959 --> 00:07:34,720 the younger girl and she's an older girl and my pledge mom and I need 103 00:07:34,759 --> 00:07:38,519 to watch out what I say. But I was still going to stand up 104 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:44,160 for myself, so I said overall, I don't understand why my body concerns 105 00:07:44,199 --> 00:07:47,560 anyone but myself. It is truly disheartening to be shamed by my sisters and 106 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:51,079 when I should just be cheered on. I was not disrespectful to anyone in 107 00:07:51,079 --> 00:07:55,519 the photo. No one was offended, and my body isn't going to stop 108 00:07:55,519 --> 00:07:58,959 one of my sisters from having a job. If a hater sends my beach 109 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,800 picture to an employer and they don't want to hire me because of that, 110 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,199 then I don't want to be hired. The picture is still deleted. I'm 111 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,720 following the rules, but I find them to be extremely old fashioned, and 112 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:11,839 like a lot of old rules, they should be changed. And when a 113 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:16,920 whole email is sent out obviously about my picture, it's so sad and could 114 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:20,399 easily make me feel insecure. That is an attack, and even if it's 115 00:08:20,439 --> 00:08:24,000 coated in other words, it is not nice. We're all different individuals who 116 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,839 believe different things, and we should start embracing those differences instead of snapping each 117 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:31,199 other's bodies. Right now, I feel very targeted. I'm legit crying right 118 00:08:31,199 --> 00:08:33,399 now because I don't feel happy being a part of something like that, and 119 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:37,960 being targeted by the whole chapter is seriously so upsetting, and it's happened so 120 00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:45,360 much. This is not right. I got no response from my pledge momb 121 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:50,919 part of me truly thought if I stood up for myself and backed up what 122 00:08:50,039 --> 00:08:54,679 I was saying that I would be heard and validated, but instead I felt 123 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:58,559 shut down and silenced. I mean I literally told her I was crying. 124 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:03,080 It was a cry for help, and not getting a response felt like a 125 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:07,559 really big fuck you. I was ugly crying for about two hours, and 126 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:15,519 then just felt shaky and unstable because I felt like everyone was against me. 127 00:09:15,759 --> 00:09:18,799 And I talked to my friends about it in the sorority, and they would 128 00:09:18,799 --> 00:09:22,639 empathize with me and say like, oh, yeah, that's fucked up, 129 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:26,279 But no one stood up for me. And sometimes it even felt like they 130 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:31,399 passively took their side, I guess because that was the side with the power, 131 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:35,600 or maybe they really did believe that it was a bad I don't know, 132 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:39,720 but I just felt really alone. And so the next day I reached 133 00:09:39,759 --> 00:09:45,480 out to the president of the sorority to express my feelings, and I said, 134 00:09:45,639 --> 00:09:50,080 I've heard the words slut and slutty used a countless amount of times throughout 135 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:54,480 our chapter, including a chapter meetings. This is a word and a concept 136 00:09:54,519 --> 00:09:56,600 that should not be used at all, especially within a group of women. 137 00:09:56,879 --> 00:10:01,080 Apparently, my bikini picture is sending people the wrong message about what our sorority 138 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:05,639 is. What message is my bikini picture sending that I'm a slut and that 139 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:09,799 the sorority we're all sluts. My picture doesn't send any message except the fact 140 00:10:09,799 --> 00:10:13,440 that I'm confident in my body, and that message doesn't harm anyone. I 141 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:18,799 wasn't drinking alcohol, just so many people post pictures of I wasn't doing drugs. 142 00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:22,000 I wasn't sending any mean, slash rude messages. If anything, I 143 00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:26,279 was sending a positive message encouraging other people to love their bodies and or curves. 144 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:30,240 We should be learning to be confident in who we are and not care 145 00:10:30,279 --> 00:10:33,279 about what others think. I understand we're part of something more than just ourselves 146 00:10:33,279 --> 00:10:37,360 now, but the lack of diversity and acceptance for differences is truly lacking, 147 00:10:37,399 --> 00:10:41,960 and it upsets me so much. Seeing a group of girls write in power 148 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:45,960 and comments on my photo would be far more inspiring than seeing girls gang up 149 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:50,679 on me writing snap and subbing me in an email. There is nothing wrong 150 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:52,320 with my photo and no one should have a say in what I do with 151 00:10:52,399 --> 00:10:56,120 my body except me, and out of all people, my sisters should not 152 00:10:56,159 --> 00:11:00,639 be over sexualizing it. I'm very upset that I had to be the victim 153 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:03,639 in this situation and targeted in front of this chapter, but I think a 154 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:05,320 good thing could come out of this. I used to be part of stop 155 00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:09,080 slut shaming in my high school, and I think I could educate and help 156 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,320 my sisters on what's okay and not okay to say when it comes to slut 157 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:15,240 shaming. I took the picture down even though there was nothing wrong with it, 158 00:11:15,279 --> 00:11:16,919 out of respect to the chapter. But I hope I can have the 159 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:20,960 same respect about what I'm saying. And I hope you understand what I mean. 160 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,879 This message is to the overall chapter. But I think you could help 161 00:11:22,879 --> 00:11:30,080 me change things. I'm still extremely nervous about all of this. I mean, 162 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:33,279 I went to the beach that day with my family and I had to 163 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:37,080 leave because I was so anxious. And I'm not trying to be all, 164 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:41,120 Oh my god, woe is me? I had to leave the beach. 165 00:11:41,879 --> 00:11:46,639 I'm trying to show you guys that this was really affecting me. The President 166 00:11:46,759 --> 00:11:50,639 responded and said, how does this sound, meaning that she sent it to 167 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:54,360 someone else before that and forgot to take away the how does this sound? 168 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,759 By Lucy? I'm so sorry. I'm traveling today, so I was in 169 00:11:58,799 --> 00:12:03,200 the air when you sent me your messages. Thank you for reaching out to 170 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,480 me and sharing how you are feeling about all of this. First off, 171 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:11,320 I am so sorry you felt singled out. I promised you that email was 172 00:12:11,399 --> 00:12:16,159 not directed to you specifically at all. If there's ever concerned with an individual 173 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:20,200 or two, we would absolutely reach out specifically to you and not send a 174 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:24,279 mass email to the chapter. The message sent is something that's typically sent mid 175 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:28,279 semester or throughout the semester to remind everyone that we're reflecting the organization. I 176 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:33,399 really respect you and hope you feel supported by everyone, and you are a 177 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:37,440 hot Tamali who should feel proud and confident. However, we just have rules 178 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:41,480 and always have to reflect the organization. Well, there are rules our internationals 179 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:45,759 gives us to follow and enforce. By no means do I want you to 180 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:50,360 feel slut shamed. Our sororities should be a place where you feel empowered. 181 00:12:50,759 --> 00:12:54,200 I do think when we get back we should have a talk about maybe holding 182 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,919 a program event. We're talking its chapter about this more often. Again, 183 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:01,879 I am so sorry and thank you for reaching out. Sorry for the first 184 00:13:01,879 --> 00:13:05,519 line didn't mean that. We were just going back and forth talking about how 185 00:13:05,759 --> 00:13:09,120 the email could have been misconstructed by the rest of the chapter and wanted to 186 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:16,039 come up with the best solution. This response was truly so disappointing for me. 187 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:20,720 It was saying I'm sorry you felt singled out instead, I'm sorry you 188 00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:24,399 were singled out, And this is what happens today. When a woman expresses 189 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:28,919 that she was wronged in some way, we've respond with I'm so sorry you 190 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:33,559 feel that way, which immediately undermines the experience and just contributes to the sexist 191 00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:39,320 stereotype that women are just emotional and shouldn't be taken seriously. I was flabbergasted, 192 00:13:39,399 --> 00:13:43,960 like, how could a sorority force me to take a photo down of 193 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:48,279 me in a bikini saying I'm not representing the sorority, but then encourage its 194 00:13:48,279 --> 00:13:52,559 members behind closed doors of chorus a chant about sucking cocks and fucking guys. 195 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:58,000 It seemed like they wanted us to come off as these dainty conservative virgins but 196 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:03,120 perform sexual like the sluts that they've shamed us to be. It was one 197 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:05,399 large contradiction, and as much as I wanted to call her out on all 198 00:14:05,399 --> 00:14:09,720 her bullshit that she just wrote me, there was still that huge power distance, 199 00:14:09,759 --> 00:14:13,679 and I felt like I couldn't argue with her because she had that position 200 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:18,919 as president and had that power, and so I sent her another long message. 201 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,759 I reiterate to her, like how upset I am about this and I 202 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:28,559 got no response. This was another cry for help and it got completely ignored. 203 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:35,600 It felt like that harassment and embarrassment was my punishment for posting the picture 204 00:14:35,759 --> 00:14:39,159 and would ensure that I wouldn't do it again. It's like I was back 205 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:45,000 in middle school being forced to wear sweatpants that scream out. I violated the 206 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:50,279 dress code when wearing shorts that go above your knee, and since the process 207 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:54,559 of being called out is so humiliating, you just don't do it again. 208 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:58,720 After all this happened, I couldn't enjoy the vacation. I know, that's 209 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,840 just like a white people problem. I'm like, oh, like I'm in 210 00:15:00,879 --> 00:15:03,879 Italy and like I can't enjoy my vacation. You know. I had stopped 211 00:15:03,879 --> 00:15:09,279 taking my anxiety medication for that summer because I was feeling like I was in 212 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:13,039 a pretty good place in life, and after this happened, I was so 213 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:16,759 anxious that I went back on it. For the rest of the summer. 214 00:15:16,799 --> 00:15:20,240 I didn't wear shirts with the sorority letters. I wouldn't even wear it to 215 00:15:20,279 --> 00:15:24,480 bed because it just gave me bad vibes and folk up. I was anxious 216 00:15:24,919 --> 00:15:26,919 went to bed. I was anxious. I was lashing out at my parents 217 00:15:28,159 --> 00:15:31,120 because I was so miserable about the fact that I was about to move in 218 00:15:31,159 --> 00:15:37,120 to the sorority house and would be living next to these people that ostracized me, 219 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:39,720 and there was no way out of it. I mean, I had 220 00:15:39,759 --> 00:15:43,279 signed a contract, so of course when the end of August came around, 221 00:15:43,799 --> 00:15:50,399 I was packing up my stuff to go move into the chapter house. As 222 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:54,679 much as I'd like to tell you that this story is over soon, we're 223 00:15:54,720 --> 00:16:03,519 just getting started. Snapped. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. 224 00:16:03,679 --> 00:16:07,039 Please rate, review, subscribe, share this episode to your Instagram story, 225 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:11,519 and send it to your sorority sisters. Snapped is an independent podcast, 226 00:16:11,639 --> 00:16:17,200 so the biggest way that you can help is by spreading the word. Let's 227 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:21,279 spread this ship faster than my butt pick spread. Okay, let's send some 228 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:26,080 mass emails about this ship. For all the updates and to be part of 229 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:32,080 the conversation, please follow at Snaps the podcast on Instagram and TikTok. Thank 230 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:37,440 you again for listening, and I'll see you next episode. It's gonna be 231 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:41,679 a tough one.